Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back
Speaker 1: on the air. Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless
Speaker 1: episode with your girl Jess Hilarious. So this week is
Speaker 1: part two of Just Fix My Mess Now. I had
Speaker 1: my fans and supporters and all the avid Carefully Reckless
Speaker 1: listeners send me their inquiries for advice that they need
Speaker 1: to send me your experiences from the past, the president,
Speaker 1: or what you feel like you're going to be dealing
Speaker 1: with in the future. If I can provide any fixations
Speaker 1: for your mess, I will. That's why it's called Just
Speaker 1: Fix My Mess Now. Y'all sent me some really interesting situations.
Speaker 1: It was like y'all was trying to top the people
Speaker 1: last week. All right, everybody's name will remain anonymous. First one,
Speaker 1: here we go. This is a man. Yes, y'all know.
Speaker 1: I love celebrating men opening up because they don't usually
Speaker 1: do so, so I love this. Hey, just me and
Speaker 1: my girl has been together for quite some time. I
Speaker 1: lost my job and she is in between jobs, so
Speaker 1: money is tight. However, we still make it through for
Speaker 1: the kids. But she has a shopping addiction and she
Speaker 1: always puts that first, What do I do? Because I
Speaker 1: don't want to leave, but I will her priorities are
Speaker 1: not in the right order. Well, I will say, you
Speaker 1: sound very responsible, and coming from a man, that's something
Speaker 1: you usually don't see. You know, usually the man is
Speaker 1: the frivolous spender. You guys spend your money on shoes
Speaker 1: and all that type of stuff. Now, women, we have
Speaker 1: shopping addictions, yes, But if everything ain't right at home,
Speaker 1: if the bills are behind, if the children ain't all
Speaker 1: taken care of daycare, school to wish and all this
Speaker 1: stuff ain't paid up, you have no business. No business
Speaker 1: shopping now. Grooming is different, getting your nails on head done,
Speaker 1: you know, looking good is different anything extra like the shopping.
Speaker 1: You said she has a shopping addiction. If she's in
Speaker 1: between jobs, she ain't even supposed to be worried about
Speaker 1: shopping at all. Then you said kids, all right, so
Speaker 1: I'm assuming that you have more than one child together
Speaker 1: and y'all live in the same house. Somebody needs to
Speaker 1: find a job, somebody needs to work. She's in between jobs,
Speaker 1: and you lost your job. You told me a bit
Speaker 1: that was a mouthful. You need to get a job.
Speaker 1: And she needs to get one too. You need to
Speaker 1: sit down, an asshole, talk to her about this too.
Speaker 1: If you haven't, that's something that you'll never tell me.
Speaker 1: You'all never tell me if y'all bring this stuff up
Speaker 1: to them or not. So I don't know if this
Speaker 1: helps you, but if you haven't communicate that with her,
Speaker 1: because it sounds like she's irresponsible as a mother and
Speaker 1: as a wife or a girlfriend. She sounds very irresponsible.
Speaker 1: And now it could be one or two things. Either
Speaker 1: she's selfish or she is spoiled because you've spoiled her.
Speaker 1: Now it could be a thing of when you guys
Speaker 1: were up, when you had your job and everything and
Speaker 1: you pay the bills, and she had a job and
Speaker 1: you provided everything, so maybe she could spend her money
Speaker 1: freely on herself and shopping and all that. Maybe you
Speaker 1: didn't know that you were creating a monster. If she
Speaker 1: has always had this issue, that's different. If she's always
Speaker 1: been careless with money and very wasteful with finances, then
Speaker 1: that's something different. That's something that should have been talked about.
Speaker 1: You should have been noticed that even before your kids
Speaker 1: or right after whenever it started. But that is a
Speaker 1: communication thing. As well. You can sit down and talk
Speaker 1: to her about it. If she disagrees, you make a
Speaker 1: decision from there, because you always have to do what's
Speaker 1: right for you first and then your kids. And I
Speaker 1: know a lot of people are going to disagree with that,
Speaker 1: but there's no way that you can take care of
Speaker 1: your children if you're not mentally prepared, if you're not right,
Speaker 1: if you're not in your right state of mind. So
Speaker 1: you have to make sure that you do what's best
Speaker 1: for you and then your children, and it's best for you.
Speaker 1: It's not staying in How can I put this because
Speaker 1: I don't want to. I don't want to deem your
Speaker 1: relationship negative or like put a negative connotation on your relationship.
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that. But you seem unhappy
Speaker 1: and very frustrated with this, and if it's not fixable,
Speaker 1: you have to do what's right for you and your kids.
Speaker 1: Hopefully that helps. Okay, this is from a woman. Just
Speaker 1: My boyfriend wants to be a rapper. He has been
Speaker 1: rapping since he was sixteen. He's thirty three now and
Speaker 1: hasn't popped off with his career. We have spent so
Speaker 1: much money traveling, booking shows and he never popped as
Speaker 1: an artist. He has little gigs here and there, but
Speaker 1: it's not bringing in any money. I don't want to
Speaker 1: crush his dreams. However, he needs to know how I feel,
Speaker 1: because this ship is going nowhere. Okay, so you didn't
Speaker 1: pose a question like you're asking me what you should do.
Speaker 1: But I'm just gonna assume that you're asking me what
Speaker 1: you should do, and what you should do is not
Speaker 1: crush his dream but still be honest with him, Babe,
Speaker 1: this is not working. I don't know how long y'all
Speaker 1: have been together, but you said he even rappings and
Speaker 1: see with sixteen, So obviously this is his passion. This
Speaker 1: is something that he wants to do, whether he pops
Speaker 1: with it or not. Everyone wants to make it. But
Speaker 1: just because you don't make it does not mean that
Speaker 1: that's not your passion, that's not what you want to do.
Speaker 1: It's just that he hasn't blown yet. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you will. These days, it's easier to make it,
Speaker 1: but it's not easy staying hot. It's not you know,
Speaker 1: you got TikTok and things of that nature, and rappers
Speaker 1: and celebrities are much more easier to get in touch
Speaker 1: with Than to reach then back in the day, you
Speaker 1: know Than used to. So there are ways that he
Speaker 1: can make it. I mean, does his music suck in
Speaker 1: your opinion, it's all about if it's good or not,
Speaker 1: like it is it good? Because if it is good,
Speaker 1: it just means he hasn't met the right person yet
Speaker 1: or met the right person that could take him, or
Speaker 1: he doesn't have a team. Is he doing it all alone?
Speaker 1: Is it just you and him? Is he independent? Like
Speaker 1: what's going on? I need a little bit more meat
Speaker 1: to the story. But I feel that you can be
Speaker 1: honest with him without shattering his dream. You don't have
Speaker 1: to say niggati, sh it ain't working unless his ship
Speaker 1: is bad. That's where you have to be honest. It's
Speaker 1: not being a hater. And a lot of people think
Speaker 1: that if you disagree with something or you're hating, you
Speaker 1: being a hater. No. No, but it's good to be
Speaker 1: honest with people. No, this is not going to work. No,
Speaker 1: this is not no, this is not gonna stand out.
Speaker 1: Nobody's gonna bump this ship in the car. Nobody is saying, hey, yo,
Speaker 1: put on a little dug from down the street. He
Speaker 1: dropped some hot ship last week. Now, if nobody's saying that,
Speaker 1: then no, you have to be honest with him, that
Speaker 1: showman girl, and you want to stick the sade him,
Speaker 1: then stick beside him and tell him the truth. It's
Speaker 1: not going anywhere, Babe. Do you think that you could
Speaker 1: step back from it and get a job. Let's get
Speaker 1: a job, and let's work on it until we Because
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with chasing your dreams, but you have
Speaker 1: to be able to take care of yourself while you're
Speaker 1: chasing that ship. You can't chase it and end up homeless.
Speaker 1: That has worked for some people. But if you are
Speaker 1: the amazing girlfriend that I think you are, because obviously
Speaker 1: you do support him, and you have been supporting him,
Speaker 1: you're just seeing the of the road here, I think
Speaker 1: that you could be honest enough to tell him, like, Babe,
Speaker 1: I've been here with you, I've been in the gym
Speaker 1: shooting with you. You ain't making these shots, all right,
Speaker 1: So we gotta move on to something else. Maybe fall
Speaker 1: back from it, come back to it, but we have
Speaker 1: to make something shake because bills are still here, life
Speaker 1: is still here, we are still moving forward. This is
Speaker 1: not making us any money, This is not gonna you know,
Speaker 1: so you just have to sit down and communica again. Communication.
Speaker 1: Don't be writing me asking me nothing, just for me
Speaker 1: to keep giving you all the same. Man says the
Speaker 1: ship communicate, but I love y'all, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Hold up, Hold up, I know the ship getting good.
Speaker 1: But listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen. Moving on. Hey, Jess,
Speaker 1: So I just recently watched Couples of Retreat on v
Speaker 1: H one. Had no idea you were on the show.
Speaker 1: My situation is similar to Claudia and kJ I've been
Speaker 1: with my man for four years and I want more children.
Speaker 1: He already has to but he doesn't want anymore. He
Speaker 1: told me this when we first met, but as time
Speaker 1: went on, I thought that it would change. I love
Speaker 1: him dearly, but don't want to settle if I'm not
Speaker 1: getting what I want. I really do want more kids. Okay,
Speaker 1: I do understand, and that is a similar situation as
Speaker 1: Claudia is. Yes, but the thing is, you already have children.
Speaker 1: Claudia don't have no kids, so she's like she just
Speaker 1: wants a child, like she wants a baby. Every woman
Speaker 1: should have the experience of having a baby if they
Speaker 1: want to having a child, it's it's something beautiful with
Speaker 1: it's multiplying, it's creating life, like you're making people like
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like you made a person
Speaker 1: a person that that is yours and that will be
Speaker 1: yours forever. It's something sacred about that. That's amazing. But
Speaker 1: when you're in a relationship and someone doesn't want the
Speaker 1: same thing and they do tell you upfront before y'all
Speaker 1: even get official and become so in love and all
Speaker 1: of that, he did tell you this. I'm not sure
Speaker 1: if kJ always felt that way about him and Claudia,
Speaker 1: you know, or just period, like he didn't want any
Speaker 1: more kids. But I'm gonna tell you this. Your boyfriend
Speaker 1: told you so. It's really really your choice, and you
Speaker 1: told me you thought that it would change. But it's
Speaker 1: very seldom that you can change a man's mind about
Speaker 1: something like that. Only he can change his mind, and
Speaker 1: it's not even effective. If he loves you enough he'll
Speaker 1: give you a baby, it's not even that. Maybe he
Speaker 1: has reasons why he doesn't want any anymore. Now, that
Speaker 1: doesn't mean he doesn't want you or the relationship want
Speaker 1: to marry you. Doesn't mean he's not gonna marry you,
Speaker 1: doesn't want you to be his wife. He just doesn't
Speaker 1: want any more kids. And I know this is repetitive,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to seem redundant, but he told
Speaker 1: you up front, so that's the only thing I can see.
Speaker 1: If these things weren't talked about and you guys are
Speaker 1: four years and and because four years is a chunk
Speaker 1: of your life like that, that's not no little bit
Speaker 1: as time and it hasn't changed. But he did tell
Speaker 1: you still, so he really is against having more children.
Speaker 1: That's what we see. That's what we know. I'm so
Speaker 1: sorry because I know you do want a baby, but
Speaker 1: I'm happy that you already have kids, so you have
Speaker 1: experienced birth and pregnancy. You just want it with him,
Speaker 1: and you want more kids. I do understand. But sometimes
Speaker 1: things don't work out the way that we want them
Speaker 1: to work out. And that's just what it is. Baby girl.
Speaker 1: I'm not telling you to leave this man, and I'm
Speaker 1: not telling you to stay. I'm telling you to pray
Speaker 1: about it. I don't know if you're religious. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you're Christian. I don't know if there is
Speaker 1: a higher being that you pray to mine is God,
Speaker 1: and I would literally just have a talk with God,
Speaker 1: and I would have a talk with him as well,
Speaker 1: and tell him not to persuade him to have a baby.
Speaker 1: Just tell him what you told me. I thought it
Speaker 1: would change. I did, if you haven't already, I thought
Speaker 1: this would change. I love you. I don't want to
Speaker 1: leave you, but I want kids. I know you did
Speaker 1: tell me upfront that you didn't. However, things do change,
Speaker 1: and I thought it it would change. Not that I
Speaker 1: could change you. Make sure you say these things. Not
Speaker 1: that I could change your mind, but you could change
Speaker 1: your mind. You never know what life may bring. You
Speaker 1: never know how you're gonna fell in four years, three years,
Speaker 1: six years, You never know. I don't know what your
Speaker 1: experience was before with the children. If you guys been
Speaker 1: together for four years, and this should have already been
Speaker 1: talked about. If not, it's still fine. It's not too
Speaker 1: late to go and talk to him about these things.
Speaker 1: Get to the bottom of why he doesn't want to
Speaker 1: have any and if it's just dead end, it's dead end. Baby.
Speaker 1: You gotta move on if that's what your heart tells you,
Speaker 1: or you gotta stay stick it out. Ask him about adoption.
Speaker 1: You know there are different ways. I don't know. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's the pregnancy part that scares him. Just get inside
Speaker 1: of his mind and try to talk and figure out
Speaker 1: what's going on with it. Again, communication, But thank you
Speaker 1: for writing me, baby. I'm so sorry. I know she
Speaker 1: wore her child. Because child. I want more to with
Speaker 1: the way these men is set up. Baby. Now, we
Speaker 1: got a commercial and if you click off of this podcast,
Speaker 1: I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen. Okay, moving on,
Speaker 1: just I've been in a monogamous relationship for a long time,
Speaker 1: but my fiance complains that it's getting boring and we're
Speaker 1: growing apart. However, we don't want to call it quits.
Speaker 1: He recently acts for an open relationship. At first, I
Speaker 1: thought like he got me fucked up, but maybe it
Speaker 1: wouldn't be so bad. What do you think, m Yeah,
Speaker 1: I see, I think a little different. I don't care
Speaker 1: how long we've been together. And this is just me
Speaker 1: speaking from my personal perspective. I don't give a funk
Speaker 1: how long we've been together. I don't care if you're
Speaker 1: getting bored and nigga spice it up some other way.
Speaker 1: We are not bringing in another person to help us
Speaker 1: with a relationship, because before you know it, you will
Speaker 1: be alone and that bitch will be with that nigga.
Speaker 1: Believe me, he already told you he's getting bored. But
Speaker 1: y'all don't want to bring up. No, ya don't want
Speaker 1: to see each other with someone else. That's what that
Speaker 1: is in my opinion, And I may be wrong, but
Speaker 1: if he were to leave you and go be with
Speaker 1: someone else, that will hurt you. If you were to
Speaker 1: leave him and go be with someone else, as bored
Speaker 1: as the relationship got and as far apart of y'all group,
Speaker 1: he would still have a fucking problem with that. So
Speaker 1: that's the problem there. Y'all don't want to let go
Speaker 1: because y'all do have so much time in history put
Speaker 1: in and all of that, and I do understand that.
Speaker 1: But people do grow apart. They do, and maybe you
Speaker 1: guys just have to separate. Maybe you'll have to be
Speaker 1: done with each other. Go do you he go do
Speaker 1: him whatever and come back. Because y'all didn't even make
Speaker 1: it to the married part. You said your fiance sweetie,
Speaker 1: So y'all haven't even made it down the aisle. How
Speaker 1: long were you all together? Ship? And he proposed, and
Speaker 1: all of a sudden he's board. I don't know how
Speaker 1: long have y'all been engaged because black people got a
Speaker 1: motherfucking have it of proposing and then forgetting about a day.
Speaker 1: I'm what, just gonna be engaged for life? Like, no,
Speaker 1: that's that's not what we do. I think what you
Speaker 1: should do is you used to sit down and y'all
Speaker 1: should really be honest with each other. I feel like
Speaker 1: y'all are not honest. I feel like he's not being
Speaker 1: honest with you about becoming bored in a relationship. I
Speaker 1: just feel like maybe his heart is not there anymore,
Speaker 1: maybe his mind isn't there. Something ain't there, something that
Speaker 1: is not gonne. There's a disconnect, there's something going on.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it maybe with another woman. I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to put anything in your head that doesn't need
Speaker 1: to be there. I just want you to see and
Speaker 1: don't play yourself and don't let him play you, because,
Speaker 1: like you said, at first, you was like, oh no,
Speaker 1: he got me fucked up, and rightfully so he does.
Speaker 1: I love how open he was with you to even
Speaker 1: try to suggest something, so y'all won't you know, But
Speaker 1: it's like he wants to pass is like, uh, it's
Speaker 1: something that it ain't right. It ain't right. Have you
Speaker 1: guys ever had threesomes before? Have you guys ever? You know,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know that. It's just like,
Speaker 1: that's not something that just comes out of the fucking
Speaker 1: blue from a fiance. Is he already dealing with someone?
Speaker 1: That would have me thinking like, are you already dealing
Speaker 1: with somebody? But you're so far in here because we
Speaker 1: are about to get married or were supportively getting married,
Speaker 1: but you already got somebody on the side, So now
Speaker 1: you want to bring that person in And it's my
Speaker 1: mind would be going, and it's going right now. And
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that's your situation. So just forget all
Speaker 1: that that I said, but keep it in the back
Speaker 1: of your mind. But don't you know, don't harp too
Speaker 1: much on that. Just sit down and be honest because
Speaker 1: that's communication. But that's also a bunch of bullshit to me.
Speaker 1: It's just something that's not right there. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you're not telling me something or whatever it is,
Speaker 1: but sit out and make him be honest with you.
Speaker 1: And if he cannot be honest with you, you still
Speaker 1: feel that it's nothing, then yeah, you need to exit
Speaker 1: stage left quickly easily. Don't pass go, don't collect two
Speaker 1: d go leave. I'm sorry, but that's that's how I feel, alright.
Speaker 1: Moving on last one. Oh, this is from a baby.
Speaker 1: I love this, and baby, I mean she's she's saying
Speaker 1: she's seventeen. Okay, My parents threatened to disown me if
Speaker 1: I continue to date my boyfriend. They don't like him,
Speaker 1: the life that he lives, and the fact that he's
Speaker 1: not our race. Would you continue a relationship like this
Speaker 1: because I'm definitely picking my boyfriend. Hm, the fact that
Speaker 1: you're a baby. And I'm not gonna ever tell you
Speaker 1: you don't know what love is. You don't know, you
Speaker 1: don't know what I mean, because it's absolutely possible that
Speaker 1: you do. I'm not gonna tell you don't know what
Speaker 1: love is. But you have a whole lot of life
Speaker 1: to live. You're very young. You're in high school. I'm
Speaker 1: assuming if you haven't graduated early. Now, what kind of
Speaker 1: ship is this boyfriend into and what fucking race are
Speaker 1: you and him? You? You left a lot of little
Speaker 1: shit out. I don't know. I can't even make an
Speaker 1: assumption and say oh, she might be white and the
Speaker 1: boyfriend might be black, because it might be the other
Speaker 1: way around. He might be a white boy and our
Speaker 1: parents is like, uh, he may be Hispanic, He maybe Asian, Russian,
Speaker 1: he might not be rushing. But but you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, he could be anything. So I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't think she wanted to disclose that information. However,
Speaker 1: I do feel like you should talk to your parents
Speaker 1: find out what is it about him that they don't like.
Speaker 1: And he could just be a bad boy that they
Speaker 1: see could easily influence you just by being around him
Speaker 1: or his girlfriend or you know. That's so many ways.
Speaker 1: Like I was seventeen years old before I was a
Speaker 1: teen ager, before my my parents didn't like every little
Speaker 1: boy I thought that I was gonna be with, you know,
Speaker 1: they didn't. And I also dated older when I was
Speaker 1: a teenager because I've always looked older, you know, a
Speaker 1: little strong in the face, got strong features, whatever. So
Speaker 1: I've always looked before my time, right, So I always
Speaker 1: dated up until I actually got older. I used to
Speaker 1: lie about my age all of that. Ship is it
Speaker 1: that I used to date niggas in the streets. I
Speaker 1: used like it could be that. I'm not sure again race.
Speaker 1: I honestly feel like if your parents didn't say that,
Speaker 1: maybe that doesn't have anything to do with it. I
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know. It sounds I ain't eve
Speaker 1: gonna say what it sounds like. I ain't even trying
Speaker 1: to paint this picture like this. But to me, it
Speaker 1: sounds like you're white and you got yourself a black
Speaker 1: boyfriend and your parents ain't feeling it. If it is
Speaker 1: about race, it probably just because he's black. If this
Speaker 1: is the case, it don't have to be about race. Acthor.
Speaker 1: It could be that he in the streets, It could
Speaker 1: be that he's older, it could be all those factors,
Speaker 1: all those things that I just said I went through
Speaker 1: as a teenager. So sit down and talk to your parents.
Speaker 1: I see that you said I'm definitely picking my boyfriend.
Speaker 1: If that's how you feel, I can't stop you. Apparently
Speaker 1: your parents can't even stop you. But you do have
Speaker 1: to talk to them. They're your parents, and they have
Speaker 1: your best interests at heart. They're your parents, So sit
Speaker 1: down and talk about it with them because you're their baby.
Speaker 1: You know you're their baby obviously, And I love how
Speaker 1: you said parents. So you have both of your parents
Speaker 1: still not a lot of young people can't even say that.
Speaker 1: So that's good that you eat and still have both
Speaker 1: of your parents. So God bless you. But talk to them,
Speaker 1: be talked to him for you get your lot as
Speaker 1: whip girl. And just like that, we've come to the
Speaker 1: end of another episode of Carefully Reckless with your Girl.
Speaker 1: Just hilarious. Now let's just fix my mess that is
Speaker 1: the ship. I might go a part three next week,
Speaker 1: but I might not. I don't know. I might give
Speaker 1: it a little rest because y'all. Y'all got have some problems,
Speaker 1: all right, But it all boils down to communication. I
Speaker 1: see a lot of people don't communicate these days. That's
Speaker 1: been the issue with every story that I've looked at,
Speaker 1: everything that I've looked at, it just seems like you
Speaker 1: guys don't communicate. So open your mouth, even if it's
Speaker 1: a hard conversation. Hard conversations have to be had as well.
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong. You have to
Speaker 1: be able to have hard conversations and marriages and relationships
Speaker 1: and friendships with family. In business, hard conversations you have to.
Speaker 1: You can't run from it. But thank y'all, I Love
Speaker 1: y'all and I know y'all love me. Tune in every Wednesday.
Speaker 1: Hump Day also turned into Reckless Discuss Every Wednesday at
Speaker 1: seven pm on YouTube. Love Y'all piece Carefully Reckless is
Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from My Heart Radio, visit the I
Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.