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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: Gas Lighting is a form of emotional abuse intended to

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Speaker 2: make people think that they are losing their sanity by

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Speaker 2: making them question their own reality.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective.

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Speaker 3: If you have.

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Speaker 1: Any AHA moments or appreciate anything from this episode, please

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Speaker 1: leave us a review to let us know we're on

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Speaker 1: the right track. Also, we release episodes every Friday, so

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Speaker 1: be sure to subscribe on iTunes and visit cultivatinghearspace dot

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Speaker 1: com to access our exclusive after show and other bonus

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Speaker 1: content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 2: women like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Bussard, a

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Speaker 2: college professor and psyche collegist.

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Speaker 3: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 3: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 3: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 3: fibroids to fake friends, and create a safe space where

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Speaker 3: black women can just.

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Speaker 2: Be Hey, lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating

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Speaker 2: her Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the

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Speaker 2: state of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey. Well,

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Speaker 2: if so, please reach out to me at doctor Dominique

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Speaker 2: Brusard dot com. That's d R D O M I

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Speaker 2: N I q U E b R O U ss

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Speaker 2: ar D dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation.

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Speaker 2: I look forward to hearing from you. Our quote of

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Speaker 2: the day gas lighters confuse, intimidate, and disempower people for

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Speaker 2: the purpose of controlling other people and promoting the abuser's interests.

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Speaker 2: That quote comes to us from doctor Linda Hatch, and

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna say that again because I know that was

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Speaker 2: a lot and I want to make sure, as lady,

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Speaker 2: as you are preparing for this episode, that you really

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Speaker 2: take this quote in gas lighters confuse, intimidate, and disempower

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Speaker 2: people for the purpose of controlling other people and promoting

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Speaker 2: the abuser's interest teof this a lot that we have

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Speaker 2: to discuss today.

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Speaker 3: It is girl, it is indeed, and I feel like

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Speaker 3: I already know the question is coming, so I'm just

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Speaker 3: going to go ahead and answer what came up for

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Speaker 3: me As you share that, it kind of made me

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Speaker 3: a little emotional when I was thinking about it because

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Speaker 3: it makes me think about a time when I was

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Speaker 3: not aware of my own power, where I found myself

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Speaker 3: in situations that now I look back on and I'm like, girl, like,

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Speaker 3: I would never today like what you know, But you know,

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Speaker 3: it happens to the best of us.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 3: We get in situations with people who we trust or

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Speaker 3: think we can trust and they end up manipulating the situation.

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Speaker 3: So it definitely brought like a lot of memories. But

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Speaker 3: I think it's an important topic for us to dive into.

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Speaker 3: So I am excited for the topic. What about you,

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Speaker 3: don what came up for you as you read that quote?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think the thing that came up for me

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Speaker 2: is just reflecting on moments when maybe I've been gas

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Speaker 2: lid or manipulated or red flags that I may have

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Speaker 2: missed in relationships. And we're going to get into this,

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Speaker 2: but one interesting thing that really came up for me

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Speaker 2: was thinking about times when maybe I manipulated other people

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Speaker 2: and the impact that it had on them. Right, So

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Speaker 2: this is definitely part of a much needed conversation. And

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Speaker 2: we know, lady, as you're listening to this, this episode

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Speaker 2: is being recorded in twenty twenty three, and we're coming

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Speaker 2: off the heels of gaslighting being the word of the

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Speaker 2: year for twenty twenty two, and so really wanting to

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Speaker 2: dive into this conversation. And whether you are a first

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Speaker 2: time listener or you have been rocking with us for

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Speaker 2: a while, know that we have talked about gaslighting before

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Speaker 2: in the context of narcissism right, and we have talked

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Speaker 2: about red flags before in the context of understanding relationships.

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Speaker 3: And so.

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Speaker 2: If you want to go back and check out those episodes,

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Speaker 2: you can check out season eight, episode nine, Getting the

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Speaker 2: Relationship You Deserve with Alison Wellington, Season ten, episode two,

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Speaker 2: is Your Partner a Narcissist? Diving into Doctor Romeny Diversala's

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Speaker 2: Narcissism Quiz, and then season ten episode three, How to

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Speaker 2: Finally Leave your Narcissistic Partner, a Conversation with Doctor Romney.

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Speaker 3: Those were amazing episodes, so make sure you check them out, lady.

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Speaker 3: And before we jump into the topic very important topic,

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Speaker 3: we want to give you an overview of why this

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Speaker 3: topic is important and why you should stay until the end.

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Speaker 3: So for me personally, I've been in a few manipula

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Speaker 3: live relationships and I truly believed that if I had language,

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Speaker 3: if I had examples of what these different terms look

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Speaker 3: like in action, right, If I had support, and if

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Speaker 3: I had access to more conversations like today's conversations, it

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Speaker 3: could have empowered me to cut ties with toxic people

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Speaker 3: and behaviors a lot sooner, because I think that when

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Speaker 3: we don't have language for something, it makes it hard

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Speaker 3: to identify it, right, And if you don't have an

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Speaker 3: example of it, you can gaslight yourself, which I've done

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Speaker 3: numerous times, and talk yourself out of leaving a situation

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Speaker 3: or make excuses for someone, right, because we're oftentimes in

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Speaker 3: vulnerable situations. I know when I was back in a

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Speaker 3: toxic relationship, I stayed in the relationship a lot longer

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Speaker 3: because I was in my head right, and I thought

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Speaker 3: about all the reasons why it could work and why

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Speaker 3: I should stay. I doubted my intuition, and again I

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Speaker 3: didn't have language for the behavior to validate my feelings.

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Speaker 3: And so now let's talk a little bit about why

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Speaker 3: you should stay until the end. Okay, so you want

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Speaker 3: to stay until the end, because we're going to share

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Speaker 3: actual examples of what red flags look like, right, so

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Speaker 3: you can compare and contrast. If you're in something right now,

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Speaker 3: and you're like, hold up, they told me to see other.

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Speaker 4: Day mm hmm.

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Speaker 3: And my sisters, right, my sisters on the Cultivated her

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Speaker 3: Space podcast told me to beware of this.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 3: We're going to also talk about and show you what

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Speaker 3: manipulation looks like. What does gas lighting look like? Right?

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Speaker 3: What does it sound like? So that you can be

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Speaker 3: empowered to make the decision that's best for you. We're

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Speaker 3: also going to share tips on how to communicate or

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Speaker 3: take action when you are faced with these behaviors in

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Speaker 3: real life. So, without further ado, dom, I think I'm

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Speaker 3: going to pass it on over to you to dive

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Speaker 3: into this first definition.

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Speaker 2: All right, so let's talk about what gaslighting is. So again,

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Speaker 2: we know that it was the word of the year

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Speaker 2: for two thousand need to but do we really understand

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Speaker 2: what it is? I will say you know, a lot

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Speaker 2: of times as a mental health professional, it is interesting

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Speaker 2: and fascinating to see when words get from the mental

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Speaker 2: health psychological field get used in everyday language, because sometimes

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Speaker 2: those words get misconstrued. And so that's also why we

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Speaker 2: want to have this conversation to give you all the

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Speaker 2: clear definitions, the clear language. So that you really understand

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Speaker 2: and so that we can clear up any misinformation that

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Speaker 2: might be out there. So our first term gas lighting,

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Speaker 2: So just so that we're clear, gas lighting is a

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Speaker 2: form of emotional abuse intended to make people think that

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Speaker 2: they are losing their sanity by making them question their

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Speaker 2: own reality. And so what does that actually look like?

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Speaker 2: So the root of the word gas lighting comes from

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Speaker 2: decades ago, and essentially what it is is, let's say

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Speaker 2: that Terry, you and I are in conversation and you

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Speaker 2: tell me that your lipstick is red, right, and I

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Speaker 2: look at it, and I'm the and we're gonna say

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Speaker 2: that I'm the gas lighter, right, And I look at

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Speaker 2: it and I say, Terry, no, your lipstick is burnt orange,

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Speaker 2: And actually, are we sure that that's lipstick that you're

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Speaker 2: wearing and not the color of your lips? Like I really,

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Speaker 2: I really think that's the color of your lips. I

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Speaker 2: don't think you're actually wearing lipstick. And Terry, because you

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Speaker 2: believe me as your friend, you trust me as your friend,

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Speaker 2: You're like, wait, I've been out all day, Maybe maybe

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Speaker 2: I don't have lipstick on anymore, and maybe the lipstick

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Speaker 2: I was wearing was like a burnt orange and not

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Speaker 2: the red that I thought that I put on. And

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Speaker 2: you go look in the mirror and you're wearing that

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Speaker 2: red lipstick. You come back to me and I insist

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Speaker 2: to you, No, you're seeing things. You're not wearing lipstick,

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Speaker 2: and your lips are actually a burnt orange color, not red.

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Speaker 2: So I think you might need to get your eyes checked.

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Speaker 2: That is gaslighting.

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Speaker 3: And lady, if you're not watching the video and you're

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Speaker 3: tuning into the audio, I have on red lipstick today,

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Speaker 3: and yes, this was I want to see like a

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Speaker 3: high level example. We're going to dive in deep into

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Speaker 3: some things that people probably have really seen in relationships.

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Speaker 3: Because as you walk through that example down, it made

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Speaker 3: me think of a host of other real life examples

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Speaker 3: of why people do that, how it makes someone feels

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Speaker 3: when they are gasling all those things. But that was

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Speaker 3: just like us touching the tip of the iceberg, lady.

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Speaker 3: But that's why don use that example. Because if you

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Speaker 3: watch us on Patreon, go to our website Girl Perspace

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Speaker 3: podcast dot com, click on Wisdom Wednesday with Terry Patreon,

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Speaker 3: and you can see the video of this episode as well,

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Speaker 3: because it might be helpful for you So that was

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Speaker 3: our first definition gas slightings. Next we have red flags.

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Speaker 2: Yes, all right, so red flags. You all have seen

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Speaker 2: red flags on social media and you have seen so

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Speaker 2: many people post videos about what red flags are. Right, Again,

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Speaker 2: be mindful of your information sources. Red flags are behaviors

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Speaker 2: that give you.

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Speaker 3: Serious pause.

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Speaker 2: And could sometimes indicate a larger pattern of behavior. Right,

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Speaker 2: And I want to be clear that I said red

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Speaker 2: flags are behavior that give you serious pause, because the reality,

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Speaker 2: and we'll talk more about this later as well, the

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Speaker 2: reality is that when we are listening to our intuition,

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Speaker 2: when we are in tune with who we are, we

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Speaker 2: will pause at the red flags. Now, whether or not

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Speaker 2: you choose to pay attention, that's a whole other story.

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Speaker 2: But again, a red flag is a behavior that will.

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Speaker 3: Give you serious pause.

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Speaker 2: And will sometimes indicate a larger pattern of behavior. Quick example,

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Speaker 2: let's say that one of your non negotiables in your

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Speaker 2: romantic relationship is that your partner keeps a clean house.

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Speaker 2: That's your non negotiable. Okay, might not be anybody else's,

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Speaker 2: but that is your non negotiable. Your partner keeps a

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Speaker 2: clean house. Red flag, you go over, they invite you

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Speaker 2: over to their home for the first time. Everything is spotless,

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Speaker 2: everything is impeccable, right, So you're like, bet, they check

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Speaker 2: off that box my non negotiable, like they keep a

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Speaker 2: clean home. Here's the red flag after that first visit,

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Speaker 2: any other time you get ready to go to their home,

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Speaker 2: you have to text and let them know when you

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Speaker 2: are outside. And once you are outside, you are ending

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Speaker 2: up waiting five to ten minutes before you're allowed inside.

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Speaker 2: That's a red flag that every time you go over there,

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Speaker 2: you're asked to wait outside five to ten minutes. That

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Speaker 2: gives you pause, or it should give you pause. Why

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Speaker 2: am I having to wait outside? Chances are their house

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Speaker 2: is not clean to your standards and they're doing a

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Speaker 2: quick clean. But because a clean house is your non negotiable,

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Speaker 2: that behavior of making you wait outside is a red flag.

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Speaker 3: All right, lady. So we are just diving into one

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Speaker 3: last definition before we jump into some of our stories

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Speaker 3: on what we've witnessed and how we may have experienced

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Speaker 3: some of these things here. So next we have manipulation.

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Speaker 2: And so manipulation is the exercise of harmful influence over others.

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Speaker 2: And I want to be clear that there are ways

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Speaker 2: in which we may manipulate other people, and we believe

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Speaker 2: that we're manipulating them for good, for the benefit. But ultimately,

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Speaker 2: manipulation is harmful influence over others because you're not using

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Speaker 2: a sort of communication to get the person to engage

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Speaker 2: in the behavior that you want. So I'm going to

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Speaker 2: repeat that definition again. Manipulation is the exercise of harmful

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Speaker 2: influence over others. People who manipulate others attack their mental

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Speaker 2: and emotional sides to get what they want. The person

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Speaker 2: doing the manipulating, also known as the manipulator, is seeking

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Speaker 2: to create an imbalance of power and take advantage of

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Speaker 2: the other person to get power, control, benefits, or privileges

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Speaker 2: at the expense of that other person. All right, So

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Speaker 2: here's a high level, low risk example of manipulation. So, Terry,

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Speaker 2: let's say that you and I are trying to schedule

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Speaker 2: a time to meet up for brunch, right, and we're

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Speaker 2: going to pretend that I still live in the Bay Area.

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Speaker 2: You're it, You're in San Francisco and I'm over in Oakland.

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Speaker 2: Right now, Let's say that you know that there's this

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Speaker 2: bomb ass restaurant that you have been dying to get

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Speaker 2: to for brunch, right, but you know I hate coming

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Speaker 2: over that bridge, and you know that it might actually

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Speaker 2: be easier for you to come on over to open,

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Speaker 2: but you really want me to try this restaurant? Right,

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Speaker 2: if you were being manipulative instead of coming out and saying, Hey,

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Speaker 2: dom I want there's this nice there's this bomb ass

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Speaker 2: restaurant in the city that I really would like for

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Speaker 2: you to try, would you mind coming over so that

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Speaker 2: we can go to this check out this place together. Right,

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Speaker 2: That would be the more assertive, up front, direct way

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Speaker 2: of going about it.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 2: The manipulative way of going about it would be you saying, Hey,

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Speaker 2: don when was the last time you were in the city. Girl.

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Speaker 2: You know there's this shoe store on Post Street that

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Speaker 2: I really want you to check out. And I know

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Speaker 2: that you you know, we were talking another day and

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Speaker 2: you were telling me that you were in the market

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Speaker 2: for a new pair of shoes. So how about on Sunday,

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Speaker 2: since we're supposed to meet up for brunch, how about

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Speaker 2: on Sunday you come over to you come over to

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Speaker 2: the city, we go to brunch, we check out this

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Speaker 2: cool restaurant, and then we can go check out the

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Speaker 2: We can go check out the new shoe store. That's

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Speaker 2: manipulation because you really, you really have no interest in

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Speaker 2: going to the shoe store. Your real goal was to

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Speaker 2: get me to come over to your side to go

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Speaker 2: to the restaurant that you wanted to go to. That's manipulation,

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Speaker 2: and that's a that's a high level, low risk form

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Speaker 2: of manipulation, and we'll talk more about what it looks

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Speaker 2: like when it's higher risk form.

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Speaker 3: It's so interesting hearing those definitions because so many thoughts

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Speaker 3: come up for me. I think I'm going to save

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Speaker 3: my questions and the check in on the definitions later

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Speaker 3: in the conversation so we can jump into our real

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Speaker 3: life situations. But so much, so much came up, Dom

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Speaker 3: as you were reading those definitions, so many questions, so

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Speaker 3: many moments of me thinking like, oh damn. Like you

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Speaker 3: said in the beginning, I've definitely used these before. You know,

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Speaker 3: maybe I didn't have bad intentions. Maybe I did have

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Speaker 3: bad intentions, right, who knows. Like I can think of

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Speaker 3: moments where I'm like, oh damn, I've done that before.

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Speaker 3: So I think when we have this conversation, Dom, it's

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Speaker 3: not necessarily to demonize anyone, but it's to make us

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Speaker 3: aware of what's out there the tools that people can

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Speaker 3: use to take advantage of us or letting us know

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Speaker 3: that hey, there's terminology for this behavior here, and you

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Speaker 3: might be partaking in this as well. So with that said,

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Speaker 3: we're going to jump into some of our personal conversations. Now,

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Speaker 3: I talked about this a bit before, but I've experienced

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Speaker 3: these types of behaviors and intimate relationships and also in

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Speaker 3: family relationships. I had an ex boyfriend who did a

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Speaker 3: number on me when it came to manipulation and gaslighting.

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Speaker 3: And yes, I'm going to share some examples. I'm going

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Speaker 3: to change the names and all that stuff. But when

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Speaker 3: I think about even my relationship with my mom, that's

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Speaker 3: another relationship where I experienced some of this. And again

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Speaker 3: I'm not claiming a victim mentality right now because I

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Speaker 3: have also been the perpetrator, the gas lighter, the manipulator, right,

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Speaker 3: and the person that had some red flags as well.

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Speaker 3: So it just kind of puts things in perspective when

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Speaker 3: you think about how we may be the receiver of

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Speaker 3: these things and then we also may be putting in

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Speaker 3: the there. So years ago, I was in a relationship

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Speaker 3: We're going to call this guy Jeroon, okay, and everything

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Speaker 3: was perfect. Down was laughing, aware, everything was perfect. In

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Speaker 3: the beginning, Dome, I was getting so much attention, which

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Speaker 3: I loved. He would call me often, and there was

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Speaker 3: a thought that I had in my mind when he

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Speaker 3: would call often, and I thought it was kind of cute.

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Speaker 3: It was kind of like a low key obsession kind

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Speaker 3: of control aspect. But at that point in the relationship,

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Speaker 3: I was like, oh, that's cute. Oh my god, you know,

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Speaker 3: and let's be honest, my self esteem was in a

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Speaker 3: space in life where it wasn't the highest. So there

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Speaker 3: were things that I thought were cute or acceptable that

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Speaker 3: probably were more red flags I wasn't really aware of

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Speaker 3: at that moment. And so if he if I'd missed

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Speaker 3: a call, right, he would blow my phone up, And

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Speaker 3: part of me was like, dog, you bugging. But then again,

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Speaker 3: because of how my self esteem was set up, there

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Speaker 3: was part of me that enjoyed it. Red flag alert,

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Speaker 3: red flag alert, because that was a red flag. Okay,

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Speaker 3: you're blowing You're calling me like more than twenty times

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Speaker 3: because I missed your call. That's that's been much. That's

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Speaker 3: a lot. That's a lot. That's a lot.

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Speaker 2: Okay, But lady, you'd be surprised how often that happens.

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Speaker 2: I'm just okay, and you probably listening to like, girl,

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Speaker 2: I'll be that happens to me to my dude calls

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Speaker 2: me thirty five times.

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Speaker 3: So okay, okay. So it's a safe space, no judgment.

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Speaker 3: We're just putting the stuff out there. Right. So as

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Speaker 3: this relationship progressed, people around me, like my friends and

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Speaker 3: my family, they begin to say, like, don't seem right.

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Speaker 3: They begin to share their concerns, and I also became

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Speaker 3: mia like I was missing an action. I wasn't around

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Speaker 3: as much, I wasn't as successful. And what I realized

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Speaker 3: in hindsight when I look back on that relationship, he

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Speaker 3: was trying to strategically pull me away from folks that

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Speaker 3: I was close to. Right, And at this point in

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Speaker 3: the relationship, I was already and what I thought was love.

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Speaker 5: Right.

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Speaker 3: I was to love, so I thought, And so my

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Speaker 3: guard was down and it was easier for me to

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Speaker 3: accept more bullshit, right, because if he would have tried

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Speaker 3: with the bullshit on day one, I probably wouldn't have

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Speaker 3: I probably wouldn't have had it right. I probably wouldn't

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Speaker 3: be like hold up. But once you get sucked in

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Speaker 3: you're like, oh, I love this person. We're close now,

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Speaker 3: like we've been together for this amount of time. It

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Speaker 3: makes it tricky, right, And so I tried to break

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Speaker 3: up with Jerome so many times. And I remember this

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Speaker 3: one time we were either we were in Philly, we

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Speaker 3: were either on I ninety five or I seventy six

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Speaker 3: and got into an argument about something and he threatened

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Speaker 3: to jump out of the moving car. Y'all, we're driving,

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Speaker 3: I'm driving, I'm driving. He's in the passenger seat and

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Speaker 3: gets mad about some shit and threatens to jump out

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Speaker 3: of the car. That is a manipulation alert. Okay, yes, yes,

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Speaker 3: So those were some of the things that I went

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Speaker 3: through in that particular relationship, and one of the things

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Speaker 3: I will say as well. We can probably dive into

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Speaker 3: this a little later down. I dealt with a lot

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Speaker 3: of shame, and we talked about this on a previous

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Speaker 3: episode about toxic relationships. I felt a lot of shame

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Speaker 3: when I looked back on the relationship because if someone

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Speaker 3: would have told me that I would be in a

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Speaker 3: relationship where I put up with all that stuff, I

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Speaker 3: would have be like you lying like with the young

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Speaker 3: people say that's cat like, No, it's not it's not

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Speaker 3: going to happen. Like it's not going to happen. But

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Speaker 3: when you get into this situation, it allows you to

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Speaker 3: have a lot more empathy for other people, right, victims

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Speaker 3: who stay in domestic abuse, right, because it gets you

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Speaker 3: in like they get you to lower your guard down.

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Speaker 3: They are being very strategic. So when someone is being

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Speaker 3: very strategic and they have a mission and a goal

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Speaker 3: to get you into a certain space, we have to

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Speaker 3: give ourselves grace because we were plotted on, like someone

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Speaker 3: was purposely trying to get us into a position. And

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Speaker 3: because many times we're loving, trusting people, it makes it

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Speaker 3: an easy it makes us an easy target.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 3: And so I used to always ask myself, how did

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Speaker 3: someone who was raised by a strong black woman end

383
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Speaker 3: up in a situation like this? And after I lived

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Speaker 3: through it, I understood, like, oh right, I was plotted on.

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Speaker 3: So what do you think, don what do you think

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Speaker 3: about that? And what about your experiences with any of

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Speaker 3: this stuff?

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Speaker 2: You know, I think it's more common than we realize, right,

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Speaker 2: And I think maybe this will be a future episode

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Speaker 2: for us of like the quote unquote strong black woman

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Speaker 2: who finds herself in a relationship where there's emotional abuse,

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Speaker 2: right and for some physical abuse right and sexual abuse,

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Speaker 2: and so it is way more common than we readily

394
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Speaker 2: talk about, right, Like I think about myself, I think

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Speaker 2: about a lot of my friends, and I could say

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Speaker 2: almost every woman I know has experienced manipulation, but damn

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Speaker 2: sure everybody has experienced red flags and relationships before, right.

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Speaker 2: And I think about the experience that you just shared,

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Speaker 2: and how there are various points there are like stages

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Speaker 2: to which certain people abusers, stages in which they move

401
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 2: to get you into that space where then they can

402
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Speaker 2: really inflict even more harm, right. And so you talked

403
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Speaker 2: about that when you pointed out that initial what we

404
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Speaker 2: call love bombing, And we'll talk about that in a second, right,

405
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Speaker 2: Like we'll give the definition of what that looks like.

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Speaker 3: But you talk about that.

407
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Speaker 2: In the beginning, where in the beginning everything is beautiful, right,

408
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Speaker 2: and then slowly you were being pulled away from your

409
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:17,960
Speaker 2: family and friends. And my guess is that there was

410
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:22,680
Speaker 2: also some bad mouthing of certain family and friends who

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Speaker 2: were probably warning you mm hmm about what they were witnessing.

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Speaker 3: For sure, absolutely domb and you have the nail on

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Speaker 3: the head too, because I know a lot of women

414
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Speaker 3: who've also women and men. Let's let's yes, let's be

415
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:43,679
Speaker 3: real people just everybody, right, who have experienced some of

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Speaker 3: these things. But no, you're absolutely write down bad talking

417
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:47,960
Speaker 3: people so that you don't go to them and tell

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Speaker 3: them things. Right, Just yeah, it's tough. It's tough.

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Speaker 2: It is really tough. And I think you know that's

420
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Speaker 2: by design, right, so that if you if your partner

421
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:06,360
Speaker 2: is bad mouthing the person that you're closest to, then

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00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 2: that puts you in an awful situation.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 2: But then in some cases that bad mouthing is actually gaslighting,

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Speaker 2: or it might be projection, it might be a host

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00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:28,880
Speaker 2: of other things that is not does not have anything

427
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:32,000
Speaker 2: to do with the person that they're bad mouthing exactly,

428
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Speaker 2: But the intent is there. The intent is clear that

429
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 2: the abuser or manipulator, your partner, sees this person in

430
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:48,720
Speaker 2: your life as a threat, right, because whoever this person is,

431
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 2: this person is helping you stay strong, helping you keep

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Speaker 2: your eyes wide open to what's going on. But then

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Speaker 2: when your partner, this is them, I'm sorry, I'm telling

434
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 2: my age by using the.

435
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 3: Word disc.

436
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 2: When they come to them, when they come when your

437
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 2: partner comes for that person, right, right? It then has

438
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:23,080
Speaker 2: you questioning not your partner, but that person yes, and

439
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 2: then it further distances you from your people, your tribe,

440
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 2: your community that you can go to to get help

441
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 2: when this person switches.

442
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:34,640
Speaker 3: It up on you. Right? And do I know for

443
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 3: me when I think about because I asked myself that

444
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,360
Speaker 3: question so many times when I reflected back on the relationship,

445
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:42,040
Speaker 3: how did you let this happen? Was what I continue

446
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 3: to ask myself because I didn't understand. Again, I didn't

447
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 3: have language for it at that time. But when I

448
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 3: think back to two main ways that the manipulator can

449
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:56,200
Speaker 3: strategically tear someone down and chip away at your confidence

450
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 3: and self esteem, these are the two things that come up. Right.

451
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 3: The first one is love yep, love bombing. Can we

452
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 3: just talk, don Can you talk about what it is?

453
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 3: And I want to talk about and then can we

454
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:08,760
Speaker 3: talk about how it feels when you are love bombed?

455
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:10,560
Speaker 3: So what is love?

456
00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:11,120
Speaker 5: Child?

457
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 3: That love bombing is?

458
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:14,280
Speaker 2: Oh?

459
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 3: Okay, so it is.

460
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:23,120
Speaker 2: It might feel like like just so fucking amazing, Like

461
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:26,880
Speaker 2: it's like you feel like you are on cloud nine

462
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 2: because what it does, what is designed to do, is

463
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 2: it really is like that that honeymoon phase of the

464
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:43,880
Speaker 2: relationship on a million. Okay, okay, let me like, I

465
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 2: just want to be clear. It is honeymoon phase on

466
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:52,920
Speaker 2: a million. What it looks like is they are coming

467
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:59,360
Speaker 2: in and you are the queen of the universe and

468
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:04,960
Speaker 2: everything revolves around you, and they are showing up with

469
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 2: their best foot forward. Right. So initially it's they are

470
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:19,280
Speaker 2: calling you every day, right, So we haven't gotten to

471
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:21,719
Speaker 2: the point where they're calling you twenty times when you

472
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:25,280
Speaker 2: don't answer. They're not there yet, right, They haven't yet,

473
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 2: not yet, because that would be a red flag that

474
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 2: you would catch in that first week or two, right, yeah,

475
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 2: because your guard is still kind of up, because naturally

476
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 2: all of us, like when we're first meeting somebody, our

477
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 2: walls are kind of up a little bit, right in

478
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 2: those first couple of weeks. And so those first couple

479
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 2: of weeks, it's the good morning text, and it's beyond

480
00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 2: the good morning, and they leave it be right, Yes,

481
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 2: it's good morning, I hope you have a beautiful day,

482
00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:03,960
Speaker 2: or good morning. How did you sleep, or I hope

483
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 2: you do well on that project you told me about

484
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:08,360
Speaker 2: from your job. They're very attentive they're listening to all

485
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:12,320
Speaker 2: the details. All your sisters, sister bo Cuishea, I hope

486
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:15,239
Speaker 2: she's good today. You know whatever, whatever details you may

487
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 2: have told them about, they remember that stuff and they're

488
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:20,960
Speaker 2: pointing them out right. Yes, they have all the time

489
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 2: for you. Yes, they pay attention because they're so attentive.

490
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:33,720
Speaker 2: You're going to your favorite restaurants, you are seeing your

491
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:42,320
Speaker 2: favorite artists in concert. I mean, just imagine your dream relationship. Yes,

492
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:46,440
Speaker 2: and that person is providing it for you.

493
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 3: You're getting flowers or food delivered at work or school

494
00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,520
Speaker 3: or at home if you're working remotely. Okay, y'all have

495
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:57,239
Speaker 3: those five hour conversations on the phone and they just

496
00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 3: get you. It just makes so much sense. Oh my gosh,

497
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 3: you know.

498
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 1: What I mean.

499
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 3: You ever running that down, like that honeymoon thing is

500
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,280
Speaker 3: where it's just like in your mind, it's just like,

501
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 3: oh my gosh, my person, I found my soul. Like

502
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:13,440
Speaker 3: everything is just so amazing. It feels great exactly exactly

503
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:16,400
Speaker 3: until it's not. It's just such a mind fuck too,

504
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:18,960
Speaker 3: because to go from that point and then to have

505
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,960
Speaker 3: the behaviors change. I feel like sometimes there's a grieving

506
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:24,160
Speaker 3: process that needs to take place. Because once they turn

507
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:26,560
Speaker 3: up and y'all, I'm going to use this, I know

508
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:30,640
Speaker 3: I shouldn't say, Okay, we're working on using the word crazy,

509
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 3: and I know that there's a lot of stigma around

510
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:34,640
Speaker 3: the word crazy. I wanted to say, it's turn up

511
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 3: the crazy, but y'all get what I'm saying, like, turn

512
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:40,000
Speaker 3: up the wildness, turn up the they turn it up, right,

513
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:42,000
Speaker 3: And once it's turned up there, I think sometimes there's

514
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:44,640
Speaker 3: to be a grieving process because I think a lot

515
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:46,160
Speaker 3: of times in our mind like, wait, I want to

516
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 3: believe what I experienced at first, because this was real,

517
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 3: this felt really amazing. I want to get back to

518
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:55,160
Speaker 3: that point. But then they begin to deprive you of that, right,

519
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 3: And so the thing.

520
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 2: Is that it is real, it is felt. What you

521
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:10,920
Speaker 2: felt in the beginning is reals though, right, So your

522
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:16,040
Speaker 2: feelings were real, when you felt cared for, when you

523
00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:20,680
Speaker 2: felt loved, those were real feelings that you had based

524
00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:23,799
Speaker 2: on the behaviors that were being presented. The problem is

525
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:31,359
Speaker 2: that that person was not giving you the real of them, right,

526
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:38,080
Speaker 2: the real who they are. And so then what ends

527
00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 2: up happening is over time they slowly start to pull

528
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:47,000
Speaker 2: those things away, right, But by this point, you're in it.

529
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 3: In it, and don't let the sex be good? Can

530
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:50,239
Speaker 3: we just be real?

531
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:56,279
Speaker 2: That's a whole other episode. How good sex will get

532
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:56,880
Speaker 2: you caught up?

533
00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:58,080
Speaker 3: God?

534
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:04,160
Speaker 5: Okay and so and that's the thing, right, Like, so

535
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:06,560
Speaker 5: they're giving you all this, like there are so many

536
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:10,760
Speaker 5: things that feel good, and.

537
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:18,399
Speaker 2: Then you've bought into the relationship. Yeah, and a lot

538
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:22,960
Speaker 2: of us will be hesitant to walk away once we

539
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 2: start really noticing the red flags, we'll push them away, right.

540
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:32,960
Speaker 2: And in some instances that may be where the gas

541
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:39,160
Speaker 2: lighting starts because you notice a red flag and you

542
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:40,240
Speaker 2: call it out.

543
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:43,400
Speaker 3: And you get.

544
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:50,239
Speaker 2: Told no, no, no, that's not what you're seeing exactly. No, no, no,

545
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:52,880
Speaker 2: that is not the reality.

546
00:35:54,000 --> 00:36:02,319
Speaker 3: Yeah. It's such a sick, sick process that someone takes

547
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:03,880
Speaker 3: people through it. I mean, when you think about it,

548
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 3: it's like that's a really evil mastermind. Right, And when

549
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 3: you think about love bombing, that alone can get you

550
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:11,359
Speaker 3: no matter who you are, Right, you show someone all

551
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:13,919
Speaker 3: the attention, you give them everything that they've been asking for,

552
00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:17,160
Speaker 3: especially when it's done over time, especially if you're vulnerable,

553
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:19,560
Speaker 3: like I remember losing family members and being in such

554
00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 3: a vulnerable state in my life where I was so

555
00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:24,799
Speaker 3: susceptible to experience something like that. That alone can get you.

556
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:27,920
Speaker 3: But I think the other one don that's also really

557
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:32,160
Speaker 3: can be detrimental. Right, it's winning your family and friends

558
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:33,240
Speaker 3: over with their mask.

559
00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 2: Right.

560
00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 3: So you've child, you've done invited this person into your family. Right,

561
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,840
Speaker 3: they know your family members. Now they're spending time with

562
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:44,600
Speaker 3: people one on one and building a relationship with them.

563
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:48,399
Speaker 3: And again, many times people will present their representative, right,

564
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 3: they showcase this person in the beginning of the relationship.

565
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:54,400
Speaker 3: So the family's like, oh, my gosh, I love Darryl.

566
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 3: He's so awesome. He's so good with the car, he's

567
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:59,359
Speaker 3: so sweet. I'm just making a name, y'all with the car.

568
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:01,640
Speaker 3: He's so nice to you. Oh my gosh, she's the

569
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:03,840
Speaker 3: one who sent you flowers at work. And because of

570
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:07,759
Speaker 3: the vision they have in their mind, they'll begin to say,

571
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 3: your relationship goals, Oh you need to stay with Oh

572
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,319
Speaker 3: you just stay with that person. They got money, Oh,

573
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:14,680
Speaker 3: don't you want to have a baby in it? Be married,

574
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:16,880
Speaker 3: And so they don't even know all the things that

575
00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:21,759
Speaker 3: are going in the relationship, but now boom, they're promoting it. Right,

576
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:24,120
Speaker 3: And this is when this is when the person the

577
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:27,360
Speaker 3: perpetrators on their best behavior. Right, They're opening doors, they're

578
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:29,760
Speaker 3: buying gifts, they're pretending to be a stand up person

579
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:32,719
Speaker 3: in front of your family. And again, the tricky part

580
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:35,440
Speaker 3: is sometimes our family and friends get looped in, they

581
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:39,080
Speaker 3: get sucked into this, and they become an advocate for

582
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:42,879
Speaker 3: the person, right, and now they support the relationship, so

583
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 3: it's just h.

584
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 2: And that makes it harder for them for you than

585
00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:50,040
Speaker 2: to want to leave, right Because let's say you get

586
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:54,360
Speaker 2: to that point where you are recognizing the red flags

587
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 2: and you're like, wait, hold on, and you go to

588
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:03,279
Speaker 2: a free family member and you're explaining to them what's

589
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 2: going on, and they're like, I mean, that is that

590
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:12,000
Speaker 2: the only thing Daryl was doing, because just the other

591
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 2: day he came over and he fixed the brakes on

592
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:20,360
Speaker 2: my car, and he took your granddaddy over to church, like,

593
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 2: gave him a ride to church the other day. And

594
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:25,680
Speaker 2: you know, nobody likes taking granddaddy to church. And so

595
00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:31,919
Speaker 2: then the family will start saying things to then make

596
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 2: you feel guilty about wanting to leave, or make you

597
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:45,839
Speaker 2: feel like maybe it's you. Oh my goodness, maybe I'm

598
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:50,720
Speaker 2: the problem. Maybe maybe I'm just ungrateful. Maybe I'm missing

599
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 2: out on something like maybe maybe it's me.

600
00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:58,319
Speaker 3: Don't you hate when the family is like, oh, you

601
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:00,399
Speaker 3: can't keep a man, Oh, you can't keep a woman,

602
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 3: or you can't now it's like you said, now it's

603
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:04,239
Speaker 3: you that is just oh, especially when you're in this

604
00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:07,320
Speaker 3: toxic relationship you're trying to get out of. I would

605
00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 3: say that love bombing and then this whole mask represent

606
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 3: the representative. Those two have gotten me deep, deep into

607
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:17,120
Speaker 3: like in relationships. And now, I don't know if you've

608
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:23,840
Speaker 3: heard about the Tender Swindler. I have, yes, girl, if

609
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 3: you have not watched that Netflix series, go look it up.

610
00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:31,160
Speaker 3: When you're vulnerable. Basically, long story short, right, this guy

611
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:35,839
Speaker 3: was on tender messaging women. He was basically taking them

612
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:37,960
Speaker 3: through this whole cycle that we're talking about now where

613
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 3: he would love bomb them. They began dating, things got serious,

614
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 3: and he would ask for large sums of money. And

615
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:45,160
Speaker 3: because they you know, went on a private jet their

616
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:47,239
Speaker 3: first date, and because he had the name brand stuff,

617
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:49,360
Speaker 3: he looked like money. At the point that he was

618
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:51,399
Speaker 3: asking for the money, he had already gotten deep into

619
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:53,960
Speaker 3: the relationship with them, and so there was no reason

620
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,279
Speaker 3: why they wouldn't give them the money, right. I think

621
00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:58,440
Speaker 3: at the surface level, when you hear that, it's kind

622
00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:01,200
Speaker 3: of like, girl, you don't get nobody no money. But

623
00:40:01,239 --> 00:40:03,759
Speaker 3: when you're in it, it's different. Right, when you're vulnerable,

624
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 3: when you're a good person with pure intentions. Sometimes we

625
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:10,319
Speaker 3: can't fathom how sick people are and what they can

626
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:13,759
Speaker 3: be capable of, right, which makes us susceptible to these

627
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,960
Speaker 3: kinds of violations and abuse. And so you may watch

628
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:20,319
Speaker 3: the Tender Swindler and think, what the fuck did they

629
00:40:20,360 --> 00:40:22,719
Speaker 3: send Why the fuck? Right did they send this man

630
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:25,239
Speaker 3: all this money? What the fuck were they thinking? I

631
00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:28,560
Speaker 3: would have never failed for that in real life, when

632
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:31,879
Speaker 3: you're going through a hard time, right, it's easy. It's

633
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:35,080
Speaker 3: easier than you think. And I my perspective has definitely

634
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:37,839
Speaker 3: been shifted because I've gone through situations that I thought

635
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:40,319
Speaker 3: I would never go through and done things I was like,

636
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:41,879
Speaker 3: I would never do that, or I would never put

637
00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:45,879
Speaker 3: up with that. So don't be judged, lady. We're about

638
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:47,880
Speaker 3: to dive into one of my favorite parts of this

639
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:50,920
Speaker 3: conversation because we're going to show you this is what

640
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:53,560
Speaker 3: a gas lighting statement looks like. Right, This is what

641
00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 3: a red flag should be. This is what manipulation looks like.

642
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 3: But first, what we'd love you to do, lady, go

643
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:02,279
Speaker 3: to our Instagram at Space podcast. We are we have

644
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 3: posted a blue square for you right. We may even

645
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 3: add the episode name there so you know what to do.

646
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:09,360
Speaker 3: This is going to be an insider for those that

647
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:11,880
Speaker 3: listen at least up to this point. Go to our

648
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:14,600
Speaker 3: Instagram at her Space podcast. Just scroll down the feed

649
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 3: and when you see the blue square with this episode title,

650
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:21,399
Speaker 3: drop something that a manipulator has said to you that

651
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 3: you would like for other women and people to be

652
00:41:23,719 --> 00:41:26,399
Speaker 3: privy to right, or something they need to look out for.

653
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:30,360
Speaker 3: I know for me it was the someone just saying like,

654
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:33,359
Speaker 3: oh you're crazy or denying your reality. Oh you didn't,

655
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:35,880
Speaker 3: that didn't happen. I didn't do that, and can I

656
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 3: just tell you it. It really does make me a

657
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:41,440
Speaker 3: bit emotional to speaking about gas slighting, because at the

658
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:44,319
Speaker 3: end of the day, we are all we have right

659
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:47,080
Speaker 3: our intuition. It's so important for us to be in

660
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 3: tune with ourselves, to be in tune with spirit, to

661
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,720
Speaker 3: be in tune with your intuition. And when someone swoops

662
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:55,480
Speaker 3: in and they make you doubt that about yourself. It's

663
00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:58,799
Speaker 3: fucked up. It is. It's really fucked up. It really is.

664
00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:01,400
Speaker 3: It really is because you think about the example you

665
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:03,400
Speaker 3: gave in the beginning down about the red lipstick, like

666
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:06,640
Speaker 3: denying someone of their reality when you know that it's true,

667
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 3: but you know that there's an ulterior motive that you

668
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:11,279
Speaker 3: have there, and you're trying to break them down so

669
00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:13,319
Speaker 3: that you can then plant seeds later and get away

670
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:16,040
Speaker 3: with things. It's just really, really sick, and it makes

671
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:19,040
Speaker 3: me sad because I think about myself. I think about

672
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:21,960
Speaker 3: women that I know, women who I know right now,

673
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,000
Speaker 3: young women who are going through this with a partner

674
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 3: and they're stuck and they're in the cycle, and there's

675
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 3: nothing that anyone else can do. But then, because it's

676
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:31,960
Speaker 3: just something they're living through, right and when you're already

677
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:33,840
Speaker 3: in it, it's kind of hard to listen to advice

678
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 3: from other people. You kind of have to have that

679
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:39,719
Speaker 3: breakthrough on your own. So, lady, we're going to dive

680
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:43,520
Speaker 3: into these statements of what gas lighting actually looks and

681
00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:49,720
Speaker 3: sounds like Okay, you're ready, you ready? Don oooh child,

682
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:51,720
Speaker 3: here'll go this first one.

683
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:57,279
Speaker 2: Okay, you know you sound insane right now, right now?

684
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,040
Speaker 3: Why would they say that down, why would the other

685
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:01,320
Speaker 3: person say that. Let's get a scenario or example of

686
00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:02,560
Speaker 3: like when would that even come up?

687
00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:09,560
Speaker 2: So let's say that we go back to our red

688
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:15,960
Speaker 2: lipstick example, right, and Terry, you're telling me like, no,

689
00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:19,879
Speaker 2: don like my I just went and checked, like my

690
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:24,640
Speaker 2: lipstick is red. If I'm really trying to guess like you,

691
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:29,400
Speaker 2: I'm I'm gonna be like Terry, you know, you know

692
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:33,279
Speaker 2: you sound insane right now, right Like, I'm looking at

693
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 2: your lips and they're not red yet you're telling me

694
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 2: that they are. Like do you hear yourself? Do you

695
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 2: like that really makes you sound insane right now?

696
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:49,520
Speaker 3: Yeah? I mean that that's it right there. You know

697
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:51,080
Speaker 3: what came up for me to die. I was thinking

698
00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:54,160
Speaker 3: about a previous relationship where the person was like you

699
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:56,719
Speaker 3: shouldn't talk to guys, like have any guy friends. And

700
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 3: I know you're listening to this lady, and you're probably like,

701
00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:03,439
Speaker 3: what that sounds absolutely bizarre, like for someone to say

702
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:05,200
Speaker 3: that in a relationship, like you can't have any friends

703
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:07,880
Speaker 3: or talk to any of your male colleagues, Like someone

704
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 3: actually said that, And if I am in the relationship

705
00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:15,480
Speaker 3: and I'm like, well, why wouldn't I be able to

706
00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:19,359
Speaker 3: have male friends like or male colleagues I work with them?

707
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:21,680
Speaker 3: And their response might be, you know you sound the

708
00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 3: same right now you're in a relationship. You should be

709
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:26,239
Speaker 3: the only thinking about me and our relationship and there's

710
00:44:26,239 --> 00:44:28,120
Speaker 3: no reason for it. And they go on and then

711
00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 3: you're like, well, damn, am I is he right?

712
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:31,160
Speaker 2: Like?

713
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,960
Speaker 3: Should I not be able to talk to my colleagues? Right?

714
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:37,960
Speaker 3: And now you're questioning yourself. Lord. The next one says

715
00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:41,200
Speaker 3: nothing you're saying makes sense? Do you even hear yourself?

716
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:44,719
Speaker 3: And girl, this makes me think about cheating? Right if

717
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:47,640
Speaker 3: someone is real. Let's say you going through that phase.

718
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 3: I think many of us have been there before. But

719
00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:52,000
Speaker 3: you're looking through the phone and you done found some

720
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:55,440
Speaker 3: shit and you're like, god, damn, you are not my

721
00:44:55,480 --> 00:45:00,480
Speaker 3: titties on this phone, say my ass. And you go

722
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:02,640
Speaker 3: up to your partner you're like, yo, what is this

723
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:04,759
Speaker 3: in your phone right now? And they make up some

724
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 3: crazy outlet. Its like oh, my homeboy, his phone, I'm

725
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 3: just making this up. Stop working. So he had this

726
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:14,680
Speaker 3: chick he was talking to text me the pictures because

727
00:45:14,719 --> 00:45:17,440
Speaker 3: he was using my phone. And then you're like, are

728
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:19,360
Speaker 3: you kidding me right now? And he's like, why are

729
00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:21,399
Speaker 3: you always accusing me? And stuff that doesn't make any sense?

730
00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 3: Do you even hear yourself? And you're like, wait, am

731
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:27,400
Speaker 3: I not making sense at my bucket right now? Maybe

732
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:29,799
Speaker 3: his homeboy did have And then now you're going through

733
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:33,080
Speaker 3: this mental process, right, this mental gymnastics, trying to make

734
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:37,600
Speaker 3: it make sense when it don't make no goddamn sense. Right, Okay,

735
00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:47,000
Speaker 3: who is next one? Okay, that never even happened? Nind

736
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:49,839
Speaker 3: your reality? Ooh child?

737
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:55,560
Speaker 2: I you know as I can think about instances where

738
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 2: I have been recounting something mm hmm and the other

739
00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:12,200
Speaker 2: person said, no, no, I was there too. What you're

740
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:15,240
Speaker 2: saying that didn't happen, that's that's not how it happened,

741
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:21,480
Speaker 2: like that that never happened. H And I remember being

742
00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:26,240
Speaker 2: saying to myself like, I mean, I know my memory

743
00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 2: be off sometimes, but like is it that off? Like

744
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:39,160
Speaker 2: did I make that up? I know no, but maybe

745
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 2: I did. Because keep saying that never happened.

746
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,399
Speaker 3: That's so sad down because because I think another thing

747
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:48,799
Speaker 3: that happens too is when there are moments when your

748
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 3: memory is office and it's legitimate they'll make sure to

749
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:54,040
Speaker 3: bring that up so they can continue to plant that seed.

750
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:57,000
Speaker 3: And Okay, you can't see that you have a bad memory,

751
00:46:57,080 --> 00:46:59,040
Speaker 3: you have trouble remembering things, so that when they do

752
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 3: some bullshit down the line, and now I can come

753
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:04,800
Speaker 3: back to that, Right, that never happened. I was thinking

754
00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:08,400
Speaker 3: of something else. Damn, it escapes me. But that was

755
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:10,400
Speaker 3: a really good example, Dom, It'll come back to me.

756
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:12,040
Speaker 3: But that was the That was the next one.

757
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:15,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think and that's the thing, Like,

758
00:47:15,080 --> 00:47:19,719
Speaker 2: it's those like it ties into the this this is

759
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:22,879
Speaker 2: what happened actually, right, Like, so they're trying to make

760
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:27,480
Speaker 2: you think that you your memory is off, and they'll

761
00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:32,640
Speaker 2: plant the seed of something that they're making up to

762
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:37,640
Speaker 2: make you forget what actually happened. Right, And that's a

763
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 2: bold ass statement. Like if you and I are somewhere together, Dom,

764
00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 2: and let's I mean, I'm a very understanding I think

765
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:47,440
Speaker 2: we're both very understanding women, and I know that there

766
00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:49,319
Speaker 2: are times where I don't remember everything, right, So let's

767
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:51,719
Speaker 2: just say that is the foundation from which I'm working

768
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:55,200
Speaker 2: for everybody or everybody and we experience something together. If

769
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:56,719
Speaker 2: we were out like when I was you know, when

770
00:47:56,719 --> 00:47:58,439
Speaker 2: I was down there visiting you and we hung out,

771
00:47:58,719 --> 00:48:00,440
Speaker 2: and if I thought I saw some thing and you

772
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:01,719
Speaker 2: were like, oh no, girl, you didn't see it, and

773
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:04,439
Speaker 2: I trust you. I probably just believe you, Dom, because

774
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 2: I don't have a reason not to.

775
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:07,759
Speaker 3: So if you were like, girl, no, that car wasn't

776
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 3: That car wasn't green, girl, that car was red, I thought, okay, damn,

777
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 3: I'm tripping' and I believe. And if that continued to happen,

778
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:15,399
Speaker 3: I could see how that could chip away. I'm like, okay,

779
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:16,960
Speaker 3: let me just refer to Dom because she has a

780
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 3: better memory here, right. So they say things like this

781
00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:21,960
Speaker 3: is what actually happened, or this is what I said.

782
00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:25,160
Speaker 3: I think about also because I have you know, so

783
00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:28,279
Speaker 3: many women that I know have talked about these situations

784
00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:32,799
Speaker 3: with cheating or some type of infidelity or something where

785
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:35,480
Speaker 3: these are the kind of things that their partner or

786
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:38,160
Speaker 3: the person they were talking to would say to kind

787
00:48:38,160 --> 00:48:39,960
Speaker 3: of get them off because they got caught. So then

788
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:41,759
Speaker 3: it's like, well, no, no, no, it's not even like that,

789
00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:44,359
Speaker 3: or that's not even what happened, or you again, you

790
00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 3: have such a bad memory. Right, Those are some of

791
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:49,600
Speaker 3: the things that they say to plant the seed of

792
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:54,239
Speaker 3: you not trusting your own reality. So those were the

793
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:56,680
Speaker 3: gas lighting ones. And I will say, dom it makes

794
00:48:57,120 --> 00:49:00,400
Speaker 3: I know for me, it legitimately made me feel and

795
00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:03,200
Speaker 3: saying I thought that I could not trust myself. I

796
00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:06,120
Speaker 3: got to the point where I began to record and

797
00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:09,120
Speaker 3: take notes from conversations because I was like, oh, no, no, no, something,

798
00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:11,680
Speaker 3: you're right here, Like I need to record the conversation.

799
00:49:11,840 --> 00:49:14,560
Speaker 3: I need to write it down, email it to myself

800
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:16,600
Speaker 3: something so that I have a track record of what

801
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:21,440
Speaker 3: actually happened. Because I did begin to stop trusting myself,

802
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:24,040
Speaker 3: which is so scared because we have to trust ourselves, right,

803
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:28,520
Speaker 3: we are trustworthy, We are worthy of being trusted. Yeah, yes,

804
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:31,680
Speaker 3: yes we are. And you know.

805
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:33,640
Speaker 2: And I think the thing is is that you want

806
00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:36,200
Speaker 2: to be mindful too, because like, because gas lighting is

807
00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:39,000
Speaker 2: a red flag, right the first time, the first time

808
00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 2: it happens, that's a red flag. And learning to trust

809
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:49,480
Speaker 2: your gut and your instincts, and well we're going to

810
00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:52,520
Speaker 2: dive into some of these red flags right now, right

811
00:49:53,200 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 2: like that, getting in tune with yourself is so so important, hm,

812
00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:07,640
Speaker 2: because when when you have that little pause, that internal nudge,

813
00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:11,399
Speaker 2: you're able to when you're in tune with yourself. You're

814
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:13,800
Speaker 2: able to check in and you're able to ask yourself,

815
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:17,120
Speaker 2: is this my reality?

816
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:20,160
Speaker 3: M h am?

817
00:50:20,239 --> 00:50:26,880
Speaker 2: I bringing in past trauma that's not relevant. Do I

818
00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:30,000
Speaker 2: need to check in with someone else to do I

819
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:36,759
Speaker 2: need to like run this by another trusted source. And

820
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:40,600
Speaker 2: so some of the red flags. So we mentioned gaslighting,

821
00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:49,120
Speaker 2: We've talked about love bombing. This next one, woo child,

822
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 2: this next one. It happens across relationships. This is not

823
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:59,799
Speaker 2: This is not just for romantic relationships. This one is

824
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:06,239
Speaker 2: for your family, for the workplace, for friendships.

825
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:07,000
Speaker 3: This is for.

826
00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:13,120
Speaker 2: Anybody in your life. It is a red flag when

827
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:20,759
Speaker 2: they do not respect your boundaries. Now, I'll say there's

828
00:51:20,800 --> 00:51:29,000
Speaker 2: a difference between respecting and liking your boundaries. I don't

829
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:33,719
Speaker 2: have to like any of your boundaries, not a one,

830
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:40,640
Speaker 2: But if I care about you, I will respect your boundaries.

831
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:43,239
Speaker 3: Can I give you an example, real quick? Dome Yes,

832
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:47,839
Speaker 3: fresh in my life. Okay, So my baby she will

833
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:51,120
Speaker 3: be too very soon, and we're teaching her about boundaries.

834
00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:53,640
Speaker 3: And she's speaking so well and she communicates well, and

835
00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:56,200
Speaker 3: so there are times where I'll ask for a kiss

836
00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:58,520
Speaker 3: or a hug and she says no, and I do

837
00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:00,799
Speaker 3: not like that at all. I want her to feel

838
00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:03,319
Speaker 3: empowered with her boundaries, and so I do my best

839
00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 3: to respect it. And so sometimes I'll just say please

840
00:52:08,040 --> 00:52:09,960
Speaker 3: and then she says no, so I say, okay, I'll

841
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:12,160
Speaker 3: believe it alone. So I just stepped back right. What

842
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:14,080
Speaker 3: I said was please, lady, kag you hear her, I'm

843
00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:17,319
Speaker 3: like please, and then she's like okay no, So I'm

844
00:52:17,360 --> 00:52:19,319
Speaker 3: like okay, And as her mother, I'm like, I want

845
00:52:19,320 --> 00:52:20,919
Speaker 3: to hold my baby and give her a big, hugging kiss,

846
00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:23,360
Speaker 3: but she's not in the mood for it. So I'm like, Okay,

847
00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:25,319
Speaker 3: it's important for you to know that when you say no,

848
00:52:25,400 --> 00:52:28,120
Speaker 3: that's what that means. Yeah, I'm probably going to pull

849
00:52:28,160 --> 00:52:29,759
Speaker 3: back on the please. I know. I know I'm going

850
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:32,680
Speaker 3: to pull back on the please. And at the same time,

851
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:35,680
Speaker 3: I think it's empowering her to realize that her voice

852
00:52:35,719 --> 00:52:38,319
Speaker 3: does matter. And so there are times where I'll ask

853
00:52:38,440 --> 00:52:40,080
Speaker 3: and she does give me a hug and kiss, which

854
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:43,600
Speaker 3: is great, And I cherish those moments because you know

855
00:52:43,680 --> 00:52:44,200
Speaker 3: what they're real.

856
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:47,000
Speaker 2: You know that she's really minted in that moment, she

857
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:49,560
Speaker 2: really wanted to give you a hugging kiss in that moment.

858
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:51,960
Speaker 3: Yes, So I'm still working progress on this one, but

859
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:53,240
Speaker 3: that is that's an example.

860
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:53,480
Speaker 2: Right.

861
00:52:53,719 --> 00:52:55,279
Speaker 3: You don't have to like the boundary, but do they

862
00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:58,400
Speaker 3: respect the boundary? The next one, we talked about this

863
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 3: a little bit, but they checking frequently, and there's a

864
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:04,240
Speaker 3: hint of possessiveness there, right.

865
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:07,719
Speaker 2: Lady, if you're not watching us on Patreon, you had

866
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:11,719
Speaker 2: to see the simultaneous rolling of the eyes on that one,

867
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:18,640
Speaker 2: because because I think, at least for me, the possessiveness

868
00:53:18,960 --> 00:53:23,000
Speaker 2: is the oh, it's the cringe, right, and the checking

869
00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:26,279
Speaker 2: in frequently, But really it's that hint of possessiveness that

870
00:53:27,719 --> 00:53:32,799
Speaker 2: they don't want you talking to anybody else. Right, So

871
00:53:32,800 --> 00:53:38,040
Speaker 2: if we're talking about heterosexual relationships, then like the guy

872
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:40,719
Speaker 2: that I'm dating says he doesn't want me talking to

873
00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:43,000
Speaker 2: any other man, and like in the example that you

874
00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:45,680
Speaker 2: gave Terry of like not being able to have male

875
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:49,200
Speaker 2: friends or not being able to talk, the only men

876
00:53:49,239 --> 00:53:53,080
Speaker 2: that you're allowed to talk to is him and your family,

877
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 2: and sometimes not even not even your family.

878
00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:57,959
Speaker 3: I was gonna say, girl, sometimes not even family, because

879
00:53:57,960 --> 00:54:00,000
Speaker 3: that was yes, that happened.

880
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:04,799
Speaker 2: That that becomes and so when that happens, like that

881
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:09,360
Speaker 2: is a red flag because a person who truly respects you,

882
00:54:10,760 --> 00:54:14,279
Speaker 2: Because relationships take time to form. Romantic relationship or all

883
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:19,160
Speaker 2: relationships take time to build trust. But a person who

884
00:54:19,280 --> 00:54:27,040
Speaker 2: respects you and they are secure within themselves, they are

885
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:32,520
Speaker 2: going to communicate if they have concerns about someone that

886
00:54:32,560 --> 00:54:37,600
Speaker 2: they see you interacting with. But they also will recognize

887
00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:43,400
Speaker 2: that if you are a person who is very social

888
00:54:43,960 --> 00:54:48,520
Speaker 2: or engages with a lot of people, that's something that

889
00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:52,440
Speaker 2: they will understand and respect, and if they don't, they

890
00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:54,799
Speaker 2: will move it along to the next person. They will

891
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:57,640
Speaker 2: you all will no longer need to be in a relationship.

892
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:01,400
Speaker 3: So the fourth one is they don't have many friends

893
00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:03,560
Speaker 3: or a good relationship with their family. And then I

894
00:55:03,680 --> 00:55:06,200
Speaker 3: just added, as you were speaking down or a relationship

895
00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:09,239
Speaker 3: with self, Like, right, I just think about who I

896
00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:11,879
Speaker 3: was when I was in my early twenties and how

897
00:55:11,920 --> 00:55:14,520
Speaker 3: I showed up in the dating scene. I would be

898
00:55:14,680 --> 00:55:16,879
Speaker 3: a cold motherfucker piece if I was out dating. I'm

899
00:55:16,880 --> 00:55:18,880
Speaker 3: happily married right now, but I'm saying like, if I

900
00:55:18,920 --> 00:55:20,520
Speaker 3: were out in the dating world, I'd be a cold

901
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:22,000
Speaker 3: piece because there's just a bunch of shit that I

902
00:55:22,040 --> 00:55:24,279
Speaker 3: just know I wouldn't put up with because I put

903
00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:26,200
Speaker 3: up with it before I know what it did to

904
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:29,800
Speaker 3: me and how it impacted me. And there's just I'm like,

905
00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:33,040
Speaker 3: I'm for it, we're not here for it. So they

906
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:35,239
Speaker 3: don't have friends, right, That says something when they don't

907
00:55:35,239 --> 00:55:37,600
Speaker 3: have friends or a good relationship with their family. But

908
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:40,000
Speaker 3: I think that there are You do want to dig

909
00:55:40,040 --> 00:55:42,279
Speaker 3: into it and just pick up the themes as they

910
00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 3: talk about their family, as you are getting to know

911
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:46,440
Speaker 3: one another. Pick up the themes because I'm not very

912
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:49,279
Speaker 3: close to my family, but when you peel back the layers,

913
00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:51,400
Speaker 3: it's certain family members. When you pull back the layers,

914
00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:53,719
Speaker 3: you're like, oh, okay, I get it. I wouldn't be

915
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:57,000
Speaker 3: close to either, right, Like you understand the relationship with self.

916
00:55:57,160 --> 00:55:59,400
Speaker 3: I put that there because I remember years ago. I

917
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:02,120
Speaker 3: think I was like grad score or something, just talking

918
00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:05,520
Speaker 3: to this guy thro casual and this motherucker have the

919
00:56:05,640 --> 00:56:08,799
Speaker 3: nerve to say that down wait for this. I think

920
00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:10,840
Speaker 3: I talked about it on the show before I was

921
00:56:11,040 --> 00:56:14,160
Speaker 3: cheating on him with myself because I'm very I very

922
00:56:14,239 --> 00:56:17,000
Speaker 3: much appreciate solitude. I could when I was single. I

923
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:20,840
Speaker 3: would spend hours by myself just doing me researching, reading, girl,

924
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:25,160
Speaker 3: I was cheating on you with myself. That was a

925
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:28,400
Speaker 3: total reflect. It did not go further than the little

926
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 3: brunch that we had because I was like, oh no,

927
00:56:31,160 --> 00:56:33,479
Speaker 3: I play it. I'm not fully evolved and my self

928
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:35,319
Speaker 3: esteemate that high, but I know that shit ain't right,

929
00:56:35,760 --> 00:56:36,359
Speaker 3: So yeah, no.

930
00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:40,600
Speaker 2: I mean I do think that that is important to

931
00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:43,880
Speaker 2: pay attention to, right, Like pay attention to the circle

932
00:56:43,920 --> 00:56:48,879
Speaker 2: that they keep or lack thereof, And like you said, like, yeah,

933
00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:54,359
Speaker 2: definitely dig deep. Like like I dated someone who cut

934
00:56:54,400 --> 00:57:01,719
Speaker 2: off multiple family members, and in hindsight, I was like,

935
00:57:03,840 --> 00:57:05,440
Speaker 2: I think it was you that was the problem, not

936
00:57:05,480 --> 00:57:12,040
Speaker 2: those family members. And I dated someone else who had

937
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:17,080
Speaker 2: cut off certain family members, and it made sense once

938
00:57:17,120 --> 00:57:21,400
Speaker 2: I dug deeper, like it just really it was for

939
00:57:21,640 --> 00:57:26,280
Speaker 2: there was some trauma and for their own personal well being,

940
00:57:26,360 --> 00:57:29,480
Speaker 2: that was the best decision for them, right. But I

941
00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:34,760
Speaker 2: also looked at how they treat the other people around them.

942
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:38,840
Speaker 2: So you know, if they don't have many friends, that

943
00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:43,240
Speaker 2: person might be an introvert, right, they might be extremely

944
00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:48,840
Speaker 2: introverted and they like to keep their number of friends

945
00:57:48,920 --> 00:57:53,680
Speaker 2: really low. But what's the quality of those friendships? Right,

946
00:57:54,800 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 2: That'll give you a sign, like how often do they

947
00:57:57,320 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 2: really get to engage with them? How do they ender

948
00:58:00,040 --> 00:58:02,640
Speaker 2: interact with other people around them that'll let you know?

949
00:58:03,680 --> 00:58:07,919
Speaker 2: So then that takes us to the next one. They

950
00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:12,760
Speaker 2: want you to prioritize them. And see, that makes me

951
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:14,840
Speaker 2: think of the example that you gave about the guy

952
00:58:14,880 --> 00:58:18,280
Speaker 2: who was like you were cheating on him with yourself.

953
00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:22,840
Speaker 3: Like what, girl, go ahead, I was just gonna say

954
00:58:22,880 --> 00:58:25,600
Speaker 3: real quick. Something that just came through for me as well.

955
00:58:26,280 --> 00:58:29,080
Speaker 3: Is my personal belief. Now we're all open to our

956
00:58:29,120 --> 00:58:32,200
Speaker 3: personal opinions. I personally believe, after having lived the life

957
00:58:32,240 --> 00:58:35,240
Speaker 3: that I've lived for these many years, right, I believe

958
00:58:35,320 --> 00:58:41,480
Speaker 3: that we should never poor our all into anything like

959
00:58:41,680 --> 00:58:43,280
Speaker 3: and let me just say what I mean by that.

960
00:58:43,720 --> 00:58:46,520
Speaker 3: We talk a lot about filling our cup, right, I

961
00:58:46,520 --> 00:58:48,520
Speaker 3: don't think we should be filling anyone else's cup. I

962
00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:51,200
Speaker 3: think it's okay to pour into other people's cups, but

963
00:58:51,280 --> 00:58:53,640
Speaker 3: I don't think we need to pour everything out of

964
00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:56,520
Speaker 3: our own cup. I'm married and love my husband and

965
00:58:56,560 --> 00:58:58,800
Speaker 3: my daughter dearly. I love my siblings like I love

966
00:58:59,040 --> 00:59:01,960
Speaker 3: I love my people. But I'm not pouring all of

967
00:59:02,080 --> 00:59:04,600
Speaker 3: nothing into anybody else. Like you have to fill your

968
00:59:04,680 --> 00:59:06,400
Speaker 3: cup first. I believe that we have to be in

969
00:59:06,480 --> 00:59:10,920
Speaker 3: relationship with ourselves and then we can pour. I could pour.

970
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:13,200
Speaker 3: I could pour a nice amount into your cup too,

971
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:15,520
Speaker 3: and I can still. I can still be good because

972
00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:17,600
Speaker 3: I've already done the work and I poured into myself.

973
00:59:17,760 --> 00:59:19,960
Speaker 3: But I don't think we should be filling anyone else's cup.

974
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:22,360
Speaker 3: I think we can pour, but we don't need to

975
00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:26,280
Speaker 3: be filling it up right, not depleting ourselves. If you

976
00:59:26,280 --> 00:59:28,560
Speaker 3: want to feel it because you're overflowing, that's cool, but

977
00:59:28,600 --> 00:59:31,080
Speaker 3: we should not be feeling to our detriment. If that

978
00:59:31,120 --> 00:59:31,640
Speaker 3: makes sense.

979
00:59:31,920 --> 00:59:33,120
Speaker 2: Yep, yep, that does.

980
00:59:33,520 --> 00:59:34,040
Speaker 3: That does.

981
00:59:35,320 --> 00:59:39,200
Speaker 2: And so then I think that takes us to number

982
00:59:39,280 --> 00:59:43,320
Speaker 2: six of they try to isolate you and take up

983
00:59:43,360 --> 00:59:49,800
Speaker 2: all your time, and yes, the bad mouthing of the

984
00:59:49,880 --> 00:59:53,240
Speaker 2: people closest to you, right. So that's part of the

985
00:59:53,320 --> 00:59:57,400
Speaker 2: how they will isolate you, right, is they will start

986
00:59:57,440 --> 01:00:04,200
Speaker 2: talking shit about somebody to you and then make it

987
01:00:04,240 --> 01:00:07,600
Speaker 2: so that you don't feel comfortable hanging around that person, right.

988
01:00:09,520 --> 01:00:14,760
Speaker 2: And what they will do also is, so here's the thing.

989
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:23,480
Speaker 2: Let's say that I am venting to my partner about

990
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:28,080
Speaker 2: somebody that I'm close to, right, and it might not

991
01:00:28,120 --> 01:00:31,840
Speaker 2: even be venting. I might just be sharing something that's happening, right.

992
01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:33,680
Speaker 5: And.

993
01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:40,520
Speaker 2: Next thing I know, fast forward a few days and

994
01:00:40,640 --> 01:00:46,120
Speaker 2: now my partner and I are in conversation and they

995
01:00:46,160 --> 01:00:49,080
Speaker 2: start they bring up what I had talked to them

996
01:00:49,120 --> 01:00:51,960
Speaker 2: about a few days before, but now they're using it

997
01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:52,800
Speaker 2: to talk shit.

998
01:00:52,680 --> 01:00:53,520
Speaker 3: About that person.

999
01:00:53,760 --> 01:00:59,720
Speaker 2: Right. Yeah, And now I'm like, one of two things

1000
01:00:59,800 --> 01:01:05,120
Speaker 2: might happen. Either one I'm gonna say, oh, I can't

1001
01:01:05,160 --> 01:01:10,200
Speaker 2: share anything about this person with my partner anymore.

1002
01:01:12,600 --> 01:01:13,360
Speaker 3: Or two.

1003
01:01:15,440 --> 01:01:20,280
Speaker 2: I'm gonna stop talking to that person because I don't

1004
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:21,520
Speaker 2: want to.

1005
01:01:21,680 --> 01:01:21,919
Speaker 3: Either.

1006
01:01:22,000 --> 01:01:25,919
Speaker 2: I don't want to either upset my partner by continuing

1007
01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:31,080
Speaker 2: to engage with this person, or I don't want my

1008
01:01:31,280 --> 01:01:34,480
Speaker 2: partner to continue to say bad stuff about this person.

1009
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:36,160
Speaker 2: I don't want this person to find out that my

1010
01:01:36,200 --> 01:01:41,040
Speaker 2: partner is talking shit. So I'm gonna isolate myself. I'm

1011
01:01:41,080 --> 01:01:45,120
Speaker 2: gonna remove myself because I don't want my focus is

1012
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:50,360
Speaker 2: maintaining my relationship. Yeah, and so I'm gonna remove myself

1013
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:54,920
Speaker 2: from that person, which is exactly what my partner wanted

1014
01:01:54,920 --> 01:01:55,320
Speaker 2: me to do.

1015
01:01:55,800 --> 01:01:58,080
Speaker 3: Exactly. And you brought you talked about that earlier in

1016
01:01:58,080 --> 01:02:01,439
Speaker 3: the episode too, Dom And the example that I thought

1017
01:02:01,520 --> 01:02:04,880
Speaker 3: of for this one is you know, let's say, for instance,

1018
01:02:04,880 --> 01:02:07,200
Speaker 3: I'm thinking about my personal experience ladies. So you're gonna

1019
01:02:07,240 --> 01:02:08,920
Speaker 3: notice a theme here. So I'm kind of tying this

1020
01:02:09,080 --> 01:02:12,360
Speaker 3: ind But if there's a guy, you know that I

1021
01:02:12,400 --> 01:02:15,080
Speaker 3: may have been talking to and he sees that, okay,

1022
01:02:15,120 --> 01:02:17,440
Speaker 3: you have some you have a lot of male support

1023
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:19,880
Speaker 3: in your family. So I'm gonna try to start picking

1024
01:02:19,920 --> 01:02:22,840
Speaker 3: off one by one. So maybe the next time, you know,

1025
01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:25,720
Speaker 3: they come to the house and visit, we go back to,

1026
01:02:25,960 --> 01:02:28,440
Speaker 3: you know, my partner's house, and they're like, yeah, I

1027
01:02:28,480 --> 01:02:30,840
Speaker 3: saw your uncle looking at you kind of funny. I

1028
01:02:30,840 --> 01:02:32,600
Speaker 3: didn't like it, just planting little seeds of doubt. It

1029
01:02:32,600 --> 01:02:35,000
Speaker 3: may not even be true, right, but now it's making

1030
01:02:35,080 --> 01:02:37,800
Speaker 3: me a little funny. Now I'm like, wait, shit, was

1031
01:02:37,840 --> 01:02:39,560
Speaker 3: he Now I feel weird around my uncle. And that

1032
01:02:39,600 --> 01:02:42,120
Speaker 3: was the uncle I could trust and talk to, you

1033
01:02:42,200 --> 01:02:43,520
Speaker 3: know what I mean. I could talk to his uncle

1034
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:45,680
Speaker 3: about things, and he could have been an advocate for

1035
01:02:45,720 --> 01:02:47,880
Speaker 3: their relationship. I was in when I needed help. But

1036
01:02:48,000 --> 01:02:50,440
Speaker 3: now my partner sees the connection that we have, and

1037
01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:53,400
Speaker 3: now he would try to plant seeds of doubt there.

1038
01:02:53,800 --> 01:02:56,080
Speaker 3: So just being aware, lady of like what's going on.

1039
01:02:56,160 --> 01:02:58,440
Speaker 3: It takes us to the last one here, which is

1040
01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:03,000
Speaker 3: if you have a gut feeling, explore it like you

1041
01:03:03,080 --> 01:03:05,160
Speaker 3: had it for a reason. Listen to your intuition. I

1042
01:03:05,160 --> 01:03:07,600
Speaker 3: think that's the core of the message here, Listen to

1043
01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:10,880
Speaker 3: your intuition. I know that because of a lot of

1044
01:03:10,880 --> 01:03:13,160
Speaker 3: the trauma that I experienced, there were many times where

1045
01:03:13,200 --> 01:03:16,360
Speaker 3: I did not trust myself and did not trust my intuition.

1046
01:03:16,640 --> 01:03:18,320
Speaker 3: It took a long time for me to build up

1047
01:03:18,320 --> 01:03:21,200
Speaker 3: my confidence and self esteem and trust my intuition. And

1048
01:03:21,240 --> 01:03:22,560
Speaker 3: so I think part of that for me was like

1049
01:03:22,600 --> 01:03:24,480
Speaker 3: building a solo brand where I had a chance to

1050
01:03:24,480 --> 01:03:26,880
Speaker 3: make decisions on my own. That was one short way.

1051
01:03:27,200 --> 01:03:29,200
Speaker 3: Should we do a quick recap down of the seven

1052
01:03:30,600 --> 01:03:32,959
Speaker 3: red flags? Yeah? Yeah.

1053
01:03:33,000 --> 01:03:34,880
Speaker 2: I want to say one quick thing though about the

1054
01:03:35,680 --> 01:03:41,520
Speaker 2: bad gut feeling is to really listen, pay attention to it.

1055
01:03:42,120 --> 01:03:48,080
Speaker 2: If it keeps nagging at you, pay attention and maybe

1056
01:03:48,240 --> 01:03:51,280
Speaker 2: go and talk to your support system, talk to a

1057
01:03:51,320 --> 01:03:54,360
Speaker 2: therapist to kind of help, or journal about it, to

1058
01:03:54,480 --> 01:03:58,240
Speaker 2: kind of really try to tease a part what is

1059
01:03:58,280 --> 01:04:02,480
Speaker 2: it that's really nagging at you and why? Because I

1060
01:04:02,520 --> 01:04:05,200
Speaker 2: had I was in there was a relationship that I

1061
01:04:05,280 --> 01:04:10,520
Speaker 2: was in that. In hindsight, I was like, oh, there one,

1062
01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:14,640
Speaker 2: there were red flags that I ignored, but two, there were

1063
01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:18,600
Speaker 2: multiple points where I had a bad gut feeling and

1064
01:04:18,640 --> 01:04:24,040
Speaker 2: I ignored did I ignored my intuition because at the time,

1065
01:04:24,720 --> 01:04:30,640
Speaker 2: I wanted the relationship to work, and so I ignored it.

1066
01:04:32,040 --> 01:04:34,439
Speaker 3: Question for you, don did you know what the bad

1067
01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:36,520
Speaker 3: gut feeling was or did you just have a feeling

1068
01:04:36,760 --> 01:04:38,800
Speaker 3: in your gut which is like something right, I don't

1069
01:04:38,800 --> 01:04:41,200
Speaker 3: know what it is? Or did you have more insight

1070
01:04:41,240 --> 01:04:45,560
Speaker 3: into what it was. There was one point when it

1071
01:04:45,600 --> 01:04:48,960
Speaker 3: was just this is a bad feeling, and then there

1072
01:04:49,040 --> 01:04:51,520
Speaker 3: was another point where I was like I had a

1073
01:04:51,600 --> 01:04:55,280
Speaker 3: sense of what it was okay, and I was like, na,

1074
01:04:56,440 --> 01:05:02,960
Speaker 3: this can't be it. Yeah nah, talking myself out of it. Yeah.

1075
01:05:03,080 --> 01:05:05,280
Speaker 3: I know. We've been recording for a while, ladies, so

1076
01:05:05,320 --> 01:05:07,160
Speaker 3: we're probably going to have a deeper conversation on the

1077
01:05:07,200 --> 01:05:08,960
Speaker 3: after show because one of the things I want to

1078
01:05:09,000 --> 01:05:11,280
Speaker 3: ask you about, Dom, I want to talk about how

1079
01:05:11,320 --> 01:05:13,880
Speaker 3: we can spot manipulation. I want to learn about you

1080
01:05:13,880 --> 01:05:16,439
Speaker 3: said something powerful too. I wanted the relationship to work.

1081
01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:18,400
Speaker 3: I think that's a whole other conversation. So I'd love

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01:05:18,440 --> 01:05:20,880
Speaker 3: to dive into that on the after show. And then also,

1083
01:05:20,960 --> 01:05:23,320
Speaker 3: what can we say to perpetrators when we notice that

1084
01:05:23,360 --> 01:05:26,000
Speaker 3: we're with someone and we notice these behaviors, what do

1085
01:05:26,040 --> 01:05:29,240
Speaker 3: we say in the actual like in the moment? Right, So,

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01:05:30,200 --> 01:05:32,320
Speaker 3: I think we could do a quick recap and then

1087
01:05:32,400 --> 01:05:34,680
Speaker 3: we can hop over to the after show to have

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01:05:34,720 --> 01:05:35,680
Speaker 3: a deeper conversation.

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01:05:37,120 --> 01:05:43,360
Speaker 2: All right, So when you are noticing red flags, these

1090
01:05:43,400 --> 01:05:45,160
Speaker 2: are the things. These are the red flags that you

1091
01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:53,200
Speaker 2: will come in contact with gas lighting, love bombing. They

1092
01:05:53,280 --> 01:05:58,479
Speaker 2: don't respect your boundaries, They check in frequently, and there's

1093
01:05:58,520 --> 01:06:04,680
Speaker 2: a hint of possessiveness. They don't have many friends or

1094
01:06:06,400 --> 01:06:11,880
Speaker 2: a good relationship with their family or relationship with self.

1095
01:06:14,480 --> 01:06:20,880
Speaker 2: They want you to prioritize them. They try to isolate

1096
01:06:20,920 --> 01:06:24,800
Speaker 2: you and take up all of your time and sometimes

1097
01:06:24,840 --> 01:06:29,880
Speaker 2: even bad mouth those closest to you. And then finally

1098
01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:32,320
Speaker 2: you have a good feeling.

1099
01:06:33,680 --> 01:06:37,240
Speaker 3: Okay, lady, So be sure to go to our Instagram

1100
01:06:37,280 --> 01:06:39,840
Speaker 3: at Herspace podcast, go to that blue square like we

1101
01:06:39,920 --> 01:06:42,080
Speaker 3: asked you to do in the middle of the episode

1102
01:06:42,120 --> 01:06:45,000
Speaker 3: and share what's something a manipulator has said to you

1103
01:06:45,440 --> 01:06:47,200
Speaker 3: that you would like for other women to be privy

1104
01:06:47,240 --> 01:06:49,440
Speaker 3: to and then if you want to tune into the

1105
01:06:49,440 --> 01:06:51,680
Speaker 3: after show and also watch the video, would be getting

1106
01:06:51,800 --> 01:06:54,080
Speaker 3: you know, a little cute whatever for you on the video.

1107
01:06:54,480 --> 01:06:58,400
Speaker 3: Go to Herspace podcast dot com. Click on Wisdom Wednesday

1108
01:06:58,400 --> 01:07:00,680
Speaker 3: with Terry slash Patreon and you can get access to

1109
01:07:00,760 --> 01:07:04,480
Speaker 3: our Patreon content. It is reasonably priced. Lady, Okay, support

1110
01:07:04,560 --> 01:07:08,560
Speaker 3: the podcast. Support this black woman owned, founded, and black

1111
01:07:08,600 --> 01:07:12,920
Speaker 3: women created. Did I miss something? Podcast? Okay? We appreciate

1112
01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:16,560
Speaker 3: you for tuning in and we'll catch you next week.

1113
01:07:16,800 --> 01:07:20,280
Speaker 4: Hey, lady, it's Terry here from the Cultivating her Space Podcast.

1114
01:07:20,640 --> 01:07:23,440
Speaker 4: I'm hosting a free podcasting masterclass where I'm going to

1115
01:07:23,520 --> 01:07:27,080
Speaker 4: teach you how to create your impactful podcast and how

1116
01:07:27,120 --> 01:07:30,200
Speaker 4: you can generate multiple streams of income. You can visit

1117
01:07:30,280 --> 01:07:34,120
Speaker 4: podcast with Terry dot com to register for free. I

1118
01:07:34,160 --> 01:07:34,959
Speaker 4: hope to see you there.

1119
01:07:35,360 --> 01:07:41,120
Speaker 2: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show

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01:07:41,200 --> 01:07:47,120
Speaker 2: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and

1121
01:07:47,240 --> 01:07:50,360
Speaker 2: mental health, but is by no means meant to be

1122
01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:54,680
Speaker 2: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained

1123
01:07:54,720 --> 01:07:58,800
Speaker 2: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is

1124
01:07:58,800 --> 01:08:02,120
Speaker 2: in need of mental health care, please visit a therapy

1125
01:08:02,160 --> 01:08:08,080
Speaker 2: for Black Girls directory, Psychology Today, or contact your insurance provider.

1126
01:08:08,480 --> 01:08:10,120
Speaker 3: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

1127
01:08:10,160 --> 01:08:14,040
Speaker 3: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and

1128
01:08:14,160 --> 01:08:19,080
Speaker 3: Twitter at herspace podcast or check out our website at

1129
01:08:19,080 --> 01:08:22,839
Speaker 3: herspace podcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat

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01:08:22,920 --> 01:08:27,639
Speaker 3: after me. I attract abundance and prosperity with ease.