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Speaker 1: Jordan the woman, Jordan the mom, Jordan the wife, the

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Speaker 1: sexual and sensual being, and like even saying Jordan sparks

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Speaker 1: and sexual being, people might.

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Speaker 2: Be like, oh, oh no, guess what she has a kid?

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Speaker 2: She had sex? Oh my god? Did she Maybe not right?

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Speaker 3: Maybe not, maybe she didn't marry me right, No way

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Speaker 3: she did.

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Speaker 1: I can't even see it.

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Speaker 4: M h.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and

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Speaker 1: I'm Nila and it's Wednesday. I'm not going to sing

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Speaker 1: this time. Hey, oh you're gonna miss it. Hey, ladies,

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Speaker 1: Happy hump Day, Happy hump Day.

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Speaker 2: How's it going. How you doing? How's your week?

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Speaker 1: My week is going well. I'm wearing a bright color

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Speaker 1: because I woke up this morning feeling not right, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, maybe if I put something bright on,

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Speaker 1: i'll feel better. And then I did and I feel better.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, I never never thought about that. So here's

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Speaker 1: a tip. Actually, fuck, I don't have my pink lipstick on.

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Speaker 1: That was gonna be like the extra added oomph.

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Speaker 5: Well, but we must have been on the same page

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Speaker 5: because I'm also wearing florals.

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Speaker 1: I have my pink lipstick in the bag. Man, I

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Speaker 1: really want someone to go get it for me.

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Speaker 2: It's a new moon. We're springing out. We're springing out

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Speaker 2: to our new our new form. That's what the that's

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Speaker 2: what the astrology said.

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Speaker 5: Oh okay, I got it. Anyway, I'm doing pretty good.

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Speaker 5: I uh, I think I'm breaking out in hives. Lovely,

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Speaker 5: but everything's fine. I mean it's going well. Should be

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Speaker 5: introduce our guests so YouTube doesn't get pissed off.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, let's introduce her today.

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Speaker 5: We have a very very special guest without further ado.

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Speaker 5: We have singer Mama.

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Speaker 3: Wife, platinum selling musical artists, actress American I'll number six winner, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: well you're getting specific.

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Speaker 1: Yes, Jordan's smile.

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Speaker 3: And I was like, they're gonna wonder who this third

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Speaker 3: laugh is coming out of nowhere.

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Speaker 1: Well, people are get on this because we'll like we

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Speaker 1: always like kind of talk for a second and then

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Speaker 1: they're like, you're so rude. Your guest is just sitting there.

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Speaker 1: And I usually brief our guest first, I didn't, I forgot,

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Speaker 1: I didn't tell you that. But sometimes I feel pressure

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Speaker 1: to just get into it because they cursed me out

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Speaker 1: on YouTube, and then I curse them back out.

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Speaker 2: So can you stop cursing.

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Speaker 3: People's fine, Just so you know, I was thoroughly enjoying

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Speaker 3: their little moment.

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Speaker 4: So I'm okay.

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Speaker 1: Are you okay, Jordan Jordan's sparks?

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Speaker 2: Okay, Welcome to the what are we gonna call it?

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Speaker 5: Like, welcome to the Good Good Media Studio, Like we

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Speaker 5: welcome to Good Mom's, the Good Mansion, the Good Mama Den,

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Speaker 5: the Good mom Is Good Cave.

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Speaker 2: The Babe Cave.

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Speaker 1: Oh god, sounds very Caucasian.

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Speaker 2: Okay, well it's very Caucasian.

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Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna reconvene with the location.

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Speaker 1: Well, we'll think about it.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the Good Moms. Thank you, bad choice.

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Speaker 1: I'm happy to be here.

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Speaker 4: I think this was a good choice for me today.

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Speaker 1: So that's good.

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Speaker 2: I'm glad.

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Speaker 5: Were you did you before you came? Did you have

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Speaker 5: any did you do any research?

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Speaker 4: Did you like?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 4: No, like, I know I didn't.

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Speaker 3: Actually I do know Erica just through uh how many

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Speaker 3: years has it been?

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Speaker 4: I don't even know.

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Speaker 3: But I met your mom first on the set of

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Speaker 3: Sparkle all those years ago.

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Speaker 2: I didn't know you knew her. I don't you don't know.

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Speaker 1: My mom My mom did make up on Sparkle. But

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Speaker 1: then I think she quit in the middle of it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I was very sad.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like there was a controversy and my mom was like,

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Speaker 1: fuck that ship and was like I'm out yep.

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Speaker 5: Growing up, the original Sparkle was like, by far, my

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Speaker 5: favorite movie. I don't know why my parents were letting

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Speaker 5: me watch Sparkle at a young age, but literally I

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Speaker 5: just remembered today when she said that. I was like,

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Speaker 5: I fucking watched Sparkle the original four thousand times, so

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Speaker 5: when the new one came. When the new one came,

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Speaker 5: I was like, I can't wait for this ship. But

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Speaker 5: then I just realized, like, why the fuck was a

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Speaker 5: seven year old watching Sparkle.

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Speaker 3: No, there's a lot of adults, but hey, the dresses

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Speaker 3: are pretty and the music is.

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Speaker 4: Good, so I get it.

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Speaker 2: I have a lot of supervision growing up, guys. I

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Speaker 2: turned out fine.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, so, I mean we've we've crossed paths a lot,

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Speaker 3: but I mean that was the she showed me a

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Speaker 3: beauty blender for the first time on Sparkle and I

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Speaker 3: was like, what is this.

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Speaker 4: She goes, this is my mention.

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Speaker 3: She's like, look at my daughter, And that was my

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Speaker 3: first introduction of you was your beautiful picture, and then

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Speaker 3: we've kind of just crossed paths since then.

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Speaker 4: So I'm glad to actually be able to like sit

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Speaker 4: and chill and.

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Speaker 1: Haven't yeh wait. Fun fact, guys, I auditioned for Sparkle.

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Speaker 2: You did?

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Speaker 1: I did. I auditioned for Sparkle because in my former life,

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Speaker 1: well I still, I guess I'm still an actress, but

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Speaker 1: I'm on hiatus for a long time.

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Speaker 2: Your former life.

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Speaker 1: But I did a lot of acting when I was

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Speaker 1: a kid, and so I remember auditioning for Sparkle, and

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Speaker 1: I remember being like, I remember watching Sparkle and I

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Speaker 1: was like, now, y'all know, goddamn well, I cannot sing

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Speaker 1: like this. Why are you gonna embarrass me? I vividly

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Speaker 1: remember the audition, and I was like, I remember practicing

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Speaker 1: in my room, like really trying to hit notes that

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Speaker 1: I have no business trying to hit. Man. So when

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Speaker 1: I heard the Jordan Sparks got the role, I was like,

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Speaker 1: that makes more sad.

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Speaker 2: We're here traumatized from your attempt.

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Speaker 1: No, but because you know, when you audition, like, you

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Speaker 1: audition for a lot of shit. I love audition for

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Speaker 1: so much shit that I'm like girl, first of all,

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Speaker 1: like I don't even look like these parents, Like they

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Speaker 1: will really try to match you up with some people,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, this is a waste of my time.

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Speaker 1: Stop wasting people.

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Speaker 2: I hate bad casting.

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Speaker 1: They waste people's time. It's so annoying. That's one of

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Speaker 1: the reasons I like not really disillusioned with acting too.

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Speaker 1: I was like, because I was starting to tell my

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Speaker 1: ages like I'm not going. They're like, you're not in

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Speaker 1: the position to say no auditions. I'm like, I'm not

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Speaker 1: going because I'm not going to drive to a place

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Speaker 1: and do some shit that I'm never going to get

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Speaker 1: the call back.

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Speaker 3: For, right, right, that's yes, that's a waste of time.

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Speaker 3: And also they work for you, so true, but it's

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Speaker 3: a mind fuck. But it's a mind fuck. They will

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Speaker 3: really confuse you. Yes, no, I get it. I was there,

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Speaker 3: like I was.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I was scared to do anything, color

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Speaker 1: my hair, cut my hair, Like, do.

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Speaker 2: Like change anything on the head headshot?

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Speaker 5: Right, you have to look like this all year unless

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Speaker 5: you're taking new headshots for two thousand.

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Speaker 4: Dollars at the time.

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Speaker 5: But you haven't got enough work, so you can't afford them.

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Speaker 5: Keep that fucking haircut it.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, so it was crazy times, and I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I'm just I'm excited to be in the space that

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Speaker 3: i'm at now, like, because you're right, that was like

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Speaker 3: a lifetime ago. I was like twelve years ago. I'm

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Speaker 3: not even the same person, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 5: That's crazy how we evolved. So like once like those

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Speaker 5: cycles go quickly. But tell us your journey. I know

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Speaker 5: you've like you've done so many things.

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Speaker 1: But girl, I went on your wiki. I said, this

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Speaker 1: is the longest wiki this bitch has had a career.

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Speaker 1: I was like every phase. I was like, this is

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Speaker 1: a book right here.

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Speaker 3: No, literally, American IDAM would be a like a box

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Speaker 3: set in and of it.

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Speaker 1: But I feel like you had even before America IDOL.

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Speaker 1: I was like reading up on you too, because you've

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Speaker 1: been like you you left school to homeschool to focus

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Speaker 1: on your singing career before that, So this is something

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Speaker 1: you've been working towards for a very long time.

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Speaker 4: So I let's start with when I was born. No,

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Speaker 4: so my very birthday, I'm December twenty second.

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Speaker 2: Oh nice, you're a cussby.

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Speaker 3: I'm on the cusp. I'm a Capricorn with fiery tendency.

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Speaker 3: I got my feet on the ground, but don't test me.

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Speaker 3: But I uh, nobody in my family sings like me.

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Speaker 3: It's definitely a gift, and nobody taught me how to sing.

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Speaker 3: I've never taken voice lessons or anything like that. It's

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Speaker 3: just strictly a gift. And I knew around four that

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Speaker 3: I like you always getting attention from it, but I

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Speaker 3: didn't really know what that meant. It wasn't until I

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Speaker 3: was around seven that I realized that I was actually

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Speaker 3: good and that it was what I I loved it

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Speaker 3: so much, and then I saw Kelly Clarkson when I don't.

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Speaker 3: I was like, I want to do that. But it

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Speaker 3: wasn't the show necessarily. I just wanted to she was

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Speaker 3: winning and people were.

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Speaker 4: Crying and she's singing, there's pyrotexts.

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Speaker 3: I was like, I want to do that. Yes, I

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Speaker 3: want to do that. Whatever she's doing, how she's touching

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Speaker 3: people with her music, that's what I want to do.

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Speaker 3: And obviously didn't know that American IDAM would be around

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Speaker 3: as long as it was and still is. But yeah,

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Speaker 3: so I sang all around town, I sang in church.

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Speaker 3: I did local competitions that turned into like more national competitions,

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Speaker 3: Gospel Music Association, I did music in the Rockies, I

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Speaker 3: did all of these different things. I auditioned for Star Search.

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Speaker 3: I did America's Most Town the Kids when I was fourteen.

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Speaker 3: That's where I met Tory Kelly and so We've known

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Speaker 3: each other for a while and kind of worked.

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Speaker 4: Our way up.

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Speaker 3: And then I auditioned for Idol and I won at seventeen,

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Speaker 3: and then I've just been working ever since. So it's

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Speaker 3: it's been pretty it's been pretty crazy, to be honest.

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Speaker 3: Twenty twenty was the first time I really had a

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Speaker 3: home life as an adult, so I like was like,

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Speaker 3: I love.

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Speaker 4: This, I can stay home, Like what this is. I've

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Speaker 4: been preparing for this my whole life, you know.

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Speaker 3: So but that was all so so when I fell

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Speaker 3: back in love with music again, because you know, you

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Speaker 3: know how the industry can disillusion you, and there's just

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Speaker 3: so many things, and I was like, Okay, I gotta

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Speaker 3: take a step back because this isn't serving me anymore.

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Speaker 3: And I really fell back in love with music then

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Speaker 3: and now I'm really really happy with the music and

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Speaker 3: stuff that I'm creating now.

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Speaker 4: I can't wait to put this project out, It's gonna

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Speaker 4: be so good.

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Speaker 1: I know that people are excited. Do you think that

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Speaker 1: starting a career so young, like, how has that I

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Speaker 1: guess affected how you've shown up as an adult because

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Speaker 1: I feel like when you are under the microscope so

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Speaker 1: young people are watching your every move, you almost feel

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Speaker 1: like you can't fuck up, Like you feel like you

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Speaker 1: have to kind of be this. I have this element

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Speaker 1: of perfection in ways, yes, and to be honest, like

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Speaker 1: as an outsider looking in and because I don't know

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Speaker 1: you that well, I would say, like I look at you,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, she's like had like the very perfect

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Speaker 1: kind of buttoned up career and like followed the rules

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Speaker 1: in ways. Do you feel like they're pressure to kind

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Speaker 1: of uphold that in ways too? Or is that just

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Speaker 1: kind of naturally how you show up.

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Speaker 3: I think I think it's a little bit of both.

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Speaker 3: Because I've I've never been like give me a book.

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Speaker 4: I like, just give me a book and I'll stay home.

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Speaker 4: You know, that's usually where my happy place is.

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Speaker 3: So I've never been one to be out and doing

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Speaker 3: crazy things. I like to take risks, but calculated risk capricorn. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I like to take calculated risks. So there I have

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Speaker 3: my moments where I let loose sets every once in

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Speaker 3: a blue moon, but like part of it is just naturally.

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Speaker 4: Who I am.

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Speaker 3: The other part is, yes, not only from American Idol

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Speaker 3: and being under that microscope, but my dad played football

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Speaker 3: professionally for the New York Giants before I, before I

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Speaker 3: did idle, So our family was kind of in the

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Speaker 3: spotlight a little bit. So even though it wasn't directly

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Speaker 3: on me, I was kind of on the outskirts of

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Speaker 3: that spotlight.

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Speaker 1: And so also seeing your dad and how you had

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Speaker 1: to kind of also to see how he interacted with people,

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Speaker 1: certain things that he had to do, how he interacted

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Speaker 1: with fan and so I learned a lot from him,

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Speaker 1: and he's he's awesome. My dad has the personality you

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Speaker 1: can fall in love with him in five minutes, like

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Speaker 1: he will make you feel like you've been best friends

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Speaker 1: for so long, and it's really special in that way.

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Speaker 1: But I think it's taken me since I met my husband,

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Speaker 1: and that was we're going on six years since I

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Speaker 1: met him. I've never felt before him, I had never

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Speaker 1: felt one hundred percent okay with being myself one hundred

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Speaker 1: percent of the time because of all the things and

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Speaker 1: the cameras and the microscopes and the interviews and all

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Speaker 1: you better watch what you say because especially now, you

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Speaker 1: say something gets taken out of context for clickbait whatever

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Speaker 1: it is, and it doesn't matter how how much you're careful,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. People are still going to take it

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Speaker 1: and twist it and take it how they want to.

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Speaker 1: But my husband Dana really saw who I.

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Speaker 4: Was and didn't make me feel bad for it.

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Speaker 3: You know how sometimes you're just like you do something

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Speaker 3: goofy and they like look at you, and you're just like, okay,

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Speaker 3: mental note to.

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Speaker 2: Do just that.

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Speaker 3: You know, I've never had I've never had that moment

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Speaker 3: in terms of like my personality. Obviously, it's like okay,

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Speaker 3: if we are having an argument or there's you know something, and.

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Speaker 4: It's like, oh, okay, got it, let's not go that way.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, he was the first person to really see me,

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Speaker 3: and I really appreciated that because a lot of people

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Speaker 3: have seen me, you know what I mean, a lot of.

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Speaker 4: People see me, but he knows me.

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Speaker 3: And it's been the last couple of years actually, since

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Speaker 3: twenty twenty falling in love with music again. Really, I

289
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Speaker 3: had so much stuff that was waiting to come out,

290
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Speaker 3: so many stories, so many experiences. I have one hundred

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Speaker 3: and seventy something songs that I'm just are my vault,

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Speaker 3: like just waiting to come out, you know. So being

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Speaker 3: able to do that really helped me get more in

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Speaker 3: touch with myself and who I am now, Like who

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Speaker 3: is who am I now? After becoming a mom, after

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Speaker 3: being the American idol sweetheart? Who's Jordan? And so I'm

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Speaker 3: still discovering that. But at the same time, like the

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Speaker 3: seventeen year old me could not fuck with me now,

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Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like no, like they just

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Speaker 3: they're just they're I'm still seventeen eternally, I think, just

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Speaker 3: because that was when that major event happened for me,

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Speaker 3: and we get not stuck, but we're we like stay

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Speaker 3: within those major moments, whether they're traumatic or just amazing.

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Speaker 3: And so I still feel eternally very in touch with

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Speaker 3: my inner kid. But at the same time, I'm really

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Speaker 3: really happy to be shedding these older layers that don't

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Speaker 3: serve me anymore.

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Speaker 4: They're just gonna kind of keeping me stuck. So I've

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Speaker 4: been doing a lot of.

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Speaker 3: Work, a lot of shadow work, a lot of like

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Speaker 3: well why do I feel this way towards this and

312
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Speaker 3: really trying to get underneath all that stuff so I

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Speaker 3: can just be free, because I want to be open

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Speaker 3: and honest with my music, and fans can tell when

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Speaker 3: you're not. So I'm really trying to be in this

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Speaker 3: authentic space, more sensual with myself, more loving to myself,

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Speaker 3: more giving to myself, and in turn that I'm able

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Speaker 3: to do that for everyone else.

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Speaker 4: But girls, sometimes it's entire.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, struggled well on top of being a mom and

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Speaker 1: trying to like, yeah, tap into yourself and yeah, prioritize

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Speaker 1: those things can feel impossible on top of and top

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Speaker 1: of like the microscope, people waiting for you to fuck

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Speaker 1: up or like just not even necessarily waiting for you

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Speaker 1: to fuck up, but just watch watching it.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, Like yeah, and did you grow up in the church?

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Speaker 5: Like or you is your family religious and you came

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Speaker 5: from Like.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I grew up in a non denominational household, but

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Speaker 3: church was really something that we definitely stuck with.

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Speaker 4: When I was younger, I went to like what's it

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Speaker 4: called a wana?

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Speaker 3: I think, like, ohirosk something like like I where all

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Speaker 3: the kids go in the middle of the week, like

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Speaker 3: on Wednesdays and then the youth group. Yeah, I kind of, uh,

336
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,320
Speaker 3: but I I grew up doing that. I sang a

337
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Speaker 3: lot in church, a part of the high school worship

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Speaker 3: team before Idle happened. And then I wasn't allowed to

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Speaker 3: join the choir, the big choir because only adults could join,

340
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Speaker 3: but I was allowed to see the.

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Speaker 4: Solos and with the choir, so that was nice.

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Speaker 3: So I was able to do that, But that definitely

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Speaker 3: played a big part in my identity when I was younger.

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Speaker 4: My faith still is a big part of me, but I.

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Speaker 3: Feel like now at this juncture in my life, I'm

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Speaker 3: more of a.

347
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Speaker 4: I really like knowledge.

348
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Speaker 3: I love to learn, and so I'm really in this

349
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Speaker 3: space of just reading as much as I can, researching

350
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Speaker 3: as much as I can about everything, Like, I want

351
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Speaker 3: to know, why does somebody believe this over here? Why

352
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Speaker 3: does somebody believe that? Why as the person that I

353
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Speaker 3: was raised to be, or as a Christian, why are

354
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Speaker 3: we not supposed to be okay with that? You know,

355
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Speaker 3: I'm just like questioning, and I think that's something that

356
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Speaker 3: I really want to pass down to DJ because growing

357
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Speaker 3: up it was you don't question that.

358
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Speaker 4: I don't question.

359
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Speaker 5: I was gonna say, like what what was the like,

360
00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:06,800
Speaker 5: what was the factor that you were like shift from

361
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Speaker 5: this is my belief system to hey, let me explore

362
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Speaker 5: all these things to actually like figure out what it

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Speaker 5: is that I actually believe.

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Speaker 3: Honestly, I think a lot of it had to do

365
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Speaker 3: with just being propelled into the industry. It's completely different

366
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Speaker 3: from you know, a Christian household.

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Speaker 1: Definitely a question make you a question.

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Speaker 4: Everything, Yeah, it makes it makes you question.

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Speaker 3: And a lot of the people that I was around,

370
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Speaker 3: my bandmates and you know, some of the cool artists

371
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,280
Speaker 3: and friends that I was able to meet, you know,

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Speaker 3: are completely walk different walks of life from myself. And

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Speaker 3: I think a lot of it too. There's somebody who's

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Speaker 3: very special. He was my pianist and he.

375
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Speaker 4: Would help like do choreography and he's just so sweet.

376
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Speaker 4: His name is Scotty. He now lives in Costa Rica.

377
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Speaker 4: Good for him.

378
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Speaker 1: I will be the.

379
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,880
Speaker 2: Year's but he but.

380
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Speaker 3: He grew up and obviously it's not my story to tell,

381
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Speaker 3: but he did grow up as a Jehovah's witness.

382
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Speaker 4: But he is gay and he had to grow up

383
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Speaker 4: with that.

384
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Speaker 3: And you know, his family like completely cutting him off

385
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Speaker 3: and I just didn't. I didn't understand, you know, because

386
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Speaker 3: I'm like, why, you're amazing, Like why would somebody do that?

387
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,359
Speaker 4: And then in terms of like you know, loving people,

388
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Speaker 4: you know, you love who you.

389
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Speaker 3: Love, and I just we would have conversations and I

390
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,840
Speaker 3: would get emotional because I'm like, I don't understand, I

391
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:27,879
Speaker 3: don't understand why this is so hard for people to grasp.

392
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Speaker 3: Like look even now, I'm just like, I don't I

393
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Speaker 3: don't get it. And I'm sorry. I'm coming off of

394
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,080
Speaker 3: my that time of the month, so everything is like huluah.

395
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,119
Speaker 3: But I'm also very a very empathetic person, and I

396
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Speaker 3: just that doesn't make sense to me.

397
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Speaker 2: We cry here, girl, Yeah, it just it doesn't.

398
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Speaker 4: It doesn't make sense. And I know I'm in a

399
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Speaker 4: safe space.

400
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:51,080
Speaker 3: But that I think was the first I don't remember

401
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,320
Speaker 3: what year that was or what time, but it was

402
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Speaker 3: eighteen to nineteen where I just was like, okay, and

403
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Speaker 3: I've always been a little bit different than my family.

404
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,119
Speaker 4: My grandpa one time, I'll never forget.

405
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Speaker 3: You know, those little tests they used to have where okay,

406
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:06,480
Speaker 3: you're you fall on this side of the scale or

407
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,440
Speaker 3: this side of the scale, and it was a Democrat

408
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,200
Speaker 3: or Republican, And I was right in the middle, and my.

409
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Speaker 4: Grandpa looked at me like what And that's it. I'm

410
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Speaker 4: just answering the questions the way I think.

411
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Speaker 3: So I've I've always been a little bit not necessarily

412
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,520
Speaker 3: a black sheep, but I've always thought differently, and I

413
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:27,360
Speaker 3: feel like I've had a more open mind. Not saying

414
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,479
Speaker 3: that my family is crazy or bigoting, because they're not.

415
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:33,720
Speaker 3: They're the most loving people. But I think you know,

416
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:36,159
Speaker 3: when you're raised one way and you learned it all

417
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,639
Speaker 3: the time, most people stay there because they need that

418
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:41,920
Speaker 3: because it's the it's the structure that they've that they've learned.

419
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Speaker 3: And I don't want to say fed, but basically.

420
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Speaker 2: We're programmed anyways.

421
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Speaker 5: You know, it's familiar, it's comfortable, it's what you're a

422
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:49,720
Speaker 5: doctrine too.

423
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, we talked about that in our book.

424
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Speaker 5: It's just like we're coming to the world as like

425
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,920
Speaker 5: like canvases exactly. And I liked this is not a

426
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,720
Speaker 5: great example, but I always say, like, like pets were domesticated,

427
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,639
Speaker 5: like sit, stay, you know what I mean. So like

428
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,280
Speaker 5: even as moms, we we kind of we do we

429
00:19:07,359 --> 00:19:08,240
Speaker 5: domesticate our kids.

430
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Speaker 2: Hey, don't grab that. Hey, don't stare, Hey don't.

431
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Speaker 1: We don't believe this, don't don't believe that?

432
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:13,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, like no, no, no, no, we don't say that, you know.

433
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Speaker 5: And it's just we have this like incredible responsibility to

434
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:21,879
Speaker 5: gift our kids with either you know, just continuing that

435
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,120
Speaker 5: cycle and saying this is what we believe and that's that,

436
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:28,800
Speaker 5: or giving them the gift of curiosity and exploration.

437
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,560
Speaker 2: And like what do you believe?

438
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:29,879
Speaker 4: You know?

439
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:31,760
Speaker 2: I think, what do you think?

440
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:34,280
Speaker 4: You always ask you what? I don't know? Like, okay,

441
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:35,240
Speaker 4: well that's a good answer to.

442
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,159
Speaker 5: Right, It's okay, I don't know either, yeah, you know,

443
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,879
Speaker 5: And I think I think more moms need to hear that,

444
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,800
Speaker 5: you know that you you can't believe whatever you want

445
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,080
Speaker 5: to believe, but you don't have to necessarily, like your

446
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,639
Speaker 5: child doesn't have to be born into your beliefs for

447
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:54,840
Speaker 5: them to, you know, because everybody we're literally spirits, souls

448
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,760
Speaker 5: that come through and we're just in a vessel.

449
00:19:58,800 --> 00:19:59,159
Speaker 2: Literally.

450
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,440
Speaker 1: We also think it's the don't I think a lot

451
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,800
Speaker 1: of times, because how we are, how we're raised, we

452
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:08,199
Speaker 1: know certain things don't add up to us, but we

453
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:10,919
Speaker 1: still resist it. You know, we still go against it,

454
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,760
Speaker 1: and we follow suit. And it's okay to change your mind.

455
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,720
Speaker 1: It's okay to question. You don't have to abandon all

456
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,640
Speaker 1: the parts of your religion because you don't agree with

457
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:23,440
Speaker 1: this whatever this this chapter or this verse or whatever

458
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,639
Speaker 1: whatever it is. There's I think beauty in all of it,

459
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,360
Speaker 1: even and you know, I can't say that I'm a Christian.

460
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:33,639
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a spiritualist. I know people listening are like,

461
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,960
Speaker 1: what the fuck does that mean? The God lives within me,

462
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:39,359
Speaker 1: That's what it means. I make the fucking rules.

463
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:40,200
Speaker 2: I believe in love.

464
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,000
Speaker 1: I believe in love I do. I believe in kindness.

465
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,239
Speaker 1: I believe that there is something much bigger than us

466
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:50,800
Speaker 1: here that that controls what's happening. But I think that

467
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:54,400
Speaker 1: it's so funny. The other day, my housekeeper, I'm gonna

468
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:58,440
Speaker 1: shore the story my housekeeper. She is. I don't really

469
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,240
Speaker 1: know her that well, ignough she's in my home. She

470
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 1: I knew she was like pretty religious based on a mom.

471
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:08,480
Speaker 1: The mom's referraled like she was referred to me from

472
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,960
Speaker 1: another mom. She's like, Oh, she's Betty's pretty religious. I

473
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,800
Speaker 1: was like, I don't care if Betty's religious as long

474
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:16,480
Speaker 1: as she's you know, safe and cleans my house. He's

475
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:18,720
Speaker 1: kind and so, you know, me and Betty have you

476
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,879
Speaker 1: had a few conversations, something too deep, but she was

477
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,680
Speaker 1: seemed like a kind lady and she is a kind lady.

478
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:27,240
Speaker 1: But anyway, I was out of town and my my

479
00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:30,320
Speaker 1: brother went over there and he's gay, and he I

480
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,639
Speaker 1: think he'd been there before. He had they've had to

481
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:36,720
Speaker 1: cross cross paths before, but maybe she had never seen

482
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:40,920
Speaker 1: him be intimate with his partner, like kiss him. Yeah,

483
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,679
Speaker 1: and so he I guess they were kissing or something.

484
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:45,840
Speaker 1: And then on the way out in Spanish, she must

485
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 1: have said like, you guys need salvation or something, and

486
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:51,800
Speaker 1: and he didn't really understand what it meant. But his

487
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,680
Speaker 1: boyfriend is, uh, I think, I don't want to say

488
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,560
Speaker 1: he's like El Salvatorian or something. He was like, she

489
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,159
Speaker 1: just said we need salvation. So my brother called me

490
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:03,400
Speaker 1: and was like, listen, you either you will say something.

491
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,960
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say something. And I was like and he

492
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,480
Speaker 1: and I cannot leave it up to him. It will

493
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:11,720
Speaker 1: not go well. So I was like, okay, well let

494
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:16,439
Speaker 1: me handle it. And so Betty came over and I

495
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 1: was like, hey, Betty, so listen, I heard that, you know,

496
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,360
Speaker 1: when you met my brother. She's like, oh, yeah, yeah,

497
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,719
Speaker 1: I know your brother. And I was like, so I

498
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,760
Speaker 1: heard you said he needs salvation and she's like yeah

499
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 1: I did. And I was like, okay, well is it

500
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:33,920
Speaker 1: because he's gay? She said yeah. I was like okay,

501
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 1: I was really hoping you were going to say no,

502
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 1: because I really need you to clean this house.

503
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,879
Speaker 2: Yes, right, and and she was like yeah no.

504
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,720
Speaker 1: You know, I used to be a really big center Erica.

505
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,879
Speaker 1: And then actually I asked Talie. I was like, was

506
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:47,640
Speaker 1: Betty a big sinner?

507
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 3: Yeah?

508
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 1: She was like she was like a thug back in

509
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:51,919
Speaker 1: the day. And I was like what I was like,

510
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:56,880
Speaker 1: was Betty doing anyway? She was like she was not

511
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 1: living a good life. That's what she said.

512
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:00,120
Speaker 2: I have questions.

513
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:03,480
Speaker 1: So you know, I was like, well, Betty, like that's

514
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 1: my brother and like this is his life and like

515
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,879
Speaker 1: he should live it and you made him feel really uncomfortable.

516
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,359
Speaker 1: And she was like, well, that's just my belief system.

517
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, I need you to leave

518
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:14,919
Speaker 1: your belief system at the door. And she was like, well,

519
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,080
Speaker 1: I don't think I should work for you because I

520
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:20,040
Speaker 1: don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. And then I

521
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 1: was kind of like almost started to backpedal.

522
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:25,840
Speaker 2: Like well, I really need just come over.

523
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,840
Speaker 1: But then I was like, okay, consciously this I can't

524
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 1: have this, This can't this can't be. But she was,

525
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,639
Speaker 1: you know, it was fine. We were we we ended

526
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 1: just fine or whatever, but you know, she was.

527
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:41,800
Speaker 3: She's civil conversations. It's easy to talk through things, like,

528
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 3: it's so simple.

529
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 4: We can all do it.

530
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,000
Speaker 1: It did, it did. But I was just like, damn,

531
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 1: like and I said to her, I was like, it's like,

532
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:52,719
Speaker 1: your God doesn't believe that everyone should experience love, Like

533
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 1: what does your God believe?

534
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,040
Speaker 2: And she's like that kind of getting to the bottom.

535
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:57,919
Speaker 1: I really did, because I was really hoping we can

536
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 1: come to a common ground because I need this. Damn it.

537
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 2: He only likes men. I think he's tried, genuinely, I do.

538
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 1: He really did with me, you know, so no, this

539
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,080
Speaker 1: is not my real brother. Guys. Sorry, let me let

540
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:15,920
Speaker 1: me let me rewind. That sounds weird.

541
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:16,600
Speaker 2: That sounds weird.

542
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:22,920
Speaker 1: Please clarify you're not blood brother. But anyway, I don't

543
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 1: know where that care. I think I was going off

544
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 1: of just like people's belief systems and just there's understanding

545
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:32,119
Speaker 1: of these putting into box like what love is supposed

546
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,160
Speaker 1: to look like and how love is supposed to show

547
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:37,320
Speaker 1: up and how it relates to your life, and you know,

548
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 1: you can love people and like I love Betty, I

549
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:42,680
Speaker 1: wish her the best. I want her best for Betty,

550
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,639
Speaker 1: but I also had to like protect my brother, you know,

551
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,959
Speaker 1: because he's he's in being my house always and being

552
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 1: my life always, and I have to respect his comfortability

553
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:54,159
Speaker 1: in those ways and protect him. So I don't know,

554
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:57,880
Speaker 1: I just like those parts of that part of any religion.

555
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,880
Speaker 1: It's always something that makes me feel rich, uncomfortable. I'm

556
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,320
Speaker 1: just like, why this doesn't make any sense to me.

557
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,399
Speaker 3: One of of all the things, like there are so

558
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,560
Speaker 3: many other things we could be getting mad about, like

559
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:12,639
Speaker 3: but who someone loves just doesn't anyway. Yeah, So I

560
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 3: agree with you, and I think it's amazing that you

561
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,439
Speaker 3: were able to do both things in love. You were

562
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:19,320
Speaker 3: able to protect your brother in love and you were

563
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,639
Speaker 3: able to speak to Betty in a way that didn't

564
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 3: make her feel like you were like, well, if you

565
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 3: and everything you believe in.

566
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:27,879
Speaker 1: And you know what Betty called the other day did

567
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:30,760
Speaker 1: because she did because I paid her and I must

568
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 1: have overpaid her. And then she said, you overpaid me if.

569
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:34,880
Speaker 2: She wasn't a Christian, would I know?

570
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:38,240
Speaker 1: I said, you know, look at God, God it's still

571
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:38,920
Speaker 1: in motion.

572
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:42,600
Speaker 2: Not protect me even though I'm not a Christian.

573
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 1: Don't give that money to me. You know what I

574
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,440
Speaker 1: also did tell Betty? I said, Betty, just so you know,

575
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,200
Speaker 1: you know, all the people that I put you onto,

576
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 1: like who you're working for, they're gay as fuck? Did

577
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:53,920
Speaker 1: I said?

578
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:54,720
Speaker 2: Everybody?

579
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:58,160
Speaker 1: Was like I just hope you know, like everyone's gay.

580
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,200
Speaker 2: Good luck sanctifying every.

581
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I mean now she can make her own decision.

582
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:05,400
Speaker 1: Betty had guys to see all the vibrators, and where

583
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 1: should I have in that drawer? I don't know how

584
00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:09,399
Speaker 1: she thought she was working for who she thought she

585
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 1: was working for? Over here?

586
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,199
Speaker 2: She didn't talk to you. She was hoping that she

587
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 2: could just keep keeping her lane.

588
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 5: She's got a drawer too, right, Okay, Jesus didn't say

589
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:17,359
Speaker 5: nothing about vibrating.

590
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 1: Look, Betty might have a whole gun and she might

591
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:21,920
Speaker 1: have weapons, okay, because she was living the thug life.

592
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,200
Speaker 5: Okay, something I could kind of see that, right, She

593
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,000
Speaker 5: was like her, like, she's kind of like stone cold.

594
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 5: I can kind of see her. She was wearing those

595
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 5: long skirts. I could see her being like a little I've.

596
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:32,399
Speaker 1: Gotten scared of her, I mean, and that.

597
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:33,080
Speaker 2: Would come to your house.

598
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 5: I like, Hi, I'm like, okay, well never mind, Betty,

599
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:38,359
Speaker 5: I'm not I guess we're.

600
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:38,880
Speaker 2: Not gonna be cool.

601
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:40,760
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

602
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,680
Speaker 2: Anyway, that's my thing with religion. It's just so black

603
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 2: or white.

604
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 5: I was I was seeing a clip for somebody's show

605
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,159
Speaker 5: and they were like so. The guy was like, you know,

606
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:54,399
Speaker 5: I'm a god fearing man, I'm a query And she

607
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,120
Speaker 5: was like, no, which one is it.

608
00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 2: I was like, well, you can't can't be both like it.

609
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,080
Speaker 5: It's just so like this is this, and this is

610
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:04,119
Speaker 5: that you can't be gay and you can't eat shrimp.

611
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 2: I don't know I say that up, but you know

612
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 2: what I mean. It's just like.

613
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 4: Human box.

614
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,240
Speaker 2: Yes, humans are so multifaceted.

615
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 5: It's just like impossible for us all to live in

616
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:20,280
Speaker 5: these like sectors and like and then there's like the

617
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,560
Speaker 5: the need to protect it and if you get outside

618
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:24,760
Speaker 5: of this then you're wrong.

619
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, and like that it creates.

620
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:28,960
Speaker 5: So much violence, you know, like just trying to defend

621
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:32,320
Speaker 5: this thing, this thing because for no fucking reason, because.

622
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:33,159
Speaker 4: I don't really care who you have.

623
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:35,120
Speaker 2: I don't care who you love. You know, in reality,

624
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 2: it doesn't stop my show.

625
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,480
Speaker 5: But like the belief that I can't work for you

626
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 5: or I can't coexist with you if you do X,

627
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 5: Y and Z, it just seems so like it seems unfair.

628
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:50,680
Speaker 3: It's unfair, and it's also it's also you do yourself

629
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:53,960
Speaker 3: a disservice by not getting to know different people other

630
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,640
Speaker 3: than yourself and other people from other walks of life,

631
00:27:56,680 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 3: because I feel like I meet such cool people all

632
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:01,080
Speaker 3: the time.

633
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:02,680
Speaker 4: Like it's so amazing.

634
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:04,920
Speaker 3: I was able to go to this event that I

635
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:07,520
Speaker 3: probably would have never been to had I not met

636
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 3: It was like a snowball effect, like I met this

637
00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 3: one person they invited me.

638
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 4: I ended up going.

639
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:13,639
Speaker 3: It was the next night, and I was like, it

640
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 3: was like a treasure trove of people. Normally, when I

641
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:19,000
Speaker 3: go into an event, I know what everybody does. I'm like, Okay,

642
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:22,040
Speaker 3: you seeing you podcasts, you produce, you are a songwriter,

643
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,600
Speaker 3: Like I'm usually like within the scope of okay, you're

644
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 3: all in entertainment. This particular room, I had no idea

645
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,199
Speaker 3: what anybody did. I just knew that there was a

646
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,320
Speaker 3: lot of money in the room, but I didn't know

647
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,560
Speaker 3: what anybody did. So there were some people who were

648
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 3: in like affordable housing, real estate, there were some people

649
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:39,720
Speaker 3: who were in banking. There was and I just was like, well,

650
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 3: how did you get into that?

651
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 1: You know?

652
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 4: So for me, it was just so cool and I

653
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:44,480
Speaker 4: felt so enriched.

654
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 3: Like I left, and normally I feel drained leaving from

655
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 3: events and things like that, but this time, I was

656
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 3: just very excited to be able to just meet new

657
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:56,959
Speaker 3: people from different walks of life. And I just I

658
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:59,840
Speaker 3: know that's not religious, but it's just an example of

659
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:01,080
Speaker 3: you never know, but I.

660
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 2: Feel like it is right.

661
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 5: I feel like like the divinity lives and being open

662
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 5: because like if you are able to flow freely, that's

663
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 5: you kind of being able to flow with God, you know. Like,

664
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 5: but if there's so many rules about like what God

665
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,880
Speaker 5: looks like or how people show up in this like space,

666
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 5: you're kind of Oh, you make judgments and you put

667
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:23,520
Speaker 5: up walls like, oh you do are you now?

668
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 2: I'm cool? Oh? You do you know what I mean?

669
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:25,320
Speaker 3: You do?

670
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:26,360
Speaker 2: Taro? Oh I'm cool?

671
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,400
Speaker 5: But like I think God's the true essence of God

672
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 5: is the slow and like I think people don't pay

673
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 5: enough attention to that.

674
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 4: Like you go around.

675
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:36,479
Speaker 5: People and you feel trained, or like I just want

676
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:39,160
Speaker 5: to sit a whole fucking four hours talking about nothing. Yeah,

677
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 5: or like you come around strangers and you're laughing and

678
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 5: you're getting enlightened you and you leave feeling energized, and

679
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,600
Speaker 5: like that's your intuition telling you to continue here, you know,

680
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:50,600
Speaker 5: and just like you said, like you go to this part,

681
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:52,160
Speaker 5: you meet this one person, then you say, fuck it,

682
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,280
Speaker 5: I'm gonna go to go hang out with this random

683
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:55,160
Speaker 5: person the next day.

684
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:56,680
Speaker 3: Like I went out two nights in a row. I

685
00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 3: couldn't believe I was anger.

686
00:29:58,760 --> 00:29:59,240
Speaker 4: Who am I?

687
00:29:59,400 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 2: Right?

688
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 5: But we're so conditioned to go against that. Like even

689
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:06,680
Speaker 5: me and Erica became friends because like God was like, hey,

690
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:08,600
Speaker 5: go to the bar and meet this bitch. But that

691
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:11,959
Speaker 5: that is not necessarily how generally, like we had to

692
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:14,840
Speaker 5: be open enough to kind of just like follow that

693
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 5: divine calling which is our intuition. But like I think

694
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:22,120
Speaker 5: religion sometimes conflicts with that divine calling, which is your

695
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 5: intuition to be like.

696
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:24,480
Speaker 2: You know, I'm gonna go with these strangers.

697
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, they seem interesting, you know, and like

698
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 5: people kind of limit themselves and like the experiences and

699
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 5: the people that they could have just from being like

700
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:40,680
Speaker 5: open to following your gut instinct, which is really your

701
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 5: direct it's never.

702
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:42,880
Speaker 1: Wrong, the direct source to God.

703
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:44,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, like that's our source.

704
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:45,120
Speaker 6: Yeah.

705
00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 3: I think actually, now that we're talking about this, it

706
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 3: does go back and apply to when I was younger

707
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 3: because I had I had a purity ring and that

708
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:56,600
Speaker 3: was all anybody wanted to talk about after I was

709
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 3: on idol because somebody asked me about it and I

710
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 3: just saw, it's my peery ring and it just it

711
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 3: just took off.

712
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:02,720
Speaker 1: But you had a peer dring before you were on

713
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:03,600
Speaker 1: I parody ring?

714
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 4: Is you?

715
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 1: Because I don't. It's just like your virgin Is that

716
00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:09,160
Speaker 1: like you saying I'm a virgin or I'm.

717
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:11,480
Speaker 4: I'm wait, Well, I'm making the commitment to wait until marriage.

718
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 1: Got it?

719
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 4: That was that was what it was what I took

720
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 4: it at.

721
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:17,000
Speaker 2: And you do it with like a group of other

722
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 2: girls too, right, it.

723
00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:21,240
Speaker 3: Was around the same time. I didn't do it with them.

724
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:22,880
Speaker 3: It was just between me and my parents.

725
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:26,000
Speaker 1: Was that a conversation that you brought up or something

726
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 1: that they I'm just I'm always curious, like, is it

727
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:30,600
Speaker 1: I don't remember, you know, I was not. Yeah, I

728
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 1: was wondering if it was like something your parents were like, hey,

729
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 1: this is an option you should do, or you're like.

730
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:38,280
Speaker 4: It kind of went it coincided with she's about.

731
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 2: To be famous. No, I don't know to Hollywood.

732
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 3: I was. I was thirteen when we had that conversation,

733
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 3: and I was going to a private Christian school as well,

734
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:52,480
Speaker 3: and so it kind of coincided with our health talk

735
00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 3: like how you're going to become a woman and that

736
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 3: whole like you're going to get your period soon and all.

737
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,760
Speaker 1: So your parents did have the talks or is it

738
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:02,719
Speaker 1: just one time. I'm curious, like, because you know, it's

739
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:06,720
Speaker 1: always so different with parents, especially now, like some parents

740
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:08,560
Speaker 1: don't have to talk at all. Some parents have one

741
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 1: talk and they're like, Okay, we did it, We're done you.

742
00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 3: I mean, we were never sheltered at least in my home.

743
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,360
Speaker 3: Like the school, all the kids had different experiences. But

744
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 3: I mean I knew what sex was, I knew all

745
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 3: that stuff like that. It wasn't it wasn't like that.

746
00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:24,400
Speaker 3: It was more like, hey, we got you this ring

747
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 3: and you know to wait until you're married. And at

748
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 3: the time, growing up in the school, it made sense

749
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 3: and everybody was doing Yeah, it made sense to me,

750
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 3: and I was okay. And I also wasn't the type

751
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 3: of person who was very curious.

752
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 4: In that way anyway. I think I was.

753
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 3: Curious about what it felt like, but I wasn't curious

754
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:49,840
Speaker 3: enough to do it, if that makes sense.

755
00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:51,960
Speaker 4: I was like, I'm too scared. And also I was

756
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:54,760
Speaker 4: focused on music. I was not thinking about anything like

757
00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:58,280
Speaker 4: that got this nice. I was like, I'm good, I'm great.

758
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 3: But going back to what I was saying on the

759
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:04,840
Speaker 3: part of how it kind of like seeped into my

760
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:08,920
Speaker 3: identity because everybody that was all they wanted to talk about,

761
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 3: and then like once I was in a relationship, that

762
00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:14,200
Speaker 3: was all they wanted to talk about, and yeah, or

763
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:16,280
Speaker 3: like this person took her virginity. I'm like, y'all don't

764
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 3: know that, first of all. Second, I'm not gonna tell

765
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:22,880
Speaker 3: you that. Like it just became this huge thing. And

766
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:26,720
Speaker 3: I think as some a young woman trying to navigate

767
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:29,680
Speaker 3: her twenties as well as trying to navigate who I

768
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 3: am in the public eye, I think it played a

769
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 3: lot into my decision making on like the type of

770
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:40,520
Speaker 3: music that I allowed myself to do, but also that

771
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 3: I was allowed to do.

772
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:44,640
Speaker 4: I had the box like, no, you're.

773
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 2: Here no secular music.

774
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:49,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, well not even that because I didn't do gospel music.

775
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:50,840
Speaker 2: Or anything like that's non gospel secular.

776
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 4: Yeah.

777
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 3: I just mean like like I couldn't go out like

778
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 3: R and B. Like my third album was way more

779
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:58,720
Speaker 3: R and B, way more sensual. I was twenty five.

780
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:01,760
Speaker 3: I was like really coming in to my womanhood, and

781
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 3: I think it was one of my best albums, to

782
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 3: be honest. But from the outside looking in, people.

783
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:08,840
Speaker 1: Were like, what is this?

784
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:09,680
Speaker 4: This makes sense?

785
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 3: And I'm like, but it does make sense, Like this

786
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:14,439
Speaker 3: is not You're like, how do you know who I am?

787
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:16,080
Speaker 4: I'm a woman exactly.

788
00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:18,040
Speaker 3: And so now I feel like at this point in

789
00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:20,279
Speaker 3: my life, I'm just at the point where I'm just

790
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 3: like why I'm unapologetic with it, if that makes sense,

791
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:24,360
Speaker 3: Like you're gonna.

792
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:24,719
Speaker 4: Get what you get.

793
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 3: I've always I've always one hundred percent by myself. I've

794
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 3: never tried to hide like my goofiness or anything like that.

795
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 3: Romantically and romantic relationships is a little bit different. Because

796
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 3: the mental space is different there. But in terms of

797
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:40,840
Speaker 3: like who I am with people, I am this is

798
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 3: what you get. I'm just gonna chill with you and

799
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:45,520
Speaker 3: we're gonna sit and have a good time, and you know,

800
00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:47,839
Speaker 3: we might talk about something deep. Hopefully we'll talk about

801
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 3: something deep, because I like to talk about deep things.

802
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 3: But you know, I just I always have my this

803
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:55,920
Speaker 3: tattoo right here is I like that thank you? My

804
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:58,320
Speaker 3: angel wings is a reminder to just keep my wings

805
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:01,440
Speaker 3: out for other people, like when I'm out, just you know,

806
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 3: to be aware that other people have needs. You never

807
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:06,840
Speaker 3: know what they're going through. And I always have that

808
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 3: moment where I'm like, okay, I gotta recharge. It takes

809
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 3: me a second. Like the Grammys, you won't see me

810
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:12,759
Speaker 3: for like five weeks. After that, I'm like, okay, too

811
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:14,880
Speaker 3: much energetically, yeah.

812
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:17,959
Speaker 5: Yeah, people like people don't recognize when you're a public

813
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 5: figure in ways and you're talking to people and you're

814
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 5: out and you're traveling, it's it wears on your energy levels.

815
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:27,080
Speaker 2: It's so funny. This is like I was.

816
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,160
Speaker 5: I was in New York and I was having a conversation.

817
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:31,719
Speaker 5: We're like playing a game and I don't even know

818
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:35,240
Speaker 5: why this came up, but like Holly not very Holly.

819
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 5: The singer made Allie Clo Chloe Club, which one's not

820
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:42,800
Speaker 5: arial Halle Bailey Chloe Chloe Bailey. Yeah, and it was

821
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 5: with another woman and she got first while I was

822
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:46,520
Speaker 5: in New York. She got super aggressive and I was

823
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:47,960
Speaker 5: like whoa And.

824
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:49,760
Speaker 2: She's like, yeah, she's trying to be a sex symbol.

825
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:52,560
Speaker 5: She's patting her pussy on stage and like she just

826
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 5: just needs to figure out like her music, like her

827
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:55,080
Speaker 5: fans aren't fucking with it.

828
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:57,239
Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, wow, that's a lot. I

829
00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 2: was like, okay, first of all, okay, Like I was

830
00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:00,040
Speaker 2: just like your.

831
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 1: Feelings, I don't know what a Cloe not you. I'm like,

832
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:03,600
Speaker 1: what did Chloe do to her?

833
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 2: Girl?

834
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 5: Me and this girl were like cool, and then she

835
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 5: started talking. I was like, do you hate me? And

836
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 5: I was like, I just want to clarify, like I

837
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 5: haven't heard the album, but I was like, as a woman,

838
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:17,959
Speaker 5: I recognize that like being a public figure and being

839
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,280
Speaker 5: like twenty to twenty five, there's.

840
00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:22,759
Speaker 1: A huge transformation that happens.

841
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 5: And I was like, and we may not know what

842
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 5: the fuck she's going through except for the fact that

843
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:28,479
Speaker 5: I'm a woman and between twenty and twenty five, bitch

844
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:31,720
Speaker 5: was doing some things. Ye bitch was exploring, scratching the surface.

845
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:34,520
Speaker 5: I just peeled the bitch back. But I was just like,

846
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:36,719
Speaker 5: how can, like how come we just don't give her

847
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,480
Speaker 5: space to do that? Like why are we even having

848
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:40,720
Speaker 5: this conversation? And she's like, well, if you're an artist

849
00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:43,200
Speaker 5: and you show up and like if your fans are

850
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 5: telling you it's oh, this is what it was. Seems

851
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:47,879
Speaker 5: like she's trying too hard to be like the other

852
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 5: girls who have like fake asses, and like there was

853
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 5: this whole conversation.

854
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 2: I was like, but we don't know that, Like we

855
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:55,719
Speaker 2: don't know who she's trying to be. She might be

856
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:56,680
Speaker 2: just trying to figure it out.

857
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:59,400
Speaker 5: She might be trying to be herself on Monday, you know,

858
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:01,919
Speaker 5: like just like it was so interesting and she got

859
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:05,920
Speaker 5: really like passionate about this conversation, and I was like,

860
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:09,080
Speaker 5: basically it was just like I'm not being realistic me

861
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:12,400
Speaker 5: because like the fans like are being real with her

862
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,400
Speaker 5: about what they want and what she's giving them.

863
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:15,840
Speaker 1: What does she work for the fans?

864
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:17,400
Speaker 2: Yes, that's what they're saying.

865
00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:20,799
Speaker 3: Basically, And I was like definitely topsy turvy now with

866
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 3: like a social media and everything like that, but I

867
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:24,320
Speaker 3: was just a little backwards.

868
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 5: But I was like, but she's the artist, and like

869
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 5: that's the thing about art, like you don't define.

870
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:30,799
Speaker 2: It, it evolves, you know.

871
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 5: And I was just like, damn, Like even as black women,

872
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 5: this is another black woman. We were having this conversation

873
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:39,680
Speaker 5: like with and I was just like, you're you a

874
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 5: black woman. You're not even giving her this space to

875
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:47,440
Speaker 5: openly explore this same thing that maybe you know you

876
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:51,360
Speaker 5: actually experienced too, you know, and like because she's an artist,

877
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:53,280
Speaker 5: or because she's like you know what I mean, because

878
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 5: you don't like it, or because this person said it's

879
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:56,560
Speaker 5: not what she's supposed to be doing or she does

880
00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:57,200
Speaker 5: to you.

881
00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:59,400
Speaker 2: It doesn't look comfortable, Like she might be very comfortable

882
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:02,040
Speaker 2: pop in that poot. She look comfortable to me, you

883
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:02,680
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying.

884
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:05,920
Speaker 5: But it was just like I can't imagine even for you,

885
00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:08,479
Speaker 5: you know, And like this is right now, we're having

886
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:11,279
Speaker 5: this conversation, and there's like thinking of like the things

887
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:13,880
Speaker 5: that people were able to get away with asking you

888
00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 5: about your virginity when you're twenty years old, like yes,

889
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,279
Speaker 5: and younger and younger is like why, like why would

890
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 5: it be okay for this grown ass person to be

891
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 5: asking a child about her virginity publicly?

892
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:28,839
Speaker 2: And nobody said shit? And it's like, you know, there's a.

893
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 4: Weird fascination with that. It happened with Britney Spears.

894
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:33,319
Speaker 3: I happen to have a lot of artists, and like,

895
00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:36,239
Speaker 3: now that I'm older, in my thirties, I look back

896
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:38,280
Speaker 3: on a lot of the things that happened.

897
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 4: Or were allowed in the media or whatever, and I'm like,

898
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:42,720
Speaker 4: what the fuck?

899
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like, as a mother, can you imagine someone interviewing

900
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:47,799
Speaker 5: your daughter asking her about that?

901
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:49,279
Speaker 2: And I'd be like, bitch, if you don't get like,

902
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:49,879
Speaker 2: who are you talking?

903
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 6: Shit?

904
00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:52,479
Speaker 3: You can take you can step, please go over here.

905
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:56,040
Speaker 3: Like it's just been It's been interesting to go back,

906
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,000
Speaker 3: because when you start healing yourself, you have to really

907
00:38:59,000 --> 00:38:59,840
Speaker 3: go back to a lot of.

908
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 4: Things that you.

909
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:06,919
Speaker 3: I'm really good at compartmentalizing. I'm really, really, really good

910
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 3: at it. And I think because of the industry that

911
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:14,160
Speaker 3: I'm in and what I have to do and how

912
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:17,000
Speaker 3: things were then, I think I really just had to

913
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:19,399
Speaker 3: be able to do that and learn that skill I'm

914
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:23,160
Speaker 3: working on not being as good at it because something

915
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 3: had happened and I can just.

916
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 2: Be like, all right, put it away, got to keep

917
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:28,280
Speaker 2: going moving.

918
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, because okay, the show must go on, essentially like

919
00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:34,239
Speaker 3: go And so in this process of the last few

920
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:36,759
Speaker 3: years and having kids also makes you really look too

921
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:40,520
Speaker 3: if you're aware enough to do the looking. If not,

922
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 3: you just continue to do what you're doing. But having

923
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 3: my son has really shaken me to my core, like, oh, like,

924
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 3: why am I triggered by this? Because he's not doing

925
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 3: anything wrong? Why am I triggered? Like so, I've had

926
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:54,200
Speaker 3: to do a lot of work, but it's also led

927
00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 3: back into my career and how everything started and just

928
00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:59,480
Speaker 3: different experiences that I had that i've kind of like

929
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:00,760
Speaker 3: packed up way in a box.

930
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:03,600
Speaker 4: But really a lot of those things, you.

931
00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 3: Know, because your body remembers, the body keeps score it remembers,

932
00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:09,080
Speaker 3: and it's just like, Okay, I'll deal with that.

933
00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:11,120
Speaker 4: I'm not ready to deal with this one. That one

934
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 4: can stay for a second, but let's let's open this.

935
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:15,040
Speaker 1: Box to this one.

936
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 3: This one looks manageable, this one looks like I can

937
00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:19,000
Speaker 3: work through it. So I'm I'm really going through a

938
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:20,640
Speaker 3: lot of those things, you know, when I was doing

939
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:24,399
Speaker 3: Idle while my Proverbial Star was rising, I had four

940
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,760
Speaker 3: people die while I was on the show, my best friend.

941
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 3: My best friend passed away the week I went there

942
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:36,560
Speaker 3: for Hollywood Week, and it was just like a lot

943
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:39,120
Speaker 3: of people don't know that side. But that's because you're

944
00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:41,319
Speaker 3: allowed to talk about it. Yeah, well it's not even

945
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:44,040
Speaker 3: that you're not allowed to. But people don't want to

946
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:46,399
Speaker 3: hear excuses from artists, right, they don't want to hear

947
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 3: that you're I mean that maybe maybe now because we

948
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 3: have social media and the struggle and all that stuff

949
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 3: and being able to share that. But then it was like, well,

950
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 3: you get to do this, so how could you even

951
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:59,640
Speaker 3: be saying like even if somebody passes away, like, well,

952
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 3: what do you have to complain about? What do you

953
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:02,719
Speaker 3: have to be sad about? And so there's a lot

954
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:05,200
Speaker 3: of stuff that I'm like looking back at, like I

955
00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:06,759
Speaker 3: really should have been able to deal with that, but

956
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:09,000
Speaker 3: I just wasn't. And I wasn't equipped with the tools

957
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:12,759
Speaker 3: either that I have now. So there's a lot of

958
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:15,759
Speaker 3: moving parts. And you were like, let's go through your career,

959
00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:16,319
Speaker 3: and I was like.

960
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 4: I don't know where to start.

961
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:22,719
Speaker 3: Really, there's just a lot of things that have that

962
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:25,200
Speaker 3: have happened and have gone on, and I've learned so

963
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:27,440
Speaker 3: many things and I'm grateful.

964
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:29,880
Speaker 4: I wouldn't redo my twenties for anything, and you couldn't

965
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 4: pay me. You couldn't pay me. I don't want to

966
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:32,359
Speaker 4: go back.

967
00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 3: As soon as I turned thirty, I was like yes,

968
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 3: And not only because it wasn't that I instantly felt

969
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:43,920
Speaker 3: comfortable or better in this space, but I felt like

970
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:49,160
Speaker 3: for me personally that thirty people finally would start listening

971
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:52,879
Speaker 3: to me as an adult. I'm stuck in a lot

972
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 3: of people's minds still as a seventeen eighteen year old girl,

973
00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:59,040
Speaker 3: and so for a lot of for me to do

974
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,600
Speaker 3: something some people, it's almost shock value when I do

975
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:05,200
Speaker 3: something because that's who I am in their mind. And

976
00:42:05,239 --> 00:42:07,880
Speaker 3: so that's been my thing with this new music, is

977
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:13,440
Speaker 3: trying to match and like kind of not bridge the gap,

978
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 3: but like be able to evolve and be who I

979
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:19,960
Speaker 3: am now without them being like, well, this seems like

980
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:23,400
Speaker 3: a left turn, you know, but I've had It's taken

981
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 3: me some time to be able to do that, and

982
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:26,120
Speaker 3: now I'm just at the point where I'm like this

983
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:26,959
Speaker 3: music is just good.

984
00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:27,759
Speaker 2: It's just good.

985
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:30,799
Speaker 3: It doesn't have a thing. I couldn't really put it

986
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:31,600
Speaker 3: in a genre.

987
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 4: It's just good music.

988
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:34,440
Speaker 3: And that's all I want to do, is I want

989
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:37,879
Speaker 3: to make good music, sing my face off and make

990
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 3: people feel, you know, feel like we're really distracted by

991
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:41,640
Speaker 3: a lot of stuff.

992
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:41,880
Speaker 2: Right now.

993
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:45,319
Speaker 3: Everything is just distracting. There's nothing that is going Hey,

994
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:47,800
Speaker 3: you should probably just feel this right now in this moment.

995
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:49,759
Speaker 3: And so that's what I want to do when I'm

996
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:52,200
Speaker 3: on stage. You know, when I'm on stage, everything was

997
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:54,880
Speaker 3: like this, everything makes sense. I know that I'm in

998
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:56,759
Speaker 3: my purpose of my calling when I'm on stage with

999
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:59,440
Speaker 3: a microphone in my hand, looking directly at that person

1000
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:00,239
Speaker 3: standing there and.

1001
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:02,759
Speaker 4: Singing to them, like I just it's where I need

1002
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:02,960
Speaker 4: to be.

1003
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:09,200
Speaker 1: Well, I'm excited to hear the music. And it's true,

1004
00:43:09,239 --> 00:43:12,640
Speaker 1: like people will try to hold you hostage to a

1005
00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:15,840
Speaker 1: time in your life and you are not Jordan Spark's

1006
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:18,959
Speaker 1: seventeen year old Jordan Sparks. You are Jordan the woman,

1007
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:23,680
Speaker 1: Jordan the mom, Jordan the wife, the sexual and sensual being.

1008
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:26,840
Speaker 1: And like even saying Jordan Sparks and sexual being, people

1009
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:27,399
Speaker 1: might be like.

1010
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 2: Oh oh no, guess what, she has a kid. She

1011
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:33,399
Speaker 2: had sex? Oh my god did maybe not right? Maybe not?

1012
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 2: Maybe she didn't marry me right, No way she did.

1013
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:38,799
Speaker 1: I can't even see it. No, you know, but like

1014
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:42,040
Speaker 1: people do that, you know, and you know, I can

1015
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:46,760
Speaker 1: only imagine what, you know, what kind of I guess

1016
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:49,879
Speaker 1: what kind of unpacking you've had to do to kind

1017
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 1: of like say, you know what, this is the fuck

1018
00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:53,319
Speaker 1: I am, this is it? This is it. I'm sure

1019
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:54,320
Speaker 1: the journey is still going.

1020
00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:55,440
Speaker 4: Oh, it's definitely.

1021
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:57,840
Speaker 1: The release of music is probably. I mean, I know

1022
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:02,440
Speaker 1: for us, like talking has been our our I guess,

1023
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 1: our medicine in standing in our truth, even the book

1024
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:10,000
Speaker 1: even as a push further towards that truth and yours

1025
00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:11,520
Speaker 1: is through through through music.

1026
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:14,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's my that's my Catharsis, Like, I just I

1027
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:16,719
Speaker 3: can get it out through music because I could.

1028
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 2: I could.

1029
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 3: I want to do stuff like this as well, which

1030
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:20,759
Speaker 3: is why I wanted to come do the podcast, because

1031
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:22,040
Speaker 3: I'm like, I want people to be able to hear

1032
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:25,520
Speaker 3: from me, just in a different way, on a different platform,

1033
00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 3: in a safe space for women by women. I always

1034
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:30,520
Speaker 3: want to be able to be a part of stuff

1035
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:32,399
Speaker 3: like that. So I'm grateful, thank you guys for having

1036
00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:33,040
Speaker 3: me on.

1037
00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:35,399
Speaker 4: So I'm doing more.

1038
00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:37,040
Speaker 3: I'm trying to do more of that, more of the

1039
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:39,720
Speaker 3: speaking part, because for a long time, the speaking part,

1040
00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:42,720
Speaker 3: not that it made me nervous, but it was always

1041
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 3: just it just became, it just became something so much

1042
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:46,200
Speaker 3: bigger than it needed to be.

1043
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 5: Well, you're afraid to talk, yeah, say one thing, Yeah,

1044
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:50,880
Speaker 5: like totally misconstrue what I'm saying.

1045
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 1: But if you don't, then people will rete.

1046
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:55,239
Speaker 3: We'll write your story for you anyway, exactly, you know,

1047
00:44:55,360 --> 00:45:00,279
Speaker 3: which is why the music I've I've I've always written music.

1048
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:02,880
Speaker 3: I've written poetry since I was a young, young kid.

1049
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:04,880
Speaker 3: It wasn't ntil I was a little bit older that

1050
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:07,200
Speaker 3: I realized that music is just poetry.

1051
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 4: With instrumentation behind it.

1052
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:13,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I've I've always been writing, but now I've

1053
00:45:13,239 --> 00:45:15,400
Speaker 3: been writing so much, And so every song you're going

1054
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:18,799
Speaker 3: to hear on this new album is directly from a

1055
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:23,080
Speaker 3: thought that I had or inspired by, or directly related to.

1056
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 3: And then now I'm gonna be able to share that.

1057
00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:28,480
Speaker 3: So it's definitely a story. It's just a little chapters,

1058
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 3: you know, but.

1059
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:31,680
Speaker 2: It's so good.

1060
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 4: It's so good.

1061
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:34,200
Speaker 3: When it comes out, I'm coming back and we'll just

1062
00:45:34,239 --> 00:45:36,920
Speaker 3: play Yes, yeah, no.

1063
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:38,080
Speaker 1: I can do it this year.

1064
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:38,560
Speaker 4: Yes.

1065
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:40,359
Speaker 5: It's so crazy because before you came, I was telling

1066
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:41,959
Speaker 5: problem like Jordan Sparks is coming.

1067
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:44,200
Speaker 2: He's like oh. He was like, that's my girl. Yeah.

1068
00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:46,160
Speaker 5: He was at the studio with us, like her and

1069
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,279
Speaker 5: her husband are so cool. He's like, she needs she's

1070
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 5: a release those that music. Though she's she's playing, she's

1071
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:52,640
Speaker 5: not releasing that music. I was like, oh, she has

1072
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:53,600
Speaker 5: some music she's playing with.

1073
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 2: He was like yeah. I was like why.

1074
00:45:54,560 --> 00:46:01,000
Speaker 3: He's like, asker, I'm not trying to play. I want

1075
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:05,239
Speaker 3: to put out the music. It's just people, how do

1076
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:09,879
Speaker 3: I wear this? It's difficult to go from I feel

1077
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:13,719
Speaker 3: like people don't understand how much it takes to be

1078
00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:17,920
Speaker 3: an independent artist, especially going from major label. Mind from

1079
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 3: a major label, I was there, I had the whole

1080
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:21,160
Speaker 3: building behind me.

1081
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:21,400
Speaker 4: You know.

1082
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:23,200
Speaker 3: There was the marketing team, there was the A and R,

1083
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 3: there was the touring everybody was in house.

1084
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:28,359
Speaker 4: Now, as an independent artist, I have to find those.

1085
00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:30,239
Speaker 3: People to help me, and I have to make sure

1086
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:32,759
Speaker 3: that they believe in what I'm doing and believe in

1087
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:35,759
Speaker 3: the project. I could hire anyone, But if they don't

1088
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:37,960
Speaker 3: believe in what I'm doing, or they don't have the

1089
00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:40,160
Speaker 3: accurate or not accurate.

1090
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:42,239
Speaker 4: But the correct skill to be able to help me

1091
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:44,719
Speaker 4: with that, then.

1092
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:46,399
Speaker 3: There's no point and then I just end up back

1093
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:50,719
Speaker 3: at ground zero again. So I'm now at the position

1094
00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:59,360
Speaker 3: right now I'm talking to this company, slash label, but

1095
00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:01,160
Speaker 3: it would be more of a partnership with us, so

1096
00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:04,279
Speaker 3: that would mean that I would retain most of the

1097
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:07,680
Speaker 3: ownership of my stuff. I have creative control. So we're

1098
00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 3: working on those different things because I'm just like, I

1099
00:47:10,680 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 3: could go back to a major label, but then all

1100
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:16,640
Speaker 3: this freedom that I've accrued and I've earned and i've

1101
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:20,960
Speaker 3: I've received and gotten is just gonna be taken away.

1102
00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:23,879
Speaker 3: And so I'm like, I don't know if I really

1103
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:25,279
Speaker 3: want to sacrifice.

1104
00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 2: You don't and you will, I don't know.

1105
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:28,040
Speaker 4: I can you come too far?

1106
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1107
00:47:28,719 --> 00:47:31,640
Speaker 3: And I so I'm I'm I'm working on it.

1108
00:47:31,719 --> 00:47:34,000
Speaker 4: I just have to we have to figure out the

1109
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:36,800
Speaker 4: terms so that we can just go because the music's

1110
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 4: already done. The hard part is done.

1111
00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:42,520
Speaker 1: Well, we will light some candles and sets.

1112
00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:44,239
Speaker 5: I feel like once you speak it though, I think

1113
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:47,279
Speaker 5: like women always say like women are witches, Like we're like,

1114
00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:49,680
Speaker 5: we're so impeccable with our word. When you say something

1115
00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:52,680
Speaker 5: and you put it into the ether, you have the

1116
00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:55,919
Speaker 5: power to make it, to make it come to fruition. Yeah,

1117
00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:58,920
Speaker 5: So I'm like, I'm not even I'm not even worried,

1118
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:00,480
Speaker 5: Like I know it's kind of and I know it's

1119
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:02,239
Speaker 5: going to happen perfectly for you. And I know it's

1120
00:48:02,239 --> 00:48:04,560
Speaker 5: going to be in alignment because it's like the moment

1121
00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:10,759
Speaker 5: you choose yourself, you.

1122
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:09,920
Speaker 2: Your road opens up for you.

1123
00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 5: And like, I don't know if for women listening to this,

1124
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:16,400
Speaker 5: who maybe you know grew up and just shiit.

1125
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:20,520
Speaker 2: Just women women just born you know, if you was born,

1126
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:21,240
Speaker 2: you were a woman.

1127
00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:26,600
Speaker 5: This gendered woman seriously, Like, and you've struggled because maybe

1128
00:48:26,600 --> 00:48:28,560
Speaker 5: your family expects you to do X, Y and Z,

1129
00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:31,440
Speaker 5: or or maybe religion has played a part, or maybe

1130
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 5: the guy.

1131
00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:33,920
Speaker 2: That you date said this is how you should show up.

1132
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:35,839
Speaker 2: Like what are what are some things?

1133
00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:39,040
Speaker 5: Like what are three things three words of advice would

1134
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:41,799
Speaker 5: you would give to someone struggling to tap into their

1135
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:46,400
Speaker 5: freedom and their free their inner free spirit? What were

1136
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:49,880
Speaker 5: what are three tools or three things that you've like

1137
00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:52,840
Speaker 5: have helped you come out of that and like step

1138
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:55,799
Speaker 5: fully into who you are and like embrace it and say,

1139
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:56,719
Speaker 5: I'm not going to do this.

1140
00:48:56,719 --> 00:48:57,719
Speaker 2: This is who I am and this is what I'm

1141
00:48:57,719 --> 00:48:58,040
Speaker 2: going to do.

1142
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:08,759
Speaker 4: Oh man, is it three separate thoughts? I'm like, it

1143
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:10,000
Speaker 4: is an exercise.

1144
00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:10,799
Speaker 2: What did you do? Girl?

1145
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:13,400
Speaker 3: I mean, it's it's hard to say exactly because everybody's

1146
00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:15,440
Speaker 3: journey is their own sorooms.

1147
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:18,240
Speaker 1: I'll press Jordan is if you're watching on YouTube, Jordan's

1148
00:49:18,239 --> 00:49:19,160
Speaker 1: wearing a mushroom shirt.

1149
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 2: I think mushrooms the guide. Yes, it's like a portal

1150
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:25,080
Speaker 2: to yourself. So that's why I'm.

1151
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:29,160
Speaker 3: Asking when connection to everything else? Okay, so let me

1152
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:29,680
Speaker 3: stand track.

1153
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:31,080
Speaker 4: No, no, no, you're okay.

1154
00:49:31,120 --> 00:49:34,600
Speaker 3: I just there's so many thoughts that go on in

1155
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:38,880
Speaker 3: my head that I'm just like, okay. I think for me,

1156
00:49:40,040 --> 00:49:44,080
Speaker 3: one major thing we were talking about it earlier is

1157
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:49,719
Speaker 3: our intuition. I think when we have been pushed or

1158
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:55,120
Speaker 3: gas lit, or in certain situations where you can't question that,

1159
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:58,520
Speaker 3: you start to lose the connection with that intuition and

1160
00:49:58,560 --> 00:50:02,720
Speaker 3: what your gut is telling you. And I had lots

1161
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:06,759
Speaker 3: of experiences leading up to where I am now, to

1162
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:09,719
Speaker 3: where when I look back on it, I'm like, my

1163
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:12,240
Speaker 3: intuition was right the whole time.

1164
00:50:12,360 --> 00:50:14,120
Speaker 4: Like I just got goose bumps, like it was it

1165
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 4: was right.

1166
00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:19,000
Speaker 3: And I think that would be a major one is

1167
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:23,000
Speaker 3: really trying to reconnect with your gut feeling and with

1168
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:27,280
Speaker 3: that intuition and that that little voice that's like maybe

1169
00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:28,080
Speaker 3: not or.

1170
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 1: It's it's the it's the reconnection, but it's also sometimes

1171
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:36,400
Speaker 1: that gut feeling and that that that voice is telling

1172
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:40,960
Speaker 1: you something that's the harder road yep. And so you

1173
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:47,680
Speaker 1: are like.

1174
00:50:44,440 --> 00:50:46,080
Speaker 2: Everybody said to do this, yeah, you know.

1175
00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:50,480
Speaker 1: And so it's like trusting that the harder, the harder

1176
00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:53,520
Speaker 1: road is going to eventually lead you to the easier

1177
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:56,440
Speaker 1: road and making that choice because I mean I have

1178
00:50:56,840 --> 00:51:00,279
Speaker 1: I I know how impeccable my intuition is, and I

1179
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:01,319
Speaker 1: still go against it.

1180
00:51:01,520 --> 00:51:01,719
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1181
00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:04,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying you no, no, I know,

1182
00:51:04,239 --> 00:51:06,600
Speaker 1: but I think women, it's literally I think that we

1183
00:51:06,920 --> 00:51:10,960
Speaker 1: have we were masterfully created to really master this part

1184
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:13,840
Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm not saying that men don't have intuition,

1185
00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:17,120
Speaker 1: because they do, but we have some different shit over here.

1186
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:20,879
Speaker 5: Yeah, we're creators, and so I think we're the poor

1187
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:21,880
Speaker 5: told to God.

1188
00:51:21,719 --> 00:51:24,359
Speaker 1: You know, I was. We were talking about this with

1189
00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 1: I can't remember her name, but just how my nervous

1190
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:31,800
Speaker 1: system always tells me first, yes, like literally, nervous system

1191
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:35,319
Speaker 1: will tell me, and then my mind will confuse me,

1192
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:38,719
Speaker 1: like my body will be like in my mind will

1193
00:51:38,760 --> 00:51:41,040
Speaker 1: be like that should just relax, and I'm like, but

1194
00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:45,040
Speaker 1: my stomach hurts, yeah, like I'm nervous, I'm.

1195
00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:46,399
Speaker 2: Hooly, my breath my chest is tight.

1196
00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:47,239
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1197
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:50,040
Speaker 3: All of those things are signs. All of them are

1198
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:53,880
Speaker 3: so I guess it's reconnecting with your body too, to

1199
00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:57,120
Speaker 3: be able to like understand what those things mean for yourself,

1200
00:51:57,120 --> 00:52:01,680
Speaker 3: because I have always been a nervous person. My husband

1201
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:04,080
Speaker 3: he is always just like, I don't understand why you're

1202
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:05,680
Speaker 3: so nervous, and I'm like, it just happens.

1203
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:06,799
Speaker 1: Okay, I don't know.

1204
00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:11,440
Speaker 3: But my nervous system, which I've learned for the last

1205
00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:15,480
Speaker 3: however many years it's been since Okay, let's if we

1206
00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:18,280
Speaker 3: go with idle, it's been sixteen years. My nervous system

1207
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:22,799
Speaker 3: has been on the fritz for the last sixteen years

1208
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:25,799
Speaker 3: of my life, and it hasn't ever been able to

1209
00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:28,160
Speaker 3: receive a break of being out of fight or flight

1210
00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:32,160
Speaker 3: mode because I've been constantly touring, constantly traveling, working, having

1211
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:35,319
Speaker 3: to be on public eye, having to think quick on

1212
00:52:35,360 --> 00:52:37,040
Speaker 3: my feet, Like so my nervous system is.

1213
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:38,440
Speaker 2: Like, oh's to the wrong thing.

1214
00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:42,279
Speaker 3: It's always like this, And so when I'm about to perform,

1215
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 3: I get my hands get all, I get clammy, I

1216
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:47,440
Speaker 3: get nervous, I start to breathe really fast, and I

1217
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:49,840
Speaker 3: have to like pray to make to like bring myself

1218
00:52:49,880 --> 00:52:53,160
Speaker 3: back down and meditate, and he just doesn't understand.

1219
00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:55,359
Speaker 4: It's it's just a it's just a.

1220
00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:57,759
Speaker 3: Reaction that I have before I do it. I also

1221
00:52:57,800 --> 00:52:59,120
Speaker 3: think it's a good thing because I feel like, if

1222
00:52:59,120 --> 00:53:03,640
Speaker 3: I'm not nervous, I might have to do a reevaluation,

1223
00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:05,600
Speaker 3: like a self check, like yeah, do I really like

1224
00:53:05,719 --> 00:53:09,160
Speaker 3: what I'm doing, you know, because it's just it's exciting

1225
00:53:09,200 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 3: and it makes me nervous. But I think the reconnection there,

1226
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:19,000
Speaker 3: I think is really important. Also with this phrase that

1227
00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:21,719
Speaker 3: I I don't remember who told it to me, but

1228
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:23,759
Speaker 3: it was in my mid twenties and somebody was like,

1229
00:53:23,760 --> 00:53:25,000
Speaker 3: if it's not a fuck yeah, it's a no.

1230
00:53:26,480 --> 00:53:28,160
Speaker 1: I like that is that today's affirmation?

1231
00:53:28,840 --> 00:53:32,480
Speaker 2: I think, if it's not a fuck yeah, it's a no.

1232
00:53:33,239 --> 00:53:37,280
Speaker 3: Yeah. I love that, like yeah well because radical yes

1233
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:39,880
Speaker 3: yeah well. And it also that also goes with your

1234
00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:42,480
Speaker 3: your gut and your intuition. When you have a decision

1235
00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:45,680
Speaker 3: to make, if you're just like, well, no, it's a no,

1236
00:53:46,239 --> 00:53:48,759
Speaker 3: it's just a no. And that's not to say that

1237
00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:50,799
Speaker 3: to not say yes to certain things. If you have

1238
00:53:50,880 --> 00:53:53,000
Speaker 3: opportunity you want to say yes, you always have the

1239
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:55,440
Speaker 3: opportunity to say no again and to change your mind.

1240
00:53:56,280 --> 00:54:01,920
Speaker 3: And I think the other thing as well. It was

1241
00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:08,040
Speaker 3: really important from my relationship that I had prior to

1242
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:12,800
Speaker 3: meeting my husband that in between space, I literally cut

1243
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:15,560
Speaker 3: dating and romantic anything out of my life. I was

1244
00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:18,160
Speaker 3: celibate for a year and a half. I just focused

1245
00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:20,879
Speaker 3: on myself and I've always I've always been a person

1246
00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:23,200
Speaker 3: who likes to be alone. I'm not lonely. I love

1247
00:54:23,280 --> 00:54:25,799
Speaker 3: being alone like I enjoy my own company. And I

1248
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:28,919
Speaker 3: think for a lot of people, not just women, men too,

1249
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:32,240
Speaker 3: a lot of people don't know how to be alone.

1250
00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:36,879
Speaker 3: And I think that that's a really big thing for

1251
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:40,120
Speaker 3: people's growth, because if you can be alone, you know

1252
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:42,680
Speaker 3: how what you need, you know how to treat yourself,

1253
00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:46,239
Speaker 3: what makes you happy, you know how to recharge, how

1254
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:47,959
Speaker 3: much sleep you need to know there's just so many

1255
00:54:47,960 --> 00:54:53,640
Speaker 3: different things that you can't get with somebody else because

1256
00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:57,120
Speaker 3: they're not telling you. You're telling you, right, and so

1257
00:54:57,160 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 3: I think that is also important. So I would say,

1258
00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:02,359
Speaker 3: gut your gut feeling reconnecting with that.

1259
00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:05,279
Speaker 2: If it's not a if it's not a.

1260
00:55:05,239 --> 00:55:06,160
Speaker 1: Fuck, yeah, it's a though.

1261
00:55:06,880 --> 00:55:09,680
Speaker 4: And also being able to be alone with yourself.

1262
00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:13,120
Speaker 3: I think that's really helped me catapult myself into where

1263
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:15,120
Speaker 3: I am now because I really do, like I said,

1264
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:16,560
Speaker 3: I'm my seventeen year old self.

1265
00:55:16,600 --> 00:55:19,279
Speaker 4: It's just it's night and day. The core is still there.

1266
00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:22,200
Speaker 3: I'm still that goofy, quirky, smiley girl that walked into

1267
00:55:22,239 --> 00:55:25,200
Speaker 3: the audition room, but there's just more of a sense

1268
00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:27,520
Speaker 3: of knowing and more groundedness that.

1269
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:30,560
Speaker 4: I have that I did not have before. Just being

1270
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:31,320
Speaker 4: able to do.

1271
00:55:31,200 --> 00:55:34,440
Speaker 5: That work after you took that time off and like

1272
00:55:34,440 --> 00:55:37,120
Speaker 5: from dating and you're like it was amazing retreated and

1273
00:55:37,160 --> 00:55:39,400
Speaker 5: you're like, hold online in a minute, how did you

1274
00:55:39,440 --> 00:55:40,600
Speaker 5: meet your now husband?

1275
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:42,000
Speaker 2: And like, how did you know it was different?

1276
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:44,200
Speaker 3: I'm sadd he's not here because I'd totally look at

1277
00:55:44,280 --> 00:55:45,279
Speaker 3: him right now and be like your turn.

1278
00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:46,480
Speaker 2: You're a turn to tell the story.

1279
00:55:47,880 --> 00:55:50,279
Speaker 4: So okay, let me make this. Let me try and

1280
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:51,360
Speaker 4: make this as short as possible.

1281
00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:56,759
Speaker 3: Basically, I had a charity for ten years and I

1282
00:55:56,800 --> 00:55:59,239
Speaker 3: would follow the Super Bowl to each city and we

1283
00:55:59,280 --> 00:56:01,399
Speaker 3: would come in in the week and shine a light

1284
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:03,600
Speaker 3: on organizations that were making a difference in the city

1285
00:56:04,600 --> 00:56:06,600
Speaker 3: before all, like the major parties would come in and

1286
00:56:06,640 --> 00:56:08,960
Speaker 3: we would give them media and press if they needed

1287
00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:12,719
Speaker 3: it or if they wanted it. Sometimes we would just

1288
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:14,839
Speaker 3: go visit and they didn't want anything, but it would

1289
00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:15,960
Speaker 3: It was basically up to them.

1290
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:19,760
Speaker 4: And my tenth year was twenty seventeen.

1291
00:56:20,120 --> 00:56:22,840
Speaker 3: The super Bowl was in Houston, and we went to

1292
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 3: a few different organizations and the last one we went

1293
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:30,160
Speaker 3: to was his parents. He wasn't there. He lived in

1294
00:56:30,239 --> 00:56:32,239
Speaker 3: Dallas at the time, so he wasn't even there.

1295
00:56:32,800 --> 00:56:35,000
Speaker 4: And I was excited because.

1296
00:56:34,640 --> 00:56:37,320
Speaker 3: My mom and his mom had hit it off. And

1297
00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:40,799
Speaker 3: my mom's not really the type of person who's like, ooh,

1298
00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:42,960
Speaker 3: no friends. She's like, I'm good, I've got my people,

1299
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:45,800
Speaker 3: and they hit it off, so I was very excited

1300
00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:47,560
Speaker 3: and I loved what they were doing. It's called the

1301
00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:49,640
Speaker 3: Forge for Families. It's in the third Ward in Houston.

1302
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 3: It's basically a place a safe haven for kids after school.

1303
00:56:54,200 --> 00:56:57,080
Speaker 3: They've got summer programs and different things like that, and

1304
00:56:57,120 --> 00:57:00,560
Speaker 3: it's it's really amazing. But I met his mom and

1305
00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:02,839
Speaker 3: his dad and his brother, and they were like, this

1306
00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:04,239
Speaker 3: is our family, and so it was a picture of

1307
00:57:04,280 --> 00:57:04,760
Speaker 3: their family.

1308
00:57:04,800 --> 00:57:05,680
Speaker 4: I don't now.

1309
00:57:05,719 --> 00:57:08,000
Speaker 3: I know that he was like eighteen years old and

1310
00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:09,760
Speaker 3: like young, but I didn't know the difference.

1311
00:57:09,920 --> 00:57:11,080
Speaker 4: I was like, oh, beautiful family.

1312
00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:11,600
Speaker 2: So we leave.

1313
00:57:12,520 --> 00:57:17,760
Speaker 3: And when I tell you that, like I had PTSD

1314
00:57:17,920 --> 00:57:20,480
Speaker 3: from the relationship that I had been in prior, and

1315
00:57:20,520 --> 00:57:25,640
Speaker 3: so my mom had tried to she was like, I

1316
00:57:25,680 --> 00:57:29,440
Speaker 3: know her intentions were pure, but the trigger that, like

1317
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:31,160
Speaker 3: the fact that I would freak out like I just

1318
00:57:31,200 --> 00:57:32,680
Speaker 3: I was like I'm not ready for this, like I

1319
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:36,160
Speaker 3: cannot please don't give people my number, and please don't

1320
00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:38,480
Speaker 3: have them send me flowers, like I don't want this,

1321
00:57:38,560 --> 00:57:42,240
Speaker 3: Like I can't even handle it. And so I was

1322
00:57:42,320 --> 00:57:44,120
Speaker 3: kind of at that point in my life, I cut

1323
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:47,200
Speaker 3: everything off. I wasn't even honestly, I wasn't comfortable even

1324
00:57:47,240 --> 00:57:48,880
Speaker 3: being in a room by myself with a man, Like.

1325
00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:52,360
Speaker 4: I just was like, this is too much. And so.

1326
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:56,600
Speaker 3: A month goes by, we leave, yay, like, have a

1327
00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:59,160
Speaker 3: good time. We leave a month goes by. My mom's like, hey,

1328
00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:03,560
Speaker 3: do you mind if Bridget that's his mom's name, if

1329
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:06,600
Speaker 3: she connects you with her son Dana. He's not the

1330
00:58:06,640 --> 00:58:10,120
Speaker 3: one that you met, but he wants to model. He's

1331
00:58:10,120 --> 00:58:11,880
Speaker 3: planning on modeling, and he has a trip out in

1332
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:15,000
Speaker 3: LA and she wants you to talk to him about Hollywood.

1333
00:58:15,080 --> 00:58:18,480
Speaker 3: This is the most moms this my mom. My friend said,

1334
00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:20,440
Speaker 3: it's gonna call it. He'll be in La, hang out

1335
00:58:20,480 --> 00:58:20,920
Speaker 3: with him.

1336
00:58:21,200 --> 00:58:24,520
Speaker 1: Tell me about Hollywood. Like, okay, so welcome.

1337
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:25,440
Speaker 2: To hollyd You're welcome.

1338
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:27,800
Speaker 4: But I mean that's what I that's what they had me,

1339
00:58:28,360 --> 00:58:28,960
Speaker 4: not have me do.

1340
00:58:29,080 --> 00:58:31,520
Speaker 3: But the reason why I ended up staying so long

1341
00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:33,920
Speaker 3: at their organization was they had some teenage girls who

1342
00:58:34,040 --> 00:58:34,840
Speaker 3: just wanted to ask me.

1343
00:58:34,840 --> 00:58:36,200
Speaker 4: Questions about my life.

1344
00:58:36,200 --> 00:58:38,680
Speaker 3: And so I was like, you guys, a lot of

1345
00:58:38,680 --> 00:58:41,880
Speaker 3: what you see is you know, photo shoots and people

1346
00:58:41,920 --> 00:58:43,440
Speaker 3: are calling paparazzi blah blah blah.

1347
00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:44,960
Speaker 4: And I was like, there's a lot of stuff that

1348
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:48,840
Speaker 4: you have to like really discern. So she was overhearing

1349
00:58:48,880 --> 00:58:51,000
Speaker 4: me say that, and she wanted me to do the

1350
00:58:51,040 --> 00:58:54,160
Speaker 4: same thing, and I didn't.

1351
00:58:53,920 --> 00:58:55,520
Speaker 3: Find out till later that she really wanted me to

1352
00:58:55,520 --> 00:58:58,560
Speaker 3: talk about of moving to La doing anything there right

1353
00:58:58,720 --> 00:59:00,840
Speaker 3: completely judge me wrong on that because I'm always like,

1354
00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:02,600
Speaker 3: go you could always go back home.

1355
00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:04,920
Speaker 2: Tell him exactly.

1356
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:08,240
Speaker 4: So I was like, okay.

1357
00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:11,000
Speaker 3: That was the first time I was okay with somebody

1358
00:59:11,040 --> 00:59:13,520
Speaker 3: having my number. And I was like, all right because

1359
00:59:13,560 --> 00:59:14,640
Speaker 3: I had met his mom, and I was like, and

1360
00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:17,080
Speaker 3: if he tries to pull anything, I can just go

1361
00:59:17,360 --> 00:59:19,440
Speaker 3: to her and be like, this is I'm not comfortable

1362
00:59:19,440 --> 00:59:23,960
Speaker 3: with this. So my mom and his mom put us

1363
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:27,920
Speaker 3: on a group chat and so we all end up

1364
00:59:27,960 --> 00:59:29,960
Speaker 3: in the same thing, and he's like, I'm gonna message

1365
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:31,760
Speaker 3: you on another one. So we hopped out of that

1366
00:59:31,840 --> 00:59:34,560
Speaker 3: one and we started talking and we just never stopped.

1367
00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:39,480
Speaker 3: We never stopped talking, but it was strictly platonic, and

1368
00:59:39,560 --> 00:59:41,160
Speaker 3: it was just really cool to talk to somebody who

1369
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:43,600
Speaker 3: didn't want anything from me. He didn't know about anything

1370
00:59:43,640 --> 00:59:47,480
Speaker 3: because he was really heavily into basketball. He played aau

1371
00:59:47,720 --> 00:59:49,560
Speaker 3: like the competitive stuff when he was a kid, and

1372
00:59:49,600 --> 00:59:51,640
Speaker 3: then he played in college and so he knew that

1373
00:59:51,680 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 3: I want I only knew.

1374
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:53,600
Speaker 4: No air, that's all.

1375
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:56,920
Speaker 3: So he didn't know about all the other the craziness

1376
00:59:56,920 --> 00:59:59,080
Speaker 3: that the media likes to put out there, and so

1377
00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:00,760
Speaker 3: I was just grateful to be like, Hi.

1378
01:00:00,680 --> 01:00:02,080
Speaker 4: This is who I am.

1379
01:00:02,200 --> 01:00:05,480
Speaker 3: And I felt safe also because I told him. I

1380
01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:07,040
Speaker 3: was like, I'm not facetiming you and I'm not.

1381
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:08,720
Speaker 4: Calling you on the phone. I was like, this is

1382
01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:11,160
Speaker 4: gonna be text only, straightforward.

1383
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:11,919
Speaker 1: This is where we lived.

1384
01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:13,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm like, this is this is where we're at.

1385
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:15,440
Speaker 3: And so we talked a lot and it was really

1386
01:00:15,480 --> 01:00:18,920
Speaker 3: cool and he was very nice. I was very intrigued

1387
01:00:18,960 --> 01:00:21,440
Speaker 3: by the way he thought. I loved that he had

1388
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:24,800
Speaker 3: been single for seven years, like so, it's just there

1389
01:00:24,800 --> 01:00:25,480
Speaker 3: had been a lot of.

1390
01:00:25,440 --> 01:00:28,440
Speaker 4: Things, but there was no nothing.

1391
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:30,280
Speaker 3: Because at one point he was like, well, you're just

1392
01:00:30,280 --> 01:00:33,000
Speaker 3: a bougie whatever whatever you said, light skinned, curly haired girl.

1393
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:34,480
Speaker 3: And I said, yeah, we are a green nighted demon.

1394
01:00:34,600 --> 01:00:39,840
Speaker 3: So we both agree on this. Yeah, so we agree.

1395
01:00:40,080 --> 01:00:43,760
Speaker 3: And he ended up flying out for the trip that

1396
01:00:43,800 --> 01:00:47,480
Speaker 3: he had planned. And it was Easter weekend. My brother

1397
01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:49,760
Speaker 3: was driving in from Phoenix, so I was like, why

1398
01:00:49,760 --> 01:00:52,000
Speaker 3: don't you stop by? It was like ten o'clock at night,

1399
01:00:52,360 --> 01:00:53,560
Speaker 3: but I knew my brother was coming.

1400
01:00:53,720 --> 01:00:55,440
Speaker 1: You went from text to stop by at ten o'clock

1401
01:00:55,440 --> 01:00:56,400
Speaker 1: at night, right right, well, because he.

1402
01:00:56,440 --> 01:00:58,920
Speaker 4: Landed and was like he was like, I don't my

1403
01:00:58,920 --> 01:01:01,280
Speaker 4: my Airbnb. I just have to wait for it or something.

1404
01:01:01,320 --> 01:01:03,120
Speaker 3: I can't remember what it was, but I was like, Okay,

1405
01:01:03,120 --> 01:01:06,080
Speaker 3: my brother's on his way, you can come over.

1406
01:01:06,120 --> 01:01:06,560
Speaker 1: It's fine.

1407
01:01:06,960 --> 01:01:08,760
Speaker 4: So he comes.

1408
01:01:08,480 --> 01:01:11,920
Speaker 3: Over and I had two dogs at the time, and

1409
01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:16,440
Speaker 3: I I opened the door and the dogs run to him.

1410
01:01:16,440 --> 01:01:18,320
Speaker 3: So he bends over to pet the dogs, and I'm like, okay,

1411
01:01:18,320 --> 01:01:22,240
Speaker 3: well that's a good sign because they love him already.

1412
01:01:22,880 --> 01:01:23,680
Speaker 4: Just as a person.

1413
01:01:23,920 --> 01:01:26,000
Speaker 3: It wasn't until our eyes locked that I was like,

1414
01:01:26,080 --> 01:01:29,440
Speaker 3: oh shit, oh really, because I had seen his pictures.

1415
01:01:29,520 --> 01:01:32,200
Speaker 3: There was nothing, no, no, nothing. I just was like,

1416
01:01:32,200 --> 01:01:35,960
Speaker 3: oh he's nice looking dude, you know. But there was

1417
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:38,160
Speaker 3: nothing until that moment that our eyes locked and we

1418
01:01:38,200 --> 01:01:39,280
Speaker 3: both knew we were in trouble.

1419
01:01:39,360 --> 01:01:40,600
Speaker 2: Really, as soon as he got to the house. You

1420
01:01:40,640 --> 01:01:41,560
Speaker 2: looked at me like, oh shit.

1421
01:01:41,680 --> 01:01:46,240
Speaker 3: I was like, this is not what I this is

1422
01:01:46,280 --> 01:01:48,520
Speaker 3: not this, Like I'm not looking for this, you know.

1423
01:01:49,040 --> 01:01:50,560
Speaker 4: He literally swept me off my feet.

1424
01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:52,520
Speaker 3: And it's crazy because I'm like, he literally showed up

1425
01:01:52,560 --> 01:01:54,120
Speaker 3: at my door literally from.

1426
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:58,880
Speaker 5: Your mom, that's like the most liked, but they didn't

1427
01:01:58,880 --> 01:02:01,280
Speaker 5: want That's it's crazy because they didn't want us to date.

1428
01:02:01,320 --> 01:02:02,480
Speaker 4: That was never the intention.

1429
01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:05,920
Speaker 3: And I remember going back to visit with him and

1430
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:08,840
Speaker 3: his mom was like, I wanted you to talk him

1431
01:02:08,880 --> 01:02:10,280
Speaker 3: out of moving there, and.

1432
01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:14,760
Speaker 4: Now he's in love, and I was like, I'm.

1433
01:02:14,120 --> 01:02:19,080
Speaker 3: Sorry, I think not really, but so it went by

1434
01:02:19,120 --> 01:02:21,520
Speaker 3: really fast. So we started talking in March. We met

1435
01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:25,280
Speaker 3: in April. We got married in July. Wow, DJ was

1436
01:02:25,280 --> 01:02:28,480
Speaker 3: coming end of August, two days after he moved here.

1437
01:02:28,880 --> 01:02:32,680
Speaker 5: Well, you met him in April, March. He moved in

1438
01:02:32,680 --> 01:02:33,280
Speaker 5: in June.

1439
01:02:35,160 --> 01:02:35,680
Speaker 4: I guess not.

1440
01:02:35,880 --> 01:02:38,520
Speaker 5: He moved in Basically between April and August, you had

1441
01:02:38,520 --> 01:02:39,840
Speaker 5: a baby, you got pregnant.

1442
01:02:39,920 --> 01:02:42,400
Speaker 4: I got pregnant after we got married, and you got married.

1443
01:02:42,440 --> 01:02:45,000
Speaker 2: Not like you can engage. You got married, married in Hawaii,

1444
01:02:45,560 --> 01:02:49,560
Speaker 2: got mallried. Wait how I know?

1445
01:02:50,920 --> 01:02:52,920
Speaker 5: It's like but it's true, Like people always try to

1446
01:02:52,960 --> 01:02:54,120
Speaker 5: take you out of that, but it's like when you know,

1447
01:02:54,400 --> 01:02:54,680
Speaker 5: you know.

1448
01:02:54,840 --> 01:02:57,240
Speaker 3: Were your parents where, they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, Oh

1449
01:02:57,240 --> 01:02:58,160
Speaker 3: I didn't tell anybody.

1450
01:02:58,360 --> 01:02:59,680
Speaker 2: You got married without telling anyone?

1451
01:02:59,680 --> 01:03:00,120
Speaker 1: Oh yeah of.

1452
01:03:00,120 --> 01:03:04,840
Speaker 4: Course, yeah, because I so the way I have always been.

1453
01:03:05,080 --> 01:03:07,360
Speaker 3: I've never wanted a big wedding. Like my best friend

1454
01:03:07,360 --> 01:03:09,000
Speaker 3: was born a day before me. She knew exactly what

1455
01:03:09,040 --> 01:03:11,920
Speaker 3: she wanted. She knew her the dress, the style, all

1456
01:03:11,960 --> 01:03:14,600
Speaker 3: of that stuff. And I was just like, I never

1457
01:03:14,720 --> 01:03:15,560
Speaker 3: I never wanted that.

1458
01:03:15,640 --> 01:03:20,200
Speaker 4: And then once I became in public eye and a

1459
01:03:20,200 --> 01:03:21,320
Speaker 4: public figure.

1460
01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:23,360
Speaker 3: I'm always going to huge events and I never really

1461
01:03:23,400 --> 01:03:25,680
Speaker 3: get to enjoy them because there's just so much going on.

1462
01:03:25,720 --> 01:03:26,680
Speaker 3: And I was like, I don't want to do that

1463
01:03:26,720 --> 01:03:29,640
Speaker 3: for my wedding, right, So I had always imagined myself

1464
01:03:29,640 --> 01:03:32,320
Speaker 3: either going to the courthouse or just something really really small.

1465
01:03:32,360 --> 01:03:34,440
Speaker 3: And so we went on this trip with our friends

1466
01:03:35,160 --> 01:03:37,400
Speaker 3: and we went to Hawaii, and we had already been

1467
01:03:37,440 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 3: talking about it.

1468
01:03:38,080 --> 01:03:40,120
Speaker 1: I don't remember you guys already engaged at this point.

1469
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:41,200
Speaker 4: No no, no, no, no no.

1470
01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:43,880
Speaker 5: No, no, here's what random trip not with no intention

1471
01:03:43,920 --> 01:03:44,560
Speaker 5: of getting married.

1472
01:03:44,600 --> 01:03:45,560
Speaker 4: Well, we had talked about it.

1473
01:03:45,640 --> 01:03:47,560
Speaker 3: I was like, if we're gonna, if we're gonna do it,

1474
01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:50,080
Speaker 3: why don't we do it here in Hawaii. Nobody's ever

1475
01:03:50,120 --> 01:03:52,240
Speaker 3: going to expect to see us at the courthouse there,

1476
01:03:52,240 --> 01:03:52,880
Speaker 3: and there shouldn't be.

1477
01:03:52,880 --> 01:03:56,080
Speaker 4: Paparazzi in Hawaii, like of all the places, it was closed.

1478
01:03:56,840 --> 01:04:01,000
Speaker 3: Wow, it was closed, and so we my best friend

1479
01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:02,280
Speaker 3: had gotten ordained.

1480
01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:06,880
Speaker 4: So We're in the water and I look at him.

1481
01:04:06,680 --> 01:04:08,360
Speaker 3: And I'm like, do you want to do it right now? Like,

1482
01:04:08,440 --> 01:04:10,200
Speaker 3: let's just do it right now? And he was like okay.

1483
01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:12,640
Speaker 3: And so my friend was like do you and I

1484
01:04:12,640 --> 01:04:14,919
Speaker 3: was like yep, and she asked him, so yep.

1485
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:16,560
Speaker 4: We kissed in the water and that was the one

1486
01:04:16,640 --> 01:04:17,720
Speaker 4: paparazzi shot.

1487
01:04:18,080 --> 01:04:19,880
Speaker 3: Oh they got it, got but they had no idea

1488
01:04:19,880 --> 01:04:24,360
Speaker 3: that was actually So we got married there. We did

1489
01:04:24,400 --> 01:04:26,600
Speaker 3: the paperwork and stuff when we got back, but that's

1490
01:04:26,600 --> 01:04:31,800
Speaker 3: where we got married. And then uh yeah, a month later,

1491
01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:34,960
Speaker 3: a month and some change later, he had moved his

1492
01:04:35,040 --> 01:04:37,280
Speaker 3: stuff down and he moved into the house out here,

1493
01:04:37,360 --> 01:04:39,000
Speaker 3: which is two minutes up the road by the way.

1494
01:04:39,720 --> 01:04:44,160
Speaker 3: And then two days later I was like, I feel weird.

1495
01:04:44,520 --> 01:04:48,960
Speaker 3: I should just go check and yeah, wow, wow, were

1496
01:04:49,720 --> 01:04:50,840
Speaker 3: you was supposed to be here?

1497
01:04:50,840 --> 01:04:53,960
Speaker 1: Were you excited? Were you scared? Were you ready terrified?

1498
01:04:54,040 --> 01:05:00,960
Speaker 3: Okay, mostly because of him, because I just was like,

1499
01:05:01,280 --> 01:05:06,560
Speaker 3: he just moved here, like he just uprooted his life,

1500
01:05:06,640 --> 01:05:09,800
Speaker 3: and now I have to tell him that I we're expected.

1501
01:05:09,880 --> 01:05:12,760
Speaker 1: Well, we got married, y'all are already doing it.

1502
01:05:12,120 --> 01:05:15,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, but still it was like we neither of us

1503
01:05:15,720 --> 01:05:18,640
Speaker 3: were expecting it, and so it was just like, holy shit,

1504
01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:21,880
Speaker 3: like what is going on? So poor guy, I look

1505
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:23,520
Speaker 3: back on it, he didn't even have time to like

1506
01:05:24,040 --> 01:05:25,240
Speaker 3: because I had a whole.

1507
01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:27,640
Speaker 4: Moment I was. I was out of there because I

1508
01:05:27,760 --> 01:05:28,720
Speaker 4: just wasn't ready.

1509
01:05:28,760 --> 01:05:31,160
Speaker 3: And we had been talking. I don't think you're ever

1510
01:05:31,200 --> 01:05:33,440
Speaker 3: ready for kids, to be honest, You're just not. But

1511
01:05:33,560 --> 01:05:36,480
Speaker 3: we've been talking like okay, yeah, like in two years we'll.

1512
01:05:36,200 --> 01:05:38,240
Speaker 4: Start trying and blah blahlah blah. And I was like, cool,

1513
01:05:38,280 --> 01:05:42,320
Speaker 4: that sounds great. Nope, God was like now right now,

1514
01:05:42,720 --> 01:05:43,600
Speaker 4: and so it went really fast.

1515
01:05:43,680 --> 01:05:46,120
Speaker 3: But we're wearing on our sixth year. So in July

1516
01:05:46,200 --> 01:05:48,000
Speaker 3: it'll be our sixth year anniversary.

1517
01:05:48,280 --> 01:05:50,240
Speaker 2: Oh and how does your son five?

1518
01:05:50,560 --> 01:05:54,640
Speaker 1: How is your pregnancy great? My pregnancy was awesome. It

1519
01:05:54,720 --> 01:05:56,360
Speaker 1: was the afterpart that I'm like, I don't want to

1520
01:05:56,360 --> 01:05:56,800
Speaker 1: do that again.

1521
01:05:57,240 --> 01:06:01,080
Speaker 2: I was birth easy, Okay, did you have a natural birth?

1522
01:06:01,160 --> 01:06:03,000
Speaker 3: Let me not say easy, because I don't want people

1523
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:03,920
Speaker 3: to get rid of I don't.

1524
01:06:03,800 --> 01:06:06,040
Speaker 4: Want people to get mad at me. It wasn't easy.

1525
01:06:05,360 --> 01:06:08,960
Speaker 4: It was definitely challenging. I did naturally. I did natural water.

1526
01:06:08,760 --> 01:06:11,560
Speaker 2: Birth at the hospital at home.

1527
01:06:11,720 --> 01:06:12,720
Speaker 4: I did at a birthing center.

1528
01:06:13,280 --> 01:06:15,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, and they were amazing because they were like, hey,

1529
01:06:16,000 --> 01:06:17,080
Speaker 3: if anything goes wrong.

1530
01:06:16,840 --> 01:06:19,040
Speaker 4: We will go with you to the hospital, like if

1531
01:06:19,040 --> 01:06:19,400
Speaker 4: there was an.

1532
01:06:19,360 --> 01:06:23,080
Speaker 3: Emergency c section or something. But I didn't have to

1533
01:06:23,160 --> 01:06:25,640
Speaker 3: do that. Uh, Dana caught him.

1534
01:06:26,520 --> 01:06:28,200
Speaker 4: It was really cool. It was a really cool moment.

1535
01:06:28,240 --> 01:06:30,240
Speaker 4: I felt like I could do anything after that. I

1536
01:06:30,280 --> 01:06:32,360
Speaker 4: was sitting in the bathtub like, look at this. I

1537
01:06:32,400 --> 01:06:33,720
Speaker 4: was looking at the umbilical cord like.

1538
01:06:33,720 --> 01:06:35,880
Speaker 2: Oh my god, this is crazy.

1539
01:06:35,440 --> 01:06:36,800
Speaker 4: And I was like I could left to try.

1540
01:06:39,400 --> 01:06:39,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1541
01:06:39,680 --> 01:06:41,760
Speaker 3: I felt like I could do anything after that. And

1542
01:06:41,800 --> 01:06:44,720
Speaker 3: he just Dija was a little perfect baby. He came out,

1543
01:06:44,760 --> 01:06:48,959
Speaker 3: eyes open, ready, just wait, wait for y'all.

1544
01:06:49,480 --> 01:06:49,960
Speaker 2: Wow.

1545
01:06:50,040 --> 01:06:51,680
Speaker 4: He was like, oh yeah, okay, I chose.

1546
01:06:51,760 --> 01:06:53,160
Speaker 3: I chose right, you know what I mean, Like he

1547
01:06:53,240 --> 01:06:57,479
Speaker 3: was just looking at us like, okay, all right. But yeah,

1548
01:06:57,640 --> 01:07:01,680
Speaker 3: I My pregnancy was great. I didn't have any morning sickness.

1549
01:07:01,680 --> 01:07:05,560
Speaker 3: I everything was pretty much smooth sailing third trimester. He

1550
01:07:05,640 --> 01:07:07,439
Speaker 3: kind of sat a little bit on my psiatic nerve,

1551
01:07:07,480 --> 01:07:10,640
Speaker 3: but other than that, like it was great. It was

1552
01:07:10,680 --> 01:07:13,440
Speaker 3: the mental stuff after that. I was just like, I

1553
01:07:13,480 --> 01:07:15,680
Speaker 3: can't I can't do this again. I didn't want to

1554
01:07:15,680 --> 01:07:16,560
Speaker 3: put myself through that again.

1555
01:07:16,600 --> 01:07:18,560
Speaker 1: Did you have uh?

1556
01:07:18,600 --> 01:07:19,000
Speaker 4: I had?

1557
01:07:19,040 --> 01:07:21,560
Speaker 3: I didn't have postpartum most part Yeah, I didn't have

1558
01:07:21,600 --> 01:07:22,520
Speaker 3: postpartum depression.

1559
01:07:22,560 --> 01:07:23,320
Speaker 4: I definitely had.

1560
01:07:23,240 --> 01:07:26,320
Speaker 3: The baby blues for like three weeks where I just

1561
01:07:26,480 --> 01:07:28,000
Speaker 3: I could not keep my emotions skin.

1562
01:07:28,040 --> 01:07:32,040
Speaker 4: I wept at everything, everything.

1563
01:07:31,160 --> 01:07:34,720
Speaker 3: But it was like a deep weeping. It wasn't just like, oh,

1564
01:07:34,760 --> 01:07:37,960
Speaker 3: I'm a little teary. I would just cry and cry

1565
01:07:38,160 --> 01:07:42,320
Speaker 3: and cry, and that was that was really tough, but

1566
01:07:42,400 --> 01:07:45,960
Speaker 3: also just trying to navigate, like, Okay, you have to

1567
01:07:46,000 --> 01:07:48,560
Speaker 3: dedicate your whole life to this person who needs you

1568
01:07:48,560 --> 01:07:51,720
Speaker 3: at the moment. And as women were the default parent

1569
01:07:52,240 --> 01:07:54,120
Speaker 3: because they have to eat from us, they need to

1570
01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:56,160
Speaker 3: be near us, we're the ones that are getting up,

1571
01:07:56,280 --> 01:07:59,520
Speaker 3: Like it just becomes a lot and it's overwhelming. And

1572
01:07:59,560 --> 01:08:01,280
Speaker 3: I'm one of those people who's like all or nothing,

1573
01:08:01,480 --> 01:08:04,040
Speaker 3: so like I'm one hundred percent all in with my husband.

1574
01:08:04,160 --> 01:08:06,880
Speaker 4: So to make that split of like.

1575
01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:09,280
Speaker 1: Well, you guys had just also kind of started your

1576
01:08:09,280 --> 01:08:12,520
Speaker 1: relationship in ways and then introducing a whole life into

1577
01:08:12,560 --> 01:08:13,160
Speaker 1: the relationships.

1578
01:08:13,160 --> 01:08:17,080
Speaker 3: So we're still learning each other, still love each other obviously,

1579
01:08:17,160 --> 01:08:19,240
Speaker 3: but we're still learning each other, our quirks and all

1580
01:08:19,280 --> 01:08:22,280
Speaker 3: those things. And now we have DJ that's in the picture,

1581
01:08:22,320 --> 01:08:24,519
Speaker 3: and now we have to learn how to parent together

1582
01:08:24,680 --> 01:08:25,360
Speaker 3: as people.

1583
01:08:25,080 --> 01:08:27,160
Speaker 4: Who are still learning each other each other.

1584
01:08:27,280 --> 01:08:29,800
Speaker 3: Right, So it's just there was It was just a lot,

1585
01:08:29,880 --> 01:08:32,680
Speaker 3: and I just know personally for myself, I had to

1586
01:08:32,720 --> 01:08:36,200
Speaker 3: make that split between my husband and DJ.

1587
01:08:36,439 --> 01:08:38,200
Speaker 4: And then whatever was left for me.

1588
01:08:39,080 --> 01:08:42,960
Speaker 3: And I know that if there's another, if I bring

1589
01:08:43,000 --> 01:08:45,240
Speaker 3: another into this world, there's not gonna be anything left

1590
01:08:45,240 --> 01:08:47,120
Speaker 3: for me, because I know how I am, I know

1591
01:08:47,160 --> 01:08:49,559
Speaker 3: how I Hi. Those kids are gonna get everything, and

1592
01:08:49,600 --> 01:08:52,800
Speaker 3: then my husband's gonna get the rest, yes, which it

1593
01:08:52,840 --> 01:08:55,519
Speaker 3: should be husband first and then kids so they can see.

1594
01:08:55,560 --> 01:08:57,280
Speaker 4: But I'm working on it.

1595
01:08:57,320 --> 01:08:59,759
Speaker 3: I don't think we ever figure out the balance of anything.

1596
01:08:59,840 --> 01:09:01,880
Speaker 3: But I just know that there wouldn't be anything left

1597
01:09:01,920 --> 01:09:04,240
Speaker 3: for me, and then I know I would spiral because I.

1598
01:09:04,240 --> 01:09:05,280
Speaker 4: Just well myself.

1599
01:09:05,320 --> 01:09:08,920
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, well that's the thing, is that knowing yourself. Yeah,

1600
01:09:09,280 --> 01:09:13,400
Speaker 1: I'm curious because you guys, you guys went into this

1601
01:09:13,520 --> 01:09:16,200
Speaker 1: relationship rather quickly, got married and had the baby, and

1602
01:09:16,240 --> 01:09:18,600
Speaker 1: you said that you had PTSD from your last relationship,

1603
01:09:19,360 --> 01:09:21,760
Speaker 1: like you know, I was talking to my mom about

1604
01:09:21,760 --> 01:09:23,880
Speaker 1: this the other day because I was telling she was like,

1605
01:09:23,920 --> 01:09:25,800
Speaker 1: you know, when you find the right relationship, they will

1606
01:09:25,840 --> 01:09:29,800
Speaker 1: heal the parts of you that you were that that

1607
01:09:30,720 --> 01:09:35,439
Speaker 1: were crushed before. Like they won't trigger those same feelings.

1608
01:09:35,439 --> 01:09:37,200
Speaker 1: They will make sure that you feel safe in those

1609
01:09:37,280 --> 01:09:44,000
Speaker 1: in those things. Yes, And you know, I know I

1610
01:09:44,160 --> 01:09:46,120
Speaker 1: almost cried because I was like, I've never had that.

1611
01:09:46,400 --> 01:09:49,000
Speaker 4: Oh, okay, we're gonna change that.

1612
01:09:49,760 --> 01:09:52,800
Speaker 1: But I've had moments of it and then yeah, it

1613
01:09:52,920 --> 01:09:57,760
Speaker 1: always comes crashing. What were some of those things that

1614
01:09:57,800 --> 01:10:00,320
Speaker 1: he was able to heal from? Like what your PTSD?

1615
01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:02,360
Speaker 1: We have a chapter in our book it's called post

1616
01:10:02,400 --> 01:10:05,240
Speaker 1: traumatic baby daddy disorder. Okay, and I realized that your

1617
01:10:05,320 --> 01:10:08,320
Speaker 1: last you know, relationship wasn't your baby father's child, but.

1618
01:10:08,320 --> 01:10:10,960
Speaker 2: It's I think it's the same concept.

1619
01:10:11,760 --> 01:10:14,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, but there is there's a PTSD that we as

1620
01:10:14,120 --> 01:10:16,360
Speaker 1: women carry from previous relationships, whether or not you have

1621
01:10:17,400 --> 01:10:18,880
Speaker 1: a child. When you have a child with someone, it's

1622
01:10:18,880 --> 01:10:21,200
Speaker 1: a little it's a lot more. I think it penetrates

1623
01:10:21,240 --> 01:10:24,200
Speaker 1: the soul a little deeper. But you know, there's things

1624
01:10:24,240 --> 01:10:29,479
Speaker 1: that we compartmentalize or hold on to in our bodies

1625
01:10:29,520 --> 01:10:32,120
Speaker 1: and don't even realize or start judging other people like,

1626
01:10:32,120 --> 01:10:33,360
Speaker 1: oh my god, you're gonna do the same thing. You're

1627
01:10:33,360 --> 01:10:35,040
Speaker 1: gonna leave me, you're gonna hurt me, you're gonna cheat

1628
01:10:35,040 --> 01:10:38,680
Speaker 1: on me, you're gonna disrespect me, like and jumping into

1629
01:10:38,720 --> 01:10:41,080
Speaker 1: a relationship so quickly. But now I guess your spirit

1630
01:10:41,600 --> 01:10:43,760
Speaker 1: knowing that this was right for you, what was what

1631
01:10:43,800 --> 01:10:45,040
Speaker 1: were some of the things that he was able to

1632
01:10:45,120 --> 01:10:47,080
Speaker 1: kind of heal so quickly Because you were saying you

1633
01:10:47,120 --> 01:10:48,519
Speaker 1: didn't want to be in a room with a man

1634
01:10:48,560 --> 01:10:49,280
Speaker 1: by yourself.

1635
01:10:49,479 --> 01:10:51,479
Speaker 4: I didn't. I absolutely didn't.

1636
01:10:51,520 --> 01:10:54,960
Speaker 3: And I think talking to him first without any of

1637
01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:56,000
Speaker 3: the like.

1638
01:10:56,000 --> 01:10:57,600
Speaker 4: Oh let me see what you look like, there was

1639
01:10:57,680 --> 01:10:59,599
Speaker 4: never any of that. He was never like.

1640
01:11:00,360 --> 01:11:03,000
Speaker 2: Get me a picture, yeah yeah, which went on right now.

1641
01:11:03,200 --> 01:11:06,440
Speaker 3: It was strictly just like human to human, which I

1642
01:11:06,439 --> 01:11:09,839
Speaker 3: immediately was just like, Okay, this is a really good person.

1643
01:11:10,200 --> 01:11:15,080
Speaker 3: And that obviously helped me lower my guard a little

1644
01:11:15,080 --> 01:11:18,880
Speaker 3: bit because my guard was super high. Again, let me

1645
01:11:18,920 --> 01:11:21,599
Speaker 3: preface that it was a year, it was a year

1646
01:11:21,600 --> 01:11:24,280
Speaker 3: and a half that I had just taken that out

1647
01:11:24,280 --> 01:11:28,679
Speaker 3: of my life. I was open, well, no, I was closed.

1648
01:11:28,960 --> 01:11:31,360
Speaker 3: I was closed to being set up. I didn't want that.

1649
01:11:31,439 --> 01:11:33,320
Speaker 3: I was open to it being organic. I did not

1650
01:11:33,400 --> 01:11:35,400
Speaker 3: want to be set up by anybody. I didn't want

1651
01:11:35,439 --> 01:11:38,280
Speaker 3: it to be I was kind of not kind of

1652
01:11:38,320 --> 01:11:39,280
Speaker 3: I was specific in.

1653
01:11:39,320 --> 01:11:41,200
Speaker 4: What I did want and what I didn't want.

1654
01:11:41,240 --> 01:11:44,400
Speaker 3: And I think that that helped because when he showed up,

1655
01:11:44,960 --> 01:11:46,479
Speaker 3: I realized my spirit was.

1656
01:11:46,439 --> 01:11:50,479
Speaker 2: Like, oh, there you are checking all the boxes.

1657
01:11:50,600 --> 01:11:54,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I felt safe. Safety was my number one

1658
01:11:54,080 --> 01:11:54,880
Speaker 4: thing because I did not.

1659
01:11:54,840 --> 01:11:57,559
Speaker 3: Feel safe in my previous relationships, whether it was safe

1660
01:11:57,560 --> 01:12:00,559
Speaker 3: to be myself or like physically safe, like I cannot

1661
01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:03,320
Speaker 3: be in this home safe.

1662
01:12:04,000 --> 01:12:05,400
Speaker 4: I felt safe with him.

1663
01:12:05,400 --> 01:12:09,800
Speaker 3: I knew just from the way that when we hung out,

1664
01:12:09,800 --> 01:12:12,479
Speaker 3: how he treated me, and he was always looking out

1665
01:12:12,479 --> 01:12:12,720
Speaker 3: for me.

1666
01:12:12,800 --> 01:12:15,360
Speaker 4: And then it was continued. It didn't just go away.

1667
01:12:15,400 --> 01:12:18,639
Speaker 4: It wasn't like that initial courtship yeah, like oh well,

1668
01:12:18,680 --> 01:12:20,439
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna show you my best self and then

1669
01:12:21,000 --> 01:12:24,120
Speaker 4: you know, then we're gonna change up, which I had

1670
01:12:24,120 --> 01:12:24,840
Speaker 4: experienced before.

1671
01:12:24,880 --> 01:12:29,000
Speaker 3: It was that sense of safety. It was the no

1672
01:12:29,560 --> 01:12:32,599
Speaker 3: preconceptions of who I was. He allowed me to show

1673
01:12:32,680 --> 01:12:35,479
Speaker 3: him who I was as opposed to be having me

1674
01:12:35,520 --> 01:12:38,960
Speaker 3: on this pedestal, which is I guess a little unique

1675
01:12:39,000 --> 01:12:41,839
Speaker 3: to just what I do in my industry, because everybody

1676
01:12:41,840 --> 01:12:44,360
Speaker 3: sees me, everybody knows who I am, and they make

1677
01:12:44,360 --> 01:12:46,120
Speaker 3: these assumptions of who they think I am.

1678
01:12:46,600 --> 01:12:49,479
Speaker 4: Behind closed doors, And it's just not that.

1679
01:12:49,560 --> 01:12:51,599
Speaker 3: I think people would be very surprised if they got

1680
01:12:51,600 --> 01:12:53,080
Speaker 3: to sit down with me for a while or like

1681
01:12:53,160 --> 01:12:55,439
Speaker 3: live with me for a week, like who I am?

1682
01:12:55,640 --> 01:12:58,040
Speaker 1: You know, I think the concept of putting women on

1683
01:12:58,080 --> 01:13:01,639
Speaker 1: pedestals is very dangerous. Yeah, And I think men really

1684
01:13:02,080 --> 01:13:03,840
Speaker 1: they that's something that's their go to when they want

1685
01:13:03,840 --> 01:13:05,519
Speaker 1: to make a woman feel special, is like I put

1686
01:13:05,560 --> 01:13:08,160
Speaker 1: you on this pedestal. You put me on this pedestal,

1687
01:13:08,240 --> 01:13:10,840
Speaker 1: because at any moment I could be knocked off this

1688
01:13:10,880 --> 01:13:13,760
Speaker 1: pedestal with any of any of my me showing up

1689
01:13:13,760 --> 01:13:14,200
Speaker 1: as human.

1690
01:13:14,439 --> 01:13:14,679
Speaker 4: Yep.

1691
01:13:14,960 --> 01:13:16,720
Speaker 1: You know. Like I've had men say that. I'm like, please,

1692
01:13:16,760 --> 01:13:18,599
Speaker 1: don't do that. I don't want to be on your pedestal.

1693
01:13:18,600 --> 01:13:20,200
Speaker 4: I don't want that. Yeah, I don't want you to

1694
01:13:20,200 --> 01:13:21,479
Speaker 4: worship me. I don't want you to know.

1695
01:13:21,560 --> 01:13:24,080
Speaker 5: As soon as I drop one one one thing, you're like,

1696
01:13:24,120 --> 01:13:24,760
Speaker 5: oh you're not.

1697
01:13:24,720 --> 01:13:26,800
Speaker 1: There is a level of worship I want. I think

1698
01:13:26,840 --> 01:13:29,719
Speaker 1: it's just this concept of pedestal where I am higher

1699
01:13:29,760 --> 01:13:33,640
Speaker 1: than every other woman, every other person, like, no, I

1700
01:13:33,680 --> 01:13:37,280
Speaker 1: am the same, I am just your woman, like we

1701
01:13:37,280 --> 01:13:39,160
Speaker 1: we are s meant to be, Like you could worship

1702
01:13:39,160 --> 01:13:42,240
Speaker 1: me in that yeah, that way, but yeah, I totally

1703
01:13:42,320 --> 01:13:42,960
Speaker 1: get it.

1704
01:13:43,040 --> 01:13:46,680
Speaker 3: That was one of the other things my previous one

1705
01:13:46,680 --> 01:13:49,720
Speaker 3: of the relationships I was in. It was almost like

1706
01:13:50,479 --> 01:13:56,480
Speaker 3: he was amazed that I was even in his capacity

1707
01:13:56,600 --> 01:13:56,960
Speaker 3: like that.

1708
01:13:57,040 --> 01:13:59,479
Speaker 4: I was like almost like out of I was so

1709
01:13:59,520 --> 01:14:01,040
Speaker 4: far out of his league that once I was.

1710
01:14:01,200 --> 01:14:03,880
Speaker 3: With him, he just couldn't handle it and he just

1711
01:14:03,960 --> 01:14:06,360
Speaker 3: like didn't know what to do and he sabotaged at

1712
01:14:06,400 --> 01:14:08,679
Speaker 3: every corner, and then he made me feel like shit.

1713
01:14:08,800 --> 01:14:11,559
Speaker 3: And then because of how he used to treat other women,

1714
01:14:11,600 --> 01:14:14,000
Speaker 3: he didn't know how to treat somebody who was good,

1715
01:14:14,600 --> 01:14:17,400
Speaker 3: and it was just this whole It was this whole thing.

1716
01:14:17,520 --> 01:14:20,759
Speaker 3: Like I hope that he's grown since then.

1717
01:14:20,840 --> 01:14:21,519
Speaker 4: Like I hope.

1718
01:14:21,560 --> 01:14:25,160
Speaker 3: So I always hold the space. I'm not expecting anything,

1719
01:14:25,240 --> 01:14:27,320
Speaker 3: but I'm holding the space that they grow and they learn.

1720
01:14:28,240 --> 01:14:30,240
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've experienced this too, because I've

1721
01:14:30,280 --> 01:14:33,920
Speaker 1: I've experienced relationship like that too, where like the person

1722
01:14:34,360 --> 01:14:37,760
Speaker 1: couldn't believe that they got me, and it gave me

1723
01:14:37,800 --> 01:14:41,800
Speaker 1: a sense of safety almost like it made me feel like, Okay, well,

1724
01:14:41,840 --> 01:14:44,200
Speaker 1: now I know this person won't disrespect me, like I

1725
01:14:44,240 --> 01:14:47,360
Speaker 1: know this person will value me because they can't believe

1726
01:14:47,400 --> 01:14:49,840
Speaker 1: that they have me. And that's where we fuck up.

1727
01:14:50,479 --> 01:14:53,280
Speaker 1: They didn't because the fact that you thought you couldn't

1728
01:14:53,320 --> 01:14:56,320
Speaker 1: get me, you don't value yourself.

1729
01:14:55,960 --> 01:14:57,480
Speaker 2: That's a reflection.

1730
01:14:57,640 --> 01:14:59,799
Speaker 1: Inevitably that is going to show up in our relationship

1731
01:14:59,840 --> 01:15:02,960
Speaker 1: and and how you treat me. Yes, and it always does.

1732
01:15:03,800 --> 01:15:07,160
Speaker 5: Women forget about that, and I think men, we're just

1733
01:15:07,200 --> 01:15:07,800
Speaker 5: talking about this.

1734
01:15:07,840 --> 01:15:09,160
Speaker 2: It's like this idea.

1735
01:15:10,080 --> 01:15:14,320
Speaker 5: If the man hasn't done the work to value himself,

1736
01:15:14,960 --> 01:15:16,720
Speaker 5: then he is going when he put you on this

1737
01:15:16,760 --> 01:15:18,960
Speaker 5: pedestal and he looks at you, there is going to

1738
01:15:18,960 --> 01:15:19,799
Speaker 5: be something that happens.

1739
01:15:19,840 --> 01:15:21,600
Speaker 2: You're like, oh my god, I don't deserve this, and

1740
01:15:21,680 --> 01:15:23,360
Speaker 2: he's going to try and find a flaw in you.

1741
01:15:24,439 --> 01:15:28,200
Speaker 5: And then because he can't imagine that women overall can

1742
01:15:28,240 --> 01:15:32,000
Speaker 5: be this this or this that, And when you don't feel,

1743
01:15:32,240 --> 01:15:34,160
Speaker 5: when you don't feel like you're someone's equal or that

1744
01:15:34,200 --> 01:15:39,880
Speaker 5: you deserve them, then like inevitably you're trying to bring

1745
01:15:39,920 --> 01:15:40,599
Speaker 5: them down to.

1746
01:15:40,520 --> 01:15:42,839
Speaker 2: Where you believe, where you believe that you exist.

1747
01:15:43,000 --> 01:15:45,320
Speaker 5: And so, like you know, sometimes people like I think women.

1748
01:15:45,840 --> 01:15:48,120
Speaker 5: People tell women not to come off to confident or

1749
01:15:48,160 --> 01:15:49,559
Speaker 5: to like I love my fucking self.

1750
01:15:49,560 --> 01:15:51,439
Speaker 2: I'm the shit, I look bomb.

1751
01:15:51,520 --> 01:15:54,680
Speaker 5: My body's bomb, like I can make babies, like I

1752
01:15:54,720 --> 01:15:55,160
Speaker 5: can cook.

1753
01:15:55,200 --> 01:15:55,360
Speaker 2: You know.

1754
01:15:56,040 --> 01:15:59,000
Speaker 5: We're really like told to like take up less space

1755
01:15:59,439 --> 01:16:01,880
Speaker 5: while you're down ourselves, water ourselves.

1756
01:16:01,400 --> 01:16:02,080
Speaker 2: Down, you know.

1757
01:16:02,200 --> 01:16:05,160
Speaker 5: And I think for men, they if they don't, if

1758
01:16:05,200 --> 01:16:09,839
Speaker 5: they haven't had the time to really like feel truly

1759
01:16:09,920 --> 01:16:13,360
Speaker 5: like they deserve something of this level, then they, yeah,

1760
01:16:13,439 --> 01:16:16,040
Speaker 5: they start to become really mean.

1761
01:16:16,320 --> 01:16:17,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like yeah.

1762
01:16:17,600 --> 01:16:21,840
Speaker 3: Because they just don't they don't know how, they don't

1763
01:16:21,880 --> 01:16:24,280
Speaker 3: know how they got you, but they also don't know

1764
01:16:24,320 --> 01:16:24,599
Speaker 3: how to.

1765
01:16:24,520 --> 01:16:25,759
Speaker 4: Get themselves out of that space.

1766
01:16:25,800 --> 01:16:27,679
Speaker 3: And I think that's the other thing that I really

1767
01:16:29,160 --> 01:16:32,160
Speaker 3: what I was attracted to when I met Dana was

1768
01:16:32,400 --> 01:16:34,000
Speaker 3: he had been single for seven years.

1769
01:16:34,080 --> 01:16:36,120
Speaker 4: He was like, I don't need to do this.

1770
01:16:36,200 --> 01:16:38,360
Speaker 3: Not that not saying he was celibate, but he wasn't

1771
01:16:38,400 --> 01:16:41,400
Speaker 3: in a committed relationship because he knew himself and because

1772
01:16:41,400 --> 01:16:43,400
Speaker 3: he valued himself, because he had been in one that

1773
01:16:43,520 --> 01:16:47,920
Speaker 3: really messed him up, and he wanted to just live

1774
01:16:48,000 --> 01:16:52,679
Speaker 3: his life and have uh the best time living his life,

1775
01:16:52,720 --> 01:16:55,120
Speaker 3: you know, and I was like, I respect that because

1776
01:16:55,160 --> 01:16:58,479
Speaker 3: you knew yourself well enough to just take this road

1777
01:16:58,520 --> 01:17:01,280
Speaker 3: and this journey. He wasn't trying to fill himself up

1778
01:17:01,320 --> 01:17:04,720
Speaker 3: with other things. He knows what his value is. He's

1779
01:17:04,760 --> 01:17:09,360
Speaker 3: an amazing man, like he has some incredible ideas. He is,

1780
01:17:10,600 --> 01:17:14,599
Speaker 3: he's so fun, he's so beautiful. I just like look

1781
01:17:14,640 --> 01:17:18,240
Speaker 3: at him and I'm like, oh, but he's just he's beautiful,

1782
01:17:18,320 --> 01:17:23,040
Speaker 3: he's compassionate. He the way his mind works is just

1783
01:17:23,080 --> 01:17:25,360
Speaker 3: so intriguing to me. Sometimes I gotta be like, you

1784
01:17:25,400 --> 01:17:26,439
Speaker 3: gotta turn it off for a.

1785
01:17:26,479 --> 01:17:28,880
Speaker 4: Second, like I need a break. I don't want to

1786
01:17:28,920 --> 01:17:30,360
Speaker 4: be talking about this idea at seven am.

1787
01:17:30,439 --> 01:17:30,920
Speaker 1: I'm tired.

1788
01:17:30,960 --> 01:17:31,559
Speaker 2: It's his sign.

1789
01:17:31,840 --> 01:17:41,599
Speaker 3: He's a Taurus and my son oring the day before him. Yes, yes, yes,

1790
01:17:41,680 --> 01:17:44,559
Speaker 3: but but I appreciate it and I understand it because

1791
01:17:44,560 --> 01:17:46,880
Speaker 3: I'm a goat. So I don't know why I'm a

1792
01:17:46,920 --> 01:17:48,559
Speaker 3: sea goat though that doesn't make sense because I don't

1793
01:17:48,560 --> 01:17:50,200
Speaker 3: like the water like that. I like it for its

1794
01:17:50,200 --> 01:17:53,360
Speaker 3: purification process and to hydrate and moisturize.

1795
01:17:53,640 --> 01:17:55,599
Speaker 4: I don't want to go in the ocean. I'm good.

1796
01:17:55,760 --> 01:17:56,360
Speaker 4: It's scary.

1797
01:17:56,920 --> 01:17:57,639
Speaker 2: Only to get married.

1798
01:17:57,760 --> 01:17:57,960
Speaker 4: Yep.

1799
01:17:58,040 --> 01:18:00,519
Speaker 1: Only I was like right right here, right here.

1800
01:18:00,600 --> 01:18:02,599
Speaker 4: In my waist and the flamingo floating.

1801
01:18:02,640 --> 01:18:03,280
Speaker 1: I was good.

1802
01:18:04,439 --> 01:18:06,760
Speaker 3: But yeah, so I just I really respected that, and

1803
01:18:06,800 --> 01:18:09,040
Speaker 3: that was different than any other relationship I had been

1804
01:18:09,080 --> 01:18:11,160
Speaker 3: And they had previous relationships.

1805
01:18:11,200 --> 01:18:12,679
Speaker 4: They had come off as though they.

1806
01:18:12,560 --> 01:18:15,479
Speaker 3: Were confident, but really, really, when I look at it,

1807
01:18:15,560 --> 01:18:18,519
Speaker 3: I'm like, alpha, be careful.

1808
01:18:20,360 --> 01:18:21,080
Speaker 4: Really they were.

1809
01:18:21,240 --> 01:18:24,240
Speaker 3: And I guess the other thing too, was that they

1810
01:18:24,280 --> 01:18:25,839
Speaker 3: were also in the industry.

1811
01:18:25,920 --> 01:18:29,599
Speaker 4: I thought, I thought that if I was with somebody

1812
01:18:29,600 --> 01:18:31,920
Speaker 4: who did the same thing that I did, have an understanding,

1813
01:18:32,120 --> 01:18:33,160
Speaker 4: it would be easy to know.

1814
01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:36,599
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, it was almost worse because now

1815
01:18:36,640 --> 01:18:39,160
Speaker 3: everybody knows me. We have all these other people that

1816
01:18:39,200 --> 01:18:41,800
Speaker 3: are looking at me. They spent so much time looking

1817
01:18:41,800 --> 01:18:44,320
Speaker 3: at the other people looking at me that they weren't

1818
01:18:44,320 --> 01:18:45,479
Speaker 3: looking at me looking at them.

1819
01:18:46,479 --> 01:18:48,839
Speaker 4: About that, I was like, I'm here looking at you.

1820
01:18:48,840 --> 01:18:50,000
Speaker 4: You are the only person I see.

1821
01:18:50,000 --> 01:18:51,960
Speaker 3: And I'm also, like I said, I'm one hundred percent, like,

1822
01:18:52,000 --> 01:18:55,280
Speaker 3: there's no when I'm committed, there's no swaying. That's that's

1823
01:18:55,360 --> 01:18:59,000
Speaker 3: just not there's nothing you cannot there's nothing that anybody

1824
01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:03,280
Speaker 3: can do unless I've made that decision. And so I

1825
01:19:03,360 --> 01:19:04,320
Speaker 3: just didn't get that.

1826
01:19:04,479 --> 01:19:08,280
Speaker 4: I was like, I'm literally here next to you, like I'm.

1827
01:19:08,720 --> 01:19:11,880
Speaker 3: With you, but you're concerned about that dude over there

1828
01:19:13,280 --> 01:19:16,919
Speaker 3: who's not even over here talking to us, like he's.

1829
01:19:16,720 --> 01:19:19,280
Speaker 4: Just looking like you gotta know people are gonna look yeah,

1830
01:19:19,280 --> 01:19:19,679
Speaker 4: And I'm.

1831
01:19:19,560 --> 01:19:21,439
Speaker 3: Like, you do realize I was who That was the

1832
01:19:21,439 --> 01:19:24,519
Speaker 3: other thing I told Dana because once I once i'd

1833
01:19:24,560 --> 01:19:27,400
Speaker 3: been through those relationships and I had started going to therapy,

1834
01:19:27,479 --> 01:19:30,080
Speaker 3: I started doing work on myself. That was one of

1835
01:19:30,080 --> 01:19:31,559
Speaker 3: the first things I told me. I said, I am

1836
01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:32,000
Speaker 3: who I am.

1837
01:19:32,040 --> 01:19:32,479
Speaker 4: This is my job.

1838
01:19:32,520 --> 01:19:35,720
Speaker 3: I'm not changing it for anybody. I am who I am,

1839
01:19:35,800 --> 01:19:38,400
Speaker 3: and I will be this way if you date me

1840
01:19:38,520 --> 01:19:41,960
Speaker 3: or not. This is my life. People are gonna know me.

1841
01:19:42,240 --> 01:19:44,400
Speaker 3: Part of me belongs to the world. That's just that's

1842
01:19:44,439 --> 01:19:46,280
Speaker 3: just how it is. People are gonna look at me,

1843
01:19:46,280 --> 01:19:48,960
Speaker 3: people are gonna want my attention, people are gonna all

1844
01:19:49,000 --> 01:19:51,759
Speaker 3: these different things. You have to be okay with yourself

1845
01:19:51,800 --> 01:19:53,320
Speaker 3: to be able to deal with this because I'm not

1846
01:19:53,800 --> 01:19:56,800
Speaker 3: changing because I did not that I changed. I still

1847
01:19:56,800 --> 01:19:58,200
Speaker 3: did what I did, but I said no to a

1848
01:19:58,240 --> 01:19:59,080
Speaker 3: lot of things.

1849
01:19:58,800 --> 01:19:59,920
Speaker 2: To appease somebody.

1850
01:20:00,200 --> 01:20:03,040
Speaker 3: They're broken egos, and I just was like I'm not

1851
01:20:03,120 --> 01:20:05,280
Speaker 3: doing that again. I'm not gonna let you tell me

1852
01:20:05,600 --> 01:20:08,200
Speaker 3: who I can hang out with because we're not possessions.

1853
01:20:08,240 --> 01:20:10,800
Speaker 3: We are not things to be owned. Dana has his

1854
01:20:11,040 --> 01:20:13,120
Speaker 3: female friends, I have my male friends. I think it's

1855
01:20:13,160 --> 01:20:16,400
Speaker 3: completely healthy and there's nothing wrong with that. Like, there's

1856
01:20:16,400 --> 01:20:18,880
Speaker 3: no I'm also not a jealous person, Like until you

1857
01:20:18,880 --> 01:20:20,760
Speaker 3: give me a reason to either be jealous or to

1858
01:20:20,920 --> 01:20:23,559
Speaker 3: question you, I'm going to give you my trust. I'm

1859
01:20:23,560 --> 01:20:25,679
Speaker 3: going to hold that you are making the right decisions

1860
01:20:25,680 --> 01:20:29,439
Speaker 3: for yourself and you're respecting me in those spaces. If

1861
01:20:29,479 --> 01:20:31,439
Speaker 3: you show me that you're not, we'll address it then.

1862
01:20:32,400 --> 01:20:35,040
Speaker 3: But he I think it's very healthy for us to

1863
01:20:35,080 --> 01:20:37,680
Speaker 3: both have our friendships and relationships. And plus, I'm in

1864
01:20:37,680 --> 01:20:40,840
Speaker 3: a male dominated industry. I'm around men all the time,

1865
01:20:41,200 --> 01:20:45,200
Speaker 3: so this is a treat I am surrounded by men

1866
01:20:45,400 --> 01:20:48,360
Speaker 3: all the time. And I really respect Dana for that

1867
01:20:48,439 --> 01:20:50,559
Speaker 3: because he's really been able to just be like, yeah,

1868
01:20:50,600 --> 01:20:52,759
Speaker 3: go go ahead, you do what you need to do, and.

1869
01:20:52,680 --> 01:20:54,120
Speaker 4: He's uplifted me in the process.

1870
01:20:54,880 --> 01:20:57,639
Speaker 3: He I've never had somebody support me to the point

1871
01:20:57,720 --> 01:21:02,479
Speaker 3: where literally everything he does is to elevate me. I

1872
01:21:02,560 --> 01:21:05,360
Speaker 3: just I love you, I love you. I think you're

1873
01:21:05,400 --> 01:21:08,880
Speaker 3: the most amazing person on the planet. But he's always

1874
01:21:08,920 --> 01:21:11,400
Speaker 3: thinking about me, and that's something that I have to

1875
01:21:11,439 --> 01:21:13,800
Speaker 3: work on because I've only had to think about me

1876
01:21:13,880 --> 01:21:15,680
Speaker 3: for a really long time and all of my.

1877
01:21:15,680 --> 01:21:17,280
Speaker 4: Decisions and things like that.

1878
01:21:17,320 --> 01:21:18,519
Speaker 1: But I.

1879
01:21:20,240 --> 01:21:23,599
Speaker 3: Can I can come off very detached sometimes, not that

1880
01:21:23,640 --> 01:21:26,200
Speaker 3: I which is weird because I'm super empathetic and very

1881
01:21:26,200 --> 01:21:27,960
Speaker 3: in tune with my emotions, but I can come off

1882
01:21:28,000 --> 01:21:34,040
Speaker 3: really detached and just like okay, And so I have

1883
01:21:34,400 --> 01:21:41,000
Speaker 3: learned for myself to cultivate a better connection there with

1884
01:21:41,000 --> 01:21:42,479
Speaker 3: with Dana in that way.

1885
01:21:42,560 --> 01:21:44,680
Speaker 4: I really have to work on that.

1886
01:21:44,760 --> 01:21:47,040
Speaker 3: Like the same excitement that I would want him to

1887
01:21:47,080 --> 01:21:50,760
Speaker 3: show me, I have to do as well. And sometimes

1888
01:21:50,800 --> 01:21:52,760
Speaker 3: after DJ has been all over me all day and

1889
01:21:52,800 --> 01:21:54,880
Speaker 3: I'm touched out, like that's the last thing I want

1890
01:21:54,960 --> 01:21:55,439
Speaker 3: is to just be.

1891
01:21:55,479 --> 01:21:57,200
Speaker 4: Like you.

1892
01:21:59,160 --> 01:21:59,960
Speaker 2: Tell me your ideas.

1893
01:22:00,080 --> 01:22:00,599
Speaker 1: You're so smart.

1894
01:22:00,800 --> 01:22:05,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's just been so it's it's been interesting,

1895
01:22:05,439 --> 01:22:08,080
Speaker 3: Like I think, the ebb and flow of everything. I

1896
01:22:08,080 --> 01:22:10,120
Speaker 3: don't think I'm ever going to find a balance. Everybody

1897
01:22:10,160 --> 01:22:11,519
Speaker 3: always asks me, well, how do you balance?

1898
01:22:11,520 --> 01:22:12,280
Speaker 4: I'm like, I don't.

1899
01:22:12,400 --> 01:22:15,960
Speaker 1: That question is crazy. Yeah, I'm like, that question is crazy.

1900
01:22:16,880 --> 01:22:17,800
Speaker 1: Here's the blueprint.

1901
01:22:17,840 --> 01:22:18,479
Speaker 4: No, you can't.

1902
01:22:18,680 --> 01:22:21,200
Speaker 3: It's just some days it's seventy thirty. Some days it's

1903
01:22:21,200 --> 01:22:23,679
Speaker 3: one hundred percent just DJ. Some days it's one hundred

1904
01:22:23,680 --> 01:22:26,679
Speaker 3: percent just me. Some days it's one hundred percent into data.

1905
01:22:27,800 --> 01:22:30,400
Speaker 3: But there really isn't balance. And I think that's the

1906
01:22:30,400 --> 01:22:32,760
Speaker 3: cool thing about life, is the polarity and the duality

1907
01:22:32,800 --> 01:22:37,080
Speaker 3: of everything is you know, we just kind of life

1908
01:22:37,120 --> 01:22:41,880
Speaker 3: is happening for us, not to us. Yes, And I

1909
01:22:41,920 --> 01:22:43,840
Speaker 3: think that's a lesson too that I had to learn,

1910
01:22:43,960 --> 01:22:45,320
Speaker 3: because sometimes it's like, oh.

1911
01:22:45,120 --> 01:22:47,439
Speaker 4: Well, this is just the situation was so horrible and

1912
01:22:47,600 --> 01:22:50,080
Speaker 4: I can't believe they did that to me. But it wasn't.

1913
01:22:50,439 --> 01:22:53,280
Speaker 4: Looking back, I'm like, that was a protection, so.

1914
01:22:53,240 --> 01:22:54,559
Speaker 2: You wouldn't be doing so you wouldn't be an.

1915
01:22:55,400 --> 01:22:57,960
Speaker 4: I cannot tell you how. I just got goosebumps.

1916
01:22:57,960 --> 01:23:01,920
Speaker 3: I've been protected so much at my angels, my ancestors, God,

1917
01:23:01,960 --> 01:23:03,639
Speaker 3: the Source, the Creator has.

1918
01:23:03,520 --> 01:23:04,760
Speaker 4: Been looking out for your girl.

1919
01:23:04,800 --> 01:23:08,240
Speaker 3: Okay, because there have been plenty of times where I

1920
01:23:08,360 --> 01:23:10,080
Speaker 3: wanted it to be a yes so badly, whether it

1921
01:23:10,120 --> 01:23:14,439
Speaker 3: was a relationship or a role or the label or

1922
01:23:14,479 --> 01:23:16,960
Speaker 3: whatever it was, and it was a big fat no

1923
01:23:17,880 --> 01:23:21,440
Speaker 3: or big fat warning sign, and I was completely protected

1924
01:23:21,479 --> 01:23:24,240
Speaker 3: from the aftermath of what happened when I look at

1925
01:23:24,280 --> 01:23:25,840
Speaker 3: it from the outside.

1926
01:23:25,640 --> 01:23:27,320
Speaker 6: Thinking that it was a no, but it was a

1927
01:23:27,360 --> 01:23:30,920
Speaker 6: reroun yes, yeah, no, it was a nope plot twist

1928
01:23:31,479 --> 01:23:35,680
Speaker 6: yes no. And and here's what you're actually deserve and

1929
01:23:35,720 --> 01:23:36,639
Speaker 6: what you want yep.

1930
01:23:36,520 --> 01:23:39,720
Speaker 3: No dot dot dot. The ellipsis no, here's more. This

1931
01:23:39,760 --> 01:23:42,120
Speaker 3: is this is what you're gonna do. So I don't know,

1932
01:23:42,200 --> 01:23:47,640
Speaker 3: it's been, it's been interesting, it's never it's it's always going.

1933
01:23:47,560 --> 01:23:48,120
Speaker 1: Never ending.

1934
01:23:48,439 --> 01:23:51,720
Speaker 3: I guess it's an ongoing journey of like discovery.

1935
01:23:51,880 --> 01:23:53,080
Speaker 1: I can sit here and talk to you forever.

1936
01:23:53,320 --> 01:23:56,360
Speaker 4: I know me too, but we can't.

1937
01:23:57,680 --> 01:23:59,040
Speaker 1: But we can.

1938
01:23:59,200 --> 01:24:00,360
Speaker 4: We can, Okay, before we.

1939
01:24:00,360 --> 01:24:02,320
Speaker 1: Get out of here. Two things. I want to play

1940
01:24:02,360 --> 01:24:05,599
Speaker 1: a game with you. Okay. It's called Trigger. Oh great, okay,

1941
01:24:06,320 --> 01:24:09,000
Speaker 1: And it's a game we play with our guests. And basically,

1942
01:24:09,240 --> 01:24:11,080
Speaker 1: I say a word and you say the first thing

1943
01:24:11,080 --> 01:24:13,280
Speaker 1: that comes to your mind. Don't overthink it.

1944
01:24:13,360 --> 01:24:14,960
Speaker 4: Okay, damn you know me.

1945
01:24:15,760 --> 01:24:16,759
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be like wait.

1946
01:24:19,160 --> 01:24:20,920
Speaker 1: And try to just you can say more than one word,

1947
01:24:20,920 --> 01:24:22,040
Speaker 1: but try to keep it in one word.

1948
01:24:23,240 --> 01:24:33,880
Speaker 3: Bad habits, oh overeating, marriage, challenging, motherhood also challenging monogamy.

1949
01:24:34,720 --> 01:24:40,080
Speaker 3: Easy cannabis love it, black women love them?

1950
01:24:40,200 --> 01:24:42,320
Speaker 1: Yes, purity ring.

1951
01:24:43,479 --> 01:24:46,000
Speaker 4: Uh, I don't have one anymore.

1952
01:24:48,360 --> 01:24:50,680
Speaker 2: I don't know what graduated, it's gone graduated.

1953
01:24:51,920 --> 01:24:52,400
Speaker 1: Religion?

1954
01:24:53,160 --> 01:25:04,599
Speaker 4: Uh boxes anal? I mean, I mean I'm always done

1955
01:25:04,600 --> 01:25:05,080
Speaker 4: to explore.

1956
01:25:05,160 --> 01:25:12,680
Speaker 1: Okay, boxers or briefs. Uh, briefs turn on? Wait what

1957
01:25:12,760 --> 01:25:13,360
Speaker 1: does it turn on?

1958
01:25:13,680 --> 01:25:13,880
Speaker 3: Oh?

1959
01:25:13,920 --> 01:25:14,920
Speaker 4: Oh what is a turn on?

1960
01:25:15,439 --> 01:25:19,799
Speaker 3: Uh? Please, I'm a savio sexual. Just please stimulate my mind.

1961
01:25:20,240 --> 01:25:24,599
Speaker 1: Turn off? Oh fuck?

1962
01:25:24,680 --> 01:25:26,320
Speaker 4: How do I don't know how to word this?

1963
01:25:26,760 --> 01:25:36,000
Speaker 3: Uh? Turn off would probably be ooh bad bad bad

1964
01:25:36,080 --> 01:25:37,439
Speaker 3: dental oral hygiene.

1965
01:25:37,520 --> 01:25:39,400
Speaker 2: Ooh girl, that's a good one.

1966
01:25:39,920 --> 01:25:48,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, something we're all triggered down. Mushrooms love them? Hey, hey,

1967
01:25:49,240 --> 01:25:53,640
Speaker 1: pregnancy one and done. Favorite porn category.

1968
01:25:54,880 --> 01:25:56,080
Speaker 4: I don't have one.

1969
01:25:56,280 --> 01:25:58,320
Speaker 1: You watch porn? Have you ever watched born?

1970
01:25:58,640 --> 01:26:03,760
Speaker 4: Yeah? But I'm not like looking in Yeah. Yeah, I

1971
01:26:03,840 --> 01:26:05,120
Speaker 4: don't know. I guess I don't know.

1972
01:26:05,280 --> 01:26:07,599
Speaker 1: I have no idea favorite sex position.

1973
01:26:08,680 --> 01:26:11,280
Speaker 4: Oh, I have one, but I don't know the name

1974
01:26:11,320 --> 01:26:12,080
Speaker 4: of it because it's new.

1975
01:26:13,240 --> 01:26:14,320
Speaker 2: I just explained it.

1976
01:26:14,400 --> 01:26:15,080
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1977
01:26:15,120 --> 01:26:17,559
Speaker 3: So the guy is laying down and then the girl

1978
01:26:17,840 --> 01:26:22,799
Speaker 3: is It's almost like reverse cowgirl, but not center like one.

1979
01:26:22,720 --> 01:26:25,000
Speaker 5: Leg, yeah, that one, like the one like one on

1980
01:26:25,000 --> 01:26:27,040
Speaker 5: the side.

1981
01:26:26,640 --> 01:26:28,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you can kind of get that booty like

1982
01:26:29,200 --> 01:26:29,960
Speaker 1: that side booty.

1983
01:26:31,000 --> 01:26:36,120
Speaker 4: It's amazing. I'm like, big, can we do the can we.

1984
01:26:34,960 --> 01:26:38,479
Speaker 1: Please with the reverse one like cowgirl whatever.

1985
01:26:41,040 --> 01:26:43,360
Speaker 3: Then they can turn too, so they have the so

1986
01:26:43,400 --> 01:26:45,880
Speaker 3: he could like get on his side and you can.

1987
01:26:45,840 --> 01:26:51,200
Speaker 1: Really get in there. Biggest insecurity probably my stomach to

1988
01:26:52,320 --> 01:26:55,040
Speaker 1: me too, girl pregnancy. I think I've always like not

1989
01:26:55,200 --> 01:26:58,200
Speaker 1: loved my stomach, but then after pregnancy, I gained seventy

1990
01:26:58,240 --> 01:27:00,200
Speaker 1: pounds in my pregnancy. I don't know, I know, it's

1991
01:27:00,200 --> 01:27:06,000
Speaker 1: crazy and it's it's just like it's just never the same. Yeah.

1992
01:27:06,680 --> 01:27:11,160
Speaker 3: I mean, I appreciate my how powerful my body is

1993
01:27:11,200 --> 01:27:13,960
Speaker 3: to have like done that, but I'm like, hey, can

1994
01:27:14,000 --> 01:27:15,479
Speaker 3: you just you know, do me a little favor and

1995
01:27:15,680 --> 01:27:16,760
Speaker 3: stop jiggling so much?

1996
01:27:16,840 --> 01:27:19,439
Speaker 1: I know, I was like still, but if I need

1997
01:27:19,479 --> 01:27:21,760
Speaker 1: to get this cut open and stretched out like this,

1998
01:27:21,800 --> 01:27:22,439
Speaker 1: he'll like grab it.

1999
01:27:22,479 --> 01:27:24,400
Speaker 4: And I said, you did that, and he's like I

2000
01:27:24,400 --> 01:27:26,160
Speaker 4: did to say, yeah, my belly was out to hear.

2001
01:27:26,640 --> 01:27:28,760
Speaker 3: He's the only person that I let do that. I've

2002
01:27:28,760 --> 01:27:31,120
Speaker 3: been so sensitive about my stomach for such a long time.

2003
01:27:31,120 --> 01:27:34,719
Speaker 3: That like anybody touches it, and I'm like, even my husband,

2004
01:27:34,760 --> 01:27:35,360
Speaker 3: I'm trying not to.

2005
01:27:35,439 --> 01:27:36,439
Speaker 4: I'm trying not to him like.

2006
01:27:37,560 --> 01:27:40,120
Speaker 1: Some mirror You gotta do some mirror work me too,

2007
01:27:40,280 --> 01:27:42,639
Speaker 1: because I go my sometimes when I'm like lower weight

2008
01:27:42,640 --> 01:27:44,040
Speaker 1: than I'm like, okay, it's cute, and then I gave

2009
01:27:44,080 --> 01:27:45,880
Speaker 1: five pounds, like I hate it again and like I

2010
01:27:45,920 --> 01:27:48,080
Speaker 1: can't do this to myself. Yeah, to stop, and I'm

2011
01:27:48,080 --> 01:27:50,280
Speaker 1: not going to get a tummy tuck, so just shut up.

2012
01:27:50,360 --> 01:27:51,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's not happening.

2013
01:27:51,280 --> 01:27:54,360
Speaker 3: If we if well surgery for if we needed, but

2014
01:27:54,400 --> 01:27:56,200
Speaker 3: if we were meant to have it, we'd have zippers.

2015
01:27:56,200 --> 01:27:58,600
Speaker 4: I think zippers. Zippers. Yeah, we were meant to go

2016
01:27:58,680 --> 01:27:59,040
Speaker 4: all up.

2017
01:27:58,960 --> 01:28:01,559
Speaker 3: In there and it would be easy, right, Yeah, we

2018
01:28:01,640 --> 01:28:03,400
Speaker 3: just we already have zippers on our bible.

2019
01:28:04,720 --> 01:28:06,479
Speaker 1: I'm not mad about not having zippers on my titties.

2020
01:28:06,479 --> 01:28:08,240
Speaker 1: I definitely cut these open again and do it again.

2021
01:28:09,040 --> 01:28:10,080
Speaker 4: I don't want zippers there either.

2022
01:28:11,360 --> 01:28:12,599
Speaker 1: He's the best and best one I ever made.

2023
01:28:13,479 --> 01:28:14,240
Speaker 4: They are beautiful.

2024
01:28:14,439 --> 01:28:22,040
Speaker 1: Thank you, Doctor Laverson in San Diego.

2025
01:28:19,320 --> 01:28:24,360
Speaker 4: Oh No, I don't like to share.

2026
01:28:25,000 --> 01:28:27,920
Speaker 1: She's selfish. I'm just kidding.

2027
01:28:28,120 --> 01:28:29,160
Speaker 4: I do not like to share.

2028
01:28:29,280 --> 01:28:31,639
Speaker 1: I feel you girl, last, but not least.

2029
01:28:31,680 --> 01:28:37,880
Speaker 4: Biggest regret, biggest regret.

2030
01:28:38,720 --> 01:28:42,440
Speaker 3: That's actually a really good question because I I don't really.

2031
01:28:43,680 --> 01:28:47,080
Speaker 4: Regret anything in my life.

2032
01:28:48,640 --> 01:28:51,760
Speaker 3: Mate, Well, I do regret yelling at this girl named

2033
01:28:51,800 --> 01:28:53,360
Speaker 3: Kelly when I was in the fifth grade.

2034
01:28:54,000 --> 01:28:55,800
Speaker 5: Oh my god, you have to be a cancer somewhere

2035
01:28:55,800 --> 01:28:57,840
Speaker 5: in your chart, girl, because the way you just remember.

2036
01:28:57,560 --> 01:29:00,400
Speaker 2: That, Kelly, you hear this, Kelly, I know, I don't

2037
01:29:00,400 --> 01:29:00,920
Speaker 2: really sorry.

2038
01:29:01,000 --> 01:29:03,160
Speaker 3: I will never forget it, though, because I'm not really

2039
01:29:03,200 --> 01:29:06,599
Speaker 3: a yellow like that, and and it was just I

2040
01:29:06,720 --> 01:29:10,040
Speaker 3: was so irritated and I yelled so loud in her face,

2041
01:29:10,080 --> 01:29:12,360
Speaker 3: and I told her that no one liked her, and

2042
01:29:12,360 --> 01:29:15,760
Speaker 3: and I've never forgotten that. So I'm sorry you're at

2043
01:29:15,880 --> 01:29:19,280
Speaker 3: I'm like, I still remember, Like that makes my stomach

2044
01:29:19,320 --> 01:29:20,479
Speaker 3: hurt like thinking about it.

2045
01:29:20,640 --> 01:29:26,719
Speaker 4: So yeah, I would say that. And then biggest regret.

2046
01:29:27,800 --> 01:29:29,360
Speaker 4: I don't really have a major.

2047
01:29:29,080 --> 01:29:31,679
Speaker 3: One, Like I don't have any There's no like regret

2048
01:29:31,760 --> 01:29:34,240
Speaker 3: that was like life changing, if if that makes sense.

2049
01:29:34,240 --> 01:29:35,200
Speaker 4: So I don't really have one.

2050
01:29:35,479 --> 01:29:37,360
Speaker 1: Good Yeah, I think I think it's I think it's

2051
01:29:37,400 --> 01:29:40,240
Speaker 1: best to live life without regrets, or at least lead

2052
01:29:40,280 --> 01:29:40,519
Speaker 1: with me.

2053
01:29:41,040 --> 01:29:42,599
Speaker 4: I can't do anything that can't change anything.

2054
01:29:42,840 --> 01:29:46,240
Speaker 5: That was my high school senior quote regrets, no regret,

2055
01:29:46,280 --> 01:29:47,120
Speaker 5: no regrets.

2056
01:29:47,160 --> 01:29:50,439
Speaker 2: I was I was the early yellow. Let's go.

2057
01:29:54,360 --> 01:29:57,200
Speaker 1: There. So we usually ask our guests if they have

2058
01:29:57,960 --> 01:30:00,320
Speaker 1: a whorri we have a segment on our taro.

2059
01:30:00,400 --> 01:30:03,160
Speaker 5: First tell her so then she can have time to

2060
01:30:03,200 --> 01:30:05,040
Speaker 5: think about it, and then I'll do the taro and

2061
01:30:05,120 --> 01:30:06,639
Speaker 5: then we'll do the horri for after.

2062
01:30:06,840 --> 01:30:09,679
Speaker 1: Okay, So a horror story is a hotel like whether

2063
01:30:09,680 --> 01:30:12,200
Speaker 1: that's with your husband or a previous partner or whatever,

2064
01:30:12,280 --> 01:30:15,759
Speaker 1: something that's either hi on the host scale, the host scale,

2065
01:30:15,840 --> 01:30:20,560
Speaker 1: sexy little sexy sex story, or maybe something that was

2066
01:30:20,600 --> 01:30:23,760
Speaker 1: like really embarrassing, like we have one recently. That is

2067
01:30:23,920 --> 01:30:26,040
Speaker 1: if you're on Patreon, which you should subscribe to Patreon.

2068
01:30:26,120 --> 01:30:28,040
Speaker 2: Right the fuck now, please don't repeat that story.

2069
01:30:28,400 --> 01:30:30,160
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna repeat it. I'm going to make them

2070
01:30:30,160 --> 01:30:34,000
Speaker 1: go to Patreon. There's a little nasty little story that

2071
01:30:34,040 --> 01:30:36,479
Speaker 1: we shared on Patreon. It's actually in audio form, which

2072
01:30:36,520 --> 01:30:39,400
Speaker 1: is even fucking better. I'm gonna start making people submit

2073
01:30:39,560 --> 01:30:43,760
Speaker 1: through audio like the story was wow, I mean, I'm

2074
01:30:43,800 --> 01:30:44,240
Speaker 1: grossed up.

2075
01:30:44,360 --> 01:30:47,240
Speaker 2: It could even be gross. It could be surprisingly like scary.

2076
01:30:47,240 --> 01:30:48,599
Speaker 2: It could be like oh, that was.

2077
01:30:48,880 --> 01:30:51,920
Speaker 5: That was a whole highlight time and I really appreciate that.

2078
01:30:53,520 --> 01:30:57,160
Speaker 1: So if you sorry, and yeah, think about it.

2079
01:30:57,160 --> 01:30:59,759
Speaker 4: If you're gonna be my version of a hot yeah.

2080
01:30:59,840 --> 01:31:03,479
Speaker 2: There's no judgment whatever level you're at. Okay, we welcome

2081
01:31:03,520 --> 01:31:04,280
Speaker 2: all the stories.

2082
01:31:05,760 --> 01:31:08,160
Speaker 5: But in the meantime, I know we when we started

2083
01:31:08,200 --> 01:31:11,200
Speaker 5: the show, we let you you chose a tarot card

2084
01:31:11,640 --> 01:31:13,040
Speaker 5: and you got the Ninus Swords.

2085
01:31:13,040 --> 01:31:14,280
Speaker 4: And I've never done this before.

2086
01:31:14,320 --> 01:31:17,559
Speaker 2: Actually, I'm very yeah, I'm very intrigued to see. Well,

2087
01:31:17,560 --> 01:31:19,400
Speaker 2: you can let us know if it resonates with with you.

2088
01:31:19,439 --> 01:31:20,200
Speaker 2: It usually does.

2089
01:31:21,040 --> 01:31:23,240
Speaker 5: And when you looked at it, you seem like the imagery,

2090
01:31:23,640 --> 01:31:24,960
Speaker 5: it's like, can we hold.

2091
01:31:24,760 --> 01:31:26,200
Speaker 4: It up so they can see what I picked.

2092
01:31:26,240 --> 01:31:28,400
Speaker 5: It's like a woman or man sitting up in the bed,

2093
01:31:28,520 --> 01:31:31,240
Speaker 5: like look like very it's me.

2094
01:31:34,280 --> 01:31:35,720
Speaker 2: They look a little distraught.

2095
01:31:36,560 --> 01:31:38,800
Speaker 4: Just a little bit. Okay, okay, So what does it

2096
01:31:38,880 --> 01:31:40,320
Speaker 4: mean upright?

2097
01:31:40,360 --> 01:31:43,600
Speaker 5: It means there's anxiety, worry, fear, nightmares.

2098
01:31:46,320 --> 01:31:47,479
Speaker 2: Let's see, let's see.

2099
01:31:47,560 --> 01:31:50,679
Speaker 5: The Ninos Swords suggests that dark thoughts are disturbing feelings,

2100
01:31:50,720 --> 01:31:52,760
Speaker 5: are weighing you down and keeping you up at night.

2101
01:31:53,080 --> 01:31:55,960
Speaker 5: You are worrying excessively about a situation, and your negative

2102
01:31:55,960 --> 01:31:58,639
Speaker 5: thoughts are getting the better of you, leaving you stressed

2103
01:31:58,640 --> 01:32:00,920
Speaker 5: and anxious. The more you see sciate with your fears,

2104
01:32:00,920 --> 01:32:03,679
Speaker 5: the more they will rule your life. As you obsess

2105
01:32:03,760 --> 01:32:06,280
Speaker 5: over what's not working, the more anxious you become, and

2106
01:32:06,320 --> 01:32:09,400
Speaker 5: the more you will worry. It becomes a negative cycle

2107
01:32:09,400 --> 01:32:11,880
Speaker 5: where one awful thought leads to another, and another and

2108
01:32:11,960 --> 01:32:13,639
Speaker 5: another until they overwhelm you.

2109
01:32:13,760 --> 01:32:15,320
Speaker 1: This is I also resonate with this.

2110
01:32:16,520 --> 01:32:18,679
Speaker 5: Just as the Nine of Swords are stacked upon each

2111
01:32:18,720 --> 01:32:22,240
Speaker 5: other each other on the wall, so too are your

2112
01:32:22,240 --> 01:32:25,720
Speaker 5: negative thoughts. Be careful because the fear and worry in

2113
01:32:25,760 --> 01:32:29,120
Speaker 5: the Nine of Swords can become sorry. It can become

2114
01:32:29,120 --> 01:32:32,120
Speaker 5: a self fulfilling prophecy. As you obsessed over what you

2115
01:32:32,320 --> 01:32:34,479
Speaker 5: may what may go wrong, you are more likely to

2116
01:32:34,560 --> 01:32:38,880
Speaker 5: manifest your worst case scenario because you are inadvertently acting

2117
01:32:38,920 --> 01:32:42,920
Speaker 5: in ways that support your negative thoughts. You feel like

2118
01:32:42,960 --> 01:32:47,720
Speaker 5: this is resonating with you what you think the more

2119
01:32:47,760 --> 01:32:52,480
Speaker 5: you're my phone died?

2120
01:32:54,720 --> 01:32:55,519
Speaker 2: This is this is what.

2121
01:32:55,400 --> 01:33:01,040
Speaker 5: Happens when your tarot in training and you rely on

2122
01:33:01,080 --> 01:33:01,639
Speaker 5: Biddy Tara.

2123
01:33:02,240 --> 01:33:05,360
Speaker 1: Honestly, I mean I think I that wait, wait when

2124
01:33:05,400 --> 01:33:07,120
Speaker 1: the Nine of Swords appears in a reading, it is

2125
01:33:07,160 --> 01:33:08,400
Speaker 1: time to reach out for help.

2126
01:33:08,640 --> 01:33:09,759
Speaker 4: Oh help me, Jesus.

2127
01:33:10,600 --> 01:33:13,719
Speaker 1: I did, Yeah, you did, you did.

2128
01:33:14,320 --> 01:33:14,920
Speaker 4: Yeah.

2129
01:33:15,120 --> 01:33:17,200
Speaker 1: You don't need to do this alone. You don't. You

2130
01:33:17,240 --> 01:33:19,120
Speaker 1: have a group of women that are waiting to embrace

2131
01:33:19,160 --> 01:33:21,160
Speaker 1: you and list the support of others to help you

2132
01:33:21,200 --> 01:33:23,479
Speaker 1: get through the dark period of your life. Others will

2133
01:33:23,479 --> 01:33:24,840
Speaker 1: help you see the light at the end of the

2134
01:33:24,840 --> 01:33:27,000
Speaker 1: tunnel and lead you towards a solution or a sense

2135
01:33:27,040 --> 01:33:29,840
Speaker 1: of peace. Despite your troubles. You are struggling to look

2136
01:33:29,920 --> 01:33:33,280
Speaker 1: at your situation clearly as you are plagued by negative thoughts,

2137
01:33:33,360 --> 01:33:36,519
Speaker 1: so having an objective, third party perspective will help you

2138
01:33:36,560 --> 01:33:40,840
Speaker 1: find your way out. Yes, Oh, there is light at

2139
01:33:40,840 --> 01:33:41,719
Speaker 1: the end of the tunnel.

2140
01:33:41,960 --> 01:33:44,040
Speaker 3: Well, I definitely relate to it because, like I was

2141
01:33:44,080 --> 01:33:46,920
Speaker 3: talking about with my project, I'm we're like in the

2142
01:33:46,960 --> 01:33:49,000
Speaker 3: middle of it, and I'm just like, I really want

2143
01:33:49,080 --> 01:33:51,000
Speaker 3: this to work, like it has to work, and I

2144
01:33:51,040 --> 01:33:52,680
Speaker 3: want it to work. And I think that's where my

2145
01:33:52,760 --> 01:33:55,559
Speaker 3: thoughts start to spiral because of the experiences I've had before,

2146
01:33:55,720 --> 01:33:56,439
Speaker 3: like the what ifs.

2147
01:33:56,600 --> 01:33:58,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I'm trying.

2148
01:33:58,360 --> 01:34:00,759
Speaker 3: To shift it because somebody just asked me a question

2149
01:34:00,880 --> 01:34:04,240
Speaker 3: the other day for advice and she was like, well,

2150
01:34:04,280 --> 01:34:06,000
Speaker 3: how do I go about putting this music out?

2151
01:34:06,040 --> 01:34:07,200
Speaker 4: It's very vulnerable. I'm scared.

2152
01:34:07,240 --> 01:34:08,960
Speaker 3: And I said, well, you have to shift your thoughts

2153
01:34:09,040 --> 01:34:11,519
Speaker 3: from what if it sucks and what if people hate

2154
01:34:11,560 --> 01:34:13,800
Speaker 3: it to but what if it's great? What if they

2155
01:34:13,920 --> 01:34:16,599
Speaker 3: love it? And so I have to do that for myself.

2156
01:34:16,640 --> 01:34:21,599
Speaker 3: And I think the stress also comes from, like, I mean,

2157
01:34:22,920 --> 01:34:25,880
Speaker 3: it's my livelihood, you know, so if it doesn't work,

2158
01:34:26,000 --> 01:34:29,439
Speaker 3: I have to like not scramble. But I'm grateful that

2159
01:34:29,520 --> 01:34:33,639
Speaker 3: I have the opportunities to do other things like act

2160
01:34:33,720 --> 01:34:37,559
Speaker 3: and host and do all those other things. But when

2161
01:34:37,560 --> 01:34:39,920
Speaker 3: the music is working, everything else is really working. So

2162
01:34:40,000 --> 01:34:41,240
Speaker 3: I really need this to work.

2163
01:34:42,120 --> 01:34:42,360
Speaker 2: Yeah.

2164
01:34:43,360 --> 01:34:46,479
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is my passion. That's true. That's definitely true.

2165
01:34:46,520 --> 01:34:48,479
Speaker 3: It is my passion. I have to sing. I want

2166
01:34:48,520 --> 01:34:50,800
Speaker 3: to sing. I want to be on stage. And I

2167
01:34:50,840 --> 01:34:54,240
Speaker 3: think where the fear comes in is because the landscape

2168
01:34:54,280 --> 01:34:56,960
Speaker 3: has changed so much since even the last time I

2169
01:34:57,000 --> 01:34:59,360
Speaker 3: put out music, like I put out a little EP,

2170
01:34:59,560 --> 01:35:01,679
Speaker 3: I put out Christmas album and an EP and twenty

2171
01:35:01,720 --> 01:35:05,280
Speaker 3: twenty and it's changed even from that time, And I'm like,

2172
01:35:06,000 --> 01:35:11,960
Speaker 3: is this new landscape gonna accept this music? Yes, it

2173
01:35:12,040 --> 01:35:13,920
Speaker 3: is the majority, but I guess when I'm sleeping, all

2174
01:35:13,960 --> 01:35:15,080
Speaker 3: those subconscious thoughts come out.

2175
01:35:15,080 --> 01:35:18,559
Speaker 4: Because I had the craziest nightmare, Like last week.

2176
01:35:18,640 --> 01:35:22,720
Speaker 3: I woke up in a I was sweating, I was panicked.

2177
01:35:23,080 --> 01:35:25,080
Speaker 3: I looked back and Dana was there, and I was like,

2178
01:35:25,800 --> 01:35:29,559
Speaker 3: it was so real, it was so real, and.

2179
01:35:29,520 --> 01:35:31,559
Speaker 1: So yeah, so this card really does resonate.

2180
01:35:31,680 --> 01:35:33,880
Speaker 4: Yes, And I'm very excited for our trip.

2181
01:35:35,360 --> 01:35:37,720
Speaker 3: I'm very excited for our trip. I need women, I

2182
01:35:37,800 --> 01:35:40,320
Speaker 3: need time to myself. I'm very excited.

2183
01:35:40,640 --> 01:35:42,640
Speaker 1: Yes, And this episode's gonna come out in July, so

2184
01:35:42,680 --> 01:35:44,479
Speaker 1: you'll already have been on the trip. But just you

2185
01:35:44,520 --> 01:35:46,599
Speaker 1: guys know, Jordan's might be there right now. Jordan's she's

2186
01:35:46,600 --> 01:35:49,360
Speaker 1: probably there right now. She's in Mexico. Geordan's joining us

2187
01:35:49,400 --> 01:35:50,920
Speaker 1: on the Good Vibra Tree. And I'm just so excited

2188
01:35:50,960 --> 01:35:54,960
Speaker 1: to create spaces for women, for all women, because we

2189
01:35:55,000 --> 01:35:57,200
Speaker 1: do need those spaces. We need places and spaces to

2190
01:35:57,240 --> 01:36:03,559
Speaker 1: feel like safe. Human human unplug not be needed, not

2191
01:36:03,800 --> 01:36:06,599
Speaker 1: especially if you are a natural. If you're a natural,

2192
01:36:06,600 --> 01:36:10,120
Speaker 1: instinct is to pour into everyone. You sometimes have to

2193
01:36:10,160 --> 01:36:14,080
Speaker 1: remove yourself from the pouring place. Oh, I know you

2194
01:36:14,240 --> 01:36:17,840
Speaker 1: have to, or you can't physically do it. So it's just.

2195
01:36:17,760 --> 01:36:21,080
Speaker 3: Because I will always go and sit back down, even

2196
01:36:21,160 --> 01:36:25,080
Speaker 3: if I'm dragging mommy sit with Okay, yeah, okay, I

2197
01:36:25,120 --> 01:36:27,400
Speaker 3: will and I think that's important. But at the same time,

2198
01:36:27,520 --> 01:36:31,080
Speaker 3: like I definitely have to be gone, like out of.

2199
01:36:31,479 --> 01:36:33,840
Speaker 2: You've got to say, yes, I have to be gone,

2200
01:36:33,960 --> 01:36:34,759
Speaker 2: out of the country.

2201
01:36:34,920 --> 01:36:37,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, And Dana, the amazing thing was I showed it

2202
01:36:37,280 --> 01:36:38,519
Speaker 3: to him and I was like showing the thing.

2203
01:36:38,560 --> 01:36:40,200
Speaker 4: I said, Babe, look at this. Doesn't this sound amazing?

2204
01:36:40,280 --> 01:36:41,479
Speaker 4: He was like, I want to go. I said, nope,

2205
01:36:42,000 --> 01:36:44,920
Speaker 4: not you, No, no, just for me. And I was like, so.

2206
01:36:45,080 --> 01:36:48,360
Speaker 3: Cause we you know, he actually is my he is

2207
01:36:48,439 --> 01:36:50,720
Speaker 3: managing me at the time now and he's also my

2208
01:36:50,760 --> 01:36:54,240
Speaker 3: an R, so we also work together. And so scheduling,

2209
01:36:54,320 --> 01:36:56,400
Speaker 3: I had to be like, do we have these days open?

2210
01:36:56,439 --> 01:36:57,800
Speaker 3: And he was like yeah, And I was like, okay,

2211
01:36:57,800 --> 01:37:00,559
Speaker 3: I'm taking them. Don't book anything, I don't care what

2212
01:37:00,600 --> 01:37:02,760
Speaker 3: comes in. I'm this is what I'm doing. I was like,

2213
01:37:02,760 --> 01:37:05,439
Speaker 3: all right, and so I just to be sure yesterday

2214
01:37:05,520 --> 01:37:08,240
Speaker 3: was like, so are we good? And he was like, Babe,

2215
01:37:08,280 --> 01:37:10,400
Speaker 3: I really just you need to just do it, just

2216
01:37:10,439 --> 01:37:13,360
Speaker 3: buy it, just go because he knows and I'm actually

2217
01:37:13,400 --> 01:37:16,320
Speaker 3: grateful because I'm the one that's like I will be

2218
01:37:16,360 --> 01:37:18,080
Speaker 3: the one like, Nope, I gotta stay here, I gotta

2219
01:37:18,120 --> 01:37:19,479
Speaker 3: do this, I gotta do this. And Dane's like, can

2220
01:37:19,520 --> 01:37:20,719
Speaker 3: you go hang out with some friends?

2221
01:37:21,439 --> 01:37:21,920
Speaker 4: Like can you go?

2222
01:37:21,960 --> 01:37:23,560
Speaker 3: Because he'll go on guys trips all the time, and

2223
01:37:23,600 --> 01:37:25,600
Speaker 3: I have no problem with him, like go ahead, like

2224
01:37:25,720 --> 01:37:26,719
Speaker 3: please have a good time.

2225
01:37:26,760 --> 01:37:28,160
Speaker 4: But I won't do it for myself.

2226
01:37:28,280 --> 01:37:31,360
Speaker 3: So I'm grateful that I have that he can see

2227
01:37:31,360 --> 01:37:32,639
Speaker 3: that I need it.

2228
01:37:32,760 --> 01:37:36,639
Speaker 1: Well, congratulations on choosing yourself and doing that, and hopefully

2229
01:37:36,680 --> 01:37:40,280
Speaker 1: you'll even get more clarity and peace around releasing some

2230
01:37:40,360 --> 01:37:46,080
Speaker 1: of these feelings and ideas that this card holds. Well,

2231
01:37:46,160 --> 01:37:46,879
Speaker 1: this was beautiful.

2232
01:37:46,960 --> 01:37:48,719
Speaker 2: Well wait, wait did you think of that hard? Oh shit,

2233
01:37:54,040 --> 01:37:57,080
Speaker 2: let's see how juicy? Juicy? I mean, I don't know.

2234
01:37:58,439 --> 01:38:00,920
Speaker 4: I don't have very many exciting story used to be honest.

2235
01:38:01,280 --> 01:38:03,639
Speaker 3: Uh, Well, I will say I did have a hope

2236
01:38:03,640 --> 01:38:05,240
Speaker 3: phase for like six months.

2237
01:38:06,240 --> 01:38:09,680
Speaker 4: Six I had two phones. The whole thing. I had

2238
01:38:09,680 --> 01:38:11,519
Speaker 4: two phones. I was like I had one for work

2239
01:38:11,560 --> 01:38:12,200
Speaker 4: and one for play.

2240
01:38:12,400 --> 01:38:14,200
Speaker 1: If you want to listen to Jordan Sparks, host host

2241
01:38:14,400 --> 01:38:17,320
Speaker 1: host story Okay Hory, make sure you go check out

2242
01:38:17,320 --> 01:38:20,519
Speaker 1: our Patreon, you can go to paton dot com backslash

2243
01:38:20,520 --> 01:38:22,559
Speaker 1: Good Moms Bad Choices or guess what, guys, we're not

2244
01:38:22,840 --> 01:38:24,920
Speaker 1: We're not rated n X or whatever the fuck they

2245
01:38:24,960 --> 01:38:27,479
Speaker 1: had us on Patreon for no fucking reason for You

2246
01:38:27,520 --> 01:38:29,760
Speaker 1: can now search Good Mom's Bad Choices in Patreon. They

2247
01:38:29,760 --> 01:38:33,439
Speaker 1: finally released them. The hole on our account is they

2248
01:38:33,640 --> 01:38:34,320
Speaker 1: you know, they.

2249
01:38:34,200 --> 01:38:36,519
Speaker 5: Realize we're not X rated. Yeah, we're not doing poorn

2250
01:38:36,560 --> 01:38:39,400
Speaker 5: over here? Can't surprise? Can you believe it?

2251
01:38:41,160 --> 01:38:43,680
Speaker 1: Well, Jordan, thank you so much for coming and.

2252
01:38:44,160 --> 01:38:45,240
Speaker 4: I really enjoyed myself.

2253
01:38:45,479 --> 01:38:47,720
Speaker 2: Tell our people where they can find you.

2254
01:38:47,720 --> 01:38:53,200
Speaker 4: You can find me on your radios. I'm kidding. Yeah,

2255
01:38:53,439 --> 01:38:55,120
Speaker 4: you can find me at Jordan's.

2256
01:38:54,760 --> 01:39:00,479
Speaker 3: Sparks on all platforms except for TikTok. I think it's

2257
01:39:00,520 --> 01:39:04,120
Speaker 3: official Jordan Sparks j R D I N S P

2258
01:39:04,240 --> 01:39:05,280
Speaker 3: A r K S.

2259
01:39:05,520 --> 01:39:09,479
Speaker 4: And keep your ears and your.

2260
01:39:09,320 --> 01:39:11,680
Speaker 3: Eyes open for the new music because it's going to

2261
01:39:11,760 --> 01:39:13,400
Speaker 3: be really good and you won't regret listening to it.

2262
01:39:13,560 --> 01:39:19,320
Speaker 7: And yes, and we love you and we hope you

2263
01:39:19,360 --> 01:39:45,600
Speaker 7: have a beautiful rest of your week.

2264
01:39:24,320 --> 01:39:29,280
Speaker 1: M M

2265
01:39:31,720 --> 01:39:36,600
Speaker 3: M M