1 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:09,639 Speaker 1: Good morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the New Corner Office, 2 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:13,400 Speaker 1: the podcast where we share strategies for thriving in the 3 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:17,400 Speaker 1: new world of work or location and hours are more 4 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:21,599 Speaker 1: flexible than in the past. Today's tip is to turn 5 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:27,040 Speaker 1: your work acquaintances into better work friends. Work feels a 6 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:29,720 Speaker 1: lot more fun when we feel genuinely close to another 7 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:33,480 Speaker 1: person or two. While making great friends involves some luck, 8 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:36,360 Speaker 1: a lot of it is more effort than anything else. 9 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:40,879 Speaker 1: I'm taking today's tip from Shasta Nelson's new book, The 10 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,360 Speaker 1: Business of Friendship. When I talked to Shasta a few 11 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:46,959 Speaker 1: weeks ago, she shared some research finding that people are 12 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,839 Speaker 1: far more likely to feel engaged with their work when 13 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 1: they feel that they have a best friend at the office. Now, 14 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 1: I will admit that this sounds a little silly. Best 15 00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:01,480 Speaker 1: friend aren't bff's the part of fifth grade that were 16 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:05,200 Speaker 1: maybe not so into anymore? But it turns out to 17 00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:08,720 Speaker 1: be true, And why not. If there is someone we've 18 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:12,560 Speaker 1: genuinely want to spend time with at work, then spending 19 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:18,119 Speaker 1: time at work doesn't feel training. It feels good. We 20 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:20,679 Speaker 1: want to be at work and that makes us feel 21 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:25,319 Speaker 1: more motivated. And this doesn't really change when people work virtually. 22 00:01:25,959 --> 00:01:28,000 Speaker 1: If you had a best friend at work prior to 23 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:30,240 Speaker 1: going virtual due to the pandemic, you just have to 24 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:34,440 Speaker 1: be more intentional about scheduling conversations. Maybe you can call 25 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:37,840 Speaker 1: each other each day to say goodbye. A daily ten 26 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:41,520 Speaker 1: minutes social conversation can go a long way towards staying connected. 27 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:44,440 Speaker 1: But if you didn't have a best friend, or you 28 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,679 Speaker 1: just started a new job in the last few months, 29 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,960 Speaker 1: all of this is more complicated. Shasta notes that often 30 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 1: when people think they want deeper, better friendships, they think 31 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:56,480 Speaker 1: they need to meet new people. But the truth is 32 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:59,600 Speaker 1: we probably know plenty of people. We just need to 33 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:03,880 Speaker 1: build better relationships with the people we already know. So 34 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,840 Speaker 1: if this sounds like you, choose a small number of 35 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:11,160 Speaker 1: people you work with who could become real friends, and 36 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:15,639 Speaker 1: then do your best to advance this process by managing 37 00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:22,360 Speaker 1: the three conditions Shasta says are necessary for friendship consistency, vulnerability, 38 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:27,679 Speaker 1: and positivity. Consistency is pretty straightforward. You need to talk 39 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:31,720 Speaker 1: to these people more often, schedule a weekly coffee, schedule 40 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:35,600 Speaker 1: a virtual drink on Thursday evenings. Form an accountability partnership 41 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:38,360 Speaker 1: with each other, so you talk every Friday about what 42 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:42,400 Speaker 1: you've gotten done. Consistency is fairly automatic when you're in 43 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:45,640 Speaker 1: an office building together, but not necessarily in virtual work, 44 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,919 Speaker 1: so you need to make it happen. Vulnerability The second 45 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:53,520 Speaker 1: part sounds a little woo woo, not really something that 46 00:02:53,639 --> 00:02:57,920 Speaker 1: is appropriate for work, But you can be safely vulnerable 47 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:01,160 Speaker 1: by sharing a little bit about yourself, at least at first, 48 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 1: what really motivates you. Ask others about this too, Ask 49 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:09,720 Speaker 1: about their challenges, ask about their successes as part of 50 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 1: your small talk, and over time this creates the condition 51 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:20,320 Speaker 1: of trust. And finally, be positive, smile and say nice 52 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 1: things to people. And you don't have to be over 53 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,600 Speaker 1: the top chipper. I know I'm not, but make sure 54 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:28,400 Speaker 1: that for every complaint in your interactions there are several 55 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:33,120 Speaker 1: positive statements too. Complaining isn't really a great foundation for 56 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:36,320 Speaker 1: any relationship. You don't want to compete on who is 57 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:40,560 Speaker 1: the biggest murdyer. No one wins in the murderdom Olympics. 58 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:45,080 Speaker 1: All relationships take time, but when you choose a few 59 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 1: people with whom you want to form deeper relationships and 60 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 1: consciously take the time to spend positive time together and 61 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 1: share about your lives, you will feel like better friends. 62 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,760 Speaker 1: You will start looking forward to seeing your friends on Monday, 63 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 1: whether that's on zoom or in person, and that changes 64 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:09,280 Speaker 1: work entirely. In the meantime, this is Laura, thanks for listening, 65 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 1: and here's to succeeding in the New Corner Office. The 66 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,719 Speaker 1: New Corner Office is a production of I Heart Radio. 67 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 1: For more podcasts, visit the i Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, 68 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:25,719 Speaker 1: or wherever you get your favorite shows.