Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast. Okay,
Speaker 1: welcome to wind Down. Um, how is everyone's fourth of July?
Speaker 1: I go, I just wait to be called on. That's
Speaker 1: all I do. I it was good. It was good. Um.
Speaker 1: You know, we they do this really cute fireworks show
Speaker 1: in in my village, Minroevia, California. And we realized we've
Speaker 1: lived here for three years. We realized we could watch
Speaker 1: it from our backyard this year. So every other year
Speaker 1: we go downtown and like steak out a good spot everything,
Speaker 1: and then this year we're like, oh, we can just
Speaker 1: see this from the back porch. So that is what
Speaker 1: we did. Um. It was really nice and uh and
Speaker 1: we barbecued, just my wife and I and uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I had a good time. Oh I love that, Riley.
Speaker 1: What about you? Ben? Yeah, just hung out with some friends.
Speaker 1: We went on to the beach for a little bit
Speaker 1: before I got crazy. Um, it's always crazy at the
Speaker 1: beach around here, so we want to get there early. Um.
Speaker 1: And then fireworks were popping. This year, I felt like
Speaker 1: everybody had a need for fireworks and so it was
Speaker 1: just it was crazy. But I think it was nice
Speaker 1: to just sit with friends like you know, we haven't
Speaker 1: seen in a while, and watch the fireworks in the summer.
Speaker 1: So it was perfect. Yeah, I feel like it's one
Speaker 1: of those things where it's like we're free, Like its
Speaker 1: like everyone's just like throwing like because even on because
Speaker 1: I went up north to Michigan and um, which I
Speaker 1: honestly didn't know how I was going to feel because
Speaker 1: the last two fourth of July as we r vied
Speaker 1: and it was like this big like family vacation and um,
Speaker 1: and so I at first I was like, oh, man,
Speaker 1: like in the up North Michigan is like my happy place.
Speaker 1: It's my like whenever I have anxiety, it's it's like
Speaker 1: the one thing where my therapist like when we always
Speaker 1: talking about like when I was trying to like work
Speaker 1: on anxiety there like pick a place that like it
Speaker 1: just brings you so much serenity and so much peace.
Speaker 1: And so I was like, well, up North Michigan like
Speaker 1: no matter what, like just sitting on at like like
Speaker 1: there's something like I'm I'm a percent me. I'm like
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be anything. I'm not like I'm
Speaker 1: just like so carefree up there and just at peace
Speaker 1: and so that's always like my happy place, and I'm like, shoot,
Speaker 1: like I hope I don't go up there and it's
Speaker 1: ruined or it's like tampered because of like the memories
Speaker 1: that I had with you know, my acts and the kids.
Speaker 1: And it was like probably the best trip I've ever
Speaker 1: had now, Yeah it was. It was a little challenging,
Speaker 1: you know, because you know, um first like single mom
Speaker 1: vacation and flying with them and um, but it was
Speaker 1: so you know sweet too because my my cousin Jessica
Speaker 1: texted me was like you know, her and her Eric,
Speaker 1: my cousin were talking and they were like, it was
Speaker 1: so cool to see you just like kill the single
Speaker 1: momb game up north, and and I was kind of like, yeah,
Speaker 1: like I did. Like I was like, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: sure there was moments where I'm like I could really
Speaker 1: use an extra set of hands here, but like which
Speaker 1: I just made it work, and it was just like,
Speaker 1: oh wow, this is like I can do it. Like
Speaker 1: I did it, and it was and we all survived
Speaker 1: and we had a really fun time and there was
Speaker 1: no stress to no like fight. It was just like
Speaker 1: it was so relaxing, which I'd never thought I would
Speaker 1: say I thought it was just going to be like,
Speaker 1: you know, sad, and but and then the fireworks show.
Speaker 1: I mean Jay slept like last the year before that,
Speaker 1: like he like he hated the fireworks. So it's like
Speaker 1: I was able to watch the fireworks and just like
Speaker 1: truly enjoy myself. And it was one of those moments
Speaker 1: where I was like, fireworks, I don't know why, why
Speaker 1: would they always make me cry? Like I'm just like
Speaker 1: just there's something about like I'm like, oh, like something
Speaker 1: so free about fireworks, And so I was like crying
Speaker 1: and then I was, but it wasn't crying from like
Speaker 1: a sad place. It was like it was like a
Speaker 1: I'm I'm content and I'm happy and it it felt
Speaker 1: really nice. So that was my fourth but but yeah,
Speaker 1: and and now I'm heading to Connecticut, uh next week
Speaker 1: or actually I'm heading to Connecticut this week to to
Speaker 1: film another Christmas movie in Eastern I'm gonna miss you.
Speaker 1: I feel like I almost can you come visit on set?
Speaker 1: I mean, if I'm invited, I would love to. I'm
Speaker 1: glad you brought that up, Janey, because I saw in
Speaker 1: your on your Instagram, which I pay close attention to.
Speaker 1: I saw you studying the script aboard a plane, and
Speaker 1: I was, I want to know what we can find
Speaker 1: out about this movie. So that's a Christmas movie. So
Speaker 1: it's a Christmas movie. I'm producing it with my co star. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I'm really excited about it. And we yeah, Jessica,
Speaker 1: she's an amazing writer, and we we kind of all
Speaker 1: came up with the idea and um in the concept
Speaker 1: and it's just been it's been really cool to create
Speaker 1: this and I just I can't wait to go film it.
Speaker 1: But I am a I'm like, um, it's like a
Speaker 1: flip or Flop show. I'm like, I'm the start of it.
Speaker 1: So um, so that's that's my job. And I, you know,
Speaker 1: go back to my hometown and to help save something
Speaker 1: and I run into my my X, which I'm really
Speaker 1: excited about it. So we'll have him on the podcast
Speaker 1: and we'll do like the whole announcement on the next
Speaker 1: we should do it, Yeah, for the next episode, we'll
Speaker 1: have him mom, and he's awesome. He's such a great actor,
Speaker 1: and I'm just I'm so looking forward to it. And
Speaker 1: the kids are going to come with me for the
Speaker 1: first week and a half, so it'll be it'll be
Speaker 1: really fun. I know that we've really nailed the like
Speaker 1: recording remotely and you know your way around all the gear.
Speaker 1: But but I really think the show would benefit for
Speaker 1: from a podcast where I go and run everything for
Speaker 1: you in person. I one thousand percent agree. And I
Speaker 1: was just you know, because I'm in l A at
Speaker 1: the moment, and it was nice, like because I was
Speaker 1: kind of a a little sad. I'm like, I missed coming
Speaker 1: in the studio, Like I miss that environment of like
Speaker 1: the podcast studio. I know, I haven't seen you in
Speaker 1: like two years. I don't know. I remember last time person.
Speaker 1: I think I had a baby belly and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah, no, no, yeah, I know I
Speaker 1: had the baby before we left. But yeah, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I miss you guys and um, but yes, please come
Speaker 1: to Connecticut. It'd be a lot of fun. And I'm
Speaker 1: super excited because we have Dorinda, who is a housewife,
Speaker 1: well she was a housewife, but she's gonna be coming
Speaker 1: on the show because she has a book coming out
Speaker 1: called Make It Nice. So I'm excited to get her on.
Speaker 1: But first, let's take a break. Hey Derenda, Hey there,
Speaker 1: how are you? How are you? I'm Janna Kramer. It's
Speaker 1: nice to meet you. You're nice to meet you. Where
Speaker 1: are you? I am actually in Los Angeles. Where are you?
Speaker 1: I am in the Berkshires on a very torn literally
Speaker 1: out stormy. We had a little many tornado here last night.
Speaker 1: You had a tornado in Massachusetts. Well, we get these
Speaker 1: little mini things. And two of my trees came down
Speaker 1: last night and then knocked out all the electricity, so
Speaker 1: I had it was pitch black. I had no internet,
Speaker 1: and I'm on eighteen acres and you don't know dark
Speaker 1: until you've been on eighteen acres. On the Help Buyers,
Speaker 1: it was really luckily I have. You know, it's one
Speaker 1: of those things where it's so funny because like six
Speaker 1: months ago, Dane Covid, I was buying like all these
Speaker 1: survival kids, you know how we were with Amazon. It's
Speaker 1: just became like out of our minds. So I bought
Speaker 1: all these incredible camp lanterns and I got like twelve
Speaker 1: of them, and I just had them charged in the garage,
Speaker 1: and I've got to tell you they saved our lives
Speaker 1: because it was well, and it's just it's isn't you
Speaker 1: and your daughter? Now it's me and my daughter and
Speaker 1: land my housekeeper. But still the houses. You know, it's
Speaker 1: an old nineteen of four house, so it's very rambilly,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like a old New England. It's old
Speaker 1: Stanford White house and so it's like great during the day,
Speaker 1: but it's sort of you know, listen, the houses sort
Speaker 1: of lives and breathe. That is because it's got so
Speaker 1: much history. It used to be easy Stanford White built it.
Speaker 1: It's sort of a very sort of storyteller kind of house. Anyway,
Speaker 1: so when you add the pitch black to it, it's
Speaker 1: like your imagination once. Well, but it was. It's a no,
Speaker 1: it really was. Gave me pause to think last night,
Speaker 1: like now I'm going to set them up. I thought,
Speaker 1: you know I'm gonna do Now now now I'm gonna set
Speaker 1: them up in each hallway so I could just like
Speaker 1: if it happens, but what a great investment, but a
Speaker 1: great Yeah, it's funny how that that works out. And
Speaker 1: how old your daughter she's okay, so wow, that's gotta
Speaker 1: be really cool because so I have a I have
Speaker 1: a five year old daughter, and I've always wonder like,
Speaker 1: what our adult relationship is gonna look like? Well, it's
Speaker 1: you know what, It's an ever changing thing. And I
Speaker 1: think the ultimate, the the apex comes when they have
Speaker 1: their own children. Like even Hannah just heard a dog
Speaker 1: and she's to watch her take care of with dark
Speaker 1: she realizes what you know, how giving you have to be,
Speaker 1: and she's like, oh god, I could see now why.
Speaker 1: I mean I would lift a car for this daughter.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, we can have a baby, but
Speaker 1: you don't having I think especially I don't know other
Speaker 1: than a daughter. But for me, I have a very
Speaker 1: strong relationship and a very strong bound with UM. And
Speaker 1: talked about that with my mother, and it's kind of
Speaker 1: invisible string that I truly believe, because I believe things
Speaker 1: are sort of connected by the soul and not by
Speaker 1: the body, you know, UM. And I think I learned
Speaker 1: more about that after Richard died. I chose to learn
Speaker 1: more about that. But it's an ever changing thing with
Speaker 1: the daughter because you want as a woman to be
Speaker 1: have them be better than you and I have to
Speaker 1: go through the pitfalls that you had to go through, right,
Speaker 1: But at the same time, you want to keep them
Speaker 1: aware of where they've come from, so you know, and
Speaker 1: and listen. It's a different. It's a it's a different
Speaker 1: it's a different world wominar in now. It's a very
Speaker 1: different world than even I grew up them, because I
Speaker 1: was just at the cups of women and being having rights.
Speaker 1: And I mean there was no me too movement, there
Speaker 1: was no opportunities. There was a huge voice. You really
Speaker 1: had to carve it out, but still sort of be
Speaker 1: gently stepping upon the old world. And I grew up
Speaker 1: in an ethnic family, so the old world was very
Speaker 1: alive and well in all ways, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: She's very academic, very confident, and very assured as a woman,
Speaker 1: which is you know, as when we were doing the
Speaker 1: book to get she would help me with the book.
Speaker 1: She's a great writer and I she said, how would
Speaker 1: you describe me? And said, you're a noble citizen, so sweet?
Speaker 1: How old are you? When you got divorced from your show,
Speaker 1: I got divorced, well it really was separated, we say,
Speaker 1: I I had I was reading up about you. I
Speaker 1: know you're going through a difficult time right now, and
Speaker 1: I'm sorry about that, you know, thanks, it's terrible. I
Speaker 1: had an interesting situation because Wealth and I didn't divorce.
Speaker 1: I'm still very close to her father for a long
Speaker 1: time time. But I divorced my hand it was about seven,
Speaker 1: so that was like two thousand, so I was about
Speaker 1: ever born in nineteen sixty four, so it was like,
Speaker 1: what do the math th plenty. I'm terrible at math.
Speaker 1: So basically for generation, I was pretty six. Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm thirty seven. So yeah, how long will be married? Um?
Speaker 1: It would have been six years a month ago. Listen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know everyone says, you know, with this ongoing thing,
Speaker 1: you know, divorce is a death, and especially when it
Speaker 1: comes unexpected, because as women, we lay out our plan
Speaker 1: and I think it's one of our things that when
Speaker 1: I when I explored sort of going through the book
Speaker 1: all the different steps, you know. I know myself, I
Speaker 1: got divorced and then I was single for about six years,
Speaker 1: and then I got married again and and I was
Speaker 1: married for six years then he died. So it's sort
Speaker 1: of I've seen this. I started seeing, you know, growing up,
Speaker 1: growing my independent way, getting married to investor Baker and
Speaker 1: having that failed, become a mother, be a single mother,
Speaker 1: get married again, be a widow, and it's really layered
Speaker 1: me for you know, um, not to get stuck because
Speaker 1: I think as you know, you're a young woman. You know,
Speaker 1: it's it's amazing. Stumbling blocks like this for women make
Speaker 1: us feel old. M hm, and you're not. I mean,
Speaker 1: I know myself if I think back of how I
Speaker 1: used to think at thirty six, I think, now what
Speaker 1: I'm here? This is not the plan, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Really, I have to go go out there again.
Speaker 1: But it's not going out again. You have a you
Speaker 1: have a different set of armor now you're a mother.
Speaker 1: You know, this is a great experience. Divorce will strengthen
Speaker 1: you will be a different person in your next relationship.
Speaker 1: You will be a different person in this period before
Speaker 1: your relationship. I think that, Yeah, it's tempical as it is.
Speaker 1: It's it's an it's it's it ends up being a
Speaker 1: necessary evil. I can't explain it to you, like it's
Speaker 1: one of the things I talked about all the time
Speaker 1: about women not getting stuck. I just find a lot
Speaker 1: of times women have a moment like this and then
Speaker 1: they sort of stopped and looked to the past as
Speaker 1: opposed to be wonderment about the future. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean. I didn't work out with the guy. How
Speaker 1: do you find out it's thirty six, and at six
Speaker 1: can look back and say, why wasn't married to this
Speaker 1: asshole for forty years? How did you? How did you
Speaker 1: deal with the fact though that, because I can't even imagine,
Speaker 1: like obviously I know how hard divorces and but then
Speaker 1: remarrying and then have having someone then die, It's like,
Speaker 1: did you kind of have at the moment where you're
Speaker 1: like really goad, like can I just can can I
Speaker 1: just be happy for once? Like and like that makes
Speaker 1: me want to cry for you. Not only did he
Speaker 1: die in that year, my daughter went to college, so
Speaker 1: I became an empty nester and a widow. And you
Speaker 1: gotta remember before that, the year before that we just
Speaker 1: finished this. I was that we spent three years restoring
Speaker 1: this or two years before, and we had it all
Speaker 1: planned out, Like I was, like, I have done it.
Speaker 1: I've gone from Great Barrington to a telephone man's daughter
Speaker 1: to owning this fantastic house. With this fantastic house, my
Speaker 1: daughter's gonna go to college. He's gonna right up there,
Speaker 1: we're gonna travel, like I redefinantly have figured it out.
Speaker 1: In the boom, I'm a I'm literally standing at the
Speaker 1: altar burying him in the same altar where I married
Speaker 1: him six years before. Hurt breaking. But how did he
Speaker 1: how did he die? He got sick, he got he
Speaker 1: got sick, and then he just you know, I don't
Speaker 1: really talk about it a lot in the book because
Speaker 1: of his kids and I'm very protective of his children. Um,
Speaker 1: but he got ill. He died a liver disease. And
Speaker 1: it happened all within six months, which was a blessing.
Speaker 1: It wasn't at the time I was angry about but
Speaker 1: I looked at it. It It was almost like God's protection.
Speaker 1: He was like, we're gonna get and furiously and it did.
Speaker 1: But you know, you feel, yeah, you know you feel
Speaker 1: I'm sure you do too. You know you said you
Speaker 1: think what Then you feel angry, you feel disappointed, you
Speaker 1: feel bewildered, you feel ashamed, you feel tired. Right you're
Speaker 1: You're like, you know, you got to manage because you know,
Speaker 1: of course, whenever there's a break, you've got to manage
Speaker 1: new people that can be new boyfriend's girlfriends, that can
Speaker 1: be friends, that can be doing things differently as a
Speaker 1: family unit, because you know, now you have your family
Speaker 1: unit with daughter, then you got to manage his family
Speaker 1: unit with the daughter that you've got to manage how
Speaker 1: that you know, making sure the daughter even though she
Speaker 1: has this break rough and I did it very well,
Speaker 1: thank god. But you're making sure the kids because a
Speaker 1: lot of times, you know, the kids become the the
Speaker 1: aftermath of the divorce and they have to one thing
Speaker 1: wealth and always be clear that handy thing get divorced.
Speaker 1: We did, as far as Hannah is concerned. We are
Speaker 1: a unit. We we functure. We just have two households.
Speaker 1: You know, Ralph had a key to my apartment until
Speaker 1: I got married to Richard, but way a different divorce.
Speaker 1: You know, I think when there's any kind of betrayal,
Speaker 1: and I don't need to bring that up, but yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's more difficult. Did you kind of separate it out?
Speaker 1: You got to separate it out? Yeah, I think, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's definitely hard. And it's one of those
Speaker 1: things where sometimes, like the process with us has been
Speaker 1: really challenging because because there is that betrayal, but there's
Speaker 1: also you know, he has so much resentment and I'm like,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, you're the one that hurt me, Like
Speaker 1: how are you being mean to me? Like I'm like,
Speaker 1: this doesn't this doesn't add up to me, you know,
Speaker 1: and so it's like, welcome to a man. Oh, please
Speaker 1: tell me more to help me understand that, because I'm
Speaker 1: just like losing my mind. I'm like, there's a million
Speaker 1: mean things I could say to you, but I'm choosing
Speaker 1: to be like kind And what I say I always
Speaker 1: say men have a beautiful art of spelling, like the
Speaker 1: type of person that you know, God forgot they can
Speaker 1: they can, you know, knock a glass out of your hand,
Speaker 1: glass of wine out your hand and then yell at you.
Speaker 1: There's a staying out the carpet. Yes, oh my god,
Speaker 1: yes you do. Even you're like, but but you knocked
Speaker 1: the glass And they're like, you have a look at
Speaker 1: this stain. Yes, not the glass. I like it because
Speaker 1: you I don't care about the details. Stay now you
Speaker 1: women were like, oh my god, I got to clean
Speaker 1: up the stain because they just because we are problem
Speaker 1: solvers like that, right, Yes, he's still with the is
Speaker 1: can I ask? He's still with the person that caused
Speaker 1: the damage and it is damaged by the way anyone
Speaker 1: when it comes into a marriage, I'm very old school
Speaker 1: serious accept the all a marriage knowing that they are
Speaker 1: involved terrible person, and I need to be. But you know,
Speaker 1: they not even they know you were married, they knew
Speaker 1: you had a child. Mm hmm. Yeah, so that is
Speaker 1: a terrible person because I am I don't give your
Speaker 1: religious spiritual You guys had a bond and you do
Speaker 1: not touch a bond. Yeah. How long has it been
Speaker 1: since the divorce? Yeah? I filed April. Oh she's still missed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so but I mean everything's everything's final. I mean it'll
Speaker 1: be officially final next week. So, um, yeah, it's just
Speaker 1: been But we've been dealing with infidelity for the we've
Speaker 1: been dealing with it for I found out a year
Speaker 1: into our marriage he had been unfaithful with a bunch
Speaker 1: of women. So it's been five years of us trying
Speaker 1: to rebuild something that has just been really hard. And
Speaker 1: you know, I take some I have to look at
Speaker 1: myself and take some blame and accountability for you know,
Speaker 1: the ways that I tried to it was it was
Speaker 1: very hard for me to um to be in that
Speaker 1: kind of marriage where there was just not any trust,
Speaker 1: And as much as I tried, it was still very
Speaker 1: it was very hard. So I'm sure you know at
Speaker 1: times I was shameful and I said mean things, and
Speaker 1: you cheated on your year and a half in your martach.
Speaker 1: So that's so whatever, that's soiled. Whatever that when you know,
Speaker 1: when you get married, it's a plant. Yeah, if you
Speaker 1: put in a garden, then you feed at the soil,
Speaker 1: and you feed at the right sun. And if you
Speaker 1: feed it bad soil, you feed it ugly rain. You
Speaker 1: can't be surprised when the plant doesn't grow the way
Speaker 1: you're supposed to grow. So yeah, I get what you're saying,
Speaker 1: But I mean, how could you have not? Yeah, I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just it's just it's so heavy, that's so hard.
Speaker 1: And right now I'm just like I'm in the place
Speaker 1: where it's like, okay, how do I how do I
Speaker 1: raise my children? Because we have two beautiful kids, And
Speaker 1: I'm like, how do you? But by day, just day
Speaker 1: by day that's it because you'd be surprised the power
Speaker 1: and day by day just don't even worry. Just just
Speaker 1: feed them, make sure they're safe, love them, make sure
Speaker 1: they through a relationship with their father that you don't
Speaker 1: have to be, you know, overly engaged in, and and
Speaker 1: just go forth. I promise you you will you you
Speaker 1: will do it. And you'll be better for it than
Speaker 1: the end. But how do you have such a light
Speaker 1: and such a good energy when like you've had because
Speaker 1: again like you had your second chance at this fairy
Speaker 1: tale love and then it goes away. You know what
Speaker 1: my mother said to me when I was bawling about
Speaker 1: Richard and falling and crying and crying. And my mother
Speaker 1: is my oak tree. You know, she's just my rock,
Speaker 1: She said to me one day, and I was like
Speaker 1: doing bad things and drinking and not carrying and angry
Speaker 1: and it's not there. And I would started doing that
Speaker 1: comparing and we'll look at that present for somebody. You know. Ye, yes,
Speaker 1: I've done everything right. I've serviced to God. I've got
Speaker 1: a good mother. My mom said, you know what she'd
Speaker 1: give me one day. You know, you met Richard six
Speaker 1: eight years ago now, and then I'm like eight years
Speaker 1: go America for six He said, Hannah was like ten
Speaker 1: and a half. She He loved Hannah as if he
Speaker 1: were she was his own. She said, Now, let me
Speaker 1: ask you something. If God came to you and said
Speaker 1: you're gonna meet go back, then you're gonna meet one
Speaker 1: for seven and a half years. He's gonna love your child,
Speaker 1: raise your child. You're gonna be exposed to things that
Speaker 1: never said. You're gonna experience such great love. But then
Speaker 1: he's going to have to leave. But that's the deal.
Speaker 1: Will you take this deal? And I said, she said, well,
Speaker 1: what are you doing? I said, yeah, Mom, of course,
Speaker 1: She goes, well, that's what you got, just because you
Speaker 1: think you know the beginning, in the middle of the end,
Speaker 1: God has a different timeline. So don't be greedy. That's
Speaker 1: what you got. And now we're going to move on
Speaker 1: from that. You're gonna get up every day, wash your face,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna start moving forward again. And I just
Speaker 1: had to play something like that feel like it makes
Speaker 1: me cry. I gotta beautiful, like it's a beautiful way
Speaker 1: to look at it, like I just and you should
Speaker 1: cry because lost is lost, and you know what you
Speaker 1: will you will It will make you a different person.
Speaker 1: But I think in the long one, it will make
Speaker 1: you know you ever had that beautiful story about the grapes,
Speaker 1: and the grapes that are beautiful, they're just not as
Speaker 1: sweet the most beautiful grapes of people pick and Italy
Speaker 1: are warm and dark and leathery, but the juice is
Speaker 1: beautiful because it suffers and it protects that beautiful juice.
Speaker 1: It's sorry, this is just you just know life's hogged. Yeah,
Speaker 1: oh man, So how are you like? Because how how
Speaker 1: many that's been? How many years it's gonna be ten
Speaker 1: years this year? Can you imagine? So how do you like?
Speaker 1: How do you get back out there? And and and
Speaker 1: and trust that like and and to bring thelow You
Speaker 1: should talk to people, and you should get any kind
Speaker 1: of professional help you can be in. You should be
Speaker 1: shameless about it, and you should cry when you want
Speaker 1: to cry, and you should not rush into anything. You
Speaker 1: should be very protective of yourself because it's a wound
Speaker 1: and you should, you know, just do it slowly, there's
Speaker 1: no rush. And you know what, you got it all
Speaker 1: in front of you. You got your two kids, and
Speaker 1: it sounds like you have a beautiful career and you're
Speaker 1: a beautiful girl, and you know you do you have
Speaker 1: a strong family bond, Yeah, very much. You have your family,
Speaker 1: so you've already won. I mean, I'm very religious, so
Speaker 1: my religion helped me a lot. You know, I'm not
Speaker 1: cookie religious, but very spiritual. You know, I clean onto
Speaker 1: that and that helped me a lot and and exercise
Speaker 1: and stay healthy. So make it nice. What is your
Speaker 1: just so but make it nice. I mean that is
Speaker 1: your I mean, that's that is probably I mean, is
Speaker 1: it just kind of is it showing the journey and
Speaker 1: how how you've come to this place, that's this whole
Speaker 1: place that you are. You have to you have to suffer,
Speaker 1: and you have you have to go through things, You
Speaker 1: have to go through life, and all you can do
Speaker 1: is sort of look at it and try to do
Speaker 1: it as best you can, as honorably as you can,
Speaker 1: as accepting as you can. You know, and be and
Speaker 1: you know, don't be in a rush. Sloan Steady wins
Speaker 1: the race. You know, eat life really is a marathon,
Speaker 1: like it's you. You know, it's like it's like a butterfly,
Speaker 1: you know, the butterfly, the monarch. Butterflies are the strongest
Speaker 1: of the ones that come out of the nest a
Speaker 1: little bit later because they but there's by the time
Speaker 1: they get out, their winds are so strong that it
Speaker 1: was worth taking the time to do it right. And
Speaker 1: you know it's women, we like you're feeling right now.
Speaker 1: This is a roadblock, but you'll figure out a way
Speaker 1: around it. You know, you don't have to go through it.
Speaker 1: You'll figure out. You're like, you know why I got
Speaker 1: to the path. I thought I was going to Italy,
Speaker 1: but now you may end up in France, so you
Speaker 1: want to French? Alright, It's okay. Isn't that great? You
Speaker 1: thought you were gonna end up in Italy, but it's
Speaker 1: that you're going to France. That's okay. That's why my
Speaker 1: mother used to say, you thought you were going to
Speaker 1: the beach, but unfortunately going skames adapt It's about adapting.
Speaker 1: It's about you know, taking looking back on these things
Speaker 1: that we go through like this, not as disappointments but
Speaker 1: as growth periods. Yeah, and really taking care of yourself,
Speaker 1: you know, as women we and I include myself, you know,
Speaker 1: we can get a self destructive people around We started
Speaker 1: drinking sort did you trying to keep up, trying to
Speaker 1: compare and contrast. Just stop. You'd be surprised how life
Speaker 1: unfolds for itself if you ask it too. Yeah, right,
Speaker 1: I I agree with you, and that it's just I
Speaker 1: think it's like the hardest thing is like how powerful
Speaker 1: your mind is too, you know, and how how much
Speaker 1: you know? I'm like, oh, well, I guess I don't
Speaker 1: deserve that, So I'm gonna go. Let's let's let's choose
Speaker 1: the next relationship that's justice destructive. There is a wonderful
Speaker 1: tool for women, isn't it. We grapuate onto it, just
Speaker 1: don't don't pick up that him. Did you enjoy writing
Speaker 1: your book? It was an absolute joy and it came
Speaker 1: at a perfect time because, as you know, it was
Speaker 1: not on the Real Housewife last year and it was COVID,
Speaker 1: so I kind of used it as a time because
Speaker 1: I've been you know, it's so funny. I'm I love
Speaker 1: to talk. I love people, but I never take time
Speaker 1: to like really take stock of what I've done, where
Speaker 1: I come from, and what I believe because I'm always
Speaker 1: talking and talking and I love women and kind of
Speaker 1: empowering women, and I just I like, like I always
Speaker 1: say I should have. I would have probably been great
Speaker 1: and like a harem right one husband fifty that's our
Speaker 1: commune liver. I would be a great common liver because
Speaker 1: I like people, right. But it was nice because COVID
Speaker 1: allowed me to sit still and stop talking and start
Speaker 1: writing it down and thinking and going through these phases
Speaker 1: of my life. It was a real Um, it was
Speaker 1: a real um gift, you know, because I have been
Speaker 1: through a lot, you know, and I'm really proud of
Speaker 1: myself and I have I haven't often said that about myself.
Speaker 1: If you're always doing it's just about God through that, okay,
Speaker 1: God through that to go back and really honor my
Speaker 1: relationships and experiences I've had and the downfalls. And then
Speaker 1: you know, I was reading I was watching the other
Speaker 1: day a little Chaos and she says the most beautiful
Speaker 1: thing that she says that, you know, women should be.
Speaker 1: Women should be noted for their she says something that
Speaker 1: don't take it word for word. I'll I'll watch against
Speaker 1: you've been watching, said women should have been. Women are
Speaker 1: often recognized for their faults with are vulnerabilities, but not
Speaker 1: for their successes. We're really good at pointing out our
Speaker 1: vulnerabilities and our faults, but we're really bad at pointing
Speaker 1: out our successes. So I was like, that's it, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: and I think there's something so I thought this when
Speaker 1: it turned into it, right right, But it's so it's
Speaker 1: so good though, it's so real, and I think, like
Speaker 1: when you like, what does that mean? That's whatever you
Speaker 1: call it? That could be God, that could be you're
Speaker 1: your angel. There's someone out there to put us together today. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I think should maybe a shifty interview, but we
Speaker 1: certainly got it there. But I think it's there's something
Speaker 1: so beautiful of you being like, you know, saying that
Speaker 1: you're proud of yourself and I can't even you know,
Speaker 1: and not like chokes me up because the voices that
Speaker 1: I feel like us women speak to ourselves are so
Speaker 1: toxic all the time and we have to work on that.
Speaker 1: And you know what, and also to what you just said,
Speaker 1: which is very interesting. So when you don't have that anymore,
Speaker 1: you know, I said, the great thing about a postmanopausal woman,
Speaker 1: the sex thing is sort of not as important. So
Speaker 1: it's crazy because that's sex thing and chilled childbirard and
Speaker 1: make you a little nutty. Right, So when you're mad
Speaker 1: at fifty six and you're like, oh, I just want
Speaker 1: to watch TV and go to sleep at night, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. I want to make money, that's
Speaker 1: I want to be happy. I want to go vegation
Speaker 1: with my girlfriend. It's it's amazing because you don't, you know,
Speaker 1: you you you you don't have all that craziness because
Speaker 1: it's like questioning and craziness and I'm a worthy and
Speaker 1: just should I date? And am I gonna get married again?
Speaker 1: It's it can really make you loopy, and I think
Speaker 1: in some ways men tune into that a little bit
Speaker 1: because you know, we're all it's probably you know a
Speaker 1: lot of men love to say that thing you're crazy,
Speaker 1: you're not, and it creates such anger that it makes
Speaker 1: us look crazy and nuts or make us feel like
Speaker 1: we're crazy. I'm like, am I crazy? Did I Like?
Speaker 1: I'm like, I know I could have maybe been like
Speaker 1: a little less naggy and like, yeah I had I
Speaker 1: was controlling at times because of the environment that caused.
Speaker 1: But I'm like, you know, as you're intelligence self, I
Speaker 1: had nothing to do. I know, but it's very hard
Speaker 1: not to like when you hear it cards. It's very
Speaker 1: hard to not listen to those because I'm like, and
Speaker 1: I was just I was helping a girl. Some people
Speaker 1: DM me sometimes and they're like, hey, like I just
Speaker 1: feel and I'm like, I can so easily give the
Speaker 1: advice to other people, but I can't take it myself.
Speaker 1: Like I know that yes, was I controlling, Yes I was?
Speaker 1: But was it because of the environment that was created. Yes,
Speaker 1: like both those things can be true, but like I
Speaker 1: put on so much guilt for that. Well, I was like,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I tell other people not to Well, that's right,
Speaker 1: because it's easier to give than follow. It's easier to
Speaker 1: give direction than follow. It's easier to tell someone to
Speaker 1: do temper shops and doing them yourself. Right, you can
Speaker 1: say to someone doing tempership is really good for every day,
Speaker 1: but when you have to do them like this is hard.
Speaker 1: My boobs, I not my my my doctor told me
Speaker 1: I'm not allowed to with my new books. You know,
Speaker 1: I think that when people when there's any kind of betrayal,
Speaker 1: it's a wound, and just like any kind of animal,
Speaker 1: you protect the wound. So you get a little jittery,
Speaker 1: you know, afterally get the wound right, it's it's it's trauma.
Speaker 1: So you know, I just would not if I would
Speaker 1: to give you some advice as the older Yes, you're
Speaker 1: in the place you're you're now my my new life coach,
Speaker 1: Like I would say, stop thinking about the past and
Speaker 1: just today and go forward and be like I would
Speaker 1: just like pretend until you are strong enough, it doesn't exist.
Speaker 1: Just until I'm not saying forever, but for now, just
Speaker 1: until you can, you know, really accalm, get strong and
Speaker 1: heal yourself and lick your wounds again. I would just
Speaker 1: put that on hold because maybe, just maybe any year,
Speaker 1: two years, you'll be able to look at that say
Speaker 1: care anymore? Mm hmm can you? I mean maybe they
Speaker 1: should try it. I mean nothing, You're not gonna because
Speaker 1: it's a little bit spinning your wheels. It's probably taking
Speaker 1: away from some positive things that you could probably develop
Speaker 1: over the next twelve sixteen months of your life. Right, yeah,
Speaker 1: absolutely go out there and enjoying a new groups. Oh
Speaker 1: I have trust me, trust my god, I've got oh drenda,
Speaker 1: thank you for making this, for making it nice? Oh good,
Speaker 1: good enough, And I signed you with the book. I'll
Speaker 1: put a nice note personally, and I'm going to buy
Speaker 1: one too. But yeah, I just I appreciate every wonder.
Speaker 1: I hope, I hope I did root Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: You know you are incredible? And I hope everyone gets
Speaker 1: her books a book make it nice on Amazona River
Speaker 1: books are sold. But seriously, I just I appreciate you,
Speaker 1: and good lucky if you know authentic, I'm I'm on
Speaker 1: lovely I've gone through it. Your family want to make
Speaker 1: a question, I have a chat. I'm here. I would
Speaker 1: love that. I mean, I'm a good listener. I you are,
Speaker 1: and I appreciate you and I will take you up
Speaker 1: on that. So thank you so much. I appreciate you. Okay,
Speaker 1: I am obsessed with her, Kenvill, can you please pop
Speaker 1: on right now? And Kendall is our new? Um? How
Speaker 1: how would you call yourself a producer? What? What's what's
Speaker 1: the new Kendall? Uh name for Kendall? Yes, so my
Speaker 1: title actually is a podcast researcher. Okay, well, welcome Kendall
Speaker 1: to wind down. Um, I'm obsessed with Drenda and now
Speaker 1: I want to go back and watch every single housewife
Speaker 1: like show that she was on. You will be obsessed.
Speaker 1: I mean, she is just a ball of energy and amazing.
Speaker 1: But like I couldn't like the entire time that we
Speaker 1: were like on the interview, was like she probably doesn't
Speaker 1: like yell at people or like was like was she
Speaker 1: like a start? She was a mediator, like you know,
Speaker 1: was very level headed, but there was times we were
Speaker 1: like whoa like? Especially right now, I feel like you
Speaker 1: probably couldn't tell, but she is so much fun in
Speaker 1: a fan favorite. And I know for all the Real
Speaker 1: Housewives fan they were like so upset that she wasn't
Speaker 1: on this new season. Why wasn't she on? You know,
Speaker 1: I think she just had her time. She's been on
Speaker 1: it for years, and like she said, you know, it
Speaker 1: was a gift she had, you know, the time to
Speaker 1: sit down and work on her book and focus on
Speaker 1: other things in life, and I think that she would
Speaker 1: just maybe over it. My god, well I'm like, can
Speaker 1: we really both crying? I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: But I just like I loved her. She's so sweet,
Speaker 1: Like she's just like she has like such a great
Speaker 1: energy and soul to her. So and she's the cutest
Speaker 1: bond with her daughter, you know. I love that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she was the best. I hope you guys enjoyed that
Speaker 1: and got some if you're in that spot of kind
Speaker 1: of feeling stuck, like she said, you know, the past
Speaker 1: is the past. Start start just focusing on today. I
Speaker 1: know it's so much easier said than done, but um,
Speaker 1: you are not alone, So you next week