WEBVTT - The New Corner Office: Make (better) work friends

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<v Speaker 1>Good morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the New Corner Office,

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<v Speaker 1>the podcast where we share strategies for thriving in the

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<v Speaker 1>new world of work or location and hours are more

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<v Speaker 1>flexible than in the past. Today's tip is to turn

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<v Speaker 1>your work acquaintances into better work friends. Work feels a

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<v Speaker 1>lot more fun when we feel genuinely close to another

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<v Speaker 1>person or two. While making great friends involves some luck,

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of it is more effort than anything else.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm taking today's tip from Shasta Nelson's new book, The

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<v Speaker 1>Business of Friendship. When I talked to Shasta a few

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<v Speaker 1>weeks ago, she shared some research finding that people are

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<v Speaker 1>far more likely to feel engaged with their work when

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<v Speaker 1>they feel that they have a best friend at the office. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>I will admit that this sounds a little silly. Best

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<v Speaker 1>friend aren't bff's the part of fifth grade that were

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<v Speaker 1>maybe not so into anymore? But it turns out to

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<v Speaker 1>be true, And why not. If there is someone we've

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<v Speaker 1>genuinely want to spend time with at work, then spending

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<v Speaker 1>time at work doesn't feel training. It feels good. We

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<v Speaker 1>want to be at work and that makes us feel

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<v Speaker 1>more motivated. And this doesn't really change when people work virtually.

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<v Speaker 1>If you had a best friend at work prior to

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<v Speaker 1>going virtual due to the pandemic, you just have to

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<v Speaker 1>be more intentional about scheduling conversations. Maybe you can call

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<v Speaker 1>each other each day to say goodbye. A daily ten

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<v Speaker 1>minutes social conversation can go a long way towards staying connected.

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<v Speaker 1>But if you didn't have a best friend, or you

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<v Speaker 1>just started a new job in the last few months,

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<v Speaker 1>all of this is more complicated. Shasta notes that often

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<v Speaker 1>when people think they want deeper, better friendships, they think

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<v Speaker 1>they need to meet new people. But the truth is

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<v Speaker 1>we probably know plenty of people. We just need to

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<v Speaker 1>build better relationships with the people we already know. So

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<v Speaker 1>if this sounds like you, choose a small number of

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<v Speaker 1>people you work with who could become real friends, and

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<v Speaker 1>then do your best to advance this process by managing

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<v Speaker 1>the three conditions Shasta says are necessary for friendship consistency, vulnerability,

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<v Speaker 1>and positivity. Consistency is pretty straightforward. You need to talk

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<v Speaker 1>to these people more often, schedule a weekly coffee, schedule

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<v Speaker 1>a virtual drink on Thursday evenings. Form an accountability partnership

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<v Speaker 1>with each other, so you talk every Friday about what

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<v Speaker 1>you've gotten done. Consistency is fairly automatic when you're in

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<v Speaker 1>an office building together, but not necessarily in virtual work,

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<v Speaker 1>so you need to make it happen. Vulnerability The second

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<v Speaker 1>part sounds a little woo woo, not really something that

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<v Speaker 1>is appropriate for work, But you can be safely vulnerable

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<v Speaker 1>by sharing a little bit about yourself, at least at first,

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<v Speaker 1>what really motivates you. Ask others about this too, Ask

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<v Speaker 1>about their challenges, ask about their successes as part of

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<v Speaker 1>your small talk, and over time this creates the condition

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<v Speaker 1>of trust. And finally, be positive, smile and say nice

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<v Speaker 1>things to people. And you don't have to be over

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<v Speaker 1>the top chipper. I know I'm not, but make sure

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<v Speaker 1>that for every complaint in your interactions there are several

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<v Speaker 1>positive statements too. Complaining isn't really a great foundation for

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<v Speaker 1>any relationship. You don't want to compete on who is

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<v Speaker 1>the biggest murdyer. No one wins in the murderdom Olympics.

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<v Speaker 1>All relationships take time, but when you choose a few

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<v Speaker 1>people with whom you want to form deeper relationships and

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<v Speaker 1>consciously take the time to spend positive time together and

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<v Speaker 1>share about your lives, you will feel like better friends.

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<v Speaker 1>You will start looking forward to seeing your friends on Monday,

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<v Speaker 1>whether that's on zoom or in person, and that changes

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<v Speaker 1>work entirely. In the meantime, this is Laura, thanks for listening,

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<v Speaker 1>and here's to succeeding in the New Corner Office. The

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<v Speaker 1>New Corner Office is a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>For more podcasts, visit the i Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

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<v Speaker 1>or wherever you get your favorite shows.