1 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:13,000 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to another new episode of You 2 00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:16,360 Speaker 1: Need Therapy podcast. My name is Kat and I am 3 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,360 Speaker 1: the host of this podcast. If you're new, I am 4 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:22,919 Speaker 1: a licensed therapist who lives and works in Nashville. I 5 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:26,040 Speaker 1: have a practice called Three Chords Therapy. I started this 6 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:30,800 Speaker 1: podcast to help give some information and normalized therapy and 7 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:34,000 Speaker 1: just start conversations that are meaningful and conversations that I 8 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,640 Speaker 1: wish that we just were having more often. I just 9 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:39,480 Speaker 1: wanted to normalized therapy. And so with that, I'll say 10 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:41,800 Speaker 1: that this is not therapy in itself, and it's not 11 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:45,680 Speaker 1: a substitute for therapy, and I can't give therapy to 12 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:48,880 Speaker 1: anybody over a podcast, um, But it is a nice 13 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:51,880 Speaker 1: way to talk about things that I wish were more 14 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 1: normalized in our culture. So that's why I started this podcast. 15 00:00:55,520 --> 00:01:00,120 Speaker 1: Now today I am excited, and I am I have 16 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,000 Speaker 1: a little anxiety about this episode. I think I have 17 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:06,000 Speaker 1: anxiety about most things in life, but this episode is 18 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:09,840 Speaker 1: dedicated to talking about sobriety um, and I mean the 19 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:13,039 Speaker 1: sense of just not drinking just because it's a choice 20 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:16,000 Speaker 1: that you've made because you wanted to, and not in 21 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 1: the sense of typical addiction alcoholic sense. What we're really 22 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,320 Speaker 1: going to be talking about today is like this idea 23 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 1: of gray area drinking where you might not meet the 24 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:30,160 Speaker 1: criteria yet for alcoholism or substance abuse, substance used disorder, 25 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 1: any of that, but it is something that doesn't add 26 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,320 Speaker 1: value to your life and might take value away from 27 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 1: your life, and so you decide not to do it. 28 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,880 Speaker 1: And now I want to say before we get into this, 29 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:43,240 Speaker 1: I am somebody who I do drink on occasion, and 30 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,000 Speaker 1: so I think that what I want you guys to 31 00:01:46,319 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 1: hear is that I'm not telling people that you shouldn't drink, 32 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,560 Speaker 1: because I do that, and I don't think it's wrong 33 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,920 Speaker 1: or bad or unhealthy for everybody. But there are a 34 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:58,440 Speaker 1: lot of people out there who do drink despite the 35 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,920 Speaker 1: fact that it it does take away a layer of 36 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 1: living their most true, happy, healthy lives. And so that's 37 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,880 Speaker 1: what this conversation is really gonna be about today. Um, 38 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,560 Speaker 1: it's not to convince you guys that drinking is bad. 39 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 1: It's not to convince you guys that drinking is good. 40 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,640 Speaker 1: It's just to kind of give you another experience of 41 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 1: somebody who has decided that they don't want to drink. 42 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,960 Speaker 1: Anymore after living a life of that being a very 43 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,440 Speaker 1: normal thing for them. And I also want to say 44 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:25,680 Speaker 1: being an addict or being if you want to classify 45 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 1: as an alcoholic or if you have substance use disorder, 46 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,200 Speaker 1: it doesn't make you bad if that is the case, 47 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,480 Speaker 1: like not at all. Please go listen to my whole 48 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:36,839 Speaker 1: episode on addiction, because that is not how I view 49 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 1: any of that. Now. I have my friend Savannah on today, 50 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:45,160 Speaker 1: and she is somebody who has recently chosen to not 51 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 1: drink anymore. This is a decision that she made on 52 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,120 Speaker 1: her own, and she talks about why she made the decision. 53 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,160 Speaker 1: So I'm not going to give any of that away. 54 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,840 Speaker 1: Before she comes in and you get to hear her, 55 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:57,400 Speaker 1: I will say, like, this is a decision she made 56 00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:01,000 Speaker 1: for right now. And we were talking after we recorded 57 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:03,240 Speaker 1: about like, well, did you want to say anything about 58 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,959 Speaker 1: the fact that, like this might change and you don't 59 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,880 Speaker 1: want to be held to this decision that you made 60 00:03:07,919 --> 00:03:10,200 Speaker 1: to your life for your life now for the rest 61 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,080 Speaker 1: of your life, and and she said, you know, I 62 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 1: do have a fear of like maybe I might slip 63 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,359 Speaker 1: up tomorrow or in two years I might go back 64 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,520 Speaker 1: to it or something like that, um, and she's somebody 65 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:21,720 Speaker 1: who doesn't consider herself an alcoholic. She just decided that 66 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:23,959 Speaker 1: she doesn't want to drink right now again, because you'll 67 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,639 Speaker 1: hear why. She doesn't think that the term alcoholic or 68 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,360 Speaker 1: addict in that sense fits with her right now. But 69 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,560 Speaker 1: we did talk about the whole idea that she might 70 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:33,440 Speaker 1: change her mind in the future, and this is this, 71 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:36,240 Speaker 1: This is a decision she's making right now for her 72 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: because it's what's best for her right now. And so 73 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,080 Speaker 1: I do want you guys to think of as you're 74 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,200 Speaker 1: listening and think about that too. Of like when we 75 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 1: stop doing something because we want to evaluate or think 76 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,800 Speaker 1: about what it's adding or taking away from our lives, 77 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,560 Speaker 1: we get to do that for right now. I think 78 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:52,440 Speaker 1: a lot of the reason we don't do things or 79 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: we do do things because we think of everything and 80 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:58,480 Speaker 1: like infinity at least finite ideas, and we're allowed to 81 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,880 Speaker 1: make decisions that are best for us today. And so 82 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 1: if you're listening to this episode and you start thinking like, oh, 83 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,680 Speaker 1: I want to check that out, but like what happens 84 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,840 Speaker 1: if I changed my mind, That's okay, You're doing what 85 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 1: is best for you today. We make decisions based on 86 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,560 Speaker 1: what is best for us today, and and the world 87 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,320 Speaker 1: moves and changes and we're allowed to move with it. 88 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:20,280 Speaker 1: What we're gonna be talking about today again is this 89 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,760 Speaker 1: idea of gray area drinking, And so I did want 90 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,240 Speaker 1: to talk about that for a second before we que 91 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 1: and Savannah and gray area drinking is this idea that 92 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,520 Speaker 1: it's like you don't fit into those categories, but it's 93 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:34,880 Speaker 1: like you also don't not fit into them. And it's 94 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,440 Speaker 1: kind of like that idea where like you can have 95 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,840 Speaker 1: a glass of wine, but then maybe that glass of 96 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,360 Speaker 1: wine turns into three glasses of wine, and then maybe 97 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,479 Speaker 1: you didn't intend to drink that much, but now you 98 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,920 Speaker 1: have the full bottle of wine. But like you still 99 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,840 Speaker 1: wake up for work the next day, and you still 100 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,039 Speaker 1: were able to cook dinner for your family, and you 101 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 1: still were able to meet all your deadlines. But also 102 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,880 Speaker 1: like you can't really control the amount of alcohol you're drinking, 103 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 1: or you end up always drinking more than you intended, 104 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,320 Speaker 1: or you wake up a little bit hungover about you 105 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,640 Speaker 1: straight still able to take care of everything you need 106 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,320 Speaker 1: to take care of. Um, it's this idea that like 107 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,039 Speaker 1: it's not all good, but it's not all bad. You 108 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,560 Speaker 1: don't have fifteen d u s, but like maybe you 109 00:05:11,839 --> 00:05:13,720 Speaker 1: drove your car after having a couple of glasses of 110 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,000 Speaker 1: wine and you probably shouldn't have gray area. Drinking is 111 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,360 Speaker 1: a little messy because it allows us to make excuses. 112 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,839 Speaker 1: And I think one of the issues is in our culture, 113 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 1: Ben's drinking and just like drinking until you black out 114 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 1: and all that stuff is so normalized, and so we're 115 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,440 Speaker 1: comparing ourselves to each other and we're like, well, so 116 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,480 Speaker 1: and so does it, and all these people do it. 117 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:34,520 Speaker 1: I mean, think about college, Like it's very normal to 118 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,279 Speaker 1: just Ben drink four nights out of the week, and 119 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 1: it's like, well, everybody's doing it, So is it a 120 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,359 Speaker 1: problem of everybody's doing it? Or like I'm just like 121 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,040 Speaker 1: everybody else And it's like, wait a second, but everybody 122 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 1: else around you. If we look at the criteria for 123 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:51,360 Speaker 1: substance used disorder, probably is like one criteria away from 124 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,960 Speaker 1: meeting it. And like that maybe isn't the life that 125 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,839 Speaker 1: we want to be living out of. And so I 126 00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:57,559 Speaker 1: did want to like just talk about that and define 127 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,040 Speaker 1: what that really means before we get into this. And 128 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:02,440 Speaker 1: I want you guys to go into this conversation really 129 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:06,120 Speaker 1: really introspectively, if if anything that is said, if it 130 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,760 Speaker 1: hits you, and if you maybe like you agree with 131 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,479 Speaker 1: or you resonate with, I really want you to ask 132 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:12,680 Speaker 1: yourself like a little bit more about that and like 133 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 1: why does it resonate with you? And I say that 134 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 1: because there's a lot of reasons that someone might want 135 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,080 Speaker 1: to just quit drinking, even though they're not quote unquote 136 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:23,280 Speaker 1: an alcoholic or an addict. And that might be because 137 00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:26,039 Speaker 1: they don't like how they feel during or maybe even 138 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,880 Speaker 1: after or before they know they're going to drink. It 139 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:31,159 Speaker 1: might be because they suffer from anxiety. It might be 140 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 1: because any mental health issue, because you're taking a mood 141 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 1: altering substance and that doesn't always mix if you have 142 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:40,240 Speaker 1: to take medications or something. And so there's plenty of reasons. 143 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:42,400 Speaker 1: This is not that's not those three reasons. It's not 144 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 1: all encompassing reasons, but there's plenty of reasons that people 145 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:48,240 Speaker 1: might not want to drink without having an issue with it, 146 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,919 Speaker 1: like substance use disorder wise. And then there's also a 147 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:54,039 Speaker 1: lot of reasons why people don't stop drinking because of 148 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,320 Speaker 1: those reasons I just mentioned, and we talked about that, 149 00:06:57,360 --> 00:07:00,680 Speaker 1: because there's a lot of like fomo and societal judgment 150 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,800 Speaker 1: and pressure, and you don't want to be different, and 151 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,600 Speaker 1: you want to fit in and you want to make friends, 152 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 1: and you are somebody who sufvers with addiction, and that's 153 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 1: actually something that you convince yourself that you don't have 154 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:12,360 Speaker 1: a problem. And so there's so many reasons that people 155 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,160 Speaker 1: want to quit, and then the reasons that they don't 156 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 1: quit that counteract that. And and so really what I'm 157 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 1: getting at, in a very long winded way, is that 158 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 1: this is a conversation for anybody. This is a conversation 159 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 1: for somebody who doesn't think they have any issues with 160 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:28,120 Speaker 1: alcohol at all. This is a conversation for somebody who 161 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:30,360 Speaker 1: does think they have issues. Is this conversation for somebody 162 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,760 Speaker 1: who's family or friends have issues. We talk a lot 163 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:37,000 Speaker 1: about the ideas around codependency um float around in this conversation, 164 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,280 Speaker 1: which we talked about that last week, and this is 165 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,960 Speaker 1: just a conversation to really dig into and think about. 166 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,720 Speaker 1: And you can even say this at the end, but 167 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:47,400 Speaker 1: substitute any behavior for what we're talking about is drinking. 168 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:50,040 Speaker 1: Substitute any behavior in there and see if something comes 169 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,679 Speaker 1: up for you. The point of this podcast is really, 170 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 1: like I said, to get people thinking about and having 171 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 1: conversations that they don't usually have and to help us 172 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,960 Speaker 1: get to that most true version of ourselves. And we 173 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,840 Speaker 1: get to that most true version of ourselves by peeling 174 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,800 Speaker 1: away the layers that life has taught us to put 175 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:10,960 Speaker 1: on to fit in or belong or fine love or 176 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:14,320 Speaker 1: find find belonging. And so this is just a conversation 177 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 1: of what it's like to kind of peel that back. 178 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: And Savannah is somebody who is just like in it 179 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:23,280 Speaker 1: right now. She's very honest, very vulnerable, She's amazing and 180 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:27,000 Speaker 1: really kind of allowed herself to show up in this conversation. 181 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,600 Speaker 1: And so she's currently peeling back those layers and figuring 182 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,240 Speaker 1: that stuff out. And so this isn't a conversation of 183 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,240 Speaker 1: two people that have it all figured out, where like 184 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:37,600 Speaker 1: might be very close to the same area of life 185 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,000 Speaker 1: you're in right now. And so all not to say 186 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:43,280 Speaker 1: thank you Savannah for having this conversation, thank you everybody 187 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 1: for listening to it. If you have any questions about it, 188 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,520 Speaker 1: feel free always reach out Catherine at you Need Therapy 189 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:51,200 Speaker 1: podcast dot com. You can send in some questions. Maybe 190 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,360 Speaker 1: we'll answer them on couch talks, and I'm going to 191 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,520 Speaker 1: wrap it up so you can listen to the conversation. 192 00:08:55,559 --> 00:08:58,760 Speaker 1: But I just really hope that this inspires you in 193 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:01,440 Speaker 1: some part of your life to day. So without any 194 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:05,680 Speaker 1: more of me talking, here is my conversation with Savannah. 195 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:10,840 Speaker 1: What encouraged you or what prompted you to think I'm 196 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:14,920 Speaker 1: going to take either a break from drinking or I 197 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,800 Speaker 1: wanted to stop drinking for this period of time in 198 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,280 Speaker 1: my life. So the short answer to that is you 199 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:23,040 Speaker 1: can give us the long answer exactly. The short answer 200 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,199 Speaker 1: to that is health, but we don't is my health, 201 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,280 Speaker 1: But we don't want that. We want the longer answer. 202 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:32,200 Speaker 1: So I guess I started to notice kind of different 203 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,880 Speaker 1: patterns in my life, especially this past year. I don't 204 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,880 Speaker 1: started dealing with a lot more depression and anxiety than 205 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:42,319 Speaker 1: I ever have before in my adult life, and I 206 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:46,239 Speaker 1: started to realize that I was sort of reaching outside 207 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:51,080 Speaker 1: of myself for answers to those problems instead of letting 208 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:55,240 Speaker 1: myself really feel them. And alcohol was the number one thing. 209 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,120 Speaker 1: I've always had sort of an addictive personality with it, 210 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:02,600 Speaker 1: whether it be spending, buying things, working out. Obviously some 211 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:06,200 Speaker 1: of those are healthier than alcohol. But I kind of 212 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:08,400 Speaker 1: just decided that I wanted to get to the root 213 00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:12,360 Speaker 1: of why I'm reaching outside trying to find ways to 214 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,480 Speaker 1: sort of band aid this the way that I'm feeling, 215 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:18,600 Speaker 1: and for me, it kind of comes down to feeling 216 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:22,760 Speaker 1: like I'm not enough or feeling like I'm not worthy. 217 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:27,480 Speaker 1: And I feel like I started noticing my drinking ramping 218 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:30,840 Speaker 1: up in ways that it was no longer adding anything 219 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 1: to my life, but I could see it starting to 220 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 1: take away. And I've had family members that have dealt 221 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:39,439 Speaker 1: with addiction issues, and you know, I'll have people question 222 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:43,120 Speaker 1: this decision that I'm making because you know, they'll say, well, 223 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,360 Speaker 1: you've never had a d u I, or you've never 224 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,040 Speaker 1: been in the hospital, or you know, you haven't hit 225 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,880 Speaker 1: that rock bottom where that's where you usually hear someone's 226 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:54,680 Speaker 1: gonna stop drinking because they've hit this huge rock bottom 227 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,440 Speaker 1: and that's what they have to do um And so 228 00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,800 Speaker 1: it's kind of like, I don't want to say abnormal, 229 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,600 Speaker 1: but it goes against the norm to just decide that 230 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:06,040 Speaker 1: I'm no longer going to be drinking. One the part 231 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:10,080 Speaker 1: where you're saying, I've have these experiences with my physical 232 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:12,280 Speaker 1: health and maybe that's adding to it. We'll put that 233 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:13,920 Speaker 1: there for a second, but then we go to your 234 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,680 Speaker 1: mental health. And I have I've been struggling with anxiety 235 00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:20,000 Speaker 1: and depression and those are rooted. What I hear you 236 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,160 Speaker 1: saying is those two have been rooted. What I've decided 237 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,480 Speaker 1: and I've uncovered is that are rooted and not feeling 238 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:28,000 Speaker 1: good enough or enough for whatever that may be. And 239 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:32,240 Speaker 1: so how did alcohol play a role in masking that? 240 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,480 Speaker 1: Like what was alcohol's role in helping you feel like 241 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:37,760 Speaker 1: you were enough? So I think a lot of people 242 00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 1: do that. I think a lot of people do that, 243 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:43,199 Speaker 1: especially in this in the society that we're in. It's 244 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:46,480 Speaker 1: almost like drinking to like mask your emotions or like 245 00:11:46,559 --> 00:11:49,080 Speaker 1: drinking when you're sad is like this inside joke that 246 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,720 Speaker 1: society has, like oh, mommy drinks because you cry, or 247 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,760 Speaker 1: you know, girls night out because we're all upset with 248 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,480 Speaker 1: our my boyfriend, my boyfriend broke up with me. Let's 249 00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:01,079 Speaker 1: drink over it. Let's and it's like become this kind 250 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,640 Speaker 1: of joke that you want to be in on, and 251 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:06,880 Speaker 1: it makes it seem like it's okay, and maybe for 252 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,960 Speaker 1: some people it is, but for me I just was 253 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:12,000 Speaker 1: realizing that this isn't working for me. I am the 254 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,480 Speaker 1: type of person that feels things that I'm very self 255 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:18,640 Speaker 1: aware of my emotions. And I started to get this 256 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:22,160 Speaker 1: social anxiety also with going out, which I've never really 257 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 1: had before. That start when you moved here. It maybe 258 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:28,240 Speaker 1: started when I moved here, maybe after being in complete 259 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:31,160 Speaker 1: like quarantine for so long. It's like, Oh, we're going out. Now, 260 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,720 Speaker 1: we're socializing. And I've always been such a social person, 261 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,080 Speaker 1: but I started to just have this like anxiety around 262 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 1: going out, and yes, I just moved here from New York, 263 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,600 Speaker 1: and it's like going out with new people. What if 264 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,080 Speaker 1: I'm not enough? What if they you know? I need 265 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:49,600 Speaker 1: something to help with that anxiety. And then it sort 266 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:52,760 Speaker 1: of led to I felt like going out, I wasn't 267 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,240 Speaker 1: focused in on the actual company that I was with. 268 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,600 Speaker 1: I wasn't focused on the people I was with. I 269 00:12:57,679 --> 00:13:00,240 Speaker 1: was focused on am I like drinking enough? Am I 270 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,040 Speaker 1: going to make myself feel enough? Am I going to 271 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: get to that level that I need to be to 272 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:08,640 Speaker 1: performing well for these people? It really kind of like 273 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,040 Speaker 1: I had to kind of take a step back because 274 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:13,520 Speaker 1: what you're describing is the cycle in my head that 275 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:17,000 Speaker 1: I am playing out is I feel this like thing 276 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:20,439 Speaker 1: that not good enough, like something's off with me. Then 277 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 1: I go out because it's like the thing to do, 278 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:26,360 Speaker 1: and I have to drink to a level where I 279 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:30,000 Speaker 1: can feel like good enough or that that like fear 280 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,920 Speaker 1: of not being good enough kind of fades away into 281 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 1: the darkness and I get to just show up. But 282 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,640 Speaker 1: then like you're not really even showing up with yourself, 283 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,880 Speaker 1: and you teach yourself that you aren't good enough, and 284 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,560 Speaker 1: then you do it again, exactly again. And you know, 285 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,440 Speaker 1: I have always said that, like I'm the type of 286 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:48,840 Speaker 1: person because I'm not sober, I cannot drink. If I'm sad. 287 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,960 Speaker 1: I'm sad. That's the last thing. And I mean nobody 288 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:55,559 Speaker 1: should be, you know everybody. There's this thing around like, oh, 289 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:59,800 Speaker 1: there's alcoholics, and then there's people that can handle alcohol, 290 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,719 Speaker 1: and it's like, of course there are people that can 291 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:04,280 Speaker 1: go and have one drink, but yeah, if you're sad, 292 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,760 Speaker 1: if you're dealing with stuff and you down half a 293 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,839 Speaker 1: bottle of wine, that's going to affect you. You're not 294 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:13,120 Speaker 1: meant to drink this And everything is all of a sudden, 295 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:16,480 Speaker 1: it's fine, Everything goes away Yeah, what people fail to 296 00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:19,320 Speaker 1: realize a lot of times because alcohol is so accepted, 297 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,280 Speaker 1: and I do want people to hear is like, none 298 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:24,720 Speaker 1: of this is to tell people not to drink. You 299 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,480 Speaker 1: can make that decision. I drink, and so I do 300 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,960 Speaker 1: want people to hear that. But it's like the intention 301 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,240 Speaker 1: and what you're doing with it, because alcohol is a 302 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:35,840 Speaker 1: central nervous system depressant, so it's going to shut down 303 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,000 Speaker 1: part of your brain. And so if I'm really sad 304 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:41,800 Speaker 1: and feeling some feelings and then I shut down my 305 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,800 Speaker 1: brain want it's a depressant, so it's gonna make me 306 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:46,880 Speaker 1: feel more depressed. Essentially, I'm going to go back to 307 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,920 Speaker 1: the word that you used. Intention. I think with everything 308 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,640 Speaker 1: in life, you have to know what your intention behind 309 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,920 Speaker 1: your actions are and if they're true or not, if 310 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:59,600 Speaker 1: you're being true to yourself with your intention. And I 311 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:04,000 Speaker 1: just started to realize my intention behind drinking wasn't was 312 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,960 Speaker 1: not good. It was no longer helpful to me. And 313 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:09,720 Speaker 1: it's like I can look back over the course of 314 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,600 Speaker 1: ten years and look at my relationship with alcohol, and 315 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,120 Speaker 1: of course I had fun nights out and of course 316 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,640 Speaker 1: when I was in college, you know, I could always 317 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,400 Speaker 1: justify it, and so could the people around me, because 318 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,680 Speaker 1: it was like, oh, you're in college, it's normal to 319 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:25,600 Speaker 1: be blackout on the weekend. It's like this, it's that. 320 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 1: And it's like, looking back, my relationship with alcohol was 321 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 1: never normal. There was always something underlying there. And it's 322 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:36,960 Speaker 1: like I just justified it with the company that I 323 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:40,920 Speaker 1: keep there. All everybody around me is drinking too. Everybody 324 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:45,360 Speaker 1: is doing it, and it's like this total, widely accepted thing. 325 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:48,280 Speaker 1: I recently made the analogy that it's like you can 326 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 1: have someone that smoked cigarettes, you know, for their whole life. 327 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:55,120 Speaker 1: They don't wait until they they shouldn't wait until they 328 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:58,200 Speaker 1: end up in the hospital with their lungs completely black 329 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 1: to quit. You know, we know that smoking cigarettes is 330 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,960 Speaker 1: not healthy for you. I now know that drinking alcohol 331 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,240 Speaker 1: is not healthy for me from a mental because your 332 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:11,120 Speaker 1: mental health is just as important as your physical health. 333 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:15,000 Speaker 1: And and you know you mentioned like the anxiety. Part 334 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:19,040 Speaker 1: two is when we do use a substance to numb 335 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,600 Speaker 1: out our emotions, which essentially is what you're doing your 336 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:25,360 Speaker 1: notion of like the shame or or sadness or pain, 337 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,200 Speaker 1: whatever it is that you're feeling. Your numbing out well, okay, 338 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,640 Speaker 1: so that it numbs it out, and then the next 339 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:34,840 Speaker 1: when that wears off, it's smart, but a different level. 340 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,240 Speaker 1: And then that's where the anxiety comes in. And I 341 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,920 Speaker 1: think a lot of people get really confused while they're 342 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,680 Speaker 1: like go out and have this really fun night with 343 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:46,520 Speaker 1: their friends, and they wake up and they feel so anxious. 344 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:51,240 Speaker 1: And because it's a side effect of drinking, especially bench drinking, 345 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,960 Speaker 1: is anxiety, and if you're already somebody who's prone to it, 346 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:58,400 Speaker 1: it's not going to help you. And so I love, love, 347 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:02,160 Speaker 1: love the part of you speaking on I don't have 348 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:05,640 Speaker 1: to run my car into a ditch right in order 349 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,720 Speaker 1: to realize that I don't have to even ever have 350 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,119 Speaker 1: a drank and then drove my car to place that 351 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,720 Speaker 1: I have a problem. It doesn't fit for me. It's 352 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,239 Speaker 1: not working for me, even if the level to my 353 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:19,679 Speaker 1: drinking seems normal to you, because the level of normalcy 354 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:23,360 Speaker 1: and drinking is really all Like we live in which 355 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,919 Speaker 1: is a very party town, and there's a lot of 356 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,960 Speaker 1: colleges here too, and it's just a it's a it's 357 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,440 Speaker 1: a funny party. Barge drives by my apartment every hour 358 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:35,480 Speaker 1: on the hour, and there's part of me that it's like, well, 359 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,800 Speaker 1: I you know, I have this fear of like what 360 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,119 Speaker 1: if people think I'm a buzz kill now, you know, 361 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,679 Speaker 1: and it's just stupid. I've always been such a people 362 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:46,960 Speaker 1: pleaser and I've put for you to do any of that. 363 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:50,239 Speaker 1: I haven't taken it yet. I need to take it. 364 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,400 Speaker 1: I'll do that later today, because yeah, I've always This 365 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:58,120 Speaker 1: is like the biggest probably learning experience I've let myself 366 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,720 Speaker 1: have is making this to decision because I always put 367 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:05,199 Speaker 1: other people's opinions of me, of other things before my 368 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,840 Speaker 1: own opinion. And it's just this people pleasing thing that 369 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,600 Speaker 1: I have me because I grew up in the South 370 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,680 Speaker 1: as a woman. It's like, you know, make sure that 371 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:16,480 Speaker 1: others around you are comfortable. And it's like, oh, if 372 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:20,400 Speaker 1: I'm not drinking, I'm gonna make somebody else uncomfortable. And 373 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:24,879 Speaker 1: that's ridiculous. Yeah, So that's funny because it's not funny. 374 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,200 Speaker 1: It's a concidence because the episode that came out this week, 375 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,840 Speaker 1: which will now be last week, was Codependency, which codependency 376 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,600 Speaker 1: is all about, like when we change our behavior and 377 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,960 Speaker 1: our priorities to make sure other people are okay and 378 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,960 Speaker 1: I'm not okay unless you're okay right and really like 379 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,360 Speaker 1: you can be totally fine and somebody else have all 380 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,240 Speaker 1: the anxiety in the world about you're not drinking. That 381 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:47,840 Speaker 1: actually nothing to nothing to do with me and everything 382 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:51,240 Speaker 1: to do with them, because they're then questioning their own 383 00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:55,119 Speaker 1: decisions and feeling threatened by your decision, and then that's 384 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:58,280 Speaker 1: time for them to figure out where that's coming from. 385 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,920 Speaker 1: You know, my mom actually said some being really interesting. 386 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,800 Speaker 1: She was like, you know, if you're going out with 387 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,640 Speaker 1: a group of friends and you're the first one at 388 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,320 Speaker 1: the restaurant and you order a club soda with lime, 389 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:10,320 Speaker 1: and it's sitting there in front of you, and everybody 390 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:12,920 Speaker 1: gets there, nobody's going to know the difference, and then 391 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,840 Speaker 1: then it doesn't matter. You know, nobody's gonna know, and 392 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:20,159 Speaker 1: then it's like the right if they knew, wouldn make 393 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,040 Speaker 1: a difference. I don't know. Maybe to them that kind 394 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,600 Speaker 1: of brings me into you know, I didn't know how 395 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:29,320 Speaker 1: people were going to react, um when I told them this, 396 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,200 Speaker 1: because I have my kind of tight group of girlfriends. 397 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,520 Speaker 1: We all grew up together and they've known me for 398 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,200 Speaker 1: ten plus years and we went through high school together 399 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,680 Speaker 1: and went through you know all the party phase together 400 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,800 Speaker 1: and whatnot, and so you know they know me better 401 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:46,399 Speaker 1: than anyone. But I mean the reaction I got, of course, 402 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,160 Speaker 1: there was a little pushback, because it's almost like that 403 00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:52,880 Speaker 1: reaction of your mom, not like not wanting to think 404 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,639 Speaker 1: that there's something wrong, not wanting me to think that 405 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,200 Speaker 1: there's something wrong with me, and then you know, trying 406 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,600 Speaker 1: to justify to me that no, you don't have a problem. 407 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:04,399 Speaker 1: You know. Well, but after I explained to them, you know, 408 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:07,800 Speaker 1: this isn't me like giving myself this life sentence or 409 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,840 Speaker 1: me shaming myself and saying bad Savannah. You know you've 410 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,959 Speaker 1: done all these things. You can ever drink again. This 411 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,240 Speaker 1: is a really really good thing, and it's going to 412 00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:19,880 Speaker 1: help me become more present for myself and hopefully more 413 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:23,200 Speaker 1: present and a better friend to my friends because I can. 414 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:26,359 Speaker 1: It's like this kind of weight has been lifted, like 415 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,320 Speaker 1: when alcohol has taken off the table that doesn't have 416 00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:31,280 Speaker 1: to be on the forefront of my mind, which is 417 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:34,520 Speaker 1: where it was ending up, which is when I realized 418 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:37,600 Speaker 1: this isn't good. Well, and you know, also that's that 419 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,760 Speaker 1: whole idea of your friends being like, no, you don't 420 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:41,720 Speaker 1: have a problem. You don't have a problem. Is because 421 00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:45,840 Speaker 1: we all compare I'm doing okay based on the balance 422 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:49,159 Speaker 1: of the everybody else doing and so binge drinking is 423 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:52,720 Speaker 1: very accepted essentially, which as normal. And so we look 424 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:54,920 Speaker 1: at each other and we're like, well, she did that, 425 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,359 Speaker 1: or she did that, or he did that, or I 426 00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,920 Speaker 1: wasn't as bad as that person. And so if you're 427 00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:02,600 Speaker 1: saying this isn't working for me, they might be hearing 428 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,280 Speaker 1: something you're not saying. They might be hearing well, if 429 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:06,719 Speaker 1: she thinks she has a problem, and that would mean 430 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:08,359 Speaker 1: I have a problem. I don't want to say that 431 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,879 Speaker 1: I have a problem or that she might not be. 432 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,960 Speaker 1: But I'm hearing that, and I'm now I'm saying that. 433 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,280 Speaker 1: Now I'm questioning that. I don't want to question that. 434 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:18,919 Speaker 1: I don't want to do the hard, scary work of 435 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:20,960 Speaker 1: looking at like, oh my gosh, there's a part of 436 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,880 Speaker 1: me that thinks I'm not good enough to be like myself. 437 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:27,359 Speaker 1: And they know that is the most uncomfortable thing to 438 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,680 Speaker 1: say completely, and I don't want to feel that. So like, 439 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,760 Speaker 1: does that mean that that's true for me? And like 440 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,760 Speaker 1: it creates a whole, So they just want to shut 441 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:37,720 Speaker 1: that down. No, you're fine, because when they say you're fine, 442 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:42,080 Speaker 1: they're saying I'm fine. Yeah. Absolutely, It's that's assurance thing. 443 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:45,399 Speaker 1: So has that been the hardest part of just this 444 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,720 Speaker 1: whole journey is like what people's responses. I think so 445 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,880 Speaker 1: are just the fear of what people's response is going 446 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,959 Speaker 1: to be. And like I said, it's so you know, 447 00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:59,520 Speaker 1: you drink for everything, for birthdays, for weddings, for funerals, 448 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,840 Speaker 1: for cell librations, for all it's everywhere. You know, some 449 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:06,440 Speaker 1: of my friends voice that, well, this can be very isolating, 450 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,040 Speaker 1: you know if you decide to not drink, and I'm like, well, 451 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:12,919 Speaker 1: it's only isolating if I decide to isolate myself. You know, 452 00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:16,720 Speaker 1: I still want to go out and enjoy my time 453 00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:19,760 Speaker 1: with people and dress up and put on a fierce 454 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:23,920 Speaker 1: red lip and heels and can still be my fabulous self. Honestly, 455 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 1: more so because I won't be stumbling around or look, 456 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,680 Speaker 1: you know, like I have red lipstick smeared all over 457 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,359 Speaker 1: my face at the end of the night. Yeah, I 458 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,680 Speaker 1: think the worry of what other people are going to 459 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:37,080 Speaker 1: think what was maybe the biggest part of the hardest 460 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:39,159 Speaker 1: thing for me with this. That's the whole issue in 461 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,800 Speaker 1: the first because that's the whole issue in the first place. 462 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,359 Speaker 1: And that's what I'm trying to kind of throw out 463 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:50,320 Speaker 1: with myself is stop worrying so damn much about what 464 00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:53,640 Speaker 1: other people are doing or thinking. And it's so hard 465 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 1: to do in our society. With I'm such a kind 466 00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,440 Speaker 1: of mentioned you know, I love themes and I love 467 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:01,679 Speaker 1: I used to row like these parties, and like, the 468 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:03,399 Speaker 1: first thing that would come to my mind is like, 469 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:06,400 Speaker 1: what what you know, theme cocktail am I going to make? 470 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,280 Speaker 1: And you know, then I want to instagram it and 471 00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:11,800 Speaker 1: show everybody like how fun and cool I am with 472 00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:15,639 Speaker 1: my cute little themed cocktail. And it's like, well, what 473 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,320 Speaker 1: who am I if I can't if I don't have that? 474 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:22,399 Speaker 1: And actually my boyfriend brought this up. So Prince didn't 475 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:27,960 Speaker 1: drink and yeah, and he would throw these crazy lavish 476 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:31,520 Speaker 1: parties like after his shows, and he would have cocktail. 477 00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,160 Speaker 1: I'm sure there was alcohol at the party even though 478 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,880 Speaker 1: he didn't drink, but he would have cocktail waiters walking 479 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:41,280 Speaker 1: around with like beautiful cocktail glasses filled with like milk 480 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:45,399 Speaker 1: and cereal are like something you know, almost like turning 481 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,920 Speaker 1: it on its head and being like, no, I can 482 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:52,919 Speaker 1: still have this fabulous lavish thing and serve beautiful you know, 483 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,919 Speaker 1: different food items and whatnot, and it doesn't have to 484 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:59,200 Speaker 1: be centered around alcohol. It was I started to feel 485 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:03,360 Speaker 1: like everything was centering around alcohol for me, Like your 486 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:05,640 Speaker 1: whole party was centered around your cocktail, and like, really, 487 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,600 Speaker 1: what was the point of the party? Right to be 488 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,639 Speaker 1: with people that like you care about and have to 489 00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,560 Speaker 1: have fun, right, And I think that's what alcohol does 490 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,119 Speaker 1: to a lot of people. That does become like the center. 491 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:17,399 Speaker 1: We might not know it, right, we really might not 492 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,199 Speaker 1: know it, but that's what it becomes for a lot 493 00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:21,280 Speaker 1: of people. And to be honest, then you get to 494 00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:24,680 Speaker 1: wake up that next day from your party and you're like, oh, Prince, 495 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,320 Speaker 1: because be like wow, I had some really good cereal, right, 496 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:30,639 Speaker 1: Like I feel great. And you know, it's with moving 497 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:33,040 Speaker 1: to a new city. It's like, yeah, the number one 498 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:35,199 Speaker 1: like thing you do to make a new friend is oh, 499 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:39,000 Speaker 1: let's go grab a cocktail, let's go grab drinks. Let's dating. 500 00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:42,080 Speaker 1: It's like grab a drink, right, let's grab a drink. 501 00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:44,280 Speaker 1: You can get coffee too, But like that that's when 502 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:45,639 Speaker 1: it comes what it is. It's like, well, then what 503 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,359 Speaker 1: else do you do? At five o'clock right, a million 504 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,760 Speaker 1: things we haven't had to think about it exactly. That's 505 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,480 Speaker 1: something else some of my friends, you know, voice it's like, well, 506 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:57,160 Speaker 1: if you're sober, like, what do you do? I'm like anything, absolutely, 507 00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:00,560 Speaker 1: anything more than what I was doing before. Probably when 508 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:02,520 Speaker 1: I think that speaks to like the other parts of 509 00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:05,080 Speaker 1: your life, like that gives you more space to do 510 00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:08,520 Speaker 1: all these other things. Absolutely, even speaking of you said 511 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,800 Speaker 1: like working out in fitness, it's like, okay, maybe at 512 00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:13,640 Speaker 1: five thirty, I'm going to meet my friend and we're 513 00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,199 Speaker 1: going to take this like yoga class together, and then 514 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:19,200 Speaker 1: we're gonna like talk after or we're gonna go grab 515 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:22,040 Speaker 1: dinner after something, rather than like I'll meet you for 516 00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:26,080 Speaker 1: a cocktail at five thirty, and then you just completely 517 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,080 Speaker 1: forget to take care of your body the rday. And 518 00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:31,720 Speaker 1: I think, you know, for so many people were very ritualistic. 519 00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:34,280 Speaker 1: Is that the word you know, when you want to 520 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,280 Speaker 1: come home after a hard day and make your cocktail 521 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,840 Speaker 1: or have your glass of wine. And that's great and 522 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,399 Speaker 1: fine and works for some people, but for me, it 523 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,000 Speaker 1: was never just have one glass of wine and then 524 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,639 Speaker 1: it turns into this whole spiral. So it's like, Okay, 525 00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:50,800 Speaker 1: what else can I do that's still a ritual that's 526 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,560 Speaker 1: beneficial to me. Why don't I come home and have 527 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,960 Speaker 1: tea a cup of tea or some warm lemon water 528 00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:02,640 Speaker 1: and do a meditation or read a book or yeah, journal, 529 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:06,280 Speaker 1: do something, because that's the root really of this, is 530 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:10,520 Speaker 1: that I need to start facing myself and start forcing 531 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:13,679 Speaker 1: myself to really sit with myself in the quiet. And 532 00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:15,920 Speaker 1: so many people are afraid to do that because you're 533 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:19,720 Speaker 1: afraid to find what you don't want to find. With 534 00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,000 Speaker 1: your way, you're going to be way closer to the 535 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,320 Speaker 1: truth of who you are. And the truth of that 536 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,960 Speaker 1: is we can't change like the truth of who we are. 537 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:30,000 Speaker 1: That's who we are. It is what it is. Um, 538 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,000 Speaker 1: there's things that we can change about ourselves, but that's 539 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,720 Speaker 1: not That's not one of them. And so if I'm 540 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:37,680 Speaker 1: somebody who's drinking to kind of push that away, I'm 541 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:39,760 Speaker 1: never going to actually learn how to accept and love 542 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,760 Speaker 1: that person and care for that person well, and then 543 00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,920 Speaker 1: who else is going to nobody, They're not going to 544 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,480 Speaker 1: know them. And you know, even today I was talking 545 00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:50,760 Speaker 1: before we started recording, I have somebody like packaged up 546 00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:53,320 Speaker 1: a bunch of anxiety and like just put it in 547 00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:58,880 Speaker 1: my body that's learning and about everything was freaking me out, everything, 548 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:02,000 Speaker 1: whether it's stuff family has said, my class that I 549 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:06,399 Speaker 1: taught last night, like work today, that I freaking through 550 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:10,960 Speaker 1: a check in the garbage pan. Everything. I feel like 551 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,879 Speaker 1: my heart is just beating out of my chest. And 552 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,719 Speaker 1: one way to get that to slow down would be like, oh, 553 00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,960 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna like drink a bottle of wine after 554 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:19,840 Speaker 1: what I'm just going to relax on wine. But what 555 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:21,960 Speaker 1: I did is I was like, Okay, I'm having to 556 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,159 Speaker 1: really like I didn't sleep lust night, so I was like, 557 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:27,160 Speaker 1: I need to get up and move my body, pay attention, 558 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:30,439 Speaker 1: take a slower morning, really right out what are the 559 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:35,120 Speaker 1: things that are freaking yeah, and process it with somebody 560 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,240 Speaker 1: that's going to help me understand what am I really 561 00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:38,800 Speaker 1: anxious at That that's going to help you in the 562 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,960 Speaker 1: long run, whereas the bottle of wine will absolutely help 563 00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:45,880 Speaker 1: in the moment. And I've always i feel like, been 564 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:49,119 Speaker 1: such a what's the quick fix here? What's the you know, 565 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:53,400 Speaker 1: you want to get to the end result so fast? 566 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:57,600 Speaker 1: And it's like now kind of as I've gotten older 567 00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:00,760 Speaker 1: and this past year you know, it's like, no, I 568 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,440 Speaker 1: need to really slow down and take a look at 569 00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:07,480 Speaker 1: some of my decision making and what I'm doing and 570 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:11,080 Speaker 1: where these emotions are coming from an address it. For 571 00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:13,520 Speaker 1: anybody who hasn't listened to the episode that I just 572 00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:15,800 Speaker 1: did on Addiction, go listen to that, because we really 573 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:18,560 Speaker 1: talked about and again, what we're not saying is that 574 00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:22,200 Speaker 1: like everybody's an addict. I drink, so I like, again, 575 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,040 Speaker 1: I'm gonna say that a million times, Like That's not. 576 00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,960 Speaker 1: What I'm saying is like, nobody should drink, but I 577 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:28,560 Speaker 1: was addicted to other things in my life. I will 578 00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:32,280 Speaker 1: show that addiction comes from this fear of not being loved, 579 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:36,919 Speaker 1: not being like so, and there's a million ways we 580 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:41,200 Speaker 1: can we can manipulate our lives to get that temporary, 581 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:45,040 Speaker 1: inauthentic need met. Mine was in the form of eating 582 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,560 Speaker 1: disorder and an exercise addiction, and you know, it worked 583 00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:50,479 Speaker 1: until it didn't work, and then it was like, okay, 584 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:53,800 Speaker 1: it was Groundhog Day. Every day it was like absolutely, 585 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:55,240 Speaker 1: I have to do this workout and then I have 586 00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:56,680 Speaker 1: to do this other workout and them and eat the 587 00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,360 Speaker 1: same thing I always eat and right, and I'm gonna 588 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,480 Speaker 1: like you know, how do all the things that I 589 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:03,360 Speaker 1: did to avoid food, and then I want to make 590 00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:06,160 Speaker 1: sure these pants fit, and then I burn out, and 591 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:07,440 Speaker 1: then it's like I go to sleep, and then I 592 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:10,440 Speaker 1: do it again. And I have joked before on on 593 00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:12,720 Speaker 1: here of being like, there are moments in my life 594 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:14,920 Speaker 1: that I was like, I'll never eat a pop tart again, 595 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:19,000 Speaker 1: you know, because it wasn't part of the ritual, and 596 00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,280 Speaker 1: because if I ate a pop tart, then I wouldn't 597 00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:22,680 Speaker 1: look a certain way, and then I might be loved, 598 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,040 Speaker 1: and then I wouldn't belong anywhere. And like I wasn't 599 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,440 Speaker 1: loved or I was loved, I wouldn't belong anywhere because 600 00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:31,240 Speaker 1: I didn't go anywhere, and I wasn't showing up as myself. 601 00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:33,080 Speaker 1: I was showing up as just like a person who 602 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:36,440 Speaker 1: really cared about like kale and all this stuff, and like, yeah, 603 00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:38,200 Speaker 1: I love some kale, but it's not like the forefront 604 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,760 Speaker 1: of my brain, right, And so that's just another example 605 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,120 Speaker 1: of like I had to realize that, like, yeah, I 606 00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:46,760 Speaker 1: was doing a lot of behaviors that maybe looked healthy 607 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,840 Speaker 1: to the outside I, but they the intention of them weren't. 608 00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:52,120 Speaker 1: And then it got to the point where it wasn't healthy, 609 00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:53,840 Speaker 1: and so I had to take care of that. And 610 00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:56,080 Speaker 1: so with alcohol, a lot of the things we are 611 00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:59,040 Speaker 1: doing with that might look healthy to the outside. The 612 00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:02,720 Speaker 1: whole idea of like mommy wine drinkers, and um, you 613 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,760 Speaker 1: mentioned that, like I need a glass of wine, my 614 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:06,920 Speaker 1: kid is just driving me crazy. It's okay, Well, then 615 00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:08,800 Speaker 1: the glass of wine turns into a half a bottle, 616 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:10,480 Speaker 1: and then the half a bottle turn a bottle, and 617 00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:13,120 Speaker 1: then you end up like passing out and all this stuff, 618 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:16,480 Speaker 1: and okay, that's not normal. I can't tell you the 619 00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:19,760 Speaker 1: amount of times, like you mentioned this groundhog day feeling, 620 00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:22,840 Speaker 1: the amount of times I have said, oh, I'm going 621 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:24,760 Speaker 1: to go out and I'm only gonna have one drink 622 00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:28,720 Speaker 1: and that never happens. And I know that in the 623 00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:31,080 Speaker 1: back of my mind, I know that that Why would 624 00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:32,840 Speaker 1: you even say that to yourself? Why would I even 625 00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:35,320 Speaker 1: say it to myself? So then it's like, then you're 626 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:39,120 Speaker 1: not able to trust yourself because you aren't keeping these 627 00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:42,080 Speaker 1: promises to yourself. And then it's like if you can't, 628 00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:46,160 Speaker 1: you know, set goals and keep your promises to yourself, 629 00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:50,080 Speaker 1: nobody else is going to trust you. If you can't 630 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:53,080 Speaker 1: even trust yourself, and then that feeling of shame is 631 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:56,360 Speaker 1: coming in because you know, I knew that that, you know, 632 00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:58,360 Speaker 1: wasn't going to be the case. I knew I wasn't 633 00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:00,239 Speaker 1: going to go out and just have one drink, so right, 634 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:02,960 Speaker 1: why would why would I even say that to myself? 635 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,480 Speaker 1: Because I was hopeful maybe that that would be the case. 636 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:09,040 Speaker 1: But that's where the addiction came in, And wouldn't let 637 00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:12,200 Speaker 1: me just have one drink? And like a and stuff, 638 00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:14,560 Speaker 1: They'll say like one drink is never enough and it's 639 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,880 Speaker 1: always too many, right, you know, because it's that whole thing. 640 00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:19,719 Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, it's too many because you can't just 641 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:23,120 Speaker 1: have one. But why would you even want to tell yourself, 642 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:24,520 Speaker 1: I'm going to go out and have one drink? Like 643 00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:27,360 Speaker 1: why would would you do that in the first place, 644 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:30,000 Speaker 1: because it's so normal to be able to go out 645 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:32,640 Speaker 1: and handle having a drink or two. I didn't want 646 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:36,160 Speaker 1: to feel left out or feel abnormal, you know. I 647 00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:38,560 Speaker 1: didn't want to be the one that has this problem 648 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:40,800 Speaker 1: or like the freak or the odd man out. And 649 00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:43,520 Speaker 1: that's really sad that you're specify it as that, as 650 00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,479 Speaker 1: like somebody who's struggling with any kind of addiction. I 651 00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:49,600 Speaker 1: think that I too, because in that if you guys again, 652 00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:52,480 Speaker 1: go listen to the whole podcast on addiction, because that's 653 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:54,440 Speaker 1: one of the issues that I think I have And 654 00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:56,480 Speaker 1: I used to think that way too, and so until 655 00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:58,560 Speaker 1: I started working and actually getting to know like what 656 00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:00,840 Speaker 1: this actually is is a disease that actually it's like 657 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:04,280 Speaker 1: it's not about somebody being a bad person that keeps 658 00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:07,600 Speaker 1: people from getting help because it's like almost like embarrassing 659 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:12,600 Speaker 1: or something shameful when like everybody's addicted, every but is 660 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:15,880 Speaker 1: something it probably I mean, I probably say everybody, but 661 00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:20,200 Speaker 1: most people have their vice. But it's like, well, there's 662 00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:22,200 Speaker 1: the part that's like I'm I'm going to be thought 663 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:26,360 Speaker 1: of differently if I'm honest about what really I'm struggling with. 664 00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:29,240 Speaker 1: But also there's the other addict side that's like, well, 665 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:31,560 Speaker 1: people don't already like you. You're already not good enough. 666 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,840 Speaker 1: And so I think that there's such a point of 667 00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:37,440 Speaker 1: growth for you in deciding that I'm going to take 668 00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:40,200 Speaker 1: that risk of people judging me for doing this thing 669 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:43,400 Speaker 1: because I am learning that the core of me is good. 670 00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,640 Speaker 1: I might not fully be there, but I am learning 671 00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,280 Speaker 1: that the core of me is good, and so they 672 00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,440 Speaker 1: might say these things and then I think these things 673 00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:54,320 Speaker 1: about me or I might not fit into society, but 674 00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:57,440 Speaker 1: I will one day be able to settle into the 675 00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:00,640 Speaker 1: fact that that's not really that isn't right. They use 676 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:03,960 Speaker 1: the word powerless in A A and I had a 677 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:05,600 Speaker 1: friend that was like, oh, maybe you should go and 678 00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:07,920 Speaker 1: try some meetings, And that's not really my m O 679 00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:11,360 Speaker 1: right now, because I know A A is all about 680 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,240 Speaker 1: like we we we, and I feel like I've already 681 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:17,560 Speaker 1: been all about that is like I'm trying to get 682 00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:19,960 Speaker 1: out of the Wii and trying to focus on the 683 00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:23,600 Speaker 1: me of what I need for myself. Um, but I 684 00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:27,560 Speaker 1: know A A says, you know, you're powerless over alcohol, 685 00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:31,320 Speaker 1: and I don't know how much that resonates with me 686 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:34,800 Speaker 1: because for me, like I started drinking because I was 687 00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:38,720 Speaker 1: feeling hopeless, because I was feeling powerless. So then for 688 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:40,560 Speaker 1: me to stop drinking, I don't want to think that 689 00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:43,520 Speaker 1: I'm still powerless over that. You know, for me, I'm 690 00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:46,240 Speaker 1: looking at it as a I'm trying to be powerful 691 00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:52,000 Speaker 1: over the substance. Yes, if I slip up tomorrow and I, 692 00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:54,600 Speaker 1: you know, go down that rabbit hole. Am I in 693 00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:59,520 Speaker 1: that moment powerless? Yes, absolutely, but I'm trying to get 694 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:03,040 Speaker 1: to the point where I am powerful. The thing is 695 00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,600 Speaker 1: that when alcohols in your life, you don't have any 696 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:07,960 Speaker 1: power because alcohol has the power. And now that you're 697 00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:10,600 Speaker 1: outside of that, you have the power back in your 698 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:13,960 Speaker 1: life because you have removed something that actually steals something 699 00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:17,560 Speaker 1: from you. And that that's a huge deal because if 700 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:22,560 Speaker 1: I'm coming from this place of any toxic relationship, you know, yeah, 701 00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:25,200 Speaker 1: in that relationship, you feel like crap and that you 702 00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:28,040 Speaker 1: can't do anything right or everything's about the other person 703 00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:30,759 Speaker 1: or whatever ever. And then once you stand outside of that, 704 00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:33,839 Speaker 1: it's like, oh wait, I'm badass. Like I'm pretty cool 705 00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:36,360 Speaker 1: and people like love me, but you have to take 706 00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:40,319 Speaker 1: those like rose colored glasses off essentially and like be 707 00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:42,319 Speaker 1: honest with the fact that, like, my life might be 708 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,640 Speaker 1: okay for the people out looking at me from the outside, 709 00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:47,759 Speaker 1: but it's not okay from me exactly. I am. What 710 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:50,160 Speaker 1: I hear you saying is my opinion of myself is 711 00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:53,040 Speaker 1: the most important one, finally, right, finally, And I might 712 00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:55,200 Speaker 1: not fully like it yet, but we're going to work 713 00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:58,160 Speaker 1: on it, right, work on it. And I don't know 714 00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:00,560 Speaker 1: why that's such a difficult thing for I feel like, 715 00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:05,480 Speaker 1: especially women, to like the idea of being proud of myself. 716 00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:08,920 Speaker 1: I don't know why that wasn't more ingrained in me. 717 00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,319 Speaker 1: It's I've always I'm always waiting for somebody else to 718 00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,480 Speaker 1: be proud of me. I hear so much in this office. 719 00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:17,319 Speaker 1: I can't say that. I can't think that is nice. 720 00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:19,959 Speaker 1: Stuck up right. Yeah, maybe you should be a little 721 00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:22,360 Speaker 1: bit more stuck upright, Like maybe you should be like 722 00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:26,040 Speaker 1: it's like we can't love ourselves. It feels like about 723 00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:29,799 Speaker 1: it feeling egotistical or like that's oh, I would never 724 00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:32,480 Speaker 1: say something about myself. Why Why is it okay for 725 00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:34,520 Speaker 1: somebody else to think you're beautiful but you can't think 726 00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:36,640 Speaker 1: that right? That is the most fucked up thing I 727 00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:38,840 Speaker 1: think I've ever heard in this room. I've heard a 728 00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:43,799 Speaker 1: lot of things like that is bizarre, bizarre. So and 729 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:46,480 Speaker 1: I always say to everybody, your opinion of who you 730 00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:50,080 Speaker 1: are is the most important one that apps ever ever had. 731 00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:53,720 Speaker 1: And once you actually have a kind opinion of yourself, 732 00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:57,400 Speaker 1: the other people around you won't matter as much because 733 00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:00,520 Speaker 1: you won't be co signing on their going to believe 734 00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:04,279 Speaker 1: about you. So when we're in this dark place of 735 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:05,960 Speaker 1: like I'm not good. We're just going to stay with 736 00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,600 Speaker 1: that I'm not good enough. Every time somebody has any 737 00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:13,360 Speaker 1: inclination of that towards you, you're like check. See. But 738 00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:15,800 Speaker 1: when we have this opinion of like I'm a badass 739 00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:18,680 Speaker 1: and I'm strong and I'm powerful, when somebody says something 740 00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:22,040 Speaker 1: about you, it's like, you know, that rolls off. It 741 00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:25,400 Speaker 1: never feels good to have somebody say something mean. But 742 00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:27,879 Speaker 1: it's like, well, that's not true, right, and like that's 743 00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:29,719 Speaker 1: really sad that you think that about me, But that's 744 00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:32,080 Speaker 1: not true. And that goes to everything that goes to 745 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:36,120 Speaker 1: body and the body and some of the hardest because 746 00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:37,560 Speaker 1: a lot of times people like I don't want to 747 00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,200 Speaker 1: do body image work because that just means I'm going 748 00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:42,000 Speaker 1: to end up having to accept a body that I 749 00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:44,120 Speaker 1: actually hate. And it's like when you when you you 750 00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:46,919 Speaker 1: don't think that when you accept, you accept it doesn't 751 00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:48,880 Speaker 1: feel that way. You might have days where you're like 752 00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:53,040 Speaker 1: this feels gross today, but like you actually won't feel 753 00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:55,760 Speaker 1: that way. It's never going to feel good if somebody 754 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,640 Speaker 1: says like, oh, I think that your body is this 755 00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:00,480 Speaker 1: in a negative light, or I don't think you're attractive 756 00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:02,400 Speaker 1: or beautiful or whatever. It's never going to be like 757 00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:04,960 Speaker 1: thank you for saying right, but it's not going to 758 00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:07,399 Speaker 1: hit the same way of like, yeah, I think that too, 759 00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:10,080 Speaker 1: and you're just like, now we're co signing on this 760 00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:13,200 Speaker 1: paper together that says I'm the horrible person. Right. I've 761 00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:15,279 Speaker 1: been a performer my whole life. It comes from an 762 00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:19,760 Speaker 1: acting background my entire life, and I think that really 763 00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:23,960 Speaker 1: formed sort of this idea that other people's critiques and 764 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:28,600 Speaker 1: other people's opinions should, you know, take first place, because 765 00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,520 Speaker 1: I'm not the one that's going to give myself a job. 766 00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:32,840 Speaker 1: It matters what the person on the other side of 767 00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:36,040 Speaker 1: the table didn't matter thinks, right, And it's like I've 768 00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:39,840 Speaker 1: had to learn to rethink that and not adopt that 769 00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:43,000 Speaker 1: in all aspects of my life, something that I explained 770 00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:45,560 Speaker 1: to clients a lot of times when they're relearning that 771 00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:47,719 Speaker 1: kind of stuff, because that was a way of life 772 00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:49,360 Speaker 1: for you. That's how you survive, and that's how you 773 00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:51,800 Speaker 1: got your needs met, and that's how you got jobs. 774 00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:54,799 Speaker 1: That's like how you've lived, right. You literally there are 775 00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:57,480 Speaker 1: like neuropathways in your brain that think that way. Those 776 00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:00,480 Speaker 1: opinions are more important, right, I have to please other 777 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:03,920 Speaker 1: people to actually do what I do well, I have 778 00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:06,279 Speaker 1: to make sure them pleasing other people. That is a 779 00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:09,279 Speaker 1: in your brain. That is a river that is very deep. 780 00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:12,240 Speaker 1: And how rivers get really strong is like the water 781 00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:14,799 Speaker 1: runs down them for a periods of time. So that's 782 00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:17,080 Speaker 1: in there. Well, you're creating a whole other river in 783 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:19,560 Speaker 1: your brain, and so you have to run that that 784 00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:23,720 Speaker 1: opposite thought down your brain a million trillion times until 785 00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:27,359 Speaker 1: something forms. The cool thing is when we stop giving 786 00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,960 Speaker 1: attention to old pathways, they actually just go away, right, 787 00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:33,800 Speaker 1: So we just have to give attention to the other side. 788 00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:36,600 Speaker 1: The hard thing is it's harder to think the opposite 789 00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:38,920 Speaker 1: than what we know because we go with what we know. 790 00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:41,360 Speaker 1: But the cool thing is we can change that. And 791 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:43,200 Speaker 1: people are like, I'm always going to be this way. 792 00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:46,160 Speaker 1: No you're not. You don't have to it's hard, right, 793 00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:48,120 Speaker 1: don't have to be that way. I'm trying to learn, 794 00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:50,600 Speaker 1: you know. I've talked to my boyfriend a lot about 795 00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:53,640 Speaker 1: love languages, and I've always said, you know, my number 796 00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:57,680 Speaker 1: one love language is words of affirmation, and I'm constantly 797 00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:01,319 Speaker 1: like asking of that from him. But I'm like, why 798 00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:04,279 Speaker 1: am I not giving my own self words of affirmation then, 799 00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,239 Speaker 1: because maybe that's where my need to hear it from 800 00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:09,440 Speaker 1: him or other people comes from, is that I'm not 801 00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:12,239 Speaker 1: giving it enough to myself. Why do you think you 802 00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,800 Speaker 1: don't give it to yourself? Or haven't you? I think 803 00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,440 Speaker 1: I haven't in the past because I haven't been happy 804 00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:20,960 Speaker 1: with where I've been at, or I haven't really been 805 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:25,440 Speaker 1: facing my truest form of self or living as my 806 00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:28,920 Speaker 1: truest form of self as I'm I guess now trying 807 00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,560 Speaker 1: to do. You don't know that person very well, and 808 00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:34,160 Speaker 1: so how do I affirm somebody? I'm scared to let 809 00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:38,080 Speaker 1: that person show. And if I affirm somebody that I'm 810 00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:40,640 Speaker 1: afraid of or I don't think it is, it's like, 811 00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:42,759 Speaker 1: all I don't want that to become the truth of me. 812 00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:45,239 Speaker 1: If I think if I think I'm not good enough, 813 00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:47,239 Speaker 1: I don't want to affirm that person because I don't 814 00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:49,160 Speaker 1: want that person to become the truth of me. And 815 00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:51,560 Speaker 1: that's what I'm talking about with like the that whole 816 00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:54,759 Speaker 1: body image metaphor is like you won't think that, right, 817 00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:56,800 Speaker 1: you won't think that. Yeah, I don't know if this 818 00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:59,080 Speaker 1: is a metaphor analogy I never know the difference that 819 00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:03,839 Speaker 1: the I always use is like, imagine your favorite kind 820 00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:05,680 Speaker 1: of sandwich was like a peanut butter sandwich, and you 821 00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:08,880 Speaker 1: sit next to somebody at lunch, so you're in like, 822 00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:11,040 Speaker 1: I don't know, high school. When you're in cafeteria and 823 00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,279 Speaker 1: you pull out your sandwich and you're like, oh, yes, 824 00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:15,759 Speaker 1: my mom packed me a peanut butter sandwich. If you're 825 00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:17,520 Speaker 1: lucky and your mom packed your lunch for your high 826 00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:21,560 Speaker 1: school mind, did not my mom a lucky and you 827 00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:24,040 Speaker 1: put your peanut butter sandwich, Yes, this is amazing. And 828 00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:26,400 Speaker 1: the girl next to you is like, you, I hate 829 00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:28,800 Speaker 1: peanut butter. Are you gonna be like, oh me too? 830 00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:31,440 Speaker 1: Like you know what I mean? Like do that? You'd 831 00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:34,560 Speaker 1: be like really, I love it. But we do that 832 00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:37,000 Speaker 1: with our bodies, We do that with our personalities, we 833 00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:40,239 Speaker 1: do that with our jobs. We do that all day long. Absolutely, 834 00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:43,239 Speaker 1: like what it actually doesn't make sense for something just 835 00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,960 Speaker 1: to be like, oh I don't like peanut butter. Oh me, neither, 836 00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:48,799 Speaker 1: I changed my mind? Right, that's crazy. You're still going 837 00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:50,600 Speaker 1: to eat your peanut butter sandwich and you're gonna go 838 00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:52,800 Speaker 1: on with your day and you're gonna be satisfied with 839 00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:55,600 Speaker 1: just doing that too. I don't know fit in with 840 00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:59,279 Speaker 1: the other person too. I think it's a fear of 841 00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:02,440 Speaker 1: like when we're not confident, there's not a self assuredness, 842 00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:05,160 Speaker 1: so it's like, oh, like I'm not am I am 843 00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:06,960 Speaker 1: I wrong? Do I even know what I like? Right? 844 00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:08,799 Speaker 1: How kind of what you're talking about? We grow up 845 00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:10,719 Speaker 1: that way and like I can't affirm myself, I have 846 00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:12,680 Speaker 1: to wait to other people to do it. So it 847 00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:14,839 Speaker 1: teaches us that we're not really sure, like we don't 848 00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:16,879 Speaker 1: really know. And so that's why you do need your 849 00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:20,360 Speaker 1: boyfriend to affirm you probably right, because I'm not really sure. 850 00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:23,200 Speaker 1: So I feel of that other people it's always gonna 851 00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:25,560 Speaker 1: feel good to get that, but you're not. It's not 852 00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:27,680 Speaker 1: going to be like the like fuel that your body 853 00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:30,360 Speaker 1: runs off. We kind of touched on this before, but 854 00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:33,480 Speaker 1: this is like by no means telling other people to 855 00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:35,839 Speaker 1: not drink. I kind of view it as, you know, 856 00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:38,360 Speaker 1: if I decide to go vegan and you want to 857 00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:40,200 Speaker 1: eat a steak in front of me, by all means, 858 00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:43,200 Speaker 1: you know, this is just my personal choice. And that's 859 00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:47,440 Speaker 1: something that I'm feeling really powerful in that it feels 860 00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:50,160 Speaker 1: like sort of for the first time, I'm making decisions 861 00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:54,279 Speaker 1: for myself and not to please the people around me, 862 00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:57,880 Speaker 1: and that should be in every aspect of your life. 863 00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:01,920 Speaker 1: I think that's a really good thing to know, especially 864 00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:03,919 Speaker 1: at the end of this, because this is a call 865 00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:06,800 Speaker 1: for people to look at, like you said, every aspect 866 00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:09,560 Speaker 1: of your life. This doesn't just have to be about drinking. 867 00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:12,800 Speaker 1: I do think that's a big issue just in our culture. 868 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:16,280 Speaker 1: But what areas of your life are you leaning into 869 00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:18,719 Speaker 1: or leaning out of because you're trying to please the 870 00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:22,200 Speaker 1: people around you or you're trying to get affirmation in 871 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:25,239 Speaker 1: an area that you think you're lacking in. Because with 872 00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:28,080 Speaker 1: that example, what if somebody goes vegan and I'm like, oh, 873 00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:30,319 Speaker 1: I have to be vegan now, Like it's one of 874 00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:32,200 Speaker 1: us have to do the things that other people. We 875 00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:35,440 Speaker 1: are we are so different, and like, let's let that 876 00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:38,200 Speaker 1: continue to be a good thing that is celebrated. I 877 00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,759 Speaker 1: say this in my cycling class all the time, of 878 00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:43,640 Speaker 1: like we all look differently when we're doing this, and 879 00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:46,360 Speaker 1: like that's the point is that we're not supposed to 880 00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:48,960 Speaker 1: look like a perfect little army of people that are 881 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,239 Speaker 1: doing everything exactly perfectly in our bodies look the same 882 00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:54,240 Speaker 1: on our facial expressions, Like there's beauty and the fact 883 00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:57,080 Speaker 1: that we can be all going towards the same goal, 884 00:42:57,239 --> 00:42:59,280 Speaker 1: like living a fulfilling living, and it looks a little 885 00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:03,400 Speaker 1: different asolutely, everybody's journey should look a little different. You 886 00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:06,040 Speaker 1: can have a fulfilling life without alcohol, and somebody can 887 00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:09,600 Speaker 1: have a fulfilling life with alcohol. Yeah, And so really 888 00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:13,040 Speaker 1: it all comes down to intentionality and like really need 889 00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:17,760 Speaker 1: leaning into you and being okay with yourself outside of 890 00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:21,480 Speaker 1: what everybody else in the world is doing. And if 891 00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:23,799 Speaker 1: there's anything I can ask of the people listening that's 892 00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:27,239 Speaker 1: just really wide in this conversation out and look at 893 00:43:27,239 --> 00:43:30,400 Speaker 1: your day and and really question, like am I doing 894 00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:34,400 Speaker 1: the things I do in my days? Or am I 895 00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:37,880 Speaker 1: doing it for someone else or the affirmation of somebody 896 00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:41,560 Speaker 1: else so I can feel good for about me. Nothing's 897 00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:44,120 Speaker 1: black and white, really, well some things are, but like 898 00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:46,520 Speaker 1: and that's air, Like it's a ver This is a 899 00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:49,520 Speaker 1: whole gray topic we're talking about. It's very mess So 900 00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:51,560 Speaker 1: there are going to be times when like we have 901 00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:54,320 Speaker 1: to put aside like what we need at the moment, 902 00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:56,960 Speaker 1: and we can't always just a percent just think like 903 00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:59,000 Speaker 1: I'm have to be first and have to put my 904 00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,320 Speaker 1: needs first every single or of the day the majority 905 00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:02,879 Speaker 1: of the time. We really need to do that. But 906 00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:06,280 Speaker 1: really thinking of like the behaviors that are the forefront 907 00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:08,880 Speaker 1: of my life, our a day in place or in 908 00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:13,080 Speaker 1: line for myself, or to meet the standards or expectations 909 00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:16,360 Speaker 1: or to not be judged or whatever it is. I 910 00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:19,120 Speaker 1: could keep saying the same thing in twenty different ways, right, 911 00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:22,080 Speaker 1: but I think I think I kind of nailed um 912 00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:25,640 Speaker 1: the point. So thank you for having this conversation. Thank 913 00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:29,600 Speaker 1: you for um. This was actually Savannah's idea texted me 914 00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:33,799 Speaker 1: because it's something it's hard to talk about, but it's 915 00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:35,959 Speaker 1: also very easy to talk about once you start talking 916 00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:39,320 Speaker 1: about it. Um, I think that is. I mean, that's 917 00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:42,040 Speaker 1: a great point to make, right. It's like now that 918 00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,680 Speaker 1: it's sort of like out in the open, you know, 919 00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:47,640 Speaker 1: it doesn't feel like this big dark secret that I'm 920 00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:51,040 Speaker 1: holding onto anymore, it's very well. It's because shame feeds 921 00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:55,160 Speaker 1: off of silence and secrecy, and once that you kind 922 00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:57,160 Speaker 1: of get that, like you said, out in the open, 923 00:44:57,239 --> 00:45:00,000 Speaker 1: like shame can't live there. Yeah, it just can't serve. 924 00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:03,080 Speaker 1: I've off off of like actually being spoken about. Right, 925 00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:05,960 Speaker 1: So yeah, there's another part. If like there's something that's 926 00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,560 Speaker 1: really getting at you, like talk to some a safe 927 00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:10,880 Speaker 1: person about it and then you'll see that Like if 928 00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:13,000 Speaker 1: they're a safe, good, healthy person for you to be 929 00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:16,719 Speaker 1: in a relationship with, this should be a fruitful conversation. Absolutely, 930 00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:19,360 Speaker 1: So thank you for being here and thank you guys 931 00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:22,279 Speaker 1: for listening. If you have any questions about anything we 932 00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:25,400 Speaker 1: talked about, you can send those to me at Catherine 933 00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:29,160 Speaker 1: at you Need Therapy podcast dot com, UM and maybe 934 00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:30,960 Speaker 1: we can answer some of them on the Couch Talks 935 00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:33,319 Speaker 1: this weeker next week. Other than that, I hope that 936 00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:35,680 Speaker 1: you guys have a wonderful whatever day you're listening to 937 00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:38,040 Speaker 1: this on Again, I always think it's Monday, but it's 938 00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:40,440 Speaker 1: might not be. And I will see you guys UM 939 00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:42,480 Speaker 1: for Couch Talks this week on Wednesday,