1 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:07,640 Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast. Okay, 2 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:11,520 Speaker 1: welcome to wind Down. Um, how is everyone's fourth of July? 3 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,640 Speaker 1: I go, I just wait to be called on. That's 4 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:22,200 Speaker 1: all I do. I it was good. It was good. Um. 5 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:25,079 Speaker 1: You know, we they do this really cute fireworks show 6 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,920 Speaker 1: in in my village, Minroevia, California. And we realized we've 7 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:30,880 Speaker 1: lived here for three years. We realized we could watch 8 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:34,559 Speaker 1: it from our backyard this year. So every other year 9 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:37,440 Speaker 1: we go downtown and like steak out a good spot everything, 10 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:38,880 Speaker 1: and then this year we're like, oh, we can just 11 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:40,959 Speaker 1: see this from the back porch. So that is what 12 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 1: we did. Um. It was really nice and uh and 13 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,280 Speaker 1: we barbecued, just my wife and I and uh, yeah, 14 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:50,240 Speaker 1: I had a good time. Oh I love that, Riley. 15 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 1: What about you? Ben? Yeah, just hung out with some friends. 16 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 1: We went on to the beach for a little bit 17 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:58,840 Speaker 1: before I got crazy. Um, it's always crazy at the 18 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:01,560 Speaker 1: beach around here, so we want to get there early. Um. 19 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 1: And then fireworks were popping. This year, I felt like 20 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:07,840 Speaker 1: everybody had a need for fireworks and so it was 21 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:09,960 Speaker 1: just it was crazy. But I think it was nice 22 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,759 Speaker 1: to just sit with friends like you know, we haven't 23 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,640 Speaker 1: seen in a while, and watch the fireworks in the summer. 24 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:16,720 Speaker 1: So it was perfect. Yeah, I feel like it's one 25 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:19,800 Speaker 1: of those things where it's like we're free, Like its 26 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: like everyone's just like throwing like because even on because 27 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:28,240 Speaker 1: I went up north to Michigan and um, which I 28 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,160 Speaker 1: honestly didn't know how I was going to feel because 29 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,280 Speaker 1: the last two fourth of July as we r vied 30 00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:38,119 Speaker 1: and it was like this big like family vacation and um, 31 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,040 Speaker 1: and so I at first I was like, oh, man, 32 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,960 Speaker 1: like in the up North Michigan is like my happy place. 33 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 1: It's my like whenever I have anxiety, it's it's like 34 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:49,920 Speaker 1: the one thing where my therapist like when we always 35 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,560 Speaker 1: talking about like when I was trying to like work 36 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 1: on anxiety there like pick a place that like it 37 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 1: just brings you so much serenity and so much peace. 38 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,640 Speaker 1: And so I was like, well, up North Michigan like 39 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:00,560 Speaker 1: no matter what, like just sitting on at like like 40 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: there's something like I'm I'm a percent me. I'm like 41 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,400 Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be anything. I'm not like I'm 42 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:09,280 Speaker 1: just like so carefree up there and just at peace 43 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:12,760 Speaker 1: and so that's always like my happy place, and I'm like, shoot, 44 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,520 Speaker 1: like I hope I don't go up there and it's 45 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,960 Speaker 1: ruined or it's like tampered because of like the memories 46 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,200 Speaker 1: that I had with you know, my acts and the kids. 47 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: And it was like probably the best trip I've ever 48 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:28,120 Speaker 1: had now, Yeah it was. It was a little challenging, 49 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:33,000 Speaker 1: you know, because you know, um first like single mom 50 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,480 Speaker 1: vacation and flying with them and um, but it was 51 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:40,880 Speaker 1: so you know sweet too because my my cousin Jessica 52 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:44,760 Speaker 1: texted me was like you know, her and her Eric, 53 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,680 Speaker 1: my cousin were talking and they were like, it was 54 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,919 Speaker 1: so cool to see you just like kill the single 55 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,600 Speaker 1: momb game up north, and and I was kind of like, yeah, 56 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:53,920 Speaker 1: like I did. Like I was like, you know, I'm 57 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,880 Speaker 1: sure there was moments where I'm like I could really 58 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:59,880 Speaker 1: use an extra set of hands here, but like which 59 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 1: I just made it work, and it was just like, 60 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,320 Speaker 1: oh wow, this is like I can do it. Like 61 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 1: I did it, and it was and we all survived 62 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 1: and we had a really fun time and there was 63 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:11,000 Speaker 1: no stress to no like fight. It was just like 64 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:15,040 Speaker 1: it was so relaxing, which I'd never thought I would 65 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:16,359 Speaker 1: say I thought it was just going to be like, 66 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,560 Speaker 1: you know, sad, and but and then the fireworks show. 67 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,200 Speaker 1: I mean Jay slept like last the year before that, 68 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,120 Speaker 1: like he like he hated the fireworks. So it's like 69 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,520 Speaker 1: I was able to watch the fireworks and just like 70 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,320 Speaker 1: truly enjoy myself. And it was one of those moments 71 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:32,320 Speaker 1: where I was like, fireworks, I don't know why, why 72 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,720 Speaker 1: would they always make me cry? Like I'm just like 73 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,680 Speaker 1: just there's something about like I'm like, oh, like something 74 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 1: so free about fireworks, And so I was like crying 75 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 1: and then I was, but it wasn't crying from like 76 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 1: a sad place. It was like it was like a 77 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:49,040 Speaker 1: I'm I'm content and I'm happy and it it felt 78 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:56,640 Speaker 1: really nice. So that was my fourth but but yeah, 79 00:03:56,840 --> 00:04:01,640 Speaker 1: and and now I'm heading to Connecticut, uh next week 80 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:05,880 Speaker 1: or actually I'm heading to Connecticut this week to to 81 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,040 Speaker 1: film another Christmas movie in Eastern I'm gonna miss you. 82 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 1: I feel like I almost can you come visit on set? 83 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 1: I mean, if I'm invited, I would love to. I'm 84 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:15,760 Speaker 1: glad you brought that up, Janey, because I saw in 85 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:18,240 Speaker 1: your on your Instagram, which I pay close attention to. 86 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:21,039 Speaker 1: I saw you studying the script aboard a plane, and 87 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:23,000 Speaker 1: I was, I want to know what we can find 88 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:26,160 Speaker 1: out about this movie. So that's a Christmas movie. So 89 00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:30,360 Speaker 1: it's a Christmas movie. I'm producing it with my co star. Yeah, 90 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 1: so I'm really excited about it. And we yeah, Jessica, 91 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,720 Speaker 1: she's an amazing writer, and we we kind of all 92 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:41,599 Speaker 1: came up with the idea and um in the concept 93 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:44,120 Speaker 1: and it's just been it's been really cool to create 94 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:47,000 Speaker 1: this and I just I can't wait to go film it. 95 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 1: But I am a I'm like, um, it's like a 96 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:55,359 Speaker 1: flip or Flop show. I'm like, I'm the start of it. 97 00:04:55,640 --> 00:05:00,480 Speaker 1: So um, so that's that's my job. And I, you know, 98 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:04,800 Speaker 1: go back to my hometown and to help save something 99 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 1: and I run into my my X, which I'm really 100 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 1: excited about it. So we'll have him on the podcast 101 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,480 Speaker 1: and we'll do like the whole announcement on the next 102 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 1: we should do it, Yeah, for the next episode, we'll 103 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,920 Speaker 1: have him mom, and he's awesome. He's such a great actor, 104 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,400 Speaker 1: and I'm just I'm so looking forward to it. And 105 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:25,840 Speaker 1: the kids are going to come with me for the 106 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,760 Speaker 1: first week and a half, so it'll be it'll be 107 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:30,839 Speaker 1: really fun. I know that we've really nailed the like 108 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:34,359 Speaker 1: recording remotely and you know your way around all the gear. 109 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:37,279 Speaker 1: But but I really think the show would benefit for 110 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,880 Speaker 1: from a podcast where I go and run everything for 111 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:43,240 Speaker 1: you in person. I one thousand percent agree. And I 112 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,280 Speaker 1: was just you know, because I'm in l A at 113 00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:47,280 Speaker 1: the moment, and it was nice, like because I was 114 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 1: kind of a a little sad. I'm like, I missed coming 115 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,880 Speaker 1: in the studio, Like I miss that environment of like 116 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:55,040 Speaker 1: the podcast studio. I know, I haven't seen you in 117 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 1: like two years. I don't know. I remember last time person. 118 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:02,159 Speaker 1: I think I had a baby belly and I'm like, 119 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,479 Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah, no, no, yeah, I know I 120 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 1: had the baby before we left. But yeah, but yeah, 121 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:11,400 Speaker 1: I miss you guys and um, but yes, please come 122 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,680 Speaker 1: to Connecticut. It'd be a lot of fun. And I'm 123 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:18,800 Speaker 1: super excited because we have Dorinda, who is a housewife, 124 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:20,719 Speaker 1: well she was a housewife, but she's gonna be coming 125 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,920 Speaker 1: on the show because she has a book coming out 126 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:25,880 Speaker 1: called Make It Nice. So I'm excited to get her on. 127 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:42,600 Speaker 1: But first, let's take a break. Hey Derenda, Hey there, 128 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,080 Speaker 1: how are you? How are you? I'm Janna Kramer. It's 129 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:48,000 Speaker 1: nice to meet you. You're nice to meet you. Where 130 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:51,160 Speaker 1: are you? I am actually in Los Angeles. Where are you? 131 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:55,360 Speaker 1: I am in the Berkshires on a very torn literally 132 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 1: out stormy. We had a little many tornado here last night. 133 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,960 Speaker 1: You had a tornado in Massachusetts. Well, we get these 134 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,680 Speaker 1: little mini things. And two of my trees came down 135 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:08,359 Speaker 1: last night and then knocked out all the electricity, so 136 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 1: I had it was pitch black. I had no internet, 137 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,240 Speaker 1: and I'm on eighteen acres and you don't know dark 138 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:18,440 Speaker 1: until you've been on eighteen acres. On the Help Buyers, 139 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: it was really luckily I have. You know, it's one 140 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,440 Speaker 1: of those things where it's so funny because like six 141 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,440 Speaker 1: months ago, Dane Covid, I was buying like all these 142 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 1: survival kids, you know how we were with Amazon. It's 143 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,559 Speaker 1: just became like out of our minds. So I bought 144 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:35,080 Speaker 1: all these incredible camp lanterns and I got like twelve 145 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,080 Speaker 1: of them, and I just had them charged in the garage, 146 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 1: and I've got to tell you they saved our lives 147 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:42,000 Speaker 1: because it was well, and it's just it's isn't you 148 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,440 Speaker 1: and your daughter? Now it's me and my daughter and 149 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,880 Speaker 1: land my housekeeper. But still the houses. You know, it's 150 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:49,880 Speaker 1: an old nineteen of four house, so it's very rambilly, 151 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 1: you know, it's like a old New England. It's old 152 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 1: Stanford White house and so it's like great during the day, 153 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 1: but it's sort of you know, listen, the houses sort 154 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 1: of lives and breathe. That is because it's got so 155 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:04,280 Speaker 1: much history. It used to be easy Stanford White built it. 156 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 1: It's sort of a very sort of storyteller kind of house. Anyway, 157 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 1: so when you add the pitch black to it, it's 158 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:15,040 Speaker 1: like your imagination once. Well, but it was. It's a no, 159 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: it really was. Gave me pause to think last night, 160 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,120 Speaker 1: like now I'm going to set them up. I thought, 161 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:22,520 Speaker 1: you know I'm gonna do Now now now I'm gonna set 162 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:24,360 Speaker 1: them up in each hallway so I could just like 163 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:27,960 Speaker 1: if it happens, but what a great investment, but a 164 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:31,240 Speaker 1: great Yeah, it's funny how that that works out. And 165 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:38,360 Speaker 1: how old your daughter she's okay, so wow, that's gotta 166 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,400 Speaker 1: be really cool because so I have a I have 167 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:42,600 Speaker 1: a five year old daughter, and I've always wonder like, 168 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:45,800 Speaker 1: what our adult relationship is gonna look like? Well, it's 169 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:48,680 Speaker 1: you know what, It's an ever changing thing. And I 170 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:53,160 Speaker 1: think the ultimate, the the apex comes when they have 171 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,520 Speaker 1: their own children. Like even Hannah just heard a dog 172 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 1: and she's to watch her take care of with dark 173 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,840 Speaker 1: she realizes what you know, how giving you have to be, 174 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,960 Speaker 1: and she's like, oh god, I could see now why. 175 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,320 Speaker 1: I mean I would lift a car for this daughter. 176 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,160 Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, we can have a baby, but 177 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:12,240 Speaker 1: you don't having I think especially I don't know other 178 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,719 Speaker 1: than a daughter. But for me, I have a very 179 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,520 Speaker 1: strong relationship and a very strong bound with UM. And 180 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,000 Speaker 1: talked about that with my mother, and it's kind of 181 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:23,120 Speaker 1: invisible string that I truly believe, because I believe things 182 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,320 Speaker 1: are sort of connected by the soul and not by 183 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:28,640 Speaker 1: the body, you know, UM. And I think I learned 184 00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:31,400 Speaker 1: more about that after Richard died. I chose to learn 185 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,720 Speaker 1: more about that. But it's an ever changing thing with 186 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 1: the daughter because you want as a woman to be 187 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,440 Speaker 1: have them be better than you and I have to 188 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,080 Speaker 1: go through the pitfalls that you had to go through, right, 189 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 1: But at the same time, you want to keep them 190 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:49,679 Speaker 1: aware of where they've come from, so you know, and 191 00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:52,160 Speaker 1: and listen. It's a different. It's a it's a different 192 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:54,840 Speaker 1: it's a different world wominar in now. It's a very 193 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,480 Speaker 1: different world than even I grew up them, because I 194 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 1: was just at the cups of women and being having rights. 195 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:03,880 Speaker 1: And I mean there was no me too movement, there 196 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,959 Speaker 1: was no opportunities. There was a huge voice. You really 197 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,400 Speaker 1: had to carve it out, but still sort of be 198 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,040 Speaker 1: gently stepping upon the old world. And I grew up 199 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:16,560 Speaker 1: in an ethnic family, so the old world was very 200 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,400 Speaker 1: alive and well in all ways, you know what I mean. 201 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:25,679 Speaker 1: She's very academic, very confident, and very assured as a woman, 202 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:27,520 Speaker 1: which is you know, as when we were doing the 203 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:29,720 Speaker 1: book to get she would help me with the book. 204 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:31,840 Speaker 1: She's a great writer and I she said, how would 205 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:38,439 Speaker 1: you describe me? And said, you're a noble citizen, so sweet? 206 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:42,319 Speaker 1: How old are you? When you got divorced from your show, 207 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:46,760 Speaker 1: I got divorced, well it really was separated, we say, 208 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,640 Speaker 1: I I had I was reading up about you. I 209 00:10:48,679 --> 00:10:50,920 Speaker 1: know you're going through a difficult time right now, and 210 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:54,320 Speaker 1: I'm sorry about that, you know, thanks, it's terrible. I 211 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 1: had an interesting situation because Wealth and I didn't divorce. 212 00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,800 Speaker 1: I'm still very close to her father for a long 213 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,240 Speaker 1: time time. But I divorced my hand it was about seven, 214 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:06,800 Speaker 1: so that was like two thousand, so I was about 215 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:09,839 Speaker 1: ever born in nineteen sixty four, so it was like, 216 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:16,600 Speaker 1: what do the math th plenty. I'm terrible at math. 217 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:24,120 Speaker 1: So basically for generation, I was pretty six. Oh yeah, yeah, 218 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:28,720 Speaker 1: I'm thirty seven. So yeah, how long will be married? Um? 219 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:34,319 Speaker 1: It would have been six years a month ago. Listen. Yeah, 220 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:37,360 Speaker 1: you know everyone says, you know, with this ongoing thing, 221 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:40,000 Speaker 1: you know, divorce is a death, and especially when it 222 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:43,679 Speaker 1: comes unexpected, because as women, we lay out our plan 223 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:47,079 Speaker 1: and I think it's one of our things that when 224 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:49,720 Speaker 1: I when I explored sort of going through the book 225 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,960 Speaker 1: all the different steps, you know. I know myself, I 226 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:57,000 Speaker 1: got divorced and then I was single for about six years, 227 00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:00,320 Speaker 1: and then I got married again and and I was 228 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,839 Speaker 1: married for six years then he died. So it's sort 229 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:06,320 Speaker 1: of I've seen this. I started seeing, you know, growing up, 230 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,840 Speaker 1: growing my independent way, getting married to investor Baker and 231 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,320 Speaker 1: having that failed, become a mother, be a single mother, 232 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:15,560 Speaker 1: get married again, be a widow, and it's really layered 233 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:19,600 Speaker 1: me for you know, um, not to get stuck because 234 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:22,120 Speaker 1: I think as you know, you're a young woman. You know, 235 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:26,079 Speaker 1: it's it's amazing. Stumbling blocks like this for women make 236 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:29,680 Speaker 1: us feel old. M hm, and you're not. I mean, 237 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:31,800 Speaker 1: I know myself if I think back of how I 238 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:34,520 Speaker 1: used to think at thirty six, I think, now what 239 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:36,840 Speaker 1: I'm here? This is not the plan, you know what 240 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:40,360 Speaker 1: I mean? Really, I have to go go out there again. 241 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:43,200 Speaker 1: But it's not going out again. You have a you 242 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:45,360 Speaker 1: have a different set of armor now you're a mother. 243 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 1: You know, this is a great experience. Divorce will strengthen 244 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:54,560 Speaker 1: you will be a different person in your next relationship. 245 00:12:54,679 --> 00:12:57,040 Speaker 1: You will be a different person in this period before 246 00:12:57,080 --> 00:13:01,200 Speaker 1: your relationship. I think that, Yeah, it's tempical as it is. 247 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,880 Speaker 1: It's it's an it's it's it ends up being a 248 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,520 Speaker 1: necessary evil. I can't explain it to you, like it's 249 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,240 Speaker 1: one of the things I talked about all the time 250 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:12,000 Speaker 1: about women not getting stuck. I just find a lot 251 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,400 Speaker 1: of times women have a moment like this and then 252 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:17,520 Speaker 1: they sort of stopped and looked to the past as 253 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:20,360 Speaker 1: opposed to be wonderment about the future. You know what 254 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:24,120 Speaker 1: I mean. I didn't work out with the guy. How 255 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:25,839 Speaker 1: do you find out it's thirty six, and at six 256 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:27,679 Speaker 1: can look back and say, why wasn't married to this 257 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:31,880 Speaker 1: asshole for forty years? How did you? How did you 258 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,280 Speaker 1: deal with the fact though that, because I can't even imagine, 259 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:37,720 Speaker 1: like obviously I know how hard divorces and but then 260 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,960 Speaker 1: remarrying and then have having someone then die, It's like, 261 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:42,680 Speaker 1: did you kind of have at the moment where you're 262 00:13:42,679 --> 00:13:44,560 Speaker 1: like really goad, like can I just can can I 263 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:46,960 Speaker 1: just be happy for once? Like and like that makes 264 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,840 Speaker 1: me want to cry for you. Not only did he 265 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,720 Speaker 1: die in that year, my daughter went to college, so 266 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:56,000 Speaker 1: I became an empty nester and a widow. And you 267 00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:59,120 Speaker 1: gotta remember before that, the year before that we just 268 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:02,439 Speaker 1: finished this. I was that we spent three years restoring 269 00:14:02,559 --> 00:14:04,679 Speaker 1: this or two years before, and we had it all 270 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,760 Speaker 1: planned out, Like I was, like, I have done it. 271 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 1: I've gone from Great Barrington to a telephone man's daughter 272 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,520 Speaker 1: to owning this fantastic house. With this fantastic house, my 273 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,600 Speaker 1: daughter's gonna go to college. He's gonna right up there, 274 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:19,320 Speaker 1: we're gonna travel, like I redefinantly have figured it out. 275 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,600 Speaker 1: In the boom, I'm a I'm literally standing at the 276 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:26,280 Speaker 1: altar burying him in the same altar where I married 277 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:31,360 Speaker 1: him six years before. Hurt breaking. But how did he 278 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,440 Speaker 1: how did he die? He got sick, he got he 279 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,400 Speaker 1: got sick, and then he just you know, I don't 280 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:38,920 Speaker 1: really talk about it a lot in the book because 281 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:42,479 Speaker 1: of his kids and I'm very protective of his children. Um, 282 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:45,640 Speaker 1: but he got ill. He died a liver disease. And 283 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,360 Speaker 1: it happened all within six months, which was a blessing. 284 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,360 Speaker 1: It wasn't at the time I was angry about but 285 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,320 Speaker 1: I looked at it. It It was almost like God's protection. 286 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:55,800 Speaker 1: He was like, we're gonna get and furiously and it did. 287 00:14:56,200 --> 00:15:01,160 Speaker 1: But you know, you feel, yeah, you know you feel 288 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:02,840 Speaker 1: I'm sure you do too. You know you said you 289 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:06,720 Speaker 1: think what Then you feel angry, you feel disappointed, you 290 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:13,040 Speaker 1: feel bewildered, you feel ashamed, you feel tired. Right you're 291 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:16,160 Speaker 1: You're like, you know, you got to manage because you know, 292 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,560 Speaker 1: of course, whenever there's a break, you've got to manage 293 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 1: new people that can be new boyfriend's girlfriends, that can 294 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:24,840 Speaker 1: be friends, that can be doing things differently as a 295 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:27,680 Speaker 1: family unit, because you know, now you have your family 296 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:29,720 Speaker 1: unit with daughter, then you got to manage his family 297 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,480 Speaker 1: unit with the daughter that you've got to manage how 298 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:34,560 Speaker 1: that you know, making sure the daughter even though she 299 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,600 Speaker 1: has this break rough and I did it very well, 300 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:40,000 Speaker 1: thank god. But you're making sure the kids because a 301 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:43,520 Speaker 1: lot of times, you know, the kids become the the 302 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,160 Speaker 1: aftermath of the divorce and they have to one thing 303 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 1: wealth and always be clear that handy thing get divorced. 304 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:52,000 Speaker 1: We did, as far as Hannah is concerned. We are 305 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:55,760 Speaker 1: a unit. We we functure. We just have two households. 306 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 1: You know, Ralph had a key to my apartment until 307 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:03,440 Speaker 1: I got married to Richard, but way a different divorce. 308 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,680 Speaker 1: You know, I think when there's any kind of betrayal, 309 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,680 Speaker 1: and I don't need to bring that up, but yeah, 310 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:12,600 Speaker 1: it's it's more difficult. Did you kind of separate it out? 311 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,120 Speaker 1: You got to separate it out? Yeah, I think, Yeah, 312 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:16,560 Speaker 1: I mean it's definitely hard. And it's one of those 313 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:20,600 Speaker 1: things where sometimes, like the process with us has been 314 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,560 Speaker 1: really challenging because because there is that betrayal, but there's 315 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,360 Speaker 1: also you know, he has so much resentment and I'm like, 316 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,840 Speaker 1: wait a minute, you're the one that hurt me, Like 317 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:29,480 Speaker 1: how are you being mean to me? Like I'm like, 318 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:31,920 Speaker 1: this doesn't this doesn't add up to me, you know, 319 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 1: and so it's like, welcome to a man. Oh, please 320 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,760 Speaker 1: tell me more to help me understand that, because I'm 321 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,160 Speaker 1: just like losing my mind. I'm like, there's a million 322 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 1: mean things I could say to you, but I'm choosing 323 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:44,440 Speaker 1: to be like kind And what I say I always 324 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:48,120 Speaker 1: say men have a beautiful art of spelling, like the 325 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:51,000 Speaker 1: type of person that you know, God forgot they can 326 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:55,400 Speaker 1: they can, you know, knock a glass out of your hand, 327 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,320 Speaker 1: glass of wine out your hand and then yell at you. 328 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:01,280 Speaker 1: There's a staying out the carpet. Yes, oh my god, 329 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,800 Speaker 1: yes you do. Even you're like, but but you knocked 330 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:06,119 Speaker 1: the glass And they're like, you have a look at 331 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:11,760 Speaker 1: this stain. Yes, not the glass. I like it because 332 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:16,400 Speaker 1: you I don't care about the details. Stay now you 333 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,520 Speaker 1: women were like, oh my god, I got to clean 334 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:22,200 Speaker 1: up the stain because they just because we are problem 335 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:26,040 Speaker 1: solvers like that, right, Yes, he's still with the is 336 00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:29,399 Speaker 1: can I ask? He's still with the person that caused 337 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:33,119 Speaker 1: the damage and it is damaged by the way anyone 338 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:35,359 Speaker 1: when it comes into a marriage, I'm very old school 339 00:17:35,359 --> 00:17:41,000 Speaker 1: serious accept the all a marriage knowing that they are 340 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:47,040 Speaker 1: involved terrible person, and I need to be. But you know, 341 00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:49,080 Speaker 1: they not even they know you were married, they knew 342 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,480 Speaker 1: you had a child. Mm hmm. Yeah, so that is 343 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:56,280 Speaker 1: a terrible person because I am I don't give your 344 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,560 Speaker 1: religious spiritual You guys had a bond and you do 345 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:02,040 Speaker 1: not touch a bond. Yeah. How long has it been 346 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:11,160 Speaker 1: since the divorce? Yeah? I filed April. Oh she's still missed. Yeah, 347 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,920 Speaker 1: so but I mean everything's everything's final. I mean it'll 348 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:17,600 Speaker 1: be officially final next week. So, um, yeah, it's just 349 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:22,400 Speaker 1: been But we've been dealing with infidelity for the we've 350 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:25,240 Speaker 1: been dealing with it for I found out a year 351 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,400 Speaker 1: into our marriage he had been unfaithful with a bunch 352 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,760 Speaker 1: of women. So it's been five years of us trying 353 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,840 Speaker 1: to rebuild something that has just been really hard. And 354 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:35,919 Speaker 1: you know, I take some I have to look at 355 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:39,480 Speaker 1: myself and take some blame and accountability for you know, 356 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:43,200 Speaker 1: the ways that I tried to it was it was 357 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,240 Speaker 1: very hard for me to um to be in that 358 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:49,160 Speaker 1: kind of marriage where there was just not any trust, 359 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:51,080 Speaker 1: And as much as I tried, it was still very 360 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,239 Speaker 1: it was very hard. So I'm sure you know at 361 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:56,040 Speaker 1: times I was shameful and I said mean things, and 362 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,440 Speaker 1: you cheated on your year and a half in your martach. 363 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:03,600 Speaker 1: So that's so whatever, that's soiled. Whatever that when you know, 364 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,320 Speaker 1: when you get married, it's a plant. Yeah, if you 365 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,919 Speaker 1: put in a garden, then you feed at the soil, 366 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,040 Speaker 1: and you feed at the right sun. And if you 367 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,520 Speaker 1: feed it bad soil, you feed it ugly rain. You 368 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,639 Speaker 1: can't be surprised when the plant doesn't grow the way 369 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,160 Speaker 1: you're supposed to grow. So yeah, I get what you're saying, 370 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:24,560 Speaker 1: But I mean, how could you have not? Yeah, I mean, yeah, 371 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,360 Speaker 1: it's just it's just it's so heavy, that's so hard. 372 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,000 Speaker 1: And right now I'm just like I'm in the place 373 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,520 Speaker 1: where it's like, okay, how do I how do I 374 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,639 Speaker 1: raise my children? Because we have two beautiful kids, And 375 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:36,320 Speaker 1: I'm like, how do you? But by day, just day 376 00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:40,639 Speaker 1: by day that's it because you'd be surprised the power 377 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,320 Speaker 1: and day by day just don't even worry. Just just 378 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:47,800 Speaker 1: feed them, make sure they're safe, love them, make sure 379 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,760 Speaker 1: they through a relationship with their father that you don't 380 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:54,000 Speaker 1: have to be, you know, overly engaged in, and and 381 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,200 Speaker 1: just go forth. I promise you you will you you 382 00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,520 Speaker 1: will do it. And you'll be better for it than 383 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,960 Speaker 1: the end. But how do you have such a light 384 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:05,920 Speaker 1: and such a good energy when like you've had because 385 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:08,520 Speaker 1: again like you had your second chance at this fairy 386 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,960 Speaker 1: tale love and then it goes away. You know what 387 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,080 Speaker 1: my mother said to me when I was bawling about 388 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:16,280 Speaker 1: Richard and falling and crying and crying. And my mother 389 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:19,360 Speaker 1: is my oak tree. You know, she's just my rock, 390 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:20,680 Speaker 1: She said to me one day, and I was like 391 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:24,320 Speaker 1: doing bad things and drinking and not carrying and angry 392 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,840 Speaker 1: and it's not there. And I would started doing that 393 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:34,720 Speaker 1: comparing and we'll look at that present for somebody. You know. Ye, yes, 394 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,199 Speaker 1: I've done everything right. I've serviced to God. I've got 395 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,600 Speaker 1: a good mother. My mom said, you know what she'd 396 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:44,240 Speaker 1: give me one day. You know, you met Richard six 397 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,280 Speaker 1: eight years ago now, and then I'm like eight years 398 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,640 Speaker 1: go America for six He said, Hannah was like ten 399 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,320 Speaker 1: and a half. She He loved Hannah as if he 400 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,240 Speaker 1: were she was his own. She said, Now, let me 401 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,720 Speaker 1: ask you something. If God came to you and said 402 00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,200 Speaker 1: you're gonna meet go back, then you're gonna meet one 403 00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:03,879 Speaker 1: for seven and a half years. He's gonna love your child, 404 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,840 Speaker 1: raise your child. You're gonna be exposed to things that 405 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,359 Speaker 1: never said. You're gonna experience such great love. But then 406 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:12,359 Speaker 1: he's going to have to leave. But that's the deal. 407 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,080 Speaker 1: Will you take this deal? And I said, she said, well, 408 00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:18,000 Speaker 1: what are you doing? I said, yeah, Mom, of course, 409 00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:20,960 Speaker 1: She goes, well, that's what you got, just because you 410 00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,639 Speaker 1: think you know the beginning, in the middle of the end, 411 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:27,920 Speaker 1: God has a different timeline. So don't be greedy. That's 412 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,440 Speaker 1: what you got. And now we're going to move on 413 00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:31,600 Speaker 1: from that. You're gonna get up every day, wash your face, 414 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:35,040 Speaker 1: and you're gonna start moving forward again. And I just 415 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,640 Speaker 1: had to play something like that feel like it makes 416 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:40,800 Speaker 1: me cry. I gotta beautiful, like it's a beautiful way 417 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:43,879 Speaker 1: to look at it, like I just and you should 418 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,960 Speaker 1: cry because lost is lost, and you know what you 419 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:49,920 Speaker 1: will you will It will make you a different person. 420 00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:51,560 Speaker 1: But I think in the long one, it will make 421 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,840 Speaker 1: you know you ever had that beautiful story about the grapes, 422 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,480 Speaker 1: and the grapes that are beautiful, they're just not as 423 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:59,359 Speaker 1: sweet the most beautiful grapes of people pick and Italy 424 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:03,520 Speaker 1: are warm and dark and leathery, but the juice is 425 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:09,160 Speaker 1: beautiful because it suffers and it protects that beautiful juice. 426 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:14,000 Speaker 1: It's sorry, this is just you just know life's hogged. Yeah, 427 00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:17,879 Speaker 1: oh man, So how are you like? Because how how 428 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,880 Speaker 1: many that's been? How many years it's gonna be ten 429 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,840 Speaker 1: years this year? Can you imagine? So how do you like? 430 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,760 Speaker 1: How do you get back out there? And and and 431 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:30,280 Speaker 1: and trust that like and and to bring thelow You 432 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:33,600 Speaker 1: should talk to people, and you should get any kind 433 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,800 Speaker 1: of professional help you can be in. You should be 434 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,560 Speaker 1: shameless about it, and you should cry when you want 435 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,520 Speaker 1: to cry, and you should not rush into anything. You 436 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:45,320 Speaker 1: should be very protective of yourself because it's a wound 437 00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:49,680 Speaker 1: and you should, you know, just do it slowly, there's 438 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:53,960 Speaker 1: no rush. And you know what, you got it all 439 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,159 Speaker 1: in front of you. You got your two kids, and 440 00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:58,280 Speaker 1: it sounds like you have a beautiful career and you're 441 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:01,440 Speaker 1: a beautiful girl, and you know you do you have 442 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:05,920 Speaker 1: a strong family bond, Yeah, very much. You have your family, 443 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 1: so you've already won. I mean, I'm very religious, so 444 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,960 Speaker 1: my religion helped me a lot. You know, I'm not 445 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,080 Speaker 1: cookie religious, but very spiritual. You know, I clean onto 446 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:18,160 Speaker 1: that and that helped me a lot and and exercise 447 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:22,720 Speaker 1: and stay healthy. So make it nice. What is your 448 00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:28,760 Speaker 1: just so but make it nice. I mean that is 449 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:33,000 Speaker 1: your I mean, that's that is probably I mean, is 450 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,480 Speaker 1: it just kind of is it showing the journey and 451 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:37,800 Speaker 1: how how you've come to this place, that's this whole 452 00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:40,320 Speaker 1: place that you are. You have to you have to suffer, 453 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,240 Speaker 1: and you have you have to go through things, You 454 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,680 Speaker 1: have to go through life, and all you can do 455 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:47,520 Speaker 1: is sort of look at it and try to do 456 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:51,439 Speaker 1: it as best you can, as honorably as you can, 457 00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:56,320 Speaker 1: as accepting as you can. You know, and be and 458 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,280 Speaker 1: you know, don't be in a rush. Sloan Steady wins 459 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:03,520 Speaker 1: the race. You know, eat life really is a marathon, 460 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:07,600 Speaker 1: like it's you. You know, it's like it's like a butterfly, 461 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,400 Speaker 1: you know, the butterfly, the monarch. Butterflies are the strongest 462 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:11,960 Speaker 1: of the ones that come out of the nest a 463 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,440 Speaker 1: little bit later because they but there's by the time 464 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,560 Speaker 1: they get out, their winds are so strong that it 465 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,639 Speaker 1: was worth taking the time to do it right. And 466 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:22,879 Speaker 1: you know it's women, we like you're feeling right now. 467 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:26,280 Speaker 1: This is a roadblock, but you'll figure out a way 468 00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:29,000 Speaker 1: around it. You know, you don't have to go through it. 469 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,560 Speaker 1: You'll figure out. You're like, you know why I got 470 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,480 Speaker 1: to the path. I thought I was going to Italy, 471 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,600 Speaker 1: but now you may end up in France, so you 472 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:39,520 Speaker 1: want to French? Alright, It's okay. Isn't that great? You 473 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:41,280 Speaker 1: thought you were gonna end up in Italy, but it's 474 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:43,960 Speaker 1: that you're going to France. That's okay. That's why my 475 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:45,440 Speaker 1: mother used to say, you thought you were going to 476 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:49,679 Speaker 1: the beach, but unfortunately going skames adapt It's about adapting. 477 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:54,359 Speaker 1: It's about you know, taking looking back on these things 478 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,280 Speaker 1: that we go through like this, not as disappointments but 479 00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:01,840 Speaker 1: as growth periods. Yeah, and really taking care of yourself, 480 00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:04,960 Speaker 1: you know, as women we and I include myself, you know, 481 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,560 Speaker 1: we can get a self destructive people around We started 482 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,359 Speaker 1: drinking sort did you trying to keep up, trying to 483 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:16,600 Speaker 1: compare and contrast. Just stop. You'd be surprised how life 484 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:20,080 Speaker 1: unfolds for itself if you ask it too. Yeah, right, 485 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,639 Speaker 1: I I agree with you, and that it's just I 486 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:26,440 Speaker 1: think it's like the hardest thing is like how powerful 487 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,160 Speaker 1: your mind is too, you know, and how how much 488 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:31,680 Speaker 1: you know? I'm like, oh, well, I guess I don't 489 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,360 Speaker 1: deserve that, So I'm gonna go. Let's let's let's choose 490 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:37,640 Speaker 1: the next relationship that's justice destructive. There is a wonderful 491 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:42,040 Speaker 1: tool for women, isn't it. We grapuate onto it, just 492 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,960 Speaker 1: don't don't pick up that him. Did you enjoy writing 493 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:49,880 Speaker 1: your book? It was an absolute joy and it came 494 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,359 Speaker 1: at a perfect time because, as you know, it was 495 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:55,040 Speaker 1: not on the Real Housewife last year and it was COVID, 496 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:58,600 Speaker 1: so I kind of used it as a time because 497 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,719 Speaker 1: I've been you know, it's so funny. I'm I love 498 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,800 Speaker 1: to talk. I love people, but I never take time 499 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:07,920 Speaker 1: to like really take stock of what I've done, where 500 00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:10,080 Speaker 1: I come from, and what I believe because I'm always 501 00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:13,600 Speaker 1: talking and talking and I love women and kind of 502 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:16,359 Speaker 1: empowering women, and I just I like, like I always 503 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:18,000 Speaker 1: say I should have. I would have probably been great 504 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:29,520 Speaker 1: and like a harem right one husband fifty that's our 505 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,440 Speaker 1: commune liver. I would be a great common liver because 506 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:35,600 Speaker 1: I like people, right. But it was nice because COVID 507 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,960 Speaker 1: allowed me to sit still and stop talking and start 508 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,720 Speaker 1: writing it down and thinking and going through these phases 509 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:44,280 Speaker 1: of my life. It was a real Um, it was 510 00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:49,640 Speaker 1: a real um gift, you know, because I have been 511 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:51,600 Speaker 1: through a lot, you know, and I'm really proud of 512 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:54,920 Speaker 1: myself and I have I haven't often said that about myself. 513 00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:58,960 Speaker 1: If you're always doing it's just about God through that, okay, 514 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:02,359 Speaker 1: God through that to go back and really honor my 515 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:07,119 Speaker 1: relationships and experiences I've had and the downfalls. And then 516 00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:09,000 Speaker 1: you know, I was reading I was watching the other 517 00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:11,480 Speaker 1: day a little Chaos and she says the most beautiful 518 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:14,960 Speaker 1: thing that she says that, you know, women should be. 519 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:18,280 Speaker 1: Women should be noted for their she says something that 520 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,000 Speaker 1: don't take it word for word. I'll I'll watch against 521 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,320 Speaker 1: you've been watching, said women should have been. Women are 522 00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:26,920 Speaker 1: often recognized for their faults with are vulnerabilities, but not 523 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:31,359 Speaker 1: for their successes. We're really good at pointing out our 524 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:34,639 Speaker 1: vulnerabilities and our faults, but we're really bad at pointing 525 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:39,560 Speaker 1: out our successes. So I was like, that's it, you know, yeah, 526 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,560 Speaker 1: and I think there's something so I thought this when 527 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:48,440 Speaker 1: it turned into it, right right, But it's so it's 528 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:50,600 Speaker 1: so good though, it's so real, and I think, like 529 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,159 Speaker 1: when you like, what does that mean? That's whatever you 530 00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:55,000 Speaker 1: call it? That could be God, that could be you're 531 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:58,640 Speaker 1: your angel. There's someone out there to put us together today. Yeah, 532 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,399 Speaker 1: and I think should maybe a shifty interview, but we 533 00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:05,920 Speaker 1: certainly got it there. But I think it's there's something 534 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,359 Speaker 1: so beautiful of you being like, you know, saying that 535 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,000 Speaker 1: you're proud of yourself and I can't even you know, 536 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:15,000 Speaker 1: and not like chokes me up because the voices that 537 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,879 Speaker 1: I feel like us women speak to ourselves are so 538 00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:22,480 Speaker 1: toxic all the time and we have to work on that. 539 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,400 Speaker 1: And you know what, and also to what you just said, 540 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,760 Speaker 1: which is very interesting. So when you don't have that anymore, 541 00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:32,600 Speaker 1: you know, I said, the great thing about a postmanopausal woman, 542 00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:35,000 Speaker 1: the sex thing is sort of not as important. So 543 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:38,040 Speaker 1: it's crazy because that's sex thing and chilled childbirard and 544 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:41,440 Speaker 1: make you a little nutty. Right, So when you're mad 545 00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:43,880 Speaker 1: at fifty six and you're like, oh, I just want 546 00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:45,480 Speaker 1: to watch TV and go to sleep at night, you 547 00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:47,280 Speaker 1: know what I mean. I want to make money, that's 548 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,040 Speaker 1: I want to be happy. I want to go vegation 549 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,720 Speaker 1: with my girlfriend. It's it's amazing because you don't, you know, 550 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:57,360 Speaker 1: you you you you don't have all that craziness because 551 00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:01,720 Speaker 1: it's like questioning and craziness and I'm a worthy and 552 00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:03,640 Speaker 1: just should I date? And am I gonna get married again? 553 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,920 Speaker 1: It's it can really make you loopy, and I think 554 00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:10,280 Speaker 1: in some ways men tune into that a little bit 555 00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,560 Speaker 1: because you know, we're all it's probably you know a 556 00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:15,920 Speaker 1: lot of men love to say that thing you're crazy, 557 00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:20,800 Speaker 1: you're not, and it creates such anger that it makes 558 00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:23,480 Speaker 1: us look crazy and nuts or make us feel like 559 00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:27,000 Speaker 1: we're crazy. I'm like, am I crazy? Did I Like? 560 00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:28,600 Speaker 1: I'm like, I know I could have maybe been like 561 00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:30,880 Speaker 1: a little less naggy and like, yeah I had I 562 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:34,200 Speaker 1: was controlling at times because of the environment that caused. 563 00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:37,560 Speaker 1: But I'm like, you know, as you're intelligence self, I 564 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,280 Speaker 1: had nothing to do. I know, but it's very hard 565 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,320 Speaker 1: not to like when you hear it cards. It's very 566 00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:44,240 Speaker 1: hard to not listen to those because I'm like, and 567 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,600 Speaker 1: I was just I was helping a girl. Some people 568 00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:48,360 Speaker 1: DM me sometimes and they're like, hey, like I just 569 00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:51,800 Speaker 1: feel and I'm like, I can so easily give the 570 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,520 Speaker 1: advice to other people, but I can't take it myself. 571 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:57,760 Speaker 1: Like I know that yes, was I controlling, Yes I was? 572 00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:01,360 Speaker 1: But was it because of the environment that was created. Yes, 573 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:03,720 Speaker 1: like both those things can be true, but like I 574 00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,240 Speaker 1: put on so much guilt for that. Well, I was like, 575 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:11,280 Speaker 1: but yeah, I tell other people not to Well, that's right, 576 00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:14,080 Speaker 1: because it's easier to give than follow. It's easier to 577 00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:16,200 Speaker 1: give direction than follow. It's easier to tell someone to 578 00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:19,360 Speaker 1: do temper shops and doing them yourself. Right, you can 579 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,720 Speaker 1: say to someone doing tempership is really good for every day, 580 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:23,960 Speaker 1: but when you have to do them like this is hard. 581 00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:27,160 Speaker 1: My boobs, I not my my my doctor told me 582 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:33,360 Speaker 1: I'm not allowed to with my new books. You know, 583 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 1: I think that when people when there's any kind of betrayal, 584 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:42,760 Speaker 1: it's a wound, and just like any kind of animal, 585 00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:46,160 Speaker 1: you protect the wound. So you get a little jittery, 586 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:49,560 Speaker 1: you know, afterally get the wound right, it's it's it's trauma. 587 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:55,400 Speaker 1: So you know, I just would not if I would 588 00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:58,240 Speaker 1: to give you some advice as the older Yes, you're 589 00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:01,280 Speaker 1: in the place you're you're now my my new life coach, 590 00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:05,880 Speaker 1: Like I would say, stop thinking about the past and 591 00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,760 Speaker 1: just today and go forward and be like I would 592 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:12,240 Speaker 1: just like pretend until you are strong enough, it doesn't exist. 593 00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:16,160 Speaker 1: Just until I'm not saying forever, but for now, just 594 00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:20,480 Speaker 1: until you can, you know, really accalm, get strong and 595 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:22,960 Speaker 1: heal yourself and lick your wounds again. I would just 596 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:28,040 Speaker 1: put that on hold because maybe, just maybe any year, 597 00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:30,040 Speaker 1: two years, you'll be able to look at that say 598 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:35,400 Speaker 1: care anymore? Mm hmm can you? I mean maybe they 599 00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:37,760 Speaker 1: should try it. I mean nothing, You're not gonna because 600 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:40,920 Speaker 1: it's a little bit spinning your wheels. It's probably taking 601 00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:45,200 Speaker 1: away from some positive things that you could probably develop 602 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:49,560 Speaker 1: over the next twelve sixteen months of your life. Right, yeah, 603 00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:53,880 Speaker 1: absolutely go out there and enjoying a new groups. Oh 604 00:31:53,960 --> 00:32:02,000 Speaker 1: I have trust me, trust my god, I've got oh drenda, 605 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:05,560 Speaker 1: thank you for making this, for making it nice? Oh good, 606 00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:07,720 Speaker 1: good enough, And I signed you with the book. I'll 607 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:10,320 Speaker 1: put a nice note personally, and I'm going to buy 608 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,840 Speaker 1: one too. But yeah, I just I appreciate every wonder. 609 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:17,680 Speaker 1: I hope, I hope I did root Are you kidding me? 610 00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:19,840 Speaker 1: You know you are incredible? And I hope everyone gets 611 00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,360 Speaker 1: her books a book make it nice on Amazona River 612 00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:24,880 Speaker 1: books are sold. But seriously, I just I appreciate you, 613 00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:28,360 Speaker 1: and good lucky if you know authentic, I'm I'm on 614 00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:30,880 Speaker 1: lovely I've gone through it. Your family want to make 615 00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:33,200 Speaker 1: a question, I have a chat. I'm here. I would 616 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:36,880 Speaker 1: love that. I mean, I'm a good listener. I you are, 617 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:38,480 Speaker 1: and I appreciate you and I will take you up 618 00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:54,560 Speaker 1: on that. So thank you so much. I appreciate you. Okay, 619 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:58,240 Speaker 1: I am obsessed with her, Kenvill, can you please pop 620 00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:02,600 Speaker 1: on right now? And Kendall is our new? Um? How 621 00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:05,480 Speaker 1: how would you call yourself a producer? What? What's what's 622 00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:10,960 Speaker 1: the new Kendall? Uh name for Kendall? Yes, so my 623 00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:17,959 Speaker 1: title actually is a podcast researcher. Okay, well, welcome Kendall 624 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,680 Speaker 1: to wind down. Um, I'm obsessed with Drenda and now 625 00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,440 Speaker 1: I want to go back and watch every single housewife 626 00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:26,240 Speaker 1: like show that she was on. You will be obsessed. 627 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:29,120 Speaker 1: I mean, she is just a ball of energy and amazing. 628 00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:31,640 Speaker 1: But like I couldn't like the entire time that we 629 00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:33,800 Speaker 1: were like on the interview, was like she probably doesn't 630 00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:35,960 Speaker 1: like yell at people or like was like was she 631 00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:39,960 Speaker 1: like a start? She was a mediator, like you know, 632 00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:42,400 Speaker 1: was very level headed, but there was times we were 633 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:44,360 Speaker 1: like whoa like? Especially right now, I feel like you 634 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,040 Speaker 1: probably couldn't tell, but she is so much fun in 635 00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:48,760 Speaker 1: a fan favorite. And I know for all the Real 636 00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:51,840 Speaker 1: Housewives fan they were like so upset that she wasn't 637 00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:55,120 Speaker 1: on this new season. Why wasn't she on? You know, 638 00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:56,680 Speaker 1: I think she just had her time. She's been on 639 00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:58,960 Speaker 1: it for years, and like she said, you know, it 640 00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:00,920 Speaker 1: was a gift she had, you know, the time to 641 00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,520 Speaker 1: sit down and work on her book and focus on 642 00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:06,000 Speaker 1: other things in life, and I think that she would 643 00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:09,839 Speaker 1: just maybe over it. My god, well I'm like, can 644 00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:11,879 Speaker 1: we really both crying? I was like, oh my god, 645 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:14,440 Speaker 1: But I just like I loved her. She's so sweet, 646 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:16,560 Speaker 1: Like she's just like she has like such a great 647 00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:20,920 Speaker 1: energy and soul to her. So and she's the cutest 648 00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:23,919 Speaker 1: bond with her daughter, you know. I love that. Yeah, 649 00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:26,759 Speaker 1: she was the best. I hope you guys enjoyed that 650 00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:30,480 Speaker 1: and got some if you're in that spot of kind 651 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:36,160 Speaker 1: of feeling stuck, like she said, you know, the past 652 00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:38,560 Speaker 1: is the past. Start start just focusing on today. I 653 00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,480 Speaker 1: know it's so much easier said than done, but um, 654 00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:44,120 Speaker 1: you are not alone, So you next week