1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,040 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:38,440 Speaker 2: On this week's episode in her Space. You know we 12 00:00:38,479 --> 00:00:41,360 Speaker 2: are supposed to be practicing. They say it's social distancing, 13 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:43,480 Speaker 2: but I really think the right word that we should 14 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,879 Speaker 2: be using is physical distancing. We are human beings, right, 15 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,200 Speaker 2: we need to be social, and so you know, being 16 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:52,080 Speaker 2: social can look like you facetimeing your family, right or 17 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:55,600 Speaker 2: hopping on online and chatting with folks. So I think 18 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,720 Speaker 2: maybe taking a walk could be a good thing too, 19 00:00:57,760 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 2: Even if you're not going to be interacting with people, 20 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 2: can still go outside to get fresh air to exercise. 21 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,880 Speaker 2: So I think just getting outside, taking a moment to 22 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:09,119 Speaker 2: be with yourself and being mindful what type of content 23 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:14,000 Speaker 2: you're putting into your spirit that is so important. Today's 24 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,640 Speaker 2: episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration, or 25 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:21,440 Speaker 2: even a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments 26 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:24,720 Speaker 2: or if you feel comforted throughout the episode, lady, please 27 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,560 Speaker 2: leave us a review and tell us what we're doing 28 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,960 Speaker 2: right so we can stay on track. Also, we release 29 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,479 Speaker 2: episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe on iTunes 30 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,360 Speaker 2: and visit herspace podcast dot com and enter your email 31 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,039 Speaker 2: address to get updates about our live events and all 32 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,720 Speaker 2: the new beginnings that we have for this year. 33 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:47,000 Speaker 1: Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women 34 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:52,240 Speaker 1: like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Brussard, a college 35 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,680 Speaker 1: professor and psychologist. 36 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 37 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:03,440 Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 38 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 39 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:11,680 Speaker 2: fibroids to fake friends, and create a safe space where 40 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,600 Speaker 2: black women can just be. 41 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:23,639 Speaker 3: Hey girl, Hey, it's Terry here from the Heirspace podcast. 42 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:27,800 Speaker 3: Every Wednesday, I release a Wisdom Wednesday mini episode that'll 43 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,640 Speaker 3: give you the quick boost you need to get you 44 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 3: through hump day. Visit herspacepodcast dot com and click the 45 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:38,440 Speaker 3: Wisdom Wednesday with terrylink under start here to get your 46 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:40,600 Speaker 3: weekly gems. I hope to see you there. 47 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:46,640 Speaker 2: Okay, lady, we are in such an interesting time in 48 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:50,520 Speaker 2: the world, and Dom and I we chatted about this 49 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:54,640 Speaker 2: when we first heard about this COVID nineteen pandemic, and 50 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,120 Speaker 2: we said, you know, we want herspace to be a 51 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,520 Speaker 2: safe hay when we want to kind of talk about 52 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,800 Speaker 2: things other than what's going on. But as life continues 53 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,480 Speaker 2: to move on, this continues to be such a big 54 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,320 Speaker 2: focal point in all of our lives. It's like the 55 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:11,119 Speaker 2: one thing that's connecting us together. And so we really 56 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:14,080 Speaker 2: wanted to take an opportunity this week to chat about 57 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,560 Speaker 2: how to maximize our time and uplift our spirit while 58 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:21,640 Speaker 2: we're practicing going to use air quotes here social distancing. 59 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,240 Speaker 2: So our goal today is just really to give you 60 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:27,560 Speaker 2: a fresh perspective on some ideas that you can implement 61 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:31,160 Speaker 2: in your life today to help with this predicament that 62 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:35,480 Speaker 2: we're in. Because we do believe that although there may 63 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:39,440 Speaker 2: be an inconvenient and a tragic experience right for some folks, 64 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:41,760 Speaker 2: there is always a silver lining. And we do have 65 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 2: to have hope in order to keep pushing. So Dom's 66 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:46,520 Speaker 2: going to take it away and give us our quote 67 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 2: of the day and then we're going to dive on in. 68 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:54,600 Speaker 1: And our quote of the day comes from Miss Jane Fonda. 69 00:03:56,080 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 1: The challenge is not to be perfect, it's to be whole. 70 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:08,440 Speaker 1: To be whole. When I hear that, I hear that 71 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 1: right now is a good time for us to center 72 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 1: ourselves and focus on going inward and figuring out what changes, 73 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:30,080 Speaker 1: what adaptations we can make in our lives to get 74 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:34,080 Speaker 1: to a space where we do feel whole. 75 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,559 Speaker 4: How about you, t When you hear that, what comes 76 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:38,240 Speaker 4: to mind for you? 77 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really good quote down I feel like 78 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:44,480 Speaker 2: for me, it feels like it's one of those quotes 79 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,680 Speaker 2: wheres like the story of my life where I'm like ooh, 80 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:52,320 Speaker 2: as a recovering perfectionist and one that has always been 81 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,200 Speaker 2: I've kind of been raised that way right to have 82 00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:58,640 Speaker 2: everything perfect and to do the best that I can 83 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,919 Speaker 2: and if it's not perfect, it's not worth right. And 84 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 2: so for me, that is like a ground shaking quote 85 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:08,000 Speaker 2: for me, and it's like, ooh, what does wholeness even mean? 86 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:08,240 Speaker 1: Right? 87 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:10,599 Speaker 2: It makes me think about what does wholeness mean to 88 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:14,560 Speaker 2: an individual? And so I think it's a very concise 89 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:18,080 Speaker 2: but powerful quote that we can all really lean into 90 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:22,320 Speaker 2: at this moment and time where the world is really 91 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,039 Speaker 2: on pause like never before. 92 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:28,760 Speaker 1: Yes, I agree, I think that I like what you 93 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:30,880 Speaker 1: said about. 94 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:34,120 Speaker 4: A recovering perfectionist right. 95 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:38,160 Speaker 1: That, And I think that I identify with that too 96 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:42,320 Speaker 1: in terms of like just growing up feeling like you 97 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:46,480 Speaker 1: had to be perfect and knowing that that sense of 98 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:51,360 Speaker 1: perfectionism led to a lot of anxiety, and for some 99 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:56,760 Speaker 1: of us, that strive for perfection has led to depression 100 00:05:56,880 --> 00:06:02,800 Speaker 1: because we weren't ever able to and never will be 101 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:07,440 Speaker 1: able to achieve perfection. I think what it also does, though, 102 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,600 Speaker 1: is it can send people in a couple of different directions. 103 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:16,400 Speaker 1: And so one of those directions is this sense of 104 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:21,720 Speaker 1: not accomplishing anything because you're so afraid of it not 105 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:25,080 Speaker 1: being perfect that it's easier to just not do it 106 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 1: at all. Another direction that people can go in is 107 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: they take on everything and they keep piling on and 108 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:40,880 Speaker 1: piling on, which still prevents them from achieving that sense 109 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:44,279 Speaker 1: of perfection. But then when they don't achieve that perfection, 110 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:49,640 Speaker 1: they can say, oh, well, it's because I had twenty 111 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,040 Speaker 1: things on my to do list, So how was I 112 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:53,640 Speaker 1: going to be able to achieve perfection? 113 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:57,560 Speaker 2: Dom? You sharing that and makes me think about when 114 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 2: I would do homework as a kid. Right, For me, 115 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:04,440 Speaker 2: homework time at you know, at home after school was 116 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:09,240 Speaker 2: a very stressful, anxiety inducing experience. And for me, I 117 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:10,880 Speaker 2: just want to kind of paint this picture of what 118 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:15,240 Speaker 2: perfectionism looked like for me and where it stemmed from, 119 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:18,240 Speaker 2: like this deep I want to say, dark obsession with 120 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:21,720 Speaker 2: things being perfect, which is typically unattainable. Right, But I 121 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,760 Speaker 2: would be the kid that's doing homework and if I 122 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:29,920 Speaker 2: made a mistake in pencil on my homework assignment, my 123 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 2: mom will go off. We had to erase that thing 124 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:36,560 Speaker 2: and make it damn near perfect. And so because of that, 125 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:40,640 Speaker 2: those instances of having to erase things to perfection and 126 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 2: having no marks on my paper, I became that kid 127 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 2: where I'm writing on a piece of paper. So dom, 128 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 2: imagine that loose leaf paper, right we used to have 129 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,520 Speaker 2: in school. Yeah, you're writing on paper, and you know 130 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 2: you start off in the top corner, you write your date, 131 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,640 Speaker 2: you write your name, right, if you're using MLA, that 132 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:58,119 Speaker 2: might be you know it might be a little different, 133 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,280 Speaker 2: but you write your information up there, and if I 134 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,560 Speaker 2: made a mistake, oh, I crinkled the paper up and 135 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,800 Speaker 2: I started fresh. And so that was a constant thing 136 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,400 Speaker 2: for me of like, oh, if there are any blemishes, 137 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:12,240 Speaker 2: if there are any imperfections, it's not good enough. And 138 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:16,640 Speaker 2: so that came through in my work with myself or 139 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,440 Speaker 2: my body. Right, So when I had breakouts, when I 140 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 2: got a scar, I mean, it was this devastating moment 141 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:24,080 Speaker 2: of oh my gosh, it's no longer perfect. And so 142 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,400 Speaker 2: when you said what you said, Domin, I think about 143 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,520 Speaker 2: wholeness that we talked about in that quote and what 144 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:32,960 Speaker 2: it means to be whole. For me, that means wholeness 145 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:37,079 Speaker 2: includes everything. It's like it's multifaceted. It's the good and 146 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,360 Speaker 2: the not so good, right, it's the imperfections, right, it's 147 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,720 Speaker 2: the true essence of who we are, and it's all 148 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:44,880 Speaker 2: of the things that make us who we are. And 149 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 2: so for me, that includes the mistakes, the scars, right, 150 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:52,080 Speaker 2: the things that we were told are not perfect. But 151 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:57,280 Speaker 2: wholeness is everything exactly. It's about embracing all of that. 152 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:02,440 Speaker 2: And I think about this time that we're in, right, 153 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:08,640 Speaker 2: now where we're all at home, and if we are 154 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:11,840 Speaker 2: at home and we're not we're not able to go 155 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:18,080 Speaker 2: and be quote unquote busy, right, So we're not able 156 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:22,440 Speaker 2: to occupy our time with all of the extra things 157 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:25,120 Speaker 2: in life that we tend to add to our lives. 158 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:29,160 Speaker 2: This provides us with For some of us, at least, 159 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:34,000 Speaker 2: it feels like extra time. And I look at this 160 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:39,520 Speaker 2: extra time as an opportunity to tap into and explore 161 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,199 Speaker 2: what makes us hold. 162 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:47,079 Speaker 1: So team, Like, let's let's dive in. I'm excited to 163 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:51,239 Speaker 1: kind of dive into this about how we can utilize 164 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:58,280 Speaker 1: this time to really like plant the seeds or I 165 00:09:58,320 --> 00:09:58,599 Speaker 1: don't know. 166 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:02,679 Speaker 4: I'm not a gardener, so my analogy is not about 167 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:05,440 Speaker 4: the outcome. Let me not even try it. 168 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,120 Speaker 2: We're walking with you, Okay, I. 169 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,760 Speaker 1: Feel myself going there, and I was like planning, planning 170 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,800 Speaker 1: the sea, filling the soil. 171 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,839 Speaker 4: I don't know enough about gardening, so let me stop. 172 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,920 Speaker 1: But you get the picture that I'm trying to pay right, 173 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:26,680 Speaker 1: that we are going to take this time to really 174 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,439 Speaker 1: pour into ourselves. 175 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, down, I think you made a good point, like 176 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:35,439 Speaker 2: this is an opportunity. Yes, it's a sad situation, right, 177 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,800 Speaker 2: for a lot of people because people are impacted by 178 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:41,000 Speaker 2: COVID nineteen and so it's one of those situations in 179 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:44,840 Speaker 2: life where it's like you're presented with something and we 180 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:50,360 Speaker 2: kind of have to encourage ourselves to see the opportunity, 181 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,840 Speaker 2: if that makes sense, right, Once we kind of you know, 182 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,680 Speaker 2: I don't know now I'm torn because, like we talked 183 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:58,240 Speaker 2: about before we started recording, there are so many people 184 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:03,200 Speaker 2: out there that have various home lives right there are 185 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,640 Speaker 2: not maybe in an ideal state, and so we're going 186 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:08,280 Speaker 2: to share with you some things that you can focus 187 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,480 Speaker 2: on while we're in this time of being at home. 188 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,640 Speaker 2: But we do want to take a moment to just 189 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:18,640 Speaker 2: hold space for people that are in abusive relationships and 190 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 2: they have to be in the house with their abusive 191 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:24,560 Speaker 2: partner or their abusive family members, or maybe you just 192 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,880 Speaker 2: don't have a comfortable home environment where you don't have 193 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,280 Speaker 2: your own space. I remember when I was younger and 194 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,440 Speaker 2: we had you know, we were living in a one 195 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,840 Speaker 2: bedroom shelter and I came home from school and it 196 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,480 Speaker 2: wasn't a safe haven, you know, it was uncomfortable. I 197 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,280 Speaker 2: had to go take a bath and put on my headphones, 198 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 2: and that was the only space that I have for myself, right, 199 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:45,880 Speaker 2: So I really think it's important for all of us 200 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:49,560 Speaker 2: to just think about the people that don't have the 201 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,440 Speaker 2: ideal home life and the ideal situation. Right, maybe they 202 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,680 Speaker 2: don't have food, or they don't have the finances to 203 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,960 Speaker 2: make it a comfortable environment, and let's just hold space 204 00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 2: and just all together like send them positive vibes because 205 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,760 Speaker 2: because there are a lot of people out there that 206 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,640 Speaker 2: are kind of stuck in situations that are not ideal. 207 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:09,120 Speaker 1: Yes, and thank you for holding that space, Terry. I 208 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:13,800 Speaker 1: think that it's important to acknowledge that for people that 209 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:20,480 Speaker 1: have no choice in their current home environment, that there 210 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:25,240 Speaker 1: are resources where you can get some assistance and you 211 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:30,560 Speaker 1: can use safe words to allow yourself to communicate with 212 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:36,199 Speaker 1: people without having to fear putting yourself in further danger. 213 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,440 Speaker 1: And so what we'll do in the show notes is 214 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:43,679 Speaker 1: we will include some of that information links to some 215 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,040 Speaker 1: of those resources. 216 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,439 Speaker 2: And don really quick before we dive into the first one, 217 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,800 Speaker 2: what exactly I think I know what a safe word is, 218 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:51,680 Speaker 2: but in the context of this, what exactly is a 219 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:53,640 Speaker 2: safe word and how does that work? 220 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:57,839 Speaker 1: So right now, for a lot of people who are 221 00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:02,560 Speaker 1: seeing a mental health professional, they've moved to online or 222 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:06,439 Speaker 1: phone therapy, and so one of the things that we've 223 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:10,800 Speaker 1: discussed with at least where I work, what we've discussed 224 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:14,160 Speaker 1: with clients is if you were in a situation where 225 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:18,079 Speaker 1: you don't feel safe and we are trying to have 226 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:23,000 Speaker 1: a therapy session, that you and your therapists establish a 227 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:27,720 Speaker 1: word that lets the therapist know that you can say it, 228 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 1: or word or phrase that seems pretty innocuous, and you 229 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,319 Speaker 1: and your therapist know what that word or phrase is, 230 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:42,080 Speaker 1: so that when you say it, your therapist knows that 231 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,599 Speaker 1: you are no longer in a safe space, that you 232 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:50,559 Speaker 1: no longer feel safe to continue the conversation and so yeah, 233 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:54,320 Speaker 1: so it's something that allows the person to continue to 234 00:13:54,440 --> 00:14:00,360 Speaker 1: engage with therapy, but also cluing the therapist into Okay, 235 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:04,760 Speaker 1: my abusive partner has walked into the room. I can't 236 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,679 Speaker 1: continue this conversation in the way we were discussing. 237 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:12,400 Speaker 2: It got you. Thank you, Dom, I appreciate that. Okay, 238 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,880 Speaker 2: shall we dive into our first sort of recommendation on 239 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 2: what folks should focus on during this time? Dom, Shall 240 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:19,840 Speaker 2: we dive in? 241 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,520 Speaker 4: Yes, let's go ahead and dive in. 242 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:27,800 Speaker 1: So our first tip is to engage in self care. 243 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:32,920 Speaker 1: So and we say that because we want to acknowledge that. 244 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,800 Speaker 1: So for at this point, at this point, for most 245 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:39,880 Speaker 1: of us, we've been home for a couple of weeks now, right, 246 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:44,280 Speaker 1: and for most of us, we're at that point where 247 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:49,520 Speaker 1: we're realizing that, Wait, maybe I mean I've been exhausted, 248 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:53,280 Speaker 1: or maybe I've been doing a lot, doing the most, 249 00:14:53,360 --> 00:15:00,200 Speaker 1: doing too much, right, and I've been doing all the 250 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,000 Speaker 1: things except taking care of myself. 251 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,560 Speaker 4: And if I'm going. 252 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 1: To have use this opportunity to reset, then pouring into 253 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:17,360 Speaker 1: myself is what's gonna help me to have the energy 254 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:24,040 Speaker 1: and have the helpful mindset to do a reset. 255 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 2: Dom, you know it's coming. How you been practicing self care? 256 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:34,280 Speaker 1: Girl? For me, self care has looked like having a 257 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:39,400 Speaker 1: good routine, so making sure and I you know, y'all 258 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,280 Speaker 1: hear me talk about this all the time about the 259 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:46,160 Speaker 1: importance of sleep. Right, I can't, I truly cannot stress 260 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,920 Speaker 1: that enough. So for me, it really is making sure 261 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:53,000 Speaker 1: that I get enough sleep. And honestly, since I'm not 262 00:15:53,240 --> 00:16:02,440 Speaker 1: commuting to work anymore, I'm getting more sleep. And it feels, yes, 263 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:07,240 Speaker 1: I really appreciate like I used to prioritize, like, Okay, wait, 264 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:10,720 Speaker 1: I need to get seven hours of sleep now I'm 265 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,320 Speaker 1: in some nights I was good about that other nights 266 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:16,880 Speaker 1: I'm maybe six six and a half. But now I 267 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:21,520 Speaker 1: truly am getting at least seven hours of sleep and 268 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:24,760 Speaker 1: I'm waking up later. And so I think that that 269 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:28,160 Speaker 1: has been helpful as well. I think something else that 270 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:34,320 Speaker 1: I've been doing that I recently did. I had several 271 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:40,480 Speaker 1: like video chats with friends and family, and I think 272 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:41,800 Speaker 1: in the coming weeks I'm going. 273 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,480 Speaker 4: To be adding more of that, of. 274 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:50,440 Speaker 1: More video chats with friends and family to stay in touch. 275 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:54,280 Speaker 1: And I think what's really been helpful about that is 276 00:16:54,320 --> 00:17:01,920 Speaker 1: that it allows me to actually see people. And after 277 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,480 Speaker 1: the first couple of times of doing it, I was like, wait, 278 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,040 Speaker 1: why haven't I Why have I not been doing this 279 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:11,359 Speaker 1: with folks a long time? Why didn't I start this. 280 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,200 Speaker 4: A long time ago? 281 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:15,840 Speaker 1: Particularly with my friends and family that live further away 282 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,720 Speaker 1: and that I don't get to visit as often as 283 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:21,080 Speaker 1: I'd like. So that's some of the ways for me. 284 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:27,040 Speaker 1: Having that routine where I'm getting enough sleep, where I'm exercising, 285 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 1: and making time to video chat with friends and family 286 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:35,440 Speaker 1: has been my form of self care. 287 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:36,639 Speaker 4: What about for you? 288 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,120 Speaker 2: So for me now I'm with you, structure is so key. 289 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:43,600 Speaker 2: So I have been getting dressed in the morning even 290 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,640 Speaker 2: though I'm not going to work. I'm with you where 291 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,600 Speaker 2: it's like I don't have to commute now, so I 292 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,480 Speaker 2: have a lot more time, it feels like in the morning, 293 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,480 Speaker 2: so I actually get up and get dressed for work 294 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:54,879 Speaker 2: and look presentable because we do a lot of video 295 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,600 Speaker 2: chats and I find that for me getting up and 296 00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,800 Speaker 2: getting dressed it just makes me feel I don't know, 297 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,480 Speaker 2: it just makes me feel legit right, like it just 298 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,879 Speaker 2: makes me feel like, Okay, I'm actually going to the 299 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,040 Speaker 2: office to do work, and it's not as easy to 300 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:11,359 Speaker 2: slack off or just stay in the bed, because when 301 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,080 Speaker 2: you're dressed up, don't nobody want to be laying in 302 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,880 Speaker 2: bed with that you know, outside clothes on and we're 303 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,760 Speaker 2: you know, looking presentable. I want to be comfortable and 304 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,320 Speaker 2: chill in the bed. So I would say that for sure, 305 00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:23,119 Speaker 2: getting dressed for work for me. I'm also trying to 306 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,640 Speaker 2: work out three times a week, so I do that virtually, 307 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:29,679 Speaker 2: either with an online class or working with the trainer 308 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:31,439 Speaker 2: that I was working with before. We just meet on 309 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:34,640 Speaker 2: Zoom and we do workout and that's been so good 310 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,320 Speaker 2: for me to just move my body since I'm sitting 311 00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:41,000 Speaker 2: down a lot throughout the day. Dom, I have been 312 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:45,240 Speaker 2: binge watching shows on Netflix. I never thought i'd watched Girl. 313 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,560 Speaker 2: Me and my husband have been just binge watching everything. Okay, 314 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,879 Speaker 2: Like for what I need to know? I need to 315 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,479 Speaker 2: know because I've been binge watching some stuff too. So 316 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 2: what have you been watching? So we watch Self Made? 317 00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:59,560 Speaker 2: That was great, So that was nice. I still need 318 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:01,439 Speaker 2: to watch the other show that you recommended for me, 319 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,479 Speaker 2: but Girl, we don't want Girl. We got caught up 320 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:04,280 Speaker 2: in Tiger King. 321 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,600 Speaker 1: Oh, I need to watch that. Everybody keeps talking about that. 322 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,439 Speaker 1: Self Made will be watched by the end of this 323 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:11,119 Speaker 1: week for me. 324 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,919 Speaker 2: Yes, and Dom when you watch Tiger King. So the 325 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,719 Speaker 2: thing about it is, I watched it was very It 326 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 2: was like a train wreck that you just can't take 327 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,720 Speaker 2: your eyes off of. But here's the thing. When I 328 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,919 Speaker 2: watched it, I felt like I put my dome, my 329 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,479 Speaker 2: doctor Dom had on because I was looking at the 330 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:29,840 Speaker 2: psychological aspect of things and how there were so many 331 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:31,840 Speaker 2: like we got to do an episode. We may have 332 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,359 Speaker 2: to do an episode about that once't you watch it 333 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 2: down let me know, because girl saw a lot of 334 00:19:35,119 --> 00:19:37,680 Speaker 2: narcissistic behavior in there, and I was just like, oh lord, 335 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,560 Speaker 2: it was deep. Oh it was very deepful. 336 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,960 Speaker 4: Okay, now I'm intrigued. I'm like, I need to watch this. 337 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,520 Speaker 2: Oh, Dom, you have to and we got to process 338 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:46,840 Speaker 2: it together, so please let me know. 339 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:48,680 Speaker 4: Okay, Okay. 340 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:50,880 Speaker 2: I would say also for me, Dom, I'm with you 341 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,760 Speaker 2: doing the facetimes with my family, so doing group FaceTime, 342 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:56,120 Speaker 2: just being in touch more with people that I usually 343 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,600 Speaker 2: don't talk to as much because we're so busy. 344 00:19:58,800 --> 00:19:58,960 Speaker 3: Right. 345 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 2: I would also say the other thing, girl, like do 346 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:06,480 Speaker 2: my meditation, meal prepping, eating healthy, and then girl taking baths, 347 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:10,120 Speaker 2: Like I took a bath. I had some bad cramps 348 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,720 Speaker 2: earlier and I just took a bath in the morning 349 00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,320 Speaker 2: before work, which I like never do, and it just 350 00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:17,560 Speaker 2: felt so good just to be in there chilling and 351 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:20,280 Speaker 2: have my candle lit, my little incense and just get 352 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,520 Speaker 2: in my mind like before the day. So those are 353 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,320 Speaker 2: some of the things that I'm doing to practice self care. 354 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:25,840 Speaker 4: Those are excellent. 355 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:29,720 Speaker 1: One of the things that, as you mentioned, like taking 356 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,520 Speaker 1: a hot bath. One of the things that I thought 357 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:35,560 Speaker 1: about is like, what if you were in a household where. 358 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,040 Speaker 4: There's where there's multiple people. 359 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,040 Speaker 1: And how how were you really gonna take care of 360 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:44,119 Speaker 1: yourself when there's multiple people. So one of the things 361 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:48,520 Speaker 1: that I like to suggest to folks is to shut 362 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:52,160 Speaker 1: yourself in the bathroom. You know, you mentioned it earlier too, 363 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:57,200 Speaker 1: of when y'all were living in the one bedroom apartment 364 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:03,440 Speaker 1: where bath time was that was your time, right, And 365 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:07,680 Speaker 1: so I think that's one way to definitely get that 366 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:12,479 Speaker 1: quiet time that you need and be able to like 367 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:16,159 Speaker 1: pour into yourself while you're simultaneously doing something that we 368 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,600 Speaker 1: all have to do, and that is take care of 369 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:23,320 Speaker 1: our personal hygiene, right, So you're kind of like multitasking. 370 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,520 Speaker 2: Okay, that's a good point, Tom, I do want to add, 371 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:29,680 Speaker 2: you know, we are supposed to be practicing They say 372 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,480 Speaker 2: it's social distancing, but I really think the right word 373 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,280 Speaker 2: that we should be using is physical distancing. We are 374 00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:37,760 Speaker 2: human beings, right, we need to be social, and so 375 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,639 Speaker 2: you know, being social can look like you FaceTime in 376 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:44,280 Speaker 2: your family, right, or hopping on online and chatting with folks. 377 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:46,600 Speaker 2: So I think maybe taking a walk could be a 378 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,080 Speaker 2: good thing too, even if you're not going to be 379 00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:51,360 Speaker 2: interacting with people. We can still go outside to get 380 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,560 Speaker 2: fresh air to exercise. So I think just getting outside, 381 00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,960 Speaker 2: taking a moment to be with yourself and being mindful 382 00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:00,720 Speaker 2: what type of content you're putting into your spirit that 383 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:04,239 Speaker 2: is so important. Right before this happened, Donald, we had 384 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,280 Speaker 2: this like stay at home mandate. I did a very 385 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:10,359 Speaker 2: thorough clean of my Instagram and I unfollowed just about 386 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,800 Speaker 2: everybody and I only followed accounts that aligned with the 387 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,320 Speaker 2: goals that I had because sometimes you know how it 388 00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:18,359 Speaker 2: is when you see something on Instagram, you get wrapped 389 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 2: in and then you're comparing yourself, or you just see 390 00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:23,159 Speaker 2: something that doesn't that rubs you the wrong way and 391 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:25,480 Speaker 2: you think about it later. I just really wanted to 392 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:28,800 Speaker 2: curate content that just really spoke to my spirit. And 393 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,240 Speaker 2: so don when I tell you that I went from 394 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,000 Speaker 2: following probably hundreds of thousands of people to like twenty 395 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,919 Speaker 2: six people right now, my feed it is so clean, 396 00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,359 Speaker 2: it is so positive. Everything I see on my feed 397 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:42,600 Speaker 2: is something I like. Like, I like everything on my 398 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,640 Speaker 2: feed because I've curated it that way. So I would say, 399 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:48,439 Speaker 2: whether you're listening to other podcasts or you're listening to 400 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,960 Speaker 2: YouTube videos, turn the news off right you can tune 401 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:53,840 Speaker 2: into the news here and there to get the you know, 402 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,119 Speaker 2: the most important updates, but turn that off and listen 403 00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:59,399 Speaker 2: to something that is going to feed your spirit. Also, 404 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:02,720 Speaker 2: I'm really excited to share this, but y'all, Dom and 405 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:06,520 Speaker 2: I went live on Instagram for the first time last 406 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:10,720 Speaker 2: week and we had a ball. Okay, we went live. 407 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,560 Speaker 2: Dom was that amazing or what. 408 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:15,200 Speaker 4: I'm gonna say it again. 409 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:21,119 Speaker 1: I'm so proud of myself for that technology use, because 410 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,480 Speaker 1: we know getting me to engage in social media is 411 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:26,000 Speaker 1: not easy. 412 00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:28,320 Speaker 2: Dom, you hit a bod job. 413 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:32,400 Speaker 4: I enjoyed that, and I'm ready to do more. 414 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,399 Speaker 2: Yes, and we are going to do more. I do 415 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,560 Speaker 2: want to say, lady, if you have not followed us 416 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,960 Speaker 2: on Instagram, you need to go to her Space podcast. 417 00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:43,880 Speaker 2: That's our Instagram her at Herspace podcast. Because one thing 418 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,719 Speaker 2: Domini realized as well is the more we posted videos 419 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,479 Speaker 2: on our Instagram, we found out that people had our 420 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,679 Speaker 2: voices mixed up. I thought that was the funniest thing, 421 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,359 Speaker 2: Don when they were like wait, I thought that was 422 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,879 Speaker 2: Terry's voice and this was Don's voice, and I was like, really, 423 00:23:57,119 --> 00:23:59,240 Speaker 2: so you have to get on Instagram just seeing whose 424 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,880 Speaker 2: voices who's And then also, Dom, I know we said 425 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,560 Speaker 2: we're going to go live again, so when are we do? 426 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:06,040 Speaker 2: You remember when we said we're going to do it 427 00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:07,600 Speaker 2: so we can let our ladies know so they can 428 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:08,040 Speaker 2: tune in. 429 00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:14,040 Speaker 1: I believe we said that we would go live on 430 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,960 Speaker 1: Friday April tenth. 431 00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:19,160 Speaker 4: I believe. 432 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,639 Speaker 2: I think you're right, And lady, if if it's not true, 433 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:24,440 Speaker 2: we're gonna have to do it now because we're sharing 434 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:25,880 Speaker 2: it with you. We said we're going to go live 435 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:30,080 Speaker 2: Friday April tenth. I think it was at five pm, right, Dom. 436 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:33,919 Speaker 1: Yes, five pm Boom specific time, so that would be 437 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,520 Speaker 1: eight pm Eastern time. 438 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:41,320 Speaker 2: Okay, So lady, there you have it, Friday April tenth 439 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:45,800 Speaker 2: at five pm Pacific Standard time eight pm Eastern Standard time. 440 00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:47,840 Speaker 2: So if you got to do your googles and figure 441 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:49,520 Speaker 2: out what time we're going to be live in your location, 442 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:53,120 Speaker 2: please meet us live on Instagram. We're going to have 443 00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:55,639 Speaker 2: a ball. Thank you to everyone that showed up last time. 444 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,920 Speaker 2: We had so much fun. That was like epic. 445 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:06,400 Speaker 1: So let's get back to our next two steps, right, 446 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,720 Speaker 1: and notice we spent a good bulk of the time 447 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:14,840 Speaker 1: in self care because again, when it comes to feeding 448 00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:21,760 Speaker 1: yourself and getting yourself back home. Self care is the 449 00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:26,879 Speaker 1: is probably the most important step, at least to me. 450 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:30,680 Speaker 1: I don't know about for ut but considering how much 451 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,480 Speaker 1: time and energy we spent talking about the things we're 452 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:37,000 Speaker 1: doing for self care, yes, I say that it really 453 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:40,320 Speaker 1: is the most important step. Right So, lady, now that 454 00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:43,760 Speaker 1: you've gotten self care under control, like you know what 455 00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:48,440 Speaker 1: you're doing, you got your plan in place. Now the 456 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:52,800 Speaker 1: next thing is to be still. And I don't know 457 00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:59,119 Speaker 1: about for you, but being still can be one of 458 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:03,640 Speaker 1: the hardest things to do in a society where we 459 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:08,680 Speaker 1: are conditioned to be productive all the time. We are 460 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:16,560 Speaker 1: conditioned to be busy, and so being still means taking 461 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:22,199 Speaker 1: time to really go inward and think, and some of 462 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:27,160 Speaker 1: that thinking you can do outwardly. So we've come up 463 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:32,720 Speaker 1: with a couple of journal questions that you can take 464 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:36,800 Speaker 1: time to answer to kind of help you in this 465 00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:42,840 Speaker 1: moment of stillness. So the first question, when is the 466 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:48,080 Speaker 1: last time you did something for yourself? What led to 467 00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:54,280 Speaker 1: you doing something this thing for yourself? And so you 468 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:57,199 Speaker 1: want to spend some time just kind of writing about 469 00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:02,240 Speaker 1: just giving the details, rushing out the details, almost kind 470 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:05,919 Speaker 1: of like telling a story of when was the last 471 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:12,359 Speaker 1: time you did something for yourself? The next question describe 472 00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:16,879 Speaker 1: what your fifteen year old self thought your life would 473 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:21,040 Speaker 1: look like in this moment. So again, describe what your 474 00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:25,280 Speaker 1: fifteen year old self thought your life would look like 475 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:31,680 Speaker 1: in this moment. How different is your current state from 476 00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:36,119 Speaker 1: what your fifteen year old self imagine? What are the 477 00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:41,119 Speaker 1: things that maybe you want to change? What are the 478 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:45,560 Speaker 1: things that you want to stay the same? And as 479 00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:48,119 Speaker 1: you're thinking about the things that you want to stay 480 00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:55,200 Speaker 1: the same, that leads to our third journal entry, which 481 00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:59,840 Speaker 1: is what are the things you are grateful for? 482 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:01,840 Speaker 4: And why. 483 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,960 Speaker 1: So take some time to kind of express a lot 484 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:11,280 Speaker 1: of gratitude Tea when you take time to be still, 485 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:15,159 Speaker 1: Because I know you're really great about meditation and journaling. 486 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,480 Speaker 1: What are some of the things that you focus on 487 00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:23,640 Speaker 1: in your meditations and focus on in your journal writing? Why? 488 00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:26,199 Speaker 2: Thank you? Dom, I'll be trying, girl. I'm definitely work 489 00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,800 Speaker 2: in progress, but it's definitely been that practice has been 490 00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:32,440 Speaker 2: enhanced for me over the years. I think for me, Dom, 491 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:35,880 Speaker 2: putting my phone like on silent that is so key. 492 00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:38,640 Speaker 2: There are meditation apps that I use on my phone, 493 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:40,800 Speaker 2: So sometimes I'll either put it on airplane mode so 494 00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:43,800 Speaker 2: I don't get distracted by text messages coming through. And 495 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:47,560 Speaker 2: then I usually will light a candle, maybe light an instant, 496 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:50,720 Speaker 2: and then set an intention for that sacred time with myself. 497 00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,880 Speaker 2: I think it's a great time to lady. I realize 498 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:56,720 Speaker 2: that everyone has different you know, religious and spiritual beliefs. 499 00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,720 Speaker 2: So whatever you believe you're higher power to be, I 500 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:02,280 Speaker 2: think it's a great opportunity to invite your higher power 501 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:05,120 Speaker 2: in or invite God in right into that space with 502 00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:09,120 Speaker 2: you and realize that we are we have so much power, 503 00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:11,840 Speaker 2: like we are connected to the Creator, we are connected 504 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:14,760 Speaker 2: to source. And so I think realizing that when you 505 00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:18,200 Speaker 2: set an intention, if you believe that that's possible, it 506 00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:20,440 Speaker 2: can come true. And so I know for me the 507 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:23,640 Speaker 2: other day, when I was meditating and writing my gratitude journal, 508 00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:27,000 Speaker 2: I just asked God to give me a message at 509 00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:29,240 Speaker 2: that moment that I needed to hear. I didn't really 510 00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:31,640 Speaker 2: know what I needed and I didn't really know what 511 00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:33,479 Speaker 2: intention I wanted to set, So I was just like, 512 00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:35,520 Speaker 2: you know what, God, can you just give me something 513 00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,520 Speaker 2: that I need to hear right now? And I went 514 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:39,320 Speaker 2: through and just kind of you know, did my meditation, 515 00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:41,280 Speaker 2: and I got exactly what I needed in that moment. 516 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:46,120 Speaker 2: And so I think setting an intention being still realizing 517 00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:49,840 Speaker 2: the beautiful moment. This is where the world is so quiet, 518 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,160 Speaker 2: it's so it really is paused right now, and so 519 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,840 Speaker 2: this is a great time to just reflect on life, right, 520 00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:58,240 Speaker 2: to reflect on your career, to reflect on the just 521 00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:00,080 Speaker 2: where you want to be in life in general. You 522 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,000 Speaker 2: don't have to take action on it just yet because 523 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,680 Speaker 2: we're in the b still moment, but just thinking about 524 00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:08,480 Speaker 2: those things and writing everything that comes to mind, writing 525 00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:11,080 Speaker 2: it down in the journal, just writing all that stuff out, 526 00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:14,960 Speaker 2: getting it out of you, and being clear on what's 527 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,560 Speaker 2: coming up for you right just holding space for yourself, 528 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,320 Speaker 2: being gentle with yourself as those things come up. 529 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:25,280 Speaker 5: Well, that leads us right into that was a perfect 530 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:29,520 Speaker 5: setup that let us. That leads us right into step three, 531 00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:34,600 Speaker 5: which is. 532 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:35,040 Speaker 4: To engage in that goal setting. Right. 533 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:39,880 Speaker 1: So, now that we've spent our time going inward and 534 00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:44,480 Speaker 1: we've taken that from what was in and wrote it 535 00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:49,080 Speaker 1: out in the journal, now it's time to look at 536 00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:52,920 Speaker 1: that and actually do something with it. So te tell 537 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,680 Speaker 1: us what should we do once we've gotten these things 538 00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:57,720 Speaker 1: written out? 539 00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:00,240 Speaker 2: Okay, Dom I'm trying to contain the excitement because this 540 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:03,320 Speaker 2: is my topic. I'm about that action. I love the goals, 541 00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,040 Speaker 2: so I'm like, okay, give it together. No, But for me, 542 00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:09,280 Speaker 2: I think that the first step also, ladies, Just as 543 00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:11,280 Speaker 2: a side note, we do have a link in the 544 00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:14,640 Speaker 2: show notes to my free goal mapping workbook. This is 545 00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,479 Speaker 2: a system that I've used for really, I think the 546 00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:20,200 Speaker 2: past what ten plus years or so, to map out 547 00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:22,640 Speaker 2: my goals and just keep me on track in the 548 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:26,600 Speaker 2: midst of chaos and life adversity, because things are always 549 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:29,040 Speaker 2: you know, being thrown on our path, but we can 550 00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:30,960 Speaker 2: still make progress on the goals. And so I think 551 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:35,280 Speaker 2: the first step is to brainstorm or brainstorm or do 552 00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:37,680 Speaker 2: a brain dump, write either one. And what that looks 553 00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:41,920 Speaker 2: like is put everything that's in that beautiful mind of yours, 554 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:45,560 Speaker 2: put it all in a device or on paper, like 555 00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:47,880 Speaker 2: it all needs to get out of your head, because 556 00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:51,120 Speaker 2: I know for me personally, I get overwhelmed easily, and 557 00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,440 Speaker 2: so with all the ideas just floating around in there, 558 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,360 Speaker 2: it's just it's anxiety and doucing sometimes. And so I 559 00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:59,360 Speaker 2: think just doing a brain dump getting everything out is 560 00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:02,920 Speaker 2: the first step so important. And then after that, the 561 00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:05,640 Speaker 2: next step would be to take an honest look at 562 00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:08,400 Speaker 2: your life and think about what am I optimizing for 563 00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:11,120 Speaker 2: at this point? Right? And I think DOM and are 564 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:14,760 Speaker 2: very unique stages in our personal journey. So I'll dive 565 00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:17,560 Speaker 2: into mind and then DOM will tie in where she's 566 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:19,760 Speaker 2: at right now. But I think for me, when I 567 00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:21,760 Speaker 2: realized that we were going to be at home for 568 00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:24,840 Speaker 2: such a long period of time, it made me think about, Okay, 569 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:27,280 Speaker 2: you know what am I What am I optimizing for 570 00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:29,840 Speaker 2: in my life? And do I need to pivot? Right? 571 00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:33,600 Speaker 2: I've been watching various companies around the world change their 572 00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:36,960 Speaker 2: marketing strategies and their campaigns and their focuses based on 573 00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:39,560 Speaker 2: Oh way, Dom, is it foci? Is that the right word? 574 00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:41,000 Speaker 4: Yes, yes, it is. 575 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:42,920 Speaker 2: Okay. I remember you said that in a previous episode, 576 00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:47,280 Speaker 2: and I was like, okay, Doctor Dom. They're folk I 577 00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:50,920 Speaker 2: even shifting based on what we're facing in the world. 578 00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:52,880 Speaker 2: And so for me, I think we may have talked 579 00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:55,640 Speaker 2: about this on the Live Dom, But you know, I 580 00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:58,400 Speaker 2: am trying to launch my book and the book is 581 00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:00,880 Speaker 2: nearly finished. But you know, one of the colleagues I'm 582 00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,080 Speaker 2: working with is in Italy, and as you know, life 583 00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:05,640 Speaker 2: is very challenging there because of what they're faced with 584 00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:09,080 Speaker 2: and how COVID nineteen has hit the community. And so 585 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:12,320 Speaker 2: for me, what that looks like is, Okay, the book 586 00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,120 Speaker 2: is still important for me, it may not be the 587 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:18,080 Speaker 2: top priority, but I'm choosing to pivot and lean into 588 00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:20,320 Speaker 2: the things that I haven't had time for. So for me, 589 00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:23,920 Speaker 2: that's like my online business. I'm doing a masterclass on 590 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:27,600 Speaker 2: podcasting right and we talked about that, so definitely reach 591 00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:29,680 Speaker 2: out on Instagram to learn more about how to register 592 00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:32,520 Speaker 2: for that, and that's one of the things that I'm 593 00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:35,560 Speaker 2: focusing on. So I'm leaning into the business aspect of 594 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:38,080 Speaker 2: my online courses and things that I haven't been able 595 00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:40,840 Speaker 2: to focus on because life was so busy. And so 596 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,080 Speaker 2: for me, don that's what pivoting looks like. For me 597 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:45,720 Speaker 2: is focusing on those things. What about you, how is 598 00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:46,640 Speaker 2: life looking for you? 599 00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:50,440 Speaker 1: So for me, life is looking like this is an 600 00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:55,800 Speaker 1: opportunity for me to take the time to get caught 601 00:33:55,880 --> 00:34:04,120 Speaker 1: up right, so I do a lot, probably more than I. 602 00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:07,080 Speaker 4: Should, and so what it's. 603 00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:12,239 Speaker 1: Doing is allowing me time. I was working on an 604 00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:17,160 Speaker 1: ebook chapter for psychology instructors with a couple of colleagues 605 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:22,000 Speaker 1: and we finished that, and we were so proud of 606 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:25,160 Speaker 1: ourselves because we finished it two days before the deadline 607 00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:28,920 Speaker 1: and two days before the original deadline, and they had 608 00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:33,000 Speaker 1: given us, they had given everyone, all contributors an extra 609 00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:36,320 Speaker 1: month to complete it. We were so proud of ourselves 610 00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:40,840 Speaker 1: for getting it done those two days before the original deadline, 611 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:44,440 Speaker 1: so we didn't even need the extension. And so for me, 612 00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:48,279 Speaker 1: like initially when I saw that email of oh, you 613 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:52,520 Speaker 1: can have an extra month, my initial thought was, oh, bet, 614 00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:53,520 Speaker 1: I got more time. 615 00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:56,080 Speaker 4: And then I stopped and I was like, no. 616 00:34:56,800 --> 00:35:00,759 Speaker 1: Let's get this done, because then you can take this 617 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:04,480 Speaker 1: off of your plate and that frees up time to 618 00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:09,439 Speaker 1: focus on other things. And so for me, what I'm 619 00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:13,680 Speaker 1: trying to do is to use this time to get 620 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:18,480 Speaker 1: things off of my plate so that my time can 621 00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:22,719 Speaker 1: be I can be more intentional and put more energy 622 00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:26,520 Speaker 1: into each thing that I do, because one of the 623 00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:30,120 Speaker 1: things that I'm recognizing is that if I have my 624 00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:35,719 Speaker 1: hand in so many things, that there's gonna be something 625 00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:40,239 Speaker 1: that might not be getting one hundred percent. And I 626 00:35:40,239 --> 00:35:41,919 Speaker 1: don't want to continue to be like that. 627 00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:43,480 Speaker 2: I love that Jo. 628 00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:47,359 Speaker 1: What it's really doing is allowing me to take things 629 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:52,960 Speaker 1: off my plate, and then as opportunities present themselves, I 630 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:56,359 Speaker 1: can be more intentional about Okay, is this something that 631 00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:59,480 Speaker 1: I really want to do, like you were saying earlier, 632 00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,400 Speaker 1: is this thing that truly aligns with my goals and 633 00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:03,480 Speaker 1: my values? 634 00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:07,239 Speaker 4: And can I practice saying no? 635 00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:11,960 Speaker 2: Oh that part got I love that you share that, 636 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,440 Speaker 2: because this is an opportunity. This is a time where 637 00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:17,040 Speaker 2: you know, you may see people doing stuff on social media, 638 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:20,080 Speaker 2: you may see people you know making moves and just 639 00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:21,959 Speaker 2: you know, doing things in the business, and you don't 640 00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:23,719 Speaker 2: have to feel pressure to do that. If this is 641 00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:25,600 Speaker 2: a time for you, We're all in different stages of 642 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:27,560 Speaker 2: our journey. If this is a period of time for 643 00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:29,920 Speaker 2: you where you need to rest and regroup and take 644 00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:32,319 Speaker 2: things off your plate, that's okay. And if it's a 645 00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:34,680 Speaker 2: time for you to pursue your goals and things like that, 646 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:36,919 Speaker 2: that's okay too. So we will be sure to add 647 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:39,360 Speaker 2: a link to the goal Mapping workbook and the show notes. 648 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:42,120 Speaker 2: So we'll also add a link to there are lots 649 00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:44,920 Speaker 2: of free classes that are being offered right now and 650 00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:48,319 Speaker 2: different yeah, different virtual opportunities and things like that. Will 651 00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:51,640 Speaker 2: add a link to the Podcasting master Class that I'm 652 00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:54,320 Speaker 2: going to facilitate on April eighteenth, we'll add that as well, 653 00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:56,120 Speaker 2: and if you'll be all good to go. 654 00:36:57,120 --> 00:37:00,920 Speaker 1: Yes, I think the thing to realize is identify what 655 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,080 Speaker 1: it is that you need most So, like you said 656 00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:06,600 Speaker 1: to you, like do you need rest or do you 657 00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:08,160 Speaker 1: need refocus? 658 00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:12,160 Speaker 4: Whatever it is, use this time to just do it. 659 00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:16,920 Speaker 1: Hey lady, it's doctor Dom here from the Herspace podcast. 660 00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:19,520 Speaker 1: Do you have a burning question you're dying to get 661 00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:23,239 Speaker 1: feedback on? Do you want an unbiased perspective on a 662 00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:28,759 Speaker 1: situation you're facing? If so, visit herspacepodcast dot com and 663 00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:33,560 Speaker 1: click ask doctor Dom under the start here option. Every Tuesday, 664 00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:37,480 Speaker 1: I'll choose a few questions and answer them at random. 665 00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:41,480 Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today in her Space. Please note 666 00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:45,960 Speaker 1: that our show may contain conversations about self health, advice, 667 00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:49,759 Speaker 1: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no 668 00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:53,200 Speaker 1: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal 669 00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:57,960 Speaker 1: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you are 670 00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:00,919 Speaker 1: someone you know is in need of mental health care, 671 00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:05,560 Speaker 1: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today 672 00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:08,040 Speaker 1: or contact your insurance provider. 673 00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:10,239 Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 674 00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:13,680 Speaker 2: the conversation going. Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and 675 00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:18,640 Speaker 2: Twitter at her space podcast, or check out our website 676 00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:22,920 Speaker 2: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat 677 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:27,279 Speaker 2: after me, There's something inside of me that's bigger than 678 00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:28,239 Speaker 2: any obstacle. 679 00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:30,640 Speaker 4: We'll see you next week, Lady