Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Welcome to the Unofficial expos Podcast.
Speaker 2: Okay, Happy New Year, Happy New Year. Okay, this is
Speaker 2: already not going the way that I feel like it
Speaker 2: should be going. Happy New Year, Marie. We take this
Speaker 2: from the top. No, I think this is good, of
Speaker 2: course you do. Welcome to the Unofficial Expert Podcast with
Speaker 2: Sydney and her male friend Marie. I feel like I
Speaker 2: had gotten my voice back and now it's this again,
Speaker 2: but like it's like a light man voice. This is
Speaker 2: a voice that I know you as. This is truly
Speaker 2: your voice. Honestly, this I feel like this is also
Speaker 2: my voice. This is your personality. I don't remember really
Speaker 2: dry and masculine voice, the real dry giry partched. Let
Speaker 2: me sip some water. Actually, you know, I got my
Speaker 2: my humid fire and oiled a fuse are prollucting right now. Uh,
Speaker 2: you're sticking your head because that's what you should have
Speaker 2: got me for Christmas. But it's not what Oh my god,
Speaker 2: we gonna talk about this again. I got you to
Speaker 2: two leather I just listen, I just real quick. Wanted
Speaker 2: is just recaps. I got you too leather. I got
Speaker 2: the two leathers. So Sidney got me some some real
Speaker 2: messy Christmas gloves. So OJ Simpson gloves I did, and
Speaker 2: then she, you know, she redeemed herself by getting me
Speaker 2: two really key pairs of gloves. I got you the O. J.
Speaker 2: Simpson gloves because I'm funny. I was being funny. He
Speaker 2: was being last minute, and you was being desperate funny.
Speaker 1: Cis di desparation in math fucking kmar yo. Even even
Speaker 1: the salesperson was like, you want to leather gloves here?
Speaker 2: I said, yeah, here. The people who work at Kmar
Speaker 2: don't even shop at Kmar. They said, h yeah. If
Speaker 2: you finding me in the in the garbage can near
Speaker 2: the bathroom, they were like, you know all Target is
Speaker 2: opened up in Manhattan. It's not that far from here,
Speaker 2: and you were like, I don't have time anyway. So Sasha,
Speaker 2: one of our friends through comedy, you know, he comes
Speaker 2: to see the shows. He supports us here and on
Speaker 2: the bonus episodes and regular episodes whatever. He listened to
Speaker 2: the episode and was like, yeah, I'm tired of listening
Speaker 2: to Marie. I'm like a man, So I will get
Speaker 2: the humidifier. So I just got it and it's plugged
Speaker 2: right now, and it's beautiful it's a beautiful thing. It's
Speaker 2: making my rooms smell like lemon grass.
Speaker 1: I'm quite jealous because I'm like, damn, why did I
Speaker 1: ask for a humanifier?
Speaker 2: But I have one. I already have one.
Speaker 1: I mean, I can't put no oils and shit in it,
Speaker 1: but it's a larger one for a larger room, and
Speaker 1: I'm very appreciative of it's I mean, it's not mine,
Speaker 1: it's Adrians.
Speaker 2: But you know, okay, so Sidney, you are one of these,
Speaker 2: like it's I wanted two kids? I am? Why is that?
Speaker 2: Can we get into that? I am because you act
Speaker 2: like an only child, but I know that you're not.
Speaker 2: But I am an only child. I am.
Speaker 1: I didn't grow up with my brother sister. They are
Speaker 1: eighteen nineteen years.
Speaker 2: Older than Let's get into how your mom was hoeing
Speaker 2: for a cool twenty four hermona was getting down with
Speaker 2: the get down. She I don't know what happened, man,
Speaker 2: she I don't know. She's how old was she was?
Speaker 2: She had thirty something, thirty something, So she's like, your
Speaker 2: mom is like ninety now.
Speaker 1: No, bitch, fuck you. My mother is, well, let's do
Speaker 1: the math. I think she's in Shut up, Marie we're
Speaker 1: not doing the freaking math.
Speaker 2: Just know that she's older. Want to be in her early,
Speaker 2: don't you, dare y, don't you dare Your brother and
Speaker 2: sister are twenty years older than you and you're dude,
Speaker 2: and your mom was fifth thirty when she had them,
Speaker 2: so that's me fifty. She was thirty when she had you. Yeah,
Speaker 2: thirty something, so she was ten when she had your
Speaker 2: brother and sister. Now can we can we break this
Speaker 2: math down? Dude? That don't make no sense. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't think you know how old your mom was
Speaker 2: when she had she. I think she she was not
Speaker 2: in her thirty she was like thirty five, So she
Speaker 2: was twenty something when she had my sister. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: not twenty something. That means you they're not eighteen years
Speaker 2: older than you, dude. They are definitely eighteen years older
Speaker 2: than me. Well, let's do thirty five minus eighteen, okay,
Speaker 2: because I feel like, dude, man, you want to see
Speaker 2: you do it. You're my way thirty five and I
Speaker 2: don't trust you, so let me see the calculator. Seventeen. No,
Speaker 2: well that's not true. Your mom was seventeen when she
Speaker 2: had both your brother and sister. No, she she I
Speaker 2: think she had my sister when she was in like
Speaker 2: twenty Okay, so she was twelve. The story is real.
Speaker 2: My mom is a lying dude. She was thirty eight
Speaker 2: when she had you. I actually honestly believe it.
Speaker 1: I believe that she was thirty eight when she had
Speaker 1: me because I feel like she was done. She was
Speaker 1: tired when she had That's why I lived in California.
Speaker 1: I lived in California as soon as I was two.
Speaker 1: I was in California from two to thirteen. She didn't
Speaker 1: even really take care of me, no offense. Shout out
Speaker 1: to Ramona for doing her best.
Speaker 2: If you want to be on the podcasts as the
Speaker 2: old mom expert, no, I mean where were We also
Speaker 2: expend that we've also sending the invitation to Janet Jackson
Speaker 2: because she's fifty. Yea, she had a Washin's son.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't have to listen. You don't have to
Speaker 1: be a certain age to have a child.
Speaker 2: Yes you do, actually, because your eggs dry up and
Speaker 2: they die. Oh my god, there's at Okay, all jokes aside.
Speaker 2: You think push it to the limit, you could be
Speaker 2: you could be seventy baby. Listen, push it to the limit,
Speaker 2: figure out, find out. People never know, you never know.
Speaker 2: You do know. You go through menopause, you can't have
Speaker 2: kids no more. That's science and god really sick. Janet
Speaker 2: had it when she was fifty, so there's hope. Yes,
Speaker 2: but you can't have a baby for your entire life. No, no, no,
Speaker 2: no no. I feel like fifty is the cutoff. Fifty
Speaker 2: is the cutoff if you're a billionaire, fifty is not
Speaker 2: to cut off. I don't want to be old. I don't.
Speaker 2: You can't be grandma mom. So you think fifty is grandmama,
Speaker 2: Grandma mom, Yeah, Grandma Mo, fifty. That means when your
Speaker 2: kid is ten, you sixty. Kids like, yo, ma, let's
Speaker 2: go take a sled down. You're like, no, my hip
Speaker 2: not good. You know this the titanium hip. I'm waiting
Speaker 2: for the platinum hip to come. You know, I got
Speaker 2: that pressure cooker in my chest. So I can't graduate
Speaker 2: from high school and you are seventy No, you're like
Speaker 2: sixty seven. Yeah, that's not gonna work. That's grandma mom.
Speaker 2: You know you might not even see a kid graduate
Speaker 2: from college. I'm trying to take finals and I'm getting
Speaker 2: a call. Hey, your mom fell out to nursing home,
Speaker 2: and it's like, wait, what I'm trying to take you?
Speaker 1: I know, or your or your mom passes away before
Speaker 1: you even get to college. So actually people will get
Speaker 1: a GoFundMe together and get you, get you more money.
Speaker 1: So maybe it's better that.
Speaker 2: That your mom died. Wow. What did you say about
Speaker 2: your mom last night on the phone that made me
Speaker 2: want to hang up on you? Went today? Oh oh,
Speaker 2: Sidney said, tell from what we're talking about, her mom
Speaker 2: turning up, her mom having men at the house. No
Speaker 2: I this, Sydney said, I can tell about the way
Speaker 2: she walk, Ramona, don't do anal and did. Why would
Speaker 2: you say that your mom I hang out with way
Speaker 2: too many white people because the way I talk about
Speaker 2: first of all, I'll call my mother by her first name,
Speaker 2: which is a white person, moved super rude, classic, It's
Speaker 2: very like casual.
Speaker 1: It's like it's almost like she didn't raise me. Well
Speaker 1: she did, she did, but I mean it's almost like
Speaker 1: she's not my mom, but she is.
Speaker 2: I love you, Mom. I love you. If you listen
Speaker 2: to the podcast, I love you so much. If you
Speaker 2: listen to the podcast, please come on the podcast and
Speaker 2: come and be our church lady expert or something. Really
Speaker 2: lady who wear hats in the house expert.
Speaker 1: No, actually, my mother's very free when she's home. She
Speaker 1: barely wears clothes.
Speaker 2: Should be naked at that, that's an old lady move.
Speaker 2: Her mom is not in her sixties. Your mom is
Speaker 2: in her late eighties, mid to late eighties. Ah, people
Speaker 2: stay naked. Oh, they were that that extra large yo.
Speaker 2: I remember.
Speaker 1: I remember in high school, Yo, I would always see
Speaker 1: my mother's titties.
Speaker 2: I would be just like yo.
Speaker 1: Honestly, Mom put on a bra and she's like, especially
Speaker 1: in the summertime, she's like, oh, I will not, I cannot,
Speaker 1: I will not.
Speaker 2: Will you be that comfortable you think around your kids
Speaker 2: just titty like shirtless.
Speaker 1: There's a part of me that's like, ill, that's nasty,
Speaker 1: And there's another part that it's like, it's just titties, but.
Speaker 2: It sounds like most of the parts of you are
Speaker 2: what's saying that's nasty space because they were so long.
Speaker 2: I'm like, damn, Mom, roll those ships up. They're as
Speaker 2: long as jeans. I was like, dude, you know how
Speaker 2: like when you like pull the toilet paper and it's
Speaker 2: like I got to like reroll it and it's never
Speaker 2: quite rolled straight. That's what That's what she had to
Speaker 2: do that my mom's boobs.
Speaker 1: But honestly, it taught me to just be free with
Speaker 1: your body and not make such a big deal. So
Speaker 1: whenever we were like changing in a locker room and
Speaker 1: stuff with the like my friends.
Speaker 2: You just had your bush hole out.
Speaker 1: Well I was flat chested, so honestly, it was like
Speaker 1: a back on back situation.
Speaker 2: It was like said, turn around, all your lie you're
Speaker 2: looking right at me. Okay, I got it. Yeah, well
Speaker 2: that was pretty much the situation. But it just made
Speaker 2: me like free.
Speaker 1: I mean, now that I'm where I'm at, you know,
Speaker 1: my boobs are faked, so I don't care, but I that's.
Speaker 2: What I'm saying. You will be. You'll be at your
Speaker 2: kids dance recital with a see through blouse on like
Speaker 2: that's my daughter in the back because you know you
Speaker 2: can't whisper, so it's gonna be real loud and uh,
Speaker 2: you're gonna be on snap and your boobs are gonna
Speaker 2: be on your kids. You think I'm gonna make that
Speaker 2: kind of Yep, You're gonna be a cool mom. What
Speaker 2: y'all talking about listen, I would rather you guys smoke
Speaker 2: in the house. I would never be that mom. I
Speaker 2: would be the mom that's like, listen, whatever you do.
Speaker 2: Never have a diary because that's gay, and you're gonna
Speaker 2: be a gay lady telling people what's gay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, diary, No diaries, No expressing your emotions too much.
Speaker 2: That's a lie. That's not You're not any of those.
Speaker 2: You're gonna be like you go. Your kids are gonna
Speaker 2: wake up, you know how like kids will wake up
Speaker 2: and sleep in their parents' bed. They're gonna wake up
Speaker 2: and you're gonna be in their band. I just I
Speaker 2: just wanted to make sure, can we can we check it?
Speaker 2: That's you. That's so me. You won't be real annoying. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, because like I said, I didn't grow up with
Speaker 1: my brother and sister. I was pretty much the only
Speaker 1: child forever. When I came back to New York, my
Speaker 1: mother adopted my niece.
Speaker 2: So adopted your niece. She adopted my niece because it
Speaker 2: just likes having young people in her house. The older
Speaker 2: she gets.
Speaker 1: It was the It was really a messy situation, but
Speaker 1: you know, I learned a lot.
Speaker 2: I hated forever I hated her. I feel like you
Speaker 2: and your niees are the same age. She's like four
Speaker 2: years older. She's older than you, four years older than
Speaker 2: she's four years young. That is some hood people math
Speaker 2: right now, I don't know. I can't do the math.
Speaker 2: I can't. I don't know anybody's age, to be honest.
Speaker 2: That's why I know that your mom did not have
Speaker 2: you when she was thirty eight. You can't do math,
Speaker 2: and you don't know anybody's age. Your mom was a
Speaker 2: cool forty six when she had you. But anyway, yeah,
Speaker 2: I never I didn't know what it was like to
Speaker 2: have siblings like that. And I didn't have a ton
Speaker 2: of friends. So like as soon as I got to college, Yeah,
Speaker 2: but how did you not have a ton of friends?
Speaker 2: You talk to everybody? You You you basically roll on
Speaker 2: the ground when you see a dog that you like,
Speaker 2: You talk to every single dare you? I do not
Speaker 2: roll on the base. You. Oh, you don't taken knee
Speaker 2: when you see a dog? I do take it. You'd
Speaker 2: be taking knee. I'd be like, this is embarrassing. I'd
Speaker 2: be like, I don't know her. She's half white. No.
Speaker 2: I wasn't as outgoing as I am. Now. When I
Speaker 2: was in high school, I was a nerd, and I
Speaker 2: was in confident. You wear glasses.
Speaker 1: No, I didn't have glasses, but I acted. I was
Speaker 1: one of those people didn't wear glasses. But it seemed
Speaker 1: like there was like invisible glasses, like them thick ass
Speaker 1: coke bottle glass.
Speaker 2: But I've seen pictures of you as a kid. You
Speaker 2: had glasses. What happened? You lost them? And your mom
Speaker 2: was like, wow, I'm not going back to vision world. No,
Speaker 2: I said, fuck it, I'm not wearing them. I just
Speaker 2: didn't wear them. I was like, I'm not gonna wear
Speaker 2: this. This makes me look like a nerd. So when did
Speaker 2: you start wearing glasses in the fourth grade? And when
Speaker 2: did you stop in the fourth grade? So I woke.
Speaker 2: I started wearing glasses in sixth grade. My dad got
Speaker 2: me the little chain, the librarian glasses chain, dare Samuel,
Speaker 2: Oh my god. So I would wear the chain out
Speaker 2: of the house and then I would take him off
Speaker 2: when I got on the bus, of course, and then
Speaker 2: I would be coming off the bus and I'd be like,
Speaker 2: but chane, and I'd be looking for it and I
Speaker 2: put it back on.
Speaker 1: It's so hard because I would have lost that chain,
Speaker 1: like immediately, I couldn't keep up with it.
Speaker 2: You. Oh, my dad was like, you're gonna lose your glasses.
Speaker 2: What like people's glasses then't just fall off their face.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you need them, they're on, but sometimes you could
Speaker 1: take them off and lose them.
Speaker 2: I always just left them on. The doctor told me
Speaker 2: I needed them just to see the board and to drive.
Speaker 2: He thought it was funny because I was like, ten,
Speaker 2: are you to drive? Doctor humor? And my dad was
Speaker 2: like and my mom and dad were like, well, if
Speaker 2: you leave them on all the time, your eyes will
Speaker 2: get corrected faster. What happened to you? I just get
Speaker 2: lazy your eyes be like, oh, I'm just gonna go
Speaker 2: on break sis. I do have a mini door explore,
Speaker 2: uh lazy eye. When I look wet what is a
Speaker 2: door the explorer lazy eye? It kind of like it kind.
Speaker 1: Of moves, like when one eye goes one direction, it
Speaker 1: doesn't go the same direction as I. So that's when
Speaker 1: I went I try to take pictures of me like
Speaker 1: looking up and like looking to the side. You can
Speaker 1: kind of see that my fucking eyes are not aligne.
Speaker 2: Everybody pours the podcast and go and look at it
Speaker 2: a sick selfie. Ah, I don't do I.
Speaker 1: Will not do the look because I can see that
Speaker 1: my fucking eye is not in the same direction.
Speaker 2: I'll show you a picture and then you're feel like
Speaker 2: one lazy eye. I don't know. Honestly, I feel like
Speaker 2: both your eyes are pretty lazy. To be honest with you,
Speaker 2: I think so as well. My eyes don't do overtime.
Speaker 2: They don't clock in or clock out. They're just there.
Speaker 2: That'll make no sense any Thank you for getting to
Speaker 2: start on the right foot. I feel like we did.
Speaker 2: I mean, we talked about my mother not doing anal
Speaker 2: like first of all, and then Sidney try to anal
Speaker 2: shame me. She tried to back door shame me. Did
Speaker 2: I Yes, you were like, well, Marie, what were we talking?
Speaker 2: What were we talking about yesterday? That you were like,
Speaker 2: I legit was like I'm about to hang up. You
Speaker 2: hung up on me like seven times. I started back,
Speaker 2: and I have a snowstorm to prep forward. Every time
Speaker 2: you hung up on me, I called back like, hey, hey,
Speaker 2: something happened. We just keep getting disky. Yeah, speaking of disconnected. Okay, boom,
Speaker 2: let's talk about this. Okay, So we had a show
Speaker 2: last week of December, right, Cute Space. It's a new
Speaker 2: monthly show that we're doing. And this guy in the front,
Speaker 2: we were talking to him the whole night. Right, We're
Speaker 2: just like kind of like cracking jokes or whatever, because
Speaker 2: that's what we do. We kind of roast the audience
Speaker 2: because we're rude and fearless really, and so I was
Speaker 2: joking about like going to his house to watch Netflix
Speaker 2: and like bringing my friend with me and blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: It's real funny the videos on my Instagram, and this
Speaker 2: dude comes to talk to me at the end of
Speaker 2: the show and asked me for my phone number. I
Speaker 2: was a guest because I thought he was gay.
Speaker 1: I didn't think he was gay, but I could tell
Speaker 1: the way we were joking he was taking that shit serious.
Speaker 2: He really was. He really liked it. I kept saying
Speaker 2: that he had money.
Speaker 1: I was like, he got marrols on and stuff, and
Speaker 1: he was like, oh, he didn't.
Speaker 2: Make any money. Because we saw him leaving he had
Speaker 2: all his art supplies with like like blick blick or
Speaker 2: blink or whatever art supplies because he was getting up
Speaker 2: and somebody was like, oh, he's an artist. He ain't
Speaker 2: got no money. Somebody said that. I don't remember who
Speaker 2: I was talking to. Yes, dude, like the big like
Speaker 2: the Michaels for art people like people like he had
Speaker 2: like a Michael's bag or something like that. Well maybe
Speaker 2: he's like, you know, a big deal. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: real artists, real artists, true artists. They have no tools.
Speaker 2: They have no got the tools at the crib work
Speaker 2: the gallery. They get sent to them. They're going to
Speaker 2: blick he Nola, Nola Darling to some colored pencils. Oh man. Anyway,
Speaker 2: so asked me for my number. I gave it to
Speaker 2: him because you know, this is the year of the Yes.
Speaker 2: I've been saying yes to things already for the last
Speaker 2: couple of days. And he messaged me and I was like,
Speaker 2: he was like, I'm gonna I'll be in touch later
Speaker 2: in the week to set up a date. And I
Speaker 2: was like, Okay, this sounds like some rich people stuff.
Speaker 2: You know, I'll have my internal contact. My assistant reached out. Anyway,
Speaker 2: he messaged me. While I was at the movies the
Speaker 2: other day, I saw Shape of Water. Guierremode. You were
Speaker 2: supposed to go together, Well, you didn't really want to
Speaker 2: go anyway. So here's what he said. He said it,
Speaker 2: uh because he kept calling me, and I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm not interested, Like he's not my type. My type
Speaker 2: is not effeminate, white balding men. My type is mainly
Speaker 2: black dudes. That's my new type right anyway, So I
Speaker 2: never said this number. I just got this weird nine
Speaker 2: four five number calling me. Oh says this with a
Speaker 2: green bubble, says and it's green green. It's a wrong
Speaker 2: text green. But is it a LG He gotta he's
Speaker 2: got LGA or a galaxy? He got a no keia flip. Anyway,
Speaker 2: So he said to me, I wish I knew you better.
Speaker 2: I'd invite you over afterwards to keep each other warm
Speaker 2: on this oh so cold night. Since where were you?
Speaker 2: I was eating cheesecake in Williamsborg okay at midnight when
Speaker 2: I got that text. Okay, now keep it going. Uh.
Speaker 2: And then he was like, what are you seeing at
Speaker 2: the movies? I told him. He was like, you know,
Speaker 2: he's sogging double blah. We're both on the Q train.
Speaker 2: Let me take you out for a cocktail tonight. Ooh girl.
Speaker 1: Now that is when it gets real lifetime channel or
Speaker 1: we're both on the train.
Speaker 2: How do you know we are? Because I was sitting
Speaker 2: on the train when I got that text. It was
Speaker 2: twelve fifty.
Speaker 1: You were not scared, Listen, I would have dropped everything.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm getting off this train. No no, no, no,
Speaker 2: no no no. I was two stops away from my house.
Speaker 2: One two. I don't remember enough about his face to
Speaker 2: know who is it, what it was. So I'm on
Speaker 2: the train. I look it crazy because I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't who is it? And then I said, how
Speaker 2: do you know I'm on the queue? He said, you
Speaker 2: said it at the show. No need to buy me
Speaker 2: a drink, I'll buy you one. I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm on the train right now.
Speaker 1: But the fact that he's remembering everything you said, that's
Speaker 1: scary to me because I don't even remember half the
Speaker 1: shit that you say because you always saying so much girl. I,
Speaker 1: first of all, shade.
Speaker 2: Second, I also don't remember saying that at the show.
Speaker 2: I don't remember that either. I don't remember that. But
Speaker 2: when he said get you we're both on the queue.
Speaker 2: Let me get you a drink tonight, I was like,
Speaker 2: is he watching me right now? Boo? Right? That is
Speaker 2: sooo that is truly some lifetime movie stuff.
Speaker 1: And you know what, but the cute thing is is
Speaker 1: that it's black and it's happening to you.
Speaker 2: I don't see that in the movies. So this is like,
Speaker 2: you know, you got a little stalker, not a first
Speaker 2: of all, the stalker episode. I teach you nothing. What
Speaker 2: this Rashida's stalker episode. I mean, but Rashida's getting shoes
Speaker 2: and stuff. This is just you know, this is light.
Speaker 2: This is like the preliminaries of stalking. This is the
Speaker 2: qualifying round for stockh huh okay. So then he says,
Speaker 2: I was like, He's like, get off at the seventh avenue.
Speaker 2: Let me know when you're arriving. I'll be at the
Speaker 2: station to meet you. That one o four in the morning.
Speaker 2: Fucking crazy, that was already he How bold is this
Speaker 2: man who's wearing.
Speaker 1: A shriveled up cardigan. Well, let me not be mean, yes,
Speaker 1: he was wearing he was wearing a card again, the
Speaker 1: cardigan confidence that he has to think that you're gonna
Speaker 1: get off their.
Speaker 2: Train as one am listen, listen, but listen to this.
Speaker 2: The way that he looks doesn't equal the way that
Speaker 2: he's talking to me. But that's how it wor that's
Speaker 2: not how it works.
Speaker 1: No, it is because the good looking dudes, they're gonna
Speaker 1: be like, yo, you're gonna come to me. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna say much. You know, you're gonna be pressed for me.
Speaker 1: But the guys who don't look good, they're they're the ones.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they like yea yea yea yea yea yea
Speaker 2: get jag is that I look too good for you
Speaker 2: to have my phone number? One? Well, you're very confident that, sis.
Speaker 2: I was this confident last year. They're real confident year
Speaker 2: New Year, Save me, I said. He said, good night, beautiful,
Speaker 2: I call you tomorrow. I didn't respond. Then he texted
Speaker 2: me yesterday Marie, let's be for drinks Friday night. And
Speaker 2: what time he text you? Yesterday? Nine fifty seven pm.
Speaker 2: I didn't respond.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, see, first of all, if you want to
Speaker 1: make plans, you gotta hit me midday, which you hit
Speaker 1: me late at night. I'm late at night, but two
Speaker 1: days in advance though, No, but it's still late at night.
Speaker 1: I might be missing your text you you work right,
Speaker 1: you're a comedian. My hours around I was at that
Speaker 1: business hours. He got nerve he do got nerve. Also,
Speaker 1: I got two shows on Friday night. I'm booked and
Speaker 1: busy booked, busy blessed me.
Speaker 2: Right, So this morning twelve thirty four PM one two,
Speaker 2: three four, make a wish. I hope you're writing me
Speaker 2: an essay, but seriously, let me know by five or
Speaker 2: I'll ask another woman the audacity of this regular Well,
Speaker 2: rap it f D rap it, I said, D. I said,
Speaker 2: I waited, legit. Two minutes later responded, you know what,
Speaker 2: I'm good ask another woman. You got way too. I'm confident,
Speaker 2: but I feel like it's justified. Didn't rap it up?
Speaker 2: Then you're gonna tell me I have until five o'clock
Speaker 2: to hit you up, or you're gonna ask another woman.
Speaker 2: You could ask another dog. Okay, you could ask another
Speaker 2: white man. You could ask another wizard, you could ask anybody.
Speaker 2: You could ask God on a date. It's not gonna
Speaker 2: happen a You're not my type. I legit was just
Speaker 2: in it for like a drink and a story.
Speaker 1: Right, you're gonna say that on the podcast is absolutely
Speaker 1: you're deterring your future people.
Speaker 2: I don't want to date anybody who listen to the podcast.
Speaker 2: That's a fact.
Speaker 1: Because you know, if you are Marine's type, you should
Speaker 1: stop listening in one, two, three, stop listening now.
Speaker 2: I hope you're writing me an essay. If I don't
Speaker 2: hear from you by five, I'm asking someone else.
Speaker 1: He sounds like somebody who's like at least forty, he's crazy.
Speaker 1: That's a forty year old man. Look a cool forty.
Speaker 1: He's like, well, if you don't write me back, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna talk to another woman.
Speaker 2: But I know he's old because he kept calling me.
Speaker 2: Who calls people that's rude? And he called you on
Speaker 2: a house on a house phone on the landline. He
Speaker 2: hit you with a rotary on. He got a rotary telephone.
Speaker 2: He's a seven one. His phone is two pieces, like
Speaker 2: the ear pa a piece and the mouthpiece and other piece. Hello, yes, operator,
Speaker 2: can you gotta be repofsing please? I got a telegram
Speaker 2: message coming through. He sent a carrier pigeon too my house,
Speaker 2: and I was like, ew, that rat got He sent
Speaker 2: you one of those singing telegrams. Hello, miss Marie, you
Speaker 2: better be right me an essay. I better hear from
Speaker 2: you by five five see you on the cue chain?
Speaker 2: And what a so? I blocked him. I sent that message.
Speaker 2: I didn't even want the response back. I just blocked
Speaker 2: caller immediately. Giry ban bougie. But you know what, he
Speaker 2: probably won't be at the next show. You think, listen
Speaker 2: somebody like that, just the the level of confidence he
Speaker 2: gonna show up and be like, what happened? That's what's
Speaker 2: gonna happen. Sidebar, side note, where are my stalkers? Okay?
Speaker 1: I would like some stalkers in twenty eighteen, that's stalkers.
Speaker 1: But I just want some over zealous fans, you know,
Speaker 1: somebody to just come through and be like.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I heard you were having like a
Speaker 2: crazy week. I brought you this, you know, bors Head
Speaker 2: sandwich with extra cheese, Like that's what I want. I
Speaker 2: want that sandwich also comes with a side of dicto.
Speaker 2: If it's a chick she wiped you know, she wiped
Speaker 2: the rye bread in her cat. You think she wiped
Speaker 2: it in her vagina and then she put it back.
Speaker 2: I just want some over zealous thing. I don't want
Speaker 2: over zealous anything. I just want men, maybe some women,
Speaker 2: to buy my food and buy my alcohol and then
Speaker 2: like good conversation, zero sexual expectations, you know, unless they're sexy,
Speaker 2: and then twenty.
Speaker 1: Eighteen boot in twenty eighteen, I don't see that happening.
Speaker 2: You really, you know what I need? I need like
Speaker 2: a like a like a financie, a financier or a
Speaker 2: real estate muggle who's on the DL and just needs
Speaker 2: like a cool life. So you want you want to
Speaker 2: be somebody's purse. I want to be somebody's purse vers
Speaker 2: per first, you know what I mean, somebody exactly, I'll
Speaker 2: walk in before them, and then you know, like and
Speaker 2: that if it's a gay person, it don't even matter
Speaker 2: what they look like. Dude, just like a beautiful gay man,
Speaker 2: he's beautiful to somebody.
Speaker 1: If he First of all, if you're with a beautiful man,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna assume that he don't really want you.
Speaker 2: Wait, why I gotta okay, well break this. If I'm
Speaker 2: with a beautiful man, you assume you don't want me,
Speaker 2: because why why come? I'm just gonna assume that he
Speaker 2: wants you? Plus plus three? Okay? Well you plus three? Sis? Oh,
Speaker 2: I didn't even wait? What why would you say that
Speaker 2: to me? Oh? Look at that? Look at that. Listen.
Speaker 2: It's the year of the Yes, I might could do it.
Speaker 2: I think you could do it. You'd be like, long
Speaker 2: as I'm first, as long as you put your them
Speaker 2: in first. Yeah, I mean, I don't trust it all
Speaker 2: these dudes. This is it.
Speaker 1: I feel like this is the year that guys are
Speaker 1: finally recognizing that they ain't ship and they're leaning into
Speaker 1: the ship.
Speaker 2: They're like, I'm gonna lean into it. Niggas is pulling,
Speaker 2: they digs out, uh lucy k touching, jerking trees and
Speaker 2: plants and whatnot. Dudes are gonna lean into that. They're like,
Speaker 2: let's do it. Dudes are leaning out of that. Do
Speaker 2: you think they're leaning.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, no, I think that right now,
Speaker 1: it's hot, so they're like, Okay, we're gonna keep our
Speaker 1: attendants out. We're not gonna do no crazy shit right now.
Speaker 1: But as soon as it does settles, they're gonna be
Speaker 1: right back on.
Speaker 2: They bullshit.
Speaker 1: Men have been sexually harassing women for centuries. You think
Speaker 1: they're gonna stop now because there's some blogs out here, get.
Speaker 2: The fuck out of here that I come on, now,
Speaker 2: come on now. Men have been.
Speaker 1: Raping, cheating, stabbing, killing, doing all this, and you think
Speaker 1: they're gonna stop.
Speaker 2: They can't stop, won't stop. I mean, listen, they're just
Speaker 2: gonna be a little bit smarter about pulling the dicks
Speaker 2: out exactly and inviting people to up to their hotel
Speaker 2: rooms for three am meeting. It's true, But ladies, we
Speaker 2: also have to be smart, right like whatever that whatever?
Speaker 2: Smart men, how badly do you want to go up
Speaker 2: to that hotel room and maybe get a dick on
Speaker 2: your forehead? No, this is what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Women need to work in pairs for I'm not that
Speaker 1: I'm like code dependent, but I always hit you up like, hey,
Speaker 1: you want to come here?
Speaker 2: You want to come?
Speaker 1: I know how crazy it is to go out in
Speaker 1: these streets by yourself, late late at night with these
Speaker 1: creeper jeeper streepers.
Speaker 2: No way, jeeper. You gotta have a friend, and you
Speaker 2: gotta be known to.
Speaker 1: Be like yo, that person got a best friend that's
Speaker 1: always around. She's probably coming, So I better have enough
Speaker 1: dick for both of that. I better have a hit
Speaker 1: on her forehead and then her forehad.
Speaker 2: No but that person she always got a friend with her.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna just bring my dusty greasy No, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: let me tell you about rich dudes. Tell me about
Speaker 2: rich dudes, let me get my notebook.
Speaker 1: Rich dudes with power, they don't want to share. They
Speaker 1: want to look like they got mad women around. They
Speaker 1: want to look like a boss. A dude that's like,
Speaker 1: let me bring my other dusty friend.
Speaker 2: He don't want nothing. He don't want it. It's the one. No,
Speaker 2: he does want something. He's trying to bring a dusty
Speaker 2: friend to distract your friend. No no, no, no, no, he got
Speaker 2: somebody for your girl. So like y'all will go in
Speaker 2: your and he's like, all right, well, I god, you
Speaker 2: all about self?
Speaker 1: Usis I was the friend that always went on these
Speaker 1: vacations with people and it would be one dude, one dude,
Speaker 1: seven girls.
Speaker 2: He not fucking seven girls. It's just one girl he
Speaker 2: just wanted. But that's a different Okay, so that's a
Speaker 2: different level of man. Then we're not the dudes that
Speaker 2: I'm talking about, is like the good dudes that be
Speaker 2: like we going to the tailor.
Speaker 1: Oh no, we're not thinking about those guys in twenty eighteen.
Speaker 2: We're not thinking about I'm talking about dudes that like
Speaker 2: they'd be like, all right, well, if you bring your friend,
Speaker 2: I'm to bring my man with me. No, no, no, they
Speaker 2: talk about men in power. Okay, if a man is like,
Speaker 2: I'm bringing somebody else, he's like, I'm bringing my lawyer,
Speaker 2: I representative, Yeah, my rep is here. Uh the person
Speaker 2: who types shit out for people? What is it? What
Speaker 2: do you call them? A stenographer? My stenographers coming? Uh,
Speaker 2: they're not bringing they fucking friends. They fucking friends are busy.
Speaker 2: Listen speaking of dudes that are doing too much. I
Speaker 2: joined Bumble yesterday. Okay, let's let's open it real quick.
Speaker 2: First of all, there are no sexy black men that
Speaker 2: are straight on bump. Secondly, all of the men that
Speaker 2: keep coming across my timeline look gay, like real pretty eyebrows.
Speaker 1: Be done, Marie, stick to this. You're gonna stick to
Speaker 1: this ship. Look I'm just comment. Look look what does
Speaker 1: look gay? What does look gay?
Speaker 2: Like? Lips are like a little bit pursed, liter like
Speaker 2: really well manicured in the face like very well groomed.
Speaker 2: So you're saying, like the shirts the pictures be like shirtless,
Speaker 2: the butt be poked out, Like, I'm like, is this grinder?
Speaker 2: Am I on grinder? Right now? Marie? You're labeling men,
Speaker 2: You're putting them in a box.
Speaker 1: I can first we get mad that they look dusty
Speaker 1: and they got terrible sneakers. Then we upset that they
Speaker 1: got peers like they lips is all pushed up.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, listen, you want there was there's too
Speaker 2: many dudes with like glossy moist lips. When popping up
Speaker 2: on my phone.
Speaker 1: First you are like, all these dudes is all ashy,
Speaker 1: they dry. Their whole life is part So I'm upset.
Speaker 2: I've never said their whole life. That sounds like a
Speaker 2: you comment. That's not a me comment. Okay, so it'd
Speaker 2: be so let me show you something, Okay, So this
Speaker 2: James flashpoint lead lead engineer. Okay, so this is this?
Speaker 2: The photo quality be terrible. That's a decent quality photo.
Speaker 2: But yeah, filter on nothing, as is engineer in midtown
Speaker 2: probably watch more Bravo than you. What does that mean
Speaker 2: you watch more Bravo than me? Is that not something
Speaker 2: like a gay man does? No?
Speaker 1: You know what happened? His little sister is doing his
Speaker 1: bumble for him. She was like, oh, let me write
Speaker 1: something funny and quirky.
Speaker 2: Look, that's a swipe, And I didn't know which way
Speaker 2: to swipe for no, so I was swiping the wrong
Speaker 2: way for a long time. Okay, we're just gonna swipe.
Speaker 1: No write that, he's somebody else wrote that for him. Here,
Speaker 1: I watch you than you.
Speaker 2: Matthew thirty nine. He works at Merrill Lynch. He's the
Speaker 2: vice president. He went at Cornell University. Okay in two thousand, right, Okay,
Speaker 2: look at him all right? Look at this glasses on outside? Okay, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: his angles are terrible. All recent photos six foot one.
Speaker 2: Because the thing that I appreciate about this app is
Speaker 2: people tell you how tall they are because they already
Speaker 2: know you won't ask them, but they can also what
Speaker 2: l I E. Okay, but look but look at this?
Speaker 2: Does he look like he's six foot one? What does
Speaker 2: that look to you? These look like a little five
Speaker 2: to eight. These look like lies.
Speaker 1: It's cool and it looks like he shop said and
Speaker 1: Marnie exchange though.
Speaker 2: Okay, since it says Merrily Lynch, I'm just gonna hit like, Okay, cool, cool, cool.
Speaker 2: But it's just I'm looking at it's a lot of
Speaker 2: people kissing dogs on the mouth. It's a lot of
Speaker 2: uh like, It's just it's interesting. It's wasting my battery.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go on ten dates and then I'm gonna
Speaker 2: delete that ten dates. I just want to tell you.
Speaker 2: From waitressing for a long time.
Speaker 1: With these apps, these dudes, people think, oh, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go out, I'm gonna get dinner, I'm gonna get drinks.
Speaker 2: They be lining, they ship up.
Speaker 1: They're like, I'm gonna be thirty minutes here, then I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do forty five here.
Speaker 2: That's what I'm trying to do. Dude. Yeah, but I'm like,
Speaker 2: that's not a fucking date. That's speed dating on your
Speaker 2: own terms. And it's just like, but am I paying
Speaker 2: real question? Okay, it's what you want in thirty minutes
Speaker 2: with him, I'm I'm double stacking my dates too. I
Speaker 2: had this dude. He would come in all the time.
Speaker 2: I mean he looked like he was an accounting He
Speaker 2: didn't even look like he he worked for HBO or
Speaker 2: something like that. And give me the physical description though,
Speaker 2: what did he look like Steve BUSHMI in the face. No,
Speaker 2: Steve Bi a younger Steve Bush A young Steve Bi
Speaker 2: is just an oh that's wrinkled, ugly Steve.
Speaker 1: He always looked like, okay, so you come in. He
Speaker 1: would have like, you know, one of them camp or
Speaker 1: vest jump on was he tall?
Speaker 2: Was he skinny? What was Steve? I'm looking at Steve baby.
Speaker 2: He five nine, five ten.
Speaker 1: But you know, when you're older, your back kind of
Speaker 1: you kind of hunched over, like quasi motive and hunchback
Speaker 1: of Notre Dame Titan.
Speaker 2: But anyway, he would come in. He would always have
Speaker 2: fucking dates he killed. He has so many days line up,
Speaker 2: it's ridiculous. So he would come in. I was Steve
Speaker 2: wasn't ugly when he was young? No, no, no, I'm
Speaker 2: not saying he's ugly. He just always looks pause the
Speaker 2: podcast right now, look up, Steve Buchemy. I mean it's
Speaker 2: not cute, but you said no, But he's giving you
Speaker 2: artsy and d vibe, giving you big eyed. We live
Speaker 2: in Williamsburg, like currently vibes. Yeah, leave you, leave you
Speaker 2: for your mom top vibes. Okay.
Speaker 1: So he would come in and he would give me
Speaker 1: the rundown. He's like, I got this he looks terrible
Speaker 1: with hair, Steve. Yeah, he would be like, so I
Speaker 1: got this one. He would give me the run down.
Speaker 1: He's like, I got this woman. You know she's not
Speaker 1: that friendly, but you know, I want to see how
Speaker 1: this goes I'm getting her one drink after one drink,
Speaker 1: close me out, he said, close me out. He's like,
Speaker 1: bring the check so she knows the dal oh, so
Speaker 1: he was already like telling you to bring the check
Speaker 1: out the one drink. He's like, I'm only getting her
Speaker 1: one drink because I'm gonna leave and then I'm gonna
Speaker 1: come back. But I'm gonna act like I'm leaving because
Speaker 1: I got another date. So he would stay in the
Speaker 1: same spot, bitch.
Speaker 2: He's like, I'm not leaving.
Speaker 1: This is my good chair. He would be like, this
Speaker 1: is the seat that I want. He's like, LA is
Speaker 1: hitting me perfectly right now? Ghost and he but no, no, no.
Speaker 1: He would come at weird hours, at like five thirty six.
Speaker 1: So it's like, hmm, did you rush out of work
Speaker 1: to meet up here because work ends at six.
Speaker 2: No, some people would work till five. Do you don't
Speaker 2: even know how work works. But I know that nobody
Speaker 2: else would be in the bar at that time. It
Speaker 2: is so early. The only people who are at that
Speaker 2: time are people who having business meetings.
Speaker 1: Okay, so he and O catch this. He would use
Speaker 1: his corporate card, so you know he writing these dates
Speaker 1: off and he would stop he would stop at eight
Speaker 1: because I'd be like, I guess that's when the corporate
Speaker 1: card ends.
Speaker 2: He's like, oh, well, I can't have no real swipe.
Speaker 2: I had two because that's when the car gets the
Speaker 2: collect Yeah or no. You just like he's set it
Speaker 2: up to make it look like he's having business meetings
Speaker 2: when it's really dates. So how many people would you
Speaker 2: have come in at a time, like on a day? Uh?
Speaker 2: One time the kicker was four. He stayed from five,
Speaker 2: but you kept getting up to act like he was leaving.
Speaker 2: He did that four times.
Speaker 1: Yes, he did it four times, and every time I
Speaker 1: had to act like I didn't know him, And I said,
Speaker 1: look at me getting my.
Speaker 2: Little acting on. I mean, I mean I was treating
Speaker 2: him like I don't know who the fuck he was.
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, what would you like? That's just
Speaker 2: you at work, that's not you acting. That's but I
Speaker 2: would put it on a little extra like, yeah, would
Speaker 2: you like that doesn't sound like you don't know what?
Speaker 2: That sounds like you are annoying because you've seen him
Speaker 2: all day, that's what. That's what that's because you owe me,
Speaker 2: and what do you want? No? No, no, hey, Steve,
Speaker 2: I don't know who you are. But I never said again. No.
Speaker 2: One time.
Speaker 1: One time he blew his own spy. He's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you gonna act like you don't know me. I was like, okay, Chris.
Speaker 2: I try. I'm trying to help you here, bro, But
Speaker 2: what would the tip look like? What was the tip
Speaker 2: situation he would get? He'd pay cash and sometimes and
Speaker 2: he yes, but if I'm seeing you four times in
Speaker 2: one night, how much am I tipping you?
Speaker 1: He gave me twenty percent on everything, but he's only
Speaker 1: getting he's only getting two drinks.
Speaker 2: You see what I'm saying. Two drinks that's like thirty
Speaker 2: something dollars, and thirty is what six dollars? H So
Speaker 2: six times four is twenty four. Yeah, so you're getting
Speaker 2: twenty four dollars for your time. It's not enough for
Speaker 2: four hours of being there.
Speaker 1: But but listen, when he would give me the cash,
Speaker 1: he would give me the cash.
Speaker 2: It's a tip, So everything's cash. So what that mean
Speaker 2: you wasn't sharing it with the buzzers?
Speaker 1: Oh fuck you no, But I'm just saying I appreciate
Speaker 1: the cash.
Speaker 2: That means he was thinking about it.
Speaker 1: And then this one dude, he came in he had
Speaker 1: two dates. One date it was an older woman and
Speaker 1: you know she was I thought she was beautiful. She
Speaker 1: walks it about from He's like.
Speaker 2: Oh, look, can you believe he's like her pictures are
Speaker 2: so wrong that she looked nothing like that?
Speaker 1: And then it shows me he's looking around and he
Speaker 1: shows me a picture of her, and I was like, yes,
Speaker 1: this was lying. She put on that that pretty filter
Speaker 1: on Instagram.
Speaker 2: Well when she said you thought she was pretty, well,
Speaker 2: she was pretty, but she described her face to the listeners,
Speaker 2: she looked a lot younger in the photos that's on
Speaker 2: the old photos that she threw a filter on. Yes,
Speaker 2: it was like she.
Speaker 1: No, these were filter on filters, Like she was pretty,
Speaker 1: but she looked way better in the She looked like
Speaker 1: an Instagram model on these these profiles.
Speaker 2: But the people listening need the visual, dude, what does
Speaker 2: she look like?
Speaker 1: She was giving me Susan Sarandon vibes at like in person, No,
Speaker 1: Susan Sarandon at her best but with a filter on.
Speaker 2: Okay, But in in real life she looked like what
Speaker 2: Ashley Judd naw Jamie Lee Curtis, who does she what
Speaker 2: does she look like? Susan Sarandon.
Speaker 1: You keep saying that name with no makeup one because
Speaker 1: Susan Sarandon is pretty. She's pretty like for an older woman.
Speaker 1: Like she's having her boobs out. Yes, she had her
Speaker 1: boobs out. Susan Abigail Surandon. Abigail is really like the
Speaker 1: whitest woman name in the world.
Speaker 2: Yes, but look at her, look at her. Look at
Speaker 2: the younger pictures of her. Susan Sarandon young. Okay mm hmm.
Speaker 1: But like no makeup in the photos that she had,
Speaker 1: she was.
Speaker 2: Real done, like she had.
Speaker 1: Like eyelash extensions. She had her hair all curled, fluffy
Speaker 1: and shit.
Speaker 2: How old is Susan't Surandon that her baby pictures are
Speaker 2: all black and white? Oh my god, she's old. How
Speaker 2: old is she? I don't know, but look at these photos, dude,
Speaker 2: like throwback her head shots. Her original headshots are black
Speaker 2: and white.
Speaker 1: That's how she was giving it. Though she looks like
Speaker 1: Misha Barton. Oh no, she definitely wish your wish. She
Speaker 1: looked like her. Susan Susan is a classic okay whatever
Speaker 1: she's oh, and she stay with her titties out. She
Speaker 1: don't play like look at this she's given you full
Speaker 1: cleavage anyway, this woman whatever he was, he was very rude.
Speaker 1: He's showing me the pictures and then she comes back
Speaker 1: and he's like he's looking at me like.
Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna close out now. So he closes.
Speaker 2: She went to the bathroom, and then he closed out
Speaker 2: and left before she came back out.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, he closed out, and then he made her
Speaker 1: fucking pay for her drink what yes dirtback. So I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, dude, I'm giving you you're gonna or
Speaker 1: you're gonna order like top shelf. I'm giving you well
Speaker 1: like that, and I'm gonna charge you for the top shell.
Speaker 2: Oh absolutely, because you terrible. You're a terrible person. So
Speaker 2: then the next girl made her pay, made her pay.
Speaker 2: That's horrible. And it was so embarrassing because the woman
Speaker 2: was kind of like like nice about it, like oh okay,
Speaker 2: but then she's look, you could tell in her face
Speaker 2: that she was doubting herself, like, well something wrong with me? Yeah,
Speaker 2: say that was your photos don't match the real product.
Speaker 2: But still fuck you, dude, like you just like that gray.
Speaker 2: It's like fashion Nova verse like tap shop. But it
Speaker 2: doesn't matter. This dude, he knows the game. But what
Speaker 2: did he look like? Who would play him in a movie?
Speaker 2: He looked like Jeremy Piven. Well, of course he acted
Speaker 2: like that. Then Jeremy Piven is a dick, and anybody
Speaker 2: with his face is also a dick. Yeah, but he
Speaker 2: didn't look like he was Jeremy Piven with money. He
Speaker 2: looked like a regular Jeremy Piven. If Jeremy Piven wasn't
Speaker 2: in entourage, say Jeremy Piven one more time, Jeremy Piven.
Speaker 1: But and then so she looked so sad, and I
Speaker 1: felt bad. I was like, damn, so I ended.
Speaker 2: So you know what I did, That's what they did.
Speaker 2: I took her drink off and I charged her for
Speaker 2: one dollar. I took her drink off and charged her
Speaker 2: for one You trying to bang Susan Surrendon, No, But
Speaker 2: I just was like, fuck this dude. That was so mean.
Speaker 2: That's like not cool. That's gonna be me on dates.
Speaker 2: Dudes is gonna get up. I'm gonna be like, you
Speaker 2: know what, I gotta go. He said he was six three.
Speaker 2: He's giving me six one vibes, So go ahead and
Speaker 2: tell him I died. And then that ship I saw
Speaker 2: everybody around. I'd be like, hey, you don't even look
Speaker 2: like his picture. You should do that. Pull the app.
Speaker 2: You don't even know how to spell. They're there and there,
Speaker 2: so I should probably just.
Speaker 1: Literally you watch more Bravo than me, like you know,
Speaker 1: like I feel like you doing it is funny, but
Speaker 1: a man doing it, that shit is rude and mean
Speaker 1: and it really fucks with people. It fucks with women,
Speaker 1: like it's already bad enough, I mean going this is
Speaker 1: with men. Also when women play them, that's something regular
Speaker 1: yes says yes, But that's something because somebody said this
Speaker 1: to me once. He was like, he was like, it's
Speaker 1: really scary approaching a woman because women usually say no.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I guess, I guess I should
Speaker 1: give you a iin need me a credit when you
Speaker 1: come approach me, but like, no, no, you gotta come
Speaker 1: correct when you step to me.
Speaker 2: But don't be messaging me. I hope you're writing me
Speaker 2: an essay. You have until five or you know, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna kill your dog. Guys, for them, this is training.
Speaker 2: This is training day. They out here getting no no
Speaker 2: no no no no no no no. This is practice
Speaker 2: for them.
Speaker 1: So when they get the yes, they like ah, there's
Speaker 1: another yes, coming, I see that. Yet this is this
Speaker 1: is in practice, so no is nothing for them. They
Speaker 1: know one know is coming.
Speaker 2: No I can't they no one know is coming. But well,
Speaker 2: you know what, we have gay guys listening to this, Hey,
Speaker 2: all of our booze. What's the process for them? What's
Speaker 2: the process with when you're a lesbian? Like who approaches who? Okay?
Speaker 2: How often do you get to know from a man
Speaker 2: when you're a man? Okay, you're a female.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you this. Gay men look better. They
Speaker 1: take them thet They're not gonna come up to you incorrect,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Their hairline isn't gonna be missing,
Speaker 1: They're gonna get a shape up, they gonna look clean.
Speaker 2: They is gonna be starched and pressed. They don't have
Speaker 2: a nice outfit on. They're gonna approach you properly unless
Speaker 2: they're in a messy ass lower East Side bar. But
Speaker 2: other than that, like they they work out, they take
Speaker 2: care of themselves.
Speaker 1: That's true, I mean most of them. So I feel
Speaker 1: like it's all game for them. They all know like
Speaker 1: who's gonna say no? It is like that's their confidence.
Speaker 2: But they're also like putting in time to feel that confidence.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm friends with many, many a gay
Speaker 2: and right now where a lot of them are at,
Speaker 2: they're looking for relationships. They want to date like, they
Speaker 2: want stuff that's serious and a lot of the game.
Speaker 1: Hey, Booth, it's not gonna be on grinder. You're not
Speaker 1: gonna find love and grinder.
Speaker 2: I mean. Also, if you're dating somebody who's married, it's
Speaker 2: probably not gonna end up well for you. You shade you.
Speaker 2: I mean, but how many people do you know who
Speaker 2: dating married people? Right now? I've been hearing a lot
Speaker 2: of stories, a lot of people a lot, and it's like,
Speaker 2: you're telling me you want to be in a relationship,
Speaker 2: but you dating somebody who's already in a relationship.
Speaker 1: I think it's a tough it's not even it's a
Speaker 1: tough one. First of all, it's wrong. Why would you
Speaker 1: want somebody else's property? Like, get there's eight million people
Speaker 1: in New York City. Get somebody else. But if you're
Speaker 1: in a situation like that, I've been there.
Speaker 2: You dated a married dude. Oh let's get into it. Wow, okay,
Speaker 2: we got some time. Let me see how much time
Speaker 2: we have left to discuss your you and some men's infidelities. Dude,
Speaker 2: you are a lifetime movie waiting to happen. Talk about
Speaker 2: you want an over zealous fan. You were an overzeales fan.
Speaker 2: You took somebody's man that says I was not a fan,
Speaker 2: though you were a fan of that duke. Anyway, I'm not.
Speaker 1: Going to put out any of the names or anything.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say the specifics at all.
Speaker 2: Well give us the give us the particulars. Met them working, okay,
Speaker 2: at the job at the bar. Did you know that
Speaker 2: they were they were married? Yes, because you know, I'm
Speaker 2: at the point in my life when I'm like, legit
Speaker 2: looking at people ring fingers down and I'm like you
Speaker 2: in my face, but you got a ring on. But
Speaker 2: I didn't know you looked, No, no, no, I just I
Speaker 2: got history. So I already knew you got history. So
Speaker 2: you you were able to like forensically see the tan
Speaker 2: line on the ring finger. I can't give too much way,
Speaker 2: but just know that, I mean it sound like you
Speaker 2: gave it all the way to him.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, you prepared, you prepared for that Hung Bong?
Speaker 1: Yeah I did, and uh you know it was it
Speaker 1: was a so did who initiated.
Speaker 2: You were him you sir? Wow? For some reason I
Speaker 2: had that feeling. I was like, he steps out, But
Speaker 2: why where sis were you? What? How dark was the
Speaker 2: period in your life where this was going down that
Speaker 2: you were like, he steps out, that's cool.
Speaker 1: I actually it was a Actually it was a quite
Speaker 1: grand life that I was having a great time at
Speaker 1: that time.
Speaker 2: But was the wife having a good time? Probably not
Speaker 2: unless it was open. Was it open?
Speaker 1: I'm like, there's no way that she doesn't know, because
Speaker 1: that's how messy he was being.
Speaker 2: Dude. I was like, you don't have no respect. You
Speaker 2: are Carrie, he's big, the wife is Natasha, Sex and
Speaker 2: the City season honestly all of that, but black people.
Speaker 2: So y'all were morey episode because no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: this is we were upscale blacks darling. So this is
Speaker 2: a judge Joe Brown, black judge mathis it was.
Speaker 1: There was a situation where I was like, dude, this
Speaker 1: is not gonna work.
Speaker 2: This is bad. Well I'll tell you what's not gonna
Speaker 2: work is how vague being we want the tea? Okay?
Speaker 2: I ended up going to the house. Where was the house?
Speaker 2: Can you describe? It was classic? It was nice it
Speaker 2: was a brownstone. It was a beautiful house.
Speaker 1: Just know there was a beautiful upstairs, downstairs, duple, numerous bathrooms,
Speaker 1: walking closet four.
Speaker 2: It was cute. Yeah, no four, No four. He had
Speaker 2: a pantry though, dude, So you go to the house.
Speaker 2: Are you afraid the wife might come home? Allegedly she
Speaker 2: was away for the week. But I was at that door.
Speaker 2: I had everything packed just in case. Hi couches, you
Speaker 2: had your You took your panties off, folded them through them. Yeah,
Speaker 2: my god. I was ready to hop out. Went in
Speaker 2: the windows. I was like, where are all the exits?
Speaker 2: Was the sex good? Yeah? It was, but it was wrong.
Speaker 2: That's made it better. That's a little that's a little
Speaker 2: spice on to cherry on top. That's the Himalayan pig
Speaker 2: sea salt. Yeah, little salt, little salt bay right there.
Speaker 2: Sprinkle me. Man. It was bad.
Speaker 1: I always that's another thing that I regret. I regret it.
Speaker 2: It was wrong. How many times did y'all have sex? Numerous?
Speaker 2: How many times did you go to the house. One
Speaker 2: time I was like, I'm never doing this again. This
Speaker 2: is stupid. That's ballsy, dude, Yeah, it's dumb. I also
Speaker 2: was very drunk and high, and you were drunking high
Speaker 2: every time you saw him. He would never sober when
Speaker 2: y'all linked up. No, not really, I don't believe. No,
Speaker 2: I wasn't even if you're drinking high every time you
Speaker 2: see them, then when you go home, you after, after
Speaker 2: a while, you come down, and you know what you did.
Speaker 1: Sis, I was in a point of my life that
Speaker 1: it was not dark, but it was lit.
Speaker 2: So every day it was lit. Every day we live,
Speaker 2: every day we live. No, that's wrong, it was wrong.
Speaker 2: I'm listen. What would you do? What would you do
Speaker 2: if your son was that a bad club and he's hungry?
Speaker 2: What would you do if you you came home and
Speaker 2: Adrian has some other chick in the house, but ask
Speaker 2: naked feeding your cats? She was butt naked, like you
Speaker 2: better feed the cat's button naked well, because she likes
Speaker 2: she likes cats more than you like cats. Shelly and Cham.
Speaker 1: I can't even picture it, Sis, But you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm dead inside. So honestly, I'll take a moment and
Speaker 1: I'll be like, are you dead inside? I am dead inside.
Speaker 1: I feel like my emotions are either there really high
Speaker 1: or they're really low.
Speaker 2: It seems like my polar dude. It sounds like you crazy.
Speaker 2: My emotions. It's just emotions taking me. Hi. That was
Speaker 2: a good song. No, but I feel like I would
Speaker 2: be like, give me a moment. I'll step outside. I'll
Speaker 2: call you outside, dude, what you will come here? No,
Speaker 2: I'll step outside. They'll call you and like, Marie, what
Speaker 2: should I do? I be like, I'm pulling up. You
Speaker 2: would pull up for me what you need me to bring?
Speaker 2: You would pull up, bring this podcast equipment and hit
Speaker 2: her over the head with it. I'll go over there
Speaker 2: and kick a cat, kick a cat, and then I'll
Speaker 2: kick the girl in the p Oh no, no, look
Speaker 2: at you. Dave Chappelle. Yeah, I'd kick her in the cat.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I can't. Can you hear me? I'm
Speaker 2: kicking four cats, the two that you have, both vaginas.
Speaker 2: You would pull up for me, but you're like, well,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna get it on the train, so it's going
Speaker 2: to me. Like I'd be like, now, I'd be like,
Speaker 2: send me an uber. If you really want me to
Speaker 2: help you in this time of need, send me an uber.
Speaker 2: I take six uber pool us and it cost me
Speaker 2: thirty two dollars three. I'm so through a year. I
Speaker 2: don't know what I would do, but I feel like,
Speaker 2: would you go after Adrian or would you go after
Speaker 2: the chit? I would go after Adrian, but also no shade.
Speaker 2: I'd be like, do here boo boo. I'm like, I
Speaker 2: see it. And if she fly, I'm like, I see it.
Speaker 2: You'd be like, well, I'll be back in thirty minutes.
Speaker 2: Y'all want anything for the store? Yo? Want yo? Anything
Speaker 2: from the Budegger. I'm gonna run out to the store
Speaker 2: real quickly. Do you mean anything while I'm out? Anybody
Speaker 2: want a cold pop? No? Y'are doing a a popping
Speaker 2: in the air. Nah, I don't know. I don't know, Marie.
Speaker 2: I really would be like our current situation. I'd be like,
Speaker 2: all right, all right, okay, okay. You would be clear
Speaker 2: headed about it. I would be sad. I'm like, oh man,
Speaker 2: I didn't really think she was gonna take me up
Speaker 2: on my offer. But the offer for her to bang
Speaker 2: somebody else, Yeah, I told her. I was like, you
Speaker 2: get a one get out of jail free card. Damn. Really,
Speaker 2: I told her that she hasn't used a card yet
Speaker 2: to your knowledge, Nah, Adrian is a good woman. She's
Speaker 2: so loyal and faithful because sound like a golden retriever. Dude.
Speaker 2: Oh well, she's loyal and faith she's a good girl.
Speaker 2: She's a good girl.
Speaker 1: No, she just she loves me and I love her
Speaker 1: and I know that I could trust her. But if
Speaker 1: I came in, I'm like, it's not even my house,
Speaker 1: so I can't even kick him out. Dude, men pay
Speaker 1: no utility bills.
Speaker 2: It's kind of like, why, hey, guys, I don't know
Speaker 2: what that means from diary if a mad black woman, Yeah,
Speaker 2: well you know we don't do this not this is
Speaker 2: a smart podcast and people listening don't. I don't watch that.
Speaker 2: I don't know what I would, but I feel like
Speaker 2: I would want to break something. I would throw summary
Speaker 2: at somebody. I haven't seen you really angry, so I
Speaker 2: don't even I can't even picture this. I feel like
Speaker 2: I'm always a little bit mad though really no, for
Speaker 2: the most part, I'm like I'm always a little bit
Speaker 2: like not here for it, like right below this, what
Speaker 2: lies beneath this?
Speaker 1: Well, At comedy shows, I just want to like videotape
Speaker 1: your face because the shit that you be looking like
Speaker 1: is so disrespectful.
Speaker 2: In the room.
Speaker 1: I was like, is she a comic, because the way
Speaker 1: she's looking, she looks like an audience member that's not
Speaker 1: having it.
Speaker 2: I'm a critic, Like how many drunk critic I mean,
Speaker 2: but if I'm in a relationship with somebody, I mean,
Speaker 2: there's not pictures of you and Adrian all over the house.
Speaker 2: So there's that, But like she know, Adrian don't wear wigs.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of weeks at the house. No, it's
Speaker 2: a lot of pictures of fucking you and I have
Speaker 2: to change that. It's so your house. There's a lot
Speaker 2: of pictures of me.
Speaker 1: Yes, there's pictures of us, like cause you know, we
Speaker 1: in photo booths. We and all we do is photo
Speaker 1: booth it out and so there's mad photo booth pictures
Speaker 1: and she puts them up for us.
Speaker 2: She'll like put them on the wall, she put them onside.
Speaker 2: She made them look all nice. You know what, Sydney,
Speaker 2: this I actually did not know how to tell you this,
Speaker 2: and this is probably the best place to do it.
Speaker 2: I'm sleeping with Adrian. Oh my god, oh my god.
Speaker 1: The podcast is over. Yeah, we're done. We're so done.
Speaker 2: She's actually, she's really faithful. She's super loyal. Yo.
Speaker 1: If that if she if that fucking happened, Oh, I'm
Speaker 1: Lisa leftiving everybody this house, her house.
Speaker 2: Oh man, that I would be so upset. I would
Speaker 2: be like, said, you give her a get out of jail. No,
Speaker 2: but not for you, bitch. Why it's the year the yes,
Speaker 2: she asked me. I said, yes, I'm trying to be
Speaker 2: more open. You know, it's my host centennial year. Oh
Speaker 2: my god, I can't. My legs were tired. You doing me?
Speaker 2: I can sit on her face.
Speaker 1: I'm so done, and I'm overwhelmed that you did that
Speaker 1: twist right there.
Speaker 2: That was a really good twist. Gag is we're actually
Speaker 2: sleeping together. Yo. Now every time I see you with her,
Speaker 2: I'm be like, Yo, I'm punching you in the face.
Speaker 1: If you even look at my girl, I'm punching you
Speaker 1: in the face.
Speaker 2: But if your girl looks at me, yes, that's my faults.
Speaker 1: After the podcast, immediately calling her like.
Speaker 2: So how do you feel about Marie, She's goes like
Speaker 2: I love her. You see we have this here's the
Speaker 2: same color right now because we go to the same
Speaker 2: to do it. Bit you to y'all here, Yeah, I'll
Speaker 2: be doing Adrian's hand. I greased that scalp regularly. It's
Speaker 2: just like the things you won't do cater to you, Nadden,
Speaker 2: It says your day. That's the song that we oh
Speaker 2: my God may love to ray the quiets doer. I'm
Speaker 2: so done that, like I'm overwhelmed. Well, who you gonna leave?
Speaker 2: Won't leave Adrian, you won't leave me? What are you
Speaker 2: gonna do? That's a really good question. I think that's
Speaker 2: where we need to leave it this. Who are you
Speaker 2: gonna leave me? Or her? I mean, she puts roof
Speaker 2: over your head and bed under your ass, but we're
Speaker 2: making money together. Potentially, Who would I leave? Listeners? Who
Speaker 2: would you run to?
Speaker 1: That's the question if that situation happened, who should I leave?
Speaker 1: Should I leave Adrian? Or should I end the podcast
Speaker 1: with Marie and they and never never, never, fucking fucking
Speaker 1: can talk to her again and delete, delete all the
Speaker 1: photos and then just post the pictures.
Speaker 2: Listen. If that happens, listeners, the podcast will go on.
Speaker 2: It'll be just mine what I will take this equipment,
Speaker 2: not the equipment here. You got to come to my house.
Speaker 2: I'm here now, I'll take it. Right now, I'm taking
Speaker 2: it back to fucking no, you're not ten nineteen putting
Speaker 2: them and Adrian will send it back to me because
Speaker 2: that's my girl. She'd be like, babe, I got your
Speaker 2: stuff and you'd be like mine and she'd be like,
Speaker 2: not you, not you, nigga, and she'll be on the
Speaker 2: phone with me. I'm so us fucking done, tweet us
Speaker 2: and let us know who Sydney should leave and why. Yeah,
Speaker 2: give me reasons, and then give me reasons why I
Speaker 2: should stay if I should stay with both of them.
Speaker 2: There's some people who be like, you should just you know,
Speaker 2: charge it to the game. Charge it to the game.
Speaker 1: Says charge it to the game, or you or you
Speaker 1: know what, you three three it like we're all together.
Speaker 2: No, that's not I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: make Adrian Jews. She gonna pick me. I'm like, hey, Banbri,
Speaker 2: I fucking this is too much. Do you make her choose? YEP.
Speaker 2: I'd be like, well, me and Sidney can still be
Speaker 2: colleagues or whatever, but like you pick one, he's not
Speaker 2: gonna be a polyamorous situation.
Speaker 1: Listeners, do you think Adrian should stay with Marie?
Speaker 2: Do you think she should stay we're asking real questions.
Speaker 2: This is honestly the best. This has been the best episode.
Speaker 2: This is the year. This is the great way to
Speaker 2: start the year out. Yeah, you're wondering if I'm banging
Speaker 2: your girlfriend. We're gonna leave it right there. Make sure
Speaker 2: you come back. That's it. That's all I want you
Speaker 2: to do is come back, right Do you want me
Speaker 2: to come back? No? You can leave? Oh fuck, you
Speaker 2: can leave the things and leave your password and go
Speaker 2: like comics, subscribe, tell your friends that, tell friends that,
Speaker 2: tell other friends and like do that. Also, if you're
Speaker 2: a gay man on Bumbo that I've swiped no to,
Speaker 2: just let me know what the algorithm is. Did I
Speaker 2: put the information in the wrong way? You're so stupid.
Speaker 2: Do my pictures look too? Butch, I just want to
Speaker 2: know what pictures you got on there? I mean it's
Speaker 2: like my Facebook profile photo. So I saw the the
Speaker 2: color purple one you got going on there? Who can
Speaker 2: go ahead? Scarfhone? It's just your profile? What now? Which
Speaker 2: one do you have? Oh? That? Wait? What dude? We
Speaker 2: gotta we gotta go. This is why Adrian is leaving. Guys,
Speaker 2: Happy New Year. Thank you for supporting us all last year,
Speaker 2: and it's gonna be even bigger. It's gonna be a
Speaker 2: big year, bigger, blacker, gayer, louder, ashier this year. Yes, anyway,
Speaker 2: Thanks guys, Bye bye,