Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way,
Speaker 1: we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 2: time and a terminol and gay.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off in style. Do you
Speaker 3: want to welcome you back home? Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her? Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need
Speaker 1: to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride.
Speaker 5: With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 5: This is Chris.
Speaker 1: Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgariff.
Speaker 5: We are We're in the car. It feels great. How
Speaker 5: are you, Karen?
Speaker 1: Chris? I'm good, feeling great in the car.
Speaker 5: I'm not recording right now. I'm not on the ones
Speaker 5: and twos now, don't know what to do with myself.
Speaker 1: It's kind of great.
Speaker 6: We finally liberated Chris from the job of being a
Speaker 6: co host and the sound engineer, and we hired one
Speaker 6: mister Stephen Ray Morris from the per cast and see
Speaker 6: Jurassic Right, among many other things, My favorite Murder sound engineer, Stephen,
Speaker 6: How are you?
Speaker 5: I'm doing great. I'm excited to be in the back
Speaker 5: of a in the back of your car to day.
Speaker 1: Did you give yourself a Mike Stephen, I did not.
Speaker 1: You're on your guests.
Speaker 5: On the guest mite.
Speaker 1: I love it. Well, we better get to the guest then,
Speaker 1: christ no relation.
Speaker 5: We have a guest today and his name is Jordan Morris.
Speaker 1: Oh, I didn't even put that together.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I know, I just did. Just now, Jordan, did
Speaker 5: you guys know you have the same last name we did?
Speaker 7: And we're taking a DNA test back here, so hopefully
Speaker 7: by the end of the ride we'll have a fun
Speaker 7: reveal the.
Speaker 1: Show brought to you by twenty three and me.
Speaker 8: He's got to twenty three meat dot com slash ride.
Speaker 5: You just have to wait three months to find out
Speaker 5: you're not Native American.
Speaker 1: Sorry, you're not going to college.
Speaker 7: I'm just gonna go ahead and keep telling people I am, though,
Speaker 7: because I think it makes me more interesting.
Speaker 1: Hi, guys, it definitely does. Jordan. What is your tribe
Speaker 1: or nation?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 8: Well, I mean I consider myself a citizen of the world.
Speaker 7: Okay, so all tribes are my tribe, but my real
Speaker 7: one is no.
Speaker 8: Foot Black Mood.
Speaker 5: The Mohawk Black Mohakans. Yeah, we're a proud people. They
Speaker 5: were violent. Sure, yes, they won a lot of battles.
Speaker 6: Oh sorry, excuse me, we just got handed a season
Speaker 6: to disorder. Really, yeah, we're not allowed to talk about
Speaker 6: this at all.
Speaker 5: Okay, you know, for the best.
Speaker 8: Honestly, I agree with whoever handed that day.
Speaker 5: Right, you're right what I mean? Obviously, let's just backtrack
Speaker 5: and explain the joke a little bit.
Speaker 7: But we were parodying was entitled white people who like
Speaker 7: to talk about how they're one eighth Native American because
Speaker 7: they feel it gives them some i don't know, like
Speaker 7: complaining complaining creditors.
Speaker 9: And I was playing that character. That wasn't just me
Speaker 9: saying a dumb thing.
Speaker 5: No, never, there's.
Speaker 1: Always a character.
Speaker 6: Yeah, this is the number one scripted show podcast on
Speaker 6: the on the.
Speaker 5: Airways, tightly scripted. Who wrote the script?
Speaker 1: Today? We go over and over these lines.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm trying to think what was No, it's what
Speaker 5: we kicked out? What is new?
Speaker 1: Yeah, dialogue, it's just like soap operas.
Speaker 6: You just have to re memorize these pink pages on
Speaker 6: the lime pages and the golden rods.
Speaker 1: That comment.
Speaker 5: I just can't wait until I have an evil twin
Speaker 5: on the show soon then a romance with myself.
Speaker 7: The reason I haven't been on the show in a
Speaker 7: while because I've been in a coma. Oh yeah, and
Speaker 7: I'm just awoke and it's a huge twist.
Speaker 5: I'm a fan favorite.
Speaker 6: Back to the Dead God, we were screaming when Jordan
Speaker 6: woke up.
Speaker 1: It was we thought he was dying.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Is there anything different that you know about yourself
Speaker 5: since you've been in a coma? Uh?
Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean I just you know, I've had a
Speaker 7: lot of great coma dreams, a lot of coma stress dreams.
Speaker 7: I tell people I can play the drums and then
Speaker 7: we get on stage.
Speaker 5: And I can't.
Speaker 1: But you're also in a coma, but also in a coma.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, so I've just had five years of that dream.
Speaker 5: God. Well, people talk a lot of negative things about comas,
Speaker 5: but if they if they're relaxing, I'll tell you that. Yeah.
Speaker 6: I used to as a child, and I think I
Speaker 6: got it from the dramas we watched at night. Often
Speaker 6: pretend I'd like to put my arms outside of the
Speaker 6: blankets on my bed and.
Speaker 1: Pretend I was in a comma and people were coming
Speaker 1: to cry and it isn't me.
Speaker 9: Did anyone else are do that. I, as a young person,
Speaker 9: I would often pretend it was I had a dying
Speaker 9: scene and then.
Speaker 5: Credits were rolling, yes, and people were crying. And I
Speaker 5: did that quite often alone. No, there was no audience,
Speaker 5: so we pretended I. I would hum the theme music
Speaker 5: at the end of the movie and uh, boy, just
Speaker 5: take a big piece of construction paper and write out
Speaker 5: all the credits. Yeah, And I'd slowly pan it down
Speaker 5: in front of a camera that didn't.
Speaker 1: Exist here by de Leon.
Speaker 8: Chris Fairbeks's wardrobe provided by Sex with Anue.
Speaker 6: Yes of the Chris Fairbeks shows Stay It Omni Hotels.
Speaker 5: Looks like a game show with guests. But I'd die
Speaker 5: at the end of each episode.
Speaker 7: No, no animals were harmed in the making of this
Speaker 7: child's game, This child's borbid game.
Speaker 1: This strange, strange game that no one knows how he learned.
Speaker 5: I found out the hard way.
Speaker 9: They just say that at the end of things, because
Speaker 9: I was on a movie and I saw.
Speaker 5: A horse die. No, you did, Yeah, I did. Wild
Speaker 5: horse has bumped a trained horse into a post and
Speaker 5: it's stuck in him and it was bloody, and I
Speaker 5: saw it, and I'll be forever traumatized.
Speaker 9: And then they let everyone out a different way so
Speaker 9: they wouldn't see it, covering him.
Speaker 5: With a blanket. But it's like, I have a secret.
Speaker 7: And then the director comes on the next day, He's like, hello, Yes,
Speaker 7: I'm I'm sorry, I'm on the phone with the horse hospital.
Speaker 5: Okay, full recovery. Wow, that's a beer than ever.
Speaker 7: All right, what who would have made buckets a fake
Speaker 7: blos part of the movie that the cast didn't know.
Speaker 6: Freed him onto a strawberry farm where he gets to
Speaker 6: eat anything.
Speaker 5: Also, okay, on with the movie. Well, if you say
Speaker 5: his life was better than it was in the first place,
Speaker 5: I guess I have to believe. Well, blessing in disguise.
Speaker 5: Then you are a doctor, doctor Johnson, doctor of animals.
Speaker 1: A thumbs up, you say okay, no, and then now.
Speaker 9: At the end of the movie it says no, no
Speaker 9: animals were harmed during the making this film.
Speaker 6: I have a question, Yes, was the place where you
Speaker 6: witnessed a horse death the same movie where you got
Speaker 6: bitten by a scor.
Speaker 5: Times scorpion days it was days later. I had so
Speaker 5: many lawsuits.
Speaker 6: How how don't you tell any of those stories by
Speaker 6: saying when I was on the Cursed Cowboy film, because
Speaker 6: nothing good happen to you on that movie.
Speaker 5: Nothing did. It was awful. And then at the end
Speaker 5: you got that golden globe, right is that the one
Speaker 5: you wan? Oh People's Choice.
Speaker 1: Award MCAEY for Dallas Buyer's Club.
Speaker 5: That was awesome. No, I got MTV's Best Kiss Award. Oh,
Speaker 5: and it was such a brave.
Speaker 1: Performance Dead Horses.
Speaker 5: I thought it was the only way to bring it
Speaker 5: back to life.
Speaker 1: Horse Horse.
Speaker 5: I kissed his wounds, big face in it. Oh, it
Speaker 5: didn't work, It really didn't work.
Speaker 6: But then the movie transitioned into Equus and that was
Speaker 6: an amazing turn.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and hot too. Yeahs fifty shades.
Speaker 8: But you could see Chris Fairbanks fucking almost.
Speaker 5: Everyone loves my gory horse, poor.
Speaker 8: Beating the head Dead Horse'll do you one.
Speaker 1: Better, hello, folks, And credits are still rolling.
Speaker 5: Are still rolling, the longest death embers still have a
Speaker 5: few last breaths. Then the U two song kicks in,
Speaker 5: and then at the very end it says member fdic
Speaker 5: because that's what they say.
Speaker 1: Shot in Austin, Texas.
Speaker 9: Yeah, there was the the only there were actors in
Speaker 9: this movie and it was called American Outlaws and there
Speaker 9: were actors in it, and you could.
Speaker 5: Tell they were all embarrassed that they were there. But
Speaker 5: they another thing they could get sued for is there
Speaker 5: was extras. I was just playing an extra and they
Speaker 5: had wild horses galloping through this fake town and they
Speaker 5: were just with a megaphone telling people when to dive
Speaker 5: out of the way, and they were diving too soon,
Speaker 5: diving to the ground. I'm sorry.
Speaker 9: A gang of wild horses with just a couple trained
Speaker 9: horses leading the way.
Speaker 1: But they had switchblades.
Speaker 5: Trained horses were not union and they all had knives.
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, and the horses gabs.
Speaker 5: They said, if we promised, everything is under control, if
Speaker 5: you could just jump a second later. And I that's
Speaker 5: when I was like, this is ridiculous, it's dangerous. It's
Speaker 5: one hundred and twelve.
Speaker 9: I'm going to hide in the air conditioned holding area,
Speaker 9: which there was like one.
Speaker 5: Other person in there. And then as the horses came
Speaker 5: around the bend, that's when I saw the horse murder.
Speaker 8: What's what does a scorpion bite feel like? Terrible?
Speaker 5: At first I thought it was a b and the
Speaker 5: scorpion was just in the pants and I put on
Speaker 5: these old dusty pants. Sure, And it was the first
Speaker 5: thing in the day. We all got on this wagon
Speaker 5: of people.
Speaker 7: Well, I mean, like everybody knows, before you put on
Speaker 7: dusty pants, you gotta do the scorpion shake. Chris, just
Speaker 7: give her three good WAPs. The little scorps are gonna
Speaker 7: fall out.
Speaker 5: These These are instructions from my line dancing class. They
Speaker 5: really could have shaken shaken out the scorpions of those pants.
Speaker 1: We wanted someone else to shake them out for you.
Speaker 5: I wasn't gonna do it. I knew a scorpions. Yeah
Speaker 5: I don't, don't. I'm from I hadn't done that yet.
Speaker 5: I was twenty three. I will at some point to
Speaker 5: be on fuse. You'll see right now, show you all
Speaker 5: you were the day. Oh man, it really just hurt.
Speaker 5: I thought to be was stinging me.
Speaker 9: And then I started laughing and while pretending to load
Speaker 9: a wagon in the blurry background, and it started to
Speaker 9: get so intense. It was one of the worst pains
Speaker 9: because it's unexpected, and it's hidden in your pants, and
Speaker 9: it was on my kneecap.
Speaker 6: And is it like snakes where the little ones have
Speaker 6: more poison in them.
Speaker 9: Yes, there was a little white one, and everyone's like, oh,
Speaker 9: those are the bad kind, which I thought means you're
Speaker 9: going to die.
Speaker 5: But they don't kill you. I guess because I'm alive.
Speaker 5: I'm sure of it.
Speaker 6: Actually, yeah, you can be sure I took something out
Speaker 6: of young Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 5: Your love of westerns ill you Westerns.
Speaker 1: Sorry, I just have to tell on myself.
Speaker 6: I just suggested that that the little ones are more poison,
Speaker 6: as if I'm smart, when actually it's because I've heard
Speaker 6: this story.
Speaker 9: Yes about eleven times, you know what, I am on
Speaker 9: the po and because I was about to say, they
Speaker 9: had to yell cut because my underwear was purple, and
Speaker 9: and I was like, oh I toldness before I am.
Speaker 1: I just realized it.
Speaker 5: I am. I'm so limited. I have fifty stories and
Speaker 5: that's why we can't podcast more frequently, because I ain't
Speaker 5: got nothing out here.
Speaker 1: The scorpion delivers.
Speaker 6: There's a different Rashamont style way to look at it
Speaker 6: every single time we tell it.
Speaker 5: Well, here's a good way to see found a scorpion's
Speaker 5: point of view. Well, I I was in some pants on.
Speaker 7: A baby, yeah mind you so, yeah, I he checked
Speaker 7: more poison than an adult of course.
Speaker 5: Like a snake.
Speaker 6: I've been hired to So I was also an ex
Speaker 6: got my sag voucher?
Speaker 1: What about my rights as an extra scorpion?
Speaker 8: The scorpion went on to win a Blockbuster Entertainment Award, right.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I think so. He did a panning across
Speaker 5: the opening scene from My Sons of Anarchy. He was great.
Speaker 5: That whoops, sorry, that was a technical snapho and I overreacted.
Speaker 5: So the director of that movie also directed Flubber. Jordan,
Speaker 5: You're writing on a show called Flubber, right.
Speaker 7: Trying to know that's well, yeah, we wanted to do
Speaker 7: a kind of a dark Flubber reboot for TV for
Speaker 7: a MC.
Speaker 5: It's a you know, kind of.
Speaker 8: A prestige thing, gritty Flubber, gritty Flubber.
Speaker 5: It's still a green slime based.
Speaker 7: Movie, right yeah, yeah, but like you know, it does
Speaker 7: some morally reprehensible things, but you still like it. Hell yeah,
Speaker 7: So that's kind of what we wanted to bring to
Speaker 7: Flubber is really the fifth character in our show New
Speaker 7: York City is the fourth character.
Speaker 5: Flubber is the.
Speaker 1: Fifth character, third character Sin.
Speaker 7: Sin Yeah, and then our two leads are Wallace Sean
Speaker 7: and divine Miss Jame.
Speaker 5: That would have been might maybe you might have punched
Speaker 5: that up.
Speaker 7: So yeah, let's just just to recap the cast of
Speaker 7: our pretty flubber reboot, Dandy Newton, Sean Sin, the City
Speaker 7: of New York.
Speaker 5: And you always take my lines and cut them out
Speaker 5: of the script.
Speaker 6: He was about to say, and starring in her final.
Speaker 5: And introducing and saying goodbye to Damn Damn Judy, damn duty.
Speaker 5: Uh see, this is scripted. This fun Yeah, sorry, Jordan,
Speaker 5: I meant to say bubble.
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, no, that's okay, but they do those sound
Speaker 7: fun together if you say them close.
Speaker 1: Tell us about bubble.
Speaker 7: Well, sure, guys, I I do a It's just a
Speaker 7: little tough to get into because we were joking about
Speaker 7: this scripted podcast. So I'm gonna go into real stuff mode. Okay,
Speaker 7: this is actually a scripted.
Speaker 1: Podcast, and this isn't scripted.
Speaker 5: This is not scripted.
Speaker 7: I mean it's I've talked about this on other podcasts,
Speaker 7: but or so I kind of have a little spiel.
Speaker 1: In my head but used different nouns this time.
Speaker 7: I will yeah, sure, yeah, I'll tell this from the
Speaker 7: Scorpions point of view.
Speaker 5: There's a scripted podcast.
Speaker 7: It was based on a TV pilot that I wrote
Speaker 7: that every TV person I met with said was too
Speaker 7: weird for television.
Speaker 5: It's great, so yeah.
Speaker 7: So we decided to make an eight episode podcast about it.
Speaker 7: It's it's kind of about a crazy, crazy sci fi
Speaker 7: city underneath a bubble where it's Yeah, it's kind of
Speaker 7: like a Portlandia.
Speaker 5: S kind of hipster paradise.
Speaker 7: But outside the bubble are these crazy monsters and the
Speaker 7: main characters have to use this kind of uber like
Speaker 7: app to kill them to make rent and rent.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's almost like Sea Lap twenty twenty one.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it is a lot like that, but instead of
Speaker 7: under the sea, it's above the water, and the.
Speaker 5: Bubble has some sort of a mister Furlier or a
Speaker 5: landlord that charges the rent.
Speaker 6: No, there should be one pretending to be gay to
Speaker 6: be shot on that too.
Speaker 5: Where were you guys in the brainstorming phases?
Speaker 1: You gotta call us early and I fucked up.
Speaker 5: Nobody listened to this dumb thing.
Speaker 7: There's no there's no mister Furley, there's no pretend gay guy.
Speaker 1: Who are the actors?
Speaker 7: Oh, check out this cast, guys. We got our Alison
Speaker 7: Becker from Parks and rec She's Gray terrific. Eliza Skinner,
Speaker 7: basically one of the best stand up comics.
Speaker 5: She's Christella Alonso.
Speaker 7: Who maybe maybe you know from her TV show on
Speaker 7: the ABC or as a voice in Cards three did
Speaker 7: show with her last night coming to me?
Speaker 5: WHOA? You could have used this as a conversation starter.
Speaker 6: Yes.
Speaker 5: Keith Powell from thirty Rock, don't know, don't know him,
Speaker 5: That's okay, he sounds bad.
Speaker 1: I hate him.
Speaker 7: Mike Mitchell from the Doughboys podcast and Love on Netflix
Speaker 7: is also in it, and a cavalcadeive guest stars Judy
Speaker 7: Green Hell and hang John Hodgeman.
Speaker 1: Nita go on, Anita go on, She's amazed.
Speaker 5: To go on?
Speaker 7: We got in her final role. She died in the
Speaker 7: recording boot I love.
Speaker 5: A good by, so sadly she did not go on. Yeah, no,
Speaker 5: she's living. Yeah, we'll have to know.
Speaker 1: You don't need to go on.
Speaker 5: I like it.
Speaker 1: How many episodes did you make it?
Speaker 7: Eight episodes? The first the first couple should be out,
Speaker 7: as I'm going to ask that dumb podcast guest.
Speaker 5: Question, when does this come out?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 5: Sure, at some point a couple episodes are out. You
Speaker 5: can get them. We can get them on. You can
Speaker 5: get them wherever you get your podcast. This will be
Speaker 5: on We we throw this up immediately. Yeah, so what
Speaker 5: is the what are the podcasts that goes?
Speaker 7: What are the podcast guest questions? When does this come out?
Speaker 7: Can I swear on this? And have we started right?
Speaker 1: And can we stop?
Speaker 5: Can we start in that? And also do we have
Speaker 5: to keep podcasting? Yeah? I would love to keep podcasting
Speaker 5: with you guys for as possible. This is so much fun.
Speaker 1: It's the best, right, Yeah, it is the best.
Speaker 5: The only question I don't like during a podcast is
Speaker 5: when does this end? We've had a couple of people less. Yeah,
Speaker 5: it really hurts my feelings.
Speaker 1: And then I lock the doors and I'm like it
Speaker 1: ends when I say it.
Speaker 8: And you like, get on the freeway, you speed up and.
Speaker 5: Out comes your wavy knife. Yo, we're going to Tampa.
Speaker 1: We're going to the grape Sign, motherfucker.
Speaker 5: I love hanging on the grape vine with you guys.
Speaker 6: What's the We should definitely drive up to the grape
Speaker 6: timee sometimes.
Speaker 1: What's the last good bad movie you've seen?
Speaker 5: Jordan? Oh, last good bad movie? I've said? Were bad? Bad? Oh? Bad? Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 5: let's see Have I seen any good bads recently? Oh?
Speaker 7: You know what I watched the other day that I
Speaker 7: was hoping would be fun good bad? It was actually
Speaker 7: what the fuck good bad was? What the fuck bad
Speaker 7: bad was? A Gamer? Have you guys heard of Gamer?
Speaker 5: I've heard of it, but I know not of it.
Speaker 7: It's got a little bad movie cult around it. This
Speaker 7: is a Gerard Butler joint?
Speaker 5: Oh sure that guys? Yes?
Speaker 7: Yeah, and he This is in a in a in
Speaker 7: a in a dystopian future where.
Speaker 5: Yeah, boy, it's confusing.
Speaker 7: Instead of video instead of video games, instead of controlling
Speaker 7: a character, you control someone who has a chip in
Speaker 7: their brain and you make them kill other.
Speaker 1: Guys in real life, in real life.
Speaker 7: I r L so a Gerard Butler is one of
Speaker 7: the like avatars, and this like punk kid controls him.
Speaker 5: Is this is an old movie? Was it a Butler? No?
Speaker 7: This is like a This is like a couple of
Speaker 7: years after three hundred and his star was not rising
Speaker 7: like perhaps he thought.
Speaker 5: It would right to do this. He's remained a dormant star,
Speaker 5: much like.
Speaker 7: He has a he's a nude fight scene with Terry Crews,
Speaker 7: which is kind of fun, yes, but other than that
Speaker 7: it is boy, it is, it is both is. It
Speaker 7: is alternately confusing and upsetting one of the two. Watching UFC,
Speaker 7: it's like either I'm confused or upset.
Speaker 5: I'm never having fun. Maybe it's like you have Seymour
Speaker 5: if they were nude the whole time. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 5: maybe that's why are there all the way Dick's swinging fighting. No,
Speaker 5: there needs to be that would be great, that would
Speaker 5: help it. Yeah, it has a movie ever had that?
Speaker 1: Well they did?
Speaker 6: I mean, uh uh uh, what's that fucking Russian movie
Speaker 6: with Eastern promise?
Speaker 5: Yeah, promises. That is Dick's out right.
Speaker 6: It sticks out, Dick's out cammbo is It's time to
Speaker 6: fight in the sauna. But it's jes Goo Mortonsen's dick.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And they're very tasteful with it.
Speaker 5: That's nice.
Speaker 1: It's hard to mess up with his dick or anything involving.
Speaker 5: Yeah, his Dick's good and everything.
Speaker 1: He is the greatest.
Speaker 5: You like you're a Vego.
Speaker 1: Fan, Well, he's just here's the thing about him.
Speaker 6: He was married to or went out with I can't
Speaker 6: remember for a long time to Exeine Trevenka.
Speaker 1: Oh cool, which is the coolest thing. When I heard that.
Speaker 6: It almost was like me hearing he likes me, I
Speaker 6: was just like, what the fuck that guy who has
Speaker 6: the perfect face and the Kirk Douglas chin and is
Speaker 6: an amazing actor and is like looks like a beautiful serfer. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 6: he came over to the fucking goth girl punk side
Speaker 6: and got I mean, that's the.
Speaker 5: D And I'm not one of these people, but some
Speaker 5: people out there might not know who she is. Who
Speaker 5: is she?
Speaker 1: She's a lead the lead singer of the band X,
Speaker 1: the punk band. Oh yeah, yeah, audience.
Speaker 5: That's really cool. That makes me like him too. Yeah.
Speaker 7: I rewatched The Client of Western Civilization recently, nice blue
Speaker 7: ray side of that came.
Speaker 1: Out, the first one or two.
Speaker 5: I watched all three recently.
Speaker 7: Oh cool and boy the X segment of that, it's
Speaker 7: a it's these are these are album I'll be the
Speaker 7: audience surrogate here. These are kind of little documentaries of
Speaker 7: Penelope Spears directed them about the music scenes. And the
Speaker 7: first one is kind of about eighties punk la and
Speaker 7: the X scene in that they are so young and
Speaker 7: beautiful and weird. It's just it's so fun to watch
Speaker 7: them because like, these are the most compelling people in
Speaker 7: the I don't know, it's great and she is fantastic
Speaker 7: in and I absolutely understand Vigo Mortenson probably seeing that
Speaker 7: as a kid and saying like I would like to
Speaker 7: marry this woman.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, wow, cool, he's such a bad ass.
Speaker 5: And the woman that made that movie, what else did
Speaker 5: she made? Some other Wan's World? Oh of course, yeah,
Speaker 5: she's great. And the Little Rascals movie of course, great resume.
Speaker 6: And also Decline Too, which is the like basically glam
Speaker 6: rock years on the like Sunset strip in La So
Speaker 6: it has like Poison and Aerosmith and all these bands,
Speaker 6: and that thing is the funniest, most insane fucking movie.
Speaker 5: It's every frame of it is perfect. How did she
Speaker 5: end up directing Wayne's World?
Speaker 4: Then?
Speaker 7: I think because they just maybe they were like, we
Speaker 7: want someone to to bring some rock and roll credit
Speaker 7: to this movie about fake rock and roll guys, and.
Speaker 1: She has good she should.
Speaker 6: I think that those documentaries showed what amazing taste of
Speaker 6: like understanding the little moments that are hilarious of people
Speaker 6: as opposed to all because there's parts where like C. C.
Speaker 1: De Ville is talking about like they're clearly.
Speaker 6: On drugs and they're just talking they're trying to be philosophical,
Speaker 6: and then they just keep catching themselves and good and
Speaker 6: like laughing at themselves, and it's it's so delightful, Like
Speaker 6: clearly she got them to a place where they were
Speaker 6: so comfortable that they were just like being themselves.
Speaker 5: Sorry. And I want to say the second one.
Speaker 7: And the the an amazing thing about it is that
Speaker 7: it is both fun and fun, but it also is
Speaker 7: very clear about this is a very toxic sexist environment,
Speaker 7: and it like lets those guys hang themselves and like
Speaker 7: lets them at once be these kind of cool, funny
Speaker 7: rock and roll guys, but then also at one point,
Speaker 7: you know, at some point they'll show like, but these
Speaker 7: guys are also kind of awful sexists and this is
Speaker 7: a very anyway, So it walks this weird tight rope
Speaker 7: of being critical but also making.
Speaker 5: It fun and funny. I don't know, it's a it's
Speaker 5: it's all.
Speaker 6: You just kind of can't believe, Like there were those
Speaker 6: lingerie contests.
Speaker 5: That rock show.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, and it would be like the oldest man.
Speaker 6: I mean, this is like this is like baseline Donald
Speaker 6: Trump esque behavior.
Speaker 1: Of like a really old man that used to own
Speaker 1: the the Roxy or whatever. Having a lingerie contest where.
Speaker 6: He it's the winner, and it's just like these poor
Speaker 6: eighteen year old girls. There's one that I think she
Speaker 6: won in the Penelope Syrus Auster what she wants to
Speaker 6: do next?
Speaker 1: And she he says actressing. I mean like it's like
Speaker 1: that level of.
Speaker 9: Can't breathe wow, or she was really fancy, because that's
Speaker 9: actually that word is pretty.
Speaker 1: That's what the us love get.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I've been actressing for about twenty five quite some time. Yeah,
Speaker 5: oh that's great. I really need to see that.
Speaker 1: It's good stuff.
Speaker 9: I want to see it so bad and secretly I've
Speaker 9: grown to enjoy poison.
Speaker 5: I hated them so much when I was young. Why
Speaker 5: is that? How does that happen?
Speaker 1: I age into him?
Speaker 5: I just don't get it. I aged into a radiohead recently. Ya.
Speaker 5: You've heard you say that.
Speaker 1: Did you not like them before?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 7: I thought it was I thought it was pretentious noise
Speaker 7: for eggheads, some sugar.
Speaker 5: But now I love it. You got it? You know
Speaker 5: what it is.
Speaker 1: You've been hurt. You've been hurt maybe since.
Speaker 5: You've been hurt by a robot.
Speaker 6: You've been hurt by someone with a wandering Literally, I've always.
Speaker 5: My mom introduced me to Radiohead. I always brag about
Speaker 5: that because it doesn't seem like but she had the
Speaker 5: Columbia Record Club where you lift the little stamps and
Speaker 5: mail it in. Yeah, and she got me such cool
Speaker 5: music that I didn't did that television album oh yeah,
Speaker 5: and Radiohead. She would order it knowing that I would
Speaker 5: like it. Yeah, And because she would just get jazz,
Speaker 5: flippy doe jazz music like frenetic jazz. It may be nervous,
Speaker 5: and then I would just get this cool would would
Speaker 5: like I don't think a lot of My sister, of course,
Speaker 5: showed me a lot of music, and that was a
Speaker 5: big influence. But maybe it was by accident, but my
Speaker 5: mom introduced me to some of my favorite bands through
Speaker 5: the Columbia Record stamp.
Speaker 1: That's amazing, you know.
Speaker 6: I tried to get my mom to buy the Beatles
Speaker 6: White Album when we were at Tuttle Drugs when I
Speaker 6: was ten years old, and she said yes at first,
Speaker 6: and then she looked.
Speaker 1: She flipped it over and goes, we don't know what
Speaker 1: songs are on it.
Speaker 6: I had to put it back because it was just
Speaker 6: it was just the White album.
Speaker 1: There wasn't any song listening.
Speaker 5: That's so funny.
Speaker 1: So she's like, is baby, can you drive my car
Speaker 1: on that? Well, I don't want to get it.
Speaker 5: Then it's funny that I remember my dad doing that.
Speaker 5: But it was the day I went to music Land
Speaker 5: and I bought Dirty dri which dirty rottenimbeciles, it's all
Speaker 5: about coffins and dying. Sure. And then the other.
Speaker 9: Album I bought was George Michael Faith and that was
Speaker 9: the one he took issue.
Speaker 5: With because I want your sex. But yeah, the other
Speaker 5: one is called Decrepit cattle Fuck or whatever. Oh, that's
Speaker 5: so fun I'll never forget that.
Speaker 1: That George Michael music was dirt dirty at the time.
Speaker 1: It was so frank.
Speaker 5: I mean, put your tiny hand in mine.
Speaker 1: Come on, that's called pedophilia.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's not a father. That's not anyone that you
Speaker 5: should consider.
Speaker 6: There was a boy at camp that I loved who
Speaker 6: was a skater and punk rock and he lived in
Speaker 6: San Francisco and Chris Johansson was his name, and he
Speaker 6: you know, I was like twelve and he was the
Speaker 6: I could I've never seen anyone cooler like I was
Speaker 6: like truly breathtaken by him.
Speaker 1: And he had like dr patches on his jean.
Speaker 6: Jacket and shit, yeah, and that band always like I
Speaker 6: loved them, but they scared me. I was just like, oh,
Speaker 6: this is these are these punk rockers and they'll stab
Speaker 6: you and you.
Speaker 1: Know what I mean.
Speaker 6: Like I had this whole idea of like what that
Speaker 6: meant the you know, the dr I seen or whatever.
Speaker 7: I was very afraid of the Misfits in a similar
Speaker 7: way as a kid. I'm like, Oh, I like this,
Speaker 7: this is cool and fast. But then I'm like, oh boy,
Speaker 7: but it's about it's about sex with a grandma.
Speaker 5: I don't know this.
Speaker 1: What are we doing here?
Speaker 5: I don't know that this is why am I attracted
Speaker 5: to this? What's the matter with me? They really mentioned
Speaker 5: Halloween a lot. It's not safe, right, It's funny afraid
Speaker 5: they should write a song about the harvest. Thought that
Speaker 5: it was my friend. When I moved to Austin, one
Speaker 5: of the screen printers who became one of my good
Speaker 5: friends with his was in a band with the guy
Speaker 5: the drummer from dri I, And it was a funny
Speaker 5: story because he was like fourteen or fifteen and he
Speaker 5: just had rich parents and these older guys formed dri
Speaker 5: with him because he was able to buy all the instruments.
Speaker 1: And pay for traveling no way.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and he was like a young drummer.
Speaker 1: So he just foot the bill for Felix or yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: But then they became a really well known Like you
Speaker 5: know when punk and thrash or metal were kind of
Speaker 5: joining together. I think it was called thrash metal?
Speaker 1: Was it?
Speaker 5: Jordan knocked me up on this. Yes, that wasn't even Jordan, right, Chris.
Speaker 5: He just turned into a radiohead robot.
Speaker 1: What's your favorite radio head song so far?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 6: Oh, sure, I creep God, I love crep u blank.
Speaker 7: And that's face girlfriend, I love knives out.
Speaker 5: Sure. Yeah, there's one that's a math problem.
Speaker 1: That I like.
Speaker 5: Yeah, two plus one plus two Yeah. Well yeah, it's
Speaker 5: a great.
Speaker 6: Song and you learn which is that's it's like schoolhouse
Speaker 6: rock the way.
Speaker 5: They did it right, Yes, exactly, And now it's these
Speaker 5: beeps and boops.
Speaker 7: But at the end you're like, now I know how
Speaker 7: a bill becomes alone just subliminally sank into my head.
Speaker 1: I'm going to quit school.
Speaker 5: The only way you can learn is to have it
Speaker 5: sung to you by a tiny scroll. Yeah that is animated, right, guys?
Speaker 7: Do people like I like I like Burning the Witch
Speaker 7: a lot. Do people like the new stuff? Do Radiohead fans?
Speaker 5: Hey, you're speaking to the choir? Yeah, I mean I
Speaker 5: was in a group of backup singers for Radiohead. Wow? Yeah?
Speaker 6: Did you do all those haunting covers for the David
Speaker 6: Fincher films are great that it's very moving.
Speaker 1: It adds. I think I like green plastic water and cannon.
Speaker 1: That's about it.
Speaker 5: That's the one.
Speaker 6: Just kidding, isn't it green plastic watering?
Speaker 5: Can there's a green plastic trees. Guys.
Speaker 1: I like Whitney Houston.
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's great.
Speaker 1: Do you like her new.
Speaker 5: Yeah? A little more melodic.
Speaker 1: It's a lot of creaking and moaning.
Speaker 6: It is funny to think, do you did you guys
Speaker 6: watch the Whitney and Bobby Brown reality show when it
Speaker 6: was on?
Speaker 5: No, Well, I.
Speaker 1: Would recommend looking it up.
Speaker 6: It was absolutely jaw droppingly incredible because they're both blatantly
Speaker 6: on drugs.
Speaker 5: They're on crack yeah or crack is whack cracks report,
Speaker 5: they're freebasing fans, they're free.
Speaker 6: They're probably freebasing, and there's a lot of mismanagement of things.
Speaker 6: But then there's there's also these breakthrough moments that are
Speaker 6: so amazing, like they've just been fighting with each other
Speaker 6: for like twenty years. They know each other so well, right,
Speaker 6: and it's just insanity, But it really is. Like they
Speaker 6: did a reality show that kind of captured her decline.
Speaker 6: Oh wow, that was on like ear one of those channels.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't even know about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd look it up.
Speaker 7: If maybe that initial wave of reality shows actually had
Speaker 7: some weird reality in it because they weren't so manicured.
Speaker 5: Yeah, maybe you could have some authentic moments.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like Nicole Smith.
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, sure, I know some people who swear by
Speaker 7: the Britney Spears Kevin Fetterline reality show.
Speaker 5: Yes, because now there.
Speaker 9: I had a friend that was like a producer on
Speaker 9: that Honey Booboo Child we Oh yeah, sure, whatever it
Speaker 9: was called, but they would feed lines to that that
Speaker 9: kid didn't come up with better red neckcognized or whatever. Yeah,
Speaker 9: my friend Chris would go up and wisp think of
Speaker 9: things and whisper it to her and she'd repeat it.
Speaker 5: Hey, shimmy shammy molasses and it was like and then
Speaker 5: and that's all t shirts for the rest of everyone's life.
Speaker 5: And my tenth favorite radio.
Speaker 1: Did you make up Shimmy sham.
Speaker 5: I love it. Yeah, I did make that. I made
Speaker 5: that up.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 5: It was something she said on the show, surprised while
Speaker 5: snapping her favorite.
Speaker 1: You win the beauty content like.
Speaker 5: Trying to heal his wounds in a backyard mud hole.
Speaker 5: Remember that one where they just were all in a
Speaker 5: mud pool. Oh, you guys didn't actually want I am
Speaker 5: going on a real thin knowledge. I made up the
Speaker 5: mud pool.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's okay because Shimmy Shammy Molasses is also made up.
Speaker 5: Worry about it? Oh god, that's a shirt.
Speaker 1: I think I've only ever seen of that show because
Speaker 1: I don't want I don't want to see all of it, right, Yeah, that.
Speaker 5: Is a very depressing premise. Yes, yeah, and it's almost
Speaker 5: like just it's mean spirited just to aim my camera
Speaker 5: at that the family. Yeah, it's like, wait, wait until
Speaker 5: you see what happens.
Speaker 7: Is that still it's trends of like the strange backwoods
Speaker 7: family with a weird job.
Speaker 5: Is that those shows still happen?
Speaker 7: Right?
Speaker 5: Seems like I think for a while that was bad,
Speaker 5: but now just the world is bad. So I think
Speaker 5: that took over.
Speaker 6: Yeah, no one wants to watch a bunch of weirdos
Speaker 6: in the forest be weirdos because now it's there's it's
Speaker 6: just the news.
Speaker 5: Sure, yeah, yeah, no, the news is Dug Dynasty for real.
Speaker 5: I did a show in Texas, a small town in Texas,
Speaker 5: and really I was the closed minded one because I
Speaker 5: thought because there were no sleeves and missing teeth that
Speaker 5: they were going to be dumbe. But they were really
Speaker 5: sweet people and they liked me, and I went out
Speaker 5: with this whole town. Like the mayor, thank you shut
Speaker 5: she puts her hand in front of me when there's
Speaker 5: a red light because she cares about me.
Speaker 9: I would have flown right through the glass, I know.
Speaker 9: But that that we went out the mayor, I'm not getting.
Speaker 5: The mayor on the place where we did the show.
Speaker 5: And then he also came out with us, and he,
Speaker 5: including five other man men had Duck Dynasty tattoos. What yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: like just have a profile of a duck.
Speaker 1: Maybe some of them were for the profile of John
Speaker 1: Collins anything, the host of concentration was over here.
Speaker 5: They were just fans of a lot of things and
Speaker 5: had the tattoos to prove it. Yeah, but yeah, I
Speaker 5: never did watch. I don't want to watch that.
Speaker 1: I actually have watched Duck Dynasty.
Speaker 6: It's very addictive, like it's like the Kardashians where nothing's
Speaker 6: happening and you have no feelings and it it's almost
Speaker 6: like it makes this space for feeling absolutely nothing for
Speaker 6: half an hour, right, and then you're like, I need
Speaker 6: to do that again, and then you end up watching
Speaker 6: nine hours of it because you're like, it's just these
Speaker 6: people with beards pretending to live right and they have
Speaker 6: a ton of money, but they look for Oh my god,
Speaker 6: my brain can't like wrap itself around it because.
Speaker 9: It goes back to the reason we're talking about it. It
Speaker 9: is fully scripted. You, oh, yeah, they are they? Then
Speaker 9: you say this, then you talk about this fake problem.
Speaker 5: Can you do that? Yeah?
Speaker 6: Sure, your whisn't do a duck hunting blind. They their
Speaker 6: hair is curled and they have high heels on, right,
Speaker 6: which is like this will never happen.
Speaker 5: And then at the end you all learned to solsa dance.
Speaker 5: Yes exactly.
Speaker 7: Yeah, No, I know there aren't like some you know,
Speaker 7: there are some like TV shows that I like, you know,
Speaker 7: have and want to watch. But then I'm like, how
Speaker 7: am I feeling today? Am I feeling depressed. Am I
Speaker 7: feeling bad? Like maybe I can't watch this right now?
Speaker 7: It might be Yeah, I totally get how it's nice
Speaker 7: to have just a nice, medium, feelingless show.
Speaker 5: I guess that's me. That's I do that with Simpsons
Speaker 5: re runs now that they're app based. I definitely like,
Speaker 5: I can't have a feeling right now, time to turn
Speaker 5: on the Mister Plow episode. And a lot of people
Speaker 5: will judge me for but I do that with just
Speaker 5: because it's on Netflix and I watch Friends and I
Speaker 5: don't know why. It just puts me in a good mood.
Speaker 5: It's nothing there's It's a Joe heavy show and a
Speaker 5: lot of the jokes are good. And you can say
Speaker 5: what you want about current David Swimmers, but his he
Speaker 5: just did. No one says about swim the whole, even Joey.
Speaker 5: I just but yet, I had my new podcast about shwims.
Speaker 5: I have two I'm promoting two things.
Speaker 7: I'm promoting Bubble and sh about Shwims, where we all
Speaker 7: just theorize as to what David Swimmer.
Speaker 5: Might be A.
Speaker 6: Yeah, he's just at home, just priding himself on the
Speaker 6: job he did. As Robert Kardashian.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, because.
Speaker 1: He was he was he was great.
Speaker 9: Yeah, yeah, he was great, and he knows it and
Speaker 9: probably acts.
Speaker 6: I'm sure he throws that shit around the Starbucks that
Speaker 6: near his house, real dick to people.
Speaker 5: I betty throws hot coffee on people at Starbucks because
Speaker 5: he seems like a real tool shehd. But back in
Speaker 5: the day, what a delightful shown just in the background.
Speaker 5: It's either that or David Shimmer. Yeah. I don't like him. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: I'll tell him to his face. Okay, I didn't like
Speaker 5: the made for TV movie breast Men.
Speaker 1: He wrote I shouldn't have written.
Speaker 5: That, swim Doug Millionaire.
Speaker 6: I am watching as my friends the days, a British
Speaker 6: series called Doc Martin Okay, that takes place on the
Speaker 6: Cornish countryside, seaside seaside town, fictional town of Port wind
Speaker 6: and the doctor is a real anal retentive, almost borderline
Speaker 6: on the spectrum perfectionist, and he's in this town of characters,
Speaker 6: and it takes place in this beautiful seaside real town
Speaker 6: where every day is bright blue, which you know, they
Speaker 6: had to shoot every episode a four day span in July,
Speaker 6: and it is I turn it on and I immediately
Speaker 6: like decompressed into sleep and it happened like it's it's clockwork.
Speaker 6: It's like, no, no, no, I never make it to
Speaker 6: the end because it's an hour long and it's really
Speaker 6: slowly paced, and it's like the kind of comedy where
Speaker 6: like a dog keeps walking into the doctor's office.
Speaker 1: That's like, that's like an entire storyline.
Speaker 5: It's great.
Speaker 1: It's Oh, it's all messy and stuff.
Speaker 5: Think that it's called because I mean it's that's a
Speaker 5: skin right, No one talks about the skinhead doctors.
Speaker 7: Yeah, threats the exes drawn on his head.
Speaker 1: He will not drink. He gets mad at smoking. Yeah
Speaker 1: you know a doctor.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 7: As a receptionist is Henry Rollins. Why does everyone when
Speaker 7: they come in the door.
Speaker 5: I love when he has a cameo. Oh yeah, Rollins
Speaker 5: does a good cameo.
Speaker 1: It need a discurred Okay.
Speaker 5: What's your least favorite Rollins? Cambia? Would you say him
Speaker 5: doing stand up?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Thank you.
Speaker 7: It's spoken words. That is a weird thing. The eighties
Speaker 7: punk guy is now a stand up comic.
Speaker 5: That is a strange.
Speaker 6: I think it's that thing when musicians, singers especially get
Speaker 6: famous and the fame begins to.
Speaker 1: Recede, but they've really they've gone.
Speaker 6: To a place that you kind of like, of course,
Speaker 6: you don't ever want to leave, and they don't stay
Speaker 6: there forever. So it always happens that they go to
Speaker 6: comedy and then they're like, I should do comedy.
Speaker 1: I'm hilarious, and it's like.
Speaker 6: No, you're the lead singer of a popular band, which
Speaker 6: means everyone laughs when you try to be funny.
Speaker 1: Sure, right, and that doesn't mean you're.
Speaker 6: Funny that they don't know that, and so they just
Speaker 6: kind of go and they it's that ego of writing
Speaker 6: on your fame and not letting yourself acknowledge that people
Speaker 6: will laugh.
Speaker 1: You could fucking recite.
Speaker 6: The alphabet and they will do what you want because
Speaker 6: they're crazy fans of your music, right.
Speaker 5: I've seen it a lot. Yeah.
Speaker 9: I always was giving comedy the credit of like of
Speaker 9: musicians liking it because they're like, oh, that's the ultimate
Speaker 9: art format, and it's like, no, I got addicted between
Speaker 9: songs making people laugh and I think.
Speaker 5: It's easy, yes, And boy, oh boy, were they wrong.
Speaker 7: I watched a video recently of like Jello Biafra doing
Speaker 7: something stand up comedy like, and I'm like, oh, this
Speaker 7: is interesting and and I'm like, I wonder what this is, like,
Speaker 7: Oh boy, it really drifted. And you know in Jellographer
Speaker 7: from the Dead, Kennedy's is the most like lefty, you know,
Speaker 7: burn it all down type guy. Yeah, with a hilarious
Speaker 7: Fred Schneider voice like.
Speaker 5: This, Oh no, yeah, sure, smash the state, okay. And
Speaker 5: he was feared it.
Speaker 7: Was recent he feered over into some like college kids
Speaker 7: or snowflakes stuff. He's like, that's why I can't speak
Speaker 7: on at universities anymore, because everyone's offended.
Speaker 5: I'm like, oh, come on, now, you're a conservative now,
Speaker 5: oh yeah, it's weird now. I think I think he think.
Speaker 7: I think he would say he's like a revolutionary or
Speaker 7: a radical left guy, but but he had that like
Speaker 7: rhetoric of like snowflakes can't handle it. Yeah, I'm just like,
Speaker 7: come on, man, like that. That makes it very hard
Speaker 7: to listen to you when that's your when you have
Speaker 7: that just such a shoulders.
Speaker 6: I find like those the anarchist type who it made
Speaker 6: a ton of sense to be that anarchist personality in.
Speaker 1: The eighties and nineties they knew exactly where they were.
Speaker 6: But now they're like getting weirdly militarized on the internet,
Speaker 6: and they're actually they don't realize they're becoming men's rights
Speaker 6: activists or like right morgaters, Like they're they're getting pulled
Speaker 6: into these things of like take all this energy that
Speaker 6: you had towards smashing the state and start you figure
Speaker 6: out like this person's a college students are oppressing you
Speaker 6: because they have different opinions, or like all that ship
Speaker 6: that it's like you're all reading the same fucking website. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 6: you're clearly talking about someone specific.
Speaker 7: Okay, we're yeah, okay, we're pass Okay, Elephant in the car.
Speaker 5: We just passed some guys in a public park having
Speaker 5: some sort of whip play where they were alert. They wow,
Speaker 5: a duffel bag of extra whibs. I don't know how
Speaker 5: many people are gonna show up. It's just two of them,
Speaker 5: but they wanted to make sure.
Speaker 1: We have to meet under the power station. They were
Speaker 1: like directly underneath like a power.
Speaker 5: Grids because it's a series of bars and they can
Speaker 5: whip and like hopefully it wraps around it and they
Speaker 5: can do it. Indiana Jones swing oh yeah, or yeah,
Speaker 5: or get electrocute.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, oh that was actually a suicide pack that
Speaker 1: we just saw.
Speaker 7: These guys are gonna We're both gonna whip the cord
Speaker 7: at the same time.
Speaker 5: Light you whip around my neck. Wait first, star Master
Speaker 5: me whip the power station. They will both come and
Speaker 5: charge and moving into our bodies. Complicated in excess death. Yeah, sure,
Speaker 5: gonna come as we get electrocuted.
Speaker 1: To death in the public a small public park.
Speaker 5: The public autawa rot but it's not a trip man
Speaker 5: duo erotic.
Speaker 1: We gotta do this, buddy, oh man.
Speaker 5: We had fun with those two narves.
Speaker 7: Having fun with a hobby, them being outside hobbies and ponytails.
Speaker 5: Yeah, damn, goddamn cargo shore like we wrap this up
Speaker 5: by water, get hold to feed free stride word. It's
Speaker 5: almost for yes to watch me juggle he needs He.
Speaker 1: Gets uncomfortable if I'm not juggling him.
Speaker 5: For and then he molts early. Oh that's fun. Let's
Speaker 5: go do this to their faces. We immediately get whipped. Okay.
Speaker 6: I actually was There's another park, I mean like in
Speaker 6: closer to North Hollywood, and I was walking around. There's
Speaker 6: a walking trail around it, and there was a guy
Speaker 6: in the center of the park that I.
Speaker 1: Was kind of walking around who was doing two whips
Speaker 1: by himself.
Speaker 6: It's super fucking loud and it's really weird, like when
Speaker 6: someone's doing that in public. A whip is a very threatening, dangerous,
Speaker 6: large like weapon.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's up there with a crossbow. It's just also
Speaker 5: an obscure, right, you know, it's a mace, like maybe
Speaker 5: you can run away from the crossbows a different situation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a little story.
Speaker 5: That's a scary murkh.
Speaker 9: Yes, someone with like a weapon that hearkens back to
Speaker 9: in their heads, but maybe a better time.
Speaker 5: Scared.
Speaker 7: I remember what men were men where you can hug it,
Speaker 7: hug any woman you wanted to just start whipping in public.
Speaker 5: Fourteen hundred most conversations ended with a sharpened skit. Those
Speaker 5: were the days, were the days? Oh godis my dad
Speaker 5: talked to me more when I was a kid.
Speaker 1: Guys, look at the Equis Film Festival.
Speaker 5: Can we come?
Speaker 8: We're driving by the Los Angeles Equestrian Center.
Speaker 5: It's so gorgeous and yeah the Equis film No, I don't.
Speaker 5: I've never seen the play.
Speaker 7: Equis, but I know that is the go to joke.
Speaker 7: It's the go to pull when you want to make
Speaker 7: a joke about horse fucking.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, you mentioned it earlier, I did, Yeah, came up.
Speaker 5: We should call this podcast full circle. Yeah.
Speaker 6: Equis is my scorpion in the Boots the story. You
Speaker 6: killed that one out every time I have no I
Speaker 6: don't care if it applies I say it.
Speaker 5: I don't tell me about it. I don't know about Aquas.
Speaker 6: It's about a troubled boy, sure, who is sexually attracted
Speaker 6: to horses.
Speaker 5: You're talking about The Black Stallion.
Speaker 1: I love that movie.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's one of my early movie watching memories.
Speaker 6: My cousin, Stevie auditioned for The Black Stallion and was
Speaker 6: down to like the final three and he may.
Speaker 5: He was just Stevie from Temecula, Paloma.
Speaker 8: Sorry, I don't know why of the Norse.
Speaker 5: All words that end with a are the same word
Speaker 5: to me. Sorry, Pataloma, I don't know you.
Speaker 1: It's all right.
Speaker 6: It's better that we don't know each other's comedy.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and that we have a podcast where we don't
Speaker 5: look at each other. Eyes on the Road, Friendship the Road.
Speaker 5: Stevie was from Paloma, that's right. I know a horse
Speaker 5: period is a kid.
Speaker 7: I never was interested in horse horses, horseplay around the
Speaker 7: pool I was.
Speaker 5: If you're not running, So.
Speaker 1: You're telling me you didn't grow up rich.
Speaker 5: No, I grew up brick get out. I'm sorry, Yeah
Speaker 5: I didn't. I didn't. Never had a horse phase, but
Speaker 5: I did have a phase where I played with homemade
Speaker 5: blocks my dad made because you know, we were poor.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I had a horse phase, but it was only
Speaker 6: because there was the one horse in the field who
Speaker 6: wouldn't let you ride her.
Speaker 1: But she was just hanging out, kind of retired.
Speaker 7: When you say the field, because I don't know exactly
Speaker 7: at that.
Speaker 5: I never had a luma.
Speaker 6: It's one big field, oh okay, with four horses in it.
Speaker 6: We lived next door to my aunt Jean, who had
Speaker 6: a farm and she had I think they had like
Speaker 6: fifty acres or something like that, and they had one
Speaker 6: horse named Lady that just wandered around all of those
Speaker 6: acres doing whatever the fuck she wanted, and all we
Speaker 6: wanted to do is ride her, and she was like, no.
Speaker 1: Goddamn way. And that was my horse period.
Speaker 5: I have you guys seen Martha Kelly's appearance on the
Speaker 5: show This Is Not Happening. I think it's called the
Speaker 5: storytelling thing. She tells the story of passing a horse
Speaker 5: in a field, and it was kind of recent, I think,
Speaker 5: and it's knowing Martha. It's such a Martha story.
Speaker 9: She thought the horse was recognizing her, wanting to communicate,
Speaker 9: wanting to bear friends.
Speaker 5: She climbed over the fence.
Speaker 9: And the horse got aggressive and pinned her in this
Speaker 9: against a tree for hours and there was a standoff,
Speaker 9: and the people that owned the horse drove by and
Speaker 9: just saw her in the field against a tree and
Speaker 9: she just waved at them and they waved and drove off,
Speaker 9: and eventually she ran and got over the fence.
Speaker 5: But this horse was like wanted to fight her, yeah,
Speaker 5: and did not want to be friends. And it made
Speaker 5: me laugh because she used to always pick up stray
Speaker 5: animals and stuff in basket. She picks up a coyote.
Speaker 5: It's a running thing.
Speaker 1: It's so funny.
Speaker 6: And yeah, horses are actually, I think, not as friendly
Speaker 6: as most people assume, the most young twelve year old
Speaker 6: girls assume they are.
Speaker 5: No, they're big, veiny, toothy assholes.
Speaker 1: And they're real like flinchy and sensitive and.
Speaker 5: Fucking they're all tweakers.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're on something for sure.
Speaker 5: I don't know why they're ripped getting all together, getting
Speaker 5: kicked by horses a fear of mine.
Speaker 7: It seems like an awful way to die, like you
Speaker 7: would die slowly of internal teating.
Speaker 5: It's my least favorite genre of viral video. What's your
Speaker 5: most favorite? Would you say?
Speaker 1: Powerboat accidents?
Speaker 6: I think Russian dash camp crash, that's my favorite.
Speaker 5: I do like that they do Boy's skipping across the like.
Speaker 6: Have you seen the one where it's it's these people
Speaker 6: going clearly going one hundred and twenty miles an hour
Speaker 6: in a powerboat and there they put it to the
Speaker 6: song turned down for what and it builds and builds
Speaker 6: them like going and there's a they have a dash camp,
Speaker 6: so it's showing the four people and they fucking hit
Speaker 6: something and the whole boat turns and they have it
Speaker 6: all on video and they all it's one of the
Speaker 6: craziest things you've ever seen.
Speaker 5: You look at that, it sounds amazing. It's the best
Speaker 5: I've oh, I think I've seen it. They're all they
Speaker 5: they're kind of swaying and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 5: they really get whipped to the side and a guy
Speaker 5: like he broke his leg.
Speaker 9: That's how I know that because we had that video
Speaker 9: on True TV, and they let us know of the injuries,
Speaker 9: and if there is a death, there usually just was
Speaker 9: nothing about it.
Speaker 1: There's no death though, right.
Speaker 5: I think that I accidentally watched people die several times
Speaker 5: for World's.
Speaker 1: Dumbest and no, no no, But in that boat, no.
Speaker 5: No no, they all lived to be a drunken on
Speaker 5: a boat.
Speaker 1: The next year, they lived to go to Lake Havasu.
Speaker 5: Again, good to fistfight and waste deep water over who's
Speaker 5: drank the last monster.
Speaker 7: My favorite kind of thing in that genre is there
Speaker 7: is a there's a d called gallon smashing prank, and
Speaker 7: it is these little wieners, these little like fifteen year
Speaker 7: olds who all you know, who have like tight pants
Speaker 7: and hair in their face, and they go into grocery
Speaker 7: stores and they get two gallons of milk or you know,
Speaker 7: like orange drink, and they just walk for a little
Speaker 7: bit and then they smash them and pretend to slip
Speaker 7: in the milk. And it's just mindless and the fact
Speaker 7: that they call it a.
Speaker 5: Prank, it's like there's no win to it. It's just destruction.
Speaker 1: And they get hurt.
Speaker 7: They get hurt, yes, and like people will, people are
Speaker 7: nice in the grocery store and come over to try
Speaker 7: to help them, and then they'll just like fall more.
Speaker 5: And it is.
Speaker 7: It is insanely funny and makes me want a quick
Speaker 7: comedy just because like, I will never do anything that good.
Speaker 5: Right, It's like any like droll remark that I can write. Yeah,
Speaker 5: Gallon smashing prank is so funny, so much funnier than
Speaker 5: brand news. Yeah, they're coming up with an idea. Oh
Speaker 5: that's the best.
Speaker 6: Nothing's better, not even just funny, but like in terms
Speaker 6: of just having an experience. Then watching Russian dashcam footage
Speaker 6: of a guy that's standing there and almost gets hit
Speaker 6: by a truck and then like leans back to miss
Speaker 6: a truck by two inches.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like those ones. Have you seen? Those? Are like
Speaker 1: the guy that's standing on the side of the.
Speaker 6: Freeway in a training and the car spins out and
Speaker 6: the guy goes like this and the car goes between.
Speaker 9: I mean, there's something called Chai of TV, which is
Speaker 9: what fuel where we used to work should have turned
Speaker 9: into because it's just background.
Speaker 1: You don't need f.
Speaker 5: Yes, No, it's okay, I did some stuff. I'm fused,
Speaker 5: but it's it's it'll always be a category. It's like
Speaker 5: close calls and it's it is my favorite of those categories,
Speaker 5: next to piglets. I started following on Instagram. Pigs are awesome.
Speaker 5: And uh, let's just say I haven't eaten bacon for
Speaker 5: a week. It's just one week, one bacon, well every morning,
Speaker 5: let's just say it. No, I don't think I will.
Speaker 5: I really let these guys. They're smart grand pigs.
Speaker 9: They're smart and they're cute, and they're I think maybe
Speaker 9: better than dogs, not that it's a contest, but uh,
Speaker 9: I have started eating dogs.
Speaker 1: Well, they're better tasting than dogs.
Speaker 5: I'll tell you that from certain barbecues.
Speaker 7: Do you see do you see a tiny pot belly
Speaker 7: pig as a pet in your future?
Speaker 5: Ye owns a lot of pigs. Everybody does he Yeah,
Speaker 5: he's a pig man.
Speaker 1: He always has the.
Speaker 5: Two things I know about clooney. Uh, there's a lot
Speaker 5: of pigs and then lots of pranks on set. Lots
Speaker 5: on set prank.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a jokester.
Speaker 5: You never know what you're gonna get. I really did.
Speaker 5: Did Have you heard the prank? Or he tells it
Speaker 5: on a talk show where he his friend something about
Speaker 5: his roommates can like in.
Speaker 6: College he had his friend's cats sit for him.
Speaker 1: Okay, do you want to tell us?
Speaker 5: Yes, please, that's probably a story. We've told you.
Speaker 6: What Well, what's weird is me and Georgia and Stephen
Speaker 6: just talked about this the other day. Okay, So, uh
Speaker 6: he asked his friend and I think it was Grant,
Speaker 6: the guy that's good friends with him, that's in a
Speaker 6: bunch of stuff. And do you know that guy's name.
Speaker 6: It's like Grant he Broth or something like that blog
Speaker 6: that's right, And uh so he said, can you cat
Speaker 6: sit for me? Then he says, the cat is constipated,
Speaker 6: can you just watch and make sure that it goes
Speaker 6: to the bathroom. The cat never goes to the bathroom
Speaker 6: because George Clooney is breaking into the house and cleaning
Speaker 6: the cat box every day. So then Grant Heslov is
Speaker 6: getting more and more worried about this cat with constipation.
Speaker 6: And then after five days, George Clooney goes in and
Speaker 6: shits in the cat box himself, so it looks like
Speaker 6: the cat the hues.
Speaker 5: Wow, that is a long game.
Speaker 9: Yeah, and he and he The reason I love that
Speaker 9: story is when he was on Whip Show?
Speaker 5: Was he on I can't remember if it was.
Speaker 1: Conand er, but that the Megan Kelly program.
Speaker 5: I think that it was a story that he wasn't planning.
Speaker 5: He legitimately wasn't planning on telling because he hesitantly started
Speaker 5: telling it. He's like, oh, all right, and it's a
Speaker 5: really funny story, and yes, it makes me like.
Speaker 6: George Clooney, and he absolutely planned on telling that story.
Speaker 1: They have to clear them, like days ahead. Oh really,
Speaker 1: no way, no way.
Speaker 5: Let me love George Clooney.
Speaker 1: Nothing's real, Chris don't love anything better?
Speaker 5: Red recognized molasses to step.
Speaker 1: Sassy's Massy mollasses?
Speaker 5: What was he should be shaming mollasses? I think remember
Speaker 5: it's the best sense, it's the best sentence is non.
Speaker 7: Seems like it's like those those flash comics where he
Speaker 7: would put on the metal boots so he would slow down.
Speaker 5: It is Clooney telling the.
Speaker 7: Story that forces you to imagine him right shitting in
Speaker 7: a cat box.
Speaker 5: He's like, yeah, how handsome am I? Yeah? How what
Speaker 5: can I do?
Speaker 7: I can squash the idea of me as the world's
Speaker 7: most handsome man?
Speaker 5: Will this do?
Speaker 1: It?
Speaker 5: Probably won't.
Speaker 1: There's no way.
Speaker 9: I just line I mentioned having a letter box in
Speaker 9: my home and I'm too ugly for people to like
Speaker 9: me anymore. Yeah, Clooney can talk about handling it and
Speaker 9: then leaving a human deuce.
Speaker 1: He can do what he wants.
Speaker 9: There's pictures of him when he is like in his
Speaker 9: twenties with pigs. There's a picture He's always been a
Speaker 9: pig owner. Wow, look up Google Clooney, pick photos.
Speaker 5: Some questionable stuff comes up that George Clooney because it's
Speaker 5: fanard an artistic license. That's George, their imagination. George Clooney
Speaker 5: is a animal. I can't think of the word. It
Speaker 5: does matter.
Speaker 6: I'm down to hydro yeh is a he's a doctor
Speaker 6: Moreau type character. He's part that's.
Speaker 5: Theologist or whatever. You know what I was. I I
Speaker 5: can't think of a word. I dropped the subject. Okay,
Speaker 5: but anyway, and I'm not gonna eat pigs anywhere you guys, okay, okay.
Speaker 1: Well then I'm gonna eat twice the pigs still.
Speaker 5: Eat fish chickens. Yeah, until you find a cute fish Instagram. Yeah,
Speaker 5: there is, there is.
Speaker 9: There is a there's a bunch of like, aren't animals awesome?
Speaker 9: And it's pigs running to people. It's and then chickens
Speaker 9: running and hugging people.
Speaker 5: It's like just happened once. Yeah, it's it's the hugging.
Speaker 5: They put their wings a guy holds down his hand, Yeah,
Speaker 5: and put the wigs around and then close their eyes
Speaker 5: and red. Wait till you see it. Not everything is
Speaker 5: a produced second, some spontaneit.
Speaker 1: Chickens are Chickens are the worst. Cows are the worst.
Speaker 1: And sheep.
Speaker 6: I would have killed them myself if I could have there.
Speaker 6: I had to take care of them. I had to
Speaker 6: run them, I defeed them and water them. They are
Speaker 6: the most ludicrous animal. And they have fucking lizard eyes.
Speaker 5: Oh boy, I am here to tell you they I
Speaker 5: am not a big fan of their rectangular vertical pupils.
Speaker 1: It's scary and weird.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 9: Those are contact lenses some magician wears at a Halloween party.
Speaker 5: Not an animal's damon eyes.
Speaker 6: They're trying to freak you out, Michael Jackson's style, and
Speaker 6: it's not cool.
Speaker 7: Did you ever have to take an animal down yourself?
Speaker 7: You're farming, take them down.
Speaker 1: To shoot a rabbit? Lamb? No, no, no, but I did.
Speaker 5: Ore.
Speaker 1: We had a goat growing up.
Speaker 6: And goat named you be and in our like he
Speaker 6: just used to stand on a little house in our field.
Speaker 6: In our backfields. They like to be high out that field. Yes,
Speaker 6: they liked to be on top of things. And a
Speaker 6: dog from the neighbor that was, you know, two miles
Speaker 6: away down there on their ranch. They were like a
Speaker 6: weird biker It was like a biker's enclave basically, and
Speaker 6: their dog, this German shepherd, snuck up their field into
Speaker 6: ours and attacked our goat, and so.
Speaker 1: They got the dog off the goat, but then they
Speaker 1: had to shoot the dog because once dogs taste blood,
Speaker 1: they can't they have to shoot them.
Speaker 6: And it was one of the most upsetting, saddest things
Speaker 6: because the little girl who lived in the fucking biker's enclave,
Speaker 6: whose dog it was, stood at the at the end
Speaker 6: of her fence watching as all these men in the
Speaker 6: neighborhood had to assemble and come over to our house
Speaker 6: with their rifles. And then my uncle Steve took the
Speaker 6: shot and killed the dog and everyone was standing there
Speaker 6: and she's.
Speaker 1: Just stood at the fence and cried.
Speaker 6: And then me and my sister stood in the house
Speaker 6: because my han's one letters outside watching her, and we
Speaker 6: were crying.
Speaker 1: It was fucking awful. And that goat lived for like
Speaker 1: twenty five more years. Wow, the goat survived and was
Speaker 1: absolutely fun.
Speaker 5: That's kind of a happy ending.
Speaker 6: It's a horrible, horrible farm story. This is what happens
Speaker 6: to you as a farm child. Yeah, and uh, you
Speaker 6: never get over it.
Speaker 5: Very bleak. Yeah, goats aren't supposed to win over dogs.
Speaker 1: But I mean it's a it was a bad dog.
Speaker 5: Well, they keep the can population under control, so they're
Speaker 5: for the environment.
Speaker 1: You don't have to recycle if you got to them.
Speaker 5: They love to eat cans.
Speaker 1: They love a can.
Speaker 5: These are the things I know about goats.
Speaker 1: Guys, what do you think have we done it?
Speaker 5: I think we podcast nailed podcast. I mean I started
Speaker 5: out slow. I'm talking about me personally. Yeah, let's critique ourselves.
Speaker 1: We do you go, Chris give yourself a number, A
Speaker 1: letter grade.
Speaker 5: Well, it's a three part series. I really started really weak.
Speaker 5: I peeked in the middle and right now I'm very
Speaker 5: I'm almost napping. Oh so I'm really it's just a
Speaker 5: perfect mountain.
Speaker 1: What does that average out to? Grade?
Speaker 5: Is it?
Speaker 9: I'm real bad at this, Like even the where it's
Speaker 9: your pain on one through ten.
Speaker 5: Like I never know what to say. Okay, but I
Speaker 5: think I if it is a one through ten, yeah,
Speaker 5: which it's not.
Speaker 1: I said it was a grade, but go ahead.
Speaker 5: I give myself about an eight, which or as you
Speaker 5: in your grade system.
Speaker 1: It was about a B mind be minus. I agree
Speaker 1: with that, Jordan Jordan.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean I think I you know, I think
Speaker 7: there's a lot of a lot.
Speaker 5: To like about my performance on this podcast, you know.
Speaker 7: I mean I feel a little bad about the just
Speaker 7: say a Jordan taught about the riff about you know,
Speaker 7: white people who say that they're Native American.
Speaker 5: I just hope people didn't take that the wrong way,
Speaker 5: right right?
Speaker 7: And my follow up, my follow up, yeah, you can
Speaker 7: get kind of god you when you're critical of things
Speaker 7: like that, maybe the critique doesn't come through and people
Speaker 7: think you're saying something that you aren't.
Speaker 5: So I just, you know, I feel a little bit
Speaker 5: bad about that. I wish how would you give a
Speaker 5: grade to what would your grade be on? Bringing that
Speaker 5: subject back up?
Speaker 7: Okay, plus remind you of people of something potentially upset remember.
Speaker 5: Karen's dead dog story.
Speaker 7: But you know, I think we I hopefully I we
Speaker 7: covered all our bases on that and.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean I think I I was. I was
Speaker 5: pretty good at chatting.
Speaker 7: I'm getting to be a better listener to where I
Speaker 7: feel like I don't have to jump in it every minute,
Speaker 7: which is something I'm working on.
Speaker 1: It's a tough one. That's a tough one.
Speaker 5: So yeah, I think solid B. I'm starting to understand
Speaker 5: why certain professors allowed you to give yourself a grade.
Speaker 5: This is very therapeutic, isn't it good?
Speaker 1: You really want to be honest. I think you're both wrong.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 5: I love jokes.
Speaker 6: I would just like to say, Jordan that I would
Speaker 6: like you to fold into consideration. Sure saying shammy shammy molasses.
Speaker 1: I think it kicked.
Speaker 6: You up into the age category. It was the biggest
Speaker 6: laugh of the show.
Speaker 5: I have to Yeah, I have to say, that's what
Speaker 5: I was thinking of the whole time too.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Anyway, it was a moment of joy.
Speaker 5: Thank you. It's nice of you to say.
Speaker 7: He really slammed a lot coming from you two, who
Speaker 7: are two of the funniest people there are.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Well, then I get an A plus.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I wish i'd heard that. Can I get myself
Speaker 5: a day too?
Speaker 1: Anyway?
Speaker 6: So I win, and and I don't know.
Speaker 1: You lose, And because I said that I.
Speaker 5: Lose, I'm gonna go ahead and end this rap it.
Speaker 5: You've been listening to Jay's garage? Do you need a ride?
Speaker 5: I've been thinking about I saw Jay Leno last night.
Speaker 1: Okay, you did comedy magic show.
Speaker 5: J Andritella Alonzo. That's a hell of a show.
Speaker 1: Are you the headline to read the middle up?
Speaker 5: Any details for next time? I've been listening to you
Speaker 5: need to ride? Dey n a?
Speaker 1: Are are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how
Speaker 2: much baggage you claim. Give us time and a Turnino
Speaker 2: and Gabe.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off InStyle. We want to
Speaker 3: welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her? Was it fine? Malcorn? Do you need
Speaker 1: to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need.
Speaker 5: With Karen and Cress
Speaker 4: M hm