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Speaker 1: This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast

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Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 2: Hey everyone, welcome to the almost in his podcast. Today

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Speaker 2: we're doing an episode of almost Good Advice. Now let

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Speaker 2: me tell you. I read our three questions and I

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Speaker 2: cannot give advice on these. Okay, people, I'm letting mister Higgins,

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Speaker 2: who just I know that I say it every week

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Speaker 2: that like, you're an expert this, you could do a sermon,

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Speaker 2: you could be a minister.

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Speaker 3: You do give the.

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Speaker 2: Best advice ever. But these three questions, I think there's

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Speaker 2: two of the three questions that I feel truly uncomfortable

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Speaker 2: giving my opinion on. I will touch on it, but like,

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Speaker 2: this is stuff that needs to be dealt with with

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Speaker 2: like family therapists. Okay, this is this is not Ashley

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Speaker 2: Ike and Eddie from The Bachelor. I have no appropriateness

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Speaker 2: in giving you guys advice on this topic. Plus, like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I just I just feel like I am not qualified. Okay,

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Speaker 2: I'm just gonna put that out there. Ben just put

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Speaker 2: his glasses on their blue like blocking glasses are in They.

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Speaker 3: These are my almost good advice glasses. They make me

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Speaker 3: feel smarter, they make me feel wiser. I mean, I

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Speaker 3: think with what you're saying too. I haven't read these

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Speaker 3: questions yet.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he hasn't read them, which is why I'm going

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Speaker 2: to lead the conversation, but because I have to do

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Speaker 2: something here.

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Speaker 3: One of the notes here that I think it's important

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Speaker 3: to say is good advice sometimes is hey, I don't

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Speaker 3: have an answer. You need to talk to somebody professionally.

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Speaker 3: Like that's good advice in light.

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Speaker 2: That's what I thought. So that's what I thought while

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Speaker 2: reading this. I was like, I have no advice for you,

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Speaker 2: and therefore I that is the best I can help you. Now,

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Speaker 2: if you were my best friend or just like or

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Speaker 2: a good friend, and I knew a lot of aspects

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Speaker 2: about your life, I knew more about your personality, I

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Speaker 2: could help you a little bit better. But based on this,

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Speaker 2: like two paragraphs that I got from you can't do it.

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Speaker 3: Ben.

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Speaker 2: Are you ready to be challenged?

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Speaker 3: I am. I feel like you had seven cups of

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Speaker 3: coffee this morning.

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Speaker 2: I haven't had any. But no, I think I'm over

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Speaker 2: compensating because you can feel that my energy was low

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Speaker 2: when we were just chatting off and I was like, okay,

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Speaker 2: I gotta hype myself up.

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Speaker 3: We're on Okay, good. Well, let's kick it off. How

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Speaker 3: about you? If you've already read these and you don't

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Speaker 3: feel like you have anything to say, then how about

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Speaker 3: you read these questions Ashley, and I'll do the best

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Speaker 3: I can to respond in how I would you know

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Speaker 3: in any given circumstances.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I will save the one that I think is like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I can answer that or last. Okay, because it's kind

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Speaker 2: of fun and funny. It's a little bit, it's way lighter. Okay,

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Speaker 2: this is some anonymous My parents want to send me

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Speaker 2: to conversion therapy. What can I do? I'm a fifteen

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Speaker 2: year old male living in Oklahoma. Yesterday, my mom took

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Speaker 2: me to the eye doctor and while I was in

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Speaker 2: the chair, my phone, which was on the doctor's desk,

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Speaker 2: started buzzing. My mom picked it up to see what

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Speaker 2: it was, and she ended up snooping around finding a

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Speaker 2: photo album on my phone named Ah. This album was

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Speaker 2: filled with pictures of men. She immediately understood what it meant.

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Speaker 2: My parents are very homophobic and religious, and they believe

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Speaker 2: being gay is a sim as I feared, they didn't

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Speaker 2: accept me at all. My dad beat me with a belt,

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Speaker 2: and although my mom tried to stop him. She was

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Speaker 2: also screaming at me. Today, they told me that they

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Speaker 2: will look into conversion therapy for me. I have no

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Speaker 2: say in this, and I'm not allowed to play the

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Speaker 2: piano anymore. I've been taking piano lessons for nearly two

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Speaker 2: years and I absolutely love everything about it. It's very

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Speaker 2: important to my mental health. And I'm also really afraid

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Speaker 2: of conversion therapy. The stories that I've heard about it

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Speaker 2: really scares me. It's a legal practice here in Oklahoma,

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Speaker 2: which leaves me feeling trapped and scared, and I don't

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Speaker 2: want to undergo something so fundamentally against who I am.

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Speaker 2: Is there anything I can do at all? And if

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Speaker 2: I end up having to go to conversion, should I

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Speaker 2: just pretend to be straight? Any advice on how to

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Speaker 2: navigate this would be greatly appreciated.

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Speaker 3: Okay, Ashley, do you want to say an.

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Speaker 2: I just want to say that I feel really really

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Speaker 2: bad for what you're going through and that I am

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Speaker 2: really upset with you the way your parents handled it.

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Speaker 3: So the advice here is is there anything I can

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Speaker 3: do or you can do? Anonymous writer? Well, yeah, I'm

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Speaker 3: with Ashley. I'm sorry this is where you're at a

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Speaker 3: couple like keynotes here that I would say is, I've

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Speaker 3: never known anybody now the beating is really awful to hear. Now. Also,

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Speaker 3: I've never known anybody to that's beat the gay away, right,

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Speaker 3: And I've never you know, I know that's saying. I

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Speaker 3: know it's something attempted, but it's not. It doesn't work right.

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Speaker 3: And I've never really known anybody to change who they

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Speaker 3: are as a person based on this type of punishment

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Speaker 3: or brute I've never known anybody to like switch their

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Speaker 3: mindset or switch how they feel. Because what I believe

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Speaker 3: as a human and as somebody who deeply believes in Jesus,

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Speaker 3: there is uh, there's so much more to who we

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Speaker 3: are as a person than what's on the outside and

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Speaker 3: what's expressed on the outside or so. So my point

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Speaker 3: is that you're never going to convert somebody without it

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Speaker 3: being something deeply inside of him that calls to be converted.

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Speaker 3: I believe that there is a holy Spirit. I'm saying

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Speaker 3: all this because his family is religious, and so I'm

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Speaker 3: speaking to you to try to relate with these things.

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Speaker 3: I believe there's a holy Spirit that has incredible power

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Speaker 3: and wonder in this world, and as Christians, or as

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Speaker 3: anybody from a faith tradition that believes in the spiritual

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Speaker 3: realm at all, then I've always given a lot of

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Speaker 3: respect and power to that spirit realm and to say,

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Speaker 3: if Jesus is who he said he was, and if

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Speaker 3: God loves most importantly, then Jesus is going to work

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Speaker 3: in and through you, and how Jesus desires to work

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Speaker 3: in and through you, and that that power is available.

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Speaker 3: And so I'm maybe having a conversation with your parents

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Speaker 3: just saying, hey, I don't know what your belief system is.

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Speaker 3: If you agree with kind of their belief system or not.

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Speaker 3: I'm assuming that you're either very tainted by it or

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Speaker 3: you feel like faith is a list of rules and

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Speaker 3: things that you should and should not do. And you

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Speaker 3: probably know the church and people are from the church

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Speaker 3: more for what they're against than what they're for. And

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Speaker 3: that saddens me, because what the church should be for

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Speaker 3: is bringing people together. It should be it should be

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Speaker 3: I believe that oasis in the desert of life, so

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Speaker 3: that when you're around your church community, when you're practicing

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Speaker 3: your faith tradition, when you're praying to your God above,

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Speaker 3: when you're taking actions for the outsider in this world,

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Speaker 3: that you're actually getting a taste of heaven, You're getting

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Speaker 3: a taste of God, and so that your faith is

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Speaker 3: actually the oasis in the world that's going to tell

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Speaker 3: you you're not enough, then you're not doing the right things,

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Speaker 3: or who or who you are as a person doesn't

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Speaker 3: fit into this world. So I'm hoping your faith you

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Speaker 3: can find a faith community that wraps their arms around

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Speaker 3: you and says you are enough, and you are incredible,

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Speaker 3: and you are everything that God's ever desired you to be.

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Speaker 3: When it comes to the issue of your sexuality, I

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Speaker 3: can't speak to that because I don't have an expertise

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Speaker 3: in that really, but I do know many churches out

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Speaker 3: there that have fully accepted it and are affirming of

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Speaker 3: people who are attracted to the same sex. I do

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Speaker 3: believe there are people out there deeply have a true

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Speaker 3: faith in Jesus. I'm guessing that's what your religious tradition is,

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Speaker 3: your family's religious tradition, because you're in Oklahoma and they're

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Speaker 3: trying to convert you. So I'm assuming you know it's

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Speaker 3: probably some fundamental or conservative Christianity. But there are many

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Speaker 3: churches out there who have not only had people stand

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Speaker 3: up as teachers of scripture, teachers of God who also

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Speaker 3: are homosexual. So there are those people, and and I

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Speaker 3: encourage you to try to reach out to some of

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Speaker 3: those and to read some of those. I personally am

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Speaker 3: not a parent, but I can never imagine in this

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Speaker 3: situation asking one of the humans in my life that

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Speaker 3: a parent probably loves most, which is their child, that

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Speaker 3: they're just not good enough for their family dynamics no

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Speaker 3: matter what, Like I just can't and then that's not okay.

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Speaker 3: So back to the question of what can you do.

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Speaker 3: I think your options are honestly, sadly, very limited. I

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Speaker 3: think there's like a couple pass here, you're fifteen years old,

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Speaker 3: you can't leave home, and if you do, it's it's

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Speaker 3: not going to be good good for you. It's probably

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Speaker 3: not the best option here. If it is a very

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Speaker 3: unhealthy environment and you feel like you are, you know,

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Speaker 3: getting beaten to a point where you know you can

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Speaker 3: start to maybe categorize it in other ways, then I

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Speaker 3: would recommend maybe reaching out to some professional support to

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Speaker 3: see if there's options to either get out of there

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Speaker 3: or to separate for a period of time to get

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Speaker 3: some space. And if there's an environment that you could

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Speaker 3: go to for a while to get some protection and

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Speaker 3: to let everybody kind of breathe and maybe let this

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Speaker 3: well things sink in a bit. It's probably pretty shocking

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Speaker 3: for everybody, yourself included. I also would say that, you know,

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Speaker 3: I don't know what convert therapy it exactly is, or

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Speaker 3: what exactly does. It doesn't sound healthy. It feels very barbaric.

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Speaker 2: Seen documentary is on it before it can get really gruesome.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it feels very barbara.

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Speaker 2: But I will say that, like I'm very stuck on

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Speaker 2: the fact that he was beat Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I just don't know the we don't know the extent, right,

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Speaker 3: I mean obviously like my grandpa spanked me with a belt,

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Speaker 3: like that's kind of you know, like I don't, I

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Speaker 3: don't know, And it like wasn't like he beat me

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Speaker 3: to you know, where I was bleeding a bruised, but

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Speaker 3: it was I guess it. I don't know. I'm going

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Speaker 3: to assume because he didn't say, hey, I felt like

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Speaker 3: it was abuse, that it was probably like a spanking.

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Speaker 3: And if that's the case, then like I still think

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Speaker 3: spanking's weird. But like I know some people today that

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Speaker 3: still believe that it's a proper punishment. I mean, it

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Speaker 3: wasn't that long ago the elementary school of public elementary

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Speaker 3: schools in Indiana still had the principles, still have the

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Speaker 3: ability to spank the kids.

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Speaker 2: That is wacky.

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Speaker 3: So I don't know, Like I can't, I don't want to.

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Speaker 3: That's why I said, I don't want to categorize it

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Speaker 3: in a way that's unfair or not giving it like

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Speaker 3: the proper justice, or maybe giving it too much sentiment.

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Speaker 3: So I don't know. Conversion therapy it seems barbaric, it

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Speaker 3: doesn't seem healthy. It's not going to change who you are.

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Speaker 3: I mean, that's that's the truth of the whole thing.

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Speaker 3: There's only one thing in this world that changes who

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Speaker 3: we are, and that's a deep love for that I

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Speaker 3: believe comes from God like and that usually changes for

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Speaker 3: the better. And so I'm not saying that you need

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Speaker 3: to be changed. I'm saying, like, conversion therapy isn't going

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Speaker 3: to change you as a human. There's only one thing

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Speaker 3: that changes you as a human. And usually, at least

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Speaker 3: in my experience in life, God has only changed me

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Speaker 3: to be a better person to others and to myself

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Speaker 3: and to the people around me, And so I don't

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Speaker 3: think conversion therapy is going to do anything for you.

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Speaker 3: You find like it's going to be a very unhealthy practice.

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Speaker 3: So again going back to options, you need to talk

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Speaker 3: to them. You need to tell them who you believe

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Speaker 3: you are as a human. You need to tell maybe

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Speaker 3: tell them your kind of your stance on your fear.

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Speaker 3: I think parents, good parents, when a child expresses their

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Speaker 3: fear towards something, will respond in a loving way. And

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Speaker 3: I'm hoping that once they hear, hey, i'm really scared

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Speaker 3: of this, I'm really nervous about this, and here are

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Speaker 3: the reasons why. I'm hoping they respond in a loving

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Speaker 3: way and says okay, let's chat. I also think there,

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Speaker 3: you know, again, there is that possibility of taking a

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Speaker 3: leave of absence, hopefully away from them. I don't know

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Speaker 3: if you have family that maybe you can go to,

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Speaker 3: if you can ask them, if you can maybe visit

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Speaker 3: some family for a few weeks and let this like

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Speaker 3: sink into them a little bit, breathe a bit, get

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Speaker 3: some you know, so you can all kind of regather

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Speaker 3: your thoughts. So I think those two are really good

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Speaker 3: opt I think the third option here would one hundred

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Speaker 3: percent for me, and I'm encouraging you to do this

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Speaker 3: is to go to I mean, this is my advice

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Speaker 3: and what I would say, and so it's not everybody's.

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Speaker 3: I would go to your local church that you believe

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Speaker 3: will at least want to listen to you. I'm not

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Speaker 3: going to say they're going to agree with you on

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Speaker 3: where you're at in life, but at least they'll come

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Speaker 3: and listen to you. You need to go there and

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Speaker 3: kind of tell them your situation. And then finally you

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Speaker 3: have a psychiatrist or a therapist a family a family

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Speaker 3: therapist that can maybe sit and moderate and mediate for

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Speaker 3: your family here and kind of be maybe a voice

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Speaker 3: of reason in the midst of this really chaotic time

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Speaker 3: for your parents and for yourself obviously. I mean, I'm

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Speaker 3: not thinking that you want to come out to them

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Speaker 3: in this way with pictures on your phone. But all

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Speaker 3: of this to be said, and again this comes from anonymous.

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Speaker 3: I want your parents to love you well, and I

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Speaker 3: know that deeply when they had you as a child,

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Speaker 3: their desire was to love you well. And so at

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Speaker 3: fifteen years old, you are going to have to deal

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Speaker 3: with and figure out some complex issues that it's unfair

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Speaker 3: to you at fifteen years old. But my desire for

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Speaker 3: you is to figure out how your family can get

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Speaker 3: back to a loving place again. I'm sure this is

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Speaker 3: not how you want to come out to them. I'm

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Speaker 3: sure this is not how they would ever dreamed of

264
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Speaker 3: you coming out to them, if that was ever a possibility.

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Speaker 3: But it happened, and so now there is that kind

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Speaker 3: of really unfair thing to you that you're going to

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Speaker 3: have to talk through and deal with some complex feelings

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Speaker 3: and emotions and issues with parents who right now feel

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Speaker 3: like they're going to try to push you aside. And

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Speaker 3: I've never known a good parent that wants to push

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Speaker 3: their kids away no matter what.

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Speaker 2: Well, I hope that they're I don't know that they're

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Speaker 2: good parents, but we'll see.

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Speaker 3: We'll see, we'll see how they respond. Now I know

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Speaker 3: personally that probably the god of your parents and the

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Speaker 3: god that your parents believe in been over backwards for

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Speaker 3: the outsider, for the person that was pushed aside in

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Speaker 3: this world, and so I hope they do the same thing.

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Speaker 2: All right, Let's get to our next question, also from anonymous.

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Speaker 2: I'm pregnant and emotionally ready, but I can't afford it.

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Speaker 2: What should I do? I'm thirty and my partner is

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Speaker 2: thirty one. We've accidentally gotten pregnant. We're in a secure,

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Speaker 2: healthy relationship for the past three years, and I have

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Speaker 2: a well paid job, but he recently switched careers and

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Speaker 2: has a year left on a low paying traineeship. We

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Speaker 2: both want this so badly, but we're considering not going

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Speaker 2: through with the pregnancy, which breaks my heart in a

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Speaker 2: way I can't even describe. For a few reasons, we

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Speaker 2: don't have much in terms of savings. Our combined income

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Speaker 2: isn't very high. We're currently living in a house boat,

291
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Speaker 2: not great for a pregnant woman or a baby. We're

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Speaker 2: flipping it to sell it for profits and put a

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Speaker 2: down payment on a house eventually. We don't live in

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Speaker 2: the same country as any family. I want this so badly.

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Speaker 2: My partner and I are emotionally ready, but I don't

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Speaker 2: want my child to grow up any family struggling to

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Speaker 2: make ends meet. What should I do? Okay, I'll put

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Speaker 2: my two cents in here. I think you should have

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Speaker 2: the baby because you really want the baby, You're at

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Speaker 2: a good age for it. You sound like you're obviously

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Speaker 2: not in the greatest of financial situations. But can you

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Speaker 2: feed this baby? Can you keep the you know, can

303
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Speaker 2: you keep it clothed and healthy and bathe and have

304
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Speaker 2: a roof under the head over the head? I think

305
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Speaker 2: you can. And I just feel like it will be

306
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Speaker 2: a huge regret of yours if you were to end

307
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Speaker 2: this pregnancy. Of course, we're not best friends. I may

308
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Speaker 2: not be the best you know. I'm just going off

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Speaker 2: of what you're saying. I don't want your trial to

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Speaker 2: grow up in a struggling family either, but not everybody

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Speaker 2: is in the financial place that they want to be

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Speaker 2: when they end up having a baby. As long as

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Speaker 2: you can take care of this baby, I think you

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Speaker 2: you know, give it its fundamental needs and love being

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Speaker 2: one of you know, love and affection and guidance and

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Speaker 2: all that being so high I'm that list. So that's

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Speaker 2: my quick two cents, Ben, I feel like you are

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Speaker 2: going to say something similar.

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Speaker 3: Well, I mean, I make mind, just would There's the

320
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Speaker 3: only advice here for me would be give you encouragement.

321
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Speaker 3: Like people all over the world are having children and

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Speaker 3: they're doing it fantastically. They're great parents, they love well,

323
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Speaker 3: they're caring for their child well, and in fact, in

324
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Speaker 3: my life, I've never met somebody who's had a baby

325
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Speaker 3: who hasn't said it's one of the greatest gifts, if

326
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Speaker 3: not the greatest gift, that they've ever been given. And

327
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Speaker 3: so you know what right now, like I've told been

328
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Speaker 3: very open about, you know, my outlook on being a parent,

329
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Speaker 3: something I desire, something I want. But I'm thirty five

330
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Speaker 3: years old and I've gone thirty five years of my

331
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Speaker 3: life without it. So I don't know if I'm ready.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if it's like going to make my

333
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Speaker 3: life better. I believe it will, because I believe it's

334
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Speaker 3: one of the greatest gifts that we are given and

335
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Speaker 3: one of the biggest blessings that we can have. So

336
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Speaker 3: my point is, if millions upon millions of people every

337
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Speaker 3: year can have babies and do it, you can't too.

338
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Speaker 3: It sounds like you are actually very well suited to

339
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Speaker 3: do this and do it fantastically. And my other point

340
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Speaker 3: would be that I don't think you're ever ready, Like

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Speaker 3: I really believe that I think you think you are,

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Speaker 3: and I think women especially have like more of a

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Speaker 3: desire and like a an excitement or maybe that like

344
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Speaker 3: feeling of no I cannot wait to have a baby.

345
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Speaker 3: But I don't know if anybody is actually ever ready, Like,

346
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Speaker 3: I don't think there's ever a time in life where

347
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Speaker 3: you wake up and you're like, you know what, I'm

348
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Speaker 3: pregnant and I know I'm going to crush this. I

349
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,280
Speaker 3: think that would be a terrible mindset. If you're like,

350
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Speaker 3: I'm going to bring a human life into this, I'm

351
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Speaker 3: going to carry them in my womb, I'm going to

352
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Speaker 3: give birth to this child, and I'm going to do

353
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Speaker 3: it perfectly because I'm so good at this. I think

354
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Speaker 3: that would be a bad mindset. I think the mindset

355
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Speaker 3: is like I know I can do it. I know

356
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Speaker 3: I can make it happen. Am I ready? I don't

357
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Speaker 3: really know because life is old and it takes twists

358
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,680
Speaker 3: and turns every day. So my encouragement to you is

359
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,800
Speaker 3: there's so many don't take this wrong. If Ashley can

360
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:11,119
Speaker 3: do it, you can do it too. If if my

361
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,320
Speaker 3: mom can do it, you can do it too. Like

362
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:14,880
Speaker 3: you can do this.

363
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm really not concerned for you.

364
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:18,320
Speaker 3: No, I'm not like that.

365
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,360
Speaker 2: I know it's just a few paragraphs were going.

366
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Speaker 3: Off of, but this is a very like I'm reading this,

367
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,240
Speaker 3: I'm like, of course it's overwhelming. Of Course you're questioning

368
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,639
Speaker 3: where you live. Of course, you're questioning you and your

369
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,919
Speaker 3: husband's future. Of course, you're questioning if you're ready financially.

370
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Speaker 3: Of course you're questioning if you have the time and

371
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,680
Speaker 3: the effort in the space for this. That's like, that's

372
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:41,280
Speaker 3: very human, that's very normal. You're not alone in those questions.

373
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Speaker 2: The baby's not going to know certain things. It's not

374
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Speaker 2: going to know if all of it's closed or hand

375
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:49,920
Speaker 2: me downs, if you got all of the car seats

376
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:54,000
Speaker 2: and strollers from the thrift store or they were all donated.

377
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:58,120
Speaker 2: It's fine. You able to feed the baby, get the baby, love,

378
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,960
Speaker 2: It's going to be happy. We're gonna be good.

379
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 3: You're gonna do great. So my encouragement is have the baby.

380
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Speaker 3: Let it change you in the way it's gonna change you.

381
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Speaker 3: Let it enhance life where it enhances life. And it's

382
00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:17,760
Speaker 3: gonna be from not my personal experience, but from so

383
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,000
Speaker 3: many around me, it's gonna be one of the coolest

384
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Speaker 3: things you ever did. Actually, would you agree it to

385
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,200
Speaker 3: one of the coolest things you ever done? Oh?

386
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Speaker 2: Yeah, of course. And yeah, just like even in the

387
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Speaker 2: morning when they wake up and you're like, oh, you're

388
00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:34,159
Speaker 2: waking up. But then like you get to cuddle with

389
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,920
Speaker 2: him in bed, and then they go, Mama, Mama, You're

390
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,440
Speaker 2: just gonna be like, You're the best thing ever. You're

391
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:45,000
Speaker 2: so cool. Okay. Our last one is the one that

392
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:48,280
Speaker 2: I said was a little bit more lighthearted, good in

393
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:51,879
Speaker 2: the grand scheme of things. Yeah, my boyfriend subscribed to

394
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:55,600
Speaker 2: my best friend's OnlyFans. My boyfriend and I have been

395
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 2: dating for two and a half years. He's twenty six,

396
00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 2: I'm twenty five. We live together now, and I thought

397
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:04,360
Speaker 2: we were pretty serious. Long story short, I caught him

398
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:09,960
Speaker 2: subscribing to my best friend's only fans page. She's confirmed

399
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:13,080
Speaker 2: it's true, and so did he. It's been a few

400
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:15,600
Speaker 2: months and we haven't broken up, but I feel extremely

401
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,440
Speaker 2: betrayed and disgusted. I can't look at him the same,

402
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:23,359
Speaker 2: let alone bring up her name. I am not mad

403
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:26,120
Speaker 2: at her, of course, but I don't know what to do,

404
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,479
Speaker 2: and I don't know if this could be forgiven. His

405
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:35,920
Speaker 2: explanation is that he was curious. I don't know. Okay, Well,

406
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,160
Speaker 2: first off, I don't know what your friend's only fans

407
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,520
Speaker 2: looks like, because there's like a wide range of what

408
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,040
Speaker 2: an OnlyFans can be it can go. Let's assume it's

409
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:47,679
Speaker 2: just like it's porn, Yeah, like full full fledged porn.

410
00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:50,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's assume that, because if not, we can dance

411
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:51,359
Speaker 3: around this forever.

412
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 2: If it's full fledged porn and he's I mean, it's

413
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 2: effing like we it's weird and I would be grossed

414
00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:01,280
Speaker 2: out too. But I also kind of by him saying

415
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:08,160
Speaker 2: that he was curious, Leo Ben's face is like, Ashley,

416
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 2: are you kidding me? Yeah? I I wonder how often

417
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,920
Speaker 2: you see this friend? Like, is this a friend that's

418
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,639
Speaker 2: in your daily life? Is this a friend that he

419
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 2: hangs out with often? If he hangs out with her

420
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:28,080
Speaker 2: in person, that's really weird. I know it's his best friend,

421
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:33,000
Speaker 2: but like, that's really weird. I guess. I mean, obviously

422
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:38,440
Speaker 2: it's concerning. I would be pissed. I need more from him,

423
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,399
Speaker 2: Like what was he thinking? I get being curious, but

424
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,640
Speaker 2: like to subscribe? Did he subscribe to it? I don't.

425
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:50,399
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know. It's it's all a

426
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:59,160
Speaker 2: bit interesting, Yeah, that's all I don't know. Then obviously

427
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:01,959
Speaker 2: it's a problem. I'm asking for your help here because

428
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,480
Speaker 2: why do I not want her to break up with

429
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:07,679
Speaker 2: him over the one thing is that bad.

430
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:09,680
Speaker 3: No, I would agree with you.

431
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 2: Okay, I just don't know if it's like totally break

432
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 2: upable over m it's just definitely effing a weird.

433
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:22,680
Speaker 3: I respect, I actually respect his honesty. I think he

434
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,879
Speaker 3: was curious. I think he was curious, not only because

435
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:29,399
Speaker 3: he was curious about the page of what was going on.

436
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:32,320
Speaker 3: I think he was also he's kind of probably curious

437
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:37,800
Speaker 3: about your best friend. He's obviously found her to be

438
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:41,640
Speaker 3: at whatever level, something that I'm not going to say

439
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:45,720
Speaker 3: he admires or he desires or that he fantasizes about.

440
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:49,399
Speaker 3: But he's curious enough. And I think he was honest

441
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:52,160
Speaker 3: with you about that. And so if he was honest

442
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,439
Speaker 3: with you, I don't know what you're looking for in

443
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 3: a partner. So if you're looking for a partner who

444
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 3: doesn't follow your your friends on only things, then like

445
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,679
Speaker 3: maybe he's not your guy. But if you're looking for

446
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 3: a partner to be honest with you, I think there

447
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,680
Speaker 3: is a step here who you have to respect his life.

448
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:11,480
Speaker 2: He then nails it. He nails it. He was able

449
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 2: to put together what I was like kind of like

450
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 2: feeling but couldn't put into words. And I'm gonna be

451
00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:22,720
Speaker 2: so honest here. Before Jared and I were together, it's

452
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 2: like probably a year before we got together, he had

453
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:34,880
Speaker 2: seen a girl like two visits. She was not on

454
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:38,160
Speaker 2: OnlyFans at the time, but she gotten only fans and

455
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 2: I was like, her Instagram was a little silicious, okay,

456
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:45,160
Speaker 2: And I was like, who is this? You know, who

457
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,680
Speaker 2: is this? And then I'd ask his best friend, who's

458
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,879
Speaker 2: a girl? Who is this? And she actually lied to

459
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:55,119
Speaker 2: me until we were together, I think about who she

460
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,439
Speaker 2: really was. She claimed it was a friend of hers,

461
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:01,160
Speaker 2: but once we got together, thing was out in the air.

462
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:04,160
Speaker 2: She was like yeah, well, like you know, he was like, yeah,

463
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:07,359
Speaker 2: I saw her a few times and then and she

464
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:11,200
Speaker 2: ended up getting only fans in I think probably when

465
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 2: we got together and I was at dinner with a

466
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 2: couple of girlfriends and we and I was dying of

467
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:23,119
Speaker 2: curiosity to see what her only fans look like. So

468
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 2: my best friend subscribed so that we could watch the

469
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:31,200
Speaker 2: videos at dinner. So like, I understand the burden curiosity

470
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:35,479
Speaker 2: of having somebody in your on the outskirts of your

471
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:38,720
Speaker 2: life and having an only fans just wanting to see

472
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 2: what was on it?

473
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,680
Speaker 3: I mean, am I wrong in saying that only fans

474
00:26:53,520 --> 00:27:01,200
Speaker 3: when it's probably nude? Like the design at the basis

475
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 3: of everything is curiosity, Like, it's fantasy and curiosity. You

476
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 3: follow these four fantasy and curiosity. And so I do

477
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 3: believe that as a drawing factor to why people follow

478
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:15,639
Speaker 3: people they follow they see on Instagram, because it is

479
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:20,399
Speaker 3: that that you know, desire that fantasy, the curiosity of

480
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:23,560
Speaker 3: I want to see what else is there? Right? Or

481
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:25,880
Speaker 3: and so I don't think he was lying to you,

482
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 3: and and and so none of this to me is like, Hey,

483
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:31,680
Speaker 3: you're going to break up with him because he is.

484
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:35,040
Speaker 3: He isn't communicating well with you, right, that's different. He's

485
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 3: lying to you, that's different. He's not honest with you,

486
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:40,440
Speaker 3: that's different. He has been honest with you. Again, if

487
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,680
Speaker 3: if you're hurt and you're just like I don't want

488
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,320
Speaker 3: a partner who follows my best friend or would even

489
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:52,479
Speaker 3: have the potential to follow my best friend on only fans,

490
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:55,120
Speaker 3: then that's a whole separate issue. But if your your

491
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 3: question is here, can you be mad at him based

492
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,480
Speaker 3: on his response? No, he was honest. And so now

493
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:05,160
Speaker 3: you guys have to make the decision is this gonna

494
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 3: work or not? Or was this you know, is this

495
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:09,879
Speaker 3: good enough for us or not? I think that's the

496
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 3: big question. It's wild. I find it weird. I don't

497
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:17,760
Speaker 3: know if everybody would find it weird. I'm sure there's

498
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:20,680
Speaker 3: many people who'd be like that makes sense, like yeah, yeah, onnervous,

499
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,440
Speaker 3: and I get it. I find it weird. I find

500
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:26,640
Speaker 3: it a little bit of a betrayal, probably of the

501
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 3: intimacy of your relationship and probably your friendship with her.

502
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:37,240
Speaker 3: I don't I personally think it would hurt, It would

503
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:39,000
Speaker 3: be weird, It would bring up a lot of questions,

504
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:41,520
Speaker 3: It would bring up a lot of concerns. But I

505
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 3: think you have from what you wrote here, you have

506
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:47,360
Speaker 3: somebody who at least, even if you have a lot

507
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:50,520
Speaker 3: of questions and concerned, he'll be honest with you about

508
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 3: the questions you ask, if you're willing to hear him.

509
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:55,440
Speaker 3: And then you have to make the decision is this

510
00:28:55,920 --> 00:29:00,880
Speaker 3: the right person for me or not? That's up in

511
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:02,680
Speaker 3: the air, Like I can't make that decision for you,

512
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 3: but at least you can start asking the right questions.

513
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:07,480
Speaker 3: You can ask him to be honest with you about

514
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 3: it and you guys can start figuring this out. But yes,

515
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 3: you feel weird about it. I think that's fine. I'm

516
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 3: sure he feels weird about it now too. I'm sure

517
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:17,120
Speaker 3: your best friend probably feels weird about it also. But

518
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 3: it happened, and so now you have to figure out

519
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 3: what's best next.

520
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 2: Good answer, ven good as.

521
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 3: I also want to go back to our very first question,

522
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:31,719
Speaker 3: the fifteen year old and living in Oklahoma. Closing words

523
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:38,440
Speaker 3: on that are, no matter what, no matter what, you

524
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 3: are a human with great value. You are a human

525
00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 3: with breath. You are loved. Keep going, never give up,

526
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:52,240
Speaker 3: because this is either going to become a story that

527
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:59,080
Speaker 3: you tell to help others for years to come, or

528
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 3: this is going to be a story that you and

529
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 3: your parents talk about together. That's my hope that helps

530
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:07,960
Speaker 3: others for years to come. But no matter what, you're

531
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,680
Speaker 3: gonna have a story to tell that. So many people

532
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:13,720
Speaker 3: are going to relate with that. So many people feel

533
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:17,240
Speaker 3: pushed aside and alone by You're in it right now.

534
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:20,360
Speaker 3: You're in that story. I mean, you're in this story.

535
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,239
Speaker 3: It feels like you're walking through the valley of the

536
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:25,800
Speaker 3: Shadow of Death, and it feels like nothing makes sense,

537
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:28,880
Speaker 3: and it feels chaotic, and it feels complex, and it

538
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 3: makes you feel alone. But I promise you that story

539
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 3: is not over, and that ending to this story will

540
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:39,480
Speaker 3: be one that allows you to have an incredible message

541
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 3: for so many who need people like you to speak

542
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 3: to the So keep going. You're in the story, don't

543
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 3: give up.

544
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 2: Let's sign off right there. I've been Ashley, and I've been.

545
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 1: Then follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast

546
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: on iHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.

547
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 3: Yeah,