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Speaker 1: My half sibling is actually my biological sibling. I don't

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Speaker 1: know how to tell my parents.

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Speaker 2: Oh way, what the first sentence?

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Speaker 1: I think I need to provide context on this one.

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Speaker 1: Yeah you think Hello. My twenty five female parents divorced

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Speaker 1: when I was three. They just didn't think they loved

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Speaker 1: each other anymore and started dating other people. My mom,

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Speaker 1: my mom, my mom, my mom, my mom started dating dating.

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Speaker 1: My mom got married after two years when I was five,

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Speaker 1: and gave birth to my half brother two years after that.

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Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from user numerous underscore contexts

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Speaker 1: underscore two five five on the r slash Okay storytime

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Speaker 1: sub reddit. So my father married when I was eleven,

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Speaker 1: but they didn't have any kids. I lived with my

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Speaker 1: mom on workdays and live on weekends with my dad.

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Speaker 1: I have a very good and healthy relationship with both

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Speaker 1: my parents and my brother. I wanted to do those

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Speaker 1: twenty three in me tests since the only thing I

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Speaker 1: know about my ancestry is that my dad is Russian.

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Speaker 1: It'll target it here, are you Russian? I'm half Russian.

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Speaker 1: I was talking to my now eighteen year old brother

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Speaker 1: and asked him if he wanted to do it with

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Speaker 1: me and he said. Yeah. So I send two samples

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Speaker 1: to the lab and the results came yesterday and I

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Speaker 1: opened them and as the title says, we are full

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Speaker 1: biological siblings.

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Speaker 2: Shocking. Wait, so so one of the parents cheated. Who's

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Speaker 2: this child belonged to? No, the mom or the dad?

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Speaker 1: I think both?

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Speaker 3: No, the brother, Oh, the brother, I think brother.

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Speaker 2: This is the dad, dad's son. Okay, so the dad

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Speaker 2: cheated on his current wife with me, with me with

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Speaker 2: his Yeah, with OPI's mom. Oh, I guess they did

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Speaker 2: love each other a little bit.

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Speaker 3: It's very weird.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this is very weird because it's like half backtrack.

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Speaker 1: I mean, at the end of the day, siblings are yourself.

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Speaker 1: I can't be my stepfather's child because my ancestry obviously

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Speaker 1: indicates that I am half East European, Russian and other

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Speaker 1: parts of Europe, which my stepfather clearly isn't. In my

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Speaker 1: siblings well, now full siblings. I guess at mom's child

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Speaker 1: ancestry is similar to my ancestry, so that could only

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Speaker 1: mean that my brother is my dad's son. I really

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Speaker 1: don't see the similarity between him and my dad, but

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Speaker 1: maybe it's because my brother is a twin of my mom.

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Speaker 2: Like looks so much like her.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like, why don't you just do a

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Speaker 1: twenty three and me test on everyone?

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Speaker 2: Then? Yeah, it's like, hey, hello, here you go, please

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Speaker 2: take these no reason.

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Speaker 1: So my mom cheated on my stepfather with my dad

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Speaker 1: after saying that they didn't love each other anymore. What

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Speaker 1: But I don't want to jump into conclusions, and I

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Speaker 1: will ask my mom about this today when I get

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Speaker 1: out of work. So wish me luck, good luck, best

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Speaker 1: of luck. Oh man, common sir, I would get a

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Speaker 1: test for you and your father. First. DNA test will

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Speaker 1: show that siblings are related, but their level of relatedness

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Speaker 1: can vary.

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Speaker 2: And also just to explain what's going on right now

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Speaker 2: for those.

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Speaker 1: Who are compu very was very confusing.

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Speaker 2: Basically, we have OPI had.

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Speaker 1: OPI had parents. Oh, she's got a board, all right, parent.

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Speaker 2: So we've got uh to write it down. Yeah, we

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Speaker 2: have Opie's dad and mom were together and they had

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Speaker 2: op op. Yes, and then the mom and dad got remarried.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, mom and dad got divorced.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so mom gets me remarried to step DoD and

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Speaker 2: everyone thinks that the mom and stepdad had a son,

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Speaker 2: but instead the son was actually Opie's bioparents.

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Speaker 1: Yes, so they have so presumably Opie and her half brother. Well,

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Speaker 1: Opie and her half brother. They did a twenty three

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Speaker 1: and me test just to check the ancestry and it

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Speaker 1: showed the results that they are full biological There we go.

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Speaker 2: So mom is married. Mom's married to step dad, but

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Speaker 2: dad and mom had two kids, but they thought this

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Speaker 2: guy was the step dad's.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, there you go. Explanation.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so there was cheating. There was cheating, but I

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Speaker 1: like that from slithy.

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Speaker 2: Either mom cheated to begin with or her new husband

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Speaker 2: with her new husband, or cheated with OPI's dad.

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Speaker 1: It's one or the other. What because we don't know.

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Speaker 2: The timeframe, I guess the time frame finding the time.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to say this is an update, guys. I

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Speaker 1: wanted to say that I really appreciate your support, and

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Speaker 1: I would like to answer some questions before I continue. Yes,

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Speaker 1: my father is my biological dad, not just because he

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Speaker 1: is Russian, but because we have taken a DNA test

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Speaker 1: for another thing, not because my dad thought I wasn't his,

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Speaker 1: so get it out of your head. And he's actually

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Speaker 1: the best dad ever. No, Mom didn't cheat on my

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Speaker 1: dad in their relationship. My stepfather is very Italian with

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Speaker 1: the accent and everything. Both me and my brother don't

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Speaker 1: have a spec of Italian in the results.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so, but she did cheat on the stepsdell.

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Speaker 1: She said she his mother would come from Italy and

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Speaker 1: visit us. No, there is no third shooter. Now let's

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Speaker 1: get to the actual update. My mom and I have

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Speaker 1: this tradition we spend the evening together like a girl's

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Speaker 1: night every once in two months. I asked her if

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Speaker 1: we could do it tonight. It's two am currently, so

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Speaker 1: it was technically yesterday, and she said yes. I got

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Speaker 1: to her home and we did what we usually do,

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Speaker 1: bake something, eat the bake something while watching a movie

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Speaker 1: in my choice, and talk about things while wearing a

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Speaker 1: weird facial masks. Last night girls nay, honestly, could be

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Speaker 1: boys night too. I decided that since the mood is

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Speaker 1: so cool, why not ask her the question. I was like, hey, Mom,

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Speaker 1: you know about those twenty three and me tester right?

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Speaker 1: She didn't, so I started giving a speech about what

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Speaker 1: the about the test. After explaining it, I told her

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Speaker 1: I did it with my brother Jordan, and it came

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Speaker 1: out weird. She asked what I meant by weird. I

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Speaker 1: told her that the test said that we are fully

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Speaker 1: related to one another, and I kind of laughed, but

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Speaker 1: she stayed quiet. Uh, it was wrong, right, Mom, right right.

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Speaker 1: She got angry at me and asked me why did

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Speaker 1: the test with my brother without asking her first. That's

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Speaker 1: when the realization hit me. I got defensive and asked

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Speaker 1: her if she was serious. She apologized and just sat

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Speaker 1: there for a minute or two. She told me that

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Speaker 1: it was a one time mistake.

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Speaker 2: It only takes one time.

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Speaker 1: So basically, nineteen years ago, I was in my dad's

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Speaker 1: home napping. Mom came to take me, but I was

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Speaker 1: sleeping and Dad told her that she could come later

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Speaker 1: and take me or stay and pack my things before

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Speaker 1: I left her home. It was a weird sentence. She

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Speaker 1: stayed and they ended up doing the dirty. I guess

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Speaker 1: don't let anyone tell you that sleeping doesn't save lives,

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Speaker 1: because it created my brother's role.

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Speaker 2: I don't know sure.

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Speaker 3: Okay, huh does anyone say that save lives?

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Speaker 1: I think create I was pissed at Mom and dad

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Speaker 1: and asked her how she could do that. She said

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Speaker 1: that it was in an accident and they have never

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Speaker 1: done it after that day. And she didn't even know

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Speaker 1: that my brother was my dad's until now. I was

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Speaker 1: angry at both of them. They don't understand how much

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Speaker 1: of a problem this could create. My brother literally had

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Speaker 1: a fat crush on my cousin from my dad's side.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that would just be a little weird in general.

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Speaker 1: This is also weird, even though he's like the half

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Speaker 1: bread well now our dad, I guess, but it faded away.

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Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. I even helped him flirt with her.

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Speaker 2: Why why would you want to do that even if

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Speaker 2: he was your like half brother.

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Speaker 3: Is your half brother still related?

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Speaker 2: It's still blood and well not blood really, it wouldn't

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Speaker 2: be technically blood related because it would be on the

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Speaker 2: dad's side. But still weird.

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Speaker 1: It's still weird, but at the end, now it is

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Speaker 1: blood that is blood. Crap. I don't even know what

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Speaker 1: to say. I am still too shocked and disgusted at

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Speaker 1: the brother and the cousin thing or just no. Jordan

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Speaker 1: literally spent years learning Italian just to speak to his grandma.

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Speaker 2: Okay, well you know, maybe he's learned Italian, so it's

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Speaker 2: not always.

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Speaker 1: I think I need a proper DNA test without my

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Speaker 1: brother knowing to get some kind of closure. Relevant comments.

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Speaker 1: Does Opie's stepfather believe he's Jordan's father and he was

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Speaker 1: told of the DNA results? Op, Yes, he thinks he

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Speaker 1: is that his dad and no we didn't Another redditor. Wow,

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Speaker 1: what a bombshell. It's understandable that you're feeling shocked and disgusted.

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Speaker 1: This revelation changes everything. It's going to take some time

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Speaker 1: to process. Another redditor. I'm sorry your family is going

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Speaker 1: to be forced to deal with the one time mistake

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Speaker 1: your mom and dad made. I'm sorry your brother and

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Speaker 1: his dad, the man who raised him, are the ones

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Speaker 1: who are going to pay for it the most. To

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Speaker 1: learn your mom cheated as hard. But to learn your

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Speaker 1: son is not yours and your wife cheated with her

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Speaker 1: ex is going to destroy him.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: To learn your dad is not your bio dad because

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Speaker 1: your mom cheated is going to destroy your brother. I

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Speaker 1: know you op feel this is hard for you, but

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Speaker 1: it is going to be so much harder for your brother.

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Speaker 1: Stick together and hold tight to your relationship.

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Speaker 3: Damn.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, this is a This is gonna be hard to

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Speaker 2: evese once it comes out, and it's gonna come out

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Speaker 2: because OPI already did the DNA test, presumably with her

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Speaker 2: half brother.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, by the way, you can join us live on YouTube.

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Speaker 1: I had no good segue for that one. That one

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Speaker 1: was just a you can join us live on YouTube

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Speaker 1: every weekday three pm PSD. Just tap our profile.

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Speaker 3: Tap it.

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Speaker 2: Also, Crow Queen, thank you for being a member for

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Speaker 2: six months. My husband thought he was only child until

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Speaker 2: at forty eight, his half brother's daughter reached out to

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Speaker 2: him on behalf of her dad thanks to ancestry results.

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Speaker 3: Wow. Yeah, it always comes out, who's the a hole here?

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Speaker 2: Messy? Those parents cheating the parents nineteen.

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Speaker 1: Years that's wild, that's kind of wow.

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Speaker 2: Crazy. No, people always think they can get away with cheating,

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Speaker 2: but they can.

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Speaker 1: I think the cousin thing was just the cousin thing

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Speaker 1: was like, let's throw this curve ball. Yeah, a little

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Speaker 1: bit more difficult to process.

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Speaker 2: Wait, read some comments really quick.

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Speaker 1: Uh, because the brother isn't related to the cousin if

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Speaker 1: the stepdad is the dad, right, But now we know

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Speaker 1: that the brother is fully cousin's blood related, and that

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Speaker 1: just makes things really weird, really really weird. That's the

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Speaker 1: end of the story. Guys.

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Speaker 2: My husband has a twelve year old son, but he

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Speaker 2: didn't know about him. Damn after twelve years. I am

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Speaker 2: thirty female and my husband is thirty five male. We've

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Speaker 2: been married for almost eleven years. He recently found out

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Speaker 2: a few weeks ago that he has a twelve year

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Speaker 2: old son. His ex girl from from twelve years ago

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Speaker 2: reached out to him through a mutual friend and told

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Speaker 2: him the truth literally like a year after he got

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Speaker 2: a year before he got with Opie. Yeah, the son.

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Speaker 3: It's crazy.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from wonderful bnut on the

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Speaker 2: ar slash Life Advice. Separated it. So she kept their

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Speaker 2: son a secret, supposedly due to the fact that they

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Speaker 2: had a bad breakout. That is not unless you are

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Speaker 2: in an unsafe situation. There's not an excuse for keeping

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Speaker 2: a child secret from another one like their parents.

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Speaker 1: Vice the parent from child, child from parent. That's really

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Speaker 1: messed up. Not okay, So that's more than selfish.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's my husband. During that time, he didn't know

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Speaker 2: she was pregnant, but he did try to reach out

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Speaker 2: and end on a better note and she never responded.

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Speaker 2: Now years later, she wants to fess up and tell

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Speaker 2: the truth. Even when my husband was getting prepared to

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Speaker 2: tell me. I could tell he was uneasy and I

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Speaker 2: was preparing for something completely unpleasant. I assumed maybe he'd cheated,

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Speaker 2: but he assured me he didn't. I was not happy

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Speaker 2: to hear this at all. Well, I mean, like, we

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Speaker 2: know he didn't cheat because the son is twelve years old. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: in your relationship is eleven. I'm trying to be there

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Speaker 2: for my husband, who is completely upset and disheartened that

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Speaker 2: he missed out on the majority of his son's childhood.

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Speaker 2: What makes us even more frustrating is that husband and

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Speaker 2: I don't have any kids. Unfortunately, We've been trying for

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Speaker 2: a baby for six years, to have a baby of

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Speaker 2: our own, and to find out that he's had a

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Speaker 2: son this whole time. Yeah, everyone around us is expecting

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Speaker 2: and experiencing parenthood and pregnancy. Male cousins have both been

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Speaker 2: pregnant at the same time. We're very close. When we

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Speaker 2: would all hang out, they would talk NonStop about their babies.

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Speaker 2: To be it was beyond awkward for me. We've tried

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Speaker 2: IVF and iuis. We've had a few miscarriages along the way,

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Speaker 2: So this is a frustrating thing to find out, and

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Speaker 2: it's so unfair. They would try to include me in

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Speaker 2: their baby convo by giving me sympathy, which I hate, hate,

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Speaker 2: hate being pitied by others, and telling me it'll happen

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Speaker 2: in God's timing. But it's so annoying to effing here,

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Speaker 2: that is. Why would you say that to someone who's

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Speaker 2: like having the fertility struggles to say, oh, you don't

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Speaker 2: happen in God's time? Shut up, that's not like, that's

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Speaker 2: not comforting.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm having a baby, but yeah, it'll happen.

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Speaker 2: It'll happen for you. Yeah, fertility is so damn cruel,

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Speaker 2: my God, it makes me hate my own body. And yes,

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Speaker 2: I met his kid. He's respectful and good. I can

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Speaker 2: tell he's adjusting to husband and his ex made an

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Speaker 2: agreement that he'd pick him up from school every day

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Speaker 2: and he'd spend some night slash weekends with us. It's

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Speaker 2: all so bizarre and sudden. I never would have thought

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Speaker 2: this would happen. I've been really sad lately. The one

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Speaker 2: thing I wanted to give my husband his first child,

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Speaker 2: an experienced parenthood with him, has already happened with someone else.

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Speaker 2: He is experiencing the deep love of his first child

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Speaker 2: with some other woman. It makes me so damn angry,

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Speaker 2: more than ever. My husband and I have been butting heads.

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Speaker 2: He feels like I'm not supportive enough because I'm not

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Speaker 2: super gung ho about him having a surprise son. We

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Speaker 2: were happier before this. Aside from infertility, We've never had

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Speaker 2: any huge issues until this arrived on our doorstep. I've

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Speaker 2: been a little aloof But how am I supposed to

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Speaker 2: feel or react? I this is this is tricky because

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Speaker 2: I understand what OPI's saying, Like, obviously this is a

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Speaker 2: shock and is eliciting a lot of you know, emotions

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Speaker 2: in her, but it is also really hard on him.

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Speaker 2: He missed out on twelve.

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Speaker 1: Years, he had a son, and he's going through a lot,

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Speaker 1: going through wild like he wants to be there for

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Speaker 1: a son and this was never planned.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I also like her saying, oh he gets to

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Speaker 2: be you know, how he gets to have this child

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Speaker 2: and like this love with another woman just not really

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Speaker 2: the case he lost, as Jellybo says, he lost twelve years.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's this is not this is not She's not op.

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Speaker 1: He is not being fair.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I know you want totally get.

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Speaker 1: I get it, but you also got to put yourself

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Speaker 1: in his shoes and be like, he's probably processing all really. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So to say it's unfair is one thing, but you

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Speaker 1: got it's like this guy is probably going through a

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Speaker 1: world open on him. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I feel like it's very asinine for him to get

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Speaker 2: upset with me in any way after everything we've experienced

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Speaker 2: fertility wise. This is my life too, and I'm adjusting

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Speaker 2: just as much as he is. I didn't ask to

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Speaker 2: all of a sudden be a stepparent either. I'm having

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Speaker 2: trouble adjusting to my husband, and everyone around thinks I

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Speaker 2: should accept the situation immediately with open arms, which is

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00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,280
Speaker 2: not you know, necessarily, you don't have to accept it immediately,

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Speaker 2: But no one understands what it's like to watch my

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Speaker 2: husband be a father suddenly and I'm not a mother.

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Speaker 1: That you still can be an important figure in this

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Speaker 1: child's life.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, And also I think it is one thing to

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Speaker 2: be upset about the situation and another to be upset

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Speaker 2: at your husband.

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Speaker 1: I've said the husband upset at the child. It seems

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Speaker 1: like you're like, oh, what are you doing.

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Speaker 2: Like blaming them for something that was not in his candy.

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Speaker 1: They both had just found out they both had no

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Speaker 1: control over this. Yeah, and they're trying to make the

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Speaker 1: best of the situation. Yeah, And you need to realize

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Speaker 1: that you have to be there for one your husband and.

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Speaker 2: If you can't, then maybe you know it's okay if

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Speaker 2: you can't be a stepparent, if that's not something you saw,

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Speaker 2: and then maybe this is like a time where you

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Speaker 2: re reevaluate whether or not the relationship is going to continue.

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Speaker 2: But blaming it on him is not.

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Speaker 1: No how I know you're trying to do your own

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Speaker 1: family and have your own family with your partner and

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Speaker 1: your husband, but this should also be like a kind

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Speaker 1: of like a positive sign, like I actually have a

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Speaker 1: chance to because you've had you tried so many times

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Speaker 1: to have a child. I know it's not your full

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Speaker 1: on child, but.

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Speaker 2: It's still a relationship.

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Speaker 1: You can sell a relationship and start a little bit later, sure,

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Speaker 1: but at least give you a basis.

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Speaker 2: Helenna Bean says, I don't think she's doing anything wrong.

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Speaker 2: I got it.

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Speaker 1: I just think it's a tricky situation.

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Speaker 2: I think it's a tricky situation and she's right to

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Speaker 2: feel this way, but I think putting it on her

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00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:12,800
Speaker 2: husband is is someone I'm.

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Speaker 1: Being upset at the situation, being upset at the situation

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Speaker 1: very fair, Yeah, and thinking it's unfair again fair and if.

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Speaker 2: She again, if she wants to step back from this relationship,

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00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:23,680
Speaker 2: that is totally her right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's just this was laid out with no plan.

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00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,600
Speaker 2: It just happened, just happened, and now they're both having

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00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:31,040
Speaker 2: to figure out.

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Speaker 1: You kind of got to roll with the punches and

351
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Speaker 1: roll with the wave and just see how it goes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. And my husband is a great father. He's trying

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Speaker 2: hard to have a relationship with his son. They've been

354
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:44,800
Speaker 2: going out alone and doing different activities. I just feel

355
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:48,640
Speaker 2: so left out. Although fertility has been tough, I felt

356
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,120
Speaker 2: like at least we're together. We went from not knowing

357
00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,280
Speaker 2: what parent who was like together and not being able

358
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,320
Speaker 2: to relate to any parents at the dinner table to

359
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,280
Speaker 2: now my husband gets to talk about having a son

360
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,720
Speaker 2: and being excited and I have to sit there quiet.

361
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,840
Speaker 2: I have nothing. Everyone gets to spoil their children and

362
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,080
Speaker 2: watch them grow, and I get nothing. This is such

363
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,720
Speaker 2: a kick in the effing face. Edit. Yes, he took

364
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,320
Speaker 2: a paternity test and it was positive. What are even

365
00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:12,600
Speaker 2: the positives of being a step parent, and there are

366
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,200
Speaker 2: some relevant comments, but I definitely think they both need

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00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:15,960
Speaker 2: to go to therapy.

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00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:16,920
Speaker 1: They definitely need to go through it.

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00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,199
Speaker 2: I think having conversations is an important part of it,

370
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:22,280
Speaker 2: Like they need to communicate about this because neither of

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00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:23,480
Speaker 2: them were prepared to go through this.

372
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,600
Speaker 1: No, no one was prepared for this. You guys were

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Speaker 1: trying to do your own thing until this kind of

374
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,600
Speaker 1: just got put on your doorstep in a matter, in

375
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:35,560
Speaker 1: a matter. But yeah, it's a sticky and sucky situation,

376
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:37,840
Speaker 1: especially since your husband's kind of nut.

377
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:40,919
Speaker 3: He's not gloating, he's just he's excited.

378
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:45,480
Speaker 2: But I totally understand where he's coming from, just like

379
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:48,640
Speaker 2: like literally like in the chest. And I don't get

380
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:50,720
Speaker 2: to enjoy that because she's been trying for six years

381
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Speaker 2: with him.

382
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:52,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, and this is just like it is a slap

383
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Speaker 1: in the face, especially with everything going on, like we've

384
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,639
Speaker 1: been trying to do this. My cousins have kind of been.

385
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,840
Speaker 2: Like yucky or ever, Like it feels like everyone and

386
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,080
Speaker 2: now it probably feels like the universe is.

387
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:07,159
Speaker 1: Yeah, and now there's now this y has a kid.

388
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,440
Speaker 2: And now even he even my own husband. But I

389
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,479
Speaker 2: don't get a kid a lot of people are saying therapy.

390
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,800
Speaker 2: Helliann Bain says, I can't even imagine the depths of

391
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,920
Speaker 2: despair she's feeling right now. Yeah, she's to be allowed

392
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,320
Speaker 2: to feel whatever she feels, not judged, so she can

393
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:20,240
Speaker 2: move on in a healthy way.

394
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:20,480
Speaker 1: Yeah.

395
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:21,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think she just needs therapy.

396
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:22,720
Speaker 3: I think she knows therapy.

397
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,280
Speaker 1: But she also needs to talk to the husband like, hey, yes,

398
00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:28,240
Speaker 1: this is how I'm feeling. Yes, yeah, not not in

399
00:18:28,359 --> 00:18:30,200
Speaker 1: like an attacking way like this is your fault. This

400
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:31,879
Speaker 1: is like we were strying to have a like we

401
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:35,840
Speaker 1: were trying to have a family ourselves, and I'm you

402
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:36,640
Speaker 1: you kind of have that.

403
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,000
Speaker 2: Now, And this is how I'm feeling. And I don't

404
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:39,680
Speaker 2: know how.

405
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,720
Speaker 1: To do and I feel neglect her because you're spending

406
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:45,040
Speaker 1: so much time with your your son, not our son. Yeah,

407
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:48,160
Speaker 1: your son. It's just a really.

408
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:51,800
Speaker 2: Really really hard situation. Relevant comments though fix her upper one.

409
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:55,000
Speaker 2: Ondred says, this is no doubt impossible to go through. Firstly, though,

410
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,840
Speaker 2: a paternity test needs to be done, which we know

411
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,800
Speaker 2: was done, and if it's positive, then he's going to

412
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,040
Speaker 2: keep getting to know a SID doesn't sound like he's

413
00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:03,280
Speaker 2: raising a son with a deep love of the other woman,

414
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:06,240
Speaker 2: though the situation is the for worse in for better

415
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:10,119
Speaker 2: or for worse part of marriage, especially for you. Understandably,

416
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,200
Speaker 2: you're not welcoming the situation or kid with open arms.

417
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,560
Speaker 2: But the kid is blameless here. Your husband is blameless

418
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:16,879
Speaker 2: in the fact that he didn't know, which is I

419
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,919
Speaker 2: think we established that the boy has a dad that

420
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,440
Speaker 2: he didn't know about before. Your husband is a son

421
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,800
Speaker 2: that he didn't know about before, and in five years

422
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,919
Speaker 2: and some change, the kid will be an adult. Your

423
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,720
Speaker 2: husband isn't raising the kid, he's just getting to know him.

424
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,440
Speaker 2: You have a unique opportunity to get to know him too.

425
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:35,359
Speaker 2: This isn't his baby, and he's not getting to experience

426
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:39,040
Speaker 2: child rearing without you. This is his mostly grown child

427
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:40,960
Speaker 2: that he is getting to see once in a while.

428
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:43,320
Speaker 2: I would suggest you tell your husband that you're bothered

429
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,399
Speaker 2: by how you're feeling left out. This is exactly what

430
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,199
Speaker 2: we say, and if he expects you to bond with

431
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,760
Speaker 2: the kid, then he needs to include you more exactly,

432
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,159
Speaker 2: and for your sake, try to get the know to

433
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,280
Speaker 2: know the kid. It's easy to resent a child if

434
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,000
Speaker 2: you don't have a relationship with them, but if you

435
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:59,359
Speaker 2: foster that relationship and let it grow. That animosity is

436
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,000
Speaker 2: likely to melt away, and you can foster a relationship

437
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:03,920
Speaker 2: thus by joining us live every week to at three

438
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:04,560
Speaker 2: pm PST.

439
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:06,560
Speaker 1: Just amazing.

440
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,439
Speaker 2: Thank you. I pray you find strength to take the

441
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:13,359
Speaker 2: right path here. And that is the end of that story.

442
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:16,160
Speaker 2: But yeah, definitely, I think I agree with that commentor

443
00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:17,840
Speaker 2: I think that's what we've been saying.

444
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,199
Speaker 1: Yeah, like I'm not judging.

445
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:22,560
Speaker 3: We're not judging now her for having emotions.

446
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 1: Like she's allowed all those emotions, and it is like

447
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,840
Speaker 1: you're kicked when you're knocked down. The universe is just like,

448
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:29,520
Speaker 1: is the universe mocking me?

449
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:30,280
Speaker 2: That's what it probably.

450
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, she feels it and that sucks. And the fact

451
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,240
Speaker 1: that the husband, I mean the husband needs to understand

452
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:38,119
Speaker 1: that it sucks for you. Yeah, but like he's also

453
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:38,800
Speaker 1: shell shocked.

454
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:42,680
Speaker 2: He was kept from his son for twelve years. Yeah,

455
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,080
Speaker 2: you're both going through a lot right now, and I

456
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:46,920
Speaker 2: think maybe counseling is the best way.

457
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:49,280
Speaker 1: The biggest a hole are is the is the ex

458
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:54,359
Speaker 1: absolutely brutal. My daughter chose her bio mom over me,

459
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:59,159
Speaker 1: so I'm cutting her off. Ooh you I'm a single

460
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:03,639
Speaker 1: dad to my eighteen year old daughter, Emma. Another Emma, Emma,

461
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,879
Speaker 1: her biomom left us when she was young, and I've

462
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 1: raised her with the help of my wife, who has

463
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,080
Speaker 1: been a wonderful mother figure. Recently, Emma started reconnecting with

464
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:14,920
Speaker 1: her bio mom, and I initially supported this, hoping it

465
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 1: would be a positive experience. By the way, this comes

466
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:20,399
Speaker 1: from user no underscore patients nine hundred on the r

467
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:24,800
Speaker 1: slash Okay storytime subreddit. So, however, it quickly became apparent

468
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:28,720
Speaker 1: that her bio mom hadn't changed. Emma began making excuses

469
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 1: for her and started exhibiting increasingly hostile behavior toward my wife.

470
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,120
Speaker 2: So he remarried someone.

471
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:37,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, new mom.

472
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:40,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, But it seemed like, oh, and now the daughter,

473
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,800
Speaker 2: I see what they're saying. So the daughter started spending

474
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:44,840
Speaker 2: more time with the biomom, and she's probably being kind

475
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,360
Speaker 2: of poisoned against.

476
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:50,080
Speaker 3: Or like, yeah her hers not your real mom.

477
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah.

478
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:53,360
Speaker 1: Even though she was an excellent.

479
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, even though she was an excellent mother figure.

480
00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:57,879
Speaker 1: She would say things like maybe I'll just move in

481
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,840
Speaker 1: with my mom and leave you both behind. And you're

482
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,080
Speaker 1: not my real mom anyway, so what do you care?

483
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,119
Speaker 1: It escalated to threats where she implied she would ruin

484
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,160
Speaker 1: our lives if we tried to stop her from pursuing

485
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:08,959
Speaker 1: this relationship.

486
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 2: How old is that one? Do we know?

487
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:10,400
Speaker 1: I don't.

488
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:14,520
Speaker 2: Does it say it in the eighteen So she's old

489
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 2: enough to kind of just I mean, obviously she's being

490
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,640
Speaker 2: manipulated here, but old enough to know better.

491
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,680
Speaker 1: It's a little odd because she says, I'm a single

492
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:24,720
Speaker 1: dad to my eighteen year old yeah, daughter, Emma, And

493
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,760
Speaker 1: then like, wife, when did you get remarried?

494
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,359
Speaker 2: That is a good question. I don't know. Okay, we

495
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:30,159
Speaker 2: don't think we know this.

496
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 1: During a heated argument, Emma expressed her desire to move

497
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,800
Speaker 1: in with her bio mom. This was the breaking point

498
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,639
Speaker 1: for me. Feeling that I needed to set boundaries. I

499
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:41,000
Speaker 1: decided to cut off her college fund and told her

500
00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:43,280
Speaker 1: she had to leave our home. This is that's a

501
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 1: basic step. How you handle the situation.

502
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,200
Speaker 3: That is a huge move.

503
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:52,080
Speaker 1: This was that's not a way that's like zero to

504
00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:53,760
Speaker 1: one hundred to a million.

505
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:55,640
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I don't.

506
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 1: She's an eighteen year old girl.

507
00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:01,040
Speaker 2: She's just obviously she's being a little brat. She doesn't

508
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:04,560
Speaker 2: like her mom's manipulating her. I don't know, Like I

509
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,960
Speaker 2: don't know if we cut her off completely, but.

510
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:09,320
Speaker 1: We also don't even know the relationship really with the

511
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:14,640
Speaker 1: father bio mom. Okay. Since then, my family has been

512
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,480
Speaker 1: vocal about their disapproval. They believe I should have been

513
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 1: more understanding and that I overreacted. Some even argue that

514
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 1: I'm pushing her farther away and harming our relationship permanently.

515
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:26,919
Speaker 2: You know, I mean, like you're kind of proving the

516
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,879
Speaker 2: mom's point if this is because to me, it doesn't

517
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:35,000
Speaker 2: seem like it. This was a very long like her

518
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:38,360
Speaker 2: petulance didn't go on for years and years and ye years.

519
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:40,040
Speaker 2: I feel like the point where we reached a breaking point,

520
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:41,520
Speaker 2: I fink there's a lot that just happened like quickly.

521
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:44,960
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of context being mixed, like missing. Yeah,

522
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,159
Speaker 1: because why is she now seeing her bio mom like

523
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:49,360
Speaker 1: now at a time?

524
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 2: Yes, what is the change here?

525
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 1: When did this come to be? Why now? Why? Never?

526
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,520
Speaker 2: From the giving stuff out?

527
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,760
Speaker 1: There's stuff being left out that is just like there's

528
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:02,480
Speaker 1: a lot of poles and this unreliable narrator right here continuing.

529
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,600
Speaker 1: They think I should have tried harder to support her

530
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 1: rather than resorting to such drastic measures. Am I the

531
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 1: a hole for taking this step? Or was I justified

532
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 1: in cutting her off? There's an edit? But I think

533
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,120
Speaker 1: you I think you had Do you think you jumped

534
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:16,600
Speaker 1: the gun here?

535
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,040
Speaker 2: I think you went way too far.

536
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:23,440
Speaker 1: That was a jump way too far ahead, like setting

537
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 1: a boundary or even not just like, hey, what's going

538
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:26,400
Speaker 1: on here?

539
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:28,720
Speaker 2: Yeah? Well, why are you saying these things? I thought

540
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,600
Speaker 2: we had a good relationship. I've noticed that you're becoming,

541
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,920
Speaker 2: you know, kind of rude to your step mom, which

542
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,199
Speaker 2: you don't have to see her as your mom, but

543
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:37,879
Speaker 2: but you do have to respect your first to a

544
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,200
Speaker 2: certain extent. Yeah, this is this.

545
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,560
Speaker 1: Is not what's the mom saying? You should talk to

546
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:43,520
Speaker 1: the mom about this?

547
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:46,360
Speaker 2: Exactly? Change in her behavior?

548
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:49,560
Speaker 1: What going on here? That is not being resorted instead

549
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 1: of you just jumped to your college fund is done?

550
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 3: Yeah?

551
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,639
Speaker 1: Go leave? And you thought there was going to be

552
00:24:55,640 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 1: no repercussions, no punishment. Yeah, you just made your daughter

553
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:03,240
Speaker 1: hate you. There's an edit. My daughter also accused me

554
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,879
Speaker 1: of always loving my wife over her, but it was

555
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:09,720
Speaker 1: the other way around. Her biological mother abandoned us, and

556
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:14,400
Speaker 1: now she confindes her confides her confines it her it's

557
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,959
Speaker 1: one yord give visitor, give visitor. Edit another edit. So

558
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 1: a lot of you have been advising me to give

559
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,720
Speaker 1: her the college fund, and I think I agree.

560
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:22,680
Speaker 3: Why do you think?

561
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,240
Speaker 1: What do you mean you should just be I agree,

562
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,480
Speaker 1: I shall give her I should give her the college fund,

563
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,359
Speaker 1: but I will not ask her to come back to me.

564
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,200
Speaker 1: That's her own free will.

565
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,640
Speaker 2: I guess that's fair. That's fair to say, like if

566
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:35,680
Speaker 2: she wants to she's eighteen years old. If she wants

567
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 2: to go off and be with her mom, that's fine,

568
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,000
Speaker 2: you know, And if she's gonna be rude to you,

569
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:42,880
Speaker 2: then you don't necessarily have to be like forcing her

570
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 2: to stay, but to take the college funds.

571
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,399
Speaker 1: To threaten her, that that is really a threat. You

572
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:49,639
Speaker 1: threaten your daughter.

573
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, like get out, get out, your college.

574
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,800
Speaker 1: Fund's gone and you're not my daughter anymore.

575
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:54,360
Speaker 2: Yeah.

576
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:56,200
Speaker 1: The fact that you're like, I think I agree with that,

577
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,120
Speaker 1: or I I guess I overreacted.

578
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,919
Speaker 2: And also him saying, oh my daughter thinks that I like,

579
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:05,480
Speaker 2: I choose my wife over her. You literally just did

580
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:09,440
Speaker 2: just you literally just did. You showed her immediately who

581
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:10,159
Speaker 2: you would choose.

582
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, zero hesitation it was just like you didn't even

583
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:15,480
Speaker 1: talk about and talk about the first Maybe you didn't

584
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:17,360
Speaker 1: punish it again. We're missing so many.

585
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 2: We don't have. Yeah, and that what seems like that

586
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:20,480
Speaker 2: was your first punishment.

587
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:22,160
Speaker 1: We have a bunch of updates, it looks like because

588
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:23,840
Speaker 1: it starts with update number one.

589
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:25,240
Speaker 2: Oh okay, let's get into.

590
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 1: Update number one. Thanks to everyone who commented it on

591
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:30,360
Speaker 1: my original post. I didn't expect to have an update

592
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:33,120
Speaker 1: so quickly, but a lot has happened in just the

593
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:36,119
Speaker 1: past few hours, hours, not days.

594
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:36,680
Speaker 3: Hours.

595
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:38,760
Speaker 1: About an hour after I posted, I got a message

596
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:41,480
Speaker 1: from Emma asking if we can meet up. She suggested

597
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,359
Speaker 1: a nearby coffee shop, and although I was unsure of

598
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 1: what to expect, I agreed to meet her. When I arrived,

599
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,760
Speaker 1: I could tell right away that something was different. Emma

600
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 1: looked exhausted and stressed, not at all like the confident

601
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,160
Speaker 1: person who left our home. She told me that her

602
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,639
Speaker 1: time with her bio mom had been a disaster. Not

603
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 1: only had her mom treated her hold, but she also

604
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 1: demanded an exorbitant amount of money.

605
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:07,240
Speaker 2: For rent for rent, charging her daughter for rent.

606
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,159
Speaker 1: Far more than Emma could afford. It became clear to

607
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 1: Emma that her mom wasn't interested in having a real

608
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:16,240
Speaker 1: relationship with her, justin using her for our financial gain.

609
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:19,120
Speaker 1: Emma was visibly upset as she apologized for the way

610
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:21,520
Speaker 1: she treated me and my wife. She admitted that she

611
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,800
Speaker 1: made a huge mistake and asked if she could come

612
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 1: back home. It was obvious she was genuinely remorseful, and

613
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:28,560
Speaker 1: she said she realized how much we had done for her.

614
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:30,280
Speaker 1: I told her that I'm willing to work on rebuilding

615
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:32,520
Speaker 1: our relationship, but it's going to take time and effort

616
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 1: on both sides. We discussed setting some boundaries and working

617
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 1: through the issues that led to all of this in

618
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 1: the first place. Okay, she agreed, and we left the

619
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 1: coffee shop with a plan to move forward one step

620
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 1: at a time.

621
00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:46,160
Speaker 2: All Right, this seems like we're fixing it.

622
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,159
Speaker 1: It's fixing it. But again, she is an eighteen year

623
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,440
Speaker 1: old girl. Yeah, and she wants to have her real

624
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 1: mom in her life.

625
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:56,200
Speaker 2: But yeah, it's pretty much says But so both parents

626
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 2: kind of suck one more than the other. Of course,

627
00:27:58,280 --> 00:27:59,320
Speaker 2: this isn't a mom.

628
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:00,199
Speaker 3: This isn't it.

629
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:02,640
Speaker 2: That's what it feels like. It feels like this poor

630
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:06,280
Speaker 2: girl feels like she was not being you know, given

631
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 2: enough attention from her dad, and so she goes tries

632
00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:11,520
Speaker 2: and get it sit from her mom. Her mom, you know,

633
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 2: tries to financially abuse her, and so she goes back

634
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 2: to her dad, who literally tried to cut her off.

635
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:18,640
Speaker 1: Completely without any hesitation.

636
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,879
Speaker 2: Without any hesitation. That's really hard to deal with.

637
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,920
Speaker 1: I guarantee he's so pompous that he was like, you're coming.

638
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:25,800
Speaker 3: Back to say, oh, I told you saw.

639
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:27,000
Speaker 2: We don't know that for genre.

640
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:29,159
Speaker 1: I can see it, I can see it, see it.

641
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,199
Speaker 1: I'll give you back your college fun. Now we'll have

642
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:33,800
Speaker 1: to build up to work for. Yeah, you have to

643
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:37,479
Speaker 1: build this trust with me again. It's your daughter that

644
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:40,640
Speaker 1: you said you love more than your wife. Yeah, you're

645
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 1: not being fair. Let's go ahead and finish it out.

646
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 1: It's not going to be an easy road, but I'm

647
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:46,840
Speaker 1: hopeful that we can heal from this and come out

648
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:49,680
Speaker 1: stronger on the other side. I'm still processing everything, but

649
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 1: I'm relieved that Emma wants to make things right. I

650
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 1: also agree to pay for her college and she's really

651
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:58,240
Speaker 1: happy now. By the way, edit edit deleting post in

652
00:28:58,280 --> 00:28:59,280
Speaker 1: twenty four hours hot.

653
00:28:59,320 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 2: We already got it.

654
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 1: Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. I

655
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,520
Speaker 1: could not reply to all the comments, but I read

656
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 1: them all relevant comments. Malachi Eclipsa just let her figure

657
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 1: out that her bio mom is a piece of crap.

658
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 1: That's the best way to.

659
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:12,719
Speaker 3: Go about it.

660
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 1: I think she found that out out Yo twelve whiskey,

661
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 1: this is the best advice right here. Kind of similar

662
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 1: situation for me. Mom left me when I was three

663
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:21,880
Speaker 1: and didn't want anything to do with me. I tried

664
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 1: to reconnect with her in high school and held her

665
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:25,360
Speaker 1: on a pedicel for some reason. She didn't show up

666
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 1: for my graduation, wedding, birth of my first child, and

667
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:31,120
Speaker 1: that point mid twenties, it finally hit me when what

668
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 1: kind of a mother she is? OPI It may take

669
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,320
Speaker 1: some time in some big milestones, but your daughter will

670
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 1: see her mom for who she is. Just be there

671
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 1: for her she already has. Yeah, don't trash talk her mom.

672
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:42,520
Speaker 1: I have mad respect for my dad because of it.

673
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:44,760
Speaker 1: We are super close. Oh and I guess who's never

674
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:47,840
Speaker 1: met my youngest child. That comment task.

675
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 2: I think in situations where you have like one parent

676
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 2: who's not great and you know they're not great, you

677
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:55,719
Speaker 2: don't need to bash them to your child. That is

678
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 2: not helpful. Josephine macdolaber quiz, thank you for the twenty

679
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 2: seven sec. This mom just came back to traumatize her

680
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 2: kid more literally and get money from her SONA says, Honestly,

681
00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 2: I think Opie is worse. Kind of expect this from

682
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:10,760
Speaker 2: mom as an absentee parent, but Opie just cutting the

683
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 2: daughter off. Opie purposely severed ties with a daughter because

684
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 2: they were but her.

685
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:17,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, they're just yeah, you picked your mom, but again,

686
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,600
Speaker 1: she just wanted time with her mom, and she wanted

687
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:21,960
Speaker 1: to be with her mom and get an idea of

688
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 1: her Yeah. No, I think yeah, I mean I think

689
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 1: the dad should have been like your mom left us, yeah,

690
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 1: and like you shouldn't trust her, like I know you

691
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:31,800
Speaker 1: want to know your mom. But I feel like there

692
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 1: just was no real communication here.

693
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:35,520
Speaker 2: I think there's a way to say where you're not

694
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:38,080
Speaker 2: necessarily bashing them, but just saying like, hey, be careful,

695
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 2: like if you would if you want to be with yours,

696
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 2: okay for this, but I will be here when you

697
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 2: come back.

698
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 1: Yeah.

699
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean again, she is an adult. I

700
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:50,520
Speaker 2: understandably she's eighteen, but eighteen is like a baby adult.

701
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 2: You're a one year old adult.

702
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 1: She doesn't even know what she's like.

703
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 2: And her mom's been out of the picture for years.

704
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,960
Speaker 1: And I guarantee you the mom was like enticing her, like, oh.

705
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:00,280
Speaker 3: Come on, meet girl, Yeah, come home, come.

706
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:04,960
Speaker 1: Come on now, give me all your money for renting me,

707
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,360
Speaker 1: because you're eighteen, You've got money you gotta head for

708
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:07,880
Speaker 1: right now.

709
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that is the end of this story. I

710
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:14,040
Speaker 2: think my wife is a lesbian. She ignores me around other.

711
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 3: Women, her around other men.

712
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:21,080
Speaker 2: Ooh, tables turned throwaway because my wife is a Reddit user.

713
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 2: I thirty seven male, and my wife, thirty six female,

714
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 2: have been together for twenty years and married for twelve.

715
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:31,080
Speaker 2: We are high school sweethearts who fell in love and

716
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 2: always knew we wanted something more. By the way, this

717
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,040
Speaker 2: comes from Massive Cow seven nine oh eight on the

718
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 2: Okay Storytime subured it So when I met my wife,

719
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 2: she told me she was bisexual, and it never bothered me.

720
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:47,040
Speaker 2: I am a straight male, but have LGBTQ plus siblings

721
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,800
Speaker 2: and it has never been abnormal to me. We got

722
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 2: married in our twenties after we graduated college and could

723
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 2: afford to live comfortably and have a lavish wedding. Our

724
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 2: spicy sleep life has always been good and I never

725
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:01,880
Speaker 2: complained about it, as even after twenty years, my wife

726
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:04,560
Speaker 2: is still as beautiful as she was when I met her.

727
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 2: This is so sweet. I love that. Three years ago,

728
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 2: my wife suggested having a three the random woman, as

729
00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 2: she knows that I'm into that kind of thing.

730
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 3: Me I'm more of a three guy.

731
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 2: I never brought it up in the vast as I

732
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,480
Speaker 2: didn't want her to think I wanted to bring someone

733
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:23,040
Speaker 2: else into our marriage. I was immediately on board with

734
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,440
Speaker 2: this idea, and we looked on a dating slash hookup

735
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 2: site to find a woman who would like to join us.

736
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:31,440
Speaker 2: The first three we had was amazing, and soon it

737
00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 2: became a normal thing. We would do maybe once or

738
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:37,440
Speaker 2: twice a month. Now onto the problem at hand. Recently,

739
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,960
Speaker 2: my wife has been asking for way more three and

740
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:44,040
Speaker 2: even suggested having two women over. That's a force of

741
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 2: which I declined to put things into perspective. Last year,

742
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 2: the most hookups we had in a month was four.

743
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 2: This year, though there was a month where we did

744
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:57,880
Speaker 2: it seven times with four different women. We are barely

745
00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 2: having one on one spicy sleep any and when we do.

746
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:03,959
Speaker 2: It feels like she isn't even into me, and almost

747
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,760
Speaker 2: as if she was doing me a favor. Two nights ago,

748
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:08,920
Speaker 2: me and my wife hooked up with another woman. I

749
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:10,680
Speaker 2: didn't think much of it at the time and was

750
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 2: going about our normal routine of preparing our house for company.

751
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:17,120
Speaker 2: When the woman of the hour arrived, me and my

752
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 2: wife greeted her and took her to our room. When

753
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 2: we got started, everything was going well, although without giving

754
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 2: too much detail, I noticed my wife was paying extra

755
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 2: attention to the woman this time, rather than being even

756
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 2: like she normally does. She was gissing her a lot,

757
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:36,120
Speaker 2: and even told me to get out of the way

758
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:39,400
Speaker 2: at one point so she could have her all to herself.

759
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 2: I was a little offended, but I didn't think much

760
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 2: of it. Even after I came though, they didn't stop.

761
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,320
Speaker 2: In fact, they kept going long enough for me to

762
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 2: get another hard on, then join in, then come again.

763
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 2: It was at least three hours. I didn't hate it,

764
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:56,920
Speaker 2: but I felt like if I didn't go for a

765
00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:59,280
Speaker 2: second round and even left the room, my wife would

766
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:02,360
Speaker 2: continue having spicy sleep with this woman even if I

767
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 2: wasn't there. I just wanted to have good manners after

768
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 2: all was said and done, the three of us fell asleep.

769
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:10,520
Speaker 2: We normally let our third parties stay the night, as

770
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 2: we like to be nice and have good manners. When

771
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 2: I woke up the next morning, I was alone in bed.

772
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:17,920
Speaker 2: I thought I slept in, but it was nine am

773
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 2: on a Saturday, and we'd stayed up well past three am.

774
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:23,920
Speaker 2: I went to the kitchen to make some coffee and

775
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 2: look for my wife when I saw her and the

776
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:30,080
Speaker 2: woman having spicy sleep on the couch in the living room.

777
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:33,719
Speaker 3: That's not okay. That is not okay. Potentially on the

778
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:36,400
Speaker 3: agreements of the relationship that would be in fidelity.

779
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:40,520
Speaker 2: Yes, I mean you agreed to have a three most

780
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:43,239
Speaker 2: likely with all parties involved, and now you have them

781
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:44,399
Speaker 2: going off and doing on their own.

782
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:46,560
Speaker 3: That's not the like in the morning, it almost feels

783
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:47,840
Speaker 3: like a sneaking off.

784
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:50,759
Speaker 2: It does. I mean, they specifically didn't wake him up.

785
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 2: So I was beyond shocked, and when my wife asked

786
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:56,760
Speaker 2: me to join, I just went back to our bedroom.

787
00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 2: She has never done this before, at least that I

788
00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:01,920
Speaker 2: know of, and it broke my heart to see this happen,

789
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:06,560
Speaker 2: especially while I was asleep. It killed me to hear

790
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 2: all of the noises when I was literally one room

791
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,920
Speaker 2: over the fact that she kept going after he just

792
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:15,479
Speaker 2: like left what like read the room. When the woman left,

793
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:17,120
Speaker 2: my wife came to me with a little bit of

794
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:20,000
Speaker 2: an attitude, saying that I made it awkward and caused

795
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 2: tension between her and the woman. I was appalled that

796
00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 2: she didn't try to apologize or make some lame excuse.

797
00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:28,919
Speaker 2: I ended up going back to bed and I didn't

798
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,480
Speaker 2: feel like arguing at that point. I love my wife

799
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 2: so much and can't see my life without her. It's

800
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:36,319
Speaker 2: been three days and recently she has been staying out

801
00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:39,160
Speaker 2: late and is barely talking to me. I have a

802
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 2: feeling that she's cheating on me, but I can't bring

803
00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 2: myself to confront her as I don't have any proof

804
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:46,279
Speaker 2: and honestly I still love her.

805
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:48,480
Speaker 3: Does Opie not consider that cheating?

806
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:50,200
Speaker 2: I don't know what to do. Please help me art

807
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:51,000
Speaker 2: And there is an edit.

808
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,279
Speaker 3: I guess not because he's like, oh, I walked into

809
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:59,280
Speaker 3: my wife having with another person without me, Potentially she's cheating.

810
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like that is Yeah, when you violate the

811
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:06,800
Speaker 2: rules of your relationship, that's cheating with someone else involved.

812
00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, And if op doesn't consider that cheating but kind

813
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:13,480
Speaker 3: of just considers it a breach. And then there's like

814
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:17,400
Speaker 3: obviously like other weird things around it, like like the

815
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:22,360
Speaker 3: amount of threes going up, like seeing his wife's disinterests

816
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:26,280
Speaker 3: while they're like just having one on one spicy sleep.

817
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:29,479
Speaker 2: No, I am wondering if she's done this before because

818
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 2: it seems so normal.

819
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:33,200
Speaker 3: Oh, like she was like, dude, this happens every time.

820
00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just figured you knew that I was doing this.

821
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:38,480
Speaker 2: That's what it feels like. I wake up at seven

822
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:41,400
Speaker 2: and then you wake up at nine. Yeah, you need

823
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:44,080
Speaker 2: to have a conversation with her. But she's definitely violated

824
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:45,239
Speaker 2: the trust here, So I don't know.

825
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:46,000
Speaker 3: Is there more?

826
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 2: There is more? There's an edit. I have many comments

827
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,279
Speaker 2: talking about boundaries, and I just want to come out

828
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:53,720
Speaker 2: and say that boundaries were placed when we first started

829
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 2: doing it, and I apologize for not including it in

830
00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 2: the original post. We both agreed on doing this as

831
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 2: long as you're both okay and consenting. We also agreed

832
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:05,600
Speaker 2: to only sleep with others while we are both present.

833
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 2: This has never been an issue. Went too recently and

834
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:10,759
Speaker 2: all the comments are making me realize that I may

835
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 2: not have been strict enough with enforcing our rules and boundaries.

836
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 2: But you shouldn't have to be like she should respect them,

837
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,799
Speaker 2: because you clearly communicated what those boundaries are, and it

838
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:22,400
Speaker 2: shouldn't have to be you being like, hey, i'm watching,

839
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:23,319
Speaker 2: don't know that.

840
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:26,840
Speaker 3: Like, it's not your responsibility to uphold the other person's

841
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:30,200
Speaker 3: side of the agreement. And also, it seems like after

842
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,319
Speaker 3: that happened, I don't know if he said that the

843
00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 3: OPI had a conversation with his partner, but it just

844
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:38,239
Speaker 3: seemed like no conversation was had. She was just like,

845
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:40,879
Speaker 3: you made it awkward, and then multiple days went by

846
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 3: and there was no conversation, like, hey, here's a boundary,

847
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:47,279
Speaker 3: you crossed an agreement. Let's talk about.

848
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 2: That, have a conversation. Also, we only invite women. I

849
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 2: am straight, and neither of us has justed inviting another

850
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:55,799
Speaker 2: man it to bed, even if me and him were

851
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:58,279
Speaker 2: not intimate at all. This is also another factor on

852
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 2: why I think she's either a lesbian or just has

853
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:03,600
Speaker 2: very heavy preference towards women. I am more on the

854
00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:06,680
Speaker 2: feminine side. I'm six to one, muscular, but shaven, and

855
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:09,959
Speaker 2: do not have facial hair whatsoever. My voice isn't that deep,

856
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:12,360
Speaker 2: and I tend to lean towards a more feminine style

857
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:15,800
Speaker 2: open shirts, tighter pants, dress shoes, et cetera. I'm planning

858
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:18,040
Speaker 2: on updating in a day or two, as I plan

859
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:21,560
Speaker 2: on having a heart to heart talk with her very soon,

860
00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:23,280
Speaker 2: and there is an update.

861
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 3: I feel like the conversation around like, oh, is she

862
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 3: more into men or women doesn't feel that relevant.

863
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:33,359
Speaker 2: I agree, because honestly, there are so many different, you know,

864
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:36,480
Speaker 2: identities that could be coming into play, like because I

865
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 2: feel like bisexuality does kind of it changes for people,

866
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:42,600
Speaker 2: Like you could have a preference for men at a

867
00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 2: certain point in your life and then you know, a

868
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:47,560
Speaker 2: couple months later, you're only focusing on women. And it

869
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:49,879
Speaker 2: does feel very fluid. So she might not be as

870
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:53,399
Speaker 2: attracted to men, but that's not really the issue. It's

871
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:54,680
Speaker 2: she violated an agreement.

872
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, And also from the context that we're getting from

873
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:00,759
Speaker 3: this one person's perspective, it seems is just like it's

874
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 3: a relationship issue, not a gender. It's not like, oh,

875
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,600
Speaker 3: I'm not in a man. It just feels like I'm

876
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:07,840
Speaker 3: not into you, That's.

877
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:09,440
Speaker 2: What I think. I don't think it really matters what

878
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 2: her secutity is especially because you guys, as you said,

879
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:14,920
Speaker 2: were fine for twenty years, so it feels like maybe

880
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:16,480
Speaker 2: she's just no longer okay.

881
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,719
Speaker 3: Then even more so, it doesn't seem like AUDI is

882
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:21,000
Speaker 3: a relevant factor here.

883
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,799
Speaker 2: Hey everyone. First off, I just want to say thank

884
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:26,279
Speaker 2: you so much for all the comments and support on

885
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:28,840
Speaker 2: my original post. It got way more attention than I

886
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:32,800
Speaker 2: originally thought. Before getting into that, I want to address

887
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:36,080
Speaker 2: the many comments I got. First Off, my wife does

888
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:38,480
Speaker 2: not use Reddit that much, and when she does, she

889
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:41,920
Speaker 2: usually scrolls on meme subreddits or asks for help on trouble.

890
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:44,879
Speaker 2: I know I was extremely detailed, but there's no way

891
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 2: she would find this post as she doesn't even listen

892
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 2: to podcasts. The only way she could have found it

893
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 2: is through my profile, hence the throwaway. Secondly, what is

894
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:57,160
Speaker 2: with all the Ross Come? Who is Ross? Am I

895
00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 2: missing a joke?

896
00:39:58,400 --> 00:39:59,800
Speaker 3: Who is this damn Ross?

897
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,839
Speaker 2: This rask guy? I've never heard of him? Third thing,

898
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:06,319
Speaker 2: my wife has always been supported by her family. They

899
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:08,839
Speaker 2: never judged her and welcomed her with open arms when

900
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,360
Speaker 2: she came out. She was my first girlfriend and I

901
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:13,880
Speaker 2: was her first boyfriend. She had a girlfriend before me.

902
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:16,439
Speaker 2: My wife sometimes stays out late with friends of hers

903
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:20,439
Speaker 2: and also sometimes comes extremely wasted, though she has never

904
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 2: had any marks or smells of spicy sleep on her body.

905
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 2: Even these last few days, she would come home late

906
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:29,239
Speaker 2: smelling like a light alcohol and nothing more. Finally, we

907
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 2: do not bring different women over to our house every

908
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:34,600
Speaker 2: time we want a third party. We keep in contact

909
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:37,839
Speaker 2: with most women, and some we even become good friends with.

910
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:40,319
Speaker 2: The woman who came over that night was someone we

911
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:43,160
Speaker 2: had been in contact over a year. That could be

912
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,840
Speaker 2: totally like an emotional affair here, as they often go

913
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 2: out together alone. Today, I woke up with one thing

914
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 2: on my mind to talk to my wife. I read

915
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,840
Speaker 2: many comments and got extremely sweet ms that helped me

916
00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:57,760
Speaker 2: make my mental script. Although what caught me off guard

917
00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:00,319
Speaker 2: was how normal she was acting last night. She didn't

918
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:02,720
Speaker 2: stay out too late and actually came home on time

919
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 2: when I was still awake. We slept in the same

920
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:07,359
Speaker 2: bed that night, and after work today I sat her

921
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:11,280
Speaker 2: down to question her outside of our spicy sleep life,

922
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:14,239
Speaker 2: me and my wife have never had any problems and

923
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:17,840
Speaker 2: our personalities are almost identical, so talking to her is

924
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 2: and was never an issue for me. When I asked

925
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:23,000
Speaker 2: her today, though she stiffened but did not reject me.

926
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:26,440
Speaker 2: I started out by saying that I'm sorry for storming

927
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 2: off that morning, but I didn't appreciate her sleeping with

928
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:31,240
Speaker 2: the woman of question without my consent.

929
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 3: First. He's like, I didn't appreciate this.

930
00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.

931
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 3: I didn't mean to be upset, but it wasn't the

932
00:41:37,239 --> 00:41:40,040
Speaker 3: kindest thing for you to have Spicy sleep with another human.

933
00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:42,279
Speaker 2: I don't mean, like, you know, put this on you.

934
00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:46,120
Speaker 2: Totally understand where you're coming from. She just nodded in response.

935
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:48,920
Speaker 2: I then asked her how she would have felt if

936
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:51,319
Speaker 2: the roles were reversed and if she was the one

937
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:54,400
Speaker 2: walking in on me sleeping with another woman. She responded

938
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 2: by saying that she wouldn't mind, which I know is

939
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 2: bull but I didn't press on it, as I thought

940
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:01,439
Speaker 2: she was just trying to save herself. I then asked

941
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:03,399
Speaker 2: her if she was still in love with me, which

942
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:05,839
Speaker 2: was something that kept me up for nights on end.

943
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 2: She said yes, but hesitated when I pushed on it.

944
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:12,319
Speaker 2: She said that she doesn't love me spicy sleepily, but

945
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 2: feels an emotional connection to me like nobody else and

946
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:17,960
Speaker 2: is in love with me. Okay, wait, wait, has a.

947
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:22,920
Speaker 3: Romantic connection, but not a spicy sleep. Wow. Oh, I

948
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:26,120
Speaker 3: feel for Opie. What a thing to receive from someone

949
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:27,800
Speaker 3: you love for all that time.

950
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, and also after the threesome incident.

951
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:32,560
Speaker 3: I mean, it's just like a confirmation of all your fear.

952
00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:35,279
Speaker 2: That really sucks. I didn't ask her directly if she

953
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:37,719
Speaker 2: was a lesbian, but that sort of confirms it for me,

954
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:41,000
Speaker 2: and I honestly could have broken down right then and there. Personally,

955
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:43,839
Speaker 2: I think spicy sleep is a huge part of relationships

956
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 2: and that it brings the two people closer. I know

957
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 2: I'm a hypocrite for saying this, as we literally invite

958
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:51,399
Speaker 2: others into our bed, but we always used to keep

959
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:53,840
Speaker 2: time for ourselves, one on one time with just the

960
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:56,280
Speaker 2: two of us, to help us connect on another level.

961
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 2: So I asked her the question of the hour people.

962
00:42:58,800 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 2: I asked if she had been sleep with other women

963
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,359
Speaker 2: beside that morning behind my back?

964
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:05,040
Speaker 3: What do you think, Sofia, did you see it?

965
00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 2: I did?

966
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:07,040
Speaker 3: I did?

967
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:08,359
Speaker 2: What do you think? Did you see it?

968
00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:10,960
Speaker 3: I think she's gonna say no, let's find out.

969
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:14,640
Speaker 2: Let's be this sentence. She didn't answer and just looked away.

970
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:18,800
Speaker 2: That is an answer that's tough man. At that point,

971
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:21,359
Speaker 2: I didn't even need a response and just walked out

972
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:21,840
Speaker 2: of house.

973
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,399
Speaker 3: And also, you already know you walked in on her

974
00:43:24,719 --> 00:43:26,959
Speaker 3: sleeping with someone behind your back.

975
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:29,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, He's like, did it happen more than how many times?

976
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:31,919
Speaker 3: Yeah? She's like, you walked in on it more than five,

977
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,840
Speaker 3: more than ten, more than fifty. Damn it.

978
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:36,319
Speaker 2: I texted her later on and asked what she wants

979
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:38,319
Speaker 2: to do. She didn't respond to me, But I think

980
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:41,399
Speaker 2: we both know that it's time for divorce. I mean,

981
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:42,359
Speaker 2: she's been cheating on.

982
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:46,080
Speaker 3: Him and doesn't even recognize it as cheating. Also, she's

983
00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:48,399
Speaker 3: just like point blank said that she's not into him

984
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 3: second anymore.

985
00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:51,160
Speaker 2: And it seems like it's a very important part of

986
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:53,640
Speaker 2: the relationship for him, you know, even if she's romantically

987
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:54,600
Speaker 2: attracted to him, it.

988
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:57,879
Speaker 3: Doesn't Well I don't know if any relationship can survive.

989
00:43:57,719 --> 00:43:59,320
Speaker 2: Just I think it can. I think a lot of

990
00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 2: people who are a.

991
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:03,560
Speaker 3: Sure there's many different orientations of relationships, but it's a

992
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:07,319
Speaker 3: hard transition when you started out with you know, only

993
00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:10,279
Speaker 3: being a part of the relationship, which is part of

994
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:13,960
Speaker 3: most relationships, and then for that to transition into not

995
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:14,760
Speaker 3: having it.

996
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:17,640
Speaker 2: I totally agree in this case, specifically, especially because he

997
00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:20,760
Speaker 2: said it was a really important part of our relationship. Yeah.

998
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:23,919
Speaker 2: I don't think you can do much, but we'd never

999
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 2: manipulate you into joining us live every weekday at three

1000
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:31,680
Speaker 2: PMPST just to have a profile. The comments left for

1001
00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:34,360
Speaker 2: me to read really helped me realize how much of

1002
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:36,600
Speaker 2: a dream I was living in and how I was

1003
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:39,760
Speaker 2: delusional because of how in love I was with my wife.

1004
00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:42,279
Speaker 2: I'm in a crappy motel bed right now writing this,

1005
00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 2: bordering on tears. I have always been madly in love

1006
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,719
Speaker 2: with my wife and still am, but I feel as

1007
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:50,160
Speaker 2: though if I decide to forgive and forget, the same

1008
00:44:50,239 --> 00:44:53,440
Speaker 2: thing would happen again. All the comments trashing on open

1009
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:55,960
Speaker 2: relationships are right, and I now know to never do

1010
00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:58,240
Speaker 2: it if I ever remarry. I just want to personally

1011
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:00,480
Speaker 2: thank the person who went through a similar EXPERI and

1012
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:02,759
Speaker 2: wrote to me. That really gave me the confidence that

1013
00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:05,799
Speaker 2: I can to move on and forget. I appreciate you

1014
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:08,359
Speaker 2: and the vulnerability you showed to me. I doubt there

1015
00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:10,839
Speaker 2: will be another update, and I'm sorry if this wasn't

1016
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:14,120
Speaker 2: as groundbreaking as you all originally thought. Thank you so

1017
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:16,440
Speaker 2: much and if anyone has questions, I will try to

1018
00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 2: read and respond to as many comments as possible. And

1019
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:22,520
Speaker 2: that is the end of that story. Man oh man,

1020
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:23,120
Speaker 2: that sucks.

1021
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:26,400
Speaker 3: My boyfriend's girl best friend called him her platonic soulmate.

1022
00:45:26,719 --> 00:45:28,320
Speaker 3: I want him to cut her off.

1023
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:29,440
Speaker 2: He could just be besties.

1024
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:32,759
Speaker 3: They could just be besties. Best ease, Hi, I will

1025
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:35,359
Speaker 3: try to be quick. I am a twenty nine year

1026
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:37,920
Speaker 3: old female and I have been dating my boyfriend Thomas

1027
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:42,040
Speaker 3: twenty eight male for two years. We were friends for

1028
00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:44,719
Speaker 3: seven years before we started dating. Wow, WHOA you could

1029
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:46,520
Speaker 3: really get out of the friend zone. Thomas has a

1030
00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:50,120
Speaker 3: female best friend called Mary, twenty seven female. I am

1031
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 3: not comfortable with their friendship, so I asked Thomas to

1032
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 3: stop having contacts with her, and he got mad and

1033
00:45:55,440 --> 00:45:57,880
Speaker 3: told me I was manipulative. By the way, this comes

1034
00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:00,680
Speaker 3: from you dash pleasant when nine to three seven zero

1035
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:04,200
Speaker 3: on the ur dash Okay storytime subreddit. So background, I

1036
00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:07,200
Speaker 3: was friends with Thomas for a long time. Suddenly he

1037
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:10,040
Speaker 3: met Mary and they quickly became best friends. They were

1038
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:13,440
Speaker 3: always together, and she called them platonic soulmates. I already

1039
00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:16,120
Speaker 3: didn't like her back then. It was almost impossible to

1040
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:19,720
Speaker 3: see Thomas without Marie. Something like five years ago, Marie

1041
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 3: moved to another city four hours away by train from

1042
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:26,160
Speaker 3: our city. She almost convinced Thomas to follow her. He

1043
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:28,960
Speaker 3: ended up staying mainly for his family and his brother.

1044
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:31,080
Speaker 3: It was great to spend time with Thomas without her.

1045
00:46:31,239 --> 00:46:34,440
Speaker 3: He slowly lost contact with Marie. Then COVID happened and

1046
00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:36,600
Speaker 3: they stopped talking. He never had the chance to visit

1047
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 3: her in her new city. Like I said, I started

1048
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:42,400
Speaker 3: dating Thomas two years ago. I confessed I had a

1049
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 3: crush on him for a long time, and he gave

1050
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:47,000
Speaker 3: me a chance. We're doing great and we've been living

1051
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:48,920
Speaker 3: together for over a year. I wanted to marry him

1052
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 3: one day, and I think he wants the same. But

1053
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:55,400
Speaker 3: this summer, Marie contacted Thomas again when she was in

1054
00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:58,239
Speaker 3: our city to visit her family. Thomas went to see her.

1055
00:46:58,320 --> 00:47:00,440
Speaker 3: Even if I didn't like it, I said nothing because

1056
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:02,799
Speaker 3: I know that he really missed her. I didn't see

1057
00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:05,319
Speaker 3: her Since then. They're calling each other from time to time.

1058
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:08,239
Speaker 3: Thomas is always happy after talking to her, so I

1059
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:11,319
Speaker 3: still didn't say anything. Marie's coming in our city again

1060
00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:13,720
Speaker 3: for Christmas, so Thomas is planning to see her again.

1061
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:16,120
Speaker 3: I'm still not complaining, but she asked if he wanted

1062
00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:18,240
Speaker 3: to go back to her city with her after Christmas

1063
00:47:18,239 --> 00:47:21,200
Speaker 3: to spend New Year's with her. Thomas said yes right away,

1064
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:23,480
Speaker 3: and he was really excited when he told me. But

1065
00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:26,680
Speaker 3: I said no right away. Reason Number one, I'm not

1066
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:28,880
Speaker 3: even included in the plan. He wants to spend New

1067
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 3: Year's with her and without me. Number Two, I didn't

1068
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:33,600
Speaker 3: want him to be alone with her in her apartment.

1069
00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:36,400
Speaker 3: Even if Marie is now married, I don't trust her

1070
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,600
Speaker 3: around my boyfriend, and I know having a husband won't

1071
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 3: stop her. So number three, we already have plans with

1072
00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:45,239
Speaker 3: my friends. So I told Thomas he couldn't go and

1073
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:47,360
Speaker 3: that we plan to spend the New Year together. He

1074
00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:49,320
Speaker 3: was really mad and told me he was important to

1075
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:51,600
Speaker 3: him because he never had the chance to visit Marie

1076
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:53,640
Speaker 3: in her new city since she moved, and it's a

1077
00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:56,000
Speaker 3: bigger city than ours, and he really wanted to spend

1078
00:47:56,040 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 3: time with her. I got mad too, and I told

1079
00:47:58,080 --> 00:48:00,480
Speaker 3: him I was really hurt by his attitude. I didn't

1080
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:03,160
Speaker 3: like how Marie made him act, and I wasn't comfortable

1081
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:05,480
Speaker 3: with their friendship. And if he really loves me, he

1082
00:48:05,480 --> 00:48:08,000
Speaker 3: should care about my feelings and stop talking to her.

1083
00:48:08,239 --> 00:48:09,919
Speaker 2: This is just a huge overstep.

1084
00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:12,520
Speaker 3: If you love me, you'll do what I want and

1085
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:13,560
Speaker 3: not what makes you happy.

1086
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:16,840
Speaker 2: That's not healthy, that's not You're allowed to have friends

1087
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:19,520
Speaker 2: who make you happy. Talking to my friends makes me

1088
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:20,880
Speaker 2: unbelievably happy.

1089
00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 3: Okay. My rant was that we need to belong to

1090
00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:27,120
Speaker 3: a lot of people, and that includes both genders, and

1091
00:48:27,160 --> 00:48:29,960
Speaker 3: to be a fully functioning human, we need people in

1092
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:31,600
Speaker 3: our lives. We need relationship.

1093
00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:35,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I think that OPI could have gone and said, hey,

1094
00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:38,000
Speaker 2: what we said. You know, I'm uncomfortable for this this reason,

1095
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:40,600
Speaker 2: and then could have said, hey, I also really want

1096
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:42,879
Speaker 2: to spend years. Is there a way that you could

1097
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:46,799
Speaker 2: see her, you know, from the twenty seventh to the

1098
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:49,640
Speaker 2: you know, like this before and years or after New Years,

1099
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:51,920
Speaker 2: because we have these plans. So it's still you can

1100
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:53,880
Speaker 2: see her, but you're not you know, seeing her then.

1101
00:48:54,040 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 3: Exactly when transparency is shared, when you're actually vulnerable instead

1102
00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:01,719
Speaker 3: of making demands, then there's so much Yeah, and for

1103
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:04,560
Speaker 3: like working together as a team. Exactly when I said that,

1104
00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 3: he called me manipulative and told me I always had

1105
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:10,240
Speaker 3: a problem with the people he loves. Then he left

1106
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:12,440
Speaker 3: and we didn't talk since then because he's at his

1107
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:15,719
Speaker 3: brother's place. So do you think am I the a

1108
00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:18,000
Speaker 3: hole for getting mad at my boyfriend because of his

1109
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:19,480
Speaker 3: relationship with his best friend?

1110
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:19,719
Speaker 2: Oh?

1111
00:49:19,840 --> 00:49:23,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, sorry, yeah I do. There's just a lot of

1112
00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:24,880
Speaker 3: projecting and demand.

1113
00:49:25,040 --> 00:49:28,040
Speaker 2: We've just heard, like no actual reasons why Marie is

1114
00:49:28,040 --> 00:49:28,560
Speaker 2: the bad guy.

1115
00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:30,680
Speaker 3: It just seems like a lack of trust in the relationship.

1116
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:32,359
Speaker 2: That's its own problem. Edit.

1117
00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:35,279
Speaker 3: I'm adding something I wrote in the comment because it

1118
00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:37,880
Speaker 3: is important and I should have said it from the start. Okay,

1119
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:40,520
Speaker 3: maybe some more context. Okay, I think I should have

1120
00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:42,640
Speaker 3: said it in my post. But Thomas Marie were not

1121
00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:45,280
Speaker 3: one hundred percent platonic when she still lived in our city.

1122
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:49,640
Speaker 3: That's relevant information, thank you. So they had intercourse with

1123
00:49:49,719 --> 00:49:53,399
Speaker 3: the same guy twice because Thomas is by and even

1124
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:56,040
Speaker 3: if Thomas swears he didn't do anything with Marie, I

1125
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:57,840
Speaker 3: still didn't want them to be alone.

1126
00:49:57,880 --> 00:50:01,160
Speaker 2: Okay, it's really relevant information. Were they in this same

1127
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 2: room or did they just oh, guy connect.

1128
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:09,040
Speaker 3: I read it like they had a three way with you.

1129
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:10,600
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's what I think it was. But I

1130
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:12,759
Speaker 2: think it's also funny to think of it, they just

1131
00:50:12,800 --> 00:50:15,239
Speaker 2: slept with the same guy. She's like, it's like they

1132
00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:16,880
Speaker 2: slept together. This is funny.

1133
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:19,160
Speaker 3: Okay, but if they were having a three way she's

1134
00:50:19,160 --> 00:50:22,359
Speaker 3: assuming that they didn't touch bodies once. I guess that's

1135
00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:25,239
Speaker 3: a confusing Yeah, it's like a pillow wall between them.

1136
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:30,000
Speaker 2: They're like, okay, okay, time you're in the next one. Yeah,

1137
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:32,360
Speaker 2: this is confusing. It doesn't really. It kind of puts

1138
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 2: me in unsteady footing here. I'm unsure now.

1139
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:39,000
Speaker 3: Edit number two. Hopefully that's more context on the contact,

1140
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:41,640
Speaker 3: a little bit more context. Okay, thank you everyone for

1141
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:44,240
Speaker 3: your comments. I try to read everything. At first, people

1142
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:47,600
Speaker 3: were really against me and consider me controlling, but I

1143
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:50,200
Speaker 3: feel like more people understand my point now. I mit

1144
00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:52,359
Speaker 3: I shouldn't have said I wanted him to cut ties

1145
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:54,759
Speaker 3: with her. I try to answer all the questions I saw.

1146
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:56,800
Speaker 3: I will come back tomorrow to read when I missed

1147
00:50:56,840 --> 00:50:59,440
Speaker 3: because it's really late where I'm in I'm not American,

1148
00:50:59,560 --> 00:51:01,960
Speaker 3: but really, thank you again. I feel better now, but

1149
00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:04,239
Speaker 3: I know I have to talk with Thomas. I'm not

1150
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:05,239
Speaker 3: planning to break up.

1151
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:07,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, that would be a pretty big step to break

1152
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:09,600
Speaker 2: up with him. Over him wanting to see his friend.

1153
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 3: Why would you want to I'm confused about that, at

1154
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:16,000
Speaker 3: least for now. Good night. Okay, another update? Oh okay,

1155
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:20,120
Speaker 3: there's so much left standing on did yeah, Thomas and

1156
00:51:20,239 --> 00:51:22,480
Speaker 3: her have a three way together. I want to thank

1157
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:24,840
Speaker 3: everyone for all the comments. I didn't expect to receive

1158
00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:27,000
Speaker 3: that many messages. I try to read them all. I

1159
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:30,479
Speaker 3: noticed people were really split, with many not the A hole.

1160
00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:33,800
Speaker 3: You're the a hole and everyone sucks here. I recognize

1161
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 3: it was bad that I told Thomas I want him

1162
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:37,880
Speaker 3: to cut ties with Marie, and I regret it. Okay,

1163
00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:41,760
Speaker 3: some self awareness, okay, but I'm glad people also understand

1164
00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:44,759
Speaker 3: why I'm uncomfortable with Thomas and Marie's relationship. I don't

1165
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:46,720
Speaker 3: have a big update because I didn't have the occasion

1166
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:48,680
Speaker 3: to talk to Thomas. But I decided to write an

1167
00:51:48,719 --> 00:51:51,359
Speaker 3: update to clarify some things. I need some clarification.

1168
00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:53,319
Speaker 2: I need some clarification, so.

1169
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:54,960
Speaker 3: I will do that, and at the end I will

1170
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:58,120
Speaker 3: add a small update. Okay, the timeline. I started dating

1171
00:51:58,120 --> 00:52:01,240
Speaker 3: Thomas when he wasn't talking to Marie anymore. They stopped

1172
00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:03,640
Speaker 3: talking for over a year. When I confessed to him,

1173
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:06,200
Speaker 3: I thought they were really over, and Thomas thought the same.

1174
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:08,720
Speaker 3: I didn't expect her to come back into our life

1175
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:11,480
Speaker 3: breaking up. Many people told me to break up like

1176
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:12,560
Speaker 3: it's an easy decision.

1177
00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:17,920
Speaker 2: Don't why why nothing has happened here, that's break up.

1178
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:20,440
Speaker 3: I love him and I know he loves me. Except

1179
00:52:20,560 --> 00:52:23,920
Speaker 3: for that, we're great together and we never argue like

1180
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:25,920
Speaker 3: some people notice. I've been in love with Thomas for

1181
00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:28,719
Speaker 3: a long time before we started dating. That is a

1182
00:52:28,760 --> 00:52:31,160
Speaker 3: long time though. I waited for the right time to

1183
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:34,360
Speaker 3: confess for many reasons, and one of them was Marie.

1184
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:34,960
Speaker 2: She's blocking you?

1185
00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:37,399
Speaker 3: She did you just assume she was blocking? I don't

1186
00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:39,839
Speaker 3: know even if she's back now, and I don't like it.

1187
00:52:39,840 --> 00:52:42,000
Speaker 3: It's not so easy to walk away from the best

1188
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:45,160
Speaker 3: relationship I ever had. Marriage. Thomas and I talked about

1189
00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:47,440
Speaker 3: getting married someday. I told him at the beginning of

1190
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 3: the relationship it was something I wanted, and he said

1191
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:52,040
Speaker 3: he wanted it too, but he didn't want to rush,

1192
00:52:52,080 --> 00:52:54,240
Speaker 3: even though we know each other for a long time.

1193
00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:57,520
Speaker 3: We even talked about getting engaged after dating three years

1194
00:52:57,560 --> 00:53:00,480
Speaker 3: because it was a good timeline, and he agreed. Thomas

1195
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:03,440
Speaker 3: and Marie had spicy sleep with the same guy at

1196
00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:06,759
Speaker 3: the same time, in front of each other. Okay. That

1197
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:09,719
Speaker 3: had so much clarity. Okay, okay, But Thomas said he

1198
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:12,719
Speaker 3: didn't have spicy sleep with her. He said they were

1199
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 3: both focused on the guy. Okay, why why did why?

1200
00:53:17,640 --> 00:53:19,520
Speaker 2: Why were you both there at the same I don't know.

1201
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:20,640
Speaker 2: Was it just for this guy?

1202
00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:23,280
Speaker 3: He was like, Okay, you guys just like we couldn't

1203
00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:25,759
Speaker 3: fit in like two separate occasions on our calendar, so

1204
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,000
Speaker 3: we thought we'd merge meetings.

1205
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:29,360
Speaker 2: We just we do a little back to back actus.

1206
00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:32,040
Speaker 3: Okay. It happened before she moved to her new city,

1207
00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:35,120
Speaker 3: and it happened twice. I also know Marie had three

1208
00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:38,200
Speaker 3: with her husband and other guys before she got married.

1209
00:53:38,280 --> 00:53:42,960
Speaker 3: Revant trust I do trust Thomas, do you? I don't think.

1210
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:45,480
Speaker 3: It seems like you do trust him, and I don't

1211
00:53:45,480 --> 00:53:47,640
Speaker 3: think he will cheat on me. It seems like you do.

1212
00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:49,840
Speaker 3: But I don't trust her, and it makes me uncomfortable

1213
00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:52,319
Speaker 3: to imagine them spending a whole week and together without me,

1214
00:53:52,440 --> 00:53:55,360
Speaker 3: because I don't want her to try something. Okay. His brother,

1215
00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:57,760
Speaker 3: Thomas said, I had a problem with people he loves

1216
00:53:57,800 --> 00:54:00,520
Speaker 3: because he's really close with his oldest brother and his

1217
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:03,000
Speaker 3: older brother doesn't like me. I know it's something that

1218
00:54:03,040 --> 00:54:06,120
Speaker 3: makes him sad okay about Marie. Some people don't understand

1219
00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:08,160
Speaker 3: why I don't like Marie or why I don't trust

1220
00:54:08,200 --> 00:54:11,400
Speaker 3: her about my BF. I even saw someone said I

1221
00:54:11,440 --> 00:54:14,080
Speaker 3: invented the threes to justify why I don't like her.

1222
00:54:14,400 --> 00:54:16,480
Speaker 3: That's not it at all. At first, I don't want

1223
00:54:16,480 --> 00:54:18,319
Speaker 3: to add that detail because it makes it easier for

1224
00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:21,120
Speaker 3: people to who know me or Thomas to recognize us,

1225
00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:23,439
Speaker 3: and I wanted to avoid that. However, it's like highly

1226
00:54:23,520 --> 00:54:27,040
Speaker 3: relevant information. Then I added it because I wanted people

1227
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:29,680
Speaker 3: to understand that Thomas Marie don't have a normal friendship,

1228
00:54:29,719 --> 00:54:32,120
Speaker 3: because most people don't have a three their best friend.

1229
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:34,279
Speaker 3: That's fair. I haven't heard a three my best friend.

1230
00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:38,400
Speaker 3: I know people can have casual, spicy sleep and it

1231
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:41,160
Speaker 3: doesn't mean anything. I never did that, but I can understand.

1232
00:54:41,560 --> 00:54:44,000
Speaker 3: It's not the main reason why I'm uncomfortable with Marie.

1233
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:46,160
Speaker 3: I used to know her when she lived in our city.

1234
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:48,960
Speaker 3: I saw her and how she acted with Thomas back then,

1235
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:51,000
Speaker 3: he acted different when he was with her. They were

1236
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:54,120
Speaker 3: always together, and she acted like they had a special relationship.

1237
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:57,600
Speaker 3: Other people couldn't understand Thomas was less open with me

1238
00:54:57,880 --> 00:55:00,400
Speaker 3: or mutual friends. He didn't have time anymore for his

1239
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:03,240
Speaker 3: or other friends. He acted like he was an extension

1240
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:05,640
Speaker 3: of her in some ways. She was making all of

1241
00:55:05,640 --> 00:55:08,719
Speaker 3: their decisions. They were only doing stuff she likes. The

1242
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:11,399
Speaker 3: relationship seemed toxic to us, and I wasn't the only

1243
00:55:11,480 --> 00:55:14,080
Speaker 3: one not to like Marie because of that. I only

1244
00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:17,239
Speaker 3: learned about the three Thomas and Marie did after I

1245
00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:20,000
Speaker 3: started dating Thomas, because we had a discussion about her

1246
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:22,879
Speaker 3: ex relationships and he emitted it. It's something they kept

1247
00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:25,520
Speaker 3: secret before that. I had no idea they did something

1248
00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:28,120
Speaker 3: like that. So it's not why I didn't like Marie,

1249
00:55:28,120 --> 00:55:30,239
Speaker 3: but it's definitely one of the reasons I'm uncomfortable with

1250
00:55:30,280 --> 00:55:33,239
Speaker 3: their friendship now, especially if she invites him to spend

1251
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:34,720
Speaker 3: a week in with her and her husband.

1252
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:39,160
Speaker 2: Small updates, those are all very relevant for so much

1253
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:41,880
Speaker 2: relevant information in there. And the thing is, I'm totally

1254
00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:44,160
Speaker 2: more understanding why OP is so uncomfortable.

1255
00:55:44,239 --> 00:55:44,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure.

1256
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:47,719
Speaker 2: The way that she brought it up is just totally wrong. Yeah,

1257
00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:50,040
Speaker 2: because she could have said, like, hey, I feel like

1258
00:55:50,120 --> 00:55:51,640
Speaker 2: she didn't treat you well.

1259
00:55:51,680 --> 00:55:54,439
Speaker 3: Or you have passed spicy sleep history together.

1260
00:55:54,640 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, and like she's been known to have with her

1261
00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:00,520
Speaker 2: husband and with other men. So I just don't you know.

1262
00:56:00,640 --> 00:56:03,320
Speaker 3: The fact that you had this friendship and it seemed

1263
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:08,520
Speaker 3: like there was codependency tendencies in it. Yes, exactly small update.

1264
00:56:08,600 --> 00:56:11,200
Speaker 3: Yesterday I called Thomas. He didn't answer, so I texted

1265
00:56:11,239 --> 00:56:13,040
Speaker 3: him multiple times and he told me he was still

1266
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:15,160
Speaker 3: angry and asked me to leave him alone for the day.

1267
00:56:15,280 --> 00:56:18,160
Speaker 3: I respected his wishes. I spent the afternoon trying to

1268
00:56:18,200 --> 00:56:20,800
Speaker 3: catch up on all the comments on my first post.

1269
00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:23,000
Speaker 3: More and more people convinced me that her plans for

1270
00:56:23,080 --> 00:56:26,319
Speaker 3: New York were suspicious. Marie was probably trying to have

1271
00:56:26,360 --> 00:56:30,640
Speaker 3: another three her husband and Thomas, a huge assumption, so

1272
00:56:30,880 --> 00:56:35,080
Speaker 3: I messaged her. She messaged, Marie, Oh, okay, some drama

1273
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:38,080
Speaker 3: coming in. We're still Facebook friends, so I can contact

1274
00:56:38,080 --> 00:56:40,439
Speaker 3: her on Messenger to ask if we could talk, which

1275
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:43,520
Speaker 3: is like very much going behind your partner's best yah,

1276
00:56:44,239 --> 00:56:47,120
Speaker 3: especially when he's like being mad with you and wants space.

1277
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:49,360
Speaker 3: She was like, yeah, what's up? When I'm sure she

1278
00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:51,600
Speaker 3: knows about my arguments with Thomas. So I asked right

1279
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:54,439
Speaker 3: away why she didn't invite me to New York. This

1280
00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:57,560
Speaker 3: is going to go so poorly when Thomas finds out

1281
00:56:57,719 --> 00:56:59,759
Speaker 3: this is not the route to go, what do you do?

1282
00:57:01,719 --> 00:57:02,520
Speaker 2: You're so messy?

1283
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:05,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's pretty messy, she said. Thomas told me you

1284
00:57:06,040 --> 00:57:09,160
Speaker 3: had other plans, and I told her it's weird to

1285
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:12,040
Speaker 3: only invite one person when this Peers is in a

1286
00:57:12,120 --> 00:57:15,480
Speaker 3: serious relationship. And she didn't reply. So I asked, are

1287
00:57:15,560 --> 00:57:17,520
Speaker 3: you trying to have spicy sleep with Thomas?

1288
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:18,920
Speaker 2: Oh, Peter, frustrating me?

1289
00:57:19,320 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 3: What we're trying to defend you, Opie, We're trying to

1290
00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:25,120
Speaker 3: see from your stance and frying so hard.

1291
00:57:25,440 --> 00:57:27,280
Speaker 2: Who does that? Who sends that text?

1292
00:57:27,440 --> 00:57:33,520
Speaker 3: Oh? Messy? She said, reasonably, What are you crazy? I'm married?

1293
00:57:34,240 --> 00:57:37,040
Speaker 3: So I told her I know you already had three

1294
00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:40,080
Speaker 3: your husband, so I don't see how it's stopping you.

1295
00:57:40,960 --> 00:57:44,200
Speaker 3: Then she said, wait, he told you this is good

1296
00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:47,040
Speaker 3: it wow? I said yes, and she said I can't

1297
00:57:47,040 --> 00:57:49,880
Speaker 3: believe he told you that, and she stopped answering my

1298
00:57:49,960 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 3: messages after that.

1299
00:57:51,280 --> 00:57:53,600
Speaker 2: Now Marie is gonna go to the husband and say, hey,

1300
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:55,480
Speaker 2: why did you tell her that? That was like our

1301
00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:59,520
Speaker 2: private information about my life? And then the husband the

1302
00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:02,240
Speaker 2: boyfriend's got to go to pe and be like why

1303
00:58:02,240 --> 00:58:04,320
Speaker 2: did you talk to her and then and then they're

1304
00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:05,000
Speaker 2: going to break up?

1305
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 3: One you went behind my back to talk to her,

1306
00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:12,680
Speaker 3: bretting what I told you in privacy. Unbelievable, So I

1307
00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:13,840
Speaker 3: was really mad after that.

1308
00:58:13,960 --> 00:58:15,960
Speaker 2: Now I feel like we might be in breakup territory

1309
00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:17,240
Speaker 2: because the boyfriend my the.

1310
00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:19,640
Speaker 3: Boyfriend might break up with you, which is kind of reasonable.

1311
00:58:19,720 --> 00:58:22,640
Speaker 3: I tried to call Thomas again, but he didn't answer.

1312
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:25,720
Speaker 3: I went to bed crying, but I had an awful night.

1313
00:58:26,080 --> 00:58:28,040
Speaker 3: I missed him a lot, and I just wanted him

1314
00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:30,160
Speaker 3: to come home. And if you want to have a

1315
00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:32,520
Speaker 3: home with us, you can join us live on YouTube

1316
00:58:32,560 --> 00:58:35,080
Speaker 3: every other day at three point am PST. Just have

1317
00:58:35,280 --> 00:58:38,280
Speaker 3: our profile. There's another relevant update, but let's discuss this

1318
00:58:38,320 --> 00:58:43,200
Speaker 3: is getting fun he's getting This morning, Thomas called me.

1319
00:58:43,360 --> 00:58:46,920
Speaker 3: Of course he was obvious they but I messaged Marie

1320
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:49,560
Speaker 3: to ask her if he wanted to have splicy sleep

1321
00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:52,880
Speaker 3: with him, and how did a excuse that? I said,

1322
00:58:52,960 --> 00:58:55,240
Speaker 3: I didn't want to talk about it on the phone.

1323
00:58:55,240 --> 00:58:56,920
Speaker 3: I want to see him to have a calm discussion.

1324
00:58:57,240 --> 00:58:59,400
Speaker 3: He said he will come home in the afternoon after

1325
00:58:59,480 --> 00:59:02,160
Speaker 3: lunch with his family, but he didn't want to argue anymore,

1326
00:59:02,440 --> 00:59:04,480
Speaker 3: and I said I didn't want to argue either, but

1327
00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:06,840
Speaker 3: there's still much relevant stuff to talk about.

1328
00:59:06,880 --> 00:59:08,840
Speaker 2: There's so much stuff you need to talk about.

1329
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:11,080
Speaker 3: So now I'm waiting for him to come home. I'm

1330
00:59:11,080 --> 00:59:13,120
Speaker 3: really stressed about our talk, so I'm keeping all the

1331
00:59:13,160 --> 00:59:15,360
Speaker 3: advice that were giving to me. I really don't want

1332
00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:17,840
Speaker 3: to break up with him. He might break up with you, yeah,

1333
00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:19,640
Speaker 3: and I hope he will understand how I feel.

1334
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:22,040
Speaker 2: No, that's it.

1335
00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:23,760
Speaker 3: How are you going to end? There?

1336
00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:28,720
Speaker 2: No other updates? Sad, sad, sad. Yeah, I think that

1337
00:59:28,760 --> 00:59:32,160
Speaker 2: there's just been a lot of bad stuff happened right then.

1338
00:59:32,480 --> 00:59:34,000
Speaker 3: This so much bad stuff.

1339
00:59:34,520 --> 00:59:37,560
Speaker 2: My boyfriend's female friend is emotionally dependent on him.

1340
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:40,880
Speaker 3: It's ruining our relationship. I'm going to be so upset

1341
00:59:40,920 --> 00:59:41,360
Speaker 3: with this thing.

1342
00:59:41,880 --> 00:59:45,160
Speaker 2: Yep, thank you in advance for any advice for context

1343
00:59:45,160 --> 00:59:47,360
Speaker 2: as to why I would be worried in the first place.

1344
00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:50,720
Speaker 2: I twenty four female, have been dating my boyfriend, twenty

1345
00:59:50,720 --> 00:59:53,680
Speaker 2: four male for about seven months now, and he has

1346
00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:57,000
Speaker 2: a very close friend, twenty three female of about three years,

1347
00:59:57,080 --> 00:59:59,040
Speaker 2: who is seemingly a very nice.

1348
00:59:58,840 --> 01:00:02,360
Speaker 3: Girl seeming, but under the surface she's a witch.

1349
01:00:02,480 --> 01:00:05,400
Speaker 2: But the way they conducted. Their relationship cause problems for

1350
01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:07,760
Speaker 2: us in the past that have taken me a very

1351
01:00:07,880 --> 01:00:10,920
Speaker 2: long time to move on from, and I am still

1352
01:00:10,960 --> 01:00:13,600
Speaker 2: currently working on healing from. By the way, this comes

1353
01:00:13,600 --> 01:00:17,360
Speaker 2: from Deco Kim on the Okay Storytime suburditt. So no

1354
01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:20,480
Speaker 2: cheating of any sort happened, but they were a bit enmeshed.

1355
01:00:20,560 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 2: She seemed extremely dependent on him for emotional support, and

1356
01:00:23,960 --> 01:00:27,200
Speaker 2: he is the therapist's friend who makes himself always available.

1357
01:00:27,360 --> 01:00:30,200
Speaker 2: This friend is extremely anxious and has a load of

1358
01:00:30,240 --> 01:00:33,000
Speaker 2: other problems that I have mentioned quite a few times

1359
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:35,800
Speaker 2: to him that she should be seeking professional help for.

1360
01:00:36,080 --> 01:00:38,560
Speaker 2: But the main issue that she was having is that

1361
01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:40,320
Speaker 2: she has still hung up on an X that she

1362
01:00:40,480 --> 01:00:43,640
Speaker 2: ended things with about eight months ago, and her current

1363
01:00:43,720 --> 01:00:46,280
Speaker 2: dating life is not working out the way she wants

1364
01:00:46,280 --> 01:00:48,600
Speaker 2: to to. This has caused them to develop a relationship

1365
01:00:48,640 --> 01:00:51,280
Speaker 2: where she is heavily reliant on him to regulate her

1366
01:00:51,320 --> 01:00:54,800
Speaker 2: emotions and calls him daily and multiple times a day,

1367
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:57,240
Speaker 2: or for him to be the first person she calls

1368
01:00:57,240 --> 01:01:00,360
Speaker 2: when she's sad about something, which was seemingly every other

1369
01:01:00,400 --> 01:01:02,880
Speaker 2: day from what I was seeing. For example, my boyfriend

1370
01:01:02,920 --> 01:01:06,320
Speaker 2: screenshoted his callogues about three months into a relationship to

1371
01:01:06,360 --> 01:01:08,600
Speaker 2: show me that my call to him did not go through,

1372
01:01:08,880 --> 01:01:11,440
Speaker 2: and I saw for myself that not only had she

1373
01:01:11,560 --> 01:01:14,280
Speaker 2: called him every day, but that Friday she had called

1374
01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:17,600
Speaker 2: him at two am, then again at nine am, then

1375
01:01:17,640 --> 01:01:20,560
Speaker 2: again at three pm, and then again at six pm

1376
01:01:20,840 --> 01:01:22,800
Speaker 2: at the same time I tried to call him.

1377
01:01:22,640 --> 01:01:25,080
Speaker 3: So he kind of just outed himself. He was like, look, baby,

1378
01:01:25,120 --> 01:01:27,320
Speaker 3: I don't get your call while you get a thousand

1379
01:01:27,360 --> 01:01:28,840
Speaker 3: calls from my friend.

1380
01:01:28,880 --> 01:01:31,800
Speaker 2: Seeing this freaked me out for multiple reasons, including this

1381
01:01:31,960 --> 01:01:34,560
Speaker 2: at the time we were barely speaking on the phone.

1382
01:01:34,640 --> 01:01:36,640
Speaker 2: We had a discussion in which I let my boyfriend

1383
01:01:36,640 --> 01:01:38,720
Speaker 2: know that the calls were a bit excessive, but I

1384
01:01:38,720 --> 01:01:41,040
Speaker 2: don't mind the daily calls, as they choose to maintain

1385
01:01:41,080 --> 01:01:44,520
Speaker 2: the friendship with discord gaming calls and phone calls instead

1386
01:01:44,520 --> 01:01:47,200
Speaker 2: of hanging out in person frequently. But calling at two

1387
01:01:47,320 --> 01:01:50,280
Speaker 2: am for non emergency reasons was something that made me

1388
01:01:50,360 --> 01:01:55,280
Speaker 2: extremely uncomfortable, especially considering him not sleeping well was causing

1389
01:01:55,360 --> 01:01:58,080
Speaker 2: him health issues. He spoke with her and the super

1390
01:01:58,160 --> 01:02:00,640
Speaker 2: late calls stopped. He even said at the sleep routine

1391
01:02:00,640 --> 01:02:02,440
Speaker 2: on his iPhone so that she could not call him

1392
01:02:02,440 --> 01:02:05,040
Speaker 2: after a certain hour unless she called twice, and also

1393
01:02:05,080 --> 01:02:07,800
Speaker 2: we started calling each other more. As far as examples

1394
01:02:07,800 --> 01:02:10,840
Speaker 2: of how this relationship has affected our relationship, we had

1395
01:02:10,880 --> 01:02:12,840
Speaker 2: a date day about a week before I saw the

1396
01:02:12,880 --> 01:02:16,040
Speaker 2: aforementioned callogus, where he pretty much talked about her and

1397
01:02:16,080 --> 01:02:19,200
Speaker 2: her problems the entire day, even as we were cuddling

1398
01:02:19,280 --> 01:02:22,040
Speaker 2: before bed, including calling her on the phone right when

1399
01:02:22,040 --> 01:02:24,760
Speaker 2: he sat down after arriving so we could help her

1400
01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:27,920
Speaker 2: calm her anxiousness after a date she had answering our

1401
01:02:27,920 --> 01:02:30,200
Speaker 2: calls while we are together, we only hang out one

1402
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:32,920
Speaker 2: weekend day every week, and the calls were for her

1403
01:02:33,040 --> 01:02:35,280
Speaker 2: to chat about her day. That only went on a

1404
01:02:35,280 --> 01:02:37,360
Speaker 2: few times before he stopped after we had a big

1405
01:02:37,400 --> 01:02:40,560
Speaker 2: discussion about their friendship. We were unable to be intimate

1406
01:02:40,560 --> 01:02:42,800
Speaker 2: for a bit, and he mentioned at the time that

1407
01:02:43,080 --> 01:02:45,320
Speaker 2: I think what friend has been saying about how she

1408
01:02:45,360 --> 01:02:47,600
Speaker 2: doesn't want it to just be about spicy sleep with

1409
01:02:47,640 --> 01:02:49,480
Speaker 2: her next partner is getting to me.

1410
01:02:49,720 --> 01:02:54,200
Speaker 3: So he stopped having spicy sleep with op because his

1411
01:02:54,360 --> 01:02:58,080
Speaker 3: friend had some concern around spicy sleep. But that feels

1412
01:02:58,160 --> 01:02:58,800
Speaker 3: quite concerning.

1413
01:02:58,920 --> 01:03:02,120
Speaker 2: This is much more cause for concern than the last story,

1414
01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:05,360
Speaker 2: even if it's not a romantic problem or relationship here.

1415
01:03:05,760 --> 01:03:08,000
Speaker 2: I think it's just just kind of disrespectful. I mean,

1416
01:03:08,080 --> 01:03:10,360
Speaker 2: like if I were with a partner and they were

1417
01:03:10,400 --> 01:03:13,280
Speaker 2: just taking calls while I was there, I'd be like, okay,

1418
01:03:13,440 --> 01:03:15,160
Speaker 2: Like long calls would.

1419
01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:17,120
Speaker 3: Be kind of annoying. And then like have someone have

1420
01:03:17,160 --> 01:03:20,640
Speaker 3: a codependent relationship with him telling him about like their

1421
01:03:20,680 --> 01:03:22,200
Speaker 3: problems and like, and.

1422
01:03:22,120 --> 01:03:23,760
Speaker 2: Then you also have to weigh in on it and

1423
01:03:23,760 --> 01:03:24,800
Speaker 2: you're like okay.

1424
01:03:24,680 --> 01:03:27,800
Speaker 3: And seeking like for him to help her when any

1425
01:03:27,840 --> 01:03:32,120
Speaker 3: trigger comes up, and then him actually internalizing her concerns

1426
01:03:32,120 --> 01:03:35,720
Speaker 3: and having that affect your relationship like in drastic ways.

1427
01:03:36,480 --> 01:03:39,400
Speaker 2: Weird. Again, we only see each other once a week

1428
01:03:39,440 --> 01:03:42,120
Speaker 2: on the weekend due to his schedule, and occasionally twice,

1429
01:03:42,320 --> 01:03:45,160
Speaker 2: and he has mentioned potentially not hanging out with me

1430
01:03:45,720 --> 01:03:48,360
Speaker 2: in case he is too mentally tired, and when asked

1431
01:03:48,400 --> 01:03:50,000
Speaker 2: what he can do to prevent this in the future,

1432
01:03:50,160 --> 01:03:52,640
Speaker 2: the first thing he says is not take some of

1433
01:03:52,680 --> 01:03:55,400
Speaker 2: his friend's calls. On top of this, we were having

1434
01:03:55,440 --> 01:03:58,280
Speaker 2: issues because for about two months he stopped planning our

1435
01:03:58,360 --> 01:04:01,600
Speaker 2: dates or initiating hangouts, as according to him, we have

1436
01:04:01,640 --> 01:04:04,640
Speaker 2: a shared calendar, so I just assume we would be

1437
01:04:04,680 --> 01:04:07,280
Speaker 2: hanging out at some point during the weekend if we

1438
01:04:07,280 --> 01:04:09,720
Speaker 2: were both free. But after we had a discussion about this,

1439
01:04:09,880 --> 01:04:12,760
Speaker 2: he understood that him not initiating at all was making

1440
01:04:12,760 --> 01:04:14,480
Speaker 2: me feel like if I don't ask to see him,

1441
01:04:14,680 --> 01:04:17,919
Speaker 2: then I won't see him. I hate that. I hate that,

1442
01:04:18,840 --> 01:04:20,560
Speaker 2: just the like when you have to put all of

1443
01:04:20,600 --> 01:04:22,800
Speaker 2: the effort into seeing someone, it's.

1444
01:04:22,680 --> 01:04:25,520
Speaker 3: Like, no, yeah, in a relationship, you want to feel

1445
01:04:25,520 --> 01:04:27,720
Speaker 3: like your partner is putting an effort to like connect

1446
01:04:27,800 --> 01:04:29,680
Speaker 3: with you. That's like a bare minimum.

1447
01:04:29,680 --> 01:04:32,240
Speaker 2: A week later, he planned it outing with said friend

1448
01:04:32,320 --> 01:04:34,800
Speaker 2: and invited me along. Yes, I think it's fine to,

1449
01:04:35,240 --> 01:04:37,560
Speaker 2: you know, plan addings with your friends and your partners,

1450
01:04:37,600 --> 01:04:40,440
Speaker 2: but I just feel like he's not prioritizing her and

1451
01:04:40,520 --> 01:04:42,800
Speaker 2: the time that they do have. It's just about the friends, Dell.

1452
01:04:43,200 --> 01:04:45,960
Speaker 2: There are more incidents that happened that are similar, But

1453
01:04:46,040 --> 01:04:48,160
Speaker 2: about a month ago, out of the blue, he asked

1454
01:04:48,160 --> 01:04:50,000
Speaker 2: me if he could start hanging out with either of

1455
01:04:50,000 --> 01:04:53,280
Speaker 2: his two female friends alone. Hes introverted and in person

1456
01:04:53,320 --> 01:04:56,440
Speaker 2: interactions drain him, so he only hangs out with them

1457
01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:59,480
Speaker 2: in person about once or twice a month. These are

1458
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:02,160
Speaker 2: two sets friends who know of one another but are

1459
01:05:02,200 --> 01:05:05,840
Speaker 2: not friends due to clashing personalities. According to him, he

1460
01:05:05,880 --> 01:05:07,920
Speaker 2: had not talked to the friend this post is about

1461
01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:10,360
Speaker 2: for four days Friday through Monday as it, and they

1462
01:05:10,400 --> 01:05:13,000
Speaker 2: hadn't spoken on the phone and only sent one meme

1463
01:05:13,080 --> 01:05:15,680
Speaker 2: that Saturday, so he needed to catch up with her.

1464
01:05:15,960 --> 01:05:17,680
Speaker 2: And I'm not always free on the days they just

1465
01:05:17,720 --> 01:05:20,480
Speaker 2: want to grab a quick lunch. However, him asking this

1466
01:05:20,640 --> 01:05:22,840
Speaker 2: was still very off putting for me because from the

1467
01:05:22,920 --> 01:05:25,400
Speaker 2: beginning of a relationship he has had one on one

1468
01:05:25,440 --> 01:05:27,959
Speaker 2: time in person with both friends and I have never

1469
01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:30,760
Speaker 2: mentioned an issue with this. He has never consulted me

1470
01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:34,000
Speaker 2: about getting lunch before with either of them, nor have

1471
01:05:34,040 --> 01:05:36,640
Speaker 2: I asked him to, and just puts it on our calendar.

1472
01:05:36,920 --> 01:05:39,040
Speaker 2: With the other friend, they see each other twice a month,

1473
01:05:39,160 --> 01:05:41,560
Speaker 2: their choice, and they were like this before, me once

1474
01:05:41,640 --> 01:05:44,000
Speaker 2: alone and the other involving me because she likes to

1475
01:05:44,040 --> 01:05:46,200
Speaker 2: invite me along to outing for the friend. This post

1476
01:05:46,280 --> 01:05:48,680
Speaker 2: is about the main reason that they have not hung

1477
01:05:48,720 --> 01:05:51,120
Speaker 2: out alone in person as much is because she goes

1478
01:05:51,160 --> 01:05:53,160
Speaker 2: out of her way to ask him to invite me

1479
01:05:53,240 --> 01:05:55,840
Speaker 2: along to all the things they do in person. That

1480
01:05:56,160 --> 01:05:59,080
Speaker 2: just seems considerate. I feel like that's nice. Yeah, all

1481
01:05:59,120 --> 01:06:01,480
Speaker 2: of their phone calls and discord calls are just them

1482
01:06:01,560 --> 01:06:04,240
Speaker 2: ninety five percent of the time unless she specifically asks

1483
01:06:04,280 --> 01:06:06,560
Speaker 2: him to ask me if we can all game.

1484
01:06:06,440 --> 01:06:09,360
Speaker 3: Together the parson, this post is about. This is another

1485
01:06:09,560 --> 01:06:10,560
Speaker 3: female friend.

1486
01:06:10,640 --> 01:06:14,160
Speaker 2: It says, for the friend, this post is about the

1487
01:06:14,200 --> 01:06:16,560
Speaker 2: main reason that they have not hung out alone in

1488
01:06:16,560 --> 01:06:18,040
Speaker 2: person as much as because she goes out of her

1489
01:06:18,080 --> 01:06:18,920
Speaker 2: way to ask me.

1490
01:06:19,080 --> 01:06:21,080
Speaker 3: Okay, so the one he is a messed with.

1491
01:06:21,280 --> 01:06:22,920
Speaker 2: Is asking to hang out with Opie as well.

1492
01:06:22,920 --> 01:06:23,720
Speaker 3: Okay, that's a good sign.

1493
01:06:24,080 --> 01:06:26,680
Speaker 2: Honestly speaking, she has made a large effort to get

1494
01:06:26,680 --> 01:06:28,959
Speaker 2: to know me. Some would say a bit too much

1495
01:06:29,000 --> 01:06:30,760
Speaker 2: of an effort, as there was a month when I

1496
01:06:30,800 --> 01:06:33,000
Speaker 2: saw her more than my own boyfriend. But this is

1497
01:06:33,000 --> 01:06:34,920
Speaker 2: why my problem was not really with her, but more

1498
01:06:34,920 --> 01:06:37,640
Speaker 2: so my boyfriend. Yeah, it seems like she wants to

1499
01:06:37,640 --> 01:06:39,720
Speaker 2: be your friend because she's friends with your boyfriend. I

1500
01:06:39,720 --> 01:06:40,280
Speaker 2: think that's fair.

1501
01:06:40,480 --> 01:06:42,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, it seems like she's trying to be respectful of relationship.

1502
01:06:42,840 --> 01:06:45,560
Speaker 2: Again, I think the problem is the boyfriend, for sure.

1503
01:06:45,960 --> 01:06:49,200
Speaker 3: She's the one the ameshment is geared towards like her

1504
01:06:49,720 --> 01:06:52,200
Speaker 3: a meshing with him, not necessarily the other way around.

1505
01:06:52,400 --> 01:06:56,040
Speaker 3: So it's still her actions of her treating him as

1506
01:06:56,040 --> 01:06:57,000
Speaker 3: this codependent figure.

1507
01:06:57,120 --> 01:06:59,080
Speaker 2: Absolutely, that's yeah, that's a good point, so I guess

1508
01:06:59,080 --> 01:07:01,560
Speaker 2: it's still both. But it says that she's.

1509
01:07:01,440 --> 01:07:05,160
Speaker 3: Evolving ope doing the actions, and he's not putting boundaries down.

1510
01:07:05,240 --> 01:07:07,440
Speaker 2: And when I've tried to have discussions about boundaries that

1511
01:07:07,440 --> 01:07:09,680
Speaker 2: I've brought up in the past, he usually just says

1512
01:07:09,800 --> 01:07:12,520
Speaker 2: that his friend is a girl's girl and always asks

1513
01:07:12,560 --> 01:07:15,160
Speaker 2: if she's doing anything that makes me uncomfortable, which is

1514
01:07:15,240 --> 01:07:15,960
Speaker 2: nice on her part.

1515
01:07:16,280 --> 01:07:18,720
Speaker 3: That's good. I'm glad she's trying to respect Opie.

1516
01:07:18,760 --> 01:07:21,280
Speaker 2: We had a very long discussion about this friendship and

1517
01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:24,760
Speaker 2: our entire relationship, but ultimately it went well and allowed

1518
01:07:24,840 --> 01:07:27,000
Speaker 2: us to ask about a lot of things we should

1519
01:07:27,000 --> 01:07:29,520
Speaker 2: have discussed early on. The conclusion was that he has

1520
01:07:29,560 --> 01:07:31,720
Speaker 2: the right to hang out with his friends alone, and

1521
01:07:31,800 --> 01:07:34,720
Speaker 2: I'm okay with that, but as we discussed previously, he

1522
01:07:34,800 --> 01:07:36,800
Speaker 2: needs to take a slight step back from how he

1523
01:07:36,880 --> 01:07:41,000
Speaker 2: handles his friend's problems because it affects our relationship. However,

1524
01:07:41,240 --> 01:07:44,080
Speaker 2: a few days later, his friend messaged me directly asking

1525
01:07:44,120 --> 01:07:46,360
Speaker 2: if we could all get lunch together, which is very

1526
01:07:46,440 --> 01:07:48,560
Speaker 2: unusual for her to ask me about these kinds of

1527
01:07:48,560 --> 01:07:50,760
Speaker 2: group plans, and then when I mentioned to her that

1528
01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:53,320
Speaker 2: I recently talked with my boyfriend and I think they

1529
01:07:53,320 --> 01:07:55,600
Speaker 2: should get lunch alone because he mentioned they hadn't had

1530
01:07:55,600 --> 01:07:58,440
Speaker 2: a chance to catch up. Instead of being like, oh, okay,

1531
01:07:58,520 --> 01:08:01,000
Speaker 2: we'll all hang out some other time, she calls me

1532
01:08:01,080 --> 01:08:03,520
Speaker 2: the next time and basically says that she asked my

1533
01:08:03,560 --> 01:08:05,480
Speaker 2: boyfriend to ask me if they could hang out alone

1534
01:08:05,600 --> 01:08:07,800
Speaker 2: because she was sad that her other male friend was

1535
01:08:07,880 --> 01:08:10,240
Speaker 2: not answering her calls for the past two weeks and

1536
01:08:10,280 --> 01:08:12,680
Speaker 2: it made her feel like her friendships were changing and

1537
01:08:12,720 --> 01:08:15,320
Speaker 2: she didn't want to feel like our relationship was dictating

1538
01:08:15,400 --> 01:08:18,080
Speaker 2: her friendship with my boyfriend. So Opie was like, hey,

1539
01:08:18,120 --> 01:08:20,000
Speaker 2: you can hang out with him alone, like, don't worry

1540
01:08:20,040 --> 01:08:21,200
Speaker 2: about it, and then she was like, I.

1541
01:08:21,200 --> 01:08:23,200
Speaker 3: Don't want to get in the way of this relationship

1542
01:08:23,520 --> 01:08:25,280
Speaker 3: because I don't want it to hurt my friendship.

1543
01:08:25,479 --> 01:08:28,000
Speaker 2: This caused another discussion between me and my boyfriend, to

1544
01:08:28,040 --> 01:08:30,559
Speaker 2: which she explained, and I really do believe him that

1545
01:08:30,640 --> 01:08:33,240
Speaker 2: he had already been thinking about this because she hadn't

1546
01:08:33,240 --> 01:08:36,280
Speaker 2: been calling him as much in general. So I think

1547
01:08:36,320 --> 01:08:38,800
Speaker 2: that maybe what's happening is that she's trying to be

1548
01:08:39,160 --> 01:08:42,639
Speaker 2: respectful in other areas. Maybe they've already had conversations about

1549
01:08:42,640 --> 01:08:44,640
Speaker 2: how much she was calling him, and now she's like,

1550
01:08:44,800 --> 01:08:47,479
Speaker 2: I feel like I can't be friends with him because

1551
01:08:47,520 --> 01:08:50,120
Speaker 2: of your relationship. I think that might be what the friend.

1552
01:08:49,920 --> 01:08:51,760
Speaker 3: Is saying, But she's asked him all the hang out

1553
01:08:51,840 --> 01:08:54,599
Speaker 3: so that she could hang out with him because she's

1554
01:08:54,640 --> 01:08:57,000
Speaker 3: trying to be to considerate. Let's just read on.

1555
01:08:57,160 --> 01:08:58,880
Speaker 2: And so he called her first to ask if they

1556
01:08:58,880 --> 01:09:01,679
Speaker 2: could hang out sometime because they haven't actually chatted about

1557
01:09:01,680 --> 01:09:03,559
Speaker 2: what's been going on with her in a while, which

1558
01:09:03,640 --> 01:09:05,840
Speaker 2: led to her calling him back a day later, sad

1559
01:09:05,880 --> 01:09:08,479
Speaker 2: about the situation with the other friend and her asking

1560
01:09:08,520 --> 01:09:11,120
Speaker 2: to ask me if they could hang out alone. From

1561
01:09:11,120 --> 01:09:13,360
Speaker 2: what I know from speaking with her, she decided to

1562
01:09:13,360 --> 01:09:16,120
Speaker 2: delete all of her dating apps and detoks from social

1563
01:09:16,160 --> 01:09:19,000
Speaker 2: media and has been less depressed. I believe this is

1564
01:09:19,000 --> 01:09:21,719
Speaker 2: why she has not been calling my boyfriend as much anymore,

1565
01:09:21,920 --> 01:09:23,519
Speaker 2: but I did not want to point this out to

1566
01:09:23,560 --> 01:09:25,400
Speaker 2: my boyfriend, as I feel like it would make their

1567
01:09:25,400 --> 01:09:28,719
Speaker 2: friendship seem a certain way. The situation caused drama between

1568
01:09:28,760 --> 01:09:31,840
Speaker 2: them because she had caused issues in his previous relationships

1569
01:09:31,880 --> 01:09:34,760
Speaker 2: in a similar manner, i e. Bringing in his then

1570
01:09:34,880 --> 01:09:37,040
Speaker 2: current girlfriend to a place. She was very aware that

1571
01:09:37,080 --> 01:09:39,240
Speaker 2: his recent ex at the time hung out at this

1572
01:09:39,360 --> 01:09:42,680
Speaker 2: whole ordeal genuinely weirded me out, and I decided to

1573
01:09:42,680 --> 01:09:45,000
Speaker 2: take a step back from trying to become close with

1574
01:09:45,000 --> 01:09:48,320
Speaker 2: my boyfriend's friend, and according to him, she felt very

1575
01:09:48,400 --> 01:09:51,320
Speaker 2: guilty about the whole thing. She had stopped contacting me

1576
01:09:51,360 --> 01:09:53,479
Speaker 2: for about a month, and I believe this situation is

1577
01:09:53,520 --> 01:09:56,120
Speaker 2: why but has been trying to talk to me more recently,

1578
01:09:56,200 --> 01:09:58,160
Speaker 2: which I'm a bit unsure about if I want to

1579
01:09:58,160 --> 01:10:00,680
Speaker 2: continue to become closer with her, which you don't have to.

1580
01:10:00,920 --> 01:10:02,960
Speaker 3: Ugly old Bat says, I will need a nap after

1581
01:10:03,000 --> 01:10:04,280
Speaker 3: this story. That's how I'm feeling.

1582
01:10:04,479 --> 01:10:06,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean like there's just a lot of back

1583
01:10:06,800 --> 01:10:09,600
Speaker 2: and forth and just kind of it seems like the

1584
01:10:09,720 --> 01:10:12,120
Speaker 2: friend is trying to be considerate but is also worried

1585
01:10:12,120 --> 01:10:13,559
Speaker 2: about messing things up, and then.

1586
01:10:13,600 --> 01:10:16,920
Speaker 3: But he kind of is, you know, encroaching on the relationship,

1587
01:10:17,080 --> 01:10:20,759
Speaker 3: and then Macer's racers that she's either considerate or self pitying,

1588
01:10:21,160 --> 01:10:22,320
Speaker 3: which is kind of real.

1589
01:10:22,960 --> 01:10:25,920
Speaker 2: Everything that I've mentioned are things that I have talked

1590
01:10:25,920 --> 01:10:28,639
Speaker 2: to my boyfriend about and have not been bottling up.

1591
01:10:28,720 --> 01:10:31,360
Speaker 2: So our relationship has been getting back on track, and

1592
01:10:31,479 --> 01:10:34,439
Speaker 2: he himself realized that his friend was a little bit

1593
01:10:34,479 --> 01:10:36,920
Speaker 2: too dependent on him and that it really was affecting him.

1594
01:10:37,320 --> 01:10:39,439
Speaker 2: So he has been starting to change in that aspect

1595
01:10:39,439 --> 01:10:42,479
Speaker 2: as well. This is the current dilemma. He's been mentioning

1596
01:10:42,520 --> 01:10:45,240
Speaker 2: on and off getting the same job that she has

1597
01:10:45,360 --> 01:10:47,800
Speaker 2: at her current job, which would be very good for him,

1598
01:10:47,800 --> 01:10:49,920
Speaker 2: and he has a very strong chance of getting this role.

1599
01:10:50,120 --> 01:10:52,360
Speaker 2: He explained to me yesterday that after his trip at

1600
01:10:52,400 --> 01:10:53,840
Speaker 2: the end of the month, he will go ahead and

1601
01:10:53,880 --> 01:10:57,880
Speaker 2: submit his application. However, them working together makes me wonder

1602
01:10:57,920 --> 01:11:01,240
Speaker 2: how it will affect a relationship. Maybe it'll be better

1603
01:11:01,320 --> 01:11:03,200
Speaker 2: because she won't have to call him so much.

1604
01:11:03,240 --> 01:11:05,600
Speaker 3: They'll just chat at work. That's fair, unless it's like

1605
01:11:05,640 --> 01:11:07,759
Speaker 3: remote and then she's just gonna be calling him all workday.

1606
01:11:07,880 --> 01:11:09,760
Speaker 3: I think we just add to the same dynamics. It

1607
01:11:09,840 --> 01:11:11,360
Speaker 3: just feels like it would double the dynamic.

1608
01:11:11,520 --> 01:11:13,840
Speaker 2: His current work schedule is why we only see each

1609
01:11:13,840 --> 01:11:16,000
Speaker 2: other once a week, So this new job would allow

1610
01:11:16,080 --> 01:11:18,439
Speaker 2: us to see each other more, probably twice a week

1611
01:11:18,800 --> 01:11:20,800
Speaker 2: or three times if it's not too much for his

1612
01:11:20,880 --> 01:11:23,800
Speaker 2: mental health. As they are close friends, they will inevitably

1613
01:11:23,840 --> 01:11:26,080
Speaker 2: be getting lunch pretty much daily if they will be

1614
01:11:26,080 --> 01:11:28,599
Speaker 2: working on the same team in the same department, which

1615
01:11:28,640 --> 01:11:30,880
Speaker 2: is the goal. But in my opinion, I think all

1616
01:11:30,920 --> 01:11:33,320
Speaker 2: of the phone calls and whatnot would need to be

1617
01:11:33,360 --> 01:11:36,320
Speaker 2: toned down. I'm just very scared of our relationship turning

1618
01:11:36,360 --> 01:11:38,759
Speaker 2: back to what it was when she was more dependent

1619
01:11:38,880 --> 01:11:41,200
Speaker 2: on him. And he has a lot of great qualities,

1620
01:11:41,240 --> 01:11:44,040
Speaker 2: and honestly speaking, I am in love with him, but

1621
01:11:44,120 --> 01:11:46,160
Speaker 2: I do remember how I felt during the peak of

1622
01:11:46,200 --> 01:11:48,920
Speaker 2: those times, and so ultimately I know that I would

1623
01:11:49,000 --> 01:11:51,200
Speaker 2: leave him if things start going back to that place

1624
01:11:51,280 --> 01:11:54,519
Speaker 2: of where I'm feeling like he prioritizes her over our

1625
01:11:54,560 --> 01:11:57,600
Speaker 2: relationship and making me feel like a third wheel. But

1626
01:11:57,760 --> 01:12:00,479
Speaker 2: we would never make you guys feel like the Well,

1627
01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:02,559
Speaker 2: if you join us live every weekda at three pimo

1628
01:12:02,600 --> 01:12:04,519
Speaker 2: on YouTube, just tap her profile and there is a

1629
01:12:04,520 --> 01:12:06,759
Speaker 2: little bit left to the story. But what are your thoughts?

1630
01:12:07,000 --> 01:12:07,720
Speaker 2: What does op you do?

1631
01:12:07,920 --> 01:12:11,320
Speaker 3: It feels exhausting this whole thing. Also, Opie seems like

1632
01:12:11,560 --> 01:12:15,920
Speaker 3: pretty mature, pretty self aware, and is like approaching it

1633
01:12:16,120 --> 01:12:17,080
Speaker 3: front standpoint.

1634
01:12:17,439 --> 01:12:19,439
Speaker 2: Doesn't seem like she ever said like, oh I think

1635
01:12:19,479 --> 01:12:21,280
Speaker 2: they're cheating. It was just like I think he's they're

1636
01:12:21,280 --> 01:12:22,320
Speaker 2: too emotionally dependent.

1637
01:12:22,439 --> 01:12:25,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, it seems like one she's not jumping to conclusions.

1638
01:12:25,280 --> 01:12:28,320
Speaker 3: Two she's not making demands with her partner, so much

1639
01:12:28,360 --> 01:12:31,200
Speaker 3: better than the last story. But at the same time,

1640
01:12:31,200 --> 01:12:34,240
Speaker 3: if you're worried that their friendship will go back to

1641
01:12:34,280 --> 01:12:37,120
Speaker 3: being even as a mess as it was, or even

1642
01:12:37,160 --> 01:12:41,720
Speaker 3: more a messed, that's totally reasonable something that can be communicated.

1643
01:12:41,720 --> 01:12:44,000
Speaker 3: I imagine she would do it quite well, to be honest. Yeah,

1644
01:12:44,040 --> 01:12:45,840
Speaker 3: I mean she did this, but also yeah, and it

1645
01:12:45,840 --> 01:12:49,080
Speaker 3: seems like her partner is also respectful and aware of

1646
01:12:49,120 --> 01:12:51,960
Speaker 3: these things. And so I think just an honest conversation

1647
01:12:52,040 --> 01:12:53,840
Speaker 3: with both of them of like, hey, what type of

1648
01:12:53,840 --> 01:12:55,559
Speaker 3: friendship do you want with your friend? What are you

1649
01:12:55,640 --> 01:12:57,760
Speaker 3: not willing to put up? Just so you know, this

1650
01:12:57,880 --> 01:13:00,640
Speaker 3: relationship affects our real relationship.

1651
01:13:00,680 --> 01:13:02,679
Speaker 2: I didn't appreciate how you treated me in the past.

1652
01:13:02,880 --> 01:13:05,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, So like what boundaries can you put down and

1653
01:13:05,960 --> 01:13:06,639
Speaker 3: how will that look?

1654
01:13:06,800 --> 01:13:08,920
Speaker 2: Yeah? I think that just a little communication can go

1655
01:13:08,960 --> 01:13:12,400
Speaker 2: a long way in keeping this relationship going healthy and strong.

1656
01:13:12,840 --> 01:13:15,559
Speaker 2: Is this something I should even bring up? Absolutely? Or

1657
01:13:15,560 --> 01:13:17,160
Speaker 2: should I wait to see if this will even be

1658
01:13:17,160 --> 01:13:20,400
Speaker 2: an issue? Considering he has already actively been making changes

1659
01:13:20,439 --> 01:13:22,599
Speaker 2: with our relationship and his friendship. I think it's always

1660
01:13:22,680 --> 01:13:26,440
Speaker 2: okay to bring up things. You've got to premeditate those conversations.

1661
01:13:26,520 --> 01:13:29,680
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean like intimacy is being able to know

1662
01:13:29,760 --> 01:13:32,200
Speaker 3: each partner's world and what is going on inside of it.

1663
01:13:32,320 --> 01:13:33,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you don't want to wait until it is

1664
01:13:33,800 --> 01:13:35,880
Speaker 2: a problem. I want to explain to him that I

1665
01:13:35,920 --> 01:13:38,400
Speaker 2: have no problem with them getting lunches if they start

1666
01:13:38,439 --> 01:13:40,639
Speaker 2: working together, but I don't want it to turn into

1667
01:13:40,680 --> 01:13:42,880
Speaker 2: a thing whether they not only getting lunch daily, but

1668
01:13:42,920 --> 01:13:45,240
Speaker 2: still on the phone frequently and also starting to hang

1669
01:13:45,280 --> 01:13:47,679
Speaker 2: out more in general, because he has told me before

1670
01:13:47,760 --> 01:13:50,400
Speaker 2: when they're working together. When they first met, they used

1671
01:13:50,400 --> 01:13:52,640
Speaker 2: to do things together every week, and I guess a

1672
01:13:52,720 --> 01:13:55,240
Speaker 2: part of me fears how this will affect our relationship.

1673
01:13:55,400 --> 01:13:57,320
Speaker 2: I think, deep down, I began to feel like he

1674
01:13:57,360 --> 01:13:59,320
Speaker 2: had feelings for her when all of the other stuff

1675
01:13:59,400 --> 01:14:01,960
Speaker 2: was happening, and it still affects me, even though I've

1676
01:14:01,960 --> 01:14:04,360
Speaker 2: healed a lot from that. And also I know he

1677
01:14:04,400 --> 01:14:07,240
Speaker 2: has never slept with any of his friends or dated them,

1678
01:14:07,400 --> 01:14:10,000
Speaker 2: and that is the end of that story. And props

1679
01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:12,320
Speaker 2: to Opey for being like I had those feelings. I

1680
01:14:12,400 --> 01:14:13,400
Speaker 2: know that he'd never do that,