WEBVTT - MINISODE - IN YOUR 20s 

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<v Speaker 1>This episode of Good Mom's Bad Choices is sponsored by

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<v Speaker 1>Care for the Culture from Gilead Sciences.

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<v Speaker 2>Girl, As I look back at our journey in life

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<v Speaker 2>and even here on the podcast, over the last eight years,

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<v Speaker 2>I have witnessed us grow so much, and I truly

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<v Speaker 2>wish I had a guide titled shit I wish I

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<v Speaker 2>knew in my twenties because a lot of the lessons

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<v Speaker 2>I had to learn came with a lot of fucking

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<v Speaker 2>growing pains, and although the lessons eventually arrived, there are

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<v Speaker 2>some things I wish I had known before I had

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<v Speaker 2>to experience them personally.

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<v Speaker 3>Me too. So today we are going to share five

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<v Speaker 3>things we wish we knew when we were in our twenties.

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<v Speaker 2>Number one, I can say no.

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<v Speaker 3>Feeling empowered in your no is something nobody teaches you,

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<v Speaker 3>and bitch, I wish I knew this sooner, because the

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<v Speaker 3>power that I feel now is not the power I

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<v Speaker 3>felt in my twenties. Feeling obligated to have sex after

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<v Speaker 3>someone takes you out on a date, or feeling like

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<v Speaker 3>you cannot change your mind once you've said yes, are

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<v Speaker 3>you started or your panties are off, is actually insane.

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<v Speaker 2>It's insane.

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<v Speaker 3>It's literally insane, and girls are taught this so early,

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<v Speaker 3>like just subconsciously. We're just told that it's our fault

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<v Speaker 3>once we get too far, and then like we can't

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<v Speaker 3>go back. I've had so many situations, especially in college

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<v Speaker 3>in Atlanta, going to dinners with people having shots, getting

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<v Speaker 3>in the car and feeling pressured literally not using my voice,

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<v Speaker 3>shutting down, leaving my body, And honestly, I'm still working

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<v Speaker 3>through the trauma that that has caused.

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<v Speaker 2>Just the irresponsibility and lack of care for our bodies. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>as someone in my thirties, my late thirties, I realize

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<v Speaker 2>that part of empowerment is also knowing your status and

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<v Speaker 2>your partners. It's not weird to ask someone's status, and

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<v Speaker 2>it's not weird to demand that they give it to you.

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<v Speaker 2>Because HIV is still a real conversation and we need

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<v Speaker 2>to be having it. So getting tested regularly and knowing

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<v Speaker 2>your prevention options is so important. This includes prep and

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<v Speaker 2>truly this is one of the most powerful things you

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<v Speaker 2>can do for yourself.

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<v Speaker 3>Two, I am whole and complete already. Women get caught

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<v Speaker 3>up in this fairy tale fantasy that their worth is

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<v Speaker 3>tied to the relationship status, like literally I always say

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<v Speaker 3>this desperation breeds bottom feeders. Searching for someone to complete

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<v Speaker 3>you was never necessary because you already are enough.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, Number three, what low self esteem actually looks like?

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<v Speaker 3>This is a good one.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, because like the amount of like relationships that I

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<v Speaker 2>consistently was getting into that didn't make me feel complete,

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<v Speaker 2>but I stayed and I just kept trying and trying.

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<v Speaker 2>And this is not something that even is like just

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<v Speaker 2>for twenty year olds. This is something that I feel

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<v Speaker 2>like women are constantly battling all the time.

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<v Speaker 3>When you love yourself, you actually choose partners and people

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<v Speaker 3>who look and feel like love. So if you're summer

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<v Speaker 3>right now claiming you love yourself but your relationship does

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<v Speaker 3>not mirror that, you need to take a deep dive

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<v Speaker 3>into what that actually looks like and means.

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<v Speaker 2>Amen.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Number four, hypersexuality is worth examining. Like reframing the free,

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<v Speaker 2>fun party girl identity means understanding that healing before you

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<v Speaker 2>hoe is best and it's true hyper sexuality can be

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<v Speaker 2>a form of abandoning your body, like even us as

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<v Speaker 2>the most free moms, as the most free women, I've

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<v Speaker 2>had to really explore just making sure it's not performative

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<v Speaker 2>and that it actually is what I want.

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<v Speaker 3>Abs fuso lutely. And lastly, number five, learning to read

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<v Speaker 3>the signs that say we are not okay. I have

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<v Speaker 3>spent all of my twenties and most of my thirties

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<v Speaker 3>starting the dialogue with my body to figure out what

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<v Speaker 3>is actually my choice and what is not because I

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<v Speaker 3>just wasn't sure, because I was not empowered to do so.

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<v Speaker 3>The things we carry that do not belong to us,

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<v Speaker 3>the body keeps the score. Just because you can numb

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<v Speaker 3>out does not mean you will not feel it later.

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<v Speaker 3>As someone who just turned thirty eight, I am feeling

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<v Speaker 3>it later.

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<v Speaker 2>I was going to say, ignoring yourself it has long

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<v Speaker 2>term consequences, and starting the dialogue with your own body

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<v Speaker 2>is how you begin to honor it.

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<v Speaker 3>Absolutely. If I had these five tidbits in my twenties,

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<v Speaker 3>I'd probably be healing from a lot less sexual trauma.

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<v Speaker 3>But the beautiful thing is you don't have to learn

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<v Speaker 3>by action. You can learn from this advice.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, and these are just some things we wish

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<v Speaker 2>we knew and we were more aware of, and that

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<v Speaker 2>would have shifted some of our lessons.

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<v Speaker 1>And listen, all.

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<v Speaker 2>Lessons are good. We're Good Mom's Bad Choices. But if

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<v Speaker 2>we can save you from some of the bad choices

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<v Speaker 2>we made, let us make fewer bad choices so we

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<v Speaker 2>can have more good moments. And that starts with knowing yourself,

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<v Speaker 2>knowing your body, and knowing your status. So get tested,

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<v Speaker 2>know your prevention options. That is self love too.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm actually going to get tested tomorrow at five pm

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<v Speaker 3>with my husband. So it doesn't matter if you're single,

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<v Speaker 3>if your mom, if you hadn't had sex in a

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<v Speaker 3>long time, if you're married, if you're dating, if you're hoing,

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<v Speaker 3>go get tested because it's better to know than not

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<v Speaker 3>to know. You don't want to live with that anxiety.

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<v Speaker 3>You want to live of empowered and knowing your status.

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<v Speaker 1>This episode of Good Mom's Bad Choices is sponsored by

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<v Speaker 1>Care for the Culture from Gilead Sciences.