Speaker 1: iHeart Podcasts bring you the Ultimate Summer of Love Tree.
Speaker 1: This is famously available. It's a very exciting day. We're
Speaker 1: gonna have to run down on the date that happened
Speaker 1: this last weekend at the Jonas Brothers concert. Now, in
Speaker 1: addition to this episode, please stay tuned because we talked
Speaker 1: to Cynthia, who was in the suite at the same
Speaker 1: time and had her own input on body language. How
Speaker 1: things went. Now, I'm just gonna kick it off. How
Speaker 1: did things go?
Speaker 2: I have been dying to talk to you.
Speaker 1: I really I texted the group that night. I was
Speaker 1: on the East coast, You're on the West coast, and
Speaker 1: so I think it like happened way later than when
Speaker 1: I went to bed, so I didn't get any good updates.
Speaker 1: I really know nothing other than what Cynthia talk to
Speaker 1: me about, which was really just like an outside perspective
Speaker 1: of the date.
Speaker 2: Are you going to share her outside perspective?
Speaker 1: I will share bits and pieces you want to you
Speaker 1: want to hear a little bit.
Speaker 2: I want to hear it at the end. I want
Speaker 2: to hear a bit of Yeah.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to like like push you in any direction.
Speaker 1: That episode with Cynthia will be airing about the same
Speaker 1: time this airs, and so make sure you listen to
Speaker 1: both to get two different perspectives, one involved in the date,
Speaker 1: the other one watching the date. But let's just kick
Speaker 1: it off. We obviously got the chat right before the
Speaker 1: date happened. You had a really good, I think mindset
Speaker 1: going into this date. I personally feel like you would
Speaker 1: be a really easy first date because of the mindset
Speaker 1: that you shared and just your expectations, kind of the
Speaker 1: the excitement that was before the date. Now the date
Speaker 1: has happened at this point, so please fill us on.
Speaker 2: I'm just going to stop you then, because I don't
Speaker 2: think that it's healthy for so much time to go
Speaker 2: by before you and I dissect. I think we need
Speaker 2: to do this a little bit quicker next time, because
Speaker 2: now I've had several days to kind of stew in
Speaker 2: my mind. How you second guess things. You think, oh,
Speaker 2: it was like this or it ended like that, So
Speaker 2: I've had some time to gather my thoughts and think
Speaker 2: about it. So there's all right. It's interesting to me
Speaker 2: that you said I had a good mindset. I did.
Speaker 2: I did when you and I spoke before the date.
Speaker 2: I had a good mindset. I was super excited. I
Speaker 2: felt good, I felt cute. I wore my stand up
Speaker 2: only jeans. They looked great, but it was funny. As
Speaker 2: the day went on, I had a little bit of
Speaker 2: time to get back to my hotel room and get ready,
Speaker 2: and I was alone. And sometimes being alone is not
Speaker 2: a good space for me to get into. Because I
Speaker 2: was shocking as it made sound can get into my
Speaker 2: own head. I can start to twist my own thoughts
Speaker 2: eight way sideways, good ones, bad ones, crazy ones, it
Speaker 2: doesn't matter. I am the type of person that a
Speaker 2: lot of time leads with fear. And I'll tell you
Speaker 2: what I did. Ben. After we got done talking, I
Speaker 2: started to think in my head, what if he's just
Speaker 2: doing it for the podcast. What if he's just doing
Speaker 2: someone a solid and he's just showing up just to
Speaker 2: like make sure I have a date to talk about
Speaker 2: on the podcast, Like he's not really into me, he's
Speaker 2: not really in it to date me. And I started
Speaker 2: to take these thoughts, Ben, And I really hope that
Speaker 2: for anyone who might be listening, they can let me
Speaker 2: know that I'm not alone here. But I started to
Speaker 2: take these thoughts and I got caught up in my
Speaker 2: head Ben, So I was really excited. I got ready,
Speaker 2: I felt pretty. I got in the van and then
Speaker 2: there was a bit of a ride to the concert.
Speaker 2: You know, I tried to chat with the other girls nervously,
Speaker 2: but I couldn't help but think about it, right, like,
Speaker 2: what's it going to look like? Is it going to
Speaker 2: be attractive? Will there be this like moment where I
Speaker 2: come out of the car and my hair is blowing
Speaker 2: in the wind and he is just falling over by,
Speaker 2: you know, love at first sight? Or is he doing
Speaker 2: this for a podcast, to be on a podcast to
Speaker 2: say he went out with an old bachelorette for whatever reason, right?
Speaker 2: Or is he just doing one of the producers of
Speaker 2: solid I got up in my head. Now, from a
Speaker 2: logistics point of view, what I would like to see
Speaker 2: us do moving forward is there was a transition of
Speaker 2: getting the group of us, because again I told you,
Speaker 2: we weren't alone. There were several people there, a few
Speaker 2: other of the girls. Ashley I was there, and Kathy
Speaker 2: and Susan and Daisy. You know, it was a bunch
Speaker 2: of girls there and God bless them, I love them.
Speaker 2: They were all cheering me on. They were a girl.
Speaker 2: If you need to be saved wink twice, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. Like everybody was if he's not cute,
Speaker 2: we'll take you to the bathroom. Whatever. Everybody was on
Speaker 2: my side, but it wasn't a traditional date where I
Speaker 2: was just alone with this man. The other piece is
Speaker 2: is I didn't meet him right away. So when the
Speaker 2: group all got out, there was a whole lot of
Speaker 2: shuffle of getting us into the suite, getting everybody into
Speaker 2: the building, and sending ou through security. So I looked
Speaker 2: around and I only saw a couple of the other
Speaker 2: guys that were part of our group. And so then
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I wonder if it's that one or
Speaker 2: what if it's not. What if it's that one. I
Speaker 2: don't find him super attractive, but the other one is
Speaker 2: super cute. What if it's him? I just got all
Speaker 2: twisted up in my head then about everything.
Speaker 1: Let's pause here. Let's pause here. I think the first
Speaker 1: note is very common one. You're not alone. I think
Speaker 1: when it comes to high pressure situations, we create. Humans
Speaker 1: typically create a racket in their own heads, and that
Speaker 1: racket is speaking to an insecurity of vulnerability, a past thought, trauma,
Speaker 1: et cetera. And it becomes heightened when we're kind of
Speaker 1: in this survival mode, like this high anxiety nervous mode,
Speaker 1: which even if you weren't nervous, even if you weren't anxious,
Speaker 1: you're you're gonna have that still inside of you because
Speaker 1: it's something different. You're just not used to it. You
Speaker 1: even done it in a long time. You have a
Speaker 1: you have been out there in a long time. I
Speaker 1: met somebody new, and so you're not alone in that.
Speaker 1: I think for listeners, most people will relate with the
Speaker 1: thoughts of everything spirals out of control right before this
Speaker 1: first date. Everything comes to mind right before this first date.
Speaker 1: It's a racket. It's not true, but that doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: It's still in your head, so it's true at the
Speaker 1: time to you, and there are tools to eliminate those
Speaker 1: thoughts or at least place yourself in a different position.
Speaker 1: One of those for this would have been, Hey, you
Speaker 1: weren't feeling good that day. I think that's a great
Speaker 1: excuse and very real excuse for you. You had a migraine
Speaker 1: that day that set you back a bit. Also, you
Speaker 1: were going to this huge event. You were a past
Speaker 1: bachelorette that day, so of course you're going to think
Speaker 1: about that. Because you're surrounded by bachelor contestants, it was
Speaker 1: just two of you. You're not playing the role of
Speaker 1: the bachelorette. You were just playing the role of you.
Speaker 1: So I just want to be clear, you're not alone.
Speaker 1: Doesn't make you It makes you unique, but you're always unique.
Speaker 1: It doesn't make you different in a bad way.
Speaker 2: In my very own special way, Ben, Yes, very own
Speaker 2: special way, all right. When I meet him, it was
Speaker 2: a simple like, hey, how are you. I give him
Speaker 2: a hug. I think him for coming right. I don't
Speaker 2: believe the task in hand is easy on his part.
Speaker 2: He is stepping into a different world. He's a very
Speaker 2: normal man. He works a normal job, stepping into this
Speaker 2: world what we have asked him to do to date
Speaker 2: me on a podcast where I am now going to
Speaker 2: come here and I'm going to talk to you, my friend, Ben.
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you all the details. He's going
Speaker 2: to listen or he's not going to listen. I don't
Speaker 2: really know. But then he's he's putting himself out there too, right,
Speaker 2: it's a big deal. Okay. First impressions, I found him
Speaker 2: very attractive. He wasn't as tall as you told me,
Speaker 2: But like listen, I had heels on. It's fine. I
Speaker 2: found him very attractive. He was a very good looking man.
Speaker 2: He had really beautiful blue eyes, and I told you
Speaker 2: that eye contact is very important for me. So I
Speaker 2: appreciated the way that he engaged with me and talked
Speaker 2: to me. He was attentive in the fact that he
Speaker 2: was asking me if he could get me something to drink,
Speaker 2: he was asking me if I wanted to sit down.
Speaker 2: And I just appreciate those. I mean, I say, on
Speaker 2: the most basic level, the chivalry part of the mill persona. Right.
Speaker 2: There was a point when we were talking where he
Speaker 2: said to me, and given the situation, again, I'm stating
Speaker 2: it was not a normal first date. We were not
Speaker 2: going out where it was just the two of us.
Speaker 2: It wasn't this romantic setting. It wasn't quiet by any means.
Speaker 2: We were screaming over the Jonas brothers in between that
Speaker 2: I was doing photos and videos and things that I
Speaker 2: had committed to and not to me. The rest of
Speaker 2: my girlfriends were all there. So given the unique situation,
Speaker 2: we're kind of chatting and he leaned over at one
Speaker 2: point and he said to me, this isn't exactly what
Speaker 2: I thought it was going to be. And I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. What did you expect And he said, well,
Speaker 2: I was told I was going to get to know you,
Speaker 2: and I said, well, let's get to know each other.
Speaker 2: Those are my expectations too, And in that moment, I
Speaker 2: found that little glimmer beIN to be honest with him,
Speaker 2: and I pride myself on my honesty, and what I
Speaker 2: said to him in that moment was I apologize. I
Speaker 2: got in my head a little bit because I wasn't
Speaker 2: sure how much of you would be showing up to
Speaker 2: meet me, or how much of you was showing up
Speaker 2: to just fill the position of this night, and I said,
Speaker 2: I was really looking forward to getting to know you
Speaker 2: and seeing where this could go, and I would really
Speaker 2: like that if we could start over. It was great.
Speaker 2: We ended up having some really genuine conversations. I got
Speaker 2: to know him a bit, I got to know about
Speaker 2: his family, I got to hear about his job. Neither
Speaker 2: one of us knew very many Jonas Brothers songs, so
Speaker 2: that was a lot of fun too, because every time
Speaker 2: we were kind of like, well I don't really know
Speaker 2: this one, but I know this one. He There were
Speaker 2: a couple of moments because it was so loud, we
Speaker 2: had to speak really closely to each other, which which
Speaker 2: I found a little enticing, you know. And there were
Speaker 2: a couple of moments where he put his hand on
Speaker 2: my back, and then I was like, then I turned
Speaker 2: myself crazy again. I was like, oh, he listened to
Speaker 2: the podcast. He totally listened to me. Tell Ben that
Speaker 2: I might not make out with him, but he can
Speaker 2: put the hand his hand on the small of my
Speaker 2: back and a little thirty is good. I'm telling you, Ben,
Speaker 2: I'm nuts. I'm nuts. I really enjoyed the conversation with
Speaker 2: this man. I found that he had a lot of
Speaker 2: qualities that I find attractive in someone that I would
Speaker 2: want to date. It was a very hard scenario to
Speaker 2: find it to be datable in that moment. But I
Speaker 2: left that evening thinking I would have explored a second date. Okay,
Speaker 2: if he had asked for my phone number at the
Speaker 2: end of the night, I would have given it to him.
Speaker 2: But he did not.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Now, in his defense, I don't know if I was
Speaker 2: hard to read, if the situation was hard to read,
Speaker 2: or if he just didn't like me. But I left
Speaker 2: the date and talking to him and getting to know him,
Speaker 2: and I found him physically attracted and attract him and
Speaker 2: his personality attractive. I would have entertained a second date
Speaker 2: with just the two of us so that we could
Speaker 2: have been alone and talked more and gotten to know
Speaker 2: each other more. I would have enjoyed that. But he
Speaker 2: did not ask, and I wasn't going to offer it up.
Speaker 1: Do you was that a surprise to you or did
Speaker 1: you see that kind of coming? Were you reading into
Speaker 1: it as a night continued and saying, yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: know if this is going in a place for him
Speaker 1: where he would want a second date.
Speaker 2: I felt like if he was into it, he would
Speaker 2: have shot a shot. That's what I felt like. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but I cannot put my assumptions. I tend to run
Speaker 2: with the fact that like, oh, that's not how I
Speaker 2: would have treated someone. That's not what I would have done.
Speaker 2: I can't put those assumptions onto other people. I thought
Speaker 2: the conversation that we had was really, really great. We
Speaker 2: talked about cooking, you know, he enjoys to cook. We
Speaker 2: talked about his kids, we talked about my kids, we
Speaker 2: talked about our pets. I thought the conversation was really easy,
Speaker 2: and it flowed very well. I think the scenario that
Speaker 2: we were in was not romantic. I thought by the
Speaker 2: end he might at least ask to keep in touch.
Speaker 2: So was I shocked, No, because I think given everything
Speaker 2: that I've been through, Ben, it takes a lot to
Speaker 2: shock me now, you know. But I wasn't shocked. I
Speaker 2: would say that I was a little disappointed. I enjoyed
Speaker 2: the conversation. I would have liked to have seen if
Speaker 2: it could have gone to a second date, or at
Speaker 2: least had a conversation at the very least. I wanted
Speaker 2: to text him the next day and say, hey, man,
Speaker 2: I realized that wasn't normal, thank you for showing up,
Speaker 2: thank you for asking really great questions, thank you for
Speaker 2: a genuine conversation. I wouldn't have minded, you know, if
Speaker 2: we kept in touch and had a second date. But
Speaker 2: he didn't try, and so for me, the actions speak
Speaker 2: louder than the words. If he really wanted to, he
Speaker 2: would I kind of hate that saying, but it's also
Speaker 2: really true. If he wanted to keep in touch, he
Speaker 2: would have shot his shot. He would have said, Hey,
Speaker 2: I really enjoyed getting to know you. Do you mind
Speaker 2: if we talk more. I would have absolutely said yes.
Speaker 1: Now, before the conversation started, or before the date started,
Speaker 1: you and I did have a conversation, and you talked
Speaker 1: about how first dates are really great in group settings
Speaker 1: because there is very little pressure, and this seemed like
Speaker 1: a lot of fun. Yes, a concert, we could say
Speaker 1: it's an abnormal first date, but it's also a really
Speaker 1: great place to meet somebody. It is low pressure, there's
Speaker 1: good moments in between, there's a relatability to the songs
Speaker 1: being played. You know, we go on looking back, now,
Speaker 1: do you wish that you were in a different scenario
Speaker 1: for this first date? Do you think that would have
Speaker 1: changed things?
Speaker 2: No? I actually really liked it, Ben Okay. I think
Speaker 2: what I took responsibility for was that he was disappointed.
Speaker 2: I took responsibility for that. I was not disappointed in
Speaker 2: any way. I had a really great time. I loved
Speaker 2: sharing it with the other women in the suite. I
Speaker 2: loved the concert, I loved the Jonas brothers. I loved
Speaker 2: being in that situation and meeting him there because there
Speaker 2: was no pressure. There was no pressure to leave there
Speaker 2: with him, like it was like goodbye. I would absolutely
Speaker 2: have done it again. I think where I went wrong.
Speaker 2: Is that I took the responsibility that he was disappoint
Speaker 2: he expected more out of the date. And again I
Speaker 2: don't know what he was told by producers. I don't
Speaker 2: know what was sold to him. But I just felt
Speaker 2: responsible for his disappointment when he said to me, I
Speaker 2: was under the understanding that I was going to get
Speaker 2: to know you. I felt bad in that moment because
Speaker 2: I was open and willing. I wanted that as well.
Speaker 2: I felt bad that he was disappointed that he wasn't
Speaker 2: getting that.
Speaker 1: Yes, I don't know him. I wasn't there at the date.
Speaker 1: I would my argument to that would be, it sounds
Speaker 1: like you did get to know each other a little bit.
Speaker 1: You just rattled off five different things that you took
Speaker 1: away from his life that you heard and saw and
Speaker 1: he told you about. For a first date, five different
Speaker 1: facts about somebody is a big accomplishment. You knew about
Speaker 1: his family, his kids, his job. That's a great first date.
Speaker 1: So I guess I am confused from an outside perspective
Speaker 1: of what he didn't get to know about you. Do
Speaker 1: you feel like you held back? Do you feel like
Speaker 1: you showed him interest?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Where was he missing this?
Speaker 2: That's what I think it was in I think it
Speaker 2: was in the beginning of the night, Ben, because there
Speaker 2: was a slaps when we got there. I wasn't introduced
Speaker 2: to him right away, so there was a lapse when
Speaker 2: we got there where no one introduced us, you know,
Speaker 2: so we weren't able to see each other at first
Speaker 2: and talk and then the music was playing, so it
Speaker 2: was I think for him it was missed. But I
Speaker 2: would say once he shared that with me, I tried
Speaker 2: to be very conscious of that, and we were able
Speaker 2: to kind of stand back in the suite. We didn't sit,
Speaker 2: you know, in the stadium. We stood back in the
Speaker 2: in the suite and talked. I felt like the conversation
Speaker 2: was good, and once I was really aware of what
Speaker 2: he felt, I did. I tried to be really conscious
Speaker 2: of that and like, okay, man, let's get to know
Speaker 2: each other. Then here I am. This is what I do.
Speaker 2: These are the things. He asked, some really great questions.
Speaker 2: Some of them I feel like were second or third
Speaker 2: date worthy. They were a little too serious for the
Speaker 2: scenario and and where we were. But maybe he was thinking, well, whatever, Ben,
Speaker 2: I shouldn't assume what he was thinking. But if I
Speaker 2: had to look at the scenario. Maybe he was thinking,
Speaker 2: this might be the only time I get to talk
Speaker 2: to this woman, so I'm just gonna ask everything I
Speaker 2: need to in case I never see her again. But
Speaker 2: some of the questions were a little heavy for a
Speaker 2: first date, especially a first date surrounded by other people,
Speaker 2: especially a first date at a concert. He asked me
Speaker 2: some in depth questions about my divorce and something as
Speaker 2: serious as like, you know, looking back, is there a
Speaker 2: place where you look at it if you could do
Speaker 2: something differently to change the scenario or the outcome. I
Speaker 2: just thought in that moment, I thought, holy man, this
Speaker 2: is a little heavy for a first date. Great question,
Speaker 2: and I'm absolutely open to it. But it just wasn't
Speaker 2: the time and the place. But again, I don't know
Speaker 2: what was going through his head at the time. Did
Speaker 2: he listen to the podcast before he came in. Was
Speaker 2: he like, Okay, I've got to ask check this off,
Speaker 2: these in depth questions. I've got to put my hand
Speaker 2: on her back. I've I've got to be you know, attractive,
Speaker 2: I've gotta i've got to be the man, you know.
Speaker 2: I don't know what was going on in his head,
Speaker 2: but some of the questions I felt like were would
Speaker 2: have been good for for women knew each other better
Speaker 2: and for a moment that we could get in depth
Speaker 2: like that. And I think I shared to you too, Ben,
Speaker 2: I don't know the dudes and don'ts at first dates.
Speaker 2: But like I don't want to hear about your ex wife,
Speaker 2: I don't want to hear about the trauma you cared
Speaker 2: from that there is always his truth, her truth, and
Speaker 2: the truth. So like you're my friend, you're listening to me,
Speaker 2: so you're always gonna feel sorry for me. But I
Speaker 2: can tell you I was not perfect in my marriage.
Speaker 2: There's a time and a place for that, and I
Speaker 2: don't want to do it on a first date. I
Speaker 2: just don't.
Speaker 1: I get that. I mean, I think that, and I
Speaker 1: think that's fair. I think that's a boundary that sometimes
Speaker 1: though needs and would be needed to be communicated up front.
Speaker 1: And I and I'm I know you're very capable and
Speaker 1: probably have communicated that. I mean, I like that he
Speaker 1: took an interest. He obviously engaged in your life and
Speaker 1: wanted to figure it out. You know, having any type
Speaker 1: of conversation in today's world is something unique and special.
Speaker 1: I think I go back to my question of something
Speaker 1: was something had happened to where his expectations weren't met.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you got back on track. He did
Speaker 1: get to know you, and in a lot of ways,
Speaker 1: we could say, ask questions to get to know you
Speaker 1: more than probably you were wanting to give up at
Speaker 1: this point.
Speaker 2: So that for me poses the question why didn't he
Speaker 2: ask for my phone number?
Speaker 1: Well, let's get into it. So from an outside perspective,
Speaker 1: and we did get to talk to Cynthia. As I
Speaker 1: mentioned before, you know, he didn't ask for your phone number.
Speaker 1: Where the other girls because I'm sure they're excited, they're interested,
Speaker 1: They're also focused on the Jonas Brothers concert and everything
Speaker 1: going on there before we get to the end of
Speaker 1: the night. During the night, I'm sure they are whispering
Speaker 1: getting moments with you. Were they reassuring you that this
Speaker 1: looked good and felt good From an outside perspective.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I felt more so from their perspective
Speaker 2: than they were just checking on me. Are you okay?
Speaker 2: Do you need rescuing? That's what I felt like, like
Speaker 2: the girls were like, do you need rescuing in this moment?
Speaker 2: Are you bored out of your mind? Are you okay?
Speaker 2: I was really okay. When the girls would come and
Speaker 2: check on me, I would say, no, I'm totally fine.
Speaker 2: I'm totally fine. I was genuinely enjoying the conversation with
Speaker 2: this man. I believe from their perspective is they just
Speaker 2: wanted to be really good wing women, you know, like
Speaker 2: if I need a saving, they were ready to save me.
Speaker 1: They're in the saving mindset. My role tonight is to
Speaker 1: help her if she needs help, not necessarily, which pump
Speaker 1: you up and be like this is awesome, this is great,
Speaker 1: and maybe pump him up wing woman you from his
Speaker 1: side to be like she's a catch.
Speaker 2: Well, so okay. So that was also the weird situation
Speaker 2: is there were all of these people there who are
Speaker 2: my friends. Right, there's you know, people there for the podcast.
Speaker 2: There's there's video, there's photos, there's you know, we're doing
Speaker 2: all of the things because to an extent, it is
Speaker 2: a show that we are producing and putting out for
Speaker 2: our listeners to be able to follow along, Right, this
Speaker 2: has to be like bonkers to him and way outside
Speaker 2: he works a normal job. Been like, he works a
Speaker 2: normal job. This has to be way outside of his
Speaker 2: comfort zone. There is that, but like I think that
Speaker 2: I wish other people had introduced themselves to him, because
Speaker 2: no one really did, so he was put in the
Speaker 2: scenario where he doesn't know anyone else. He probably recognized
Speaker 2: some of the other faces right from the show, but
Speaker 2: he didn't know anyone else. But no one really introduced
Speaker 2: There's themselves to him. And I guess I also given
Speaker 2: that looking at it right now, in this very moment
Speaker 2: talking to you, Ben, I should have been better about that.
Speaker 2: I should have introduced him so he didn't feel so excluded.
Speaker 2: And I hope that he didn't feel that way, but
Speaker 2: I don't really know that. I guess, looking back, in
Speaker 2: a scenario where I felt so incredibly comfort and surrounded
Speaker 2: by women diadore, maybe he felt a little excluded. And
Speaker 2: now I'm literally thinking about that in this very moment, Ben,
Speaker 2: and I feel really bad about that.
Speaker 1: I mean, hey, these are dates. I mean at the
Speaker 1: basis of all this, and we'll get into kind of
Speaker 1: your future and dating and what you've learned and felt,
Speaker 1: but the base of all this, as we've said many
Speaker 1: times here, when you're getting into the dating world, no
Speaker 1: matter if you're you know, doing it for a second time,
Speaker 1: if you're doing it at the beginning dates are like,
Speaker 1: the only way to find the match is to keep dating,
Speaker 1: is to keep getting out there going good dates, bad dates,
Speaker 1: make mistakes, mess up. As long as you don't sit
Speaker 1: here today and it's like, I absolutely crushed that dude.
Speaker 1: I made him feel so small. I destroyed his confidence.
Speaker 1: I like absolutely attacked him with my words and my
Speaker 1: like the ways I as long as you're not doing that,
Speaker 1: we're good. Like he's he's sitting there tonight, He's like,
Speaker 1: I'm fine, I went on a date with a beautiful woman.
Speaker 1: Like it didn't work out for whatever reason. He's good
Speaker 1: with that, I'm sure, and he's gonna be okay.
Speaker 2: Yp So I hope so you know, I genuinely want
Speaker 2: to be a good person, and I hope that he
Speaker 2: walked away knowing that he got to know me truly
Speaker 2: and authentically, Like that's all that I can do.
Speaker 1: Well, here's what Cynthia shared with us. Cynthia said, the
Speaker 1: body language looked awesome. I think if she wasn't married
Speaker 1: and she was into somebody of the same gender, she
Speaker 1: would date you in a second. She had nothing but
Speaker 1: incredible things to say about you. She said, you looked hot,
Speaker 1: you had great energy. You did everything right, was her
Speaker 1: exact words. Cynthia was a big fan of you. She
Speaker 1: did get to speak to your date. They had mutual
Speaker 1: friends in common, and she didn't necessarily know why the
Speaker 1: date didn't work out, but she did bring up at
Speaker 1: some moment, he did ask you to step out so
Speaker 1: that you could talk more. Was that true?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: And then I said no, why?
Speaker 2: Okay. So this happened pretty early on when he shared
Speaker 2: with me that it was going a little different than
Speaker 2: he anticipated because he was under the understanding that he
Speaker 2: was going to get to know me. So he asked
Speaker 2: me if I would step outside now the crazy person
Speaker 2: that I am. I can tell you where my mind went. Okay,
Speaker 2: I thought, Hey, I'm not going to go in the
Speaker 2: hallway with this person that I just met three seconds
Speaker 2: ago and be alone with him. Be no, dude, we're
Speaker 2: at the Jonahs Brother's concert. Like at the Jonahs Brother's concert,
Speaker 2: I don't want to go sit out on the hallway
Speaker 2: and talk like. I just don't like, can we just
Speaker 2: talk right here? And I guess it just felt uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: It wasn't even like we it wasn't even like we
Speaker 2: eased into it. It was just like, hey, I was
Speaker 2: expecting something else and that's not what I'm getting. Do
Speaker 2: you want to go outside and talk? It wasn't like,
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, this conversation is like really awesome. I'd
Speaker 2: love to get to know you more. And it's a
Speaker 2: little loud and here it can we go outside? It
Speaker 2: felt very forced and not natural, and in that moment
Speaker 2: I said no, I didn't know him from from the
Speaker 2: next person, and there was the other part of me
Speaker 2: it was like no, dude, Like, we're at the Jonas
Speaker 2: Brothers concert. Like, we're at a concert. This is what
Speaker 2: we said we're gonna do. Let's enjoy the concert. Let's
Speaker 2: enjoy the concert. We can have seven other dates where
Speaker 2: we go to dinner and we're alone and just the
Speaker 2: two of us and have in depth conversations, but like
Speaker 2: right now, like, let's live our best lives at the
Speaker 2: Jonas Brother's concert and being a suite and have a
Speaker 2: good time.
Speaker 1: I mean, you are completely right to be able to
Speaker 1: say no to that, and I get you. The what
Speaker 1: you're saying is, this is a blast of a night.
Speaker 1: This is a lot of fun. We're at the Jonas
Speaker 1: Brothers concert with some incredible people. It sounds like to me.
Speaker 1: And again, I don't know this guy, and I'm only
Speaker 1: getting your perspective. In Cynthia's perspective, it sounds like to me,
Speaker 1: he is intentional. I guess there's a way to say this.
Speaker 1: He doesn't want the the like the fluff of a date.
Speaker 1: And from all that we've spoken about you and I,
Speaker 1: you want the intentionality, You want the depth, you want
Speaker 1: that person to get to know you. But you also,
Speaker 1: at this stage in your life, want the fun, like
Speaker 1: you want a partner to have fun with and not
Speaker 1: to always be serious with. And especially in a first date,
Speaker 1: I think it's one of the easiest things about a
Speaker 1: first date is that you can just go and have
Speaker 1: a good time because there's really no expectation other than
Speaker 1: I've been The least in my world would be do
Speaker 1: I finally find you physically attractive or not? Yes or no?
Speaker 1: Is one expectation of a first date. And do we
Speaker 1: have enough fun to try to have a second date
Speaker 1: that then starts to increase our one on one time.
Speaker 1: That's for anybody listening. Don't have huge expectations for a
Speaker 1: first date. First date is do I find you attractive
Speaker 1: enough to want to see you again in my life,
Speaker 1: and too, do I like you enough as a human
Speaker 1: to want to see you again in my life. If
Speaker 1: those two things cross the box, I think, hey, go
Speaker 1: have a second date. But the first date is like practice.
Speaker 2: I think that's how I felt. Then, I think that's
Speaker 2: how I felt, and that's why that's why I went.
Speaker 2: He did ask, and I appreciated him asking, and I
Speaker 2: can acknowledge that probably wasn't very easy for him in
Speaker 2: that moment to be like, hey, and I'd really just
Speaker 2: like to talk to you when I go step outside.
Speaker 2: I just didn't.
Speaker 1: How did you say no?
Speaker 2: I said no?
Speaker 1: Did you explain yourself?
Speaker 2: Fucking worst? I literally was like, yeah, no, I want
Speaker 2: to watch the concert. And then within seconds I was like,
Speaker 2: hey man, I'm sorry. I don't want to sound like
Speaker 2: a crazy like if you want to go sit outside
Speaker 2: and talk, like, let's go sit outside and talk. I
Speaker 2: just thought, you know, we're here, we're having a great time.
Speaker 2: It's the Jonas Brothers. Like, let's sing, let's dance, let's
Speaker 2: enjoy the concert, I said, and I acknowledge that. To him,
Speaker 2: I said, I'm really sorry, like I'd love to talk.
Speaker 2: I'd love to get to know you better, I think
Speaker 2: just exactly the way you put it. Then I wanted
Speaker 2: to have fun. I wanted to dance a little. I
Speaker 2: really like to dance.
Speaker 1: At did you guys dance?
Speaker 2: He didn't dance. He didn't dance. I tried to wag
Speaker 2: a little bit, but then it just felt weird because
Speaker 2: he was just standing there. Yeah that's fair, so yes,
Speaker 2: I you know, in that moment, I felt really awful,
Speaker 2: and when it played back in my head within seconds,
Speaker 2: I was like, ah, you sound like such a bitch,
Speaker 2: like and I did. I looked at him because I said,
Speaker 2: I'm really sorry, Like, let's go outside and talk if
Speaker 2: you want to talk like that's not I didn't mean
Speaker 2: it that way. I don't want to come off sounding ungrateful.
Speaker 2: I really am. But we're also like at the Jonas Brothers,
Speaker 2: like it's great music, Like let's enjoy ourselves, because I
Speaker 2: do believe there is a time and a place for
Speaker 2: some of those serious conversations, and I just don't know
Speaker 2: that on a first date that was the place. And
Speaker 2: I wanted it to be just like what you said.
Speaker 2: I wanted it to be a lot of fun. I
Speaker 2: wanted to walk away and think I had a lot
Speaker 2: of fun with that guy, because I like to have fun.
Speaker 2: I like to laugh, I like to have a good time.
Speaker 2: Personality is so important to me, and I want to
Speaker 2: know that I can have a good time with someone.
Speaker 2: And I just didn't, Ben, I didn't want to go
Speaker 2: sit in the hallway in silence, in the bright lights
Speaker 2: and talk about forever. I just didn't. I just didn't.
Speaker 1: Again, I don't think you're wrong for saying no to that.
Speaker 1: It was a question. You have all rights to say
Speaker 1: yes or no. I do think the explanation probably helped
Speaker 1: because if I was dating somebody and I said, can
Speaker 1: we go out in the hallway and talk and they
Speaker 1: said no, I think I then would start to create
Speaker 1: the racket in my own head and create the narrative
Speaker 1: of she just doesn't want to get to know me.
Speaker 2: But let me lay it out for you for a
Speaker 2: visual bin. That was said pretty early on. The great
Speaker 2: conversation that we had happened after, So it wasn't like
Speaker 2: I was just like, yeah, no, bro, like I'm here
Speaker 2: for Joe. It wasn't like that that happened. I said no,
Speaker 2: and then we genuinely had great conversation up until the
Speaker 2: very end, and then there was a moment he was like,
Speaker 2: I'm going to run to the restroom. He walked out
Speaker 2: with his buddy and when he came back, they were like, yeah, cool,
Speaker 2: we're gonna go. This was a lot of fun. We'll
Speaker 2: see you. There were hugs, we took photos together. I
Speaker 2: have a photo if you would like to see him,
Speaker 2: I'll send it to you. And they were just like hugs.
Speaker 2: It was so great to meet you. You're wonderful.
Speaker 3: Goodbye.
Speaker 1: You know my criticism here and I will say it
Speaker 1: because I think people listening will be learning from you
Speaker 1: as we continue on with this experience, but also relating
Speaker 1: with you and hearing things. If somebody's listening, and I'm
Speaker 1: speaking from a place of guilt, I when in my
Speaker 1: single life, was the ultimate ghoster. I would go on
Speaker 1: first dates and never know how to say, hey, I'm
Speaker 1: not interested again. I never figured that one out. I
Speaker 1: could learn from somebody on how to do that well.
Speaker 1: But I do think there is a moment where we
Speaker 1: as adults date where clarity is not only appreciated, it's
Speaker 1: respected and it's necessary. So as he left that in
Speaker 1: that manner, I think the best thing for him to
Speaker 1: do would have been to tell you, hey, this was great.
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily see us having a second date. But
Speaker 1: I also think there is a world in which he
Speaker 1: was nervous about how you would respond or how this
Speaker 1: would respond, and I do think there's an added pressure.
Speaker 1: So we'll give him the benefit of the doubt. But
Speaker 1: for most situations, again, first dates have very little expectation.
Speaker 1: We should have very little expectation. But I think the
Speaker 1: clarity of do I want to do this again is
Speaker 1: really beneficial to both sides, and you didn't get that.
Speaker 1: And so as we kind of close up here the
Speaker 1: data is ending, he goes to the restroom, comes back in,
Speaker 1: says they're gonna go, and that's the end for you.
Speaker 1: You're still in a little bit of limbo on how
Speaker 1: it ended and what happened. Am I correct?
Speaker 2: Yeah, he came to the concert with his best friend
Speaker 2: and his best friend's wife. She messaged me on Instagram
Speaker 2: like the next day and sent me some photos and
Speaker 2: was like, we had the best time ever. It was
Speaker 2: so great to meet you. Let's keep in touch if
Speaker 2: you're ever in the area. I ride her back and
Speaker 2: I'm like, absolutely, it was a lot of fun to
Speaker 2: meet you and your husband. I hope had a great time.
Speaker 2: I'm a little unsure how that ended, and she just
Speaker 2: kind of brushed it off and was like, yeah, it
Speaker 2: was fine. So there has been no other conversation whatsoever.
Speaker 2: I debated trying to find him just to thank him
Speaker 2: for coming and doing that and coming on a first date.
Speaker 2: But I also just didn't feel like it was my
Speaker 2: place because I'm not hard to find Ben. He knows
Speaker 2: my name, he know it's the podcast, he knows some
Speaker 2: of the producers. If he wanted to get in touch,
Speaker 2: he would, And maybe that's exactly what it is. Maybe
Speaker 2: he left with clarity thinking this was a lot of fun,
Speaker 2: what a great night out. I'm gonna call it a day.
Speaker 2: She's not my vibe. Maybe I wasn't his vibe, and
Speaker 2: that's okay, right. I feel pretty good about the date
Speaker 2: and the conversation that we had, and all I can
Speaker 2: do was like, I was me. I was me. I
Speaker 2: didn't say anything that I would take back. I didn't
Speaker 2: say anything too much. I gave what I wanted to
Speaker 2: on a first date and allowed him insight on who
Speaker 2: I was and the things that I like. I enjoyed
Speaker 2: what he shared the conversation felt very easy. But maybe
Speaker 2: from that point on there was nothing else there because ultimately,
Speaker 2: if he would like to see me again, he would,
Speaker 2: and if he doesn't, then let's move on to the next.
Speaker 1: Let's move on to the next. Well, that's where we're
Speaker 1: going from here. You've obviously just had your first date
Speaker 1: on famously Available. Not a bad date. I will say
Speaker 1: that this wasn't like a bad date by any means.
Speaker 1: You were, you communicated. If he wanted a second date,
Speaker 1: you would have been down to have a second date.
Speaker 1: I think that's a win here. We're not shooting our
Speaker 1: shot in the wrong direction. So you're ready to keep
Speaker 1: getting out there, You're ready to keep dating. Do you
Speaker 1: think this first experience has kind of changed you for
Speaker 1: the next first date? Is it going to be easier, harder?
Speaker 1: Kind of talk about where your mind's at.
Speaker 2: I don't think it's changed me. I just thought about
Speaker 2: things that I would do differently, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: I just thought about things that I would do differently
Speaker 2: given the next scenario. If it's another situation like that
Speaker 2: where we go to a concert, or it's you know,
Speaker 2: a sporting event or something like that, I don't want
Speaker 2: so much time to lapse before I'm introduced to someone,
Speaker 2: because there was this whole weird lingering where it was
Speaker 2: just as there were other women there where they were like,
Speaker 2: which one do you think he is? And please stop looking,
Speaker 2: Please stop looking. Everybody's stop weird. That is weird. And
Speaker 2: it felt a little awkward because he knew I was there,
Speaker 2: and he probably knew who I was and knew what
Speaker 2: I looked like. So there was a moment where he
Speaker 2: didn't come up and introduce himself to me. Neither one
Speaker 2: of us, I'm guessing, knew what the right thing was.
Speaker 2: I didn't know who he was, so we didn't know
Speaker 2: how to do the date. So I think that there's
Speaker 2: some tweaking that we need to work on because it
Speaker 2: is not a traditional scenario. You're not calling me up
Speaker 2: Ben and saying, Okay, you're going to meet Peter at
Speaker 2: seven o'clock at the bar down the street. It's not
Speaker 2: like that. It is a unique situation that I'm going
Speaker 2: into to meet someone, so I think we need to
Speaker 2: tweak it a little bit. So I walked away with
Speaker 2: some things that I would do differently. I would like
Speaker 2: to meet the person right off the bat, so that
Speaker 2: there is no awkwardness between me or him. I also
Speaker 2: just like to get a good look at him and
Speaker 2: see if I find him attractive from the get go.
Speaker 2: And then and I think if there was anything that
Speaker 2: I could do differently in that situation when he did
Speaker 2: ask me to step aside, I maybe didn't have to
Speaker 2: leave the very front of the suite. I could have
Speaker 2: taken a seat at the back of the suite and
Speaker 2: entertained him for fifteen minutes and had really great conversation.
Speaker 2: Because the conversation was really good. And you're right, I
Speaker 2: don't know what he was told, what he thought, but
Speaker 2: he thought he was going to get to know me,
Speaker 2: and I hate that he felt like he wasn't getting that.
Speaker 2: I want to give that because I am doing this
Speaker 2: for the right reasons. Ben, I get that question all
Speaker 2: the time on social media. I'm so flattered. I met
Speaker 2: several women who stopped me after the concert and we're like,
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, we're following Famously Available, we're listening to
Speaker 2: the podcast You Go girl, We're all rooting you, rooting
Speaker 2: for you. And I'm just so grateful for that that
Speaker 2: people even care, but that there are other women who
Speaker 2: are in the same life phase as me, who are
Speaker 2: walking through this with me. So I wish I would
Speaker 2: have been more open because I realize that scenario is
Speaker 2: just very different in what I am expecting from someone.
Speaker 2: If they have never been on television, they have never
Speaker 2: been on radio, they just live a very normal life
Speaker 2: to expect them to come in a scenario like this
Speaker 2: where they are going on a date with a girl
Speaker 2: who has a history on television and a podcast with you, Well,
Speaker 2: we're going to talk about it, Ben, the good the bad.
Speaker 2: Imagine if he had kissed me and I've been like, oh,
Speaker 2: this bread smelled so bad. Ben, Like I'm about to
Speaker 2: put this dude on blast and he's willingly doing it.
Speaker 2: So I want to be more conscious of that on
Speaker 2: the next date or moving forward with whomever it is,
Speaker 2: or if this guy reaches out, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: I just want to be really conscious of that, the
Speaker 2: fact that I am making a choice to put myself
Speaker 2: out there. I am making a choice to do this
Speaker 2: podcast with you. You Ben, It's almost like the social experiment
Speaker 2: you and I are doing, where like I'm the guinea pig,
Speaker 2: but really they're the guinea pig. We're asking these people
Speaker 2: to come date me, like me, get to know me,
Speaker 2: and feel really good about it, and not worry about
Speaker 2: the fact that you and I are going to tell
Speaker 2: all the dirty secrets on air for hundreds of thousands
Speaker 2: of people to listen to.
Speaker 1: Here's a beautiful part. They have the opportunity to come
Speaker 1: on here as well and tell all the dirty secrets
Speaker 1: of you if they want.
Speaker 2: You're supporting my friend, Ben.
Speaker 1: Oh, I got your back, and I will continue to
Speaker 1: have your back through this whole experience. That's a great note.
Speaker 1: If you're out there and you're listening, and you have
Speaker 1: somebody that you're like would be perfect for this scenario.
Speaker 1: You can message us a picture, a little profile, send
Speaker 1: us their Instagram profile. We would love to get a
Speaker 1: nice roster here of potential suitors.
Speaker 2: I have gotten a whole lot more dms. I will
Speaker 2: say that Ben, I'm going to go back on the
Speaker 2: resume and be like, oh my gosh, let my friend Ben.
Speaker 2: Though I'm not going to do it, but I have been.
Speaker 2: I have been getting some dms on how beautiful my
Speaker 2: feet are, so maybe this is working out well for me.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, there's a whole market for that is also
Speaker 1: and I would love for you to take advantage of
Speaker 1: that opportunity. Never seen your feet, but we will add
Speaker 1: it to the list of things we send out to
Speaker 1: somebody before date is she has beautiful, money worthy feet. Okay,
Speaker 1: this has been awesome. Here's my advice for you as
Speaker 1: we move forward. From everything I know from what you
Speaker 1: told me, From everything I know from what Cynthia told me,
Speaker 1: you were great. You were yourself, and ultimately, when we're dating,
Speaker 1: you gotta be yourself and you gotta say the things
Speaker 1: that you really feel and think. Especially, I think as
Speaker 1: we get into this kind of second stage of dating
Speaker 1: in life, you know, for anybody that's out there that's divorced,
Speaker 1: or anybody that's out there that's looking for a second
Speaker 1: partner or a third partner, whatever that may be, being
Speaker 1: yourself I think is essential because the truth of the
Speaker 1: matter is, I do think in this stage what I'm experiencing,
Speaker 1: I'm hearing, and what I honestly ought to expect is
Speaker 1: there is a different intentionality. This isn't a hey, let's
Speaker 1: just play patty Cake for four days and have a
Speaker 1: lot of fun. If somebody really is there to potentially
Speaker 1: date you or you to date them, there is an
Speaker 1: intentionality that will be brought up. I would just say,
Speaker 1: let's pause that until like date two, Date one, let's
Speaker 1: have a good time, Let's see where this takes us.
Speaker 1: Let's have one drink, go home and text each other
Speaker 1: the next day. Date two picks up steam a little bit.
Speaker 1: Date three four, you know, whatever your timeline, but you
Speaker 1: did it well. I'm thankful that you did it. I'm
Speaker 1: thankful that you went out there. But my final question
Speaker 1: for you is are you thankful you did it? I am?
Speaker 2: I am, I am. I had a really great time.
Speaker 2: I had a really great time, and I'm thankful that
Speaker 2: he wasn't a big old fat creeper.
Speaker 1: That's a win because they're out there promise to protect you. Okay,
Speaker 1: we'll keep in touch on the journey. Look forward to
Speaker 1: the suit that get sent our way, the roster of
Speaker 1: just the most handsome, carrying, sweet fun men that we
Speaker 1: can start to set you up with. You're going to
Speaker 1: be exhausted by the time this is done. Just exhausted.
Speaker 2: I'm a roster, a roster. I've never had a roster.
Speaker 2: This is so exciting, so fun.
Speaker 1: Until next time, I've been Ben