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Speaker 1: Hey, it's key On and this is Carly, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime host, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: Well before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: I became my elderly friend's caretaker without even agreeing to it.

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Speaker 3: Well agree, I forties female have become friends with an

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Speaker 3: old woman ninety in my neighborhood over the past couple

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Speaker 3: of years. It started as me helping her with dog

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Speaker 3: walking and morphed into a pretty great friendship. She's like

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Speaker 3: a grandma to me in a way. I love her

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Speaker 3: dogs and enjoy helping her with dog walking. I'm now

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Speaker 3: going to inherit the dogs when she's no longer able

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Speaker 3: to care for them. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 3: any requirement eighteen to eight. And if you want to

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Speaker 3: smit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 3: Storytime subbured it. I'm Sophia and I'm Savannah, and we're

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Speaker 3: here to give good advice scoofully. But we don't have

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Speaker 3: all the answers. We only know what we'd do, So

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Speaker 3: let us know what you would do in the comments,

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Speaker 3: and op says when she had a huge medical event

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Speaker 3: last year, the dogs stayed with me for a month,

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Speaker 3: and every time she has a hospital visit, they stay

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Speaker 3: with me. So the dogs and I and my family

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Speaker 3: are pretty close. I should add that I have two

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Speaker 3: teenagers and a husband and run a small business, so

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Speaker 3: I'm pretty busy, but I continue to make time to

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Speaker 3: walk the dogs three times a week and sometimes more.

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Speaker 3: I get along well with this lady we'll call her Jane,

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Speaker 3: and I enjoy having little visits with her. Unfortunately, I'm

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Speaker 3: also very busy and don't have time to hang out

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Speaker 3: very much. I don't even hang out with my other friends,

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Speaker 3: my own age very often, or my own mother because

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Speaker 3: life is completely jam packed. Jane's health has gone downhill

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Speaker 3: since the big medical event last year. Then she is

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Speaker 3: starting to decline. She still drives herself around and generally

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Speaker 3: manages life, but it's getting harder. She's exhausted most of

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Speaker 3: the time and has trouble with day to day things

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Speaker 3: like filling bird feeders, scooping the litter boxes since she

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Speaker 3: also has three cats, oh and picking up dog poop

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Speaker 3: in the backyard. Sometimes she'll hire someone to come and help,

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Speaker 3: but they never meet her expectations and she stops getting help.

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Speaker 3: The trouble is that she asks me to fill in

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Speaker 3: and help her. It's small things like asking if I

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Speaker 3: can get her some bread, if I'm going to the store,

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Speaker 3: or pick up souper, or pick up the dog poop

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Speaker 3: in the yard, kind of over it. She calls me

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Speaker 3: when she's anxious and having trouble breathing, and on more

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Speaker 3: than one occasion, I've gone over to sit with her

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Speaker 3: for over an hour. A couple of weeks ago, I

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Speaker 3: went over and she was on the floor after having

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Speaker 3: fallen and broken her collar bone. I refused to take

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Speaker 3: her to the hospital myself and insisted she'd call an

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Speaker 3: ambulance because I didn't know if anything else was broken.

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Speaker 3: The responsibility for her seems to be increasing, and I

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Speaker 3: don't have the bandwidth to take care of her. She

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Speaker 3: has four children, three live locally, but barely talk to her.

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Speaker 3: That's yeah, that's the issue. It's like her children should

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Speaker 3: be the one taking care of all that stuff, but

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Speaker 3: it seems like she doesn't have a good relationship with them.

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Speaker 3: Ye's telling on you. One of her children lives five

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Speaker 3: hours away and is very close with Jane, but they

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Speaker 3: obviously can't be here all the time. I don't know

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Speaker 3: what to do if I tell her to stop asking

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Speaker 3: me to do things, I worry that her friendship will end.

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Speaker 3: I do care about her and she feels like family

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Speaker 3: to me, but the bottom line is she needs to

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Speaker 3: hire someone to help her with this stuff. Last week,

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Speaker 3: her other neighbor came over to make her breakfast because

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Speaker 3: she couldn't move her arm due to the broken bone.

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Speaker 3: She's asking too much of the neighbors and friends. A

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Speaker 3: different neighbor was helping her almost every day and they

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Speaker 3: had a falling out, and now she doesn't speak to

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Speaker 3: them anymore. I'd like to continue being her friend and

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Speaker 3: I enjoy walking the dogs, but if I tell her

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Speaker 3: I can't help her, I'm not sure how she'll react.

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Speaker 3: Yesterday she asked if I could go get bread, which

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Speaker 3: was fine because I was going to the store anyway

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Speaker 3: and planned on walking the dogs later. Then this morning

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Speaker 3: she asked if I had pick up the dog poop

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Speaker 3: while I'm there. I don't want to.

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Speaker 4: What do I do?

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Speaker 3: And there are some comments, but what do you think

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Speaker 3: I mean?

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Speaker 5: It is a sticky situation because obviously this woman can't

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Speaker 5: care for herself on her own, especially now. Since she

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Speaker 5: has had, you know, a bad fall, and now she

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Speaker 5: really can't.

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Speaker 3: Take care of herself.

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Speaker 5: But it's not your responsibility to take care of her.

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Speaker 5: And you know, but I understand. You know she is

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Speaker 5: a friend, you do care for her, care for her,

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Speaker 5: you know, her dogs or cats, whatever, but also you

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Speaker 5: have your life too.

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Speaker 3: I think you should have a conversation with her and say, hey,

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Speaker 3: I'd love to still walk the dogs. I just don't

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Speaker 3: have time or you know, I'm not like qualified to

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Speaker 3: help you in these scenarios. So I think you should

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Speaker 3: look into and maybe, you know, if you want to

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Speaker 3: be really nice, come up with some like find some

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Speaker 3: options for her. Common one says, I'd find a way

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Speaker 3: to talk to her children and see if they can

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Speaker 3: step up and help or hire someone come help her out.

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Speaker 3: I think that's also a good option. I'd also contact

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Speaker 3: low adult services and see if they have cheap home

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Speaker 3: help information to come help care for her while her

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Speaker 3: arm is broken. How did they let her out of

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Speaker 3: hospital without that set up? And yes, you do need

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Speaker 3: to tell her I have a job and family I

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Speaker 3: have to take care of as well. I'm sorry I

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Speaker 3: can't do X y Z for you today. Comment two

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Speaker 3: says she's ninety. She fell and broke a bone in

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Speaker 3: this season of her life. She needs professional help. Her

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Speaker 3: doctor's office can suggest where to call for services. The

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Speaker 3: alternative is her moving to a rehabilitation center or moving

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Speaker 3: into an assisted living. You are a good friend, but

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Speaker 3: you need to take care of yourself. And there is

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Speaker 3: an update. Yeah, I agree with all of those.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I agree with like even you know, the assisted

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Speaker 5: living and everything, like I know, like many like elderly

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Speaker 5: people are like, you know, against it at first, you

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Speaker 5: know whatever, and are like no, because like you basically

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Speaker 5: have to give everything up, you know, just to live

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Speaker 5: at these places, especially like animals and all these things,

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Speaker 5: like you know, basically a lot of your belongings, like

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Speaker 5: you know, so it's it's hard to let go of that.

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Speaker 5: But also in the long run, you're gonna meet people,

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Speaker 5: you're gonna be happy, You're gonna get the care you need,

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Speaker 5: you know.

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Speaker 3: Update. I talked to her about it today. Did it

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Speaker 3: go well? I'm not sure. I was so so nice.

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Speaker 3: I framed it this way. You are no longer thriving,

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Speaker 3: you need help with things. I can't be that person

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Speaker 3: who does that. It's not fair to ask friends and

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Speaker 3: neighbors to do things all the time. Your needs will

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Speaker 3: continue to be greater. You aren't going to improve much,

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Speaker 3: and it's time to accept that you will need more

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Speaker 3: and more help. And I really emphasize that I'm worried

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Speaker 3: about her and worried that one day I'll come over

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Speaker 3: and she'll be on the floor. She made every excuse

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Speaker 3: there is. She doesn't think she needs someone every day,

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Speaker 3: She doesn't know when she'll need out. She doesn't want

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Speaker 3: to sit around and do nothing, and she needs to

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Speaker 3: do things herself to keep her strength up. Yes, true,

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Speaker 3: I do think that you should continue to be active.

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Speaker 3: She's very careful now when she walks around. She's asking

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Speaker 3: a different friend for rides and so on. I mentioned

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Speaker 3: polliative care and that sort of interested her. I mean,

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Speaker 3: I think that's a good suggestion.

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Speaker 5: Like if she doesn't want to leave all of her

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Speaker 5: stuff behind and whatnot, then come to you the absolute

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Speaker 5: people who do that. Like there's professions, there's there's people

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Speaker 5: you can hire for like you know, not an an

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Speaker 5: extraordinarily amount of money.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I mean up until recently, my grandparents were

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Speaker 3: living like five minutes from my parents, and they had

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Speaker 3: a whole thing set up where like my dad and

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Speaker 3: my two aunts would come because they're the closest, would

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Speaker 3: come and like check in on them. And then they

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Speaker 3: also had like a I think a full time or

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Speaker 3: part time caregiver who would come into the apartment and

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Speaker 3: like help out and stuff. And so you could find

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Speaker 3: kind of middle ground that works for them for her,

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Speaker 3: and here's the big one. I told her, I don't

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Speaker 3: want to be cleaning up poop. That is a job

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Speaker 3: for someone that she hires. So now this evening she

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Speaker 3: text and says that maybe if I don't want to

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Speaker 3: clean up the poop, I'm not up for taking the

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Speaker 3: dogs when she can't care for them anymore. I explain

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Speaker 3: that when I own a pet, I am responsible for

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Speaker 3: all the things that go along with pet ownership. When

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Speaker 3: it's at her house, it's a house and yard chore

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Speaker 3: that isn't really my job. I don't know how she'll

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Speaker 3: take it. She's being passive aggressive, in my opinion. Thank

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Speaker 3: you all for so many helpful, insightful and thoughtful comments.

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Speaker 3: I had no idea to get so many replies, and

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Speaker 3: it's been so interesting to read them. That's the end

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Speaker 3: of the story, so good luck. Yeah, I hope, hope

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Speaker 3: it all worked out.

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Speaker 5: And yeah, you know she's your neighbor. It's not like

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Speaker 5: you're not gonna see her, but yeah, you also don't

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Speaker 5: know how long you're gonna see her.

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Speaker 3: It's just so difficult for older people because to lose

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Speaker 3: your autonomy when you've been like independent for literally like

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Speaker 3: eighty you know, she's ninety, so like, what seventy years

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Speaker 3: she's been independent. That's stuff.

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Speaker 6: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

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Speaker 6: to the next one.

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Speaker 3: My friend proudly bragged about her affair with her boss,

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Speaker 3: so I told his wife nice, get them high.

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Speaker 5: Reddit I twenty seven female have had a very close

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Speaker 5: friend twenty eight females since university days. Let's call her Beth.

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Speaker 5: Beth and I grew apart the past couple of years

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Speaker 5: due to work schedule and location differences different states and

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Speaker 5: one and a half hour car rides. We still text

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Speaker 5: each other, do occasional video calls, and we always mail

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Speaker 5: each other flowers and gifts during special occasions like birthdays, Christmas,

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Speaker 5: work promotions, etc. By the way, this comes from Watercress

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Speaker 5: Icy seven sixty two, and if you want to submit

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Speaker 5: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 5: I'm Savannah, I'm Sophia, and we are here to give

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Speaker 5: some good advice goofully, but we don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 5: We'd only tell you what we would do in the situation.

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Speaker 5: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 5: As Opie says, I recently got engaged to my current partner,

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Speaker 5: forty one male whom I've been dating for two years,

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Speaker 5: in whom I met through a mutual callie at work.

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Speaker 5: My fiance and I work at different companies, and I

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Speaker 5: have a colleague who used to work at my fiance's

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Speaker 5: company and was in the same division with him a

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Speaker 5: few years prior. I wanted to share the good news

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Speaker 5: and invite some of my close friends from university to

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Speaker 5: do an engagement celebration.

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Speaker 3: Beth couldn't join the big.

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Speaker 5: Dinner with her other friends due to a work trip,

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Speaker 5: so I scheduled a separate brunch with her to break

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Speaker 5: the news and have a ketchup. Less than a week later.

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Speaker 5: After her work trip, she stayed in my state for

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Speaker 5: a few days for the brunch. I broke the news

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Speaker 5: to her and she was so happy, congratulated me et cetera.

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Speaker 5: It only became weird when I told her my fiance

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Speaker 5: is a bit older and our age gap might seem

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Speaker 5: unacceptable for some people. Then she started to act very catty,

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Speaker 5: as if to hint something was fishy between my fiance

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Speaker 5: and me. She said things like, don't worry. I'm one

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Speaker 5: hundred percent a girl's girl. I fully support women's rights

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Speaker 5: and women's wrongs.

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Speaker 3: That's a really weird way to put it. I think.

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Speaker 3: I think it if she had come at it in

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Speaker 3: a way of saying, Okay, you know, like you just

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Speaker 3: have to make sure you know you're being you're careful

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Speaker 3: with that age guys. All right, I'm a just kids girl. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you just keep your eyes out for any signs and stuff.

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Speaker 3: But I'm sure, like it seems like your relationship has

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Speaker 3: been going well. If she'd come at it that way, maybe,

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Speaker 3: But like, I'm a girls girl, I support women's rights

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Speaker 3: and wrongs, right, It's like okay.

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Speaker 5: When I told her the story of how I met

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Speaker 5: and started dating my fiance to clear the air, I

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Speaker 5: mentioned a couple of times that he was not involved

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Speaker 5: in any committed relationship when we first met and started

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Speaker 5: getting together, which is the main reason why her mutual

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Speaker 5: friend introduced us to each other. I noticed her rolling

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Speaker 5: her eyes a couple of times and scoffing, being super snarky.

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Speaker 5: I finally asked her what was up with her act

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Speaker 5: because I was sharing a big milestone in my life

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Speaker 5: and instead of celebrating, she was acting incriminating. Then she

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Speaker 5: said something along the lines of knowing my game and

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Speaker 5: that it's all right if I pushed aside my competition

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Speaker 5: to bag my man.

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Speaker 3: What are you talking about?

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Speaker 5: I laughed it off and just stared at her, and

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Speaker 5: it became slightly awkward. I didn't know what else to

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Speaker 5: say to her, and she finally admitted that she's also

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Speaker 5: seen someone at work and that their practically husband and wife.

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Speaker 5: I asked her what she meant, because I thought they

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Speaker 5: moved in together or are somewhat domestic, since this was

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Speaker 5: the first time I heard of this fact. The last

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Speaker 5: time I heard from her, she wasn't in any relationship.

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Speaker 5: She said that she's the work wife of a married man,

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Speaker 5: her superior at work from a different working unit. Apparently

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Speaker 5: he's been financing all of best miscellaneous expenses. The new

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Speaker 5: apartment that she moved into because it's closer from and

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Speaker 5: to her office building. The nose job. She recently got

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Speaker 5: her second private phone, and even her recent promotion were

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Speaker 5: thanks to him.

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Speaker 3: Her second private phone. Okay, well, this is like a

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Speaker 3: huge HR violation if she got a promotion because of him.

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Speaker 7: That so he helped with her new apartment.

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Speaker 3: Her nose, her nose, her raise. It raised the phones?

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Speaker 3: Two private phones? Why did need those?

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Speaker 5: She also says she's currently staying with her fair partner.

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Speaker 5: While visiting my state, I was taken aback and asked

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Speaker 5: her if she knew when they started dating. She proudly

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Speaker 5: said yes, and that she seduced him during a work trip.

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Speaker 5: I told her I don't think I'm okay with this relationship,

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Speaker 5: and I wished her good luck as she figures things out.

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Speaker 5: I then changed the subject to updates from our other

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Speaker 5: mutual friends since she missed the gathering. However, she was

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Speaker 5: preoccupied with sharing about her work husband. She even claimed

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Speaker 5: that he's happier with her versus with the wife back home,

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Speaker 5: hence why he kept asking to see her and to

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Speaker 5: have weakened trips with her. At this point, my stomach

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Speaker 5: felt sick. I became super quiet and didn't respond to

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Speaker 5: her word vomit. Beth then told me that one time

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Speaker 5: missus Wife came to her office with suspicion already in mind,

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Speaker 5: but Beth's work colleague protected her and her fair partner.

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Speaker 5: Her colleague at work when as far as to claim

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Speaker 5: to missus Wife that her boyfriend is in the same

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Speaker 5: division as her, and this fake boyfriend of hers went

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Speaker 5: along with the story.

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Speaker 7: Okay, so why are you guys doing this?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, sticking up for her. Yeah, she's in the wrong obviously.

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Speaker 5: Why are you like, oh, don't tell the wife, let

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Speaker 5: her just keep living her life, Dane.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it seems like, oh, he's not okay with this though,

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Speaker 3: that's good.

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Speaker 5: Beth told me this episode as if it's a funny

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Speaker 5: story or something to be proud of. I just found

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Speaker 5: it absolutely sickening and messed up that everyone was in

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Speaker 5: on the deception. I told her straight to her face

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Speaker 5: that I can no longer invite her to my wedding

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Speaker 5: unless she gets her acts straight, and that it's absolutely

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Speaker 5: sickening that she's deceiving an innocent woman over some guy.

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Speaker 5: After that brunch, we stopped interacting altogether. Recently, Beth has

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Speaker 5: become super active on Instagram. She was previously quite offline

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Speaker 5: and only reposted mentions on her stories or posted birthday wishes.

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Speaker 5: Now she's posting stories of all the gifts and trips

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Speaker 5: she receives from her be mirror picks at fancy hotels

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Speaker 5: with his face blurred out, and even some of their

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Speaker 5: intimacy in the workplace.

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Speaker 7: Okay, okay, well.

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Speaker 3: How has her workplace not found that and been like, uh,

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Speaker 3: what are you doing on company time with who?

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Speaker 5: It wasn't hard to dig who the affair partner is

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Speaker 5: because Beth made it obvious from a post which division

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Speaker 5: he's from, and it's all on the company's website. I

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Speaker 5: even went as far as finding his Facebook, which in

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Speaker 5: turn led me to find his wife's Facebook. The wife

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Speaker 5: looks unaware and is posting her happy family like any

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Speaker 5: regular person on Facebook. I fell into this rabbit hole

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Speaker 5: when I knew I should have just cut her off.

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Speaker 5: Now I knew too much, and I was so tempted

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Speaker 5: to tell missus wife about Beth.

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Speaker 3: Should I Yes, yeah, absolutely, she deserves to know. There's

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Speaker 3: an update.

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Speaker 5: Thanks for all the comments and thought pieces. I decided

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Speaker 5: to casually gather evidence, taking screenshots. Only when Beth posted,

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Speaker 5: I was still deciding when to tell the wife everything.

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Speaker 5: That was when an encounter between me and my other

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Speaker 5: friends happened, and some of them have been trying to

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Speaker 5: drop hints to the wife. Apparently I wasn't the only

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Speaker 5: one trying to whistle blow the affair.

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Speaker 3: That's something. At least you have other friends who have

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Speaker 3: conscious I just that you did the right thing, or

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Speaker 3: whoever you know, whoever came forward and told his wife

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Speaker 3: he was doing the right thing.

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Speaker 5: I think that you should all get together as like

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00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:23,760
Speaker 5: a neighborhood watch things, yeah, and then storm into his

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Speaker 5: office lay down the law.

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Speaker 3: I think that's the only way.

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Speaker 5: I ended up creating a fake Instagram account, found the

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Speaker 5: wife on Instagram, and dropped a cloud link of the

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Speaker 5: screenshots safely. I used an anonymous email, a cloud box account,

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Speaker 5: and a private link with those passcodes needed to extract

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Speaker 5: files features. The wife opened the cloud link just this morning. However,

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Speaker 5: she didn't or has yet to reply to me. I

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Speaker 5: deleted the Instagram account as soon as she accessed the

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Speaker 5: cloud link. I will not tell anyone I know in

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Speaker 5: real life what I did, but I do not regret it.

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Speaker 3: She deserves to know.

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Speaker 5: Oh, and that's the end of that story.

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Speaker 3: No, I wanted to know. I want to know, we

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Speaker 3: deserve to know.

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Speaker 5: I hope that she takes that and does something with it, yeah,

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Speaker 5: instead of the wife.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

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Speaker 6: to the next one.

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Speaker 3: I refuse to apologize to my friend's mother because I

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00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,480
Speaker 3: did nothing wrong, and I stand by that. I have

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Speaker 3: a friend group of five girls, myself included. There's Me

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Speaker 3: eighteen female, my best friend, Hermione eighteen female, Catnus eighteen female,

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Speaker 3: Panthe seventeen female, and Regina George seventeen female. Maybe you

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Speaker 3: can tell where this is going. Me and my friends

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Speaker 3: all like to hang out in separate groups. No one

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Speaker 3: ever gets jealous or angry for doing this because we

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Speaker 3: all have very different schedules. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 3: from Suspicious Proof eighteen sixty And if you want to

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Speaker 3: smit your own stories, go to the araslash. Okay, storytime

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Speaker 3: separed it. I'm Sophia and I'm Savannah, and we're here

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00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,639
Speaker 3: to give good advice. Goofley, But we don't have all

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00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:57,919
Speaker 3: the answers. We only know what we'd do, So let

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Speaker 3: us know what you would do in the comments and

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00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:03,160
Speaker 3: pieces A month or two before this incident, we all

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Speaker 3: went to Padme's house. I was driving, and on the

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Speaker 3: way there, Regina's mom called and was upset about how

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Speaker 3: fast I was going on the freeway. How does she know?

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Speaker 7: I was just about to ask yo.

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00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,679
Speaker 3: Regina put her on speakerphone, and all I heard was

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Speaker 3: how I'm not a safe driver and I have no

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Speaker 3: idea what I'm doing. I didn't know what she wanted

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Speaker 3: me to do because I was literally driving on the freeway,

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00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:31,240
Speaker 3: couldn't stop, and was only ten minutes away. Mind you,

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Speaker 3: this is also my car. Regina never told me I

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Speaker 3: wasn't allowed to go on the freeway, which I would

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Speaker 3: have accommodated for her if she had told me. And

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00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,520
Speaker 3: she also never said that her mom had her location

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Speaker 3: on Life three sixty. This was an incident with Regina's

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00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,959
Speaker 3: mom before everything else happened, so I feel like it's

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Speaker 3: important background information about her mother. I would literally just say, Okay, Regina,

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Speaker 3: I don't think I can drive you anymore because I'm

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Speaker 3: not going to change how I drive.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: And also if your mom just doesn't think I'm a

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Speaker 5: safe driving yeah, then you know.

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Speaker 3: That's like your relationship with her not really you know

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00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:07,240
Speaker 3: it's not me. Now on to the actual story. This

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00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,120
Speaker 3: particular weekend was Regina's birthday and we were all going

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Speaker 3: to her birthday party that Sunday. Our friend Padme lives

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00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:16,080
Speaker 3: out of town, not super far, but when she comes

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00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:17,959
Speaker 3: down we try to spend as much time with her

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Speaker 3: as possible. Pad May was going to be sleeping over

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Speaker 3: at Regina's house that weekend for all the birthday stuff,

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Speaker 3: but Regina never gave Padme an exact time. This is

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Speaker 3: very important for later. Me and a few of my friends, Catnus,

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00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:35,520
Speaker 3: and Padme decided to hang out on a Friday since

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00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,240
Speaker 3: everyone else in our group was busy, so it was

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00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,359
Speaker 3: just the three of us. We were doing normal things

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00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,720
Speaker 3: like going to the mall, getting food, just boring teenage

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Speaker 3: girl stuff. Padme told me that Regina never gave her

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Speaker 3: a time to be back, so I assumed I could

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Speaker 3: just drop Padme off later, or that Regina or her

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00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:57,359
Speaker 3: mom didn't really care. We were driving back home because

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Speaker 3: it was around four, and pad May started saying that

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00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,160
Speaker 3: Regina was texting her and getting upset that Padme wasn't

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Speaker 3: where she was supposed to be so Regina could pick

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00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:09,239
Speaker 3: her up. This was confusing because Padme was updating her

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00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:12,040
Speaker 3: the whole time and Regina didn't seem to have a

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Speaker 3: problem with it. At first, it felt like it's suddenly

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00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,120
Speaker 3: escalated out of nowhere. It got to the point where

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00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,960
Speaker 3: Regina ended up calling while I was driving and started

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Speaker 3: getting mad at Padme. I could hear Regina's mom on

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00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,159
Speaker 3: the phone too, talking about how we were disrespecting our

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00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,320
Speaker 3: time by not being backed by a certain time. I

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00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:33,720
Speaker 3: could physically see Padme getting upset by the way Regina's

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00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,240
Speaker 3: mom was speaking to her, and it made me uncomfortable.

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00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,320
Speaker 3: So I said, Hey, Regina, it's no big deal. I'll

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Speaker 3: take Padme to your house. I don't want your mom

429
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:44,920
Speaker 3: getting more upset. Apparently this was a horrible thing to say.

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Speaker 3: All I could hear in the background was how I

431
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:51,159
Speaker 3: was being disrespectful. I'll admit when I'm disrespectful, and I

432
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:54,680
Speaker 3: can apologize when I'm wrong, but I genuinely didn't even

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Speaker 3: say it in a rude tone. I was honestly confused

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Speaker 3: about what I did to upset her. I was annoyed, obviously,

435
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,920
Speaker 3: but it's not like I was yelling or cussing at anyone.

436
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,199
Speaker 3: If anything, I felt like I was doing her a

437
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,160
Speaker 3: favor by going out of my way to make things

438
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 3: easier for her. After the call ended, I ended up

439
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,600
Speaker 3: getting gas. While I was doing that, Regina called Padme

440
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:19,760
Speaker 3: again just to get even more upset. At that point,

441
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:23,840
Speaker 3: I was already frustrated and angry. Regina's mom was speaking

442
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,520
Speaker 3: to Padme in a way that really bothered me. She

443
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,439
Speaker 3: kept saying that pat may knew what time they were

444
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,800
Speaker 3: supposed to pick her up and should have just stayed put.

445
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,320
Speaker 3: I don't remember the exact wording because I was full

446
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:38,200
Speaker 3: of adrenaline, but I remember being completely dumbfounded at how

447
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:41,040
Speaker 3: harsh she was being. She was also talking about me

448
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:44,479
Speaker 3: while I was literally right there. I ended up dropping

449
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,879
Speaker 3: Padme off at Regina's house. Honestly, I did it just

450
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:50,320
Speaker 3: to be the bigger person and get out of the situation.

451
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:53,960
Speaker 3: After that, me and Catmus were sitting there, confused about

452
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,919
Speaker 3: what had just happened. None of it made sense to

453
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,720
Speaker 3: us at that point. I'm calm, I'm talking to my mom. Yeah,

454
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:05,639
Speaker 3: like mom freaking Regina's mom is being weird and rude. Yeah,

455
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,920
Speaker 3: like blah blah Blah's mom yell yelled him. Yeah, she

456
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,200
Speaker 3: just yelled at me and Padmey for like me dropping

457
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:14,320
Speaker 3: Padmey off. Later that night, Regina texted me and said

458
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 3: that her mom wasn't comfortable with me being in her

459
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:20,879
Speaker 3: house for the party because I was disrespectful. All of

460
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,600
Speaker 3: my other friends were still invited because, according to her,

461
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 3: they didn't do anything wrong. That really hurts. I told

462
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,720
Speaker 3: my best friend, Hermione, everything that had happened, and she

463
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:32,080
Speaker 3: decided she would rather hang out with me than go

464
00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:34,679
Speaker 3: to the party. Cat and is almost hung out with

465
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,080
Speaker 3: us too, but Padmey was stuck at Regina's house so

466
00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:40,359
Speaker 3: she couldn't. That made the whole thing feel even worse.

467
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,879
Speaker 3: Regina then texted me again and said that if I

468
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:46,120
Speaker 3: apologized to her mom, I would be able to come

469
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:49,680
Speaker 3: to the party. I told her it wasn't gonna happen. Normally,

470
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:51,880
Speaker 3: I would just suck it up and apologize to keep

471
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,919
Speaker 3: the peace, but after hearing the way her mom spoke

472
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,200
Speaker 3: to me, I felt like I didn't owe her anything.

473
00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 3: I always tried to respect my elders, but it gets

474
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,119
Speaker 3: to a point where if someone is acting like a

475
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 3: victim in a situation they created, I'm not going to

476
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 3: apologize just to make them feel better. Later that weekend,

477
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,520
Speaker 3: Padme told me that Regina's mom kept going on and

478
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:16,160
Speaker 3: on about how disrespectful I was, how rude I am,

479
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,879
Speaker 3: and basically said every insult she could think of. That

480
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 3: honestly hurt me more than I expected. Later that week,

481
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:27,080
Speaker 3: I talked to Regina about everything, and we almost work

482
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:30,479
Speaker 3: things out. Okay, you were on the precipice of working

483
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:33,119
Speaker 3: things out that her mom came in was like, are

484
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 3: you talking to that rude girl again? I don't understand

485
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:39,080
Speaker 3: what the mom's gaining. Sure, I think she's just like

486
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:42,680
Speaker 3: controlling mom and if like.

487
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:45,080
Speaker 5: She's not influenced, yeah, and you need to stay away

488
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 5: from her.

489
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,880
Speaker 3: When Regina asked me if I wanted to stay friends,

490
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 3: I genuinely didn't know how to answer. I told her

491
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 3: I needed time to think about it. A couple of

492
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 3: hours later, she decided to end the friendship entirely. That

493
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,800
Speaker 3: caught me off guard. In the time we sent back

494
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:05,919
Speaker 3: and forth, Regina genuinely believed I was being disrespectful. She

495
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 3: also told me I had no right to talk because

496
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 3: it wasn't my situation. This really confused me because the

497
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,880
Speaker 3: entire thing was happening in my car while I was driving.

498
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 3: Regina even asked me earlier if I could take Padme

499
00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:22,240
Speaker 3: to her house, so I didn't understand how it suddenly

500
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,639
Speaker 3: wasn't my situation. I mean, I just think this mom's weird.

501
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 5: I don't know what her issue is, and like trying

502
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:33,160
Speaker 5: to like separate a make a teenager feel bad two

503
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 5: teenagers Like.

504
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:36,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, the thing is, you know, I don't believe that

505
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 3: op was being disrespectful, but like it's it's somewhat believable that,

506
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,240
Speaker 3: you know, Regina's mom thought she was being disrespectful and

507
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:48,400
Speaker 3: was like, well, you know, I don't want this bad influence. However,

508
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 3: the way that she was treating Padme is kind of

509
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:54,760
Speaker 3: I would like if I were Padme's mom, I'd be.

510
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:55,399
Speaker 4: Like, uh, you're not.

511
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:59,439
Speaker 3: I'm I'm freaking going off at that woman. She brought

512
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,639
Speaker 3: me into by using my name and offering up my

513
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:06,480
Speaker 3: car without asking me first. She also texted Hermione and

514
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,360
Speaker 3: basically dropped her as a friend, even though Hermione wasn't

515
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,480
Speaker 3: in the car and had nothing to do with what happened.

516
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,880
Speaker 3: She never said anything to Catnus, which made it even

517
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,680
Speaker 3: more confusing. It's been a couple of months since all

518
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:20,040
Speaker 3: of this happened. And I hate to admit it, but

519
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 3: I miss Regina. I keep wondering if I genuinely did

520
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 3: something wrong to make her mom hate me. Me and

521
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:28,879
Speaker 3: the rest of the group are still friends, and we

522
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,600
Speaker 3: talked about this again the other day, which made me

523
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:35,159
Speaker 3: rethink everything. I just feel like I need outside perspective.

524
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:38,359
Speaker 3: Did I actually do something wrong? Here? Am I the

525
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,720
Speaker 3: A hole? Not how I see it? Yeah?

526
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:46,280
Speaker 5: I mean maybe, like there's information that you didn't give us,

527
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:49,159
Speaker 5: But I mean I don't think that you're the A

528
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 5: hole in this situation with all the information that's there. Yeah,

529
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 5: I don't think that you're the a I think mom, Regina's.

530
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 3: Mom, Yeah, Gina, George's mom is the A hole? Sounds

531
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:02,440
Speaker 3: like it a polar you'd be in the A hole here.

532
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:04,520
Speaker 6: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

533
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 6: to the next one.

534
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:08,679
Speaker 5: I co founded a business with my best friend and

535
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:10,679
Speaker 5: it nearly destroyed my health.

536
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:12,960
Speaker 3: Well, I guess you gotta end that business.

537
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,920
Speaker 5: I co founded a creative business with a close friend,

538
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:20,639
Speaker 5: but over time, the relationship became deeply unbalanced and emotionally unsafe.

539
00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:24,399
Speaker 5: Repeated attempts to communicate and set boundaries failed am I

540
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:28,080
Speaker 5: CPTSD symptoms worsened to the point where I faint when

541
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 5: trying to confront them. The business continues without my input

542
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:34,679
Speaker 5: despite us being co owners. I've realized I needed to

543
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 5: step away from my physical and mental health, but I

544
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 5: feel guilty because we're struggling too. By the way, this

545
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 5: comes from throwaway tissues. And if you want to submit

546
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 5: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime

547
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 5: subre at it.

548
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:48,720
Speaker 3: I'm Savannah, I'm Sophia.

549
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,080
Speaker 5: And away all he had to give some good advice, Gooflee.

550
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 4: But we don't have all the answers.

551
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 5: We'd only tell you what we would do in this situation,

552
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,080
Speaker 5: but we would love, love, love love to know what

553
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:02,160
Speaker 5: you would do in the comments. As opcas, I early twenties,

554
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:07,000
Speaker 5: am disabled and suffer with CPTSD. I promise this is relevant.

555
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:09,880
Speaker 5: I co founded a creative business with my best friend

556
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:14,240
Speaker 5: early thirties several years ago. At start, we were genuinely close,

557
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 5: and over time our lives became deeply intertwined. We spent

558
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:20,680
Speaker 5: so much time together that I was essentially living with them,

559
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 5: only really going home for a day or two at most.

560
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:27,199
Speaker 5: We shared finances, not by my choice, as they always

561
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,560
Speaker 5: needed money and spent mine, and I invited them to

562
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 5: all family holidays, so.

563
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:35,400
Speaker 3: We shared finances. You mean I gave them money, Yeah,

564
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:38,720
Speaker 3: not by my choice. Yeah, that's so funny. It's like, yeah,

565
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:42,680
Speaker 3: we were splitting finances in the sense that they were

566
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:43,679
Speaker 3: taking all my money.

567
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:47,119
Speaker 5: They would often mention that they were too stressed to

568
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 5: keep up with cleaning, as they have a hoarding problem,

569
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:52,840
Speaker 5: so I started doing small chores around the house because

570
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 5: I wanted to help. They also opened up to me

571
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:58,119
Speaker 5: very vaguely about past traumas, and because of this, I

572
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 5: did my absolute best to care for and support them

573
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 5: in any way I could. This included doing chores and

574
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,800
Speaker 5: taking on extra responsibilities to relieve.

575
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 3: A bit of their stress.

576
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 5: However, this dynamic quickly became codependent, unhealthy, and unsafe. Everything

577
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 5: I did out of care or support slowly became an

578
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 5: expectation rather than something appreciated. This friend does not have

579
00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:23,400
Speaker 5: a job and is not in school. The only thing

580
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,959
Speaker 5: they have going on right now is the business. Because

581
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 5: of that, I became responsible for all household duties, managing

582
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 5: the business, working part time, and being in school, along

583
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:37,879
Speaker 5: with my own household responsibilities at home, my own responsibilities

584
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:41,240
Speaker 5: were completely neglected because I was spending so much time

585
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 5: with this friend. All of this was happening while I

586
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 5: was in constant physical pain due to my disability and

587
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 5: completely burnt out from the weight of everything. Eventually, I

588
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 5: quit my job and put school on hold to focus

589
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,120
Speaker 5: on the business and supporting my friend.

590
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 3: We can't be quitting our job and putting school on

591
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:01,720
Speaker 3: hold because your friend and can't get their crap toge. Yeah,

592
00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 3: we can't be doing that if it was because you

593
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 3: actually wanted to, you know, work on the business, and

594
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 3: you're like, this is my full time thing, and I

595
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 3: believe in this. Sure, yeah, but it seems like you're

596
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,720
Speaker 3: doing it primarily because you're like, Oh, my friend needs help,

597
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 3: I need to help them. No terrible reason for that.

598
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 5: I then became responsible not only for tasks, but also

599
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:27,120
Speaker 5: for supporting and managing their stress and frequent outburst of

600
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 5: frustration and anger.

601
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:30,959
Speaker 3: Why why are you doing all this?

602
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 5: Yes, you're getting nothing out of it but pain in stuff.

603
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 3: I eve been a relationship. It's just like a friendship,

604
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:37,760
Speaker 3: except you have to pay for everything.

605
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 5: I value communication deeply in all of my relationships because

606
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,959
Speaker 5: I believe it is the only way to solve conflict.

607
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 5: Anytime there was an issue, I would bring it up

608
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 5: so we could talk through it. Over the years, we

609
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,880
Speaker 5: had the same conversations repeatedly, and each time the behavior

610
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 5: stayed the same. Whenever I tried to express my own

611
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 5: stress boundaries or need for space, the conversations would immediately

612
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:02,760
Speaker 5: shift to how lonely, overwhelmed, or hurt my friend felt.

613
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:06,880
Speaker 5: If you know the Ackerman darvo, which I learned about

614
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 5: through the situation after love one pointed it out to me,

615
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:12,280
Speaker 5: that is exactly what happened every single time I brought

616
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:17,360
Speaker 5: up a concern. It's a deny attack, reverse victim and offender.

617
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 5: Oh my god, yeah, wait, yeah, wow, that's the thing.

618
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 5: Each conversation ended with me hyperventilating, sobbing, going nonverbal, and

619
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 5: having a trauma response.

620
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:32,600
Speaker 3: They would keep.

621
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 5: Talking even after I said I could not continue, and

622
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,960
Speaker 5: although I would offer to revisit the conversation later, I

623
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:41,080
Speaker 5: eventually stopped bringing things up because it always ended the

624
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 5: same way. Because of this, over time, my mind and

625
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:49,600
Speaker 5: body learned that advocating for myself came with emotional consequences.

626
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:53,120
Speaker 5: I started minimizing my needs and shutting down to avoid

627
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 5: inevitable conflict. This took a serious toll on my health.

628
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 5: I already have severe CPTs D, and this dynamic caused

629
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:06,120
Speaker 5: my symptoms to significantly worsen, especially during conflict or communication

630
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 5: with this person. At this point, asserting boundaries or addressing conflict,

631
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:12,960
Speaker 5: even over text, has triggered my body and mind to

632
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 5: completely shut down. I have fainted and nearly fainted multiple

633
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:21,280
Speaker 5: times after trying to assert boundaries or have difficult conversations.

634
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:25,040
Speaker 5: My nervous system learned over time that fight, flight or

635
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 5: freeze did not work, so faint became the last option.

636
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:32,600
Speaker 5: This has made it increasingly difficult and now impossible to

637
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 5: function as a co owner or even a friend in

638
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 5: the same way. I asked for changes, support and temporary

639
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:41,160
Speaker 5: breaks many times over the years, and the pattern never shifted.

640
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:44,680
Speaker 5: No matter how I approached it, nothing truly changed. As

641
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:47,360
Speaker 5: it stands now, the business continues moving forward without my

642
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:51,720
Speaker 5: input whatsoever, despite me begging for a break. Crucial business

643
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:54,720
Speaker 5: decisions have been made without consulting me. Even though we

644
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 5: are co owners. I feel no respect from them, and

645
00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 5: I am treated more like an employee than any cool

646
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 5: I was always expected to catch up after decisions were

647
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:07,760
Speaker 5: already made, instead of being consulted beforehand. I always consulted them,

648
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 5: but they but that respect was never returned. They would

649
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:14,240
Speaker 5: book events, bring new people into the business, or make

650
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 5: financial decisions without telling me, which has been the most

651
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 5: damaging part. I would only find out after everything was

652
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,520
Speaker 5: already in motion. Many times I had to ask what

653
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 5: was going on, and only then would I be told.

654
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 5: As things became busier and more stressful, they continued making

655
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 5: decisions that put the business or us in bad situations.

656
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 5: I tried to slow things down and asked for breaks.

657
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 5: Many times. Each time I asked for a break, the

658
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 5: focus shifted back to how much pressure my friend was

659
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 5: under or how deeply affected they were by my need

660
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:45,400
Speaker 5: for space.

661
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:50,600
Speaker 3: Clearly OP is way more affected. If she's fainting, yeah,

662
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:53,480
Speaker 3: I think. I think OP just immediately went ups any

663
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 3: of their friend's issues. They're like, I haven't had my

664
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 3: coffee yet, Yeah, like you like that. I'm like passed out.

665
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:05,360
Speaker 3: I'm literally on the floor, yeah, not breathing, I'm not conscious.

666
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 3: So my boundary for a temporary break was twisted into

667
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 3: me abandoning them or abandoning the business. Now even asking

668
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:16,280
Speaker 3: for a pause feels unsafe because past requests were framed

669
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:19,200
Speaker 3: as me not caring. I feel trapped and powerless in

670
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:23,320
Speaker 3: a situation I helped great but no longer recognize. After

671
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 3: a lot of reflection, trauma therapy, and distance, I realize

672
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:30,000
Speaker 3: that I feel significantly better both mentally and physically when

673
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 3: I am not in contact with them. My body finally

674
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:34,920
Speaker 3: feels safe, which is something I have not felt in

675
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 3: a very long time. I still care about them deeply

676
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:38,760
Speaker 3: and do not believe.

677
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:41,120
Speaker 5: They are malicious. I believe they are acting from their

678
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 5: own unresolved trauma, but that does not excuse the harm caused.

679
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 5: For the sake of my physical and mental healing, I

680
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:51,120
Speaker 5: need to take time away from both them and the business.

681
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 5: I am terrified to ask for a hiatus, but I

682
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 5: feel powerless and afraid of the fallout. My business no

683
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:01,520
Speaker 5: longer feels like my own, and I am heartbroken. That's

684
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:03,840
Speaker 5: such an important friendship and part of my life. No

685
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:07,160
Speaker 5: longer feel safe. I worry that from their perspective, I

686
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 5: am abandoning someone who is struggling.

687
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:15,799
Speaker 3: Girl, you're struggling. Back to me, I guess you're struggling.

688
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:18,399
Speaker 3: That's it. I mean Opie says like, Oh, I don't

689
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 3: want to abandon somebody struggling. You are struggling. Yeah, you

690
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:24,040
Speaker 3: can't help her, You're passing out every time you talk

691
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:25,080
Speaker 3: to her. Yeah.

692
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:27,799
Speaker 5: I feel like the only clear solution here is to

693
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:29,239
Speaker 5: just be rid of it. I don't want you to

694
00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:31,600
Speaker 5: get rid of your business, obviously, because that is you

695
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 5: know your business as well as theirs. But if it

696
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 5: means that you will ultimately be able to be happier

697
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:40,040
Speaker 5: and healthier, then this might be the right direction.

698
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:41,960
Speaker 3: Yeah. Agreed.

699
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 5: They have often confided in me about their fear of

700
00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 5: abandonment due to their own past trauma, and I do

701
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:50,799
Speaker 5: not want to reinforce that fear. But that is not

702
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 5: I hate when people use that excuse. I get that,

703
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 5: I get that there is fear of abandonment, but you

704
00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 5: also have to recognize what you do as well. At

705
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 5: the same time, the situation has become so severe that

706
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,919
Speaker 5: taking time away feels like my only option. I feel

707
00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 5: immense guilt for needing space to heal. Everyone I have

708
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:12,960
Speaker 5: spoken to has told me to leave, that this dynamic

709
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 5: is unhealthy, and that my friend is manipulative. I feel

710
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:18,360
Speaker 5: torn because this is my best friend of many years

711
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,279
Speaker 5: and we built something together that meant everything to me.

712
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 3: I do not know what the right thing to do is.

713
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 5: I guess my question is am I the a hole

714
00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:28,920
Speaker 5: for stepping away from my best friend and passion project

715
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:30,000
Speaker 5: in order to heal?

716
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:31,400
Speaker 3: Please do that?

717
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:32,440
Speaker 4: Please?

718
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:36,359
Speaker 5: I don't think that you are the a whole, Like, oh,

719
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:42,640
Speaker 5: if you truly believe that you're being an a hole

720
00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 5: for putting yourself first and for not you know, like

721
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:49,640
Speaker 5: because for so many years you've been doing this, You've

722
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:52,440
Speaker 5: been putting yourself to the side and helping your friend

723
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:56,200
Speaker 5: with financial things, with emotional, with mental, with physical, like

724
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 5: all of it. You are the caretaker for this person.

725
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 5: That's not it's not friends, it's a caretaker relationship, like

726
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:07,440
Speaker 5: it's not you are like obviously they care for you deeply,

727
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:09,920
Speaker 5: you care for them, But in the end, it's not

728
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:12,799
Speaker 5: going to help you because you're the one constantly getting hurt.

729
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 4: You're the one feeling.

730
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:17,680
Speaker 5: Bad like all of the bad things are happening to you,

731
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:19,759
Speaker 5: and in order for you to stop it, you have

732
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:22,120
Speaker 5: to stand up for yourself. Unfortunately, that is just the

733
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:22,839
Speaker 5: way that it is.

734
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:24,880
Speaker 6: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

735
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:25,640
Speaker 6: to the next one.

736
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 8: Hey, keyon here, we're going to get back to the stories,

737
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:30,840
Speaker 8: but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

738
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:35,960
Speaker 2: I'm considering canceling my husband's birthday after he ruined mine.

739
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:38,760
Speaker 7: Oooh, I for not, buddy boy.

740
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:41,400
Speaker 4: I only have four days to make a decision.

741
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:43,879
Speaker 2: I've been going back and forth trying to decide if

742
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:47,120
Speaker 2: I should cancel my husband's birthday reservations that I made

743
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:50,280
Speaker 2: for him at a really cool indoor golf place, followed

744
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 2: by his dinner reservations. He's always commented on wanting to

745
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 2: try both, and I thought it would make a nice gift.

746
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:58,799
Speaker 2: His birthday is only a few days after mine. And

747
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:00,759
Speaker 2: by the way, this comes from user No Penalty nine

748
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 2: to eighty three six. And if you want to submit

749
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,760
Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime

750
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:05,200
Speaker 2: subbred it.

751
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 4: I'm Dakota him.

752
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:09,719
Speaker 8: Anjie and I'm Vincent, and we're here to give good

753
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:12,920
Speaker 8: advice goofly, But we don't have all the answers, So

754
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:15,320
Speaker 8: if you've got answers of your own, why don't you

755
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 8: let them be known down in the comments below.

756
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:19,719
Speaker 4: For Christmas, he legitimately took the.

757
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,480
Speaker 2: Time to buy and wrap me a box of diapers

758
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 2: for our daughter in the next size up and presented

759
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:26,840
Speaker 2: it to me as my gift.

760
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 4: I'm still angry about that.

761
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:31,920
Speaker 2: By the way, no gag gifts for Christmas have never

762
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:34,279
Speaker 2: been a thing between us. Last year he got me

763
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:36,360
Speaker 2: a spatula, and I thought this year he would do

764
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 2: better after the falling out we had over this bachelor.

765
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:42,680
Speaker 2: A little bit of background information. Our daughter is now

766
00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:45,400
Speaker 2: two months old and we have been working on replacing

767
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:48,360
Speaker 2: the floor and painting our home since before she was born,

768
00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:51,480
Speaker 2: with the goal of having it done before she can crawl.

769
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 2: Over the summer, he did the nursery floor, and in

770
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:56,719
Speaker 2: the fall, a week before she was born, he did

771
00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:59,320
Speaker 2: the flooring in our older son's room. Mind you, the

772
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:02,240
Speaker 2: flooring was given to us for free from my dad,

773
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:05,399
Speaker 2: and my dad bought my husband his own miter saw

774
00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 2: for Christmas so we would no longer have to borrow his.

775
00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:10,360
Speaker 4: I do all the painting.

776
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:12,959
Speaker 2: This past week, as we have been clearing things out

777
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 2: of our bedroom for me to do the painting and

778
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:17,960
Speaker 2: him to do the flooring, he brought up my birthday.

779
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,480
Speaker 2: He said, Wow, all this work for your birthday gift?

780
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:22,719
Speaker 2: I said, excuse me.

781
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 4: What gift, he.

782
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 2: Said, all the work of putting the flooring in our bedroom.

783
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:29,640
Speaker 2: But don't worry, I'll still do a dinner for you

784
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 2: and we can invite your mom and my family. What

785
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 2: do you want me to cook? I said, I would

786
00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:37,080
Speaker 2: just like to have a quiet birthday dinner with you,

787
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:41,719
Speaker 2: me and the kids at Longhorngetay Cass then come home

788
00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:43,799
Speaker 2: and watch a movie together. Also, the flooring is not

789
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:46,440
Speaker 2: my gift. This is something we've been planning to do

790
00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 2: for a year, and with the house torn up, I

791
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:52,400
Speaker 2: don't want to host anyone, especially after hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas.

792
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,040
Speaker 2: We don't even have a place for people to sit.

793
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 2: I'm currently sleeping on the mattress on the floor. Plus,

794
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 2: I'm not a fan of your brother coming over. So

795
00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 2: you two can sit and drink while I watch our

796
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:04,440
Speaker 2: kids and his. He said no, he was going to

797
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 2: cook at home and asked me to tell him what

798
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:09,240
Speaker 2: I wanted. I said, okay, I want steak, mashed potatoes,

799
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 2: and green beans. But there's a problem here. He can't

800
00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 2: make mashed potatoes to save his life and only likes

801
00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:17,480
Speaker 2: green beans if they're boiled like fresh green beans. Slowly

802
00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:20,279
Speaker 2: sauteed with olive oil, garlic and herbs. So if I

803
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,360
Speaker 2: want them cooked this way, I'll have to do it.

804
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:25,399
Speaker 2: He said, no, we're not doing steak. It'll cost too much.

805
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:27,360
Speaker 2: If the family comes over, I'll just do chicken.

806
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:31,719
Speaker 4: I lost it. I said again, for my birthday, I

807
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:32,760
Speaker 4: don't want.

808
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 2: People over, and he kept arguing, and I said, fine,

809
00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:38,560
Speaker 2: do what you want for my birthday.

810
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:42,799
Speaker 4: Side note, last year he ordered the traditional tre leches cake,

811
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:47,279
Speaker 4: but with peaches. I hate peaches. He likes peaches. I

812
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:48,160
Speaker 4: like strawberries.

813
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 2: Plus, my name was spelled wrong on the birthday cake

814
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:54,880
Speaker 2: and he thought it was hilarious. I am now seriously

815
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 2: considering canceling his birthday, golf outing and dinner reservations, leaving

816
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:01,520
Speaker 2: home if he and invites his family for my birthday,

817
00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 2: buying him a box of diaper wipes and presenting it

818
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:06,239
Speaker 2: with a card that says, happy birthday. I painted the

819
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 2: house for you. Would I be the a hole? Not

820
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:10,880
Speaker 2: the a hole for canceling. But people tell her that

821
00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 2: she is an a hole for staying with someone who

822
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,200
Speaker 2: clearly doesn't like her or cares about her.

823
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:15,280
Speaker 4: There's gonna be more.

824
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:17,799
Speaker 2: He can't just be like this all the time right,

825
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:19,360
Speaker 2: because I do know some people.

826
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:20,560
Speaker 4: I mean I used to be one of them.

827
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:23,960
Speaker 2: When I was a younger, dumber person, I was terrible

828
00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:27,440
Speaker 2: with birthdays. And it was because I was like projecting

829
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:31,040
Speaker 2: my own feelings about my birthday onto other people's birthdays

830
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:32,439
Speaker 2: and being like, well, it's just a day.

831
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:34,279
Speaker 4: It's like whatever, Like I can you can do something

832
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:35,240
Speaker 4: now for someone whenever?

833
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:37,560
Speaker 2: And it's like, yeah, I had to get past that.

834
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:39,799
Speaker 2: But I don't know how old this guy is. I

835
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:42,960
Speaker 2: doubt he's like nineteen. We've got some comments from Op.

836
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:45,360
Speaker 4: About two weeks after Christmas last.

837
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:48,000
Speaker 2: Year, when I had time to relax, I asked him

838
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,400
Speaker 2: for a genuine answer about this spatula as a gift

839
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:52,239
Speaker 2: and what the heck he was thinking. He said that

840
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:54,320
Speaker 2: he was at the store and saw that it was blue,

841
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 2: the type of blue I like, and he thought of

842
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:59,240
Speaker 2: me and thought that it would match the utensil holder

843
00:40:59,280 --> 00:41:01,400
Speaker 2: and our blue Micae wave that I found in the

844
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 2: store one day and geeked out over. He said he

845
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 2: thought I would like it because of the pretty blue color.

846
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:08,600
Speaker 2: That's about as deep as the thought went. He said

847
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:10,640
Speaker 2: that he never thought the gift would be sexist or

848
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:13,080
Speaker 2: implied that I had to do more cooking for him

849
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:15,439
Speaker 2: to make up for dispatchelor. Though he did go out

850
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:17,560
Speaker 2: and buy me the Kitchen Aid stand up mixer I

851
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:19,920
Speaker 2: had my eye on for over two years. I was

852
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 2: really happy about it until.

853
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:23,799
Speaker 4: He said, so, when are you gonna make me some

854
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:24,800
Speaker 4: homemade bread?

855
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,720
Speaker 2: We had the talk about never ever, ever buying kitchen

856
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:30,640
Speaker 2: appliances for someone as a gift unless directly asked for

857
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 2: that kitchen things used by the whole family is not

858
00:41:33,239 --> 00:41:36,120
Speaker 2: a gift for one person. When I'm no longer angry

859
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 2: about the diapers, I'll be able to calmly ask him

860
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:41,640
Speaker 2: after the twenty twenty four Christmas batulate debacle, what were

861
00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:45,560
Speaker 2: you thinking gifting me diapers in twenty twenty five? I mean, dang,

862
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 2: I'm thinking if this is how it's gonna be, we

863
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 2: might just make it a pact to buy each other

864
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:53,560
Speaker 2: practical gifts for the home. No more disappointment that way.

865
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:56,719
Speaker 2: And there is an update birthday plans. I have since

866
00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:59,120
Speaker 2: logged in and canceled his birthday golf outing and dinner

867
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:01,799
Speaker 2: reservations for next week. Tomorrow is my birthday and his

868
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:04,080
Speaker 2: day off work, so he will be watching the baby

869
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:06,720
Speaker 2: as I have also booked myself for a ninety minute massage.

870
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:08,960
Speaker 2: After that, I'll be stopping my Starbucks for my favorite

871
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:12,120
Speaker 2: drink and one hour of uninterrupted time with my new

872
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:13,960
Speaker 2: book that my son got me for Christmas.

873
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:15,879
Speaker 4: Then I'll be picking him up from school and taking

874
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:16,960
Speaker 4: him to go see a movie.

875
00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:19,480
Speaker 2: I will round off the day by coming home, taking

876
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:22,320
Speaker 2: a long, hot bubble bath, ordering door dash, and ending

877
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:25,160
Speaker 2: my day holding baby girl. That sounds like an amazing

878
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:27,160
Speaker 2: birthday to me. For him, I'll just be getting in

879
00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:29,839
Speaker 2: my card that reads happy Birthday, I painted the house

880
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 2: for you. The bag will contain a case of diaper wipes.

881
00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:34,600
Speaker 2: If he looks disappointed, I will just tell him I

882
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:37,759
Speaker 2: canceled the golf outing and dinner reservations and instead got

883
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 2: this bulk pack of wipes, the perfect gift to accompany

884
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:42,240
Speaker 2: the box of diapers you got.

885
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:44,319
Speaker 4: Me for Christmas. And he will get the message in

886
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:45,280
Speaker 4: terms of divorce.

887
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:48,359
Speaker 2: For the people advocating for divorce and booting him out,

888
00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:50,279
Speaker 2: leaving him with kids in the middle of the night,

889
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:51,920
Speaker 2: claiming that he isn't a good husband to me and

890
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 2: father to our baby, please know that you only got

891
00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:56,560
Speaker 2: one little limpse into our life. He is a loving

892
00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:59,279
Speaker 2: and caring father to our children. We struggled with infertility

893
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:01,320
Speaker 2: for a very long time, so this baby was a surprise,

894
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:04,640
Speaker 2: but we welcomed the blessing. Every day I feared that

895
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:07,239
Speaker 2: I might pass away during labor as my pregnancy was

896
00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 2: high risk. He took a month off of work to

897
00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:12,200
Speaker 2: care for me as I recovered from third degree tearing

898
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 2: in a bruised tailboat. Every night, he does the nighttime routine, bath, pajama,

899
00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:18,799
Speaker 2: story time, and rocks Bibby Girl to sleep. While he

900
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:21,760
Speaker 2: does that, I do the house reset, dishes, garbage sweep.

901
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:24,759
Speaker 2: He wakes with me for all her feedings and prioritizes

902
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:26,640
Speaker 2: my sleep over his to make sure that I.

903
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:28,960
Speaker 4: Am rested enough to care for our daughter during the day.

904
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 2: So, yeah, it sounds like this guy is just really

905
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:32,840
Speaker 2: bad at gifting, yeah, and really bad at being I

906
00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:36,880
Speaker 2: don't know he's bad at birthday, said babe, it's my birthday?

907
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:38,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would you asked.

908
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 2: Me what I want for dinner for my birthday and

909
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:43,840
Speaker 2: then you say no, So why did you ask me?

910
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:47,040
Speaker 4: I see how that's not lining up right?

911
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:49,279
Speaker 7: You know, have a straightforward conversation.

912
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:50,759
Speaker 3: Please, this is.

913
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:53,799
Speaker 2: The same man who during pregnancy cooked me breakfast every

914
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:56,400
Speaker 2: morning and massaged my feet every night before he leaves

915
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:58,520
Speaker 2: for work. Every day, he'll make sure I have time

916
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:00,839
Speaker 2: to self care, like shower, brush my teeth, and eat

917
00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:04,959
Speaker 2: breakfast and pump it before handing me the baby. If

918
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:07,360
Speaker 2: she's awake, then he will make sure I'm happy on

919
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 2: the couch with baby girl and anything I could need

920
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:13,439
Speaker 2: before he leaves. The blanket, the remote, the water cup,

921
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 2: my phone, my phone charger, a clean binkie and bottle

922
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,399
Speaker 2: of a baby. As soon as he gets home from work,

923
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:20,240
Speaker 2: he'll take her and give me thirty minutes to myself

924
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:22,279
Speaker 2: before we start talking dinner plans. You make a good

925
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:24,360
Speaker 2: team when it comes to daily life. I don't have

926
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 2: to make him lists of things to do. I like

927
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:28,920
Speaker 2: that when we're low on milkill, just pick it up

928
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:30,799
Speaker 2: on his way home without having to be asked. And

929
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:32,600
Speaker 2: he doesn't wait for a thank you like he did

930
00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:34,840
Speaker 2: me some big favor the way I've seen other men

931
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 2: seek gratitude for doing basic tasks. He sucks at gift

932
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:43,120
Speaker 2: giving and this year and last year. So yes, I'll

933
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:46,040
Speaker 2: be doing nothing for him for his birthday, despite the crappy,

934
00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:48,880
Speaker 2: thoughtless gift and non birthday birthday plans. I will be

935
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:51,839
Speaker 2: holding off on kicking him out and just matching his.

936
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:53,080
Speaker 4: Energy for his birthday.

937
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:56,400
Speaker 2: For Christmas twenty six, I think I'll get him Anika

938
00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:58,520
Speaker 2: toddler bed to assemble for our daughter and call it

939
00:44:58,560 --> 00:44:58,879
Speaker 2: a day.

940
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:03,440
Speaker 4: And there is a bird Day update. Yesterday was my birthday.

941
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:06,920
Speaker 2: I'll be surprised me with breakfast out at my favorite

942
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:09,439
Speaker 2: local spot and we did a home depot run four

943
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:12,320
Speaker 2: more flooring. After that, I did go for my massage.

944
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:14,759
Speaker 2: It was wonderful, and I did stop at Stallbuck for

945
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:17,239
Speaker 2: my free drink. I didn't have time to sit and

946
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:20,120
Speaker 2: read before I had to pick my boy up from school.

947
00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:21,719
Speaker 4: But that's okay. I don't know.

948
00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:24,719
Speaker 2: Doesn't sound like this is leave him divorce, like he's

949
00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 2: a psychopath and he hates you, doesn't rub.

950
00:45:27,239 --> 00:45:31,160
Speaker 4: It's just like this one thing he is really bad at.

951
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:33,960
Speaker 4: I would be really upset about the dinner, not gonna lie.

952
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,120
Speaker 2: Somebody else brought that up. Yeah he has had a chance.

953
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:38,240
Speaker 2: And then he was like, uh no, I'm.

954
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:39,680
Speaker 4: Not gonna make you your dinner.

955
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:43,799
Speaker 2: I can't buy steak for your mom and dad or

956
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:44,800
Speaker 2: my mom and dad.

957
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:47,839
Speaker 4: It's too much steak it's too expensive, Like does he.

958
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:50,040
Speaker 9: Just think that, Like, oh, well, we've been married for

959
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:52,160
Speaker 9: a while, so like we just don't need to do

960
00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:53,480
Speaker 9: romantic things anymore.

961
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:54,799
Speaker 3: Like you already know that I love you?

962
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:56,480
Speaker 4: That does that? Does happen?

963
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:57,360
Speaker 3: Yeah?

964
00:45:57,400 --> 00:45:59,719
Speaker 9: Like I could see it being something like that because

965
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:02,239
Speaker 9: he's seems to be giving this care in towards like

966
00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:05,080
Speaker 9: the kids and stuff. But obviously they're kids. It's like different,

967
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:07,320
Speaker 9: but maybe he needs a reminder.

968
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:08,840
Speaker 7: They're like, hey, we're still dating.

969
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:10,919
Speaker 9: I know we're also married, but like we could still

970
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:13,080
Speaker 9: go out on dates. You still do nice romantic things

971
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 9: to me. For me, that still means a lot.

972
00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:17,720
Speaker 2: Instead of going to see a movie at the theater,

973
00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:20,680
Speaker 2: we came home and began a Harry Potter movie marathon.

974
00:46:20,880 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 4: I love Harry Potter.

975
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 2: However, my son, without my knowing, and texted my dad

976
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 2: and my best friend to come over and surprise me

977
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:31,120
Speaker 2: with a visit. He didn't know I had already had

978
00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:33,439
Speaker 2: my best friend and her niece scheduled to come over

979
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:35,279
Speaker 2: to look through a pile of clothes before I took

980
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:37,640
Speaker 2: a large hall to donate at the Salvation Army. It

981
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:40,000
Speaker 2: was so much fun watching her niece try on dresses.

982
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:42,759
Speaker 2: We wrapped up the night with some pizza and cheesy bread.

983
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 2: Hubby surprised me with a little gift, two new books,

984
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:49,800
Speaker 2: a pack of my favorite cookies, and a squishy niffler

985
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,200
Speaker 2: that I can add to my Harry Potter bookshelf.

986
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:53,640
Speaker 3: Okay, I was like what.

987
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 4: Overall, I had a great day and that's the end

988
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 4: of that story.

989
00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:01,919
Speaker 9: My wife developed a new intense friendship and I feel

990
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:02,920
Speaker 9: like I'm losing her.

991
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:05,200
Speaker 2: You just gotta get a big bucket of cold water

992
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:06,480
Speaker 2: and throw it on both of them.

993
00:47:06,719 --> 00:47:09,319
Speaker 9: My wife and I have two daughters and have been

994
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:11,600
Speaker 9: together for almost twenty years. She took up ballet this

995
00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:13,920
Speaker 9: past year and really loves it. She had been stuck

996
00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 9: with finding a physical activity she enjoyed and had danced when.

997
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:19,359
Speaker 7: She was younger, so this was perfect fit for her.

998
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:23,600
Speaker 9: By the way, this comes from Shaka Poopoo nineteen seventy two.

999
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:26,239
Speaker 3: You lest a bit yea.

1000
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:28,839
Speaker 7: Her own story is go to the r slash. Okay, sorry,

1001
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 7: time suppered it.

1002
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:32,319
Speaker 2: And I'm Angie, I'm thea Koda, and I really wish

1003
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 2: I was Shaka Poo pooh.

1004
00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:36,360
Speaker 8: And I'm vincent, and I also wish I was Shaka

1005
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:37,000
Speaker 8: poop poo.

1006
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:39,000
Speaker 7: And we're all here to give good advice.

1007
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:42,000
Speaker 3: Goofily to Shaka poop poo. But we don't know everything.

1008
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 7: We don't have all the answers.

1009
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:45,440
Speaker 9: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

1010
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:48,160
Speaker 9: She became very close with the other adults in her class,

1011
00:47:48,239 --> 00:47:52,240
Speaker 9: especially her instructor, Rachel. She is single with no children,

1012
00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:54,480
Speaker 9: but according to my wife, has dated a lot of

1013
00:47:54,560 --> 00:47:57,680
Speaker 9: younger effeminine men. When I first met Rachel, my impression

1014
00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:00,120
Speaker 9: was that she was a sapphik. That was also the

1015
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:02,760
Speaker 9: impression of some of my wife's other female friends as well.

1016
00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:04,600
Speaker 9: My wife insists that she isn't but.

1017
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:05,400
Speaker 3: Right all wrong.

1018
00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:08,560
Speaker 9: That was our general takeaway. Obviously there isn't anything wrong

1019
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:10,760
Speaker 9: with that. But she has really latched onto my wife.

1020
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:12,879
Speaker 9: They see each other at dance class about four times

1021
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:15,200
Speaker 9: a week and hang out a lot afterwards and in

1022
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:18,759
Speaker 9: between after class, Rochelle has her over to watch TV

1023
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:21,520
Speaker 9: shows and they constantly text throughout the day. Just last Friday,

1024
00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:24,800
Speaker 9: after spending all day with her decorating her house for Christmas,

1025
00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:26,680
Speaker 9: she texted me last minute that she was going to

1026
00:48:26,680 --> 00:48:28,960
Speaker 9: stay longer to watch Christmas movies with her. She has

1027
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:30,520
Speaker 9: inserted herself in our lives in.

1028
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:31,960
Speaker 3: A way that isn't normal for me.

1029
00:48:32,239 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 9: When I go out of town on business, she comes

1030
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,040
Speaker 9: over to our house and spends the night and even

1031
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:38,600
Speaker 9: brings her pet ferrets with her. My opinion is that

1032
00:48:38,719 --> 00:48:41,520
Speaker 9: Rachel is emotionally love bonding my wife. She is naive

1033
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:44,279
Speaker 9: about her feelings, insisting that she's straight, but admits to

1034
00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:45,720
Speaker 9: enjoying the extra attention.

1035
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:47,360
Speaker 3: I don't think it would ever turn.

1036
00:48:47,239 --> 00:48:48,920
Speaker 9: Physical, but a lot of the things that she and

1037
00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:51,000
Speaker 9: I used to do together she's now doing with her.

1038
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:53,760
Speaker 9: My wife's other friends have expressed concern about the intensity

1039
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:57,040
Speaker 9: of their friendship as well. I've always supported her having friends,

1040
00:48:57,040 --> 00:48:59,160
Speaker 9: but I'm not sure how to move forward. I have

1041
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:01,040
Speaker 9: a few close friends that I see on occasion, but

1042
00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:03,200
Speaker 9: they're all married with children like we are, and are

1043
00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:07,120
Speaker 9: all busy with what that entails. I just really miss

1044
00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:09,359
Speaker 9: my wife, and there are some comments here.

1045
00:49:09,440 --> 00:49:12,800
Speaker 7: Beautiful Boot says, have you told your wife that.

1046
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:14,359
Speaker 9: You miss her and that you want to do those

1047
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 9: things with her? If she values you, then her response

1048
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:18,239
Speaker 9: would be that she wants the same thing. Then you

1049
00:49:18,239 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 9: wouldn't limit her, but expressing your desire to be more

1050
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:23,600
Speaker 9: in touch I would be concerned if she doesn't want

1051
00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 9: to spend more time with you, considering that she has

1052
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:28,480
Speaker 9: escalated her relationship with her friend, then it sounds like

1053
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:30,960
Speaker 9: an affair. It's easier to hide an affair in a

1054
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:34,920
Speaker 9: same relationship since you may have looser boundaries about overnights

1055
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:37,480
Speaker 9: with women compared to men, but be aware of the signs.

1056
00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:39,920
Speaker 9: It wouldn't be the first time a woman leaves another woman.

1057
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:44,080
Speaker 9: Unjun Jay says, Haha, I don't think I could ever

1058
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:46,640
Speaker 9: get my husband to willingly decorate the house with Christmas

1059
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:49,479
Speaker 9: stuff or watch Christmas movies with me opie. I would

1060
00:49:49,480 --> 00:49:51,719
Speaker 9: personally be so sad if my husband told me to

1061
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 9: end a friendship with someone who wants to spend all

1062
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 9: this time with me doing stuff like I'd like to do,

1063
00:49:57,320 --> 00:49:59,600
Speaker 9: and then my husband wasn't willing to fill in doing

1064
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:02,400
Speaker 9: those same things. I sometimes feel kind of lonely in

1065
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:05,480
Speaker 9: my marriage because he genuinely hates my hobbies and is

1066
00:50:05,520 --> 00:50:07,640
Speaker 9: so busy gaming. Having a Bessie that wants to do

1067
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:08,640
Speaker 9: fun stuff would.

1068
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:09,000
Speaker 3: Be so nice.

1069
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:11,080
Speaker 9: If I got one and hubby was jealous that I

1070
00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:13,680
Speaker 9: was finally having fun and not lonely, it would really

1071
00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:16,560
Speaker 9: hit me hard. Opie says she decorated her house with

1072
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:19,879
Speaker 9: her Christmas has always been special and sacred in our home.

1073
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,239
Speaker 9: I spent three days hanging lights and putting up a

1074
00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:23,080
Speaker 9: tree in our home.

1075
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:23,759
Speaker 3: We have a.

1076
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:27,080
Speaker 9: Yearly tradition of watching our favorite our favorite Christmas movies

1077
00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:29,520
Speaker 9: as a family. Just two nights ago, I suggested that

1078
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:31,799
Speaker 9: we all watch them together, but my wife said that

1079
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:33,719
Speaker 9: she was tired and went to bed, so it was

1080
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:35,880
Speaker 9: just me and the girls. Also, we went as a

1081
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:38,440
Speaker 9: family last Saturday to see The Nutcracker, but she and

1082
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:40,960
Speaker 9: Rachel are going again to see it together this weekend.

1083
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:44,719
Speaker 9: Rocklemb says, well, you know your wife, will she at

1084
00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:47,879
Speaker 9: least entertain discussing your concerns without it leading to a fight.

1085
00:50:47,960 --> 00:50:50,680
Speaker 9: Opie says, we discussed it last night, not the first time,

1086
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:52,279
Speaker 9: and it led to a fight.

1087
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:52,920
Speaker 3: Oh wow.

1088
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:55,440
Speaker 9: We made up, but nothing has been resolved. She was

1089
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:58,879
Speaker 9: going through her Perry menopause and said that it's making

1090
00:50:58,920 --> 00:51:01,400
Speaker 9: her feel insane, trying to get her treatment for it.

1091
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:03,520
Speaker 9: I told her that once she has some relief, we

1092
00:51:03,600 --> 00:51:05,360
Speaker 9: can come back to this and work on it. Go

1093
00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:08,480
Speaker 9: thirty two fifty five says tell her humans doing stuff

1094
00:51:08,480 --> 00:51:11,000
Speaker 9: with her, but don't just drop the problem on her doorstep.

1095
00:51:11,239 --> 00:51:14,040
Speaker 9: Have and make a plan to do things with your wife. Clearly,

1096
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:16,560
Speaker 9: your wife has free time, so plan to spend some

1097
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:18,359
Speaker 9: of it with her. Plan and take her on a date,

1098
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:21,319
Speaker 9: go away for a long weekend. Opie responds, I've done

1099
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:24,520
Speaker 9: all that. This has been going on first several months already.

1100
00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:27,479
Speaker 9: It seems she's enjoying spending time with me less and less.

1101
00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:29,920
Speaker 9: Every opportunity she has to go to a class or

1102
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:32,640
Speaker 9: just hang with Rachel, she takes it.

1103
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:34,960
Speaker 7: Commenters discuss spicy proclivity.

1104
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:37,839
Speaker 9: Opie says, yes, I have told her, and we used

1105
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:39,320
Speaker 9: to do all of those things together.

1106
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:40,840
Speaker 3: Those things have been redacted.

1107
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:43,919
Speaker 9: We've always said we were each other's best friend. Now

1108
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,279
Speaker 9: she has a new best friend. I'm not worried about

1109
00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:48,640
Speaker 9: it turning physical. My wife just isn't wired that way.

1110
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:51,000
Speaker 9: But there is definitely an emotional connection between them that

1111
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:54,560
Speaker 9: makes me uncomfortable. Ostrich's Turbulent thirty one twenty says, I

1112
00:51:54,560 --> 00:51:57,279
Speaker 9: wouldn't be so naive, Opie. You can't be completely sure

1113
00:51:57,320 --> 00:52:00,279
Speaker 9: how she's wired, and these new feelings she's discovering what

1114
00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:04,040
Speaker 9: they might lead to. Extra Trouble says, I'm sorry to

1115
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:06,680
Speaker 9: tell you this, but for women, especially women that are

1116
00:52:06,680 --> 00:52:09,600
Speaker 9: going through something like perimenopause, it's different. He's already having

1117
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:12,440
Speaker 9: an emotional affair. For women, this is the foundation of everything.

1118
00:52:12,480 --> 00:52:15,200
Speaker 9: Since we're more close to our feelings and hormones highlights

1119
00:52:15,239 --> 00:52:17,359
Speaker 9: this even more. It'd be a matter of time when

1120
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:19,160
Speaker 9: the seeds of doubt start to blue in her head

1121
00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:23,680
Speaker 9: about her own spicy proclivity. Kelsey Stash says, you need

1122
00:52:23,719 --> 00:52:25,960
Speaker 9: to be wives don't choose to do things with their

1123
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:28,200
Speaker 9: friends instead of their husband and family when it's things

1124
00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:30,279
Speaker 9: that they've always done with them. Rachel is just like

1125
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:32,520
Speaker 9: another man coming on to your wife. It's not an

1126
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 9: appropriate relationship, and it certainly isn't okay to have her

1127
00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:38,320
Speaker 9: sleeping in your home. Perimenopause doesn't last a couple of months.

1128
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:40,840
Speaker 9: You really want this to get much worse over the

1129
00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:41,680
Speaker 9: coming months.

1130
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:43,280
Speaker 3: You don't, You will.

1131
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:45,279
Speaker 9: Resent her so much and you will check out of

1132
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:45,800
Speaker 9: the marriage.

1133
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:46,880
Speaker 3: Then it's done.

1134
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:49,880
Speaker 9: Then some commenters get sidetracked by the ferrets.

1135
00:52:51,239 --> 00:52:56,960
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, the ferrets habits, the ferrets of the ladies

1136
00:52:56,960 --> 00:52:57,920
Speaker 2: who like ladies.

1137
00:52:58,200 --> 00:52:58,600
Speaker 3: Yes.

1138
00:52:59,160 --> 00:53:03,440
Speaker 7: Lady Loving Pale Register says that is it right there?

1139
00:53:03,440 --> 00:53:06,160
Speaker 9: Ope, The overnight stays with ferrets while you're away is

1140
00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:08,640
Speaker 9: a huge red flag, Like, who does that in a

1141
00:53:08,680 --> 00:53:11,239
Speaker 9: normal friendship? Your gut is telling you something, and your

1142
00:53:11,239 --> 00:53:13,520
Speaker 9: wife's other friends are seeing it too. Time for a

1143
00:53:13,560 --> 00:53:16,440
Speaker 9: direct conversation about boundaries and what you both need from

1144
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:19,239
Speaker 9: your marriage. Tachi seven says, Okay, the fact that this

1145
00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:20,960
Speaker 9: person has ferrets is maybe.

1146
00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:22,520
Speaker 3: The reddest of flags. JK.

1147
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:25,319
Speaker 9: Kind of, but to be honest, I have sleepovers with

1148
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:27,439
Speaker 9: my best friends when our husbands are out of town.

1149
00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:29,560
Speaker 9: We have a guest room, and it's great because then

1150
00:53:29,680 --> 00:53:32,080
Speaker 9: we're not lonely and we can watch trash TV and

1151
00:53:32,160 --> 00:53:33,879
Speaker 9: drink wine without having to drive home.

1152
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:34,680
Speaker 3: I'm just saying.

1153
00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:37,879
Speaker 9: Thirty four says, right, the sleepovers aren't weird at all,

1154
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:40,799
Speaker 9: but the ferrets make it weird. Anecdotal, but I've never

1155
00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:43,480
Speaker 9: met someone who owned ferrets that could be trusted as

1156
00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:44,000
Speaker 9: a person.

1157
00:53:44,480 --> 00:53:48,759
Speaker 4: Okay, well that is fully anecdotal. That's not I don't

1158
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:50,080
Speaker 4: think ferrets make you shifty.

1159
00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:53,399
Speaker 9: A couple more comments, Sea monkey box Kicker says, as

1160
00:53:53,440 --> 00:53:55,480
Speaker 9: a former manager of a pet store for five years

1161
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:59,320
Speaker 9: and someone who shies away from sweeping generalizations, I'm inclined

1162
00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:01,440
Speaker 9: to agree to a degree.

1163
00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:03,440
Speaker 7: De Wolf says, show her this post.

1164
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:05,920
Speaker 9: In responses, this may show her how her actions are

1165
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:09,279
Speaker 9: affecting her relationships with you and the kids. Where does

1166
00:54:09,280 --> 00:54:11,640
Speaker 9: the friends sleep when she stays over? What are the

1167
00:54:11,719 --> 00:54:14,520
Speaker 9: kids feelings on this situation? Do they see this as strange?

1168
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:17,280
Speaker 9: Opie says, they sleep in the same bed. My kids

1169
00:54:17,280 --> 00:54:20,360
Speaker 9: seem indifferent about it. They're closer with their mom. Another

1170
00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:24,759
Speaker 9: response is okay, Opie, all the evidence in front of you,

1171
00:54:25,080 --> 00:54:27,479
Speaker 9: and I scrolled far enough to find that two grown

1172
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:30,120
Speaker 9: women are co sleeping. I know you were born at night,

1173
00:54:30,320 --> 00:54:32,520
Speaker 9: but stop acting like it was last night.

1174
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:33,919
Speaker 3: What are we really doing here?

1175
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:35,360
Speaker 7: Are you the man at the house or not?

1176
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:38,120
Speaker 9: And I'm not even suggesting she and her friendship because

1177
00:54:38,120 --> 00:54:39,480
Speaker 9: this is obviously more than that.

1178
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:42,200
Speaker 7: Your wife needs to make a choice her family or

1179
00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:43,000
Speaker 7: her girlfriend.

1180
00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:43,960
Speaker 3: No in between.

1181
00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:46,320
Speaker 7: Update number two two days later.

1182
00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:48,880
Speaker 9: So I picked up our daughters fourteen and twelve, from

1183
00:54:48,920 --> 00:54:51,080
Speaker 9: school yesterday, and on the way home, I just point

1184
00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:53,200
Speaker 9: blank asked them what they thought about Rachel. I had

1185
00:54:53,200 --> 00:54:55,480
Speaker 9: never discussed her with them before because they had always

1186
00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:57,040
Speaker 9: acted as though they liked her.

1187
00:54:57,320 --> 00:54:57,600
Speaker 3: Well.

1188
00:54:57,880 --> 00:54:59,960
Speaker 7: I was definitely thrown for a loop.

1189
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:02,879
Speaker 9: My twelve year old immediately said I can't stand her,

1190
00:55:02,960 --> 00:55:05,320
Speaker 9: and my fourteen year old went on a whole rant

1191
00:55:05,360 --> 00:55:08,279
Speaker 9: about how manipulative she is with her mom and how

1192
00:55:08,320 --> 00:55:11,440
Speaker 9: she uses her. She said that she's always criticizing what

1193
00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:14,520
Speaker 9: they our children eat and watch on television, and on

1194
00:55:14,600 --> 00:55:17,920
Speaker 9: and on. They both said they love mommy's other friends

1195
00:55:17,920 --> 00:55:20,840
Speaker 9: because they are like second moms to them, whereas Rachel

1196
00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:23,799
Speaker 9: just wants her all to herself. My oldest even said

1197
00:55:23,800 --> 00:55:27,200
Speaker 9: that she is very controlling of mommy by always telling

1198
00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:30,319
Speaker 9: her not to do anything physical outside of dance class

1199
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:33,120
Speaker 9: so as to not injure herself and therefore be unable

1200
00:55:33,160 --> 00:55:36,080
Speaker 9: to attend her classes. She also said Rachel always makes

1201
00:55:36,120 --> 00:55:39,320
Speaker 9: my wife feel sorry for her about how little money

1202
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:41,480
Speaker 9: she has and that my wife pays for everything when

1203
00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:43,360
Speaker 9: they do stuff together. I made a point of just

1204
00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:47,200
Speaker 9: listening and to not try to steer the conversation. Basically,

1205
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:51,960
Speaker 9: every concern I have, they have two and then some wow, wow,

1206
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:55,280
Speaker 9: this is interesting.

1207
00:55:55,280 --> 00:55:59,120
Speaker 2: For Yeah, it looks like the ferret Queen is not

1208
00:55:59,200 --> 00:55:59,840
Speaker 2: to be trusted.

1209
00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:02,240
Speaker 7: No, it's worse than we thought.

1210
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:03,760
Speaker 3: I think she's.

1211
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:08,200
Speaker 2: She's got twelve ferrets and she's only taken two over

1212
00:56:08,280 --> 00:56:09,360
Speaker 2: at a time, Right.

1213
00:56:09,480 --> 00:56:11,759
Speaker 3: She trades off which ferrets get to go with her.

1214
00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:15,480
Speaker 4: I can't afford to do anything. We would go out

1215
00:56:15,480 --> 00:56:18,160
Speaker 4: because I have so many mouths Defeated.

1216
00:56:17,760 --> 00:56:21,520
Speaker 9: Home after that illuminating conversation, I thought a mini intervention

1217
00:56:21,719 --> 00:56:23,600
Speaker 9: was in order, so when we got home, I just

1218
00:56:23,680 --> 00:56:25,520
Speaker 9: let the girls repeat to my wife what they had

1219
00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:26,200
Speaker 9: just shared to me.

1220
00:56:26,600 --> 00:56:28,800
Speaker 7: I could see the color go out of my wife's

1221
00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:29,600
Speaker 7: face as they.

1222
00:56:29,480 --> 00:56:32,879
Speaker 9: Told her their feelings. Apparently she thought they liked her too.

1223
00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:35,200
Speaker 9: To her credit, she just listened to us and didn't

1224
00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:38,040
Speaker 9: attempt to justify it or defend her. I reiterated to

1225
00:56:38,080 --> 00:56:40,399
Speaker 9: her that she is definitely trying to pull her away

1226
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:43,000
Speaker 9: from us and using every emotional trick in the book

1227
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:46,080
Speaker 9: to manipulate and isolate her. I also told her about

1228
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:48,279
Speaker 9: this post and all the feedback that I received from

1229
00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:51,200
Speaker 9: everyone here. My wife finally realized what's been happening, and

1230
00:56:51,280 --> 00:56:53,359
Speaker 9: even said that she had noticed for some time how

1231
00:56:53,440 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 9: Rachel will compliment her but also criticize her in the

1232
00:56:56,000 --> 00:56:59,879
Speaker 9: same sentence, classic carrot and stick control tactic. She then

1233
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:02,759
Speaker 9: said that she felt really stupid for being sucked into

1234
00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:06,200
Speaker 9: the situation, but has had her own suspicions about Rachel's

1235
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:11,480
Speaker 9: true identity and intentions for a while, but dismissed them

1236
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:14,600
Speaker 9: because she always tells her how much she loves meant So,

1237
00:57:14,880 --> 00:57:17,720
Speaker 9: all that said, we're not there yet, but I am

1238
00:57:17,880 --> 00:57:20,440
Speaker 9: very hopeful moving forward after the holidays, we're going to

1239
00:57:20,480 --> 00:57:23,080
Speaker 9: start attending therapy together and hopefully get the tools we

1240
00:57:23,160 --> 00:57:26,160
Speaker 9: need to fix what's broken. Thanks again for everyone's inside

1241
00:57:26,200 --> 00:57:29,640
Speaker 9: and suggestions. This post was an excellent catalyst for change.

1242
00:57:29,760 --> 00:57:33,160
Speaker 9: There are some final comments. Trespassers Will says, maybe not

1243
00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:36,120
Speaker 9: exactly good news, but heartening development. Now that your wife

1244
00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 9: is catching on, I bet it will bother her that

1245
00:57:38,360 --> 00:57:41,360
Speaker 9: much more. Best wishes to your family. Another commentary or

1246
00:57:41,400 --> 00:57:44,360
Speaker 9: Supermarket says, Hiop, so your wife after listening to your

1247
00:57:44,440 --> 00:57:47,560
Speaker 9: daughters and you suddenly realize the behavior of her friend.

1248
00:57:47,680 --> 00:57:50,200
Speaker 9: Your wife's relationship with this person goes far beyond the

1249
00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:52,640
Speaker 9: framework of friendship. It's good that she says so, But

1250
00:57:52,880 --> 00:57:56,200
Speaker 9: before rejoicing you, I advise you to observe her actions

1251
00:57:56,320 --> 00:57:58,880
Speaker 9: rather than her words. Will she always go see the

1252
00:57:58,920 --> 00:58:01,720
Speaker 9: show with her? Will she you stay late? Will Rachel

1253
00:58:01,840 --> 00:58:03,360
Speaker 9: come back to sleep at your place.

1254
00:58:03,160 --> 00:58:04,960
Speaker 7: When you won't be there, et cetera. It is good

1255
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:05,680
Speaker 7: to keep an eye out.

1256
00:58:05,760 --> 00:58:08,840
Speaker 2: I think all very relevant questions, all very important questions.

1257
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:11,959
Speaker 2: But it sounds like your wife is has seen the light.

1258
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:14,280
Speaker 4: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

1259
00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:15,200
Speaker 4: on to the next one.

1260
00:58:15,680 --> 00:58:19,000
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Carly Keon's girl friend here. We're gonna get

1261
00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:21,400
Speaker 1: back to the stories. But here's three minutes of ads

1262
00:58:21,400 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 1: from our sponsors.

1263
00:58:23,080 --> 00:58:26,760
Speaker 3: My husband constantly asks me to praise him, and I'm

1264
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:27,800
Speaker 3: getting tired of it.

1265
00:58:28,360 --> 00:58:31,440
Speaker 8: Who's a cool boy, He's a cool boy, he was

1266
00:58:31,480 --> 00:58:32,600
Speaker 8: a good boy.

1267
00:58:33,120 --> 00:58:36,040
Speaker 3: It has been an ongoing thing lately where my husband

1268
00:58:36,080 --> 00:58:39,840
Speaker 3: thirty mail will say in a condescending or sing song tone,

1269
00:58:40,120 --> 00:58:45,440
Speaker 3: oh thank you, I appreciate you, husband's name, follow by

1270
00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:47,640
Speaker 3: whatever task he is wanting praise for in the moment.

1271
00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:50,440
Speaker 3: This story and it comes from Miss Kitty Cartoon And

1272
00:58:50,480 --> 00:58:51,720
Speaker 3: if you want to smit your own stories, go to

1273
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:53,440
Speaker 3: the r slash Okay storytime suburt it.

1274
00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:55,560
Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, Yeah, I'm Dakota.

1275
00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 3: And I'm Vincent. We got Kean back here too, and

1276
00:58:57,600 --> 00:58:59,000
Speaker 3: we're here to get good advice, scoof Ley. But we

1277
00:58:59,040 --> 00:59:02,320
Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We only know what we do.

1278
00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:04,600
Speaker 3: So let us know what you do in the comments.

1279
00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:07,680
Speaker 3: I twenty eight female, have always been fairly diligent about

1280
00:59:07,680 --> 00:59:10,280
Speaker 3: telling my husband thank you for doing things that I

1281
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:14,000
Speaker 3: do appreciate him doing, like washing the dishes, starting the fire,

1282
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:17,240
Speaker 3: making dinner, and so on. I feel like I usually

1283
00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:19,200
Speaker 3: do it at an appropriate point in the flow of

1284
00:59:19,240 --> 00:59:21,640
Speaker 3: our lives, dealing with an eighteen month old and a

1285
00:59:21,720 --> 00:59:24,200
Speaker 3: second on the way at five months when I notice,

1286
00:59:24,320 --> 00:59:26,720
Speaker 3: with maybe a few exceptions for when my brain just

1287
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:29,560
Speaker 3: malfunctions entirely, this seems to be happening a lot more

1288
00:59:29,680 --> 00:59:32,480
Speaker 3: lately because I'm pregnant again, pretty close to having the

1289
00:59:32,480 --> 00:59:35,720
Speaker 3: first I feel really badly about not thanking him properly

1290
00:59:35,720 --> 00:59:38,160
Speaker 3: for doing things like that, but sometimes they just slip

1291
00:59:38,240 --> 00:59:40,600
Speaker 3: my mind. I kind of snapped today, though, because it

1292
00:59:40,640 --> 00:59:43,640
Speaker 3: seems to be happening more frequently that he's requesting praise

1293
00:59:43,720 --> 00:59:47,560
Speaker 3: for tasks he's completed around the house. Admittedly, I myself

1294
00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:50,920
Speaker 3: have been slacking in this department a bit too much lately. Tonight, however,

1295
00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:53,520
Speaker 3: was the final straw, and I wanted to address it.

1296
00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:56,320
Speaker 3: I had been thinking about addressing this issue at other times,

1297
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:59,000
Speaker 3: because I do believe it to be in an issue

1298
00:59:59,200 --> 01:00:01,640
Speaker 3: at a certain point that I thought would be more appropriate,

1299
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:04,800
Speaker 3: not when I was frustrated or annoyed in the moment,

1300
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:07,600
Speaker 3: but with how my brain has been lately, I probably

1301
01:00:07,640 --> 01:00:09,640
Speaker 3: would have just forgotten about it again and let the

1302
01:00:09,640 --> 01:00:13,080
Speaker 3: behavior continue to go seemingly unnoticed. I kind of snapped

1303
01:00:13,080 --> 01:00:15,680
Speaker 3: at him a little tonight. I get home after my husband.

1304
01:00:15,960 --> 01:00:18,240
Speaker 3: He gets home two hours before I do and relieves

1305
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:20,720
Speaker 3: our caregiver for our son, and we'll do chores and

1306
01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:22,960
Speaker 3: play with him before I get home. Right now, due

1307
01:00:22,960 --> 01:00:25,840
Speaker 3: to the time change, I get home after dark, and

1308
01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:28,400
Speaker 3: it's another two hours until we put our son to bed.

1309
01:00:28,480 --> 01:00:31,000
Speaker 3: We both work forty hours a week, with him sometimes

1310
01:00:31,040 --> 01:00:34,080
Speaker 3: working fifty and I work on a four to ten schedule.

1311
01:00:34,160 --> 01:00:36,320
Speaker 3: I walked in the door and was taking my shoes

1312
01:00:36,360 --> 01:00:39,240
Speaker 3: and coat off, putting my purse down, all while trying

1313
01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:42,360
Speaker 3: to appease our hyperactive dogs, trying to say hello to them,

1314
01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:44,800
Speaker 3: and my son, who is the first thing I see

1315
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:46,800
Speaker 3: and look for when I get home, because of how

1316
01:00:46,880 --> 01:00:49,080
Speaker 3: much I love how he greets me with a giant

1317
01:00:49,120 --> 01:00:51,600
Speaker 3: grin every time. I had just gotten my shoes off

1318
01:00:51,600 --> 01:00:53,520
Speaker 3: and had patted one of the dogs on the head

1319
01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:55,840
Speaker 3: while calling out to my son to get a hug

1320
01:00:55,840 --> 01:00:58,200
Speaker 3: and kiss, which he obliged. I pause to do that

1321
01:00:58,240 --> 01:01:00,640
Speaker 3: with my coat and purse still hanging on me. I

1322
01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:02,760
Speaker 3: set him down and walked over to the dining room

1323
01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:05,520
Speaker 3: table to put my purseon coat down. When I heard

1324
01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:09,560
Speaker 3: my husband say, is go to praise me phrase? I

1325
01:01:09,600 --> 01:01:12,520
Speaker 3: took a breath, finish setting my stuff down, and while

1326
01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:15,360
Speaker 3: repeating what he said, I said, thank you, husband for

1327
01:01:15,440 --> 01:01:19,640
Speaker 3: starting the fire, which I always say sincerely. This pattern, however,

1328
01:01:19,720 --> 01:01:22,920
Speaker 3: has started to deeply annoy me, and I finally addressed

1329
01:01:22,960 --> 01:01:25,160
Speaker 3: it to him. I told him, you know when you

1330
01:01:25,200 --> 01:01:27,640
Speaker 3: do that, you sound like a child. When you're saying that,

1331
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:30,280
Speaker 3: I mean, I do usually praise you when I notice

1332
01:01:30,320 --> 01:01:32,800
Speaker 3: things you've done right. Gave me a look I interpreted

1333
01:01:32,920 --> 01:01:36,280
Speaker 3: as slightly sheepish and maybe a little confused, which is

1334
01:01:36,320 --> 01:01:38,120
Speaker 3: where I think I may have crossed the line. I

1335
01:01:38,160 --> 01:01:41,280
Speaker 3: then said, you sound like a child when you do that. Mommy, mommy,

1336
01:01:41,320 --> 01:01:42,919
Speaker 3: praise me. Tell me I did a good job.

1337
01:01:43,080 --> 01:01:45,840
Speaker 2: It's just like, you know, here's what we didn't get guy.

1338
01:01:45,960 --> 01:01:47,840
Speaker 2: We needed to mix it up a little bit. You know,

1339
01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:50,600
Speaker 2: you kept delivering the same you know, the same old

1340
01:01:50,640 --> 01:01:53,520
Speaker 2: song and dance. Maybe you know you can only recycle

1341
01:01:53,600 --> 01:01:55,680
Speaker 2: so many times, you know, before you can't.

1342
01:01:55,760 --> 01:01:58,600
Speaker 4: I don't think so. I think he's just a insecure

1343
01:01:58,600 --> 01:01:59,080
Speaker 4: little boy.

1344
01:01:59,160 --> 01:02:01,200
Speaker 3: I don't even think it is in security. I think

1345
01:02:01,200 --> 01:02:03,800
Speaker 3: he just you know, is maybe doing a lot around

1346
01:02:03,840 --> 01:02:04,720
Speaker 3: the house more.

1347
01:02:05,120 --> 01:02:08,120
Speaker 2: No, he's just like I need to yeah whatever. Maybe

1348
01:02:08,120 --> 01:02:10,320
Speaker 2: insecurity's not the right word, but I feel like it's close.

1349
01:02:10,560 --> 01:02:13,280
Speaker 3: I think, ope overreact here, but I am going to

1350
01:02:13,320 --> 01:02:16,600
Speaker 3: give her more of a pass because she is pregnant

1351
01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:19,040
Speaker 3: and probably is just kind of more you know, could

1352
01:02:19,080 --> 01:02:21,160
Speaker 3: be more sensitive to some of the things he's doing,

1353
01:02:21,200 --> 01:02:21,720
Speaker 3: more annoyed.

1354
01:02:21,920 --> 01:02:24,560
Speaker 2: So well, it's just the thing where it's like we

1355
01:02:24,680 --> 01:02:26,920
Speaker 2: read his story earlier where it's like I like that

1356
01:02:27,080 --> 01:02:29,680
Speaker 2: my husband goes and just gets the milk and doesn't

1357
01:02:29,720 --> 01:02:32,800
Speaker 2: go where's my hello, where's my thank you? It's like,

1358
01:02:32,800 --> 01:02:35,040
Speaker 2: if you do that for every single little thing, it's like, bro,

1359
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:37,320
Speaker 2: it's not worthy of praise, congratulations.

1360
01:02:37,320 --> 01:02:41,360
Speaker 4: You're doing the thing everyone has to do at some point. Yeah,

1361
01:02:41,400 --> 01:02:41,920
Speaker 4: for someone.

1362
01:02:42,040 --> 01:02:44,360
Speaker 3: He was definitely upset after that, and maybe a little

1363
01:02:44,400 --> 01:02:46,760
Speaker 3: hurt that I made fun of him. I think I

1364
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:49,720
Speaker 3: repeated it and he told me to shut up, though

1365
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:52,200
Speaker 3: I cannot remember exactly, but I know he has been

1366
01:02:52,280 --> 01:02:55,560
Speaker 3: quieter tonight, likely giving me mostly the silent treatment, even

1367
01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:57,520
Speaker 3: though he has talked with me here and there. I

1368
01:02:57,640 --> 01:03:00,720
Speaker 3: wondered if I was the ale for addressing this pray

1369
01:03:00,960 --> 01:03:04,960
Speaker 3: seeking behavior. I understand that probably not addressing in the

1370
01:03:04,960 --> 01:03:06,880
Speaker 3: moment would have been the best choice, but I probably

1371
01:03:06,880 --> 01:03:08,959
Speaker 3: would have forgotten to address it later due to playing

1372
01:03:09,000 --> 01:03:11,480
Speaker 3: with our child, doing at dinner and the bedtime routine.

1373
01:03:11,520 --> 01:03:13,000
Speaker 3: I am the type of person who has to get

1374
01:03:13,000 --> 01:03:15,000
Speaker 3: the thought out in the moment or else I forget.

1375
01:03:15,080 --> 01:03:16,880
Speaker 3: I also tend to come up with a good comeback

1376
01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:20,520
Speaker 3: hours later and never tell the person because it's too late. Girl.

1377
01:03:20,600 --> 01:03:24,720
Speaker 4: Can you imagine? Could you imagine five hours later he's like, wait,

1378
01:03:24,960 --> 01:03:26,960
Speaker 4: I got you. I gotta go back. It just comes

1379
01:03:27,000 --> 01:03:29,200
Speaker 4: back around the corner. And by the way.

1380
01:03:29,320 --> 01:03:32,320
Speaker 3: Early Curly, why are we trying to think of a

1381
01:03:32,360 --> 01:03:36,080
Speaker 3: good comeback for your husband to address an issue.

1382
01:03:35,760 --> 01:03:38,360
Speaker 4: For five hours to get right out of the shower

1383
01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:40,680
Speaker 4: and you're like, you know what, I just thought of something.

1384
01:03:40,720 --> 01:03:42,880
Speaker 8: By the way, she's doctor stranging in that she's like,

1385
01:03:44,040 --> 01:03:45,200
Speaker 8: I got the one, I got one.

1386
01:03:45,760 --> 01:03:48,320
Speaker 3: I've come to a bargain. I think that because I

1387
01:03:48,320 --> 01:03:50,720
Speaker 3: had been thinking about addressing this issue for a while

1388
01:03:50,880 --> 01:03:53,320
Speaker 3: and felt it was childish. That is why I expressed

1389
01:03:53,360 --> 01:03:55,720
Speaker 3: it poorly. In this moment, I wondered if there was

1390
01:03:55,760 --> 01:03:58,040
Speaker 3: a more mature way to get my point across? Am

1391
01:03:58,040 --> 01:03:58,680
Speaker 3: I the ale?

1392
01:03:58,800 --> 01:03:59,160
Speaker 4: Truly?

1393
01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:02,160
Speaker 3: Any other way I would have been mature, more mature

1394
01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:02,520
Speaker 3: than this?

1395
01:04:02,600 --> 01:04:04,280
Speaker 4: Is there some other way I could have gotten my

1396
01:04:04,400 --> 01:04:05,560
Speaker 4: point across? Yes?

1397
01:04:05,880 --> 01:04:09,240
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, Well.

1398
01:04:09,040 --> 01:04:11,200
Speaker 2: You could have challenged him to a physical match of

1399
01:04:11,280 --> 01:04:12,240
Speaker 2: judo taekwondo?

1400
01:04:12,520 --> 01:04:14,920
Speaker 3: Does he praise you every time you do something? He

1401
01:04:14,960 --> 01:04:17,880
Speaker 3: wants praise because he believes the jobs are yours and

1402
01:04:17,920 --> 01:04:20,880
Speaker 3: he needs thanks for helping you. Opie says he does usually,

1403
01:04:21,040 --> 01:04:23,560
Speaker 3: but I don't really seek it either, lol. Comment two says,

1404
01:04:23,960 --> 01:04:27,240
Speaker 3: I mean you recognize that you weren't in the right

1405
01:04:27,280 --> 01:04:30,120
Speaker 3: head space and snapped a little, But wtf is up

1406
01:04:30,160 --> 01:04:33,280
Speaker 3: with your husband needing constant praise for doing basic life tasks?

1407
01:04:33,560 --> 01:04:36,480
Speaker 3: Was he a huge participation trophy kid? He's the a

1408
01:04:36,600 --> 01:04:39,120
Speaker 3: hole unless he also praises you constantly and when you

1409
01:04:39,160 --> 01:04:41,439
Speaker 3: do stuff around the house. And I agree he wants

1410
01:04:41,440 --> 01:04:43,680
Speaker 3: praise for doing things he thinks are your job. These

1411
01:04:43,720 --> 01:04:47,320
Speaker 3: comments are not right, and I'm a little worried that

1412
01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:50,320
Speaker 3: OPI is gonna read them and be like I was right.

1413
01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:52,560
Speaker 3: I should yell at my husband. That's a healthy way

1414
01:04:52,560 --> 01:04:54,680
Speaker 3: to communicate with your partner, and I'm worried about that.

1415
01:04:54,840 --> 01:04:57,880
Speaker 2: Yelling is never okay unless you're doing karate and you

1416
01:04:57,920 --> 01:05:00,840
Speaker 2: go hush, and that's even that's not really Look.

1417
01:05:00,880 --> 01:05:02,880
Speaker 3: I thank my husband for doing things around the house,

1418
01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:05,160
Speaker 3: and he thanks me. But we usually at least let

1419
01:05:05,160 --> 01:05:08,240
Speaker 3: the other get their dang code off first. Sometimes we'll

1420
01:05:08,280 --> 01:05:10,440
Speaker 3: be getting ready for bed and he'll say that was

1421
01:05:10,440 --> 01:05:12,920
Speaker 3: a good dinner, thank you, Or if I'm busy rushing

1422
01:05:12,920 --> 01:05:15,400
Speaker 3: around the next day, I might say, hey, I noticed

1423
01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:18,280
Speaker 3: you ran the vacuum yesterday. I appreciate it. Validation on

1424
01:05:18,320 --> 01:05:21,600
Speaker 3: demand is worthless. You should both be letting each other

1425
01:05:21,640 --> 01:05:24,120
Speaker 3: know you appreciate what the other does. But it doesn't

1426
01:05:24,160 --> 01:05:26,200
Speaker 3: have to be a write this very second thing. You

1427
01:05:26,280 --> 01:05:28,120
Speaker 3: might point out that it would feel better for both

1428
01:05:28,120 --> 01:05:29,480
Speaker 3: of you if you let you do it on your

1429
01:05:29,520 --> 01:05:33,000
Speaker 3: time and sincerely, instead expecting you to perform validation like

1430
01:05:33,080 --> 01:05:35,680
Speaker 3: you're a trained seal. And if you're forgetting gratitude, he

1431
01:05:35,680 --> 01:05:39,040
Speaker 3: should initiate a conversation with you like an adult. This morning,

1432
01:05:39,120 --> 01:05:41,600
Speaker 3: I got our usual good morning text from him, I

1433
01:05:41,680 --> 01:05:44,000
Speaker 3: replied when I woke up to get ready for work,

1434
01:05:44,120 --> 01:05:46,080
Speaker 3: saying I was really sorry for snapping at him and

1435
01:05:46,160 --> 01:05:48,560
Speaker 3: was hoping we could have a better constructive conversation later

1436
01:05:49,000 --> 01:05:51,360
Speaker 3: if he was up for it. He replied by reacting

1437
01:05:51,400 --> 01:05:53,480
Speaker 3: to the message with a heart. I greatly appreciate all

1438
01:05:53,520 --> 01:05:55,400
Speaker 3: the advice I received in the comments, and I've thought

1439
01:05:55,400 --> 01:05:57,200
Speaker 3: about it a lot. I'm trying to gather my thoughts

1440
01:05:57,200 --> 01:05:59,720
Speaker 3: for conversation I want to have. I plan to apologize

1441
01:05:59,760 --> 01:06:02,240
Speaker 3: again in person for snapping at him and mocking him

1442
01:06:02,240 --> 01:06:05,760
Speaker 3: while addressing my frustration. I also will apologize if I

1443
01:06:05,800 --> 01:06:09,080
Speaker 3: have been forgetting to express gratitude for the things I appreciate.

1444
01:06:09,680 --> 01:06:12,880
Speaker 3: I plan to express my two gratitude for how much

1445
01:06:12,920 --> 01:06:15,080
Speaker 3: he contributes and how he has been picking up a

1446
01:06:15,080 --> 01:06:17,000
Speaker 3: lot of my slack while I have been pregnant. Well,

1447
01:06:17,040 --> 01:06:19,360
Speaker 3: this is not an excuse for not pulling my share

1448
01:06:19,360 --> 01:06:21,520
Speaker 3: of the weight. I will explain my current level of

1449
01:06:21,520 --> 01:06:24,800
Speaker 3: exhaustion with everything going on. I'll explain why I became

1450
01:06:24,880 --> 01:06:28,120
Speaker 3: frustrated the fact that it feels excessive lately. The tasks

1451
01:06:28,240 --> 01:06:31,120
Speaker 3: he's asking praise for are things he would normally do anyway.

1452
01:06:31,680 --> 01:06:34,120
Speaker 3: And that I felt ambushed while trying to get settled

1453
01:06:34,120 --> 01:06:37,440
Speaker 3: into the house. I'll also mention that he is mocking tone, passive,

1454
01:06:37,440 --> 01:06:41,040
Speaker 3: aggressive expectations, and immediate demand for praise have been hurting

1455
01:06:41,040 --> 01:06:44,720
Speaker 3: my feelings. I will also ask questions to understand him better.

1456
01:06:44,800 --> 01:06:47,280
Speaker 3: What brought this on? Does he need validation at that

1457
01:06:47,440 --> 01:06:50,439
Speaker 3: exact moment? Is it okay for me to express gratitude

1458
01:06:50,520 --> 01:06:53,959
Speaker 3: in my own time? Is he seeking praise from somewhere else?

1459
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:55,360
Speaker 3: And how can I support him more?

1460
01:06:55,520 --> 01:07:01,200
Speaker 2: Yell at your husband less, talk to him more, talk more, husband.

1461
01:07:01,280 --> 01:07:03,919
Speaker 3: Don't let them know what you're against or what you're for.

1462
01:07:04,120 --> 01:07:07,600
Speaker 4: Husband. Be content in your toil. Not every action you

1463
01:07:07,680 --> 01:07:09,480
Speaker 4: take deserves.

1464
01:07:08,960 --> 01:07:14,520
Speaker 2: A Goo, Google Baby, good job, gold start right on

1465
01:07:14,560 --> 01:07:15,120
Speaker 2: the forehead.

1466
01:07:16,040 --> 01:07:17,360
Speaker 4: You don't need that every time.

1467
01:07:17,480 --> 01:07:20,120
Speaker 3: Finally, I plan to discuss solutions. I want to be

1468
01:07:20,200 --> 01:07:23,720
Speaker 3: able to express appreciation freely on my own time after

1469
01:07:23,760 --> 01:07:25,960
Speaker 3: getting home. If I forget, I would like him to

1470
01:07:26,040 --> 01:07:29,120
Speaker 3: remind me or go through the tasks he accomplished in

1471
01:07:29,160 --> 01:07:32,280
Speaker 3: a mature, constructive way. We will also discuss the division

1472
01:07:32,320 --> 01:07:36,880
Speaker 3: of household labor, accounting for pregnancy and postpartum adjustments, making

1473
01:07:36,920 --> 01:07:39,120
Speaker 3: more time for each other away from the kids and

1474
01:07:39,280 --> 01:07:41,959
Speaker 3: ensuring our love languages are being met on both ends.

1475
01:07:42,280 --> 01:07:45,880
Speaker 3: I will emphasize that major life events will require appropriate

1476
01:07:45,920 --> 01:07:49,520
Speaker 3: communication moving forward. I appreciate the help from everyone in

1477
01:07:49,600 --> 01:07:52,560
Speaker 3: formulating this conversation. Neither of us is perfect, and I

1478
01:07:52,640 --> 01:07:55,480
Speaker 3: may return for advice if I mess up another situation.

1479
01:07:55,640 --> 01:07:58,520
Speaker 3: Comment one says, so basically, he's allowed to act like

1480
01:07:58,560 --> 01:08:00,480
Speaker 3: a child, and if you get frustrated by it, you

1481
01:08:00,520 --> 01:08:02,640
Speaker 3: have to apologize. That comment is dumb.

1482
01:08:02,800 --> 01:08:04,280
Speaker 4: You should give that comment a gold star.

1483
01:08:04,400 --> 01:08:07,800
Speaker 3: I'm giving that comment a red thumbs down. I think

1484
01:08:07,840 --> 01:08:10,440
Speaker 3: you should apologize and have an actual conversation with your

1485
01:08:10,480 --> 01:08:13,000
Speaker 3: husband and he should apologize, and then we're good.

1486
01:08:13,240 --> 01:08:14,880
Speaker 4: I think you guys should get divorced.

1487
01:08:14,520 --> 01:08:16,920
Speaker 3: And move to the movie. Yeah, have you considered that?

1488
01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:18,400
Speaker 4: Have you considered space travel?

1489
01:08:18,560 --> 01:08:20,000
Speaker 3: But that's the end of that story, folks,