Speaker 1: Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts,
Speaker 1: so oper erusing Jazzmine Sullivan's Internet. I happened to come
Speaker 1: across something that made me smile, and when I read it,
Speaker 1: I said out loud, yes, bitch, it garnered that kind
Speaker 1: of response when I read it. Let me share it
Speaker 1: with you. May your success offend the shit out of
Speaker 1: anyone who didn't want to see you win. I pray
Speaker 1: that for you, my friends, and kin, I pray that
Speaker 1: for me. And whatever you're drinking, Raise your glass. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna raise mine, and let's cheers to it. To our
Speaker 1: success offending the shit out of anyone who does not
Speaker 1: want to see us win.
Speaker 2: Cheers.
Speaker 1: I can't see the bad. Okay, what's up, y'all? Welcome
Speaker 1: to Hanmy My Purse, the podcast. I am Mimi Walker,
Speaker 1: and I will be your forever host, each and every
Speaker 1: single time you tune into this podcast, So friends, go
Speaker 1: ahead and get comfortable. Get yourself a glass of your
Speaker 1: favorite beverage, whether that is ice cold, sparkling water with
Speaker 1: the freshly squeezed juice of an orange, a root beer float,
Speaker 1: or a glass of peano and noir chilled. Because there's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with drinking your red wine chilled, contrary to
Speaker 1: popular belief. And I have spoken to a somalier about
Speaker 1: that and they said that you can absolutely drink red
Speaker 1: wine chilled. How does he know, he said, because in
Speaker 1: Italy when they store wine, it's stored underground in the
Speaker 1: oak barrels, and it's about fifty to sixty five degrees
Speaker 1: under there, which is chilled. So go for it. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying it has to be frozen, but I will
Speaker 1: say if you want to drink it frozen, do that.
Speaker 1: Because it's your wine, you paid for it. You can
Speaker 1: do what you want with it. And don't let excuse me,
Speaker 1: don't let any snooty boots tell you that you can't
Speaker 1: have your wine. Child. If that's how you want it,
Speaker 1: go ahead and light yourself as a candle some incense,
Speaker 1: or burn yourself some stage, and just get ready to
Speaker 1: chill out and have a good time. What's up, friends,
Speaker 1: and ken, It's me me, Resident Auntie Supreme. Here at
Speaker 1: hand me my purse, and today I am sipping on
Speaker 1: some hot medicinal tea. I am having a combo of
Speaker 1: tea here, and that is metabolism burning tea. I can't
Speaker 1: think of the brand, but it's the ones in those
Speaker 1: ten cylindrical jars or containers. They cost like twelve dollars
Speaker 1: a pop. But I have a medicinal I mean a
Speaker 1: metabolism burning tea which has some herbs in it. It's
Speaker 1: not a fat burner or it doesn't have any chemicals
Speaker 1: or anything like, well, not chemicals because this isn't a
Speaker 1: chemical It's not like a Garcinia cambojia kind of tea.
Speaker 1: It just has like cinnamon and you know, herbs. I'm
Speaker 1: having also with that Ashuagonda tea and a sugar detox
Speaker 1: tea that I got from the Asian Market or h Mart.
Speaker 1: I put all three tea bags in with about thirteen
Speaker 1: ounces of water, some lemon, and some honey. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have a long day to day, so I'm trying to
Speaker 1: slow roll into my day, starting it off intentionally with
Speaker 1: some hot tea and some intentions on medicinal benefits. Today's
Speaker 1: going to be a good day. I believe that. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: Ends and Ken. For today's jam, I chose a song
Speaker 1: that I love since the first time I heard it.
Speaker 1: It's a very funky song and I think I learned it.
Speaker 1: I'm not familiar, but I'm almost positive that I found
Speaker 1: out about this artist via Lenny Kravitz. I think the
Speaker 1: artist's name is Nico Costa, and the song is called
Speaker 1: Like a Feather and a little bit about Nico Costa.
Speaker 1: She was born. Got this from the wikipedes. She was
Speaker 1: born on June fourth in nineteen seventy two in Tokyo, Japan.
Speaker 1: Her parents are Italian Americans, and she was musically inspired
Speaker 1: from childhood. She was surrounded oftentimes by famous and talented
Speaker 1: artists as she traveled the with her father, who was
Speaker 1: a well known producer and musician named Don Costa, who
Speaker 1: worked on several hit albums by Frank Sinatra, including Sinatra
Speaker 1: and Strings in My Way. My Way being extremely well known,
Speaker 1: so she was already surrounded by musical excellence just by
Speaker 1: being born. And so I remember when I heard this song,
Speaker 1: I went to find even more of her music and
Speaker 1: fell in love with this song, of course, Like a
Speaker 1: Feather and her other big hit Everybody Got There Something.
Speaker 1: Oftentimes I wonder where she went, but I didn't do
Speaker 1: a lot of looking into it. Everybody Got There Something
Speaker 1: was the album's title track that came out the album
Speaker 1: I think came out in like the early two thousands.
Speaker 1: Let's go ahead and listen to the song. It's so funky.
Speaker 1: The first time I heard it, I'm not even gonna lie.
Speaker 1: I definitely thought she was a sister the first time
Speaker 1: I heard it. Absolutely, And then when you saw her,
Speaker 1: you're like, oh you Tinama read me. You definitely Teenuma
Speaker 1: read me. But she is, She's not Tina Marie. Let's
Speaker 1: be very clear. There is nobody on earth, nobody on
Speaker 1: earth that is gonna even no white woman will ever
Speaker 1: ever come close to being Auntie Tina. Never, Tina Marie
Speaker 1: is the queen. Just to be clear, Let's go ahead
Speaker 1: and listen to this song. Hella that.
Speaker 2: Ella.
Speaker 3: You'll agree, you.
Speaker 1: Agreed, Okay, So what did you think? What did you think?
Speaker 1: Because I love this song. It's so funky, like the
Speaker 1: way it starts out the music alone, let you know
Speaker 1: on the front end, this is about to be a
Speaker 1: funky kind of vibe. I love her voice. I love
Speaker 1: how she sings on the song. Her voice is super eccentric.
Speaker 1: Like I said, there's some connection to Lenny Kravitz. I mean,
Speaker 1: you know they were probably booking, like let's just be
Speaker 1: let's just be real. They were probably booking back then.
Speaker 1: And when I say booking, for you guys that are new,
Speaker 1: booking means doing grown up things when you're naked. Okay, booking,
Speaker 1: I don't want to say that word, not because I
Speaker 1: don't want to cuss. I just prefer to say booking.
Speaker 1: I like the way it sounds. They were probably booking
Speaker 1: because you know, Lenny Kravitz is that dude, And when
Speaker 1: you watch the video, you will feel like the Lenny
Speaker 1: Kravitz energy, you'll feel it. I can tell that he
Speaker 1: definitely influenced her. The album came out, like I said,
Speaker 1: in the early two thousands, actually came out in two
Speaker 1: thousand and I still listen to this song because it's
Speaker 1: a gem. Like I said, as usual, I'm gonna put
Speaker 1: the link in the show notes for you, So check
Speaker 1: out the song, check out her other songs, but definitely
Speaker 1: check out everybody Got There Something. So let's go ahead.
Speaker 1: You know what time it is, Let's go and get
Speaker 1: this poorty story. So today, friends and kin, we're going
Speaker 1: to talk about something that in general, I feel like
Speaker 1: human beings are just not really into doing. Like it's bad,
Speaker 1: like it's not really their jam. And I'm not sure
Speaker 1: why it has folks in such a stranglehold, but it
Speaker 1: seems to give people the heb gbs because they avoided
Speaker 1: like it's the plague. And I'm talking about self accountability.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah. It is one thing to hold other people accountable,
Speaker 1: you know, people never have a problem with that telling
Speaker 1: somebody else what they should do, what they shouldn't do,
Speaker 1: and that they need to own their behavior and their
Speaker 1: actions and their choices. But it's totally different when you're
Speaker 1: holding yourself accountable. That's some serious shit that requires a
Speaker 1: certain level of self awareness and maturity and babe.
Speaker 2: All enabled, what in the world is that?
Speaker 1: Self accountability means taking responsibility for your actions, your behaviors,
Speaker 1: your choices without blaming other people. It means that you're
Speaker 1: fulfilling your obligations, your tasks, your goals, and you know,
Speaker 1: just living in your truth without excuses. And when you
Speaker 1: are personally accountable, you take ownership of what happens as
Speaker 1: a result of your actions and your choices and fulfilling
Speaker 1: your obligations or assumed obligations. You don't blame other people,
Speaker 1: you don't create justifications, you don't defend or even feel
Speaker 1: the need to make a case for your choices and behaviors,
Speaker 1: and a day to this, you make sure to do
Speaker 1: whatever it is you can to atone for when things
Speaker 1: don't necessarily go the way you may have anticipated. Nothing
Speaker 1: is worse than when someone does not hold their weight
Speaker 1: or does not do something that they were supposed to do,
Speaker 1: and then they come at you directly with all of
Speaker 1: the excuses, all of the reasons, all of the blah
Speaker 1: blah blah about why they didn't do what they were
Speaker 1: supposed to do or why they didn't show up as
Speaker 1: they were expected to show up, or they'll try to
Speaker 1: downplay their role in the situation. No, my friend, nope,
Speaker 1: you did it. You were wrong, you didn't show up
Speaker 1: the way you said you would or the way you
Speaker 1: were supposed to, and it's okay. It is it is, though, Wait,
Speaker 1: hold up. Something is worse worse than that, for me
Speaker 1: is when people try to turn the conversation of the
Speaker 1: situation around and say something absolutely insane like well, you
Speaker 1: didn't do blah blah blah blah, or well you did
Speaker 1: it before. It was okay when you did it, All right, idiot,
Speaker 1: that's fine, I did it, And that's not me deflecting,
Speaker 1: you know, me not taking accountability. But the truth of
Speaker 1: the matter is that dumb, dumb, we're not talking about
Speaker 1: me or what I did right now. We're talking about you.
Speaker 1: Right now. It's your turn. If you felt a way
Speaker 1: about what I did when I did not show up
Speaker 1: or I didn't do something, you should have held me accountable,
Speaker 1: right or we could have had a conversation about that.
Speaker 1: But right now it is about you in this moment.
Speaker 1: That is something that I absolutely hate. I do not
Speaker 1: like it. Own your shit, Just own your stuff. That's it.
Speaker 1: It's not the end of the world to make a
Speaker 1: mistake or to not get life right all the time,
Speaker 1: like it's normal. We are human beings. But the true
Speaker 1: mark of maturity is being able to say, you know what,
Speaker 1: I didn't get it right this time. I didn't show
Speaker 1: up the way I was supposed to. I'm not owning
Speaker 1: my choices or you know, my behaviors. You're right, it's
Speaker 1: so hard to say that, and we just have to
Speaker 1: get to a place where we're able to say, I'm
Speaker 1: going to work on doing a better job at doing
Speaker 1: whatever it is the thing that we should be doing,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, and then of course actually doing the
Speaker 1: work to do the thing and to be better right
Speaker 1: makes sense home with me? Ya cool? So some of
Speaker 1: this kind of stuff I personally like, I attribute it
Speaker 1: to certain cultural norms in like our community. And when
Speaker 1: I say, ah, I'm speaking about the Black community. Now,
Speaker 1: I don't get me wrong. Some of this is going
Speaker 1: to overlap into other communities. I am positive, but for
Speaker 1: this instance, I'm kind of speaking about us. You know
Speaker 1: the rule here. You know how I feel about this,
Speaker 1: Like I may not, or I may be speaking about
Speaker 1: the black community community, or I may be talking about
Speaker 1: my lived and shared experiences. But everybody can get this
Speaker 1: work because every and anybody can be can relate to
Speaker 1: something that I say, because trust me, black people don't
Speaker 1: hold the rights to all lack of a self accountability,
Speaker 1: trust me, and living in America, I'm sure we know
Speaker 1: that we don't own that. So let's move forward, all right,
Speaker 1: Let's go ahead and get into it. So oftentimes there
Speaker 1: is a lot of pressure in our community to be perfect,
Speaker 1: or to be great, or to be excellent, or to
Speaker 1: do better than the generations before us, or to do
Speaker 1: any and everything to make your family proud, your community proud.
Speaker 1: And there's nothing wrong with those things. Like those things.
Speaker 1: You always want to be better or strive to be
Speaker 1: better than the generation before you. The generation before you
Speaker 1: want that for the generations that come after them. Nothing
Speaker 1: is wrong with that. But sometimes the push or the
Speaker 1: pressure to be perfect in a community setting or in
Speaker 1: a group setting.
Speaker 2: Is so.
Speaker 1: Heavy, The push is so strong that we don't realize
Speaker 1: that we have subconsciously stigmatized making mistakes or for excuse me,
Speaker 1: us to experience failure, when in fact, failure is essential
Speaker 1: for our growth. You know, it's a necessary part of
Speaker 1: our journey, and it's essential for the journey toward being
Speaker 1: your best self or being a better version of yourself,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, or being a better version
Speaker 1: of the generation then that came before you, right. Uh.
Speaker 1: It makes me wonder sometimes if the collective goals and
Speaker 1: dreams that our community has for us are rooted in
Speaker 1: us being better individually or for our culture, or for
Speaker 1: our community or for our people, which all of those
Speaker 1: things are fine, But the problem I think I have
Speaker 1: is that, or not the problem, but the things that
Speaker 1: the thing that makes me wonder or the wondering for
Speaker 1: me is that if the only focus is about being
Speaker 1: better for the community, that I think is where the
Speaker 1: pressure comes in and you get what I'm saying, Like
Speaker 1: I feel like maybe, yikes, let me just keep going
Speaker 1: because I think I think I can make it make sense,
Speaker 1: Like is the focus that we be better people and
Speaker 1: be better as a human being of this world and
Speaker 1: in this world to add to the collective greatness or
Speaker 1: we don't really care. Just make sure you add to
Speaker 1: the collective greatness, even if you aren't being the best
Speaker 1: version of yourself that you aspire to be. Just make
Speaker 1: sure you're adding to the collective greatness. If that makes sense.
Speaker 1: And for me, that shit is kind of heavy. It's
Speaker 1: a lot of burden to carry. It's a lot of pressure.
Speaker 1: It can cause a lot of anxiety. It can cause
Speaker 1: a lot of stress. It can cause people to not
Speaker 1: do what they want to do and to do what
Speaker 1: they don't want to do, which is a form in
Speaker 1: my mind of internal warfare. And I think that doing
Speaker 1: this or pushing this kind of agenda, and be very
Speaker 1: clear not in any way saying any way, shape or form,
Speaker 1: saying that you should not be adding to the collective
Speaker 1: greatness of your people, or of the group, or of
Speaker 1: the organization, or of the whatever, of the family, of
Speaker 1: the whatever. That's not what I'm saying. And if that's
Speaker 1: what you're hearing, stop, get up, go breathe some fresh air,
Speaker 1: and then come back, because that's not what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is that, in my mind, the emphasis
Speaker 1: should be on the person or the people in the
Speaker 1: collective being their best, being the best version of them,
Speaker 1: so that in doing that they can add to the
Speaker 1: collective greatness. Because isn't that what we should want for people,
Speaker 1: For people to be them their best selves versus being
Speaker 1: somebody else or being what we think they should be.
Speaker 1: You know, I just think that doing this puts an
Speaker 1: emphasis on shame, and shame is heavy and it seems
Speaker 1: like I may be speaking another language to some people.
Speaker 1: But follow me, if in your culture, community, family, circle, whatever,
Speaker 1: the focus is solely on being great to add to
Speaker 1: the community, like I said, instead of being great so
Speaker 1: that you will end up being the best version of yourself,
Speaker 1: which adds to the community because you're happy and living
Speaker 1: a life that you find joy in and living in
Speaker 1: your truth and focused on your greatness and not from
Speaker 1: a sense of I want to focus on me being
Speaker 1: great because I don't care about Excuse me, because I
Speaker 1: don't care about the collective, but focused on me being great,
Speaker 1: because when I am great, my collective is great. When
Speaker 1: I am my best self, I can show up for
Speaker 1: my collective, or I mean, I can show up for
Speaker 1: the collective or the community, or the organization or the
Speaker 1: whatever in a better way because I am living in
Speaker 1: my truth and in the best way that I see
Speaker 1: fit for me and for the collective. And if we
Speaker 1: don't do that, there will be shame, and there will
Speaker 1: be shame of not living up to the norms of
Speaker 1: the community or circle or whatever that have been set
Speaker 1: which you oftentimes had no part in helping to create.
Speaker 1: You had no leg or no voice in helping to
Speaker 1: create those cultural or community norms. They're shame of not
Speaker 1: being good enough, their shame of public disgrace. And where
Speaker 1: there is shame, there is oftentimes guilt. Okay, please, And
Speaker 1: I've said it before, guilt trauma is a bitch. It's
Speaker 1: a lot, and it will have you bound, and it
Speaker 1: will have you trapped in a space where you don't
Speaker 1: feel like you will ever be able to live up
Speaker 1: to the expectations that are placed on you. And so
Speaker 1: rather than constantly striving for perfection, the focus should be
Speaker 1: on person growth and becoming the best version of yourself
Speaker 1: with a growth mindset, and with a growth mindset that
Speaker 1: when I am my best, I am then able to
Speaker 1: add to the collective or the community, or the family,
Speaker 1: or the organization or whatever it is, the circle, the village,
Speaker 1: whatever you want to color it, I'm able to add
Speaker 1: to it at my greatness to it, making it greater.
Speaker 1: I believe that staying true to our fundamental values and
Speaker 1: the core of who we truly are will always allow
Speaker 1: us to become a much more valuable asset and contributor
Speaker 1: to our communities. And when I say communities going forward,
Speaker 1: I'm talking about communities being the Black community, the community
Speaker 1: you live in, your culture, your family, your friends, circle,
Speaker 1: your relationships, like, whatever communities you belong to, I'm talking
Speaker 1: about that. So that goes back to me saying like,
Speaker 1: even if you are not black, like, you can still
Speaker 1: take something from this because we all belong to a
Speaker 1: community of some sort right, and so that will also
Speaker 1: help to add to, like I said, the collective growth
Speaker 1: of the community. And as a result, that embedded sense
Speaker 1: of shame will subconsciously have us avoiding accountability due to
Speaker 1: the fear of public disgrace when we focus on trying
Speaker 1: to be who somebody else wants us to be, or
Speaker 1: who will other people dream for us to become and
Speaker 1: to be. Not showing up that way will create, like
Speaker 1: I said, anxiety and a sense of shame and embarrassment
Speaker 1: for not showing up or not being able to live
Speaker 1: up to those expectations. And some of it may be
Speaker 1: in our heads, right, Like some people might listen to
Speaker 1: this and be like girl, please, Like girl, you all
Speaker 1: in your head, you creating all this stuff. You're making excuses.
Speaker 1: But I'm not. Though I'm not. This is real, you know,
Speaker 1: this is a situation, right, and so let's talk, like
Speaker 1: I want to get to the root of what may
Speaker 1: cause some people to not take accountability for their behavior.
Speaker 1: And sometimes, you know, you may say that it in
Speaker 1: my head, but sometimes it's it's embedded in our bones
Speaker 1: and we don't even realize it because it carries on
Speaker 1: from generation to generation generation generation in the communities, right
Speaker 1: in our culture, in our families, in our organizations, whether
Speaker 1: they be social organizations, or it's sometimes at work, like
Speaker 1: whatever your friend groups, whatever it is, you know, it
Speaker 1: can just go down the line and we end up
Speaker 1: living a life where we avoid personal accountability and try
Speaker 1: to stay away from being reflective and owning our own shit.
Speaker 1: And this is not to blame the community, you know.
Speaker 1: I'm not blaming your family, or blame in the black community,
Speaker 1: or blame in the culture or the collective. But it
Speaker 1: is definitely insight into why some folks just flat out
Speaker 1: refuse to own their shit or own their roles and
Speaker 1: responsibilities in situations and circumstances. Do not get me wrong,
Speaker 1: some people are adamant and will die on a hill
Speaker 1: refusing to be held accountable by anyone, and particularly holding
Speaker 1: themselves accountable. Some people just will not do it. It's
Speaker 1: just not of them. They are not of that ilk.
Speaker 1: They will not do it at all. They won't And
Speaker 1: I know lots of people like that. All I'm trying
Speaker 1: to do is just provide a different perspective, a different
Speaker 1: lens to kind of look at this through. And I
Speaker 1: think if you could imagine that if we didn't stigmatize
Speaker 1: or put such a heavy weight on failure in our community,
Speaker 1: people would be more apt to take risks and not
Speaker 1: obsess about the what ifs, you know, like what if
Speaker 1: it doesn't work, and what if I fall, or what
Speaker 1: if I fail? Or what if my wings melt? Or
Speaker 1: what if? You know, what if like people would be like,
Speaker 1: all right, I'm gonna do it, right. I know you've
Speaker 1: seen this thing on the internet that says, but what
Speaker 1: if you fly or something like that. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but what if it works out? We should encourage that
Speaker 1: instead of focusing on you might fail or it might
Speaker 1: not work or you know what I mean. I know
Speaker 1: y'all get what I'm saying. If you understand what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: say amen with me, one, two three, Amen.
Speaker 2: Jesus, Jesus Jesus.
Speaker 1: And if we focus more on that or looking at
Speaker 1: it from that perspective, I think that it would be
Speaker 1: more helpful. And not only would it be more helpful,
Speaker 1: but we would garner better results. You know, we would
Speaker 1: have more people that are willing to own their behaviors.
Speaker 1: What if we encourage people in that way, like not
Speaker 1: always bogging people down with oh lord, what if it
Speaker 1: happens this way? Or what if this happens or what
Speaker 1: if this happens? Or what if you don't do well?
Speaker 1: Like all right, what if you fail? All right? So
Speaker 1: what if you do fail? Then what then? What then
Speaker 1: you just fail and then you just get up. You know,
Speaker 1: we are people with enough resilience and perseverance and just
Speaker 1: straight up strength in our blood, in our blood, in
Speaker 1: our DNA that if we fail, or when we fail,
Speaker 1: if we just get back up and keep it moving,
Speaker 1: dust yourself off and try again, in the words of
Speaker 1: Aliyah shut Out to Aliyah Rest in Paradis, if we
Speaker 1: just get up and keep it moving, you know, and
Speaker 1: just keep trying until we get it right, like we're
Speaker 1: gonna be good. There is a song that I love
Speaker 1: by Jada Kiss and Styles P called We Gonna Make It.
Speaker 1: Listen if you know the song, I'm putting a link
Speaker 1: in the show notes. It is like my theme music.
Speaker 1: Sometimes shit don't work out the way we want it
Speaker 1: to work out, but we we gonna make it. And
Speaker 1: I mean he says with this one line and it
Speaker 1: says determine people make it. It doesn't say people. But
Speaker 1: if you listen to the song, you'll know what I'm
Speaker 1: talking about. I'm gonna put it in the show notes
Speaker 1: for sure. But you just gotta be determined that you
Speaker 1: gonna it's gonna be okay, and then you make it.
Speaker 1: Just gotta get up, you just gotta keep going. And
Speaker 1: I think that if people trusted that, people would get
Speaker 1: up and keep going, or there wasn't so much shame
Speaker 1: associated with falling down or not getting it right, more
Speaker 1: people would just get up and keep trying and be like, damn,
Speaker 1: I didn't get it right that tom, But you know what,
Speaker 1: let me just do it this way, because we wouldn't
Speaker 1: stay down because we down, because it's like, oh shit,
Speaker 1: do you think they noticed im down here? Yeah, everybody
Speaker 1: knows you're down. Get up, Like, do you guys see that?
Speaker 1: Do you see the connection to the pressure of always
Speaker 1: getting it right and always being perfect to detern people
Speaker 1: from even taking accountability for when the shit goes left?
Speaker 1: The connection is there and it's loud. So I just
Speaker 1: feel like we need to start encouraging people and reassuring
Speaker 1: them that failure can be used as a stepping zone
Speaker 1: for the success that we all see because we all
Speaker 1: want to be successful, whatever that looks like for you,
Speaker 1: whatever success is for you. You know, we all want
Speaker 1: to be we all want to be successful, we all
Speaker 1: want to get there. But it's okay if on the
Speaker 1: road to getting there, you fuck up, because everybody fucks
Speaker 1: up because we're all human. And then if we did
Speaker 1: that and encourage that or looked at it through that
Speaker 1: lens or from that perspective, maybe then people will begin
Speaker 1: to see self accountability as a positive way to approach
Speaker 1: how they navigate life. We just be out here setting
Speaker 1: the standard, leading the way people would see it. We
Speaker 1: would be a beacon of light for people stuff. And
Speaker 1: so I just feel like, like, when I think about it,
Speaker 1: taking responsibility for our actions can be difficult, but it
Speaker 1: requires courage. And like I said, I want to say
Speaker 1: this again. Me saying these things is not me pointing
Speaker 1: a fanning finger or you know, blaming families, communities, black culture,
Speaker 1: or you know. It's not And if you took it
Speaker 1: that way, hit dogs alive. That's not what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is Okay, maybe that is at the
Speaker 1: root of it, or maybe that is because realistically, if
Speaker 1: you want to be truthful, we as a people didn't
Speaker 1: really get that way just out of the clear blue sky.
Speaker 1: It is the result of something more than likely the
Speaker 1: result of oppression that desire to be perfect, to be
Speaker 1: the best, and there is an insecurity associated with that
Speaker 1: oppression naturally that makes all of the sense in the world.
Speaker 1: To me, I'm just saying that let's just call it
Speaker 1: what it is, let's see it for what it is,
Speaker 1: and let's just try a different approach, because that's how
Speaker 1: you make the generations better, that's how you know. And
Speaker 1: I'm not saying water it down for them. I'm not
Speaker 1: saying to not hold them accountable, because we have to
Speaker 1: hold them accountable because if not, you end up with entitled,
Speaker 1: lazy children or people who you know are just floating
Speaker 1: around not wanting to do anything. But there's a balance,
Speaker 1: there's a gentle, a gentle excuse me, balance that we
Speaker 1: have to find in educating them and preparing them. And
Speaker 1: I think the educating part I'm not even talking from
Speaker 1: a book. I'm just saying in life, letting them know
Speaker 1: it's cool. If you mess up, you just got to
Speaker 1: bounce back. What does your balance back game look like?
Speaker 1: What is your Does that make sense? Like? Does the
Speaker 1: buying of a spring like? What's your spring look like?
Speaker 1: What's your boy on your never mind? Anyway, it takes
Speaker 1: courage to take responsibility for for who we are, what
Speaker 1: we are, and how we show up and even when
Speaker 1: things don't go as planned, owning up to our mistakes
Speaker 1: can help us to earn the trust and respect of
Speaker 1: those around us. Basically, without telling other people how to
Speaker 1: live or being judgy or condescending, we can be an
Speaker 1: example by showing them how to be better, just by
Speaker 1: being a better version of ourselves. And that is for
Speaker 1: everybody around us, everybody in the collective, everybody in the family,
Speaker 1: everybody in black culture, everybody at your job, everybody in
Speaker 1: your skating club, everybody in your sorority or fraternity, everybody
Speaker 1: at your church, everybody in your whatever, whatever your collective is,
Speaker 1: everybody in it. When we are our best selves, we
Speaker 1: kind of show other people how to figure out how
Speaker 1: to be their best selves. And so next week I
Speaker 1: want you all to stay tuned because next week is
Speaker 1: going to be the second part of this conversation where
Speaker 1: I'm going to get more into what that looks like,
Speaker 1: like how do we really sit in because this week
Speaker 1: I kind of spoke about like the route or the
Speaker 1: the the nucleus of some folks in their lack of
Speaker 1: self accountability and what could be the issue for some people,
Speaker 1: not all people, Like I said, some people just ain't
Speaker 1: gonna take accountability for what they do. That's just who
Speaker 1: they are. But for some people like it is rooted
Speaker 1: in something else. It could be rooted in shame and guilt.
Speaker 1: And we got to look at why people would feel
Speaker 1: shame or guilt for fucking up, and we got to
Speaker 1: take responsibility. We got to take some self accountability for
Speaker 1: why we would make people feel that way. And so
Speaker 1: I want you to say to you because next week
Speaker 1: we're going to get more into like how we shift
Speaker 1: that and the how to shift to shift? What is
Speaker 1: a shift? The how we can shift excuse me, our
Speaker 1: mindset to one of growth and focus on being more
Speaker 1: accountable for our actions. So I'm excited for that conversation.
Speaker 1: I love y'all. I want y'all to know that, and
Speaker 1: I will see y'all to finish this conversation next week.
Speaker 1: But stay tuned because it's time for straight facts of course.
Speaker 1: So friends in Camp for today's straight facts question. This
Speaker 1: question is coming from Pittsburgh. It says, what's up to me?
Speaker 1: I need some straight facts in my life? I love it.
Speaker 1: My name is and I've been in a committed relationship.
Speaker 1: What is a relationship? Is it a relationship for millennials?
Speaker 1: If so, I coined it and make sure that if
Speaker 1: anybody else says it, that I get my credit. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I've been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend for
Speaker 1: three years. Okay, I support my girl and everything she does.
Speaker 1: She recently started school and needed a laptop for her classes.
Speaker 1: So what do I do. I let her borrow my laptop. Well,
Speaker 1: one day, she must have forgotten to close out her
Speaker 1: browsing window, and man, was I shocked by what I saw.
Speaker 1: She has been watching heterosexual pornography and it has not
Speaker 1: been a one time thing. After looking through my browsing history, yes,
Speaker 1: Detective Chanel, I'm just joking, but I mean, like naturally,
Speaker 1: I think the natural thing to the natural thing to
Speaker 1: do would be to look through the browsing history. And
Speaker 1: it's her computer. I do not support looking through people's
Speaker 1: phones and other people's personal items because I just think
Speaker 1: that's weird. But this is her computer and it's her
Speaker 1: browsing history. Anyway, after looking through my browsing history, I
Speaker 1: noticed that she has been watching heterosexual pornography almost once
Speaker 1: a day. My girlfriend claims to not be attracted to men.
Speaker 1: She always acts so disgusted when we talk about anything
Speaker 1: related to heterosexual relationships and sex. So I am confused
Speaker 1: as to why she would be watching Heterosexual Born. Do
Speaker 1: you think I should mention it to her or leave
Speaker 1: it alone? Chanelle from Pittsburgh Ooh, Chanell, this is spicy.
Speaker 1: That's a girl. Yes, it is a Tornida. So first
Speaker 1: and foremost, I think everybody knows what I'm going to say,
Speaker 1: because you know, most of my answers are rooted in this.
Speaker 1: But you know, Chanelle, I believe that all things happen
Speaker 1: for a reason, and God doesn't make mistakes, right, So
Speaker 1: there's a reason that this has come to the light.
Speaker 1: And I think that this is a perfect opportunity for
Speaker 1: you and your girlfriend to have a healthy, mature, open
Speaker 1: conversation about your relationship and not where your relationship stands,
Speaker 1: because you know, I don't think that personally, I don't
Speaker 1: think she did anything wrong, but I think that for you,
Speaker 1: like you said, you're confused, like I'm confused, because every
Speaker 1: time we talk about anything that has to do with
Speaker 1: heterosexual relationships and sex, you act like you're super disgusted
Speaker 1: and it's gross to you. And then the next thing,
Speaker 1: I know, you're watching Heterosexual Born. Make it make sense?
Speaker 1: This I don't get it, you know, So I'm not
Speaker 1: the type of person to support people yuck and anybody's yum.
Speaker 1: But I was like, she yucks other people's yum. Also,
Speaker 1: it's in private conversation with her girlfriend, which makes sense,
Speaker 1: but that would leave me confused too. I would be
Speaker 1: very confused. I'd be very confused if I was dating
Speaker 1: a guy and you know, he was like, Oh, I
Speaker 1: don't like people who wear you know, they call those
Speaker 1: people ferbies, or I think they call them ferverts. I
Speaker 1: don't know, but like people who wear like costumes and
Speaker 1: then they engage in sexual activity with the like fuzzy
Speaker 1: character costumes on. If he was like, Oh, that's weird.
Speaker 1: They crazy, that's weird old stuff. But then I found
Speaker 1: out he was watching fervert porn, I would be like, dude,
Speaker 1: what are you? You live in a lie? I mean,
Speaker 1: and it sounds like that's how you are feeling like
Speaker 1: you've been living a lie? You who are you? Because
Speaker 1: what you are telling me and your behavior is not
Speaker 1: adding up. That's where the conversation needs to come in.
Speaker 1: She doesn't really owe you any explanation about anything, because
Speaker 1: people can do whatever they want to do. But if
Speaker 1: you're in a healthy relationship, you know, what I mean.
Speaker 1: I think it's it's smart to have that kind of
Speaker 1: conversation because it would raise lots of red flags for me.
Speaker 1: So I do think you should mention it. I would
Speaker 1: not leave it alone because if you left it alone,
Speaker 1: it's going to drive you absolutely insane. Have a conversation
Speaker 1: about it. Just say you know, listen, I want to
Speaker 1: have a very mature conversation with you. I want you
Speaker 1: to know that I'm not upset with you. I'm just
Speaker 1: a little bit confused. She may be very offended or
Speaker 1: very defensive, and in line with this episode, she may
Speaker 1: not want to take personal accountability for her actions. But
Speaker 1: you know, there's no way to get around this other
Speaker 1: than trying to use deflection, which is what people do,
Speaker 1: or shutting down. But I think if you reassure her
Speaker 1: that you are not judging her, you are not upset
Speaker 1: with her. You just want to have a healthy conversation
Speaker 1: about this with her. I think she should be okay,
Speaker 1: because maybe she does like it, maybe she is not
Speaker 1: being honest about something I don't know, or maybe she
Speaker 1: was just interested one day and you know, her interest
Speaker 1: was s pequing and she was like, let me check
Speaker 1: it out, and she started liking it, and that's okay,
Speaker 1: but you ain't got a front like you absolutely hated
Speaker 1: every time we talk and then you watching it when
Speaker 1: nobody's looking. I would say something. It ain't no way
Speaker 1: that I couldn't say something because I would act weird.
Speaker 1: Then I would be weird because it's going to be
Speaker 1: all on my chest because I would want to get
Speaker 1: it off. So I recommend having a conversation with her
Speaker 1: about it. And if you feel uncomfortable having a conversation
Speaker 1: with her about it, it may be time to here
Speaker 1: we go. You know what I'm gonna say, go to
Speaker 1: couple's therapy. Talk to a therapist because you may need
Speaker 1: somewhere there to mediate the conversation. And not that it
Speaker 1: would turn into anything violent, but like, if you feel
Speaker 1: like it would be a hard or difficult conversation to have,
Speaker 1: have somebody else there, not a friend, because it ain't
Speaker 1: their business. This is where people get the game fucked up.
Speaker 1: Don't bring people who are a part of your lives
Speaker 1: into your relationship. It ain't they business. It's not their business.
Speaker 1: So getting a therapist, a very non biased, neutral objective
Speaker 1: party to help you navigate that conversation. Because also there
Speaker 1: could issues could come up about trust because maybe now
Speaker 1: you feel a way about trusting her, you may need
Speaker 1: a little more help than just we just gonna talk
Speaker 1: about it, you know what I mean. So I would
Speaker 1: look into that, and good luck girl, because that sounds
Speaker 1: that's spicy. That's spicy. But I definitely think that you
Speaker 1: should not play around and you should definitely talk to
Speaker 1: her about it. So good luck, Chanelle. Way for today's
Speaker 1: We Got to Do Better segment. This is coming from
Speaker 1: one of our aunties that is living her best life
Speaker 1: in another country. Political asylum. Shout out to Asada Shakur.
Speaker 1: I didn't mean to hit that button. I meant to
Speaker 1: hit this one. So I remember reading Asada when I
Speaker 1: was young. I don't even know if I was twenty yet,
Speaker 1: I don't know how old I was, but I was
Speaker 1: young and just thinking like this lady is a bad motherfuck.
Speaker 1: If you have not read Asada, which is the autobiography
Speaker 1: of Asada Shakur, I implore you to read it immediately. I'm
Speaker 1: going to put a link for it in the show notes.
Speaker 1: Click on it, find it, read it. It's so good.
Speaker 1: But anyway, Auntie Asada says nobody in the world. Nobody
Speaker 1: in history has ever gotten their freedom by appealing to
Speaker 1: the moral sense of the people who were oppressing them.
Speaker 1: M m m honeychild, information, and let me tell you something.
Speaker 1: This you know clearly, you know she's speaking about certain people,
Speaker 1: But this applies across the board. This can be applied
Speaker 1: to your life at work, your life and your relationships,
Speaker 1: your life and your family, your life, in your in
Speaker 1: your collective. We talked about collectives and communities. And listen,
Speaker 1: nobody in the world, nobody in history, has ever gotten
Speaker 1: their freedom by appealing to the moral sense of the
Speaker 1: people who were oppressing them. That's a word. Sit in it,
Speaker 1: Sit in it. Let it get into your bones, because
Speaker 1: that's a word. Friends, Again, the first thing I want
Speaker 1: to do is say thank you to God. Let's start
Speaker 1: out with the supreme. God is supreme in my life.
Speaker 1: And of course I recognize and appreciate the grace that
Speaker 1: God extends me every single day of my black ass life.
Speaker 1: Next to me, Yes, I do. It's one of those days.
Speaker 3: I want to thank me for believing in me. I
Speaker 3: want to thank me for doing all this hard work.
Speaker 3: I want to thank me for having no days off.
Speaker 3: I want to thank me for never quitting.
Speaker 1: I really want to thank me for never quitting. I do.
Speaker 1: I want to thank me for all this hard work.
Speaker 1: Today is one of those days. This is one of
Speaker 1: those episodes where I just want to thank me, but
Speaker 1: I also want to thank y'all. I want to thank you, you, you, you,
Speaker 1: and you two. I want to say thank you to
Speaker 1: each and every one of you that have been rocking
Speaker 1: with me since March the first of twenty twenty. I
Speaker 1: appreciate you for being here with me. And I want
Speaker 1: to say thank you to those of you who may
Speaker 1: have just started listening today or this year, or in
Speaker 1: June of twenty twenty three. I thank you for that
Speaker 1: as well. I'm grateful either way you cut it up,
Speaker 1: I'm grateful. I'm thankful for my family, my friends, my
Speaker 1: friends and Ken, all of my supporters, and of course,
Speaker 1: of course, and of course most importantly, every single one
Speaker 1: of y'all out there that's listened. I love y'all so much,
Speaker 1: and it is nothing short of an honor and a
Speaker 1: privilege to share my time and my energy with you,
Speaker 1: especially if you keep coming back to spend time with me.
Speaker 1: I look forward to the next time that we get
Speaker 1: to do this with one another. Now, before you exit
Speaker 1: out of what I a streaming service you're using to
Speaker 1: listen to this, stop what you're doing, and if you
Speaker 1: haven't already done so, look for the subscribe or follow button.
Speaker 1: Click on it. Subscribe to my podcast, follow my podcast. Okay.
Speaker 1: If it's an option on the streaming service where you're listening,
Speaker 1: do it. Okay, it don't cost no money, it's free. Next,
Speaker 1: I want you to go over to Instagram and follow
Speaker 1: me at hand Me my Purse Underscore podcast. Then you
Speaker 1: can look on my Instagram profile. You'll see my name.
Speaker 1: You'll see it at with my name underneath my name
Speaker 1: on Instagram. Click on that. It's going to take you
Speaker 1: to threads. Follow me on Threads on Facebook. Follow me
Speaker 1: like it like the hand Name My Purse, and all
Speaker 1: you got to do is search hand Me my Purse
Speaker 1: podcast if you listen on. If you listen, you know
Speaker 1: what it's time. It's time for me to get off
Speaker 1: of here. If you are listening on a streaming service
Speaker 1: or a medium that allows you to do so, so,
Speaker 1: please take two little funky ass minutes out of your day, okay,
Speaker 1: and rate and review the show or give it a
Speaker 1: thumbs up if you can. It takes two minutes, very
Speaker 1: very very short amount of time. He does not take long.
Speaker 1: That was my effort at doing a French accent. That
Speaker 1: was not that great. All other stuff. Friends, again, be
Speaker 1: sure to share me my purse with your friends, your
Speaker 1: loved ones, and even your enemies, because realistically the best
Speaker 1: way for people to find out about this show is
Speaker 1: by y'all telling him about it. So tell a friend
Speaker 1: to tell a friend to tell a friend. Please submit
Speaker 1: your questions for the straight fact segment by clicking on
Speaker 1: the link in the show notes that says like I
Speaker 1: made it real simple for you. There's a link in
Speaker 1: the show notes that actually just allows you to just
Speaker 1: go straight to submitting a question for straight facts. So
Speaker 1: look for the link, or you can click the link
Speaker 1: in my Instagram profile and look for the button and
Speaker 1: the little link tree thing that directs you to submit
Speaker 1: a question. And who knows, your question may be featured
Speaker 1: on an upcoming show. Chanelle's was today, It could be
Speaker 1: you next time. Also remember that show notes are always
Speaker 1: available in the episode description. Wherever you are listening to
Speaker 1: the show, be sure to take a look at the
Speaker 1: show notes because that is where I put all of
Speaker 1: the links and other information that I mentioned during the
Speaker 1: show that you may want to check out, in addition
Speaker 1: to some stuff that I just want to share with you. Also,
Speaker 1: just so you know, the music for Handing My Purse
Speaker 1: is provided by none other than West Baltimore's own Gloomy Tunes.
Speaker 1: And last, but not least, I want to give a
Speaker 1: big old shout out to my production team, Evan and Taylor.
Speaker 1: Together we make up Rando Banjo in the Dirty Throats,
Speaker 1: and I just want to let you know that I
Speaker 1: look forward to you looking forward to listening to hand
Speaker 1: Me My Purse the podcasts each and every Tuesday, and
Speaker 1: I'm out this bitch peace. Hand Me My Purse is
Speaker 1: a production of iHeart Podcasts. For more shows from iHeart Podcasts,
Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
Speaker 1: to your favorite shows.