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Speaker 1: Hi, Hello, Hello Chelsea. How are you.

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Speaker 2: I'm great, Thank you for feeding my meter today for me,

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Speaker 2: because I'm incompetent and I can't park in a parking structure.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I am incompetent when it comes to knowing

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Speaker 3: what cars are.

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Speaker 1: So I knew it was a silver car.

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Speaker 3: There were a lot of silver cars, and I definitely

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Speaker 3: had to like beep the key raids.

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Speaker 4: Very first of all.

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Speaker 2: But okay, and I yesterday, you guys gave me as

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Speaker 2: like a I want to say, certification, validation, validation for

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Speaker 2: my car.

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Speaker 4: And I get down to the parking lot pull out.

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Speaker 2: I have everything but the fucking ticket, of course, and

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Speaker 2: I'm a hot mess. You know, everything's a hot mess

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Speaker 2: with me and I so I'm like, fuck it. I

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Speaker 2: pay twenty five dollars to record my own podcast and

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Speaker 2: then this morning I got out of the car and

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Speaker 2: there's the validation ticket. I'm like, this is a mess.

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Speaker 2: Everything I do is a mess.

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Speaker 1: You know what, It's okay, we're gonna give you validation.

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Speaker 3: I know.

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Speaker 4: It's like somebody needs to just come and park my

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Speaker 4: car every single day.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I have a suggestion from a listener, and

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Speaker 1: I thought was kind of funny is that for me personally?

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Speaker 1: Kind of? I am actually curious what you're gonna think

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Speaker 1: about this?

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Speaker 3: So great, Justine says, she wrote in and her subject

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Speaker 3: line of her email is you think Rob Low knows

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Speaker 3: what perspicacious means?

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Speaker 1: Vocal queen?

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Speaker 3: She said, Dear Chelsea, I think my vocabulary is pretty respectable,

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Speaker 3: particularly for an American at this point in time.

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Speaker 1: Yet my workouts are.

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Speaker 3: Routinely interrupted when I have to pause and google the

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Speaker 3: definition of some big word, one that you know, damn well,

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Speaker 3: your guest does not know the meaning of You think

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Speaker 3: Rob Low knows what chicanery means?

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Speaker 1: Perspicacious? Please?

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Speaker 3: He's too beautiful and so am I. I mean, you're

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Speaker 3: a goddamn hero for our culture. You're educating the masses,

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Speaker 3: but you're also interrupting my flow.

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Speaker 1: So here's my pitch.

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Speaker 3: Can you decode your superior dialect for the rest of

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Speaker 3: us plebeians at the end of each episode so we

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Speaker 3: can all become less stupid together. Maybe it can be

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Speaker 3: a new mini segment. Thanks in advance, Justine. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 3: a great I was like, I love that. I love

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Speaker 3: that idea of vocab words. We all need to build

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Speaker 3: our vocab yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah for sure.

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Speaker 3: So now when I hear like big words, I'll just

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Speaker 3: just to clarify.

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Speaker 4: Perspicacious means very perceptive.

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Speaker 2: So I'm just being a kunt by saying perspicacious because

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Speaker 2: I love the way, because it's such a belifluous word.

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Speaker 2: There's another word there, euphotious, molifluous words that roll.

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Speaker 4: Right off your tongue or that are fun to say.

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Speaker 2: I love to say perspicacious is one of them, like perspicacity,

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Speaker 2: But you could say is another version of perspicacious, right,

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Speaker 2: you know, it's another tense, but it basically just means

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Speaker 2: very perceptive. Chicanery is something that just means like silliness

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Speaker 2: and foul play, not foul play, like silliness and like

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Speaker 2: like like hy drinks. Yeah, like you're up to shenanigans.

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Speaker 2: Chicanery is shenanigans, yeah.

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Speaker 3: Which I certainly had to google after the first couple times.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but I have I have like about fifteen words

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Speaker 2: that I rotate that I love and then I throw

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Speaker 2: in some new ones all the time. But I'm like you,

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Speaker 2: when I hear a word I don't know, I have

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Speaker 2: to look it up immediately.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well we'll add that in and we'll just start

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Speaker 3: doing a little second at the end.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yub words, that's cute.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Well, our first caller today is Dwayne, and it's a

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Speaker 3: little bit of a long email, but.

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Speaker 4: No one loves a long email more than.

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Speaker 1: Catherine, and I cut them down. That's the thing. I

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Speaker 1: cut them down.

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Speaker 3: This is probably a third of what it was, so

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Speaker 3: Dwayne says, Dear Chelsea. I'm a diehard fan of yours

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Speaker 3: and have followed your career for decades and I never

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Speaker 3: miss an episode of Dear Chelsea. This podcast keeps me

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Speaker 3: saying during my thirty mile commute each way to and

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Speaker 3: from work. I'm forty seven and an only child. My

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Speaker 3: dad passed away suddenly of heart issues in two thousand

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Speaker 3: and four. He and my mom were married for over

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Speaker 3: thirty years at the time of his passing. For the

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Speaker 3: first few years following, she never had an interest in

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Speaker 3: dating or finding another partner. Then she met Bob somewhere

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Speaker 3: around twenty fifteen. At first, I didn't mind Bob. He

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Speaker 3: was a little annoying because he always had to be

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Speaker 3: a part of every conversation and topic. He's hard of

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Speaker 3: hearing and refuses to get a hearing aid. He talks

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Speaker 3: a lot about himself and has a story about himself

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Speaker 3: for almost every topic. Even though he could be painful

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Speaker 3: to be around, he seemed to care for my mom and.

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Speaker 1: Trade her well.

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Speaker 3: He moved into her house somewhere around six months into

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Speaker 3: their relationship. I should mention Bob had supposedly been married twice.

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Speaker 3: Eventually I came to find out that Bob was not

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Speaker 3: just sometimes annoying, but he was also misogynistic. I know

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Speaker 3: it all, dishonest, and quite frankly, an asshole. My mom

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Speaker 3: had kicked him out after she had discovered that he

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Speaker 3: lied to her about being twice married. Turns out he

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Speaker 3: was in the middle of a divorce from his third wife.

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Speaker 3: Not to mention, she caught him talking to a woman

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Speaker 3: on a dating site. Jump ahead about six months after

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Speaker 3: she kicked him out, and I heard through the grapevine

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Speaker 3: that she was back with him. I confronted her and

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Speaker 3: she came clean that he was back in the picture.

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Speaker 3: I voiced my concerns and said how much I disapproved,

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Speaker 3: and she could find someone so much better. He was

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Speaker 3: trying overly hard to get my approval by forcing conversations

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Speaker 3: no matter if it's a topic. He knows I have

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Speaker 3: no interest in I try to have the minimum interaction

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Speaker 3: with him as possible and still remain respectful. But I'm

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Speaker 3: the type of person who can't hide my thoughts and

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Speaker 3: I speak my mind. I will give him credit that

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Speaker 3: he does accept me for being gay, but honestly, it's

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Speaker 3: one of the very few things about him that I

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Speaker 3: will say is positive. They sleep in separate bedrooms, and

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Speaker 3: when I ask my mom why she stays with him,

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Speaker 3: she says his company is better than nothing. I've even

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Speaker 3: tried to get her to move either close to me

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Speaker 3: and my husband, but I haven't had much luck, with

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Speaker 3: her being eighty and soon to be eighty one in

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Speaker 3: a couple months. I don't want anything to happen where

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Speaker 3: I regret something or that Bob takes time away from

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Speaker 3: me and my mom. What can I do to either

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Speaker 3: convince her to leave him, leave him by moving us,

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Speaker 3: or just get the situation to change, but that means

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Speaker 3: he would have to change. Additionally, I'm going to stay

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Speaker 3: with them for a bit after she has hip surgery

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Speaker 3: in a couple months.

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Speaker 1: How am I going to survive that much time with Bob? Dwayne?

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Speaker 4: Hi, Dwayne, how are you good?

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Speaker 5: How are you thanks for picking my question?

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Speaker 1: I appreciate it, of course.

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Speaker 2: Of course, do you really think there's a reality of

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Speaker 2: your mom leaving him?

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Speaker 5: Sometimes sometimes not. So there's times that she actually will

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Speaker 5: be She'll come to come visit us in Washington, and

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Speaker 5: she doesn't tell him that it's planned until like a

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Speaker 5: week before she's going to leave, and she she will

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Speaker 5: know him for a while and stuff, and so she

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Speaker 5: does some stuff to annoy him because of how much

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Speaker 5: he annoys her sometimes and stuff too. So I think

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Speaker 5: I think she needs that extra push and stuff. But

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Speaker 5: she's also in the town she grew up in, and

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Speaker 5: that's also where my dad is buried and her parents

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Speaker 5: are buried, and her brothers and stuff too, and her

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Speaker 5: she has one brother still there, but she does have

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Speaker 5: one brother over here in Washington as well. I'm very

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Speaker 5: protective of my mom, and so one of the things

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Speaker 5: that breaks my heart is that she is more in

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Speaker 5: like a roommate type of situation and that she basically

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Speaker 5: lives in her upstairs. She's always doing like diamond painting,

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Speaker 5: crochete and stuff like that, but doesn't interact with him

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Speaker 5: as much, and so it's more of a lonely thing definitely.

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Speaker 5: I don't know how to. I don't know how to

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Speaker 5: kind of break that or try to get her out

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Speaker 5: of something that is more just where she feels kind

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Speaker 5: of stuck, I guess, or that is just better than nothing.

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Speaker 3: This is a situation where I feel like going into

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Speaker 3: a senior living situation. We're not talking necessarily assisted living,

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Speaker 3: although she might need that, like with the hip surgery

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Speaker 3: coming up and everything, but like a sun city, Like,

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Speaker 3: is there anything like that by you? I mean those

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Speaker 3: are places that are designed to help you continue to

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Speaker 3: have social interaction and like not just one person, but

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Speaker 3: there's activities all day long.

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Speaker 1: She can participate as much or as little as she wants.

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Speaker 3: But you're in a community of other people who are

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Speaker 3: like you, and you don't just have this one person's

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Speaker 3: like living in your house.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's that's a good idea. I've me and my

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Speaker 5: husband have talked about that, but I haven't really brought

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Speaker 5: it up to her necessarily.

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Speaker 2: Well, I mean, if she's getting this hip surgery, listen,

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Speaker 2: if that's even on the table, that she would be

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Speaker 2: open to, like leaving him then and getting this hip

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Speaker 2: surgery would be the perfect kind of break because she

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Speaker 2: could move into one of these facilities. You could move

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Speaker 2: in with her while she's healing, and that could be

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Speaker 2: like her introduction into one of those places, into like

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Speaker 2: a retirement community.

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Speaker 4: But like that's I don't know how realistic that is.

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Speaker 2: I mean that she you're going to convince her to

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Speaker 2: because there's other company to be had. Absolutely, if she

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Speaker 2: were a lot younger, I would say go for it.

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Speaker 2: I would say go for it at any age. But

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Speaker 2: I mean it just might not be a reality. Like

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Speaker 2: she is living with a roommate, And if that's the case,

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Speaker 2: why not meet a bunch of other people that could

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Speaker 2: be much more you know, fun to be around and

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Speaker 2: have like what and play games with and socialized with.

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Speaker 2: If she's not sleeping in bed with him either, I

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Speaker 2: mean that's pretty common for older people at this point.

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Speaker 2: I mean, nobody likes to sleep with each other at

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Speaker 2: this age.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, they don't really have a whole lot in Yeah,

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Speaker 5: So for him, it's all about sports. My mom couldn't

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Speaker 5: care less about sports, right, and so she likes her

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Speaker 5: Hallmark movies and stuff like that.

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Speaker 3: We want to hang out with your mom diamond painting

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Speaker 3: and watching movies.

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Speaker 1: Why don't you go?

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Speaker 2: And did you say, there was a place that you saw,

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Speaker 2: like a retirement place that would be appealing for her.

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Speaker 2: Is there any place like would she move where you

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Speaker 2: guys are? I know you said, like have her family

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Speaker 2: is buried there?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, so I would really like her too. I don't

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Speaker 5: know how realistic it is that she would actually pick

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Speaker 5: up and move. She owns her home, so it's a

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Speaker 5: matter of selling her house and everything, which I don't

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Speaker 5: think she's a post opposed to, because there is a

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Speaker 5: retirement community back in her town that she has told

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Speaker 5: me before that she wouldn't mind going to, and it's

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Speaker 5: a it's a senior community, and they have ones that

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Speaker 5: are like condos and cottages and stuff, so it's not

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Speaker 5: full on like apartment. It's almost like a Grayson franky

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Speaker 5: type of place in a way.

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Speaker 2: Well, that would be great, I mean, but would he

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Speaker 2: want to come with her to that if that were

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Speaker 2: an option, because even then she's surrounded by other people,

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Speaker 2: you know what I mean, So that would open up

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Speaker 2: her socializing.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it's possible that he would. He would want to

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Speaker 5: because it is her house that they live in. That's

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Speaker 5: kind of the other thing that I'm also afraid of

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Speaker 5: is that if something does happen to her, how much

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Speaker 5: of a nightmare is going to be with him of

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Speaker 5: wanting to try to take stuff that isn't his or

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Speaker 5: try to say that there's common.

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Speaker 3: Law and they're not married, right, No, they're not. Okay, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you got to see an elder law attorney. Yeah, not

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Speaker 3: just an estate planner, but an elder law attorney, and

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Speaker 3: they'll help you put protections in place to like, you know,

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Speaker 3: follow the bloodlines and that sort of thing.

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Speaker 4: You should.

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Speaker 2: All of this hip surgery is a perfect excuse to

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Speaker 2: do all of this stuff, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 2: Like you want to get everything in order in case

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Speaker 2: something goes wrong.

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Speaker 4: It won't.

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Speaker 2: But as a Responsele's son, this is what you have

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Speaker 2: to do for her. I've spoken, you know, get your

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Speaker 2: ducks in a row. That you've spoken to an elder

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Speaker 2: law attorney, spoken to an estate planner. You want to

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Speaker 2: make sure that if anything happens to her that Bob

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Speaker 2: doesn't is his name Bob, Yeah, Bob doesn't get all

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Speaker 2: of her money, doesn't get her house.

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Speaker 4: She doesn't want that, I'm sure you know.

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Speaker 2: And then open up the conversation to her potentially or

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Speaker 2: what I would love to see happen is for you

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Speaker 2: to move into a retirement community where you could actually

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Speaker 2: have some friends around who have more in common with

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Speaker 2: you than Bob does. And more importantly, do you really

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Speaker 2: want to be in this relationship with Bob at this point? Like,

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Speaker 2: what about transitioning you into this retirement community. I'll stay

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Speaker 2: with you, we can sell your house, we could get

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Speaker 2: you better while you're recovering from hip surgery, and we

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Speaker 2: can kind of move your life into a different direction,

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Speaker 2: which I think would be more positive for you.

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Speaker 4: I mean, there's no harm in suggesting all of these things.

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Speaker 5: Right, Yeah, And what I have suggested to her is

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Speaker 5: we have a fairly big lot, and we were talking about,

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Speaker 5: you know, getting her a tiny home and putting it

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Speaker 5: on our on our property where she was basically our

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Speaker 5: neighbor in a way, she still has independence. She we're

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Speaker 5: right there. We have we have a dog that she

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Speaker 5: calls her her grandpuppy and stuff, so she would be

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Speaker 5: all in her glory with him and stuff, or even

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Speaker 5: adding on to our house and stuff too. But me

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Speaker 5: and my husband have talked about the senior community, but

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Speaker 5: never I never really approached to her, And I think

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Speaker 5: that makes a lot of sense though, with you know,

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Speaker 5: having excuse of her hip replacement surgery as part of

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Speaker 5: that of this is a great place for you to heal,

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Speaker 5: you'd be able to have like a community of people

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Speaker 5: around that you'd be able to make friends with at

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Speaker 5: the same time and not just be sitting around board.

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Speaker 4: And nurses and stuff.

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Speaker 2: See what their nursing situation is like if do they

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Speaker 2: have that on Some of those as places do and

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Speaker 2: some of those places don't. But I think for this,

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Speaker 2: for the specifics of this, like you're not not pawning her.

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Speaker 4: Off to these people that you want to make career.

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Speaker 4: You're going to be involved within whatever happens.

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Speaker 2: Even if she moves into this place, you're still going

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Speaker 2: to be there to help her with her hip bafter.

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Speaker 1: And at eighty, like she doesn't necessarily.

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Speaker 3: Even want to be taken care of a whole house

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Speaker 3: like that becomes a lot of work for someone as

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Speaker 3: they age. So this I mean, just present all these options,

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Speaker 3: Like we can talk about a tiny home, we can

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Speaker 3: talk about like let's go see this in place that's

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Speaker 3: nearby you while I'm here, Like before you get your

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Speaker 3: hip surgery, like there's a lot of conversation you guys have.

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Speaker 5: Right, Yeah, that's that's a good idea. I think that

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Speaker 5: that's probably a good way to go. And there's the

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Speaker 5: option of if she wants to stay there, that there's

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Speaker 5: one there that she has shown a little bit of

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Speaker 5: interest in from like a few years ago that she mentioned.

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Speaker 5: And then even in my area, there's quite a few

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Speaker 5: around my area, not far away, I would say, within

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Speaker 5: anywhere from one to five miles maximum from our house.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Great, So get this stuff going.

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Speaker 2: This hip surgery is actually a blessing in disguise in

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Speaker 2: terms of all these conversations, and then also to get

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Speaker 2: the estate planning story so that that guy doesn't you know,

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Speaker 2: you know, because she's going to want to be reminded

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Speaker 2: of that too, right. She doesn't want that to you know, happen,

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Speaker 2: like if anything were to happen, she does does it

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Speaker 2: definitely doesn't want him to get her house, based on

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Speaker 2: what you're telling us.

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Speaker 5: Right right, Yeah, that's that's a good idea.

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Speaker 1: Thanks Wayne, thank you.

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Speaker 5: I appreciate it so much. I really am thankful for

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Speaker 5: the advice and the help and even not even just

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Speaker 5: my question, all the advice that you guys give other people.

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Speaker 5: I find some of it, you know, pertaining to me

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Speaker 5: a little bit. I take a little bit of that

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Speaker 5: every episode.

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Speaker 1: Love that, love that.

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Speaker 4: Well, thanks for calling in, and you're a great son.

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Speaker 4: I'm glad you're.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 5: Thank you.

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Speaker 4: Take care all right.

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Speaker 2: Bye.

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Speaker 1: Well we'll take a quick break and wrap up.

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Speaker 2: With a quikie okay, and we'll be back in a minute.

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Speaker 4: And we're back.

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Speaker 1: We're We're back. That was so fast, okay, and as well,

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Speaker 1: She writes.

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Speaker 3: In her subject line as picking favorites, Dear Chelsea, love favorites.

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Speaker 3: I live in Pennsylvania and have a large family who

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Speaker 3: lives all over the country. My sisters both have kids.

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Speaker 3: Since my older sister had her kids first, I feel

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Speaker 3: a strong bond with three of her three of her

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Speaker 3: four kids. The fourth is just okay, and I don't

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Speaker 3: feel it as much with my middle sister's oldest child.

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Speaker 3: I just came home from visiting my middle sister's newborn

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Speaker 3: with her new husband, and I've never experienced that sort

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Speaker 3: of baby fever and love before. I'm thirty years old.

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Speaker 3: For reference and child free, living my best life. I

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Speaker 3: wonder if part of the reason I'm closer with my

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Speaker 3: oldest sister's kids is because I was younger and had

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Speaker 3: fewer responsibilities, so being an aunt was more of a priority,

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Speaker 3: and I would visit home all the time.

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Speaker 1: Now I have a life and I'm tired.

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Speaker 3: Since meeting my freshest nephew, I have a newfound desire

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Speaker 3: to spend more time with my family. But I want

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Speaker 3: to be a better aunt to my sister's oldest daughter.

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Speaker 3: Whom is the least favorite? How do you spread the

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Speaker 3: love and not choose and subliminally advertise favorite?

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Speaker 2: And well, I would just know you've already chosen your favorites, Like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: that's obvious, but go and put in the time to

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Speaker 2: the one that you haven't that has been neglected.

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Speaker 4: She'll appreciate that.

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Speaker 2: It's go spread the love and make an actual effort

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Speaker 2: to be like, Okay, you know what I fucked up here.

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Speaker 2: I didn't give her the right amount of energy I

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Speaker 2: had my other favorites. It was very obvious to everyone,

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Speaker 2: And I'm going to go put in the time and

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Speaker 2: effort now.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely, it's never too late.

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Speaker 3: You know what I mean, And especially because they're growing

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Speaker 3: and changing and getting more.

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Speaker 2: Interesting, Sure that she knows you're making the effort, you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean.

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Speaker 4: Keep showing up and if you don't get.

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Speaker 2: The response you want, that's okay, but just keep making

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Speaker 2: yourself available to her.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and like little little gestures, one on one dates

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Speaker 3: and gestures.

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Speaker 2: Are dates noticing what they like. Yes, you know, getting

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Speaker 2: her little trinkets or of or gifts of stuff that

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Speaker 2: you know she likes. Or you know, if there's a

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Speaker 2: movie or an actress that she likes, making sure you

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Speaker 2: send her clips of that person on DM stuff like that,

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Speaker 2: or take her to movies when they come out, Like,

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Speaker 2: I know you really love Marvel, I'm going to take

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Speaker 2: you to this movie, you know when it comes out. Like,

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Speaker 2: just pay attention to what her interests are and try

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Speaker 2: and figure out a way for you guys to connect.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you're such a good auntie.

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Speaker 4: Okay, thanks guys for listening.

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Speaker 2: Make sure you go to Chelsea Handler dot com to

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00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:21,040
Speaker 2: find tickets for my stand up shows for the rest

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00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:22,880
Speaker 2: of the year. There's only like five or six, so

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00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:24,800
Speaker 2: come see me, Come see me live.

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00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:25,760
Speaker 4: It's gonna be a good time.

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Speaker 3: Guys, Guys, do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into

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00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:33,640
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video

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00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,760
Speaker 3: episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear

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00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:40,639
Speaker 3: Chelsea pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad

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Speaker 3: Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure to check

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Speaker 3: out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com