WEBVTT - (If Loving Cookie's Is Wrong) We Don’t Want To Be Right ft. Leanne Ellington 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:04.520 I won't let my body out out well everything that 0:00:04.640 --> 0:00:07.920 I'm made dope, won't spend my life trying to change. 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:12.440 I'm learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong, 0:00:12.840 --> 0:00:15.840 I feel free, I know who every part of me 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:24.000 it's beautiful. And then will always out with if you 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:27.200 feel it with yours in there. She's some love to 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:29.960 the mood by at there. Let's say good day and 0:00:30.920 --> 0:00:36.360 did you and die out? All right? Hey outweigh fam 0:00:36.560 --> 0:00:40.920 Amy here And it's just me and a friend, Leanne 0:00:41.000 --> 0:00:45.120 Ellington today. Lisa is not with us. Some episodes you 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:47.440 got Lisa and a guest. Some episodes you got me 0:00:47.479 --> 0:00:50.040 and Lisa. Some episodes you got me and a guest. 0:00:50.159 --> 0:00:52.919 So that is what is going down today. And I 0:00:52.960 --> 0:00:56.200 had the privilege of meeting Leanne a year ago she 0:00:56.280 --> 0:01:00.040 did my Four Things with Amy Brown podcast, and I 0:01:00.160 --> 0:01:02.080 just had such a great time with you and just 0:01:02.160 --> 0:01:05.360 really appreciated all of your wisdom and insight. And I 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:09.360 know that you have your own disordered eating past and story, 0:01:09.480 --> 0:01:12.520 so I want you to just recap that for people quickly. 0:01:12.560 --> 0:01:14.319 Maybe they heard you on my Four Things podcast, or 0:01:14.319 --> 0:01:16.880 maybe this is totally all brand new to them, but 0:01:17.040 --> 0:01:18.800 I know a lot of people are listening to Outweigh 0:01:18.880 --> 0:01:21.520 because they have been in a similar place as you 0:01:21.680 --> 0:01:25.480 or maybe me, or they've dealt with food embody image issues, 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:27.600 or maybe they're trying to learn more about it because 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:29.720 they have a friend or a family member that is 0:01:29.760 --> 0:01:33.240 going through that. And then after Leanne shares her story, 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:35.760 we're going to get into things that you can do 0:01:36.000 --> 0:01:39.920 to pull yourself out of a negative rut. This is 0:01:40.240 --> 0:01:44.520 Leanne's specialty. Sometimes we can get into a vicious cycle 0:01:44.640 --> 0:01:48.000 in our head and we've created all these pathways that 0:01:48.280 --> 0:01:51.600 are telling us things about our our body and food 0:01:51.640 --> 0:01:55.000 that are super negative. So we're gonna talk through it 0:01:55.040 --> 0:01:56.880 with Leanne and she's going to give us some tools 0:01:57.200 --> 0:02:01.760 and ways to break those bad habits inside our brains. 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:04.760 So welcome lean Thank you, thanking to be back. So 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:07.080 we've got to be here. Yeah, thanks for being here 0:02:07.160 --> 0:02:10.440 with us, uh and joining us for Outweigh. And what's 0:02:10.480 --> 0:02:13.360 your quick story of you know how you got to 0:02:13.400 --> 0:02:15.960 where you are, which is on the other side, and 0:02:15.960 --> 0:02:19.120 and just offering that hope to people that that can happen. Yeah. 0:02:19.160 --> 0:02:22.680 The cliff notes version is, you know, I was a sedentary, overweight, 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:26.600 unhealthy kid turned into teenager adult, and you know, brought 0:02:26.600 --> 0:02:29.240 it with me into adulthood. And my first weight Watchers 0:02:29.280 --> 0:02:32.040 meeting was when I was in third grade. So from 0:02:32.080 --> 0:02:35.320 a very young age, food became this very personal thing, 0:02:35.400 --> 0:02:37.880 and my self image and body image followed suit. And 0:02:37.960 --> 0:02:40.240 so I carried that with me into adulthood. And in 0:02:40.280 --> 0:02:42.160 my twenties, I kind of got to that point where 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:44.480 I had one of my first enough is enough points, 0:02:44.520 --> 0:02:46.560 and I got to, you know, said, you know, something's 0:02:46.560 --> 0:02:48.840 got to give, and I went down the road of 0:02:49.080 --> 0:02:51.160 what was available to me to lose weight, and I 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:53.760 lost close to a hundred pounds. And again I didn't 0:02:53.760 --> 0:02:55.960 know what I didn't know, and so I was using 0:02:55.960 --> 0:02:58.520 the whole eat less, move more, harder, faster, more, what 0:02:58.600 --> 0:03:01.560 I call the diet mentality of you know, control way, measure, 0:03:01.639 --> 0:03:05.480 restrict obsess Carbs are bad, fats are bad, fats are good, 0:03:05.639 --> 0:03:07.800 carbs are good, depending on what decade it was at 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:11.320 the time, but all of it gave this obsession over food, 0:03:11.360 --> 0:03:14.080 obsession over my body, not to mention this kind of 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:17.560 disordered relationship with my body, what I saw in the mirror. 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:19.320 All of that, but again I didn't know what I 0:03:19.360 --> 0:03:22.320 didn't know and after I lost a significant amount of weight, 0:03:22.480 --> 0:03:24.440 I wanted to help other women. So I got into 0:03:24.440 --> 0:03:27.360 the fitness industry, and my fitness business kind of blew 0:03:27.400 --> 0:03:30.200 up because everyone resonated with I was I was kind 0:03:30.200 --> 0:03:32.160 of playing the whole fat girl to fit girl angle 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:34.040 at the time, or those are the words I was 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:36.880 using and or other people were using about me, and 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:39.600 you know it, it really blew up. And all of 0:03:39.640 --> 0:03:42.880 a sudden, I became this authority to other people about 0:03:42.920 --> 0:03:45.440 how to lose weight. And again I was teaching the 0:03:45.520 --> 0:03:48.640 diet mentality. And you know, it came to a head 0:03:48.720 --> 0:03:52.360 when I had kind of a quarter life crisis where 0:03:52.360 --> 0:03:55.480 I realized that what I was doing to myself was 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:58.440 so unhealthy. It was the opposite of health. It was 0:03:58.480 --> 0:04:01.800 the opposite of happiness. Because at the height of you know, 0:04:01.840 --> 0:04:04.000 when I looked like what I always wanted to look 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:06.080 like since I was a little girl, I was miserable. 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:08.800 My my self image was, you know, full of self 0:04:08.800 --> 0:04:13.560 rejection and isolation and and shame, so much shame, not 0:04:13.600 --> 0:04:16.080 to mention, I was in this food prison where I 0:04:16.200 --> 0:04:18.600 knew that if I stopped tracking or counting or weighing 0:04:18.680 --> 0:04:21.040 or measuring, or if I stopped working out like I 0:04:21.720 --> 0:04:23.680 didn't have a handle on it. A lot of it 0:04:23.720 --> 0:04:25.400 came to a head and what I now call my 0:04:25.560 --> 0:04:28.440 cost of skinny, which was major spine surgery. I didn't 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:31.000 listen to my body. I kept trying to out exercise 0:04:31.080 --> 0:04:34.320 my food struggles, and I majorly hurt myself not to 0:04:34.360 --> 0:04:36.880 mention what I now call my fat head, where even 0:04:36.920 --> 0:04:39.960 though I looked a certain way, the self image and 0:04:40.000 --> 0:04:42.919 the goggles that I were seeing myself through, I still 0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:46.880 saw myself as fat. Fat became a feeling, even though 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:49.960 it's not a feeling, and you know, that cycle progress. 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:53.520 Until I had this enough is enough moment, people thought 0:04:53.520 --> 0:04:56.600 I was crazy. I shut down a very successful fitness 0:04:56.640 --> 0:04:58.440 empire at the time. You know, I was on TV, 0:04:58.560 --> 0:05:00.440 I was in magazines, I was on IDEO, I was 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:03.440 a CNN like corporate wellness programs, you name it. And 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:05.680 I just walked away from it all because I knew 0:05:05.920 --> 0:05:07.760 I had healing that needed to be done and that 0:05:07.880 --> 0:05:10.560 I was called to something higher and bigger. I went 0:05:10.600 --> 0:05:13.599 and healed my relationship with food, healed my relationship with 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:16.760 with my body, and really started taking a self image 0:05:16.760 --> 0:05:19.680 approach because I knew that what I was seeing was 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:22.640 not how I was feeling, and vice versa. And you 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:25.279 know that was about ten years ago or nine years 0:05:25.279 --> 0:05:28.040 ago that I closed my my fitness studio and stepped 0:05:28.040 --> 0:05:30.280 into what I'm doing now. And now what I do 0:05:30.360 --> 0:05:32.800 is I help women that are stuck in that diet 0:05:32.800 --> 0:05:36.719 obsession or food craziness or feeling crazy around food really 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:40.479 healed that relationship with themselves, heal their relationship with food 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:43.719 and their bodies by taking really a neuroscience and brain 0:05:43.760 --> 0:05:46.719 based approach and a self image and identity approach to 0:05:46.800 --> 0:05:48.760 really heal it, not just put band aids on it, 0:05:49.120 --> 0:05:51.279 not you know, patch it up and and try to 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:54.120 outdiet the problem, but really address it from the root 0:05:54.160 --> 0:05:57.320 and find a lifelong, forever solution. I feel like nine 0:05:57.440 --> 0:06:01.040 years ago, I mean that you're out of where I was. 0:06:01.120 --> 0:06:03.560 I feel like, uh, and I know you're not on 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:07.119 Instagram a lot, But for me, that's where I learned 0:06:07.120 --> 0:06:09.880 about this whole anti diet world and that there was 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:13.839 this big movement happening and there was another way because 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:17.480 for so long, diets were just so acceptable. I mean, shoot, 0:06:17.640 --> 0:06:20.520 you were taken to a weight Watchers meeting at ten 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:24.280 years old, like that was normal. Because it was. I mean, 0:06:24.320 --> 0:06:26.760 it wasn't our mom's they diet it. It was it 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:28.400 wasn't even like it was a thing. It's like, oh, yeah, 0:06:28.440 --> 0:06:30.760 of course, we're just gonna track what we eat, count 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:33.760 these points. It's fine, Like that was normal. Yeah, and yeah, 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:36.680 you're right, this conversation wasn't being had. You know, a 0:06:36.760 --> 0:06:38.480 lot of people in my life thought I was kind 0:06:38.480 --> 0:06:40.520 of crazy for going out and having these conversations. I 0:06:40.560 --> 0:06:43.720 had my coach that I was was helping me build 0:06:43.720 --> 0:06:46.560 my fitness business. I remember him saying like, Lea, nobody's 0:06:46.600 --> 0:06:50.000 going to buy mindset, nobody is going to buy emotional 0:06:50.000 --> 0:06:51.960 health like they'll buy weight loss. And I'm like, well, 0:06:51.960 --> 0:06:55.200 I'm gonna go find the people that need help emotionally. 0:06:55.240 --> 0:06:57.760 And it's not about that. It's not about business anymore. 0:06:57.800 --> 0:06:59.799 This is about This is a soul game now, Okay, 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:02.520 So a diet and weight loss industry I think is 0:07:02.560 --> 0:07:05.000 seventy one billion dollars. I just googled it while you 0:07:05.040 --> 0:07:08.839 were talking. That is crazy, I mean, and so a 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:11.320 lot of people have followed that because yes, that's where 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:14.240 the money is. But then when you look at you 0:07:14.280 --> 0:07:18.040 know the damage that has been done because of all 0:07:18.120 --> 0:07:21.440 of said diets out there, and I have definitely tried 0:07:21.760 --> 0:07:24.400 my fair share of them. I just want to want 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:27.240 people to know that there is another way. Maybe there's 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:29.720 is your first time listening to Outweigh and you're hearing 0:07:29.960 --> 0:07:33.360 anti diet culture. Maybe you're not on Instagram or you're 0:07:33.360 --> 0:07:35.280 not following the right people. I mean, I feel like 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:38.360 sometimes you can get inundated with different kinds of accounts 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:40.240 depending on who you follow, and then you see and 0:07:40.280 --> 0:07:42.280 you think that that's the norm. But then once I 0:07:42.320 --> 0:07:45.200 started to really follow specific accounts that we're going to 0:07:45.240 --> 0:07:48.520 help educate me and actually help me unlearn, like I 0:07:48.560 --> 0:07:51.080 was learning a lot but also having to un learn 0:07:51.720 --> 0:07:54.920 a lot of things. Um, it was just super helpful 0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:57.080 for me and it allowed me to kind of clear 0:07:57.120 --> 0:08:01.000 out junk that I was receiving and had been receiving 0:08:01.040 --> 0:08:04.680 for so many years. Yeah from family and friends too. 0:08:05.040 --> 0:08:07.040 So yeah, good for you for being way ahead of 0:08:07.080 --> 0:08:09.520 the curve and you know, not just chasing where the 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:12.480 money was. Thank you. Yeah, It's it's true, Like that 0:08:12.560 --> 0:08:15.880 whole weight loss mentality, it became the authority where people 0:08:15.920 --> 0:08:19.120 thought that it was true. And having this awareness that 0:08:19.160 --> 0:08:22.280 there is another way. I mean, that in itself. The 0:08:22.320 --> 0:08:24.680 women I talked to, just knowing there is a better path, 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:27.160 even if they haven't started down it yet, just knowing 0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:30.880 that it's out there. It gives hope to the hopeless. Yeah. Oh, 0:08:31.160 --> 0:08:33.800 and I love the whole hope thing, because that is 0:08:33.840 --> 0:08:36.120 what we like to offer here, is that there is 0:08:36.160 --> 0:08:39.600 that that hope that there is another way. And so 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:42.640 what do you have for us when it comes to 0:08:42.760 --> 0:08:46.400 our mindset and when we are stuck in a negative run? 0:08:46.600 --> 0:08:48.280 And I'm sure a lot of our listeners they have 0:08:48.440 --> 0:08:50.680 been putting in the work. I know that some days. 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:52.679 I know I put in the work, but I have 0:08:52.960 --> 0:08:55.600 unhealthy days that pop up where my brain is just 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:59.680 going back to old patterns because that's what it's used to. 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:02.160 So what do you have for us? Or maybe for 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:05.319 some people this is completely new, or like others like me, 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:08.640 they just get stuck in a rut some days. Absolutely, Yeah, 0:09:08.640 --> 0:09:10.480 I think the biggest thing. I mean, if I could 0:09:10.480 --> 0:09:12.600 go back and tell myself something ten years ago, it 0:09:12.600 --> 0:09:15.240 would just be to give awareness of what's going on 0:09:15.320 --> 0:09:17.719 and help me understand why I do what I do? 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:20.800 Why am I having this cause and effect relationship with myself? 0:09:21.160 --> 0:09:23.520 Because the reality is back in the day, I just 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:25.800 thought I was crazy. I thought that I was the 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:28.480 abnormal one and that I was the only one struggling 0:09:28.559 --> 0:09:31.040 with this. So, you know, even just outside of the 0:09:31.080 --> 0:09:33.920 mindset scope, just telling anybody's listening, you know, the whole 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:38.320 disordered eating struggle and really suffering that comes alongside it. 0:09:38.640 --> 0:09:41.440 Nobody knows how how dark it can be and how 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:44.360 much shame there is. And so just helping women understand 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:47.000 that they are not alone and that this is something 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:49.520 that there isn't a solution to and they don't have 0:09:49.559 --> 0:09:51.160 to live like this, and that they don't have to 0:09:51.200 --> 0:09:53.720 be a shame because it is, like you just said, 0:09:53.760 --> 0:09:56.280 there is a multiple you know, what did you say, 0:09:56.320 --> 0:10:00.520 seventy billion dollar industry that is helping enforce these habits. 0:10:00.520 --> 0:10:02.960 So knowing that like this isn't your fault, you didn't 0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:05.520 cause it. It's just a product of what you're being 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:08.160 influenced by. And there's a lot of influence out there 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:10.440 that's saying Number one, you know, speaking on the topic 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:14.040 of awareness instead of addressing the symptoms, which is really 0:10:14.080 --> 0:10:16.160 the self talk, like how do I address the cause 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:18.440 and stop the cause of what's causing me to talk? 0:10:18.480 --> 0:10:21.640 To myself, like self rejection and self loathing and those 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:25.040 shame shame statements. Um, I call it the drama, right, 0:10:25.240 --> 0:10:27.840 But there's two categories that I create awareness to. The 0:10:27.880 --> 0:10:30.400 first is like what's causing it? Is it because it's 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:33.280 the strategy that you're taking and noticing? Like? Is it 0:10:33.320 --> 0:10:37.720 because you are trying to use weapons of control like 0:10:37.880 --> 0:10:42.040 restriction and deprivation and punishing yourself with with workouts or 0:10:42.080 --> 0:10:47.319 punishing yourself by not eating right, you know, deprivation, starvation, counting, weighing, tracking, 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:51.120 measuring that obsessive kind of mentality, just knowing that that 0:10:51.400 --> 0:10:54.280 is what's probably causing the type of self talk like 0:10:54.400 --> 0:10:56.360 why can't I stick with this? Or what's wrong with me? 0:10:56.520 --> 0:10:58.600 Or what? You know? Why am I so great at 0:10:58.600 --> 0:11:00.719 everything else and I'm failing at Is that kind of 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:04.280 failure self talk? The shame self talk of you know, again, 0:11:04.360 --> 0:11:06.480 what's wrong with me? Or why why can't I stick 0:11:06.520 --> 0:11:08.920 with this? The guilt why did I eat that? Why 0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:11.200 can't I stop this? You know, the hopelessness of like 0:11:11.400 --> 0:11:13.880 is this how it's always gonna be? Just so recognizing 0:11:13.880 --> 0:11:16.640 where it shows up and knowing that, oh it's not 0:11:16.720 --> 0:11:18.280 that I'm weak, will it's not that I'm a self 0:11:18.280 --> 0:11:20.960 sabotage or it's the strategy that I'm using would cause 0:11:21.040 --> 0:11:24.800 even the most motivated and most strong minded woman to 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:28.400 feel like they're self sabotaging and just again giving yourself 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:31.400 compassion knowing like, wait, this isn't a me problem. This 0:11:31.480 --> 0:11:33.600 is the strategy that I'm using. So that would be 0:11:33.600 --> 0:11:36.600 like the first category, But then the other category would 0:11:36.600 --> 0:11:39.880 be noticing, where is the narrative, like the big picture 0:11:40.000 --> 0:11:43.120 narrative of who you think you are in your life, 0:11:43.200 --> 0:11:47.199 in your relationships. Where is that narrative causing this this drama, 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:50.600 which is the shame, the blame, the guilt, the comparisonitis, 0:11:50.640 --> 0:11:54.520 the perfectionism, right, And is it that self image, that 0:11:54.679 --> 0:11:57.480 narrative that's causing you to think that there's something wrong 0:11:57.520 --> 0:12:01.120 with you, calling yourself words like fat or ugly or 0:12:01.200 --> 0:12:05.040 unlovable or a failure or a self sabotager. So noticing 0:12:05.160 --> 0:12:07.880 is it because I'm using the wrong strategy and that's 0:12:07.920 --> 0:12:10.680 causing me to, you know, think I am this way? 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:12.960 Or is it because there's a narrative that I'm telling 0:12:13.000 --> 0:12:16.360 myself that's really a lie. It's not true, but it's 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:18.160 a lie that we picked up along the way, or 0:12:18.200 --> 0:12:20.280 we you know, somebody said it about us or we 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:23.079 said it about ourselves, and we've been stepping into that 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:27.120 narrative every single day. Both of those things are transformable. So, 0:12:27.240 --> 0:12:29.679 but first takes the awareness of like, wait, what if 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:32.080 maybe it's because I have a strategy that's not serving 0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:36.120 me a k A this disordered eating, this dysmorphic relationship 0:12:36.160 --> 0:12:38.920 with our bodies, right, or be saying no, it's this 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:42.400 big picture narrative that I never chose, I never voted on, 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:44.480 and I'm not going to feed it any longer. So 0:12:44.559 --> 0:12:47.000 having that awareness, and then, you know, if you were 0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:49.760 to get nitty gritty once you see that, I call 0:12:49.840 --> 0:12:53.280 it the inner bitches, right, and it's it's those those 0:12:53.640 --> 0:12:56.000 voices of drama. I was gonna say, I mean that's 0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:58.040 because you have a book called how to Ditch the 0:12:58.080 --> 0:13:00.720 b R. Yeah, so the you know, I call it 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:03.559 your inner bitches, which are those those dramatic voices, the 0:13:03.640 --> 0:13:08.040 voices of shame, blame, guilt, comparisonitis, perfectionism that shows up 0:13:08.040 --> 0:13:10.200 in the self talk and body talk of any woman 0:13:10.240 --> 0:13:13.319 that does have a kind of you know, self rejecting 0:13:13.360 --> 0:13:16.240 relationship with herself and and the truth is is that 0:13:16.520 --> 0:13:19.160 for me, it's a it's a big worthiness thing, like 0:13:19.320 --> 0:13:21.520 we don't feel worthy of giving ourselves that love. And 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:23.400 I mean love as a noun, but also love as 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:25.760 a verb, like how are we treating ourselves? What are 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:28.040 we feeding ourselves? What are we putting our bodies through? 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:30.520 Like love as a verb. When we don't feel worthy 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:32.960 of receiving it for ourselves or giving it to ourselves, 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:34.200 we're not going to be able to give it and 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:36.800 receive it to and from others. So it does it's 0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:40.440 that internal external push and pull. But really when again, 0:13:40.480 --> 0:13:42.840 the first step is that awareness of seeing when those 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:45.440 voices are showing up and recognizing them kind of like 0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:48.959 they're external, like they're they're not us like, and being 0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:52.640 able to just say that is I. I distinguish it 0:13:52.720 --> 0:13:56.360 the data versus the drama. Right, So using an example 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:58.400 of a chocolate chip cookie, because we know I love 0:13:58.480 --> 0:14:01.920 chocolate chip cookies. You know, the data is I ate 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:05.640 a cookie. The drama is that was bad, that was wrong, 0:14:05.760 --> 0:14:07.680 that was fattening. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna gain so 0:14:07.720 --> 0:14:10.760 much weight. All of the things, the story, the meaning, 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:15.160 the identification, eat the whole box, of chocolate chip cookies 0:14:15.200 --> 0:14:17.680 because I'm never going to eat them again, exactly. I 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:23.560 had to add that because it's very relevant. But everything else, 0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:26.720 the data is I ate a cookie. And so it's 0:14:26.760 --> 0:14:30.000 never the circumstance or the data that causes us to 0:14:30.080 --> 0:14:33.200 feel bad, to feel those air quotes negative emotions that 0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:36.160 the shame, the sadness, the guilt, the fear that the 0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:40.520 self hate, all that, it's our thoughts about that circumstance. 0:14:40.880 --> 0:14:44.480 And so when we separate the actual circumstance as data 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:47.560 from the drama a k a. Our thoughts that we're 0:14:47.600 --> 0:14:51.200 creating about it, everything transforms. Same thing with your body, 0:14:51.320 --> 0:14:52.960 right A lot of people I talked to a lot 0:14:53.000 --> 0:14:55.640 of women, they think that their body is a problem. 0:14:55.920 --> 0:14:57.280 And one of the thoughts that I work on a 0:14:57.280 --> 0:14:59.600 lot with my clients is like, your body is your body. 0:14:59.640 --> 0:15:02.480 It's your thoughts about your body that are causing you 0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:05.360 to feel a certain way and then act a certain way. 0:15:05.360 --> 0:15:09.080 And there's this cascade. So you know, while your body 0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:11.840 is your body as it is right now, right this 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:14.920 acceptance conversation like accepting the data of this is my 0:15:14.960 --> 0:15:16.960 body right now, what are the thoughts that I can 0:15:16.960 --> 0:15:20.080 shift right now? Because the reality is is right. The second, 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:22.880 I can't change the shape, body composition of my body, 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:25.360 but I can change my thoughts, which will then change 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:28.240 my feelings, which will then affect my behaviors and actions, 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:31.040 which will then end up changing the result of how 0:15:31.040 --> 0:15:34.200 I feel about my body. But again, this is all 0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:36.680 in the context of, first we have to take radical 0:15:36.720 --> 0:15:39.360 ownership of like, you know what, getting to that point 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:42.480 where we get so sick and tired of treating ourselves 0:15:42.520 --> 0:15:45.520 with such self hate and disrespect that we draw that 0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:47.720 line in the sand and we say enough is enough. 0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:49.920 I'm not going to do this to myself anymore, you know. 0:15:50.000 --> 0:15:52.760 So that's a bigger conversation. But I think that's actually 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:55.800 the first conversation that has to happen. That's the big 0:15:55.840 --> 0:15:58.040 macro of all the micro stuff I just talked about, 0:15:58.080 --> 0:16:00.640 which is like really having that enough is enough point, 0:16:00.720 --> 0:16:02.920 not like a lot of women I think experienced that 0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:05.480 enough is enough point of like, Okay, I gotta do something, 0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:07.600 I gotta lose weight, and that's where they go towards 0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:11.400 that restriction disordered mentality. Right, But what if the new 0:16:11.440 --> 0:16:13.800 line in the sand was like, no, I am done 0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:16.120 treating myself like gum on the bottom of my shoe, 0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:19.240 and that has to shift my thoughts, my beliefs, my 0:16:19.320 --> 0:16:21.240 behaviors that are causing me to think and act and 0:16:21.280 --> 0:16:23.680 feel and behave like there's something wrong with me. What 0:16:23.880 --> 0:16:27.440 if that's what we spent seventy billion dollars transforming in 0:16:27.480 --> 0:16:30.440 this world. Oh my gosh, like that would be amazing. 0:16:30.800 --> 0:16:33.080 I feel like I've been on a fast track in 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:37.240 a new direction, but I constantly get kind of bumped 0:16:37.360 --> 0:16:41.840 or derailed in a sense because well, some old patterns 0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:44.840 pop up. But I do my best to get back 0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:48.400 on track, but then the world just pounds me with 0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:51.360 all It's like it's raining all this other stuff and 0:16:51.400 --> 0:16:54.000 I can't escape it. And I know others have to 0:16:54.040 --> 0:16:56.760 feel the same way, especially when if you're in the 0:16:56.800 --> 0:17:00.359 beginning of this work. I'll just say, it's not easy, 0:17:00.360 --> 0:17:04.680 but it is so worth it. But the society certainly 0:17:04.680 --> 0:17:06.760 doesn't do us any favors. So yeah, if we could 0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:10.720 shift that narrative like as a culture and start investing 0:17:11.080 --> 0:17:13.600 in that, that would be I'd be super grateful because 0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:16.240 it would help me out a lot totally. And I think, 0:17:16.240 --> 0:17:18.000 you know, one of the things I witnessed with I 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:20.240 witnessed it within myself and I witness it with my clients. 0:17:20.240 --> 0:17:23.000 When you first start going down this path, I'll say this, 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:25.920 I'll be bold and say food isn't the problem either. 0:17:26.040 --> 0:17:28.960 It's our thoughts about food that are the problem. Right. 0:17:29.080 --> 0:17:31.840 You want to change your brain, You change the trajectory 0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:34.560 of your thoughts. That is how you rewire your brain. 0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:37.160 This concept of rewiring your brain is very in vogue 0:17:37.240 --> 0:17:39.399 right now, but it's a lot of like positive thinking 0:17:39.400 --> 0:17:40.960 and fake fake it till you make it, and think 0:17:41.000 --> 0:17:43.879 your way positive, and that doesn't work because thinking your 0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:45.960 way positive, you know, say like this is the last 0:17:46.000 --> 0:17:48.000 time I'm gonna do this, or you know, I really 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:50.600 love my body, when in reality, your subconscious mind or 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:53.119 yourself image is saying no, you don't really love your body. 0:17:53.440 --> 0:17:56.280 You're basically calling bs on yourself. Right, and positive thinking 0:17:56.400 --> 0:17:58.359 will last for a little while, but it doesn't change 0:17:58.359 --> 0:18:01.280 the brain when you go down this road of really 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:05.000 transforming the brain, really changing the way that you process 0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:08.159 thoughts and the way that you create thoughts. Um. What 0:18:08.240 --> 0:18:09.960 I noticed with myself and what I noticed with my 0:18:10.000 --> 0:18:12.320 clients is first they go through a phase of kind 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:14.280 of anger of like oh my gosh, how did I 0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:17.560 buy into these lies? Like how did I get bamboozled, 0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:21.360 you know, by this diet culture? And then it's slowly 0:18:21.480 --> 0:18:24.560 as they learn compassion for themselves, its shifts to compassion, 0:18:24.680 --> 0:18:27.080 you know. So I have questions all the time of like, hey, 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:28.800 I went out to do with my girlfriends and they're 0:18:28.800 --> 0:18:30.960 sitting there and they're obsessing over how many calories is 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:34.119 in the saladdressing, And part of what I invite them 0:18:34.160 --> 0:18:36.200 to do is just like, first of all, be grateful 0:18:36.240 --> 0:18:38.240 of like, hey, I'm so grateful I'm not playing that 0:18:38.280 --> 0:18:41.200 game anymore. Like this is just no longer the conversations 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:44.680 that I'm entertaining, right, but also extend them compassion because 0:18:44.680 --> 0:18:46.639 they don't know what they don't know, and they're on 0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:49.600 their own journey and just like you had to figure out, like, 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:51.719 this is not the road I want to go down anymore. 0:18:51.760 --> 0:18:54.400 These are not the conversations I want to entertain. They 0:18:54.440 --> 0:18:57.400 have to to and it's transformative. Okay, So I want 0:18:57.400 --> 0:18:59.920 to dig a little deeper into this dinner scenario because 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:03.520 some people might find themselves in this position where they're 0:19:03.520 --> 0:19:06.560 out with friends and someone's talking about a diet, and yeah, 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:08.480 it's like, oh you blah blah, I don't want to 0:19:08.480 --> 0:19:09.639 hear I don't want to hear I don't want to 0:19:09.680 --> 0:19:11.600 hear it. But you also don't want to be rude 0:19:11.880 --> 0:19:15.199 or project your ways like you're high and mighty and 0:19:15.240 --> 0:19:17.480 you need to be more like me. So is it 0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:20.680 just that you keep it internal and just make sure 0:19:20.760 --> 0:19:23.239