Speaker 1: I won't let my body out out well everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made dope, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 1: I'm learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong,
Speaker 1: I feel free, I know who every part of me
Speaker 1: it's beautiful. And then will always out with if you
Speaker 1: feel it with yours in there. She's some love to
Speaker 1: the mood by at there. Let's say good day and
Speaker 1: did you and die out? All right? Hey outweigh fam
Speaker 1: Amy here And it's just me and a friend, Leanne
Speaker 1: Ellington today. Lisa is not with us. Some episodes you
Speaker 1: got Lisa and a guest. Some episodes you got me
Speaker 1: and Lisa. Some episodes you got me and a guest.
Speaker 1: So that is what is going down today. And I
Speaker 1: had the privilege of meeting Leanne a year ago she
Speaker 1: did my Four Things with Amy Brown podcast, and I
Speaker 1: just had such a great time with you and just
Speaker 1: really appreciated all of your wisdom and insight. And I
Speaker 1: know that you have your own disordered eating past and story,
Speaker 1: so I want you to just recap that for people quickly.
Speaker 1: Maybe they heard you on my Four Things podcast, or
Speaker 1: maybe this is totally all brand new to them, but
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people are listening to Outweigh
Speaker 1: because they have been in a similar place as you
Speaker 1: or maybe me, or they've dealt with food embody image issues,
Speaker 1: or maybe they're trying to learn more about it because
Speaker 1: they have a friend or a family member that is
Speaker 1: going through that. And then after Leanne shares her story,
Speaker 1: we're going to get into things that you can do
Speaker 1: to pull yourself out of a negative rut. This is
Speaker 1: Leanne's specialty. Sometimes we can get into a vicious cycle
Speaker 1: in our head and we've created all these pathways that
Speaker 1: are telling us things about our our body and food
Speaker 1: that are super negative. So we're gonna talk through it
Speaker 1: with Leanne and she's going to give us some tools
Speaker 1: and ways to break those bad habits inside our brains.
Speaker 1: So welcome lean Thank you, thanking to be back. So
Speaker 1: we've got to be here. Yeah, thanks for being here
Speaker 1: with us, uh and joining us for Outweigh. And what's
Speaker 1: your quick story of you know how you got to
Speaker 1: where you are, which is on the other side, and
Speaker 1: and just offering that hope to people that that can happen. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The cliff notes version is, you know, I was a sedentary, overweight,
Speaker 1: unhealthy kid turned into teenager adult, and you know, brought
Speaker 1: it with me into adulthood. And my first weight Watchers
Speaker 1: meeting was when I was in third grade. So from
Speaker 1: a very young age, food became this very personal thing,
Speaker 1: and my self image and body image followed suit. And
Speaker 1: so I carried that with me into adulthood. And in
Speaker 1: my twenties, I kind of got to that point where
Speaker 1: I had one of my first enough is enough points,
Speaker 1: and I got to, you know, said, you know, something's
Speaker 1: got to give, and I went down the road of
Speaker 1: what was available to me to lose weight, and I
Speaker 1: lost close to a hundred pounds. And again I didn't
Speaker 1: know what I didn't know, and so I was using
Speaker 1: the whole eat less, move more, harder, faster, more, what
Speaker 1: I call the diet mentality of you know, control way, measure,
Speaker 1: restrict obsess Carbs are bad, fats are bad, fats are good,
Speaker 1: carbs are good, depending on what decade it was at
Speaker 1: the time, but all of it gave this obsession over food,
Speaker 1: obsession over my body, not to mention this kind of
Speaker 1: disordered relationship with my body, what I saw in the mirror.
Speaker 1: All of that, but again I didn't know what I
Speaker 1: didn't know and after I lost a significant amount of weight,
Speaker 1: I wanted to help other women. So I got into
Speaker 1: the fitness industry, and my fitness business kind of blew
Speaker 1: up because everyone resonated with I was I was kind
Speaker 1: of playing the whole fat girl to fit girl angle
Speaker 1: at the time, or those are the words I was
Speaker 1: using and or other people were using about me, and
Speaker 1: you know it, it really blew up. And all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, I became this authority to other people about
Speaker 1: how to lose weight. And again I was teaching the
Speaker 1: diet mentality. And you know, it came to a head
Speaker 1: when I had kind of a quarter life crisis where
Speaker 1: I realized that what I was doing to myself was
Speaker 1: so unhealthy. It was the opposite of health. It was
Speaker 1: the opposite of happiness. Because at the height of you know,
Speaker 1: when I looked like what I always wanted to look
Speaker 1: like since I was a little girl, I was miserable.
Speaker 1: My my self image was, you know, full of self
Speaker 1: rejection and isolation and and shame, so much shame, not
Speaker 1: to mention, I was in this food prison where I
Speaker 1: knew that if I stopped tracking or counting or weighing
Speaker 1: or measuring, or if I stopped working out like I
Speaker 1: didn't have a handle on it. A lot of it
Speaker 1: came to a head and what I now call my
Speaker 1: cost of skinny, which was major spine surgery. I didn't
Speaker 1: listen to my body. I kept trying to out exercise
Speaker 1: my food struggles, and I majorly hurt myself not to
Speaker 1: mention what I now call my fat head, where even
Speaker 1: though I looked a certain way, the self image and
Speaker 1: the goggles that I were seeing myself through, I still
Speaker 1: saw myself as fat. Fat became a feeling, even though
Speaker 1: it's not a feeling, and you know, that cycle progress.
Speaker 1: Until I had this enough is enough moment, people thought
Speaker 1: I was crazy. I shut down a very successful fitness
Speaker 1: empire at the time. You know, I was on TV,
Speaker 1: I was in magazines, I was on IDEO, I was
Speaker 1: a CNN like corporate wellness programs, you name it. And
Speaker 1: I just walked away from it all because I knew
Speaker 1: I had healing that needed to be done and that
Speaker 1: I was called to something higher and bigger. I went
Speaker 1: and healed my relationship with food, healed my relationship with
Speaker 1: with my body, and really started taking a self image
Speaker 1: approach because I knew that what I was seeing was
Speaker 1: not how I was feeling, and vice versa. And you
Speaker 1: know that was about ten years ago or nine years
Speaker 1: ago that I closed my my fitness studio and stepped
Speaker 1: into what I'm doing now. And now what I do
Speaker 1: is I help women that are stuck in that diet
Speaker 1: obsession or food craziness or feeling crazy around food really
Speaker 1: healed that relationship with themselves, heal their relationship with food
Speaker 1: and their bodies by taking really a neuroscience and brain
Speaker 1: based approach and a self image and identity approach to
Speaker 1: really heal it, not just put band aids on it,
Speaker 1: not you know, patch it up and and try to
Speaker 1: outdiet the problem, but really address it from the root
Speaker 1: and find a lifelong, forever solution. I feel like nine
Speaker 1: years ago, I mean that you're out of where I was.
Speaker 1: I feel like, uh, and I know you're not on
Speaker 1: Instagram a lot, But for me, that's where I learned
Speaker 1: about this whole anti diet world and that there was
Speaker 1: this big movement happening and there was another way because
Speaker 1: for so long, diets were just so acceptable. I mean, shoot,
Speaker 1: you were taken to a weight Watchers meeting at ten
Speaker 1: years old, like that was normal. Because it was. I mean,
Speaker 1: it wasn't our mom's they diet it. It was it
Speaker 1: wasn't even like it was a thing. It's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, we're just gonna track what we eat, count
Speaker 1: these points. It's fine, Like that was normal. Yeah, and yeah,
Speaker 1: you're right, this conversation wasn't being had. You know, a
Speaker 1: lot of people in my life thought I was kind
Speaker 1: of crazy for going out and having these conversations. I
Speaker 1: had my coach that I was was helping me build
Speaker 1: my fitness business. I remember him saying like, Lea, nobody's
Speaker 1: going to buy mindset, nobody is going to buy emotional
Speaker 1: health like they'll buy weight loss. And I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go find the people that need help emotionally.
Speaker 1: And it's not about that. It's not about business anymore.
Speaker 1: This is about This is a soul game now, Okay,
Speaker 1: So a diet and weight loss industry I think is
Speaker 1: seventy one billion dollars. I just googled it while you
Speaker 1: were talking. That is crazy, I mean, and so a
Speaker 1: lot of people have followed that because yes, that's where
Speaker 1: the money is. But then when you look at you
Speaker 1: know the damage that has been done because of all
Speaker 1: of said diets out there, and I have definitely tried
Speaker 1: my fair share of them. I just want to want
Speaker 1: people to know that there is another way. Maybe there's
Speaker 1: is your first time listening to Outweigh and you're hearing
Speaker 1: anti diet culture. Maybe you're not on Instagram or you're
Speaker 1: not following the right people. I mean, I feel like
Speaker 1: sometimes you can get inundated with different kinds of accounts
Speaker 1: depending on who you follow, and then you see and
Speaker 1: you think that that's the norm. But then once I
Speaker 1: started to really follow specific accounts that we're going to
Speaker 1: help educate me and actually help me unlearn, like I
Speaker 1: was learning a lot but also having to un learn
Speaker 1: a lot of things. Um, it was just super helpful
Speaker 1: for me and it allowed me to kind of clear
Speaker 1: out junk that I was receiving and had been receiving
Speaker 1: for so many years. Yeah from family and friends too.
Speaker 1: So yeah, good for you for being way ahead of
Speaker 1: the curve and you know, not just chasing where the
Speaker 1: money was. Thank you. Yeah, It's it's true, Like that
Speaker 1: whole weight loss mentality, it became the authority where people
Speaker 1: thought that it was true. And having this awareness that
Speaker 1: there is another way. I mean, that in itself. The
Speaker 1: women I talked to, just knowing there is a better path,
Speaker 1: even if they haven't started down it yet, just knowing
Speaker 1: that it's out there. It gives hope to the hopeless. Yeah. Oh,
Speaker 1: and I love the whole hope thing, because that is
Speaker 1: what we like to offer here, is that there is
Speaker 1: that that hope that there is another way. And so
Speaker 1: what do you have for us when it comes to
Speaker 1: our mindset and when we are stuck in a negative run?
Speaker 1: And I'm sure a lot of our listeners they have
Speaker 1: been putting in the work. I know that some days.
Speaker 1: I know I put in the work, but I have
Speaker 1: unhealthy days that pop up where my brain is just
Speaker 1: going back to old patterns because that's what it's used to.
Speaker 1: So what do you have for us? Or maybe for
Speaker 1: some people this is completely new, or like others like me,
Speaker 1: they just get stuck in a rut some days. Absolutely, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think the biggest thing. I mean, if I could
Speaker 1: go back and tell myself something ten years ago, it
Speaker 1: would just be to give awareness of what's going on
Speaker 1: and help me understand why I do what I do?
Speaker 1: Why am I having this cause and effect relationship with myself?
Speaker 1: Because the reality is back in the day, I just
Speaker 1: thought I was crazy. I thought that I was the
Speaker 1: abnormal one and that I was the only one struggling
Speaker 1: with this. So, you know, even just outside of the
Speaker 1: mindset scope, just telling anybody's listening, you know, the whole
Speaker 1: disordered eating struggle and really suffering that comes alongside it.
Speaker 1: Nobody knows how how dark it can be and how
Speaker 1: much shame there is. And so just helping women understand
Speaker 1: that they are not alone and that this is something
Speaker 1: that there isn't a solution to and they don't have
Speaker 1: to live like this, and that they don't have to
Speaker 1: be a shame because it is, like you just said,
Speaker 1: there is a multiple you know, what did you say,
Speaker 1: seventy billion dollar industry that is helping enforce these habits.
Speaker 1: So knowing that like this isn't your fault, you didn't
Speaker 1: cause it. It's just a product of what you're being
Speaker 1: influenced by. And there's a lot of influence out there
Speaker 1: that's saying Number one, you know, speaking on the topic
Speaker 1: of awareness instead of addressing the symptoms, which is really
Speaker 1: the self talk, like how do I address the cause
Speaker 1: and stop the cause of what's causing me to talk?
Speaker 1: To myself, like self rejection and self loathing and those
Speaker 1: shame shame statements. Um, I call it the drama, right,
Speaker 1: But there's two categories that I create awareness to. The
Speaker 1: first is like what's causing it? Is it because it's
Speaker 1: the strategy that you're taking and noticing? Like? Is it
Speaker 1: because you are trying to use weapons of control like
Speaker 1: restriction and deprivation and punishing yourself with with workouts or
Speaker 1: punishing yourself by not eating right, you know, deprivation, starvation, counting, weighing, tracking,
Speaker 1: measuring that obsessive kind of mentality, just knowing that that
Speaker 1: is what's probably causing the type of self talk like
Speaker 1: why can't I stick with this? Or what's wrong with me?
Speaker 1: Or what? You know? Why am I so great at
Speaker 1: everything else and I'm failing at Is that kind of
Speaker 1: failure self talk? The shame self talk of you know, again,
Speaker 1: what's wrong with me? Or why why can't I stick
Speaker 1: with this? The guilt why did I eat that? Why
Speaker 1: can't I stop this? You know, the hopelessness of like
Speaker 1: is this how it's always gonna be? Just so recognizing
Speaker 1: where it shows up and knowing that, oh it's not
Speaker 1: that I'm weak, will it's not that I'm a self
Speaker 1: sabotage or it's the strategy that I'm using would cause
Speaker 1: even the most motivated and most strong minded woman to
Speaker 1: feel like they're self sabotaging and just again giving yourself
Speaker 1: compassion knowing like, wait, this isn't a me problem. This
Speaker 1: is the strategy that I'm using. So that would be
Speaker 1: like the first category, But then the other category would
Speaker 1: be noticing, where is the narrative, like the big picture
Speaker 1: narrative of who you think you are in your life,
Speaker 1: in your relationships. Where is that narrative causing this this drama,
Speaker 1: which is the shame, the blame, the guilt, the comparisonitis,
Speaker 1: the perfectionism, right, And is it that self image, that
Speaker 1: narrative that's causing you to think that there's something wrong
Speaker 1: with you, calling yourself words like fat or ugly or
Speaker 1: unlovable or a failure or a self sabotager. So noticing
Speaker 1: is it because I'm using the wrong strategy and that's
Speaker 1: causing me to, you know, think I am this way?
Speaker 1: Or is it because there's a narrative that I'm telling
Speaker 1: myself that's really a lie. It's not true, but it's
Speaker 1: a lie that we picked up along the way, or
Speaker 1: we you know, somebody said it about us or we
Speaker 1: said it about ourselves, and we've been stepping into that
Speaker 1: narrative every single day. Both of those things are transformable. So,
Speaker 1: but first takes the awareness of like, wait, what if
Speaker 1: maybe it's because I have a strategy that's not serving
Speaker 1: me a k A this disordered eating, this dysmorphic relationship
Speaker 1: with our bodies, right, or be saying no, it's this
Speaker 1: big picture narrative that I never chose, I never voted on,
Speaker 1: and I'm not going to feed it any longer. So
Speaker 1: having that awareness, and then, you know, if you were
Speaker 1: to get nitty gritty once you see that, I call
Speaker 1: it the inner bitches, right, and it's it's those those
Speaker 1: voices of drama. I was gonna say, I mean that's
Speaker 1: because you have a book called how to Ditch the
Speaker 1: b R. Yeah, so the you know, I call it
Speaker 1: your inner bitches, which are those those dramatic voices, the
Speaker 1: voices of shame, blame, guilt, comparisonitis, perfectionism that shows up
Speaker 1: in the self talk and body talk of any woman
Speaker 1: that does have a kind of you know, self rejecting
Speaker 1: relationship with herself and and the truth is is that
Speaker 1: for me, it's a it's a big worthiness thing, like
Speaker 1: we don't feel worthy of giving ourselves that love. And
Speaker 1: I mean love as a noun, but also love as
Speaker 1: a verb, like how are we treating ourselves? What are
Speaker 1: we feeding ourselves? What are we putting our bodies through?
Speaker 1: Like love as a verb. When we don't feel worthy
Speaker 1: of receiving it for ourselves or giving it to ourselves,
Speaker 1: we're not going to be able to give it and
Speaker 1: receive it to and from others. So it does it's
Speaker 1: that internal external push and pull. But really when again,
Speaker 1: the first step is that awareness of seeing when those
Speaker 1: voices are showing up and recognizing them kind of like
Speaker 1: they're external, like they're they're not us like, and being
Speaker 1: able to just say that is I. I distinguish it
Speaker 1: the data versus the drama. Right, So using an example
Speaker 1: of a chocolate chip cookie, because we know I love
Speaker 1: chocolate chip cookies. You know, the data is I ate
Speaker 1: a cookie. The drama is that was bad, that was wrong,
Speaker 1: that was fattening. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna gain so
Speaker 1: much weight. All of the things, the story, the meaning,
Speaker 1: the identification, eat the whole box, of chocolate chip cookies
Speaker 1: because I'm never going to eat them again, exactly. I
Speaker 1: had to add that because it's very relevant. But everything else,
Speaker 1: the data is I ate a cookie. And so it's
Speaker 1: never the circumstance or the data that causes us to
Speaker 1: feel bad, to feel those air quotes negative emotions that
Speaker 1: the shame, the sadness, the guilt, the fear that the
Speaker 1: self hate, all that, it's our thoughts about that circumstance.
Speaker 1: And so when we separate the actual circumstance as data
Speaker 1: from the drama a k a. Our thoughts that we're
Speaker 1: creating about it, everything transforms. Same thing with your body,
Speaker 1: right A lot of people I talked to a lot
Speaker 1: of women, they think that their body is a problem.
Speaker 1: And one of the thoughts that I work on a
Speaker 1: lot with my clients is like, your body is your body.
Speaker 1: It's your thoughts about your body that are causing you
Speaker 1: to feel a certain way and then act a certain way.
Speaker 1: And there's this cascade. So you know, while your body
Speaker 1: is your body as it is right now, right this
Speaker 1: acceptance conversation like accepting the data of this is my
Speaker 1: body right now, what are the thoughts that I can
Speaker 1: shift right now? Because the reality is is right. The second,
Speaker 1: I can't change the shape, body composition of my body,
Speaker 1: but I can change my thoughts, which will then change
Speaker 1: my feelings, which will then affect my behaviors and actions,
Speaker 1: which will then end up changing the result of how
Speaker 1: I feel about my body. But again, this is all
Speaker 1: in the context of, first we have to take radical
Speaker 1: ownership of like, you know what, getting to that point
Speaker 1: where we get so sick and tired of treating ourselves
Speaker 1: with such self hate and disrespect that we draw that
Speaker 1: line in the sand and we say enough is enough.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do this to myself anymore, you know.
Speaker 1: So that's a bigger conversation. But I think that's actually
Speaker 1: the first conversation that has to happen. That's the big
Speaker 1: macro of all the micro stuff I just talked about,
Speaker 1: which is like really having that enough is enough point,
Speaker 1: not like a lot of women I think experienced that
Speaker 1: enough is enough point of like, Okay, I gotta do something,
Speaker 1: I gotta lose weight, and that's where they go towards
Speaker 1: that restriction disordered mentality. Right, But what if the new
Speaker 1: line in the sand was like, no, I am done
Speaker 1: treating myself like gum on the bottom of my shoe,
Speaker 1: and that has to shift my thoughts, my beliefs, my
Speaker 1: behaviors that are causing me to think and act and
Speaker 1: feel and behave like there's something wrong with me. What
Speaker 1: if that's what we spent seventy billion dollars transforming in
Speaker 1: this world. Oh my gosh, like that would be amazing.
Speaker 1: I feel like I've been on a fast track in
Speaker 1: a new direction, but I constantly get kind of bumped
Speaker 1: or derailed in a sense because well, some old patterns
Speaker 1: pop up. But I do my best to get back
Speaker 1: on track, but then the world just pounds me with
Speaker 1: all It's like it's raining all this other stuff and
Speaker 1: I can't escape it. And I know others have to
Speaker 1: feel the same way, especially when if you're in the
Speaker 1: beginning of this work. I'll just say, it's not easy,
Speaker 1: but it is so worth it. But the society certainly
Speaker 1: doesn't do us any favors. So yeah, if we could
Speaker 1: shift that narrative like as a culture and start investing
Speaker 1: in that, that would be I'd be super grateful because
Speaker 1: it would help me out a lot totally. And I think,
Speaker 1: you know, one of the things I witnessed with I
Speaker 1: witnessed it within myself and I witness it with my clients.
Speaker 1: When you first start going down this path, I'll say this,
Speaker 1: I'll be bold and say food isn't the problem either.
Speaker 1: It's our thoughts about food that are the problem. Right.
Speaker 1: You want to change your brain, You change the trajectory
Speaker 1: of your thoughts. That is how you rewire your brain.
Speaker 1: This concept of rewiring your brain is very in vogue
Speaker 1: right now, but it's a lot of like positive thinking
Speaker 1: and fake fake it till you make it, and think
Speaker 1: your way positive, and that doesn't work because thinking your
Speaker 1: way positive, you know, say like this is the last
Speaker 1: time I'm gonna do this, or you know, I really
Speaker 1: love my body, when in reality, your subconscious mind or
Speaker 1: yourself image is saying no, you don't really love your body.
Speaker 1: You're basically calling bs on yourself. Right, and positive thinking
Speaker 1: will last for a little while, but it doesn't change
Speaker 1: the brain when you go down this road of really
Speaker 1: transforming the brain, really changing the way that you process
Speaker 1: thoughts and the way that you create thoughts. Um. What
Speaker 1: I noticed with myself and what I noticed with my
Speaker 1: clients is first they go through a phase of kind
Speaker 1: of anger of like oh my gosh, how did I
Speaker 1: buy into these lies? Like how did I get bamboozled,
Speaker 1: you know, by this diet culture? And then it's slowly
Speaker 1: as they learn compassion for themselves, its shifts to compassion,
Speaker 1: you know. So I have questions all the time of like, hey,
Speaker 1: I went out to do with my girlfriends and they're
Speaker 1: sitting there and they're obsessing over how many calories is
Speaker 1: in the saladdressing, And part of what I invite them
Speaker 1: to do is just like, first of all, be grateful
Speaker 1: of like, hey, I'm so grateful I'm not playing that
Speaker 1: game anymore. Like this is just no longer the conversations
Speaker 1: that I'm entertaining, right, but also extend them compassion because
Speaker 1: they don't know what they don't know, and they're on
Speaker 1: their own journey and just like you had to figure out, like,
Speaker 1: this is not the road I want to go down anymore.
Speaker 1: These are not the conversations I want to entertain. They
Speaker 1: have to to and it's transformative. Okay, So I want
Speaker 1: to dig a little deeper into this dinner scenario because
Speaker 1: some people might find themselves in this position where they're
Speaker 1: out with friends and someone's talking about a diet, and yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like, oh you blah blah, I don't want to
Speaker 1: hear I don't want to hear I don't want to
Speaker 1: hear it. But you also don't want to be rude
Speaker 1: or project your ways like you're high and mighty and
Speaker 1: you need to be more like me. So is it
Speaker 1: just that you keep it internal and just make sure
Speaker 1: you send the message to your brain like, M not
Speaker 1: gonna get into this conversation, and it's fine that I'm
Speaker 1: not this way, and then again, have the compassion, like
Speaker 1: is that where you would recommend we end it. It's
Speaker 1: a great question, and it's an interesting conversation. But one
Speaker 1: of the things I teach my clients is just kind
Speaker 1: of not to add fuel to the fire, you know,
Speaker 1: and to really be a model of what they are
Speaker 1: embodying rather than speaking it and trying to preach it.
Speaker 1: I can't teach you balance when you're if you're learning
Speaker 1: how to ride a bike, Like I can't teach you
Speaker 1: how to ride a bike, Like I can talk to
Speaker 1: you about balance, and I can talk to you about
Speaker 1: riding a bike, but like you have to actually experientially
Speaker 1: learn balance, right, this whole healing process and and re
Speaker 1: establishing a new relationship with food, Like, you can't give
Speaker 1: it to somebody, You can't force it on somebody. They
Speaker 1: have to like find their own path and come to
Speaker 1: the awareness that like they want it. But when you're
Speaker 1: in those situations, like one of the easiest things to
Speaker 1: do is, like I said, not entertaining those conversations and
Speaker 1: just if somebody's like, oh my gosh, like this is
Speaker 1: so fattening, like what are you going to order? You know,
Speaker 1: one of the things that I invite my clients to
Speaker 1: say is something alonglines of, like, you know what, I'm
Speaker 1: trying on this whole new thing where I'm just listening
Speaker 1: to my body and I'm listening to what my hunger
Speaker 1: is telling me right now, or I'm just listening to
Speaker 1: more intuitive cues and I'm not playing the whole judge
Speaker 1: myself around food game like I used to or whatever
Speaker 1: that version of them that is for them, right Because
Speaker 1: if I'm speaking about my relationship with food, it's not
Speaker 1: offensive to anybody else. It's my own perception of my views. Like, hey,
Speaker 1: this is what I struggled with. I really was struggling
Speaker 1: in that game of judging myself and shaming myself and
Speaker 1: obsessing over what I was eating and now I'm playing
Speaker 1: this new game. I'm trying on this new thing where
Speaker 1: I'm really making peace with food, I'm really making with
Speaker 1: my body, and I'm just entertaining new conversations and just
Speaker 1: being a stand for what you believe in. And I'm
Speaker 1: not preaching to you. I'm not telling you you should
Speaker 1: try it. I'm just saying this is who I am now,
Speaker 1: this is how I'm choosing to show up now. I
Speaker 1: like that showing by example. And it's if they end
Speaker 1: up getting offended by you sharing your new ways about it,
Speaker 1: that's your story and you're talking about you, then that's awesome,
Speaker 1: not on you, and that's not for you to worry about.
Speaker 1: But oftentimes we can get wrapped around what other people
Speaker 1: are going to think. And if you've done it in
Speaker 1: a very gentle, respectful kind way, I like the way
Speaker 1: you threw that out there as an as an example
Speaker 1: of how to handle it, because it's like, hey, you
Speaker 1: know what, I don't know. If someone else is freaking
Speaker 1: out what they're gonna order, you're gonna show like, actually,
Speaker 1: I'm not freaking out about it. I might get the
Speaker 1: burger tonight, I might get the salad. Don't know yet, yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: and when you are able to hold that space for yourself.
Speaker 1: And and again, all I can do is influence how
Speaker 1: compassionately and intentionally I communicate something to somebody and how
Speaker 1: they receive it. That again, that's not on me, you know.
Speaker 1: But again you're really just showing and kind of leading
Speaker 1: by example. And if they want to ask questions about
Speaker 1: what that is, then you can invite them into a conversation.
Speaker 1: But this kind of conversation is not one that needs
Speaker 1: to be pushed on anyone. You're not persuading anybody, which
Speaker 1: I mean think about diet culture. It's like, hey you
Speaker 1: should try this key too. I'm doing no carb or
Speaker 1: whatever it is. And like it's very kind of like
Speaker 1: almost forceful sometimes, right because it's in vogue, and it's
Speaker 1: like almost like trying to build a community if I
Speaker 1: want other people to do it with me. And it's
Speaker 1: like what I say is I'm like, what you eat
Speaker 1: it is none of my business. Right, It's a personal
Speaker 1: it's a personal relationship, you know. Yeah, I think that
Speaker 1: that's an important thing to to make a note of.
Speaker 1: It is commenting on what someone is eating or how
Speaker 1: much they have eaten like is that all you're gonna eat?
Speaker 1: Or oh my gosh, did you eat all that? Little
Speaker 1: comments like that are not necessary, but again sometimes just
Speaker 1: come out as like not harmful, but can be extremely
Speaker 1: detrimental to somebody. Absolutely, And it's the same thing people like, oh,
Speaker 1: you look like you've lost weight or you look whatever,
Speaker 1: you look great, and thanks, I've just been really focusing
Speaker 1: on taking care of myself lately, you know, not like
Speaker 1: oh I've been trying this new diet craze or whatever.
Speaker 1: Like received the compliment with grace, you know, but again
Speaker 1: kind of redirect the conversation, so it's not going towards
Speaker 1: what you're eating or how much you're working out across
Speaker 1: fit or whatever it is, right, it's about like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm really just taking this new approach. I'm I'm working
Speaker 1: on the inner game now. Yeah, And I think to
Speaker 1: something we try to encourage your two is not complimenting
Speaker 1: someone on their body or their looks, or or their
Speaker 1: workout or anything like that, because you never know what's
Speaker 1: really going on inside. And so but yeah, if you're
Speaker 1: receiving a compliment like that, you can't help what someone
Speaker 1: else says to you. But there that is an interesting
Speaker 1: way to like not feed into the compliment but redirect it.
Speaker 1: But yeah, just another reminder too of like it's so
Speaker 1: it's so hard. I mean, I've I've caught myself doing it,
Speaker 1: and I now know better. But sometimes I see someone
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh, she looks so good, like
Speaker 1: it just naturally comes out. Have you been working out right?
Speaker 1: And then I'm like, oh, why did I just say that?
Speaker 1: And we're not the it's not a game of perfection.
Speaker 1: We're learning to, you know. And you know, one of
Speaker 1: the things I noticed I since I started doing this work,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I noticed when people look happier. I'm like, wow,
Speaker 1: you look you're glowing right now, what's what's new with you?
Speaker 1: Instead of saying, hey, you look really good right now,
Speaker 1: or like, you look like you've lost weight, like, and
Speaker 1: it engages them in conversation, you know, even just when
Speaker 1: somebody's going through a tough time, like even just helping
Speaker 1: them focus on what is good, because we forget about
Speaker 1: that too, you know. Lisa and I like to use
Speaker 1: radiant love. If someone is looking radiant or you're getting
Speaker 1: that vibe from them that that's like a could be
Speaker 1: a really good way to compliment someone, and so I
Speaker 1: want you the listener, if you are in an a
Speaker 1: negative thought pattern with yourself. I know we kind of
Speaker 1: detoured talking about hypothetical dinner scenario where you might be
Speaker 1: in a situation if diet talk comes up. But let's
Speaker 1: circle back before we close up with the negative talk
Speaker 1: to yourself. I want to end with that again. Just
Speaker 1: want to encourage you to, you know, think a about
Speaker 1: what you would say to a best friend or a
Speaker 1: loved one, or a daughter or a son. And I've
Speaker 1: had friends remind me of this if they've heard me
Speaker 1: talking negatively about myself and they're like, hey, come on,
Speaker 1: why do you keep saying that to yourself? You know,
Speaker 1: it's just it's just a good reminder of like filtering through,
Speaker 1: Like why am I okay with saying this to myself
Speaker 1: if I wouldn't say it to somebody else that I loved? Absolutely,
Speaker 1: And it's just raising the bar on yourself and raising
Speaker 1: the bar on how you're willing to treat yourself. You know,
Speaker 1: we pride ourselves and how we treat our friends, and
Speaker 1: you know, follow through on promises that we make to
Speaker 1: our friends. It's like, what if we started really flipping
Speaker 1: that script and raising the bar on how we treat
Speaker 1: ourselves and raising the bar on again, you know, coming
Speaker 1: back to the food and body conversation, like you know
Speaker 1: now that you have the awareness or if you're kind
Speaker 1: of stepping into the awareness that maybe this whole you know,
Speaker 1: restricting and counting and weighing and measuring conversation isn't actually
Speaker 1: serving me or isn't actually healthy for me, you know.
Speaker 1: And I find with most women that I talked to,
Speaker 1: it moves them in the opposite direction of health and
Speaker 1: the opposite direction of happiness. And to boot, it's not
Speaker 1: even helping them lose weight, you know, it's sending them
Speaker 1: on that updown all all or nothing on off, you know, trajectory.
Speaker 1: But what if you raise the bar on your willingness
Speaker 1: to treat yourself like something that needs to be perfected
Speaker 1: and starved and controlled and restricted and punished and just
Speaker 1: started looking for another path Because just like we talked about,
Speaker 1: that new path is a lot more readily available than
Speaker 1: it was ten years ago, like so much so, there
Speaker 1: are so many resources out there. I mean, that's why
Speaker 1: I love co hosting this podcast with Lisa. How I
Speaker 1: found her was on Instagram and I did her program
Speaker 1: for the Noise, and I thought that that was so
Speaker 1: clever because I was like, oh, okay, yeah, she's literally
Speaker 1: wanting to shut down the noise in my brain. And
Speaker 1: I love that you're in the same field and that
Speaker 1: I met you through our friend Laura Lee Balance, who's
Speaker 1: a holistic chef and has amazing cookbooks and definitely people
Speaker 1: should check out her recipes. But I know on your website,
Speaker 1: Leanne Ellington dot com you have info, and then I
Speaker 1: know you have another link that might be more helpful
Speaker 1: to your webinar. Yeah, So for anyone who's really interested
Speaker 1: in just exploring this conversation and want wants to look
Speaker 1: at the nuts and bolts of like what does it
Speaker 1: look like to bring this new way of thinking to life,
Speaker 1: I've created a webinar called Stressless Eating, so really stressing
Speaker 1: less about food, but stressing less in your head, your heart,
Speaker 1: your mind, your body, your brain, all of it stress
Speaker 1: less eating dot Com, where I've laid out the five
Speaker 1: step game plan that I teach all of my female
Speaker 1: clients to really just eradicate self sabotage and that all
Speaker 1: or nothing diet mentality, so you can just heal your
Speaker 1: relationship with food and and be done with it and
Speaker 1: spend your time and energy, heart and soul and the
Speaker 1: things you really want to be spending it on. So
Speaker 1: Stressless Eating dot com. You can get access to that
Speaker 1: free webinar anytime. Well, I appreciate you coming on to
Speaker 1: chat with me. You have been an inspiration to me
Speaker 1: for sure, ever since you know, I was introduced to
Speaker 1: you last year. So very ful for women out there
Speaker 1: that are really dedicated and have made it their life's
Speaker 1: passion and are working with others to really help break this,
Speaker 1: break the cycle that we have all been this ride.
Speaker 1: We've been taken on a ride, and I feel like y'all,
Speaker 1: y'all are helping, you know, helping us escape the ride. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love how you put that. That roller coaster. There's
Speaker 1: an exit plan, all right, awesome, So y'all check her
Speaker 1: out Leanne Ellington dot com and that'll get you links
Speaker 1: to everything. Okay, Well, I'll say your website one more time,
Speaker 1: lean Ellington dot com and wait quickly before you go.
Speaker 1: I did want you to touch on this second ago.
Speaker 1: So now we'll circle back an end with it. But
Speaker 1: self sabotage just came to me, can you just clarify
Speaker 1: what that is, because I think sometimes people do wonder, like, wait, what,
Speaker 1: what exactly is self sabotage? Yeah? I think you know,
Speaker 1: self sabotage to me is a myth right. And what
Speaker 1: happens is we witness ourselves time and time again saying
Speaker 1: we're going to do something, not following through, not having
Speaker 1: the discipline and the will power, and we we give
Speaker 1: up or we you know, air quotes fail and we
Speaker 1: think that there's something wrong with us, or that we're
Speaker 1: self sabotaging. And I don't believe that any woman actually says, like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm going to actually sabotage myself. What
Speaker 1: happens is our nervous system, our mind, our brain, our body,
Speaker 1: our spirit. It gets so weighed down by with what
Speaker 1: I call the weight of the weight that it has
Speaker 1: no choice. It gets overwhelmed, like we have very limited
Speaker 1: amounts of willpower at our access right, and we run
Speaker 1: out of it. And so when we set ourselves up
Speaker 1: for a game where we are reliant on willpower, where
Speaker 1: we're playing the game of control, restriction, deprivation, counting, weighing, measuring, obsessing,
Speaker 1: that that whole game of the disordered eating. We have
Speaker 1: no choice but to rely on our very limited stores
Speaker 1: of willpower. And once they're gone, they're gone. And it's
Speaker 1: again we have fired and wired coping mechanisms in our brain.
Speaker 1: So if you're fired and wired to reach for sugar,
Speaker 1: or maybe you're fired and wired to them out on Netflix,
Speaker 1: or you know, mindlessly scroll on Instagram, whatever it is,
Speaker 1: this is not a mind thing. You can't outmindset it.
Speaker 1: It's a brain thing. Your brain is fired and wired
Speaker 1: to reach for it when you can't possibly withstand that
Speaker 1: what I call losing game, like a losing game, meaning
Speaker 1: it's a game that you don't want to win because
Speaker 1: it's no fun and you really can't win, like you're
Speaker 1: not set up for success. So that's where the self
Speaker 1: sabotage comes in. When that happens, we paint a story
Speaker 1: that there's something wrong with us, that we're doing this,
Speaker 1: that we're the problem, and we are inadvertently the problem,
Speaker 1: but we're the solution. Like I said before, it's a
Speaker 1: strategy problem. It's not an us problem. It's we're playing
Speaker 1: a losing game that we can't win. Not even the
Speaker 1: most willpower driven motivated woman could I love that right there.
Speaker 1: We are the solution again. It's going to take some effort,
Speaker 1: but it is possible and we can do it. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: It's got to be a paradigm shift. You know, show
Speaker 1: is noticing that the path we're going down is never
Speaker 1: going to get us the freedom because really women don't
Speaker 1: want weight loss. They want the freedom and the permission
Speaker 1: and the and the choice and the self love that
Speaker 1: they think they'll feel when they attain that way lost.
Speaker 1: But you know what if you started at freedom and
Speaker 1: happiness and health and self love and brought that with
Speaker 1: you into the food and body conversation, that would change
Speaker 1: the paradigm and not have to then you you're free
Speaker 1: from having to conform to what society says you're supposed to. Absolutely, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we could talk all day, I think so. Lianne, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for coming on and outweigh fan, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for listening. We will see you next Saturday.