Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 3: While most small towns do their best to fight crime
Speaker 3: and drugs, the mayor of English, Florida is far more ambitious.
Speaker 4: I feel like Satan is everywhere. He's just that type
Speaker 4: of guy.
Speaker 3: As a public servant, Carolyn Rischer knew it was her
Speaker 3: duty to protect the citizens from Beelzebub.
Speaker 4: Our church had a Winnie roast. A light came out
Speaker 4: in my mind, and I said, I want to do
Speaker 4: a proclamation, and I want to do it on town
Speaker 4: letterhead with a town seal banning Satan from our town.
Speaker 3: And so Mayor Rischer courageously legislated the Devil out of
Speaker 3: town Vietnam.
Speaker 4: From this day forward, that Satan, ruler of darkness, is
Speaker 4: not now nor ever again will be a part of
Speaker 4: this town of Nia's Satan is hereby declared powerless. I
Speaker 4: proclaim victory over Satan. I take this action in accordance
Speaker 4: with the words of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,
Speaker 4: sealed this fifth day of November two thousand and one.
Speaker 3: The effects of the Mayor Satan band were immediate and miraculous,
Speaker 3: but there were some minor issues. Just to play Devil's
Speaker 3: advocate for a minute. Right, does this proclamation violate the
Speaker 3: separation of church and state? No, sir, question answer, But
Speaker 3: how has the town reacted? How has the town reacted?
Speaker 4: Wonderful?
Speaker 3: Supportive?
Speaker 5: Oh, I'm not happy with it at all. It's everyone's
Speaker 5: right to believe the way they want to believe, and
Speaker 5: having this proclamation on town letterhead it sort of shoves
Speaker 5: it down everybody's throat, like it or not.
Speaker 3: Why are you in support of Satan coming to town?
Speaker 5: I'm not in support of Satan coming to town?
Speaker 3: So you would say you are pro Satan. No, So
Speaker 3: you are pro Satan?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 3: But why do you want Satan in your town?
Speaker 5: I don't want Satan in my wad Do you like
Speaker 5: Satan so much? I don't like Satan.
Speaker 3: It was clear I needed to take a different tech
Speaker 3: in terms of supporting Satan. Why are you? But despite
Speaker 3: one or two Satan loving dissenters, it seemed like Mayor
Speaker 3: Risher's biggest challenge was enforcing her band I am Satan.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to come into your town. What do you
Speaker 3: say to me?
Speaker 4: You have no right to come into Inglas?
Speaker 3: Well, I don't care about your proclamation. I'm coming in.
Speaker 3: I'm all evil and I'm coming in. Looks like a
Speaker 3: nice town to set up shop.
Speaker 4: But we.
Speaker 3: Have that power to rebuke Satan coming in. I don't
Speaker 3: care what you say.
Speaker 4: Satan, you are powerless in this town.
Speaker 3: Imagine I'm Satan. You take away that proclamation. How are
Speaker 3: you going to keep me out of English?
Speaker 5: We have a lot of god fearing Christian.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 3: With Mayor Risher on the case, there will be nowhere
Speaker 3: for Satan to hide, or will there?
Speaker 2: There are over a million species of animals on this earth.
Speaker 2: Here here to show us a few of the more
Speaker 2: exotic ones, our own zoological expert, Steve Crocodile Corral. I'm
Speaker 2: not excited.
Speaker 3: That's a good this will be great.
Speaker 2: This would be great, Crocodile Corral.
Speaker 3: How you doing I'm doing well.
Speaker 2: I didn't know that you had a nickname. I'm sorry, Crocodile.
Speaker 2: I'd never heard that before. I didn't know that was
Speaker 2: your nickname.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, it's actually it's pronounced crockadilay. I was this.
Speaker 3: I was named after my grandmother.
Speaker 2: All right, well, you know what, why don't we just
Speaker 2: get to the animals and excellent idea.
Speaker 3: I think you're going to be very very excited about
Speaker 3: what we have in store for you today, John, I'm
Speaker 3: donning these only as a precaution. Now, these animals are
Speaker 3: used to being in front of people, they're used to
Speaker 3: being handles. But they're they're animals, right, exotic animals, and
Speaker 3: they're unpredictable. You really never know, should I No, I mean,
Speaker 3: I'm I'm a professional at this, So don't be don't
Speaker 3: be too afraid. But if you see one start to
Speaker 3: leap at you.
Speaker 2: Right, okay, all right, well, let's get to it. I'm
Speaker 2: excited about it.
Speaker 3: Now. This first animal, it's actually of European descent. It's
Speaker 3: it's called Canis Familiaris. It's from the uh from the
Speaker 3: last Let's get him out of there right now. Now. Now,
Speaker 3: I want you to look closely. Now, don't be afraid, John, Okay,
Speaker 3: I want you to look closely at this animal's teeth
Speaker 3: and jaw. If we can get a shot, well, I'll
Speaker 3: have to describe the teeth for you, not being too
Speaker 3: Oh are we getting that? Are we getting the teeth?
Speaker 1: John?
Speaker 3: If you can imagine, you know what chicklets are, If
Speaker 3: you can imagine sharpening chicklets with a file, that's what
Speaker 3: these teeth are like when they attack their prey and
Speaker 3: consume it, the prey being either something that they have
Speaker 3: caught or generally with this variety, something from a can
Speaker 3: or a bag. This this, you'll notice the coat, the coat,
Speaker 3: You know what?
Speaker 2: I actually I'm noticing something else, superb specimen. Are there
Speaker 2: others exotically that might I mean, unless you have some
Speaker 2: other information about this wild beast.
Speaker 3: As you can tell, uh, they're prone to seizures. The
Speaker 3: coat is very thick for urban apartment winters.
Speaker 2: Do you have any other Do you have any other?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: Exotics?
Speaker 3: Actually I do, got that Campbell.
Speaker 4: Let's get this.
Speaker 3: Uh oh, I think I think this is right up
Speaker 3: your alley. Here we go, we get a shot of this.
Speaker 3: Take a look right down there, John, look quick quick,
Speaker 3: Yes you see it? You see it?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a goldfish.
Speaker 3: It's moving around. Ah, yes it is.
Speaker 2: Look at that kind of thing. You maybe win it
Speaker 2: Coney Island.
Speaker 3: Well, as a matter of fact, this was one of
Speaker 3: only five existing fish in my friend's apartment. And even
Speaker 3: though it is a goldfish, it is not in fact
Speaker 3: made of gold.
Speaker 6: I didn't Yeah it's not.
Speaker 3: I had it a praise.
Speaker 2: Well do you do? You have anything else, anything exotic, perhaps.
Speaker 3: Yes, a Campbell. Could you bring out the other exotic creature?
Speaker 4: Could you?
Speaker 3: I think you'll enjoy this. This is.
Speaker 2: Us, you know it's Steve. I'm sorry. That's that's the
Speaker 2: same dog that you had before.
Speaker 3: That's where the batteries go.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's very nice.
Speaker 3: Listen.
Speaker 2: Uh, I'm a little disappointed because that's I thought we
Speaker 2: were doing an exotic animal secon Yea, you.
Speaker 3: Told me this morning that I had to do this segment.
Speaker 3: What do you want me to get a Kmodo dragon?
Speaker 1: Is that what you want?
Speaker 3: John, I'll bring out a big Komodo dragon. They're not
Speaker 3: even legal in the United States. Is that what you want?
Speaker 3: Is that what you want to bring? A Kimodo dragon?
Speaker 3: Is that what you want?
Speaker 4: Want?
Speaker 2: Because I can go one for you, Steve Carell, Ladies
Speaker 2: and gentlemen.
Speaker 6: I don't less.
Speaker 3: Recently on this program, I had the privilege of visiting
Speaker 3: with perception expert Mike Russ. During my long long day,
Speaker 3: I came to realize that Mike Russ sees things other
Speaker 3: people don't, things like counter rotating magnetic fields. The truth
Speaker 3: about the alien who masquerades is Donnie Osmond, and even
Speaker 3: that white T shirts are not always what they see.
Speaker 6: The white T shirts can be lizards twelve feet high.
Speaker 6: These are friendly, some are friendly, some want to eat us.
Speaker 3: And now the stunning conclusion of Mike Russ.
Speaker 6: The interview, this is one of the reasons why I'm
Speaker 6: out giving lectures. I want the child missing chill stopped
Speaker 6: on this planet. I would love it.
Speaker 3: What is the correlation between the twelve foot lizards and
Speaker 3: the missing children?
Speaker 6: They eat them.
Speaker 3: The lizards eat the missing children. So the children we
Speaker 3: see on the side of milk containers, some have been
Speaker 3: eaten by twelve foot lizards.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and humans. Bob Hope, that's Bob Hope. He literally
Speaker 6: runs the child buying and selling.
Speaker 3: So when he needed, Bob Hope, what could you tell
Speaker 3: me about his features that give away the fact that
Speaker 3: he's an alien.
Speaker 6: Well, as I'm using a laser pointer here, he's got
Speaker 6: pointed ears. Here, his nose is pointed, and his chin
Speaker 6: is pointed, and all you have to do is exaggerated.
Speaker 6: He's British. He's here to control a great deal.
Speaker 3: So being an alien is bad, But being an alien
Speaker 3: and being British.
Speaker 6: That's why should you have to understand that the British
Speaker 6: never like the tea party when we dressed up as Indians.
Speaker 3: Later, Mike Russ showed me an actual and fully levitating levtron.
Speaker 6: Oh that's great. It's an example of how they float
Speaker 6: their cities on other planets.
Speaker 3: See I'm moving that, I'm moving this.
Speaker 6: I can't I can't even touch that.
Speaker 3: Okay, now how long will that stay?
Speaker 4: That? All day long?
Speaker 3: By the end of the day, I could hardly contain
Speaker 3: all that I had learned. And as we broke red together,
Speaker 3: I was amazed to see that Mike Russ continues to
Speaker 3: perceive even while eating. Jar jar binks. Is that an
Speaker 3: actual name or is that just some creation?
Speaker 6: There's a lot of things you need to learn. How
Speaker 6: to reverse I.
Speaker 3: Told you so, jar jar binks backward?
Speaker 4: Dad?
Speaker 6: What skinnib skinneb Just reverse it at one hundred and
Speaker 6: eighty degrees. It's just a trick, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 2: Steve Corral, I have to tell you, Steve, to me
Speaker 2: this story continues to be remarkable but somewhat frightening.
Speaker 3: It really is, John, And according to Mike Russ, our
Speaker 3: world may not be ours alone.
Speaker 2: No, No, we have sixteen foot lizard aliens eating children
Speaker 2: that have been sold into captivity by Bob Hope.
Speaker 3: So no, well, John, if you had been listening, the
Speaker 3: lizards are only twelve feet tall sixteen foot lizards.
Speaker 2: Well, twelve foot lizards, sixteen foot lizards whatever that you know.
Speaker 2: The other thing is Bob Hope is one of the
Speaker 2: most beloved institutions in America, so you should consider that
Speaker 2: as well.
Speaker 3: Really do you think?
Speaker 4: So?
Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you, Steve, thank you, Jon Stewart or
Speaker 3: should I say Trauwitz?
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