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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Angie and this is Dakota, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay story Time hosts, and we've got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick, too mini break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors that keep this show running.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend accidentally through my mother's ashes and it's ruined everything.

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Speaker 2: How do you accidentally do that?

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Speaker 3: My twenty seven female mother passed away just before Christmas. Oh,

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Speaker 3: it was totally unexpected and we are all still in

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Speaker 3: a daze. At least I am my father even more so,

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Speaker 3: it's like he's shut off when he heard the news

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Speaker 3: and hasn't figured out how to power back up again.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from thrown Away Ashes, And

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Speaker 3: if you want to smit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 3: the r slash Okay Storytime suppared it.

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Speaker 2: I'm Sophia and I'm Savannah, and we're here to give

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Speaker 2: good advice.

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Speaker 3: Goofy, But we don't have all the answers. We only

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Speaker 3: know what we'd do, So let us know what you

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Speaker 3: would do in the comments. Shortly after the funeral, my

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Speaker 3: boyfriend thirty one mail offered something incredible. My mother was

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Speaker 3: always a huge fan of the arts, and as my

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Speaker 3: boyfriend is a potter, she always has been incredibly intrigued

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Speaker 3: by his work. He even treated her to a studio

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Speaker 3: session once, and she went on about it for weeks. Anyway,

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Speaker 3: his offer was to create an earn for my father,

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Speaker 3: something really striking and original and my mom. I thought

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Speaker 3: it was incredible, and when we asked my dad, he

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Speaker 3: just burst into tears and started hugging us.

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Speaker 2: He seemed truly touched. It was an incredibly intense moment

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Speaker 2: for us.

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Speaker 4: All.

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Speaker 3: I know that art takes time, but usually my boyfriend

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Speaker 3: is a very quick worker. We didn't get her ashes

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Speaker 3: back until about six weeks ago, and my boyfriend asked

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Speaker 3: if he could hold onto them so he could make.

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Speaker 2: The earn the proper size and everything.

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Speaker 3: A few weeks went by and I asked if he

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Speaker 3: had any updates or if I could perhaps see his progress.

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Speaker 3: He got pretty defensive and I dropped the subject. Sometimes

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Speaker 3: he could be testy about his work, so this wasn't

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Speaker 3: really out of the ordinary, if that makes sense. Over

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Speaker 3: the following few weeks, I drop hints here and there

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Speaker 3: and mentioned it in passing, but he'd always managed to

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Speaker 3: drop the subject and I got no new info. Finally,

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Speaker 3: a few days ago, I got pretty serious about it,

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Speaker 3: since my dad had recently asked and demanded to know

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Speaker 3: at least an estimate of when it would be complete.

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Speaker 3: The look on his face said it all. My heart

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Speaker 3: dropped to my stomach before he even spoke a word.

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Speaker 3: I love my boyfriend, but dang, he's mindless. Sometimes He

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Speaker 3: says he misplaced the ashes, but that they had to

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Speaker 3: be somewhere in his studio so they weren't lost. He

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Speaker 3: was adamant that they were in the studio somewhere, as

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Speaker 3: he's the only one really that goes in and out

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Speaker 3: and would remember actually taking them out of the studio.

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Speaker 3: For the past two days, we have torn the room apart.

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Speaker 3: We've completely emptied it and put everything back in. We've

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Speaker 3: emptied boxes, storage containers, waste bins, every frickin thing it's

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Speaker 3: not in there. The ashes were in a pretty inconspicuous

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Speaker 3: brown box, which I believe would have been easy for

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Speaker 3: him to confuse as something else and either take out

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Speaker 3: of the studio at some point or throw away. He

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Speaker 3: still insists that the ashes aren't lost and that there's somewhere.

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Speaker 2: In a studio. It's making my head art. Yesterday morning, we.

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Speaker 3: Had a studio absolutely empty it's just not there. I

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Speaker 3: don't know what happened to them, and at this point

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Speaker 3: it doesn't really matter. But I can accept that they're gone,

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Speaker 3: at which point it's time to tell my father. But

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Speaker 3: my boyfriend refuses, insisting that they're not lost and telling

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Speaker 3: them that they're gone for good would be unnecessarily cruel.

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Speaker 3: I kind of agree, And here we are. If my

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Speaker 3: dad asks again, I don't think I can lie to him.

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Speaker 3: But what if my boyfriend is right? What if I

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Speaker 3: tell him that we lost the only remnants of his wife,

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Speaker 3: only to be wrong. Why should I put him through

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Speaker 3: that if we're not sure. On the other hand, it's

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Speaker 3: already been longer than I implied it would be, so

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Speaker 3: he's got to be growing concern. Would he hate that

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Speaker 3: I lied to him when he eventually finds out my

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Speaker 3: head is a mess? Please help me? And there are

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Speaker 3: some relevant comments that's just horrible.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, like I think as much as like,

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Speaker 5: I don't know what his thought process was, like be like, oh,

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Speaker 5: they're still there. So I'm just gonna like not say

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Speaker 5: anything and just be like, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm still

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Speaker 5: working on it's still working on it.

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Speaker 2: Whatever, Like I'm gonna know if the actual urn is done. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: like did you even finish the earth?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, like you didn't even finish the ear and you

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Speaker 5: just misplaced the ashes and now it's like, oh got no,

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Speaker 5: and now there's no ashes, no urn.

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Speaker 2: Mom's gone yeah for good. Yeah, it's like, oh no,

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Speaker 2: Like what do you do?

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Speaker 5: And so I would have said something, probably early, because

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Speaker 5: she talks about going weeks with her Yeah, this is

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Speaker 5: like months now.

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Speaker 3: It's crazy about knowing didn't tell her for so long.

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Speaker 3: Dish twenty two says, I.

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Speaker 2: May be a terrible person.

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Speaker 3: I don't think i'd tell your dad. It's not gonna

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Speaker 3: help him. I'd either tell the white lie that she

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Speaker 3: was incorporated into the slip to make the urn, or

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Speaker 3: find some ash elsewhere. I'm put it in the bag

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Speaker 3: and let it be again. I may be a terrible person,

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Speaker 3: but sparing a loved one unnecessary pain would be my intention. Gosh,

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry, Oh, he says, Okay, I'm gonna sound twelve

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Speaker 3: years old. But I don't know if I can lie

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Speaker 3: to my dad, especially about the We've always been extremely

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Speaker 3: close and we just don't lie to one another. But

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Speaker 3: I think you're right, this is the best option. And

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Speaker 3: it's best for him, I think. Drubel says, to my knowledge,

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Speaker 3: my father and I don't lie to one another, but

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Speaker 3: if he suddenly lost his life partner, I'd tell him

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Speaker 3: that her ashes we're.

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Speaker 2: In that urn and nothing else.

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Speaker 3: It's not like he'll be looking to use them for anything,

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Speaker 3: but rather wants to know that she's in there, and honestly,

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Speaker 3: as long as he thinks they are than they are.

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Speaker 3: It's your decision, But this is one lie. I think

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Speaker 3: I would tell my father what if that's not true?

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Speaker 3: What if just because he thinks so, her spirit is

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Speaker 3: not in there? What if I truly lost her? Drubel says, well,

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Speaker 3: you have lost her in the physical sense. She's passed away.

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Speaker 3: You're grieving, and I'm sorry to come off harshly, I

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Speaker 3: just view passing very factually. How she lives on now

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Speaker 3: really all depends on you, your father, and the people

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Speaker 3: who knew her. I chose to remember my grandparents by

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Speaker 3: talking out loud to them sometimes or taking notes of

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Speaker 3: moments when I feel like I can feel the presence.

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Speaker 3: I choose to believe those things and feel certain ways

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Speaker 3: about them. I choose to carry the people I've lost

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Speaker 3: in my own ways, just as you and your father

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Speaker 3: and whoever else loved her are going to have to her.

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Speaker 3: Ashes were just the last physical representation you had of her.

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Speaker 3: I could imagine it's hard to lose them for you.

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Speaker 3: But really this all depends on how you passing.

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Speaker 2: Do you believe in souls?

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Speaker 3: Do you think that her soul only exists attached to

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Speaker 3: those ashes? This is all about perspective. Your mother is

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Speaker 3: your mother. Your father's wife is your father's wife. That

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Speaker 3: doesn't change because you can't find her ashes. That stays

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Speaker 3: the same because that's how the two of you individually

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Speaker 3: feel about it. I hope this makes sense. Passing is

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Speaker 3: such a sensitive topic either way. She lives on in

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Speaker 3: both of you, and that's more important than the burned

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Speaker 3: up remains being actually in that urn debate, It says,

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Speaker 3: if I'm going to be totally honest, if I was

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Speaker 3: in I would have gotten some ash from somewhere else

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Speaker 3: and lied to you about your father. I would have

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Speaker 3: taken that secret to the grave. When Op's told it's

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Speaker 3: a little white lie, OP says, I feel like white

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Speaker 3: lies are lies about small or insignificant things that have

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Speaker 3: no real impact. This doesn't feel like one of those things.

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Speaker 3: The lead that says there is no impact. She's not

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Speaker 3: gonna come back to life with the real ashes. He's

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Speaker 3: never gonna look at the ashes. How does knowing help?

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Speaker 3: It's just a memorial. But I don't insist on this position.

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Speaker 3: It's very delicate and very personal, and there is an

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Speaker 3: update again. Yeah, I think I'm on that page.

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Speaker 2: It's like whatever you can bear, Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Whatever feels most comfortable to you, and then also thinking

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Speaker 5: about like your dad and how he's going to react

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Speaker 5: and whatnot, Like you know, it is very sensitive, and

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Speaker 5: it also you know, who knows how she went, and

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Speaker 5: like how that you know also transpires and whatnot. So

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Speaker 5: it's like, yeah, so it's I think it's just really

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Speaker 5: up to what you feel is best.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Honestly, Opy, I took your advice and then ruined everything. Girl,

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Speaker 3: I don't know where to begin except that I've destroyed

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Speaker 3: my father and aft up everything.

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Speaker 2: I'm all alone.

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Speaker 3: I waited a few more weeks for her ashes to

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Speaker 3: possibly show up, but they didn't.

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Speaker 2: I finally accepted that my mom was really lost. First,

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Speaker 2: I dumped my boyfriend.

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Speaker 3: Once my I had cleared, I realized that I just

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Speaker 3: couldn't get past this, I felt like he'd betrayed me

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Speaker 3: and betrayed her memory. Then I took your other advice

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Speaker 3: and lied to my father. It started out okay. I

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Speaker 3: gave him the urn, and he was so overcome with happiness. Honestly,

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Speaker 3: it was the first time he truly smiled since surpassing.

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Speaker 3: He announced that his wife was home and set the

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Speaker 3: urn as a centerpiece in his main room. I was overwhelmed,

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Speaker 3: but ultimately knew I'd done the right thing. If you

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Speaker 3: could have seen him, you'd agree, So thank you read it.

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Speaker 3: I take full blame for what happened next. Everything was

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Speaker 3: fine for a while. I could manage telling the story

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Speaker 3: without breaking down, and held up the lies best I

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Speaker 3: could until last night. My father hosted a large family

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Speaker 3: dinner at his home. Both my siblings were there, along

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Speaker 3: with aunts and cousins, about twenty people in total. Before

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Speaker 3: we said grace, my brother stood up. He lifted up

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Speaker 3: this beautifully etched wood place card and explained that he'd

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Speaker 3: had a quote from our mother's favorite book burned or

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Speaker 3: something into the wood. He read it aloud, and it

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Speaker 3: hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't want

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Speaker 3: to say the specific quotter book, but it just hit

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Speaker 3: me in all the wrong places. I was okay, held

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Speaker 3: the tears back and tried to look unfazed. After he finished,

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Speaker 3: he placed it against the urn and hugged my father,

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Speaker 3: who then turned to me and asked if I could

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Speaker 3: tell everyone one more time the story of the urn.

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Speaker 2: I tried.

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Speaker 3: I tried so hard, but nothing would come out. I

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Speaker 3: just sat there with my mouth open, tears streaming down

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Speaker 3: my face, and a concrete slab resting in my stomach.

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Speaker 2: I froze.

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Speaker 3: Everyone was staring at me, and the lie just wouldn't

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Speaker 3: come out. It's like it was stuck in my throat,

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Speaker 3: and I started physically shaking. I just stood up and

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Speaker 3: went to the bathroom. It was apparently quite the scene.

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Speaker 3: My sister came after me and found me sobbing the bathroom.

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Speaker 3: She sat down with me and started crying too, begging

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Speaker 3: me to talk to her, but I was still frozen.

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Speaker 3: She yelped my hands and said that we needed to

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Speaker 3: lean on one another in times like this, that we

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Speaker 3: have to be able to be honest about how we're feeling.

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Speaker 3: Everything just broke. I affed up and I told her

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Speaker 3: the truth as soon.

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Speaker 2: As it was out of my mouth.

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Speaker 3: He dropped my hands like hot coals. She looked disgusted

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Speaker 3: with me. She asked what I'd filled the urn with,

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Speaker 3: and I told her ashes from my fireplace. I don't

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Speaker 3: know why I said that. It was like every lie

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Speaker 3: just wouldn't make its way out of my mouth, and

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Speaker 3: I could only say the truth. I hate myself for that.

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Speaker 3: She stood up to leave when we both realized my

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Speaker 3: father was standing in the doorway. The way he was

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Speaker 3: looking at me. I'm sorry, I can't finish that sentence.

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Speaker 3: I keep trying. I'll never get his face out of

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Speaker 3: my head. I stood up, but my voice failed me again.

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Speaker 3: He looked down and told me I needed to leave.

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Speaker 3: I tried to hug him, and my sister tore me

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Speaker 3: away and shouted, don't you touch him. My father told

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Speaker 3: me again he wanted me out of his house. I

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Speaker 3: could barely walk or think, but somehow made it out

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Speaker 3: of the house. On my way out, my father handed

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Speaker 3: me back the urn. I don't remember what he said.

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Speaker 3: I've called and texted him and my sister both since then,

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Speaker 3: apologizing a million times every way I know how. My

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Speaker 3: father told me I'm as passed away to him as

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Speaker 3: my mother I ruined absolutely everything and don't know where

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Speaker 3: to go from here. I haven't left my bed all

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Speaker 3: morning and feel like I'm mourning my mother times one

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Speaker 3: hundred all over. I don't know why I posted this.

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Speaker 3: I just don't have anyone else to turn to. I

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Speaker 3: hate myself and I know that I deserve this, but

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Speaker 3: it doesn't make it any easier. I've failed my mother,

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Speaker 3: I failed my family.

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Speaker 2: I'm so alone. What a devastating end to this story.

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Speaker 2: I mean I should I crawl up and cry. I

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Speaker 2: kind of pees. Oh that was horrible.

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Speaker 6: That was terrible, And that's the end of this story.

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Speaker 6: We're going to go to the next one.

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Speaker 5: My boyfriend has a work girlfriend and it nearly ruined

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Speaker 5: our relationship.

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Speaker 2: Well maybe he should work on your relationship.

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Speaker 5: My boyfriend twenty four male and I twenty two female,

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Speaker 5: have been together for about a year and a half now.

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Speaker 5: We met at work, hit it off great, and are

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Speaker 5: now living together. We work for the same company, but

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Speaker 5: at different locations. We generally have a good relationship, fights

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Speaker 5: here and there like all couples, but have been going

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Speaker 5: through a bit of a rough patch lately due to

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Speaker 5: finances from moving in and whatnot. Although my problems lie

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Speaker 5: within his work girlfriend twenty one female. By the way,

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Speaker 5: this comes from work mistress or reel And if you

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Speaker 5: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 5: slash Okay storytime subreddit. I am Savannah, I'm Sophia and

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Speaker 5: a fun fact about me is that I'm from Ohio.

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Speaker 2: I'm just gonna throw that out. There's a fun facts

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Speaker 2: in case you were wondering, in case you wanted to know,

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Speaker 2: and we're here to give good advice. Goofully.

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Speaker 5: But obviously we don't have all the answers. We would

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Speaker 5: just tell you what we would do in this situation,

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Speaker 5: So tell us what you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 5: My company has several locations and he is an assistant

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Speaker 5: manager that floats from location to location whenever someone calls

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Speaker 5: him sick. But he is based out of this particular

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Speaker 5: store and works three of his five days at this store.

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Speaker 5: About a month ago, this girl transferred into from a

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Speaker 5: different state into his base store. He works with him

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Speaker 5: on the three days that he is at the store,

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Speaker 5: so they see each other often and for long periods

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Speaker 5: of time. Generally, it is usually just the two of

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Speaker 5: them and an additional person working. They text each other

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Speaker 5: sometimes but it has been usually about work related things.

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Speaker 5: But lately, when I go on his messages, we're pretty

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Speaker 5: relaxed about phones with each other. I see them talking

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Speaker 5: about other things like hobbies and things of the light.

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Speaker 5: It doesn't bother me because I understood that she was

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Speaker 5: new to the state, and from what he told me,

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Speaker 5: she didn't really know anyone besides the coworkers at that store.

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Speaker 5: Until I realized that he downloaded Snapchat and that she

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Speaker 5: was his number one best friend and they were on

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Speaker 5: an eight day snapping street.

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Speaker 3: And you know what's wrong with that, the fact that

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Speaker 3: they're using Snapchat.

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Speaker 2: I still use Snapchat exactly. Find it an issue exactly.

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Speaker 2: I like to I like it freak. I don't you

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Speaker 2: don't know what I send.

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Speaker 5: I know it sounds stupid, but I am a hugeatter.

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Speaker 5: I mostly only use Snapchat for social media, and I've

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Speaker 5: been begging him for the longest time to download it,

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Speaker 5: only to have him tell me that it was a

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Speaker 5: waste of time. And then I see that he downloaded

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Speaker 5: it for her. But I confronted him about it, he

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Speaker 5: shrugged it off and said it wasn't that big of

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Speaker 5: a deal. I didn't want to push the issue because

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Speaker 5: we have been going through a tougher time lately, and

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Speaker 5: I didn't want to make it worse than it already

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Speaker 5: has been. I thought that I was being insecure because

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Speaker 5: she is honestly stunning, but maybe it was a bit

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Speaker 5: of jealousy behind it. Today I saw her name pop

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Speaker 5: up on his phone, and when I opened the message,

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Speaker 5: I saw that he agreed to pick her up from

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Speaker 5: the airport on Sunday. We made plans to go to

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Speaker 5: my family's party on Sunday, which is about an hour

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Speaker 5: and a half away from the airport. He said he

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Speaker 5: was planning to leave my families early so he could

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Speaker 5: pick her up and they could hang out afterwards. When

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Speaker 5: I asked him about it, he said once again that

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Speaker 5: he didn't think it was that big of a deal

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Speaker 5: because she has no romantic interest in him, and that

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Speaker 5: he was being nice by hanging out with her because

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Speaker 5: she's new, and that I was overreacting.

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Speaker 2: I am livid. I just want to point out something.

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Speaker 3: Yep, he said she has no romantic interest in him,

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Speaker 3: not that he.

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Speaker 2: Does not have any interest in her. Am I in

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Speaker 2: the wrong here? Nah? Girl, that's an update. You're not

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Speaker 2: a simple short answer?

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Speaker 4: No.

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Speaker 5: First off, I want to say thank you to everyone

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Speaker 5: who read and commented on the post. I read all

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Speaker 5: of them even if I didn't reply. I've been really

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Speaker 5: busy since I posted that, so I didn't have time

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Speaker 5: to update, but some of.

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Speaker 2: You guys hemmed me for an update.

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Speaker 5: I sat down with my boyfriend the morning after I

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Speaker 5: posted that, and I asked him about his relationship with

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Speaker 5: his coworker and how I felt like he wasn't being

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Speaker 5: friendly with her but overly flirtatious, and that it was

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Speaker 5: weird and suspicious, and that I saw his text about

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Speaker 5: him picking her up and it did not sit well

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Speaker 5: with me at all, especially since he never planned on

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Speaker 5: telling me, and then he was going to leave my

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Speaker 5: family's event early. He looked annoyed, but eventually admitted to

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Speaker 5: me that he developed a crush on her.

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Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah, everyone's shocked. Oh wow. No one saw that coming.

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Speaker 5: Because she was the opposite of me and was fun

354
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Speaker 5: and easy to.

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Speaker 3: Talk to and I wasn't a media breakup, immedia breakup.

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Speaker 3: Also that she put effort into her appearance and I didn't.

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Speaker 5: I admit that I got really upset after this and

358
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Speaker 5: refused to talk to him, so I left and went

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Speaker 5: to my best friend's house after that. For the night,

360
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Speaker 5: he didn't even text or call. My best friend and

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Speaker 5: her boyfriend were freaking amazing. They ordered some wings, told

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00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:46,440
Speaker 5: me that they never really liked him because he always

363
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,400
Speaker 5: seemed lukewarm to me, like I was just a friend,

364
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Speaker 5: and watched some hula with me.

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Speaker 2: Nice.

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Speaker 5: I remember when I was younger, my mom had gotten

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Speaker 5: out of a really bad relationship and told me to

368
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Speaker 5: never settle for someone who didn't look at me like

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Speaker 5: I was the stars in the sky. Seeing how awesome

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Speaker 5: and amazing my best friend's boyfriend was to me, even

371
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,680
Speaker 5: when he could have easily left, and how they were

372
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Speaker 5: to each other just made me realize I was better

373
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Speaker 5: off single than to be with someone who would rather

374
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,480
Speaker 5: put more effort into a crush than into a year

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Speaker 5: and a half live in relationship. In the morning, I

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00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:20,320
Speaker 5: went back and he was sitting on the couch. I

377
00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:23,600
Speaker 5: asked if he was feeling better, question mars and if

378
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Speaker 5: I still needed more space. I told him that I

379
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,800
Speaker 5: wanted to break up and then I would be moving

380
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Speaker 5: out soon. I said that I would pay for my

381
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,720
Speaker 5: half of next month's red. He didn't even look fazed.

382
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Speaker 5: He just nodded and got up to leave. I was

383
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,679
Speaker 5: trying my absolute hardest to be stoic about it, but

384
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,560
Speaker 5: it kind of failed after I saw how nonchalant he

385
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,639
Speaker 5: was yay Man. I don't know if he went to

386
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,600
Speaker 5: pick her up or not, but I went to my

387
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:50,040
Speaker 5: family's event and tried to have a good time even

388
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Speaker 5: with all of the questions about where he was. I've

389
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,920
Speaker 5: been packing and moving back in with my parents during

390
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,480
Speaker 5: the times I know he's at work. Well, we haven't

391
00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:00,959
Speaker 5: even talked since besides to talk about financial stuff in

392
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,160
Speaker 5: housing situations. I've been finding the urge to really cuss

393
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:07,000
Speaker 5: him out and just to ask why he seems so

394
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,639
Speaker 5: neutral about this when I've really been a huge wreck

395
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:13,920
Speaker 5: and I've always been a firm believer in living well

396
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,320
Speaker 5: is the best revenge.

397
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Speaker 3: I think it's just like, remember that you put effort

398
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:22,040
Speaker 3: and like, I don't know, you just put effort and

399
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:26,439
Speaker 3: intention into this relationship and he didn't, and that is

400
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,679
Speaker 3: never a bad thing for you, you know, Like, it

401
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:31,080
Speaker 3: is never a bad thing to want to put effort

402
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,439
Speaker 3: or intention or just like anything into a relationship, and

403
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:36,440
Speaker 3: when someone doesn't reciprocate that, that's on them.

404
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:38,720
Speaker 5: I've been trying to keep busy to keep my mind

405
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,840
Speaker 5: off of it, but it sucks a lot sometimes, especially

406
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,240
Speaker 5: at night. Sorry if this dragged on, it just felt

407
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,560
Speaker 5: good to write it all out. I really wasn't planning

408
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:49,480
Speaker 5: on updating at all after that last post, but.

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Speaker 2: I had to update.

410
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Speaker 5: I mentioned in the first post that my ex was

411
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:56,080
Speaker 5: a floater for our company. Floaters are very common in

412
00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:58,280
Speaker 5: our company because we have a lot of stores. It

413
00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:02,200
Speaker 5: turns out that his work friend became one as well,

414
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:05,200
Speaker 5: and while I was working, she came in and filled

415
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,919
Speaker 5: a shift of one of my coworkers. At first, I

416
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:11,280
Speaker 5: was planning on just ignoring her except for work related things,

417
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,720
Speaker 5: because I figured from her reaction of me, I didn't

418
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,679
Speaker 5: think she recognized me or even knew who I was,

419
00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:20,119
Speaker 5: and I didn't want a confrontation by asking her. But

420
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:23,360
Speaker 5: it got slow and we started talking. We were asking

421
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,720
Speaker 5: general questions about each other, and I mentioned that I

422
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:29,280
Speaker 5: had dated Corey, not his real name, and he had

423
00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:33,199
Speaker 5: worked at her base store. She looked genuinely shocked. She

424
00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:35,560
Speaker 5: mentioned to me that she had no idea that he

425
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,000
Speaker 5: had a girlfriend, but that he only had a roommate

426
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,680
Speaker 5: that worked for the same company, and whenever he referred

427
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:44,400
Speaker 5: to my name. She assumed he was referring to the roommate.

428
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,800
Speaker 5: I didn't get the feeling at all that she would

429
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:49,159
Speaker 5: be lying to me about this, and if she is,

430
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:53,359
Speaker 5: she should be acting. I was so pissed off that

431
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,879
Speaker 5: I ended up just telling her what was going on

432
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:57,639
Speaker 5: and why we broke up. I told her about the

433
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,720
Speaker 5: snapchat thing, and she apologized because she didn't know he

434
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,320
Speaker 5: wasn't that into snapchat.

435
00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:03,240
Speaker 2: It's not your fall girl.

436
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, she showed me her best friend's list and he

437
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,480
Speaker 5: wasn't even on her list. But there was that face

438
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:12,320
Speaker 5: where you're on someone's best friend's list but they're not

439
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:15,760
Speaker 5: on yours next to his name. Also, she said she

440
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:19,920
Speaker 5: asked for everyone's Snapchat because she prefers snaps over everything,

441
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,480
Speaker 5: and if they don't have one, she tells them to

442
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:25,480
Speaker 5: download it. She had like a score of thirty thousand

443
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,520
Speaker 5: or something equally as large. I told her about the

444
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,320
Speaker 5: airport thing and how he handled it, and she apologized

445
00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:35,040
Speaker 5: and said she wouldn't had asked someone's boyfriend had she

446
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,000
Speaker 5: known he was dating someone.

447
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:37,600
Speaker 2: Get this.

448
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,639
Speaker 5: The only reason she asked my boyfriend was because the

449
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,639
Speaker 5: guy that she was talking to was out of town.

450
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,399
Speaker 2: That's the thing. That's what I'm saying.

451
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,320
Speaker 3: The girl was not into him, Okay, she used him

452
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:50,520
Speaker 3: as an airport ride.

453
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,560
Speaker 2: She never mentioned that she was dating anyone to him.

454
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was because she doesn't like to talk about

455
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,760
Speaker 5: her love life that much, But she ended just asking

456
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,000
Speaker 5: one of the other coworkers to pick her up. She

457
00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:04,600
Speaker 5: also mentioned that the reason she became a floater was

458
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,800
Speaker 5: because another one of her assistant managers at her base

459
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:10,639
Speaker 5: store was getting too flirty with her and she didn't

460
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,880
Speaker 5: like it. All right, onto the update, she started going

461
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 5: off about how she hated guys like Corey and how

462
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,840
Speaker 5: he would do that to me. She thought he was

463
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 5: just being nice to her since he was one of

464
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,240
Speaker 5: the first people she met since she moved. I can

465
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:28,280
Speaker 5: see how she would mistake his flirting as niceness now

466
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:30,640
Speaker 5: that I think about it, since he sucked at flirting.

467
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 5: From my impression of her, I could tell how Corey

468
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,800
Speaker 5: would take her friendliness as flirting. She was really nice

469
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,560
Speaker 5: and friendly. I didn't hold any resentment towards her before,

470
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:43,200
Speaker 5: but I definitely don't now. Oh, and she's a girl's girl.

471
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,320
Speaker 5: I'm almost moved out and I feel a lot better

472
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:48,760
Speaker 5: about my decision, and with the breakup after meeting his

473
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:52,840
Speaker 5: work girlfriend, I still haven't talked to him at all.

474
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,520
Speaker 2: And that is the end of that story.

475
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:59,000
Speaker 3: Well, there you go. I mean, that's great. I think

476
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,679
Speaker 3: it's nice that you had that little kind of moment

477
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,720
Speaker 3: with her, or that conversation with her, just to realize

478
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,760
Speaker 3: I don't know, I think it's pretty satisfying to find

479
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,479
Speaker 3: out that she doesn't like him.

480
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:11,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, and the.

481
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:15,480
Speaker 3: Girl that he's dropping you for also is above you know,

482
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:18,880
Speaker 3: is too good for him, because you're both too good

483
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:19,320
Speaker 3: for him.

484
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:21,199
Speaker 2: Yeah, And he doesn't deserve either of you.

485
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,040
Speaker 6: And that's the end of this story. We're going to

486
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:24,920
Speaker 6: go to the next one.

487
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,240
Speaker 2: My family thinks I'm a bad mom for combining my

488
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:33,240
Speaker 2: son's birthday and Christmas. You might be. I female, thirties,

489
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:36,840
Speaker 2: have multiple children, but this question is particularly about my

490
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:41,080
Speaker 2: second child, male thirteen. In December, my son turns fourteen.

491
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 2: This past week, I was helping the kids make their

492
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:45,760
Speaker 2: Christmas wish list. My son told me that there is

493
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:48,320
Speaker 2: only one thing that he wants. He knows it's expensive

494
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,879
Speaker 2: and that we cannot afford it, but maybe some money

495
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,800
Speaker 2: towards saving for this item would be his best wish.

496
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:57,200
Speaker 2: He wants a desktop high performance gaming computer to create

497
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 2: a video game. Wow. He wants to create a vehicle

498
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,040
Speaker 2: that is cool. By the way, this comes from a

499
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,480
Speaker 2: Caspian three twenty four And if you want to submit

500
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,040
Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime,

501
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,720
Speaker 2: separate it and I'm Angie, I'm Carly, and we're here

502
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:11,720
Speaker 2: to give good advice goofy. But we don't have all

503
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,639
Speaker 2: the answers. We just know what we would do in

504
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,680
Speaker 2: this situation, So let us know what you do in

505
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:19,680
Speaker 2: the comments. And Opie says, my son is very smart

506
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,960
Speaker 2: and very creative. He has been obsessed with video games

507
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,000
Speaker 2: since he was a baby, sitting in his dad's lap

508
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,720
Speaker 2: while his dad played video games. My son has been

509
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,600
Speaker 2: talking about this game he wants to make. He has

510
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,639
Speaker 2: folders full of details and notes for this game that

511
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,480
Speaker 2: he wants to create. He has used my gaming computer

512
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,520
Speaker 2: to start teaching himself how to code so he can

513
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,840
Speaker 2: slowly build this game. He has spent the last year

514
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,720
Speaker 2: pouring his heart and mind into all to say this

515
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 2: is important to him. My husband and I have discussed

516
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 2: this and we want to support him one hundred percent.

517
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:51,840
Speaker 2: His birthday is in December, and while I would love

518
00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:53,879
Speaker 2: to go all out for both like we have in

519
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,679
Speaker 2: the past, we just cannot afford Christmas for the whole family.

520
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,640
Speaker 2: His birthday and the gaming computer along with the desk

521
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,159
Speaker 2: and chair that he will need unless we wrap his

522
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 2: birthday in Christmas all into those three items. Yesterday, our

523
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:09,359
Speaker 2: family got together and the adults were discussing Christmas lists

524
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 2: and what each person should look into getting for each child.

525
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 2: My son was brought up and my sister said, and

526
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:19,720
Speaker 2: do not forget birthday ideas too for his party. When

527
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 2: I told them that we would not be doing a

528
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 2: big party this year, my family got mad. They said,

529
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 2: you can all skimp out on his birthday. Grandma always

530
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:29,479
Speaker 2: said having a birthday near Christmas feels like no one

531
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:32,159
Speaker 2: cares about your birthday anyways, so you have to go

532
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,120
Speaker 2: bigger just for them on their day. Do not give

533
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,480
Speaker 2: your son the idea that he is not important as

534
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,640
Speaker 2: the rest of the kids. Whoa whoa, whoa woo woa,

535
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,119
Speaker 2: whoa whoa pit chill out, guys.

536
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:46,400
Speaker 4: Come down as someone whose mom has a birthday very

537
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:49,879
Speaker 4: close to Christmas. Though I have been always made aware

538
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 4: that birthday is separate from Christmas and you do something

539
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,679
Speaker 4: for both. Yeah, and like your birthday gift cannot be

540
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:59,960
Speaker 4: Christmas related, your Christmas gift can not be birthday related.

541
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 2: Right, makes sense, But he specifically said that he's cool

542
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 2: with it.

543
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:08,160
Speaker 4: I feel like, though, at least doing something that day

544
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,119
Speaker 4: that's just saying like, and this is your birthday, Like

545
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,159
Speaker 4: even if it's just like going out to dinner, like

546
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,280
Speaker 4: a cheap dinner, even but like, hey, it's your birthday today.

547
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 4: You pick what you want for dinner, Like you pick

548
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:23,399
Speaker 4: like out of these very simple activities, and like family

549
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:24,919
Speaker 4: can come over and it can still be a family

550
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:25,679
Speaker 4: day kind of thing.

551
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a great idea. I tried to explain that

552
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 2: we were putting thousands more towards his Christmas because of

553
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,080
Speaker 2: what he asked for, and they just said it did

554
00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:37,000
Speaker 2: not matter. I did not think it was that big

555
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 2: of a deal. We always go out for his birthday,

556
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 2: and more so than any of the other kids, so

557
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 2: just so he feels special during season when everyone's minds

558
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:47,399
Speaker 2: are focused on Christmas. And I know he will understand

559
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,119
Speaker 2: when he opens that brand new computer on Christmas morning.

560
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:52,760
Speaker 2: My husband and I still planned on taking him out

561
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,679
Speaker 2: for his birthday dinner and activity of his choice in

562
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:57,680
Speaker 2: a card with money in it for him to put

563
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 2: towards the computer that he wants. Considered giving him one

564
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 2: of the items on his birthday and the others on Christmas,

565
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,399
Speaker 2: but that would ruin the surprise, and this would be

566
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 2: a big surprise because he is right, this is not

567
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,919
Speaker 2: something we could normally afford. But my husband has agreed

568
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 2: to work twice the overtime and I have taken on

569
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 2: a second job, so we can afford to do this

570
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:19,520
Speaker 2: for him without affecting what we get the other kids.

571
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:22,239
Speaker 2: I hope this all makes sense. Things like this make

572
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:24,840
Speaker 2: me emotional because I worry like crazy that I'm screwing

573
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,200
Speaker 2: up as a mom. So bear with me through the explanation.

574
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:29,920
Speaker 2: Am I really an a hole for combining his birthday

575
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,200
Speaker 2: in Christmas for just one year so we can get

576
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,080
Speaker 2: him his dream gift for Christmas? We do have an update,

577
00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:36,160
Speaker 2: but yeah, what do you think?

578
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 4: It's not how I thought the story was gonna go.

579
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,360
Speaker 4: So I really don't think like you're still celebrating his

580
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,040
Speaker 4: birthday kind of thing. So I don't see why it's

581
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,639
Speaker 4: a big issue, Like you're keeping them very separate things.

582
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 2: So totally. First, thank you for all of the replies

583
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,040
Speaker 2: and the helpful advice. I have not been able to

584
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:55,280
Speaker 2: read every comment, but I am working on it. I

585
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,359
Speaker 2: called my husband at work and we agreed when he

586
00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,639
Speaker 2: gets home, we will be talking to our son and

587
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,880
Speaker 2: getting his opinion. The only reason I had not thought

588
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 2: about getting his opinion, which is incredibly selfish I now see,

589
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 2: is because I never had a real fantastic Christmas. Gifts

590
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:13,240
Speaker 2: were often taken back by February and pond or sold,

591
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 2: but it is my favorite holiday, so I always work

592
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:19,159
Speaker 2: to make it have fantastic memories. One of those is

593
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:22,720
Speaker 2: their surprised and happy faces as they open presents. I

594
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 2: would say my love language is definitely gift giving, because

595
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 2: hunting down and giving a gift that makes someone so

596
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,639
Speaker 2: happy their face lights up makes me so happy. We

597
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 2: will be talking with our son and I will update

598
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 2: what we decide, and we do have a second update

599
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,960
Speaker 2: from after the talk. So we started the conversation with

600
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 2: so for your birthday and Christmas, we would like to

601
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:45,240
Speaker 2: get you one big gift. It is expensive, but we

602
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:46,159
Speaker 2: know you would love it.

603
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 4: See that feels like the giveaway.

604
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,720
Speaker 2: To me, like if I was a son I was like, okay, great,

605
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,000
Speaker 2: I'm getting the whole gret right. It's not money towards it.

606
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 2: I'm getting the comput.

607
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:56,600
Speaker 4: Right because at that point, like then you should have

608
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:57,840
Speaker 4: just given them half and half.

609
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:02,159
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly would it upset you if we combined your

610
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 2: birthday and Christmas gift for this item? His response was,

611
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 2: do not tell me it's the gaming computer. Yeah? Yeah,

612
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:12,119
Speaker 2: and of course my face gave it away. He was

613
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,400
Speaker 2: super excited and said that no, he would not get

614
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:17,760
Speaker 2: upset that it was combined considering what it was. So

615
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 2: the plan is still to take him out for his

616
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 2: birthday and gift him some cash he can use to

617
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 2: buy accessories for his new setup. We discussed if he

618
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 2: still wanted to do a party, though a much smaller one,

619
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,439
Speaker 2: and his response was, I have not liked birthday parties

620
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:34,239
Speaker 2: for years. Being around that many people at once and

621
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:36,600
Speaker 2: having to stay happy the whole time is really tiring.

622
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:38,640
Speaker 2: But I know how much you like planning them, so

623
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 2: I didn't say anything. I would rather go out for

624
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:44,360
Speaker 2: dinner and maybe stop by Best Buy or game stop with.

625
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:47,800
Speaker 4: His money for his new computer. Yeah yeah. If the

626
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 4: plan the whole time was to just give him cash,

627
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 4: for his birthday that he could use to buy accessories

628
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:54,440
Speaker 4: and then on Christmas get him the gaming computer.

629
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 2: Yeah.

630
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 4: That already sounds way more than like any kind of

631
00:28:58,280 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 4: birthday that I can think of, totally.

632
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:01,680
Speaker 2: I mean, so you kind of are already giving him

633
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 2: a gift, right, that's already a ton Yeah, you just

634
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:06,880
Speaker 2: don't need a party. You don't need a party. I

635
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:08,800
Speaker 2: don't think you had to give away. But this was

636
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,280
Speaker 2: especially like he's turning fourteen. Yeah, he's gonna have to

637
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 2: say in what he wants to do. Makes sense that

638
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 2: he's not interested in the parties.

639
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,120
Speaker 4: He's like, I'm a cool teenager.

640
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:22,400
Speaker 2: Now cool teenager. So plans are made for what he wants,

641
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 2: and family has been informed via mass message that if

642
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,280
Speaker 2: they want to, they can stop buy on his birthday

643
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:29,280
Speaker 2: to wish him a happy birthday and give him any

644
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:31,600
Speaker 2: presents or cards they got him. I still have not

645
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:33,480
Speaker 2: had a chance to read all of the messages, but

646
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:36,760
Speaker 2: to answer a few common questions I saw his siblings

647
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 2: will mostly not care about the difference in price that

648
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,320
Speaker 2: we spend on each one individually. When we buy gifts

649
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,560
Speaker 2: for Christmas. There are a lot of factors we take

650
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 2: into consideration for instance, will this be used frequently and

651
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:49,920
Speaker 2: loved or will it be played with for two days

652
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 2: and tossed? Or are you mentally mature enough to care

653
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 2: for this item? Our nine year old wanted to put

654
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 2: a PlayStation on his Christmas list, but I reminded him

655
00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 2: that this year he broke a controller to his father's

656
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 2: Xbox and left my iPad within reach of his three

657
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 2: year old sister, leading it to be broken by her.

658
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 2: I told him that we would reevaluate next year and

659
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:10,680
Speaker 2: see if he had learned to be a bit more responsible,

660
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:13,080
Speaker 2: and then we could revisit a console of his own

661
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 2: next Christmas. That sounds like a great parent response.

662
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, I have no idea.

663
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 2: Yes. On the other hand, the new bike he asked

664
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 2: for is a given. He takes very good care of

665
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,880
Speaker 2: his current bike that he has even grown out of

666
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:30,160
Speaker 2: and even learned to do repairs on it himself. Our

667
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 2: twelve year old daughter has only asked for smell good

668
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:36,640
Speaker 2: stuff like lotions, some hooks for her purses, and a

669
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 2: jewelry box. Our fifteen year old daughter asked for my

670
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 2: old gaming PC to be fixed so she can have it,

671
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,480
Speaker 2: and a small desk to put in her room. We

672
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:46,560
Speaker 2: discussed her brother getting a new one and if that

673
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:49,080
Speaker 2: would upset her, and she said no, that she loves

674
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 2: mine because it was the first one that she used

675
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,160
Speaker 2: and the memories of us playing together are what makes

676
00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 2: that one so special. Cute well is not just darling.

677
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 2: He is not adorable our six year old daughter. But

678
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:01,719
Speaker 2: one thing on our list a new bike that is

679
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:05,640
Speaker 2: not girly dinosaurs preferably, and our three year old does

680
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:07,640
Speaker 2: not care as long as it makes noise or is

681
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:10,640
Speaker 2: a baby doll. We don't spend the same amount on

682
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 2: each kid each year because what they ask for does

683
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:16,200
Speaker 2: not always equal up. But trust me, they are always

684
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,200
Speaker 2: happy with what they get. I'm not worried about the

685
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 2: Santa aspect in our home. Santa only brings candy, stuffed animals,

686
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 2: coloring books, or reading books. I never wanted my kids

687
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:27,880
Speaker 2: to go to school and tell a friend I got

688
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:30,760
Speaker 2: a new game system from Santa for Christmas, and their

689
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 2: friend wonder if Santa did not like them because they

690
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 2: did not get something as nice. So we only gift

691
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:39,440
Speaker 2: things the elves could make. His birthday was never going

692
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:42,000
Speaker 2: to be forgotten. We were still planning a dinner out

693
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 2: an activity of his choice. And a card with one

694
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 2: hundred dollars in it to put towards his computer, which

695
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 2: will now be a shopping trip to the stores of

696
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 2: his choice. And of course we would get him a cake.

697
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 2: I own and operate my own bakery and always make

698
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 2: my kids their favorite cake for their birthday. We go

699
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 2: out for every child's birthday. We plan an active they

700
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 2: enjoy at a place they like, and throw a big

701
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:05,280
Speaker 2: party and invite everyone. We do not spend the same

702
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 2: amount of money on every kid's birthday, simply because some

703
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:10,200
Speaker 2: things are not as expensive as others, but the ones

704
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 2: old enough to understand get it, and they have never

705
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 2: expressed any unhappiness. A birthday wish is always something we

706
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:19,760
Speaker 2: strive to fulfill. Also, as a final part of this update,

707
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 2: my family has been informed of the choice, and after

708
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:25,240
Speaker 2: speaking with my son, most of them now understand that

709
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 2: it is his choice and they happily accept. My parents

710
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 2: are now getting him the desk, and my husband's parents

711
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,760
Speaker 2: are getting him a nice chair. My sister will be

712
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 2: getting him a lamp and a whiteboard with markers to

713
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:38,360
Speaker 2: put over his desk so that as she puts it,

714
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 2: any inspiration that strikes he can write down and keep

715
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:44,600
Speaker 2: right at hand. My husband's aunt also has informed me

716
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:46,760
Speaker 2: that she will be putting up half of the computer's

717
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:50,920
Speaker 2: costs so I can quit my second job. Wow, so wonderful.

718
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:53,600
Speaker 2: She is giving her oldest daughter an equal amount as

719
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:56,320
Speaker 2: she is saving for a car, and the other kid's

720
00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 2: portions she will give in the form of gift cards.

721
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:01,400
Speaker 2: She usually does this, and we take the kids on

722
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 2: a mini shopping spree and send her photos. She hates

723
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 2: going shopping herself. This is soodful, horrible. Yeah, if they

724
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:14,120
Speaker 2: wanted something like happy and something big to celebrate the

725
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:17,560
Speaker 2: sun for his birthday, then they're contributing. Yeah great.

726
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:20,200
Speaker 4: I feel like they probably just didn't realize that he

727
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:24,480
Speaker 4: specifically wanted this like one big thing, and like how

728
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:27,960
Speaker 4: much of a giant effort this was going to be

729
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 4: to get it exactly. And now they're involved and they're

730
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 4: also doing it, and he's gonna be way happier than

731
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:34,440
Speaker 4: his birthday parties.

732
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:38,880
Speaker 2: Totally. I know they was all coming out of out

733
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 2: of love. Yeah, concerned, that's all in all, talking through

734
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 2: it with him, it worked out better than expected. I

735
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:47,800
Speaker 2: was worried the surprise would be ruined and even apologized

736
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:49,920
Speaker 2: if he felt slighted by not being surprised on his

737
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 2: birthday and Christmas, and he just laughed and said, Mom,

738
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 2: you do not ever stick to the plan. There will

739
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:58,320
Speaker 2: be more for me to be surprised by on both days.

740
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,600
Speaker 2: And of course he is not wrong. I have already

741
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 2: started looking up online coding classes for beginners and little

742
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:07,880
Speaker 2: inexpensive desk items that he might find helpful, including a

743
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:09,880
Speaker 2: custom mouse pad with a picture of him playing a

744
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:12,800
Speaker 2: video game with his dad when he was three. Oh,

745
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:16,000
Speaker 2: k Yo, do not worry. I will get a backup plane,

746
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,919
Speaker 2: one that will not embarrass him should he have friends over.

747
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:23,319
Speaker 2: Thank you again everyone. Wow, your love language sure is gifts. Yeah,

748
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 2: a whole lot that you're getting him.

749
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:26,800
Speaker 4: I feel like he's gonna surprise you too. He's gonna

750
00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 4: love that custom mouse pad.

751
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:30,760
Speaker 2: He totally will. Yeah, he totally.

752
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:32,640
Speaker 6: Maybe he'll put the other one out for his friends to.

753
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 4: Like look cool, but I think he's gonna be like,

754
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 4: oh my god, that's so fun.

755
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:37,960
Speaker 6: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

756
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:39,600
Speaker 6: to the next one.

757
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here, and

758
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 2: we're going to get back to the stories. But here's

759
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:48,960
Speaker 2: a three minute ad break from our sponsors.

760
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:52,760
Speaker 4: I'm hesitant to show up at a family gathering because

761
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 4: I might get stuck again again.

762
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:56,160
Speaker 2: What happened.

763
00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:59,319
Speaker 4: I am a twenty nine year old woman living in

764
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 4: the Netherlands and my family situation is very complicated. When

765
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:06,279
Speaker 4: I went no contact with my mom six years ago,

766
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:10,239
Speaker 4: the rest of my family slowly backed away too. They

767
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 4: believe a daughter must stay connected to her mother no

768
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:17,279
Speaker 4: matter how the mother behaves. So even though I never

769
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 4: chose to cut off my cousin or my aunt, I

770
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:23,200
Speaker 4: became no contact with them as well. It felt like

771
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:26,719
Speaker 4: my whole family closed their doors the moment I protected

772
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:30,320
Speaker 4: myself by the way. This comes from Unlikely second forty

773
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:32,680
Speaker 4: six thirty and if you want to submit your own stories,

774
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 4: go to the rsash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Angie,

775
00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:38,319
Speaker 4: and we're here to give good advice goofy, But we

776
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,759
Speaker 4: don't have all the answers. We only know what we

777
00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 4: would do.

778
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 2: Let us know what you would do.

779
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:45,560
Speaker 4: In the comments, Opie says there is something that makes

780
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 4: the situation even more painful. This cousin is not just

781
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 4: any family member. She's the person I grew up with.

782
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:55,680
Speaker 4: I'm an only child, and she was the closest I

783
00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 4: ever had to a sister. We spent every summer together.

784
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:03,120
Speaker 4: We traveled together, we played together, we talked for hours.

785
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:05,840
Speaker 4: With the rest of my extended family, there was always

786
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 4: a language gap, and my mom had to step into

787
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:11,800
Speaker 4: translate or speak for me, which created even more pressure.

788
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:16,880
Speaker 4: But with my cousin everything felt natural and safe des

789
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 4: my friend and my family at the same time. Even

790
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:22,919
Speaker 4: though we have not spoken for years, I still care

791
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 4: about her deeply. I still love her. Her baby would

792
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 4: have meant a lot to me if things had been different.

793
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:33,160
Speaker 4: That is why this choice is so difficult. A part

794
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 4: of me truly wants to be there because of the

795
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:38,799
Speaker 4: bond we once had. Next week, my cousin is having

796
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:42,239
Speaker 4: a christening for her new baby boy. In most families,

797
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:45,319
Speaker 4: this would be a sweet celebration. In my case, it

798
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:48,600
Speaker 4: brought up a lot of fear and old wounds. I

799
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 4: grew up in a strict African and religious home while

800
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:55,239
Speaker 4: also trying to live in the Dutch culture, which is

801
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:57,880
Speaker 4: much more open. I often felt like I was living

802
00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 4: two lives. My mom repeatedly crossed my boundaries in ways

803
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:05,640
Speaker 4: that now make me realize she had strong self absorbed traits.

804
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:09,120
Speaker 4: She went through my belongings without permission, which is a

805
00:37:09,239 --> 00:37:13,440
Speaker 4: classic control tactic. She checked my teachers and acted as

806
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:16,840
Speaker 4: if she was investigating me, even though I was always

807
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 4: the top student. She tracked my location, treated my achievements

808
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:24,080
Speaker 4: as her property. She accused me of being a bad

809
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 4: girl even when I did everything right, which is a

810
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 4: common way self absorbed parents rewrite reality to maintain control.

811
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 4: She ignored my emotional needs and even my medical needs,

812
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 4: which fits the way self absorbed parents often deny or

813
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:43,160
Speaker 4: dismiss their children's pain. Looking back, I see so many patterns.

814
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:46,799
Speaker 4: Everything had to revolve around her. My feelings did not

815
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:51,160
Speaker 4: matter unless they helped her image. Six years ago, everything

816
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 4: collapsed during my master's graduation. I was valedictorian and it

817
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:59,319
Speaker 4: should have been a happy moment. Instead, it became one

818
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:03,399
Speaker 4: more example of self absorbed behavior. My mom controlled who

819
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:06,160
Speaker 4: I could invite. She made the day about her and

820
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:09,840
Speaker 4: not about my achievement. Family members I paid tickets for

821
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:13,799
Speaker 4: didn't show up, which added through the chaos. I was

822
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:15,880
Speaker 4: not allowed to bring my partner because she was not

823
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:19,319
Speaker 4: from the same African background. I had to hide my

824
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:22,960
Speaker 4: own relationship during that time, I was dealing with depression

825
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 4: and heavy drinking, and I even attempted to end my life.

826
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:29,600
Speaker 4: When I needed her support, she was not there. Self

827
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 4: absorbed parents often disappear when their child is in a

828
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:36,400
Speaker 4: crisis because the focus is no longer on them. After

829
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:40,319
Speaker 4: that moment, I cut contact to survive. Since then, my

830
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:43,319
Speaker 4: aunt was the only relative who reached out, but she

831
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:46,200
Speaker 4: told me very clearly that she would always choose my mom.

832
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:50,359
Speaker 4: That made it impossible to trust her. Now suddenly I

833
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:52,920
Speaker 4: hear my cousin had a baby. I did not even

834
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:55,720
Speaker 4: know she was pregnant. My mom sent me a cryptic

835
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:58,560
Speaker 4: message one day of the birth. My aunt called me

836
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:03,320
Speaker 4: after us only sent a PDF invitation and nothing else.

837
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:07,200
Speaker 4: Before this, I would send her birthday messages. He never replied.

838
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 4: The christening is in another country. If I go, I

839
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:13,880
Speaker 4: would have to travel alone. My aunt already told me

840
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:17,040
Speaker 4: that I must update my mom about everything, even though

841
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:20,240
Speaker 4: we haven't spoken in years. My mom has now started

842
00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:22,680
Speaker 4: messaging me like nothing happened.

843
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:24,040
Speaker 2: Delflipdoor.

844
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 4: Parents often act as if the past does not exist

845
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:30,479
Speaker 4: in order to force their children back into the old role.

846
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:34,200
Speaker 4: None of them acknowledge the damage or the history I

847
00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:36,720
Speaker 4: am scared that if I go, I will be cornered

848
00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:41,279
Speaker 4: and pressured into a forced reconciliation. In my culture, the

849
00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:43,960
Speaker 4: family will often team up to protect the mother and

850
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:47,160
Speaker 4: silence the daughter. I worry I will not have a

851
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:51,400
Speaker 4: safe way out. It's expensive to travel and emotionally exhausting

852
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:54,719
Speaker 4: to even think about going. These people have shown very

853
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 4: little care for me for years. I've been thinking about

854
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:00,600
Speaker 4: this non stop, and I need to give my answer soon.

855
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:03,239
Speaker 4: Part of me feels guilty because that is what I

856
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,080
Speaker 4: was trained to feel. Another part of me is terrified

857
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 4: that going back will drag me into the dynamic I

858
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:12,000
Speaker 4: fought my way out of. If anyone here has been

859
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:15,160
Speaker 4: in a similar situation, I would really appreciate your thoughts.

860
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 4: Would you go or would you protect your piece and

861
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 4: say no? Thank you so much for reading this. It

862
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:23,360
Speaker 4: means more than you know. And we have some comments.

863
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:28,799
Speaker 2: But wow, Yeah, that's a situation that I have no

864
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:30,200
Speaker 2: personal experience with.

865
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:32,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I feel like it's also one where it's

866
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,239
Speaker 4: so much easier to say what you think should happen

867
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:37,239
Speaker 4: from like our outsider perspective.

868
00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:38,759
Speaker 2: Have you not gone right?

869
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:40,680
Speaker 4: Like to me, I'm like, yeah, don't go doude like

870
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:42,879
Speaker 4: protect your piece, But I'm sure with like so many

871
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:47,359
Speaker 4: emotions and stuff, it's so much harder. Comments comment are one.

872
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:50,279
Speaker 4: If you want my advice, don't go. I think your

873
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:52,880
Speaker 4: gut is right. You can't trust your aunt with information,

874
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 4: and yes you will likely be cornered. Have you heard

875
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,480
Speaker 4: from your cousin at all over these six years or

876
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:01,839
Speaker 4: is it just the PDF invitation? Say you have other

877
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 4: plans and can't get time off from work, That time

878
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:06,560
Speaker 4: doesn't work for you, but send them a gift for

879
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 4: the child instead. That is what I would do. If

880
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:12,960
Speaker 4: it smells like a trap, it most likely is. Opie says,

881
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 4: thank you for your advice. It really helps because my

882
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 4: gut has been telling me the same thing. To answer

883
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,880
Speaker 4: your question, I have barely heard from my cousin in

884
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:23,920
Speaker 4: these six years. Maybe two small phone calls and a

885
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:26,600
Speaker 4: video call when the baby was born. That was the

886
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 4: first time I had seen her again before that. She

887
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:32,359
Speaker 4: never replied to my birthday messages. After the video call.

888
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:34,919
Speaker 4: She just sent me the PDF invite and nothing more.

889
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:37,480
Speaker 4: What makes it confusing is that she was like a

890
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:39,839
Speaker 4: sister to me when we were younger. I am an

891
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:42,479
Speaker 4: only child and she was the closest person I had.

892
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:46,239
Speaker 4: We spent every summer together and shared everything. I still

893
00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:48,440
Speaker 4: care about her and her baby would have meant a

894
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:51,399
Speaker 4: lot to me in another life. But she also used

895
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:53,280
Speaker 4: to tell me to hide who I am to avoid

896
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:57,439
Speaker 4: trouble in the family. She still follows traditional expectations, even

897
00:41:57,440 --> 00:42:00,640
Speaker 4: though she was also born in Europe. Makes me afraid

898
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 4: I will be pushed back into the old family role

899
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:06,600
Speaker 4: if I go. Your comment confirmed what I have been feeling.

900
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 4: If it feels wrong, it probably is. I think sending

901
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:12,440
Speaker 4: a kind message and a gift might be the safest

902
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:15,839
Speaker 4: choice for me. Comment or two says don't go. Your

903
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:18,399
Speaker 4: family simply wants you to accept everything and move on.

904
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,120
Speaker 4: As long as you stay away, you are a constant

905
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:23,880
Speaker 4: reminder that they are toxic. If they can get you

906
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:27,200
Speaker 4: to fold, they can now feel justified and continue on

907
00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 4: like the perfect people they think they are. This is

908
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 4: like everything about them. THEND your cousin a congratulatory letter

909
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:38,319
Speaker 4: and a small gift, then block your aunt. She is

910
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:42,279
Speaker 4: simply a flying monkey, and we have an update. I

911
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 4: agree with those comments.

912
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:47,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would agreeing. Yeah, I would also agree with that.

913
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:51,280
Speaker 4: Thank you everyone for the support and advice. I wanted

914
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:53,680
Speaker 4: to give an update because your comments helped me finally

915
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,960
Speaker 4: take action. I ended up texting my mom, my aunt,

916
00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:59,400
Speaker 4: and my cousin that I could not come to the

917
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:02,120
Speaker 4: christening and then I would send a present instead. My

918
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:04,840
Speaker 4: cousin received a longer and more personal message from me.

919
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,200
Speaker 4: I told her why I could not be there, that

920
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:09,000
Speaker 4: I would send a gift, and that I hoped I

921
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,799
Speaker 4: could meet her and her family another time. I got

922
00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 4: a bit emotional while writing. He replied with a thumbs

923
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:18,399
Speaker 4: up and her address. Nothing more, just a little bit

924
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:19,560
Speaker 4: more any less.

925
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:24,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, same thing. I think that really just confirms what

926
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:28,399
Speaker 2: we were already thinking, that the cousin doesn't really care

927
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 2: to have that relationship with you. She's obviously just doing

928
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:35,319
Speaker 2: this out of like, you know, politeness and kind of

929
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:36,640
Speaker 2: I don't know what to call it.

930
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:39,480
Speaker 4: I wouldn't even be surprised, Like I feel almost like

931
00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:44,279
Speaker 4: this is because I'm assuming Opie's aunt. Is this cousin's mother. Yes,

932
00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:47,040
Speaker 4: That's how I was taking it. Yeah, Like I wouldn't

933
00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:49,960
Speaker 4: be surprised if this is even just her, Like the

934
00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:51,920
Speaker 4: aunt has said so many things over the years that

935
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:55,319
Speaker 4: cousin just thinks that Opie like doesn't like her that. Yeah,

936
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:59,240
Speaker 4: maybe you probably are both being manipulated a little bit.

937
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:02,480
Speaker 2: Could be, but kind of can't do much about that.

938
00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:05,360
Speaker 4: I guess my mom got a short and clear message.

939
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:07,840
Speaker 4: Her first response sounded nice, so I felt a little

940
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:10,600
Speaker 4: hopeful for a moment. Then she immediately asked for my

941
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 4: new address. I never told her I moved. I only

942
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:16,799
Speaker 4: mentioned it offhand to my aunt in a phone call

943
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:18,759
Speaker 4: last week, so I guess my aunt passed it on.

944
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:22,359
Speaker 4: My aunt sent a kind voice message at first, then

945
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 4: her address, and then told me she's been sick for

946
00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:27,600
Speaker 4: the last four years. I do not really know how

947
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:30,040
Speaker 4: to feel about that. The timing felt strange, and I

948
00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:32,680
Speaker 4: honestly do not know what she expects from me. I'm

949
00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:35,840
Speaker 4: sitting with mixed feelings, relieved that the decision is made,

950
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:39,680
Speaker 4: sad because the reactions felt distant, and a bit confused

951
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:42,400
Speaker 4: because the dynamic is still the same as before. But

952
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:45,080
Speaker 4: I also feel proud of myself for protecting my peace

953
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 4: and setting a boundary that I needed. Thank you again

954
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:50,839
Speaker 4: for helping me think clearly. It meant a lot, and

955
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:52,040
Speaker 4: that is the end of that story.

956
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:52,359
Speaker 1: Wow.

957
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:55,919
Speaker 4: Good for you, though, don't cave to their craziness.

958
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:58,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you don't need to.

959
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:00,920
Speaker 6: And that's the end of this. We're gonna go to

960
00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:01,560
Speaker 6: the next one.

961
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:05,920
Speaker 2: I cut off my mother and siblings after my wedding,

962
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 2: and nobody believed me.

963
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,920
Speaker 4: Did they not see that they're not around?

964
00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:14,400
Speaker 2: I twenty eight female, have just recently cut off my

965
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:17,319
Speaker 2: mother and two siblings. I've never posted to this and

966
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:20,799
Speaker 2: am genuinely wondering if I'm in the wrong. My mother

967
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:24,080
Speaker 2: sixty and my two siblings thirty two female and twenty

968
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:27,440
Speaker 2: two male, have pushed me past my breaking point. By

969
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 2: the way, this comes from Finally Healing ten on our subreddit,

970
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:36,960
Speaker 2: our slash Okay story time subreddit. By the way, that's crazy.

971
00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 2: You want to submit your own stories, go to that subreddit.

972
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:44,960
Speaker 2: Post a little something, do it? Do it? But I'm Angie,

973
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 2: I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice. Goofly.

974
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:49,400
Speaker 2: But we don't have all the answers. We just know

975
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:51,279
Speaker 2: we would do in this situation. So let us know

976
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 2: what you would do in the comments. So Opie says

977
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:56,759
Speaker 2: for context, it all started about twenty years ago when

978
00:45:56,760 --> 00:46:00,160
Speaker 2: my parents got divorced. My mother has always put me

979
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:03,640
Speaker 2: down for the slightest thing but the moment people were around,

980
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:06,000
Speaker 2: she'd play like she was just praising me, and I

981
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:09,960
Speaker 2: was an ungrateful child. My sister has always been her

982
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:12,560
Speaker 2: best friend, and when they would fight, she would complain

983
00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:15,200
Speaker 2: to me about everything they were fighting about, including calling

984
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:18,759
Speaker 2: her nasty names. My brother has always been Mama's boy

985
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:21,800
Speaker 2: and there is no opening his eyes. I am also

986
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:25,759
Speaker 2: the only one who initiates contact with all three of them. Anyways,

987
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:29,760
Speaker 2: this past year was really the final straw. It all

988
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:33,080
Speaker 2: began with Easter. I had asked my sister if she

989
00:46:33,239 --> 00:46:35,560
Speaker 2: knew what was happening for Easter, and all I got

990
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:38,560
Speaker 2: was more than likely nothing, because we all don't have

991
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,640
Speaker 2: the money to do Easter this year, so my husband

992
00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 2: and I decided that we would do Easter at his parents' house.

993
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:46,399
Speaker 2: This is the first year that we had actually been

994
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 2: with them for the actual holiday. Normally, we would celebrate

995
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 2: holidays with his parents a week or so earlier to

996
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:54,080
Speaker 2: go to my mother's house for the actual holidays. The

997
00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:56,600
Speaker 2: night before Easter, as we were at his parents' house,

998
00:46:56,640 --> 00:46:59,440
Speaker 2: I received a message from my sister at eleven thirty

999
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 2: pm saying that all of a sudden they had the

1000
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:04,359
Speaker 2: money to do Easter and we needed to be there

1001
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:08,400
Speaker 2: in the morning at eleven thirty pm. You're gonna change plants.

1002
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:11,720
Speaker 4: That's last minute, dude, almost the next.

1003
00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:16,960
Speaker 2: Day, Yes, last thirty minutes. Oh my gosh. At this

1004
00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:19,160
Speaker 2: point we were an hour and a half away, and

1005
00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:21,480
Speaker 2: it was almost the middle of the night when I

1006
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:24,759
Speaker 2: received the message. My husband, our daughter, and I were

1007
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 2: all sleeping, so I didn't see it until we got

1008
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:29,840
Speaker 2: up in the morning. I messaged her back, saying that

1009
00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:32,960
Speaker 2: we wouldn't be making it as we now already had plans.

1010
00:47:33,080 --> 00:47:36,399
Speaker 2: After she told me they were doing nothing, I then

1011
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:38,879
Speaker 2: put my phone down and we went about our day.

1012
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:41,879
Speaker 2: My phone gets blown up from her and my mother

1013
00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:44,920
Speaker 2: asking where we were. I, of course, not having my

1014
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 2: phone so that we could enjoy our day, didn't hear

1015
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:49,400
Speaker 2: it go off until we were headed home at six pm.

1016
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:52,239
Speaker 2: I then texted my mother saying we weren't coming, and

1017
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:54,080
Speaker 2: told my sister that we were just leaving my in

1018
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 2: law's house. I got radio silence for almost a whole month.

1019
00:47:58,320 --> 00:48:01,719
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. A month. Mother's Day comes around and

1020
00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:05,840
Speaker 2: I of course get blown up by my coworkers and family,

1021
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 2: except for my mother and siblings. At this point, I

1022
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:11,279
Speaker 2: am in the middle of running errands and busy being

1023
00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:13,319
Speaker 2: an adult. I looked at my husband and said, the

1024
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 2: only way I'm going to hear it from them is

1025
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:17,800
Speaker 2: if I say it first. My own boss said Happy

1026
00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:20,919
Speaker 2: Mother's Day to me before my own mother and siblings dead.

1027
00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:24,240
Speaker 2: I had to say it first, like I told my husband.

1028
00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:27,279
Speaker 2: As time went on, I decided I was done being

1029
00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:29,880
Speaker 2: the one who calls or texts to hear anything from them.

1030
00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:32,720
Speaker 2: My husband has stuck by my side for every decision

1031
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:35,360
Speaker 2: I've made leading up to cutting them off. By the

1032
00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:37,840
Speaker 2: time the end of June came around, my mother and

1033
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:41,400
Speaker 2: siblings had now told my grandmother, who lives over fifteen

1034
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 2: hundred miles away from all of us, that I'm doing

1035
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:47,360
Speaker 2: and saying all of these crazy things. Side note, my

1036
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:51,360
Speaker 2: husband and I were planning our wedding, which was in October,

1037
00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:54,480
Speaker 2: so it was easier to not have much contact except

1038
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:56,320
Speaker 2: for when I needed to fill them in on certain

1039
00:48:56,360 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 2: things for the wedding. They really started making things up

1040
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:02,600
Speaker 2: out of thin air. My mother left my dad a

1041
00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:05,480
Speaker 2: very messed up message saying that I'm crazy because I

1042
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:09,719
Speaker 2: think she is going to hurt his wife. What what

1043
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:14,000
Speaker 2: is happening? I've never said that to anyone. I am

1044
00:49:14,080 --> 00:49:17,080
Speaker 2: still in utter shock that this was all happening. Yeah,

1045
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,440
Speaker 2: me too. This feels like such a whirlwind.

1046
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:22,720
Speaker 4: Oh for just not going to something that they changed

1047
00:49:22,800 --> 00:49:25,560
Speaker 4: plans on and actually in the middle.

1048
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:28,759
Speaker 2: Of the night, like huh. My husband and I talked

1049
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:31,240
Speaker 2: about it for a solid week before making any decision.

1050
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:33,200
Speaker 2: He said he was going to talk to my mother

1051
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:36,920
Speaker 2: and get everything cleared up. They spoke for about five hours.

1052
00:49:37,560 --> 00:49:40,360
Speaker 2: After he got home. He said, the moment anything happens

1053
00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:42,879
Speaker 2: that we are no longer comfortable with, we will cut

1054
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 2: them off. Things were good up until I was setting

1055
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:49,880
Speaker 2: up bridesmaids and flower girls for picking out dresses. My

1056
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:52,520
Speaker 2: sister tells me nine am is too early for her

1057
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:54,040
Speaker 2: to come to my house so that we can all

1058
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:56,399
Speaker 2: drive down together. Seeing as the dress place was over

1059
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:59,120
Speaker 2: an hour away. I told her that she can either

1060
00:49:59,239 --> 00:50:01,960
Speaker 2: drive down her her own or pick a dress out online.

1061
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:03,759
Speaker 2: I told her that it could be any style, but

1062
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:06,760
Speaker 2: it had to be black. She then proceeded to argue

1063
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:10,040
Speaker 2: about what color the dresses should be, and I stood

1064
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:13,240
Speaker 2: my ground. She said she was joking, but it honestly

1065
00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:15,000
Speaker 2: made me worry that she was going to show up

1066
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:18,080
Speaker 2: with the wrong colored dress because she suggested dark purple.

1067
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:21,680
Speaker 2: She said that she was kidding after I told her.

1068
00:50:21,920 --> 00:50:24,320
Speaker 4: No, that's just like something you don't kid about. Yeah,

1069
00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:26,520
Speaker 4: like what like, why are you stressing me out for

1070
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:27,120
Speaker 4: no reason? No?

1071
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:30,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly why are you arguing with me? First? So

1072
00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 2: like you could kid for like one or two little

1073
00:50:34,160 --> 00:50:37,200
Speaker 2: sentences of an argument, but if you're going back and

1074
00:50:37,239 --> 00:50:37,920
Speaker 2: forth and.

1075
00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 4: Then I'm not trusting that you're kidding. No, definitely, not

1076
00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:43,960
Speaker 4: especially with this person specifically though, like I.

1077
00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:48,320
Speaker 2: Would already be on edge totally like, yeah, I'm getting

1078
00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:49,160
Speaker 2: on what they're saying too.

1079
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:50,360
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1080
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:52,919
Speaker 2: She then proceeded to tell my coworker on his day

1081
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:56,120
Speaker 2: off how she thinks it's bs. She couldn't be unique

1082
00:50:56,120 --> 00:50:59,319
Speaker 2: from the rest. She wasn't even my maid of hor

1083
00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:02,359
Speaker 2: My best friend I grew up with was my maid

1084
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:05,040
Speaker 2: of honor. Then what really pissed me off was what

1085
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:08,640
Speaker 2: happened at my daughter's birthday party. The day before the party,

1086
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:11,200
Speaker 2: my sister told me that her daughter had another birthday

1087
00:51:11,200 --> 00:51:14,960
Speaker 2: party the same day and they would be over after that.

1088
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:17,759
Speaker 2: I said that was fine, thinking it wouldn't be too

1089
00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:20,760
Speaker 2: long after the party had started the day of the party,

1090
00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:23,719
Speaker 2: everyone started showing up. I hadn't heard from my mom

1091
00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:26,000
Speaker 2: or siblings, so I tried calling my mom, but it

1092
00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:29,480
Speaker 2: was going straight to voicemail, which meant her phone was off.

1093
00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:32,560
Speaker 2: They all lived together. I stopped worrying about it and

1094
00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:36,120
Speaker 2: figured they were on their way. We did cake and presents,

1095
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:39,080
Speaker 2: and people started leaving, which was normal. It wasn't until

1096
00:51:39,080 --> 00:51:41,319
Speaker 2: almost four pm that I got a message from my

1097
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:44,800
Speaker 2: sister saying that Mom wasn't coming because she was sick,

1098
00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:47,920
Speaker 2: and that they weren't heading over until four forty five pm.

1099
00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:51,799
Speaker 2: They definitely didn't leave until closer to six because they

1100
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:55,480
Speaker 2: didn't get there until almost seven. They showed up, started

1101
00:51:55,520 --> 00:51:59,279
Speaker 2: grabbing food to eat and ignored my daughter. Normally, we'd

1102
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:01,080
Speaker 2: do a little bit of fun work, so some people

1103
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:04,000
Speaker 2: stay the night and enjoy a nice fire. They were

1104
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:06,400
Speaker 2: there for a total of forty five minutes. Then my

1105
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:08,919
Speaker 2: sister started grabbing a whole bunch of food to take

1106
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:13,080
Speaker 2: with them when they were leaving without even asking. Thankfully,

1107
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:15,640
Speaker 2: my in law's caught what was happening and stopped her.

1108
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:17,920
Speaker 2: My brother also told me that my mother didn't want

1109
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:20,640
Speaker 2: to come, so she decided that she wasn't coming, and

1110
00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:24,040
Speaker 2: that she wasn't sick at all. At this point, I

1111
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:26,680
Speaker 2: was just getting very annoyed, But I learned that if

1112
00:52:26,719 --> 00:52:29,160
Speaker 2: I react to their behavior, it only makes it worse.

1113
00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:32,440
Speaker 2: Fast forward to the bridal shower. Both my mom and

1114
00:52:32,480 --> 00:52:35,359
Speaker 2: sister showed up not in their right mind. Everyone can

1115
00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:37,719
Speaker 2: see that they kept doing things to try to make

1116
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:41,560
Speaker 2: it about them. I am at my boiling point. I

1117
00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:44,480
Speaker 2: just want to snap, but I know how to behave

1118
00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:48,600
Speaker 2: in public. Then comes the wedding. The day before the wedding,

1119
00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:51,160
Speaker 2: my maid of honor, her boyfriend, and I spent four

1120
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:54,560
Speaker 2: hours setting up. I messaged all of my bridesmaids at

1121
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:56,520
Speaker 2: the same time, letting them know what time I wanted

1122
00:52:56,560 --> 00:52:58,279
Speaker 2: them to show up in the morning so that we

1123
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:01,200
Speaker 2: could get started early enough to be on time for

1124
00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:03,840
Speaker 2: the wedding. The day of the wedding, we are getting

1125
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:06,960
Speaker 2: ready at my in law's house. Everyone thankfully shows up

1126
00:53:06,960 --> 00:53:08,680
Speaker 2: on time, but the first thing that comes out of

1127
00:53:08,719 --> 00:53:11,640
Speaker 2: my mother's mouth is how she is now getting divorced

1128
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:15,000
Speaker 2: for a second time and making it about her. Not

1129
00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:18,520
Speaker 2: even five minutes in the door, You're gonna announce your

1130
00:53:18,520 --> 00:53:19,080
Speaker 2: divorce at.

1131
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:24,880
Speaker 4: A wedding that's potentially crazier that is a proposal or

1132
00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:26,400
Speaker 4: a divorce crazier at a wedding.

1133
00:53:27,560 --> 00:53:29,879
Speaker 2: That's a good question. Maybe they're just.

1134
00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:32,040
Speaker 4: Equally as awful you're doing.

1135
00:53:32,440 --> 00:53:37,359
Speaker 2: Why Yeah, As we're getting ready, it's starting to get

1136
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:39,520
Speaker 2: later and later. I tell my husband to bring our

1137
00:53:39,600 --> 00:53:42,120
Speaker 2: daughter over and see what else needs to get finished up.

1138
00:53:42,239 --> 00:53:44,239
Speaker 2: We all eventually head out and head over to the

1139
00:53:44,239 --> 00:53:46,600
Speaker 2: wedding venue, which was at my dad's side of the

1140
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:49,040
Speaker 2: family's house. As I am getting in my dress, I'm

1141
00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:52,160
Speaker 2: still trying to coordinate things going on outside. It was

1142
00:53:52,239 --> 00:53:55,880
Speaker 2: not easy doing this wedding because we basically did everything ourselves.

1143
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:59,640
Speaker 2: My sister and mother almost arrived late and still weren't dressed.

1144
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:01,759
Speaker 2: I told them to get ready and I head out

1145
00:54:01,800 --> 00:54:04,480
Speaker 2: to do first look photos with my husband. As the

1146
00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 2: day goes on, my brother and my sister's husband are

1147
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:09,480
Speaker 2: now a half hour late and no one has heard

1148
00:54:09,520 --> 00:54:12,279
Speaker 2: from them. I'm trying to be respectful by waiting for

1149
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:14,840
Speaker 2: them to show up, but I'm really getting tired of waiting,

1150
00:54:15,160 --> 00:54:18,560
Speaker 2: mind you. My sister fully high off bills and the

1151
00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:21,759
Speaker 2: same as my mother was really starting to get on

1152
00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:25,680
Speaker 2: my nerves. The wedding finally starts and we managed to

1153
00:54:25,680 --> 00:54:28,640
Speaker 2: get through without a problem. While we were taking photos

1154
00:54:28,680 --> 00:54:32,279
Speaker 2: after the ceremony, like any normal newly married couple, my

1155
00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:35,080
Speaker 2: mother starts to complain that we are not moving quickly

1156
00:54:35,160 --> 00:54:38,239
Speaker 2: enough to our bridesmaids and groovespin photos and she just

1157
00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:41,600
Speaker 2: wants to get photos done. Thankfully, my aunt told her

1158
00:54:41,640 --> 00:54:44,319
Speaker 2: to stop, but she did it. I told her that

1159
00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:46,840
Speaker 2: we were working on it and to calm down. I

1160
00:54:46,880 --> 00:54:49,840
Speaker 2: was getting very irritated at this point. Now everyone is

1161
00:54:49,880 --> 00:54:52,520
Speaker 2: eating and the kids are playing. I didn't hear any

1162
00:54:52,560 --> 00:54:55,319
Speaker 2: more outbursts for the rest of the day. It wasn't

1163
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:57,759
Speaker 2: until the next day that I found everything that was

1164
00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:01,400
Speaker 2: said about me to my stepmam. When I say she

1165
00:55:01,600 --> 00:55:06,360
Speaker 2: dragged my name through the mud, I was completely outraged.

1166
00:55:06,719 --> 00:55:10,040
Speaker 2: She sat there telling bs lies to her. Thankfully, my

1167
00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:13,160
Speaker 2: stepmom is not stupid enough to believe them. After I

1168
00:55:13,239 --> 00:55:15,640
Speaker 2: received my wedding photos, I posted them to my social

1169
00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:17,919
Speaker 2: media and told my husband that I'm giving it forty

1170
00:55:17,960 --> 00:55:21,360
Speaker 2: eight hours and then I'm blocking all of them from everything.

1171
00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:25,759
Speaker 2: My husband then received an entire book of text messages

1172
00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:28,120
Speaker 2: from my sister telling him that I'm a liar, she

1173
00:55:28,160 --> 00:55:31,160
Speaker 2: doesn't understand what she did wrong, and he shouldn't believe

1174
00:55:31,160 --> 00:55:34,400
Speaker 2: a word I say, because I'm a fake person. Clearly

1175
00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:36,560
Speaker 2: he has seen that no one has sexted me since

1176
00:55:36,600 --> 00:55:38,440
Speaker 2: the wedding and hasn't even tried calling.

1177
00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:41,879
Speaker 4: I'm surprised you invited these people to the wedding, right.

1178
00:55:42,480 --> 00:55:44,080
Speaker 2: That was impressive that they made it there.

1179
00:55:44,239 --> 00:55:44,439
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1180
00:55:44,440 --> 00:55:46,960
Speaker 4: I feel like they hit enough strikes will before that.

1181
00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:50,760
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, but I don't even know why they're still

1182
00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:52,640
Speaker 2: reaching out, Like what do they want from me?

1183
00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:53,080
Speaker 1: Was?

1184
00:55:53,280 --> 00:55:55,600
Speaker 4: What were they getting out of the daughter's birthday party?

1185
00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:58,200
Speaker 4: Except for maybe food? But like, I don't feel like

1186
00:55:58,239 --> 00:56:00,920
Speaker 4: that's why they even came. It's so much work to

1187
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:03,759
Speaker 4: just get food, striving an hour to get some food.

1188
00:56:03,760 --> 00:56:07,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then an hour back too it had been yeah,

1189
00:56:07,760 --> 00:56:10,960
Speaker 2: So yeah, I don't know. I think these are people

1190
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:13,200
Speaker 2: that you don't need in your life, and I'm glad

1191
00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:15,160
Speaker 2: that you're making this decision that you don't need them

1192
00:56:15,239 --> 00:56:17,319
Speaker 2: you want them in your life, very good, and I'm

1193
00:56:17,320 --> 00:56:20,680
Speaker 2: glad that your husband seemingly seems to support it. Update.

1194
00:56:21,080 --> 00:56:23,200
Speaker 2: I will keep this short. I know I wrote a

1195
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:26,040
Speaker 2: book last time because I have blocked everyone. Now my

1196
00:56:26,160 --> 00:56:29,160
Speaker 2: sister is going around to everyone. I have a close

1197
00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:32,000
Speaker 2: relationship with and trying to pit us against each other.

1198
00:56:32,640 --> 00:56:35,239
Speaker 2: She messaged my mother in law saying that I'm psychotic

1199
00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:38,239
Speaker 2: and need to be put in a mental hospital. She

1200
00:56:38,520 --> 00:56:41,719
Speaker 2: has also posted a long post on Facebook that I

1201
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:44,640
Speaker 2: haven't read yet. My best friend is coming over today

1202
00:56:44,719 --> 00:56:46,920
Speaker 2: so that I can see what was said, and we

1203
00:56:46,960 --> 00:56:49,320
Speaker 2: do have a second up date here. Actually, I managed

1204
00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:52,560
Speaker 2: to read the literal book my sister posted to her Facebook.

1205
00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:55,400
Speaker 2: She goes on to say that everyone who associates with

1206
00:56:55,440 --> 00:56:58,759
Speaker 2: me needs to block her because I'm a crappy human

1207
00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:02,120
Speaker 2: who needs therapy. Because I got my uncle who passed

1208
00:57:02,120 --> 00:57:04,799
Speaker 2: away tattooed on my leg as a tribute to him.

1209
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:08,239
Speaker 2: I couldn't help but laugh, because at this point it

1210
00:57:08,280 --> 00:57:10,719
Speaker 2: has become comical with the number of times she has

1211
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:13,920
Speaker 2: repeated the same sentence. And that is the end of

1212
00:57:13,960 --> 00:57:16,320
Speaker 2: that story. Oh my gosh.

1213
00:57:16,440 --> 00:57:21,080
Speaker 4: So obviously people aren't believing her. Yeah, I guess that's

1214
00:57:21,120 --> 00:57:22,560
Speaker 4: insane if they do.

1215
00:57:23,080 --> 00:57:25,400
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, they've gotta be or like, even if they

1216
00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:28,000
Speaker 2: hear that story, they're hopefully we're just like, I mean,

1217
00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:29,320
Speaker 2: it's not that bad.

1218
00:57:29,760 --> 00:57:34,600
Speaker 4: She got a tattoo in memorial, Yeah, yeah, man.

1219
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:36,480
Speaker 6: And that's the end of this story, we're gonna go

1220
00:57:36,480 --> 00:57:37,200
Speaker 6: to the next one.

1221
00:57:38,360 --> 00:57:41,919
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here and we're

1222
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:43,960
Speaker 1: gonna get back to the stories. But here's three minutes

1223
00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:47,560
Speaker 1: of ads from our sponsors. I cut off my parents

1224
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:50,960
Speaker 1: before my wedding to protect my sanity and my fiance.

1225
00:57:51,440 --> 00:57:53,160
Speaker 2: Snip, snip, You're gone.

1226
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:56,480
Speaker 1: I twenty two male, have been struggling with my relationship

1227
00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:58,919
Speaker 1: with my mom for a few years now. Ever since

1228
00:57:58,920 --> 00:58:02,120
Speaker 1: I was around nineteen, I started noticing how controlling and

1229
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:03,520
Speaker 1: manipulative she can be.

1230
00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:04,960
Speaker 2: By the way, this.

1231
00:58:04,920 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 1: Comes from us, your final Kermel forty four to eleven,

1232
00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:09,200
Speaker 1: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

1233
00:58:09,200 --> 00:58:12,160
Speaker 1: to the r slash Okay storytime subburn it. I'm Dakota,

1234
00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:14,960
Speaker 1: I'm Anjie, and we are here to give you good

1235
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:17,439
Speaker 1: advice goofully. We don't have all the answers. We only

1236
00:58:17,480 --> 00:58:19,480
Speaker 1: know what we'd do, so let us know what you

1237
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:23,680
Speaker 1: would do in the comments, and Op says she constantly

1238
00:58:23,720 --> 00:58:26,120
Speaker 1: tries to make decisions for me, guilt trips me when

1239
00:58:26,120 --> 00:58:28,360
Speaker 1: I don't go along with what she wants, and makes

1240
00:58:28,440 --> 00:58:31,560
Speaker 1: everything about her feelings even when it comes at the

1241
00:58:31,600 --> 00:58:35,800
Speaker 1: cost of mine. I'm currently engaged and getting married next year.

1242
00:58:36,280 --> 00:58:39,320
Speaker 1: Over the years, my mom has repeatedly talked badly about

1243
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:43,160
Speaker 1: my fiance, criticizing her, making negative comments behind her back,

1244
00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:45,760
Speaker 1: and trying to convince me that she's not good enough.

1245
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:47,440
Speaker 1: I've told her multiple times to.

1246
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:49,080
Speaker 2: Stop, but she never does.

1247
00:58:49,920 --> 00:58:51,680
Speaker 1: It's gotten to the point where I don't even feel

1248
00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:55,480
Speaker 1: comfortable sharing anything about my relationship or wedding with her

1249
00:58:55,800 --> 00:58:59,040
Speaker 1: because she twists it or uses it against me. My

1250
00:58:59,120 --> 00:59:01,960
Speaker 1: dad doesn't really stick been or try to understand what's happening.

1251
00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:05,520
Speaker 1: He's not cruel, but he's distant. What hurts most is

1252
00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:08,840
Speaker 1: that he chose to be my dad for context. He

1253
00:59:08,880 --> 00:59:11,920
Speaker 1: adopted me after my biological father gave up his rights.

1254
00:59:12,200 --> 00:59:14,320
Speaker 1: Yet he's never really put in effort to have a

1255
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:17,840
Speaker 1: real relationship with me. The only time he's ever tried

1256
00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:21,160
Speaker 1: was by taking me to the movies about once a year,

1257
00:59:21,600 --> 00:59:25,080
Speaker 1: and that's about it. I find it painful that he

1258
00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:27,680
Speaker 1: hasn't reached out or tried to talk things through, especially

1259
00:59:27,720 --> 00:59:30,880
Speaker 1: now when my relationship with Mom has become so strained.

1260
00:59:31,440 --> 00:59:33,440
Speaker 1: The truth is the only reason I've been trying to

1261
00:59:33,520 --> 00:59:36,440
Speaker 1: keep a relationship with my parents at all is because

1262
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:39,080
Speaker 1: of my fiance. She has a good heart and doesn't

1263
00:59:39,080 --> 00:59:41,120
Speaker 1: want me to make a decision I might regret later,

1264
00:59:41,400 --> 00:59:45,000
Speaker 1: but honestly, I don't think I would regret it. If anything,

1265
00:59:45,040 --> 00:59:47,120
Speaker 1: I worry more about the future that if I keep

1266
00:59:47,160 --> 00:59:50,120
Speaker 1: them in my life, they'll talk badly about me or

1267
00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:53,280
Speaker 1: my fiance to our future children, and I can't allow

1268
00:59:53,320 --> 00:59:56,480
Speaker 1: that kind of negativity to continue. I've been seeing a

1269
00:59:56,480 --> 00:59:59,040
Speaker 1: therapist who agrees that the boundaries I've set are healthy

1270
00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:02,280
Speaker 1: and that taking distance might be what's best for me.

1271
01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:06,520
Speaker 1: I'm now seriously considering cutting contact with my mom completely,

1272
01:00:06,960 --> 01:00:09,560
Speaker 1: and possibly my dad too, if he continues to stay

1273
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:13,160
Speaker 1: on the sidelines and not even try to understand my perspective.

1274
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:16,120
Speaker 1: I want to be clear, I'm not asking anyone to

1275
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:19,880
Speaker 1: take sides or cause division. I just want peace, and

1276
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:22,720
Speaker 1: right now, having them in my life feels like the

1277
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:25,919
Speaker 1: opposite of that. I know this probably means they won't

1278
01:00:25,960 --> 01:00:28,480
Speaker 1: be at my wedding, and my brothers might not come

1279
01:00:28,520 --> 01:00:30,880
Speaker 1: either because of how my mom tends to handle things,

1280
01:00:31,280 --> 01:00:33,800
Speaker 1: But I can't keep sacrificing my own well being or

1281
01:00:33,840 --> 01:00:37,480
Speaker 1: my future family's peace to keep her happy. Am I

1282
01:00:37,760 --> 01:00:40,880
Speaker 1: justified in cutting them off? Has anyone else been through

1283
01:00:40,920 --> 01:00:45,200
Speaker 1: something similar and found peace afterward. Any honest advice or

1284
01:00:45,280 --> 01:00:48,160
Speaker 1: perspective would really mean a lot. Also, I forgot to

1285
01:00:48,200 --> 01:00:51,920
Speaker 1: mention something pretty important in my original post. I'm autistic

1286
01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:55,400
Speaker 1: and have ADHD. My mom has never accepted that. She's

1287
01:00:55,440 --> 01:00:58,200
Speaker 1: always told me there's nothing wrong with me and that

1288
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:01,560
Speaker 1: I don't need any kind of diagnosis or help. When

1289
01:01:01,600 --> 01:01:04,080
Speaker 1: I was younger, she even took me off my medication

1290
01:01:04,240 --> 01:01:07,680
Speaker 1: that I actually needed, saying I just had to try harder.

1291
01:01:08,400 --> 01:01:10,640
Speaker 1: Whenever I made mistakes or got in trouble, she'd say

1292
01:01:10,760 --> 01:01:14,120
Speaker 1: I was just like my biological dad, which really hurt

1293
01:01:14,160 --> 01:01:16,080
Speaker 1: because it felt like she was using that as an

1294
01:01:16,080 --> 01:01:19,440
Speaker 1: insult instead of trying to understand me. Looking back, I

1295
01:01:19,520 --> 01:01:23,640
Speaker 1: realized how invalidating that was, especially since I've since learned

1296
01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:27,160
Speaker 1: more about myself and how much those conditions actually affect

1297
01:01:27,160 --> 01:01:30,200
Speaker 1: how I function day to day. It makes sense now

1298
01:01:30,280 --> 01:01:33,240
Speaker 1: why I always felt misunderstood or like something was wrong

1299
01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:36,280
Speaker 1: with me, when really I just needed support and acceptance.

1300
01:01:36,800 --> 01:01:37,720
Speaker 1: Am I the a hole?

1301
01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:40,800
Speaker 2: Buddy? I've never heard anyone less of an a hole? Yeah,

1302
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:45,760
Speaker 2: definitely not. I also just think it's really funny to think, like, hey, mom,

1303
01:01:45,840 --> 01:01:48,880
Speaker 2: I might be autistic and have AHD No, No, no,

1304
01:01:48,960 --> 01:01:51,960
Speaker 2: there's nothing wrong with you. That's not what I said. No,

1305
01:01:52,320 --> 01:01:55,520
Speaker 2: that's yeah, I nothing wrong with those things at all.

1306
01:01:56,040 --> 01:01:58,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then it's just like turning that into then

1307
01:01:58,480 --> 01:02:00,560
Speaker 1: like the personal failure of like, oh, you don't need

1308
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:04,480
Speaker 1: medication or information or a diagnosis, you just need to try.

1309
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:08,560
Speaker 2: That's not trying hard enough. Yeah, Like my gosh.

1310
01:02:08,360 --> 01:02:11,000
Speaker 1: Just like powerlifting with a broken arm, just try harder,

1311
01:02:11,160 --> 01:02:14,800
Speaker 1: Just try harder, try harder, dude, the broken bone is

1312
01:02:15,160 --> 01:02:18,200
Speaker 1: just uh, you know, in your head.

1313
01:02:18,400 --> 01:02:18,800
Speaker 2: Come on.

1314
01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:23,000
Speaker 1: Update Also, yeah, cut off your mother at the very

1315
01:02:23,080 --> 01:02:26,760
Speaker 1: least and have a discussion with your father about like, hey,

1316
01:02:26,880 --> 01:02:28,560
Speaker 1: I want you to be more present in my life.

1317
01:02:28,920 --> 01:02:31,600
Speaker 1: You know, I feel like you're just mi Ia, Like

1318
01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:33,560
Speaker 1: why do you adopt me if you're not gonna, you know,

1319
01:02:33,640 --> 01:02:36,080
Speaker 1: try to be a father to me. But yeah, your

1320
01:02:36,080 --> 01:02:39,080
Speaker 1: mom pulling that stuff horrendous. I wouldn't want anything to

1321
01:02:39,080 --> 01:02:41,919
Speaker 1: do with her either. Totally Update I twenty two mail

1322
01:02:42,160 --> 01:02:45,000
Speaker 1: recently made the decision to go no contact with both

1323
01:02:45,080 --> 01:02:49,000
Speaker 1: of my parents after years of feeling dismissed, invalidated, and

1324
01:02:49,120 --> 01:02:52,720
Speaker 1: emotionally disconnected. My dad has never really tried to have

1325
01:02:52,760 --> 01:02:57,000
Speaker 1: a genuine relationship with me. His idea of bonding was

1326
01:02:57,040 --> 01:02:59,280
Speaker 1: taking me to a movie once a year or helping

1327
01:02:59,320 --> 01:03:01,720
Speaker 1: me move when I need it, surface level things that

1328
01:03:01,760 --> 01:03:04,880
Speaker 1: didn't build any emotional connection. Well, again, I think it

1329
01:03:04,920 --> 01:03:07,240
Speaker 1: would be best to try to have a frank discussion

1330
01:03:07,280 --> 01:03:11,439
Speaker 1: with your dad, because sometimes people just don't know how

1331
01:03:11,440 --> 01:03:14,640
Speaker 1: to connect, and I think that's more forgivable than someone

1332
01:03:15,360 --> 01:03:19,920
Speaker 1: maintaining a negative connection with you with their efforts to

1333
01:03:20,040 --> 01:03:20,840
Speaker 1: make it negative.

1334
01:03:21,120 --> 01:03:22,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, totally.

1335
01:03:22,760 --> 01:03:25,840
Speaker 1: However, my mom, on the other hand, has spent most

1336
01:03:25,880 --> 01:03:29,720
Speaker 1: of my life denying my reality. I'm autistic and have IDHD,

1337
01:03:29,920 --> 01:03:32,680
Speaker 1: but she's always said there's nothing wrong with me, even

1338
01:03:32,720 --> 01:03:35,080
Speaker 1: taking my medication away from me as a kid, and

1339
01:03:35,160 --> 01:03:38,080
Speaker 1: constantly comparing me to my bio dad, who gave up

1340
01:03:38,120 --> 01:03:40,240
Speaker 1: his rights to parent me whenever I got in trouble.

1341
01:03:40,840 --> 01:03:44,000
Speaker 1: Over the years, She's also repeatedly talked badly about my fiance,

1342
01:03:44,240 --> 01:03:47,960
Speaker 1: despite me asking her to stop multiple times. I'm getting

1343
01:03:47,960 --> 01:03:50,920
Speaker 1: married next year, and I realize I can't invite people

1344
01:03:51,160 --> 01:03:54,320
Speaker 1: who disrespect the person I love most, especially when they've

1345
01:03:54,360 --> 01:03:58,320
Speaker 1: had years to change and haven't. The truth is the

1346
01:03:58,320 --> 01:04:00,840
Speaker 1: only reason I'd been trying to keep relationship with my

1347
01:04:00,880 --> 01:04:03,600
Speaker 1: parents was my fiance. She didn't want me to make

1348
01:04:03,600 --> 01:04:06,080
Speaker 1: a decision I might regret, but after everything, I know,

1349
01:04:06,120 --> 01:04:09,000
Speaker 1: i'd regret not protecting my peace, especially when I think

1350
01:04:09,040 --> 01:04:12,200
Speaker 1: about my future kids being exposed to the same toxicity

1351
01:04:12,520 --> 01:04:16,040
Speaker 1: or being told bad things about me. So I finally

1352
01:04:16,080 --> 01:04:19,000
Speaker 1: sent both of my parents' messages explaining that I'm going

1353
01:04:19,320 --> 01:04:22,520
Speaker 1: no contact. I told them this means they'll no longer

1354
01:04:22,600 --> 01:04:24,919
Speaker 1: be part of my wedding and that I love them,

1355
01:04:25,160 --> 01:04:28,840
Speaker 1: but this decision is final. My dad's response pretty much

1356
01:04:28,880 --> 01:04:32,720
Speaker 1: confirmed everything I've been feeling. He dismissed what I said,

1357
01:04:33,160 --> 01:04:35,800
Speaker 1: listed off the times he's helped me, like driving to

1358
01:04:35,880 --> 01:04:39,400
Speaker 1: visit or moving me, and completely missed the point about

1359
01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:42,960
Speaker 1: emotional connection. When I tried to calmly explain, he responded

1360
01:04:42,960 --> 01:04:46,080
Speaker 1: with you're the one who needs peace. Enjoy your new

1361
01:04:46,120 --> 01:04:49,440
Speaker 1: life with your new family. That was the final confirmation

1362
01:04:49,560 --> 01:04:52,880
Speaker 1: I needed. Yeah, I think if that's your dad's reaction

1363
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:56,040
Speaker 1: to that, instead of like, wait, can we talk, what's

1364
01:04:56,080 --> 01:04:59,320
Speaker 1: that going on, he's going you can't do that because

1365
01:04:59,360 --> 01:05:01,720
Speaker 1: I drove to right, It's.

1366
01:05:01,600 --> 01:05:06,120
Speaker 2: Like there's no world that just makes sense at all.

1367
01:05:06,720 --> 01:05:10,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I fully support you in your decision. To

1368
01:05:10,920 --> 01:05:14,000
Speaker 1: not have. Dude, if you're getting married and your parent

1369
01:05:14,200 --> 01:05:18,960
Speaker 1: is like slam duncan on your yeah partner constantly. Yeah,

1370
01:05:18,960 --> 01:05:20,920
Speaker 1: it's like, no, you're not coming to the wedding right,

1371
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:23,720
Speaker 1: and I don't want you around because you can't stop,

1372
01:05:23,760 --> 01:05:25,040
Speaker 1: you can't control yourself.

1373
01:05:25,200 --> 01:05:29,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. That would be you are protecting your partner,

1374
01:05:29,640 --> 01:05:31,680
Speaker 2: which I think is a great thing for you to do.

1375
01:05:32,520 --> 01:05:34,200
Speaker 2: You're doing everything right, Opie.

1376
01:05:34,840 --> 01:05:37,120
Speaker 1: It's a hard decision. It's a hard call, but I

1377
01:05:37,160 --> 01:05:40,400
Speaker 1: think that's probably for the best. Yeah, especially like the

1378
01:05:40,440 --> 01:05:43,160
Speaker 1: comparing you to your biodad is just so disgusting.

1379
01:05:43,800 --> 01:05:44,360
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1380
01:05:44,560 --> 01:05:48,360
Speaker 1: Yeah. I also sent a message to my younger brother

1381
01:05:48,480 --> 01:05:52,120
Speaker 1: sixteen and twelve almost thirteen, explaining that I love them

1382
01:05:52,120 --> 01:05:54,760
Speaker 1: both deeply and that just because I'm going no contact

1383
01:05:54,760 --> 01:05:57,880
Speaker 1: with our parents doesn't mean I'm cutting them off. I

1384
01:05:57,920 --> 01:06:00,160
Speaker 1: told them I'll always be here for them and that

1385
01:06:00,200 --> 01:06:03,760
Speaker 1: they can still reach me by phone or other social media,

1386
01:06:04,240 --> 01:06:06,280
Speaker 1: and they just might have to change my name on

1387
01:06:06,320 --> 01:06:08,480
Speaker 1: there since we all know how our parents can get.

1388
01:06:09,200 --> 01:06:11,680
Speaker 1: This has been one of the hardest decisions I've ever made,

1389
01:06:11,960 --> 01:06:14,600
Speaker 1: but I finally feel like I'm taking care of myself

1390
01:06:14,920 --> 01:06:18,000
Speaker 1: instead of constantly trying to earn love that was never

1391
01:06:18,120 --> 01:06:22,280
Speaker 1: freely given. I'm tired, but I also feel lighter, like

1392
01:06:22,320 --> 01:06:25,919
Speaker 1: I finally stopped fighting to be understood by people who

1393
01:06:26,080 --> 01:06:29,720
Speaker 1: never really wanted to understand me. Thank you to everyone

1394
01:06:29,920 --> 01:06:33,960
Speaker 1: explaining that I wasn't the butthole in this situation, and

1395
01:06:34,040 --> 01:06:35,520
Speaker 1: that is the end of that story.