Speaker 1: Would be like, and then you should have put a
Speaker 1: ring starting.
Speaker 2: So for those of you guys who don't know, well,
Speaker 2: how would you know?
Speaker 1: No one knows.
Speaker 2: So Mandy got a ring a ka, she got engaged.
Speaker 1: AKA, I know I have nothing to show for it.
Speaker 2: I know she's actually like waving her ringless hand in
Speaker 2: front of the mic.
Speaker 1: But no, she really is engaged. Her ring is being sized.
Speaker 3: Yes, let us lets people know. She's my publicist put
Speaker 3: out the president.
Speaker 1: And it was so pretty.
Speaker 2: So we were supposed to tape yesterday and Madie text
Speaker 2: me was like I can't tape.
Speaker 1: I was like why. She's like, it's a good reason.
Speaker 1: I just got a game.
Speaker 2: And I was like, so you know, I looked at
Speaker 2: Superman with this extra side. I like, Mandy just got engaged. Meanwhile, Supergirl,
Speaker 2: his nine year old daughter, was like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: congratulations missus Mandy. Even though she does not know Mandy,
Speaker 2: she was just equally as excited.
Speaker 3: It's that womanly instinct that engagement is like some sort
Speaker 3: of mountain you must overcome.
Speaker 2: She was like stocking me like you canna call her
Speaker 2: like waiting, like so I can tell her personally, I'm like,
Speaker 2: just be easy.
Speaker 3: I've never talked on the phone as much as I
Speaker 3: did yesterday in my entire life. Yeah, I'm so excited.
Speaker 3: So we got engaged. It happened Saturday night. I was
Speaker 3: completely shocked. If you've known me, if you've asked me,
Speaker 3: if you'd asked me to bet a million dollars, would
Speaker 3: have told you it's not gonna happen for like another
Speaker 3: year or two or three. But it happened on Saturday,
Speaker 3: and I was like completely shocked on the control freak.
Speaker 3: And so when I mean, we went to it like
Speaker 3: a little jazz club to see some live music, and
Speaker 3: he was totally casual. He was like, oh, let's go
Speaker 3: to this jazz clubs night. It's like, you know, we're young,
Speaker 3: we'll do it. He dog sat all weekend like we
Speaker 3: deserve this, you know, and I was like great, awesome.
Speaker 3: I drink some colle went out, and.
Speaker 1: Something in my mind. I was like, maybe there's a
Speaker 1: ring in this podcast.
Speaker 3: I really yeah, but not, but I thought it at
Speaker 3: the same time like no way, Like that's crazy. But
Speaker 3: I kind of patted it, kind of patted it. It was
Speaker 3: like nothing's in there, no box. And then like I
Speaker 3: mean just it left my mind completely, had a little
Speaker 3: flash of a thought and then it was gone and
Speaker 3: we went. The concert was great. I mean I insisted
Speaker 3: on paying for dinner. I'm like, I gotta pay for dinner.
Speaker 1: I gotta do it.
Speaker 3: We were trying to be equitable with the finances. And
Speaker 3: then we like went home, stopped at riding, had to
Speaker 3: get some toilet paper.
Speaker 1: I just thought it was another night. Yes.
Speaker 3: And then we get home and he's like, put everything down.
Speaker 3: I have a question to ask you.
Speaker 1: Did you know then, like when did your dawn on you?
Speaker 3: No? Because he was like, put everything down, and I
Speaker 3: was taking off my shoes at the front door and
Speaker 3: he's like, yeah, take your shoes off.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh am, I get a foot rug.
Speaker 1: That's awesome.
Speaker 3: How much can I look the sting date night? And
Speaker 3: then he's like but then he starts backing up, which
Speaker 3: was weird. Back it's backing up, and then he puts
Speaker 3: his hand into his his jacket pocket. Yes, and then
Speaker 3: my heart is going and it's like it's like two
Speaker 3: in the morning.
Speaker 1: Almost.
Speaker 3: We were off and we were late, and I was
Speaker 3: slightly tipsy, not gonna lie, had a little bit of
Speaker 3: white wine and I was like, wait, wait, what what
Speaker 3: is happening? This can't be happening.
Speaker 1: Yay that I know.
Speaker 3: I didn't say this can't be happening. I was like,
Speaker 3: what are you doing really right now?
Speaker 1: Really?
Speaker 3: I was like kind of laughing, like I always I
Speaker 3: don't know what. I guess you can kind of imagine it,
Speaker 3: what that moment's going to be like. And whenever I
Speaker 3: thought about it, I could make myself tear up just
Speaker 3: thinking about that moment. But in the actual moment, I
Speaker 3: was literally so stunned. It's like awkward. You know when
Speaker 3: you see something terrible and you laugh because you're awkward
Speaker 3: about it. Yeah, this was This was not terrible obviously,
Speaker 3: So yeah, I just started laughing, kind of giggling, and
Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god. And then I started
Speaker 3: shaking and then he he gave his feet little speech.
Speaker 3: I mean, it was nothing like super elaborate. It was
Speaker 3: just very simple, like very you know, very us, like
Speaker 3: very you know, in our apartment, in our home. But
Speaker 3: the fact that he got me by surprise, I was
Speaker 3: goen be nosy, control free.
Speaker 1: I'm nosy as hell.
Speaker 3: We used to share, We used to like, you know,
Speaker 3: we had like a very open technology thing like if
Speaker 3: our If his laptop was nearest and I need to
Speaker 3: get on the internet, I would just grab it. If
Speaker 3: his cell phone was nearby, I need to text somebody,
Speaker 3: I'll just grab it.
Speaker 1: You know, we just do that.
Speaker 3: We trusted you too, And but like a few months ago,
Speaker 3: he started being really weird about his electronics, like, don't
Speaker 3: touch my laptop, you cannot use my cell phone. You
Speaker 3: need to stop it, like getting upset with me. And
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, what's happening. I texted my girlfriend
Speaker 3: like he's either cheating or he's going to propose. And
Speaker 3: I did have an inkling that he was gonna at
Speaker 3: least he was saving up for a ring, and maybe
Speaker 3: he didn't want me to know, but we talked about
Speaker 3: We were open. I mean, you have to be open
Speaker 3: about it. Do you want to marry me? Yeah, you
Speaker 3: should know that before you propose. Gentlemen, you should know that.
Speaker 3: And then also like I mean the financial part of it.
Speaker 3: You know, I wanted to take on more financial responsibilities
Speaker 3: around the house because I wanted to leave him room
Speaker 3: to save up for you know what I mean. So
Speaker 3: I mean I knew that much. So it wasn't a
Speaker 3: surprise me that he got touchy about it. Okay, but
Speaker 3: I did not think it.
Speaker 1: Was going to be November fifty nine, twenty eighth. Oh god,
Speaker 1: I don't no today. No, well, Nina, well it's Friday.
Speaker 3: Technically, technically it was Saturday. It was Sunday morning, so
Speaker 3: that's I think that was the twenty nine. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: my sister's birthday. I always remember. I guess I'll have
Speaker 3: to Rema, how.
Speaker 1: Old are you know? I'm twenty eight.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, she turned twenty seven. I cannot even
Speaker 2: imagine her getting engaged.
Speaker 1: I feel like you're such a bag. I can't imagine myself. Like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's text me right now.
Speaker 3: He just this is so, this is so NARCISSI. He
Speaker 3: just texted with an update of how many likes her Facebook.
Speaker 2: I was gonna ask that, did she get a lot
Speaker 2: of likes?
Speaker 1: I got? Hell, four hundred and fifty two? Wow, y'all
Speaker 1: are famous? Practically will Facebook famous? Oh?
Speaker 3: I was really sweet, though, Yeah, I don't. I like
Speaker 3: Sunday was such a blur. And but that's the thing,
Speaker 3: like I don't feel old enough to get married. It's
Speaker 3: like when we moved in together, I'm like, no one's like,
Speaker 3: there's no test for this, I like exam but in meanwhile,
Speaker 3: like there's nothing about it, Like how old your mom
Speaker 3: when she had you? She's actually twenty seven when she
Speaker 3: had me, but she got married for the first time
Speaker 3: when she was twenty Okay, but you have two kids
Speaker 3: by twenty two.
Speaker 2: I guess what I'm saying, Like, you know, our parents
Speaker 2: got like you know, I think my mom was like
Speaker 2: twenty three or twenty four.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Can you imagine?
Speaker 2: No, heck no, I was just barely learning how to
Speaker 2: shave my legs.
Speaker 3: I'm still not good at that.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's just crazy to think, like.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, we're allowed to do this coming up
Speaker 3: so and then, I mean, the friends I've talked to
Speaker 3: have been like, you'll get more used to it. It's
Speaker 3: not going to feel real, And it really hasn't felt
Speaker 3: real so far. I mean, I have the ring, but
Speaker 3: I don't have it because poor Boo. He's such a
Speaker 3: good guy, he is, but he decided that somehow in
Speaker 3: his mind, he was like, I'll just get to the
Speaker 3: same ring size that I wear, oh as a six
Speaker 3: foot one gentleman, which was not the right size, like
Speaker 3: it was basically it could have fit checks thinger.
Speaker 1: Probably it was a size ten and I'm a size six. Non, well,
Speaker 1: you know, I like his logic.
Speaker 3: Needless to say once the diamond district. Oh, let me
Speaker 3: just so, let me say this, like if you're getting
Speaker 3: your ring, if you live in New York anyway, I
Speaker 3: don't know if there's a diamond district in every city. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but we went to a jeweler and in my neighborhood
Speaker 3: in Queens and he quoted us like one hundred bucks
Speaker 3: for the resizing, and I don't know. I'm like, okay,
Speaker 3: well that seems like a little bit for a very
Speaker 3: expensive ring. Yeah, but then I went my coworker told me, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 3: you need to go to the diamond district. It's like
Speaker 3: row upon row stall upon and stuff all up on
Speaker 3: top of each other's little jewelers, like most of them
Speaker 3: are Jewish. I think small businesses in New York forty
Speaker 3: seventh Street between like fifth and sixth there's like these
Speaker 3: giant I never know if there's these giant diamond like
Speaker 3: pillars marking it off right before you get to write.
Speaker 1: Now, I've never been. Yeah, you need to go.
Speaker 3: It's an experience and everyone's like yelling at you come
Speaker 3: in here, come in here. Do you want to sell
Speaker 3: something you're gonna buy?
Speaker 1: Like it's the holiday.
Speaker 3: So they're really aggressive, okay, and she's like, no, no,
Speaker 3: you need to go to my friend Irving. The place
Speaker 3: is called the Wolf something wolf Bearing or you need
Speaker 3: to go see my friend Irving his wife raiseel.
Speaker 1: So I went there. That hooked me up and for
Speaker 1: twenty bucks.
Speaker 2: They're gonna twenty burellars to twenty bucks.
Speaker 3: So this is like lighting the fire for me to
Speaker 3: like do an inexpensive wedding. Yeah for real, See I.
Speaker 1: Want you to I want you to google blog about it.
Speaker 1: I know, well you guys will, I'll share my journey
Speaker 1: for it.
Speaker 3: Right now, I'm just like I'm saying, I'm not going
Speaker 3: to think about it till after January because I'm getting
Speaker 3: a little anxious.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: My mother's asked me one too many questions. She's like,
Speaker 3: how many attendant? Where's it going to be? You want
Speaker 3: to be in New York, but you're from Atlanta. Don't
Speaker 3: you have family there?
Speaker 1: Well that very mom with her oh Loda. So I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna get through that. I'm just want to enjoy
Speaker 1: it and get through the holidays and then you know
Speaker 1: what my sister did.
Speaker 2: She got like one of these like books that you
Speaker 2: kind of like, you know, tells you like first step,
Speaker 2: sixond step.
Speaker 1: She said, oh god, I need that book.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll ask her please do like I'm looking at you.
Speaker 1: So I was like, wow, tell me the way. I
Speaker 1: do not know because she was like that too.
Speaker 2: She's not she wasn't like a big planner, but she
Speaker 2: was like, the book really just helped.
Speaker 1: I just put my stuff in. It was like, okay, I.
Speaker 3: Feel like so much about the wedding is just managing
Speaker 3: everyone's emotions outside. I need to work on my own
Speaker 3: emotions first, for one thing. But like, so just yesterday
Speaker 3: was stressful making sure that I told everybody the right
Speaker 3: way before I posted it anywhere, because I don't you
Speaker 3: hate that feeling is like, yeah, you learn from a
Speaker 3: friend that you thought was a friend and you're like
Speaker 3: they got married or had a baby on on like Instagram.
Speaker 1: Oh well that's nice, the baby's twelve exactly.
Speaker 3: So I made sure I went down my entire like
Speaker 3: I went through my favorites. This is a quick way
Speaker 3: of reading out people. I went through my favorites. I
Speaker 3: on my iPhone and like called everyone personally facetimed if
Speaker 3: I could make sure they could see it and like,
Speaker 3: and it was really fun seeing their reactions. Plus I
Speaker 3: haven't made phone calls. That's when did anybody cry? So
Speaker 3: my mom didn't cry, but so my my fiance.
Speaker 1: I know, I'm like, who you said? At that part,
Speaker 1: I was like who?
Speaker 3: So he actually called my parents the day that he
Speaker 3: was going to do it, And meanwhile, he hadn't really
Speaker 3: had a plan. He he was just like, I was
Speaker 3: just going to wait for the right event for us
Speaker 3: to go to and you know, do it afterwards or something.
Speaker 3: So he So that's why it felt so real when
Speaker 3: he was like, let's.
Speaker 1: Just go to this jazz show.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it wasn't like oh so that's why, because
Speaker 2: you probably would have noticed if he was like feeling
Speaker 2: really weird.
Speaker 1: The control freak that I am. Oh yes, oh, today's day,
Speaker 1: isn't it?
Speaker 3: If he was like wait, because he's so out of
Speaker 3: character he and I he's not. I'm usually one being like,
Speaker 3: let's go do this thing, and he's like, I just
Speaker 3: want to watch Netflix. You So, if he had been
Speaker 3: all of a sudden excited to go do an activity. Okay,
Speaker 3: then you're like, this is a They were a series
Speaker 3: of activities. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, So I'm kind of
Speaker 3: he was smart.
Speaker 1: He was very skillful.
Speaker 3: So he called my mom the day and my dad
Speaker 3: the day of, and my mom said she cried, but
Speaker 3: when I talked to her, she wasn't crying. She was
Speaker 3: yelling at me because I texted her a picture before
Speaker 3: I called her in person, even though I knew she
Speaker 3: already knew order of things. The order of things, boy
Speaker 3: was I called her right after. But anyway, moms are special. Yes,
Speaker 3: so yeah, my dad, however, plus his little heart. I
Speaker 3: don't think my dad knows how to listen to podcasts
Speaker 3: yet I have a teacher, so I'll tell you guys.
Speaker 1: So my dad went and oops.
Speaker 3: When my fiance called my dad, he initially pretty much
Speaker 3: like hung up on him because he could not deal.
Speaker 3: And I know my dad, I'm his only daughter, and
Speaker 3: you know, my parents divorced when I was ten, So
Speaker 3: my dad's mind, I've really been stuck as a ten
Speaker 3: year old forever forever, And so I knew I wasn't mad.
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, don't worry, he's just in his feelings.
Speaker 3: He does not know how to deal with his emotion
Speaker 3: because his ten year old's getting married, he basically, and
Speaker 3: so he finally called me last night and he told
Speaker 3: me he was up all night stressed out.
Speaker 1: He said, I was just it was just shocked. I can't.
Speaker 3: I don't know how to deal with these feelings, basically,
Speaker 3: and I could hear him tearing up on when you're
Speaker 3: a grown man, Yeah, you know, just.
Speaker 2: Wait till your wedding. You just better have some some
Speaker 2: waterproof mascot.
Speaker 1: I need to like put a tranquilizer dart.
Speaker 3: I don't not worried about me and worried about my
Speaker 3: dad walking down that it needs to be liked.
Speaker 1: Yeah, medicated, ye, tranquilized data. That's the words, a data.
Speaker 1: I want to start a hashtag. Congrats Mandy with an eye,
Speaker 1: congrats Mandy.
Speaker 2: Let's see who's gonna Yeah, let's see who needs a hashtag.
Speaker 2: I should give away something for people who used to hashtag. Oh,
Speaker 2: we'll just give you some virtual love. Just don't ask
Speaker 2: me any questions.
Speaker 1: I get stressed out.
Speaker 3: I don't know when, I don't know where, I don't know,
Speaker 3: I don't know anything. I don't know how to do this.
Speaker 3: It's my first time, so, but I'm just overwhelmed with
Speaker 3: all the support.
Speaker 1: So we started on a high note. But you know us,
Speaker 1: we'd like turn left, Wait where are we going? Where
Speaker 1: we're going? So Traine Awards. Oh, but honestly I like
Speaker 1: the awards. I'm not really did you watched? You watch
Speaker 1: the whole thing?
Speaker 2: I did only because I saw such great reviews on Facebook.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, We're for you on Facebook. And the way it
Speaker 1: works when you watch like the.
Speaker 3: Twitter where I go first, really if face Twitter likes it,
Speaker 3: then on over one, well.
Speaker 2: You know what it is because they play them back
Speaker 2: to back, so they'll play it. And then it ended
Speaker 2: at like ten fifty five and started again at eleven.
Speaker 2: So I was like, oh, I'll stay up and watch
Speaker 2: because the reviews were great, and honestly I loved it.
Speaker 2: I didn't realize that unfortunately R Kelly performed at the end.
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, this is disappointing.
Speaker 3: Status with R Kelly. I mean, so we all know
Speaker 3: that he's a dirty pedophile.
Speaker 1: Yees, so he married? I don't know.
Speaker 2: Honestly, I think that his career has not obviously prospered
Speaker 2: as much as it would have had he not been
Speaker 2: caught doing what he was doing with young girls. So
Speaker 2: if you guys are not familiar with R. Kelly, he's
Speaker 2: really super talented. I have to say that. You know
Speaker 2: that he's believe, but not just a talented singer, you know,
Speaker 2: the biggest part of Arkelly. He's a really talented like
Speaker 2: songwriter and arranger and like you know, producer, yeah, producer
Speaker 2: and so just a musician. And he was not convicted
Speaker 2: but suspected, I guess you could say, although I don't
Speaker 2: know how he's never been prosecuted, but because there's video
Speaker 2: of him with underaged women, I feel like.
Speaker 1: I was young enough when it was all happening that
Speaker 1: I don't really remember all particular so, but there's video
Speaker 1: of him we have, but I have.
Speaker 3: A general sense of ickiness about him. Yes, he closed
Speaker 3: the show, so he yeah, so and he holds the show.
Speaker 2: So there's video of him of him like urinating on
Speaker 2: women who were underage. And we all know for a
Speaker 2: fact that he married Aliyah, who was the singer that
Speaker 2: passed away. She was fourteen or fifteen at the time.
Speaker 2: And I mean they, I mean they have marriage papers,
Speaker 2: So that's not one of you know, that's not like, oh,
Speaker 2: allegedly No, No, they got married.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And then just so many other stories that have come
Speaker 2: out about him basically raping young women. I mean raping
Speaker 2: in the sense of I guess statutory rape. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: haven't heard of him like again, I don't know so
Speaker 2: violently raping, but definitely statutory rape because you know, honestly,
Speaker 2: if you're having sex with a thirteen year old, she
Speaker 2: cannot give consent. She's thirteen, you know, and at least
Speaker 2: not with a grown man giving consent. You know, if
Speaker 2: a thirteen year old thirteen yearn are grown at it,
Speaker 2: that's one thing. A thirteen year old a twenty five
Speaker 2: year old that's a whole other thing.
Speaker 3: So is the is the drama that he performed. People
Speaker 3: say that he shouldn't have.
Speaker 2: Like yeah, only because like you know, everybody's going in
Speaker 2: on Bill Cosby as they should. And it's like, you
Speaker 2: know why because r Kelly didn't just perform he like
Speaker 2: closed the sholf and it was like people in the
Speaker 2: audience were like two stepping, like this man has not
Speaker 2: raped young girls, and it doesn't have video out of
Speaker 2: him raping and really just totally being disgusting with young girls.
Speaker 2: And it's almost like, you know, I saw this article
Speaker 2: then about like oh so still after all this, what
Speaker 2: does it say from for black girls when they're alleged rapists?
Speaker 2: Rapes are not enough. They're like, you know, black girls
Speaker 2: still don't matter. Because I saw other women of color.
Speaker 2: What really struck me with Rika Badu, who's like pro black,
Speaker 2: pro women.
Speaker 1: They're having a new moment right now, Erica bade.
Speaker 2: Yeah she is, and so but it's like cause Erkabadou
Speaker 2: was like, you know, like feminists strong, and then she's
Speaker 2: she actually introduced R. Kelly as my brother, and I
Speaker 2: was like, oh so, and like I said, this is
Speaker 2: not a man who were like hmmm, I'm not quite
Speaker 2: sure if he did it. It's like there's video he
Speaker 2: married Alea when she's fourteen, and even he in his
Speaker 2: and I've seen like him being interviewed and at one
Speaker 2: point he said, I know I have a problem.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a complicated thing.
Speaker 3: We kind of talked about it with Bill Cosby before
Speaker 3: and I mentioned like, so I have I mean, I've
Speaker 3: known people personally who have had issues like this, you know,
Speaker 3: with younger women, and have done some really not great things.
Speaker 3: But I can almost I'm staying from both sides here.
Speaker 3: I'm like playing two sides here at the same time.
Speaker 3: Like when it is someone who you consider a brother,
Speaker 3: I know they're not blood really, but if it's someone
Speaker 3: you've known your whole life and they've done this thing,
Speaker 3: it's really hard to find a way. It takes a
Speaker 3: long time to figure out how to like separate yourself
Speaker 3: from that, not separated, but like figure out a way
Speaker 3: to live in both spaces, Like, yes, they did this
Speaker 3: horrible thing, Yes it's okay that I still feel like
Speaker 3: a love for them, and then how do you marry
Speaker 3: them together?
Speaker 1: It's just awkward ones on a public stage. That's what
Speaker 1: I guess.
Speaker 2: That's what was bobbling, Like, okay, Ka bade if that's
Speaker 2: your brother. But I'm like, really, Bet, like of all
Speaker 2: the artists you could have had, you know, it's not
Speaker 2: like R Kelly is like you know, some brand new
Speaker 2: artists or like Beyonce that can't be ignored, even though
Speaker 2: that wouldn't be excusable then, but it's like you had
Speaker 2: to dig up R Kelly.
Speaker 3: Do you think that's like just for the wow factor,
Speaker 3: for the would be controversial.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It just really bothered me to see like Janelle Monet,
Speaker 2: ty Reese, all these people too stepping like.
Speaker 1: Yes, go ahead, rapist, Yes, do your thing. Because especially,
Speaker 1: you know what really bothers me about R.
Speaker 2: Kelly because there are sometimes you know, like like I've
Speaker 2: known people who are like, oh, eighteen, their girlfriend was fourteen.
Speaker 2: Probably not the most appropriate, but whatever. But this is
Speaker 2: a man who was allegedly I'll put in air quotes
Speaker 2: like literally going to high schools. He was a predator
Speaker 2: looking for young women, you know what I mean, that's
Speaker 2: the part, and looking specifically for young women whose backgrounds
Speaker 2: would allow him to take advantage of them, like we
Speaker 2: very much like Bill Cosby, Yes, you know, like women
Speaker 2: like young women like and from neighborhoods who you know,
Speaker 2: there was no money or would be easily like like
Speaker 2: wowed by a man like him, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: So like and so that's it almost sicker. Yeah, it does,
Speaker 2: of course, because that's what I'm saying. He was a predator.
Speaker 2: This is not just some guy who was like, oh,
Speaker 2: I happen to love my girlfriend and I'm eighteen, she's fourteen.
Speaker 1: We're just trying to make it work.
Speaker 2: No, this is a sexual predator, and for him to
Speaker 2: be celebrated still, Like honestly, when his music come on
Speaker 2: comes on on the radio, like I always tell Superman
Speaker 2: intended off.
Speaker 3: I think he'll probably go through now a similar maybe
Speaker 3: not as bad as Bill Cosby.
Speaker 1: And I'm not sure why.
Speaker 3: Maybe it's because Bill Cosby's accusers it was so far
Speaker 3: after the fact they all came forward and they're all
Speaker 3: much older. Maybe are Kelly's victims. It's just they're not
Speaker 3: ready to come forward in the same public way. I mean,
Speaker 3: it sucks that it took like forty women to come
Speaker 3: forward in their magazine cover to get people to, you know,
Speaker 3: care about the Bill Cosby situation. But I mean the
Speaker 3: public is when we make up our mind about an
Speaker 3: icon like R Kelly. You know, was meant so much
Speaker 3: for R and B music, you know, coju met so
Speaker 3: much for comedy and television. Like it's really hard, like
Speaker 3: you have to show us the evidence, yea, Like the
Speaker 3: burden of proof is totally on the victim.
Speaker 2: Also too, R Kelly happened right before the huge social media.
Speaker 1: Way, Yeah, totally, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: So it's like I think if it would have happened
Speaker 2: like Bill Cosby, I think one of the reasons why
Speaker 2: people are so much more up in arms is because.
Speaker 1: Social media really took that and like ran with it.
Speaker 2: But R Kelly like escaped that almost because to me, like,
Speaker 2: you know, what he did was even more obvious. There's video,
Speaker 2: but it was before all that, before people could, before
Speaker 2: black Twitter could really take a hold and like fully
Speaker 2: drag him.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I was just kind of disappointed and I was just like, well,
Speaker 2: and I know they were.
Speaker 1: I mean honestly, I like the social training. Like I
Speaker 1: didn't watch his part.
Speaker 3: I was like, wow, cable. I don't have cable, so
Speaker 3: I don't know. Yeah, so I watched the clips. So
Speaker 3: the baby face that was amazing.
Speaker 1: That was amazing. When they had Brandy come out, I.
Speaker 3: Was like, yeah, I feel so much real emotion when
Speaker 3: I get sitting up in my room, like literally I'm trying.
Speaker 3: I'm like four feet tall, yeah, and like little chubbing
Speaker 3: girl in my room like dream daydreaming.
Speaker 1: Oh. She was so good. Her voice is so good.
Speaker 1: I want her to go on tour. You know what
Speaker 1: it is about brand because Brandy and I like the
Speaker 1: same age.
Speaker 2: So I'm thirty six, and I think when Brandy came out,
Speaker 2: she was fourteen, and I was fourteen when she came out.
Speaker 2: I know, so I like grew up like that first
Speaker 2: album of her, like sitting on the front cover. Her
Speaker 2: music was so inche appropriate. I could play it in
Speaker 2: front of my parents.
Speaker 1: It was just so ahesha la oh to the we played, Oh.
Speaker 3: The night I got engaged on the platform. It took
Speaker 3: so long for the train. We played like all the
Speaker 3: great nineties TV things, family matters, ohow, step by step,
Speaker 3: Growing Pains, Boesha, sister sister, what is the sister?
Speaker 1: Kevin knew how much and are doing like the neck wave.
Speaker 1: I don't even know why, but we're both.
Speaker 3: I met and they did the grown up version, sister sister,
Speaker 3: Oh my god, you even need to go back. Oh,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I know not as good as it was. Well,
Speaker 3: you know what someone said, TV's never been as because
Speaker 3: it wasn't. It wasn't the night it was.
Speaker 2: Very black right because think about Martin was it like
Speaker 2: its all time high?
Speaker 1: Like you're right, fairly matters hanging with mister Cooper.
Speaker 3: I used to love that girlfriend someone's girlfriends.
Speaker 2: But it was very very remember because you remember, you
Speaker 2: know why up and nine remember and t G I
Speaker 2: f Yeah, T J was veriable, g G I Oh,
Speaker 2: and they're all like, huh.
Speaker 1: Now we sound like old people. You know how people
Speaker 1: always say, like, you don't know, y'all don't have good music.
Speaker 2: One day, these young people are gonna be telling their
Speaker 2: grandkids Daddy.
Speaker 1: Wop's classic Oh God Baby, but no.
Speaker 3: Yeah, TV is changing, you know, Speaking of TV, there's
Speaker 3: a new Dominican the very first Dominican focused TV show.
Speaker 3: Shout out to my new Dominican family.
Speaker 1: Really yeah, what is it called. It's gonna be called
Speaker 1: La V L A D D.
Speaker 3: And I guess that's the name of the guy who's
Speaker 3: it's like a comedian, kind of like Louis c K
Speaker 3: made his own show, run his own wife. It's gonna
Speaker 3: be like about the Dominican family in the Bronx, which
Speaker 3: is I'm excited to watch it.
Speaker 1: I'll get to understand my boyfriends, oh for my fiance.
Speaker 1: What else you want to talk about for Buzzworthy? Do
Speaker 1: you want to talk about buying black?
Speaker 2: That's like the huge new wave I've been seeing I
Speaker 2: guess most of my friends on social.
Speaker 1: Media the holidays. Yeah, yeah, we can talk about that.
Speaker 3: I mean, like just generally, you know, for me and
Speaker 3: one of my friends was I debated my friends about
Speaker 3: this one time. It's like, do you feel pressure to
Speaker 3: buy from black owned businesses or you know, do you
Speaker 3: feel like you should have freedom to buy wherever you
Speaker 3: want to buy from? Did you feel guilty for like
Speaker 3: not buying from a black owned business?
Speaker 2: Right, There's actually a woman who was banned on Facebook
Speaker 2: because and actually I knew her.
Speaker 1: I was like, she looks familiar. She did this interview
Speaker 1: with doctor Boyce Watkins.
Speaker 2: And she created like some like booklet for buying black
Speaker 2: or something. And anyway, she created like like just like
Speaker 2: a Facebook post about like, you know, buying black, try
Speaker 2: to buy black this week or whatever. And Facebook, I guess,
Speaker 2: I don't know if somebody reported as being racist or whatever.
Speaker 1: That's been going on forever.
Speaker 3: I know there's literally like black business phone books and
Speaker 3: like online buying guides. Yeah, but I don't know why,
Speaker 3: but these three pamphlets you hand out.
Speaker 2: She was banned because Facebook themeed it, I guess, for
Speaker 2: lack of a better word, racist, for discriminatory, Yeah, discriminatory,
Speaker 2: I'll say that, but yeah, I just thought that was
Speaker 2: really strange.
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, Okay.
Speaker 3: I think it's important to shop small, like in any capacity. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and I feel like a lot of small businesses are
Speaker 3: owned by minorities in general.
Speaker 2: I guess you know what it is too, Like you
Speaker 2: know you've heard, I mean, we've heard the statistic over
Speaker 2: and over that the black dollar stays in the Black
Speaker 2: neighborhood like for less than like it passes through not
Speaker 2: even one hand before leaving the Black neighborhood. It's like
Speaker 2: the Jewish dollar passes through like thirty hands. I don't
Speaker 2: that's not the exact, you know number, And then the
Speaker 2: Spanish dollar passes through two hands.
Speaker 3: And the Asias they're more good about buying from businesses
Speaker 3: owned by each other.
Speaker 2: Yes, and so I can understand that that like that
Speaker 2: there's so much wealth I think are buying power nations.
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? Look at Chinatown? Mm hmm. I
Speaker 1: have friends who can get deals in apartment in Chinatown
Speaker 1: that I'd never be able to get exactly.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, you can call it discrimination, but I feel
Speaker 3: I feel no way about it because I'm kind of like, man,
Speaker 3: that neighborhood is like one of the last true, you know,
Speaker 3: vestiges of Old New York that have actually stayed the
Speaker 3: same and in some ways you kind of want to
Speaker 3: preserve that and exact.
Speaker 2: But that's like too, like like being Nigerian, there's certain
Speaker 2: deals that I get, Like if you go someplace, like
Speaker 2: you know, if my mom's like no, no, no, I'll
Speaker 2: go for you, or like tell them.
Speaker 3: I say, you, if my coworker who's Jewish hadn't told
Speaker 3: me to go to her, you know, hadn't told me
Speaker 3: specifically go to Irving in the diamondustry, tell him Lisa
Speaker 3: sent you. I don't know if I would have gotten
Speaker 3: to deal for twenty dollars.
Speaker 1: That's how it goes.
Speaker 2: Something, So I get that, you know, that's how it
Speaker 2: goes sometimes that certain groups look after their own. I
Speaker 2: guess the issue is that, unfortunately, it seems like African
Speaker 2: American community does not do that.
Speaker 3: It seems because there's less of a cultural I feel
Speaker 3: like other minorities sometimes there's such a huge cultural divine,
Speaker 3: like especially if you're immigrants African Americans, we grew up
Speaker 3: in America and like there's no language barrier, there's no
Speaker 3: nothing keeping you from going to like a wide owned
Speaker 3: business like that because you're not you don't have that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, for sure, because.
Speaker 2: Well just even like you know, there's a sense of
Speaker 2: like I see you, I understand you, like you know,
Speaker 2: like Nigerians, or if you're Dominican, or if you but
Speaker 2: you're right, even though you know, you could be African American,
Speaker 2: but that could mean so many different things. But if
Speaker 2: you are Dominican, there is a shared sense of like
Speaker 2: culture and history.
Speaker 1: Like you said, yes.
Speaker 2: That's missing in the African American community because it's like
Speaker 2: you could be from Atlanta you're African American, and I
Speaker 2: could be from Newark and we could have literally no
Speaker 2: nothing common as far as our background. But if I'm
Speaker 2: Dominican and I live in Canada and you're Dominican and
Speaker 2: you live in I don't know, Australia, there's still a
Speaker 2: sense of like, oh my god, you know totally, yeah,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. So definitely I believe that
Speaker 2: to be so.
Speaker 3: It's still more American when I'm not in America, when
Speaker 3: I'm traveling out, you'd meet the other Americans in the
Speaker 3: hostel or exactly, oh my god, maybe all of a sudden,
Speaker 3: I'm like waving the flag and I'm proud an American.
Speaker 1: You get real country.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, no, for sure, that's a good reminder, though
Speaker 3: I feel like, yeah, god, I live in Queens. I
Speaker 3: don't think there are any black owned businesses. I mean
Speaker 3: Queens is like literally the I think there's there's. This
Speaker 3: is a fact. It's like the single most diverse county
Speaker 3: in the United States. Like every single walk of life
Speaker 3: is there. But my neighborhood is very Greek, very Brazilian,
Speaker 3: very Hispanic, very Vietnamese. It's been like not a lot
Speaker 3: of black owned businesses, but I do. I shop at
Speaker 3: small businesses all the time. That's what I love about
Speaker 3: New York. Yeah, I know, it's hard not to know
Speaker 3: a Walmart. We're like a local here, local there. You're right, Oh,
Speaker 3: we're here, we're here, We're back. So now we're time
Speaker 3: for now it's time for Brown Break. Brown Break, Yeah,
Speaker 3: my favorite segment.
Speaker 1: Brown. I love the game. I think to take breaks from.
Speaker 2: I know, even though I don't really take the breaks
Speaker 2: when I get home, it's like we just take a
Speaker 2: break online.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I really should take a break, you know.
Speaker 3: I did actually take a break from political coverage for
Speaker 3: I'm like done, Like, wake me up when it's October
Speaker 3: twenty sixteen, Like then I'll look I'll pay attention to
Speaker 3: the last month. I don't need to hear all these
Speaker 3: stupid debates one more, no, no more.
Speaker 1: Ben Carson. Oh yeah, foolery, Trump, foolery, you know, thinking
Speaker 1: what you're talking about. So we said give me a break.
Speaker 2: I said, ooh, that should be a brown break, like
Speaker 2: give me a break, give me a break, break me off,
Speaker 2: a brown break something something.
Speaker 1: Now I don't know what the words are going to be.
Speaker 1: Just work with me. That's just the first draft. Break. Yeah, break,
Speaker 1: give me brown break. Phones you guys can get the
Speaker 1: soundtrack for and marked at zero dollars at zero pay
Speaker 1: you to listen to it. So what should we brown?
Speaker 2: Okay, so my brown break is I want to take
Speaker 2: a brown break from being anti social.
Speaker 1: Yes, I said it.
Speaker 2: I'm anti social, and not even because I'm not social.
Speaker 2: I'm antisocial because as I get older, it takes me
Speaker 2: longer to get cutter. And I noticed that because so
Speaker 2: for those of you who don't know, I own my
Speaker 2: own business and I work from home, and so I'm
Speaker 2: largely in my pjs with like my hair and a
Speaker 2: messy bun which I'm wearing now. This is like my
Speaker 2: sleep bun, my wake Bun my everything Bun Drell's like
Speaker 2: Superman is like this BN.
Speaker 1: And so yeah.
Speaker 2: So because of that, I ended up like, you know,
Speaker 2: like no makeup, just in my PGAs. And so when
Speaker 2: fun things are happening and someone said you want to go,
Speaker 2: I always start thinking to myself, Oh, that sounds like
Speaker 2: oh wait, it sounds like having to wash up again,
Speaker 2: having to put on a little bit of face, having
Speaker 2: to find something to wear that actually fits, having to
Speaker 2: do my hair. It sounds like work. So I end
Speaker 2: up saying no, stay home. And as a result, I
Speaker 2: have not been having so much fun in my life.
Speaker 2: So I've been working and I've been chilling at home.
Speaker 2: And unless I'm traveling for the budget these then for business,
Speaker 2: I'm not really leaving the house as much. And I'm like,
Speaker 2: I want to take a brown break from nice to
Speaker 2: be such a fun fun, like a fun person.
Speaker 3: I think that happens when you get older, though, Like you,
Speaker 3: you find so much time for the things you don't
Speaker 3: want to do. Yeah, and when it comes to the
Speaker 3: fun stuff, you find excuses, Yeah, not enough time or
Speaker 3: it's too much work. You like you put your own
Speaker 3: like wants and you kind of forget that it's worth THEPA.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's work because then when I end up going on.
Speaker 2: But like, so, for example, one of my friends, I
Speaker 2: just love him. His name is Cabral, and Cabral is
Speaker 2: like one of my favorite friends because.
Speaker 1: Cabral like lives life.
Speaker 2: He eats well, he goes to fancy restaurants, he travels
Speaker 2: like every other month, and so Cabrel so he's also gay,
Speaker 2: so like he's also like so Superman's always like, yeah,
Speaker 2: go with Cabral. So Cabrel is like my like he
Speaker 2: just will always be like, honey, you want to go out.
Speaker 3: And I'm just like with the gays, I can be
Speaker 3: very detrimental to the budget. And I say that lovingly
Speaker 3: because I have many gay friends. He will quickly take
Speaker 3: me to the club and I'll see all my paychecks.
Speaker 1: No, Cabral is a treater too.
Speaker 3: That's the benefit of getting older to your friends are
Speaker 3: old enough to actually treat him.
Speaker 2: Yes, And it's like it's like four of us like
Speaker 2: that we hang out sometimes now and so like he'll
Speaker 2: be like, so he'll call because he knows we're all
Speaker 2: the same. Where like all the women, it's like three
Speaker 2: other women who are entrepreneurs that we kind of never
Speaker 2: go anywhere.
Speaker 1: So Gobrel's always wanted to be.
Speaker 2: Like, hey, girls, where we are on this week and
Speaker 2: we're all like a cobral He's like, be ready tomorrow
Speaker 2: and then he'll drive and then he won't tell you
Speaker 2: where he's going, and then he'll just take you somewhere
Speaker 2: and then you're like it's amazing, and then he'll.
Speaker 3: Treat and so yeah, what always like, I mean, that
Speaker 3: sounds like an invitation that you would not pass up.
Speaker 1: So when when when the cabro calls, I'm like, when where?
Speaker 2: But what I love about him is that he takes
Speaker 2: me out of that comfort zone to say tip to
Speaker 2: get out and go and so and not to say
Speaker 2: Superman doesn't, but I don't know, Like I mean when
Speaker 2: we hang out, it's just like, I mean, we're like
Speaker 2: a Netflix and Chill kind of couple.
Speaker 1: And like also too, we have like different takeing.
Speaker 3: Me something different when you're in a committed relationship, you
Speaker 3: know what it means when you're dating, Yeah, you finished
Speaker 3: in Brook, Yeah exactly.
Speaker 2: He's like, oh exactly, I know when that highl So
Speaker 2: but yeah, I just want to be a little less
Speaker 2: like I used to love, like rollerblading. I'm like, you
Speaker 2: know what, there's a roller skating drink around the house
Speaker 2: and they have adult Night's supposed to be really fun.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go, you know, probably this week. And then
Speaker 2: a friend of mine was like, oh, let's go on
Speaker 2: this this like a trail in.
Speaker 1: The other house.
Speaker 2: And my best friend's like, we should go in the
Speaker 2: hike and I'm like, I don't only want to, but
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go. I'm gonna try to force myself and
Speaker 2: small one thing, yeah, one thing a week, right, one
Speaker 2: fun thing a week.
Speaker 3: You can fall into that trap though you work so
Speaker 3: hard to get here, and then you keep working so
Speaker 3: hard that you can't enjoy it. So I try and
Speaker 3: be cognizant of that for sure.
Speaker 1: So what's your brown break?
Speaker 3: My brown break is so I don't know if funny
Speaker 3: my coworkers are listening, but I love you dearly. But
Speaker 3: recently someone at the office passed around this New York
Speaker 3: Times article which talked about the idea of a de
Speaker 3: energizer in the office, which is a kind of person
Speaker 3: or people who tend to let their negative attitudes just
Speaker 3: like bring the whole environment down, okay, and it can
Speaker 3: be difficult that a huge company, especially when there's like
Speaker 3: a lot of moving parts and maybe like especially like
Speaker 3: if your job maybe doesn't get impacted by all the
Speaker 3: other stuff happening around you, and you're kind of if
Speaker 3: you just stay in your bubble, Like if I just
Speaker 3: stay in my bubble, I don't have to worry about
Speaker 3: any of the corporate bs happening.
Speaker 1: I just do my job. I get to write, I
Speaker 1: do what I love, I get to do video, I
Speaker 1: do the podcast on the side.
Speaker 3: No one's saying no, but if sometimes like there's a
Speaker 3: lot of stuff happening and it can get in the way.
Speaker 3: Like for example, we have a group chat, which is great.
Speaker 3: It's like the literal it's like a digital water cooler.
Speaker 3: We pass around gifts, we joke, we like shoot the breeze.
Speaker 3: It's like where we catch up and.
Speaker 2: That's the thing that went down the other day slack
Speaker 2: or something slack. I don't know, there's something that went down.
Speaker 2: It was like group chat. Everybody was talking about it,
Speaker 2: but I'm not.
Speaker 3: There's a million different kinds we use the Yahoo one obviously, okay,
Speaker 3: I am, but it's like where it's just a great
Speaker 3: place to catch up and just you know, camaraderie or whatever.
Speaker 3: So I love the group chat. It's hilarious, we crack
Speaker 3: up all that, we just passed plenty links. But sometimes
Speaker 3: it can get to be like a bit of a
Speaker 3: down or if everyone else's like feelings about what's happening
Speaker 3: with their separate stuff at the work is, then it
Speaker 3: starts to bring everything down. And while it's fun to
Speaker 3: commiserate and important, I think to commiserate, it's like a
Speaker 3: healthy way of venting, you know, And.
Speaker 1: You don't want to stay in that negative You don't
Speaker 1: want to stay in it.
Speaker 3: And I've found in the past month that like it's
Speaker 3: really getting me down and I kind of want to
Speaker 3: take I've tried.
Speaker 1: It's hard to break out of it.
Speaker 3: Because you don't want to be disconnected, Like I don't
Speaker 3: want to be I don't want to lose access to
Speaker 3: my friend coworkers, my friends, and like the gossip and stuff,
Speaker 3: all the good stuff. But at the same time I
Speaker 3: want and I don't want to make them feel bad
Speaker 3: for venting, because they should because like they're they they're
Speaker 3: valid and whatever their complaints are. But at some point
Speaker 3: you just have to like, and we don't have an office,
Speaker 3: this is another symptom I think of, like being in
Speaker 3: this open concept, Like the last three places I've worked
Speaker 3: at have been just rows of desks and no one
Speaker 3: has offices. Everything's glass walls, everything's transparent. But it just
Speaker 3: it just gives everyone else more license to just come
Speaker 3: into your area, like your personal space. Like this one
Speaker 3: coworker who she recently left, I don't feel that talking
Speaker 3: about honey, I'm like, really gonna get in trouble.
Speaker 1: She used to come over all the time and just
Speaker 1: pop up, Hey, what's going on? What you doing?
Speaker 3: Staring at my computer screen talking about whatever gossip she had.
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, leave me alone. I'm trying to focus.
Speaker 1: I'm a writer. Leave this is our musical segment, Like
Speaker 1: this is our most musical show. I was at Michael Jackson.
Speaker 3: Interrupting such a ham Yeah, And so I feel like
Speaker 3: I just have to find like I've started taken my
Speaker 3: laptop and working somewhere else sometimes, you know, whenever I can,
Speaker 3: like it was a big office, I can go still
Speaker 3: on the couch, or you know, go to a different
Speaker 3: floor and work someone else, or work from home a
Speaker 3: couple hours, leave a little bit early and work a
Speaker 3: little bit you know, coming early to.
Speaker 1: Have that quiet time.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I just got I guess like my brown
Speaker 3: break is just about like yeah, Debbie Downers and and
Speaker 3: and just the general lack of personal space at work.
Speaker 2: So if you have any brown breaks, feel free to share.
Speaker 1: You can tweet us at the BA podcast.
Speaker 3: Email us at Brown Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: I almost message. You can also hit us up on Facebook.
Speaker 2: You guys have been doing great on the Facebook group
Speaker 2: at just Brown Ambition.
Speaker 1: Just type in Brown Ambition will come up. You find us.
Speaker 2: You'll see pictures of me and Mandy Smiley a rare occasion.
Speaker 2: Mandy makes me hugger every time I see her, just
Speaker 2: so you guys know.
Speaker 1: It's an end. I can't stop it. I know you
Speaker 1: don't like hugs. You know it's okay. Body just comes at.
Speaker 2: You would think, because you know, Mandy's like more like
Speaker 2: the like straight guy, like, oh, you know, and I'm
Speaker 2: more like the silly when you would think that i'd
Speaker 2: be like such the hugger.
Speaker 1: And I'm so not a hugger.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I'm so like, hey, you touched me well,
Speaker 2: because I didn't really gro up in a hugging household.
Speaker 1: Nigerians tend not to be super huggle ishous. That's what
Speaker 1: I've heard about families, their immigrant family. Yeah, I mean definitely.
Speaker 1: I know my parents love me, just Nigerians.
Speaker 3: But like you know that new Asiason sorry show Master
Speaker 3: of None.
Speaker 1: Yes, I have been watching, And did you watch the
Speaker 1: Immigrant Parent? No, I it's like his real parents. Yes,
Speaker 1: I want to watch it.
Speaker 2: Not from Nigeria, no, India yeah no, but he no, no,
Speaker 2: but I've heard, like I read like an article saying
Speaker 2: it was like his real parents. And then his dad
Speaker 2: like made him cry because his dad said something like
Speaker 2: he's a dad had a feel like being in Hollywood.
Speaker 2: He's like, honestly, I only just came because I wanted
Speaker 2: to spend time with you. Yeah, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: these old parents, they make you tear up.
Speaker 1: You should definitely watch Master of None. That's a great show.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've been watching, like I watched the first I
Speaker 3: watched the Immigrant Parent episode because I think it will resonate.
Speaker 1: All right, Well, so now we actually have tips man,
Speaker 1: Oh tips, Yes, we have ever reader. Yes, let me
Speaker 1: get mine, which.
Speaker 2: Is good because you guys are asking questions. So definitely email.
Speaker 2: What was the email again?
Speaker 3: The email is Brown Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: Yes, for sure, email us your questions because you got
Speaker 2: a good one. We're going to answer it and Mandy
Speaker 2: shall read.
Speaker 1: I shall read. So this question, have you ever if GI,
Speaker 1: have you ever gone to Harlem? You know, the Black Israelites?
Speaker 1: They were like, I don't know, they almost look like adult.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be disrespectful.
Speaker 2: They wear garments, but like they have this thing where
Speaker 2: like they're reading from their.
Speaker 1: Holy Book and it's just as a kid.
Speaker 2: I just always remember walking through the guy would say
Speaker 2: something like and then the man is walking and they
Speaker 2: would stop and then someone would.
Speaker 1: Yell rude.
Speaker 2: Anybody from Harlem or even they used to do it
Speaker 2: in Nework. But yeah, so I'm just telling Mandy rude.
Speaker 3: I'm reading reading, I'm going okay. So our questions from
Speaker 3: Carrie and Pittsburgh the long question.
Speaker 1: You guys like to write about your feelings, so.
Speaker 3: Let me try and summarize what she says. So thanks
Speaker 3: again Carrie for writing the question. Yes, she says, my
Speaker 3: husband and I both work full time and we make
Speaker 3: decent salaries. I work in higher ed he works in
Speaker 3: upper management and retail. Unfortunately, they feel like their salaries
Speaker 3: are not getting them very far. They're working paycheck to
Speaker 3: paycheck and have been for years. Last year, my husband
Speaker 3: took on an amazing job opportunity, but they had to
Speaker 3: do long distance for five months because she, at the
Speaker 3: same time was in grad school. So they had two apartments.
Speaker 3: They were paying for, two rents, two water bills, two
Speaker 3: electric bills. I'm sure a lot of couples can relate.
Speaker 3: This sounds like a horrible plus. She had to take
Speaker 3: out student loans just to help fund all those expenses.
Speaker 3: They're living off of his one salary, and they both
Speaker 3: want to save, and they want to start a family,
Speaker 3: and they want to be homeowners soon. Of course you do.
Speaker 3: Every young couple wants that, and it's unfortunate that, you know,
Speaker 3: so many of them are stuck with student loan debt
Speaker 3: like you guys are. So Carrie says with her new job,
Speaker 3: part of her benefits now is to talk with the
Speaker 3: financial advisor. She wants to, but she says, my hobby
Speaker 3: says it'd be a waste of time. Men.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I was going to say yeah whenever had
Speaker 2: that question, was like, oh, that's such a man thing.
Speaker 1: Sorry, man, he.
Speaker 3: Thinks so her husband says he thinks all he thinks,
Speaker 3: all he or she would tell us to do is
Speaker 3: pay off her credit cards. My question is will going
Speaker 3: to a financial advisor be useful giving our scenario? And secondly,
Speaker 3: should we consider a debt consolidation servicer PROS or cons
Speaker 3: sore with the first one?
Speaker 2: So the first one, I would say, so usually a
Speaker 2: financial advisor.
Speaker 1: What usually sets them apart?
Speaker 2: It's sounding like you're needing more like a financial planner,
Speaker 2: because a financial advisor, their main focus usually is retirement
Speaker 2: and investment investments, right, I mean, some of them do
Speaker 2: help with budgeting, but that you can't.
Speaker 3: But if you're a good advisor, though, you can't get
Speaker 3: to retirement without first starting with the budgeting and play.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but honestly, I know, literally because you know that's
Speaker 2: what I don't. I'm not a financial advisor. I'm a
Speaker 2: financial educator. So, like, I know a ton on ton
Speaker 2: on ton of financial advisors, and they not to say
Speaker 2: that they don't want to help with budgeting, but that's
Speaker 2: not usually where their focus is lying when they're helping,
Speaker 2: so they might do like a cursory kind of like oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: this is a basic budget but.
Speaker 1: They're not going to lean in.
Speaker 2: And it sounds like to me that you're needing first
Speaker 2: and foremost you need like some sort of budget, like
Speaker 2: a plan of like paying down the stead a plan
Speaker 2: for this is like if you're gonna if you want
Speaker 2: a house, you have to have a plan for that.
Speaker 2: So it's sounding like not to say you have to
Speaker 2: go out and hire a financial planner, but that's what
Speaker 2: it's really sounding like, that sitting down and creating a budget.
Speaker 1: There are some free resources that you can get because
Speaker 1: she can free.
Speaker 2: So see what I would say, ask your husband if
Speaker 2: because you don't want to do stuff behind his back,
Speaker 2: because that's your husband, So asking him, like, you know,
Speaker 2: even though you might not totally agree or whatever, how
Speaker 2: do you feel if I just at least go and
Speaker 2: ask some questions, like even if you want to create
Speaker 2: some questions with him and sit down at least talk
Speaker 2: because if it, if it comes free, why not use
Speaker 2: it and just see? And you know, if that financial
Speaker 2: advisor doesn't seem as helpful, then you can look for
Speaker 2: sources of you know, and I know, like there's a
Speaker 2: ton of books out there, but there are also some
Speaker 2: like online resources that you can use there's mint.
Speaker 1: I don't know if they have a budgeting component.
Speaker 3: Well, there's so many different layers here. I mean, ment
Speaker 3: is more about you have a budget, and you tell
Speaker 3: it you have a budget, and then you tell it
Speaker 3: what your limits are. But you have to already have
Speaker 3: decided what your budget is. I mean, it sounds like
Speaker 3: she wants to know about debt consolidation. That may be
Speaker 3: a question that your financial advisor could help you with,
Speaker 3: but if it's through your benefits package at work, he
Speaker 3: may just or he or she may just want to talk.
Speaker 2: To you about your four While I was going to
Speaker 2: say that that's what, but just see, how would you
Speaker 2: know unless you see I mean, I'm not trying to
Speaker 2: do like a plug here, but this is free. So
Speaker 2: one thing I started that we'd be really great for
Speaker 2: you as a woman, and a lot of women join
Speaker 2: and then they kind of pull their husbands in. Later
Speaker 2: I started this thing called the Live Richer Challenge specifically
Speaker 2: for that because so many people are like, I don't
Speaker 2: know what to do. So the way it works is
Speaker 2: you sign up at live richer challenge dot net and
Speaker 2: starting in January, every day I send you one small
Speaker 2: easy tip tour saving more getting your budget together and
Speaker 2: having more so that you can do the things that
Speaker 2: you want. And so that's a totally free resource, but
Speaker 2: it's I would.
Speaker 1: Look to for stuff like that.
Speaker 2: If your financial advisor does not seem like that, that's
Speaker 2: what they're gonna be helping you with. But it doesn't
Speaker 2: hurt to ask questions because your financial advisor usually will
Speaker 2: start with a budget, but you might need a little
Speaker 2: bit more handholding. And we can't really tell you whether
Speaker 2: or not you should consolidate your debt because you.
Speaker 1: Can talk about this too.
Speaker 3: If it's student loan debt that you're worried about. You
Speaker 3: went to graduate school, which means you might have private
Speaker 3: student loan debt, and if that's the case, there are.
Speaker 1: Resources out there for you.
Speaker 3: There's so FI that's my favorite. I say, yeah, they're
Speaker 3: the big wig, but there's also Common Bond is another one.
Speaker 3: These are both startups, but they do private student loan refinancing.
Speaker 3: They do some mortgages and stuff too, but as loans. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but their main business is.
Speaker 1: A student loans.
Speaker 3: Student loans how they started off, I think, And if
Speaker 3: you have private loans, they can I mean if you
Speaker 3: have good credit, which is you know you didn't. You
Speaker 3: haven't mentioned your credit, but if you have good credit,
Speaker 3: I think their minimum credit score to qualify for loans
Speaker 3: is seven hundred, so you have to have pretty good
Speaker 3: credit to qualify, but can reduce your rates to pretty low.
Speaker 3: I think they started like two percent, So depending on
Speaker 3: what your private student loan interest rates is, that could
Speaker 3: be an option. If you have federal student loan debt,
Speaker 3: there are ways for you to apply for income based repayment.
Speaker 1: I did. I know.
Speaker 3: It can be overwhelming because it's separating like private from federal,
Speaker 3: but you can go talk to your loan service or
Speaker 3: just call them up and say ask them about income
Speaker 3: based repayment. There are There is a federal debt consolidation program. However,
Speaker 3: they won't like take all your loans and give you
Speaker 3: a lower rate. They'll take the average.
Speaker 1: Of basic.
Speaker 2: But it's just you'll be paying one bill versus like
Speaker 2: multiple exactly.
Speaker 3: And although so FI and Common bond do allow you
Speaker 3: to refinance federal student loan, you should not because I
Speaker 3: mean for one specific reason, which is that you'll be
Speaker 3: turning those federal loans into a private loan, and.
Speaker 1: Private loans are private.
Speaker 3: They don't have any the same federal benefits and intent
Speaker 3: based repayment, the pay as you earn plan, all these
Speaker 3: sort of barons deferment stuff like that. And also, yeah,
Speaker 3: that's a big that's a big reason why.
Speaker 2: So one, so I guess this is our our three
Speaker 2: prong tip. Yes, you should meet with your financial advisor.
Speaker 2: Definitely talk with your husband about it and just CONVINCEM
Speaker 2: for you to at least sit down with him.
Speaker 1: That's one.
Speaker 2: Two it's sounding like you guys need to get a
Speaker 2: clear budget on the table of like like.
Speaker 1: What's really happening.
Speaker 2: So that way, because you can't have a debt plan
Speaker 2: unless you have a budget. First, you can't start to
Speaker 2: really rebuild your credit unless you really figure out what
Speaker 2: is your money doing. And that's just what a budget is,
Speaker 2: a physical picture. So you need to get a budget
Speaker 2: on the board. And so that free resource of the
Speaker 2: liverature challenge can help with that. If your financial advisor
Speaker 2: isn't able to or just that's just not his specialty,
Speaker 2: So financial advisor, get yourself a budget, and then if
Speaker 2: you find you know what, we really do need help
Speaker 2: consolidating this debt, look into companies like so far, if
Speaker 2: you have private loans, not federal. If you have federal loans,
Speaker 2: hit up your federal loan company. There are things in
Speaker 2: place to help. Like at one point I was in
Speaker 2: forbearance for like ever, and you know, I think for
Speaker 2: you was it for banter to ferment but whatever one
Speaker 2: of those basically why I didn't have to pay for
Speaker 2: a little while, just because I had to get myself together.
Speaker 2: So those are kind of like your three steps, I
Speaker 2: would say.
Speaker 3: It sounds like from her question, so when you guys,
Speaker 3: when you were in grad school and he was you
Speaker 3: were paying for two runs and all those extra expenses.
Speaker 3: You said you were putting all the additional expenses on
Speaker 3: credit cards. And my concern is that you guys might
Speaker 3: still be leaning on the credit cards. And if that's
Speaker 3: the case, you really have to figure out why you're
Speaker 3: turning to credit cards so much. And it could be
Speaker 3: that your expenses are too high. And it sounds like
Speaker 3: really painful, you know to do this, but you need
Speaker 3: to start cutting your expenses. There's just no other way
Speaker 3: around it. You have to cut your expenses figure and
Speaker 3: stop relying on credit like you can't keep paying off.
Speaker 3: I was in this trap after college. I was I
Speaker 3: was maxing out my card and paying off just a
Speaker 3: little bit, and then I was maxing it out again
Speaker 3: and paying off just a little bit and getting those
Speaker 3: interest charges. You got to start paying that down. And
Speaker 3: once you get your budget under control, once you start
Speaker 3: cutting expenses, hopefully you'll have room to really start whacking
Speaker 3: away at that credit card debt aggressively, because.
Speaker 2: You're not gonna be able to be able to get
Speaker 2: a home if you have mass, masses massive amount of
Speaker 2: credit card debt.
Speaker 1: At least overwhelming.
Speaker 2: But it's not honestly because like Mandy said the same
Speaker 2: thing like me, Like I lost my job in like
Speaker 2: two thousand and nine. I was a teacher, and I
Speaker 2: was relying heavily on credit cards until literally one day
Speaker 2: I had to be like, like I was paying I
Speaker 2: was paying them down, using it, paying it down, using it.
Speaker 2: And then finally I was like, Tiffany, the number one
Speaker 2: rule when you're in the ditch and you're trying to
Speaker 2: get out is stop digging. Like that's just I literally
Speaker 2: had a shovel in my ditch and I kept digging,
Speaker 2: it kept digging.
Speaker 1: I'm like, stop digging.
Speaker 2: So if my shovel was my credit card, I literally
Speaker 2: took the credit card out of my wallet and cut
Speaker 2: it up and was like, now what We're gonna only
Speaker 2: deal with what's here now. And that helped significantly because
Speaker 2: it was like now, when I was paying, at least
Speaker 2: it was going somewhere, you know, because it wasn't.
Speaker 1: For like a few years, I was.
Speaker 2: Just paying and getting back into debt. So finally I
Speaker 2: put down the credit card. It was not easy. They
Speaker 2: were definitely bills that were late. I think sometimes people
Speaker 2: are looking for us to say.
Speaker 1: Like, well, you know, it'll work.
Speaker 2: No. Sometimes there were bills that were late, and it
Speaker 2: was scary because I had never been late before. But
Speaker 2: I had to prioritize like shelter food everybody else can wait.
Speaker 2: And then slowly but surely, I doug. I used to
Speaker 2: have like an eight to h two credit score because
Speaker 2: I lost my job. I couldn't afford my mortgage and
Speaker 2: it fell to like a five seventy four. But slowly
Speaker 2: but surely, after putting down a credit cards and paying
Speaker 2: them off, it took me a few years to do
Speaker 2: so my credit score started to raise. I finally got
Speaker 2: out of credit card debt, but it took a number
Speaker 2: of years. But it also took me literally putting down
Speaker 2: the credit cards and just working with what I had,
Speaker 2: and if that meant some things were late, they were.
Speaker 2: But I would call the companies ahead of time and
Speaker 2: be like, look, this is what's happening. I'm gonna pay,
Speaker 2: just not this month or just not this week, and
Speaker 2: just know that it's not it's not always gonna look pretty,
Speaker 2: but you'll eventually get there.
Speaker 1: Absolutely. And it sounds like you have a I mean,
Speaker 1: not to be cumming down.
Speaker 3: I'm just kind of I'm shoying it's going to be
Speaker 3: along road, like you're not going to get all this
Speaker 3: at one time, and you shouldn't put that pressure on yourself.
Speaker 3: I know it feels like everyone should be at we
Speaker 3: should all be homeowners and having kids and starting families,
Speaker 3: and like, I mean, I just got engaged. I don't
Speaker 3: feel ready to pay for a wedding, but I mean,
Speaker 3: you just can't have it all at one time. To
Speaker 3: focus in the little small things. Yeah, and I think
Speaker 3: most importantly again back to your husband, like not wanting
Speaker 3: to go to the financial advisor if he's afraid to,
Speaker 3: because he feels like it would be you know somewhat,
Speaker 3: I don't know, like admitting he doesn't know how to
Speaker 3: do something, you know you need to help them sort
Speaker 3: of get over that because it's about your family and
Speaker 3: if it could help, then you should both want to
Speaker 3: do that for your family. And it sounds like you
Speaker 3: might need like an outsider, I mean like us, but
Speaker 3: like someone who really can get down and here heat
Speaker 3: with you guys, and look at what those root issues
Speaker 3: are that are causing me to lean on those credit
Speaker 3: cards and help you get out of that.
Speaker 1: And also see, you know what you could try to
Speaker 1: do too.
Speaker 2: If he doesn't want to go to the financial advisor,
Speaker 2: maybe because like the United Way by me would have
Speaker 2: financial education classes and they were free.
Speaker 1: I used to actually teach them.
Speaker 2: So looking to see maybe in somewhere are there some
Speaker 2: organizations that have free financial education classes. Well, they'll walk
Speaker 2: you through, you can ask questions, and so maybe your
Speaker 2: husband's not comfortable with the financial advisor, but hey, how
Speaker 2: do you feel about me coming to the class even
Speaker 2: if he doesn't want to go. Places to have a
Speaker 2: lot of women that will come in and like their
Speaker 2: husband will come in the first time, and then I
Speaker 2: would never see the husband again, but.
Speaker 1: The wife would keep coming. She would bring the information home.
Speaker 2: So that might be also too, because it sounded like
Speaker 2: you need a little handholding, which is fine, and you
Speaker 2: might be able to get it for free.
Speaker 1: And Pittsburgh is a pretty big city.
Speaker 2: I'm sure there's some resources available that way, So hit
Speaker 2: up your local United Way and see if they can
Speaker 2: tell you something. A lot of times banks will have
Speaker 2: stuff too.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, So I'm hoping we'll give you just enough
Speaker 1: to make your head spend.
Speaker 3: You can't solve all your problems ten minutes, but.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: But yeah, Carrie, the fact that you wrote in lets
Speaker 2: me know that you are willing to take this, willing
Speaker 2: to take the next step.
Speaker 1: So that's the biggest part you can do it.
Speaker 3: You just got to pivot exactly, just got to change
Speaker 3: the storyline.
Speaker 1: So pivot in Pittsburgh. We believe in you.
Speaker 3: Speaking of pictspurdh never mind, I was gonna say I
Speaker 3: saw create that takes takes place in Philly. Oh okay, rocky,
Speaker 3: all right, anyway, that's second way.
Speaker 1: So that is our tips men for the week. We're
Speaker 1: at the end of the show. Yes, it's time for
Speaker 1: wigs to the.
Speaker 3: Show, which boys to men was on the way they
Speaker 3: were they were amazing.
Speaker 1: I was like, what happened.
Speaker 3: I mean Brandy and Soul Train on Fantasia was in
Speaker 3: the middle, but she actually was not bad.
Speaker 1: She was amazing.
Speaker 3: But the songs like the Sitting Up in My Room,
Speaker 3: the End of the Road, like those two.
Speaker 2: And even you know Tevin Campbell, even though his voice
Speaker 2: is not where it was that song honestly, like can
Speaker 2: We I used to.
Speaker 1: Love that song.
Speaker 3: Did you have quiet storms on radio when you were
Speaker 3: a kid? Yeah, that was my feel one O three.
Speaker 3: I used to listen to go to sleep.
Speaker 2: Honestly, now you have maybe like literally I was like
Speaker 2: and Jill Scott rocked out. I love the Jill Scott.
Speaker 1: I gotta catch up with my clips.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it just made me want to like literally just
Speaker 2: sit in front of my laptop and just stay up
Speaker 2: all night listen to like the great music of.
Speaker 1: Like my error. Yes, so boys, men can be a win. Yes, well, no,
Speaker 1: we know what the win is. The win is that rock?
Speaker 3: The rock that I'm gonna get back. I feel like
Speaker 3: I dropped my baby off at daycare. I know it,
Speaker 3: I know it's on a baby, but I feel like,
Speaker 3: while the ring is getting resized, I'm like having palpitations.
Speaker 2: So I think that's our win, and then we all
Speaker 2: we both have really good Thanksgiving, So that's a good win.
Speaker 2: I cooked a turkey. I came out really good, and
Speaker 2: the pictures look amazing. I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 3: I was like, look a Mandy, you cook it in form.
Speaker 3: But it was my very first turkey. You know what's
Speaker 3: disgusting preparing a turkey?
Speaker 1: Really?
Speaker 2: You know what's inside that I don't want to know.
Speaker 2: I remember you wrote you can't unsee gooblet. You cannot
Speaker 2: Oh my god, the giblet, the neck bone.
Speaker 1: I like neck bone, but you don't want to see
Speaker 1: it raw. I wasn't expecting it either.
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, the giblet is like a bloody bag
Speaker 3: of guts, and then you get the deck bone, which
Speaker 3: is just out there.
Speaker 1: I mean, I was a trooper.
Speaker 3: I used to make the gray bead green. It was
Speaker 3: on point.
Speaker 1: Really. Oh yeah, I was. I was all like the
Speaker 1: southern balin you just came out. I'm a good cook.
Speaker 1: I realized my dad used to.
Speaker 3: My dad used to own a soul food restaurant so
Speaker 3: called Ruby's Soul Food in Atlanta. I like, yep, but
Speaker 3: I was happy. I had just small gathering all my friends.
Speaker 1: You know who you are. Let me with the leftovers. Wow, greed.
Speaker 3: I tried cleaning up, putting the plates away, trying to
Speaker 3: be sneaky. They're like, oh no, no, no, all the pots
Speaker 3: back out, all the pants, where's the tinfoil. One of
Speaker 3: my friends left with an ice pack because they went
Speaker 3: to the movies. After She's like, oh, you have that
Speaker 3: ice pack?
Speaker 1: Let me get that. I just like, I want to
Speaker 1: keep this food on ice. Yeah, I love it. Went
Speaker 1: to the movies, yeah, to see Creed. Yeah, I heard
Speaker 1: like good things about Creed. Creates amazing.
Speaker 3: You know, it's crazy how many so boxing is a
Speaker 3: sport with like what majority black men? Right? I feel
Speaker 3: like right, But there's no like movie with the black actor.
Speaker 3: All the boxing movies you think of, like Rapky, what's
Speaker 3: the one Cinderella Man thee with Jake Jill.
Speaker 1: So it's nice to see Michael B. Jordan. He's amazing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: each from newarkau is he Yes, his body though he
Speaker 1: could be from Mars. It doesn't matter. Creed was amazing.
Speaker 3: You should get and it sounds corny, like oh my god,
Speaker 3: the good Seventh Rocky, But that's a whole new life
Speaker 3: for the whole genre. I'm sure we do sequels and stuff.
Speaker 1: I loved it, so that's a win. Creed is a win.
Speaker 1: That Rock is a win. Yes, and having great Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2: So Superman came to the to like, well, he'd met
Speaker 2: my parents before, but it was his first Thanksgiving with
Speaker 2: what was it?
Speaker 1: M he was?
Speaker 2: He was all nervous, well, because it's only we've only
Speaker 2: went together. We only had like I think when we
Speaker 2: got together last year. When did we get together? Anyway,
Speaker 2: There's only been one Thanksgiving. Yeah, so it was like
Speaker 2: kind of but he was all nervous. He was gonna
Speaker 2: get all dressed up. I'm like, where are you going?
Speaker 2: Are we going to church?
Speaker 3: No, put on some sneakers on the elastic pants. That's
Speaker 3: what Thanksgivings all of that, and so he was all
Speaker 3: tight at first. But everybody was really nice to him,
Speaker 3: so he like relaxed and he had a good time.
Speaker 3: I had a very diaspora of Thanksgiving because we went
Speaker 3: to my sister's house.
Speaker 2: So we're Nigerian, her husband Jamaican. So we had like
Speaker 2: we didn't even have stuffing and stuff. We had jerk
Speaker 2: chicken like more and more, which is a Nigerian food.
Speaker 2: We had like all these things that were like Jamaican
Speaker 2: and Nigerian. And then like later on we went to
Speaker 2: Jarell's cousin's house, well Superman's cousins house and his family
Speaker 2: is like you know, roots southern black.
Speaker 1: So it was like all like the potato candy, Gams Collagen.
Speaker 2: It was just so I had literally every type of
Speaker 2: not not every type, but we had Caribbean food, African food,
Speaker 2: and soul food. It was just the best greedy Thanksgiving ever.
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh my god, shout out to my friend Jessica
Speaker 3: for that mac and cheese girl, my Archerie, thank you.
Speaker 1: So we had a good, good holidays. I got a
Speaker 1: Christmas tree.
Speaker 3: We hope you guys are having a good pre holiday
Speaker 3: for those of you who you know.
Speaker 2: Yes, and so remember you can always find us on
Speaker 2: Twitter and at the BA podcast on Facebook, Brown Ambition
Speaker 2: and Gmail.
Speaker 3: Brown Ambision Podcast at gmail dot com. We love love
Speaker 3: your question. Yes, we also love love when you tell
Speaker 3: it how much you love love Brown Ambition, And we'd
Speaker 3: also love love some iTunes reviews.
Speaker 1: Please send some itunesroo.
Speaker 3: We had some great momentum, but you guys.
Speaker 1: Have can leave yeah review. We got a couple of reviews.
Speaker 1: Don't get paid for this, yes we do not.
Speaker 3: This is the goodness of our hearts and just like
Speaker 3: a passion project, so it's great to have your little leak.
Speaker 2: How much we do love your reviews.
Speaker 3: Every review you leave will just make it all the
Speaker 3: better when I'm like red eyed at midnight editing this
Speaker 3: thing and trying to get it up by six thirty
Speaker 3: in the morning. But really the support has been awesome. Yes,
Speaker 3: thank you guys, thank you. Almost see you next week.
Speaker 1: See