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Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio

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Speaker 1: and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back

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Speaker 1: on the air. Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless

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Speaker 1: episode with your girl Jess Hilarious. So this week is

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Speaker 1: part two of Just Fix My Mess Now. I had

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Speaker 1: my fans and supporters and all the avid Carefully Reckless

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Speaker 1: listeners send me their inquiries for advice that they need

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Speaker 1: to send me your experiences from the past, the president,

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Speaker 1: or what you feel like you're going to be dealing

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Speaker 1: with in the future. If I can provide any fixations

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Speaker 1: for your mess, I will. That's why it's called Just

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Speaker 1: Fix My Mess Now. Y'all sent me some really interesting situations.

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Speaker 1: It was like y'all was trying to top the people

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Speaker 1: last week. All right, everybody's name will remain anonymous. First one,

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Speaker 1: here we go. This is a man. Yes, y'all know.

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Speaker 1: I love celebrating men opening up because they don't usually

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Speaker 1: do so, so I love this. Hey, just me and

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Speaker 1: my girl has been together for quite some time. I

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Speaker 1: lost my job and she is in between jobs, so

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Speaker 1: money is tight. However, we still make it through for

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Speaker 1: the kids. But she has a shopping addiction and she

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Speaker 1: always puts that first, What do I do? Because I

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Speaker 1: don't want to leave, but I will her priorities are

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Speaker 1: not in the right order. Well, I will say, you

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Speaker 1: sound very responsible, and coming from a man, that's something

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Speaker 1: you usually don't see. You know, usually the man is

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Speaker 1: the frivolous spender. You guys spend your money on shoes

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Speaker 1: and all that type of stuff. Now, women, we have

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Speaker 1: shopping addictions, yes, But if everything ain't right at home,

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Speaker 1: if the bills are behind, if the children ain't all

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Speaker 1: taken care of daycare, school to wish and all this

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Speaker 1: stuff ain't paid up, you have no business. No business

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Speaker 1: shopping now. Grooming is different, getting your nails on head done,

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Speaker 1: you know, looking good is different anything extra like the shopping.

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Speaker 1: You said she has a shopping addiction. If she's in

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Speaker 1: between jobs, she ain't even supposed to be worried about

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Speaker 1: shopping at all. Then you said kids, all right, so

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Speaker 1: I'm assuming that you have more than one child together

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Speaker 1: and y'all live in the same house. Somebody needs to

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Speaker 1: find a job, somebody needs to work. She's in between jobs,

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Speaker 1: and you lost your job. You told me a bit

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Speaker 1: that was a mouthful. You need to get a job.

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Speaker 1: And she needs to get one too. You need to

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Speaker 1: sit down, an asshole, talk to her about this too.

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Speaker 1: If you haven't, that's something that you'll never tell me.

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Speaker 1: You'all never tell me if y'all bring this stuff up

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Speaker 1: to them or not. So I don't know if this

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Speaker 1: helps you, but if you haven't communicate that with her,

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Speaker 1: because it sounds like she's irresponsible as a mother and

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Speaker 1: as a wife or a girlfriend. She sounds very irresponsible.

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Speaker 1: And now it could be one or two things. Either

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Speaker 1: she's selfish or she is spoiled because you've spoiled her.

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Speaker 1: Now it could be a thing of when you guys

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Speaker 1: were up, when you had your job and everything and

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Speaker 1: you pay the bills, and she had a job and

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Speaker 1: you provided everything, so maybe she could spend her money

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Speaker 1: freely on herself and shopping and all that. Maybe you

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Speaker 1: didn't know that you were creating a monster. If she

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Speaker 1: has always had this issue, that's different. If she's always

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Speaker 1: been careless with money and very wasteful with finances, then

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Speaker 1: that's something different. That's something that should have been talked about.

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Speaker 1: You should have been noticed that even before your kids

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Speaker 1: or right after whenever it started. But that is a

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Speaker 1: communication thing. As well. You can sit down and talk

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Speaker 1: to her about it. If she disagrees, you make a

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Speaker 1: decision from there, because you always have to do what's

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Speaker 1: right for you first and then your kids. And I

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Speaker 1: know a lot of people are going to disagree with that,

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Speaker 1: but there's no way that you can take care of

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Speaker 1: your children if you're not mentally prepared, if you're not right,

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Speaker 1: if you're not in your right state of mind. So

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Speaker 1: you have to make sure that you do what's best

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Speaker 1: for you and then your children, and it's best for you.

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Speaker 1: It's not staying in How can I put this because

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Speaker 1: I don't want to. I don't want to deem your

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Speaker 1: relationship negative or like put a negative connotation on your relationship.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to do that. But you seem unhappy

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Speaker 1: and very frustrated with this, and if it's not fixable,

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Speaker 1: you have to do what's right for you and your kids.

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Speaker 1: Hopefully that helps. Okay, this is from a woman. Just

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Speaker 1: My boyfriend wants to be a rapper. He has been

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Speaker 1: rapping since he was sixteen. He's thirty three now and

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Speaker 1: hasn't popped off with his career. We have spent so

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Speaker 1: much money traveling, booking shows and he never popped as

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Speaker 1: an artist. He has little gigs here and there, but

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Speaker 1: it's not bringing in any money. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: crush his dreams. However, he needs to know how I feel,

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Speaker 1: because this ship is going nowhere. Okay, so you didn't

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Speaker 1: pose a question like you're asking me what you should do.

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Speaker 1: But I'm just gonna assume that you're asking me what

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Speaker 1: you should do, and what you should do is not

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Speaker 1: crush his dream but still be honest with him, Babe,

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Speaker 1: this is not working. I don't know how long y'all

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Speaker 1: have been together, but you said he even rappings and

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Speaker 1: see with sixteen, So obviously this is his passion. This

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Speaker 1: is something that he wants to do, whether he pops

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Speaker 1: with it or not. Everyone wants to make it. But

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Speaker 1: just because you don't make it does not mean that

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Speaker 1: that's not your passion, that's not what you want to do.

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Speaker 1: It's just that he hasn't blown yet. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you will. These days, it's easier to make it,

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Speaker 1: but it's not easy staying hot. It's not you know,

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Speaker 1: you got TikTok and things of that nature, and rappers

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Speaker 1: and celebrities are much more easier to get in touch

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Speaker 1: with Than to reach then back in the day, you

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Speaker 1: know Than used to. So there are ways that he

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Speaker 1: can make it. I mean, does his music suck in

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Speaker 1: your opinion, it's all about if it's good or not,

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Speaker 1: like it is it good? Because if it is good,

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Speaker 1: it just means he hasn't met the right person yet

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Speaker 1: or met the right person that could take him, or

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Speaker 1: he doesn't have a team. Is he doing it all alone?

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Speaker 1: Is it just you and him? Is he independent? Like

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Speaker 1: what's going on? I need a little bit more meat

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Speaker 1: to the story. But I feel that you can be

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Speaker 1: honest with him without shattering his dream. You don't have

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Speaker 1: to say niggati, sh it ain't working unless his ship

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Speaker 1: is bad. That's where you have to be honest. It's

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Speaker 1: not being a hater. And a lot of people think

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Speaker 1: that if you disagree with something or you're hating, you

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Speaker 1: being a hater. No. No, but it's good to be

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Speaker 1: honest with people. No, this is not going to work. No,

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Speaker 1: this is not no, this is not gonna stand out.

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Speaker 1: Nobody's gonna bump this ship in the car. Nobody is saying, hey, yo,

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Speaker 1: put on a little dug from down the street. He

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Speaker 1: dropped some hot ship last week. Now, if nobody's saying that,

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Speaker 1: then no, you have to be honest with him, that

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Speaker 1: showman girl, and you want to stick the sade him,

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Speaker 1: then stick beside him and tell him the truth. It's

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Speaker 1: not going anywhere, Babe. Do you think that you could

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Speaker 1: step back from it and get a job. Let's get

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Speaker 1: a job, and let's work on it until we Because

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Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with chasing your dreams, but you have

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Speaker 1: to be able to take care of yourself while you're

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Speaker 1: chasing that ship. You can't chase it and end up homeless.

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Speaker 1: That has worked for some people. But if you are

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Speaker 1: the amazing girlfriend that I think you are, because obviously

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Speaker 1: you do support him, and you have been supporting him,

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Speaker 1: you're just seeing the of the road here, I think

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Speaker 1: that you could be honest enough to tell him, like, Babe,

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Speaker 1: I've been here with you, I've been in the gym

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Speaker 1: shooting with you. You ain't making these shots, all right,

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Speaker 1: So we gotta move on to something else. Maybe fall

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Speaker 1: back from it, come back to it, but we have

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Speaker 1: to make something shake because bills are still here, life

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Speaker 1: is still here, we are still moving forward. This is

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Speaker 1: not making us any money, This is not gonna you know,

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Speaker 1: so you just have to sit down and communica again. Communication.

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Speaker 1: Don't be writing me asking me nothing, just for me

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Speaker 1: to keep giving you all the same. Man says the

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Speaker 1: ship communicate, but I love y'all, thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: Hold up, Hold up, I know the ship getting good.

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Speaker 1: But listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial.

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Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen. Moving on. Hey, Jess,

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Speaker 1: So I just recently watched Couples of Retreat on v

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Speaker 1: H one. Had no idea you were on the show.

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Speaker 1: My situation is similar to Claudia and kJ I've been

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Speaker 1: with my man for four years and I want more children.

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Speaker 1: He already has to but he doesn't want anymore. He

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Speaker 1: told me this when we first met, but as time

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Speaker 1: went on, I thought that it would change. I love

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Speaker 1: him dearly, but don't want to settle if I'm not

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Speaker 1: getting what I want. I really do want more kids. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I do understand, and that is a similar situation as

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Speaker 1: Claudia is. Yes, but the thing is, you already have children.

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Speaker 1: Claudia don't have no kids, so she's like she just

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Speaker 1: wants a child, like she wants a baby. Every woman

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Speaker 1: should have the experience of having a baby if they

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Speaker 1: want to having a child, it's it's something beautiful with

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Speaker 1: it's multiplying, it's creating life, like you're making people like

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like you made a person

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Speaker 1: a person that that is yours and that will be

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Speaker 1: yours forever. It's something sacred about that. That's amazing. But

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Speaker 1: when you're in a relationship and someone doesn't want the

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Speaker 1: same thing and they do tell you upfront before y'all

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Speaker 1: even get official and become so in love and all

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Speaker 1: of that, he did tell you this. I'm not sure

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Speaker 1: if kJ always felt that way about him and Claudia,

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Speaker 1: you know, or just period, like he didn't want any

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Speaker 1: more kids. But I'm gonna tell you this. Your boyfriend

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Speaker 1: told you so. It's really really your choice, and you

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Speaker 1: told me you thought that it would change. But it's

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Speaker 1: very seldom that you can change a man's mind about

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Speaker 1: something like that. Only he can change his mind, and

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Speaker 1: it's not even effective. If he loves you enough he'll

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Speaker 1: give you a baby, it's not even that. Maybe he

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Speaker 1: has reasons why he doesn't want any anymore. Now, that

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean he doesn't want you or the relationship want

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Speaker 1: to marry you. Doesn't mean he's not gonna marry you,

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Speaker 1: doesn't want you to be his wife. He just doesn't

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Speaker 1: want any more kids. And I know this is repetitive,

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Speaker 1: and I don't want to seem redundant, but he told

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Speaker 1: you up front, so that's the only thing I can see.

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Speaker 1: If these things weren't talked about and you guys are

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Speaker 1: four years and and because four years is a chunk

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Speaker 1: of your life like that, that's not no little bit

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Speaker 1: as time and it hasn't changed. But he did tell

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Speaker 1: you still, so he really is against having more children.

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Speaker 1: That's what we see. That's what we know. I'm so

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Speaker 1: sorry because I know you do want a baby, but

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Speaker 1: I'm happy that you already have kids, so you have

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Speaker 1: experienced birth and pregnancy. You just want it with him,

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Speaker 1: and you want more kids. I do understand. But sometimes

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Speaker 1: things don't work out the way that we want them

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Speaker 1: to work out. And that's just what it is. Baby girl.

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Speaker 1: I'm not telling you to leave this man, and I'm

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Speaker 1: not telling you to stay. I'm telling you to pray

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Speaker 1: about it. I don't know if you're religious. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if you're Christian. I don't know if there is

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Speaker 1: a higher being that you pray to mine is God,

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Speaker 1: and I would literally just have a talk with God,

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Speaker 1: and I would have a talk with him as well,

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Speaker 1: and tell him not to persuade him to have a baby.

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Speaker 1: Just tell him what you told me. I thought it

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Speaker 1: would change. I did, if you haven't already, I thought

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Speaker 1: this would change. I love you. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: leave you, but I want kids. I know you did

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Speaker 1: tell me upfront that you didn't. However, things do change,

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Speaker 1: and I thought it it would change. Not that I

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Speaker 1: could change you. Make sure you say these things. Not

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Speaker 1: that I could change your mind, but you could change

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Speaker 1: your mind. You never know what life may bring. You

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Speaker 1: never know how you're gonna fell in four years, three years,

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Speaker 1: six years, You never know. I don't know what your

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Speaker 1: experience was before with the children. If you guys been

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Speaker 1: together for four years, and this should have already been

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Speaker 1: talked about. If not, it's still fine. It's not too

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Speaker 1: late to go and talk to him about these things.

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Speaker 1: Get to the bottom of why he doesn't want to

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Speaker 1: have any and if it's just dead end, it's dead end. Baby.

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Speaker 1: You gotta move on if that's what your heart tells you,

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Speaker 1: or you gotta stay stick it out. Ask him about adoption.

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Speaker 1: You know there are different ways. I don't know. Maybe

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Speaker 1: it's the pregnancy part that scares him. Just get inside

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Speaker 1: of his mind and try to talk and figure out

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Speaker 1: what's going on with it. Again, communication, But thank you

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Speaker 1: for writing me, baby. I'm so sorry. I know she

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Speaker 1: wore her child. Because child. I want more to with

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Speaker 1: the way these men is set up. Baby. Now, we

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Speaker 1: got a commercial and if you click off of this podcast,

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Speaker 1: I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen. Okay, moving on,

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Speaker 1: just I've been in a monogamous relationship for a long time,

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Speaker 1: but my fiance complains that it's getting boring and we're

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Speaker 1: growing apart. However, we don't want to call it quits.

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Speaker 1: He recently acts for an open relationship. At first, I

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Speaker 1: thought like he got me fucked up, but maybe it

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Speaker 1: wouldn't be so bad. What do you think, m Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I see, I think a little different. I don't care

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Speaker 1: how long we've been together. And this is just me

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Speaker 1: speaking from my personal perspective. I don't give a funk

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Speaker 1: how long we've been together. I don't care if you're

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Speaker 1: getting bored and nigga spice it up some other way.

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Speaker 1: We are not bringing in another person to help us

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Speaker 1: with a relationship, because before you know it, you will

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Speaker 1: be alone and that bitch will be with that nigga.

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Speaker 1: Believe me, he already told you he's getting bored. But

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Speaker 1: y'all don't want to bring up. No, ya don't want

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Speaker 1: to see each other with someone else. That's what that

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Speaker 1: is in my opinion, And I may be wrong, but

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Speaker 1: if he were to leave you and go be with

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Speaker 1: someone else, that will hurt you. If you were to

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Speaker 1: leave him and go be with someone else, as bored

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Speaker 1: as the relationship got and as far apart of y'all group,

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Speaker 1: he would still have a fucking problem with that. So

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Speaker 1: that's the problem there. Y'all don't want to let go

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Speaker 1: because y'all do have so much time in history put

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Speaker 1: in and all of that, and I do understand that.

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Speaker 1: But people do grow apart. They do, and maybe you

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Speaker 1: guys just have to separate. Maybe you'll have to be

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Speaker 1: done with each other. Go do you he go do

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Speaker 1: him whatever and come back. Because y'all didn't even make

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Speaker 1: it to the married part. You said your fiance sweetie,

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Speaker 1: So y'all haven't even made it down the aisle. How

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Speaker 1: long were you all together? Ship? And he proposed, and

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden he's board. I don't know how

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Speaker 1: long have y'all been engaged because black people got a

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Speaker 1: motherfucking have it of proposing and then forgetting about a day.

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Speaker 1: I'm what, just gonna be engaged for life? Like, no,

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Speaker 1: that's that's not what we do. I think what you

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Speaker 1: should do is you used to sit down and y'all

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Speaker 1: should really be honest with each other. I feel like

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Speaker 1: y'all are not honest. I feel like he's not being

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Speaker 1: honest with you about becoming bored in a relationship. I

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Speaker 1: just feel like maybe his heart is not there anymore,

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Speaker 1: maybe his mind isn't there. Something ain't there, something that

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Speaker 1: is not gonne. There's a disconnect, there's something going on.

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying it maybe with another woman. I'm not

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Speaker 1: trying to put anything in your head that doesn't need

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Speaker 1: to be there. I just want you to see and

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Speaker 1: don't play yourself and don't let him play you, because,

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Speaker 1: like you said, at first, you was like, oh no,

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Speaker 1: he got me fucked up, and rightfully so he does.

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Speaker 1: I love how open he was with you to even

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Speaker 1: try to suggest something, so y'all won't you know, But

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Speaker 1: it's like he wants to pass is like, uh, it's

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Speaker 1: something that it ain't right. It ain't right. Have you

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Speaker 1: guys ever had threesomes before? Have you guys ever? You know,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know that. It's just like,

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Speaker 1: that's not something that just comes out of the fucking

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Speaker 1: blue from a fiance. Is he already dealing with someone?

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Speaker 1: That would have me thinking like, are you already dealing

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Speaker 1: with somebody? But you're so far in here because we

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Speaker 1: are about to get married or were supportively getting married,

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Speaker 1: but you already got somebody on the side, So now

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Speaker 1: you want to bring that person in And it's my

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Speaker 1: mind would be going, and it's going right now. And

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying that's your situation. So just forget all

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Speaker 1: that that I said, but keep it in the back

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Speaker 1: of your mind. But don't you know, don't harp too

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Speaker 1: much on that. Just sit down and be honest because

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Speaker 1: that's communication. But that's also a bunch of bullshit to me.

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Speaker 1: It's just something that's not right there. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you're not telling me something or whatever it is,

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Speaker 1: but sit out and make him be honest with you.

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Speaker 1: And if he cannot be honest with you, you still

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Speaker 1: feel that it's nothing, then yeah, you need to exit

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Speaker 1: stage left quickly easily. Don't pass go, don't collect two

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Speaker 1: d go leave. I'm sorry, but that's that's how I feel, alright.

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Speaker 1: Moving on last one. Oh, this is from a baby.

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Speaker 1: I love this, and baby, I mean she's she's saying

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Speaker 1: she's seventeen. Okay, My parents threatened to disown me if

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Speaker 1: I continue to date my boyfriend. They don't like him,

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Speaker 1: the life that he lives, and the fact that he's

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Speaker 1: not our race. Would you continue a relationship like this

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Speaker 1: because I'm definitely picking my boyfriend. Hm, the fact that

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Speaker 1: you're a baby. And I'm not gonna ever tell you

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Speaker 1: you don't know what love is. You don't know, you

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Speaker 1: don't know what I mean, because it's absolutely possible that

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Speaker 1: you do. I'm not gonna tell you don't know what

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Speaker 1: love is. But you have a whole lot of life

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Speaker 1: to live. You're very young. You're in high school. I'm

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Speaker 1: assuming if you haven't graduated early. Now, what kind of

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Speaker 1: ship is this boyfriend into and what fucking race are

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Speaker 1: you and him? You? You left a lot of little

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Speaker 1: shit out. I don't know. I can't even make an

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Speaker 1: assumption and say oh, she might be white and the

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Speaker 1: boyfriend might be black, because it might be the other

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Speaker 1: way around. He might be a white boy and our

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Speaker 1: parents is like, uh, he may be Hispanic, He maybe Asian, Russian,

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Speaker 1: he might not be rushing. But but you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, he could be anything. So I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't think she wanted to disclose that information. However,

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Speaker 1: I do feel like you should talk to your parents

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Speaker 1: find out what is it about him that they don't like.

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Speaker 1: And he could just be a bad boy that they

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Speaker 1: see could easily influence you just by being around him

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Speaker 1: or his girlfriend or you know. That's so many ways.

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Speaker 1: Like I was seventeen years old before I was a

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Speaker 1: teen ager, before my my parents didn't like every little

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Speaker 1: boy I thought that I was gonna be with, you know,

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Speaker 1: they didn't. And I also dated older when I was

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Speaker 1: a teenager because I've always looked older, you know, a

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Speaker 1: little strong in the face, got strong features, whatever. So

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Speaker 1: I've always looked before my time, right, So I always

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Speaker 1: dated up until I actually got older. I used to

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Speaker 1: lie about my age all of that. Ship is it

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Speaker 1: that I used to date niggas in the streets. I

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Speaker 1: used like it could be that. I'm not sure again race.

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Speaker 1: I honestly feel like if your parents didn't say that,

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Speaker 1: maybe that doesn't have anything to do with it. I

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Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know. It sounds I ain't eve

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Speaker 1: gonna say what it sounds like. I ain't even trying

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Speaker 1: to paint this picture like this. But to me, it

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Speaker 1: sounds like you're white and you got yourself a black

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Speaker 1: boyfriend and your parents ain't feeling it. If it is

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Speaker 1: about race, it probably just because he's black. If this

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Speaker 1: is the case, it don't have to be about race. Acthor.

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Speaker 1: It could be that he in the streets, It could

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Speaker 1: be that he's older, it could be all those factors,

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Speaker 1: all those things that I just said I went through

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Speaker 1: as a teenager. So sit down and talk to your parents.

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Speaker 1: I see that you said I'm definitely picking my boyfriend.

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Speaker 1: If that's how you feel, I can't stop you. Apparently

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Speaker 1: your parents can't even stop you. But you do have

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Speaker 1: to talk to them. They're your parents, and they have

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Speaker 1: your best interests at heart. They're your parents, So sit

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Speaker 1: down and talk about it with them because you're their baby.

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Speaker 1: You know you're their baby obviously, And I love how

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Speaker 1: you said parents. So you have both of your parents

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Speaker 1: still not a lot of young people can't even say that.

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Speaker 1: So that's good that you eat and still have both

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Speaker 1: of your parents. So God bless you. But talk to them,

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Speaker 1: be talked to him for you get your lot as

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Speaker 1: whip girl. And just like that, we've come to the

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Speaker 1: end of another episode of Carefully Reckless with your Girl.

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Speaker 1: Just hilarious. Now let's just fix my mess that is

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Speaker 1: the ship. I might go a part three next week,

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Speaker 1: but I might not. I don't know. I might give

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Speaker 1: it a little rest because y'all. Y'all got have some problems,

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Speaker 1: all right, But it all boils down to communication. I

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Speaker 1: see a lot of people don't communicate these days. That's

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Speaker 1: been the issue with every story that I've looked at,

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Speaker 1: everything that I've looked at, it just seems like you

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Speaker 1: guys don't communicate. So open your mouth, even if it's

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Speaker 1: a hard conversation. Hard conversations have to be had as well.

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Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong. You have to

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Speaker 1: be able to have hard conversations and marriages and relationships

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Speaker 1: and friendships with family. In business, hard conversations you have to.

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Speaker 1: You can't run from it. But thank y'all, I Love

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Speaker 1: y'all and I know y'all love me. Tune in every Wednesday.

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Speaker 1: Hump Day also turned into Reckless Discuss Every Wednesday at

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Speaker 1: seven pm on YouTube. Love Y'all piece Carefully Reckless is

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Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect.

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Speaker 1: For more podcasts from My Heart Radio, visit the I

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Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to

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Speaker 1: your favorite shows.