Speaker 1: Episode four forty two, how our lack of community is
Speaker 1: costing us.
Speaker 2: Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to
Speaker 2: save money, embrace simplicity, and live at your life. Here
Speaker 2: your hosts Jen and Jill.
Speaker 1: Welcome to Frugal Friends podcast. My name is Jen, my
Speaker 1: name is Jill, and today we are talking about an
Speaker 1: interesting topic that we have talked about briefly. We've kind of,
Speaker 1: like ten twenty thousand foot like, mentioned it, but we've
Speaker 1: never dove deep into it until I saw an Instagram
Speaker 1: post from Katie Gatty Tassen from Money with Katie that
Speaker 1: very well like, was very well articulated in what we
Speaker 1: were trying to say about it. So we're going to
Speaker 1: go through it today and hopefully it will help you
Speaker 1: as much as it kind of as much as we
Speaker 1: hope it will.
Speaker 3: We have a chapter in our book by What You
Speaker 3: Love Without Going Broke on community and relationships and kind
Speaker 3: of both sides of the coin, but this is particularly
Speaker 3: talking about how we'll buy our ways out of problems,
Speaker 3: the things where we will pay for convenience rather than
Speaker 3: leaning into community. So I'm particularly looking forward to this
Speaker 3: conversation because this is a heavy blend of mental health,
Speaker 3: social health, financial health.
Speaker 1: This is a heavy one. When we say that money
Speaker 1: touches our whole personhood, this is the definition of that.
Speaker 1: And so even if you've been frugal for a very
Speaker 1: long time, this is definitely one that you will get
Speaker 1: a lot out of. But first, this episode is brought
Speaker 1: to you by the Industrial Revolution. A cup of sugar.
Speaker 1: We all know the old adage borrowing a cup of
Speaker 1: sugar from your neighbors, and that was once a in
Speaker 1: place practice. But thanks to the Industrial Revolution, we now
Speaker 1: have access to affordable modern technology like transportation, grocery stores
Speaker 1: that are open every day, and now even delivery. But
Speaker 1: all that access does come at a price. While the
Speaker 1: sugar is more accessible, all the ways we get it
Speaker 1: do cost money. So if you're feeling the pinch of
Speaker 1: a lack of community, a lack of being able to
Speaker 1: borrow a cup of sugar from your neighbor, open a
Speaker 1: high Heeld savings count at CI Bank. You're gonna get
Speaker 1: over four percent ap y almost five percent, with the
Speaker 1: only minimum being one hundred dollars. Just in there on
Speaker 1: the first time, and it doesn't have any hoops to
Speaker 1: jump through as far as high yield savings accounts go.
Speaker 1: We really do love it. We wish you'd use the
Speaker 1: interest you're building on it for something other than paying
Speaker 1: to have your sugar delivered. But if you do, you
Speaker 1: can thank the Industrial Revolution for allowing you to do that.
Speaker 1: Frugal friendspodcast dot com Come slash.
Speaker 4: C I T Wow, Jen, Yeah you really did it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's you want to You want to have some
Speaker 1: of the backstory and how we got to where we are.
Speaker 1: It's not just because of marketing, it's not just because
Speaker 1: of the advancements of our culture, our society that it's
Speaker 1: there's a lot of things that have been leading up
Speaker 1: to how we got here to where we are right now.
Speaker 1: It is not one isolated thing. But regardless, you should
Speaker 1: have a high yield savings accounty.
Speaker 4: There's one thing you can do for yourself individually.
Speaker 1: Yes, So if you are really feeling the sting of
Speaker 1: you know, lack of community, we talk a lot about Gosh,
Speaker 1: we talk about community almost every episode. It's one of
Speaker 1: our highest core values personally, not like Frugal Friends, but
Speaker 1: individuals will most likely cite, you know, a combo of
Speaker 1: these four things as their highest values. Family, friends, faith,
Speaker 1: and fulfilling work, and all of those, all four of
Speaker 1: them have an element of community. It is so important
Speaker 1: to everyone. We've done a lot of episodes you can
Speaker 1: find you can find it in almost every episode, but
Speaker 1: I think a really good one that I like is
Speaker 1: episode three eighty nine, Creativity over Consumerism with Miranda Anderson.
Speaker 1: Because once you start to change your mindset from how
Speaker 1: much do I have to spend on eating out, coffee,
Speaker 1: et cetera, and you change your mindset to shift it
Speaker 1: slightly to how can I maximize every dollar so I
Speaker 1: can get as much of what I value as possible,
Speaker 1: it changes the way you budget. And this is an
Speaker 1: episode that's going to help you peripherally with that mindset.
Speaker 1: And we are using a article from like I said,
Speaker 1: Katie Gatty Tassen called we Live in a Society very
Speaker 1: She has a very uh, I would not dry way
Speaker 1: of saying these, but just like a very straightforward way
Speaker 1: of writ like writing style.
Speaker 4: She's quite cerebral.
Speaker 3: If you follow her on Instagram, she's definitely worth the
Speaker 3: follow She does crazy deep dives, tons of research. She
Speaker 3: helps you feel smart for sure, or maybe sometimes feel
Speaker 3: done if you're me, like, what in the world is
Speaker 3: after you read it you feel smart. Yes, if you
Speaker 3: can get through one of her long Instagram brands, you
Speaker 3: will be better off for it. This one, thankfully, is
Speaker 3: a shorter article but really packed with some great things.
Speaker 3: And I just want to say I love how she
Speaker 3: starts it off with telling a story that is a
Speaker 3: good way to real those of us in who just
Speaker 3: like you know stories a little bit and described some
Speaker 3: of the relationships that she's been building with neighbors, being
Speaker 3: able to kind of care for one another, check in
Speaker 3: on each other, just noticing this reciprocal relationship beginning to
Speaker 3: build where she'll text and say, hey, I'm running later
Speaker 3: than I thought I would be, can you let my
Speaker 3: dogs out? Or the neighbor made some extra food and
Speaker 3: wondered if she could use some want some dinner that week,
Speaker 3: Just kind of this thing that was evolving because they
Speaker 3: were both open to relationship with those literally in their community,
Speaker 3: not just friendships, but the people who are literally living
Speaker 3: next door to us, which can feel very scary. Like
Speaker 3: you just mentioned, the industrial revolution kind of helped us
Speaker 3: to solve all of our problems with money and convenience
Speaker 3: and be able to pay for those things. And it
Speaker 3: has drawn us more inward. We've become more isolated. We
Speaker 3: can go days without seeing the people we live next to.
Speaker 3: But this is kind of this call to how could
Speaker 3: we we might have to be even more intentional about
Speaker 3: seeing those who are next door to us and being
Speaker 3: willing to offer a lending hand or ask for help
Speaker 3: from those who are right next door to us. So
Speaker 3: that was a helpful introduction I think of what she's
Speaker 3: been noticing as a result of having community. Of course
Speaker 3: we'll talk about what happens when we don't have that,
Speaker 3: what it's costing us, But I like that intro.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the reason that this post in this article really
Speaker 1: grabbed my attention is is the little favors economy that
Speaker 1: she's referenced. Apparently there's an uptick in content hard selling
Speaker 1: the quote unquote little favors economy. So the thing is
Speaker 1: is the people giving each other little favors, which is
Speaker 1: I guess, on the rise, but has been an integral
Speaker 1: part before the Industrial Revolution, was an integral part of
Speaker 1: our our well being, our like ways that we just
Speaker 1: survived because we didn't have grocery stores that were open
Speaker 1: all day every day, we didn't have ways to get there,
Speaker 1: and if we did. It took a while, and so
Speaker 1: we relied more on the people around us. And so
Speaker 1: the fact that this is kind of like coming back
Speaker 1: is kind of this turn on its head. We've we've
Speaker 1: been living at least for the past four years in
Speaker 1: in kind of wanting to accept isolation and or at
Speaker 1: least be okay with it at first because we were
Speaker 1: forced to. But now, like there's even she mentions this
Speaker 1: this like meme where there's this I don't know if
Speaker 1: you saw it, if you clicked the link, Jill, but
Speaker 1: it's a telling someone, it's an it's a script on
Speaker 1: how to tell someone you don't have the emotional bandwidth
Speaker 1: to care about them, so that could you take your
Speaker 1: personal crisis elsewhere or schedule a different time to need me,
Speaker 1: Which in and of itself it's not a bad thing,
Speaker 1: but more often than not, these good things get abused
Speaker 1: and overused, and what it breeds is this culture of
Speaker 1: not just individualism, which is what our country really has
Speaker 1: been founded on, the desire to be individual like separated
Speaker 1: from a monarchy, but isolation. And I think that is
Speaker 1: the issue, and that is what these apps and all
Speaker 1: of these services have really given us, is isolation. And
Speaker 1: so I loved the way that she put a lot
Speaker 1: of this. One of the quotes from the article is
Speaker 1: this worldview, like the worldview individualism, isolation, has framed asking
Speaker 1: for help or needing support as an inexcusable burden. It's
Speaker 1: fever frame is don't be cheap. Do not ask me
Speaker 1: to take you to the airport. And so this is
Speaker 1: actually in reference to another like thread. It was from
Speaker 1: a from a Twitter thread that's saying like, I will
Speaker 1: not take anyone to the airport, get an uber, and
Speaker 1: where some people were back and forth being like, well,
Speaker 1: friends who love each other have no problem taking them,
Speaker 1: you know, each other, to the airport. And then other
Speaker 1: people were like, I don't even take my immediate family
Speaker 1: to the airport. Have you been to Lax, Like I'm
Speaker 1: not waking up at four am? And so it's automatically
Speaker 1: like the whole thread went to these extremes, you know,
Speaker 1: and so by going to extremes, we're creating a culture
Speaker 1: that normalizes we don't take people to the airport, you
Speaker 1: get an uber when in reality, like, of course, if
Speaker 1: it's a really busy airport with a lot of traffic
Speaker 1: like Lax, or it's a four am or a midnight
Speaker 1: flow like of course we use these modern technologies to
Speaker 1: help us in situations like that, but those are the extremes.
Speaker 1: And in the middle, if there is if you have
Speaker 1: a broader community, not just one or two friends, then
Speaker 1: you have more options for you know, asking for help
Speaker 1: from someone where it isn't a burden, but it is
Speaker 1: like somebody is taking you to the airport on their
Speaker 1: way to work. You know, it's a little bit out
Speaker 1: of the way, but it's not a burden. And so
Speaker 1: there's a lot of nuance to this that gets lost
Speaker 1: in these extreme scenarios that we then translate into what's acceptable.
Speaker 3: I think that's the context in which I've seen little
Speaker 3: favors quote unquote on pop up on Instagram as people
Speaker 3: kind of pushing back against it, like what all these
Speaker 3: little favors are costing us and our bandwidth than what
Speaker 3: we have the ability to do and not to do,
Speaker 3: and the permission to say no and not hemorrhage your
Speaker 3: help and your kindness to other people. And I think
Speaker 3: yet what we're saying here is the holding the tension
Speaker 3: of both recognizing that there could be asks that are
Speaker 3: really putting people out, and it's worth identifying. Okay, this
Speaker 3: is something that I can find a way to do
Speaker 3: on my own versus. This is just what human connection
Speaker 3: and friendship looks like. And then Katie goes on to
Speaker 3: describe this one quote which we love as well, so
Speaker 3: I'm just going to read it for us. The fear
Speaker 3: of being a burden atomizes us and as a result,
Speaker 3: further entrenches our reliance on something else money. The central
Speaker 3: promise of so many apps is that they can eradicate
Speaker 3: the need to maintain relationships, look out for one another,
Speaker 3: or inconvenience yourself for the sake of a loved one
Speaker 3: for a price. And I think that this is what
Speaker 3: keeps a lot of us from asking for that help
Speaker 3: is I don't want to be a burden. I think
Speaker 3: for the majority of us, we would be more willing
Speaker 3: to help somebody than we are to receive help. But
Speaker 3: I think if we can dig a little bit deeper
Speaker 3: and look at the connection and the reciprocity there, that
Speaker 3: if we are willing to help somebody, then that's the
Speaker 3: perspective of our friend. They are willing to help as well,
Speaker 3: and if they can't, there's opportunity to say no. I
Speaker 3: think we have gotten very good at saying no. Is
Speaker 3: a societal down exactly. I think that we don't need
Speaker 3: such a loud messaging on how to say no anymore.
Speaker 3: We've got that one down. So I think that it's
Speaker 3: this little bit of give and take. And sure, sometimes
Speaker 3: it might have been too much, we might have overextended ourselves.
Speaker 3: We can learn from that, and we can learn what
Speaker 3: boundary we would need to set in place in the future.
Speaker 3: But if we're willing to give help, I think we've
Speaker 3: also got to be willing to receive it as well,
Speaker 3: and recognize that in not being willing to ask, what
Speaker 3: else does that play?
Speaker 4: There? What pride?
Speaker 3: What power plays might be underneath the surface, under the
Speaker 3: guise of I just don't want to burden somebody. But
Speaker 3: if you're thinking I would rather just help than receive,
Speaker 3: there's something deeper that's worth looking at there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love how she puts it. If you ask this,
Speaker 1: if you have the smallest ask, you're going to be
Speaker 1: seen as these are the lies we tell ourselves. You're
Speaker 1: going to be seen as needy, boundaryless or inadequately self sufficient.
Speaker 1: And you think your friend has every right to hit
Speaker 1: you with the I don't have the emotional bandwidth paragraph uh,
Speaker 1: and these are these are lies that we tell ourselves
Speaker 1: that even the slightest hint of rejecting individualism, rejecting the isolation,
Speaker 1: even the slightest hint of that is we're going to
Speaker 1: be seen as the mooch, the mooch friend in the group.
Speaker 1: And nothing could be further from the truth when we
Speaker 1: have this mindset of reciprocity, like I want to help you,
Speaker 1: and I want you to be able to help me.
Speaker 1: I want to feel safe in when I ask you
Speaker 1: for help that I'm not seen as a mooch. And
Speaker 1: if you don't have that safety with someone, then that's
Speaker 1: the case for creating a wider community so that you
Speaker 1: can have more people that you can have that safe
Speaker 1: relationship with, because not everyone is going to see you
Speaker 1: as the mooch. If you're not and everyone if everyone
Speaker 1: does see you as the mooch, the frugal, cheap mooch,
Speaker 1: if everyone sees you that way, then that's a different conversation,
Speaker 1: that's a different episode.
Speaker 3: That means that there's not as much generosity happening in
Speaker 3: the other direction. People aren't going to say that about
Speaker 3: somebody who's also showing up for that. Yeah, so I
Speaker 3: think it's okay to always be asking, but also then
Speaker 3: you need to.
Speaker 4: Be ready to be giving as well. Yeah. I love this.
Speaker 3: One final thought from her, just around the cost of
Speaker 3: buying our way out of problems. She says, the financialization
Speaker 3: of our every move strips us of our humanity and
Speaker 3: weakens our ties with while little favors create trust and
Speaker 3: common ground. The beauty in asking for what you need
Speaker 3: is not just in the straightforward receiving of it, but
Speaker 3: in allowing other people to give it to you. We
Speaker 3: glorify individual stability and self sufficiency, which are great, But
Speaker 3: to be human is to need, so too is to give.
Speaker 3: And here you understand the writing style of a Mondy
Speaker 3: with Katie. It is beautiful and poetic, and it's why
Speaker 3: I wanted to just read it straight up. But it's
Speaker 3: so true that when we are buying our way out
Speaker 3: of problems, it's costing us not just the money that
Speaker 3: we're paying for the convenience of that, but the lack
Speaker 3: of community and connection, which is costing us on our
Speaker 3: social health, our mental health, our relational health. All of
Speaker 3: these aspects are then going to suffer because we're not
Speaker 3: building these bonds. That again, is what makes us human.
Speaker 3: To our core, we desire community.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and marketing capitalizes on this because they want you
Speaker 1: to think first of their app instead of your community.
Speaker 1: Because atomizing us as individuals means we don't think of
Speaker 1: ourselves as members of the whole, as members of an
Speaker 1: ecosystem who can give and take as we're able, but
Speaker 1: instead as competitors in a cut through Okay, and this
Speaker 1: is a little extreme I'm reading from the article, but
Speaker 1: as competitors in a cutthroat game who need to take
Speaker 1: every chance to get ahead. And so this is obviously
Speaker 1: an extreme case, but but we see it in our lives.
Speaker 1: Everyone can name someone who really does like value their
Speaker 1: time more than anyone's and will say no to the
Speaker 1: general never give anyone a ride to the airport, even
Speaker 1: your closest family members. So if we continue to think
Speaker 1: of ourselves as indo us in isolation, that's better for
Speaker 1: these companies that sell these services.
Speaker 3: All of these ideas that we're talking about. This isn't
Speaker 3: in the article, but I think I want to kind
Speaker 3: of underscore in case anybody wants to look into this
Speaker 3: a little bit more, have more things to read. We're
Speaker 3: talking about social health here that aspect of our personhood.
Speaker 3: I think we could also talk about relational health. It's
Speaker 3: similar how we approach community. Some other terminology attached to
Speaker 3: this is community psychology, which is our inherent need to
Speaker 3: be around others to feel a part of something bigger.
Speaker 3: We've also got concepts of social constructivism woven throughout. This
Speaker 3: is the concept that we are shaped by others and
Speaker 3: the way that we learn is in community, and we
Speaker 3: see this in our daily life. Right parents teach their children,
Speaker 3: People learn from teachers.
Speaker 4: We are not learning in.
Speaker 3: Isolation, even if we're at home on our computers. We're
Speaker 3: learning from someone who has written something, created a course.
Speaker 3: We are learning from other people sharing ideas. So I
Speaker 3: think this concept of community relationship social health is embedded
Speaker 3: in the fabric of what it means to be human.
Speaker 3: And yet there's so much of our particular society in
Speaker 3: the United States that has caused us to kind of
Speaker 3: push against that. It's the boundaries. It's not wanting to
Speaker 3: be a burden. It's the ability to be an individual
Speaker 3: and not need to be dependent on another person. But
Speaker 3: we want to say to aim at interdependence, not a
Speaker 3: total dependence. Also not a total independence, but this radical
Speaker 3: middle of interdependence where we allow people to come in,
Speaker 3: we also give out, and thereby not just helping ourselves financially,
Speaker 3: sometimes needing to be generous with our money as a
Speaker 3: result of that when we're when we're giving, but recognizing
Speaker 3: that all of this is going to help us as
Speaker 3: a whole, because when we help ourselves relationally and socially,
Speaker 3: we are also helping ourselves in all other aspects of
Speaker 3: our personhood. And maybe we're less likely to need to
Speaker 3: pay for convenience, Maybe we're less likely to need to
Speaker 3: pay to solve our problems because we've learned new skills
Speaker 3: out of these relationships that we've built, and we're willing
Speaker 3: to lend the ingredients in our pantry or provide the
Speaker 3: ride when needed. And what else is born out of
Speaker 3: those relationships we can't even totally comprehend until we start
Speaker 3: to lean into it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so this isn't just in like consumer consumption.
Speaker 1: This is in personal finance as well. So much of
Speaker 1: personal finance is about get out of debt so you're
Speaker 1: self sufficient, you know, don't give a handout because you
Speaker 1: have to pull yourself up before you can help you know,
Speaker 1: put your own oxygen mask on before you can help
Speaker 1: someone else. It's all about investing so that your self sufficient.
Speaker 1: So much of personal finance education capitalizes on this idea
Speaker 1: of isolation independence, setting yourself up so that you don't
Speaker 1: have to rely on anyone. And so we are pushing
Speaker 1: back on that as well, that you don't have to
Speaker 1: have the multimillion dollar net worth or even the million
Speaker 1: dollar net worth and be completely self reliant on just yourself.
Speaker 1: Your money does not have to cover one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: And if it starts by getting creative with how you
Speaker 1: meet your needs, but it progresses into this idea of
Speaker 1: not like an official sharing economy like by nothing groups
Speaker 1: or time banks, but true relationships, like relationships with the
Speaker 1: people around you. And I think we've had conversations about
Speaker 1: friendship relationships, but I think now in this episode we
Speaker 1: want to also have a conversation about local relationships.
Speaker 3: I e.
Speaker 1: Your neighbors, like getting that you know, metaphorical cup of
Speaker 1: sugar from a neighbor. Because I remember last year, when
Speaker 1: my son was in preschool, we had a meeting at
Speaker 1: his school to get us ready for kindergarten. And the
Speaker 1: thing I was so surprised. The main reason they wanted
Speaker 1: to bring all these parents together is so that they
Speaker 1: could meet one another, because they really emphasized how important
Speaker 1: it was for your child to go to school every
Speaker 1: single day, and even if you're not able to bring them,
Speaker 1: meet these other parents, get to know where they live
Speaker 1: and create a plan among your children, like among these
Speaker 1: parents on how they can help you get your child
Speaker 1: to school. That was the main reason for the.
Speaker 4: I remember talking about that. I thought it was such a.
Speaker 1: Great idea, and it just like solidified in my mind
Speaker 1: how important it is not just to have friendship relationships,
Speaker 1: but close neighbor relationships is a different type of relationship.
Speaker 1: You don't have to be best friends with your neighbors,
Speaker 1: but as a as a you know, how can we
Speaker 1: do better together? Having relationships with your neighbors is so,
Speaker 1: so so important. We've seen it in our lives, and
Speaker 1: so how do we do that? And so we want
Speaker 1: to briefly go over a few tips from this article
Speaker 1: called nineteen ways to connect with your neighbors. We are
Speaker 1: absolutely not going through all nineteen, but there are a
Speaker 1: few that have specifically helped Jill and I like meet
Speaker 1: our neighbors. You know, in our own respective neighborhoods. So
Speaker 1: the first one for me is hanging out in the
Speaker 1: front yard. We have met a lot of people simply
Speaker 1: by being outside, just by standing there. So Travis, the
Speaker 1: most recent of this was last weekend. Travis was mowing
Speaker 1: our yard and another neighbor was taking a walk with
Speaker 1: his baby and he came up and he's like, I've
Speaker 1: been trying to like meet you for months, and apparently
Speaker 1: they saw the sign that we put in our yard
Speaker 1: for Easter from our church's Easter service, and he's like,
Speaker 1: we go to that church, but we just had a baby,
Speaker 1: so we like haven't been months. Yeah, but they lived
Speaker 1: two blocks down from us. Whoa, and they we were
Speaker 1: finally able to connect because they were out for a
Speaker 1: walk and Travis was mowing the front yard. And there's
Speaker 1: been so many times where we've just been outside with
Speaker 1: the kids, like you know, riding the bikes or letting
Speaker 1: the kids just walk around that we have met other
Speaker 1: neighbors who are also outside, you know, going for walks,
Speaker 1: and so they give a few ideas, like aside from
Speaker 1: just sitting in your front yard, which honestly, this is
Speaker 1: how we met so many of our neighbors. At our
Speaker 1: last house too, we would take walks and just see
Speaker 1: people with a grill and a table and some beers
Speaker 1: and a cooler on their front yard instead of their backyard,
Speaker 1: so having equal amounts of time almost creating your front
Speaker 1: yard as like an oasis. So they say you can
Speaker 1: set up a fire pit and your driveway just like
Speaker 1: a temporary one. Or they say a turquoise table. Apparently
Speaker 1: this is like a national movement or somethings picnic tables,
Speaker 1: So if that's something you're familiar with, putting that in
Speaker 1: your front yard, but making your front yard a place
Speaker 1: of gathering as much as you try to make your
Speaker 1: back or sideyard a place of gathering.
Speaker 3: Similarly, the taking walks things, so not just sitting in
Speaker 3: your front yard but taking walks. That for Eric and
Speaker 3: I has been huge when we've gotten to meet other
Speaker 3: people not just on our road but surrounding us. And
Speaker 3: it's been really hot lyate least we haven't been taking
Speaker 3: as many walks, but in the fall, winter and spring
Speaker 3: when we take daily walks, it has significantly exponentially increased
Speaker 3: the amount of people that we meet. The and it's
Speaker 3: not as if we stop and have long conversations. Sometimes
Speaker 3: we do, but as many of us know, there are
Speaker 3: the people who want to talk for forever and who's
Speaker 3: the people who don't, And yes, it might cost us
Speaker 3: the time and energy. There was one day recently when
Speaker 3: I wanted to take a quick walk before starting dinner.
Speaker 3: We ran into a neighbor five feet out of our
Speaker 3: front door and ended up talking with them for thirty minutes.
Speaker 3: So I couldn't continue the walk. I just had to
Speaker 3: come right back inside and make dinner. But it was
Speaker 3: also really amazing to be able to connect with that person,
Speaker 3: hear what's going on for them and sidebar, Yeah, there's
Speaker 3: gonna be some people in the neighborhood who aren't exactly
Speaker 3: the people who you're gonna be long term friends with.
Speaker 3: That's what we're describing here. Yes, you've got friends, but
Speaker 3: you've also got people in your community. Is good for
Speaker 3: us to be around different, different from who we would
Speaker 3: typically engage with. It helps us We grow because of it.
Speaker 3: And also you're gonna get some tea. When we are
Speaker 3: walking around and talking with the neighbors and hearing about
Speaker 3: what's going on, it is better than the next door
Speaker 3: app there has been.
Speaker 4: We live on a tiny road.
Speaker 3: There's just twenty houses on this road, and there is
Speaker 3: some stuff that goes down.
Speaker 4: And I like being in the know.
Speaker 3: Okay, I like having my windows open, like so look
Speaker 3: at what's going on, See.
Speaker 4: What's going on.
Speaker 1: I've seen this behand.
Speaker 3: I have become my eighty year old grandmother. Sometimes I
Speaker 3: wish that I could quick run for the binoculars just
Speaker 3: to find out more.
Speaker 4: It is good to be in the neighborhood.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean, and it's it's from these main two.
Speaker 1: So I think if you take we're gonna go through
Speaker 1: a couple more. But like if you only take away
Speaker 1: these suit going for walks around your neighborhood or just
Speaker 1: sitting outside on your front porch or your front lawn.
Speaker 4: Even if you're not super extroverted, something's gonna happen.
Speaker 1: Something you will be able to connect with somebody. And
Speaker 1: this has led to being able to borrow power tools
Speaker 1: from another neighbor that we don't have to buy or rent.
Speaker 1: A neighbor was able to jumpstart my car when I
Speaker 1: had both kids and my car wouldn't start. This has
Speaker 1: led to like play like playdates friends for my kids.
Speaker 1: This has led to so many good things not just
Speaker 1: for my heart, but also for my wallet. Like I've
Speaker 1: been able, like Travis has been able to borrow so
Speaker 1: many things that we didn't need to buy, and we
Speaker 1: have been able to lend things.
Speaker 3: Yeah, which is the next one on my list. The
Speaker 3: helping each other out piece when you are so close
Speaker 3: to each other and experiencing very similar things, right, like
Speaker 3: the same type of storm, a power outage.
Speaker 4: That kind of a thing.
Speaker 3: Being able to help one another out post storm cleanup,
Speaker 3: that's a real thing for me.
Speaker 1: A lot of people after a storm, you are going
Speaker 1: to meet your neighbors. Everyone's outside at the same time
Speaker 1: cleaning up. It's a great, great place to meet your Nay,
Speaker 1: we have.
Speaker 3: Helped and we've experienced help from others in helping poststorm
Speaker 3: clean up, clean up, taking meals we've been able to
Speaker 3: We've exchanged I've exchanged bread and treats with various people
Speaker 3: on our road. When someone has a baby, we can
Speaker 3: take a meal to them. Others have you know, known
Speaker 3: important things for us and have checked in. Sometimes there's
Speaker 3: been storms where are we evacuated for it, But the
Speaker 3: neighbors are sticking around and they're going to keep an
Speaker 3: eye on the house for us, and then even when
Speaker 3: it comes to maintenance projects, specifically, I'm thinking of fence
Speaker 3: we had to redo and it was a neighborly effort
Speaker 3: with the people just on either side of us who
Speaker 3: pitched in with costs and day of labor and rental
Speaker 3: equipment to kind of clear out the shrubbery that was
Speaker 3: lining both of our sides of things. So truly, even financially,
Speaker 3: it has helped out so it and it just feels
Speaker 3: good to know what's going on. We've had deaths of
Speaker 3: people on our road. We've had major surgeries happen, We've
Speaker 3: had tons of things go on that are both celebratory
Speaker 3: and tragic.
Speaker 4: And the ability to know that and be there.
Speaker 3: For a neighbor, there is nothing like it, and that
Speaker 3: produces health inside of us.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean yes, same fence for us. We've had
Speaker 1: help with that. We had a neighbor across the street
Speaker 1: from our old place when Hurricane Irma came through and
Speaker 1: put that tree down on our roof. We had evacuated
Speaker 1: to Atlanta, so we were seven eight hours away and
Speaker 1: she called us as soon as it happened. She's like,
Speaker 1: are you home? And I was like, no, we evacuated.
Speaker 1: She's like, good, there is a tree on your house
Speaker 1: and sent a picture so that we were able before
Speaker 1: we even left Georgia, we were able to call the
Speaker 1: tree guy, because had we waited even a few hours,
Speaker 1: then we would have maybe been waiting like a week
Speaker 1: or two to get that tree off of our house.
Speaker 1: But we were able to get it off quickly, and
Speaker 1: like literally the day after we got home, it was off.
Speaker 1: We were first in line and we were able to
Speaker 1: you know, know what we were coming home to. And
Speaker 1: we came home in the dead of night, and we
Speaker 1: knew what we were coming home to. We weren't shocked
Speaker 1: by it. It's gosh, there's it's essential. And so okay,
Speaker 1: we're we're homeowners. But like what if you're not a homeowner,
Speaker 1: what if you live in an apartment? You know, you're
Speaker 1: maybe not be having block parties. But they give some
Speaker 1: other recommendations. You can use your pets to connect with
Speaker 1: other people in your building or around you know, the complex, and.
Speaker 3: People with pets know this. You all gravitate to each other.
Speaker 3: You're meeting your pets.
Speaker 1: You can also give like gifts around the holidays. So
Speaker 1: the holidays are coming up and so maybe something small
Speaker 1: like Jill loves to propagate her plants, and you know,
Speaker 1: find some little pots and you're giving some plant babies
Speaker 1: to your neighbors. And anytime you can start a relationship
Speaker 1: off with giving is going to be like a really
Speaker 1: good foundation. So there are still ways that you can
Speaker 1: you know, I would have viewed. I would avoid like
Speaker 1: the homemade baked goods because you don't know people's dietary restrictions.
Speaker 1: But like small things create that reciprocity atmosphere, create let
Speaker 1: people around you know that you desire to know them,
Speaker 1: because sometimes they're just waiting for that permission. They're waiting
Speaker 1: for permission to get to know you. They want to
Speaker 1: know if you want to know, if you want to
Speaker 1: know them.
Speaker 3: I love the little neighborhood libraries that are popping up.
Speaker 3: We have quite a handful in our just little community
Speaker 3: here of just people with little cabinets outside their house.
Speaker 3: Take a book, leave a book, whatever that I have
Speaker 3: personally utilized, which is awesome, but of course also borrowing
Speaker 3: and lending tools. And you're only going to be able
Speaker 3: to do that when you go on walks, you sit outside,
Speaker 3: you talk to people, You learn of each other's needs
Speaker 3: and you're willing to give and receive.
Speaker 1: This is not something that's going to be so formal
Speaker 1: that you can create like a buy nothing group or
Speaker 1: a Facebook group. This is not formal. This involves learning
Speaker 1: about people, getting to know them, and you know, maybe
Speaker 1: being inconvenienced once in a while. But like it's it
Speaker 1: can be messy. It doesn't have to be unhealthy, like
Speaker 1: I think sometimes we'll confuse messy with unhealthy. But it's
Speaker 1: not going to be cut and dry. There's not going
Speaker 1: to be frameworks and rules. There are boundaries, but there
Speaker 1: is very little guide to maintaining and creating these relationships
Speaker 1: that are not just essential for our financial preservation but
Speaker 1: for our well being. And so I hope that these
Speaker 1: gave you a few things to incorporate into your life
Speaker 1: this fall.
Speaker 3: Yeah, just a few ideas, but speaking of something that
Speaker 3: we incorporate into our episodes every single time that is
Speaker 3: life giving, Yeah, and actually lends to social health.
Speaker 1: And I would challenge you to take you know, as
Speaker 1: many walks this week as we do sharing with you.
Speaker 3: The bill of the week.
Speaker 2: That's right, it's time for the best minute of your
Speaker 2: entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name
Speaker 2: is Williams. Maybe you've paid off your mortgage, maybe your
Speaker 2: car died, and you're happy to not have to pay
Speaker 2: that bill anymore. That's bills, Buffalo bills, Bill Clinton, this
Speaker 2: is the bill of the week.
Speaker 5: Hello, Jenn and Jill. It's me again. I am Mary.
Speaker 5: I am a music teacher from New York and I
Speaker 5: called earlier this year after I realized that I had
Speaker 5: saved two hundred and ninety dollars by getting all of
Speaker 5: my books from the library. And I listen to you
Speaker 5: when you aired my Bill of the week, which was
Speaker 5: very exciting, by the way, Thank you, and I thought
Speaker 5: to myself, huh, it's been a while. I wonder how
Speaker 5: much more money I've saved since then, Let's do some calculating.
Speaker 5: So it is currently June of twenty twenty four, and
Speaker 5: I do a Goodreads reading challenge every year, so I
Speaker 5: track how many books I read, which is great. As
Speaker 5: of right now, I am at thirty six books for
Speaker 5: the year, all of which have come from the library.
Speaker 5: I didn't buy any and I did the math once again,
Speaker 5: and in the first half of the year, I've saved
Speaker 5: seven hundred dollars. And if I keep up at this pace.
Speaker 5: Then in one year by using my library, I will
Speaker 5: save fourteen hundred dollars. And I know that sounds like
Speaker 5: a lot of books, but hear me out. I teach
Speaker 5: pre k through fifth grade music and they're crazy and
Speaker 5: they terrorize me. So when I get home, I have
Speaker 5: to do quiet things to recover. Don't get me wrong,
Speaker 5: I love my students so much. They are all amazing,
Speaker 5: but they're kids, so they're nuts. Anyways, that's all. Have
Speaker 5: a good day.
Speaker 1: Well, oh my gosh, Mary, I look forward to your
Speaker 1: Bills of the Week now. Like I know, this is
Speaker 1: just a second one, but I want you to keep
Speaker 1: college updates. I want you to be a regular Bill
Speaker 1: of the Week contributor, just like a website has regular contributors. Mary,
Speaker 1: I want you to hear this. I want you to
Speaker 1: be a regular contributor.
Speaker 4: We are charging you with a task. Now, okay, this
Speaker 4: is amazing.
Speaker 3: First of all, you sound so calm in the midst
Speaker 3: the job.
Speaker 1: You are the type of personality that can do your job.
Speaker 1: And I have a five year old and a very
Speaker 1: loud seventeen month old and they are nuts. They are,
Speaker 1: and I call them that. I was like y'all are nutty.
Speaker 1: You're a nut and I love you. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: get why you read, and I am I love the library.
Speaker 1: I recently, I know this isn't about me, but I
Speaker 1: recently bought a shirt, brand new, not used. It says
Speaker 1: support your local library.
Speaker 4: Yes, you did tell me about that. I've not seen it.
Speaker 1: I am a one issue voter. I've decided, and that's
Speaker 1: my one issue is support of local libraries. That's what
Speaker 1: I've decided. I'm thirty five years old and that's the
Speaker 1: platform that I sit.
Speaker 3: Libraries are great and this is an insane amount of
Speaker 3: money that you have saved.
Speaker 1: This Marry you, marry that the.
Speaker 3: Library has allowed you to read and enjoy some peace
Speaker 3: and quiet and maintain that sense of stability that you
Speaker 3: seem to exude despite the work you do day in
Speaker 3: and day out.
Speaker 1: And here's the thing, We're gonna say this over and
Speaker 1: over again. If you want the libry library to carry
Speaker 1: buy what you love without going broke. And you're listening
Speaker 1: to this right now, we rely on you to pre
Speaker 1: order the book because libraries don't just carry every book,
Speaker 1: and they don't just carry every book you request, right,
Speaker 1: so they have to show that there's going to be
Speaker 1: some demand for the book, even a minimal demand, and
Speaker 1: so the more pre orders we get, the more libraries
Speaker 1: will carry our book so that more people in the
Speaker 1: future who need it have access to it.
Speaker 4: It's a it's kind of a pay it forward thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it will require you to spend some money so
Speaker 3: that others can enjoy it.
Speaker 1: But at the library, if you think that the message
Speaker 1: of the library and the message of values based spending
Speaker 1: is important, I hope you'll invest in that message by
Speaker 1: pre ordering by what you Love without going broke at
Speaker 1: Buy what you loovebook dot com.
Speaker 3: If you all want to submit your bill of the week,
Speaker 3: if it's like and you're just saving tons of money, or.
Speaker 4: You've got a wild story about.
Speaker 3: Crazy kids, or your name is Bill Frugal friendspodcast dot
Speaker 3: com slash Bill. We can't wait for it, and now
Speaker 3: it's time for lighting.
Speaker 1: Okay, when was the last time you asked a friend
Speaker 1: for help?
Speaker 4: Jill, speaking of the book, this is.
Speaker 1: The vulnerability around the thing we are getting in it.
Speaker 4: Speaking of the book.
Speaker 3: Honestly, it's recently with the sale of our book, and
Speaker 3: it is very uncomfortable with the marketing. The marketing of it. Yeah,
Speaker 3: trying to get people to pre order this book. I
Speaker 3: have not posted on my personal Instagram for approximately two.
Speaker 4: Years, and before that it had been two years.
Speaker 3: Like if you go to my Instagram, it's when Eric
Speaker 3: and I came I'm on vacation down to Saint Petersburg
Speaker 3: in twenty twenty. Then there's a post about my nephew
Speaker 3: in like twenty twenty one.
Speaker 4: And then not saying until until now.
Speaker 3: And I felt as though, this is something I'm proud of,
Speaker 3: It's something I want to share. I know my friends
Speaker 3: would care about this. There is something that feels so
Speaker 3: I personally, this episode is kind of personally something I
Speaker 3: need to take take heed to. I do have trouble
Speaker 3: asking other people for help, not always that I'll buy
Speaker 3: my way out of my problems.
Speaker 4: Whenimes I'll just I'll fix or elbow grease my way
Speaker 4: out of my problem.
Speaker 1: I will just live in my heart, learn to live
Speaker 1: and sit in them, learn to deal.
Speaker 3: So this this took a lot of effort for me
Speaker 3: personal growth to actually post that we are this book
Speaker 3: is in pre sales. It would mean so much to
Speaker 3: us if people would buy it. Truly a lot of
Speaker 3: the future of rugal Friends does kinge on this. I
Speaker 3: don't mean to be doom and gloom about it. We
Speaker 3: will still podcast one hundred percent, but mine and Jen's
Speaker 3: ability to do this as as a vocation, as a
Speaker 3: career without needing to worry about hustling hard and having
Speaker 3: so many other different jobs on the side. We are
Speaker 3: really hoping this book does well, and beyond that, we
Speaker 3: hope it helps people. We really do believe in this message.
Speaker 3: It's why we've put so much work.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's why we've stopped so many of our other
Speaker 1: jobs and cut our incomes so drastically. It's because we
Speaker 1: believe so much in the content of this book.
Speaker 3: And I think it's that realization, like recognizing that if
Speaker 3: people really knew what this meant to me to actually
Speaker 3: pre order it, I think they would, but I have
Speaker 3: to tell them and I have to ask, and it
Speaker 3: it doesn't feel great, It is uncomfortable, but.
Speaker 4: I did do it.
Speaker 3: I asked people to buy and it has been so encouraging.
Speaker 3: The message, just even the text messages that I'm receiving
Speaker 3: from people they might not have known or they might
Speaker 3: not have discovered it right now to say.
Speaker 4: You did this thing.
Speaker 3: That's so exciting and I can't wait to read it,
Speaker 3: and I just pre ordered and I'm telling my friends
Speaker 3: about it, and you go, and I hope this does
Speaker 3: so well and what it has done for me in
Speaker 3: return as well, and hopefully how I think it will
Speaker 3: help those who do pre order and get to receive
Speaker 3: it in their hands in January. So it's uncomfortable, it
Speaker 3: feels vulnerable. People know now what I'm doing with my life.
Speaker 4: But it's good. Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you got to open up and be vulnerable.
Speaker 4: How about for you? Jen?
Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean the same, but I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: I'm not going to repeat it. I think for me,
Speaker 1: it's been a lot of like asking people I've met
Speaker 1: over the years, like if we can be on their
Speaker 1: podcasts or if they can connect us to people they know,
Speaker 1: and I just never and this is probably to my hindrance,
Speaker 1: because the people that are willing to ask for more
Speaker 1: help do succeed at a faster rate. But I have
Speaker 1: always prioritized relationships over what can I get from someone else,
Speaker 1: and realizing that I can have both relationships with people,
Speaker 1: but then separately maybe with other people or even with
Speaker 1: the same people, we can have agreed upon, like how
Speaker 1: can we help each other? And so that has been
Speaker 1: such a struggle for me to call, like to really
Speaker 1: like be in change my mindset and ask people for
Speaker 1: help in that. But for me, the most recent time
Speaker 1: I asked someone for help wasn't a friend. It was
Speaker 1: a stranger. Kindergarten has been rough a rough start, screaming, crying, yelling,
Speaker 1: shouting every morning, and so I made the mistake. I
Speaker 1: thought maybe he would want to walk in, Kai would
Speaker 1: want to walk in with his brother, like maybe that
Speaker 1: would help. It didn't, and so I had to carry Kai,
Speaker 1: five years old, and he's flailing in my arms, kicking, screaming,
Speaker 1: and the baby I is now walking and he wasn't.
Speaker 1: I did not plan to walk literally with the baby.
Speaker 1: He didn't have shoes on. So he's walking the grounds
Speaker 1: of this elementary school barefoot and like I can't even
Speaker 1: hold his hand because a he won't hold my hand,
Speaker 1: but be kicking wildly as the kindergartener in my arms.
Speaker 1: And so this stranger mom sees me struggling and she's like,
Speaker 1: do you want some help? Like can I watch the baby?
Speaker 1: And I was like yes, please, So I just take
Speaker 1: Kai into the guidance counselor, because that's who I have
Speaker 1: to drop him off with now because he's become a Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's gotten to that point. And dropped him off and
Speaker 1: the guy's counselor's like, do you want to walk him
Speaker 1: back to my office? And I was like, my baby
Speaker 1: is with a stranger right now, like outside, I gotta
Speaker 1: go get my baby. And she's like, gives me this
Speaker 1: worried look. But so I walk outside and this woman
Speaker 1: is just like standing with my baby. She hasn't touched him,
Speaker 1: and I told her. I was like, you can pick
Speaker 1: him up if you want, if you need to, Like
Speaker 1: he didn't have shoes off. It was a hot mess,
Speaker 1: and last time I ever brought the baby like with
Speaker 1: me to pick up for sure, But like this woman
Speaker 1: just taking time out of her mourning to stand with
Speaker 1: my baby, you know, my toddler really and just be
Speaker 1: the village.
Speaker 3: But that's the thing. Why can't we normalize that hot
Speaker 3: take on? Hot mess is hot mess just because we're
Speaker 3: trying to do it all ourselves and we think that
Speaker 3: it should look so polished and clean, but really we
Speaker 3: were meant to have more hands on deck, more help
Speaker 3: than this, and so it's just life. When you don't
Speaker 3: have community and people there to help you, it's just
Speaker 3: what life looks like. So normal life is just someone
Speaker 3: who's there able to keep an eye on your kid
Speaker 3: because you don't have fifteen arms and three sets of
Speaker 3: heads and.
Speaker 4: All of the things.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I really believe our children need another parent, like
Speaker 1: a third parent, they really do.
Speaker 3: Someone to make the money, someone to make the food,
Speaker 3: someone to watch the children.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we really need someone.
Speaker 4: I think it's more than that. I think at least communal.
Speaker 4: That's what's next.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's a different episode we need to talk about.
Speaker 3: Well, thanks for listening everyone, and thank you also for
Speaker 3: your kind reviews like this one who comes from Bueller
Speaker 3: thirty seven. It says super fun, five stars, great to
Speaker 3: listen to, fun and informative. That's it, short and sweet
Speaker 3: from Bueller thirty seven. And that's all we need so
Speaker 3: much reviews like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So if you enjoyed the show, please take a
Speaker 1: minute to leave a rating and review. It helps potential
Speaker 1: new listeners know what our show is all about.
Speaker 4: See you next time.
Speaker 1: Google Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni.
Speaker 4: I got bananas off my banana plant. I tell you
Speaker 4: about this already.
Speaker 1: Is that?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 4: All those bananas?
Speaker 3: All those bananas are from my own property. Well, the
Speaker 3: ground grew them that I was here for it. Yeah,
Speaker 3: watched out my window with my binoculars perspective.
Speaker 4: Yes, and they have finally ripened.
Speaker 3: I enjoyed my first banana from my property four years
Speaker 3: after moving here, and it.
Speaker 4: It tasted banana.
Speaker 3: It tasted exactly banana, which is all right, you can
Speaker 3: ask for because I was really expecting other events banana
Speaker 3: I was expecting I don't know, but not this tiny
Speaker 3: and slim, which is very fun. It feels miniature world.
Speaker 3: But they still taste exactly banana.
Speaker 5: Wow.
Speaker 4: Yeah, how exciting. It is so exciting.
Speaker 3: It's so wild though, because it really didn't take any
Speaker 3: work from me. It just it grew and then I
Speaker 3: sliced it off and it was exhilarating. But the amount
Speaker 3: of banana, it's a big banana bundle, and I think
Speaker 3: I got about six to seven kind of bundle size,
Speaker 3: like what you might get at the grocery store. Again,
Speaker 3: but the bananas are a bit smaller, and so it's
Speaker 3: wild to realize, like bananas are so inexpensive. This probably
Speaker 3: would have cost like three dollars at the grocery store.
Speaker 3: Like this amount of bananas, it would have been three dollars. Oh,
Speaker 3: but there is nothing like getting it off the land.
Speaker 1: But if a big banana disease comes, then all the
Speaker 1: bananas are gone and you'll still have a banana.
Speaker 3: True, unless the banana disease hits my bananas. You know,
Speaker 3: I'm not protected. Yeah, banana disease.
Speaker 1: But you're not near a banana farm, that's true. So
Speaker 1: and it usually we'll just stay around all the bananas there.
Speaker 4: Good. Yeah, I'll be able to keep up with my bananas.
Speaker 4: I never know whenever they produce one bundle every year.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but those bananas will taste so much sweeter.
Speaker 4: Yeah, But now they're all starting to ripen at the
Speaker 4: same time. It's like, how do I keep up with?
Speaker 3: This is not the amount of bananas I would ever
Speaker 3: buy from the grocery store.
Speaker 4: So banana bread what we all know. You can make
Speaker 4: some pan bread.
Speaker 1: M