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Speaker 1: Some listeners may find this content disturbing. This episode discusses

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Speaker 1: domestic abuse as well as suicide. Please proceed with caution.

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Speaker 1: This is Taylor Armstrong in her own.

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Speaker 2: Words, Taylor, thank you for continuing to show your story. So,

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Speaker 2: now it happens, you've been out it and you talk

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Speaker 2: to your friend, We're going to have to tell him.

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Speaker 1: So what happens then? So we start going to couples

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Speaker 1: counseling with doctor Sophie at doctor Sophie's urging, and well,

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Speaker 1: I let doctor Sophie Sophie urge Russell into it, and

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Speaker 1: so we started going and slowly doctor Sophie was He's

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Speaker 1: so amazing. But he would say, Okay, you know there's

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Speaker 1: talk around town that there's some things going on, and

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Speaker 1: you know, Russell, let's talk about this and is there

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Speaker 1: any reality to that? And so he did it in

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Speaker 1: such a slow way that it didn't seem like he

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Speaker 1: was going to get ambushed on the show. It was

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Speaker 1: just you know, there's people talking around town and I

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Speaker 1: don't know are these things true? And he created a

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Speaker 1: safety plan for us where he so with our landline phones.

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Speaker 1: But like if you too start to get in an argument,

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Speaker 1: then you need to go into two separate rooms in

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Speaker 1: the house and both get on the phone with me

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Speaker 1: and we'll talk through it.

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Speaker 2: I can't believe Russel was even open to talking to

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Speaker 2: this person, much less like coming up with any kind

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Speaker 2: of strategy. I mean, it's that he would even have

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Speaker 2: this self awareness to be open to like, you know,

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Speaker 2: this has to change.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure he was open to this has to change,

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Speaker 1: but he was definitely. I think that Doctor Sophie is

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Speaker 1: saying things like, you know, there's people that are talking.

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Speaker 1: I'm more worried about this. He's getting discovered. Perception of

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Speaker 1: him before we finally told him, you know, it's it's

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Speaker 1: coming out on the show.

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Speaker 2: And how to go once he told him, once he

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Speaker 2: really knew.

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Speaker 1: I think he was scared. I mean, it was, of

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Speaker 1: course angry as can be and in denial and then litigious.

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Speaker 1: He started, you know, firing off emails to Evolution, which

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Speaker 1: I was aware of, and then he sent one to

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Speaker 1: Camille also threatening a lawsuit or whatever. I didn't know

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Speaker 1: about that one, but I knew about the Evolution one,

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Speaker 1: and I think he at that point he was in

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Speaker 1: panic mode, thinking that he could somehow keep it off

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Speaker 1: the show. Which we both still How was the at

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Speaker 1: that point? What was the abuse?

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Speaker 2: Like the physical abuse was still happening even though he'd

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Speaker 2: been How did I know that the abuse obviously still happened?

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Speaker 1: But was he still was it still physical? Wasn't he?

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Speaker 1: Was he more concerned now that he'd been outed? He

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Speaker 1: that it matters? I guess, But well, no, you know,

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Speaker 1: I don't feel like the ranting got any better. Maybe

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Speaker 1: it even got worse, because it would be like him

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Speaker 1: blaming me for now potentially destroying his career from this

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Speaker 1: being on his reputation, so definitely, so a lot of that,

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Speaker 1: and well, I mean, ultimately you know how all of

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Speaker 1: it ends.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's you're I can't believe you're such an open book.

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Speaker 2: I think it's whatever. It's so great, but whatever. To

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Speaker 2: like just is it's kind of shocking how much you're

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Speaker 2: willing to talk about it. Because again, like as a viewer,

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Speaker 2: you I felt like I was watching it and somehow

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Speaker 2: like getting it, but I didn't get it at all

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Speaker 2: as a viewer of reality television, like this discussion is

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Speaker 2: so different than and I knew I was watching the

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Speaker 2: episode when Camille said what she said, and so it

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Speaker 2: was the shock, but like the details of it are

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Speaker 2: just so horrible. So so okay, so you get divorced

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Speaker 2: or you obviously you file for divorce, and yes, of

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Speaker 2: course I know what happened. Next Russell commits suicide, right right,

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Speaker 2: So I mean I don't even know.

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Speaker 1: So I hadn't filed for divorce, then you hadn't. No, no,

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Speaker 1: So let's see. So it was my the last time

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Speaker 1: he hit me, it was my birthday and we had

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Speaker 1: thrown a huge party and that day we were checking

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Speaker 1: we checked into a hotel in Beverly Hills and he

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Speaker 1: gave me like all these gifts, and he wrote me

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Speaker 1: a card and it was like a front and a

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Speaker 1: back of a card, and it was all about how

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Speaker 1: he was going to change, and he knew that, you know,

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Speaker 1: he hadn't been a good husband to me, and he

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Speaker 1: had never done anything like that. And you hear people

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Speaker 1: talk about the honeymoon phase after someone's abusive to you

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Speaker 1: and then they're super nice to your bringing roses the

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Speaker 1: next day. He was not like that with me. There

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Speaker 1: was no honeymoon phase. So he would be abusive and

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Speaker 1: then or or whatever, but then the next day it

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Speaker 1: was no remorse. Now we definitely did not have that

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Speaker 1: honeymoon face. So when I saw that happen on my birthday,

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Speaker 1: I thought, Okay, maybe things aren't going to change because

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Speaker 1: I've never seen this side of him. Maybe he really

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Speaker 1: is going to be the good person that I know

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Speaker 1: he can be. And it gave me so much hope.

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Speaker 1: And so then we went to my birthday party. So

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Speaker 1: we checked in the hotel, he gives me the gifts

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Speaker 1: in the card, and then we went to my birthday party,

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Speaker 1: had a great time, and Lisa vander Pump's daughter had

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Speaker 1: just gotten had her bachelorette party on the show, and

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Speaker 1: we went to Vegas and we went to the Chip

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Speaker 1: and Dale's. You know, it was just silly and we

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Speaker 1: got up on stage and you know, they're all oiled

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Speaker 1: up and it was, you know, twenty year old girls

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Speaker 1: bachelorette party, and we were filming the whole thing, obviously.

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Speaker 1: So we go to the birthday party, we have a blast.

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Speaker 1: We get back to the room, we're in bed and

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Speaker 1: he says, I know you slept with the Chippendales in Vegas,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, what are you talking about out

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Speaker 1: and it was just like unfathomable. I thought, wait, It's

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Speaker 1: only been like a matter of hours since he said

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Speaker 1: he's not going to be this person again, and it's

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Speaker 1: my birthday and he's already back to being this person.

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Speaker 1: And he's just braiding me, and you know, saying how

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Speaker 1: what a slut I am and all, you know, all

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Speaker 1: those kinds of things. And I mean, first of all,

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Speaker 1: this is absolutely ridiculous. I'm gonna go sleep with the

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Speaker 1: Chip and Down and you were filming the show. I mean,

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Speaker 1: the whole thing was I just like, are you sarious?

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Speaker 1: Like we're not really going here, are we? This is ridiculous,

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Speaker 1: This is absurd. I mean I was with Lisa, like

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Speaker 1: and then I'm just explaining everything when I shouldn't even have.

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Speaker 1: I should have just been like, I'm not having this

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Speaker 1: conversation with you, but that wouldn't work with him.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just I mean, because it was always probably

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Speaker 2: I mean this, yes, obviously it would be absurd to

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Speaker 2: think of you having you're with the Chippingdales guy, but

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Speaker 2: it was always absurd, like you had fourteen dollars of coffee,

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Speaker 2: so you you know, it's like, so you get to

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Speaker 2: the point where you know it's not going to help

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Speaker 2: try to explain it away, right, It's like, doesn't matter

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Speaker 2: what you say at this point. He wants to rageolutely.

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Speaker 1: And so it just he just escalated and then he

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Speaker 1: rose up in bed and he punched me in the face.

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Speaker 1: And because my head, I didn't have anywhere from my

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Speaker 1: head to go back, you know, because I was laying

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Speaker 1: flat down in the bed. So that's when he fractured

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Speaker 1: my orbital floor. So then I your orbital floor, so

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Speaker 1: if you look at your skull and where the eye

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Speaker 1: socket would be, underneath, there is the orbital floor holds

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Speaker 1: or the orbit of your eye. So he fractured that,

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Speaker 1: which is actually and I believe it was Mayweather who

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Speaker 1: had that injury in a boxing match, but it's it's

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Speaker 1: a common, you know, injury with with that area. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: so he fractured my orbital floor, and then that I

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Speaker 1: went to see.

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Speaker 2: You call the the guymond one was it?

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Speaker 1: And at first I thought, Okay, it's not a big deal.

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Speaker 1: And then the next day when I would move my

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Speaker 1: eye around, it was like pinching underneath because the fracture

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Speaker 1: so like the so my eye was getting kind of

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Speaker 1: stuck in it, and so I went I had just

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Speaker 1: had lasick and I could was having trouble seeing out

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Speaker 1: of that eye a little bit. It was like blurry.

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Speaker 1: So I went to see Carrie, as was my doctor

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Speaker 1: at the time, who did my lay sick because my

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Speaker 1: and they told me my flap was wrinkled and so

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Speaker 1: they were going to have to try to do a

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Speaker 1: repair on it. And he said, this is interesting. So

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Speaker 1: Russell went with me and he said he did. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So he said, the doctor said, how does this happen?

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Speaker 1: And Russell had told me, tell him you were pushing

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Speaker 1: Kennedy on a swing and she kicked you. And so

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Speaker 1: I told the doctor that and the doctor said, really,

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Speaker 1: what kind of doctor like he would even say to

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Speaker 1: you and that.

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Speaker 2: You you like kind of work with him to make

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Speaker 2: up the lie. To the doctor, I feel like I'm

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Speaker 2: he I feel like I'm Drew Barrymore because every time

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Speaker 2: you see her on a talk show, she's like this,

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Speaker 2: but it's just the stories.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, crazy, so go on, yeah, so no, no. So

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Speaker 1: the doctor said, well, what kind of shoes does Kennedy wear?

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Speaker 1: And he knew yeah, And I said, well at tennis

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Speaker 1: shoes And he's like, oh, okay, were you pushing her

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Speaker 1: from the front of the show. Come on. Is it

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Speaker 1: just a laced doctor.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but he's like, oh, were you pushing her from

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Speaker 2: the front of the russe standing there?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And the doctor was like okay, like and just

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Speaker 1: kind of like all right, I'm gonna I'm gonna let

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Speaker 1: you I'm gonna let you go with this. But this

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Speaker 1: is bullsh He goes, well, I'll tell you this. I've

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Speaker 1: only had to do a flap repair one other time,

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Speaker 1: and it's from a police officer that was arresting someone

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Speaker 1: and got punched in the face. Were you scared when

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Speaker 1: he said it? Russell was there? Oh? Yeah, But at

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Speaker 1: the same time he said it very purposely obviously, yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And how did Rustle react to Oh? Nothing, I mean

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Speaker 1: he was good. He could be you know, poker face

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Speaker 1: on all of it. So then I went to go

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Speaker 1: see the ocular plastic surgeon and this is how this

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Speaker 1: is how horrible it is when you're in these situations.

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Speaker 1: So after all the injuries that he that I had

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Speaker 1: gone through with him, I go to get the radiography

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Speaker 1: back on my eye and now I can see the

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Speaker 1: orbital floor fracture and they're telling me I'm gonna have

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Speaker 1: to have reconstructive surgery. Have a titanium implant in my

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Speaker 1: orbit now. And it wasn't until that moment that I

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Speaker 1: confirmed for myself that I was being abused. It literally

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Speaker 1: looked took me looking at an X ray of a

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Speaker 1: fracture in my face to go, I'm being abused and

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Speaker 1: not talking myself back out of it. So once that happened,

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Speaker 1: I asked him to move out, and he completely changed.

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Speaker 1: It was so fascinating. One of my friends of years

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Speaker 1: prior said to me, if you just stand up to him,

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Speaker 1: he'll start backing down. But you just being the weak

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Speaker 1: one all the time. But I was too afraid to

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Speaker 1: stand up to him. So once he moved out, he

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Speaker 1: started becoming like so willing to do anything to put

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Speaker 1: things back together to keep me. So now it's public,

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Speaker 1: right because I was filming the show when he fractured

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Speaker 1: my robttal floor. But now I have to have reconstructive surgery,

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Speaker 1: so I have to let the producers know I'm going

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Speaker 1: to be out, you know with this.

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Speaker 2: So he when you finally said and you saw it,

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Speaker 2: almost see a picture. It just be outside of yourself, right,

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Speaker 2: see it? That's what it feels like you're saying, like

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Speaker 2: actually see it, like proof there. It is black and

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Speaker 2: white in a picture. But so were you still scared,

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Speaker 2: Like so now you say move out, it's over. Once

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Speaker 2: you realized it for yourself and you said this is

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Speaker 2: I'm done with this, were you still afraid of him? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I was afraid because you know, when well with control,

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Speaker 1: with abusers, which it's all about control, right, So when

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Speaker 1: you finally decide to leave, it is the most dangerous

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Speaker 1: time abuse her because now they've lost all control and

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Speaker 1: they've lost everything that was giving them their power. So

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Speaker 1: when he moved out, I slept with one eye open,

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Speaker 1: you know, and always made sure the alarms were on.

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Speaker 1: And Julie was there with me and my assistant and

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Speaker 1: I had to live in nanny so she was there.

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Speaker 1: So I felt like we had enough people there flanking

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Speaker 1: the situation if he were to just to go into

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Speaker 1: a rage at the locks changed and took the precautions.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, it was very scary because now he's lost

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Speaker 1: the control. He's terrified of what's going to happen. He

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Speaker 1: didn't want me to press charges and what are you

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Speaker 1: going to Probably not, but I was friends with some

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Speaker 1: people in the police and they had said, if you

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Speaker 1: don't press charges. They're going to press charges anyway, because

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Speaker 1: this is too much of a public case. I mean,

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Speaker 1: they can't have this happening on television. There was nothing

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Speaker 1: done about it. So that was a big fear, is

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Speaker 1: not knowing how he was going to ultimately react and

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Speaker 1: if it was going to be He's going to come

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Speaker 1: in with a gun kill me, you know, or you know,

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Speaker 1: just just with that fear of communicating with him at

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Speaker 1: this point or was it did you a little bit

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Speaker 1: because he would call me, so we would have conversations

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Speaker 1: about like how to how he's going to support me

251
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Speaker 1: and things like that, and he was very willing to

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Speaker 1: meet with me or talk to me on the phone,

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Speaker 1: and you know, trying to lacate me, keep me under control.

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Speaker 1: And here I think, maybe for the first time, feeling

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Speaker 1: a little bad that I was going to have to

256
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Speaker 1: have reconstructive surgery, like actually going wow, I really heard

257
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Speaker 1: her this time, as opposed to before when it was

258
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Speaker 1: that I deserved it or I caused it. So I

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Speaker 1: think all the pieces were coming together for him, and

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Speaker 1: he was getting more panicked than anything. And fast forward,

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Speaker 1: we had had a meeting, well, I got my I

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Speaker 1: had my reconstructive surgery, and then we had had a

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Speaker 1: meeting scheduled at his office to talk about Kennedy, and

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Speaker 1: I mean, I would picture you just scared to see

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Speaker 1: his face at this point. Yeah, so that's why we

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Speaker 1: were meeting in his office and there so we had

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Speaker 1: this meeting and he would not miss a phone call

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Speaker 1: or anything with me, because, as I said, he was panicking.

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Speaker 1: And so I went to his office and his lights

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Speaker 1: were off and he was a workaholic, like he worked

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Speaker 1: non stop, and that was very unusual for him. And

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Speaker 1: then not to show up for my meeting, calling calling, calling, phone,

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Speaker 1: going to voicemail, and so then I thought, okay, maybe

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Speaker 1: forgot whatever, so kind of went on with my day

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Speaker 1: and then something about it just wasn't didn't feel right

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Speaker 1: to me. And I knew some other people in the office,

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Speaker 1: so I kind of went down before I left the

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Speaker 1: office and was talking to them, just kind of biden

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Speaker 1: some time, thinking maybe he had a lunch meeting. So

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Speaker 1: then I he never came back, and I it just

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Speaker 1: something about it that just was didn't feel right to

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Speaker 1: me at all, especially because the way he had been reacting,

283
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Speaker 1: you know, always making sure he was on task with me.

284
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Speaker 1: So I started making a couple of phone calls for

285
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Speaker 1: people that were close to him that he worked with,

286
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Speaker 1: and no one had talked to him all weekend, and

287
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Speaker 1: so I just had this weird feeling, and I decided

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Speaker 1: to go over to the house where he was staying.

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Speaker 1: And I was in the car with my assistant, my daughter,

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Speaker 1: and I called one of my closest friend's husbands is

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Speaker 1: a world championship kickboxer, So I called him and asked

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Speaker 1: him to meet me at the house, and he did,

293
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Speaker 1: and then we were ringing the gate. No one came.

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Speaker 1: Finally someone else let us in the gate, and we

295
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Speaker 1: went up to the house, up to the bathroom. We're

296
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Speaker 1: knocking on the door, no answer, no answer. Kennedy Kenny

297
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Speaker 1: was in the car with my assistant, and so then

298
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Speaker 1: we went around to he had a large, big bathtub

299
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Speaker 1: and the bathroom windows and we were kind of looking

300
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Speaker 1: in to see if we could see anything. And so

301
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:07,080
Speaker 1: then finally the my friend put his hands. It's those

302
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,880
Speaker 1: roll out windows, so he put his hands underneath them

303
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Speaker 1: to pull it out, pride the window open. And then

304
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Speaker 1: that's when we saw Russell hanging. No, you're like comforting me.

305
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Speaker 1: It's it's so horrible. Yeah, and and know that I've

306
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Speaker 1: I've shared my stories so many times over the last

307
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Speaker 1: I mean, this was twenty eleven, and so when I

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Speaker 1: tell it now, it's almost as though I'm up here

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Speaker 1: and I'm telling someone else's story because I.

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Speaker 2: Feel like, I know, I feel like I'm sure people

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00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,760
Speaker 2: are having this reaction to you know, I've watched you

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Speaker 2: on TV. You never know, like you know, even in

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Speaker 2: like reality TV, like what's really going on with people?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yerible horrible and you know, but I do when

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Speaker 1: I do tell it, it's so important because my life,

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Speaker 1: you know, my life was spared and my daughter's life

317
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Speaker 1: was spared, and murder suicide is not uncommon when there

318
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Speaker 1: is domestic violence involved. And so because I was left here,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I was left here to tell my

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00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,760
Speaker 1: story and to make sure that I help other people

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Speaker 1: not end up in the same situation as I did.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I can only imagine you must be saving

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Speaker 2: people's lives every day. I mean, just because you're so

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Speaker 2: honest about it. I have never heard it described in

325
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Speaker 2: this kind of detail. I don't think maybe I don't

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Speaker 2: know movies or obviously.

327
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Speaker 1: But yeah, yeah, you know, and the other sad reality

328
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Speaker 1: of it is I ran into the street and hysterics

329
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Speaker 1: and I was on the ground, and you know, shock

330
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Speaker 1: are just everything that you can imagine emotionally. And I

331
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:55,200
Speaker 1: was screaming, hysterically crying, and my friend, the kickboxer, was

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00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:58,720
Speaker 1: on the phone with nine one one, and then all

333
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Speaker 1: of a sudden, I said, oh my god, Kennedy and

334
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,880
Speaker 1: he lived on a cul de sac, so we're dead

335
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,480
Speaker 1: end street, and so I thought, I have to get

336
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:12,200
Speaker 1: her out of here before all these emergency vehicles start coming.

337
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,159
Speaker 1: She'll never get down the hill, you know. So I

338
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,080
Speaker 1: kind of switched gears in a mom mode for just

339
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:20,000
Speaker 1: enough time to get her out of there. And she

340
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:24,080
Speaker 1: said to my assistant, she said, did my daddy do

341
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:29,800
Speaker 1: something stupid? She was five at the time. We got

342
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,800
Speaker 1: her out of there, and you know, it's so heart

343
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,280
Speaker 1: wrenching to me that nine to one one tapes are public.

344
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,640
Speaker 1: I'm not really sure what the point of that is,

345
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,000
Speaker 1: but the go public. Do people listen to it?

346
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't remember that. Oh yeah, that's stup.

347
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:46,440
Speaker 1: You can hear me screaming like and then you can

348
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,760
Speaker 1: hear me referring to Kennedy, and you can hear me

349
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:53,119
Speaker 1: saying I need my psychiatrist, doctor Sophie. But like, I

350
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:56,800
Speaker 1: don't understand that all nine one tapes, and if I'm wrong,

351
00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:59,680
Speaker 1: somebody will correct me. But I believe they're all public

352
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:04,159
Speaker 1: and I just I don't find any reasoning in that whatsoever.

353
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:08,440
Speaker 1: So then it was all just a blur. My mom

354
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,760
Speaker 1: drove up my friends this pretty how much did your

355
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:14,520
Speaker 1: mom know? Well, she was there when I had the surgery,

356
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:19,680
Speaker 1: so yeah, she knew and tell you a very sad

357
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,600
Speaker 1: thing about the day of the surgery. And this really

358
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,679
Speaker 1: goes to the cycle of abuse and how much control

359
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,159
Speaker 1: and abuser has over you. So my mom and my

360
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:31,600
Speaker 1: best friend were sitting in the recovery with me. I

361
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:38,640
Speaker 1: was kind of coming out of morphine, and Russell walked

362
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:44,240
Speaker 1: in the door of my hospital room with flowers and jen.

363
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,959
Speaker 1: I can tell you it is one of the hardest

364
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,160
Speaker 1: things for me to share with people, is that in

365
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,320
Speaker 1: that moment I wanted him to crawl in bed with

366
00:19:51,359 --> 00:20:00,480
Speaker 1: me and stay with me. So that's how that cycle

367
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:04,320
Speaker 1: is so powerful. I mean, even looking at the person

368
00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:06,720
Speaker 1: that put me there and wanting him to get in

369
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:10,320
Speaker 1: bed and comfort me. And I looked over at my mom,

370
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,919
Speaker 1: my best friend, and I thought, I can't do this

371
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:16,240
Speaker 1: to them any longer. I mean, I'm I don't know

372
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,879
Speaker 1: what I'm thinking. Maybe it's the morphine, but the fact

373
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:22,760
Speaker 1: that I had that thought, I just thought, I'm never

374
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,320
Speaker 1: going to get out of this if I don't get

375
00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:27,480
Speaker 1: out of it for somebody else. And they wheeled me

376
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:30,640
Speaker 1: down to see Kennedy. She was too young to come up,

377
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,080
Speaker 1: and she's sitting on my lap in the wheelchair, and

378
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,320
Speaker 1: I just thought this has to end. I mean, I

379
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:38,840
Speaker 1: can't do this to everybody else, even though I'm willing

380
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:42,080
Speaker 1: to potentially get back with this maniac.

381
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:49,600
Speaker 2: But you're thinking of your mom, Like your mom seeing

382
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:52,760
Speaker 2: him come in with flowers, your mother must have been

383
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 2: I mean, I know your mom.

384
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:55,440
Speaker 1: Mom.

385
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:59,040
Speaker 2: I can't even imagine, like how she felt at that moment,

386
00:20:59,080 --> 00:20:59,879
Speaker 2: you know, Like.

387
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:05,200
Speaker 1: And he apologized to my mom and my best friend.

388
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,399
Speaker 1: I think they didn't even respond. I think it was

389
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,639
Speaker 1: just they were in shock and I was. Actually it

390
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,720
Speaker 1: was a blend of two feelings. When he walked in

391
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:16,040
Speaker 1: the door, I was scared, you know, you like, or

392
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,399
Speaker 1: what's going to happen. I don't know if he has

393
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,320
Speaker 1: a gun behind the flowers, or what could potentially go wrong,

394
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,320
Speaker 1: but then that feeling of wanting him to get into

395
00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:26,040
Speaker 1: bed with me. When I reflect on that, I could think, yeah,

396
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,439
Speaker 1: and to think that that's the person in that moment

397
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,720
Speaker 1: I thought would comfort me. It really is like the

398
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,880
Speaker 1: sixth sense of what the psyclo of abuse is, like.

399
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's funny, I like and be like, no, I

400
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,800
Speaker 2: know full story that he killed himself, hate his spaking guts.

401
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:49,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. You and I as moms, I

402
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,760
Speaker 1: don't if I were in that position. I mean, my

403
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:53,439
Speaker 1: mom I think was just so in shock when he

404
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:56,000
Speaker 1: walked in and in shock about everything that had happened,

405
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,199
Speaker 1: that she didn't respond and probably was would have been

406
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:02,640
Speaker 1: fearful to respond to him, not knowing what his his

407
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,960
Speaker 1: mom going to be. But as us being moms, you know,

408
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,280
Speaker 1: I have no idea because I feel like my rage

409
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:10,879
Speaker 1: would have been so great. I don't I don't know

410
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,920
Speaker 1: how I would have reacted. But yeah, thank thankfully we're

411
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:15,120
Speaker 1: not ever going to be in that situation.

412
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,240
Speaker 2: That's the that make my daughter listen to this one.

413
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,119
Speaker 2: I think all daughters should.

414
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:22,760
Speaker 1: I hope. Uh.

415
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:31,199
Speaker 2: Okay, So after Russell committed suicide, I'm trying to remember

416
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,680
Speaker 2: how you're still filming the show at that point or

417
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,800
Speaker 2: it was wrapped. Okay, So I had had the orbit

418
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 2: before reconstruction, and that was a big part of the finale.

419
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:43,959
Speaker 1: So we were all at the finale. Doctor Sophie went

420
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,920
Speaker 1: with me. And then now I've had the surgery and

421
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,400
Speaker 1: so there's not really anyone that can say they don't

422
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:51,719
Speaker 1: believe me at this point. You know, people saying they

423
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:53,919
Speaker 1: didn't believe you. Yeah, there was a time when it

424
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,320
Speaker 1: was kind of like Camille and Adrian were saying they

425
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 1: were having doubts. I will say, I'm not going to

426
00:22:58,040 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 1: say they didn't believe me, but they were a long

427
00:22:59,600 --> 00:22:59,919
Speaker 1: time ago.

428
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,520
Speaker 2: Try kind of as you're saying it, it's kind of

429
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:03,320
Speaker 2: coming back to me.

430
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:06,960
Speaker 1: Yep. And Lisa and Kyle were definitely on my side

431
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,679
Speaker 1: and then but like Camille and Adrian, they were just

432
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:11,879
Speaker 1: asking a lot of questions. I don't know when I

433
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,120
Speaker 1: look back though, if it was out of fear for

434
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,200
Speaker 1: them that they didn't want to admit that they knew

435
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 1: because now they see how crazy he's how culpable in it,

436
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,120
Speaker 1: or no, maybe like fearful, like we don't he can

437
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,320
Speaker 1: come for them, Yes, like we're not going to say

438
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:28,880
Speaker 1: he did this because we don't want to a be involved,

439
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 1: talked to you, even asked.

440
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:33,000
Speaker 2: Them over about it. Well, Camille came out years later.

441
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 2: Unfortunately he talked to them anymore.

442
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 1: You know. Well, I'm on great terms with all of them,

443
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:40,840
Speaker 1: so I don't you know, it's so far Orange County

444
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,920
Speaker 1: to Beverly Hills. People think it's like I just took

445
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,280
Speaker 1: to exactly, So it's not. We don't see each other

446
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:49,400
Speaker 1: like we would if I lived here. Are you forgiven

447
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 1: that the questioned you or that they Yeah, for sure,

448
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,399
Speaker 1: And I do think part of it was out of

449
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:58,400
Speaker 1: fear that they didn't want him coming after them, and

450
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 1: I think that was I think they were. Everybody was

451
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,800
Speaker 1: kind of in shocked to begin with, and that this

452
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:04,399
Speaker 1: was all getting ready to come out on the show,

453
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 1: and fearful of what the result was going to be.

454
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,720
Speaker 1: And it was just a myriad of emotions. But that finale,

455
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 1: I've had the surgery, now he's living out. Then I

456
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:16,399
Speaker 1: find him hanging, and then there was a reunion. So

457
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:18,399
Speaker 1: then that I blocked this. I can't imagine that I

458
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:23,520
Speaker 1: forgot this. That please. Yeah. So then I was trying

459
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 1: to think of the chain of events. It was a

460
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:26,240
Speaker 1: little bit of a blurback then. So I had the

461
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:30,200
Speaker 1: surgery in July, I find him hanging in August, and

462
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:36,880
Speaker 1: October would have been our sixth wedding anniversary. So then

463
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 1: the show air, oh I know. So then they were

464
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,399
Speaker 1: trying to decide whether the air the show or not.

465
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:46,160
Speaker 1: And you see in the first episode before the show airs,

466
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,280
Speaker 1: all the girls get getting together at Adrian Muluf's house

467
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:52,200
Speaker 1: and they're on camera, but they're discussing whether the show

468
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,760
Speaker 1: should air or not. And Camille was a hard no

469
00:24:55,280 --> 00:25:00,800
Speaker 1: on wanting the show to air. Why because she's the

470
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:04,119
Speaker 1: one that outed everything and probably thought she might be villainized.

471
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:05,800
Speaker 1: I'm putting words in her mouth, but you know that

472
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,440
Speaker 1: people would say, I can't believe you would out someone's abuse.

473
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:13,520
Speaker 1: Was she villainized? I don't remember that either. I don't know.

474
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:17,000
Speaker 1: I was kind of in a fog at that point.

475
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 1: But later, unfortunately, Camille had an abusive situation of her

476
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:25,480
Speaker 1: own and she went through it. I think she told

477
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:30,240
Speaker 1: me for like an hour or something, and she came

478
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 1: back to me and just said the terror that she

479
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:35,719
Speaker 1: felt in that one hour, that she just felt so

480
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 1: absolutely horrible to think about all that I had gone through,

481
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:43,639
Speaker 1: and she was just extremely apologetic and hate that she

482
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,320
Speaker 1: had to experience it to really recognize the terror that

483
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:52,240
Speaker 1: exists during those moments. But she was extremely supportive and

484
00:25:53,359 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 1: sad and definitely forgiveness happened. But other than that, everyone

485
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 1: was just very supportive. I mean, you know, coming to

486
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:09,919
Speaker 1: the funeral and being supportive of of me and checking

487
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:11,920
Speaker 1: in on me. I didn't leave my house for quite

488
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 1: some time, and Kyle and Lisa came over and they're

489
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 1: so funny, and we did fun silly things with Kennedy

490
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:23,680
Speaker 1: and just tried to put the pieces together which were

491
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 1: falling apart all over the place. I had armed security

492
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 1: with me all the time and in my house even

493
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:34,800
Speaker 1: and back then the paparazzi were really relentless. You know,

494
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:37,240
Speaker 1: it's changed a little with all the iPhones and everybody

495
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:42,159
Speaker 1: posting their own stuff, but they were all over my streets.

496
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,440
Speaker 1: I mean they were. I couldn't leave the house there

497
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 1: were It was insanity. It was truly. My house was

498
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:51,159
Speaker 1: like ground zero for all these paparazzi and everything, and

499
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 1: so it was just like people had to come see

500
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 1: me because I couldn't leave and go anywhere. The first

501
00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:57,960
Speaker 1: time I left, I had to go to Fores Lawn

502
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:02,120
Speaker 1: to plan the funeral, and so my bodyguard at the time,

503
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,439
Speaker 1: they put me under a blanket. My god, I know,

504
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 1: in the back of the escalade and in the garage,

505
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:09,560
Speaker 1: and then my assistant was in the front and we

506
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:12,440
Speaker 1: pulled out and then here they come, and so there's

507
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,520
Speaker 1: a huge and you know, they all have priuses back then,

508
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 1: so they can always keep up with you longer. And

509
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 1: then I'm going an escalade the because gas guzzler, but

510
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,160
Speaker 1: so you know, we were weaving in and out of traffic,

511
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:25,200
Speaker 1: and it was just it was insanity, Like I never

512
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 1: thought I'm gonna be able to escape these people. I

513
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 1: can't even leave my house. And so that was just

514
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:33,080
Speaker 1: adding on top of the shock and the recovery and

515
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,679
Speaker 1: the suicide and then now I'm dealing with all of

516
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:37,359
Speaker 1: this and trying to figure out how to put the

517
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 1: pieces of my life back together. And it was just awful.

518
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:44,160
Speaker 1: And I was getting interview requests from everyone you can imagine,

519
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:49,360
Speaker 1: up to Barbara Walters and and thinking like I am

520
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 1: not ready for this. Onslaught of answering all of these questions.

521
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 1: It was all so fresh and I was in shock,

522
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 1: and there were so many other problems that were going

523
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:01,679
Speaker 1: on from a logistical perspective with finances and because I

524
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:04,359
Speaker 1: had no access to money, and just trying to figure

525
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,199
Speaker 1: out how I was going to put the pieces back together.

526
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:08,639
Speaker 1: And my daughter was at a very expensive private school,

527
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 1: as you know, and so it was like on top

528
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:15,399
Speaker 1: of the shock, the recovery, the paparazzi and the press,

529
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:19,000
Speaker 1: and then you know, my financial situation and trying to

530
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:20,600
Speaker 1: figure out how to put my life back together and

531
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:22,359
Speaker 1: not let my five year old daughter see that I

532
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 1: was a complete and total wreck, and it was just

533
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 1: it really feels like back then, it was like I

534
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:31,640
Speaker 1: felt like I was just sitting in my backyard and

535
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:34,359
Speaker 1: drink chardenay and listen to the eagles and just stare

536
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 1: and think, I have no idea what I'm going to

537
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:41,000
Speaker 1: do because there were too many, too many things going

538
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:54,520
Speaker 1: wrong and nothing was going right. What about his parents?

539
00:28:55,120 --> 00:29:00,200
Speaker 1: Where were they? His parents, of course had mental health

540
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 1: issues and they were divorced. But they were they ever

541
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 1: there for for you or for no I mean, very

542
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 1: sweet people, but definitely not capable of assisting in any way.

543
00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 1: My mom was there when I woke up the day

544
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 1: after the suicide. My house was filled with like my

545
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 1: best very best friends. They were one of my best

546
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 1: friends was in bed with me, my other best friends

547
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,600
Speaker 1: standing over me. My other best friend was she works

548
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 1: for KTLA. She's outside trying to manage the press like

549
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 1: they were in full blown like recovery mode for me immediately.

550
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 1: And then people coming to visit me at the house

551
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 1: and flowers from every place you can possibly imagine, and

552
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 1: so I had a lot of support, thankfully. Is there then,

553
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 1: like everything else I guess people talk about. No.

554
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:53,440
Speaker 2: Then that slowly starts to fade in terms of like, Okay,

555
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:55,560
Speaker 2: now it's not so new anymore, and you're still dealing

556
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 2: with the aftermath. Right now, all of a sudden, it's

557
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:02,800
Speaker 2: not everybody standing over you and flowers pouring in. Right

558
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 2: then you have to deal with the reality of your

559
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 2: situation in this little girl who now has lost her

560
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 2: father and she was how old at the time, five

561
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 2: she understood?

562
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 1: Wasn't you know? Does she remember this? I don't know

563
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 1: how much detail she remembers. I'm sure because it was

564
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 1: so so much trauma and unfortunately, the stories everywhere, so

565
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 1: you know, she knew at a very early age. All

566
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 1: that had happened. When it first happened, I had told

567
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 1: her that your daddy died because he was sick in

568
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:35,600
Speaker 1: the head, and I just want to I didn't. She

569
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 1: did not know it was a suicide. But then fast forward,

570
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 1: when I finally did start taking her out of the house,

571
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 1: the paparazzi be chasing us and going, how does Kennedy

572
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 1: feel about the suicide? And I'm like, you guys, come

573
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 1: on now, I mean, you know you need to do

574
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 1: this to a five year old. I mean, so, it

575
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 1: just it was so bad back then and it's not

576
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 1: like that anymore. So that's a good thing. But I

577
00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 1: had no privacy and no ability to really heal, just

578
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 1: because I was dealing with so many problems I was

579
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:06,400
Speaker 1: left with, and then just the stress of everything that

580
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:07,960
Speaker 1: was going to come out on the show.

581
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 2: I mean like, I feel like, if you could go

582
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:17,760
Speaker 2: get through that, you could get through anything. That sounds

583
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 2: like the worst possible. I cannot imagine how you were

584
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 2: living through that.

585
00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:25,600
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I always say that people will say you're

586
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 1: so strong, you're so strong, But the truth of the

587
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 1: matter is that when you go through something a tragedy,

588
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:33,480
Speaker 1: you know, you find strength inside you that you didn't

589
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 1: know you have, and then you can take that and

590
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:38,520
Speaker 1: kind of put it in your back pocket and so

591
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 1: the next time you're faced with challenges in life which

592
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:44,240
Speaker 1: you're going to be right and the universe doesn't go

593
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,840
Speaker 1: Taylor's been through enough. We're not giving her any more problems.

594
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:49,960
Speaker 1: But I'm able to go. I got this. I mean,

595
00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 1: whatever's coming ahead of me is I've got that strength

596
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,240
Speaker 1: that I didn't know I have. It's part of my arsenal.

597
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:59,720
Speaker 1: You know, my warrior shield is very banged up. And

598
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 1: if you want to go into battle, going with me

599
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:12,640
Speaker 1: because I got you on this one, I love you. Yeah.

600
00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 1: It's good though, and it also is it's important because

601
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 1: there is life after and so knowing what I've been

602
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 1: through and when people are struggling and they want to

603
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 1: share their story with me, I think you had the

604
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:26,720
Speaker 1: most amazing woman. I think you're the most amazing woman.

605
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 2: I mean I again, like as a viewer, it's such

606
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:32,120
Speaker 2: a different experience, like to actually talk to you, and

607
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 2: I've known you for a while with your friendly but

608
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 2: I think you are incredible, especially now letting me share it.

609
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 2: Oh please, Well, I mean it's this is I do

610
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:42,760
Speaker 2: part two? So we're actually supposed to talk about part

611
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:45,200
Speaker 2: two in your New Life. We just spent so much

612
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 2: time on part one. Yeah, I do want to know

613
00:32:58,080 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 2: because I have met your husband and I know he

614
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:02,640
Speaker 2: to Kennedy, and I do want to know about you know,

615
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 2: this happy ending or I don't know what to call it,

616
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 2: but but this next chapter. And you know, how you

617
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 2: manage like even trusting somebody else, another man, you know,

618
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 2: and how like how is that? How was you must

619
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 2: have been? How it means you do date after this?

620
00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 2: Like how did you even meet anyone? Yeah?

621
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 1: You know?

622
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:25,400
Speaker 2: Or I'm sure you were afraid to leave the house

623
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:28,080
Speaker 2: for a long time, Yeah, for sure. And and the

624
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:31,560
Speaker 2: and the realization that I'm never going to meet anyone authentically,

625
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:33,960
Speaker 2: that nobody's ever going to get to know me for me.

626
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:35,960
Speaker 2: They're gonna know what they saw on TV, what they

627
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 2: seen in the tabloids, they.

628
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 1: Heard about from those people exactly, and that I'm a

629
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 1: quote unquote victim. And you know, so there's that whole

630
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:47,040
Speaker 1: side to it. And then also to your point, I thought,

631
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 1: I will never trust another man as long as I live.

632
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 1: So after the suicide, all this financial stuff came to

633
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:58,960
Speaker 1: bear where he had emptied out all the bank accounts.

634
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 1: I didn't have access to the bank bank accounts because

635
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:02,720
Speaker 1: you know, as I told you earlier, he had financial

636
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 1: control over me. So all these lies and things kept

637
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:10,480
Speaker 1: coming up that I was all the money. Well that's

638
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:14,719
Speaker 1: a good question. So this kind of came out a

639
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,400
Speaker 1: little bit later for me. But so I had to

640
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 1: hire a law firm to look for the money to

641
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:22,920
Speaker 1: get into the bank accounts. And when we had an

642
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:28,240
Speaker 1: offshore asset protection trust in the Cook Islands, and as

643
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:30,600
Speaker 1: far as I know, he told me and it was,

644
00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:34,080
Speaker 1: you know, going to be a large sum. And so

645
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:36,560
Speaker 1: I had a hire a law firm to help me

646
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:38,919
Speaker 1: try to get into these bank accounts and to get

647
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 1: to the assets. And so I wt those guys going.

648
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:45,400
Speaker 1: And then Russell was being sued by a public company

649
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:48,719
Speaker 1: when he died for one point five million dollars, So

650
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 1: that lawsuit came to me, and so now I'm fighting

651
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:55,319
Speaker 1: that with a corporate law firm. And this is getting

652
00:34:55,360 --> 00:35:00,120
Speaker 1: to chapter two. So a friend of mine said, I

653
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:02,719
Speaker 1: went over they hid me again and took me to

654
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:06,400
Speaker 1: his house and he said, I'll never forget. He was

655
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:10,280
Speaker 1: making me dinner and he was stirring, and he said, listen,

656
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,080
Speaker 1: you can wallow in this ship for the rest of

657
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 1: your life. You can ruin your life and Kennedy's, or

658
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 1: you can put on your big girl pants and do

659
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:19,640
Speaker 1: something about it because nobody's coming to save you. And

660
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:22,719
Speaker 1: all I had heard prior, which I so appreciate too,

661
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 1: is it's gonna be okay, Like we love you, you know,

662
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 1: all those kinds of reassurances, but to have somebody for you, right,

663
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:33,200
Speaker 1: but just have somebody say to me, no one's coming

664
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:36,279
Speaker 1: to save you, so you better figure out what the

665
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 1: hell you're gonna do next. I mean, he was just

666
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:40,400
Speaker 1: very blunt about it. And as much as that seems

667
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 1: like tough love, I walked away thinking, Okay, this is

668
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:45,319
Speaker 1: actually on me. So he said, I'm gonna make one

669
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:48,960
Speaker 1: phone call for you, and he called, No, come on,

670
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:52,840
Speaker 1: get the hell out of here. Come on. He called

671
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 1: my husband John. Wait, why did he call him? What

672
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 1: was John? I'll tell you, Scott to be kidding me.

673
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 1: I know. So John an attorney and he also was

674
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:05,000
Speaker 1: with on Wall Street for twenty years, so he's done

675
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:08,759
Speaker 1: a lot of corporate litigation sec work, like so the

676
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:12,560
Speaker 1: public company situation all in his wheelhouse. He has was

677
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 1: GC for major companies. He was at Lehman. So he

678
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:20,040
Speaker 1: George said, you got to help this girl. You've met

679
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:23,359
Speaker 1: her socially at my house a couple of times, but like,

680
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:25,960
Speaker 1: she needs help and she's never going to get out

681
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:30,160
Speaker 1: of this alone. So here comes John and we thought

682
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:34,240
Speaker 1: probably almost for two years I'm gonna say, like literally,

683
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,640
Speaker 1: because every time he would call me it was bad news.

684
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:39,239
Speaker 1: But so he started managing the two law firms. He

685
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 1: was like, listen, you can't charge this scirl this this

686
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:44,600
Speaker 1: public company is going to bury her. There's no way

687
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 1: she can fight at this level, you know, financially. And

688
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:49,520
Speaker 1: then they're looking for the assets on the other side

689
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:51,400
Speaker 1: with this other law firm. So now he's got the

690
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:53,840
Speaker 1: two law firms under control to the point where he's.

691
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 2: Like he had worked with was he expecting at this point?

692
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:59,799
Speaker 2: I mean, you're like, well, I pay this guy too. No,

693
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 2: I'm I going to pay this guy. You knew from

694
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:03,399
Speaker 2: the get go that he wasn't going to charge you. Yes,

695
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 2: he was doing it as a favor to my friend George.

696
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:08,239
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah. And George is the kind of person that

697
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,719
Speaker 1: when you ask for a favor, you say yes, yes,

698
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 1: got introduced me to George. He would like him. So

699
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:17,399
Speaker 1: so we start that path. But every time he would

700
00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:19,400
Speaker 1: call me, it was bad news. He would call me

701
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:23,280
Speaker 1: and say, they got into another bank account and it's empty,

702
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,680
Speaker 1: or we got into you know, it took a very

703
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 1: long time to get into the trust because those are

704
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 1: well protected. Empty everything was gone, and I a joke

705
00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:36,160
Speaker 1: and say, I felt like at that point, I like

706
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 1: I couldn't put the puzzle pieces together because I knew

707
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,759
Speaker 1: that we were spending a lot of money every month,

708
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 1: and I'm like, where was the money coming from and

709
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:46,719
Speaker 1: where did the money go? Like, so I've got that

710
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:49,719
Speaker 1: on top of the grief and every and trying to

711
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:51,320
Speaker 1: put the pieces back together. So I'm like trying to

712
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:52,680
Speaker 1: figure out how am I pay for my house, my

713
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:56,840
Speaker 1: daughter's school, like everything that's going on, and they kept

714
00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:58,480
Speaker 1: he every time he would call me his bad news,

715
00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:00,960
Speaker 1: and so I'd be like, what, you know what he

716
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,680
Speaker 1: would call and he'd be like, you know, I'm like,

717
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 1: I don't want to make any decisions today, and you're

718
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:07,920
Speaker 1: the only one that can make the decisions. So he

719
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:10,560
Speaker 1: was very matter of fact with me. But I remember

720
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 1: at one point he told me that he went to

721
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:14,680
Speaker 1: my friend George and said, I can't work with this girl,

722
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:17,319
Speaker 1: like she's crazy, and George's like, she's going through a lot,

723
00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:18,920
Speaker 1: so you're just gonna have to stick it out, like

724
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:20,359
Speaker 1: we got to make this work for her.

725
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:22,799
Speaker 2: So there was neverways there like at least like a

726
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:25,719
Speaker 2: friendship would start, Like from the beginning, did you feel like,

727
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 2: even though you always used to fight with him, did

728
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:29,320
Speaker 2: you feel like he was like all.

729
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:36,239
Speaker 1: I he became a friend and obviously yes, and you know,

730
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:38,319
Speaker 1: he stood on my side through all of that when

731
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,560
Speaker 1: I think most people would have said, I can't deal

732
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:43,600
Speaker 1: with this girl. And that's where the trust was developed

733
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 1: in thinking that I would never trust a man again,

734
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 1: that now I have this person who's stood on my

735
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 1: side with no compensation and is managing these law firms

736
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:53,840
Speaker 1: to help protect me. Yeah, most people would have been

737
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:56,799
Speaker 1: like doing it for free. She's yelling at me every

738
00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:57,480
Speaker 1: time I call.

739
00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 2: Yes, it's not my fault, like yeah, yeah, you know.

740
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:04,839
Speaker 1: And so and he'd never even heard of housewives, so

741
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:07,880
Speaker 1: he was like, oh, these these women really are crazy,

742
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 1: you know. So that compounding and then the tabloids and

743
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:14,520
Speaker 1: so as things progressed with us it was actually speaking

744
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 1: of the tabloids. We were in a restaurant in New

745
00:39:16,719 --> 00:39:20,600
Speaker 1: York with other people. I think it was at my

746
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:22,760
Speaker 1: book maybe my book signing or when I was signing

747
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:27,160
Speaker 1: my book contract, and we were leaving and he threw

748
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 1: the paparazzi were outside and he threw a jacket over

749
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 1: me and had his arm holding it over me. Well,

750
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,680
Speaker 1: of course they took a picture and cropped out all

751
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 1: the other people and it looks like he and I

752
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 1: are leaving a restaurant together with his arm around me, right,

753
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:43,680
Speaker 1: And there was no relationship whatsoever back then. So you know,

754
00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:45,759
Speaker 1: fast forward, people were like, oh they were dating. We

755
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 1: were not dating back then, and we were still like

756
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:52,520
Speaker 1: very much in the logistics mode. Uh yeah, so that

757
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:55,759
Speaker 1: is how that unfolded. But yeah, the trust just developed

758
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:58,560
Speaker 1: over time, and then the appreciation for everything he was

759
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:02,719
Speaker 1: doing for me and he's a good person, but they

760
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:08,480
Speaker 1: love definitely didn't come for a while, a long while.

761
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 1: I think he was straight. Well, I know he was

762
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,520
Speaker 1: starting to have feelings for me, because we've talked about it.

763
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:16,200
Speaker 2: Did you have did you miss at that point? Did

764
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 2: you feel it in yourself at that point or no?

765
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:20,400
Speaker 1: Nothing? I was like, you gotta be kidding me, you know,

766
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:22,920
Speaker 1: it was there was nothing there whatsoever. And then we

767
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:27,000
Speaker 1: were having we were having dinner and dinner meeting and

768
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:30,200
Speaker 1: with a sunglass manufacturer actually, and she was sitting acrossmus

769
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 1: We were hobviers in Orange County, and all of a

770
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 1: sudden we looked at one another. We were sitting on

771
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 1: the same side of the booth and she was across

772
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:40,040
Speaker 1: most and we looked at one another, and I was like,

773
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:43,040
Speaker 1: wait a minute, and I just I remember like looking away,

774
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:45,840
Speaker 1: thinking what was that, And it like, all of a sudden,

775
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 1: he just looked like a completely different person to me,

776
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:51,040
Speaker 1: and I felt some weird emotion come over me, and

777
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:52,839
Speaker 1: I thought, wait, what is going on with me? Maybe

778
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:56,799
Speaker 1: it's the margarita but and the sun glass manufacturer. She goes,

779
00:40:56,840 --> 00:41:00,680
Speaker 1: should leave you two alone, and I was like no, no, no, no, no,

780
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:03,400
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was like, wasn't that obvious. It

781
00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:05,319
Speaker 1: was so bizarre that it just happened like that.

782
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:07,839
Speaker 2: It's so funny because I say to Rachel, my daughter

783
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:09,840
Speaker 2: all the time, like, you know, she's she's like, I

784
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:11,600
Speaker 2: like the bad boy. I'm like really because I thought

785
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,120
Speaker 2: that I did, And then I met your father and

786
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:16,600
Speaker 2: he I had no interest. He was just like the

787
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 2: nicest guy. But I was like, no, there's no spark.

788
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:23,960
Speaker 2: There was no spark there. And one day I remember like,

789
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:26,799
Speaker 2: I don't know, he kissed me and I was like,

790
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:30,279
Speaker 2: first I didn't want him to, but he did. I mean,

791
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:32,680
Speaker 2: it wasn't like whatever we can And I remember thinking like,

792
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:33,799
Speaker 2: wait a.

793
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:36,160
Speaker 1: Second, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm like, I feel like.

794
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:41,080
Speaker 2: With women like you as a woman, you having somebody

795
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:47,400
Speaker 2: that you are that is so reliable, that becomes sexy,

796
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:53,320
Speaker 2: good to you, kind, you know, different from you're describing

797
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:54,920
Speaker 2: me like the night and shining armor. Who's going to

798
00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:57,200
Speaker 2: come in and you don't be daddy and you don't

799
00:41:57,239 --> 00:41:59,239
Speaker 2: have to work anymore and I'm gonna all of the

800
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:03,239
Speaker 2: love bombing, right. It's like I would like for my

801
00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:05,720
Speaker 2: own daughter, like find the spark with a guy because

802
00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:15,080
Speaker 2: he is so kind and good and reliable and gentle

803
00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:17,720
Speaker 2: and all of those things. Because that's what happened with Jeff.

804
00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:19,839
Speaker 2: I really was like thinking, it's we don't have that.

805
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 2: I don't want to hang from the chandeliers and which

806
00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:25,239
Speaker 2: not just saying that. I'm not saying that I never

807
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 2: did but what sparked it was like, wait a second,

808
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 2: this guy is so wonderful to me, and like that

809
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,839
Speaker 2: is still to this day, you know, it's like, guess

810
00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 2: I just love him. We've been through it, but absolutely

811
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:42,440
Speaker 2: this is not about me making me think for the

812
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:44,279
Speaker 2: first time, I know, was that the change right then?

813
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:47,960
Speaker 2: I just thought because I was also seeing another guy.

814
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:50,640
Speaker 2: But I remember thinking, wait a second, like I love

815
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:54,600
Speaker 2: Jeff Fessler, like he's the best, and like he was

816
00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:56,719
Speaker 2: a friend, you know, for more than anything. I was

817
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:58,239
Speaker 2: sending him away. I was like, I don't feel it,

818
00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:00,440
Speaker 2: like let's just be friends and we need to be rocks.

819
00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:02,600
Speaker 2: He want to just be whatever, And then he kept

820
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:04,359
Speaker 2: coming around. I was like, five, we'll be friends again,

821
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 2: and this wouldn't stop. Wouln't leave me alone. But he

822
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:09,080
Speaker 2: wasn't like a I mean, he was always just gentle

823
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:12,400
Speaker 2: and kind and an accountant. He had used to be accountant,

824
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:13,879
Speaker 2: so we would like do my taxes, I don't know,

825
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:15,080
Speaker 2: and I was like.

826
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:15,799
Speaker 1: He's such a great guy.

827
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:17,920
Speaker 2: I wish that I could feel that, and one day

828
00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:20,839
Speaker 2: I did, and I still think, like to this day,

829
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:24,960
Speaker 2: I wish I hope for my daughter that yes, it's

830
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:27,960
Speaker 2: great to have a spark and all of the sex

831
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 2: and the excitement and all of it, and you have

832
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:35,080
Speaker 2: to just like more important than that is, you know,

833
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:37,839
Speaker 2: like for me, like a spark now is I get

834
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:41,319
Speaker 2: sparked from peace, from like peace in my life, and

835
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:45,440
Speaker 2: as I get older, even more appreciative of that, you.

836
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:48,080
Speaker 1: Know, absolutely. I mean that's sacks are super fun, but

837
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:50,360
Speaker 1: I mean we all know they fade. Eventually, they fade,

838
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:53,560
Speaker 1: And I don't know, I hope she makes I want

839
00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:55,640
Speaker 1: her to make wise decisions, you know.

840
00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:59,040
Speaker 2: Twenty three. I'm going to make her again watch and listen.

841
00:43:59,719 --> 00:43:59,959
Speaker 1: Listen.

842
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:02,640
Speaker 2: I hope that all of my friends make listen and

843
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:05,000
Speaker 2: make their daughters listen, because I you know you do.

844
00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:06,840
Speaker 2: It's not like you're the first to tell the story

845
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 2: of abuse, but you're so open about it. How does

846
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:11,440
Speaker 2: Kennedy feel about the fact that you're sharing all of

847
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:11,799
Speaker 2: it now?

848
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:16,640
Speaker 1: I don't think that Kennedy is affected by it, probably

849
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:18,839
Speaker 1: because there's so much out there about it that it's

850
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:21,239
Speaker 1: she's probably I'm not I don't want to put words

851
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:24,160
Speaker 1: in her mouth, but it's been told so many times

852
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:27,080
Speaker 1: that maybe for her too, she doesn't feel like she's

853
00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:29,120
Speaker 1: really was in it, that she feels like she was

854
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:32,120
Speaker 1: up here, you know, looking down on it. But and

855
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:35,799
Speaker 1: she has a great boyfriend who's very sweet, and you know,

856
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:40,719
Speaker 1: she's also very strong and very independent, and I think

857
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:43,319
Speaker 1: part of that is knowing what I went through and

858
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:45,319
Speaker 1: knowing that she would never allow that in her life.

859
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:48,839
Speaker 1: So the cycle truly does stop with her. Wow, my mother,

860
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:50,959
Speaker 1: she does. She grappled with the fact that was her father.

861
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:53,560
Speaker 2: Ever, I mean, I'm hoping, don't you tell me anything

862
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 2: about Kennedy, But like, I'm sure it was a lot

863
00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:56,879
Speaker 2: for her.

864
00:44:57,400 --> 00:45:00,319
Speaker 1: You know, we were talking about earlier about when she

865
00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:02,960
Speaker 1: would stand in between selling me when she was a

866
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:05,799
Speaker 1: toddler and me not recognizing that she kind of knew

867
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:07,920
Speaker 1: what was going on. And I was taking her to

868
00:45:07,960 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 1: school one day after the suicide and she was in

869
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 1: her car seat by me and my psychiatrist, doctor Sophie

870
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:20,160
Speaker 1: had told me bring him up on occasion and try

871
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:23,279
Speaker 1: to put memories in her mind so she doesn't think

872
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,399
Speaker 1: people just disappear, you know. Then we just don't talk

873
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:28,680
Speaker 1: about it anymore, you know. So I said, we were

874
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:30,680
Speaker 1: a stop by, and I said, do you miss Daddy?

875
00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:33,799
Speaker 1: And she goes no, And she goes no, inn oh,

876
00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:36,879
Speaker 1: and I said, well, sometimes I miss Daddy. And I said,

877
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:39,400
Speaker 1: remember that time we were at in Hawaii and I

878
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:42,279
Speaker 1: tried to give her a reference about Sam Castles and

879
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 1: she goes, Mommy, why would you miss the boy that

880
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:49,839
Speaker 1: screamed at you all the time at five? And I

881
00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:52,160
Speaker 1: was so happy that she was behind me in her

882
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,400
Speaker 1: car seat because tears are running down my face thinking,

883
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:56,880
Speaker 1: oh my god, she knew way more than I thought.

884
00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:58,960
Speaker 1: I thought I had protected no way.

885
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:01,400
Speaker 2: I've been there for years and years of My therapist

886
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:06,000
Speaker 2: always says, they always know, Like these kids, they just do.

887
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:08,040
Speaker 2: Like you think you're hiding stuff from your kids, your

888
00:46:08,120 --> 00:46:09,040
Speaker 2: kids know what's.

889
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:12,280
Speaker 1: Going on absolutely, And that was one of the hardest

890
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:13,960
Speaker 1: things for me to wrap my head around, is, oh

891
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:17,799
Speaker 1: my god, I stayed too long and now I was

892
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:20,319
Speaker 1: a child. My earliest childhood memory is my father beating

893
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:23,560
Speaker 1: my mother. So I'm like a psychology one oh one

894
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:26,800
Speaker 1: textbook that I would then follow that exact path, you know,

895
00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:31,080
Speaker 1: which is unfortunately predictable that an abuser, someone who's in

896
00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:34,680
Speaker 1: an abusive household is more likely statistically to become an

897
00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:37,839
Speaker 1: abuser or a victim people. You know, yeah, exactly. So

898
00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 1: having had that.

899
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:41,600
Speaker 2: That's the whole other I that did got a father

900
00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:44,399
Speaker 2: that beat up your mom, yep.

901
00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 1: And my mom was so brave. She was young and

902
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 1: she I remember it's so vividly. I remember what my

903
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:53,400
Speaker 1: pajamas looked like. And I had on blue zip up

904
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:55,920
Speaker 1: those plastic footy pajamas with a Teddy Bear right here.

905
00:46:55,960 --> 00:46:59,040
Speaker 1: I remember it perfectly. And in talking and so my

906
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:02,600
Speaker 1: father was beating mother, and she grabbed me and we

907
00:47:02,680 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 1: ran out the door. And she never looked back. And

908
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:08,560
Speaker 1: she was young, really, she was young, and I mean

909
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:11,640
Speaker 1: so so brave to not go back, because I wow,

910
00:47:11,719 --> 00:47:15,400
Speaker 1: statistics say most people go back seven times before finally leaving,

911
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:18,880
Speaker 1: but she didn't. And I just my mom. I always

912
00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:21,480
Speaker 1: have mad respect for her for being able to do that.

913
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:23,520
Speaker 1: And she was very she was very young.

914
00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:25,080
Speaker 2: You think maybe if you had shared it with her,

915
00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 2: like when you were going through it, because I know

916
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:29,120
Speaker 2: you said you just you just don't want to shadow her.

917
00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:32,239
Speaker 2: But I wonder if she would have I would have

918
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:34,280
Speaker 2: shattered her to think that you were going through something

919
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 2: that she went through that was so awful. But I

920
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:41,120
Speaker 2: wonder if she would have helped, you know, like she

921
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:43,759
Speaker 2: would have. I don't know, who knows retrospect.

922
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:46,759
Speaker 1: I didn't want to, like you said, hurt her, and

923
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:51,360
Speaker 1: I think that she knows. I'm pretty I would have

924
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 1: been really hard to convince to leave them, so it

925
00:47:54,560 --> 00:47:56,759
Speaker 1: would have been a constant battle for her. It would

926
00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:59,000
Speaker 1: have put her through so much pain, and then seeing

927
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:02,160
Speaker 1: me not leave and over for Christmas and Thanksgiving and

928
00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 1: just staring at him, thinking what he's doing to me.

929
00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:07,440
Speaker 1: He must be so proud of you now he must

930
00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:11,120
Speaker 1: just be right. Yeah, I mean I know that she

931
00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:14,840
Speaker 1: was really heartbroken at first, because I didn't go to

932
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:17,360
Speaker 1: her with all of this. I mean, she didn't express

933
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:19,359
Speaker 1: that to me, but I know that she was. And

934
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:23,400
Speaker 1: but I'm so proud of her for being so strong.

935
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:27,280
Speaker 1: But going back to Kennedy, like, the cycle definitely stops

936
00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:30,000
Speaker 1: with her. There's just no way she would allow someone

937
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 1: to treat her poorly, nor could she wrap her head

938
00:48:32,080 --> 00:48:34,040
Speaker 1: around how I would have ever done it. Good. No,

939
00:48:34,520 --> 00:48:37,680
Speaker 1: so good. She's doing great, but it was a hard

940
00:48:37,719 --> 00:48:39,719
Speaker 1: moment when she asked me about the screaming at me

941
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:41,960
Speaker 1: all the time, why would you be with a boy

942
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:44,120
Speaker 1: or miss a boy?

943
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:46,920
Speaker 2: Well, hopefully, well that'll that will It'll always amaze her

944
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:51,200
Speaker 2: when she hears hopefully the story and always you how

945
00:48:51,239 --> 00:48:55,759
Speaker 2: was that possibly? My mother is a warrior, you know, Well,

946
00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:58,799
Speaker 2: so Taylor, now that you are such a you are

947
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 2: a hero, an advocate and a warrior, and now you're

948
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:04,560
Speaker 2: like doing I mean, how long has your advocacy been

949
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:04,920
Speaker 2: going on?

950
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:05,160
Speaker 1: Here?

951
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:06,520
Speaker 2: Like if you've been talking, I know you have an

952
00:49:06,520 --> 00:49:08,879
Speaker 2: event coming up. I want you to talk about it, yes,

953
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 2: but how long? I mean you wrote your book? When

954
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:14,719
Speaker 2: I wrote my book very quickly. We put it out

955
00:49:14,719 --> 00:49:17,879
Speaker 2: at the beginning of twenty twelve. Okay, oh so okay,

956
00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:19,719
Speaker 2: so you had the book, so you put it out there. Yeah,

957
00:49:19,840 --> 00:49:22,720
Speaker 2: and you have you been so you've been going around

958
00:49:22,800 --> 00:49:25,040
Speaker 2: talking about this for a long time, a long time. So,

959
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:27,759
Speaker 2: and I also would like to say it came up at.

960
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:32,480
Speaker 1: The at the reunion. Actually, so I needed the money

961
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:34,759
Speaker 1: for the book, you know, with everything I was going through,

962
00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:40,239
Speaker 1: and so when I was offered the retainer for the

963
00:49:40,239 --> 00:49:43,600
Speaker 1: book in advance, I should say I took it, but

964
00:49:43,640 --> 00:49:46,279
Speaker 1: that part of that requirement would contractually was that I

965
00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:49,160
Speaker 1: had to have it written before the reunion because they

966
00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:53,160
Speaker 1: wanted to launch it then and that was soon. So

967
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:57,200
Speaker 1: we wrote it very very quickly. But I got some

968
00:49:57,280 --> 00:50:00,760
Speaker 1: criticism at the reunion for writing it from Brandy.

969
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:05,760
Speaker 2: Of course, I remember, yes, how's your book though something

970
00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:07,960
Speaker 2: like that. It's like it's been a hot minute. I

971
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:10,640
Speaker 2: don't remember, but we've worked through that over the years.

972
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:13,719
Speaker 2: But that was I didn't have a choice.

973
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:16,400
Speaker 1: I'm standing here, care you did have a choice, nothing

974
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:18,799
Speaker 1: but Bill's and a five year old, and I needed

975
00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:19,120
Speaker 1: the money.

976
00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:20,480
Speaker 2: It's amazing, as she would have said that, I mean,

977
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:23,839
Speaker 2: things look so different all these years later, like wow.

978
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:26,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was kind of it was in that moment

979
00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:29,480
Speaker 1: I just thought, oh, you're you're a simple mom, like

980
00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:33,120
Speaker 1: I could understand, you know. So yes, So the book

981
00:50:33,239 --> 00:50:36,200
Speaker 1: comes out and I started doing the book book tour

982
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:39,240
Speaker 1: and started doing you know, slowly started doing some public

983
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:43,560
Speaker 1: speaking universities, corporations, so amazed.

984
00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:46,040
Speaker 2: Hy WCA, Well, tell us, okay, so tell us what's

985
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:47,560
Speaker 2: going on now? Tell us what's going There's a event

986
00:50:47,600 --> 00:50:49,800
Speaker 2: coming up on the eleventh of November.

987
00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:50,600
Speaker 1: November thirteenth, thirteenth.

988
00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:54,120
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, eleventhys that's okay, thank you eleven thirteen

989
00:50:54,160 --> 00:50:56,080
Speaker 2: in her voice, and illinoise.

990
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:58,760
Speaker 1: Please tell us about yes YWCA, which I love speaking

991
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:01,759
Speaker 1: with them, working with them. They are amazing, and you know,

992
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:04,560
Speaker 1: we all know how incredible their work is. And they

993
00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:07,759
Speaker 1: are in Evanston, Illinois. So I will be there on

994
00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:10,200
Speaker 1: November thirteenth in her voice, and it will be in

995
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:12,560
Speaker 1: my voice. Love it, I love it, I love it.

996
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:14,880
Speaker 1: I love you. I love you too. I'm so proud

997
00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:16,560
Speaker 1: of you. Thank you, and thank you for letting me

998
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:17,760
Speaker 1: share my story with more people.

999
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:21,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, Taylor, thank you so much for continuing to share

1000
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:23,920
Speaker 2: your story. You are definitely helping to save people from

1001
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:26,680
Speaker 2: the grips of their abusers and just know that they

1002
00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:31,040
Speaker 2: aren't alone. You guys, this podcast is about you, the listeners.

1003
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:33,120
Speaker 2: Do you have questions when it comes to your chapter two?

1004
00:51:33,239 --> 00:51:35,720
Speaker 2: Not sure where to even start? Call us or email

1005
00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:38,440
Speaker 2: us all the infos in the show notes, follow us

1006
00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 2: on socials. Make sure to rate and review the podcast.

1007
00:51:41,160 --> 00:51:44,239
Speaker 2: I Do Part two an iHeart podcast where falling in

1008
00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:47,200
Speaker 2: love and loving yourself is the main objective.