WEBVTT - 121220 Challenging Harmful Myths ft. Freshmaker 0:00:01.160 --> 0:00:04.280 Welcome to another episode of Civic Cipher. I'm your host, 0:00:04.360 --> 0:00:05.080 Ramses John. 0:00:05.200 --> 0:00:07.560 They call me q Ward because that just so happens 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:08.959 to be my name, Ramses. 0:00:09.039 --> 0:00:09.680 What's going on? 0:00:09.720 --> 0:00:11.040 Who we got rocking with us? Man? 0:00:11.119 --> 0:00:13.800 He would be a fresh Maker? I missed it again, 0:00:14.200 --> 0:00:19.320 DJ fresh Makers Maker, DJ fresh Social, DJ fresh Maker. 0:00:19.440 --> 0:00:24.959 Yeah man, the myth the legend with us another episode? Right? 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:27.360 I had pleasure to be here too, Yes, like I 0:00:27.400 --> 0:00:29.440 feel like I like I earned a bonus round. 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:30.640 Yeah. Yeah. 0:00:30.680 --> 0:00:34.280 Well, look, I'll tell you what. If you missed last 0:00:34.479 --> 0:00:38.559 week's episode, don't forget. You can check out all our 0:00:38.600 --> 0:00:41.639 past episodes if you're in the podcasting. If you want 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:45.360 to check it on YouTube, hit the website Civiccipher dot com. 0:00:45.440 --> 0:00:50.160 But last episode that Fresh was up here, we talked 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:56.600 about circulating the bag. Yes, supporting black businesses by black 0:00:56.640 --> 0:01:00.680 people and allies of black folks, and the importance of 0:01:00.680 --> 0:01:06.800 supporting black businesses, and today's episode I feel as important 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:10.560 for a number of reasons that will become apparent as 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:14.400 we continue to flesh out today's topic. So we'll call 0:01:14.440 --> 0:01:20.319 this episode the MythBusters Episode. I like the way that sounds, 0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:24.840 and the reason for that is there's a lot of 0:01:25.080 --> 0:01:31.399 myths that exist in the world that are very harmful 0:01:32.240 --> 0:01:37.959 to Black people, black communities, black progress, et cetera. And 0:01:39.000 --> 0:01:40.760 you know, if I have a voice, and I have 0:01:40.840 --> 0:01:44.520 my brothers at my side, I feel like it's important 0:01:44.560 --> 0:01:49.960 to use this platform to set the record straight. 0:01:50.920 --> 0:01:51.320 Facts. 0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:54.920 So, if you haven't listened to the show before, I 0:01:54.920 --> 0:01:56.680 anticipate a lot of folks listening to this show. If 0:01:56.720 --> 0:02:00.240 you haven't listened to the show before, My background and 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:04.480 the background of my brothers is primarily entertainers. And this 0:02:04.640 --> 0:02:10.519 show exists because the station on which you're hearing this show, 0:02:10.600 --> 0:02:17.200 or the platform or whatever, primarily uses black music or 0:02:17.240 --> 0:02:21.440 black culture to reach an audience of black or non 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:27.240 black people. And in many cases it's a place that 0:02:27.280 --> 0:02:30.960 takes black culture and repackages it for non black people. 0:02:31.200 --> 0:02:35.680 And we all felt as a community, not just me, 0:02:35.800 --> 0:02:40.560 but we all felt that it was important to rise 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:45.240 above that title of entertainer, rise above you know, the 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:47.360 you know, the shuck and the jib and the dance 0:02:47.400 --> 0:02:49.640 and the club that sort of a thing, and really 0:02:51.120 --> 0:02:56.520 give a voice to real issues that affect black folks. 0:02:56.680 --> 0:03:02.040 And so in these stations, these platforms that are you know, 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:06.240 using Black culture to make a profit and repackaging black 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:11.800 culture for you know, other groups of people. You know, 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:14.400 these folks didn't want to be fair weather friends to 0:03:14.440 --> 0:03:17.160 the black community, and so they gave me and us 0:03:17.840 --> 0:03:22.840 this hour of time so that we can share messages 0:03:23.280 --> 0:03:28.799 with the community at large that will hopefully advance the 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:31.919 standing and the plight of black folks. So they're not 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:35.480 just exploiting black culture, they're also contributing in a meaningful way. 0:03:36.800 --> 0:03:40.760 With that said, today's episode again is one where we're 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:46.200 going to talk about prevalent myths that affect the black 0:03:46.240 --> 0:03:49.360 community and the one that I've been waiting for a 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:53.160 very long time to get off my chest talk to 0:03:53.200 --> 0:04:01.480 the people. I'm gonna have to talk to you all today. 0:04:01.680 --> 0:04:05.920 It's one about black fathers. I knew it, Black fathers, 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:11.360 and if you know, every time I hear this, it's 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:13.320 a heartbreaking thing. And I understand why a lot of 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:17.840 folks think this. The myth, if you're not familiar, is 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:24.279 that black men are not there for their children. Black 0:04:24.320 --> 0:04:30.200 men have babies and then go to jail or abandon them, 0:04:30.520 --> 0:04:34.040 otherwise abandon them or die or whatever whatever it is. 0:04:34.120 --> 0:04:41.560 And so there's this issue that plagues black communities, and 0:04:41.720 --> 0:04:46.719 for some people, especially in political circles, it is their 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:53.120 sole argument or there's like this sole element that they 0:04:53.240 --> 0:04:57.240 use to suggest that black people are responsible for their 0:04:57.240 --> 0:04:59.680 own problems. If they would just stay home and raise 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:03.080 their k kids, than all of the problems that affect 0:05:03.080 --> 0:05:06.440 black folks will be solved if black people stay home 0:05:06.480 --> 0:05:16.440 and raise their kids. So, as of twenty fourteen, we 0:05:16.520 --> 0:05:21.880 can definitively say that any statement like that, any sentiment 0:05:22.000 --> 0:05:26.279 like that, is exceptionally insulting and a slap in the 0:05:26.320 --> 0:05:31.080 face to the black community. But before we get there, 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:34.760 I want to share our stories, our positive stories about 0:05:35.000 --> 0:05:37.479 black men in the community. Q. Let's start with you. 0:05:38.960 --> 0:05:41.240 Do you have children? Qut, yes, sir, I do. Can 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:42.280 you tell me about your children? Q. 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:47.200 I have a very very energy field young king of 0:05:47.240 --> 0:05:56.720 a son name Grayson. And if anybody follows me on 0:05:56.800 --> 0:06:00.680 social media that has known me longer than he's been alive, 0:06:01.440 --> 0:06:03.720 you notice that I was gone from social media for 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:06.479 a long time. And then the next time you saw me, 0:06:06.560 --> 0:06:08.640 after three or three years or something like that, I 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:12.200 was holding this beautiful child who I credit for saving 0:06:12.240 --> 0:06:16.360 my life. I'd gone through a lot in the years 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:22.520 leading up to becoming a father, emotionally mentally felt like 0:06:22.560 --> 0:06:27.440 I was beyond repair. And this kid not only gave 0:06:27.520 --> 0:06:31.599 my life purpose but helped me. We all want to 0:06:31.600 --> 0:06:34.480 be something when we grow up. The only thing I 0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:36.039 knew I wanted to be when I grew up was 0:06:36.040 --> 0:06:39.080 a father. Everything else I hoped, you know, I hoped 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:40.800 that would make it to the NFL, or maybe one 0:06:40.839 --> 0:06:43.240 day I'll be an architect or whatever. But I knew 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:46.359 for certain, not because someone told me, not because I 0:06:46.400 --> 0:06:48.560 read it somewhere, not because people encouraged me to think 0:06:48.560 --> 0:06:50.880 it was a good idea, But I knew. And I'll 0:06:50.880 --> 0:06:54.680 speak on my relationship with my father later, but I 0:06:54.760 --> 0:06:58.000 knew that a good father, not just a father, but 0:06:58.080 --> 0:07:01.280 a great dad was what I wanted to be when 0:07:01.279 --> 0:07:06.800 I grew up. And Grayson Anthony viaf floor Ward made 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:12.400 that destiny real. And then recently and I went and 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:17.760 bought a shotgun because of this one. I have a 0:07:17.800 --> 0:07:27.960 beautiful daughter now, ico Estella via floored Ward, and she's beautiful, 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:30.920 So I bought a shotgun. I'm gonna look at my 0:07:31.120 --> 0:07:32.960 phone because I'm on live. I'm gonna look at my 0:07:33.000 --> 0:07:35.360 phone on this one. So I bought a shotgun. I 0:07:35.400 --> 0:07:38.080 know y'all got signs. I know y'all think they're awesome. 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:41.400 Her dad has a shotgun. Okay, I love you, bo 0:07:43.920 --> 0:07:45.760 And yeah, my babies and I love them. 0:07:46.880 --> 0:07:50.200 And before we get too far away from this, I 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:56.680 want you to tell the people describe your relationship with 0:07:56.760 --> 0:07:59.920 your children. How often do you see them? What are 0:08:00.040 --> 0:08:01.040 how involved are you? 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:08.040 When Grayson was six months old, I had a fantastic job. 0:08:09.040 --> 0:08:15.800 I was an autonomous testing engineer for Uber's Advanced Technology group. Yeah, 0:08:15.840 --> 0:08:18.160 all that sounds really cool, because it was really cool. 0:08:18.360 --> 0:08:21.600 I tested for ten hours a day self driving vehicles, 0:08:22.960 --> 0:08:25.960 so you just sat in the car essentially. Yes, I 0:08:26.080 --> 0:08:27.680 just sat in the car for ten hours a day 0:08:27.680 --> 0:08:30.080 and observed as it drove me around. 0:08:30.160 --> 0:08:32.440 As a great job, Arizona. 0:08:32.600 --> 0:08:36.720 And you know, for reasons beyond my control, that program 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:41.319 was terminated for some reasons that you guys can google. 0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:43.120 I won't speak on them, but just look up Uber 0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:48.320 self Driving Tempi Arizona. The bad story, that's the one. 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:50.679 And it put me in this position where I'm newly 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:57.120 unemployed and newly a father at the same time. And 0:08:57.160 --> 0:09:02.560 I was terrified and ah man, I was scared to death. 0:09:02.559 --> 0:09:03.400 What am I gonna do? 0:09:03.480 --> 0:09:03.760 I I. 0:09:07.600 --> 0:09:13.679 Have this obligation to protect, teach, support, love, uplift and 0:09:13.720 --> 0:09:17.320 empower this child. But I have to be able to 0:09:17.360 --> 0:09:20.520 pay these bills and I have to be able to 0:09:20.559 --> 0:09:22.760 make sure he has food, and I have no idea 0:09:23.280 --> 0:09:24.200 how I'm gonna do this. 0:09:25.400 --> 0:09:27.199 Little did I know that. 0:09:28.840 --> 0:09:34.400 Almost three years later, I still hadn't got a new job, 0:09:35.679 --> 0:09:39.200 because after I spent about nine days in a row 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:42.720 at home with my son, it was gonna take something 0:09:42.760 --> 0:09:46.360 incredible for me to cash that in, Like you were 0:09:46.400 --> 0:09:50.560 gonna have to You're gonna have to offer me something astronomical, 0:09:50.640 --> 0:09:52.960 like you know, use of the company jet and you know, 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:58.760 an expense account and you know, insane salary of some sorts. 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:02.520 It was gonna have to just be gross where y'all 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:04.800 would have both been like, okay, cue, look, bring Grace 0:10:04.840 --> 0:10:09.600 into the house, right right. So it provided me with 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:13.280 an incredible experience to now, you know, my daughter will 0:10:13.320 --> 0:10:16.200 be a year old on Christmas. You know, Grason just 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:20.360 turned three. Neither of them have woken up without me there, 0:10:21.000 --> 0:10:26.280 and that's an incredible I'm very very proud of that 0:10:26.440 --> 0:10:30.440 being their truth and my truth. There's no version of 0:10:30.480 --> 0:10:34.080 life that exists. There's no full day or full week 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:36.439 or full weekend that where you look around and it's like, 0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:40.000 where's Dad? And if I'm gone for too long? Even 0:10:40.120 --> 0:10:42.960 you know, here doing this show as soon as the 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:47.040 door opens, even Iko, who's ten months old, she hasn't 0:10:47.040 --> 0:10:49.160 even seen who it is yet, but when the door opens, 0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:52.760 she screams out, Daddy, it's the coolest thing in the world. 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:53.080 Man. 0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:59.640 So my experience has been full time father and provider 0:11:00.559 --> 0:11:03.439 and protector and teacher. 0:11:05.080 --> 0:11:10.600 And I bought a shotgun, all right, and uh fresh Now, 0:11:10.640 --> 0:11:14.000 I know you don't have any children yet. 0:11:14.000 --> 0:11:18.120 Right, but his niece and nephew game strong. 0:11:17.840 --> 0:11:27.120 Though, Yes, indeed, But I can surmise I can infer 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:31.640 from your character, from the type of man that you are, 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:37.520 that when the day comes and you do have a 0:11:37.640 --> 0:11:42.760 child or children, that your story will sound very similar 0:11:42.880 --> 0:11:45.840 to the one we just heard from Q. Oh. 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:48.160 Yeah, definitely, absolutely. 0:11:50.120 --> 0:11:55.120 It's uh, it's kind of inherent. Like I feel like 0:11:55.760 --> 0:11:59.400 there are a tremendous amount of lessons that I'm not 0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:02.920 only learned learn from my father, but from people that 0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:08.240 I have anointed as father figures that I feel it's 0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:13.160 almost criminal not to pass down, and I think it's 0:12:13.200 --> 0:12:17.040 great that I'm actually waiting a little bit longer. Because 0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:22.520 I was very immature in my sight of what Dad was. 0:12:24.679 --> 0:12:35.200 I thought Dad was mostly disciplinarian and provider, obviously a teacher, 0:12:35.280 --> 0:12:43.319 but I relished in disciplining only because I really did 0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:45.240 learn a lot of lessons when things were taken away 0:12:45.240 --> 0:12:50.400 from me or I was forced to learn through discipline 0:12:50.400 --> 0:12:51.000 from my father. 0:12:52.040 --> 0:12:52.800 And so the. 0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:57.680 Desire is to have you know, whomever your seed is 0:12:57.720 --> 0:12:59.560 to learn the lesson before you do, so they can 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:04.240 get to where you got faster. So that would be 0:13:06.280 --> 0:13:09.120 That was the main goal that I always thought about. 0:13:09.240 --> 0:13:15.480 But as I've gotten a little bit more mature, the 0:13:15.559 --> 0:13:24.320 goal also became two, actually show that I can share, 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:27.559 you know, some emotion with you. 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:27.760 You know. 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:30.600 Yeah, man, So. 0:13:33.160 --> 0:13:36.120 Like I said that, in younger days, I didn't really 0:13:36.160 --> 0:13:40.280 think about that, but when I do see, you know, 0:13:40.840 --> 0:13:46.320 children make breakthroughs because of the influence or cheering on 0:13:46.520 --> 0:13:50.120 from their parents. They're allowed to have these moments where 0:13:50.679 --> 0:13:55.000 you know, they are they can be vulnerable together and 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:56.440 I'm like, oh. 0:13:57.080 --> 0:13:57.640 You can do that. 0:13:57.720 --> 0:14:02.120 Oh they probably would't feel really good, Okay, cool, Yeah, yeah, 0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:02.640 I'll do that. 0:14:03.280 --> 0:14:04.400 So dig this. 0:14:04.640 --> 0:14:10.880 Yeah, there, this this myth that has been very damaging 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:19.200 to the black community for decades. Wasn't always true, obviously, 0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:22.760 but in a modern world, people that can't see past 0:14:22.920 --> 0:14:25.360 the date of the day they were born, you can't 0:14:25.360 --> 0:14:28.720 see anything before that, they feel like this is the reality. 0:14:28.760 --> 0:14:33.600 They feel like historically, you know, blah blah blah. And 0:14:33.960 --> 0:14:35.800 you know, I say this a lot, and I will 0:14:35.800 --> 0:14:39.080 always say it because it's true. The first human beings 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:44.880 were black, the first families were black. The first man 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:50.880 that ever stayed home was black. I'm sure the first 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:54.360 man that ever left his family you have too. So 0:14:56.760 --> 0:15:00.280 I think history is very important, but I do want 0:15:00.280 --> 0:15:04.920 to speak to some of the things that, in my estimation, 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:13.760 contributed to this damaging concept idea of the black the 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:20.000 broken black family, because you got to think with this 0:15:20.000 --> 0:15:24.360 this and if you think to yourself, black families in 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:28.080 the eighteen hundreds, you know in this you know that 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:30.360 in the in the slave field or in the slave field. 0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:33.040 So even earlier in the eighteen hundreds, you know, families 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:35.600 were broken up, but where they could stay together, it 0:15:35.720 --> 0:15:38.680 was a family, right, they were broken up by the 0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:41.000 slave masters. Okay, so we're gonna we're gonna say they 0:15:41.040 --> 0:15:45.320 were sold off like cattle. But you know, after that, 0:15:46.960 --> 0:15:53.840 communities developed where black families, you know, raised black children 0:15:53.880 --> 0:15:56.120 and black spaces and everything was fine. There was black 0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:59.600 commerce to piggyback off the show that we did not 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:05.120 too long, excuse me, And you know, no one was 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:10.040 complaining about black men abandoning their families back then because 0:16:10.640 --> 0:16:15.640 it wasn't true. The same holds true in the twenties, 0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:20.600 the thirties, the forties, the fifties, the sixties, the seventies, 0:16:22.040 --> 0:16:30.160 and it's in the late seventies early eighties where there's 0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:37.320 this war on drugs again this is my estimation, and 0:16:37.400 --> 0:16:43.760 there's a mass incarceration, a deliberate attempt by the United 0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:49.480 States government to disrupt the black community, which started in 0:16:49.520 --> 0:16:52.880 the late sixties, early seventies and continued into the eighties 0:16:52.880 --> 0:16:56.720 where it really took hold with the mass incarceration that 0:16:56.840 --> 0:17:00.880 took place during that time, where they sically black men 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:06.720 were scooped out of their neighborhoods and uh relocated into prisons. 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:09.920 These are all well documented things. These aren't things that 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:12.680 I'm making up. These are certainly not conspiracy theories. And 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:17.040 as always Google it is free, So I employ you 0:17:17.080 --> 0:17:19.119 to google it if you don't believe what I'm telling you. 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:28.960 But this contributed to this idea that black women were 0:17:28.960 --> 0:17:35.440 welfare queens, black men were absent from the homes, and 0:17:35.760 --> 0:17:38.919 the broken black family is the fault of black people. 0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:48.600 And I it's it's impossible to fully measure the devastation 0:17:48.840 --> 0:17:51.480 of the War on drugs on black on black communities 0:17:51.520 --> 0:17:56.120 and brown communities be and and that delivered attempt by 0:17:56.160 --> 0:18:02.520 the government, this government to disrupt black families, black communities. 0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:08.160 It was a deliberate attempt to do so. And that's 0:18:08.480 --> 0:18:10.600 those are those are topics for a different show. Right now, 0:18:10.600 --> 0:18:13.720 we're talking about this myth, but it starts somewhere. And 0:18:13.960 --> 0:18:15.520 then that's why I wanted to make sure that we 0:18:15.560 --> 0:18:20.600 talked about the history, because history is very important. But yes, 0:18:20.680 --> 0:18:26.200 there were some examples after that of broken black homes, 0:18:28.080 --> 0:18:31.240 you know, and obviously crack babies, a crack epademic, things 0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:33.439 like this. I'm from Compton, California in the eighties, so 0:18:33.560 --> 0:18:39.080 i was born in that. I saw that. It's it's 0:18:39.080 --> 0:18:42.840 a very personal thing for me. One of my sisters 0:18:42.920 --> 0:18:47.720 was born underweight. If that tells you everything that you 0:18:47.760 --> 0:18:50.399 need to know, I saw it with these eyes. And 0:18:50.440 --> 0:18:53.200 then I grew up and I learned how that happened 0:18:54.560 --> 0:18:59.760 and who was responsible for that? Do you understand? And 0:18:59.800 --> 0:19:09.199 so oh still, I knew from my own experience that 0:19:09.720 --> 0:19:16.520 black fathers were largely present and even in communities, even 0:19:16.560 --> 0:19:19.440 in my community back then in Compton, California, when I 0:19:19.440 --> 0:19:23.000 moved to Phoenix. You know, I'm a black person. I 0:19:23.760 --> 0:19:26.119 you know, I have a shared culture with other black people, 0:19:26.119 --> 0:19:28.800 and so I tend to congregate with other black folks 0:19:28.840 --> 0:19:31.399 at church, at the cookout, at you know, just you know, 0:19:31.560 --> 0:19:35.359 whoever can you know, speak your language and you know, 0:19:35.680 --> 0:19:38.399 identify with certain cultural markers, and you know, those are 0:19:38.440 --> 0:19:40.360 your people, that's your clan, and that's who you grew 0:19:40.440 --> 0:19:40.720 up with. 0:19:41.320 --> 0:19:42.119 And my. 0:19:44.200 --> 0:19:49.240 Journey certainly reflected that there was a good number of 0:19:49.400 --> 0:19:52.639 black men very much involved in the lives of their children. 0:19:52.680 --> 0:19:55.320 And so when I got older, me starting to hear 0:19:55.359 --> 0:19:59.040 this narrative that black men were not in the homes, 0:19:59.640 --> 0:20:03.159 not raising their children. That did not ever jibe with 0:20:03.400 --> 0:20:06.520 my immediate reality, the reality that I saw around me. 0:20:07.400 --> 0:20:09.320 And so that brings me to this point in the 0:20:09.359 --> 0:20:16.959 conversation where twoy thirteen, twenty fourteen. If you don't know, 0:20:17.000 --> 0:20:18.879 I employ you to google this as well. If you 0:20:19.000 --> 0:20:24.560 google nothing else, please google this. The United States has 0:20:24.600 --> 0:20:35.960 an entity that tracks diseases family structure, basically these pillars 0:20:35.960 --> 0:20:39.280 that hold up society. You know, human beings, how they behave, 0:20:39.400 --> 0:20:41.960 and things that affect them. And one of the things 0:20:42.000 --> 0:20:46.400 that they track is the familial unit, the nuclear family. 0:20:46.720 --> 0:20:50.240 You know, how is this dynamic growing? How many children 0:20:50.280 --> 0:20:52.680 are women having on average? You know, things like this. 0:20:52.720 --> 0:20:56.480 That's monitored by the Center for Disease Control. Well, in 0:20:56.520 --> 0:21:00.520 their study in twenty thirteen, which admittedly is some years ago, 0:21:00.680 --> 0:21:03.119 but it's modern enough for us to be able to 0:21:03.720 --> 0:21:06.240 challenge this myth in this episode. I know I'm talking 0:21:06.280 --> 0:21:13.680 a lot, but let me make my point please. As 0:21:13.680 --> 0:21:21.040 it turns out, they did a study of men in 0:21:21.080 --> 0:21:27.720 the capacity of a parent, and their findings concluded that 0:21:27.880 --> 0:21:35.040 black men were actually doing better than everybody. Again, you 0:21:35.080 --> 0:21:39.720 can google that, and that's something that was more consistent 0:21:39.800 --> 0:21:45.840 with my reality. Black men were very much involved with 0:21:45.960 --> 0:21:48.640 raising their children, more likely to change diapers, more likely 0:21:48.680 --> 0:21:53.280 to engage in playtime, more present overall, to do school runs, 0:21:53.359 --> 0:22:00.160 et cetera, on and on and on, and the reason why. 0:22:02.000 --> 0:22:07.080 One of the reasons rather why black men were underrepresented 0:22:07.800 --> 0:22:13.920 is because of the fact that black mothers and fathers 0:22:14.480 --> 0:22:21.399 tend to be unmarried at a higher rate than other folks. 0:22:21.560 --> 0:22:23.439 And I could make a case, and I think I 0:22:23.480 --> 0:22:25.960 will if you will allow me to, if you allow 0:22:26.000 --> 0:22:32.439 me to, that economics might have something to do with that. 0:22:32.880 --> 0:22:35.439 You know, some some folks want to wait to get married. 0:22:35.520 --> 0:22:38.359 Some folks want to you know that they You know, 0:22:38.440 --> 0:22:42.760 their marriage is an economic institution, no matter what, no 0:22:42.800 --> 0:22:44.560 matter how you look at it, and for some people 0:22:44.600 --> 0:22:47.760 it works out great, and for some people it's expensive, 0:22:48.040 --> 0:22:50.080 especially if you want to take into account a wedding, 0:22:50.160 --> 0:22:52.600 especially if it changes the way you file your taxes 0:22:52.680 --> 0:22:54.320 or what you can claim or what you know, what 0:22:54.359 --> 0:22:57.120 your refund looks like, et cetera. And so there are 0:22:57.160 --> 0:23:00.960 I believe, economic conditions that all so contribute to the 0:23:01.000 --> 0:23:03.560 fact that black women and men tend to be unmarried 0:23:03.880 --> 0:23:07.680 to each other more often. But when you look at 0:23:07.680 --> 0:23:10.720 the men's involvement with their children, it's actually greater than 0:23:11.280 --> 0:23:13.840 everyone else. And so what happens is when you look 0:23:13.880 --> 0:23:16.479 at the numbers the wrong way or otherwise don't account 0:23:16.520 --> 0:23:23.359 for the full story, you end up with a very damaging, harmful, 0:23:23.480 --> 0:23:29.800 hurtful myth about black men. And I'm sorry I've monopolized 0:23:29.840 --> 0:23:32.480 so much at the time. And I won't talk about 0:23:32.480 --> 0:23:34.520 my children yet, but I will talk about my babies 0:23:34.560 --> 0:23:36.440 because I got a microphone and I love those two. 0:23:37.200 --> 0:23:40.159 But I want to get your thoughts on this Q. 0:23:41.160 --> 0:23:41.720 What do you think? 0:23:42.640 --> 0:23:46.960 So I want to collaborate on this response with fresh 0:23:47.080 --> 0:23:49.320 I'm going to tell you the what, and I'm hoping 0:23:49.400 --> 0:23:51.600 that my brother can give us some insight on the why. 0:23:52.680 --> 0:23:56.919 There tends to be lots of human conditions, human happenings 0:23:57.160 --> 0:24:02.440 that are more life and proximity based then race based. Right, 0:24:02.480 --> 0:24:06.400 they happen to everyone in every community, but they tend 0:24:06.480 --> 0:24:09.600 to label them black. Like black on black crime, it's 0:24:09.680 --> 0:24:11.760 not based on the fact that the people are black. 0:24:11.800 --> 0:24:14.040 It's based on the fact that the crime and the 0:24:14.080 --> 0:24:16.200 proximity of a community where all the people are black 0:24:16.280 --> 0:24:17.359 is going to be black. 0:24:17.560 --> 0:24:25.080 Real quick crime done by white people is from other 0:24:25.119 --> 0:24:28.600 white people. So that's white on white crime, if you will, 0:24:28.800 --> 0:24:32.560 And that doesn't exists any more than black on black 0:24:32.600 --> 0:24:34.160 crime exists, correct in the real world. 0:24:34.200 --> 0:24:37.040 I think, in the same respect you spoke about marriage 0:24:37.080 --> 0:24:41.840 and the familial concept that comes with being a married 0:24:41.880 --> 0:24:44.840 couple that has children that live in the same home. 0:24:45.560 --> 0:24:48.040 You speak about, you know, the eighties and the epidemic 0:24:48.119 --> 0:24:51.199 that the crack cocaine was to our community, and the 0:24:51.240 --> 0:24:53.720 way that was even labeled the war on drugs were 0:24:54.920 --> 0:24:59.360 the pandemic or the epidemic with you know, narcotic level drugs. 0:24:59.359 --> 0:25:03.160 Now the opioid crisis that's happening now because the people 0:25:03.200 --> 0:25:06.239 that are the victims of that look different, it's not 0:25:06.359 --> 0:25:10.280 viewed as criminal anymore, but it's viewed as a health crisis. Right, 0:25:10.280 --> 0:25:13.400 So when the people that suffer from these things look 0:25:13.560 --> 0:25:17.679 like us, the what is they get labeled and pushed 0:25:17.760 --> 0:25:21.359 in front of us in a way that's different. Again, 0:25:21.440 --> 0:25:23.560 I'm gonna speak of the what, and I would like 0:25:23.640 --> 0:25:27.200 my brother Fresh to give us a little insight on 0:25:27.240 --> 0:25:30.320 the why. It's not the absence of the black father, 0:25:30.440 --> 0:25:34.280 because I tend to say that white couples break up 0:25:34.320 --> 0:25:39.960 and divorce two And you know, my father more specifically 0:25:40.040 --> 0:25:43.440 was not present for me, but he was very present 0:25:43.760 --> 0:25:46.440 for my younger brother and my younger sister. Different mother, 0:25:46.560 --> 0:25:50.600 different relationship and different relationship with their mother. Right, I 0:25:50.640 --> 0:25:52.439 have no idea. I was three when he left, so 0:25:52.440 --> 0:25:54.680 I don't know what kind of beef, what kind of misunderstanding. 0:25:54.840 --> 0:25:56.800 I don't know what my mom did now. Of course, 0:25:56.800 --> 0:25:58.520 as a kid, my mom is perfect and my dad 0:25:58.520 --> 0:26:01.040 ain't crap because he left her. But now that I'm 0:26:01.040 --> 0:26:04.320 an adult and I've been through some things with some women, 0:26:05.240 --> 0:26:08.560 I'm smart enough to know my dad and my mom 0:26:08.680 --> 0:26:11.600 could have had whatever type of problem that they had. 0:26:12.359 --> 0:26:16.200 Now he was absent in my case, maybe it's because 0:26:16.200 --> 0:26:18.199 he couldn't be there, maybe because he didn't want to be. 0:26:18.880 --> 0:26:22.600 But you hear the experience of Jerome Raw's Ward fourth 0:26:23.320 --> 0:26:27.440 and Tasha Ward now Tasha Evans, and they have a 0:26:27.520 --> 0:26:30.800 much different experience because he was very present, very loving, 0:26:31.000 --> 0:26:33.720 very involved, and very proud of his children. And what 0:26:33.800 --> 0:26:36.000 I learned when I met my brothers and sisters that 0:26:36.040 --> 0:26:38.479 didn't grow up in the house with me, is that 0:26:38.520 --> 0:26:41.960 my dad was also very proud of me, you know 0:26:42.000 --> 0:26:47.440 what I mean. So fresh, other families break up, Other 0:26:47.480 --> 0:26:51.439 couples break up, other couples and families divorce. Other fathers 0:26:51.480 --> 0:26:56.240 of other ethnicities leave or not, But they're not labeled 0:26:56.280 --> 0:27:00.280 as because they're this right, Because all of our things, 0:27:00.320 --> 0:27:02.400 all of our problems, all of our shortcomings are because 0:27:02.440 --> 0:27:05.520 we're black. Right, That father isn't present because he's a 0:27:05.560 --> 0:27:11.560 black father. So the what is our normal human interactions 0:27:11.560 --> 0:27:14.320 and our normal things that happen to and around us 0:27:14.640 --> 0:27:18.200 are labeled as the black fathers are not president, Black 0:27:18.240 --> 0:27:23.080