Speaker 1: I leave in I you wanna way back home? Either way,
Speaker 1: we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage.
Speaker 2: You claim and give us time and a Turnino and Gay.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off instile. You want to
Speaker 3: welcome you back home?
Speaker 2: Tell us all about it?
Speaker 1: We scared or was it fine?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 2: Porn?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do your need ride.
Speaker 4: With Karen and Chriss welcome to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 1: This is Chris Fairbanks Karen Kilgaraff.
Speaker 4: We are driving on Sunset due east. Well now we've curved,
Speaker 4: we're due northeast.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we're back.
Speaker 4: We're back. We took a hiatus, we.
Speaker 2: Took an unexplained. That's what I found fascinating is I
Speaker 2: didn't get on Twitter to say why we didn't neither.
Speaker 1: Did I have an episode? And you didn't either, We
Speaker 1: just kept.
Speaker 4: I'm wondering how many of you aren't there anymore because
Speaker 4: of that, that missing episode? And if you aren't there anymore,
Speaker 4: I don't know who I'm talking to, but the people
Speaker 4: that still are, so thank you for staying.
Speaker 2: Yes, thank you for you know, we are a little
Speaker 2: bit like your drug addict older cousin that will give
Speaker 2: you a ride if she's around and sober, But then
Speaker 2: there's also the chance that she's out in the gutter
Speaker 2: or somewhere.
Speaker 4: We looked so good at Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2: We had a job and we were going to be
Speaker 2: a stenographer, and.
Speaker 4: Then at Christmas just face and lip scabs.
Speaker 1: I'm fight with Uncle John.
Speaker 4: I don't want anyone to think of anyone in their
Speaker 4: family who went through hard times. I'm just talking about
Speaker 4: the new Nirvana documentary. Oh, a whole lot of scabs
Speaker 4: on their faces.
Speaker 2: I would imagine. Now that's the thing that they don't
Speaker 2: talk about with heroin.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, it's a great high, but it's all sca.
Speaker 4: I mean, they really shove them down your throat in
Speaker 4: that movie Philadelphia. But that's I thought that that was he.
Speaker 4: They really did. Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain had lesions,
Speaker 4: yes on their face. Yeah, at all time, throughout like
Speaker 4: it was and a shitty apartment through that whole thing.
Speaker 4: I'm like this, this was really It wasn't like he
Speaker 4: occasionally was doing heroin or it's the editing of this documentary.
Speaker 1: No, no, I think they were full on Haro on addicts.
Speaker 4: It's sad. It was to this day very hard to
Speaker 4: watch that program. Anyway. We don't want to be the
Speaker 4: Kurt Cobaine of podcasts, I think, is what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we're not.
Speaker 2: I mean, here's the thing, kind of an extraordinary circumstance
Speaker 2: being in we were both in Bridgetown. Yes, we had
Speaker 2: all kinds of plans and schemes for how we were
Speaker 2: going to do our bridge Town.
Speaker 4: We were rubbing our hands together like like like scheming people.
Speaker 1: We were scheming.
Speaker 2: We were scheming like evil villions.
Speaker 4: It's just your hair continues to hit. But that's part
Speaker 4: of the real life experience.
Speaker 2: That is, I mean, my hair is everywhere when it
Speaker 2: comes to podcasting.
Speaker 1: That sounded really horrible.
Speaker 4: Sometimes a guest will answer a question or go to
Speaker 4: answer a question we've asked and a ball of Karen's
Speaker 4: hair will just fall out of their mouth. Yeah, it's everywhere.
Speaker 3: They don't like it. That's what's upsetting is that some
Speaker 3: people are in pride. They'd like that they get. Maybe
Speaker 3: it's the surprise that upsets them so much.
Speaker 4: Yeah, if we said, hey, mid podcast, just so you know,
Speaker 4: big Balakaran's hair in your mouth. They might go, Okay,
Speaker 4: thanks for the morning, I will enjoy it cool.
Speaker 1: I won't get upset, but instead, yeah, it's all a surprise.
Speaker 1: You're my drain.
Speaker 4: So at Bridgetown it ended up that we the flights
Speaker 4: got masked up years. Something happened with that, so.
Speaker 2: I just talk about it. I mean, sure, okay, Well
Speaker 2: here's what happened. When we left to go to Moon Tower.
Speaker 1: My flight was.
Speaker 2: At nine am, which meant I had to get up
Speaker 2: and leave by six am to get to the Lax,
Speaker 2: which is like in three cities away if you're in
Speaker 2: a normal town.
Speaker 4: So anyway you thought Bridgetown was Moontower Part two.
Speaker 2: I basically did the first discussion I had. My flight
Speaker 2: was at nine and then when they resent an email
Speaker 2: that I did not read, I didn't.
Speaker 4: I didn't find my flight email. That's how I you.
Speaker 4: I couldn't find the fly found one that said how's
Speaker 4: this flight? Look? Anyway? They do a great job. I
Speaker 4: bridge down and they're the best, the belever. But I
Speaker 4: I something happened with the.
Speaker 2: Information, and it doesn't matter because even if even if
Speaker 2: it had been I don't read things thoroughly enough.
Speaker 1: That's my problem.
Speaker 2: I just kind of I get an idea in my
Speaker 2: head and I just go with that, and then I
Speaker 2: could just look for numbers and emails that support my idea.
Speaker 2: So in my head I was I had a nine
Speaker 2: am flight, right, And so the ninety four I cleaned
Speaker 2: my house.
Speaker 1: I did all this stuff.
Speaker 2: And left at like five point forty five, just to
Speaker 2: make sure that I didn't get caught in traffic. And
Speaker 2: at one point in the car with the Uber driver,
Speaker 2: I said, well, it is Monday, so it's going to
Speaker 2: be so crazy, and the guy goes, it's Thursday. And
Speaker 2: then that's when I went, oh, I think I think
Speaker 2: something very off.
Speaker 4: Oh that's funny.
Speaker 2: And when I got to the airport, I couldn't. I
Speaker 2: was trying to check in, is this born?
Speaker 1: I was trying to check in. It wouldn't let me.
Speaker 2: Turned out I was six hours early for my flight.
Speaker 2: For a little while, I was considering texting you and
Speaker 2: coming to your house. But that's such a long amount
Speaker 2: of time to be like, hey, let's kill some time
Speaker 2: for a.
Speaker 4: Flight, when of course I had not prepared for my trip.
Speaker 4: You know, I'm last minute later, that's.
Speaker 2: Right, You could have still been out partying, as you
Speaker 2: sometimes dot your way into a flight.
Speaker 4: But I show up healthy for Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: Yes, I was calling you, That's.
Speaker 4: What I did.
Speaker 1: There's no scabs on this man's face.
Speaker 4: That's right, Not one and not one worker that doesn't
Speaker 4: belong outside the union at this face. That's that's another
Speaker 4: word for scab. Never mind another Oh my face is
Speaker 4: covered with non union workers.
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm gonna blow up a rot and stick it
Speaker 1: on top of your head. That's how scabby your face is.
Speaker 2: So.
Speaker 1: Obama was also flying in the same day we did.
Speaker 4: I mean, if I thought the Marines killed that, Oh,
Speaker 4: come on, I know, I know the difference. I actually
Speaker 4: approve of our president. I did have some trouble with
Speaker 4: my covered California coverage, and I know it's gonna get
Speaker 4: ironed out and soon we'll all be insured. And I'm
Speaker 4: a liberal pink hole liberal, are you a I'm a
Speaker 4: little a liberal pink hole And that's uh. Those they're
Speaker 4: just back in the never mind. Our other plan was
Speaker 4: to use the shuttle services that are provided at Bridgetown
Speaker 4: by volunteers. But they are busy, actually giving busy, and
Speaker 4: none of these rides are an hour long. And thirdly,
Speaker 4: we had like two three shows a day, didn't you.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm I am truly still exhausted from Bridgetown because
Speaker 2: I'm elderly.
Speaker 1: And I was like beat, so beat from that.
Speaker 4: Add to that doing what I did, which is having
Speaker 4: copious amounts of vodka, not just at the after party
Speaker 4: but throughout the day. Sure, and I had the best
Speaker 4: sets probably in my career, and I was drunk for
Speaker 4: each of them, which does not make me feel good.
Speaker 4: It's like, oh, I'm good at drunk comedy. That's good.
Speaker 4: That's what I always wanted. An occupational hazard that actually
Speaker 4: becomes an ocular occupational.
Speaker 1: Need, an ocular ocular issue.
Speaker 2: Yes, degeneration simply can't see your retes detached as you
Speaker 2: do your closing.
Speaker 4: Bit because of vodka has replaced my optic nerve. It
Speaker 4: could happen, It has happened.
Speaker 1: But I have to say the medical books you weren't
Speaker 1: the only one.
Speaker 2: It is a party, It's a comedy party weekend. It
Speaker 2: is everyone so happened.
Speaker 4: We appear to be driving through a tense city. Yes,
Speaker 4: what is I don't like? That makes me say, well
Speaker 4: that guy is that guy's sweeping? Sometimes people treat the
Speaker 4: areas outside their tents, like they're like, you know what,
Speaker 4: things aren't that bad. I'm just gonna sweep and it'll
Speaker 4: give me a sense of home and I like that
Speaker 4: when I see it. I'll take what I can get.
Speaker 2: What I thought was kind of amazing as someone tagged
Speaker 2: one of those tents, I'm not even ding.
Speaker 4: They're like trying to You're not gonna earn that tent
Speaker 4: by tagging it.
Speaker 1: No nor street crud.
Speaker 4: Or an over again overhang? What do you call that overpass? Anyway,
Speaker 4: the what I was getting at is because of the
Speaker 4: amount of debauchery I was engaging in and almost getting
Speaker 4: in fights with lady cops. Yeah, I am having a
Speaker 4: cleanse right now? Oh good, Yes, i'd say juices and vegetables.
Speaker 2: Well before you get into it, though, I was just
Speaker 2: trying to say everybody was partying in Portlands. It wasn't
Speaker 2: just me, not in the least, every single person in
Speaker 2: the dressing rooms and the green rooms. It was either
Speaker 2: water or beer. There was no It wasn't like I
Speaker 2: think everyone was very much encouraged to drink all day.
Speaker 2: And then we'd do these shows where like downstairs there
Speaker 2: would be a ten man show and upstairs there, so
Speaker 2: you were it felt like camp.
Speaker 4: You know, it was great.
Speaker 1: It's really fun.
Speaker 4: And some of the shows were right at my hotel.
Speaker 4: So I'm like, oh, why not be hungover? Yes, all
Speaker 4: I have to do is stumble to the stage. I
Speaker 4: don't know. I just realized some things about myself. And
Speaker 4: I've only been cleansing three days and I feel like
Speaker 4: a teenager and my hip feels better good. I think
Speaker 4: I'm filled with acid or metals or vodka, probably the
Speaker 4: third and I but I feel like it's getting out
Speaker 4: of me.
Speaker 1: That's good.
Speaker 2: Well, because liquor is sugar at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: and I know sugar is bad for you and arthritis, right,
Speaker 2: and your feelings, yes, so that can that's.
Speaker 4: All and my feelings. I mean, I'm gonna admit something
Speaker 4: to some people that are listening, or to all of
Speaker 4: the I become a person that gets an unpredictable now
Speaker 4: with with with the booze. I got kicked out of
Speaker 4: the after party because there was a long line for
Speaker 4: using the restroom, and so I went outside. Everyone was
Speaker 4: peeing out by this cardboard box filled with wood. It
Speaker 4: was the size of a dumpster, so it covered anything
Speaker 4: you're not going to be revealing anything a nice ping
Speaker 4: and some lady behind me says there's a bathroom inside, idiot,
Speaker 4: and I was like, fuck you. I just said fuck you.
Speaker 4: And as that woman passed, I realized it was an
Speaker 4: officer of the law and.
Speaker 2: The lady that was checking all the ideas to get
Speaker 2: into the because up in Oregon, which they I think
Speaker 2: should have told us beforehand, because I was very rude
Speaker 2: to several people. They they have to check your ID
Speaker 2: even if you like they were. They checked Gallagher's ID, yeah,
Speaker 2: the year before the year I went. It's just a
Speaker 2: state rule that like they need to see it physically.
Speaker 4: I wish they'd hand it back. Thank you. I just
Speaker 4: want to make sure you really fucking existed.
Speaker 2: I want to make sure you weren't some sort of
Speaker 2: strange nightmare I had because I ate a Brita late
Speaker 2: at night.
Speaker 4: In my defense, you are wearing you are Gallagher, wearing
Speaker 4: a Gallagher.
Speaker 1: Wig and an embroidered Gallagher jack.
Speaker 4: This is not the first time a couple comics have
Speaker 4: let Gallagher get it.
Speaker 2: But so that lady cop was one of the many
Speaker 2: people who were taking their job very seriously.
Speaker 1: You had a comedy, a drunken comedy.
Speaker 4: Right, no, And once a bunch of drug fueled drunken
Speaker 4: comics are together, there is no desire or respect for authority.
Speaker 4: And I'm I the first night though, I do respect police,
Speaker 4: I really do, and I was she was being sweet,
Speaker 4: she was like trying to be funny, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 4: I like that cop. And then the next night, when
Speaker 4: she kicked me, I came back and she said, now
Speaker 4: you can't come in. I'm like, because I'm peeing, or
Speaker 4: because I said shut up, because I did not know
Speaker 4: you were a cop. And then she shushed me away,
Speaker 4: and then she started vaping. She had an e sig,
Speaker 4: And then I started calling her a vape cop and
Speaker 4: a fraud and a security guard. I called her that
Speaker 4: something about a two week course I believe. I said,
Speaker 4: your dad through spirals at you, and now you want
Speaker 4: to get in some stick time. I went crazy and
Speaker 4: I felt so bad. The next day I woke up shuddering,
Speaker 4: and you know, I was telling everyone I felt bad
Speaker 4: about what I said to that. She put on makeup
Speaker 4: that night, she like tried to. She did her hair
Speaker 4: a little and put on some makeup, and because she
Speaker 4: was working a party and she's like, oh, I want
Speaker 4: to have fun. Yeah, And once I was reminded of that,
Speaker 4: I almost cried. I was like, oh, it's just my sister.
Speaker 4: That's a cop. Sure, Like I felt really bad. So
Speaker 4: I got her number and I texted her of nicely
Speaker 4: worded apology and and that said I hope you still
Speaker 4: had fun around a bunch of drunk children, and then
Speaker 4: she texted back, Hey, Chris Comma, and that was it.
Speaker 4: So I don't know if I didn't get the rest
Speaker 4: of the message because it seemed like the beginning of
Speaker 4: a letter, or what if. I mean, I don't know
Speaker 4: what if something happened She's like, oh, I'm going to
Speaker 4: text him back, and then abruptly stops with a policeman,
Speaker 4: you got to assume the worst. Something in the line
Speaker 4: of duty.
Speaker 2: She saw your text and then guessed with with oh,
Speaker 2: I'm so excited, and then she sucked in her vape
Speaker 2: pen right, and that's just lodged in.
Speaker 4: Her throat cartoonishly sideways on her neck like a chicken bone.
Speaker 2: No, you know what, though, you did your due diligence,
Speaker 2: like you expressed your your genuine apology and regret.
Speaker 4: Which doesn't excuse my behavior. But I but I just
Speaker 4: wanted to like her to acknowledge Oh yeah, I got it. Yeah,
Speaker 4: but I guess that's what hey, Chris meant. I think
Speaker 4: it sounds to me like something got messed up, okay,
Speaker 4: or she's saying apology not accepted, which I will accept
Speaker 4: her an exception.
Speaker 2: I mean, I bet she's I mean, if she's a cop,
Speaker 2: which we I mean she is a cop.
Speaker 1: I'm not questioning that the way you did.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 4: Well, she had a badge that night that was a
Speaker 4: different a security company that is hers.
Speaker 2: And she also she didn't look like a cop cop
Speaker 2: Like we know what cops look like when they're standing
Speaker 2: around doing stuff for an event, and that's really what
Speaker 2: she looks like. Yeah, the masks, the tanks, yes, the shotguns, yes, but.
Speaker 4: She didn't look like that gear a Viking hat.
Speaker 2: I'll just say that I was standing on the outside
Speaker 2: of the dancing circle, as is my way, watching people
Speaker 2: and judging them and wanting to leave because I can't
Speaker 2: get drunk anymore, and I'm jealous, but I'm also bored.
Speaker 4: Do you think Andy Kindler was drunk when he was dancing.
Speaker 1: I think he was loving life.
Speaker 4: See you got to get a little that kindler and you.
Speaker 1: I don't want to get on the one time.
Speaker 4: No, no frightening freeway, Jesus.
Speaker 1: Okay, here we go.
Speaker 4: What is this wild West? What are we on? Historic
Speaker 4: Root sixty six? The Romans car, I have a delivery
Speaker 4: for will Fargo Bank. Yeah, dag a whole market with
Speaker 4: pine cone that's what they used to do.
Speaker 1: Market with a pine cone like just and that's it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's where that's where they find your their money.
Speaker 1: But there's so many pine cones.
Speaker 4: You know, As I said that, I think it's an
Speaker 4: arch market. Joe said that right now. I think he's
Speaker 4: he literally has a Wells Fargo Bank junk and I
Speaker 4: kind of did it. But you know what, Yeah, I
Speaker 4: didn't remember that. The guy didn't remember my name every
Speaker 4: time I was introduced to him.
Speaker 1: So back at you, Arge, Yeah, Arge, that's great.
Speaker 4: For you, guy that I look up to a whole
Speaker 4: lot in your face one of my early heroes.
Speaker 2: Oh, that reminds me that the last time we podcasted
Speaker 2: with the guest, I was telling a story and I
Speaker 2: kept saying Craig Ferguson, but.
Speaker 1: I meant Craig Kilbourne.
Speaker 2: Oh it was the ice Cube story with Joe de Rosa,
Speaker 2: I mean, oh, okay, yeah, ice Cube.
Speaker 4: I kept I told the whole story because to me,
Speaker 4: I think you did say Craig Kilbourne.
Speaker 2: Though I re listened to the episode, I kept saying
Speaker 2: Ferguson Okay.
Speaker 4: But I think at one point I said he played
Speaker 4: basketball and Monte and that is It.
Speaker 1: Was like everyone understood me, but I was saying.
Speaker 4: The wrong words, right right, Oh that's funny.
Speaker 1: But I just wanted to come to it. Sorry.
Speaker 4: I just remember, well, I'm glad you did, and I
Speaker 4: want to comp to something. I hope that in Bridgetown
Speaker 4: we were during imaginary radio show. We were thrown into
Speaker 4: a situation where you and I were morning drive time DJs,
Speaker 4: something that I figured we could handle, yes, and that
Speaker 4: I would be able to ad lib. And I feel
Speaker 4: like I was speaking gibberish the whole time.
Speaker 1: People so many people came up to me and they
Speaker 1: loved it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they well, they we've done that before. The people
Speaker 4: can sense that, yes, here's a level of comfort. Yes,
Speaker 4: in a show where all the performers kind of have
Speaker 4: their back against the wall. Yeah, And so that was fun.
Speaker 2: It was super fun and I didn't add much. I'd
Speaker 2: just let you do your thing and then acted.
Speaker 4: And so that's between okay, so me treating you like
Speaker 4: a dumb person and you going oh oh okay, oh oh,
Speaker 4: shut up, you dummy. I felt uncomfortable, like it was
Speaker 4: real life.
Speaker 2: I feel like, no, we're we're at that place where
Speaker 2: we can do that.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 2: I'm a great and talented actress, and so you were
Speaker 2: sucked into the character I was playing right now reacting
Speaker 2: to the truth of her.
Speaker 4: Well, I too, am the kind of actor where I
Speaker 4: go so deep into character method style that I the
Speaker 4: feelings that that character feels I actually feel for several days. Yes,
Speaker 4: even though the even though the character is concluded, I
Speaker 4: still felt bad for treating you like a dumb sidekick.
Speaker 1: Well, I still feel dumb, uh.
Speaker 4: And not nuts today. You know what, in this podcast,
Speaker 4: I consider you the top banana.
Speaker 1: Do you think I'm number one?
Speaker 4: Well, you are listed first, it's do you need to
Speaker 4: ride with Karen?
Speaker 1: And then Chris, Karen and Chris, But that's because you're
Speaker 1: in a.
Speaker 4: Then Chris, I added at then oh you did to
Speaker 4: the poster posters available soon?
Speaker 1: Sorry? Are you seeing all this ship that's on the sidewalk.
Speaker 4: We are in the middle of a swap mate, except
Speaker 4: we were not warned.
Speaker 2: And it's just on the sidewalk in East La. So
Speaker 2: it just looks like everyone took their closets and came and.
Speaker 1: Hang them on they did.
Speaker 4: If you need a pair of Jenco jeans, come to
Speaker 4: six them west Lake.
Speaker 1: Do you need a striped shirt from Ross it's down
Speaker 1: here side.
Speaker 4: Do you need some oversized pants with embroidery that shows
Speaker 4: some side of some sort of anthropomorphized animal with a
Speaker 4: spray can getting ready to tag a wall?
Speaker 2: Speaking of which, uh huh? Did you have you yet seen?
Speaker 4: Is it time for Tehano break?
Speaker 1: I think I think it is?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, damn right, I crossed primo. Oh oh they
Speaker 4: actually said that to that lady. Anyway, I feel like
Speaker 4: did they notice we were I don't know. I really
Speaker 4: like that break, the one that was a good break.
Speaker 4: It's relaxing.
Speaker 1: I feel great.
Speaker 4: Have you heard Howard Kramer's joke that says a lot
Speaker 4: of people think it's a Holocaust, but the worst things
Speaker 4: that German ever did is bring a accordion into Mexico.
Speaker 4: That's his take on That's Howard Kramer. That's his opinion.
Speaker 2: That's yeah, and these opinions not for Mews opinion.
Speaker 4: And it's also my opinion that not all Germans are Nazis,
Speaker 4: for God's sake. I mean, that was a They are
Speaker 4: as embarrassed about that as we are.
Speaker 1: I don't know about that.
Speaker 4: Have you talked to it, Yes, they are. You cannot
Speaker 4: if you will get arrested in Germany if you have
Speaker 4: a swastika on your arm and probably just stared at
Speaker 4: in America, you know.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's a different thing though, but the entire country
Speaker 2: basically got joined a cult. Yeah, an entire country joined
Speaker 2: a cult and killed it everybody in that cult.
Speaker 4: And that, yeah, that one country went to war with
Speaker 4: the entire world, which is quite an undertaking. Let's just
Speaker 4: say we can all respect their work ethic.
Speaker 1: Guys, I.
Speaker 4: Hate my new Nazi sympathizer jokes. Well you are.
Speaker 2: It's probably has something to do with the cleanse you're on.
Speaker 2: They're big into cleansing over there.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: Everyone, everyone listening, I just want to say I appreciate you,
Speaker 4: and I'm right now I'm lightheaded and I don't know
Speaker 4: what I'm saying because I haven't had my sugar.
Speaker 1: Well, do you do you need to get some sugar.
Speaker 4: Well, it's not I'm not diabetic. I'm just having a cleanse.
Speaker 4: I'm the one that said that. Yeah, I just I
Speaker 4: feel like all I'm having because I am having sugar,
Speaker 4: I'm eating fruit, and I am e and juicing. I'm
Speaker 4: not juicing. I did not buy a juicer. I'm not
Speaker 4: going to become a juicer person. But I am going
Speaker 4: to a place that serves juice, and then I have
Speaker 4: a regular meal and then I take a series of herbs.
Speaker 4: What is happening? Why is the world falling apart? It's
Speaker 4: the Lafayette Reaction Recreation Center reac Creation.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's going on.
Speaker 4: You guys, I don't know if you've ever visited Los Angeles,
Speaker 4: but everything is true. Guns are a blazon.
Speaker 2: Constantly, which is kind of fun. Makes it fun. But
Speaker 2: you what was your favorite show? Just a real quick
Speaker 2: final line.
Speaker 4: I had so But yes, this is a bridge Town
Speaker 4: Bridgetown recap episode, or the bridge Town retap episode where
Speaker 4: we retap a lot of the dances we did originally
Speaker 4: go Karen sick enough of that. Oh that one was
Speaker 4: shorter than our break.
Speaker 1: I wish we had more. Tejano breaks.
Speaker 4: I guess one of the shows that stands out the
Speaker 4: most was I Don't my first show that was at
Speaker 4: a bar and I didn't think was gonna go well,
Speaker 4: And there is people there watching that I wanted to
Speaker 4: see me do well. And I had maybe the most
Speaker 4: fun I've had doing stand up in a while.
Speaker 1: And then was that was that person me that you
Speaker 1: wanted to yes and yes?
Speaker 4: And then on the other and then on the other
Speaker 4: end that just some family members? Oh nice, No, I
Speaker 4: mean it's all about industry. I'm a business person. ABC
Speaker 4: was there, Jan Gotta do Conan again. He was there
Speaker 4: and I could hear his laugh.
Speaker 1: The good people at the CW were there.
Speaker 4: Oh God, that's singing frog. I hope he knocks on
Speaker 4: my door again. And and then there was another show
Speaker 4: where you play you write your own cards against Humanity
Speaker 4: cards game I've never played, but they pose a question.
Speaker 4: You have pre written twenty phrases or places or things,
Speaker 4: and then you have to randomly picked seven of them,
Speaker 4: and then when they post the question, you have to
Speaker 4: select from your deck one that fits the best. And
Speaker 4: I swept shop with that game, and uh, it felt good.
Speaker 4: It felt good because I was like I don't want
Speaker 4: to do something that isn't stand up, and then I
Speaker 4: ended up having a terrific time.
Speaker 2: Well because deep down you called for you can improvise,
Speaker 2: and you're good at stuff like that. But you know
Speaker 2: what's hilarious is that just reminded me of after you
Speaker 2: were done with that show. You came over to the
Speaker 2: show I was doing at the Boston Nova Ballroom, Yes,
Speaker 2: and we were trying to figure out, oh, maybe this
Speaker 2: is where we'll podcast. Yeah, you grab somebody will do
Speaker 2: it in the corner rear, and then we're like nah,
Speaker 2: Like I had to sound check and there's all the
Speaker 2: there was just people standing around and things going on.
Speaker 1: But you did.
Speaker 2: And I'm not sure the level of drunk you were
Speaker 2: at this point, because you never seemed drunk to me
Speaker 2: except for right before you got kicked.
Speaker 4: Out of that. Yeah, that part it was a cartoon character.
Speaker 1: Even when you're drunk, you don't seem like. You don't
Speaker 1: seem that drunk to me.
Speaker 4: But unfortunately, I think because I'm good at it, yes,
Speaker 4: and that's not something you want to be good at.
Speaker 4: No one ever thinks I'm drunk until I'm yelling at
Speaker 4: a lady.
Speaker 2: Cop, right, But you did pull out those all of
Speaker 2: your written cards against humanity and started reading that to me,
Speaker 2: but out of context, they weren't funny or anything, because
Speaker 2: it was like you were just decided to stand over
Speaker 2: me and read phrases.
Speaker 1: And I was looking at you like, I don't know
Speaker 1: what to give you.
Speaker 2: Right, I want to support you, and I'm sure you
Speaker 2: did great, but at the same time, you were just
Speaker 2: reading phrases.
Speaker 1: At me, and I can't laugh.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you were supposed to give me a partial question
Speaker 4: in their statement and then the phrase would apply to it.
Speaker 4: I thought you just would, yes, and that I mean.
Speaker 1: I should have. But I feel like my also, my riffing.
Speaker 2: Levels were very large, tired of listening to people talk
Speaker 2: at me right, and tired of kind of presentationally having conversations.
Speaker 4: You had lost your glasses, which were simply under your seat.
Speaker 1: I lost my glasses twenty nine times.
Speaker 4: They got on the intercom, they're we're looking for a
Speaker 4: pair of glasses.
Speaker 1: I got on my hands and knees like Velma from
Speaker 1: Scooby Doo and said my glasses like, hey, they're right
Speaker 1: on you.
Speaker 4: I'll do them whenever you want.
Speaker 1: I want it all every day.
Speaker 2: But here's my favorite thing, and nowhere near that lighthouse.
Speaker 4: Sorry, I wanted to do.
Speaker 1: Fred Oh we can't go by the lighthouse. It's talented
Speaker 1: goo goo goo goo goo Google.
Speaker 2: But there was so at one point they so they
Speaker 2: truly only had water and beer as beverages. So of
Speaker 2: course everyone's while I'd open up a nice tab for
Speaker 2: dyke coke and that's how I party, which is deeply,
Speaker 2: deeply tragic to me.
Speaker 1: Uh So there was an upstairs bartender.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you ever saw that guy who
Speaker 2: was covered in tattoos and Drennan and I have a
Speaker 2: song called the y Are just a.
Speaker 1: Few dumb Tattoos. Then I think I named everything on
Speaker 1: his body.
Speaker 4: So did he have a bossy devil?
Speaker 1: He was everywhere.
Speaker 2: He definitely had knuckle tats, and he had lots of
Speaker 2: different ones, and he was super good looking and.
Speaker 4: Generally kind of liked that song. Anyone.
Speaker 2: Well, I'll tell you we he came to the rat
Speaker 2: party and then he ended up giving us a ride
Speaker 2: back to the DoubleTree Hotel.
Speaker 1: Yes, it was like a group of us.
Speaker 2: Coincidence, Yeah, I mean like yeah, they were like, oh
Speaker 2: we got a ride, get into this car and it
Speaker 2: was him Oh my god. His voice and personality so
Speaker 2: did not match. Like down here in La when you
Speaker 2: see a guy like that that's like covered in tattoos
Speaker 2: and looks like he looked like he was like a
Speaker 2: sque del rich type, Like that's kind of vague, very
Speaker 2: good looking, yet you don't know why it might be.
Speaker 4: It might be a tough guy, might just be a
Speaker 4: male model.
Speaker 2: Yes, this guy was like he was like a character
Speaker 2: from like Bottle Rocket, Like the way he spoke.
Speaker 1: He was like, I don't know, Leon, it was literally
Speaker 1: like that.
Speaker 2: And I was sitting back say like, wow, this is
Speaker 2: really like the I mean, I don't want to insult him,
Speaker 2: but it was just really hilarious to me.
Speaker 1: And then when we all got out of the.
Speaker 2: His car, it was like three in the morning and
Speaker 2: I leave at four point thirty to get back to
Speaker 2: the airport. So I was like running to my room,
Speaker 2: and but I turned back around to say thanks, and
Speaker 2: he was like leaned all the way back with the
Speaker 2: cigarette in his mouth and winked at me.
Speaker 1: And it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
Speaker 4: Oh that's great.
Speaker 1: I mean, it is a brag, but at the same time,
Speaker 1: it was just like, yeah, girl.
Speaker 4: And you feel like I had nothing to do with
Speaker 4: the song. I thought you were gonna say, a nice song,
Speaker 4: by the fucking way.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, I think he was very nice. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, I think he was sweet, and I think
Speaker 2: totally cool people. Yeah, yeah, none of those people, all
Speaker 2: the people that had tattoos wanted to talk about that
Speaker 2: song after we did it.
Speaker 4: Right, And because there is not a more tattooed city
Speaker 4: than maybe Austin, I don't know, but Portland is. It's
Speaker 4: up there, lawyers. And I remember seeing when I moved
Speaker 4: to Austin, there was a cop with a tattooed sleeved
Speaker 4: leg a horse cop half half man, half horse. Now
Speaker 4: he is on a horse, a full man all the way,
Speaker 4: many all the way horse, two different beings he was
Speaker 4: on top. Try and guess which one. Anyway, it was
Speaker 4: a tattooed horse riding a man. Now, come on, But
Speaker 4: I couldn't believe that I saw a cop with a
Speaker 4: sleeve like But that was you know, that was nineteen
Speaker 4: ninety nine, and so yeah.
Speaker 2: That's right, that's when it was kind of new. It's
Speaker 2: so common now it's like no one even questions it, right.
Speaker 1: Right, it's just how it is.
Speaker 4: And in but in Portland, that guy he won't even
Speaker 4: be a cop, he'll be accountant or a bike curry
Speaker 4: or something to do with bikes. Usually there's a lot
Speaker 4: of biking there, which that's another thing. I like la
Speaker 4: and I'm used to it being my home. But seeing
Speaker 4: a bike is like seeing a toddler here. It just
Speaker 4: you have to go to a special area.
Speaker 1: That sometimes you're not even allowed in.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's but Portland was just so beautiful
Speaker 4: and people talk about it raining there all the time.
Speaker 4: Every time I've been there. It's sunny.
Speaker 1: Yep, Well it was beautiful when we were there one
Speaker 1: bridge down it was raining. And I also love there's
Speaker 1: all kinds of real people.
Speaker 2: First of all, we had a bunch of people come
Speaker 2: and tell us they love the podcast, which was insanely
Speaker 2: amazing to me.
Speaker 1: That made me really happy.
Speaker 4: That felt great. Yeah, thank you everyone in Portland who
Speaker 4: listens to our podcast.
Speaker 1: And who told us.
Speaker 2: There was one person I meant and I told him,
Speaker 2: I was like, we kind of feel like we're doing
Speaker 2: this in a vacuum. So when people actually, like in
Speaker 2: a different city, its people that aren't our friends or
Speaker 2: other comics or whatever in a different city, like, oh,
Speaker 2: I love the podcast. It it's so touching. It's like, oh,
Speaker 2: we're not just you know, insane narcissists talking to ourselves.
Speaker 2: Car like somebody gives a shit.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we don't have a way to gauge that because
Speaker 4: we're not creating income quite yet, but we will. We're
Speaker 4: figuring it out someday. I'm gonna someday soon I'm making mugs.
Speaker 1: We're gonna Oh yeah, I love those mugs.
Speaker 4: Well, yeah, well I might work on them a little.
Speaker 4: I want I might include the Uh well, we'll talk
Speaker 4: about okay, but we're gonna have some merch and then
Speaker 4: I think that, uh, you know, we're gonna have sponsors
Speaker 4: very soon. If you're someone that likes to sponsor podcasts,
Speaker 4: some wealthy guys sitting on a pile of gold coins
Speaker 4: right now because you're tired of swimming in them and
Speaker 4: you want to spumk. Yeah, if you're screwsick duck out
Speaker 4: there and you know we want to talk to you,
Speaker 4: we do about uh you know, it's two hundred bucks
Speaker 4: an episode. Is that Is that a good going rate?
Speaker 1: I have no idea.
Speaker 4: Fifty I don't know we'll figure don't go.
Speaker 2: Down once you establish well, only up, only out, okay, okay,
Speaker 2: two hundred.
Speaker 1: Yeah, take it slow. Yeah, don't make anybody feel weird.
Speaker 4: No, no, certainly not. And tonight we're doing another show
Speaker 4: where we're going to fly by the seat of our
Speaker 4: pants a little. As far as I understand it, I
Speaker 4: will be doing improvised stand up projected topics YEP or
Speaker 4: names of jokes or whatever, and I do stand up
Speaker 4: for the first time based on that, and then an
Speaker 4: improv group comes and does improvised versions of what I
Speaker 4: was talking about, and then then what and then I
Speaker 4: do stand up about that. Where do you guys come in?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Third or fourth we improvise a song, okay, and I
Speaker 2: guess based on what everyone else has been doing.
Speaker 4: Okay, and Drennon will make me rap. Yes, that can
Speaker 4: I'll be uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: That's perfect, that's good times.
Speaker 4: It is it will be good times. It's there's something
Speaker 4: to be said for these shows that scare you, you know,
Speaker 4: like where you're doing something foreign and like the imaginary
Speaker 4: radio thing. My back was sweating, yes, but I knew
Speaker 4: it would be fun and I knew it's something I
Speaker 4: should do to myself.
Speaker 2: Yes, for sure, Well because people like it, people like
Speaker 2: to watch you sweat, people like I think people were
Speaker 2: enjoying you and I not knowing what we were doing
Speaker 2: and yet continuing to do it.
Speaker 4: I'm like, where are we getting such big laughs?
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I think it was just like you're you
Speaker 2: were clearly being a person that you never are, and
Speaker 2: so it was like the insanity of that wash.
Speaker 4: Being a mean radio DJ. And then the channel would
Speaker 4: switch and then very confident Rastafarian white guy. Those are
Speaker 4: two people I am not, Yes, and but what a
Speaker 4: great combination, yeah, in one person.
Speaker 1: Like chicken and waffles.
Speaker 2: Every restaurant we went to in Portland offered some version
Speaker 2: of chicken and waffles.
Speaker 4: Why it's the food so great.
Speaker 1: There because people give a shit. The food is great,
Speaker 1: The people are cool.
Speaker 2: I like the fact that everyone looked normal, Like you
Speaker 2: live in LA for so long and you're used to
Speaker 2: models everywhere, both male and female, and you go to
Speaker 2: a place like Portland and you see normal people in relationships,
Speaker 2: normal people hanging out, and it's like the most calm.
Speaker 1: I suddenly go like, oh I'm not I'm not Shrek.
Speaker 1: This is wonderful news oh, for.
Speaker 4: Good, but I haven't.
Speaker 2: I haven't left town in like a year. I forgot
Speaker 2: to remind myself to stop hating myself.
Speaker 4: You're that's I hate. I'll give you a pep talk, Okay,
Speaker 4: was that it? Whenever you need it? Yeah, I mean
Speaker 4: let's start slow and work our way slowly to actual
Speaker 4: where it's. I know exactly what you're saying, though, because
Speaker 4: when I was important, or when I'm in Wisconsin or
Speaker 4: whatever one of the many cities I go to without
Speaker 4: perfect people, I look at everyone and I'd like, here,
Speaker 4: there's just beautiful, chiseled model people everywhere, and I really
Speaker 4: don't notice them anymore. I swear I don't have kind
Speaker 4: of animosity towards even perfect looking women. That and our men,
Speaker 4: of course, because I'm not you, and then you you
Speaker 4: would never talk to me. But then in Portland, it's
Speaker 4: like these are all relatable, accessibly beautiful people.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, and open, Yes they're open and smiling, yeah
Speaker 1: with a nice light gravy. Yeah, it's an open face.
Speaker 4: Its weird, open faced with a side of mash. And
Speaker 4: I'm just describing their physical Okay, we're pulling over. Are
Speaker 4: we getting under arrest? Getting under arrest.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I want to well, because we have
Speaker 1: to go to that show.
Speaker 4: You're right, let's do it.
Speaker 1: Let's and I want to go and make you go
Speaker 1: get a coffee with me before we Okay, let's do
Speaker 1: it so we can wrap in.
Speaker 4: This can be a shorter episode if you want.
Speaker 1: Well, why how long have we done?
Speaker 4: About thirty four minutes in counting?
Speaker 1: We can't do it up till showtime.
Speaker 4: No, we certainly can't. I have to do some uploading.
Speaker 1: Oh that's right, Yeah, we have things we have to do.
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is a real behind the scenes episode. And
Speaker 4: if you haven't caught on yet, we do not have
Speaker 4: a guest today.
Speaker 1: This more of the episode to say we're sorry we
Speaker 1: missed you last week. We're getting our gat together.
Speaker 4: We're gonna get our s to g and we're not
Speaker 4: going anywhere. Yeah, and for those of you that panicked,
Speaker 4: this is also we were planning on doing a fan
Speaker 4: appreciation thing, but that would require me to actually do
Speaker 4: a little homework, which you know me and.
Speaker 1: Homework, dude, we're exactly the same way.
Speaker 4: I'm like, I feel like you know me and Ziggy
Speaker 4: when it comes to homework. I think it causes pimples.
Speaker 4: That's a very specific Ziggie trapper keeper I had, if.
Speaker 2: You I had a book bag in literally in third grade,
Speaker 2: and it said it had a picture of like it
Speaker 2: looked like a principal's door, and it said Board of
Speaker 2: Education spelled b O R E D.
Speaker 1: And I got that as a gift.
Speaker 2: And I remember being like nine and thinking like, I
Speaker 2: don't think this is an appropriate gift.
Speaker 1: For a child that's still in school. Like my mom
Speaker 1: thought it was funny, but I was like, shouldn't I
Speaker 1: not be bored of education?
Speaker 4: That's that's the best. I like it. I like it
Speaker 4: when parents let their kids wear stuff like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I want to thank some guests that have been well.
Speaker 4: Twitter is the only way to know. If you don't
Speaker 4: follow either of us on Twitter, follow me or Karen.
Speaker 4: I'm at Chris Fairbanks dot com and Karen.
Speaker 2: Is at the I'm at Pizza Nacho's one hundred big.
Speaker 4: Yes, she's at pizzapuke dot.
Speaker 1: Org and always pizza or nachos or the word sixty nine.
Speaker 4: I want to thank Gabe for listening. Is at the
Speaker 4: in DG. I don't know what that means in DG.
Speaker 4: Talk to him if you want. Debbie Wiseman, she's w.
Speaker 2: L f M.
Speaker 4: She also does the uh the uh. I think she
Speaker 4: does something for never not notes, never not funny nice
Speaker 4: and and also a walking dead thing and uh and
Speaker 4: I'm real good at this. Vincent Lombardi, he's often saying, Hello.
Speaker 1: Vince Lombardi, the great, the great football coach.
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, I thought he was a race car driver
Speaker 4: either way.
Speaker 1: Great guy either way, Thank you so much.
Speaker 4: Kevin W. Young as always, of course, Kevin with us
Speaker 4: is my biggest flirt. Actually he actually is throws flirts
Speaker 4: my way. Yep, yep.
Speaker 1: That's got to feel good as a man, it does.
Speaker 4: Come on, look at this confidence gleaming off of me.
Speaker 4: Who uh and who's our other? I don't know, I'm
Speaker 4: bad at I see again I should have wrote these down,
Speaker 4: but maybe this is one of those times. Tyler Tyler,
Speaker 4: he was in Portland. Tyler, he has for a that
Speaker 4: Tyler guy. He likes us. Thanks Tyler Tyler. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 4: and uh, well, there's so many they're important people.
Speaker 2: I mean, shoot, there was someone that I met I
Speaker 2: think it was at the North Hall show that I
Speaker 2: talked to after the show. Sorry I can't remember your name,
Speaker 2: but you were super nice and you were very complimentary.
Speaker 4: Wait, I think that was that Tyler guy?
Speaker 1: Was that Tyler? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Okay, cool? He was like selling merk.
Speaker 1: I can't remember.
Speaker 4: I don't know either.
Speaker 2: Also, we had a couple of people. I had a
Speaker 2: couple of people who were drivers at Bridgetown.
Speaker 1: Who let me know that they like, we could go
Speaker 1: all day. Sound this is like brag time.
Speaker 4: Of course, we can't forget.
Speaker 1: With us.
Speaker 4: Swolled neck muscles, got some lats, he and built, he's
Speaker 4: got some calves, he's got some trips, some steps, some Yes.
Speaker 2: What if it turned out that he just has neck
Speaker 2: muscles and the rest of him is like a warm
Speaker 2: body with a guy from Freaks?
Speaker 4: Oh oh, that would be amazing.
Speaker 1: He would move up to our number one.
Speaker 4: I think, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: In terms of just.
Speaker 4: Send us a full body pick our dreams come true, Nicky,
Speaker 4: send us.
Speaker 2: A full body pickle, our dreams come to nick that's
Speaker 2: your wrap for tonight.
Speaker 4: A wickedy wick wicked wick wick wick. Drive to a
Speaker 4: bar and you don't get far. That's There's that. That
Speaker 4: Blondie song is so good until she raps Hey did
Speaker 4: I ever tell you? He's the beginning started?
Speaker 2: I have an anecdote about that story about that song
Speaker 2: when I was when I was young, I was in
Speaker 2: the car with my sister and my mom and that
Speaker 2: song came on the radio.
Speaker 1: And when that I was.
Speaker 2: Sitting in the back seat, which was my sister and
Speaker 2: I we constantly fought or who was going to be
Speaker 2: in the front seat.
Speaker 4: Even though you were both in the back, just for
Speaker 4: the future of one of you being in the front.
Speaker 4: You fought over that.
Speaker 1: What No, she was in the front seat.
Speaker 2: Okay, So I was in the back pouting because I
Speaker 2: didn't get the front. And then when the wrap part
Speaker 2: of that song came on, I leaned forward and stuck
Speaker 2: my head between I mean, my mom's seat in my
Speaker 2: sister's seat, and I just did the entire wrap word
Speaker 2: for word, and they my sister almost wet her pants.
Speaker 1: She was laughing so hard, and they both my mom
Speaker 1: kept going, how do you know this? How do you
Speaker 1: know this? Karen? And I just did every I wouldn't
Speaker 1: stop rapping. It was pretty hilarious.
Speaker 4: That's the best.
Speaker 1: Although that rap is truly one of the worst raps
Speaker 1: of all time.
Speaker 4: I think it is. I it is the worst.
Speaker 1: But you get in your car and you drive real far,
Speaker 1: and you drive all night, even see a light and
Speaker 1: she just right down. It lands on the ground and
Speaker 1: out comes a man.
Speaker 4: She even mentioned something about Fab five Freddy. Yeah, not
Speaker 4: Fab five Freddy. They o MTV raps VJ.
Speaker 1: Are you sure?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think there's a maybe it is. I don't know.
Speaker 4: I think there's too.
Speaker 2: She's definitely referencing old school rap people, sugar Hill Gang Style.
Speaker 4: No, that was him. I'm thinking there's another doctor Dre.
Speaker 4: Never mind Doctor Dre. There was a doctor Dre that
Speaker 4: hosted with that lover and it wasn't art Doctor never No,
Speaker 4: and he just went ahead and stayed Doctor Dre. It's like,
Speaker 4: whoa way to get almost you know, you don't want
Speaker 4: to piss off n w A No. Have you listened
Speaker 4: to their lyrics?
Speaker 1: Are you crazy?
Speaker 4: If you want to, you know, be a hip hop
Speaker 4: broadcast journalist, maybe you know, get a new handle. That's
Speaker 4: what I always used to say. Well, sorry, I hope
Speaker 4: we didn't come off as spazzy or or I was
Speaker 4: a little too talky today and unprepared. I know a
Speaker 4: lot of people like, uh, you know format and uh,
Speaker 4: you know different sections of a podcast. Now, if that's
Speaker 4: what you're looking for, go somewhere else and uh get.
Speaker 1: Too bad.
Speaker 4: Yeah, why don't you grab a newspaper and uh look
Speaker 4: at the roll it up and stick it in your ass.
Speaker 4: That's what it's gonna say. Sorry, Well, this has been
Speaker 4: one of my worst episodes. I think it's strong, but
Speaker 4: I'm gonna apologe No, let me do this, Karen. Well,
Speaker 4: I'm sorry to everyone for my disjoined thoughts and a
Speaker 4: lot of my words not stringing together correctly. Karen, what
Speaker 4: do you want to apologize for.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's what people come for.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I got Oh I wish they liked it that much. Well,
Speaker 4: this has been good.
Speaker 1: Look, this has been great.
Speaker 2: Here's the thing. It was like, we we went way
Speaker 2: off the rails. We didn't do a podcast crazy train.
Speaker 2: We're coming on back back on the train, and we're
Speaker 2: on the crazy train again. But it's you know, there's
Speaker 2: a sloppy mid section where we have to just get
Speaker 2: our shit back together.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well that's sloppy mid section. It's the reason I'm
Speaker 4: on a cleanse. Hey, Giggley, back fat, you're my fred
Speaker 4: Ooh Hey there, your dog's got a nice boner. I
Speaker 4: wonder why that dog has a boner what he loves walking.
Speaker 4: That's so much he loves walking. Who doesn't And that
Speaker 4: dog's boner is how much we love podcasting you've been
Speaker 4: listening to Do you Need a Ryde d y A
Speaker 4: R
Speaker 1: M h I