Speaker 1: This episode of Good Mom's Bad Choices is sponsored by
Speaker 1: Care for the Culture from Gilead Sciences.
Speaker 2: Girl, As I look back at our journey in life
Speaker 2: and even here on the podcast, over the last eight years,
Speaker 2: I have witnessed us grow so much, and I truly
Speaker 2: wish I had a guide titled shit I wish I
Speaker 2: knew in my twenties because a lot of the lessons
Speaker 2: I had to learn came with a lot of fucking
Speaker 2: growing pains, and although the lessons eventually arrived, there are
Speaker 2: some things I wish I had known before I had
Speaker 2: to experience them personally.
Speaker 3: Me too. So today we are going to share five
Speaker 3: things we wish we knew when we were in our twenties.
Speaker 2: Number one, I can say no.
Speaker 3: Feeling empowered in your no is something nobody teaches you,
Speaker 3: and bitch, I wish I knew this sooner, because the
Speaker 3: power that I feel now is not the power I
Speaker 3: felt in my twenties. Feeling obligated to have sex after
Speaker 3: someone takes you out on a date, or feeling like
Speaker 3: you cannot change your mind once you've said yes, are
Speaker 3: you started or your panties are off, is actually insane.
Speaker 2: It's insane.
Speaker 3: It's literally insane, and girls are taught this so early,
Speaker 3: like just subconsciously. We're just told that it's our fault
Speaker 3: once we get too far, and then like we can't
Speaker 3: go back. I've had so many situations, especially in college
Speaker 3: in Atlanta, going to dinners with people having shots, getting
Speaker 3: in the car and feeling pressured literally not using my voice,
Speaker 3: shutting down, leaving my body, And honestly, I'm still working
Speaker 3: through the trauma that that has caused.
Speaker 2: Just the irresponsibility and lack of care for our bodies. Now,
Speaker 2: as someone in my thirties, my late thirties, I realize
Speaker 2: that part of empowerment is also knowing your status and
Speaker 2: your partners. It's not weird to ask someone's status, and
Speaker 2: it's not weird to demand that they give it to you.
Speaker 2: Because HIV is still a real conversation and we need
Speaker 2: to be having it. So getting tested regularly and knowing
Speaker 2: your prevention options is so important. This includes prep and
Speaker 2: truly this is one of the most powerful things you
Speaker 2: can do for yourself.
Speaker 3: Two, I am whole and complete already. Women get caught
Speaker 3: up in this fairy tale fantasy that their worth is
Speaker 3: tied to the relationship status, like literally I always say
Speaker 3: this desperation breeds bottom feeders. Searching for someone to complete
Speaker 3: you was never necessary because you already are enough.
Speaker 2: Okay, Number three, what low self esteem actually looks like?
Speaker 3: This is a good one.
Speaker 2: Right, because like the amount of like relationships that I
Speaker 2: consistently was getting into that didn't make me feel complete,
Speaker 2: but I stayed and I just kept trying and trying.
Speaker 2: And this is not something that even is like just
Speaker 2: for twenty year olds. This is something that I feel
Speaker 2: like women are constantly battling all the time.
Speaker 3: When you love yourself, you actually choose partners and people
Speaker 3: who look and feel like love. So if you're summer
Speaker 3: right now claiming you love yourself but your relationship does
Speaker 3: not mirror that, you need to take a deep dive
Speaker 3: into what that actually looks like and means.
Speaker 2: Amen.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Number four, hypersexuality is worth examining. Like reframing the free,
Speaker 2: fun party girl identity means understanding that healing before you
Speaker 2: hoe is best and it's true hyper sexuality can be
Speaker 2: a form of abandoning your body, like even us as
Speaker 2: the most free moms, as the most free women, I've
Speaker 2: had to really explore just making sure it's not performative
Speaker 2: and that it actually is what I want.
Speaker 3: Abs fuso lutely. And lastly, number five, learning to read
Speaker 3: the signs that say we are not okay. I have
Speaker 3: spent all of my twenties and most of my thirties
Speaker 3: starting the dialogue with my body to figure out what
Speaker 3: is actually my choice and what is not because I
Speaker 3: just wasn't sure, because I was not empowered to do so.
Speaker 3: The things we carry that do not belong to us,
Speaker 3: the body keeps the score. Just because you can numb
Speaker 3: out does not mean you will not feel it later.
Speaker 3: As someone who just turned thirty eight, I am feeling
Speaker 3: it later.
Speaker 2: I was going to say, ignoring yourself it has long
Speaker 2: term consequences, and starting the dialogue with your own body
Speaker 2: is how you begin to honor it.
Speaker 3: Absolutely. If I had these five tidbits in my twenties,
Speaker 3: I'd probably be healing from a lot less sexual trauma.
Speaker 3: But the beautiful thing is you don't have to learn
Speaker 3: by action. You can learn from this advice.
Speaker 2: I mean, and these are just some things we wish
Speaker 2: we knew and we were more aware of, and that
Speaker 2: would have shifted some of our lessons.
Speaker 1: And listen, all.
Speaker 2: Lessons are good. We're Good Mom's Bad Choices. But if
Speaker 2: we can save you from some of the bad choices
Speaker 2: we made, let us make fewer bad choices so we
Speaker 2: can have more good moments. And that starts with knowing yourself,
Speaker 2: knowing your body, and knowing your status. So get tested,
Speaker 2: know your prevention options. That is self love too.
Speaker 3: I'm actually going to get tested tomorrow at five pm
Speaker 3: with my husband. So it doesn't matter if you're single,
Speaker 3: if your mom, if you hadn't had sex in a
Speaker 3: long time, if you're married, if you're dating, if you're hoing,
Speaker 3: go get tested because it's better to know than not
Speaker 3: to know. You don't want to live with that anxiety.
Speaker 3: You want to live of empowered and knowing your status.
Speaker 1: This episode of Good Mom's Bad Choices is sponsored by
Speaker 1: Care for the Culture from Gilead Sciences.