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Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you today?

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Speaker 2: Doug has diarrhea lives in Canada. My friend Cynthia texted

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Speaker 2: me this morning saying she felt like Doug was depressed

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Speaker 2: when I left, and I said, I doubt it, and

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Speaker 2: then she said, I know he really misses you. And

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Speaker 2: then she goes, actually he hasn't eat his food all day,

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Speaker 2: and I go, oh my god, oh my.

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Speaker 3: God, he came out of me. Fuck well.

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Speaker 2: At first I thought he does love me, he does

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Speaker 2: love me, and then I was like, wait a second,

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Speaker 2: I had food poisoning, and I was like, did he

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Speaker 2: get food poisoning?

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Speaker 4: Anyway?

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Speaker 2: He had diaryea on her couch and on her carpet.

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Speaker 2: So I was like, okay, I'll be back sooner than

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Speaker 2: later to get him.

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Speaker 4: Anyway.

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Speaker 2: She I was like, we can replace all of those things,

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Speaker 2: we can replace her houseplace. She goes, he's so high,

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Speaker 2: he's got such energy, and I go, just put him

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Speaker 2: outside while he's sick. He's happy to stay outside and

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Speaker 2: sleep outside. He preferred so fucking hot with all that hair.

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Speaker 2: And she's like, okay, but just you know, like bears

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Speaker 2: come through the backyard and I was like, oh. I

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Speaker 2: was like well, I mean, he'll probably find his whole family.

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Speaker 4: Those are his ancestors, you know.

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Speaker 5: What I mean.

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Speaker 6: It's so true.

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Speaker 4: He is basically a bear. He is a bear.

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Speaker 2: So I don't know how long he's gonna last in Canada,

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Speaker 2: but I have people.

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Speaker 3: Long enough to come back to La.

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Speaker 2: Well, he might not get in with the fucking way

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Speaker 2: immigration is going. Who knows if they'll stop him at

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Speaker 2: the border. I mean, he is black. Who knows they'll

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Speaker 2: make up some.

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Speaker 7: Fucking excuse, you know what I mean? There are his papers,

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Speaker 7: I know, well, I do have his paperwork. Actually, ironically

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Speaker 7: I could. I should probably sell that to somebody. Well,

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Speaker 7: not sell it, give it to somebody. Listen to me.

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Speaker 4: I would just like to say that.

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Speaker 2: It's early in the morning today and I got myself

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Speaker 2: a parking spot all by myself.

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Speaker 4: I paid the major, I did it effectively.

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Speaker 3: And it wasn't even in the normal place.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't in a normal place. I parked up the street.

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Speaker 2: We're at a studio. I went by my real house

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Speaker 2: this morning to check on things. There's a lot of

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Speaker 2: drilling going on.

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Speaker 1: I was telling Brad this morning, I'm like, I don't

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Speaker 1: even know what exactly's happening at the house, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Nobody asks me anymore, and nobody should. Nobody asked me

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Speaker 2: what's going on with my house. If you're listening to

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Speaker 2: this and you want to rent a big house in

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Speaker 2: Los Angeles for a lot of money, hit me up

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Speaker 2: on DMS, because yeah you could.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna rent that house out great until I make.

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Speaker 2: My money back, and I'll live in Whistler or Spain

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Speaker 2: or I don't know, Guantanamo Bay, you know where, whatever,

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Speaker 2: whatever place welcomes me exactly.

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Speaker 1: If people can rent that, if they're fans of yours

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Speaker 1: or RFK Junior, I mean it's great.

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Speaker 2: I just yes, this is a what is it a

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Speaker 2: cautionary tale? Cautionary tale?

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Speaker 4: True?

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Speaker 2: I had one great house building experience and I got

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Speaker 2: very confident, over confident, and then I now have another

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Speaker 2: house building experience and I am will never ever build

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Speaker 2: anything again.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Well, speaking of Trump's cabinet, we have one of Trump's

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Speaker 1: favorite people.

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Speaker 7: Cabinet.

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Speaker 4: They shouldn'ven be called a cabinet.

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Speaker 2: That's like, that's a fucking thing, that's an item you'd

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Speaker 2: find in my house that doesn't work.

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Speaker 4: It's not a cabinet.

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Speaker 2: It's like a fucking broken toaster is his cabinet? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: we have somebody who has gotten, who has had it

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Speaker 2: friction with Trump on today. He's an amazing singer, songwriter,

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Speaker 2: composer and legendary beauty.

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Speaker 4: Please welcome Rufus Wainwright.

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Speaker 2: Hi, good morning, Hello, Hello, Hi, oh oh hi, Rufus.

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Speaker 4: Oh wow look at you. You're like me way early.

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Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, no way early.

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Speaker 2: But and for a musician, no less. I mean, this

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Speaker 2: is what is happening.

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Speaker 6: Well, I have a fourteen year old child.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I know about that, and so you have to.

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Speaker 4: Wake up early to breastfeed.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I have to be on call basically twenty

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Speaker 5: four to seven for any kind of horrific situation.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely, I understand.

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Speaker 6: Yeah. Is that better?

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Speaker 4: You look very thin? You look really thin? On this

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Speaker 4: Is that what you said you're going for?

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Speaker 6: Well, I was more going for Marlene and Dietrich.

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Speaker 2: But then we'll work well Finn and Marlene Dietrich Rufus.

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Speaker 2: First of all, well, there's a lot to talk about, Yes,

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Speaker 2: dream Requiem, which is what we're here to talk about.

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Speaker 2: But first I wanted just to mention a couple of things.

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Speaker 2: I know that the Trump campaign used your song Hallelujah,

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Speaker 2: your your Leonard Cohen cover Hallelujah, And you were pissed

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Speaker 2: about that, So I was curious about that too, like

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Speaker 2: obviously your agents and managers or whomever get involved, right.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, I mean I was.

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Speaker 5: I mean I was pissed, but I think above pissed,

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Speaker 5: I was more just sort of flabbergasted and completely you

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Speaker 5: know shocks in the sense that just because it was also.

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Speaker 6: So weird how it was used, Like it wasn't just

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Speaker 6: used as.

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Speaker 5: A rally, you know, ending thing where people are always

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Speaker 5: shaking hands. He turned it into this sort of you know,

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Speaker 5: group dance flash prayer moment of you know, seeking forgiveness, and.

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Speaker 6: And that just was Yeah, it was a horrified, shockedness.

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Speaker 6: And then I was pissed, and then.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm shocked and horrified. I'm first of all, I'm

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Speaker 2: not Catholic or religious in any way, shape or form.

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Speaker 2: I'm shocked and horrified when they use any sort of

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Speaker 2: religious backdrop or there are people praying with him. I

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Speaker 2: find that so offensive to real religion, Like I might have.

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Speaker 5: I have a little bit of a scoop for you, though,

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Speaker 5: Oh great, regarding this, I don't think I've talked about

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Speaker 5: this yet, but and it's sort of out there a

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Speaker 5: little bit. But so that happened right and then and

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Speaker 5: then and this is before he won the election.

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Speaker 6: Uh or yeah, I guess he won the election.

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Speaker 8: He won.

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Speaker 2: We're living in a we're living in hell. And answer

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Speaker 2: your previous question, I'm in Canada right now.

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Speaker 6: I'm in Canada right now for real.

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Speaker 4: I mean, well, you're Canadian. I'm trying to become Canadian.

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Speaker 6: Okay, are you? Are you really in Canada where.

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Speaker 4: You I'm in Whistler, Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Okay, okay, we're both we're both in exile and probably

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Speaker 5: will remain so for a few years.

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Speaker 6: But but what happened is that he won.

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Speaker 5: He won the election, and then one of the first

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Speaker 5: visitors that he had was Justin Trudeau, the Prime Minister

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Speaker 5: of Canada, our ex prime minister, And so he went

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Speaker 5: down and I'd met Justin a couple of times, you know,

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Speaker 5: on grinder and I'm just kidding. But anyways, so then

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Speaker 5: I got a call a few days later from Justin Trudeau,

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Speaker 5: the Prime minister, telling me that he said, I guy

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Speaker 5: had this funny story for you, And so I answered

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Speaker 5: the phone, Yes, mister Prime minister, make me laugh. And

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Speaker 5: he said that when he was down in mar A Lago,

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Speaker 5: they were sitting together and at one point Hallelujah came

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Speaker 5: up on the sound system in the ballroom, but it

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Speaker 5: was it was Andrea Bucelli's version of Hallelujah the song,

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Speaker 5: at which point Trump turned to Justin Trudeau and said,

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Speaker 5: you know Rufus's version, right, and and then Justin Trudeau said, oh, yes,

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Speaker 5: I know, I know Rufus's version, but you have to

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Speaker 5: give Jeff Buckley some credit because he's the first person

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Speaker 5: to cover the song, at which point I'm on the

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Speaker 5: phone with Justin Trudeau, like, wait a minute, he brought

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Speaker 5: up the Jeff Berkele like I started to get whatever.

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Speaker 5: I was a bit riled internally.

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Speaker 2: I also find it a bit surprising that Trump is

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Speaker 2: aware of different covers of that song.

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Speaker 6: I know, no, well he is.

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Speaker 5: But then so then Justin said to him, yes, but

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Speaker 5: you have to give Jeff Buckley some some credit, at

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Speaker 5: which point Trump said, okay, well, maybe twenty minutes later,

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Speaker 5: Trump walked up to Justin and said, you know, Rufus's

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Speaker 5: version is really the best version, at which point Justin went, yes,

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Speaker 5: it is the best.

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Speaker 6: Version so so so in terms of like Hallelujah.

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Speaker 5: Versions, I'm a total Trumpianda that's about it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well I'm god. I mean what an endorsement. Trump

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Speaker 2: believes that yours is the best version of Halloween. Yeah

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Speaker 2: you got that, I guess.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, No, that's the Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Look, I've been seeking that for years and it's all

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Speaker 5: I've ever wanted, really is to be acknowledged as the

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Speaker 5: greatest singer of Hellelujah.

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Speaker 6: Forget my operas, forget my children.

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Speaker 2: So let's talk dream requiem, because I know that you have.

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Speaker 2: Jane Fonda is going to is she narrating it? Is

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Speaker 2: that the proper terminology?

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Speaker 5: Yes, what it is is that I many years ago

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Speaker 5: I discovered this amazing poem by Byron called Darkness, and

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Speaker 5: he wrote it in eighteen fourteen, which was this year

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Speaker 5: that there was this incredible insane earth not ealth quake.

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Speaker 6: What's another thing that we're about to.

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Speaker 9: Have economical volcano volcano okay, volcanic volcano that went off,

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Speaker 9: that erupted, that went off in Southeast Asia, and the

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Speaker 9: entire world was dark for a year.

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Speaker 5: There was no season, and everybody thought the world was ending.

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Speaker 5: It was the year that they wrote that. Mary Shelley

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Speaker 5: wrote Frankenstein's it was like the most kind of gothic.

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Speaker 4: Oh wow, yeah, and that was eighteen fourteen.

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Speaker 5: You said, yeah, it's the most got the gear except

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Speaker 5: for this year. We we know eclipsed that. But so

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Speaker 5: then you wrote that poem, so as I fell in

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Speaker 5: love with the point. It's all about the end of

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Speaker 5: the world and it's about like ecological collapse. And then

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Speaker 5: I was composing this requiem mass and I decided to

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Speaker 5: put them together. And I was maybe going to compose

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Speaker 5: the music to the English words, but English is crap,

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Speaker 5: and unless it's like rock and roll or rap, it

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Speaker 5: sounds terrible if it's sung operatically. So I quickly, you know,

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Speaker 5: shifted it and and said, oh, we'll have a narrator,

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Speaker 5: which in the end has turned out to be an

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Speaker 5: amazing kind of trick.

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Speaker 6: And I don't want to say trick.

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Speaker 5: Ploy where, you know, because the premier in Paris, and

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Speaker 5: we had Meryl Streep there as the narrator, and our

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Speaker 5: recording is available on Warner Classics. And yeah, Jane is

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Speaker 5: doing it in La. Have you heard anything about how

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Speaker 5: she got the job? Tell us, well, I i'd look

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Speaker 5: Dan and Dane and I have I know your friends

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Speaker 5: too up? Yeah, yeah, no, I I I mean I

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Speaker 5: I'd run into her over the years here and there,

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Speaker 5: but we never quite you know, bonded. But we were

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Speaker 5: at this I had just done the Requiem in Paris

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Speaker 5: with Meryl, and we were at the Hammer Gala in

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Speaker 5: La and I went there and I was with my

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Speaker 5: husband and Yorn and we arrived and I saw Jane

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Speaker 5: and we kind of ended up in just the same corner.

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Speaker 5: We just started talking and it's and it started to click,

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Speaker 5: you know, we just started to give. As they say,

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Speaker 5: it's a give or jibe.

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Speaker 6: I don't know. I'm so white anyways.

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Speaker 2: I think I think it's jibe, but I'm also white.

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Speaker 2: Who fucking knows.

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Speaker 5: Okay, we were doing something cool and it was weird,

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Speaker 5: but uh so we're talking. And then I said to her,

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Speaker 5: and I started talking about the Dream Requiem, and I said,

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Speaker 5: you know, we did it. We did it in Paris

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Speaker 5: with Meryl and and actually it's coming to La. We

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Speaker 5: don't have a narrator yet, but it's going to come

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Speaker 5: to Disney Hall. It's with the Master Corral and and

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Speaker 5: and at the end of that little speech, Jane turned

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Speaker 5: to me and she said, rufus, I'm doing it. I

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Speaker 5: was like, excuse me. She's like, no, I'm gonna, I

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Speaker 5: will do it with you. She immediately hut herself, which

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Speaker 5: I mean I was. I was overjoyed also a little shocked.

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Speaker 5: And then it's just from there on. You know, we've

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Speaker 5: been hanging out a lot, and she's come to a

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Speaker 5: few of my shows and she's just so like when

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Speaker 5: she wants something or loves something.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, she's very precious.

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Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, and so I'm just I don't know, I

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Speaker 5: felt very It's been one of the great great things

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Speaker 5: in my life, in the midst of all of this

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Speaker 5: darkness and stuff.

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Speaker 4: So when is this performance?

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Speaker 5: Performance is in la It's May the fourth at Disney Hall.

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Speaker 5: It's also with the Master Correll, which is probably the

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Speaker 5: greatest choir in America.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. I know who they are.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I know they're amazing. And look, it's something you know,

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Speaker 5: I don't. I don't in any way. Look as much

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Speaker 5: as Trump likes to think that he rules the world,

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Speaker 5: I kind of would like to say, well, maybe Trump,

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Speaker 5: you exist. Because I wrote this Death Mass and it's

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Speaker 5: premiering at the perfect time.

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Speaker 6: So You're just the backdrop to my music. So I'm

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Speaker 6: kind of trying.

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Speaker 5: To turn it around because because it is eerie, how

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Speaker 5: you know, just the whole you know, the apocalyptic dark.

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Speaker 6: You know, it's a perfect thing to be putting out

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Speaker 6: right now. That's all I want to say.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's also you know, I was I don't know

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Speaker 2: where I read this, what book. I read this in

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Speaker 2: probably my favorite book, Letting Go. But it's about being like,

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Speaker 2: you know, even in times of strife or when the

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Speaker 2: world is a dark place, there are people who could

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Speaker 2: create art and people who can thrive within the darkness

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Speaker 2: and not off of the darkness. I'm not talking about

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Speaker 2: like to the tech billionaires on all of that. I'm

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Speaker 2: saying people who can thrive, who makes something happen even

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Speaker 2: amidst all the darkness and continue to thrive.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Well, I am very much fueled, as you said, not

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Speaker 5: fueled by the darkness. But I am a how can

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Speaker 5: I say this? I am attuned to that sensibility I work.

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Speaker 5: I've always loved opera. I've always loved you know, written

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Speaker 5: ballads and very intense music.

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Speaker 6: So I love so yes, artistically, I'm in.

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Speaker 5: I've been a very good place. But it was funny

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Speaker 5: when you bring up the tech bros. Because they have

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Speaker 5: no artistic sense whatsoever. I mean, what's so kind of

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Speaker 5: horrific about that whole situation is that their idea of

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Speaker 5: art is like them dressed as the Mona Lisa or something,

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Speaker 5: you know, with like a banana in the background. You know,

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Speaker 5: they just have no aesthetic sense or anything. So they're

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Speaker 5: not even I don't know, like like artistically, they cannot be.

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Speaker 2: Yes, So it's up to me, right right, well artists,

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Speaker 2: you know, yeah, to actually show up.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, And they think they're artists. They think they're artists,

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Speaker 6: they think that they're.

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Speaker 4: They think they're artists though I mean they're.

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Speaker 6: Clearly they think they're everything.

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Speaker 4: Yeah right.

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Speaker 6: They think they're sexy too, which is pretty sure. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Well, that's the most revolting part the the sex. The

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Speaker 2: assumed sex appeal is so revolting. I mean, I can't

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Speaker 2: think of anyone, any group of guys that are less

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Speaker 2: fuckable than all of those guys. Talk to me about

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Speaker 2: Dream Requiem, So tell me how you would. First of all,

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Speaker 2: I hate this question when I'm asked how I would

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Speaker 2: to describe one of my shows. But I'm gonna ask

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Speaker 2: you without saying those words.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, No.

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Speaker 5: I look, I'm a big, as I said before, classical

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Speaker 5: music fan, and I but the first piece that really

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Speaker 5: got me going when I was thirteen was Verdi's Requiem

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Speaker 5: the Composer of Verity.

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Speaker 6: He wrote this amazing requiem.

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Speaker 5: It's one of the great ones, and I just became

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Speaker 5: obsessed with it and it sort of began my whole

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Speaker 5: journey in that In that realm, it was a little

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Speaker 5: freakish for my dad, especially, he's not a big opera

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Speaker 5: fan to see, you know, his thirteen year old son

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Speaker 5: in the corner in the dark with headphones on listening

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Speaker 5: to you know, Day of Wrath and stuff like that.

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Speaker 5: So I but I stuck it out, or everybody stuck

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Speaker 5: it out. And now you know, I've written you know,

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Speaker 5: several classical works and also pop works and all that stuff,

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Speaker 5: and now I just feel like it's time to give

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Speaker 5: back to that. I will say, are you Catholic at all?

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Speaker 5: Or you're probably anti kit you hate?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not anything at all.

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Speaker 6: Were you brought up Catholic or.

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Speaker 4: I was brought up Jewish? Actually you're brought up.

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Speaker 5: Okay, sorry, Okay, there you go, but I am not anything.

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Speaker 5: I'm not even baptized Catholic. I was brought up in

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Speaker 5: a Catholic environment. My mother was Catholic, and I went

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Speaker 5: to Catholic school. And how was that Well, you know,

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Speaker 5: it wasn't great in a sense, but it was really

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Speaker 5: they really ingrained it and you in the sense that

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Speaker 5: I was a little shocked when I went to compose

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Speaker 5: it and I was working with all of those prayers,

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Speaker 5: you know, the Latin mass.

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Speaker 6: Wow, just how fast.

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Speaker 5: It came out, and how how it's just like wired

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Speaker 5: into into me, for better or for worse, probably more

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Speaker 5: for worse in a lot of ways.

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Speaker 4: That's how I am with state capital those are to me.

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Speaker 6: Sounds nice.

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Speaker 5: So anyway, so I so I just started composing it

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Speaker 5: and then.

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Speaker 6: And it just came out really fast, and and it's

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Speaker 6: one of these things.

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Speaker 5: Where the idea came and then I so, okay, that

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Speaker 5: sounds like a nice idea. I like to see to

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Speaker 5: see if anybody is interested. And we asked Paris first,

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Speaker 5: and then within two months there was ten commissioners, ten

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Speaker 5: cities all over the world that wanted to do it.

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Speaker 6: There was a real kind of.

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Speaker 5: Need for it. It was right after COVID. So I

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Speaker 5: think people were whatever, they were pretty.

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Speaker 6: Gloomy, yeah, and.

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Speaker 5: So, so I think they could relate to that. The

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Speaker 5: other thing, which I don't do you know anything about

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Speaker 5: the dog situation.

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Speaker 4: I don't know anything about anything.

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Speaker 5: Okay, well, okay, well this is this is interesting because

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Speaker 5: you know the requiem is it's dedicated to two individuals.

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Speaker 5: The first first one is dedicated to Verity the composer,

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Speaker 5: because you know of that. But then the second dedication

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Speaker 5: is to Puccini, whose most people would think is an

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Speaker 5: op composer, which he is. But Puccini and I say this,

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Speaker 5: and the thing used to be our little dog. We

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Speaker 5: had a dog named Puccini. And actually within the poem

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Speaker 5: Byron's poem there's Byron adored Dogs, and then the poem

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Speaker 5: there's a dog that dies in the middle of the poem.

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Speaker 5: It's it's kind of the most touching moment of the

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Speaker 5: of the piece, or one of one of the many

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Speaker 5: touching moments.

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Speaker 6: And and so and we.

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Speaker 5: My husband and I, we had a little dog named Puccini,

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Speaker 5: and so we dedicated it also to the to the

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Speaker 5: little dog. So yeah, so so for there's a big

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Speaker 5: dog element to the to the piece as well for

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Speaker 5: dog lovers.

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Speaker 6: So if you hate opera, but it's.

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Speaker 4: A whole opera, right, it's not just one piece.

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Speaker 6: No, it's why it's one piece.

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Speaker 4: It's one only one piece.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it's as Yeah, it's a mass and it

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Speaker 5: starts with some of the poem and then it goes

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Speaker 5: into the into the mass, like the choir sings all

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Speaker 5: the religious mass stuff and then the poem is is

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Speaker 5: recited by the narrator and at a certain point they intertwined.

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Speaker 5: But it's it's seventy five minutes, like there's no intermission

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Speaker 5: or any thing. It's just there. You're in and your

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Speaker 5: out and yeah, so it's.

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Speaker 6: I'm very excited about it.

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Speaker 5: I mean I've been fighting years and years and years

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Speaker 5: to make it into you know, the classical world, and

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Speaker 5: it seems like I've done it with this piece of music,

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Speaker 5: which is very exciting. Of course, right at the time

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Speaker 5: that I did that, I wrote a musical in London

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Speaker 5: called Opening Night, which totally flops. So so I kind

398
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Speaker 5: of the Broadway world kind of or the West End

399
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Speaker 5: world in London kind of, you know, gave me the boot, right,

400
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Speaker 5: as you know, the classical world opens, So it's always

401
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Speaker 5: it's been an interesting journey.

402
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Speaker 6: You always gotta have the door shut down on you

403
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Speaker 6: at some point.

404
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Speaker 2: Well, a door shut down on you right before a

405
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Speaker 2: different door opens.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, there you go. Yeah, you can never have just

407
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Speaker 6: the door open.

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Speaker 2: And it's all thattliche because or well an adage I said,

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Speaker 2: I suppose because it's true. I mean, that does happen.

410
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Speaker 2: So talk to me about it artistically. How that how

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Speaker 2: that makes you feel, like when you are rejected and

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Speaker 2: then you are accepted into a different world, Like, how

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Speaker 2: do you balance those emotions?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: No, I look when I did the musical Opening Night,

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Speaker 5: which which by the way, we did record and we're

417
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Speaker 5: releasing it the soundtrack album, and it's the songs are great,

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Speaker 5: and I think the piece was actually kind of great.

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Speaker 5: It was just a little out there for it was

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Speaker 5: based on the John Cassavetti's movie Opening Night. Anyways, So

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Speaker 5: I was so depressed when that whole thing collapsed and

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Speaker 5: to the point where you know, I had to go

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Speaker 5: on medication and stuff like.

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Speaker 6: It was very it really, it was pretty dark.

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Speaker 5: I mean, there was a lot of other things happening,

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Speaker 5: but that wast you know, kind of took me down.

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Speaker 4: And has that happened to you before professionally creatively.

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Speaker 5: It's happened to me once before. But but I but

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Speaker 5: I didn't. I didn't kind of seek treatment for it.

430
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Speaker 5: I was I just sort of nut white knuckled it

431
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:52,040
Speaker 5: through the whole thing. But this time I just needed

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Speaker 5: a little bit of help and and I got it,

433
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Speaker 5: and it was great, you know, I was able to

434
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Speaker 5: come back. But right as that was happening, you know,

435
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Speaker 5: the Requim was premiering in Paris, and I had you know,

436
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Speaker 5: Meryl Streep there sitting next to me, listening to it

437
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Speaker 5: for the first time, and I was able to appreciate

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Speaker 5: how special the whole thing was and how lucky I

439
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,200
Speaker 5: was to be in this situation.

440
00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:19,560
Speaker 6: But yes, there was this gnawing sort.

441
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:23,320
Speaker 5: Of sense which sort of limited me in my joy

442
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,479
Speaker 5: at the time of my greatest triumph.

443
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,280
Speaker 2: Right, So, but let's talk about that, because I think

444
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,000
Speaker 2: that is very relatable to you know, not only people

445
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 2: in the industry, but I think people you know a

446
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:35,880
Speaker 2: lot of things. You get good news or you get

447
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,240
Speaker 2: bad news, and it's hard to kind of pick yourself

448
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:38,800
Speaker 2: up from that.

449
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:39,600
Speaker 4: And like, when you.

450
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:42,480
Speaker 2: Look back at that time, do you think that there

451
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,800
Speaker 2: was anything you would have done differently or that you

452
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,720
Speaker 2: will do differently in the future if something like that

453
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:48,720
Speaker 2: were to happen again.

454
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:52,280
Speaker 5: Well, I mean, look, I'm speaking of religions and stuff.

455
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,400
Speaker 5: I mean, I don't want to do it, but I guess,

456
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,120
Speaker 5: you know, you have to be sort of Buddhist about

457
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,840
Speaker 5: it and say, you know, you have to let go

458
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,880
Speaker 5: of that attachment and that kind of idea of being

459
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,439
Speaker 5: you know, fulfilled.

460
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:09,200
Speaker 6: By your your ego or whatever. And so that's probably

461
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 6: the wise way to do.

462
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:13,919
Speaker 5: It, is just to not try to feel nothing a

463
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 5: little bit in a sense or just being you know,

464
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:17,880
Speaker 5: very low key about it.

465
00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:20,840
Speaker 6: But you know, look, then I wrote.

466
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 5: Ten songs in my depths, in the depths of my

467
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,679
Speaker 5: sadness that I'm now going to put on a pop record,

468
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,240
Speaker 5: and and so it's also for an art I think

469
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:32,040
Speaker 5: that's actually more what I struggle with. It's just and

470
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:35,800
Speaker 5: that I've realized now in my fifties, is that there

471
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:39,399
Speaker 5: is this kind of machine that I've created where you know,

472
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:41,479
Speaker 5: I get depressed and then I write songs and then

473
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,200
Speaker 5: I feel better. But then I got to get depressed

474
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 5: or to write a song, and then in order you know,

475
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:49,440
Speaker 5: it's this cycle that that you know, certainly creates a

476
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,680
Speaker 5: lot of material and but it is a little bit

477
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:55,280
Speaker 5: diabolical at times.

478
00:21:55,920 --> 00:22:00,440
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm sure, I'm sure it is. I mean, that's

479
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:03,600
Speaker 2: the life of an artist typically, right.

480
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:06,400
Speaker 6: And it's a good I mean, I think we're fortunate.

481
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:09,399
Speaker 5: But but but when I see people, young people, especially

482
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 5: when they're like, oh, I want to be an artist,

483
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,840
Speaker 5: and you know, my first.

484
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,840
Speaker 6: Comment will usually say, well, you're not gonna you can't.

485
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:17,560
Speaker 6: You can't tell me you want to be an artist.

486
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:18,919
Speaker 6: You have to be an.

487
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:22,640
Speaker 5: Artist, like like you just you are an artist and

488
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:24,160
Speaker 5: good luck.

489
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:28,359
Speaker 6: Yeah, not easy, it's not easy.

490
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,679
Speaker 2: No, it's not like anyone really takes care of you

491
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 2: as an artist emotionally. And I'm not sure in what

492
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 2: world you are taking care of emotionally unless it's by

493
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:42,320
Speaker 2: your spouse or you know, family. But at a certain point,

494
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,200
Speaker 2: when you go through all of the highs and lows

495
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 2: of having any career, a public career, also, you start

496
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:53,560
Speaker 2: to learn to rely on yourself for your emotional well being.

497
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:57,080
Speaker 2: You're like, no one can help me with this. Yes,

498
00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:59,200
Speaker 2: you can talk to a therapist, and of course you can,

499
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:02,359
Speaker 2: you know, go on metation in like incremental times or

500
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 2: whenever you need it whatever, but no one takes care

501
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 2: of you. And like I think as an artist, there's

502
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,520
Speaker 2: this attitude at least I had this attitude younger, like

503
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,240
Speaker 2: when things didn't go right, like you fix it?

504
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:13,520
Speaker 6: You do?

505
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 4: Do you do it?

506
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:17,359
Speaker 2: And like, yes, well that can be many people's responsibilities

507
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 2: in your life. You actually just have to take the

508
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,880
Speaker 2: emotional burden of everything. It's your name on it, it's

509
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 2: your failure or success, and then it's your pressure.

510
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, and then it's and then in the end it's

511
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 5: your glory when it comes to fruition. But at that

512
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,960
Speaker 5: glorious moment, there's always a little bit of there's always

513
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:38,160
Speaker 5: a chink in the armor. Oh it's uh yeah, yeah,

514
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:40,040
Speaker 5: which is it's the way it is.

515
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,240
Speaker 2: It would be great to figure out a way and

516
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 2: I'm good at this sometimes, but not full proof. To

517
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:50,240
Speaker 2: welcome the failure, to welcome the pain, you know, like

518
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:54,120
Speaker 2: bring it on, because every time you have a failure,

519
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,320
Speaker 2: we all know that something a rainbow is around the corner,

520
00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 2: like something happens.

521
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,640
Speaker 5: Well, I mean I have a little thing to do

522
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 5: with that, which I kind of relate to Yang and

523
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:09,840
Speaker 5: Yang where anytime I'm happy anytime I'm somewhat euphoric, I

524
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,639
Speaker 5: just always say, look, I'm going to take a little

525
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 5: piece of this and hide it somewhere so that when

526
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:19,000
Speaker 5: I'm in the dark, I can, you know, pull it

527
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,200
Speaker 5: out and use it as a kind of flashlight.

528
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:23,879
Speaker 6: So I saw it, but I think it's something you

529
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,719
Speaker 6: have to cognitively.

530
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,160
Speaker 4: Do and practice.

531
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,640
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

532
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,240
Speaker 2: All right, we're going to take a break and we'll

533
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 2: be right back with Rufus Wainwright.

534
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,719
Speaker 1: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, write into us at

535
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:39,159
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. We'd love to

536
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 1: hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on.

537
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 1: This week, we're specifically looking for questions about surrogacy and

538
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,359
Speaker 1: fertility issues, So if you've gone through IVF or are

539
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:51,200
Speaker 1: planning to, please write in at Dear Chelsea podcast at

540
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 1: gmail dot com.

541
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:58,119
Speaker 4: And we're back with Rufus Wainwright.

542
00:24:58,440 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 9: Hi.

543
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,480
Speaker 2: Okay, we're going to take some callers. Rufus, Are you down?

544
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 2: Are you ready to Yeah?

545
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:07,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, Well, before we get to advice, Rufus, I

546
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,760
Speaker 1: have to tell you that my husband, who's the engineer here,

547
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:12,440
Speaker 1: who was floating around here on the zoom.

548
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 3: You are actually the reason that we met. Oh really,

549
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,160
Speaker 3: in two thousand and five, I went to go see

550
00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 3: your concert at Ravina.

551
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 6: Oh wow, August in two thousand and.

552
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 1: Five, and I was going with a friend. We met

553
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,200
Speaker 1: at the friend's house ahead of time, and who should

554
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 1: walk out but this streamy, tall guy. And here we

555
00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 1: are twenty years later.

556
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:36,040
Speaker 6: Oh that's so sweet, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

557
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,560
Speaker 2: I saw you Rufus at some small place in Santa

558
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:41,400
Speaker 2: Monica a few years ago, maybe not a few, maybe ten.

559
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:43,880
Speaker 2: It was really fun though. It was only like there's

560
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,720
Speaker 2: a small room with like one hundred people and everyone

561
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 2: was getting down.

562
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:50,240
Speaker 6: It was I think it was it was mccabes or something.

563
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:51,359
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yes it was.

564
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:51,880
Speaker 9: Yeah.

565
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 2: Yeah.

566
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 6: Those are those are those are some Those are great shows.

567
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 6: Those are fun shows.

568
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:56,480
Speaker 3: All right.

569
00:25:56,800 --> 00:26:00,080
Speaker 1: Well, our first question is just an email, not a call.

570
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:04,359
Speaker 3: So this question comes from Tina. Subject line is son's

571
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:05,440
Speaker 3: sexual preference.

572
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,840
Speaker 1: You're Chelsea. I've been a fan of your podcast for

573
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 1: a number of years. I love what you stand for

574
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 1: and the advice that you give on your podcast. I

575
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 1: listen every morning when I walk my dog before work.

576
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 3: I'm a forty seven year old.

577
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:19,959
Speaker 1: Single mom with three children who are all grown. I

578
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:22,240
Speaker 1: like to think of myself as very open minded and

579
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,840
Speaker 1: progressive when it comes to most things. I've always made

580
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:26,639
Speaker 1: it very clear to my children that whatever road they

581
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 1: choose and their sexuality is their choice and free from judgment.

582
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 3: And then this happened.

583
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:33,520
Speaker 1: My twenty one year old son told me tonight that

584
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 1: he's dating a trans person, a woman who has been

585
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,879
Speaker 1: transitioning to be a man. I maintained complete composure and

586
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 1: acted cool, but inside I was really just feeling a

587
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:43,359
Speaker 1: little bit of turmoil.

588
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,360
Speaker 4: I love that honesty. I maintained composure.

589
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,359
Speaker 1: Yes, my son is the most beautiful, sweet, kind and

590
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:52,680
Speaker 1: best person ever, and all I want for him is

591
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,399
Speaker 1: to be happy. I've always known or suspected that he

592
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 1: was gay or otherwise, but I guess I'm just scared

593
00:26:57,600 --> 00:26:59,359
Speaker 1: for him, but at the same time so proud of

594
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 1: him for just love having another human, regardless of their

595
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 1: sexual identity or preference.

596
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:05,200
Speaker 3: I guess I'm asking for help.

597
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,840
Speaker 1: On navigating through our extended family, some of which, including

598
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,639
Speaker 1: my sister and her husband, are very conservative. My mama

599
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 1: bear instincts are out, and I think I'm feeling more

600
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:16,400
Speaker 1: protective than judgmental for him, but also feeling a little.

601
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:19,879
Speaker 3: Bit confused of my own feelings about the situation. Many thanks, Tina.

602
00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:22,280
Speaker 2: I think this is easy, Tina, Like, I don't think

603
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:25,520
Speaker 2: you have to make any proclamations or announcements to your family,

604
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 2: like your extended family, like first of all, get to

605
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 2: know your son's new love interest and spend time with them,

606
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:34,840
Speaker 2: and like and and just keep opening your heart and

607
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,480
Speaker 2: your mind because you're going to learn lots of things

608
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:40,359
Speaker 2: that you didn't know about, and that's going to really

609
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 2: normalize the situation. And you kind of calling attention to

610
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:46,919
Speaker 2: it too, even though I understand you're being a protective

611
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,359
Speaker 2: mama bear because I'm a mother and I know what

612
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 2: that feels like I'm more of a father, But like

613
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:55,320
Speaker 2: putting an exclamation point on everything, I don't think is helpful.

614
00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:58,960
Speaker 2: Like I think you should just act with grace and normalcy,

615
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:01,920
Speaker 2: like this is normal when I meet the person, whether

616
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 2: or not they realize that their trans or not is

617
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:08,160
Speaker 2: inconsequential to you, Like that's not something that you need to.

618
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 4: Like preface or tell them before.

619
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 2: Let them deal with the situation and when it comes around,

620
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:15,680
Speaker 2: I would suggest just going I didn't think that was

621
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 2: information that was necessary because you're protecting by telling your

622
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 2: sister and her husband, who are more conservative, you're protecting them.

623
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 4: You're not protecting your son.

624
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,480
Speaker 2: You're protecting their feelings and making sure they have all

625
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:28,720
Speaker 2: the cards. They don't need all the cards. This isn't

626
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,600
Speaker 2: their love life. This is your son's love life. So

627
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 2: all you can do is show up for him in

628
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 2: a really responsible and present way.

629
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:35,680
Speaker 4: Rufus, what do you think?

630
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:37,240
Speaker 6: Well, you know, I wanted to.

631
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:39,560
Speaker 5: I totally agree with what you're saying, but I also

632
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 5: want to sort of praise her for even being you know,

633
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 5: open to stuff, because my mother might do. This was

634
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 5: back in the eighties when she found out I was gay.

635
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 5: She had a you know, a cigarette in one hen

636
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,440
Speaker 5: and a scotch and the other and she said, rufus,

637
00:28:56,000 --> 00:29:00,720
Speaker 5: don't tell me something I don't want to hear. Oh,

638
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:03,360
Speaker 5: So I was, you know, that was that was so

639
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,960
Speaker 5: I'm someone who, you know, whenever I hear a parent

640
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:08,200
Speaker 5: who's you know, really trying to do the right thing,

641
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 5: it's so important and should be really really celebrated because

642
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 5: unfortunately still, I you know, I just hear these horror

643
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 5: stories with parents who are just out of their mind,

644
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 5: you know, when this stuff comes up. And so you're

645
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 5: being the dad, I'm being the mom.

646
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, well perfect, we're perfectly, we're parenting perfectly. I also

647
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:29,760
Speaker 2: think like open, open, open, Just keep your mind open,

648
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:31,760
Speaker 2: like you're going to learn things. You're going to be

649
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 2: surprised by the things you learn, and just be open

650
00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 2: hearted and open minded.

651
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 6: Be proud of yourself for being open.

652
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, be proud of yourself, and just keep thinking like,

653
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 2: you know, I understand the protective aspect, but like we're

654
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 2: not there yet.

655
00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 4: You don't have to.

656
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:47,960
Speaker 2: Don't worry about your son's Your son's happiness is paramount

657
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:48,720
Speaker 2: to anything else.

658
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 4: Like, just be open to that and open to understanding his.

659
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 2: World, and that way, you're going to set the foundation

660
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 2: for him to be always comfortable coming to you, talking

661
00:29:58,680 --> 00:29:59,720
Speaker 2: to you about these things.

662
00:29:59,760 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 9: Talk.

663
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 2: You knew about these issues and you want to just

664
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 2: you know, the last thing you want to be is

665
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:07,000
Speaker 2: shut out from any of that. So yes, just move

666
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:09,040
Speaker 2: forward with grace and open heartedness.

667
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:09,640
Speaker 4: Yeah.

668
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,160
Speaker 1: And I will also say, just like a tiny asterisk,

669
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 1: I think she did a really good job just like

670
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:17,360
Speaker 1: containing any fear or confusing that she might imposing herself.

671
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, composing herself.

672
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 1: But one tiny astreiss Tina is just on the sexual

673
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:23,440
Speaker 1: preference language.

674
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 3: You know, nowadays we say more.

675
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 1: Like sexual orientation, because it really is part of somebody's identity,

676
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:32,080
Speaker 1: not a choice really that they're making. And I think

677
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:34,960
Speaker 1: once you get to know this person, you know, I

678
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:38,400
Speaker 1: think the only scary thing is having not ever met

679
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:40,640
Speaker 1: a trans person. Once you get to know them, you're like, oh,

680
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 1: they're just a person, you know, they just act like

681
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 1: everybody else.

682
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 5: They're just That was a and a sort of end

683
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 5: of my mother's story, which is kind of nice and

684
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 5: maybe it softens it a bit, as you know. When

685
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 5: she was when I finally did come out to her,

686
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 5: we were in Paris and she went to Notre Dame

687
00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 5: Cathedral and.

688
00:30:59,080 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 6: She was brought up cast.

689
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,640
Speaker 5: So she went and she prayed, and she claims that

690
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:06,239
Speaker 5: she got a message from somewhere that says, you know,

691
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,320
Speaker 5: Rufus is like any other person.

692
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 6: You just have to treat him like any other person.

693
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,680
Speaker 5: And it is that message I think that comes out

694
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 5: eventually the world's as people.

695
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:15,840
Speaker 6: And that's it.

696
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, with that message that needs to be transmitted to

697
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 2: the entire world.

698
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, that a human being is a human being,

699
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 4: regardless of anything else.

700
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:26,000
Speaker 6: Yes.

701
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 1: Well, our next question comes from Amber. Amber says, Dear Chelsea,

702
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 1: I met someone in the coolest way. We met in

703
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:39,040
Speaker 1: a hot tub in Michigan. I live in Washington and

704
00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:41,440
Speaker 1: he lives in New York. He's my best friend and

705
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 1: he totally gets me. I never thought i'd meet someone

706
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 1: like him. I know he is the one. I have

707
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:49,920
Speaker 1: a great career in Washington and a fantastic community and friends.

708
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 1: He has two kiddos and not the best job prospects

709
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 1: where he lives. I'm so torn because I love my life,

710
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 1: but I also love him. What do I do? It's

711
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 1: important to know. I'm turning forty this year and never

712
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 1: been married. I want to marry this man hopeless in Washington, Amber.

713
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:07,840
Speaker 2: Hi, Amber, this is Rufus Wainwright, our special guest today.

714
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:08,720
Speaker 8: Hi.

715
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 10: That's so cool.

716
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 2: Okay, So you fell in love in a hot tub

717
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:16,240
Speaker 2: in Michigan. You don't want to leave Washington because your.

718
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 4: Whole life is there. Yeah? And what state is he in?

719
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:20,800
Speaker 10: He's in New York?

720
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:22,400
Speaker 4: Oh, Okay, so you'd have to move to New York.

721
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 4: What part of New York.

722
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 10: Like rural northern New York like close to the Canadian border.

723
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:32,880
Speaker 2: Oh okay, well that is a pickle because we're not

724
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 2: talking about any major city here.

725
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 4: Yikes.

726
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 2: I mean that could be good to be close to

727
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:39,240
Speaker 2: the border for other reasons.

728
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:40,760
Speaker 6: How far is it from Montreal?

729
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 10: Well, we actually went to Toronto, like last month.

730
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 6: Oh oh was there Toronto? Okay?

731
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 10: Okay, yeah, like he drove, he drove like four hours

732
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 10: to Toronto and then I.

733
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 6: Saw four hours to Toronto. Okay, that is that is far?

734
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 4: Yeah.

735
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:59,040
Speaker 2: I mean listen, if you're in love and you know

736
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 2: it and you feel it and you're forty and you're

737
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 2: ready to take a plunge for somebody, then you gotta

738
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:07,240
Speaker 2: do what you got to do. I wouldn't want to

739
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 2: move there, but I'm not in love with anyone that

740
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 2: lives there.

741
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 10: That is so true. But like you know, I have

742
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:17,200
Speaker 10: like this whole community here. I bought a house, my

743
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 10: friends are here, my job is here. Although well I

744
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:22,719
Speaker 10: have a job in a few months, I don't know

745
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:23,960
Speaker 10: because it's grant funded.

746
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 4: Lovely sure.

747
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:29,040
Speaker 1: And now I assume that like he can't move because

748
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:31,160
Speaker 1: of the kids, right, like a custody situation.

749
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:32,440
Speaker 4: How old are the kids?

750
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 10: Eleven and two?

751
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:36,120
Speaker 4: Uh two?

752
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 10: Well?

753
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 4: That that's another doozy. You're gonna raise a two year

754
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:40,520
Speaker 4: old with him?

755
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 10: I mean I used to work with kids. I love kids.

756
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 10: I just I don't want kids. And then he doesn't

757
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:49,320
Speaker 10: want anymore. He's had of p stectomy. It's fantastic, Like

758
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 10: I don't have to worry about it.

759
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, he sounds like a good, good option minus the legitigo.

760
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 5: Are you interested in and started being in a child's

761
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 5: life and in the major waven though it's not your own?

762
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:02,640
Speaker 6: Is that interest you or totally?

763
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:05,680
Speaker 10: I have a lot of with kids, and I love

764
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 10: their kids and I love being like the best friends auntie,

765
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:12,919
Speaker 10: you know, but I don't want to be their mom.

766
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:13,760
Speaker 10: They have moms.

767
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 4: They're good.

768
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 2: Okay, So if you lose your job in a couple

769
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:18,400
Speaker 2: of months, say that happens, you know, I hope it

770
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:20,919
Speaker 2: doesn't happen. But say that does happen, Does that would

771
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 2: that make it easier.

772
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:22,759
Speaker 4: For you to move to New York?

773
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 9: Yeah?

774
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:24,240
Speaker 4: I mean it would.

775
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:28,239
Speaker 10: It's just I think it's not even more, not even

776
00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 10: about the job or the location. It's just when you're

777
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,600
Speaker 10: at my age, it's harder to you know, make friends

778
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:37,040
Speaker 10: and build this community. And I have like built this

779
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:42,359
Speaker 10: amazing friendship in a community of people here, and it's

780
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 10: taken a while to build that, right, and then you

781
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:50,920
Speaker 10: go to rural New York and you don't know anybody,

782
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 10: it's going to be really hard to make those friendships.

783
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 10: But also he's like my best friend, so there's that,

784
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,440
Speaker 10: and I could always visit and fly and I have

785
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:02,759
Speaker 10: that ability.

786
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:04,680
Speaker 4: And you can't just keep it long distance. For the

787
00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:05,280
Speaker 4: time being.

788
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:09,359
Speaker 10: We are, Yeah, we're making plans. We're seeing each other

789
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:12,879
Speaker 10: like every other month or so. We talk every night,

790
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 10: and we've kind of built like little things that are

791
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,959
Speaker 10: special to us for being a long distance so I could.

792
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:21,360
Speaker 10: I told him, I said I could do this for

793
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:23,400
Speaker 10: about a year. But then that's it. I'm done.

794
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:25,320
Speaker 4: What do you when you say you built little things?

795
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:27,600
Speaker 4: What does that mean? Like, what's an example of built

796
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:28,440
Speaker 4: little things?

797
00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:31,400
Speaker 10: Yeah, so, like every morning I send him a picture

798
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:33,880
Speaker 10: of what I'm wearing to work that day, just like

799
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:35,160
Speaker 10: every day, I.

800
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:40,279
Speaker 4: Always your dick pic. It was our fun actually, but

801
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:41,840
Speaker 4: only from sometimes.

802
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:45,720
Speaker 10: I've never wanted them before actually, but now I'm.

803
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 2: Like, oh, I'm still waiting to meet the guy that

804
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:50,879
Speaker 2: makes me want to see a dick pick.

805
00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:53,839
Speaker 10: So I never I never thought I would be that

806
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:56,879
Speaker 10: way either, Chelsea, seriously, but he's it.

807
00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 3: Is you are in love.

808
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:00,920
Speaker 5: Is there a way for you to go there for

809
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:04,360
Speaker 5: like two months or three months, like an extended vacation

810
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 5: so you have a sort of a sense of what

811
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:08,800
Speaker 5: a long just being there over like a week is,

812
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 5: Like I wish.

813
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,040
Speaker 10: I'm gonna The nice thing is I'm actually going to

814
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:16,120
Speaker 10: go next month to like see where he lives and

815
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 10: see the neighborhood and just see what it would be

816
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:21,520
Speaker 10: like for like the weekend. Because of my job, I'm

817
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:23,800
Speaker 10: a program director and they need me in the office

818
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:26,960
Speaker 10: to handle my staff. It'd cool if I had like

819
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:29,440
Speaker 10: a remote job and could kind of be bi coastal.

820
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:33,279
Speaker 2: Well, I think that you should definitely a if you're

821
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:35,359
Speaker 2: okay with this for a year, great, take a year,

822
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:38,160
Speaker 2: Take a year, go see his neighborhood, and the next

823
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:40,480
Speaker 2: time you're going there and spend the weekend there. But

824
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 2: you have to plan a time where you're going to

825
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:44,959
Speaker 2: spend a longer duration of time there in this year

826
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:47,799
Speaker 2: that you're talking about, And if you do lose your job,

827
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 2: then that opens you up to get a job where

828
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:50,640
Speaker 2: you can be by coastal.

829
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 4: So then you can have the best of both worlds.

830
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:54,000
Speaker 2: Because is there a situation where you would keep your

831
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 2: house in Washington and then also kind of go back

832
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:58,879
Speaker 2: and forth if you had a by coastal job.

833
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:01,840
Speaker 4: I mean, that's what you mean, and right, Yeah, I think.

834
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 10: I could totally manage that. I have a dog, but

835
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 10: I have a place where she could go that she loves,

836
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:10,480
Speaker 10: so like I could, I could make it work for

837
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:11,920
Speaker 10: a couple of years if I wanted to.

838
00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:13,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's what you should do.

839
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,840
Speaker 2: I wouldn't make any rash decisions just yet, you know

840
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:16,279
Speaker 2: what I mean.

841
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:17,879
Speaker 4: Just start spending time there.

842
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 2: Spend as much time there as you can so you

843
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 2: can really get a feel for the place and see

844
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,120
Speaker 2: if that excites you, Like, are you going to be

845
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,920
Speaker 2: okay living there? Hopefully you can just be by coastal

846
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:30,000
Speaker 2: because I think so many long distance relationships are successful

847
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:32,200
Speaker 2: because of the distance. I know, we all want to

848
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:34,719
Speaker 2: jump into each other's arms and everyone wants to shack up,

849
00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:36,920
Speaker 2: but it's also there's something to be said for missing

850
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:39,680
Speaker 2: each other, for keeping the fire burning, you know, for

851
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 2: not living with somebody all the time and getting used

852
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:44,759
Speaker 2: to all their shit and them throwing wet towels on

853
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:47,279
Speaker 2: the fucking dry bed. All of that stuff, you know

854
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:50,239
Speaker 2: what I mean, takes kind of the romance out us and.

855
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:51,760
Speaker 6: Start to resent their dick pics.

856
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:55,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're going to start to resent his dick pics.

857
00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 2: But because how many how many months have you guys

858
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:01,360
Speaker 2: been seeing each other now as we speak.

859
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,000
Speaker 10: So that's it's complicated because I've known him for a

860
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:07,480
Speaker 10: year and but when we've been talking and seeing each other,

861
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:10,919
Speaker 10: but we've kind of like made it official like last

862
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 10: month sometime.

863
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:14,719
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, so give it some more time. Please just

864
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:16,799
Speaker 2: be smart about it. You're forty years old, You're not

865
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:18,880
Speaker 2: gonna I just want you to look at that community

866
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:21,600
Speaker 2: that you built, you know, in Washington, like as a

867
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:22,480
Speaker 2: very sacred thing.

868
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:24,799
Speaker 4: Like a lot of people yearn for that. A lot

869
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:25,840
Speaker 4: of people don't have that.

870
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:27,960
Speaker 2: So I really want you to make sure you like

871
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:30,960
Speaker 2: that's more valuable, in my opinion, in your life than

872
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:32,560
Speaker 2: anything or any love affair.

873
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:35,240
Speaker 4: That is your community and that is your group.

874
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:38,439
Speaker 2: So just be very respectful of that and don't toss

875
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 2: it away lightly.

876
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:41,799
Speaker 10: Oh no, I wouldn't. Yeah, No, I have been so

877
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,600
Speaker 10: lucky and blessed with my friendships and the friends that

878
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 10: I have, They've they've really stepped up, Like I've had

879
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:49,560
Speaker 10: surgeries and they've stepped up to help with my dog

880
00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:52,400
Speaker 10: and me and just I just feel so lucky to

881
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:54,839
Speaker 10: have what I have here. And that's why it's not

882
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:57,799
Speaker 10: so easy as it might be for some people to

883
00:38:57,840 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 10: be like, oh, it's not a big deal, I'll just go,

884
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:02,840
Speaker 10: I'll just move. And it's like I have everything here,

885
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:03,440
Speaker 10: you know.

886
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,960
Speaker 2: Okay, Well just keep that in mind with everything, right, Like,

887
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 2: put that at the top of your list. That is

888
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:11,400
Speaker 2: at the top of your list. Even your love affair

889
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:14,160
Speaker 2: is number two. Yeah, so remember that.

890
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 10: I will. Yeah, No, that's super helpful to hear. I

891
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:20,840
Speaker 10: really appreciate it because I've been really stuck. But I

892
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:24,360
Speaker 10: will say, Chelsea, you are the reason I'm not married.

893
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 2: Well, thank you. I appreciate that kind of feedback.

894
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:29,919
Speaker 6: Oh.

895
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:32,720
Speaker 10: Like I always thought when I was like in my twenties,

896
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:34,840
Speaker 10: I had to you know, get married and let a

897
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:38,400
Speaker 10: man take care of me. And I realized now I'm like,

898
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:41,240
Speaker 10: I take care of myself. I can pay my own bills,

899
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 10: and I can buy my own house, my own car,

900
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 10: and I can be the breadwinner.

901
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:48,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, rufus and I were just talking before you came

902
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:51,399
Speaker 2: on about taking care of ourselves emotionally as artists, right,

903
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:53,360
Speaker 2: And I think this is also a good kind of

904
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:55,839
Speaker 2: point of interest to talk about, is.

905
00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:58,040
Speaker 4: That women are We're all.

906
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:00,960
Speaker 2: Able to take care of ourselves in every very possible way,

907
00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 2: yet we're always looking for someone to lean on for

908
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:08,200
Speaker 2: whether it's financially or emotionally or spiritually, like we want

909
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:10,279
Speaker 2: someone who knows more than we do or that we

910
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:13,759
Speaker 2: can go to when we have the capabilities within us

911
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 2: to take care of ourselves in every way. So I

912
00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:18,520
Speaker 2: think that's it's a great reminder, and I think a

913
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:20,320
Speaker 2: lot of women who are listening today are going to

914
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:23,040
Speaker 2: respond to that and think about are they taking care

915
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 2: of themselves?

916
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:25,839
Speaker 4: Have they built a life that they want for themselves?

917
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:28,000
Speaker 4: Because we all have the ability to do that.

918
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:30,840
Speaker 2: It's about going to a place that you love, you know,

919
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:33,560
Speaker 2: building your community, building your friendships.

920
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 4: That does take time.

921
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:38,320
Speaker 2: It doesn't happen instantly, not for everyone anyway.

922
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:40,440
Speaker 4: And certainly I'm sure not for you. Right. Did it

923
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,240
Speaker 4: happen right away or did it take time?

924
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 10: I definitely like took time where I realized, like, oh

925
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:49,120
Speaker 10: I can buy a house, I can I can do

926
00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:51,759
Speaker 10: it on my own. And I phenomenon since I was

927
00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:54,800
Speaker 10: like sixteen, So it took a while to like figure

928
00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:57,120
Speaker 10: out that I didn't need a man to like rescue me,

929
00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 10: that I could just rescue myself and I can do

930
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 10: it all and it will be fine. And it's been great.

931
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,359
Speaker 10: I love my life, like I said, you know, and

932
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:08,319
Speaker 10: I don't need someone to pay my bills because I

933
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:11,880
Speaker 10: can pay them, you know. I can do it all

934
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 10: and I don't need anybody else. But it's the it'd

935
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 10: be nice to have someone by my side. Yes, I

936
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:20,279
Speaker 10: don't need anybody.

937
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:20,919
Speaker 4: Great.

938
00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 10: It's just like having that best friend that's just walking

939
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:26,360
Speaker 10: alongside you in life.

940
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:29,880
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and they can walk alongside you, you know, across

941
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,440
Speaker 2: the country. It's not like you're across the world for

942
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:36,440
Speaker 2: the time being anyway. So right, you know, walk just

943
00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:39,240
Speaker 2: picture each other walking, Picture him and you walking towards

944
00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:41,360
Speaker 2: each other at a very slow pace.

945
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:42,439
Speaker 4: I love it.

946
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:44,399
Speaker 2: Yeah.

947
00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:46,359
Speaker 4: Okay, well that sounds like you've got a plan.

948
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:48,200
Speaker 2: You're gonna wait a little bit, You're gonna wait a year,

949
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:49,560
Speaker 2: figure it out, spend some.

950
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:51,880
Speaker 4: More time there, and we're in agreement. We're all in

951
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:52,279
Speaker 4: a cord.

952
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:55,200
Speaker 2: Okayyy Okay, great, love it.

953
00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:56,239
Speaker 4: Thanks for calling him.

954
00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:59,040
Speaker 10: Thank you, you want to have a good day. Bye.

955
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:02,040
Speaker 2: Well, she was probably the most sensible person that we've

956
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:03,439
Speaker 2: had call in for advice ever.

957
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:07,880
Speaker 5: Yes, An, FYI I want someone to pay my bills.

958
00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:09,879
Speaker 2: I know I'm at the point where I would also

959
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:11,960
Speaker 2: like that too, rufus. Let's fucking be honest. I've been

960
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 2: paying my bills and a lot of other people's bills

961
00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:16,239
Speaker 2: for a really fucking long time, and I would like

962
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:18,960
Speaker 2: to commingle funds with another very wealthy person.

963
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:26,280
Speaker 3: Well, our next caller is Katie. Katie is thirty five.

964
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:28,280
Speaker 3: She says, you're Chelsea.

965
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:30,520
Speaker 1: I know I'm not the only one in this situation,

966
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:33,760
Speaker 1: but it sure feels that way sometimes. I have one sibling,

967
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:36,239
Speaker 1: my twin brother, who's married and they've blessed me with

968
00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:39,400
Speaker 1: a nephew and a little niece, so that relationship factors

969
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:41,959
Speaker 1: into my question. Because it's just my brother and I.

970
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 1: I haven't spoken to my mom or dad. He's more

971
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:47,560
Speaker 1: just collateral damage since I can't get to him without

972
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:50,319
Speaker 1: her being a part of it. Since November twenty twenty one,

973
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:53,200
Speaker 1: my relationship with my mom has been complicated for a

974
00:42:53,239 --> 00:42:56,160
Speaker 1: long time, but the final straw was how she interfered

975
00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:58,480
Speaker 1: with my relationship with the love of my life and

976
00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:01,040
Speaker 1: interracial relationship she knows fully accepted.

977
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:02,839
Speaker 3: We've since split for.

978
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,759
Speaker 1: Other reasons, but it doesn't change how she acted. After

979
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:09,040
Speaker 1: giving her too many chances, I finally cut contact, and honestly,

980
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:12,000
Speaker 1: my life has been better for it. Here's the problem.

981
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 1: She just turned seventy, and I know time isn't infinite.

982
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:17,319
Speaker 1: I feel at peace. Was staying no contact with the

983
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 1: idea of getting that call one day where it's too

984
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:23,839
Speaker 1: late makes me wonder while I regret not trying, am

985
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:25,759
Speaker 1: I just grieving the mother I wish I had? Or

986
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:28,080
Speaker 1: should I make some sort of move before it's too late?

987
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:30,520
Speaker 1: Or is this just one of those painful realities you

988
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 1: have to sit with. Would love to hear your take, Katie.

989
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:37,160
Speaker 2: Hi, this is Rufus Wainwright, our special guest today. First

990
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:39,799
Speaker 2: of all, I find that kind of behavior, like any

991
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:44,040
Speaker 2: sort of racist, misogynist kind of anything that falls under

992
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:46,840
Speaker 2: that umbrella, to be kind of unforgivable. You can learn

993
00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:49,760
Speaker 2: and make mistakes and come back that and that's fine,

994
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:51,319
Speaker 2: But if that's just the way you're going to be,

995
00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:53,920
Speaker 2: and that's your attitude, so I think that what you

996
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:57,320
Speaker 2: could do to just get your feelings down on paper

997
00:43:57,640 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 2: is to write, like, now that you're not in the relation,

998
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 2: should ship to.

999
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:02,919
Speaker 4: Let her know? Does she know that you're not in

1000
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 4: the relationship anymore?

1001
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:05,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, she did.

1002
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:06,279
Speaker 3: My brother let them know.

1003
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:08,480
Speaker 8: But a little bit of a plot twist, we have

1004
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:11,839
Speaker 8: gotten back together, so it's a.

1005
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:13,000
Speaker 4: Little still the issue.

1006
00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:15,439
Speaker 10: Oh okay, great, Yeah, which is great for me. Yeah.

1007
00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:18,759
Speaker 8: I mean, I'm so happy and my brother and his

1008
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:22,200
Speaker 8: family are really supportive of us, and so, you know,

1009
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:23,799
Speaker 8: I'm just I don't know, I just feel like I'm

1010
00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:26,680
Speaker 8: in this weird I was going along fine and then

1011
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 8: all of a sudden, it was like I just when

1012
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 8: she turned seventy, I was just like, oh my god,

1013
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:34,320
Speaker 8: I had this weird pressure, like I need to do something.

1014
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:36,640
Speaker 8: I don't know, But I'm so curious what you think

1015
00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:39,680
Speaker 8: about if it's okay to just stay. I mean, if

1016
00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:41,400
Speaker 8: I had it my way, I would just continue the

1017
00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 8: way I've been continuing. It's been really good for me

1018
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:46,200
Speaker 8: to have no contact. But I'm like, am I missing

1019
00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:47,840
Speaker 8: an opportunity for growth here?

1020
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:50,480
Speaker 2: I think you have an opportunity to write down how

1021
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:52,759
Speaker 2: that made you feel, and to write down kind of

1022
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:55,920
Speaker 2: like now that you're looking back at the situation, regardless

1023
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 2: that you got back together, that's great.

1024
00:44:57,120 --> 00:44:57,480
Speaker 4: Good for you.

1025
00:44:57,520 --> 00:45:00,279
Speaker 2: I'm glad you guys worked it out. But just pond

1026
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:03,200
Speaker 2: reflection now that you've had time. How long has it

1027
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:05,879
Speaker 2: been since you you said November twenty twenty one, right,

1028
00:45:06,239 --> 00:45:08,799
Speaker 2: so that's been enough years to have a reflection. I'm

1029
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:11,440
Speaker 2: sure she's had some thoughts about it too, So I

1030
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:13,440
Speaker 2: think it'd be nice to write a letter, like send

1031
00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:16,439
Speaker 2: her an email or a written letter however you see fit,

1032
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:20,399
Speaker 2: just expressing how that made you feel, how your own

1033
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:22,920
Speaker 2: mother could turn against you based on the color of

1034
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 2: someone's skin, not in a vitriolic way, but just in

1035
00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:27,239
Speaker 2: a confounded way.

1036
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 4: Like you were my mother.

1037
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:31,439
Speaker 2: You were supposed to love me unconditionally for the rest

1038
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 2: of my life and support me and guide me. And

1039
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:37,120
Speaker 2: to find out that my mother had these feelings about

1040
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:40,279
Speaker 2: someone makes me question everything I was raised with. You know,

1041
00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 2: this makes me question the kind of person I am.

1042
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:45,200
Speaker 2: I believed in you, I believed in you.

1043
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:46,600
Speaker 4: And Dad, and the fact that.

1044
00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:51,920
Speaker 2: This issue in this day and age, is keeping you

1045
00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:54,600
Speaker 2: from me, like however you want to frame it, but

1046
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:57,520
Speaker 2: like use that as a kind of measuring stick to

1047
00:45:57,600 --> 00:46:00,560
Speaker 2: really just get all of your thoughts out so that

1048
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 2: they're not weighing on you so much, and put it

1049
00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:07,439
Speaker 2: over to her, send her an email with no expectations.

1050
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 8: Okay, but yeah, I mean you hit the nail on

1051
00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:12,440
Speaker 8: the head as far as my feelings about Yeah, like

1052
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 8: I have mommy issues, but like as an adult, I

1053
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:18,080
Speaker 8: feel like it's very it was so jarring when that

1054
00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:18,960
Speaker 8: all happened.

1055
00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:22,360
Speaker 2: And yeah, and also to maybe to posit a question

1056
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:26,280
Speaker 2: like I would also love to understand how you can

1057
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:29,520
Speaker 2: do you still feel this way? Do you really feel

1058
00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:33,000
Speaker 2: differently about your daughter? Like, help me understand how you

1059
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 2: were raised and what you were made to believe, so

1060
00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 2: that I can gain a better understanding of where you

1061
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 2: are right now. Throw her some questions that she can

1062
00:46:41,239 --> 00:46:44,600
Speaker 2: actually have to answer for herself, and then she's really

1063
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:48,040
Speaker 2: gonna have to contemplate how do I explain feeling this way?

1064
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:49,440
Speaker 6: Okay?

1065
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:50,400
Speaker 4: I love that advice.

1066
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:52,600
Speaker 8: It seems so on the nose to like write a

1067
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:55,319
Speaker 8: letter and that's usually how you know. I but that

1068
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:56,840
Speaker 8: makes a lot of sense, and I think it would

1069
00:46:56,840 --> 00:47:00,560
Speaker 8: get I think there's some leftover feelings that have come

1070
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:02,840
Speaker 8: to the surface and I really like that idea of

1071
00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:04,520
Speaker 8: just writing it down. I don't even need to send

1072
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 8: it to her, but at least having yeah, you know,

1073
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:07,840
Speaker 8: hitting it on paper.

1074
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:09,680
Speaker 4: I really like that idea. Put it on paper.

1075
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:11,160
Speaker 2: And if you do send it to her then and

1076
00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:13,000
Speaker 2: then and you never hear back from her, then that's

1077
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:15,440
Speaker 2: your answer. And if you do and you never know,

1078
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:17,600
Speaker 2: you never know when people in their old age what

1079
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 2: kind of like realizations they come to and and places

1080
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 2: that they go to. You might be surprised, but don't

1081
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:27,239
Speaker 2: expect anything. Just just try to exhaust what's inside of

1082
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:30,000
Speaker 2: you with relation to losing your mom in the way

1083
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:32,480
Speaker 2: that you have, because it's kind of unforgivable, you know,

1084
00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:34,320
Speaker 2: like that is really hurtful.

1085
00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:38,399
Speaker 6: Yeah, I would just say that. And this is more

1086
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 6: for way down the line from now. You're obviously a young,

1087
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:46,879
Speaker 6: young person who leaves compared to me, so there's you've

1088
00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:49,840
Speaker 6: got some time on your hands, which is great, but

1089
00:47:49,840 --> 00:47:50,760
Speaker 6: but it's.

1090
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:51,919
Speaker 4: One hundred and seven by the way.

1091
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:58,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I'm a dead composer. So anyways, but I

1092
00:47:58,760 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 5: you know, I have a lot of friends who are

1093
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:03,680
Speaker 5: and I'm you know, fifty one to admit it, but

1094
00:48:03,719 --> 00:48:05,879
Speaker 5: I have friends who are older now in my age,

1095
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:09,239
Speaker 5: and who who are still who have not spoken to

1096
00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:13,320
Speaker 5: their parents in many, many years. And there's a distinct

1097
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:18,320
Speaker 5: difference between those who eventually and this is not in

1098
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:20,640
Speaker 5: terms they never got in touch with their parents again,

1099
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:22,360
Speaker 5: you know, like it was over.

1100
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:23,560
Speaker 6: Like if that happens.

1101
00:48:24,040 --> 00:48:26,239
Speaker 5: And I don't believe you have to you know, even

1102
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:28,400
Speaker 5: see your parents if you have problems with them, but

1103
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:31,959
Speaker 5: you kind of have to forgive them at some point

1104
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:35,400
Speaker 5: in your heart, you know, however you can, you know,

1105
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:37,799
Speaker 5: I just see a lot of older people who like

1106
00:48:38,160 --> 00:48:40,960
Speaker 5: never really who kind of held onto this resentment towards

1107
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:44,440
Speaker 5: their parents that abused them, and it was like it

1108
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:48,359
Speaker 5: really I would just be mindful of that down the line.

1109
00:48:48,400 --> 00:48:50,640
Speaker 5: And when I say forgive, I mean it's not even like,

1110
00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:53,359
Speaker 5: you know, however you can or just to let them

1111
00:48:53,600 --> 00:48:57,520
Speaker 5: free or something from tormenting you, because if it goes

1112
00:48:57,520 --> 00:49:00,600
Speaker 5: on any further, I hope it's settled to more than that,

1113
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:02,759
Speaker 5: but just weigh down the line, you have to let

1114
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:05,240
Speaker 5: go of it at some point, I feel personally.

1115
00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:08,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the thing to say about forgiveness as an

1116
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:09,440
Speaker 1: inside job sort of thing.

1117
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:13,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's part of the process of healing yourself

1118
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:16,000
Speaker 2: is just to exhaust those thoughts and those emotions and

1119
00:49:16,040 --> 00:49:18,680
Speaker 2: even when they come up for you, even though it

1120
00:49:18,719 --> 00:49:21,200
Speaker 2: may feel like, oh, like, I can understand a dynamic

1121
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:25,640
Speaker 2: where you your partner doesn't understand how you or or

1122
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:29,239
Speaker 2: you know, you not understanding your mother's reaction or having

1123
00:49:29,239 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 2: difficulty with it with relationships, or your partner, Like, I

1124
00:49:32,120 --> 00:49:34,239
Speaker 2: can understand that that might be weird too, to even

1125
00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:36,359
Speaker 2: be like, oh god, it's so disappointed, or I miss

1126
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:39,799
Speaker 2: my mom or whatever however your feelings might present, but

1127
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:42,760
Speaker 2: like really feel those feelings. You know, it's very valid

1128
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 2: to be to be emotionally harmed by an event like this,

1129
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:51,520
Speaker 2: It is, that's very valid. So, like, the healing component

1130
00:49:51,640 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 2: is just really important to like really try to always

1131
00:49:55,719 --> 00:49:58,000
Speaker 2: continue to heal. It's not just a one and done.

1132
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:00,880
Speaker 2: It doesn't just happen in one sitting or one letter.

1133
00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:05,520
Speaker 2: It's a process of forgiveness and forgiveness, and every time

1134
00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:08,640
Speaker 2: these feelings come up, forgive her in a way where

1135
00:50:08,719 --> 00:50:11,439
Speaker 2: you don't have to communicate and be hanging out with her,

1136
00:50:11,640 --> 00:50:14,120
Speaker 2: but forgive her for her own ignorance, for the way

1137
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:16,359
Speaker 2: she was raised, for whatever her parents did to her.

1138
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:19,600
Speaker 8: You know, yeah, no, I love this advice, and it's

1139
00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:20,440
Speaker 8: very validating.

1140
00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:21,239
Speaker 10: I think, just hear it.

1141
00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:23,840
Speaker 8: You know, sometimes I'm like, am I being dramatic? But

1142
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:26,480
Speaker 8: it feels it's like you know, which I think is

1143
00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:29,120
Speaker 8: a normal response in these situations. It's for me to

1144
00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:33,200
Speaker 8: feel like I'm overreacting, but no, it's it has been

1145
00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 8: unbelievably devastating and difficult. And then you know, now that

1146
00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:40,279
Speaker 8: I'm feeling better and have healed a lot, I think,

1147
00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:42,279
Speaker 8: you know, I'm like, maybe I should dive back in

1148
00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:44,920
Speaker 8: that pool, but yeah, I.

1149
00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:46,239
Speaker 4: Don't think that's the right way to go about it.

1150
00:50:46,480 --> 00:50:49,440
Speaker 8: I love that idea of just writing it down. And also, Chelsea,

1151
00:50:49,480 --> 00:50:52,600
Speaker 8: I appreciate this is the worst thing that's ever happened

1152
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:54,400
Speaker 8: in my life. I've never would have pictured this, and

1153
00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:57,400
Speaker 8: I don't have that idea of you know, it's.

1154
00:50:57,239 --> 00:50:58,000
Speaker 6: Not just one and done.

1155
00:50:58,080 --> 00:51:00,920
Speaker 3: Is really helpful to remember that it's a process.

1156
00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:03,200
Speaker 10: Yes, I'm going to just get I'm not gonna.

1157
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:04,800
Speaker 3: Just wipe it away and make it go away.

1158
00:51:05,040 --> 00:51:07,319
Speaker 2: Well, everyone always thinks when they're going through something like,

1159
00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:09,040
Speaker 2: oh I thought I was over that. Why is this

1160
00:51:09,120 --> 00:51:11,040
Speaker 2: hitting me again? Why is this hitting me again? It

1161
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:12,719
Speaker 2: was just a week ago. I thought for sure, I'm

1162
00:51:12,719 --> 00:51:15,440
Speaker 2: done with this. That's the way grief happens. That's the

1163
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:18,680
Speaker 2: way like emotions work. They kind of slowly drizzle out,

1164
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:20,640
Speaker 2: but you have to give them the proper amount of

1165
00:51:20,640 --> 00:51:23,080
Speaker 2: respect and attention when they do come up, right.

1166
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:26,359
Speaker 1: So Yeah, Also, just to address the emotions that you're

1167
00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:28,879
Speaker 1: feeling about, feeling selfish or feeling like.

1168
00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:29,640
Speaker 3: You're being too extra.

1169
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:32,840
Speaker 1: I think that when you're in a relationship with someone

1170
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:35,840
Speaker 1: like this who's not caring for your feelings, some people

1171
00:51:35,920 --> 00:51:40,359
Speaker 1: like this will injure you and then treat you like

1172
00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:43,440
Speaker 1: you're being too sensitive because you're bleeding and like you

1173
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:46,960
Speaker 1: made a decision to move farther away from the source

1174
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:48,000
Speaker 1: of those injuries.

1175
00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:50,000
Speaker 3: And I think that's totally fine.

1176
00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:54,480
Speaker 1: Just remember like, it's not your fault for being too sensitive.

1177
00:51:54,560 --> 00:51:55,680
Speaker 3: That's that's the one.

1178
00:51:55,840 --> 00:51:57,239
Speaker 1: That's the one a lot of people use, is like

1179
00:51:57,320 --> 00:52:00,000
Speaker 1: hyper sensitive sort of thing. You made the right choice

1180
00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:01,719
Speaker 1: for you at the time, and there might be a

1181
00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:02,839
Speaker 1: different choice in front of you.

1182
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:03,880
Speaker 9: I love that.

1183
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:04,319
Speaker 6: Thank you.

1184
00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:06,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, thanks for calling in.

1185
00:52:06,719 --> 00:52:08,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you so much, you guys.

1186
00:52:08,239 --> 00:52:09,320
Speaker 4: Yeah for sure, Katie.

1187
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:11,879
Speaker 11: Bye, Okay, we're going to take a break and we're

1188
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:19,120
Speaker 11: going to be right back, and we're back with Rufus Wainwright,

1189
00:52:19,280 --> 00:52:21,200
Speaker 11: who has a big show coming up in La on

1190
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:21,840
Speaker 11: May fourth.

1191
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:25,040
Speaker 4: Dream Requiem. It's called Where's the show? Rufus.

1192
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:27,320
Speaker 6: It's a Disney Hall downtown.

1193
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:28,880
Speaker 4: That's such a beautiful venue.

1194
00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:31,719
Speaker 6: No, I'm very excited about it. Yeah, very excited.

1195
00:52:32,160 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 4: How does one rehearse for that? Do you go in

1196
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:35,640
Speaker 4: or earlier that day and rehearse?

1197
00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:38,680
Speaker 5: Oh no, there's about there's about three days of rehearsals

1198
00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:41,279
Speaker 5: with the orchestra and the course, not a ton of

1199
00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:44,320
Speaker 5: time because it's so expensive. The great thing about Disney

1200
00:52:44,360 --> 00:52:47,279
Speaker 5: Hall though, with me in this project is that I

1201
00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:52,360
Speaker 5: had composed the piece Dream Requiem, but it wasn't quite finished,

1202
00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:56,080
Speaker 5: and I went to see a concert beforehand at Disney Hall.

1203
00:52:57,040 --> 00:52:59,080
Speaker 5: And when when I got in there, I know they

1204
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:02,160
Speaker 5: have one of the most amazing organs in the world

1205
00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:06,360
Speaker 5: at Disney Hall. It's this insane instrument that it looks

1206
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:10,160
Speaker 5: great and it sounds incredible. And I sat there looking

1207
00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:12,920
Speaker 5: at the at the stage and at the organ. I

1208
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,040
Speaker 5: was like, oh my god, I have to have an

1209
00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:20,160
Speaker 5: organ in my piece. That I need an organ, but

1210
00:53:20,760 --> 00:53:23,640
Speaker 5: so so I uh so. I then went back and

1211
00:53:23,680 --> 00:53:26,279
Speaker 5: composed the last little bit of the requiem with that

1212
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:29,120
Speaker 5: in mine, and and now you know, on May the fourth,

1213
00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:31,120
Speaker 5: I'm going to get to actually hear that organ play

1214
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:31,720
Speaker 5: in the piece.

1215
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:33,560
Speaker 6: So whatever, I just feel very fortunate.

1216
00:53:34,280 --> 00:53:38,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's gorgeous, beautiful. Yeah, okay, well awesome.

1217
00:53:39,239 --> 00:53:41,839
Speaker 4: Well we do we have anything else, Catherine? Or are

1218
00:53:41,840 --> 00:53:42,120
Speaker 4: we good?

1219
00:53:42,239 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 1: I mean, I do have one little quickie if you

1220
00:53:44,040 --> 00:53:46,160
Speaker 1: want to, let do a quick close out for sure.

1221
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:50,520
Speaker 1: All right, fantastic. So our last question today comes from Casey.

1222
00:53:50,719 --> 00:53:53,840
Speaker 1: Casey says, you're Chelsea. I'm twenty eight and in a

1223
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:56,840
Speaker 1: new relationship with a guy for three months. Recently, my

1224
00:53:56,920 --> 00:54:01,040
Speaker 1: boyfriend read my private journal without my permission, and in

1225
00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:03,879
Speaker 1: my journal I had written some things that weren't complimentary

1226
00:54:03,920 --> 00:54:07,360
Speaker 1: about him. I love him very much, but also sometimes

1227
00:54:07,360 --> 00:54:09,160
Speaker 1: I just need to vent in my own private journal.

1228
00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:11,719
Speaker 1: After reading my journal, he confronted me about it, and

1229
00:54:11,760 --> 00:54:15,560
Speaker 1: instead of apologizing for reading it, he demanded I apologize

1230
00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:18,080
Speaker 1: for what I wrote, saying that what I did was

1231
00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:21,200
Speaker 1: much worse. Again, all I did was write personal thoughts

1232
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:22,200
Speaker 1: in my private journal.

1233
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:24,800
Speaker 3: I ended up apologizing because I was so caught off guard.

1234
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:26,399
Speaker 1: But now I feel weird about it, and I feel

1235
00:54:26,440 --> 00:54:28,040
Speaker 1: like I don't have a safe space to write my

1236
00:54:28,040 --> 00:54:30,919
Speaker 1: personal thoughts anymore. I also feel like I can't trust

1237
00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:34,320
Speaker 1: that he won't read my journal again. Additionally, after this happened,

1238
00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:36,680
Speaker 1: he went and told his friends and other people about

1239
00:54:36,680 --> 00:54:40,080
Speaker 1: what I wrote, which felt really embarrassing and invasive because

1240
00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:42,400
Speaker 1: I also wrote about some personal things I was going through.

1241
00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:46,440
Speaker 1: Is this a big red flag or am I being dramatic? Casey, No,

1242
00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:47,760
Speaker 1: that's a big red flag.

1243
00:54:48,200 --> 00:54:48,560
Speaker 4: Huge.

1244
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:51,200
Speaker 6: You gotta get far away from this person.

1245
00:54:51,440 --> 00:54:53,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, now that's an invasion of privacy, Like that is

1246
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:57,319
Speaker 2: a reason to actually end a relationship. Yes, you can't

1247
00:54:57,320 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 2: go through other people's private things. You just can't do that.

1248
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:03,920
Speaker 1: Yes, And I mean like to blame you for just

1249
00:55:03,960 --> 00:55:05,440
Speaker 1: being able to that's crazy.

1250
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:08,839
Speaker 2: Absolutely, he's first of all, if you read someone's like

1251
00:55:09,160 --> 00:55:12,919
Speaker 2: you don't, that's supposed to be a secret. And then yeah,

1252
00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:14,720
Speaker 2: and then he said double it's like a double whammy.

1253
00:55:14,760 --> 00:55:16,359
Speaker 2: He did that, and then he wants to be mad

1254
00:55:16,400 --> 00:55:17,040
Speaker 2: at you about it.

1255
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:19,080
Speaker 5: No, and then he tells his friend and then he

1256
00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:21,200
Speaker 5: tells his friends about it, which is it's like a

1257
00:55:21,200 --> 00:55:21,839
Speaker 5: triple thing.

1258
00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:24,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, It's unbelievable.

1259
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:27,120
Speaker 2: You're writing, where are you supposed to express yourself if

1260
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:28,880
Speaker 2: you if it's not a safe place to write in

1261
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:32,480
Speaker 2: your journal. Yeah, this guy's no, that's a red flag.

1262
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:35,359
Speaker 2: Break up with him as soon as you can. Problematic

1263
00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:38,520
Speaker 2: for sure. Okay, Rufus, thank you so much for being

1264
00:55:38,520 --> 00:55:39,919
Speaker 2: here today. It was great talking to you.

1265
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:41,960
Speaker 6: And yes, it's great to see you again.

1266
00:55:42,200 --> 00:55:44,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I hope I see you in person sometime soon.

1267
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:47,000
Speaker 5: Yes, Yes, we'll try try to come on May the fourth.

1268
00:55:47,040 --> 00:55:49,480
Speaker 5: If you're a figure out and Jane's going to be

1269
00:55:49,520 --> 00:55:51,360
Speaker 5: amazing made the fourth.

1270
00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:53,279
Speaker 2: I would be there. I would come if I'm in La.

1271
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:54,640
Speaker 2: I have to look at my calendar and see if

1272
00:55:54,640 --> 00:55:55,560
Speaker 2: I'm in town on Meg.

1273
00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:57,720
Speaker 4: In maya okay, okay.

1274
00:55:57,480 --> 00:56:05,120
Speaker 2: Bye bye, do do do do do drum roll, Catherine please,

1275
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:11,040
Speaker 2: Chelsea Handler Abroad. Abroad is my European tour. So I'm

1276
00:56:11,040 --> 00:56:13,600
Speaker 2: coming to obviously find.

1277
00:56:13,440 --> 00:56:14,240
Speaker 4: A husband abroad.

1278
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:17,800
Speaker 2: I need to get the health out of this fucking country,

1279
00:56:18,360 --> 00:56:21,200
Speaker 2: and it's not as easy as you think. So I'm

1280
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:24,880
Speaker 2: coming to Rekuvik, I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to

1281
00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:29,879
Speaker 2: the UK. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May

1282
00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:35,760
Speaker 2: and June, I'm coming to Oslo. Stockholm to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,

1283
00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:41,080
Speaker 2: New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin,

1284
00:56:41,360 --> 00:56:42,840
Speaker 2: Barcelona and Lisbon.

1285
00:56:43,719 --> 00:56:46,880
Speaker 4: I'm coming abroad is abroad.

1286
00:56:46,680 --> 00:56:48,600
Speaker 3: That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.

1287
00:56:48,960 --> 00:56:50,880
Speaker 2: I I know I want to go see me abroad

1288
00:56:51,000 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 2: and there all be there all be excellent.

1289
00:56:55,239 --> 00:56:56,440
Speaker 3: Do you want advice from Chelsea?

1290
00:56:56,760 --> 00:57:00,279
Speaker 1: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find

1291
00:57:00,280 --> 00:57:03,400
Speaker 1: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching

1292
00:57:03,480 --> 00:57:07,279
Speaker 1: at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered

1293
00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:11,040
Speaker 1: by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure

1294
00:57:11,080 --> 00:57:15,600
Speaker 1: to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com