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Speaker 1: Hey, it's Andrea Gunning. Our season of weekly stories is

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Speaker 1: coming to an end, but don't worry. We'll be back

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Speaker 1: soon with more episodes. So if you have a story

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Speaker 1: of your own that you'd like to share on the podcast,

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Speaker 1: email us at Betrayal pod at gmail dot com. In

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Speaker 1: the meantime, we want to do something new and exciting.

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Speaker 1: This month, We're taking short creative essay submissions from listeners.

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Speaker 1: The theme is resilience in the face of a devastating betrayal.

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Speaker 1: We want to hear the story of how you healed

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Speaker 1: scars and all. Here's the catch. The limit is a

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Speaker 1: thousand words. If your story stands out, it might be

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Speaker 1: featured in a bonus episode. Please save your submission as

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Speaker 1: a PDF and email it to Betrayal Pod at gmail

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Speaker 1: dot com. Okay, now onto the episode.

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Speaker 2: At this point, my heart has just dropped. Then I

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Speaker 2: feel like I'm going to vomit. The betrayal felt so

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Speaker 2: intentional and possibly it was a long time coming.

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Speaker 1: I'm Andrea Gunning, and this is Betrayal, a show about

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Speaker 1: the people we trust the most and the deceptions that

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Speaker 1: change everything. Betrayals often come with a loss. On this show,

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Speaker 1: we've heard stories from people who lost the love of

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Speaker 1: their life or their understanding of who that person was.

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Speaker 1: Others have had their children, their home, or their money

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Speaker 1: taken from them. We've told stories about people losing their

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Speaker 1: sense of self. But no matter the betrayal, everyone we've

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Speaker 1: talked to has held on to one thing, their story.

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Speaker 1: Even when they lost everything, they still had the truth.

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Speaker 1: But then we heard Hannah Patard's story.

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Speaker 2: I remember writing stories from the time I was a

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Speaker 2: little girl.

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Speaker 1: Today, Hannah is an accomplished author. Stories have always been

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Speaker 1: a big part of who she is. When she was little,

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Speaker 1: Hannah's family lived on a farm outside of Atlanta. There,

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Speaker 1: her imagination would run wild.

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Speaker 2: We had horses, chickens, barn kittens. It was a wonderful time.

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Speaker 1: But it wasn't a wonderful time for everyone. When she

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Speaker 1: was in elementary school, Hannah's parents began a bitter divorce.

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Speaker 1: Hannah was the youngest of three, and at first the

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Speaker 1: siblings all had each other, but eventually her older siblings

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Speaker 1: went off to boarding school and Hannah was left at

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Speaker 1: home in the middle of her parents' custody battle.

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Speaker 2: I was constantly getting interviewed by a different therapist. It

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Speaker 2: felt to my mind, like we were constantly going to

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Speaker 2: see Judge.

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Speaker 1: Her escape was reading.

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Speaker 2: I read, and I would just go into this fictional

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Speaker 2: dream and block out the noise of whatever was happening

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Speaker 2: in the other room.

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Speaker 1: That's when she started writing stories of her own.

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Speaker 2: By sixth grade, I was writing poems, horrible, sad, sac poems,

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Speaker 2: and as a thirteen fourteen year old, I had started

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Speaker 2: writing little sketches and just became pretty serious about it.

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Speaker 1: Writing felt exciting. It allowed her to get lost in

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Speaker 1: worlds of her own creation. But in her real life,

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Speaker 1: Hannah was lonely, so she asked her parents to send

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Speaker 1: her to boarding school. She thought it would be her

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Speaker 1: chance to start over, to reinvent herself, But when she

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Speaker 1: got there.

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Speaker 2: I was still meek, naturally introverted, living in my head

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Speaker 2: writing stories.

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Speaker 1: Hannah chose Deerfield Academy, a school known for its challenging academics.

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Speaker 1: It was cutthroat, but Hannah hardly noticed.

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Speaker 2: I was blissfully unaware of what an elite institution it was,

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Speaker 2: and I was blissfully unaware of any kind of real competition. Truly,

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Speaker 2: the worst part of it was what I was doing

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Speaker 2: in private to myself.

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Speaker 1: By tenth grade, Hannah developed an eating disorder, and as

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Speaker 1: a note to listeners, we're going to talk about some

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Speaker 1: details of her experience. For Hannah, controlling food was a

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Speaker 1: way for her to feel a false sense of control.

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Speaker 1: It only made the divide between her and her peers

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Speaker 1: grow wider.

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Speaker 2: You're a kid with a secret, and it's a really

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Speaker 2: big secret. It is a secret where you are hurting

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Speaker 2: your body in this intentional way, and you're not relying

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Speaker 2: on the outer world and you're not trusting anybody else

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Speaker 2: because you don't want to get caught. You're just so

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Speaker 2: much by yourself socially, I was definitely isolated and isolating.

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Speaker 1: She kept her head down and focused on her studies,

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Speaker 1: especially her English and creative writing classes.

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Speaker 2: By the time I graduated, I'd won a couple writing awards,

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Speaker 2: so I had this idea that maybe I was good,

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Speaker 2: or I could be.

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Speaker 1: Good for college. She went to the University of Chicago

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Speaker 1: and got her degree in English.

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Speaker 2: I was too intimidated to take a single creative writing class.

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Speaker 2: I didn't want to be told that I wasn't as

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Speaker 2: good as I felt like i'd been on Deerfield's campus.

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Speaker 2: I thought, if I'm not saying what I want. Then

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Speaker 2: nobody knows to be disappointed in me or embarrassed on

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Speaker 2: my behalf. Oh you didn't get it. You wanted to

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Speaker 2: be a writer, and you didn't get it.

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Speaker 1: Pursuing a real writing career terrified her, but she dreamed

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Speaker 1: of a master's degree in fiction writing. So she sent

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Speaker 1: in a few half hearted applications.

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Speaker 2: I think I sent them something that I might not

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Speaker 2: even have reread, and swiftly was rejected. And I'm so

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Speaker 2: glad that I was rejected, because it was a wake

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Speaker 2: up call that if you want this, you have to try.

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Speaker 1: She spent the next year honing her craft as best

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Speaker 1: she could.

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Speaker 2: I paid off. I got into several different programs and

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Speaker 2: ultimately ended up at the University of Virginia.

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Speaker 1: She packed up her life and headed to Charlottesville. And

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Speaker 1: she made a promise to herself, the same one she'd

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Speaker 1: made before boarding school.

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Speaker 2: You're going to get to grad school and you're going

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Speaker 2: to become the social person that you know you want

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Speaker 2: to be. You're going to change your life.

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Speaker 1: From her first day in the program, that vision felt

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Speaker 1: within reach.

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Speaker 2: The program had its very first meeting, All of the

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Speaker 2: second years in the program were there, and all of

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Speaker 2: the new first years were there. I will always remember

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Speaker 2: the first time I saw Trish. She was captivating.

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Speaker 1: Trish was a second year in the program.

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Speaker 2: She had on a great outfit, red lipstick, I think

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Speaker 2: she had on a pair of yellow belly flats. Her

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Speaker 2: hair looked amazing. She just was cool.

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Speaker 1: Trish was everything Hannah was not, and Hannah wanted to

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Speaker 1: make a good first impression.

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Speaker 2: Back then, I was being plagued with situational roseatia, which

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Speaker 2: I've had all my life. If you made eye contact

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Speaker 2: with me, I either cried or blushed. And it's not

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Speaker 2: just blushing, you know. I think sometimes people hear the

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Speaker 2: word blush and they think of like these two little

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Speaker 2: cherries on either side of your cheeks. It's like a

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Speaker 2: rash that crawls up my neck and makes my cheeks flatchy.

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Speaker 1: So when she introduced herself to the group, she'd turned

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Speaker 1: bright red, and Trish noticed I'm.

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Speaker 2: Still bright red, and she came over and she put

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Speaker 2: her hand on my arm, and she said something like,

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Speaker 2: it's really sweet how you blush when you're nervous. It

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Speaker 2: makes you seem authentic. That was pretty excited that she'd

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Speaker 2: noticed me. She made me feel seen and we became

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Speaker 2: friends after that.

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Speaker 1: That day was a new beginning for Hannah. She was

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Speaker 1: starting to have this social life she'd always wanted.

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Speaker 2: People from the program would call to invite me out,

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Speaker 2: and they'd come back to my house for house parties,

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Speaker 2: and meanwhile, we're all just reading and writing and going

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Speaker 2: to coffee shops. It was the fantasy that I'd imagined

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Speaker 2: for myself.

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Speaker 1: And at all these events, Hannah would watch Trish command

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Speaker 1: the room.

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Speaker 2: Trish seemed so comfortable in her skin. She seemed comfortable

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Speaker 2: being pretty. She seemed comfortable being perceived as somebody who

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Speaker 2: wanted to look pretty. Meanwhile, I am all day long,

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Speaker 2: non stop, thinking about my body. During this time, I

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Speaker 2: was so embarrassed of having anyone think that I wanted

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Speaker 2: to be pretty or sexy or feminine, even though that

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Speaker 2: is desperately what I wanted.

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Speaker 1: Trish started calling Hannah to hang out, and her confidence

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Speaker 1: began to rub off on Hannah. For so long, Hannah

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Speaker 1: had been trying to make herself small emotionally and physically.

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Speaker 1: For instance, she would only wear sports bras.

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Speaker 2: I was eliminating curves, but I was also eliminating the

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Speaker 2: embarrassment of being perceived to somebody who wanted to be sexy.

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Speaker 1: But Trisha inspired Hannah to make a change for the.

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Speaker 2: First time ever. I stopped wearing jogbras, and then I

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Speaker 2: started wearing skirts with her encouragement, and I started showing

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Speaker 2: off my body. I'm coming out of my shell, and

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Speaker 2: she's helping me come out of my shell.

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Speaker 1: Trish liked to go out. It was something Hannah hadn't

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Speaker 1: really done before, but pretty quickly she realized she liked

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Speaker 1: it too.

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Speaker 2: When Trish would call me, it was meet me at

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Speaker 2: this bar. She drank beers, she drank shots, and so

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Speaker 2: I started drinking beers, and I started drinking shots, and

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Speaker 2: I noticed that it was a lot easier to be

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Speaker 2: at bars and easier to talk to townies and strangers,

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Speaker 2: and I followed her lead.

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Speaker 1: Over time, Hannah began distancing herself from the other first years,

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Speaker 1: and she was spending more and more nights with Trish.

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Speaker 2: I felt like, here, at last, is a friend who's school,

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Speaker 2: who I can talk to and go out with. Here's

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Speaker 2: my first female adult friend. Her friendship when I was

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Speaker 2: feeling so vulnerable was transformative.

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Speaker 1: Trish was Hannah's first real friend, and their bond only

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Speaker 1: grew stronger. During Hannah's second year in grad school.

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Speaker 2: We were brought closer by the fact that my stepfather,

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Speaker 2: who had adopted me, was sick my entire second year.

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Speaker 1: He had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Trish knew what

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Speaker 1: Hannah was going through. She had lost her own dad

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Speaker 1: a couple of years earlier.

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Speaker 2: She understood grief, and she understood loss. And when I

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Speaker 2: would become quiet or start crying at a bar, she

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Speaker 2: was not judgmental. She knew how to act around me.

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Speaker 1: Hannah's other grad school friends just didn't get.

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Speaker 2: It, and so I ultimately ended up isolating myself from

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Speaker 2: them and sort of glombed onto Trish and the Charlottesville

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Speaker 2: music scene.

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Speaker 1: Trish was dating a guy named George, a poet in

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Speaker 1: the program. The two of them were very plugged into

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Speaker 1: the live music scene in town, so they would often

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Speaker 1: bring Hannah to shows. That's how Hannah met Patrick. He

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Speaker 1: was a musician in a local band.

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Speaker 2: Trish and George they loved the band. They love this guy,

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Speaker 2: Trish said, one night, you got to meet him. He's

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Speaker 2: so great, he's so cute. He had a girlfriend, so

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Speaker 2: I didn't think of him as a love interest, but

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Speaker 2: I did meet him and I was like, ah, he

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Speaker 2: is cute.

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Speaker 1: During this period, Hannah was often traveling home to spend

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Speaker 1: time with her family and visit her stepdad in hospice.

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Speaker 2: Trish knew that I played a lot to scrabble with

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Speaker 2: my family, and she knew that Patrick played scrabble. And

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Speaker 2: I never would have made the first move to be

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Speaker 2: in touch with Patrick because I didn't really know how

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Speaker 2: to have male friends at that point in my life.

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Speaker 1: But Trisha insisted that the two of them should hang out,

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Speaker 1: so she gave Patrick Hannon's number.

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Speaker 2: I got a phone call one day from Patrick saying,

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Speaker 2: Trish says, you play scrabble. I said, yeah, I play

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Speaker 2: scrabble and he said, okay, well I'm on the downtown mall.

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Speaker 2: Why don't you bring your scrabble board and let's play.

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Speaker 2: And I said, I thought you have a girlfriend, and

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Speaker 2: he's like, this isn't a date. I do have a girlfriend.

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Speaker 2: I want to play scrabble. And I thought, oh, okay, weird, bizarre,

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Speaker 2: I'm not doing anything. So I went. We played scrabble

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Speaker 2: at a coffee shop and we just started playing scrabble

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Speaker 2: all the time, and he became my first male friend.

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Speaker 1: Like Trish. Patrick was confident, maybe even a little cocky,

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Speaker 1: but they had a real connection.

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Speaker 2: He's a really smart guy, and he was an excellent critic,

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Speaker 2: and his brain was razor sharp, so we had great

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Speaker 2: conversations and he was so much fun.

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Speaker 1: Their relationship was platonic. Even after Patrick broke up with

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Speaker 1: his girlfriend, he.

230
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Speaker 2: Just started dating a lot of women, and I thought,

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Speaker 2: this is so wonderful. I've got a male friend who

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Speaker 2: I get the male perspective from he gets the female

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Speaker 2: perspective from me.

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Speaker 1: But their dynamics started to shift after Patrick had a

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Speaker 1: major surgery. It meant he needed to spend a lot

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Speaker 1: of time resting at home.

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Speaker 2: His recovery corresponded with the beginning of the grieving process

238
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Speaker 2: because my stepfather died, and we started spending just a

239
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Speaker 2: ton of time together.

240
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,320
Speaker 1: Hannah would even bring Patrick along to check on her mom,

241
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Speaker 1: who was now living outside of Charlottesville.

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Speaker 2: I took Patrick out to my mom's farmhouse one day

243
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Speaker 2: and the three of us played scrabble, and it was

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Speaker 2: like the first time I saw my mom laugh. And

245
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:17,720
Speaker 2: the two of them loved each other. They got along

246
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Speaker 2: so well, and it got to the point where my

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Speaker 2: mom would call Patrick when she'd come into town and say,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to the grocery store, and Patrick would go

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Speaker 2: to the grocery store with her. He would take her

250
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Speaker 2: to bars. I mean, he was helping her find small

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Speaker 2: amounts of joy.

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Speaker 1: She started to see a different side of him as

253
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Speaker 1: they grew closer. They started going out with Trish and George.

254
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Speaker 2: The four of us had become this kind of Charlottesville unit.

255
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,280
Speaker 2: I would see Patrick and we'd play scrabble, and then

256
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,720
Speaker 2: we'd go to a bar and meet up with Trician George.

257
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Speaker 1: The four of them were always out together, talking to

258
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Speaker 1: strangers and laughing until the bars closed down.

259
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:07,520
Speaker 2: You feel young and invincible, and this is where stories

260
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:12,560
Speaker 2: are happening. You're interacting with people, you're overhearing strange bits

261
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:13,640
Speaker 2: of dialogue.

262
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:18,400
Speaker 1: She was finally living life, and she was channeling these

263
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,240
Speaker 1: experiences into her writing.

264
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:23,640
Speaker 2: I had so many ideas, and I was still getting

265
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,880
Speaker 2: all of my writing done, and because I was in

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Speaker 2: my twenties and made of elastic, I'd wake up the

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Speaker 2: next morning at seven and just start writing.

268
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:36,920
Speaker 1: She was a good writer. She regularly submitted to literary magazines,

269
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Speaker 1: and she was getting published.

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Speaker 2: It felt like this fantasy that I had was within

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Speaker 2: my reach. As long as I keep trying. As long

272
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:50,520
Speaker 2: as I keep trying, I keep writing, there's a possibility

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Speaker 2: that this could be my life.

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Speaker 1: And Patrick actually started to write short stories of his own.

275
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Speaker 1: He wasn't in school or in their writing program.

276
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Speaker 2: But hanging out with Trish and me, fiction writers, hanging

277
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Speaker 2: out with George, a poet, he did start writing stories.

278
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,359
Speaker 1: The two of them would often spend scrabble games talking

279
00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:16,359
Speaker 1: about books and story ideas. Hannah also trusted Patrick to

280
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,080
Speaker 1: read her works in progress.

281
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,919
Speaker 2: He would get wistful sometimes and say, I don't know

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Speaker 2: how you're like how you are. You're just so cool

283
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,280
Speaker 2: and you're such a good writer, and nothing seems to

284
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,959
Speaker 2: bother you, And of course inside I am nothing but

285
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:33,440
Speaker 2: roiling turmoil.

286
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:38,720
Speaker 1: With these kinds of comments, Hannah started to wonder was

287
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:39,800
Speaker 1: Patrick into her.

288
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,160
Speaker 2: It felt good to be seen, and it felt good

289
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,959
Speaker 2: to be perceived as attractive, and it felt good to

290
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:49,840
Speaker 2: have this attractive man perceive me as attractive, and before

291
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,560
Speaker 2: I knew it, I was crushing pretty hard on him.

292
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:56,440
Speaker 1: She wasn't going to make the move. She knew Patrick

293
00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:59,200
Speaker 1: had other women in his life, and it was hard

294
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,080
Speaker 1: to tell for sure if the feelings were mutual. And

295
00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:03,080
Speaker 1: then it was.

296
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,399
Speaker 2: One of those nights that was not uncommon for the

297
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,840
Speaker 2: four of us, where we had shut the bars down.

298
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,920
Speaker 2: We went back to his house. You know, he'd kind

299
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,679
Speaker 2: of been doing that thing where he was touching my

300
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:17,480
Speaker 2: elbow with his elbow and making eye contact a little

301
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:21,720
Speaker 2: too long. He's making some inside joke references about things

302
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,879
Speaker 2: that we'd been talking about during scrabble, and it's just

303
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:30,520
Speaker 2: incredible tension that is mounting. Then at a certain point,

304
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:35,560
Speaker 2: probably like four in the morning, George and Trish went

305
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:39,000
Speaker 2: back to their apartment and I was going to call

306
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:39,840
Speaker 2: a cab.

307
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:43,679
Speaker 1: But she didn't call a cab. They kissed, and she

308
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:44,440
Speaker 1: spent the night.

309
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:49,160
Speaker 2: We went from being best friends to one night makeout

310
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Speaker 2: to basically living with one another. There were so many

311
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,600
Speaker 2: mornings when I would wake up and I would look

312
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,040
Speaker 2: over and I'd see that it was Patrick in bed,

313
00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:01,920
Speaker 2: and I would think, I am so lucky. I get

314
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,720
Speaker 2: to do this for the rest of my life. I

315
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,480
Speaker 2: actually like the person that I'm waking up with, And

316
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:08,920
Speaker 2: it was just it was bliss.

317
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:16,920
Speaker 1: They were in love. Still, much of the time they'd

318
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:18,720
Speaker 1: spend together was in their group.

319
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:23,840
Speaker 2: Before it was NonStop double dating with Trish and George.

320
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:27,840
Speaker 1: But eventually the group's lifestyle started to catch up with Hannah.

321
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:33,680
Speaker 2: Trish and Patrick weren't just drinkers. They were late night drinkers,

322
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,679
Speaker 2: and so that's what I became too. For a little while.

323
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,760
Speaker 2: There were a lot of moments where I would reflect

324
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,760
Speaker 2: on what I was doing and how I was behaving,

325
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:43,959
Speaker 2: and I'd be pretty scared.

326
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,960
Speaker 1: She didn't like what heavy drinking did to her who

327
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,040
Speaker 1: it made her become, and she certainly didn't like what

328
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:52,680
Speaker 1: alcohol did to Trish.

329
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:56,600
Speaker 2: She could be pretty aggressive, she could be rude, She

330
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:58,440
Speaker 2: could kiss people off in bars.

331
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:01,840
Speaker 1: When Trish got like this, it would set Patrick off.

332
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,160
Speaker 2: He had a bit of a temper too, so their

333
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:08,200
Speaker 2: tempers could kind of go up against one another.

334
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:12,560
Speaker 1: Knights would often end in fights, and even when they didn't,

335
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:14,639
Speaker 1: things like this would happen.

336
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,560
Speaker 2: The four of us were out, Tricia and I were

337
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:21,240
Speaker 2: at the bar, George and Patrick were sitting where we

338
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:24,520
Speaker 2: could see them, but it was pretty packed, and she

339
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:28,480
Speaker 2: was saying, I knew he'd come around. I knew he'd

340
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,360
Speaker 2: realize he loved you. I knew it. I just knew it.

341
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:39,160
Speaker 1: Trish wasn't being the supportive, encouraging friend Hannah had first met.

342
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:44,199
Speaker 2: She wanted to just remind me that he hadn't crushed

343
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,160
Speaker 2: on me as hard as I'd crushed on him at

344
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,320
Speaker 2: the beginning, and she always loved to point out that

345
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:50,919
Speaker 2: she had been friends with him first.

346
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,560
Speaker 1: Instead, it felt like she was going out of her

347
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,160
Speaker 1: way to cut Hannah down.

348
00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:04,720
Speaker 2: And this drove me a little bit crazy.

349
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,400
Speaker 1: When Hannah started dating Patrick, her relationship with her best

350
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,600
Speaker 1: friend started to shift. It seemed like Trisha always had

351
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,439
Speaker 1: something to say, and it felt like at times she

352
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:30,879
Speaker 1: was undercutting Hannah's relationship with Patrick. After Hannah graduated, a

353
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:35,280
Speaker 1: window opened. Her mom offered Hannah and Patrick the chance

354
00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:38,960
Speaker 1: to live rent free in her mother's farmhouse outside the city.

355
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:42,679
Speaker 2: We needed a new place to live, and we were broke.

356
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:47,280
Speaker 2: I was waiting tables, he was gigging and teaching music,

357
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:51,120
Speaker 2: and we were so desperate for money. I was desperate

358
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:55,679
Speaker 2: for money. So when my mom offered this free place

359
00:21:55,760 --> 00:22:00,960
Speaker 2: to live, it was not lost on me that this

360
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:05,440
Speaker 2: farmhouse came with a happy coincidence of having some emotional

361
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 2: distance from Trish and what felt to me like her

362
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:15,040
Speaker 2: constant oversight. So we had this kind of break, and

363
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,880
Speaker 2: I thought it was magical, just magical.

364
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,840
Speaker 1: Moving into the farmhouse allowed Hannah to make writing her priority.

365
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 1: She submitted more stories for publication and even began writing

366
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 1: her first novel. To her surprise, Patrick wanted to do

367
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:32,920
Speaker 1: the same.

368
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:38,320
Speaker 2: He started wanting to focus on writing, and some of

369
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:40,600
Speaker 2: the stories were good, and he got a lot of

370
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,000
Speaker 2: publications all on his own.

371
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,400
Speaker 1: Other times he leaned on Hannah.

372
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:49,200
Speaker 2: It felt like every time I got a story accepted,

373
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:52,800
Speaker 2: his first response would be, you should tell the editor

374
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:56,879
Speaker 2: about this story I just wrote. And every time I

375
00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:00,000
Speaker 2: would email the editor and say, hey, there's this great,

376
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 2: great story that I just read by a friend of mine. Right.

377
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 2: And he got a few publications that way, but his.

378
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:10,080
Speaker 1: Success was limited compared to Hannah's, and he struggled with

379
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:13,600
Speaker 1: being farther away from town. I took a toll on Patrick.

380
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 2: Every day. I'd get up, i'd write, and at three

381
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:21,000
Speaker 2: thirty I would drive into Charlottesville and start my shift

382
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 2: at the steakhouse and he'd stay home. And that's where

383
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 2: he started drinking during the day.

384
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 1: Hannah's mom also noticed a change in Patrick. She once

385
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,480
Speaker 1: called Hannah during her workshift and.

386
00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:39,639
Speaker 2: She said I saw Patrick this morning. He was wearing

387
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:43,000
Speaker 2: a robe, and I said, well, it was morning, mom,

388
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:46,359
Speaker 2: and she said yes, And I saw him again just

389
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:50,560
Speaker 2: now and he's still wearing a robe, and it's five

390
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 2: o'clock in the afternoon. It was a moment when I

391
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 2: realized she could see what I could see that troubled me.

392
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:03,679
Speaker 1: Life in the farmhouse wasn't working for Patrick, Hannah was worried.

393
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:08,639
Speaker 1: She knew they needed a change. That's when her book sold.

394
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 2: When I got that book deal, it was all of

395
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:19,000
Speaker 2: those dreams, everything I'd wanted for so long, and.

396
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,840
Speaker 1: The good news didn't stop there. On top of the

397
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 1: sale of her book, Hannah was offered a teaching position

398
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:28,360
Speaker 1: in Chicago. Plus Patrick was offered a spot in an

399
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,760
Speaker 1: MFA program in Boston. He could complete it and then

400
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:35,440
Speaker 1: go meet Hannah in Chicago. They decided it would be

401
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,560
Speaker 1: a great change, a fresh start.

402
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 2: So we knew that we were going to be leaving Charlottesville,

403
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:44,400
Speaker 2: and at about the same time, George and Trish decided

404
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 2: that they were going to move to New York.

405
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,680
Speaker 1: Trish and George were also ready for a new beginning.

406
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:53,520
Speaker 1: By this point, they were married and Charlottesville was feeling

407
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:59,040
Speaker 1: small with big changes coming, the group became nostalgic. Trish

408
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:02,719
Speaker 1: and George were still Hannah and Patrick's close friends, and

409
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,800
Speaker 1: no one knew when they'd all be together again. So

410
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:09,000
Speaker 1: for their last couple months in Virginia, Hannah and Patrick

411
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:12,280
Speaker 1: moved back into town to relive the old days as.

412
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,359
Speaker 2: A group of four, and suddenly it was like the

413
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:19,119
Speaker 2: four of us together again. But I think what I

414
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:23,440
Speaker 2: told myself was, we all are doing this because it's

415
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,399
Speaker 2: a last hurrah, and we know that things are about

416
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 2: to change. We're moving to Chicago and they're moving to

417
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:35,440
Speaker 2: New York, and therefore it's a last hurrah.

418
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:39,440
Speaker 1: Right away, they fell back into their old patterns. Hannah

419
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:43,159
Speaker 1: always ended the night feeling hurt or embarrassed, but whenever

420
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:45,520
Speaker 1: she asked Patrick if they could cut back on time

421
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:46,440
Speaker 1: with Trician.

422
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 2: George, he would say, they're part of my past, They're

423
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,600
Speaker 2: part of who I am. I don't know how to

424
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 2: have a social life without them.

425
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:58,239
Speaker 1: Patrick was in a fragile place, and Hannah knew that

426
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 1: Trician George made him feel like his old self, so

427
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 1: instead of demanding that they cut off their friends, she

428
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 1: went along with it, at least for the time. Being.

429
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,000
Speaker 2: I will just deal with it. I've always dealt with

430
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,359
Speaker 2: the things that are uncomfortable. I can handle it. I

431
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:13,800
Speaker 2: can handle it. It'll be fine.

432
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: It was clear to Hannah that she'd outgrown the group.

433
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:20,679
Speaker 1: It was a challenging couple of months, but then it

434
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,399
Speaker 1: finally came time for Hannah and Patrick to move on.

435
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:28,240
Speaker 1: He spent a year in Boston and then we.

436
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:32,439
Speaker 2: Moved to Chicago, and I wrote another book.

437
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:37,200
Speaker 1: Through this big transition, Patrick was there for Hannah.

438
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:41,120
Speaker 2: He made me feel desirable. He made me feel intelligent,

439
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:44,800
Speaker 2: and he made me feel like it was so obvious

440
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 2: that I would be ambitious, and it was so obvious

441
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:48,480
Speaker 2: that I was going to be successful.

442
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 1: He was her champion. But when it came to his

443
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:57,560
Speaker 1: own career, he felt discouraged. He was writing his first book.

444
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:02,119
Speaker 1: Unlike Hannah, he had a difficul time getting published. So

445
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:05,359
Speaker 1: once again his mental health took a turn for the worse.

446
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:12,520
Speaker 2: He really was struggling with giving up who he'd been

447
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 2: in Charlottesville, which was a big fish in a small pond.

448
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:21,280
Speaker 2: His band was the popular band at the time when

449
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,920
Speaker 2: he was living in Charlottesville, so he'd gone from kind

450
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:30,640
Speaker 2: of like Golden God in Charlottesville to a dude struggling

451
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:34,159
Speaker 2: to find work and writing his first novel in Chicago,

452
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:38,680
Speaker 2: living with a novelist who's got a full time job.

453
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 1: It wasn't an easy time for Hannah either. Her second

454
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,920
Speaker 1: book wasn't finding a publisher as quickly as her first.

455
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 2: And then my agent was shopping that second book and

456
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:55,480
Speaker 2: it was getting rejected. And that's when Patrick proposed.

457
00:27:56,320 --> 00:28:00,640
Speaker 1: She said, yes, Finally they had some thing to look

458
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,639
Speaker 1: forward to. So they started planning the wedding.

459
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:08,399
Speaker 2: We wanted it to be small, intimate, Charlottesville based. It

460
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:09,719
Speaker 2: was a beautiful wedding.

461
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:13,640
Speaker 1: Of course, Trician George were there. Even though those last

462
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 1: couple months together were rocky for Hannah, they remained the

463
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 1: couple's closest friends.

464
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:21,920
Speaker 2: They were the origin story, That's how I met him.

465
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:27,440
Speaker 2: So they were one of three couples who were there

466
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 2: that were not somehow related to us.

467
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:33,160
Speaker 1: The day was everything Hannah hoped it would be.

468
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 2: We did our own vowels, We wrote them together, and

469
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:39,440
Speaker 2: we put on like it was like a scene that

470
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 2: we did. He cried. I felt so happy. I felt

471
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 2: so happy getting married to him.

472
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:52,280
Speaker 1: And then and then her book did find a publisher.

473
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:57,240
Speaker 1: And she sold a third book right after that. She

474
00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 1: was elated, but Patrick wasn't.

475
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 2: That third book deal I think really really hurt him.

476
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 2: I think my shadow just got bigger for him and

477
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:10,520
Speaker 2: he started feeling smaller.

478
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:13,720
Speaker 1: He turned to Tritian George for support.

479
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 2: They always made him feel like the person he had

480
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,760
Speaker 2: been in his twenties. In Charlottesville.

481
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 1: They made more of an effort to see Trician George

482
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 1: with vacations and visits back and forth.

483
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:29,240
Speaker 2: It felt like they were our best couple friend again.

484
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,320
Speaker 2: They were always there. They were always there.

485
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 1: Hannah also helped Patrick secure a teaching job when she

486
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 1: got a new role at a university in Kentucky. The

487
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:43,239
Speaker 1: move and the job did little to help Patrick and

488
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:44,560
Speaker 1: his dreams of a book deal.

489
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:48,360
Speaker 2: He'd gotten close a couple times, but it just didn't

490
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:49,720
Speaker 2: happen for him.

491
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 1: By this point, they'd been together for nearly ten years.

492
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 1: Hannah was accomplishing everything she wanted in life. Meanwhile, her

493
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 1: husband was miserable and she couldn't help but feel that

494
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 1: he resented her for her success. He was lost and

495
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 1: grasping for any sense of purpose. She didn't know how

496
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:16,920
Speaker 1: to help him. Finally, Patrick was given an opportunity. The

497
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:20,280
Speaker 1: second summer after they moved to Kentucky, he was offered

498
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,200
Speaker 1: two prestigious writing residencies.

499
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:26,520
Speaker 2: One was in France and one was at Yado, and

500
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 2: there was a two week down period between the residencies.

501
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,720
Speaker 1: It would mean a lot of time apart, but Hannah

502
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:41,280
Speaker 1: thought this was good for Patrick and for their relationship. Besides,

503
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 1: she'd be traveling a lot that summer promoting her third book.

504
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 1: She told Patrick to go.

505
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:51,560
Speaker 2: The idea was by the end of July, we would

506
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 2: be back in Kentucky together, he would get therapy, and

507
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 2: we would figure things.

508
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 1: Out between France and his next residency in the States.

509
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 1: Patrick herkw a week off and he spent it in

510
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 1: New York visiting old friends.

511
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:07,880
Speaker 2: He decided to go to New York City and stay

512
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:11,680
Speaker 2: with our very good friend Hugh, And the idea was

513
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:15,120
Speaker 2: he would go back and forth between Hugh's place and

514
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 2: Trishas and George place so that he wasn't a burden,

515
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:20,720
Speaker 2: and then he goes Toiado and he keeps writing.

516
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 1: And that's what happened, or so Hannah was told. The

517
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:30,240
Speaker 1: week after Patrick went to a second residency, Hannah needed

518
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 1: to be in New York for her book launch, she

519
00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:35,200
Speaker 1: was going to crash with their friend Hugh, just like

520
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:38,960
Speaker 1: Patrick had the week before. She got in a day early,

521
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,960
Speaker 1: and the night before her book launch, she and Hugh

522
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 1: stayed uply talking randomly. They got on the topic of jealousy.

523
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 2: And I said something like, well, I'm not a suspicious person,

524
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 2: and he said, maybe you should be more suspicious. And

525
00:31:57,160 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 2: I said, that's a really interesting thing to say, and

526
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:04,320
Speaker 2: he said, you should ask me questions.

527
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,760
Speaker 1: She didn't know where this was coming from, but h

528
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:11,360
Speaker 1: seemed serious, like he had something he needed to say,

529
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:14,320
Speaker 1: like he was trying to tell her something.

530
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:21,040
Speaker 2: And I said, is this about Patrick? And he said yes.

531
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 2: And I said did something happen when Patrick was in

532
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 2: New York last week without me? And he said yes.

533
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:36,520
Speaker 2: At this point, my heart has just like dropped and

534
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:38,480
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm in a vomit And I said,

535
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 2: did Patrick have sex with someone? And he said yes.

536
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 1: She knew the question she really wanted to ask. She

537
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 1: was just afraid of Hugh's answer.

538
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:55,520
Speaker 2: But finally I said, did he have sex with Trish?

539
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 2: And Hugh said yes.

540
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 1: On the next episode of Betrayal.

541
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 2: My agent sent me an email and the subject was

542
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 2: have you seen this, and I opened it, and I

543
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 2: read it, and I read it again, and I wasn't

544
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,600
Speaker 2: able to really make sense of what I was reading.

545
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:26,880
Speaker 1: If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal team,

546
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 1: email us at Betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal

547
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:34,920
Speaker 1: Pod at gmail dot com, and be sure to follow

548
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:39,720
Speaker 1: us on Instagram at Betrayal Pod. We're grateful for your support.

549
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:42,479
Speaker 1: One way to show support is by subscribing to our

550
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 1: show on Apple Podcasts, and don't forget to rate and

551
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:48,719
Speaker 1: review Betrayal. Five star reviews go a long way. A

552
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:52,320
Speaker 1: big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is

553
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 1: a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment

554
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:58,960
Speaker 1: Group and partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive

555
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:02,640
Speaker 1: produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fason, hosted and produced

556
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 1: by me Andrea Gunning. This episode was written and produced

557
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:10,280
Speaker 1: by Kaitlyn Golden and Monique le Board, with additional production

558
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 1: by Ben Fetterman. Associate producers are Kristin Mercury and Kitlyn Golden.

559
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:19,280
Speaker 1: Our iHeart team is Ali Perry and Jessica Krinchech. Audio

560
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:23,279
Speaker 1: editing and mixing by mattel Vecchio, additional editing support from

561
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:28,600
Speaker 1: Tanner Robbins. Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Bains. Music library

562
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:32,560
Speaker 1: provided by mob Music and for more podcasts from iHeart,

563
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:36,239
Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get

564
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 1: your podcasts from