Speaker 1: This show contains adult material, references to drugs and swearing.
Speaker 1: You have been warned.
Speaker 2: Wait, I finally now understand why you bought a dog
Speaker 2: is so that you can far a dates and play it.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, my dog despired by the way that
Speaker 2: was my dog around me. I'm a savage.
Speaker 1: Are you bored of modern dating meeting the same people
Speaker 1: from the same apps in the same bar You've only
Speaker 1: chosen because it's close to your house and you can
Speaker 1: make your usual quick getaway. It's time to change the
Speaker 1: narrative on how we find love. It's time to start
Speaker 1: looking for love in all the wrong places. I'm going
Speaker 1: on a wild dating adventure, only picking people who were
Speaker 1: the total opposite of my type. And after twenty eight
Speaker 1: of these dates in two months, will I find that
Speaker 1: special someone? Or well, this experiment proved that I should
Speaker 1: just give up on dating altogether. It's time to find out.
Speaker 1: I'm Grace Campbell and this is twenty eight dates later. Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan,
Speaker 1: this is what it would be like if you finally
Speaker 1: caved in and let us be together.
Speaker 2: I mean, the phrase caved in is actually perfect, because
Speaker 2: if we ever got together, it'd be you pegging me so.
Speaker 1: The guy I went on a date with this week right,
Speaker 1: refers to himself as a wine coloisseur.
Speaker 2: Can we get a paramedic please? Is there a paramedic here?
Speaker 1: There is nothing more ick to me than people referring
Speaker 1: to themselves and as a connossturt of anything but mainly wine.
Speaker 2: Unless you won number one in the world. Even then,
Speaker 2: I mean it is gross. Get a job. It's like
Speaker 2: my mum would be like, I'm a wine connoisseur and
Speaker 2: you're like, now you're an alcoholic perfect exactly. Yeah, just
Speaker 2: just be open about it.
Speaker 1: Because he was also like thirty, so it's like, don't
Speaker 1: think you're a bit young to be like going around
Speaker 1: like that. Like I love it when I meet like
Speaker 1: like an old like kind of overweight man who like
Speaker 1: loads everything about wine and smokesloads that cigar exactly.
Speaker 2: Maybe I remember one time I was in this en
Speaker 2: pub and Shrewsbury and the guy that owned it was
Speaker 2: just like very posh man who would walk around with
Speaker 2: like a glass of like murlow and a cigar and
Speaker 2: his head. But how was the food that amazing?
Speaker 1: That's amazing. But you're a thirty year old man who
Speaker 1: lives in Homerton, East London. I was like, so, what
Speaker 1: wine do you want? And he was like, we're just
Speaker 1: like in apart and I'm not sure they're going to
Speaker 1: have like the natural wines that I go for. So
Speaker 1: then didn't get wine because he was so upset about
Speaker 1: like the low quality of one. And then I once
Speaker 1: stated a guy who used to talk about Natty wine.
Speaker 1: He used to go, you know, it's wine with the
Speaker 1: skin on.
Speaker 2: What is that for me?
Speaker 1: Well, it means the grape, the skin hasn't been taken
Speaker 1: off of the grape. But obviously it just sounds weirdly sexual.
Speaker 2: Is it not just some like Italian wine maker with
Speaker 2: hairy toes mushagan in a barrel.
Speaker 1: Well maybe natty wine is like somebody who moisturizes their
Speaker 1: feet with the body shot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm getting notes of them.
Speaker 1: I'm getting some share moisture. So so you in into wine.
Speaker 3: So yeah, it's just like one of those things.
Speaker 1: I can be a bit nerdy that.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I feel like working in wine kind of ruined
Speaker 3: my ability to drink wine. I worked in a wine
Speaker 3: shop in North London, just like selling wine, which I
Speaker 3: got into for really slightly esoteric reasons. I was like yeah,
Speaker 3: the philosophy of flavor is really interesting. But I also
Speaker 3: I just really like drinking wine, so yeah, it was fun.
Speaker 2: I don't want to shore on someone for their passion.
Speaker 2: But you worked at the longest three months. You worked
Speaker 2: at the lottest for three moments.
Speaker 1: And then you tried to tell the via because you
Speaker 1: had a philosophy of flavor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like, well, actually the Batho Rose is the best,
Speaker 2: which actually spoiler alert for wine. No, I can't shit
Speaker 2: on a passion. But sometimes you do sound a bit douchey,
Speaker 2: I guess, but like a girl's gotta know what a
Speaker 2: girl's got to like, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it was more I don't care for
Speaker 1: people who like are so obsessed with food and so
Speaker 1: obsessed with wine, and so I don't like it. I
Speaker 1: think there's like a snobbery around it, and I just
Speaker 1: don't care. I just can't relate.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's.
Speaker 1: Kind of I just even in that clip, can hear
Speaker 1: myself switching off a bit, like when he said he
Speaker 1: worked in a wine shop. I feel like, because I know,
Speaker 1: I'm sure my cousin worked in that wine shop. I'm
Speaker 1: sure of it because as well. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: but she just worked in this wine shop in Islington,
Speaker 1: which is I'm sure I just had a guidance think
Speaker 1: that that was the one. But I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: not even gonna ask him.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's not like a great topic of conversation,
Speaker 2: like what you're you going to talk about? The notes,
Speaker 2: the flavors.
Speaker 1: That's what I don't like, Like, that's that's more what
Speaker 1: was like kind of jarring and imagining him in a
Speaker 1: wine bar. Yeah, talking about wine.
Speaker 2: But it's also like if if I'm on a date
Speaker 2: and I'm hoffing, it's not the wine, it's the coke
Speaker 2: and the toilet.
Speaker 1: Well, you're like a snob about coke.
Speaker 2: Will give me a back go down.
Speaker 1: To like the old Irish pa and you're like do
Speaker 1: you know what, Like this is exactly where I would
Speaker 1: take coke.
Speaker 2: Thank you, Yeah, but like, well, actually I studied under
Speaker 2: Pablo Escobar and I know good coke, and this is
Speaker 2: cat this is like I.
Speaker 1: Have an episode.
Speaker 3: I'm going to ask you what you did. I'm alsoeing
Speaker 3: a level with you and say I know who you are.
Speaker 1: That's fine.
Speaker 2: I don't know if.
Speaker 1: That's more normal than pretending you don't. If you did
Speaker 1: do you like comedy?
Speaker 2: I do?
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, that's good, take the truth sociopath and not I.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, I me and my friends theoretically try and
Speaker 3: write stuff, but I'm very bad at it. Right what
Speaker 3: at the moment? A novel about someone who is both
Speaker 3: learning that they aren't going to inherit a house from
Speaker 3: their family at the same time as ending a relationship.
Speaker 3: And then also there's a bit of a subplot where
Speaker 3: like people start melting in the street, which I haven't
Speaker 3: figured out, like or not?
Speaker 1: Are you into like sci fi?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: What is that genre? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Not like blokes with laser guns sci fi? But like,
Speaker 3: I quite like you're just like weird and interesting ideas.
Speaker 1: My dog's just parted, by the way, it wasn't me.
Speaker 2: It hasn't reached me.
Speaker 1: Yeah that is disgusting.
Speaker 2: Yeah wait, I finally now understand why you bought a
Speaker 2: dog is so that you can fight on dates and
Speaker 2: blame it on her. Oh my god, my dog just fired,
Speaker 2: by the way, that was my dog. Oh my god,
Speaker 2: it smells like beef.
Speaker 1: No, if I fired on a day, I would say
Speaker 1: that I'd fired.
Speaker 2: No, you wouldn't, I would you.
Speaker 1: I genuinely would.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because actually you can't run away from your farts.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly awesome, But my farts taste very they taste,
Speaker 1: they smell like inherently vegetarian, like.
Speaker 2: Your Your farts are so thick when people smell them,
Speaker 2: they can't help but be like have synesthesia, Like it's
Speaker 2: two is two senses. You taste it and you smell it.
Speaker 2: That's how thick they are. Yeah, like I've got synesthesia.
Speaker 2: Just some sitting there you and you fire and like
Speaker 2: it also because you just shut yourself.
Speaker 1: We were talking about how like small the dating pool
Speaker 1: is in London in that I always, whenever I'm getting
Speaker 1: with someone I like, realize that they've also gotten with
Speaker 1: someone else. I know, you knowaby the gay world exactly,
Speaker 1: but it's I keeps.
Speaker 2: Having every friend dad and't like a four mile radius.
Speaker 1: From where I had dance famously fucked my dad.
Speaker 2: Print it now print it now litters didn't take that,
Speaker 2: I said to my friend earlier.
Speaker 1: I feel like at the moment, it's like everyone I
Speaker 1: talked to on a dating app maybe but already spoken
Speaker 1: to at one point when I was on dating app before,
Speaker 1: or one of my friends had spoken to you, and
Speaker 1: that really bugs me out. Like it's like it feels
Speaker 1: like the pools getting smaller and smaller, even though we
Speaker 1: live in like a massive fucking city.
Speaker 3: Also, now another thing to level with you, I think
Speaker 3: you once dated one of my friends.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, who I.
Speaker 3: Think it was a long time ago, and he said
Speaker 3: that it never went any further than one day because
Speaker 3: at the.
Speaker 1: Time he thought the age gap was Yeah, I know
Speaker 1: who you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, I think I was
Speaker 1: quite young, like I was like twenty one, and I
Speaker 1: think if you're twenty five, that's quite like a dramatic
Speaker 1: age gap and things like that. Now, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: yeah wow. Yeah. He showed me the picture of this guy.
Speaker 1: I got set up with this guy like when I
Speaker 1: was quite young by my friend Harriet, who was like
Speaker 1: older than me. And then he showed me a picture
Speaker 1: of this guy and the guy was looking amazing, really yeah,
Speaker 1: really good, Like that's tragic. He looks amazing.
Speaker 2: But could you ever go back to him? Do you
Speaker 2: think maybe how old is he now? Then? Oh?
Speaker 1: Will we like thirty one or something?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: No, no, sorry, like thirty four. I mean that's yeah,
Speaker 1: he was really hot. I was twenty one or twenty
Speaker 1: and he would have been like twenty five or twenty six,
Speaker 1: so it's not actually that big an age gap. But
Speaker 1: we went on one day and he was like, I
Speaker 1: think she's a bit young for me, which is fair
Speaker 1: like if one of my when I was twenty five
Speaker 1: and my twenty five year old friends were going out
Speaker 1: with like twenty year olds, I was kind of like,
Speaker 1: that's I don't really get it.
Speaker 2: Well, what do you chat about?
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, it's just that gap early, like twenty to
Speaker 1: twenty five. It's like there's quite a lot like that
Speaker 1: you're going to be different.
Speaker 2: Well, is that the difference of like playing Ring of
Speaker 2: Fire before you go out and not playing Ring of
Speaker 2: Fire before you go out? And that is really the difference.
Speaker 1: Do you want to explain to everyone, just for some
Speaker 1: people that might not know the game?
Speaker 2: What Ring of Fire? Basically Ring of Fires? When you
Speaker 2: get like a bunch of like straight virgins in the
Speaker 2: room and they get cards and they like pour milk
Speaker 2: into a glass and then pour vodka into it, and
Speaker 2: then they all like drink that, and then they think
Speaker 2: I think they sacrifice something that I'm joking. It's obviously
Speaker 2: not the game, is it.
Speaker 1: That you drink during the Johnny Cash song, No, that's rocks.
Speaker 2: That also, Johnny Cash didn't sing Rocks.
Speaker 1: He sang Ring of Fire. I thought it was that game,
Speaker 1: but like like what Rocksanne was, but for the song
Speaker 1: ring of Fire.
Speaker 2: I mean we should play it anyway, we should play it.
Speaker 2: And also what perfect we did? We do it with
Speaker 2: spicy marks, because then it's another ring yes exactly.
Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, yeah, because Dan and I famously after a
Speaker 1: spicymong reader. We both have ring of fires as our faults.
Speaker 2: Honestly sting.
Speaker 1: So oh yeah, it's a lot, it's a lot, puckered
Speaker 1: to the gods. Yeah, it's extra hot anyway. So you
Speaker 1: know the phrase only boring people get bored.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, like there's no small parts, just small actors.
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly. So like I don't want to say that
Speaker 1: it was like inherently boring because it makes me then
Speaker 1: sound boring because I should have sound more interesting in it.
Speaker 2: No, but I also disagreed there are small parts and.
Speaker 1: There are boring people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but those people have the small parts.
Speaker 1: Yeah. He seemed so like chilled out and kind of
Speaker 1: like like he'd never had any kind of dispute with
Speaker 1: anyone in his life. That I asked him if he'd
Speaker 1: ever gotten in a fight before. Do you ever get
Speaker 1: really angry?
Speaker 2: I do a little shameful.
Speaker 3: Sorry, yeah, this isn't a crowd moment. I was quite young,
Speaker 3: how was at university and went on a university ski
Speaker 3: trip with my girlfriends. I have no idea what we
Speaker 3: were arguing about, but I just remember like walking along
Speaker 3: the roade, like we were like shouting at each other,
Speaker 3: and I was so angry, but I didn't know what
Speaker 3: to do, so I, like I Fate, cried to like, right,
Speaker 3: try and win the argument.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: I didn't win the argument, and then I was like
Speaker 3: Fate crying and like angry and right.
Speaker 1: I thought you were going to say something so much
Speaker 1: worse than that. I thought you're going to say you
Speaker 1: pushed her off a cliff.
Speaker 2: Or like you know, we both came out and scared.
Speaker 1: That's good. You pretended to cry. That's just literally me
Speaker 1: on a Tuesday, Like every every time I have an
Speaker 1: argument that I'm not winning, I pretend to cry. That's
Speaker 1: how it ends. I thought he was going to say
Speaker 1: he like accidentally killed someone, like he had a fight
Speaker 1: and it was man's laughter or something.
Speaker 2: I do remember when I was fourteen, and you can't
Speaker 2: judge me because I was in the closet, but I did.
Speaker 2: She on this girl and then when she rang me,
Speaker 2: I pretended that I was crying, but I was actually laughing,
Speaker 2: and I was like, I was like, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2: I didn't mean it, but it just happened like she
Speaker 2: thought I was crying, and then she tried to spend
Speaker 2: this rumor that I was like this pussy ass bitch
Speaker 2: for crying. It was funny.
Speaker 1: But I always cry when I'm not winning a fight.
Speaker 1: Like I always just burst into tears.
Speaker 2: That's not attactic, I used, because actually I never lose
Speaker 2: a fight.
Speaker 1: No, but that's fine.
Speaker 2: I often One time actually having a fight on a
Speaker 2: school trip, I had a five of my friend Megan,
Speaker 2: and we were on like the ferry from France or something,
Speaker 2: and we were outside like reconciling after this big bust up,
Speaker 2: and I spat off board and the wind blew it
Speaker 2: back in her face, face, right in her face. That fact,
Speaker 2: it was like a film.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. I once did that, but it
Speaker 1: was phlem I was in the front seat of a
Speaker 1: car and I flamed out the window and it went
Speaker 1: onto my friend's face. In the vaccine.
Speaker 2: No, that's but we.
Speaker 1: Weren't even in the fight. Then afterwards you were, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I've never swim just since.
Speaker 2: That woman, Judy Dench. Have you ever been in a
Speaker 2: fist fight.
Speaker 1: I've been in many, fista give me the best one.
Speaker 1: It was like sixth form. There was a house party
Speaker 1: in North London and a group of girls were chatting
Speaker 1: shit about one of my friends and they were like
Speaker 1: saying all this stuff about how she was a slot
Speaker 1: at the party.
Speaker 2: And this girl, Judy Dench.
Speaker 1: Then we all got kicked out of the party because
Speaker 1: the police came. So on this road in Finchley and
Speaker 1: there was like hundreds of teenagers there and this girl
Speaker 1: is across the road like chatting shit about my friends.
Speaker 1: So I just walked across the road in the traffic
Speaker 1: there was like hundreds of people watching, and just swung
Speaker 1: for her. And then me and her got in this
Speaker 1: like insane fight, like we were like battering each other,
Speaker 1: and then my friends were trying to sort of half
Speaker 1: break it up also get involved, and then Emily, she
Speaker 1: had like loads of rings on and she got tangled
Speaker 1: with one of the girls like her hair, So then
Speaker 1: the fight got broken up. Harry like picked me up,
Speaker 1: took me to the other side of the road and
Speaker 1: I was like kicking and screaming. But then Emily, for
Speaker 1: like twenty minutes, had to stand there like untangle her hair,
Speaker 1: like this girl's hair off of her ring.
Speaker 2: She's just like behind it, being like so any holidays
Speaker 2: coming up, like give it like a full.
Speaker 1: Na waiting for your A levels.
Speaker 2: I have only only been in like one fight where
Speaker 2: it's nothing like that. I just tried to steal a
Speaker 2: mop from a gay club in Turkey and I was
Speaker 2: running outside of them, mopping my hand and I thought
Speaker 2: my friend was following me, but it was like the
Speaker 2: owner and I turned around and he slapped me, and
Speaker 2: then I hit him back as like a response, and
Speaker 2: then he went to hit me back and I was like,
Speaker 2: do you just want them up? And he was like yeah,
Speaker 2: and I was like, take them up.
Speaker 1: That's a perfect story.
Speaker 2: And then I went and smoked on the beach and
Speaker 2: was like, my life is such a mazing.
Speaker 1: You come across really well in that. Sorry, I'll say no.
Speaker 2: Thank you, No you do. I'm mopped the floor of.
Speaker 1: Him, Yeah you did. Because he had such a distinctive
Speaker 1: like East London look, I knew he lived in East London,
Speaker 1: like just from looking at him. And then I was like,
Speaker 1: let me see if I can miss it meg Hare
Speaker 1: and guess like exactly his postcode. But I got it wrong.
Speaker 1: I'm actually really good at being a psychic because I
Speaker 1: just want to try Victoria Parts, Bethel Green, no London Pille,
Speaker 1: Hackney Wick, no.
Speaker 2: Claptain.
Speaker 1: Oh that was gonna be the first thing I was
Speaker 1: gonna say.
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 1: That was actually gonna be the first thing I was
Speaker 1: gonna say. I'm very bad with these men.
Speaker 3: More she would have gone for it, I guess you me, Yeah,
Speaker 3: I go for it by Parliament Health.
Speaker 1: Yes. Would you rather go on a really boring date
Speaker 1: or go on a date with someone who's like really offensive?
Speaker 2: Oh that's interesting. You know. I kind of feel like
Speaker 2: I'd get more of a kick out of someone being
Speaker 2: offensive because there's more to do, as in, like it's
Speaker 2: more reactional than me having to like come up with
Speaker 2: something to say. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean the thing is, it's like neither is desirable.
Speaker 1: But there's something really really horrible about talking to someone
Speaker 1: who is giving you nothing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, there's not really much you can do.
Speaker 2: It's like, what I'm going to tell you how many
Speaker 2: siblings I've got?
Speaker 1: Are you someone who? If you're I'm sure you're not.
Speaker 1: But I am actually this person Like if I'm in
Speaker 1: a really boring conversation, I start bugging out and I'm like,
Speaker 1: it's me, I'm boring.
Speaker 2: I mean, I've never experienced that personally or professionally, but I've.
Speaker 1: Never experienced it professionally, thank you.
Speaker 2: No, But I am. I just literally cannot sit in silence.
Speaker 2: So then I'll start asking like mad questions, like what's
Speaker 2: the biggest animal that you think you can kill with
Speaker 2: your bare hands?
Speaker 1: What is it?
Speaker 2: What me? Personally? I think I could get a sheep?
Speaker 2: I think I could get really think, okay, yeah you
Speaker 2: are at all? Wait what do you think?
Speaker 1: What about you?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: You what could I kill? I couldn't hurt any you bet?
Speaker 2: Oh my god? Are you mad? So you just spoke
Speaker 2: up ragging some girl in northwest.
Speaker 1: London, maybe like a like a girl from forts Math,
Speaker 1: sixteen year old girl from forth, I could kill her.
Speaker 2: And they're all animals, My god, my good.
Speaker 1: No, like a North London girl with a crylic Now
Speaker 1: it's like that's probably the limit.
Speaker 2: No, but I mean I just start saying really like stupid,
Speaker 2: I get that, or like if you can I really
Speaker 2: even want to give like.
Speaker 1: A boring date my interesting questions.
Speaker 2: I always ask people if they could have sex with
Speaker 2: any other or what animal they have sex?
Speaker 1: Which would you have sex with?
Speaker 2: Ah?
Speaker 1: I don't know the way you phrased that, if you could,
Speaker 1: like as though people want to, it's like if you had.
Speaker 2: To, Yeah, but it's also me like checking checking them out.
Speaker 2: It's like I don't want to have to date someone
Speaker 2: that fox animals? Again? What I mean? This is that
Speaker 2: third date at pets at Home? Why are we in
Speaker 2: the guinea pig bit again? Like I don't know what's
Speaker 2: going on. Wait, you brought me a gerbil? Where's it gone?
Speaker 2: It's always in the ass?
Speaker 1: Oh dam I'm.
Speaker 2: Sorry, no way, no, but I know, but I don't
Speaker 2: want to answer that question. I'm just saying that, like
Speaker 2: I will start saying ship like that, and then it's
Speaker 2: just like that how could this ever flow for me?
Speaker 1: Because I can't I can't really remember if I did
Speaker 1: this with him. But when I'm my go to like
Speaker 1: date chat is to just talk about people's exes. Really, yeah,
Speaker 1: I always ask them about their part relationships. It's a
Speaker 1: good tell of like what someone's like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's actually so true. I just think sometimes I
Speaker 2: don't know. I'm still the belief in the like with
Speaker 2: the belief that like the first date isn't necessarily where
Speaker 2: I talk about someone's exes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's fair. I do do it quite a lot.
Speaker 2: I mean I'm asking people what animal dead fox? Yeah,
Speaker 2: he's intone, No.
Speaker 1: I know what. We're both here singles.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but one of us has a podcast where they're
Speaker 2: finding love and everyone's just talking.
Speaker 1: About one of them has a podcast to find love
Speaker 1: and it's literally not even watching pain dry. That would
Speaker 1: have been like so much more exciting. Like the most
Speaker 1: interesting part of that day was me saying that the
Speaker 1: dog had fired. Next time on twenty eight dates later,
Speaker 1: So he's done a test to see what his kinks are.
Speaker 1: And there are loads of words here. I don't know,
Speaker 1: rigor exhibitionists. Sorry, what's a brat tamer? That sounds like
Speaker 1: my type around me?
Speaker 2: I'm a savage? You think he can hurt it?
Speaker 1: Twenty eight Dates Later is produced by Novel for iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1: For more from Novel, visit novel Dot Audio The series
Speaker 1: is presented by me Grace Campbell with help from Roz
Speaker 1: Pursu and Dan Whyde. The producer is Diggory Way. The
Speaker 1: executive producer is Claire Broughton. Our editors are Mithillly Raw
Speaker 1: and Max O'Brien. Production management from Cherie Houston and Charlotte Wall.
Speaker 1: Willard Foxton is our creative director of Development.