Speaker 1: Some listeners may find this content disturbing. This episode discusses
Speaker 1: domestic abuse as well as suicide. Please proceed with caution.
Speaker 1: This is Taylor Armstrong in her own.
Speaker 2: Words, Taylor, thank you for continuing to show your story. So,
Speaker 2: now it happens, you've been out it and you talk
Speaker 2: to your friend, We're going to have to tell him.
Speaker 1: So what happens then? So we start going to couples
Speaker 1: counseling with doctor Sophie at doctor Sophie's urging, and well,
Speaker 1: I let doctor Sophie Sophie urge Russell into it, and
Speaker 1: so we started going and slowly doctor Sophie was He's
Speaker 1: so amazing. But he would say, Okay, you know there's
Speaker 1: talk around town that there's some things going on, and
Speaker 1: you know, Russell, let's talk about this and is there
Speaker 1: any reality to that? And so he did it in
Speaker 1: such a slow way that it didn't seem like he
Speaker 1: was going to get ambushed on the show. It was
Speaker 1: just you know, there's people talking around town and I
Speaker 1: don't know are these things true? And he created a
Speaker 1: safety plan for us where he so with our landline phones.
Speaker 1: But like if you too start to get in an argument,
Speaker 1: then you need to go into two separate rooms in
Speaker 1: the house and both get on the phone with me
Speaker 1: and we'll talk through it.
Speaker 2: I can't believe Russel was even open to talking to
Speaker 2: this person, much less like coming up with any kind
Speaker 2: of strategy. I mean, it's that he would even have
Speaker 2: this self awareness to be open to like, you know,
Speaker 2: this has to change.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure he was open to this has to change,
Speaker 1: but he was definitely. I think that Doctor Sophie is
Speaker 1: saying things like, you know, there's people that are talking.
Speaker 1: I'm more worried about this. He's getting discovered. Perception of
Speaker 1: him before we finally told him, you know, it's it's
Speaker 1: coming out on the show.
Speaker 2: And how to go once he told him, once he
Speaker 2: really knew.
Speaker 1: I think he was scared. I mean, it was, of
Speaker 1: course angry as can be and in denial and then litigious.
Speaker 1: He started, you know, firing off emails to Evolution, which
Speaker 1: I was aware of, and then he sent one to
Speaker 1: Camille also threatening a lawsuit or whatever. I didn't know
Speaker 1: about that one, but I knew about the Evolution one,
Speaker 1: and I think he at that point he was in
Speaker 1: panic mode, thinking that he could somehow keep it off
Speaker 1: the show. Which we both still How was the at
Speaker 1: that point? What was the abuse?
Speaker 2: Like the physical abuse was still happening even though he'd
Speaker 2: been How did I know that the abuse obviously still happened?
Speaker 1: But was he still was it still physical? Wasn't he?
Speaker 1: Was he more concerned now that he'd been outed? He
Speaker 1: that it matters? I guess, But well, no, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't feel like the ranting got any better. Maybe
Speaker 1: it even got worse, because it would be like him
Speaker 1: blaming me for now potentially destroying his career from this
Speaker 1: being on his reputation, so definitely, so a lot of that,
Speaker 1: and well, I mean, ultimately you know how all of
Speaker 1: it ends.
Speaker 2: Well, it's you're I can't believe you're such an open book.
Speaker 2: I think it's whatever. It's so great, but whatever. To
Speaker 2: like just is it's kind of shocking how much you're
Speaker 2: willing to talk about it. Because again, like as a viewer,
Speaker 2: you I felt like I was watching it and somehow
Speaker 2: like getting it, but I didn't get it at all
Speaker 2: as a viewer of reality television, like this discussion is
Speaker 2: so different than and I knew I was watching the
Speaker 2: episode when Camille said what she said, and so it
Speaker 2: was the shock, but like the details of it are
Speaker 2: just so horrible. So so okay, so you get divorced
Speaker 2: or you obviously you file for divorce, and yes, of
Speaker 2: course I know what happened. Next Russell commits suicide, right right,
Speaker 2: So I mean I don't even know.
Speaker 1: So I hadn't filed for divorce, then you hadn't. No, no,
Speaker 1: So let's see. So it was my the last time
Speaker 1: he hit me, it was my birthday and we had
Speaker 1: thrown a huge party and that day we were checking
Speaker 1: we checked into a hotel in Beverly Hills and he
Speaker 1: gave me like all these gifts, and he wrote me
Speaker 1: a card and it was like a front and a
Speaker 1: back of a card, and it was all about how
Speaker 1: he was going to change, and he knew that, you know,
Speaker 1: he hadn't been a good husband to me, and he
Speaker 1: had never done anything like that. And you hear people
Speaker 1: talk about the honeymoon phase after someone's abusive to you
Speaker 1: and then they're super nice to your bringing roses the
Speaker 1: next day. He was not like that with me. There
Speaker 1: was no honeymoon phase. So he would be abusive and
Speaker 1: then or or whatever, but then the next day it
Speaker 1: was no remorse. Now we definitely did not have that
Speaker 1: honeymoon face. So when I saw that happen on my birthday,
Speaker 1: I thought, Okay, maybe things aren't going to change because
Speaker 1: I've never seen this side of him. Maybe he really
Speaker 1: is going to be the good person that I know
Speaker 1: he can be. And it gave me so much hope.
Speaker 1: And so then we went to my birthday party. So
Speaker 1: we checked in the hotel, he gives me the gifts
Speaker 1: in the card, and then we went to my birthday party,
Speaker 1: had a great time, and Lisa vander Pump's daughter had
Speaker 1: just gotten had her bachelorette party on the show, and
Speaker 1: we went to Vegas and we went to the Chip
Speaker 1: and Dale's. You know, it was just silly and we
Speaker 1: got up on stage and you know, they're all oiled
Speaker 1: up and it was, you know, twenty year old girls
Speaker 1: bachelorette party, and we were filming the whole thing, obviously.
Speaker 1: So we go to the birthday party, we have a blast.
Speaker 1: We get back to the room, we're in bed and
Speaker 1: he says, I know you slept with the Chippendales in Vegas,
Speaker 1: and I was like, what are you talking about out
Speaker 1: and it was just like unfathomable. I thought, wait, It's
Speaker 1: only been like a matter of hours since he said
Speaker 1: he's not going to be this person again, and it's
Speaker 1: my birthday and he's already back to being this person.
Speaker 1: And he's just braiding me, and you know, saying how
Speaker 1: what a slut I am and all, you know, all
Speaker 1: those kinds of things. And I mean, first of all,
Speaker 1: this is absolutely ridiculous. I'm gonna go sleep with the
Speaker 1: Chip and Down and you were filming the show. I mean,
Speaker 1: the whole thing was I just like, are you sarious?
Speaker 1: Like we're not really going here, are we? This is ridiculous,
Speaker 1: This is absurd. I mean I was with Lisa, like
Speaker 1: and then I'm just explaining everything when I shouldn't even have.
Speaker 1: I should have just been like, I'm not having this
Speaker 1: conversation with you, but that wouldn't work with him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just I mean, because it was always probably
Speaker 2: I mean this, yes, obviously it would be absurd to
Speaker 2: think of you having you're with the Chippingdales guy, but
Speaker 2: it was always absurd, like you had fourteen dollars of coffee,
Speaker 2: so you you know, it's like, so you get to
Speaker 2: the point where you know it's not going to help
Speaker 2: try to explain it away, right, It's like, doesn't matter
Speaker 2: what you say at this point. He wants to rageolutely.
Speaker 1: And so it just he just escalated and then he
Speaker 1: rose up in bed and he punched me in the face.
Speaker 1: And because my head, I didn't have anywhere from my
Speaker 1: head to go back, you know, because I was laying
Speaker 1: flat down in the bed. So that's when he fractured
Speaker 1: my orbital floor. So then I your orbital floor, so
Speaker 1: if you look at your skull and where the eye
Speaker 1: socket would be, underneath, there is the orbital floor holds
Speaker 1: or the orbit of your eye. So he fractured that,
Speaker 1: which is actually and I believe it was Mayweather who
Speaker 1: had that injury in a boxing match, but it's it's
Speaker 1: a common, you know, injury with with that area. But yeah,
Speaker 1: so he fractured my orbital floor, and then that I
Speaker 1: went to see.
Speaker 2: You call the the guymond one was it?
Speaker 1: And at first I thought, Okay, it's not a big deal.
Speaker 1: And then the next day when I would move my
Speaker 1: eye around, it was like pinching underneath because the fracture
Speaker 1: so like the so my eye was getting kind of
Speaker 1: stuck in it, and so I went I had just
Speaker 1: had lasick and I could was having trouble seeing out
Speaker 1: of that eye a little bit. It was like blurry.
Speaker 1: So I went to see Carrie, as was my doctor
Speaker 1: at the time, who did my lay sick because my
Speaker 1: and they told me my flap was wrinkled and so
Speaker 1: they were going to have to try to do a
Speaker 1: repair on it. And he said, this is interesting. So
Speaker 1: Russell went with me and he said he did. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So he said, the doctor said, how does this happen?
Speaker 1: And Russell had told me, tell him you were pushing
Speaker 1: Kennedy on a swing and she kicked you. And so
Speaker 1: I told the doctor that and the doctor said, really,
Speaker 1: what kind of doctor like he would even say to
Speaker 1: you and that.
Speaker 2: You you like kind of work with him to make
Speaker 2: up the lie. To the doctor, I feel like I'm
Speaker 2: he I feel like I'm Drew Barrymore because every time
Speaker 2: you see her on a talk show, she's like this,
Speaker 2: but it's just the stories.
Speaker 1: Yeah, crazy, so go on, yeah, so no, no. So
Speaker 1: the doctor said, well, what kind of shoes does Kennedy wear?
Speaker 1: And he knew yeah, And I said, well at tennis
Speaker 1: shoes And he's like, oh, okay, were you pushing her
Speaker 1: from the front of the show. Come on. Is it
Speaker 1: just a laced doctor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but he's like, oh, were you pushing her from
Speaker 2: the front of the russe standing there?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And the doctor was like okay, like and just
Speaker 1: kind of like all right, I'm gonna I'm gonna let
Speaker 1: you I'm gonna let you go with this. But this
Speaker 1: is bullsh He goes, well, I'll tell you this. I've
Speaker 1: only had to do a flap repair one other time,
Speaker 1: and it's from a police officer that was arresting someone
Speaker 1: and got punched in the face. Were you scared when
Speaker 1: he said it? Russell was there? Oh? Yeah, But at
Speaker 1: the same time he said it very purposely obviously, yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And how did Rustle react to Oh? Nothing, I mean
Speaker 1: he was good. He could be you know, poker face
Speaker 1: on all of it. So then I went to go
Speaker 1: see the ocular plastic surgeon and this is how this
Speaker 1: is how horrible it is when you're in these situations.
Speaker 1: So after all the injuries that he that I had
Speaker 1: gone through with him, I go to get the radiography
Speaker 1: back on my eye and now I can see the
Speaker 1: orbital floor fracture and they're telling me I'm gonna have
Speaker 1: to have reconstructive surgery. Have a titanium implant in my
Speaker 1: orbit now. And it wasn't until that moment that I
Speaker 1: confirmed for myself that I was being abused. It literally
Speaker 1: looked took me looking at an X ray of a
Speaker 1: fracture in my face to go, I'm being abused and
Speaker 1: not talking myself back out of it. So once that happened,
Speaker 1: I asked him to move out, and he completely changed.
Speaker 1: It was so fascinating. One of my friends of years
Speaker 1: prior said to me, if you just stand up to him,
Speaker 1: he'll start backing down. But you just being the weak
Speaker 1: one all the time. But I was too afraid to
Speaker 1: stand up to him. So once he moved out, he
Speaker 1: started becoming like so willing to do anything to put
Speaker 1: things back together to keep me. So now it's public,
Speaker 1: right because I was filming the show when he fractured
Speaker 1: my robttal floor. But now I have to have reconstructive surgery,
Speaker 1: so I have to let the producers know I'm going
Speaker 1: to be out, you know with this.
Speaker 2: So he when you finally said and you saw it,
Speaker 2: almost see a picture. It just be outside of yourself, right,
Speaker 2: see it? That's what it feels like you're saying, like
Speaker 2: actually see it, like proof there. It is black and
Speaker 2: white in a picture. But so were you still scared,
Speaker 2: Like so now you say move out, it's over. Once
Speaker 2: you realized it for yourself and you said this is
Speaker 2: I'm done with this, were you still afraid of him? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I was afraid because you know, when well with control,
Speaker 1: with abusers, which it's all about control, right, So when
Speaker 1: you finally decide to leave, it is the most dangerous
Speaker 1: time abuse her because now they've lost all control and
Speaker 1: they've lost everything that was giving them their power. So
Speaker 1: when he moved out, I slept with one eye open,
Speaker 1: you know, and always made sure the alarms were on.
Speaker 1: And Julie was there with me and my assistant and
Speaker 1: I had to live in nanny so she was there.
Speaker 1: So I felt like we had enough people there flanking
Speaker 1: the situation if he were to just to go into
Speaker 1: a rage at the locks changed and took the precautions.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it was very scary because now he's lost
Speaker 1: the control. He's terrified of what's going to happen. He
Speaker 1: didn't want me to press charges and what are you
Speaker 1: going to Probably not, but I was friends with some
Speaker 1: people in the police and they had said, if you
Speaker 1: don't press charges. They're going to press charges anyway, because
Speaker 1: this is too much of a public case. I mean,
Speaker 1: they can't have this happening on television. There was nothing
Speaker 1: done about it. So that was a big fear, is
Speaker 1: not knowing how he was going to ultimately react and
Speaker 1: if it was going to be He's going to come
Speaker 1: in with a gun kill me, you know, or you know,
Speaker 1: just just with that fear of communicating with him at
Speaker 1: this point or was it did you a little bit
Speaker 1: because he would call me, so we would have conversations
Speaker 1: about like how to how he's going to support me
Speaker 1: and things like that, and he was very willing to
Speaker 1: meet with me or talk to me on the phone,
Speaker 1: and you know, trying to lacate me, keep me under control.
Speaker 1: And here I think, maybe for the first time, feeling
Speaker 1: a little bad that I was going to have to
Speaker 1: have reconstructive surgery, like actually going wow, I really heard
Speaker 1: her this time, as opposed to before when it was
Speaker 1: that I deserved it or I caused it. So I
Speaker 1: think all the pieces were coming together for him, and
Speaker 1: he was getting more panicked than anything. And fast forward,
Speaker 1: we had had a meeting, well, I got my I
Speaker 1: had my reconstructive surgery, and then we had had a
Speaker 1: meeting scheduled at his office to talk about Kennedy, and
Speaker 1: I mean, I would picture you just scared to see
Speaker 1: his face at this point. Yeah, so that's why we
Speaker 1: were meeting in his office and there so we had
Speaker 1: this meeting and he would not miss a phone call
Speaker 1: or anything with me, because, as I said, he was panicking.
Speaker 1: And so I went to his office and his lights
Speaker 1: were off and he was a workaholic, like he worked
Speaker 1: non stop, and that was very unusual for him. And
Speaker 1: then not to show up for my meeting, calling calling, calling, phone,
Speaker 1: going to voicemail, and so then I thought, okay, maybe
Speaker 1: forgot whatever, so kind of went on with my day
Speaker 1: and then something about it just wasn't didn't feel right
Speaker 1: to me. And I knew some other people in the office,
Speaker 1: so I kind of went down before I left the
Speaker 1: office and was talking to them, just kind of biden
Speaker 1: some time, thinking maybe he had a lunch meeting. So
Speaker 1: then I he never came back, and I it just
Speaker 1: something about it that just was didn't feel right to
Speaker 1: me at all, especially because the way he had been reacting,
Speaker 1: you know, always making sure he was on task with me.
Speaker 1: So I started making a couple of phone calls for
Speaker 1: people that were close to him that he worked with,
Speaker 1: and no one had talked to him all weekend, and
Speaker 1: so I just had this weird feeling, and I decided
Speaker 1: to go over to the house where he was staying.
Speaker 1: And I was in the car with my assistant, my daughter,
Speaker 1: and I called one of my closest friend's husbands is
Speaker 1: a world championship kickboxer, So I called him and asked
Speaker 1: him to meet me at the house, and he did,
Speaker 1: and then we were ringing the gate. No one came.
Speaker 1: Finally someone else let us in the gate, and we
Speaker 1: went up to the house, up to the bathroom. We're
Speaker 1: knocking on the door, no answer, no answer. Kennedy Kenny
Speaker 1: was in the car with my assistant, and so then
Speaker 1: we went around to he had a large, big bathtub
Speaker 1: and the bathroom windows and we were kind of looking
Speaker 1: in to see if we could see anything. And so
Speaker 1: then finally the my friend put his hands. It's those
Speaker 1: roll out windows, so he put his hands underneath them
Speaker 1: to pull it out, pride the window open. And then
Speaker 1: that's when we saw Russell hanging. No, you're like comforting me.
Speaker 1: It's it's so horrible. Yeah, and and know that I've
Speaker 1: I've shared my stories so many times over the last
Speaker 1: I mean, this was twenty eleven, and so when I
Speaker 1: tell it now, it's almost as though I'm up here
Speaker 1: and I'm telling someone else's story because I.
Speaker 2: Feel like, I know, I feel like I'm sure people
Speaker 2: are having this reaction to you know, I've watched you
Speaker 2: on TV. You never know, like you know, even in
Speaker 2: like reality TV, like what's really going on with people?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yerible horrible and you know, but I do when
Speaker 1: I do tell it, it's so important because my life,
Speaker 1: you know, my life was spared and my daughter's life
Speaker 1: was spared, and murder suicide is not uncommon when there
Speaker 1: is domestic violence involved. And so because I was left here,
Speaker 1: I feel like I was left here to tell my
Speaker 1: story and to make sure that I help other people
Speaker 1: not end up in the same situation as I did.
Speaker 2: I mean, I can only imagine you must be saving
Speaker 2: people's lives every day. I mean, just because you're so
Speaker 2: honest about it. I have never heard it described in
Speaker 2: this kind of detail. I don't think maybe I don't
Speaker 2: know movies or obviously.
Speaker 1: But yeah, yeah, you know, and the other sad reality
Speaker 1: of it is I ran into the street and hysterics
Speaker 1: and I was on the ground, and you know, shock
Speaker 1: are just everything that you can imagine emotionally. And I
Speaker 1: was screaming, hysterically crying, and my friend, the kickboxer, was
Speaker 1: on the phone with nine one one, and then all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, I said, oh my god, Kennedy and
Speaker 1: he lived on a cul de sac, so we're dead
Speaker 1: end street, and so I thought, I have to get
Speaker 1: her out of here before all these emergency vehicles start coming.
Speaker 1: She'll never get down the hill, you know. So I
Speaker 1: kind of switched gears in a mom mode for just
Speaker 1: enough time to get her out of there. And she
Speaker 1: said to my assistant, she said, did my daddy do
Speaker 1: something stupid? She was five at the time. We got
Speaker 1: her out of there, and you know, it's so heart
Speaker 1: wrenching to me that nine to one one tapes are public.
Speaker 1: I'm not really sure what the point of that is,
Speaker 1: but the go public. Do people listen to it?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't remember that. Oh yeah, that's stup.
Speaker 1: You can hear me screaming like and then you can
Speaker 1: hear me referring to Kennedy, and you can hear me
Speaker 1: saying I need my psychiatrist, doctor Sophie. But like, I
Speaker 1: don't understand that all nine one tapes, and if I'm wrong,
Speaker 1: somebody will correct me. But I believe they're all public
Speaker 1: and I just I don't find any reasoning in that whatsoever.
Speaker 1: So then it was all just a blur. My mom
Speaker 1: drove up my friends this pretty how much did your
Speaker 1: mom know? Well, she was there when I had the surgery,
Speaker 1: so yeah, she knew and tell you a very sad
Speaker 1: thing about the day of the surgery. And this really
Speaker 1: goes to the cycle of abuse and how much control
Speaker 1: and abuser has over you. So my mom and my
Speaker 1: best friend were sitting in the recovery with me. I
Speaker 1: was kind of coming out of morphine, and Russell walked
Speaker 1: in the door of my hospital room with flowers and jen.
Speaker 1: I can tell you it is one of the hardest
Speaker 1: things for me to share with people, is that in
Speaker 1: that moment I wanted him to crawl in bed with
Speaker 1: me and stay with me. So that's how that cycle
Speaker 1: is so powerful. I mean, even looking at the person
Speaker 1: that put me there and wanting him to get in
Speaker 1: bed and comfort me. And I looked over at my mom,
Speaker 1: my best friend, and I thought, I can't do this
Speaker 1: to them any longer. I mean, I'm I don't know
Speaker 1: what I'm thinking. Maybe it's the morphine, but the fact
Speaker 1: that I had that thought, I just thought, I'm never
Speaker 1: going to get out of this if I don't get
Speaker 1: out of it for somebody else. And they wheeled me
Speaker 1: down to see Kennedy. She was too young to come up,
Speaker 1: and she's sitting on my lap in the wheelchair, and
Speaker 1: I just thought this has to end. I mean, I
Speaker 1: can't do this to everybody else, even though I'm willing
Speaker 1: to potentially get back with this maniac.
Speaker 2: But you're thinking of your mom, Like your mom seeing
Speaker 2: him come in with flowers, your mother must have been
Speaker 2: I mean, I know your mom.
Speaker 1: Mom.
Speaker 2: I can't even imagine, like how she felt at that moment,
Speaker 2: you know, Like.
Speaker 1: And he apologized to my mom and my best friend.
Speaker 1: I think they didn't even respond. I think it was
Speaker 1: just they were in shock and I was. Actually it
Speaker 1: was a blend of two feelings. When he walked in
Speaker 1: the door, I was scared, you know, you like, or
Speaker 1: what's going to happen. I don't know if he has
Speaker 1: a gun behind the flowers, or what could potentially go wrong,
Speaker 1: but then that feeling of wanting him to get into
Speaker 1: bed with me. When I reflect on that, I could think, yeah,
Speaker 1: and to think that that's the person in that moment
Speaker 1: I thought would comfort me. It really is like the
Speaker 1: sixth sense of what the psyclo of abuse is, like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's funny, I like and be like, no, I
Speaker 2: know full story that he killed himself, hate his spaking guts.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. You and I as moms, I
Speaker 1: don't if I were in that position. I mean, my
Speaker 1: mom I think was just so in shock when he
Speaker 1: walked in and in shock about everything that had happened,
Speaker 1: that she didn't respond and probably was would have been
Speaker 1: fearful to respond to him, not knowing what his his
Speaker 1: mom going to be. But as us being moms, you know,
Speaker 1: I have no idea because I feel like my rage
Speaker 1: would have been so great. I don't I don't know
Speaker 1: how I would have reacted. But yeah, thank thankfully we're
Speaker 1: not ever going to be in that situation.
Speaker 2: That's the that make my daughter listen to this one.
Speaker 2: I think all daughters should.
Speaker 1: I hope. Uh.
Speaker 2: Okay, So after Russell committed suicide, I'm trying to remember
Speaker 2: how you're still filming the show at that point or
Speaker 2: it was wrapped. Okay, So I had had the orbit
Speaker 2: before reconstruction, and that was a big part of the finale.
Speaker 1: So we were all at the finale. Doctor Sophie went
Speaker 1: with me. And then now I've had the surgery and
Speaker 1: so there's not really anyone that can say they don't
Speaker 1: believe me at this point. You know, people saying they
Speaker 1: didn't believe you. Yeah, there was a time when it
Speaker 1: was kind of like Camille and Adrian were saying they
Speaker 1: were having doubts. I will say, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: say they didn't believe me, but they were a long
Speaker 1: time ago.
Speaker 2: Try kind of as you're saying it, it's kind of
Speaker 2: coming back to me.
Speaker 1: Yep. And Lisa and Kyle were definitely on my side
Speaker 1: and then but like Camille and Adrian, they were just
Speaker 1: asking a lot of questions. I don't know when I
Speaker 1: look back though, if it was out of fear for
Speaker 1: them that they didn't want to admit that they knew
Speaker 1: because now they see how crazy he's how culpable in it,
Speaker 1: or no, maybe like fearful, like we don't he can
Speaker 1: come for them, Yes, like we're not going to say
Speaker 1: he did this because we don't want to a be involved,
Speaker 1: talked to you, even asked.
Speaker 2: Them over about it. Well, Camille came out years later.
Speaker 2: Unfortunately he talked to them anymore.
Speaker 1: You know. Well, I'm on great terms with all of them,
Speaker 1: so I don't you know, it's so far Orange County
Speaker 1: to Beverly Hills. People think it's like I just took
Speaker 1: to exactly, So it's not. We don't see each other
Speaker 1: like we would if I lived here. Are you forgiven
Speaker 1: that the questioned you or that they Yeah, for sure,
Speaker 1: And I do think part of it was out of
Speaker 1: fear that they didn't want him coming after them, and
Speaker 1: I think that was I think they were. Everybody was
Speaker 1: kind of in shocked to begin with, and that this
Speaker 1: was all getting ready to come out on the show,
Speaker 1: and fearful of what the result was going to be.
Speaker 1: And it was just a myriad of emotions. But that finale,
Speaker 1: I've had the surgery, now he's living out. Then I
Speaker 1: find him hanging, and then there was a reunion. So
Speaker 1: then that I blocked this. I can't imagine that I
Speaker 1: forgot this. That please. Yeah. So then I was trying
Speaker 1: to think of the chain of events. It was a
Speaker 1: little bit of a blurback then. So I had the
Speaker 1: surgery in July, I find him hanging in August, and
Speaker 1: October would have been our sixth wedding anniversary. So then
Speaker 1: the show air, oh I know. So then they were
Speaker 1: trying to decide whether the air the show or not.
Speaker 1: And you see in the first episode before the show airs,
Speaker 1: all the girls get getting together at Adrian Muluf's house
Speaker 1: and they're on camera, but they're discussing whether the show
Speaker 1: should air or not. And Camille was a hard no
Speaker 1: on wanting the show to air. Why because she's the
Speaker 1: one that outed everything and probably thought she might be villainized.
Speaker 1: I'm putting words in her mouth, but you know that
Speaker 1: people would say, I can't believe you would out someone's abuse.
Speaker 1: Was she villainized? I don't remember that either. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I was kind of in a fog at that point.
Speaker 1: But later, unfortunately, Camille had an abusive situation of her
Speaker 1: own and she went through it. I think she told
Speaker 1: me for like an hour or something, and she came
Speaker 1: back to me and just said the terror that she
Speaker 1: felt in that one hour, that she just felt so
Speaker 1: absolutely horrible to think about all that I had gone through,
Speaker 1: and she was just extremely apologetic and hate that she
Speaker 1: had to experience it to really recognize the terror that
Speaker 1: exists during those moments. But she was extremely supportive and
Speaker 1: sad and definitely forgiveness happened. But other than that, everyone
Speaker 1: was just very supportive. I mean, you know, coming to
Speaker 1: the funeral and being supportive of of me and checking
Speaker 1: in on me. I didn't leave my house for quite
Speaker 1: some time, and Kyle and Lisa came over and they're
Speaker 1: so funny, and we did fun silly things with Kennedy
Speaker 1: and just tried to put the pieces together which were
Speaker 1: falling apart all over the place. I had armed security
Speaker 1: with me all the time and in my house even
Speaker 1: and back then the paparazzi were really relentless. You know,
Speaker 1: it's changed a little with all the iPhones and everybody
Speaker 1: posting their own stuff, but they were all over my streets.
Speaker 1: I mean they were. I couldn't leave the house there
Speaker 1: were It was insanity. It was truly. My house was
Speaker 1: like ground zero for all these paparazzi and everything, and
Speaker 1: so it was just like people had to come see
Speaker 1: me because I couldn't leave and go anywhere. The first
Speaker 1: time I left, I had to go to Fores Lawn
Speaker 1: to plan the funeral, and so my bodyguard at the time,
Speaker 1: they put me under a blanket. My god, I know,
Speaker 1: in the back of the escalade and in the garage,
Speaker 1: and then my assistant was in the front and we
Speaker 1: pulled out and then here they come, and so there's
Speaker 1: a huge and you know, they all have priuses back then,
Speaker 1: so they can always keep up with you longer. And
Speaker 1: then I'm going an escalade the because gas guzzler, but
Speaker 1: so you know, we were weaving in and out of traffic,
Speaker 1: and it was just it was insanity, Like I never
Speaker 1: thought I'm gonna be able to escape these people. I
Speaker 1: can't even leave my house. And so that was just
Speaker 1: adding on top of the shock and the recovery and
Speaker 1: the suicide and then now I'm dealing with all of
Speaker 1: this and trying to figure out how to put the
Speaker 1: pieces of my life back together. And it was just awful.
Speaker 1: And I was getting interview requests from everyone you can imagine,
Speaker 1: up to Barbara Walters and and thinking like I am
Speaker 1: not ready for this. Onslaught of answering all of these questions.
Speaker 1: It was all so fresh and I was in shock,
Speaker 1: and there were so many other problems that were going
Speaker 1: on from a logistical perspective with finances and because I
Speaker 1: had no access to money, and just trying to figure
Speaker 1: out how I was going to put the pieces back together.
Speaker 1: And my daughter was at a very expensive private school,
Speaker 1: as you know, and so it was like on top
Speaker 1: of the shock, the recovery, the paparazzi and the press,
Speaker 1: and then you know, my financial situation and trying to
Speaker 1: figure out how to put my life back together and
Speaker 1: not let my five year old daughter see that I
Speaker 1: was a complete and total wreck, and it was just
Speaker 1: it really feels like back then, it was like I
Speaker 1: felt like I was just sitting in my backyard and
Speaker 1: drink chardenay and listen to the eagles and just stare
Speaker 1: and think, I have no idea what I'm going to
Speaker 1: do because there were too many, too many things going
Speaker 1: wrong and nothing was going right. What about his parents?
Speaker 1: Where were they? His parents, of course had mental health
Speaker 1: issues and they were divorced. But they were they ever
Speaker 1: there for for you or for no I mean, very
Speaker 1: sweet people, but definitely not capable of assisting in any way.
Speaker 1: My mom was there when I woke up the day
Speaker 1: after the suicide. My house was filled with like my
Speaker 1: best very best friends. They were one of my best
Speaker 1: friends was in bed with me, my other best friends
Speaker 1: standing over me. My other best friend was she works
Speaker 1: for KTLA. She's outside trying to manage the press like
Speaker 1: they were in full blown like recovery mode for me immediately.
Speaker 1: And then people coming to visit me at the house
Speaker 1: and flowers from every place you can possibly imagine, and
Speaker 1: so I had a lot of support, thankfully. Is there then,
Speaker 1: like everything else I guess people talk about. No.
Speaker 2: Then that slowly starts to fade in terms of like, Okay,
Speaker 2: now it's not so new anymore, and you're still dealing
Speaker 2: with the aftermath. Right now, all of a sudden, it's
Speaker 2: not everybody standing over you and flowers pouring in. Right
Speaker 2: then you have to deal with the reality of your
Speaker 2: situation in this little girl who now has lost her
Speaker 2: father and she was how old at the time, five
Speaker 2: she understood?
Speaker 1: Wasn't you know? Does she remember this? I don't know
Speaker 1: how much detail she remembers. I'm sure because it was
Speaker 1: so so much trauma and unfortunately, the stories everywhere, so
Speaker 1: you know, she knew at a very early age. All
Speaker 1: that had happened. When it first happened, I had told
Speaker 1: her that your daddy died because he was sick in
Speaker 1: the head, and I just want to I didn't. She
Speaker 1: did not know it was a suicide. But then fast forward,
Speaker 1: when I finally did start taking her out of the house,
Speaker 1: the paparazzi be chasing us and going, how does Kennedy
Speaker 1: feel about the suicide? And I'm like, you guys, come
Speaker 1: on now, I mean, you know you need to do
Speaker 1: this to a five year old. I mean, so, it
Speaker 1: just it was so bad back then and it's not
Speaker 1: like that anymore. So that's a good thing. But I
Speaker 1: had no privacy and no ability to really heal, just
Speaker 1: because I was dealing with so many problems I was
Speaker 1: left with, and then just the stress of everything that
Speaker 1: was going to come out on the show.
Speaker 2: I mean like, I feel like, if you could go
Speaker 2: get through that, you could get through anything. That sounds
Speaker 2: like the worst possible. I cannot imagine how you were
Speaker 2: living through that.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I always say that people will say you're
Speaker 1: so strong, you're so strong, But the truth of the
Speaker 1: matter is that when you go through something a tragedy,
Speaker 1: you know, you find strength inside you that you didn't
Speaker 1: know you have, and then you can take that and
Speaker 1: kind of put it in your back pocket and so
Speaker 1: the next time you're faced with challenges in life which
Speaker 1: you're going to be right and the universe doesn't go
Speaker 1: Taylor's been through enough. We're not giving her any more problems.
Speaker 1: But I'm able to go. I got this. I mean,
Speaker 1: whatever's coming ahead of me is I've got that strength
Speaker 1: that I didn't know I have. It's part of my arsenal.
Speaker 1: You know, my warrior shield is very banged up. And
Speaker 1: if you want to go into battle, going with me
Speaker 1: because I got you on this one, I love you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's good though, and it also is it's important because
Speaker 1: there is life after and so knowing what I've been
Speaker 1: through and when people are struggling and they want to
Speaker 1: share their story with me, I think you had the
Speaker 1: most amazing woman. I think you're the most amazing woman.
Speaker 2: I mean I again, like as a viewer, it's such
Speaker 2: a different experience, like to actually talk to you, and
Speaker 2: I've known you for a while with your friendly but
Speaker 2: I think you are incredible, especially now letting me share it.
Speaker 2: Oh please, Well, I mean it's this is I do
Speaker 2: part two? So we're actually supposed to talk about part
Speaker 2: two in your New Life. We just spent so much
Speaker 2: time on part one. Yeah, I do want to know
Speaker 2: because I have met your husband and I know he
Speaker 2: to Kennedy, and I do want to know about you know,
Speaker 2: this happy ending or I don't know what to call it,
Speaker 2: but but this next chapter. And you know, how you
Speaker 2: manage like even trusting somebody else, another man, you know,
Speaker 2: and how like how is that? How was you must
Speaker 2: have been? How it means you do date after this?
Speaker 2: Like how did you even meet anyone? Yeah?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: Or I'm sure you were afraid to leave the house
Speaker 2: for a long time, Yeah, for sure. And and the
Speaker 2: and the realization that I'm never going to meet anyone authentically,
Speaker 2: that nobody's ever going to get to know me for me.
Speaker 2: They're gonna know what they saw on TV, what they
Speaker 2: seen in the tabloids, they.
Speaker 1: Heard about from those people exactly, and that I'm a
Speaker 1: quote unquote victim. And you know, so there's that whole
Speaker 1: side to it. And then also to your point, I thought,
Speaker 1: I will never trust another man as long as I live.
Speaker 1: So after the suicide, all this financial stuff came to
Speaker 1: bear where he had emptied out all the bank accounts.
Speaker 1: I didn't have access to the bank bank accounts because
Speaker 1: you know, as I told you earlier, he had financial
Speaker 1: control over me. So all these lies and things kept
Speaker 1: coming up that I was all the money. Well that's
Speaker 1: a good question. So this kind of came out a
Speaker 1: little bit later for me. But so I had to
Speaker 1: hire a law firm to look for the money to
Speaker 1: get into the bank accounts. And when we had an
Speaker 1: offshore asset protection trust in the Cook Islands, and as
Speaker 1: far as I know, he told me and it was,
Speaker 1: you know, going to be a large sum. And so
Speaker 1: I had a hire a law firm to help me
Speaker 1: try to get into these bank accounts and to get
Speaker 1: to the assets. And so I wt those guys going.
Speaker 1: And then Russell was being sued by a public company
Speaker 1: when he died for one point five million dollars, So
Speaker 1: that lawsuit came to me, and so now I'm fighting
Speaker 1: that with a corporate law firm. And this is getting
Speaker 1: to chapter two. So a friend of mine said, I
Speaker 1: went over they hid me again and took me to
Speaker 1: his house and he said, I'll never forget. He was
Speaker 1: making me dinner and he was stirring, and he said, listen,
Speaker 1: you can wallow in this ship for the rest of
Speaker 1: your life. You can ruin your life and Kennedy's, or
Speaker 1: you can put on your big girl pants and do
Speaker 1: something about it because nobody's coming to save you. And
Speaker 1: all I had heard prior, which I so appreciate too,
Speaker 1: is it's gonna be okay, Like we love you, you know,
Speaker 1: all those kinds of reassurances, but to have somebody for you, right,
Speaker 1: but just have somebody say to me, no one's coming
Speaker 1: to save you, so you better figure out what the
Speaker 1: hell you're gonna do next. I mean, he was just
Speaker 1: very blunt about it. And as much as that seems
Speaker 1: like tough love, I walked away thinking, Okay, this is
Speaker 1: actually on me. So he said, I'm gonna make one
Speaker 1: phone call for you, and he called, No, come on,
Speaker 1: get the hell out of here. Come on. He called
Speaker 1: my husband John. Wait, why did he call him? What
Speaker 1: was John? I'll tell you, Scott to be kidding me.
Speaker 1: I know. So John an attorney and he also was
Speaker 1: with on Wall Street for twenty years, so he's done
Speaker 1: a lot of corporate litigation sec work, like so the
Speaker 1: public company situation all in his wheelhouse. He has was
Speaker 1: GC for major companies. He was at Lehman. So he
Speaker 1: George said, you got to help this girl. You've met
Speaker 1: her socially at my house a couple of times, but like,
Speaker 1: she needs help and she's never going to get out
Speaker 1: of this alone. So here comes John and we thought
Speaker 1: probably almost for two years I'm gonna say, like literally,
Speaker 1: because every time he would call me it was bad news.
Speaker 1: But so he started managing the two law firms. He
Speaker 1: was like, listen, you can't charge this scirl this this
Speaker 1: public company is going to bury her. There's no way
Speaker 1: she can fight at this level, you know, financially. And
Speaker 1: then they're looking for the assets on the other side
Speaker 1: with this other law firm. So now he's got the
Speaker 1: two law firms under control to the point where he's.
Speaker 2: Like he had worked with was he expecting at this point?
Speaker 2: I mean, you're like, well, I pay this guy too. No,
Speaker 2: I'm I going to pay this guy. You knew from
Speaker 2: the get go that he wasn't going to charge you. Yes,
Speaker 2: he was doing it as a favor to my friend George.
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah. And George is the kind of person that
Speaker 1: when you ask for a favor, you say yes, yes,
Speaker 1: got introduced me to George. He would like him. So
Speaker 1: so we start that path. But every time he would
Speaker 1: call me, it was bad news. He would call me
Speaker 1: and say, they got into another bank account and it's empty,
Speaker 1: or we got into you know, it took a very
Speaker 1: long time to get into the trust because those are
Speaker 1: well protected. Empty everything was gone, and I a joke
Speaker 1: and say, I felt like at that point, I like
Speaker 1: I couldn't put the puzzle pieces together because I knew
Speaker 1: that we were spending a lot of money every month,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, where was the money coming from and
Speaker 1: where did the money go? Like, so I've got that
Speaker 1: on top of the grief and every and trying to
Speaker 1: put the pieces back together. So I'm like trying to
Speaker 1: figure out how am I pay for my house, my
Speaker 1: daughter's school, like everything that's going on, and they kept
Speaker 1: he every time he would call me his bad news,
Speaker 1: and so I'd be like, what, you know what he
Speaker 1: would call and he'd be like, you know, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to make any decisions today, and you're
Speaker 1: the only one that can make the decisions. So he
Speaker 1: was very matter of fact with me. But I remember
Speaker 1: at one point he told me that he went to
Speaker 1: my friend George and said, I can't work with this girl,
Speaker 1: like she's crazy, and George's like, she's going through a lot,
Speaker 1: so you're just gonna have to stick it out, like
Speaker 1: we got to make this work for her.
Speaker 2: So there was neverways there like at least like a
Speaker 2: friendship would start, Like from the beginning, did you feel like,
Speaker 2: even though you always used to fight with him, did
Speaker 2: you feel like he was like all.
Speaker 1: I he became a friend and obviously yes, and you know,
Speaker 1: he stood on my side through all of that when
Speaker 1: I think most people would have said, I can't deal
Speaker 1: with this girl. And that's where the trust was developed
Speaker 1: in thinking that I would never trust a man again,
Speaker 1: that now I have this person who's stood on my
Speaker 1: side with no compensation and is managing these law firms
Speaker 1: to help protect me. Yeah, most people would have been
Speaker 1: like doing it for free. She's yelling at me every
Speaker 1: time I call.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's not my fault, like yeah, yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: And so and he'd never even heard of housewives, so
Speaker 1: he was like, oh, these these women really are crazy,
Speaker 1: you know. So that compounding and then the tabloids and
Speaker 1: so as things progressed with us it was actually speaking
Speaker 1: of the tabloids. We were in a restaurant in New
Speaker 1: York with other people. I think it was at my
Speaker 1: book maybe my book signing or when I was signing
Speaker 1: my book contract, and we were leaving and he threw
Speaker 1: the paparazzi were outside and he threw a jacket over
Speaker 1: me and had his arm holding it over me. Well,
Speaker 1: of course they took a picture and cropped out all
Speaker 1: the other people and it looks like he and I
Speaker 1: are leaving a restaurant together with his arm around me, right,
Speaker 1: And there was no relationship whatsoever back then. So you know,
Speaker 1: fast forward, people were like, oh they were dating. We
Speaker 1: were not dating back then, and we were still like
Speaker 1: very much in the logistics mode. Uh yeah, so that
Speaker 1: is how that unfolded. But yeah, the trust just developed
Speaker 1: over time, and then the appreciation for everything he was
Speaker 1: doing for me and he's a good person, but they
Speaker 1: love definitely didn't come for a while, a long while.
Speaker 1: I think he was straight. Well, I know he was
Speaker 1: starting to have feelings for me, because we've talked about it.
Speaker 2: Did you have did you miss at that point? Did
Speaker 2: you feel it in yourself at that point or no?
Speaker 1: Nothing? I was like, you gotta be kidding me, you know,
Speaker 1: it was there was nothing there whatsoever. And then we
Speaker 1: were having we were having dinner and dinner meeting and
Speaker 1: with a sunglass manufacturer actually, and she was sitting acrossmus
Speaker 1: We were hobviers in Orange County, and all of a
Speaker 1: sudden we looked at one another. We were sitting on
Speaker 1: the same side of the booth and she was across
Speaker 1: most and we looked at one another, and I was like,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, and I just I remember like looking away,
Speaker 1: thinking what was that, And it like, all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: he just looked like a completely different person to me,
Speaker 1: and I felt some weird emotion come over me, and
Speaker 1: I thought, wait, what is going on with me? Maybe
Speaker 1: it's the margarita but and the sun glass manufacturer. She goes,
Speaker 1: should leave you two alone, and I was like no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was like, wasn't that obvious. It
Speaker 1: was so bizarre that it just happened like that.
Speaker 2: It's so funny because I say to Rachel, my daughter
Speaker 2: all the time, like, you know, she's she's like, I
Speaker 2: like the bad boy. I'm like really because I thought
Speaker 2: that I did, And then I met your father and
Speaker 2: he I had no interest. He was just like the
Speaker 2: nicest guy. But I was like, no, there's no spark.
Speaker 2: There was no spark there. And one day I remember like,
Speaker 2: I don't know, he kissed me and I was like,
Speaker 2: first I didn't want him to, but he did. I mean,
Speaker 2: it wasn't like whatever we can And I remember thinking like,
Speaker 2: wait a.
Speaker 1: Second, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm like, I feel like.
Speaker 2: With women like you as a woman, you having somebody
Speaker 2: that you are that is so reliable, that becomes sexy,
Speaker 2: good to you, kind, you know, different from you're describing
Speaker 2: me like the night and shining armor. Who's going to
Speaker 2: come in and you don't be daddy and you don't
Speaker 2: have to work anymore and I'm gonna all of the
Speaker 2: love bombing, right. It's like I would like for my
Speaker 2: own daughter, like find the spark with a guy because
Speaker 2: he is so kind and good and reliable and gentle
Speaker 2: and all of those things. Because that's what happened with Jeff.
Speaker 2: I really was like thinking, it's we don't have that.
Speaker 2: I don't want to hang from the chandeliers and which
Speaker 2: not just saying that. I'm not saying that I never
Speaker 2: did but what sparked it was like, wait a second,
Speaker 2: this guy is so wonderful to me, and like that
Speaker 2: is still to this day, you know, it's like, guess
Speaker 2: I just love him. We've been through it, but absolutely
Speaker 2: this is not about me making me think for the
Speaker 2: first time, I know, was that the change right then?
Speaker 2: I just thought because I was also seeing another guy.
Speaker 2: But I remember thinking, wait a second, like I love
Speaker 2: Jeff Fessler, like he's the best, and like he was
Speaker 2: a friend, you know, for more than anything. I was
Speaker 2: sending him away. I was like, I don't feel it,
Speaker 2: like let's just be friends and we need to be rocks.
Speaker 2: He want to just be whatever, And then he kept
Speaker 2: coming around. I was like, five, we'll be friends again,
Speaker 2: and this wouldn't stop. Wouln't leave me alone. But he
Speaker 2: wasn't like a I mean, he was always just gentle
Speaker 2: and kind and an accountant. He had used to be accountant,
Speaker 2: so we would like do my taxes, I don't know,
Speaker 2: and I was like.
Speaker 1: He's such a great guy.
Speaker 2: I wish that I could feel that, and one day
Speaker 2: I did, and I still think, like to this day,
Speaker 2: I wish I hope for my daughter that yes, it's
Speaker 2: great to have a spark and all of the sex
Speaker 2: and the excitement and all of it, and you have
Speaker 2: to just like more important than that is, you know,
Speaker 2: like for me, like a spark now is I get
Speaker 2: sparked from peace, from like peace in my life, and
Speaker 2: as I get older, even more appreciative of that, you.
Speaker 1: Know, absolutely. I mean that's sacks are super fun, but
Speaker 1: I mean we all know they fade. Eventually, they fade,
Speaker 1: And I don't know, I hope she makes I want
Speaker 1: her to make wise decisions, you know.
Speaker 2: Twenty three. I'm going to make her again watch and listen.
Speaker 1: Listen.
Speaker 2: I hope that all of my friends make listen and
Speaker 2: make their daughters listen, because I you know you do.
Speaker 2: It's not like you're the first to tell the story
Speaker 2: of abuse, but you're so open about it. How does
Speaker 2: Kennedy feel about the fact that you're sharing all of
Speaker 2: it now?
Speaker 1: I don't think that Kennedy is affected by it, probably
Speaker 1: because there's so much out there about it that it's
Speaker 1: she's probably I'm not I don't want to put words
Speaker 1: in her mouth, but it's been told so many times
Speaker 1: that maybe for her too, she doesn't feel like she's
Speaker 1: really was in it, that she feels like she was
Speaker 1: up here, you know, looking down on it. But and
Speaker 1: she has a great boyfriend who's very sweet, and you know,
Speaker 1: she's also very strong and very independent, and I think
Speaker 1: part of that is knowing what I went through and
Speaker 1: knowing that she would never allow that in her life.
Speaker 1: So the cycle truly does stop with her. Wow, my mother,
Speaker 1: she does. She grappled with the fact that was her father.
Speaker 2: Ever, I mean, I'm hoping, don't you tell me anything
Speaker 2: about Kennedy, But like, I'm sure it was a lot
Speaker 2: for her.
Speaker 1: You know, we were talking about earlier about when she
Speaker 1: would stand in between selling me when she was a
Speaker 1: toddler and me not recognizing that she kind of knew
Speaker 1: what was going on. And I was taking her to
Speaker 1: school one day after the suicide and she was in
Speaker 1: her car seat by me and my psychiatrist, doctor Sophie
Speaker 1: had told me bring him up on occasion and try
Speaker 1: to put memories in her mind so she doesn't think
Speaker 1: people just disappear, you know. Then we just don't talk
Speaker 1: about it anymore, you know. So I said, we were
Speaker 1: a stop by, and I said, do you miss Daddy?
Speaker 1: And she goes no, And she goes no, inn oh,
Speaker 1: and I said, well, sometimes I miss Daddy. And I said,
Speaker 1: remember that time we were at in Hawaii and I
Speaker 1: tried to give her a reference about Sam Castles and
Speaker 1: she goes, Mommy, why would you miss the boy that
Speaker 1: screamed at you all the time at five? And I
Speaker 1: was so happy that she was behind me in her
Speaker 1: car seat because tears are running down my face thinking,
Speaker 1: oh my god, she knew way more than I thought.
Speaker 1: I thought I had protected no way.
Speaker 2: I've been there for years and years of My therapist
Speaker 2: always says, they always know, Like these kids, they just do.
Speaker 2: Like you think you're hiding stuff from your kids, your
Speaker 2: kids know what's.
Speaker 1: Going on absolutely, And that was one of the hardest
Speaker 1: things for me to wrap my head around, is, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I stayed too long and now I was
Speaker 1: a child. My earliest childhood memory is my father beating
Speaker 1: my mother. So I'm like a psychology one oh one
Speaker 1: textbook that I would then follow that exact path, you know,
Speaker 1: which is unfortunately predictable that an abuser, someone who's in
Speaker 1: an abusive household is more likely statistically to become an
Speaker 1: abuser or a victim people. You know, yeah, exactly. So
Speaker 1: having had that.
Speaker 2: That's the whole other I that did got a father
Speaker 2: that beat up your mom, yep.
Speaker 1: And my mom was so brave. She was young and
Speaker 1: she I remember it's so vividly. I remember what my
Speaker 1: pajamas looked like. And I had on blue zip up
Speaker 1: those plastic footy pajamas with a Teddy Bear right here.
Speaker 1: I remember it perfectly. And in talking and so my
Speaker 1: father was beating mother, and she grabbed me and we
Speaker 1: ran out the door. And she never looked back. And
Speaker 1: she was young, really, she was young, and I mean
Speaker 1: so so brave to not go back, because I wow,
Speaker 1: statistics say most people go back seven times before finally leaving,
Speaker 1: but she didn't. And I just my mom. I always
Speaker 1: have mad respect for her for being able to do that.
Speaker 1: And she was very she was very young.
Speaker 2: You think maybe if you had shared it with her,
Speaker 2: like when you were going through it, because I know
Speaker 2: you said you just you just don't want to shadow her.
Speaker 2: But I wonder if she would have I would have
Speaker 2: shattered her to think that you were going through something
Speaker 2: that she went through that was so awful. But I
Speaker 2: wonder if she would have helped, you know, like she
Speaker 2: would have. I don't know, who knows retrospect.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to, like you said, hurt her, and
Speaker 1: I think that she knows. I'm pretty I would have
Speaker 1: been really hard to convince to leave them, so it
Speaker 1: would have been a constant battle for her. It would
Speaker 1: have put her through so much pain, and then seeing
Speaker 1: me not leave and over for Christmas and Thanksgiving and
Speaker 1: just staring at him, thinking what he's doing to me.
Speaker 1: He must be so proud of you now he must
Speaker 1: just be right. Yeah, I mean I know that she
Speaker 1: was really heartbroken at first, because I didn't go to
Speaker 1: her with all of this. I mean, she didn't express
Speaker 1: that to me, but I know that she was. And
Speaker 1: but I'm so proud of her for being so strong.
Speaker 1: But going back to Kennedy, like, the cycle definitely stops
Speaker 1: with her. There's just no way she would allow someone
Speaker 1: to treat her poorly, nor could she wrap her head
Speaker 1: around how I would have ever done it. Good. No,
Speaker 1: so good. She's doing great, but it was a hard
Speaker 1: moment when she asked me about the screaming at me
Speaker 1: all the time, why would you be with a boy
Speaker 1: or miss a boy?
Speaker 2: Well, hopefully, well that'll that will It'll always amaze her
Speaker 2: when she hears hopefully the story and always you how
Speaker 2: was that possibly? My mother is a warrior, you know, Well,
Speaker 2: so Taylor, now that you are such a you are
Speaker 2: a hero, an advocate and a warrior, and now you're
Speaker 2: like doing I mean, how long has your advocacy been
Speaker 2: going on?
Speaker 1: Here?
Speaker 2: Like if you've been talking, I know you have an
Speaker 2: event coming up. I want you to talk about it, yes,
Speaker 2: but how long? I mean you wrote your book? When
Speaker 2: I wrote my book very quickly. We put it out
Speaker 2: at the beginning of twenty twelve. Okay, oh so okay,
Speaker 2: so you had the book, so you put it out there. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and you have you been so you've been going around
Speaker 2: talking about this for a long time, a long time. So,
Speaker 2: and I also would like to say it came up at.
Speaker 1: The at the reunion. Actually, so I needed the money
Speaker 1: for the book, you know, with everything I was going through,
Speaker 1: and so when I was offered the retainer for the
Speaker 1: book in advance, I should say I took it, but
Speaker 1: that part of that requirement would contractually was that I
Speaker 1: had to have it written before the reunion because they
Speaker 1: wanted to launch it then and that was soon. So
Speaker 1: we wrote it very very quickly. But I got some
Speaker 1: criticism at the reunion for writing it from Brandy.
Speaker 2: Of course, I remember, yes, how's your book though something
Speaker 2: like that. It's like it's been a hot minute. I
Speaker 2: don't remember, but we've worked through that over the years.
Speaker 2: But that was I didn't have a choice.
Speaker 1: I'm standing here, care you did have a choice, nothing
Speaker 1: but Bill's and a five year old, and I needed
Speaker 1: the money.
Speaker 2: It's amazing, as she would have said that, I mean,
Speaker 2: things look so different all these years later, like wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was kind of it was in that moment
Speaker 1: I just thought, oh, you're you're a simple mom, like
Speaker 1: I could understand, you know. So yes, So the book
Speaker 1: comes out and I started doing the book book tour
Speaker 1: and started doing you know, slowly started doing some public
Speaker 1: speaking universities, corporations, so amazed.
Speaker 2: Hy WCA, Well, tell us, okay, so tell us what's
Speaker 2: going on now? Tell us what's going There's a event
Speaker 2: coming up on the eleventh of November.
Speaker 1: November thirteenth, thirteenth.
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, eleventhys that's okay, thank you eleven thirteen
Speaker 2: in her voice, and illinoise.
Speaker 1: Please tell us about yes YWCA, which I love speaking
Speaker 1: with them, working with them. They are amazing, and you know,
Speaker 1: we all know how incredible their work is. And they
Speaker 1: are in Evanston, Illinois. So I will be there on
Speaker 1: November thirteenth in her voice, and it will be in
Speaker 1: my voice. Love it, I love it, I love it.
Speaker 1: I love you. I love you too. I'm so proud
Speaker 1: of you. Thank you, and thank you for letting me
Speaker 1: share my story with more people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Taylor, thank you so much for continuing to share
Speaker 2: your story. You are definitely helping to save people from
Speaker 2: the grips of their abusers and just know that they
Speaker 2: aren't alone. You guys, this podcast is about you, the listeners.
Speaker 2: Do you have questions when it comes to your chapter two?
Speaker 2: Not sure where to even start? Call us or email
Speaker 2: us all the infos in the show notes, follow us
Speaker 2: on socials. Make sure to rate and review the podcast.
Speaker 2: I Do Part two an iHeart podcast where falling in
Speaker 2: love and loving yourself is the main objective.