1 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:07,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay Dot in a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:15,120 Speaker 1: What's Up everybody? Hi, Hi, this is your friendly neighborhood 3 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:20,800 Speaker 1: Jill Scott with my amazing sister friends lies in Claire 4 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:28,000 Speaker 1: he e age a Graydon danceler. Yeah, and we today 5 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:31,400 Speaker 1: are well, let me just say this because we don't 6 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:36,240 Speaker 1: normally have this privilege, but today we have the brilliant, 7 00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:43,120 Speaker 1: brilliant mc fonon to thank you so much, and that 8 00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:45,640 Speaker 1: means a lot. You think I'm brilliant really means a lot. 9 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,040 Speaker 1: I do think you're brilliant. I told you, I think 10 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,720 Speaker 1: you're brilliant. No, I think you're brilliant as well. Like 11 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,239 Speaker 1: your album I don't make we never even I got 12 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,320 Speaker 1: even got to tell you the story man, like this, 13 00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:58,480 Speaker 1: like your record, like who is your Scott? So my 14 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:03,800 Speaker 1: buddy uh calls with Field. Yes, yeah, you know what 15 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,319 Speaker 1: I'm saying. He you know, I had like some early 16 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,399 Speaker 1: mixes of that record, you know what I'm saying through 17 00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:11,040 Speaker 1: another homie years that he was working with and I 18 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:12,800 Speaker 1: was working with. But and I just heard early mixes 19 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,600 Speaker 1: that record. I was just like, holy sh it, man, 20 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,240 Speaker 1: like this ship is amazing and that record got me 21 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:20,360 Speaker 1: through like a really a really rough time just in 22 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,520 Speaker 1: my life. That was around the time that my son 23 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:24,680 Speaker 1: was about to be born. So my girl Time was 24 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:27,560 Speaker 1: pregnant with my first son, and um, I was scared 25 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,920 Speaker 1: out of my mind, and you know, that record just 26 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:33,080 Speaker 1: really got me through that. And I just never got 27 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 1: to thank you, man, because that it just really a 28 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,600 Speaker 1: ministered to me at the time when I really needed it. 29 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:42,320 Speaker 1: And I just want to say thank you, wowsers, thank 30 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:53,720 Speaker 1: you so like I now she does a side Snake 31 00:01:54,160 --> 00:02:03,160 Speaker 1: said Snake and friends. We Agia actually came across this 32 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:06,240 Speaker 1: post on the in the well on the Graham thing 33 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:11,359 Speaker 1: and I read, Dear black people, we gotta stop pretending 34 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 1: that the deterioration of the two parent household hasn't contributed 35 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:20,680 Speaker 1: to our issues as black people, especially with the last 36 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 1: and present generation. This baby mama, baby daddy culture must 37 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:35,359 Speaker 1: be avoided instead of embraced respectfully. Dean. Yeah, yeah, So 38 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:39,280 Speaker 1: when I said that, when I read that, Asia jumped 39 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:47,120 Speaker 1: up and on her furious fire pitchy, y'all heart's going 40 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,840 Speaker 1: to pay me as the angry black woman. And I 41 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 1: don't even appreciate that. Nobody never no no, no, no, no, no, 42 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:58,800 Speaker 1: no no it's not that it's, um, we're here to 43 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:03,320 Speaker 1: talk and where he just sparked this conversation. So as 44 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 1: soon as I read it, I was like, oh, ain't 45 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:12,280 Speaker 1: you going something to say about that? I know I do. Yeah, 46 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,920 Speaker 1: here's the vibe, right, here's the vibe. I think it 47 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 1: lacks a ton of context. It is. It's one of 48 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:30,640 Speaker 1: those statements that uh, we like to throw out there, 49 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,040 Speaker 1: and particularly we like to throw out there from a 50 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:37,960 Speaker 1: very privileged place, number one, when we are heterosexual or 51 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:44,640 Speaker 1: already married, or women who can give birth. Okay, so 52 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:46,960 Speaker 1: there's a lot of So I mean, that's just the 53 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,320 Speaker 1: first thing in my mind that pops out. It's like, well, 54 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,320 Speaker 1: you know, you're certainly saying these things from a positioning 55 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,360 Speaker 1: that society has already deemed you as more worthy to 56 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,720 Speaker 1: speak on it than anybody else. So that's the first problem. 57 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:03,600 Speaker 1: Second problem is what is baby mommy baby daddy culture? 58 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:08,400 Speaker 1: What is that exactly? Though? Like, and because I just 59 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:11,120 Speaker 1: I need to have a definition, like I can't either 60 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,040 Speaker 1: agree or argue if I don't have a definition. And 61 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:15,800 Speaker 1: based on the fact that she would even make this 62 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:18,360 Speaker 1: statement from the positioning where she is makes me believe 63 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:22,000 Speaker 1: that her definition is all wrapped up in all the 64 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:28,760 Speaker 1: isms that I can't stand classism, you feel me capitalism, 65 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,919 Speaker 1: And it's just like, these are the things that bother 66 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:35,840 Speaker 1: me about this statement. It's obviously not having a family 67 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 1: that is healthy is going to contribute to the deterioration 68 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:44,599 Speaker 1: of our people, right, But that unhealthy family can absolutely 69 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,280 Speaker 1: come in the form of one with a mother and 70 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:51,760 Speaker 1: father act your own mother and and I think it's 71 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:54,800 Speaker 1: important that we stopped stressing these things because what happens 72 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:57,240 Speaker 1: is that what we do is we forget that there's 73 00:04:57,279 --> 00:05:00,560 Speaker 1: some amazing people who got many many things from being 74 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:06,920 Speaker 1: raised by extended family Grandma. And we also do a 75 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:11,080 Speaker 1: disservice to our l g b t Q community who 76 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:17,240 Speaker 1: also raise beautiful, well rounded, rounded, you know, fabulous children 77 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:20,320 Speaker 1: and so but they and they're a two parent households too, 78 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,000 Speaker 1: though just on the flip side, I'm like l g 79 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,960 Speaker 1: b Q people, they also have two parent households as well, 80 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,440 Speaker 1: and sometimes they're single parents as But I think a 81 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,360 Speaker 1: lot of times what happens is that people do assume 82 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:32,880 Speaker 1: that this is hetero normative, because what happens is that 83 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,279 Speaker 1: when they have these conversations, you get a lot of 84 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:37,440 Speaker 1: church folks that roll and not saying that all church 85 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,839 Speaker 1: folks are on that too. Would you get a bunch 86 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:43,160 Speaker 1: of them in the comments, right, So when we gotta 87 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,360 Speaker 1: remember how these things go get mixed together. So that's 88 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:48,600 Speaker 1: just my body that's off the top, my issue with it, right, 89 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:53,320 Speaker 1: that's my boom, that's that's it's that, that's what they've 90 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,719 Speaker 1: wrapped me up. Maybe saying oh, oh, Walley and I 91 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,320 Speaker 1: actually followed this system. I mean, she sees a thorough system, 92 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,520 Speaker 1: like you know, it's not even like on some old 93 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:05,000 Speaker 1: like you know, I'm not rob roy with her, but 94 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:09,000 Speaker 1: I just can't ride. We are going to have opinions 95 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:13,599 Speaker 1: that don't necessarily mesh because of our perspective. That's just 96 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 1: the way life goes period. Now, as a single parent, 97 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:26,839 Speaker 1: I would have definitely preferred not to be fat, she said, 98 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:31,719 Speaker 1: avoided avoided if I could have avoided being a single 99 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:36,960 Speaker 1: parent based on the happy, well rounded whole families that 100 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:41,080 Speaker 1: I do know, the ones where you know, mama needed breaking, 101 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,200 Speaker 1: daddy got it, or daddy breaking mama got it. You know, 102 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:48,240 Speaker 1: just having another partner in the home that loves your 103 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:52,480 Speaker 1: child as much, someone that you're not paying to be there, 104 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,920 Speaker 1: because that's a whole other situation. But someone that you're 105 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,800 Speaker 1: not paying, somebody that has a stake in this child's 106 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:04,360 Speaker 1: life is just as much as you do, is superbly valuable. Yeah, 107 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 1: being a single parent sucks. I've done it. I mean, 108 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,600 Speaker 1: I've been a single dad. Like there's nothing to glorify, 109 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:12,040 Speaker 1: Like that ship is terrible, you know what I mean. 110 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:14,400 Speaker 1: I mean, you know it has nothing to do with 111 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,400 Speaker 1: your care for your kids, but it's just you know, 112 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:20,640 Speaker 1: you love your kids, but it's like having another set 113 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,400 Speaker 1: of eyes, you know, to catch things you know that 114 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 1: you just didn't see. And you know, there's been several 115 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:28,880 Speaker 1: times that you know, my my wife has not the 116 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,640 Speaker 1: stuff about the boys, you know, my boys, and she 117 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,240 Speaker 1: was like, you know, you ever noticed that he did 118 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:36,120 Speaker 1: this or maybe he's acting a little And I was like, damn, 119 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,119 Speaker 1: I never even noticed that, you know, and and vice versa. 120 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:42,240 Speaker 1: You know, there's things that we're gonna see as parents, 121 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,320 Speaker 1: you know, different you know, as men and women. There's 122 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:47,200 Speaker 1: things that we're gonna catch that the other parents may not. 123 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:50,400 Speaker 1: And that's something that's been immensely helpful. And single parenthood 124 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:52,200 Speaker 1: is just not it is not easy at all. And 125 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 1: that's the point. I think that's where I did from 126 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:59,760 Speaker 1: my stance. Either of you embraced that moment, though, did 127 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,080 Speaker 1: you say, you know what, I don't want to be 128 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,760 Speaker 1: a single pain? Um? I didn't say I wanted to 129 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,600 Speaker 1: be one. Right, So what someone tells you you need 130 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:10,800 Speaker 1: to avoid it at all costs, it's not like that 131 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:12,960 Speaker 1: happened to you because you didn't do all the things 132 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:16,640 Speaker 1: necessary to a voice. So my point is most people 133 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:21,080 Speaker 1: end up in this position, not because they just you know, 134 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:25,320 Speaker 1: it's like, you know what, that right, that wasn't the goal. 135 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:27,920 Speaker 1: But then it has another population of people and I'm 136 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,720 Speaker 1: gonna just tell y'all non parents and the single lady 137 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,680 Speaker 1: here that wanted to have a family that's been sitting 138 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,960 Speaker 1: on having my legs stretched open with a mail doctor 139 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 1: told him I don't have a man. And he says that, 140 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:40,400 Speaker 1: you know, with knowing my five words situation and he's like, 141 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,320 Speaker 1: you got a little bit amount of time. And I said, well, 142 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,080 Speaker 1: you know you need a man for that, and he's like, actually, 143 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,560 Speaker 1: you know you don't. He's like, why don't you just 144 00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:48,360 Speaker 1: you know, you don't need a man to have a baby. 145 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:51,600 Speaker 1: There's and that's why I feel YouTube Asian on the 146 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:53,920 Speaker 1: sense of you don't purposely go into it. But then 147 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,480 Speaker 1: there is a whole another aspect of life now where 148 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:59,400 Speaker 1: there are women who are purposely going into it because 149 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:02,040 Speaker 1: they don't any alternatives. And then there's the other side 150 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 1: of things where, not for nothing, I've always said, there 151 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,760 Speaker 1: are certain places where there is more of a culture 152 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:10,520 Speaker 1: of non marriage and excuse death, baby baby, mama, baby 153 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:13,640 Speaker 1: father culture. I'm sorry to me. They are just certain 154 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,920 Speaker 1: areas where, yeah, it's not celebrated. Marriage is not celebrated, 155 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,640 Speaker 1: maybe because of history and generational situations. But I kind 156 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 1: of used to I don't about to get in trouble, 157 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: but I kind of used to say that about Philadelphia 158 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:29,199 Speaker 1: in a way that there wasn't a big marriage culture 159 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:33,160 Speaker 1: promoted and comparison to where I came from, and neither 160 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,480 Speaker 1: one is better than the other. One of Washington, d C. 161 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,400 Speaker 1: Where a lot of my my peers are married. And 162 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 1: you're whispering. I'm whispering because I feel bad that I'm 163 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:42,960 Speaker 1: saying it out loud. That feel like I feel like 164 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:46,360 Speaker 1: Philly doesn't have a doesn't promote them a marriage. What 165 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,880 Speaker 1: I got, I know, my question would be what era 166 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:53,760 Speaker 1: of Philly in DC are we talking about now, because 167 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:57,760 Speaker 1: now is I don't know, well, you know, I don't 168 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,840 Speaker 1: know Philly in that way, y'all. You're much more noagual 169 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:05,319 Speaker 1: about feeling. But I know in d C. Now, I mean, yo, 170 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,560 Speaker 1: that ship is its shooting fish in a barrel. Now 171 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,400 Speaker 1: it's harder. I mean, the numbers are bad. It's like 172 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,640 Speaker 1: thirty men to every woman. So now it's like everybody's off. 173 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,880 Speaker 1: And that's why a lot of women again are planning 174 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:18,760 Speaker 1: on their single mother career life because they still want 175 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:20,720 Speaker 1: to have a family and have kids. So it's like, well, 176 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,760 Speaker 1: it ain't no men out there. But again I think 177 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 1: that we're we're blaming a symptom as the problem. Right, 178 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:31,880 Speaker 1: So we have this situation that we find ourselves in 179 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:34,320 Speaker 1: that if you trace it, if you keep on going 180 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 1: back to the rut, you're gonna find a systemic issue 181 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,800 Speaker 1: that we're responding to which causes us to have these 182 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 1: issues and problems. And they're talking about I mean, and 183 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:46,280 Speaker 1: and that's why I say it's important. Obviously, not having 184 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:49,760 Speaker 1: a healthy household is going to, you know, add to 185 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:53,280 Speaker 1: the quote unquote issues that black people have. But what 186 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:56,559 Speaker 1: it does the undercurrent is saying that our personal decisions 187 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,520 Speaker 1: are the reasons why black people have issues. And the 188 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:02,600 Speaker 1: reason I take issue with that type of tone is 189 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,040 Speaker 1: that it takes all the attention away from the real 190 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:09,319 Speaker 1: enemy here, which is a systemic enemy who was white supremacy. 191 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 1: White people. If you're taken away from them, they're gonna 192 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:18,200 Speaker 1: happily let you have it. They're like, sure, you always said, 193 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,120 Speaker 1: like I mean, I've always the last step, the last 194 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 1: step in the cultural extermination of the people is when 195 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:27,440 Speaker 1: the oppressor can walk away and say, look at what 196 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:31,559 Speaker 1: they're doing to themselves, Like you know what I mean, 197 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:35,000 Speaker 1: when when all of a sudden, now bea so we're 198 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:36,560 Speaker 1: just gonna look at it's like, oh, look at all 199 00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:39,520 Speaker 1: these single parents, and look at all these black on 200 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:41,719 Speaker 1: black crime all the ship. Look at what they're doing 201 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,520 Speaker 1: to themselves, really to themselves. So we're just gonna take 202 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:52,439 Speaker 1: away slavery, Jim Crow, redlining, all of those things that 203 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,720 Speaker 1: just happened in the vacuum. Like we just black people 204 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:57,400 Speaker 1: just woke up one day and decided we was gonna 205 00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,600 Speaker 1: just say funk, our kids were leave, and we're gonna 206 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:02,760 Speaker 1: each other kill each other because that's just what we do. 207 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,160 Speaker 1: That's just who we are as a people, but without 208 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:08,920 Speaker 1: existing any of the context and the situations that created 209 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:11,439 Speaker 1: that dysfunction. Oh, we should put I should put a 210 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,760 Speaker 1: disclaimer out there. Then I'm totally understanding that this derives 211 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,480 Speaker 1: from white supremacy in the separation of our people and 212 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,640 Speaker 1: the continue destruction of the black family. I want to 213 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,920 Speaker 1: say that as I say my ship about anybody, please 214 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 1: watch Claudine. Just just watch Claudine. The fantastic Dane, Carol 215 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 1: and James Earl Jones get into it because it represents 216 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 1: the seventies particularly and how if you had a man 217 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,719 Speaker 1: in the house you couldn't get your the food. That 218 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:46,040 Speaker 1: understands that no government assistance whatsoever. Be clear, though, as 219 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:49,000 Speaker 1: as we're talking about this, I don't like you said, 220 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:52,640 Speaker 1: I don't think that anybody chooses to be a single parent. 221 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,520 Speaker 1: If I could have avoided being a single parent, I 222 00:12:56,760 --> 00:13:03,240 Speaker 1: certainly would have done that. For real, Jet was a 223 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 1: gift and a surprise. I did not see my child coming. 224 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,480 Speaker 1: I did not think I could have children, and I 225 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,320 Speaker 1: was okay with that. I found peace when not being 226 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:20,079 Speaker 1: able to have kids, and then teach God, surprise, surprise, 227 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:24,160 Speaker 1: and the partner that I had. Also, you know, we 228 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:28,600 Speaker 1: weren't using any protection. Okay, so let's talk about that. 229 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:34,440 Speaker 1: Choosing not to use protection can very well mean children. 230 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:39,280 Speaker 1: And what I'm saying here is that you have to 231 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:45,760 Speaker 1: be mindful of who you're sticking your roots into. Okay. 232 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,840 Speaker 1: If this is somebody, this is your fun buddy, and 233 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:52,240 Speaker 1: that's what they are. If it's your your mate, your 234 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 1: boyfriend or or whatever. Yeah, there's a big possibility that 235 00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 1: you're gonna have a baby. It's it's it's it can't about. 236 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,439 Speaker 1: You can make that same Jakie choice. You can make 237 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,920 Speaker 1: that same Jankie choice when you choose to get married. 238 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:13,200 Speaker 1: You can absolutely first twice got there's nothing there's you 239 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:17,640 Speaker 1: were awesome, it's not your fault. Love you forever, Yes, 240 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 1: for real, more conversation after this, brave. No, there's nothing 241 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:37,400 Speaker 1: reasonable at all about conception, you know what I mean? Like, 242 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:41,680 Speaker 1: there's nothing like I think humanity depends on us being 243 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,440 Speaker 1: unreasonable human beings or else it will cease to exist 244 00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:47,040 Speaker 1: if you had, like if you really had the time, 245 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,120 Speaker 1: if people actually took the time to think that, Yo, 246 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:52,800 Speaker 1: this five, ten, fifteen whatever minutes a pleasure, it's gonna 247 00:14:53,080 --> 00:15:03,080 Speaker 1: end in eighteen years of five hours going hard. Yeah. 248 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,160 Speaker 1: I mean if you if people really thought about that, 249 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,640 Speaker 1: like they would not fucking have kids. You know what 250 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:11,320 Speaker 1: I'm saying. But humanity requires us to lose ourselves in 251 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,320 Speaker 1: that moment for it to even be a possibility. Because 252 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 1: if you actually thought rationally about the ship, that's nobody 253 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:19,440 Speaker 1: would take that deal or you shipping me. Maybe that's 254 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:22,600 Speaker 1: the that's the gag there is that we're not thinking 255 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:27,800 Speaker 1: about the possible future because we're in the moment. We're 256 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:32,640 Speaker 1: not thinking about who we're with or maybe even why 257 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:36,160 Speaker 1: we're there. I mean, pleasure is pleasure, but with the 258 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:41,560 Speaker 1: possibility of having a child with somebody and that changes everything. 259 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,520 Speaker 1: So I am saying you have to be mindful of 260 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,520 Speaker 1: who you're sticking your roots into because what you don't 261 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:52,320 Speaker 1: want is to have a non participant. That thing hurts. 262 00:15:53,160 --> 00:16:00,120 Speaker 1: It hurts a non participant or a partisan. I know, 263 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:01,880 Speaker 1: like me and my cousin, we you know, had this 264 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,320 Speaker 1: conversation like a couple, you know, weeks ago, just about 265 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:07,320 Speaker 1: how you know, we both You know, if you grow 266 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,880 Speaker 1: up in a single parent household, there's a part of 267 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:13,280 Speaker 1: you that has to think it's like which parent is 268 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,640 Speaker 1: worse the one that stayed or the one that left, 269 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,760 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Because it's like the one 270 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:20,720 Speaker 1: that left is like you know when people talk about 271 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:24,520 Speaker 1: like single parents and single you know, the other party 272 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:28,200 Speaker 1: right with whichever the absentee parents is, that person has 273 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:30,680 Speaker 1: always looked at as old they ain't well for damn, 274 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,760 Speaker 1: they ain't ship. They're leaving their kids. Whatever I've you 275 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:35,960 Speaker 1: know recently and you know my past you is just 276 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,840 Speaker 1: based on the situation that I've been through in my 277 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:41,840 Speaker 1: you know, life with my kids. You know, sometimes I 278 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,960 Speaker 1: wonder if there is just to allow some grace for 279 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:48,560 Speaker 1: the other parents, if there is a way of looking 280 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,840 Speaker 1: at and say, well, you know what, as painful as 281 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,880 Speaker 1: it is that person is going, I can respect that 282 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,000 Speaker 1: they have the honesty to admit that they don't have 283 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,680 Speaker 1: the capacity for this, you know what I'm saying, Rather 284 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,840 Speaker 1: than them sticking around and like in like putting their 285 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,040 Speaker 1: values and just all the they shipped on the kid, 286 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:09,840 Speaker 1: maybe it is better if they have the picture now 287 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 1: again that ship is not ideal because they're betting on 288 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 1: the other parents being the better one. Because I'm like, yeah, 289 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,040 Speaker 1: what if you left for that reason and you got 290 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,800 Speaker 1: a better off with the other exactly exactly. They let Yeah, 291 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,800 Speaker 1: they're betting on did you you you know that they're 292 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,439 Speaker 1: betting on the other parents to be the better one 293 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,560 Speaker 1: because they know what their limitations and capacities as a 294 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,200 Speaker 1: human being, as a parent is. But most oftentime, and 295 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:31,880 Speaker 1: that's the whole, that's the woman, which is a whole. 296 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,879 Speaker 1: Another thing about how you know, one feels like they 297 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 1: can walk away and a woman usually can't walk away 298 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:39,879 Speaker 1: as fast because for so many reasons. I mean, I 299 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:42,960 Speaker 1: just look at it like this, that the goal has 300 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,320 Speaker 1: to be that we have in the healthy whole people, 301 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:50,040 Speaker 1: and that healthy whole people, they're going to approach parenthood 302 00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:53,840 Speaker 1: in a way that is going to be cognizant of 303 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:57,240 Speaker 1: whatever a child is lacking, and a child can be 304 00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:01,000 Speaker 1: lacking in some really significant things in a household where 305 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,600 Speaker 1: there are two parents, both parents could in my children's situation, 306 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,880 Speaker 1: both of their parents came from a quote unquote broken home. 307 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,119 Speaker 1: So there were things that we just didn't know to do, 308 00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:14,280 Speaker 1: either of us. And so there are ways if you're 309 00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:16,800 Speaker 1: working on yourself and and Fatina and I are trying 310 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 1: to heal ourselves, then what our children need emotionally is 311 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,520 Speaker 1: eventually gonna come up to the surface and it's gonna 312 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:25,720 Speaker 1: be like, well, how can I create something where they 313 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:28,520 Speaker 1: have this outlet or they have these other places where 314 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:31,200 Speaker 1: they can get these other other supports. So that's where 315 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,359 Speaker 1: it gets into like us as Africans, like how we 316 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,840 Speaker 1: do things. It's like when they say it takes a village, 317 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:38,920 Speaker 1: that's not some cute like stuff. That means the village 318 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:42,600 Speaker 1: is important. The village is essential, and that village is 319 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:45,439 Speaker 1: essential even if you have two parents. The whole idea 320 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:49,720 Speaker 1: of a nuclear family that is some um westernized thinking 321 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:53,679 Speaker 1: outside of not even just against African thinking, but against 322 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:59,560 Speaker 1: even traditional European ethnic thinking. Because big Irish families big 323 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,480 Speaker 1: as your families, they came to this country to also 324 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:06,119 Speaker 1: and functioned with the village mentality. But the idea of 325 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,920 Speaker 1: American is exceptionalism. That is what has caused us to 326 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,879 Speaker 1: think or isolate ourselves into these mom, dad, two kids, 327 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:17,120 Speaker 1: pick offense, We're gonna function how we do in this household. 328 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:21,080 Speaker 1: That individualism is really to me, the big part of 329 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,880 Speaker 1: the breakdown of the strength of black family because black 330 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:27,600 Speaker 1: family has never ever functioned like that. It is not 331 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:31,119 Speaker 1: an isolated thing. My kids need their aunties. My son 332 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:36,120 Speaker 1: CAUs Laya all the time. Yeah, because I think there's 333 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:37,720 Speaker 1: a big part of that, you know. It's it's like 334 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:41,720 Speaker 1: the principle that we learned who we are through other people, 335 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:43,600 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So it so it's like 336 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,840 Speaker 1: if your kid is in your house with your two 337 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,720 Speaker 1: parents and their brothers just or whatever, that's one thing, 338 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:52,360 Speaker 1: but learning their aunts, I mean, like just over quarantine. 339 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,000 Speaker 1: Like I've been having conversations for the first time, you know, 340 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:58,280 Speaker 1: sadly um with like my grandmother, Like my grandmother's ninety 341 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,160 Speaker 1: four years old, you know, and I try to make 342 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,639 Speaker 1: a note like to call her every Sunday, and we 343 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,879 Speaker 1: just talked because you know, I'm just realizing it's like, man, 344 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:11,000 Speaker 1: when she goes, this is like a library that's dying, 345 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,080 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like, I mean, you know, 346 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,960 Speaker 1: these are stories that I will never get to hear 347 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,760 Speaker 1: firsthand again. And you know, she was telling me stories 348 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,440 Speaker 1: about like my uncle's that and these were her brothers 349 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,200 Speaker 1: that passed like way before like I was even born, 350 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,200 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But she's telling me stories 351 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,000 Speaker 1: about them, and she's telling me a story about her 352 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:31,640 Speaker 1: dad and her mom and in hearing those things, it's 353 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:35,800 Speaker 1: teaching me more about myself and and I'm understanding, like damn, okay, 354 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,400 Speaker 1: well that's where I get this ship from, or that's 355 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,560 Speaker 1: where man, you know what I mean. It's like all 356 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,399 Speaker 1: kinds of dots are starting to connect, and you know 357 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:45,680 Speaker 1: that's something that you know what Angel was saying, just 358 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:49,000 Speaker 1: in terms of the village aspect, it definitely takes a 359 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:52,639 Speaker 1: village to raise the kid in terms of having a 360 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,000 Speaker 1: bunch of sets of eyes looking out. I mean, I 361 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,480 Speaker 1: grew up in a small town, you know, Rule North Carolina, 362 00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:01,560 Speaker 1: and if I did something bad and school, I heard 363 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,920 Speaker 1: about it three, five, six times by the time I 364 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:07,359 Speaker 1: got home. Everybody knew. You know what I'm saying, Like 365 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,600 Speaker 1: every board you show your class today, you know you 366 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:12,760 Speaker 1: better than I'm like, damn, Like that ship was the 367 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:16,520 Speaker 1: original black Twitter nigger. You're growing up? You know. He 368 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,040 Speaker 1: just made me think up. I'm sorry, this is totally random, 369 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,720 Speaker 1: but this is a little Fonte unknown like fact that 370 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,960 Speaker 1: I wanted to share with Asia and Jill. Did y'all 371 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,040 Speaker 1: know that as a little boy that Fonte was in 372 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:31,880 Speaker 1: the color purple? Yes? Yes I did, Yes, I did? 373 00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:42,359 Speaker 1: Had Can we can we say it together, like, yeah, 374 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:46,720 Speaker 1: which part of his line? Well, he didn't. He didn't 375 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:53,800 Speaker 1: have a line. I didn't have a line that was 376 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:57,480 Speaker 1: you with all my heart, with all my heart, with 377 00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,840 Speaker 1: you beyond, tell them what you did? Yeah, like so 378 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,800 Speaker 1: I was. So. There was a scene when they're running 379 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,040 Speaker 1: through like with with with with Celia and Netty are 380 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:10,240 Speaker 1: doing laundring and hanging up clothes and she's like telling her, look, 381 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:12,159 Speaker 1: you gotta fight, you gotta stand up to him, and 382 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:15,040 Speaker 1: these two kids go and run through the sheets and 383 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:17,840 Speaker 1: she tells him like, y'all get out of here, y'all 384 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,959 Speaker 1: get out. I was one of the kids that ran 385 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:23,760 Speaker 1: through the sheets. That was mine. Yeah, that was Let 386 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,320 Speaker 1: me just say, let me make feel real old right now. 387 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:29,520 Speaker 1: Do you know that movie celebrates its thirty five anniversary? 388 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:35,920 Speaker 1: Hey man, I love it. Yes, this December it celebrates 389 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,680 Speaker 1: his thirty fifth anniversary. With my girlfriend and I dr 390 00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 1: Yabah Blake. We speak in color purple, yes, yes, and 391 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,120 Speaker 1: so it is like it is it's part of our 392 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:53,320 Speaker 1: our homegirl Cannon. Yeah, man, my grandmother. At the time 393 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:57,119 Speaker 1: my uncle got Rest in Peace, Uncle Mike. He was 394 00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,639 Speaker 1: working at Anson, Texas. They shot it in North Carolina. 395 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:02,119 Speaker 1: They shot in Anson County, which is this county like 396 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,040 Speaker 1: corn kind of going back east from where I am. 397 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:06,520 Speaker 1: But um, they shot it there. And so my uncle 398 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,200 Speaker 1: at the time was working at this community college, is 399 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,520 Speaker 1: like a financial aide advice or whatever, and he told 400 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,840 Speaker 1: us and he was like, Yo, they're having auditions for 401 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:16,879 Speaker 1: this movie down here, y'all should come and do it. 402 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:20,960 Speaker 1: And at the time, the working title was called moon Song. 403 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,000 Speaker 1: That's what they were calling the movie, and so, um, 404 00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,639 Speaker 1: we were just like I was like, all right, not Brandon. 405 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,440 Speaker 1: I'm six years old. I have no idea what the 406 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,680 Speaker 1: funk this is. And so, um, you know, I went 407 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,440 Speaker 1: and we went down there and it was during the 408 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,640 Speaker 1: summer and it was like hot. We went for auditions 409 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,840 Speaker 1: and like we're go into this building at the college 410 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,320 Speaker 1: and it's like all these people. They're like everyone's there, 411 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,520 Speaker 1: and so they called me in and it was me 412 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,760 Speaker 1: and this girl who was nine. She was like a 413 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,520 Speaker 1: bigger girl. And I'll never forget. The audition was they 414 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:52,520 Speaker 1: wanted us to pretend that we were hungry and we 415 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:55,359 Speaker 1: wanted our mom to like make us a jam sandwich. 416 00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,800 Speaker 1: That was the audition, and like you had to display 417 00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,720 Speaker 1: anger you know, and so they were like, you know, 418 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:03,480 Speaker 1: like give me some jam, I'm hungry, and they would 419 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,640 Speaker 1: direct me like do that, and I was just like, Okay, 420 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:07,760 Speaker 1: give me some jam. I'm hungry. And then the girl 421 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,800 Speaker 1: doesn't and she's like get me. And I was like, 422 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,000 Speaker 1: holy funk, like y'all gonna feed this girl. She home 423 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:17,800 Speaker 1: really like I was scared of ship, you know what 424 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,200 Speaker 1: I mean, so um, because she was really in it. 425 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,159 Speaker 1: And so we did it and I walked out, and 426 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,159 Speaker 1: I remember walking out like feeling like I failed, you 427 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,000 Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like I thought that I was 428 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:28,960 Speaker 1: like I didn't do as good as she did, you know, 429 00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:31,399 Speaker 1: but I just kind of walked out. And so, you know, 430 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:34,040 Speaker 1: we we we leave. Said so then maybe like a 431 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,160 Speaker 1: week or two later, we come home and we come 432 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,159 Speaker 1: to my grandmother's house. This is my mom when were 433 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,800 Speaker 1: living with my grandmother at the time, my grandparents. And 434 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,040 Speaker 1: I'm in the den and I'm sitting in the den 435 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,280 Speaker 1: and the phone rings in the kitchen. My mom goes 436 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:48,560 Speaker 1: and picks up the phone and I hear her scream 437 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:53,040 Speaker 1: and like, I know, it's not a it's not like 438 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,520 Speaker 1: someone died, right, you know. I mean, I was like Okay, 439 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:58,159 Speaker 1: what then this happened? And so she tells me and 440 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,840 Speaker 1: she said, they picked you be they want you to 441 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:04,840 Speaker 1: be an extra in the color purple. And it hit 442 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,399 Speaker 1: me because I was like wow, I'm like okay. So 443 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:12,040 Speaker 1: the time, I remember seeing that book in my grandmother's home, 444 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:14,159 Speaker 1: like we had you know, my grandmother and grandfather they 445 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,600 Speaker 1: were both teachers, so there were always books in our 446 00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,399 Speaker 1: in my childhood home. And I just remember seeing that 447 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,560 Speaker 1: book like my aunt had it and she had like 448 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,480 Speaker 1: pages ear mark, Like I just remember that book was 449 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,639 Speaker 1: always part of my childhood and um, you know, and 450 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,200 Speaker 1: I remember trying to read it. But I'm six and 451 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:32,000 Speaker 1: I'm just like, okay, this makes no sense, right, but um, 452 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,240 Speaker 1: So we went out there and we got there and 453 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:36,399 Speaker 1: you know, they put us took me to the you know, 454 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,000 Speaker 1: the little set where all the costume was and stuff. 455 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,280 Speaker 1: When we get out there and you know, I'm I'm 456 00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:44,600 Speaker 1: in it. And so we're going through and I remember 457 00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:48,080 Speaker 1: meeting Spielberg at the time, him and Amy Irvin. They 458 00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:51,200 Speaker 1: were married and they had their son Max. He was 459 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,040 Speaker 1: a kid. So I remember her like breastfeeding and I 460 00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:56,600 Speaker 1: remember telling my mom, I was like, man, like that 461 00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:58,240 Speaker 1: white woman got a titty out. She was like, what, 462 00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:02,720 Speaker 1: get your damn me because I just you know, that 463 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:04,560 Speaker 1: ship was I've never seen that, you know, but she 464 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,080 Speaker 1: was just feeding him. And then I remember Danny Glover 465 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,720 Speaker 1: like I was really like scared of him, like because 466 00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:11,840 Speaker 1: he was I mean, and he was the sweetest guy, 467 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:13,680 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But you know, you see 468 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,639 Speaker 1: and take out to take of this nigga, big nigga 469 00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:25,480 Speaker 1: beat going on people, Yeah, I'm like, oh, come yeah. Her. 470 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,120 Speaker 1: The first person I met on the set I'll never 471 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:32,480 Speaker 1: forget was a Couswabusia who played Nettie, and she was 472 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,480 Speaker 1: just like the sweet like, oh you little, you little 473 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:38,080 Speaker 1: chocolate boy. You're so sweet coming here. You're so beautiful. 474 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,399 Speaker 1: And I'm like, you know, nervous, and I'm like, what 475 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,760 Speaker 1: in the hell because I mean, she's gorgeous and you know, 476 00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,560 Speaker 1: and she was just mean, literally, I mean to this day, like, 477 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:49,240 Speaker 1: I mean, she's just in person, she is one of 478 00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:51,840 Speaker 1: the most beautiful people that you know, I've I mean, 479 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:54,600 Speaker 1: she's a queen, right, she is a queen somewhere. I 480 00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:58,480 Speaker 1: think she is. Now wait a minute, she's really a 481 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:02,720 Speaker 1: queen somewhere, Like she read y'all Nettie with Africa and 482 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:09,240 Speaker 1: became a real quick That's what y'all is That what 483 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,359 Speaker 1: y'all try to tell me that not immediately it's like 484 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,560 Speaker 1: after John Singleton, but still you know what I'm saying 485 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,200 Speaker 1: that John Singleton, and I want to say it was 486 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,480 Speaker 1: after Stevie as well, if I'm not if I'm not mistaken, 487 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:23,520 Speaker 1: listen here to your family. Here's the thing. You know 488 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,960 Speaker 1: how conversations are. They start somewhere and they go somewhere else, 489 00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:30,639 Speaker 1: and typically it would just be the three of us. 490 00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:34,359 Speaker 1: But this is a rare, rare occasion. We have the 491 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:38,600 Speaker 1: privilege of having Fonte talk to us and share about 492 00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,440 Speaker 1: being a father, being a parent, about being on the 493 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:45,960 Speaker 1: colored purple like that's so that we're just gonna ride 494 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,800 Speaker 1: with this. We're just gonna ride with this very special 495 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:53,720 Speaker 1: episode of j DOT. It's a very special episode. I 496 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:59,399 Speaker 1: want to ask you about uncle days. You ever hear 497 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:02,040 Speaker 1: that phrase daddies? I may have made the sign it's 498 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:04,359 Speaker 1: not like your mama is like my daddy mama's friend. 499 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,080 Speaker 1: Is that kind of what that is? Uncle Daddy's are 500 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:12,119 Speaker 1: not quite as present as dance like real you know 501 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 1: there's father's because you know biologically you you made a child, 502 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:19,399 Speaker 1: so your father. But then there's dance. Uncle daddy's are 503 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:23,960 Speaker 1: not as present as dads. Like dads. They come around 504 00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:29,680 Speaker 1: holidays maybe and the birthday. That's about it until the 505 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:35,159 Speaker 1: uncle daddy isn't actual father. He's the biological father, but 506 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:40,920 Speaker 1: he behaves like the uncle that just pops. Okay, I 507 00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:44,440 Speaker 1: never heard that. I never uncle daddy. I'm pretty sure 508 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,400 Speaker 1: I just heard that as an absolute parent, Like that's 509 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:51,800 Speaker 1: kind of that's what we called them. Yeah, they just 510 00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:53,960 Speaker 1: showed up like on awards days. Ship you know what 511 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:58,360 Speaker 1: I mean, take pictures and yeah, yeah, you know what 512 00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:02,120 Speaker 1: I mean. Yeah, that's big. God bless to keep my 513 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:05,880 Speaker 1: resting father. But I promise to tell y'all that that 514 00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 1: was my parents biggest fight. Right there a Ward's day. Whoa, 515 00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:14,280 Speaker 1: My mother will be waiting at the entrance to the auditorium. 516 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:18,120 Speaker 1: Do you understand me? She like, if the niggers show up, 517 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:24,160 Speaker 1: he ain't sitting in the front. As sitting in the front, 518 00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:27,120 Speaker 1: you hear me. I'm trying to tell y'all my parents 519 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,120 Speaker 1: used to go by. Bob used to go off about 520 00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,800 Speaker 1: that awards day. You can't come here and reap the 521 00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:35,240 Speaker 1: benefit of awards day. You ain't outfit, you ain't even 522 00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:42,959 Speaker 1: on this. Let me see your award. You don't get 523 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:47,160 Speaker 1: the whole that you can't hold that out there and 524 00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,120 Speaker 1: you need to know that every year around the same time, 525 00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:54,200 Speaker 1: your kid goes back to school, and every year they grow, 526 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:59,920 Speaker 1: you know, size or two shoes, underwear, socks, they need 527 00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:06,600 Speaker 1: things like lotion and and soap and food, food if 528 00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,400 Speaker 1: their boy, they need to know how to pee in 529 00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:15,640 Speaker 1: the toilet. Y, yeah, you feel my attitude. I have one, 530 00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:19,320 Speaker 1: and you know, I went online and I figured out 531 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:23,000 Speaker 1: that the putting the cheerios in the toilet, you know, 532 00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:29,920 Speaker 1: it's like for the cheerios. Because I've never had a penis, 533 00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:34,760 Speaker 1: I don't I don't know how I did. You know, 534 00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:39,880 Speaker 1: I did not learn to piss on you, so you 535 00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:43,240 Speaker 1: can aim. You know, if you're a single mom and 536 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:47,320 Speaker 1: you don't have anybody, you know, there's there's a lot 537 00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:54,960 Speaker 1: of creativity involved about things that you know not Yeah, yeah, 538 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:57,360 Speaker 1: I definitely learned to piss on cheerio. I think where 539 00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:00,240 Speaker 1: I got kind of lucky in that aspect. I'm just 540 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:02,920 Speaker 1: naturally just kind of o c D, kind of clean, 541 00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:07,760 Speaker 1: neat freak. So anything any you know, any splash or 542 00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:09,200 Speaker 1: something that got on the toile or to side, Like 543 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,880 Speaker 1: look at that concept afterwife, I didn't know that. That 544 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,000 Speaker 1: sounds like it sounds like some motherly love and attention, 545 00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:20,920 Speaker 1: like hey, listen, you're gonna not listen. Man, I'm so 546 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:25,200 Speaker 1: scarred by Saturday mornings and a damn a motherfucking comments bottle, 547 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:28,400 Speaker 1: the bottle of Oh nick, let me tell you something. 548 00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:31,120 Speaker 1: I don't know about comment. I don't know about that 549 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:38,520 Speaker 1: com You gotta put that comment in the tub cleans 550 00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,760 Speaker 1: with comments, that was the thing. That was a thing. 551 00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:45,560 Speaker 1: Jail comment or clean your knees girl. He was a 552 00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:47,160 Speaker 1: black girl. Yeah, I was a black I was a 553 00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:49,520 Speaker 1: black nigger. Well I never was because my grandmother did 554 00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,640 Speaker 1: not cleaned your knees with cuss because it was it 555 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:56,440 Speaker 1: was it was the early Yeah, dad or lemon. You 556 00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,440 Speaker 1: know some lemen you know that don't do that to 557 00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:02,240 Speaker 1: your children. But to this day, my knees are not 558 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:11,160 Speaker 1: darker than my legs, and that's because I really don't well, 559 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:13,840 Speaker 1: you know what, the black folks, bless us, bless us, 560 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,360 Speaker 1: bless us, bless out of the mouths of necessity, we 561 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:21,720 Speaker 1: will come up, honey, we will figure something. My mother 562 00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:25,040 Speaker 1: will save your life and traumatize you in the same 563 00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:29,000 Speaker 1: five minutes of interaction. I love it so much. Just 564 00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:32,120 Speaker 1: like my grandmother used to put W. D. Fordy on 565 00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:39,280 Speaker 1: her knees. Oh ship move forward, she thought, oh you. 566 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:42,840 Speaker 1: She would send me to like the car shop to 567 00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:49,320 Speaker 1: go get her some She lived to be old and 568 00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:53,320 Speaker 1: then a night she was not a runner. But until 569 00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:57,640 Speaker 1: the end the legs above her head. Let me let 570 00:32:57,720 --> 00:32:59,280 Speaker 1: me say this thought, Let me say this, let me 571 00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,040 Speaker 1: let me let me say it is just as just 572 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,560 Speaker 1: to put a kind of you know, some context of this. 573 00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:09,200 Speaker 1: They don't make niggas like that no more, Like let 574 00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,160 Speaker 1: me just you know what I mean, Like like they 575 00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:16,320 Speaker 1: just that model of movement that should have been discontinued 576 00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,240 Speaker 1: if you try to go to the factory and look 577 00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,400 Speaker 1: for parts for that kind of even they don't make 578 00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:24,920 Speaker 1: them anymore. They like that. Listen, man, you can't like 579 00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:29,560 Speaker 1: the way like like your grandparents, my grandparents. Dude, you 580 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:32,320 Speaker 1: try to do that ship now, nigga, you out of 581 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:35,320 Speaker 1: here like that. Just don't. Yeah, it's like it's like 582 00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:37,640 Speaker 1: drug addiction. Like yeah, I don't tell my buddies like 583 00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:40,520 Speaker 1: you know when they say like all these artists like 584 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,480 Speaker 1: when they see people like dying and like, you know, 585 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,200 Speaker 1: you see artists like you know, overdosing and like stuff 586 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:47,360 Speaker 1: like that, and they look at dudes in the seven 587 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,680 Speaker 1: He's like, damn. But George Clinton was doing all the 588 00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:52,720 Speaker 1: drugs and Keith Richard was. It's like, listen, you understand 589 00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:56,440 Speaker 1: what drug addiction was in the seventies versus what drugs now, 590 00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,120 Speaker 1: those are two different things. In the seventies, like you 591 00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:02,120 Speaker 1: lived in the time when the world would stop, so 592 00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:05,040 Speaker 1: like when you got off stage, you know it would 593 00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:07,720 Speaker 1: you know, TV would go off right, Like there was 594 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,480 Speaker 1: not a twenty four hour news cycle, so there was 595 00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:12,479 Speaker 1: somewhat of a break. Like when you got on the Plan, 596 00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:17,080 Speaker 1: you went somewhere in peace and you could actually disappear, 597 00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:20,160 Speaker 1: like you could actually be unable the time of you 598 00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:24,440 Speaker 1: as us as human beings being unavailable. That just doesn't 599 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:28,040 Speaker 1: really happen. So if you're doing cocaine in like and 600 00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:31,960 Speaker 1: and and got your Instagram stories and tiktoking and all 601 00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:35,319 Speaker 1: this ship because you got too much, actids are going 602 00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:39,480 Speaker 1: off and you cannot stop. You cannot stop the business. 603 00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:46,560 Speaker 1: The business continues at all. And because we have so 604 00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:49,759 Speaker 1: many outlets, and there's always like you said, TikTok, there's 605 00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,960 Speaker 1: so much social media, there's so much television, there's so 606 00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:57,040 Speaker 1: much of everything. You have a phone, you know, wherever 607 00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:01,279 Speaker 1: you go the it was going to be some kind 608 00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:05,080 Speaker 1: of crazy. You know, you're gonna get kidnapped. This is 609 00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:08,160 Speaker 1: you know, my imagination and my conspiracy theories. Um that 610 00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:10,759 Speaker 1: you're gonna get kidnapped and you're gonna wake up with 611 00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:13,760 Speaker 1: you know, robotic arms and hands and legs and stuff 612 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:16,160 Speaker 1: to be a sideboard. You know what I mean. That 613 00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:24,279 Speaker 1: they were going to infuse us into the system with robotics. However, yes, 614 00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:27,600 Speaker 1: but you don't even have to We glued to the 615 00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:30,560 Speaker 1: thing in our hands that we carried around. We don't 616 00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,799 Speaker 1: even have to have it infuse. That's infused the stuff 617 00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:36,759 Speaker 1: to our hands. Got I got hand into my damn phone. No, 618 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:41,719 Speaker 1: you got nack injuries because of your damn phone from 619 00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:45,080 Speaker 1: the back of my neck. Is I didn't see it interesting? 620 00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:47,840 Speaker 1: You know what what I'm saying, I see it right 621 00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:49,680 Speaker 1: now is you're looking down it like you you just 622 00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:52,680 Speaker 1: have a withdrawal. I thought, I'm sorry I said too 623 00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:55,279 Speaker 1: much so saying that this is the Partner show with 624 00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:58,120 Speaker 1: me and like your fight and where we where we 625 00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:01,879 Speaker 1: actually go all back and scrap. This is that part. 626 00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:04,960 Speaker 1: I'm trying to be there. Quick second, I'm trying to 627 00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:09,719 Speaker 1: be there. And guess women, I'm bringing oil. I'm just 628 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:15,759 Speaker 1: down Jill. You always I'm a making money. She gotta 629 00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:19,399 Speaker 1: make a Nancy every time she got making nasty talking 630 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:23,279 Speaker 1: about because she don't believe it, she don't want it. 631 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:35,080 Speaker 1: That's why we love it. Because well I'm gray in 632 00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:37,719 Speaker 1: the amount because but listen, because the immortal words of 633 00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:45,680 Speaker 1: our philosopher, if you ain't nastyam, and this is what 634 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:58,120 Speaker 1: gets us having children with somebody, we should be having children. Hey, 635 00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:00,959 Speaker 1: put us all in the club, everybody in the club, 636 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:03,719 Speaker 1: because all of us that looked at them before and said, wow, 637 00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:09,799 Speaker 1: that's you. I mean, I'm saying this. If you can 638 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:12,080 Speaker 1: strap up, if you're if you know you're not trying 639 00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:15,840 Speaker 1: to be a parent, I can't strap up, then you 640 00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:20,640 Speaker 1: have to take a little snippety snap snap got you 641 00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:24,240 Speaker 1: have to do something because what you end up doing 642 00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:29,400 Speaker 1: as an absentee father or as a uncle daddy is 643 00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:33,360 Speaker 1: you're putting a whole rack of pressure on one parent, 644 00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,759 Speaker 1: which sucks. As a single parent, I can tell you 645 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:41,479 Speaker 1: that that sucks, and you have to resource. You gotta 646 00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:44,760 Speaker 1: go out and again, you know, create your village, find 647 00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:49,879 Speaker 1: some sincere gentleman to be a part of your kid's life. 648 00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:53,400 Speaker 1: And yeah, because when you do that, you you also, 649 00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:56,040 Speaker 1: like to what you were saying, you put under a 650 00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:58,359 Speaker 1: lot of pressure on the other parents, and you also 651 00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:01,800 Speaker 1: up end the parental dynamics. So now all of a sudden, 652 00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:04,919 Speaker 1: rather than both of us being gets together, now it's 653 00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,719 Speaker 1: one parent is the work parents and the other parent 654 00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:10,840 Speaker 1: is the fun unfairly, and that is not what parenting is, 655 00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:13,120 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's like you get to 656 00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,279 Speaker 1: show up and throw the party and take him to 657 00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,960 Speaker 1: the mall and do all this ship. But I'm the 658 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:19,920 Speaker 1: one that actually has to do the work the day 659 00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:22,680 Speaker 1: to day, you know what I'm saying, The homework, the cooking, 660 00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:26,520 Speaker 1: the mills, the actual fever, the the vomiting in the 661 00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:29,719 Speaker 1: middle of the night. But I'm scared because I saw 662 00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:33,160 Speaker 1: something on TV all night long that that business. But 663 00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:34,719 Speaker 1: then the other parents shows up with a pair of 664 00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:38,719 Speaker 1: Jordan's and it's just like, oh my god, but big Jill, 665 00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:39,960 Speaker 1: I don't know if you heard what he said, but 666 00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:42,120 Speaker 1: you put the scissors where your mouth was. And he 667 00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:43,880 Speaker 1: actually did take the snip because he knew he was 668 00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:46,080 Speaker 1: done last ye it was done. It was like not 669 00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:47,799 Speaker 1: and you know what, And I and honestly saying, I've 670 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:50,000 Speaker 1: told Asians before, and I told for teens before. Like 671 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,160 Speaker 1: I read an article about you know, we pretending he 672 00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:56,360 Speaker 1: talked very openly or like about and you know, and 673 00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:57,960 Speaker 1: I read and I was like, wow, like it just 674 00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:00,600 Speaker 1: it gave me a new perspective. You know, I never 675 00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:05,799 Speaker 1: heard anyone, any man like talk about it. Yeah we had. Yeah, 676 00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:08,480 Speaker 1: we did a whole episode of six is it. Yeah, 677 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,320 Speaker 1: we did a whole episode. And want to talk to 678 00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:13,400 Speaker 1: his doctor and everything. But you know, like again, I 679 00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:17,960 Speaker 1: understand accountability, and accountability is important. I don't care who 680 00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:22,000 Speaker 1: you are. Individual. Accountability is important in terms of the 681 00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:24,120 Speaker 1: type of life you want to live. And that's what 682 00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:27,719 Speaker 1: I'm getting in and I get that right because we're 683 00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:30,319 Speaker 1: talking about this and and I understood where it went 684 00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:34,120 Speaker 1: and how folks you know Agia Fonte like yeah, you 685 00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:36,080 Speaker 1: guys are like wait a minute, wait a minute. You 686 00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:40,040 Speaker 1: can't say, but there is a certain level of accountability 687 00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:44,960 Speaker 1: that has to be put in place. It has to 688 00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:47,440 Speaker 1: be put in place. When the person you're dating does 689 00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:52,040 Speaker 1: not talk about their children they have children, that is 690 00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:55,080 Speaker 1: not somebody you want to consider a potential mate. That's 691 00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:58,360 Speaker 1: not somebody you want to consider a potential father to 692 00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:02,799 Speaker 1: your child. If all of the baby mamas, however many 693 00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:05,480 Speaker 1: they are, if there's one to three, seven, I don't 694 00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:08,640 Speaker 1: know however many there are. If they don't like him, 695 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:17,520 Speaker 1: you may want a denominator, for sure. There's a common denominator. 696 00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:20,120 Speaker 1: You have to consider these things. I'm just saying, I 697 00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:24,120 Speaker 1: think all of those things work together. Those things work together. 698 00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:26,640 Speaker 1: I just those things are true, and they are true, 699 00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:29,880 Speaker 1: and they stand alone. I think we've got to be 700 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:33,600 Speaker 1: real careful about how we make those things. The reason 701 00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:38,680 Speaker 1: black people got problems like this is the part where 702 00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:41,200 Speaker 1: I'm just kind of like, okay, let's just be careful 703 00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:45,920 Speaker 1: how we intersect. We do we agree? The attempt to 704 00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:47,800 Speaker 1: deconstruct the black family is one of the reasons, like 705 00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:51,600 Speaker 1: do we just go general like the the purposeful deconstruction 706 00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,320 Speaker 1: of the black family is the reason. Oh yeah, I 707 00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:56,960 Speaker 1: think the deconstruction of the black family and then just 708 00:40:57,040 --> 00:41:00,279 Speaker 1: the deconstruction of you know, of black people. You know 709 00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:02,640 Speaker 1: what I'm saying individually as you know, as men and women. 710 00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:05,360 Speaker 1: You know, I think my whole thing is just like listen, 711 00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:07,719 Speaker 1: I understand that black men and black women we have 712 00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:11,640 Speaker 1: all harmed each other and been you know, have been 713 00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,200 Speaker 1: extremely you know, hurtful to each other in different ways. 714 00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:17,080 Speaker 1: I want us to acknowledge that and to work on 715 00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:19,840 Speaker 1: that and have conversations with each other. But I also 716 00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:22,320 Speaker 1: want us to have the common goal of understanding that 717 00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,200 Speaker 1: none of that ship is our fault, you know what 718 00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:28,520 Speaker 1: I mean, Like we we all were taught or I 719 00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:31,120 Speaker 1: won't even say talked. We all were indoctrinated from a 720 00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:34,080 Speaker 1: very fucked up manual that we had no hand in writing. 721 00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:36,400 Speaker 1: And you know what I'm saying, I just want us 722 00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:38,040 Speaker 1: to start there, you know what I mean, like we 723 00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:40,120 Speaker 1: can we I don't want us to attack each other. 724 00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:42,440 Speaker 1: I want us to attack the problem, hold each other accountable, 725 00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:45,280 Speaker 1: talk to each other, you know, honor each other's feelings, 726 00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:47,840 Speaker 1: but understand it, Like yo, none of this ship, this 727 00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:50,960 Speaker 1: that that script was already written before. We find absolutely, 728 00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:57,120 Speaker 1: without question acknowledging that truth. That is the whole truth. 729 00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:05,640 Speaker 1: Now to begin from here, to begin from here, and 730 00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:12,640 Speaker 1: that's the purpose, that's the point more conversation after the break, 731 00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:25,840 Speaker 1: and I thought twenty was a time that you know, 732 00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,080 Speaker 1: really gave us just some of the conversations that I've 733 00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:30,400 Speaker 1: been able to have again my family, you know what 734 00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:34,280 Speaker 1: I'm saying, my friends, both male and female, particularly black people. 735 00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:37,200 Speaker 1: You know, we have been able to have conversations now 736 00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:42,239 Speaker 1: where we are now able to rethink everything was like 737 00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:45,279 Speaker 1: a slate, you know, that was the mark to me, 738 00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:49,279 Speaker 1: That was the mark that said, this is how you 739 00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,520 Speaker 1: know that whatever you was doing before this, that ship 740 00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:53,840 Speaker 1: wasn't working. So now is the time for you to 741 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:59,960 Speaker 1: examine all of your old processes, relationships, um, you know, constant, 742 00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:03,920 Speaker 1: anything that doesn't serve you, that hasn't been serving you, like, 743 00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:06,239 Speaker 1: now is the time to clean that ship the funk up, 744 00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:09,160 Speaker 1: because whatever it is, once we come out of this period, 745 00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:12,640 Speaker 1: you know, the skills that we're learning now, we're gonna 746 00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:15,360 Speaker 1: need those skills for the rest of our lives, you know, 747 00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:18,040 Speaker 1: for the duration. And you know, my boy's talking to 748 00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:20,520 Speaker 1: night about how if you think about like Jill, like 749 00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:23,480 Speaker 1: you talk about your grandma, how if you had grandparents 750 00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:27,880 Speaker 1: or relatives that grew up in the depression, every you know, 751 00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:30,960 Speaker 1: grandma in the South. They got that freezer into into 752 00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:36,960 Speaker 1: the gard that's got likeds. We got one to you 753 00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:40,480 Speaker 1: know what I mean. And it's like those are customs 754 00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:42,640 Speaker 1: that you know, people who live through the depression, who 755 00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:45,719 Speaker 1: lived through hard times. I mean, those are things that 756 00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:48,600 Speaker 1: they customs that they adapted and they never let go of, 757 00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:55,920 Speaker 1: like seventies mom, I mean like they're still doing that. 758 00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:58,680 Speaker 1: And so now, you know, with the things that we're 759 00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:01,080 Speaker 1: learning now, I think we're learning some if you you know, 760 00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:03,719 Speaker 1: if you're intuitive and you're working on yourself, I think 761 00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:05,480 Speaker 1: this is just the time where we're able to kind 762 00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:09,800 Speaker 1: of separate what's real in our lives versus what's bullshit, 763 00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:14,520 Speaker 1: Like I know you smell. Have you ever seen them? Yes? 764 00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:17,480 Speaker 1: I have, Yes, I don't think. I haven't seen him 765 00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:20,719 Speaker 1: since I was a little kid. To be a dentist too, 766 00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:22,520 Speaker 1: I haven't seen him since I was a little kid. 767 00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:26,719 Speaker 1: How did you get in between their little legs? Huh? 768 00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:30,360 Speaker 1: Say what we got? You were nasty? I don't know that, 769 00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:33,759 Speaker 1: you know what. Shout out to my favorite mother for 770 00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:46,719 Speaker 1: giving me that joke. Okay, crazy, I was so thank you, 771 00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:57,319 Speaker 1: thank you. I'll be here all week. And that's that. Yeah, 772 00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:05,000 Speaker 1: she's great. On that note, we're ending in some laughter. 773 00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:11,080 Speaker 1: We have one question for you find sure what's on hard? 774 00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:16,960 Speaker 1: What's on my heart? Man? I think everybody and um, yeah, 775 00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:18,680 Speaker 1: I think you know. What's on my heart now is 776 00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:20,839 Speaker 1: just kind of touching back to what we were talking 777 00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:23,800 Speaker 1: about earlier, just using this time. You know, the biggest 778 00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,080 Speaker 1: thing that what this year has done for me is 779 00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:29,440 Speaker 1: that it really gave me the opportunity to really take 780 00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:32,520 Speaker 1: inventory of my life and really determine the person that 781 00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:35,200 Speaker 1: I want to be, you know going forward. And uh, 782 00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:38,400 Speaker 1: you know that was something that I never had the 783 00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:41,520 Speaker 1: opportunity to really think about because I was just so 784 00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:44,520 Speaker 1: busy doing and working and recording and touring and this 785 00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:46,800 Speaker 1: and that. You know that I never really had the 786 00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:48,759 Speaker 1: chance sit down. It's like, yo, man, like who who 787 00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:51,800 Speaker 1: do I really want to be? And you know, Corona 788 00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:54,680 Speaker 1: was in the I've set this before, Like you know, 789 00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:57,320 Speaker 1: it's not a game change, it's an accelerator, you know 790 00:45:57,320 --> 00:46:00,279 Speaker 1: what I mean. It's things that were not you know, 791 00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:03,840 Speaker 1: systems that have been dying for a long time, like J. C. 792 00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:06,799 Speaker 1: Penny has been dying forever. Two weeks of the wrong 793 00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:10,560 Speaker 1: and got them niggas the fun out the pen. I mean, 794 00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:16,200 Speaker 1: I really do miss him. I got great towels from 795 00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:23,520 Speaker 1: there when their sales were magnic. So um, So you 796 00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:27,480 Speaker 1: know this is so this was like my time of 797 00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:29,759 Speaker 1: just thinking of, you know, the person I want to be, 798 00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:32,000 Speaker 1: thinking of, you know, just the you know, the man 799 00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:33,840 Speaker 1: I want to be for my family, you know, and 800 00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:36,919 Speaker 1: just cleaning up just a lot of you know, ship 801 00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:40,759 Speaker 1: within myself and just really facing myself in a way 802 00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:44,640 Speaker 1: that we never had the opportunity to. And you know, 803 00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:47,359 Speaker 1: COVID was like, like I've said, it was God calling 804 00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:51,120 Speaker 1: everybody's best and so you know, whatever you got in 805 00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:53,520 Speaker 1: your hand, ain't no bluffing nigger, Like you got to 806 00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:59,560 Speaker 1: play that ship. You know what I'm saying. Yes, yo, 807 00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:04,040 Speaker 1: my nigga. Me and Fatigue was having that conversation the 808 00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:08,279 Speaker 1: other day. It was like, bros that we put off 809 00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:19,920 Speaker 1: Yeah from Circa too. I may tell you, man, I 810 00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:23,040 Speaker 1: know so many couples right now that like going through divorces. 811 00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:26,959 Speaker 1: I know so many you know, people that like done 812 00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:29,600 Speaker 1: lost jobs of course, and then some people that leaving jobs. 813 00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:31,879 Speaker 1: Like this is the point where you know, I think 814 00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:33,719 Speaker 1: for me and what I've seen just a lot of 815 00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:36,200 Speaker 1: my friends they're looking at their lives and they're saying, Okay, 816 00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:39,280 Speaker 1: this is one of the most uncertain and just craziest 817 00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:43,359 Speaker 1: times in human history. And if I can get through 818 00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:48,440 Speaker 1: this time and out this bullshit, then when did that 819 00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:51,520 Speaker 1: ever serve me? Right? When did it ever serve me? 820 00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:55,839 Speaker 1: When did it ever serve me? Like if I'm if 821 00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:57,200 Speaker 1: this is the point in my life where I'm at 822 00:47:57,239 --> 00:47:59,880 Speaker 1: my most vulnerable, my most you know, uncertain, like we 823 00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:02,640 Speaker 1: don't know what's happening, has no worth now, ain't got 824 00:48:02,719 --> 00:48:05,080 Speaker 1: no worth now. It don't have no worth now the 825 00:48:05,160 --> 00:48:07,520 Speaker 1: worst time. It doesn't have any worse, never had work, 826 00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:11,400 Speaker 1: it never had any word, it never did come on listen. 827 00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:13,799 Speaker 1: So yeah, So that's what's come on my heart, man, 828 00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:16,800 Speaker 1: just thinking about you know, just you know, moving forward 829 00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:20,080 Speaker 1: and just you know, taking care of black people, just 830 00:48:20,239 --> 00:48:22,160 Speaker 1: you know, I's just taking better care of each other 831 00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:24,040 Speaker 1: in the future. That's why I want to see and 832 00:48:24,120 --> 00:48:26,759 Speaker 1: that's why I want to come on and just chop 833 00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:28,040 Speaker 1: it over with y'all. I feel like I'm on the 834 00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:32,640 Speaker 1: view with some ship like I've never done. I've never 835 00:48:32,719 --> 00:48:36,640 Speaker 1: been on so perfect because I hated to tease Fonte 836 00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:38,000 Speaker 1: all the time and say you are such a friend 837 00:48:38,040 --> 00:48:41,600 Speaker 1: to the black woman, Like I appreciate you my brother 838 00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:44,759 Speaker 1: and my guardian and so many situations where it feel unprotected, 839 00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:47,160 Speaker 1: and I just appreciate you so much. That's all. I 840 00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:49,560 Speaker 1: appreciate you too. Man. And I tried. I mean, they listen, 841 00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:51,320 Speaker 1: you know, I mean, no one's perfect. I ain't always 842 00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:52,800 Speaker 1: got it right, you know what I'm saying. I'm always 843 00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:55,440 Speaker 1: working on it. But this was definitely a year. And 844 00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:57,080 Speaker 1: I mean it really did. The past couple of years 845 00:48:57,120 --> 00:48:59,799 Speaker 1: with me, you know, getting remarried and just even that time, 846 00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:02,719 Speaker 1: you know, just being in therapy and like really just 847 00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:05,799 Speaker 1: heard he said it. He said it out loud. He said, 848 00:49:05,840 --> 00:49:11,480 Speaker 1: it's not you need it. I mean I just told 849 00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:13,799 Speaker 1: one of my buddies. I said, listen, bro, it's like this, man, 850 00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:15,839 Speaker 1: like I look at it like this. It's like your 851 00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:18,600 Speaker 1: twenties is when you fuck it up. Come on, like 852 00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:22,080 Speaker 1: you just fuck it up. Your thirties is when you say, 853 00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:24,279 Speaker 1: you know what, I would like to funk up a 854 00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:26,480 Speaker 1: little less, and so you make changes, try to fu 855 00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:28,880 Speaker 1: up a little less. And then in your forties is 856 00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:34,160 Speaker 1: when you realize, yo, I'm fucked up. I have to 857 00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:35,520 Speaker 1: I just want to I want to I want to 858 00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:38,520 Speaker 1: insert myself there for a second and say that is 859 00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:41,680 Speaker 1: the black man. That's for me. Okay, okay, that's okay, 860 00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:45,239 Speaker 1: not just not just a black man, but that was 861 00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:49,560 Speaker 1: for men. What's all love to you? Because our thirties, 862 00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:52,359 Speaker 1: our thirties is when well I put this away, when 863 00:49:52,400 --> 00:49:57,120 Speaker 1: ship tries to funk us over that. Women. Yes, our 864 00:49:57,239 --> 00:50:00,640 Speaker 1: thirties is when life comes for our ass and our 865 00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:04,799 Speaker 1: afforities is for not giving a fun feel. Now that now, 866 00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:07,359 Speaker 1: that part, that is where I think we link back up, because, 867 00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:14,359 Speaker 1: like Nick, let me tell you something things I give 868 00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:18,640 Speaker 1: a funk about. That is a very shortly kin. A 869 00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:21,200 Speaker 1: lot of my sentences start with what you're not gonna do? 870 00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:28,160 Speaker 1: You're not gonna do? My mine always start with let 871 00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:34,080 Speaker 1: me explain something to right yours and mine start with Nick, 872 00:50:34,200 --> 00:50:37,400 Speaker 1: let me tell you something. Let's right, let let me 873 00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:42,520 Speaker 1: tell you something. Yeah, trans short and everything I translate that. Listen, 874 00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:46,040 Speaker 1: That is all right? That that work as I like. 875 00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:50,319 Speaker 1: I like listen, Oh ladies and gentlemen, I'm so glad 876 00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:57,239 Speaker 1: that you listen today. You are meant to be amazing 877 00:50:57,600 --> 00:50:59,880 Speaker 1: in this life. It's supposed to be juicy. It's a 878 00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:03,920 Speaker 1: closed a drip down your wrist, Darling, and anything else 879 00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:08,520 Speaker 1: is a waste of your time and your existence. Go away, 880 00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:11,840 Speaker 1: get off for here and be fantastic. Well, thank you 881 00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:14,800 Speaker 1: so much for your time. Fun tay Man, thank you 882 00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:17,319 Speaker 1: all for having me. This is beautiful. I appreciate it. Yeah, 883 00:51:17,440 --> 00:51:26,960 Speaker 1: laugh because I'm nasty. Yes, yes, you never ate a 884 00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:31,720 Speaker 1: peach disgusting. You just go right to the nasty parts. 885 00:51:31,800 --> 00:51:33,120 Speaker 1: That's not even what I was saying. It was like, 886 00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:42,080 Speaker 1: that's nasty too. What are we doing? They're sexual? I'm 887 00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:44,799 Speaker 1: sorry exactly. You see what Fante is doing. All fruit 888 00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:49,040 Speaker 1: is sexual. Seriously, you gotta you gotta eat you gotta 889 00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:53,399 Speaker 1: eat that peach from the fast. It's the best part. 890 00:51:55,600 --> 00:52:12,799 Speaker 1: And it's fine. You're so good. He's lessons stall lest Hi. 891 00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:15,640 Speaker 1: If you have comments on something he said in this 892 00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:20,160 Speaker 1: episode called eight six six, Hey, Jill, if you want 893 00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:23,279 Speaker 1: to add to this conversation, that's eight six six four 894 00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:26,680 Speaker 1: three nine five four five by don't forget to tell 895 00:52:26,760 --> 00:52:29,560 Speaker 1: us your name and the episode you're referring to. You 896 00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:33,919 Speaker 1: might just hear your message on a future episode. Thank 897 00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:37,160 Speaker 1: you for listening to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot Il 898 00:52:37,360 --> 00:52:41,240 Speaker 1: the podcast This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott, Laiah 899 00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:45,640 Speaker 1: st Clair, and Age Graden Danceler. It's executive producers are 900 00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:49,600 Speaker 1: Jill Scott, Shawn g and Brian Calhoun's produced by Laya 901 00:52:49,719 --> 00:52:53,120 Speaker 1: st Clair and me Eve jeff Cope. The editing and 902 00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:56,560 Speaker 1: sound design for this episode we're done by Christina Larenger. 903 00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:03,680 Speaker 1: J dot Ill is a production of I heart Radio. 904 00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:07,360 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i 905 00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:11,880 Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to 906 00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:13,080 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.