Speaker 1: Jordan the woman, Jordan the mom, Jordan the wife, the
Speaker 1: sexual and sensual being, and like even saying Jordan sparks
Speaker 1: and sexual being, people might.
Speaker 2: Be like, oh, oh no, guess what she has a kid?
Speaker 2: She had sex? Oh my god? Did she Maybe not right?
Speaker 3: Maybe not, maybe she didn't marry me right, No way
Speaker 3: she did.
Speaker 1: I can't even see it.
Speaker 4: M h.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and
Speaker 1: I'm Nila and it's Wednesday. I'm not going to sing
Speaker 1: this time. Hey, oh you're gonna miss it. Hey, ladies,
Speaker 1: Happy hump Day, Happy hump Day.
Speaker 2: How's it going. How you doing? How's your week?
Speaker 1: My week is going well. I'm wearing a bright color
Speaker 1: because I woke up this morning feeling not right, and
Speaker 1: I was like, maybe if I put something bright on,
Speaker 1: i'll feel better. And then I did and I feel better.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, I never never thought about that. So here's
Speaker 1: a tip. Actually, fuck, I don't have my pink lipstick on.
Speaker 1: That was gonna be like the extra added oomph.
Speaker 5: Well, but we must have been on the same page
Speaker 5: because I'm also wearing florals.
Speaker 1: I have my pink lipstick in the bag. Man, I
Speaker 1: really want someone to go get it for me.
Speaker 2: It's a new moon. We're springing out. We're springing out
Speaker 2: to our new our new form. That's what the that's
Speaker 2: what the astrology said.
Speaker 5: Oh okay, I got it. Anyway, I'm doing pretty good.
Speaker 5: I uh, I think I'm breaking out in hives. Lovely,
Speaker 5: but everything's fine. I mean it's going well. Should be
Speaker 5: introduce our guests so YouTube doesn't get pissed off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's introduce her today.
Speaker 5: We have a very very special guest without further ado.
Speaker 5: We have singer Mama.
Speaker 3: Wife, platinum selling musical artists, actress American I'll number six winner, right, Yeah,
Speaker 3: well you're getting specific.
Speaker 1: Yes, Jordan's smile.
Speaker 3: And I was like, they're gonna wonder who this third
Speaker 3: laugh is coming out of nowhere.
Speaker 1: Well, people are get on this because we'll like we
Speaker 1: always like kind of talk for a second and then
Speaker 1: they're like, you're so rude. Your guest is just sitting there.
Speaker 1: And I usually brief our guest first, I didn't, I forgot,
Speaker 1: I didn't tell you that. But sometimes I feel pressure
Speaker 1: to just get into it because they cursed me out
Speaker 1: on YouTube, and then I curse them back out.
Speaker 2: So can you stop cursing.
Speaker 3: People's fine, Just so you know, I was thoroughly enjoying
Speaker 3: their little moment.
Speaker 4: So I'm okay.
Speaker 1: Are you okay, Jordan Jordan's sparks?
Speaker 2: Okay, Welcome to the what are we gonna call it?
Speaker 5: Like, welcome to the Good Good Media Studio, Like we
Speaker 5: welcome to Good Mom's, the Good Mansion, the Good Mama Den,
Speaker 5: the Good mom Is Good Cave.
Speaker 2: The Babe Cave.
Speaker 1: Oh god, sounds very Caucasian.
Speaker 2: Okay, well it's very Caucasian.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know.
Speaker 2: We're gonna reconvene with the location.
Speaker 1: Well, we'll think about it.
Speaker 2: Welcome to the Good Moms. Thank you, bad choice.
Speaker 1: I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 4: I think this was a good choice for me today.
Speaker 1: So that's good.
Speaker 2: I'm glad.
Speaker 5: Were you did you before you came? Did you have
Speaker 5: any did you do any research?
Speaker 4: Did you like?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 4: No, like, I know I didn't.
Speaker 3: Actually I do know Erica just through uh how many
Speaker 3: years has it been?
Speaker 4: I don't even know.
Speaker 3: But I met your mom first on the set of
Speaker 3: Sparkle all those years ago.
Speaker 2: I didn't know you knew her. I don't you don't know.
Speaker 1: My mom My mom did make up on Sparkle. But
Speaker 1: then I think she quit in the middle of it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was very sad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like there was a controversy and my mom was like,
Speaker 1: fuck that ship and was like I'm out yep.
Speaker 5: Growing up, the original Sparkle was like, by far, my
Speaker 5: favorite movie. I don't know why my parents were letting
Speaker 5: me watch Sparkle at a young age, but literally I
Speaker 5: just remembered today when she said that. I was like,
Speaker 5: I fucking watched Sparkle the original four thousand times, so
Speaker 5: when the new one came. When the new one came,
Speaker 5: I was like, I can't wait for this ship. But
Speaker 5: then I just realized, like, why the fuck was a
Speaker 5: seven year old watching Sparkle.
Speaker 3: No, there's a lot of adults, but hey, the dresses
Speaker 3: are pretty and the music is.
Speaker 4: Good, so I get it.
Speaker 2: I have a lot of supervision growing up, guys. I
Speaker 2: turned out fine.
Speaker 3: But yeah, so, I mean we've we've crossed paths a lot,
Speaker 3: but I mean that was the she showed me a
Speaker 3: beauty blender for the first time on Sparkle and I
Speaker 3: was like, what is this.
Speaker 4: She goes, this is my mention.
Speaker 3: She's like, look at my daughter, And that was my
Speaker 3: first introduction of you was your beautiful picture, and then
Speaker 3: we've kind of just crossed paths since then.
Speaker 4: So I'm glad to actually be able to like sit
Speaker 4: and chill and.
Speaker 1: Haven't yeh wait. Fun fact, guys, I auditioned for Sparkle.
Speaker 2: You did?
Speaker 1: I did. I auditioned for Sparkle because in my former life,
Speaker 1: well I still, I guess I'm still an actress, but
Speaker 1: I'm on hiatus for a long time.
Speaker 2: Your former life.
Speaker 1: But I did a lot of acting when I was
Speaker 1: a kid, and so I remember auditioning for Sparkle, and
Speaker 1: I remember being like, I remember watching Sparkle and I
Speaker 1: was like, now, y'all know, goddamn well, I cannot sing
Speaker 1: like this. Why are you gonna embarrass me? I vividly
Speaker 1: remember the audition, and I was like, I remember practicing
Speaker 1: in my room, like really trying to hit notes that
Speaker 1: I have no business trying to hit. Man. So when
Speaker 1: I heard the Jordan Sparks got the role, I was like,
Speaker 1: that makes more sad.
Speaker 2: We're here traumatized from your attempt.
Speaker 1: No, but because you know, when you audition, like, you
Speaker 1: audition for a lot of shit. I love audition for
Speaker 1: so much shit that I'm like girl, first of all,
Speaker 1: like I don't even look like these parents, Like they
Speaker 1: will really try to match you up with some people,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, this is a waste of my time.
Speaker 1: Stop wasting people.
Speaker 2: I hate bad casting.
Speaker 1: They waste people's time. It's so annoying. That's one of
Speaker 1: the reasons I like not really disillusioned with acting too.
Speaker 1: I was like, because I was starting to tell my
Speaker 1: ages like I'm not going. They're like, you're not in
Speaker 1: the position to say no auditions. I'm like, I'm not
Speaker 1: going because I'm not going to drive to a place
Speaker 1: and do some shit that I'm never going to get
Speaker 1: the call back.
Speaker 3: For, right, right, that's yes, that's a waste of time.
Speaker 3: And also they work for you, so true, but it's
Speaker 3: a mind fuck. But it's a mind fuck. They will
Speaker 3: really confuse you. Yes, no, I get it. I was there,
Speaker 3: like I was.
Speaker 1: I was like, I was scared to do anything, color
Speaker 1: my hair, cut my hair, Like, do.
Speaker 2: Like change anything on the head headshot?
Speaker 5: Right, you have to look like this all year unless
Speaker 5: you're taking new headshots for two thousand.
Speaker 4: Dollars at the time.
Speaker 5: But you haven't got enough work, so you can't afford them.
Speaker 5: Keep that fucking haircut it.
Speaker 3: But yeah, so it was crazy times, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: I'm just I'm excited to be in the space that
Speaker 3: i'm at now, like, because you're right, that was like
Speaker 3: a lifetime ago. I was like twelve years ago. I'm
Speaker 3: not even the same person, you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: That's crazy how we evolved. So like once like those
Speaker 5: cycles go quickly. But tell us your journey. I know
Speaker 5: you've like you've done so many things.
Speaker 1: But girl, I went on your wiki. I said, this
Speaker 1: is the longest wiki this bitch has had a career.
Speaker 1: I was like every phase. I was like, this is
Speaker 1: a book right here.
Speaker 3: No, literally, American IDAM would be a like a box
Speaker 3: set in and of it.
Speaker 1: But I feel like you had even before America IDOL.
Speaker 1: I was like reading up on you too, because you've
Speaker 1: been like you you left school to homeschool to focus
Speaker 1: on your singing career before that, So this is something
Speaker 1: you've been working towards for a very long time.
Speaker 4: So I let's start with when I was born. No,
Speaker 4: so my very birthday, I'm December twenty second.
Speaker 2: Oh nice, you're a cussby.
Speaker 3: I'm on the cusp. I'm a Capricorn with fiery tendency.
Speaker 3: I got my feet on the ground, but don't test me.
Speaker 3: But I uh, nobody in my family sings like me.
Speaker 3: It's definitely a gift, and nobody taught me how to sing.
Speaker 3: I've never taken voice lessons or anything like that. It's
Speaker 3: just strictly a gift. And I knew around four that
Speaker 3: I like you always getting attention from it, but I
Speaker 3: didn't really know what that meant. It wasn't until I
Speaker 3: was around seven that I realized that I was actually
Speaker 3: good and that it was what I I loved it
Speaker 3: so much, and then I saw Kelly Clarkson when I don't.
Speaker 3: I was like, I want to do that. But it
Speaker 3: wasn't the show necessarily. I just wanted to she was
Speaker 3: winning and people were.
Speaker 4: Crying and she's singing, there's pyrotexts.
Speaker 3: I was like, I want to do that. Yes, I
Speaker 3: want to do that. Whatever she's doing, how she's touching
Speaker 3: people with her music, that's what I want to do.
Speaker 3: And obviously didn't know that American IDAM would be around
Speaker 3: as long as it was and still is. But yeah,
Speaker 3: so I sang all around town, I sang in church.
Speaker 3: I did local competitions that turned into like more national competitions,
Speaker 3: Gospel Music Association, I did music in the Rockies, I
Speaker 3: did all of these different things. I auditioned for Star Search.
Speaker 3: I did America's Most Town the Kids when I was fourteen.
Speaker 3: That's where I met Tory Kelly and so We've known
Speaker 3: each other for a while and kind of worked.
Speaker 4: Our way up.
Speaker 3: And then I auditioned for Idol and I won at seventeen,
Speaker 3: and then I've just been working ever since. So it's
Speaker 3: it's been pretty it's been pretty crazy, to be honest.
Speaker 3: Twenty twenty was the first time I really had a
Speaker 3: home life as an adult, so I like was like,
Speaker 3: I love.
Speaker 4: This, I can stay home, Like what this is. I've
Speaker 4: been preparing for this my whole life, you know.
Speaker 3: So but that was all so so when I fell
Speaker 3: back in love with music again, because you know, you
Speaker 3: know how the industry can disillusion you, and there's just
Speaker 3: so many things, and I was like, Okay, I gotta
Speaker 3: take a step back because this isn't serving me anymore.
Speaker 3: And I really fell back in love with music then
Speaker 3: and now I'm really really happy with the music and
Speaker 3: stuff that I'm creating now.
Speaker 4: I can't wait to put this project out, It's gonna
Speaker 4: be so good.
Speaker 1: I know that people are excited. Do you think that
Speaker 1: starting a career so young, like, how has that I
Speaker 1: guess affected how you've shown up as an adult because
Speaker 1: I feel like when you are under the microscope so
Speaker 1: young people are watching your every move, you almost feel
Speaker 1: like you can't fuck up, Like you feel like you
Speaker 1: have to kind of be this. I have this element
Speaker 1: of perfection in ways, yes, and to be honest, like
Speaker 1: as an outsider looking in and because I don't know
Speaker 1: you that well, I would say, like I look at you,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, she's like had like the very perfect
Speaker 1: kind of buttoned up career and like followed the rules
Speaker 1: in ways. Do you feel like they're pressure to kind
Speaker 1: of uphold that in ways too? Or is that just
Speaker 1: kind of naturally how you show up.
Speaker 3: I think I think it's a little bit of both.
Speaker 3: Because I've I've never been like give me a book.
Speaker 4: I like, just give me a book and I'll stay home.
Speaker 4: You know, that's usually where my happy place is.
Speaker 3: So I've never been one to be out and doing
Speaker 3: crazy things. I like to take risks, but calculated risk capricorn. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I like to take calculated risks. So there I have
Speaker 3: my moments where I let loose sets every once in
Speaker 3: a blue moon, but like part of it is just naturally.
Speaker 4: Who I am.
Speaker 3: The other part is, yes, not only from American Idol
Speaker 3: and being under that microscope, but my dad played football
Speaker 3: professionally for the New York Giants before I, before I
Speaker 3: did idle, So our family was kind of in the
Speaker 3: spotlight a little bit. So even though it wasn't directly
Speaker 3: on me, I was kind of on the outskirts of
Speaker 3: that spotlight.
Speaker 1: And so also seeing your dad and how you had
Speaker 1: to kind of also to see how he interacted with people,
Speaker 1: certain things that he had to do, how he interacted
Speaker 1: with fan and so I learned a lot from him,
Speaker 1: and he's he's awesome. My dad has the personality you
Speaker 1: can fall in love with him in five minutes, like
Speaker 1: he will make you feel like you've been best friends
Speaker 1: for so long, and it's really special in that way.
Speaker 1: But I think it's taken me since I met my husband,
Speaker 1: and that was we're going on six years since I
Speaker 1: met him. I've never felt before him, I had never
Speaker 1: felt one hundred percent okay with being myself one hundred
Speaker 1: percent of the time because of all the things and
Speaker 1: the cameras and the microscopes and the interviews and all
Speaker 1: you better watch what you say because especially now, you
Speaker 1: say something gets taken out of context for clickbait whatever
Speaker 1: it is, and it doesn't matter how how much you're careful,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. People are still going to take it
Speaker 1: and twist it and take it how they want to.
Speaker 1: But my husband Dana really saw who I.
Speaker 4: Was and didn't make me feel bad for it.
Speaker 3: You know how sometimes you're just like you do something
Speaker 3: goofy and they like look at you, and you're just like, okay,
Speaker 3: mental note to.
Speaker 2: Do just that.
Speaker 3: You know, I've never had I've never had that moment
Speaker 3: in terms of like my personality. Obviously, it's like okay,
Speaker 3: if we are having an argument or there's you know something, and.
Speaker 4: It's like, oh, okay, got it, let's not go that way.
Speaker 3: But yeah, he was the first person to really see me,
Speaker 3: and I really appreciated that because a lot of people
Speaker 3: have seen me, you know what I mean, a lot of.
Speaker 4: People see me, but he knows me.
Speaker 3: And it's been the last couple of years actually, since
Speaker 3: twenty twenty falling in love with music again. Really, I
Speaker 3: had so much stuff that was waiting to come out,
Speaker 3: so many stories, so many experiences. I have one hundred
Speaker 3: and seventy something songs that I'm just are my vault,
Speaker 3: like just waiting to come out, you know. So being
Speaker 3: able to do that really helped me get more in
Speaker 3: touch with myself and who I am now, Like who
Speaker 3: is who am I now? After becoming a mom, after
Speaker 3: being the American idol sweetheart? Who's Jordan? And so I'm
Speaker 3: still discovering that. But at the same time, like the
Speaker 3: seventeen year old me could not fuck with me now,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like no, like they just
Speaker 3: they're just they're I'm still seventeen eternally, I think, just
Speaker 3: because that was when that major event happened for me,
Speaker 3: and we get not stuck, but we're we like stay
Speaker 3: within those major moments, whether they're traumatic or just amazing.
Speaker 3: And so I still feel eternally very in touch with
Speaker 3: my inner kid. But at the same time, I'm really
Speaker 3: really happy to be shedding these older layers that don't
Speaker 3: serve me anymore.
Speaker 4: They're just gonna kind of keeping me stuck. So I've
Speaker 4: been doing a lot of.
Speaker 3: Work, a lot of shadow work, a lot of like
Speaker 3: well why do I feel this way towards this and
Speaker 3: really trying to get underneath all that stuff so I
Speaker 3: can just be free, because I want to be open
Speaker 3: and honest with my music, and fans can tell when
Speaker 3: you're not. So I'm really trying to be in this
Speaker 3: authentic space, more sensual with myself, more loving to myself,
Speaker 3: more giving to myself, and in turn that I'm able
Speaker 3: to do that for everyone else.
Speaker 4: But girls, sometimes it's entire.
Speaker 1: Yeah, struggled well on top of being a mom and
Speaker 1: trying to like, yeah, tap into yourself and yeah, prioritize
Speaker 1: those things can feel impossible on top of and top
Speaker 1: of like the microscope, people waiting for you to fuck
Speaker 1: up or like just not even necessarily waiting for you
Speaker 1: to fuck up, but just watch watching it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like yeah, and did you grow up in the church?
Speaker 5: Like or you is your family religious and you came
Speaker 5: from Like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I grew up in a non denominational household, but
Speaker 3: church was really something that we definitely stuck with.
Speaker 4: When I was younger, I went to like what's it
Speaker 4: called a wana?
Speaker 3: I think, like, ohirosk something like like I where all
Speaker 3: the kids go in the middle of the week, like
Speaker 3: on Wednesdays and then the youth group. Yeah, I kind of, uh,
Speaker 3: but I I grew up doing that. I sang a
Speaker 3: lot in church, a part of the high school worship
Speaker 3: team before Idle happened. And then I wasn't allowed to
Speaker 3: join the choir, the big choir because only adults could join,
Speaker 3: but I was allowed to see the.
Speaker 4: Solos and with the choir, so that was nice.
Speaker 3: So I was able to do that, But that definitely
Speaker 3: played a big part in my identity when I was younger.
Speaker 4: My faith still is a big part of me, but I.
Speaker 3: Feel like now at this juncture in my life, I'm
Speaker 3: more of a.
Speaker 4: I really like knowledge.
Speaker 3: I love to learn, and so I'm really in this
Speaker 3: space of just reading as much as I can, researching
Speaker 3: as much as I can about everything, Like, I want
Speaker 3: to know, why does somebody believe this over here? Why
Speaker 3: does somebody believe that? Why as the person that I
Speaker 3: was raised to be, or as a Christian, why are
Speaker 3: we not supposed to be okay with that? You know,
Speaker 3: I'm just like questioning, and I think that's something that
Speaker 3: I really want to pass down to DJ because growing
Speaker 3: up it was you don't question that.
Speaker 4: I don't question.
Speaker 5: I was gonna say, like what what was the like,
Speaker 5: what was the factor that you were like shift from
Speaker 5: this is my belief system to hey, let me explore
Speaker 5: all these things to actually like figure out what it
Speaker 5: is that I actually believe.
Speaker 3: Honestly, I think a lot of it had to do
Speaker 3: with just being propelled into the industry. It's completely different
Speaker 3: from you know, a Christian household.
Speaker 1: Definitely a question make you a question.
Speaker 4: Everything, Yeah, it makes it makes you question.
Speaker 3: And a lot of the people that I was around,
Speaker 3: my bandmates and you know, some of the cool artists
Speaker 3: and friends that I was able to meet, you know,
Speaker 3: are completely walk different walks of life from myself. And
Speaker 3: I think a lot of it too. There's somebody who's
Speaker 3: very special. He was my pianist and he.
Speaker 4: Would help like do choreography and he's just so sweet.
Speaker 4: His name is Scotty. He now lives in Costa Rica.
Speaker 4: Good for him.
Speaker 1: I will be the.
Speaker 2: Year's but he but.
Speaker 3: He grew up and obviously it's not my story to tell,
Speaker 3: but he did grow up as a Jehovah's witness.
Speaker 4: But he is gay and he had to grow up
Speaker 4: with that.
Speaker 3: And you know, his family like completely cutting him off
Speaker 3: and I just didn't. I didn't understand, you know, because
Speaker 3: I'm like, why, you're amazing, Like why would somebody do that?
Speaker 4: And then in terms of like you know, loving people,
Speaker 4: you know, you love who you.
Speaker 3: Love, and I just we would have conversations and I
Speaker 3: would get emotional because I'm like, I don't understand, I
Speaker 3: don't understand why this is so hard for people to grasp.
Speaker 3: Like look even now, I'm just like, I don't I
Speaker 3: don't get it. And I'm sorry. I'm coming off of
Speaker 3: my that time of the month, so everything is like huluah.
Speaker 3: But I'm also very a very empathetic person, and I
Speaker 3: just that doesn't make sense to me.
Speaker 2: We cry here, girl, Yeah, it just it doesn't.
Speaker 4: It doesn't make sense. And I know I'm in a
Speaker 4: safe space.
Speaker 3: But that I think was the first I don't remember
Speaker 3: what year that was or what time, but it was
Speaker 3: eighteen to nineteen where I just was like, okay, and
Speaker 3: I've always been a little bit different than my family.
Speaker 4: My grandpa one time, I'll never forget.
Speaker 3: You know, those little tests they used to have where okay,
Speaker 3: you're you fall on this side of the scale or
Speaker 3: this side of the scale, and it was a Democrat
Speaker 3: or Republican, And I was right in the middle, and my.
Speaker 4: Grandpa looked at me like what And that's it. I'm
Speaker 4: just answering the questions the way I think.
Speaker 3: So I've I've always been a little bit not necessarily
Speaker 3: a black sheep, but I've always thought differently, and I
Speaker 3: feel like I've had a more open mind. Not saying
Speaker 3: that my family is crazy or bigoting, because they're not.
Speaker 3: They're the most loving people. But I think you know,
Speaker 3: when you're raised one way and you learned it all
Speaker 3: the time, most people stay there because they need that
Speaker 3: because it's the it's the structure that they've that they've learned.
Speaker 3: And I don't want to say fed, but basically.
Speaker 2: We're programmed anyways.
Speaker 5: You know, it's familiar, it's comfortable, it's what you're a
Speaker 5: doctrine too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we talked about that in our book.
Speaker 5: It's just like we're coming to the world as like
Speaker 5: like canvases exactly. And I liked this is not a
Speaker 5: great example, but I always say, like, like pets were domesticated,
Speaker 5: like sit, stay, you know what I mean. So like
Speaker 5: even as moms, we we kind of we do we
Speaker 5: domesticate our kids.
Speaker 2: Hey, don't grab that. Hey, don't stare, Hey don't.
Speaker 1: We don't believe this, don't don't believe that?
Speaker 2: Yeah, like no, no, no, no, we don't say that, you know.
Speaker 5: And it's just we have this like incredible responsibility to
Speaker 5: gift our kids with either you know, just continuing that
Speaker 5: cycle and saying this is what we believe and that's that,
Speaker 5: or giving them the gift of curiosity and exploration.
Speaker 2: And like what do you believe?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 2: I think, what do you think?
Speaker 4: You always ask you what? I don't know? Like, okay,
Speaker 4: well that's a good answer to.
Speaker 5: Right, It's okay, I don't know either, yeah, you know,
Speaker 5: And I think I think more moms need to hear that,
Speaker 5: you know that you you can't believe whatever you want
Speaker 5: to believe, but you don't have to necessarily, like your
Speaker 5: child doesn't have to be born into your beliefs for
Speaker 5: them to, you know, because everybody we're literally spirits, souls
Speaker 5: that come through and we're just in a vessel.
Speaker 2: Literally.
Speaker 1: We also think it's the don't I think a lot
Speaker 1: of times, because how we are, how we're raised, we
Speaker 1: know certain things don't add up to us, but we
Speaker 1: still resist it. You know, we still go against it,
Speaker 1: and we follow suit. And it's okay to change your mind.
Speaker 1: It's okay to question. You don't have to abandon all
Speaker 1: the parts of your religion because you don't agree with
Speaker 1: this whatever this this chapter or this verse or whatever
Speaker 1: whatever it is. There's I think beauty in all of it,
Speaker 1: even and you know, I can't say that I'm a Christian.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a spiritualist. I know people listening are like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck does that mean? The God lives within me,
Speaker 1: That's what it means. I make the fucking rules.
Speaker 2: I believe in love.
Speaker 1: I believe in love I do. I believe in kindness.
Speaker 1: I believe that there is something much bigger than us
Speaker 1: here that that controls what's happening. But I think that
Speaker 1: it's so funny. The other day, my housekeeper, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: shore the story my housekeeper. She is. I don't really
Speaker 1: know her that well, ignough she's in my home. She
Speaker 1: I knew she was like pretty religious based on a mom.
Speaker 1: The mom's referraled like she was referred to me from
Speaker 1: another mom. She's like, Oh, she's Betty's pretty religious. I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't care if Betty's religious as long
Speaker 1: as she's you know, safe and cleans my house. He's
Speaker 1: kind and so, you know, me and Betty have you
Speaker 1: had a few conversations, something too deep, but she was
Speaker 1: seemed like a kind lady and she is a kind lady.
Speaker 1: But anyway, I was out of town and my my
Speaker 1: brother went over there and he's gay, and he I
Speaker 1: think he'd been there before. He had they've had to
Speaker 1: cross cross paths before, but maybe she had never seen
Speaker 1: him be intimate with his partner, like kiss him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and so he I guess they were kissing or something.
Speaker 1: And then on the way out in Spanish, she must
Speaker 1: have said like, you guys need salvation or something, and
Speaker 1: and he didn't really understand what it meant. But his
Speaker 1: boyfriend is, uh, I think, I don't want to say
Speaker 1: he's like El Salvatorian or something. He was like, she
Speaker 1: just said we need salvation. So my brother called me
Speaker 1: and was like, listen, you either you will say something.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say something. And I was like and he
Speaker 1: and I cannot leave it up to him. It will
Speaker 1: not go well. So I was like, okay, well let
Speaker 1: me handle it. And so Betty came over and I
Speaker 1: was like, hey, Betty, so listen, I heard that, you know,
Speaker 1: when you met my brother. She's like, oh, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know your brother. And I was like, so I
Speaker 1: heard you said he needs salvation and she's like yeah
Speaker 1: I did. And I was like, okay, well is it
Speaker 1: because he's gay? She said yeah. I was like okay,
Speaker 1: I was really hoping you were going to say no,
Speaker 1: because I really need you to clean this house.
Speaker 2: Yes, right, and and she was like yeah no.
Speaker 1: You know, I used to be a really big center Erica.
Speaker 1: And then actually I asked Talie. I was like, was
Speaker 1: Betty a big sinner?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: She was like she was like a thug back in
Speaker 1: the day. And I was like what I was like,
Speaker 1: was Betty doing anyway? She was like she was not
Speaker 1: living a good life. That's what she said.
Speaker 2: I have questions.
Speaker 1: So you know, I was like, well, Betty, like that's
Speaker 1: my brother and like this is his life and like
Speaker 1: he should live it and you made him feel really uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: And she was like, well, that's just my belief system.
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, I need you to leave
Speaker 1: your belief system at the door. And she was like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't think I should work for you because I
Speaker 1: don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. And then I
Speaker 1: was kind of like almost started to backpedal.
Speaker 2: Like well, I really need just come over.
Speaker 1: But then I was like, okay, consciously this I can't
Speaker 1: have this, This can't this can't be. But she was,
Speaker 1: you know, it was fine. We were we we ended
Speaker 1: just fine or whatever, but you know, she was.
Speaker 3: She's civil conversations. It's easy to talk through things, like,
Speaker 3: it's so simple.
Speaker 4: We can all do it.
Speaker 1: It did, it did. But I was just like, damn,
Speaker 1: like and I said to her, I was like, it's like,
Speaker 1: your God doesn't believe that everyone should experience love, Like
Speaker 1: what does your God believe?
Speaker 2: And she's like that kind of getting to the bottom.
Speaker 1: I really did, because I was really hoping we can
Speaker 1: come to a common ground because I need this. Damn it.
Speaker 2: He only likes men. I think he's tried, genuinely, I do.
Speaker 1: He really did with me, you know, so no, this
Speaker 1: is not my real brother. Guys. Sorry, let me let
Speaker 1: me let me rewind. That sounds weird.
Speaker 2: That sounds weird.
Speaker 1: Please clarify you're not blood brother. But anyway, I don't
Speaker 1: know where that care. I think I was going off
Speaker 1: of just like people's belief systems and just there's understanding
Speaker 1: of these putting into box like what love is supposed
Speaker 1: to look like and how love is supposed to show
Speaker 1: up and how it relates to your life, and you know,
Speaker 1: you can love people and like I love Betty, I
Speaker 1: wish her the best. I want her best for Betty,
Speaker 1: but I also had to like protect my brother, you know,
Speaker 1: because he's he's in being my house always and being
Speaker 1: my life always, and I have to respect his comfortability
Speaker 1: in those ways and protect him. So I don't know,
Speaker 1: I just like those parts of that part of any religion.
Speaker 1: It's always something that makes me feel rich, uncomfortable. I'm
Speaker 1: just like, why this doesn't make any sense to me.
Speaker 3: One of of all the things, like there are so
Speaker 3: many other things we could be getting mad about, like
Speaker 3: but who someone loves just doesn't anyway. Yeah, So I
Speaker 3: agree with you, and I think it's amazing that you
Speaker 3: were able to do both things in love. You were
Speaker 3: able to protect your brother in love and you were
Speaker 3: able to speak to Betty in a way that didn't
Speaker 3: make her feel like you were like, well, if you
Speaker 3: and everything you believe in.
Speaker 1: And you know what Betty called the other day did
Speaker 1: because she did because I paid her and I must
Speaker 1: have overpaid her. And then she said, you overpaid me if.
Speaker 2: She wasn't a Christian, would I know?
Speaker 1: I said, you know, look at God, God it's still
Speaker 1: in motion.
Speaker 2: Not protect me even though I'm not a Christian.
Speaker 1: Don't give that money to me. You know what I
Speaker 1: also did tell Betty? I said, Betty, just so you know,
Speaker 1: you know, all the people that I put you onto,
Speaker 1: like who you're working for, they're gay as fuck? Did
Speaker 1: I said?
Speaker 2: Everybody?
Speaker 1: Was like I just hope you know, like everyone's gay.
Speaker 2: Good luck sanctifying every.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I mean now she can make her own decision.
Speaker 1: Betty had guys to see all the vibrators, and where
Speaker 1: should I have in that drawer? I don't know how
Speaker 1: she thought she was working for who she thought she
Speaker 1: was working for? Over here?
Speaker 2: She didn't talk to you. She was hoping that she
Speaker 2: could just keep keeping her lane.
Speaker 5: She's got a drawer too, right, Okay, Jesus didn't say
Speaker 5: nothing about vibrating.
Speaker 1: Look, Betty might have a whole gun and she might
Speaker 1: have weapons, okay, because she was living the thug life.
Speaker 5: Okay, something I could kind of see that, right, She
Speaker 5: was like her, like, she's kind of like stone cold.
Speaker 5: I can kind of see her. She was wearing those
Speaker 5: long skirts. I could see her being like a little I've.
Speaker 1: Gotten scared of her, I mean, and that.
Speaker 2: Would come to your house.
Speaker 5: I like, Hi, I'm like, okay, well never mind, Betty,
Speaker 5: I'm not I guess we're.
Speaker 2: Not gonna be cool.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Anyway, that's my thing with religion. It's just so black
Speaker 2: or white.
Speaker 5: I was I was seeing a clip for somebody's show
Speaker 5: and they were like so. The guy was like, you know,
Speaker 5: I'm a god fearing man, I'm a query And she
Speaker 5: was like, no, which one is it.
Speaker 2: I was like, well, you can't can't be both like it.
Speaker 5: It's just so like this is this, and this is
Speaker 5: that you can't be gay and you can't eat shrimp.
Speaker 2: I don't know I say that up, but you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. It's just like.
Speaker 4: Human box.
Speaker 2: Yes, humans are so multifaceted.
Speaker 5: It's just like impossible for us all to live in
Speaker 5: these like sectors and like and then there's like the
Speaker 5: the need to protect it and if you get outside
Speaker 5: of this then you're wrong.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and like that it creates.
Speaker 5: So much violence, you know, like just trying to defend
Speaker 5: this thing, this thing because for no fucking reason, because.
Speaker 4: I don't really care who you have.
Speaker 2: I don't care who you love. You know, in reality,
Speaker 2: it doesn't stop my show.
Speaker 5: But like the belief that I can't work for you
Speaker 5: or I can't coexist with you if you do X,
Speaker 5: Y and Z, it just seems so like it seems unfair.
Speaker 3: It's unfair, and it's also it's also you do yourself
Speaker 3: a disservice by not getting to know different people other
Speaker 3: than yourself and other people from other walks of life,
Speaker 3: because I feel like I meet such cool people all
Speaker 3: the time.
Speaker 4: Like it's so amazing.
Speaker 3: I was able to go to this event that I
Speaker 3: probably would have never been to had I not met
Speaker 3: It was like a snowball effect, like I met this
Speaker 3: one person they invited me.
Speaker 4: I ended up going.
Speaker 3: It was the next night, and I was like, it
Speaker 3: was like a treasure trove of people. Normally, when I
Speaker 3: go into an event, I know what everybody does. I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 3: you seeing you podcasts, you produce, you are a songwriter,
Speaker 3: Like I'm usually like within the scope of okay, you're
Speaker 3: all in entertainment. This particular room, I had no idea
Speaker 3: what anybody did. I just knew that there was a
Speaker 3: lot of money in the room, but I didn't know
Speaker 3: what anybody did. So there were some people who were
Speaker 3: in like affordable housing, real estate, there were some people
Speaker 3: who were in banking. There was and I just was like, well,
Speaker 3: how did you get into that?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 4: So for me, it was just so cool and I
Speaker 4: felt so enriched.
Speaker 3: Like I left, and normally I feel drained leaving from
Speaker 3: events and things like that, but this time, I was
Speaker 3: just very excited to be able to just meet new
Speaker 3: people from different walks of life. And I just I
Speaker 3: know that's not religious, but it's just an example of
Speaker 3: you never know, but I.
Speaker 2: Feel like it is right.
Speaker 5: I feel like like the divinity lives and being open
Speaker 5: because like if you are able to flow freely, that's
Speaker 5: you kind of being able to flow with God, you know. Like,
Speaker 5: but if there's so many rules about like what God
Speaker 5: looks like or how people show up in this like space,
Speaker 5: you're kind of Oh, you make judgments and you put
Speaker 5: up walls like, oh you do are you now?
Speaker 2: I'm cool? Oh? You do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: You do?
Speaker 2: Taro? Oh I'm cool?
Speaker 5: But like I think God's the true essence of God
Speaker 5: is the slow and like I think people don't pay
Speaker 5: enough attention to that.
Speaker 4: Like you go around.
Speaker 5: People and you feel trained, or like I just want
Speaker 5: to sit a whole fucking four hours talking about nothing. Yeah,
Speaker 5: or like you come around strangers and you're laughing and
Speaker 5: you're getting enlightened you and you leave feeling energized, and
Speaker 5: like that's your intuition telling you to continue here, you know,
Speaker 5: and just like you said, like you go to this part,
Speaker 5: you meet this one person, then you say, fuck it,
Speaker 5: I'm gonna go to go hang out with this random
Speaker 5: person the next day.
Speaker 3: Like I went out two nights in a row. I
Speaker 3: couldn't believe I was anger.
Speaker 4: Who am I?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 5: But we're so conditioned to go against that. Like even
Speaker 5: me and Erica became friends because like God was like, hey,
Speaker 5: go to the bar and meet this bitch. But that
Speaker 5: that is not necessarily how generally, like we had to
Speaker 5: be open enough to kind of just like follow that
Speaker 5: divine calling which is our intuition. But like I think
Speaker 5: religion sometimes conflicts with that divine calling, which is your
Speaker 5: intuition to be like.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm gonna go with these strangers.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, they seem interesting, you know, and like
Speaker 5: people kind of limit themselves and like the experiences and
Speaker 5: the people that they could have just from being like
Speaker 5: open to following your gut instinct, which is really your
Speaker 5: direct it's never.
Speaker 1: Wrong, the direct source to God.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like that's our source.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think actually, now that we're talking about this, it
Speaker 3: does go back and apply to when I was younger
Speaker 3: because I had I had a purity ring and that
Speaker 3: was all anybody wanted to talk about after I was
Speaker 3: on idol because somebody asked me about it and I
Speaker 3: just saw, it's my peery ring and it just it
Speaker 3: just took off.
Speaker 1: But you had a peer dring before you were on
Speaker 1: I parody ring?
Speaker 4: Is you?
Speaker 1: Because I don't. It's just like your virgin Is that
Speaker 1: like you saying I'm a virgin or I'm.
Speaker 4: I'm wait, Well, I'm making the commitment to wait until marriage.
Speaker 1: Got it?
Speaker 4: That was that was what it was what I took
Speaker 4: it at.
Speaker 2: And you do it with like a group of other
Speaker 2: girls too, right, it.
Speaker 3: Was around the same time. I didn't do it with them.
Speaker 3: It was just between me and my parents.
Speaker 1: Was that a conversation that you brought up or something
Speaker 1: that they I'm just I'm always curious, like, is it
Speaker 1: I don't remember, you know, I was not. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was wondering if it was like something your parents were like, hey,
Speaker 1: this is an option you should do, or you're like.
Speaker 4: It kind of went it coincided with she's about.
Speaker 2: To be famous. No, I don't know to Hollywood.
Speaker 3: I was. I was thirteen when we had that conversation,
Speaker 3: and I was going to a private Christian school as well,
Speaker 3: and so it kind of coincided with our health talk
Speaker 3: like how you're going to become a woman and that
Speaker 3: whole like you're going to get your period soon and all.
Speaker 1: So your parents did have the talks or is it
Speaker 1: just one time. I'm curious, like, because you know, it's
Speaker 1: always so different with parents, especially now, like some parents
Speaker 1: don't have to talk at all. Some parents have one
Speaker 1: talk and they're like, Okay, we did it, We're done you.
Speaker 3: I mean, we were never sheltered at least in my home.
Speaker 3: Like the school, all the kids had different experiences. But
Speaker 3: I mean I knew what sex was, I knew all
Speaker 3: that stuff like that. It wasn't it wasn't like that.
Speaker 3: It was more like, hey, we got you this ring
Speaker 3: and you know to wait until you're married. And at
Speaker 3: the time, growing up in the school, it made sense
Speaker 3: and everybody was doing Yeah, it made sense to me,
Speaker 3: and I was okay. And I also wasn't the type
Speaker 3: of person who was very curious.
Speaker 4: In that way anyway. I think I was.
Speaker 3: Curious about what it felt like, but I wasn't curious
Speaker 3: enough to do it, if that makes sense.
Speaker 4: I was like, I'm too scared. And also I was
Speaker 4: focused on music. I was not thinking about anything like
Speaker 4: that got this nice. I was like, I'm good, I'm great.
Speaker 3: But going back to what I was saying on the
Speaker 3: part of how it kind of like seeped into my
Speaker 3: identity because everybody that was all they wanted to talk about,
Speaker 3: and then like once I was in a relationship, that
Speaker 3: was all they wanted to talk about, and yeah, or
Speaker 3: like this person took her virginity. I'm like, y'all don't
Speaker 3: know that, first of all. Second, I'm not gonna tell
Speaker 3: you that. Like it just became this huge thing. And
Speaker 3: I think as some a young woman trying to navigate
Speaker 3: her twenties as well as trying to navigate who I
Speaker 3: am in the public eye, I think it played a
Speaker 3: lot into my decision making on like the type of
Speaker 3: music that I allowed myself to do, but also that
Speaker 3: I was allowed to do.
Speaker 4: I had the box like, no, you're.
Speaker 2: Here no secular music.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well not even that because I didn't do gospel music.
Speaker 2: Or anything like that's non gospel secular.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I just mean like like I couldn't go out like
Speaker 3: R and B. Like my third album was way more
Speaker 3: R and B, way more sensual. I was twenty five.
Speaker 3: I was like really coming in to my womanhood, and
Speaker 3: I think it was one of my best albums, to
Speaker 3: be honest. But from the outside looking in, people.
Speaker 1: Were like, what is this?
Speaker 4: This makes sense?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, but it does make sense, Like this
Speaker 3: is not You're like, how do you know who I am?
Speaker 4: I'm a woman exactly.
Speaker 3: And so now I feel like at this point in
Speaker 3: my life, I'm just at the point where I'm just
Speaker 3: like why I'm unapologetic with it, if that makes sense,
Speaker 3: Like you're gonna.
Speaker 4: Get what you get.
Speaker 3: I've always I've always one hundred percent by myself. I've
Speaker 3: never tried to hide like my goofiness or anything like that.
Speaker 3: Romantically and romantic relationships is a little bit different. Because
Speaker 3: the mental space is different there. But in terms of
Speaker 3: like who I am with people, I am this is
Speaker 3: what you get. I'm just gonna chill with you and
Speaker 3: we're gonna sit and have a good time, and you know,
Speaker 3: we might talk about something deep. Hopefully we'll talk about
Speaker 3: something deep, because I like to talk about deep things.
Speaker 3: But you know, I just I always have my this
Speaker 3: tattoo right here is I like that thank you? My
Speaker 3: angel wings is a reminder to just keep my wings
Speaker 3: out for other people, like when I'm out, just you know,
Speaker 3: to be aware that other people have needs. You never
Speaker 3: know what they're going through. And I always have that
Speaker 3: moment where I'm like, okay, I gotta recharge. It takes
Speaker 3: me a second. Like the Grammys, you won't see me
Speaker 3: for like five weeks. After that, I'm like, okay, too
Speaker 3: much energetically, yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, people like people don't recognize when you're a public
Speaker 5: figure in ways and you're talking to people and you're
Speaker 5: out and you're traveling, it's it wears on your energy levels.
Speaker 2: It's so funny. This is like I was.
Speaker 5: I was in New York and I was having a conversation.
Speaker 5: We're like playing a game and I don't even know
Speaker 5: why this came up, but like Holly not very Holly.
Speaker 5: The singer made Allie Clo Chloe Club, which one's not
Speaker 5: arial Halle Bailey Chloe Chloe Bailey. Yeah, and it was
Speaker 5: with another woman and she got first while I was
Speaker 5: in New York. She got super aggressive and I was
Speaker 5: like whoa And.
Speaker 2: She's like, yeah, she's trying to be a sex symbol.
Speaker 5: She's patting her pussy on stage and like she just
Speaker 5: just needs to figure out like her music, like her
Speaker 5: fans aren't fucking with it.
Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, wow, that's a lot. I
Speaker 2: was like, okay, first of all, okay, Like I was
Speaker 2: just like your.
Speaker 1: Feelings, I don't know what a Cloe not you. I'm like,
Speaker 1: what did Chloe do to her?
Speaker 2: Girl?
Speaker 5: Me and this girl were like cool, and then she
Speaker 5: started talking. I was like, do you hate me? And
Speaker 5: I was like, I just want to clarify, like I
Speaker 5: haven't heard the album, but I was like, as a woman,
Speaker 5: I recognize that like being a public figure and being
Speaker 5: like twenty to twenty five, there's.
Speaker 1: A huge transformation that happens.
Speaker 5: And I was like, and we may not know what
Speaker 5: the fuck she's going through except for the fact that
Speaker 5: I'm a woman and between twenty and twenty five, bitch
Speaker 5: was doing some things. Ye bitch was exploring, scratching the surface.
Speaker 5: I just peeled the bitch back. But I was just like,
Speaker 5: how can, like how come we just don't give her
Speaker 5: space to do that? Like why are we even having
Speaker 5: this conversation? And she's like, well, if you're an artist
Speaker 5: and you show up and like if your fans are
Speaker 5: telling you it's oh, this is what it was. Seems
Speaker 5: like she's trying too hard to be like the other
Speaker 5: girls who have like fake asses, and like there was
Speaker 5: this whole conversation.
Speaker 2: I was like, but we don't know that, Like we
Speaker 2: don't know who she's trying to be. She might be
Speaker 2: just trying to figure it out.
Speaker 5: She might be trying to be herself on Monday, you know,
Speaker 5: like just like it was so interesting and she got
Speaker 5: really like passionate about this conversation, and I was like,
Speaker 5: basically it was just like I'm not being realistic me
Speaker 5: because like the fans like are being real with her
Speaker 5: about what they want and what she's giving them.
Speaker 1: What does she work for the fans?
Speaker 2: Yes, that's what they're saying.
Speaker 3: Basically, And I was like definitely topsy turvy now with
Speaker 3: like a social media and everything like that, but I
Speaker 3: was just a little backwards.
Speaker 5: But I was like, but she's the artist, and like
Speaker 5: that's the thing about art, like you don't define.
Speaker 2: It, it evolves, you know.
Speaker 5: And I was just like, damn, Like even as black women,
Speaker 5: this is another black woman. We were having this conversation
Speaker 5: like with and I was just like, you're you a
Speaker 5: black woman. You're not even giving her this space to
Speaker 5: openly explore this same thing that maybe you know you
Speaker 5: actually experienced too, you know, and like because she's an artist,
Speaker 5: or because she's like you know what I mean, because
Speaker 5: you don't like it, or because this person said it's
Speaker 5: not what she's supposed to be doing or she does
Speaker 5: to you.
Speaker 2: It doesn't look comfortable, Like she might be very comfortable
Speaker 2: pop in that poot. She look comfortable to me, you
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: But it was just like I can't imagine even for you,
Speaker 5: you know, And like this is right now, we're having
Speaker 5: this conversation, and there's like thinking of like the things
Speaker 5: that people were able to get away with asking you
Speaker 5: about your virginity when you're twenty years old, like yes,
Speaker 5: and younger and younger is like why, like why would
Speaker 5: it be okay for this grown ass person to be
Speaker 5: asking a child about her virginity publicly?
Speaker 2: And nobody said shit? And it's like, you know, there's a.
Speaker 4: Weird fascination with that. It happened with Britney Spears.
Speaker 3: I happen to have a lot of artists, and like,
Speaker 3: now that I'm older, in my thirties, I look back
Speaker 3: on a lot of the things that happened.
Speaker 4: Or were allowed in the media or whatever, and I'm like,
Speaker 4: what the fuck?
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like, as a mother, can you imagine someone interviewing
Speaker 5: your daughter asking her about that?
Speaker 2: And I'd be like, bitch, if you don't get like,
Speaker 2: who are you talking?
Speaker 6: Shit?
Speaker 3: You can take you can step, please go over here.
Speaker 3: Like it's just been It's been interesting to go back,
Speaker 3: because when you start healing yourself, you have to really
Speaker 3: go back to a lot of.
Speaker 4: Things that you.
Speaker 3: I'm really good at compartmentalizing. I'm really, really, really good
Speaker 3: at it. And I think because of the industry that
Speaker 3: I'm in and what I have to do and how
Speaker 3: things were then, I think I really just had to
Speaker 3: be able to do that and learn that skill I'm
Speaker 3: working on not being as good at it because something
Speaker 3: had happened and I can just.
Speaker 2: Be like, all right, put it away, got to keep
Speaker 2: going moving.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because okay, the show must go on, essentially like
Speaker 3: go And so in this process of the last few
Speaker 3: years and having kids also makes you really look too
Speaker 3: if you're aware enough to do the looking. If not,
Speaker 3: you just continue to do what you're doing. But having
Speaker 3: my son has really shaken me to my core, like, oh, like,
Speaker 3: why am I triggered by this? Because he's not doing
Speaker 3: anything wrong? Why am I triggered? Like so, I've had
Speaker 3: to do a lot of work, but it's also led
Speaker 3: back into my career and how everything started and just
Speaker 3: different experiences that I had that i've kind of like
Speaker 3: packed up way in a box.
Speaker 4: But really a lot of those things, you.
Speaker 3: Know, because your body remembers, the body keeps score it remembers,
Speaker 3: and it's just like, Okay, I'll deal with that.
Speaker 4: I'm not ready to deal with this one. That one
Speaker 4: can stay for a second, but let's let's open this.
Speaker 1: Box to this one.
Speaker 3: This one looks manageable, this one looks like I can
Speaker 3: work through it. So I'm I'm really going through a
Speaker 3: lot of those things, you know, when I was doing
Speaker 3: Idle while my Proverbial Star was rising, I had four
Speaker 3: people die while I was on the show, my best friend.
Speaker 3: My best friend passed away the week I went there
Speaker 3: for Hollywood Week, and it was just like a lot
Speaker 3: of people don't know that side. But that's because you're
Speaker 3: allowed to talk about it. Yeah, well it's not even
Speaker 3: that you're not allowed to. But people don't want to
Speaker 3: hear excuses from artists, right, they don't want to hear
Speaker 3: that you're I mean that maybe maybe now because we
Speaker 3: have social media and the struggle and all that stuff
Speaker 3: and being able to share that. But then it was like, well,
Speaker 3: you get to do this, so how could you even
Speaker 3: be saying like even if somebody passes away, like, well,
Speaker 3: what do you have to complain about? What do you
Speaker 3: have to be sad about? And so there's a lot
Speaker 3: of stuff that I'm like looking back at, like I
Speaker 3: really should have been able to deal with that, but
Speaker 3: I just wasn't. And I wasn't equipped with the tools
Speaker 3: either that I have now. So there's a lot of
Speaker 3: moving parts. And you were like, let's go through your career,
Speaker 3: and I was like.
Speaker 4: I don't know where to start.
Speaker 3: Really, there's just a lot of things that have that
Speaker 3: have happened and have gone on, and I've learned so
Speaker 3: many things and I'm grateful.
Speaker 4: I wouldn't redo my twenties for anything, and you couldn't
Speaker 4: pay me. You couldn't pay me. I don't want to
Speaker 4: go back.
Speaker 3: As soon as I turned thirty, I was like yes,
Speaker 3: And not only because it wasn't that I instantly felt
Speaker 3: comfortable or better in this space, but I felt like
Speaker 3: for me personally that thirty people finally would start listening
Speaker 3: to me as an adult. I'm stuck in a lot
Speaker 3: of people's minds still as a seventeen eighteen year old girl,
Speaker 3: and so for a lot of for me to do
Speaker 3: something some people, it's almost shock value when I do
Speaker 3: something because that's who I am in their mind. And
Speaker 3: so that's been my thing with this new music, is
Speaker 3: trying to match and like kind of not bridge the gap,
Speaker 3: but like be able to evolve and be who I
Speaker 3: am now without them being like, well, this seems like
Speaker 3: a left turn, you know, but I've had It's taken
Speaker 3: me some time to be able to do that, and
Speaker 3: now I'm just at the point where I'm like this
Speaker 3: music is just good.
Speaker 2: It's just good.
Speaker 3: It doesn't have a thing. I couldn't really put it
Speaker 3: in a genre.
Speaker 4: It's just good music.
Speaker 3: And that's all I want to do, is I want
Speaker 3: to make good music, sing my face off and make
Speaker 3: people feel, you know, feel like we're really distracted by
Speaker 3: a lot of stuff.
Speaker 2: Right now.
Speaker 3: Everything is just distracting. There's nothing that is going Hey,
Speaker 3: you should probably just feel this right now in this moment.
Speaker 3: And so that's what I want to do when I'm
Speaker 3: on stage. You know, when I'm on stage, everything was
Speaker 3: like this, everything makes sense. I know that I'm in
Speaker 3: my purpose of my calling when I'm on stage with
Speaker 3: a microphone in my hand, looking directly at that person
Speaker 3: standing there and.
Speaker 4: Singing to them, like I just it's where I need
Speaker 4: to be.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm excited to hear the music. And it's true,
Speaker 1: like people will try to hold you hostage to a
Speaker 1: time in your life and you are not Jordan Spark's
Speaker 1: seventeen year old Jordan Sparks. You are Jordan the woman,
Speaker 1: Jordan the mom, Jordan the wife, the sexual and sensual being.
Speaker 1: And like even saying Jordan Sparks and sexual being, people
Speaker 1: might be like.
Speaker 2: Oh oh no, guess what, she has a kid. She
Speaker 2: had sex? Oh my god did maybe not right? Maybe not?
Speaker 2: Maybe she didn't marry me right, No way she did.
Speaker 1: I can't even see it. No, you know, but like
Speaker 1: people do that, you know, and you know, I can
Speaker 1: only imagine what, you know, what kind of I guess
Speaker 1: what kind of unpacking you've had to do to kind
Speaker 1: of like say, you know what, this is the fuck
Speaker 1: I am, this is it? This is it. I'm sure
Speaker 1: the journey is still going.
Speaker 4: Oh, it's definitely.
Speaker 1: The release of music is probably. I mean, I know
Speaker 1: for us, like talking has been our our I guess,
Speaker 1: our medicine in standing in our truth, even the book
Speaker 1: even as a push further towards that truth and yours
Speaker 1: is through through through music.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's my that's my Catharsis, Like, I just I
Speaker 3: can get it out through music because I could.
Speaker 2: I could.
Speaker 3: I want to do stuff like this as well, which
Speaker 3: is why I wanted to come do the podcast, because
Speaker 3: I'm like, I want people to be able to hear
Speaker 3: from me, just in a different way, on a different platform,
Speaker 3: in a safe space for women by women. I always
Speaker 3: want to be able to be a part of stuff
Speaker 3: like that. So I'm grateful, thank you guys for having
Speaker 3: me on.
Speaker 4: So I'm doing more.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to do more of that, more of the
Speaker 3: speaking part, because for a long time, the speaking part,
Speaker 3: not that it made me nervous, but it was always
Speaker 3: just it just became, it just became something so much
Speaker 3: bigger than it needed to be.
Speaker 5: Well, you're afraid to talk, yeah, say one thing, Yeah,
Speaker 5: like totally misconstrue what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But if you don't, then people will rete.
Speaker 3: We'll write your story for you anyway, exactly, you know,
Speaker 3: which is why the music I've I've I've always written music.
Speaker 3: I've written poetry since I was a young, young kid.
Speaker 3: It wasn't ntil I was a little bit older that
Speaker 3: I realized that music is just poetry.
Speaker 4: With instrumentation behind it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I've I've always been writing, but now I've
Speaker 3: been writing so much, And so every song you're going
Speaker 3: to hear on this new album is directly from a
Speaker 3: thought that I had or inspired by, or directly related to.
Speaker 3: And then now I'm gonna be able to share that.
Speaker 3: So it's definitely a story. It's just a little chapters,
Speaker 3: you know, but.
Speaker 2: It's so good.
Speaker 4: It's so good.
Speaker 3: When it comes out, I'm coming back and we'll just
Speaker 3: play Yes, yeah, no.
Speaker 1: I can do it this year.
Speaker 4: Yes.
Speaker 5: It's so crazy because before you came, I was telling
Speaker 5: problem like Jordan Sparks is coming.
Speaker 2: He's like oh. He was like, that's my girl. Yeah.
Speaker 5: He was at the studio with us, like her and
Speaker 5: her husband are so cool. He's like, she needs she's
Speaker 5: a release those that music. Though she's she's playing, she's
Speaker 5: not releasing that music. I was like, oh, she has
Speaker 5: some music she's playing with.
Speaker 2: He was like yeah. I was like why.
Speaker 3: He's like, asker, I'm not trying to play. I want
Speaker 3: to put out the music. It's just people, how do
Speaker 3: I wear this? It's difficult to go from I feel
Speaker 3: like people don't understand how much it takes to be
Speaker 3: an independent artist, especially going from major label. Mind from
Speaker 3: a major label, I was there, I had the whole
Speaker 3: building behind me.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 3: There was the marketing team, there was the A and R,
Speaker 3: there was the touring everybody was in house.
Speaker 4: Now, as an independent artist, I have to find those.
Speaker 3: People to help me, and I have to make sure
Speaker 3: that they believe in what I'm doing and believe in
Speaker 3: the project. I could hire anyone, But if they don't
Speaker 3: believe in what I'm doing, or they don't have the
Speaker 3: accurate or not accurate.
Speaker 4: But the correct skill to be able to help me
Speaker 4: with that, then.
Speaker 3: There's no point and then I just end up back
Speaker 3: at ground zero again. So I'm now at the position
Speaker 3: right now I'm talking to this company, slash label, but
Speaker 3: it would be more of a partnership with us, so
Speaker 3: that would mean that I would retain most of the
Speaker 3: ownership of my stuff. I have creative control. So we're
Speaker 3: working on those different things because I'm just like, I
Speaker 3: could go back to a major label, but then all
Speaker 3: this freedom that I've accrued and I've earned and i've
Speaker 3: I've received and gotten is just gonna be taken away.
Speaker 3: And so I'm like, I don't know if I really
Speaker 3: want to sacrifice.
Speaker 2: You don't and you will, I don't know.
Speaker 4: I can you come too far?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: And I so I'm I'm I'm working on it.
Speaker 4: I just have to we have to figure out the
Speaker 4: terms so that we can just go because the music's
Speaker 4: already done. The hard part is done.
Speaker 1: Well, we will light some candles and sets.
Speaker 5: I feel like once you speak it though, I think
Speaker 5: like women always say like women are witches, Like we're like,
Speaker 5: we're so impeccable with our word. When you say something
Speaker 5: and you put it into the ether, you have the
Speaker 5: power to make it, to make it come to fruition. Yeah,
Speaker 5: So I'm like, I'm not even I'm not even worried,
Speaker 5: Like I know it's kind of and I know it's
Speaker 5: going to happen perfectly for you. And I know it's
Speaker 5: going to be in alignment because it's like the moment
Speaker 5: you choose yourself, you.
Speaker 2: Your road opens up for you.
Speaker 5: And like, I don't know if for women listening to this,
Speaker 5: who maybe you know grew up and just shiit.
Speaker 2: Just women women just born you know, if you was born,
Speaker 2: you were a woman.
Speaker 5: This gendered woman seriously, Like, and you've struggled because maybe
Speaker 5: your family expects you to do X, Y and Z,
Speaker 5: or or maybe religion has played a part, or maybe
Speaker 5: the guy.
Speaker 2: That you date said this is how you should show up.
Speaker 2: Like what are what are some things?
Speaker 5: Like what are three things three words of advice would
Speaker 5: you would give to someone struggling to tap into their
Speaker 5: freedom and their free their inner free spirit? What were
Speaker 5: what are three tools or three things that you've like
Speaker 5: have helped you come out of that and like step
Speaker 5: fully into who you are and like embrace it and say,
Speaker 5: I'm not going to do this.
Speaker 2: This is who I am and this is what I'm
Speaker 2: going to do.
Speaker 4: Oh man, is it three separate thoughts? I'm like, it
Speaker 4: is an exercise.
Speaker 2: What did you do? Girl?
Speaker 3: I mean, it's it's hard to say exactly because everybody's
Speaker 3: journey is their own sorooms.
Speaker 1: I'll press Jordan is if you're watching on YouTube, Jordan's
Speaker 1: wearing a mushroom shirt.
Speaker 2: I think mushrooms the guide. Yes, it's like a portal
Speaker 2: to yourself. So that's why I'm.
Speaker 3: Asking when connection to everything else? Okay, so let me
Speaker 3: stand track.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, you're okay.
Speaker 3: I just there's so many thoughts that go on in
Speaker 3: my head that I'm just like, okay. I think for me,
Speaker 3: one major thing we were talking about it earlier is
Speaker 3: our intuition. I think when we have been pushed or
Speaker 3: gas lit, or in certain situations where you can't question that,
Speaker 3: you start to lose the connection with that intuition and
Speaker 3: what your gut is telling you. And I had lots
Speaker 3: of experiences leading up to where I am now, to
Speaker 3: where when I look back on it, I'm like, my
Speaker 3: intuition was right the whole time.
Speaker 4: Like I just got goose bumps, like it was it
Speaker 4: was right.
Speaker 3: And I think that would be a major one is
Speaker 3: really trying to reconnect with your gut feeling and with
Speaker 3: that intuition and that that little voice that's like maybe
Speaker 3: not or.
Speaker 1: It's it's the it's the reconnection, but it's also sometimes
Speaker 1: that gut feeling and that that that voice is telling
Speaker 1: you something that's the harder road yep. And so you
Speaker 1: are like.
Speaker 2: Everybody said to do this, yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: And so it's like trusting that the harder, the harder
Speaker 1: road is going to eventually lead you to the easier
Speaker 1: road and making that choice because I mean I have
Speaker 1: I I know how impeccable my intuition is, and I
Speaker 1: still go against it.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying you no, no, I know,
Speaker 1: but I think women, it's literally I think that we
Speaker 1: have we were masterfully created to really master this part
Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm not saying that men don't have intuition,
Speaker 1: because they do, but we have some different shit over here.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we're creators, and so I think we're the poor
Speaker 5: told to God.
Speaker 1: You know, I was. We were talking about this with
Speaker 1: I can't remember her name, but just how my nervous
Speaker 1: system always tells me first, yes, like literally, nervous system
Speaker 1: will tell me, and then my mind will confuse me,
Speaker 1: like my body will be like in my mind will
Speaker 1: be like that should just relax, and I'm like, but
Speaker 1: my stomach hurts, yeah, like I'm nervous, I'm.
Speaker 2: Hooly, my breath my chest is tight.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: All of those things are signs. All of them are
Speaker 3: so I guess it's reconnecting with your body too, to
Speaker 3: be able to like understand what those things mean for yourself,
Speaker 3: because I have always been a nervous person. My husband
Speaker 3: he is always just like, I don't understand why you're
Speaker 3: so nervous, and I'm like, it just happens.
Speaker 1: Okay, I don't know.
Speaker 3: But my nervous system, which I've learned for the last
Speaker 3: however many years it's been since Okay, let's if we
Speaker 3: go with idle, it's been sixteen years. My nervous system
Speaker 3: has been on the fritz for the last sixteen years
Speaker 3: of my life, and it hasn't ever been able to
Speaker 3: receive a break of being out of fight or flight
Speaker 3: mode because I've been constantly touring, constantly traveling, working, having
Speaker 3: to be on public eye, having to think quick on
Speaker 3: my feet, Like so my nervous system is.
Speaker 2: Like, oh's to the wrong thing.
Speaker 3: It's always like this, And so when I'm about to perform,
Speaker 3: I get my hands get all, I get clammy, I
Speaker 3: get nervous, I start to breathe really fast, and I
Speaker 3: have to like pray to make to like bring myself
Speaker 3: back down and meditate, and he just doesn't understand.
Speaker 4: It's it's just a it's just a.
Speaker 3: Reaction that I have before I do it. I also
Speaker 3: think it's a good thing because I feel like, if
Speaker 3: I'm not nervous, I might have to do a reevaluation,
Speaker 3: like a self check, like yeah, do I really like
Speaker 3: what I'm doing, you know, because it's just it's exciting
Speaker 3: and it makes me nervous. But I think the reconnection there,
Speaker 3: I think is really important. Also with this phrase that
Speaker 3: I I don't remember who told it to me, but
Speaker 3: it was in my mid twenties and somebody was like,
Speaker 3: if it's not a fuck yeah, it's a no.
Speaker 1: I like that is that today's affirmation?
Speaker 2: I think, if it's not a fuck yeah, it's a no.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I love that, like yeah well because radical yes
Speaker 3: yeah well. And it also that also goes with your
Speaker 3: your gut and your intuition. When you have a decision
Speaker 3: to make, if you're just like, well, no, it's a no,
Speaker 3: it's just a no. And that's not to say that
Speaker 3: to not say yes to certain things. If you have
Speaker 3: opportunity you want to say yes, you always have the
Speaker 3: opportunity to say no again and to change your mind.
Speaker 3: And I think the other thing as well. It was
Speaker 3: really important from my relationship that I had prior to
Speaker 3: meeting my husband that in between space, I literally cut
Speaker 3: dating and romantic anything out of my life. I was
Speaker 3: celibate for a year and a half. I just focused
Speaker 3: on myself and I've always I've always been a person
Speaker 3: who likes to be alone. I'm not lonely. I love
Speaker 3: being alone like I enjoy my own company. And I
Speaker 3: think for a lot of people, not just women, men too,
Speaker 3: a lot of people don't know how to be alone.
Speaker 3: And I think that that's a really big thing for
Speaker 3: people's growth, because if you can be alone, you know
Speaker 3: how what you need, you know how to treat yourself,
Speaker 3: what makes you happy, you know how to recharge, how
Speaker 3: much sleep you need to know there's just so many
Speaker 3: different things that you can't get with somebody else because
Speaker 3: they're not telling you. You're telling you, right, and so
Speaker 3: I think that is also important. So I would say,
Speaker 3: gut your gut feeling reconnecting with that.
Speaker 2: If it's not a if it's not a.
Speaker 1: Fuck, yeah, it's a though.
Speaker 4: And also being able to be alone with yourself.
Speaker 3: I think that's really helped me catapult myself into where
Speaker 3: I am now because I really do, like I said,
Speaker 3: I'm my seventeen year old self.
Speaker 4: It's just it's night and day. The core is still there.
Speaker 3: I'm still that goofy, quirky, smiley girl that walked into
Speaker 3: the audition room, but there's just more of a sense
Speaker 3: of knowing and more groundedness that.
Speaker 4: I have that I did not have before. Just being
Speaker 4: able to do.
Speaker 5: That work after you took that time off and like
Speaker 5: from dating and you're like it was amazing retreated and
Speaker 5: you're like, hold online in a minute, how did you
Speaker 5: meet your now husband?
Speaker 2: And like, how did you know it was different?
Speaker 3: I'm sadd he's not here because I'd totally look at
Speaker 3: him right now and be like your turn.
Speaker 2: You're a turn to tell the story.
Speaker 4: So okay, let me make this. Let me try and
Speaker 4: make this as short as possible.
Speaker 3: Basically, I had a charity for ten years and I
Speaker 3: would follow the Super Bowl to each city and we
Speaker 3: would come in in the week and shine a light
Speaker 3: on organizations that were making a difference in the city
Speaker 3: before all, like the major parties would come in and
Speaker 3: we would give them media and press if they needed
Speaker 3: it or if they wanted it. Sometimes we would just
Speaker 3: go visit and they didn't want anything, but it would
Speaker 3: It was basically up to them.
Speaker 4: And my tenth year was twenty seventeen.
Speaker 3: The super Bowl was in Houston, and we went to
Speaker 3: a few different organizations and the last one we went
Speaker 3: to was his parents. He wasn't there. He lived in
Speaker 3: Dallas at the time, so he wasn't even there.
Speaker 4: And I was excited because.
Speaker 3: My mom and his mom had hit it off. And
Speaker 3: my mom's not really the type of person who's like, ooh,
Speaker 3: no friends. She's like, I'm good, I've got my people,
Speaker 3: and they hit it off, so I was very excited
Speaker 3: and I loved what they were doing. It's called the
Speaker 3: Forge for Families. It's in the third Ward in Houston.
Speaker 3: It's basically a place a safe haven for kids after school.
Speaker 3: They've got summer programs and different things like that, and
Speaker 3: it's it's really amazing. But I met his mom and
Speaker 3: his dad and his brother, and they were like, this
Speaker 3: is our family, and so it was a picture of
Speaker 3: their family.
Speaker 4: I don't now.
Speaker 3: I know that he was like eighteen years old and
Speaker 3: like young, but I didn't know the difference.
Speaker 4: I was like, oh, beautiful family.
Speaker 2: So we leave.
Speaker 3: And when I tell you that, like I had PTSD
Speaker 3: from the relationship that I had been in prior, and
Speaker 3: so my mom had tried to she was like, I
Speaker 3: know her intentions were pure, but the trigger that, like
Speaker 3: the fact that I would freak out like I just
Speaker 3: I was like I'm not ready for this, like I
Speaker 3: cannot please don't give people my number, and please don't
Speaker 3: have them send me flowers, like I don't want this,
Speaker 3: Like I can't even handle it. And so I was
Speaker 3: kind of at that point in my life, I cut
Speaker 3: everything off. I wasn't even honestly, I wasn't comfortable even
Speaker 3: being in a room by myself with a man, Like.
Speaker 4: I just was like, this is too much. And so.
Speaker 3: A month goes by, we leave, yay, like, have a
Speaker 3: good time. We leave a month goes by. My mom's like, hey,
Speaker 3: do you mind if Bridget that's his mom's name, if
Speaker 3: she connects you with her son Dana. He's not the
Speaker 3: one that you met, but he wants to model. He's
Speaker 3: planning on modeling, and he has a trip out in
Speaker 3: LA and she wants you to talk to him about Hollywood.
Speaker 3: This is the most moms this my mom. My friend said,
Speaker 3: it's gonna call it. He'll be in La, hang out
Speaker 3: with him.
Speaker 1: Tell me about Hollywood. Like, okay, so welcome.
Speaker 2: To hollyd You're welcome.
Speaker 4: But I mean that's what I that's what they had me,
Speaker 4: not have me do.
Speaker 3: But the reason why I ended up staying so long
Speaker 3: at their organization was they had some teenage girls who
Speaker 3: just wanted to ask me.
Speaker 4: Questions about my life.
Speaker 3: And so I was like, you guys, a lot of
Speaker 3: what you see is you know, photo shoots and people
Speaker 3: are calling paparazzi blah blah blah.
Speaker 4: And I was like, there's a lot of stuff that
Speaker 4: you have to like really discern. So she was overhearing
Speaker 4: me say that, and she wanted me to do the
Speaker 4: same thing, and I didn't.
Speaker 3: Find out till later that she really wanted me to
Speaker 3: talk about of moving to La doing anything there right
Speaker 3: completely judge me wrong on that because I'm always like,
Speaker 3: go you could always go back home.
Speaker 2: Tell him exactly.
Speaker 4: So I was like, okay.
Speaker 3: That was the first time I was okay with somebody
Speaker 3: having my number. And I was like, all right because
Speaker 3: I had met his mom, and I was like, and
Speaker 3: if he tries to pull anything, I can just go
Speaker 3: to her and be like, this is I'm not comfortable
Speaker 3: with this. So my mom and his mom put us
Speaker 3: on a group chat and so we all end up
Speaker 3: in the same thing, and he's like, I'm gonna message
Speaker 3: you on another one. So we hopped out of that
Speaker 3: one and we started talking and we just never stopped.
Speaker 3: We never stopped talking, but it was strictly platonic, and
Speaker 3: it was just really cool to talk to somebody who
Speaker 3: didn't want anything from me. He didn't know about anything
Speaker 3: because he was really heavily into basketball. He played aau
Speaker 3: like the competitive stuff when he was a kid, and
Speaker 3: then he played in college and so he knew that
Speaker 3: I want I only knew.
Speaker 4: No air, that's all.
Speaker 3: So he didn't know about all the other the craziness
Speaker 3: that the media likes to put out there, and so
Speaker 3: I was just grateful to be like, Hi.
Speaker 4: This is who I am.
Speaker 3: And I felt safe also because I told him. I
Speaker 3: was like, I'm not facetiming you and I'm not.
Speaker 4: Calling you on the phone. I was like, this is
Speaker 4: gonna be text only, straightforward.
Speaker 1: This is where we lived.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm like, this is this is where we're at.
Speaker 3: And so we talked a lot and it was really
Speaker 3: cool and he was very nice. I was very intrigued
Speaker 3: by the way he thought. I loved that he had
Speaker 3: been single for seven years, like so, it's just there
Speaker 3: had been a lot of.
Speaker 4: Things, but there was no nothing.
Speaker 3: Because at one point he was like, well, you're just
Speaker 3: a bougie whatever whatever you said, light skinned, curly haired girl.
Speaker 3: And I said, yeah, we are a green nighted demon.
Speaker 3: So we both agree on this. Yeah, so we agree.
Speaker 3: And he ended up flying out for the trip that
Speaker 3: he had planned. And it was Easter weekend. My brother
Speaker 3: was driving in from Phoenix, so I was like, why
Speaker 3: don't you stop by? It was like ten o'clock at night,
Speaker 3: but I knew my brother was coming.
Speaker 1: You went from text to stop by at ten o'clock
Speaker 1: at night, right right, well, because he.
Speaker 4: Landed and was like he was like, I don't my
Speaker 4: my Airbnb. I just have to wait for it or something.
Speaker 3: I can't remember what it was, but I was like, Okay,
Speaker 3: my brother's on his way, you can come over.
Speaker 1: It's fine.
Speaker 4: So he comes.
Speaker 3: Over and I had two dogs at the time, and
Speaker 3: I I opened the door and the dogs run to him.
Speaker 3: So he bends over to pet the dogs, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 3: well that's a good sign because they love him already.
Speaker 4: Just as a person.
Speaker 3: It wasn't until our eyes locked that I was like,
Speaker 3: oh shit, oh really, because I had seen his pictures.
Speaker 3: There was nothing, no, no, nothing. I just was like,
Speaker 3: oh he's nice looking dude, you know. But there was
Speaker 3: nothing until that moment that our eyes locked and we
Speaker 3: both knew we were in trouble.
Speaker 2: Really, as soon as he got to the house. You
Speaker 2: looked at me like, oh shit.
Speaker 3: I was like, this is not what I this is
Speaker 3: not this, Like I'm not looking for this, you know.
Speaker 4: He literally swept me off my feet.
Speaker 3: And it's crazy because I'm like, he literally showed up
Speaker 3: at my door literally from.
Speaker 5: Your mom, that's like the most liked, but they didn't
Speaker 5: want That's it's crazy because they didn't want us to date.
Speaker 4: That was never the intention.
Speaker 3: And I remember going back to visit with him and
Speaker 3: his mom was like, I wanted you to talk him
Speaker 3: out of moving there, and.
Speaker 4: Now he's in love, and I was like, I'm.
Speaker 3: Sorry, I think not really, but so it went by
Speaker 3: really fast. So we started talking in March. We met
Speaker 3: in April. We got married in July. Wow, DJ was
Speaker 3: coming end of August, two days after he moved here.
Speaker 5: Well, you met him in April, March. He moved in
Speaker 5: in June.
Speaker 4: I guess not.
Speaker 5: He moved in Basically between April and August, you had
Speaker 5: a baby, you got pregnant.
Speaker 4: I got pregnant after we got married, and you got married.
Speaker 2: Not like you can engage. You got married, married in Hawaii,
Speaker 2: got mallried. Wait how I know?
Speaker 5: It's like but it's true, Like people always try to
Speaker 5: take you out of that, but it's like when you know,
Speaker 5: you know.
Speaker 3: Were your parents where, they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, Oh
Speaker 3: I didn't tell anybody.
Speaker 2: You got married without telling anyone?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah of.
Speaker 4: Course, yeah, because I so the way I have always been.
Speaker 3: I've never wanted a big wedding. Like my best friend
Speaker 3: was born a day before me. She knew exactly what
Speaker 3: she wanted. She knew her the dress, the style, all
Speaker 3: of that stuff. And I was just like, I never
Speaker 3: I never wanted that.
Speaker 4: And then once I became in public eye and a
Speaker 4: public figure.
Speaker 3: I'm always going to huge events and I never really
Speaker 3: get to enjoy them because there's just so much going on.
Speaker 3: And I was like, I don't want to do that
Speaker 3: for my wedding, right, So I had always imagined myself
Speaker 3: either going to the courthouse or just something really really small.
Speaker 3: And so we went on this trip with our friends
Speaker 3: and we went to Hawaii, and we had already been
Speaker 3: talking about it.
Speaker 1: I don't remember you guys already engaged at this point.
Speaker 4: No no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 5: No, no, here's what random trip not with no intention
Speaker 5: of getting married.
Speaker 4: Well, we had talked about it.
Speaker 3: I was like, if we're gonna, if we're gonna do it,
Speaker 3: why don't we do it here in Hawaii. Nobody's ever
Speaker 3: going to expect to see us at the courthouse there,
Speaker 3: and there shouldn't be.
Speaker 4: Paparazzi in Hawaii, like of all the places, it was closed.
Speaker 3: Wow, it was closed, and so we my best friend
Speaker 3: had gotten ordained.
Speaker 4: So We're in the water and I look at him.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, do you want to do it right now? Like,
Speaker 3: let's just do it right now? And he was like okay.
Speaker 3: And so my friend was like do you and I
Speaker 3: was like yep, and she asked him, so yep.
Speaker 4: We kissed in the water and that was the one
Speaker 4: paparazzi shot.
Speaker 3: Oh they got it, got but they had no idea
Speaker 3: that was actually So we got married there. We did
Speaker 3: the paperwork and stuff when we got back, but that's
Speaker 3: where we got married. And then uh yeah, a month later,
Speaker 3: a month and some change later, he had moved his
Speaker 3: stuff down and he moved into the house out here,
Speaker 3: which is two minutes up the road by the way.
Speaker 3: And then two days later I was like, I feel weird.
Speaker 3: I should just go check and yeah, wow, wow, were
Speaker 3: you was supposed to be here?
Speaker 1: Were you excited? Were you scared? Were you ready terrified?
Speaker 3: Okay, mostly because of him, because I just was like,
Speaker 3: he just moved here, like he just uprooted his life,
Speaker 3: and now I have to tell him that I we're expected.
Speaker 1: Well, we got married, y'all are already doing it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but still it was like we neither of us
Speaker 3: were expecting it, and so it was just like, holy shit,
Speaker 3: like what is going on? So poor guy, I look
Speaker 3: back on it, he didn't even have time to like
Speaker 3: because I had a whole.
Speaker 4: Moment I was. I was out of there because I
Speaker 4: just wasn't ready.
Speaker 3: And we had been talking. I don't think you're ever
Speaker 3: ready for kids, to be honest, You're just not. But
Speaker 3: we've been talking like okay, yeah, like in two years we'll.
Speaker 4: Start trying and blah blahlah blah. And I was like, cool,
Speaker 4: that sounds great. Nope, God was like now right now,
Speaker 4: and so it went really fast.
Speaker 3: But we're wearing on our sixth year. So in July
Speaker 3: it'll be our sixth year anniversary.
Speaker 2: Oh and how does your son five?
Speaker 1: How is your pregnancy great? My pregnancy was awesome. It
Speaker 1: was the afterpart that I'm like, I don't want to
Speaker 1: do that again.
Speaker 2: I was birth easy, Okay, did you have a natural birth?
Speaker 3: Let me not say easy, because I don't want people
Speaker 3: to get rid of I don't.
Speaker 4: Want people to get mad at me. It wasn't easy.
Speaker 4: It was definitely challenging. I did naturally. I did natural water.
Speaker 2: Birth at the hospital at home.
Speaker 4: I did at a birthing center.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and they were amazing because they were like, hey,
Speaker 3: if anything goes wrong.
Speaker 4: We will go with you to the hospital, like if
Speaker 4: there was an.
Speaker 3: Emergency c section or something. But I didn't have to
Speaker 3: do that. Uh, Dana caught him.
Speaker 4: It was really cool. It was a really cool moment.
Speaker 4: I felt like I could do anything after that. I
Speaker 4: was sitting in the bathtub like, look at this. I
Speaker 4: was looking at the umbilical cord like.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, this is crazy.
Speaker 4: And I was like I could left to try.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I felt like I could do anything after that. And
Speaker 3: he just Dija was a little perfect baby. He came out,
Speaker 3: eyes open, ready, just wait, wait for y'all.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 4: He was like, oh yeah, okay, I chose.
Speaker 3: I chose right, you know what I mean, Like he
Speaker 3: was just looking at us like, okay, all right. But yeah,
Speaker 3: I My pregnancy was great. I didn't have any morning sickness.
Speaker 3: I everything was pretty much smooth sailing third trimester. He
Speaker 3: kind of sat a little bit on my psiatic nerve,
Speaker 3: but other than that, like it was great. It was
Speaker 3: the mental stuff after that. I was just like, I
Speaker 3: can't I can't do this again. I didn't want to
Speaker 3: put myself through that again.
Speaker 1: Did you have uh?
Speaker 4: I had?
Speaker 3: I didn't have postpartum most part Yeah, I didn't have
Speaker 3: postpartum depression.
Speaker 4: I definitely had.
Speaker 3: The baby blues for like three weeks where I just
Speaker 3: I could not keep my emotions skin.
Speaker 4: I wept at everything, everything.
Speaker 3: But it was like a deep weeping. It wasn't just like, oh,
Speaker 3: I'm a little teary. I would just cry and cry
Speaker 3: and cry, and that was that was really tough, but
Speaker 3: also just trying to navigate, like, Okay, you have to
Speaker 3: dedicate your whole life to this person who needs you
Speaker 3: at the moment. And as women were the default parent
Speaker 3: because they have to eat from us, they need to
Speaker 3: be near us, we're the ones that are getting up,
Speaker 3: Like it just becomes a lot and it's overwhelming. And
Speaker 3: I'm one of those people who's like all or nothing,
Speaker 3: so like I'm one hundred percent all in with my husband.
Speaker 4: So to make that split of like.
Speaker 1: Well, you guys had just also kind of started your
Speaker 1: relationship in ways and then introducing a whole life into
Speaker 1: the relationships.
Speaker 3: So we're still learning each other, still love each other obviously,
Speaker 3: but we're still learning each other, our quirks and all
Speaker 3: those things. And now we have DJ that's in the picture,
Speaker 3: and now we have to learn how to parent together
Speaker 3: as people.
Speaker 4: Who are still learning each other each other.
Speaker 3: Right, So it's just there was It was just a lot,
Speaker 3: and I just know personally for myself, I had to
Speaker 3: make that split between my husband and DJ.
Speaker 4: And then whatever was left for me.
Speaker 3: And I know that if there's another, if I bring
Speaker 3: another into this world, there's not gonna be anything left
Speaker 3: for me, because I know how I am, I know
Speaker 3: how I Hi. Those kids are gonna get everything, and
Speaker 3: then my husband's gonna get the rest, yes, which it
Speaker 3: should be husband first and then kids so they can see.
Speaker 4: But I'm working on it.
Speaker 3: I don't think we ever figure out the balance of anything.
Speaker 3: But I just know that there wouldn't be anything left
Speaker 3: for me, and then I know I would spiral because I.
Speaker 4: Just well myself.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, well that's the thing, is that knowing yourself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm curious because you guys, you guys went into this
Speaker 1: relationship rather quickly, got married and had the baby, and
Speaker 1: you said that you had PTSD from your last relationship,
Speaker 1: like you know, I was talking to my mom about
Speaker 1: this the other day because I was telling she was like,
Speaker 1: you know, when you find the right relationship, they will
Speaker 1: heal the parts of you that you were that that
Speaker 1: were crushed before. Like they won't trigger those same feelings.
Speaker 1: They will make sure that you feel safe in those
Speaker 1: in those things. Yes, And you know, I know I
Speaker 1: almost cried because I was like, I've never had that.
Speaker 4: Oh, okay, we're gonna change that.
Speaker 1: But I've had moments of it and then yeah, it
Speaker 1: always comes crashing. What were some of those things that
Speaker 1: he was able to heal from? Like what your PTSD?
Speaker 1: We have a chapter in our book it's called post
Speaker 1: traumatic baby daddy disorder. Okay, and I realized that your
Speaker 1: last you know, relationship wasn't your baby father's child, but.
Speaker 2: It's I think it's the same concept.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but there is there's a PTSD that we as
Speaker 1: women carry from previous relationships, whether or not you have
Speaker 1: a child. When you have a child with someone, it's
Speaker 1: a little it's a lot more. I think it penetrates
Speaker 1: the soul a little deeper. But you know, there's things
Speaker 1: that we compartmentalize or hold on to in our bodies
Speaker 1: and don't even realize or start judging other people like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you're gonna do the same thing. You're
Speaker 1: gonna leave me, you're gonna hurt me, you're gonna cheat
Speaker 1: on me, you're gonna disrespect me, like and jumping into
Speaker 1: a relationship so quickly. But now I guess your spirit
Speaker 1: knowing that this was right for you, what was what
Speaker 1: were some of the things that he was able to
Speaker 1: kind of heal so quickly Because you were saying you
Speaker 1: didn't want to be in a room with a man
Speaker 1: by yourself.
Speaker 4: I didn't. I absolutely didn't.
Speaker 3: And I think talking to him first without any of
Speaker 3: the like.
Speaker 4: Oh let me see what you look like, there was
Speaker 4: never any of that. He was never like.
Speaker 2: Get me a picture, yeah yeah, which went on right now.
Speaker 3: It was strictly just like human to human, which I
Speaker 3: immediately was just like, Okay, this is a really good person.
Speaker 3: And that obviously helped me lower my guard a little
Speaker 3: bit because my guard was super high. Again, let me
Speaker 3: preface that it was a year, it was a year
Speaker 3: and a half that I had just taken that out
Speaker 3: of my life. I was open, well, no, I was closed.
Speaker 3: I was closed to being set up. I didn't want that.
Speaker 3: I was open to it being organic. I did not
Speaker 3: want to be set up by anybody. I didn't want
Speaker 3: it to be I was kind of not kind of
Speaker 3: I was specific in.
Speaker 4: What I did want and what I didn't want.
Speaker 3: And I think that that helped because when he showed up,
Speaker 3: I realized my spirit was.
Speaker 2: Like, oh, there you are checking all the boxes.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I felt safe. Safety was my number one
Speaker 4: thing because I did not.
Speaker 3: Feel safe in my previous relationships, whether it was safe
Speaker 3: to be myself or like physically safe, like I cannot
Speaker 3: be in this home safe.
Speaker 4: I felt safe with him.
Speaker 3: I knew just from the way that when we hung out,
Speaker 3: how he treated me, and he was always looking out
Speaker 3: for me.
Speaker 4: And then it was continued. It didn't just go away.
Speaker 4: It wasn't like that initial courtship yeah, like oh well,
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna show you my best self and then
Speaker 4: you know, then we're gonna change up, which I had
Speaker 4: experienced before.
Speaker 3: It was that sense of safety. It was the no
Speaker 3: preconceptions of who I was. He allowed me to show
Speaker 3: him who I was as opposed to be having me
Speaker 3: on this pedestal, which is I guess a little unique
Speaker 3: to just what I do in my industry, because everybody
Speaker 3: sees me, everybody knows who I am, and they make
Speaker 3: these assumptions of who they think I am.
Speaker 4: Behind closed doors, And it's just not that.
Speaker 3: I think people would be very surprised if they got
Speaker 3: to sit down with me for a while or like
Speaker 3: live with me for a week, like who I am?
Speaker 1: You know, I think the concept of putting women on
Speaker 1: pedestals is very dangerous. Yeah, And I think men really
Speaker 1: they that's something that's their go to when they want
Speaker 1: to make a woman feel special, is like I put
Speaker 1: you on this pedestal. You put me on this pedestal,
Speaker 1: because at any moment I could be knocked off this
Speaker 1: pedestal with any of any of my me showing up
Speaker 1: as human.
Speaker 4: Yep.
Speaker 1: You know. Like I've had men say that. I'm like, please,
Speaker 1: don't do that. I don't want to be on your pedestal.
Speaker 4: I don't want that. Yeah, I don't want you to
Speaker 4: worship me. I don't want you to know.
Speaker 5: As soon as I drop one one one thing, you're like,
Speaker 5: oh you're not.
Speaker 1: There is a level of worship I want. I think
Speaker 1: it's just this concept of pedestal where I am higher
Speaker 1: than every other woman, every other person, like, no, I
Speaker 1: am the same, I am just your woman, like we
Speaker 1: we are s meant to be, Like you could worship
Speaker 1: me in that yeah, that way, but yeah, I totally
Speaker 1: get it.
Speaker 3: That was one of the other things my previous one
Speaker 3: of the relationships I was in. It was almost like
Speaker 3: he was amazed that I was even in his capacity
Speaker 3: like that.
Speaker 4: I was like almost like out of I was so
Speaker 4: far out of his league that once I was.
Speaker 3: With him, he just couldn't handle it and he just
Speaker 3: like didn't know what to do and he sabotaged at
Speaker 3: every corner, and then he made me feel like shit.
Speaker 3: And then because of how he used to treat other women,
Speaker 3: he didn't know how to treat somebody who was good,
Speaker 3: and it was just this whole It was this whole thing.
Speaker 3: Like I hope that he's grown since then.
Speaker 4: Like I hope.
Speaker 3: So I always hold the space. I'm not expecting anything,
Speaker 3: but I'm holding the space that they grow and they learn.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've experienced this too, because I've
Speaker 1: I've experienced relationship like that too, where like the person
Speaker 1: couldn't believe that they got me, and it gave me
Speaker 1: a sense of safety almost like it made me feel like, Okay, well,
Speaker 1: now I know this person won't disrespect me, like I
Speaker 1: know this person will value me because they can't believe
Speaker 1: that they have me. And that's where we fuck up.
Speaker 1: They didn't because the fact that you thought you couldn't
Speaker 1: get me, you don't value yourself.
Speaker 2: That's a reflection.
Speaker 1: Inevitably that is going to show up in our relationship
Speaker 1: and and how you treat me. Yes, and it always does.
Speaker 5: Women forget about that, and I think men, we're just
Speaker 5: talking about this.
Speaker 2: It's like this idea.
Speaker 5: If the man hasn't done the work to value himself,
Speaker 5: then he is going when he put you on this
Speaker 5: pedestal and he looks at you, there is going to
Speaker 5: be something that happens.
Speaker 2: You're like, oh my god, I don't deserve this, and
Speaker 2: he's going to try and find a flaw in you.
Speaker 5: And then because he can't imagine that women overall can
Speaker 5: be this this or this that, And when you don't feel,
Speaker 5: when you don't feel like you're someone's equal or that
Speaker 5: you deserve them, then like inevitably you're trying to bring
Speaker 5: them down to.
Speaker 2: Where you believe, where you believe that you exist.
Speaker 5: And so, like you know, sometimes people like I think women.
Speaker 5: People tell women not to come off to confident or
Speaker 5: to like I love my fucking self.
Speaker 2: I'm the shit, I look bomb.
Speaker 5: My body's bomb, like I can make babies, like I
Speaker 5: can cook.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 5: We're really like told to like take up less space
Speaker 5: while you're down ourselves, water ourselves.
Speaker 2: Down, you know.
Speaker 5: And I think for men, they if they don't, if
Speaker 5: they haven't had the time to really like feel truly
Speaker 5: like they deserve something of this level, then they, yeah,
Speaker 5: they start to become really mean.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like yeah.
Speaker 3: Because they just don't they don't know how, they don't
Speaker 3: know how they got you, but they also don't know
Speaker 3: how to.
Speaker 4: Get themselves out of that space.
Speaker 3: And I think that's the other thing that I really
Speaker 3: what I was attracted to when I met Dana was
Speaker 3: he had been single for seven years.
Speaker 4: He was like, I don't need to do this.
Speaker 3: Not that not saying he was celibate, but he wasn't
Speaker 3: in a committed relationship because he knew himself and because
Speaker 3: he valued himself, because he had been in one that
Speaker 3: really messed him up, and he wanted to just live
Speaker 3: his life and have uh the best time living his life,
Speaker 3: you know, and I was like, I respect that because
Speaker 3: you knew yourself well enough to just take this road
Speaker 3: and this journey. He wasn't trying to fill himself up
Speaker 3: with other things. He knows what his value is. He's
Speaker 3: an amazing man, like he has some incredible ideas. He is,
Speaker 3: he's so fun, he's so beautiful. I just like look
Speaker 3: at him and I'm like, oh, but he's just he's beautiful,
Speaker 3: he's compassionate. He the way his mind works is just
Speaker 3: so intriguing to me. Sometimes I gotta be like, you
Speaker 3: gotta turn it off for a.
Speaker 4: Second, like I need a break. I don't want to
Speaker 4: be talking about this idea at seven am.
Speaker 1: I'm tired.
Speaker 2: It's his sign.
Speaker 3: He's a Taurus and my son oring the day before him. Yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 3: but but I appreciate it and I understand it because
Speaker 3: I'm a goat. So I don't know why I'm a
Speaker 3: sea goat though that doesn't make sense because I don't
Speaker 3: like the water like that. I like it for its
Speaker 3: purification process and to hydrate and moisturize.
Speaker 4: I don't want to go in the ocean. I'm good.
Speaker 4: It's scary.
Speaker 2: Only to get married.
Speaker 4: Yep.
Speaker 1: Only I was like right right here, right here.
Speaker 4: In my waist and the flamingo floating.
Speaker 1: I was good.
Speaker 3: But yeah, so I just I really respected that, and
Speaker 3: that was different than any other relationship I had been
Speaker 3: And they had previous relationships.
Speaker 4: They had come off as though they.
Speaker 3: Were confident, but really, really, when I look at it,
Speaker 3: I'm like, alpha, be careful.
Speaker 4: Really they were.
Speaker 3: And I guess the other thing too, was that they
Speaker 3: were also in the industry.
Speaker 4: I thought, I thought that if I was with somebody
Speaker 4: who did the same thing that I did, have an understanding,
Speaker 4: it would be easy to know.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, it was almost worse because now
Speaker 3: everybody knows me. We have all these other people that
Speaker 3: are looking at me. They spent so much time looking
Speaker 3: at the other people looking at me that they weren't
Speaker 3: looking at me looking at them.
Speaker 4: About that, I was like, I'm here looking at you.
Speaker 4: You are the only person I see.
Speaker 3: And I'm also, like I said, I'm one hundred percent, like,
Speaker 3: there's no when I'm committed, there's no swaying. That's that's
Speaker 3: just not there's nothing you cannot there's nothing that anybody
Speaker 3: can do unless I've made that decision. And so I
Speaker 3: just didn't get that.
Speaker 4: I was like, I'm literally here next to you, like I'm.
Speaker 3: With you, but you're concerned about that dude over there
Speaker 3: who's not even over here talking to us, like he's.
Speaker 4: Just looking like you gotta know people are gonna look yeah,
Speaker 4: And I'm.
Speaker 3: Like, you do realize I was who That was the
Speaker 3: other thing I told Dana because once I once i'd
Speaker 3: been through those relationships and I had started going to therapy,
Speaker 3: I started doing work on myself. That was one of
Speaker 3: the first things I told me. I said, I am
Speaker 3: who I am.
Speaker 4: This is my job.
Speaker 3: I'm not changing it for anybody. I am who I am,
Speaker 3: and I will be this way if you date me
Speaker 3: or not. This is my life. People are gonna know me.
Speaker 3: Part of me belongs to the world. That's just that's
Speaker 3: just how it is. People are gonna look at me,
Speaker 3: people are gonna want my attention, people are gonna all
Speaker 3: these different things. You have to be okay with yourself
Speaker 3: to be able to deal with this because I'm not
Speaker 3: changing because I did not that I changed. I still
Speaker 3: did what I did, but I said no to a
Speaker 3: lot of things.
Speaker 2: To appease somebody.
Speaker 3: They're broken egos, and I just was like I'm not
Speaker 3: doing that again. I'm not gonna let you tell me
Speaker 3: who I can hang out with because we're not possessions.
Speaker 3: We are not things to be owned. Dana has his
Speaker 3: female friends, I have my male friends. I think it's
Speaker 3: completely healthy and there's nothing wrong with that. Like, there's
Speaker 3: no I'm also not a jealous person, Like until you
Speaker 3: give me a reason to either be jealous or to
Speaker 3: question you, I'm going to give you my trust. I'm
Speaker 3: going to hold that you are making the right decisions
Speaker 3: for yourself and you're respecting me in those spaces. If
Speaker 3: you show me that you're not, we'll address it then.
Speaker 3: But he I think it's very healthy for us to
Speaker 3: both have our friendships and relationships. And plus, I'm in
Speaker 3: a male dominated industry. I'm around men all the time,
Speaker 3: so this is a treat I am surrounded by men
Speaker 3: all the time. And I really respect Dana for that
Speaker 3: because he's really been able to just be like, yeah,
Speaker 3: go go ahead, you do what you need to do, and.
Speaker 4: He's uplifted me in the process.
Speaker 3: He I've never had somebody support me to the point
Speaker 3: where literally everything he does is to elevate me. I
Speaker 3: just I love you, I love you. I think you're
Speaker 3: the most amazing person on the planet. But he's always
Speaker 3: thinking about me, and that's something that I have to
Speaker 3: work on because I've only had to think about me
Speaker 3: for a really long time and all of my.
Speaker 4: Decisions and things like that.
Speaker 1: But I.
Speaker 3: Can I can come off very detached sometimes, not that
Speaker 3: I which is weird because I'm super empathetic and very
Speaker 3: in tune with my emotions, but I can come off
Speaker 3: really detached and just like okay, And so I have
Speaker 3: learned for myself to cultivate a better connection there with
Speaker 3: with Dana in that way.
Speaker 4: I really have to work on that.
Speaker 3: Like the same excitement that I would want him to
Speaker 3: show me, I have to do as well. And sometimes
Speaker 3: after DJ has been all over me all day and
Speaker 3: I'm touched out, like that's the last thing I want
Speaker 3: is to just be.
Speaker 4: Like you.
Speaker 2: Tell me your ideas.
Speaker 1: You're so smart.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's just been so it's it's been interesting,
Speaker 3: Like I think, the ebb and flow of everything. I
Speaker 3: don't think I'm ever going to find a balance. Everybody
Speaker 3: always asks me, well, how do you balance?
Speaker 4: I'm like, I don't.
Speaker 1: That question is crazy. Yeah, I'm like, that question is crazy.
Speaker 1: Here's the blueprint.
Speaker 4: No, you can't.
Speaker 3: It's just some days it's seventy thirty. Some days it's
Speaker 3: one hundred percent just DJ. Some days it's one hundred
Speaker 3: percent just me. Some days it's one hundred percent into data.
Speaker 3: But there really isn't balance. And I think that's the
Speaker 3: cool thing about life, is the polarity and the duality
Speaker 3: of everything is you know, we just kind of life
Speaker 3: is happening for us, not to us. Yes, And I
Speaker 3: think that's a lesson too that I had to learn,
Speaker 3: because sometimes it's like, oh.
Speaker 4: Well, this is just the situation was so horrible and
Speaker 4: I can't believe they did that to me. But it wasn't.
Speaker 4: Looking back, I'm like, that was a protection, so.
Speaker 2: You wouldn't be doing so you wouldn't be an.
Speaker 4: I cannot tell you how. I just got goosebumps.
Speaker 3: I've been protected so much at my angels, my ancestors, God,
Speaker 3: the Source, the Creator has.
Speaker 4: Been looking out for your girl.
Speaker 3: Okay, because there have been plenty of times where I
Speaker 3: wanted it to be a yes so badly, whether it
Speaker 3: was a relationship or a role or the label or
Speaker 3: whatever it was, and it was a big fat no
Speaker 3: or big fat warning sign, and I was completely protected
Speaker 3: from the aftermath of what happened when I look at
Speaker 3: it from the outside.
Speaker 6: Thinking that it was a no, but it was a
Speaker 6: reroun yes, yeah, no, it was a nope plot twist
Speaker 6: yes no. And and here's what you're actually deserve and
Speaker 6: what you want yep.
Speaker 3: No dot dot dot. The ellipsis no, here's more. This
Speaker 3: is this is what you're gonna do. So I don't know,
Speaker 3: it's been, it's been interesting, it's never it's it's always going.
Speaker 1: Never ending.
Speaker 3: I guess it's an ongoing journey of like discovery.
Speaker 1: I can sit here and talk to you forever.
Speaker 4: I know me too, but we can't.
Speaker 1: But we can.
Speaker 4: We can, Okay, before we.
Speaker 1: Get out of here. Two things. I want to play
Speaker 1: a game with you. Okay. It's called Trigger. Oh great, okay,
Speaker 1: And it's a game we play with our guests. And basically,
Speaker 1: I say a word and you say the first thing
Speaker 1: that comes to your mind. Don't overthink it.
Speaker 4: Okay, damn you know me.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be like wait.
Speaker 1: And try to just you can say more than one word,
Speaker 1: but try to keep it in one word.
Speaker 3: Bad habits, oh overeating, marriage, challenging, motherhood also challenging monogamy.
Speaker 3: Easy cannabis love it, black women love them?
Speaker 1: Yes, purity ring.
Speaker 4: Uh, I don't have one anymore.
Speaker 2: I don't know what graduated, it's gone graduated.
Speaker 1: Religion?
Speaker 4: Uh boxes anal? I mean, I mean I'm always done
Speaker 4: to explore.
Speaker 1: Okay, boxers or briefs. Uh, briefs turn on? Wait what
Speaker 1: does it turn on?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 4: Oh what is a turn on?
Speaker 3: Uh? Please, I'm a savio sexual. Just please stimulate my mind.
Speaker 1: Turn off? Oh fuck?
Speaker 4: How do I don't know how to word this?
Speaker 3: Uh? Turn off would probably be ooh bad bad bad
Speaker 3: dental oral hygiene.
Speaker 2: Ooh girl, that's a good one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, something we're all triggered down. Mushrooms love them? Hey, hey,
Speaker 1: pregnancy one and done. Favorite porn category.
Speaker 4: I don't have one.
Speaker 1: You watch porn? Have you ever watched born?
Speaker 4: Yeah? But I'm not like looking in Yeah. Yeah, I
Speaker 4: don't know. I guess I don't know.
Speaker 1: I have no idea favorite sex position.
Speaker 4: Oh, I have one, but I don't know the name
Speaker 4: of it because it's new.
Speaker 2: I just explained it.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So the guy is laying down and then the girl
Speaker 3: is It's almost like reverse cowgirl, but not center like one.
Speaker 5: Leg, yeah, that one, like the one like one on
Speaker 5: the side.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you can kind of get that booty like
Speaker 1: that side booty.
Speaker 4: It's amazing. I'm like, big, can we do the can we.
Speaker 1: Please with the reverse one like cowgirl whatever.
Speaker 3: Then they can turn too, so they have the so
Speaker 3: he could like get on his side and you can.
Speaker 1: Really get in there. Biggest insecurity probably my stomach to
Speaker 1: me too, girl pregnancy. I think I've always like not
Speaker 1: loved my stomach, but then after pregnancy, I gained seventy
Speaker 1: pounds in my pregnancy. I don't know, I know, it's
Speaker 1: crazy and it's it's just like it's just never the same. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean, I appreciate my how powerful my body is
Speaker 3: to have like done that, but I'm like, hey, can
Speaker 3: you just you know, do me a little favor and
Speaker 3: stop jiggling so much?
Speaker 1: I know, I was like still, but if I need
Speaker 1: to get this cut open and stretched out like this,
Speaker 1: he'll like grab it.
Speaker 4: And I said, you did that, and he's like I
Speaker 4: did to say, yeah, my belly was out to hear.
Speaker 3: He's the only person that I let do that. I've
Speaker 3: been so sensitive about my stomach for such a long time.
Speaker 3: That like anybody touches it, and I'm like, even my husband,
Speaker 3: I'm trying not to.
Speaker 4: I'm trying not to him like.
Speaker 1: Some mirror You gotta do some mirror work me too,
Speaker 1: because I go my sometimes when I'm like lower weight
Speaker 1: than I'm like, okay, it's cute, and then I gave
Speaker 1: five pounds, like I hate it again and like I
Speaker 1: can't do this to myself. Yeah, to stop, and I'm
Speaker 1: not going to get a tummy tuck, so just shut up.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's not happening.
Speaker 3: If we if well surgery for if we needed, but
Speaker 3: if we were meant to have it, we'd have zippers.
Speaker 4: I think zippers. Zippers. Yeah, we were meant to go
Speaker 4: all up.
Speaker 3: In there and it would be easy, right, Yeah, we
Speaker 3: just we already have zippers on our bible.
Speaker 1: I'm not mad about not having zippers on my titties.
Speaker 1: I definitely cut these open again and do it again.
Speaker 4: I don't want zippers there either.
Speaker 1: He's the best and best one I ever made.
Speaker 4: They are beautiful.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Doctor Laverson in San Diego.
Speaker 4: Oh No, I don't like to share.
Speaker 1: She's selfish. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 4: I do not like to share.
Speaker 1: I feel you girl, last, but not least.
Speaker 4: Biggest regret, biggest regret.
Speaker 3: That's actually a really good question because I I don't really.
Speaker 4: Regret anything in my life.
Speaker 3: Mate, Well, I do regret yelling at this girl named
Speaker 3: Kelly when I was in the fifth grade.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, you have to be a cancer somewhere
Speaker 5: in your chart, girl, because the way you just remember.
Speaker 2: That, Kelly, you hear this, Kelly, I know, I don't
Speaker 2: really sorry.
Speaker 3: I will never forget it, though, because I'm not really
Speaker 3: a yellow like that, and and it was just I
Speaker 3: was so irritated and I yelled so loud in her face,
Speaker 3: and I told her that no one liked her, and
Speaker 3: and I've never forgotten that. So I'm sorry you're at
Speaker 3: I'm like, I still remember, Like that makes my stomach
Speaker 3: hurt like thinking about it.
Speaker 4: So yeah, I would say that. And then biggest regret.
Speaker 4: I don't really have a major.
Speaker 3: One, Like I don't have any There's no like regret
Speaker 3: that was like life changing, if if that makes sense.
Speaker 4: So I don't really have one.
Speaker 1: Good Yeah, I think I think it's I think it's
Speaker 1: best to live life without regrets, or at least lead
Speaker 1: with me.
Speaker 4: I can't do anything that can't change anything.
Speaker 5: That was my high school senior quote regrets, no regret,
Speaker 5: no regrets.
Speaker 2: I was I was the early yellow. Let's go.
Speaker 1: There. So we usually ask our guests if they have
Speaker 1: a whorri we have a segment on our taro.
Speaker 5: First tell her so then she can have time to
Speaker 5: think about it, and then I'll do the taro and
Speaker 5: then we'll do the horri for after.
Speaker 1: Okay, So a horror story is a hotel like whether
Speaker 1: that's with your husband or a previous partner or whatever,
Speaker 1: something that's either hi on the host scale, the host scale,
Speaker 1: sexy little sexy sex story, or maybe something that was
Speaker 1: like really embarrassing, like we have one recently. That is
Speaker 1: if you're on Patreon, which you should subscribe to Patreon.
Speaker 2: Right the fuck now, please don't repeat that story.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna repeat it. I'm going to make them
Speaker 1: go to Patreon. There's a little nasty little story that
Speaker 1: we shared on Patreon. It's actually in audio form, which
Speaker 1: is even fucking better. I'm gonna start making people submit
Speaker 1: through audio like the story was wow, I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: grossed up.
Speaker 2: It could even be gross. It could be surprisingly like scary.
Speaker 2: It could be like oh, that was.
Speaker 5: That was a whole highlight time and I really appreciate that.
Speaker 1: So if you sorry, and yeah, think about it.
Speaker 4: If you're gonna be my version of a hot yeah.
Speaker 2: There's no judgment whatever level you're at. Okay, we welcome
Speaker 2: all the stories.
Speaker 5: But in the meantime, I know we when we started
Speaker 5: the show, we let you you chose a tarot card
Speaker 5: and you got the Ninus Swords.
Speaker 4: And I've never done this before.
Speaker 2: Actually, I'm very yeah, I'm very intrigued to see. Well,
Speaker 2: you can let us know if it resonates with with you.
Speaker 2: It usually does.
Speaker 5: And when you looked at it, you seem like the imagery,
Speaker 5: it's like, can we hold.
Speaker 4: It up so they can see what I picked.
Speaker 5: It's like a woman or man sitting up in the bed,
Speaker 5: like look like very it's me.
Speaker 2: They look a little distraught.
Speaker 4: Just a little bit. Okay, okay, So what does it
Speaker 4: mean upright?
Speaker 5: It means there's anxiety, worry, fear, nightmares.
Speaker 2: Let's see, let's see.
Speaker 5: The Ninos Swords suggests that dark thoughts are disturbing feelings,
Speaker 5: are weighing you down and keeping you up at night.
Speaker 5: You are worrying excessively about a situation, and your negative
Speaker 5: thoughts are getting the better of you, leaving you stressed
Speaker 5: and anxious. The more you see sciate with your fears,
Speaker 5: the more they will rule your life. As you obsess
Speaker 5: over what's not working, the more anxious you become, and
Speaker 5: the more you will worry. It becomes a negative cycle
Speaker 5: where one awful thought leads to another, and another and
Speaker 5: another until they overwhelm you.
Speaker 1: This is I also resonate with this.
Speaker 5: Just as the Nine of Swords are stacked upon each
Speaker 5: other each other on the wall, so too are your
Speaker 5: negative thoughts. Be careful because the fear and worry in
Speaker 5: the Nine of Swords can become sorry. It can become
Speaker 5: a self fulfilling prophecy. As you obsessed over what you
Speaker 5: may what may go wrong, you are more likely to
Speaker 5: manifest your worst case scenario because you are inadvertently acting
Speaker 5: in ways that support your negative thoughts. You feel like
Speaker 5: this is resonating with you what you think the more
Speaker 5: you're my phone died?
Speaker 2: This is this is what.
Speaker 5: Happens when your tarot in training and you rely on
Speaker 5: Biddy Tara.
Speaker 1: Honestly, I mean I think I that wait, wait when
Speaker 1: the Nine of Swords appears in a reading, it is
Speaker 1: time to reach out for help.
Speaker 4: Oh help me, Jesus.
Speaker 1: I did, Yeah, you did, you did.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: You don't need to do this alone. You don't. You
Speaker 1: have a group of women that are waiting to embrace
Speaker 1: you and list the support of others to help you
Speaker 1: get through the dark period of your life. Others will
Speaker 1: help you see the light at the end of the
Speaker 1: tunnel and lead you towards a solution or a sense
Speaker 1: of peace. Despite your troubles. You are struggling to look
Speaker 1: at your situation clearly as you are plagued by negative thoughts,
Speaker 1: so having an objective, third party perspective will help you
Speaker 1: find your way out. Yes, Oh, there is light at
Speaker 1: the end of the tunnel.
Speaker 3: Well, I definitely relate to it because, like I was
Speaker 3: talking about with my project, I'm we're like in the
Speaker 3: middle of it, and I'm just like, I really want
Speaker 3: this to work, like it has to work, and I
Speaker 3: want it to work. And I think that's where my
Speaker 3: thoughts start to spiral because of the experiences I've had before,
Speaker 3: like the what ifs.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I'm trying.
Speaker 3: To shift it because somebody just asked me a question
Speaker 3: the other day for advice and she was like, well,
Speaker 3: how do I go about putting this music out?
Speaker 4: It's very vulnerable. I'm scared.
Speaker 3: And I said, well, you have to shift your thoughts
Speaker 3: from what if it sucks and what if people hate
Speaker 3: it to but what if it's great? What if they
Speaker 3: love it? And so I have to do that for myself.
Speaker 3: And I think the stress also comes from, like, I mean,
Speaker 3: it's my livelihood, you know, so if it doesn't work,
Speaker 3: I have to like not scramble. But I'm grateful that
Speaker 3: I have the opportunities to do other things like act
Speaker 3: and host and do all those other things. But when
Speaker 3: the music is working, everything else is really working. So
Speaker 3: I really need this to work.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is my passion. That's true. That's definitely true.
Speaker 3: It is my passion. I have to sing. I want
Speaker 3: to sing. I want to be on stage. And I
Speaker 3: think where the fear comes in is because the landscape
Speaker 3: has changed so much since even the last time I
Speaker 3: put out music, like I put out a little EP,
Speaker 3: I put out Christmas album and an EP and twenty
Speaker 3: twenty and it's changed even from that time, And I'm like,
Speaker 3: is this new landscape gonna accept this music? Yes, it
Speaker 3: is the majority, but I guess when I'm sleeping, all
Speaker 3: those subconscious thoughts come out.
Speaker 4: Because I had the craziest nightmare, Like last week.
Speaker 3: I woke up in a I was sweating, I was panicked.
Speaker 3: I looked back and Dana was there, and I was like,
Speaker 3: it was so real, it was so real, and.
Speaker 1: So yeah, so this card really does resonate.
Speaker 4: Yes, And I'm very excited for our trip.
Speaker 3: I'm very excited for our trip. I need women, I
Speaker 3: need time to myself. I'm very excited.
Speaker 1: Yes, And this episode's gonna come out in July, so
Speaker 1: you'll already have been on the trip. But just you
Speaker 1: guys know, Jordan's might be there right now. Jordan's she's
Speaker 1: probably there right now. She's in Mexico. Geordan's joining us
Speaker 1: on the Good Vibra Tree. And I'm just so excited
Speaker 1: to create spaces for women, for all women, because we
Speaker 1: do need those spaces. We need places and spaces to
Speaker 1: feel like safe. Human human unplug not be needed, not
Speaker 1: especially if you are a natural. If you're a natural,
Speaker 1: instinct is to pour into everyone. You sometimes have to
Speaker 1: remove yourself from the pouring place. Oh, I know you
Speaker 1: have to, or you can't physically do it. So it's just.
Speaker 3: Because I will always go and sit back down, even
Speaker 3: if I'm dragging mommy sit with Okay, yeah, okay, I
Speaker 3: will and I think that's important. But at the same time,
Speaker 3: like I definitely have to be gone, like out of.
Speaker 2: You've got to say, yes, I have to be gone,
Speaker 2: out of the country.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And Dana, the amazing thing was I showed it
Speaker 3: to him and I was like showing the thing.
Speaker 4: I said, Babe, look at this. Doesn't this sound amazing?
Speaker 4: He was like, I want to go. I said, nope,
Speaker 4: not you, No, no, just for me. And I was like, so.
Speaker 3: Cause we you know, he actually is my he is
Speaker 3: managing me at the time now and he's also my
Speaker 3: an R, so we also work together. And so scheduling,
Speaker 3: I had to be like, do we have these days open?
Speaker 3: And he was like yeah, And I was like, okay,
Speaker 3: I'm taking them. Don't book anything, I don't care what
Speaker 3: comes in. I'm this is what I'm doing. I was like,
Speaker 3: all right, and so I just to be sure yesterday
Speaker 3: was like, so are we good? And he was like, Babe,
Speaker 3: I really just you need to just do it, just
Speaker 3: buy it, just go because he knows and I'm actually
Speaker 3: grateful because I'm the one that's like I will be
Speaker 3: the one like, Nope, I gotta stay here, I gotta
Speaker 3: do this, I gotta do this. And Dane's like, can
Speaker 3: you go hang out with some friends?
Speaker 4: Like can you go?
Speaker 3: Because he'll go on guys trips all the time, and
Speaker 3: I have no problem with him, like go ahead, like
Speaker 3: please have a good time.
Speaker 4: But I won't do it for myself.
Speaker 3: So I'm grateful that I have that he can see
Speaker 3: that I need it.
Speaker 1: Well, congratulations on choosing yourself and doing that, and hopefully
Speaker 1: you'll even get more clarity and peace around releasing some
Speaker 1: of these feelings and ideas that this card holds. Well,
Speaker 1: this was beautiful.
Speaker 2: Well wait, wait did you think of that hard? Oh shit,
Speaker 2: let's see how juicy? Juicy? I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 4: I don't have very many exciting story used to be honest.
Speaker 3: Uh, Well, I will say I did have a hope
Speaker 3: phase for like six months.
Speaker 4: Six I had two phones. The whole thing. I had
Speaker 4: two phones. I was like I had one for work
Speaker 4: and one for play.
Speaker 1: If you want to listen to Jordan Sparks, host host
Speaker 1: host story Okay Hory, make sure you go check out
Speaker 1: our Patreon, you can go to paton dot com backslash
Speaker 1: Good Moms Bad Choices or guess what, guys, we're not
Speaker 1: We're not rated n X or whatever the fuck they
Speaker 1: had us on Patreon for no fucking reason for You
Speaker 1: can now search Good Mom's Bad Choices in Patreon. They
Speaker 1: finally released them. The hole on our account is they
Speaker 1: you know, they.
Speaker 5: Realize we're not X rated. Yeah, we're not doing poorn
Speaker 5: over here? Can't surprise? Can you believe it?
Speaker 1: Well, Jordan, thank you so much for coming and.
Speaker 4: I really enjoyed myself.
Speaker 2: Tell our people where they can find you.
Speaker 4: You can find me on your radios. I'm kidding. Yeah,
Speaker 4: you can find me at Jordan's.
Speaker 3: Sparks on all platforms except for TikTok. I think it's
Speaker 3: official Jordan Sparks j R D I N S P
Speaker 3: A r K S.
Speaker 4: And keep your ears and your.
Speaker 3: Eyes open for the new music because it's going to
Speaker 3: be really good and you won't regret listening to it.
Speaker 7: And yes, and we love you and we hope you
Speaker 7: have a beautiful rest of your week.
Speaker 1: M M
Speaker 3: M M