1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Unger. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,280 Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:33,479 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,160 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode one hundred and forty six, 11 00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:40,920 Speaker 1: which is first airing May nineteen, which means that tomorrow 12 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 1: is a big day. You want to tell us about it? Yes, 13 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:56,400 Speaker 1: on May twentieth, nineteen eighty, welcomed Sarah Hart and she 14 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,760 Speaker 1: yes joined the world at that point. I was about 15 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,840 Speaker 1: one and a half at the time. But that means 16 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:06,080 Speaker 1: that Sarah is turning forty tomorrow. So happy birthday, Sarah, 17 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:11,399 Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Yeah, I guess I'm feeling decent 18 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,000 Speaker 1: enough about it that I propose that we do an 19 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:16,720 Speaker 1: episode on milestone birthdays. So we could have just not 20 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:21,240 Speaker 1: mentioned it. It can't be that terrible. Either that or 21 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:23,240 Speaker 1: we were just digging deep for content. I don't know 22 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:25,279 Speaker 1: one or the other. We were tired of talking about 23 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:32,800 Speaker 1: the state of the world on coronavirus. Yes, let's do birthdays. Yay, exactly. Yeah, 24 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:34,800 Speaker 1: I mean I want you to talk about your fortieth 25 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,280 Speaker 1: since you have been through this milestone approximately a year 26 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,400 Speaker 1: and a half ago. Is that correct? That was a 27 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 1: year and a half ago. Yeah, so you'll have to 28 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 1: tell me. I don't know what to expect. Well, it's 29 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:48,040 Speaker 1: not like anything changes immediately overnight. These are all incredibly 30 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:52,960 Speaker 1: arbitrary markers of you know, the world has revolved around 31 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:57,640 Speaker 1: the sun forty times since you emerged into it. But no, 32 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean forty is I don't know. 33 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:05,800 Speaker 1: It just didn't seem quite as milestonish as I guess 34 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:09,000 Speaker 1: I thought it might have. But maybe it's just because 35 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 1: nothing really did change, or I didn't feel like there 36 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:16,680 Speaker 1: was something I wanted to have done by age forty 37 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:18,280 Speaker 1: that I hadn't done by age forty. I guess I 38 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:22,520 Speaker 1: don't know. It's I didn't feel all that like it 39 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,280 Speaker 1: doesn't change you as much as say, having your first child, 40 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:28,120 Speaker 1: or like landing the job that you really wanted, or 41 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,720 Speaker 1: even finding that partner, getting married or anything like that, 42 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,280 Speaker 1: because those are things that do in fact change your 43 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:37,080 Speaker 1: life in a way, and an age does not. And 44 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:39,680 Speaker 1: it's not like there's like turning twenty one or turning 45 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:42,000 Speaker 1: sixteen where there's something you can actually do that you 46 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,720 Speaker 1: you couldn't have me as what a letdown, So I 47 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:50,160 Speaker 1: don't let you do sort of like, well, fifty, you 48 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,880 Speaker 1: can like contribute extra into your retirement accounts, right so, 49 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,400 Speaker 1: or at some point in there and start getting like 50 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,520 Speaker 1: AARP membership of it. Nothing at forty as far as 51 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,760 Speaker 1: I know, I haven't found out about it yet, so 52 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: oh well, well, to me, it's still I will say, yes, 53 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:13,160 Speaker 1: arbitrary correct, but similarly to the beginning of each year, 54 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:17,560 Speaker 1: which feels meaningful to me despite it also being completely arbitrary. 55 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,520 Speaker 1: I do feel like there are some feelings attached to it, 56 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: and I think you did too, because you wrote a 57 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,880 Speaker 1: pretty long post, or maybe it was just like, oh, 58 00:03:24,919 --> 00:03:27,040 Speaker 1: this is a good opportunity to write this long post. 59 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 1: I think on all of your accomplished the accomplishments and 60 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,320 Speaker 1: like kind of the biggest things you had done up 61 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,320 Speaker 1: until the age of forty which I thought was pretty cool. 62 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:38,840 Speaker 1: Although I do not really plan on doing that. I 63 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,480 Speaker 1: did it, but yeah, I mean, why not I have 64 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,280 Speaker 1: a blog streak running. You got it? No, I know, 65 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 1: but I wrote a post like that like a couple 66 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 1: of years ago, and then Josh was like, wait till 67 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 1: you're forty to write that. But now I feel like 68 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:51,120 Speaker 1: I don't feel it yet, don't have it somewhere you 69 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:56,360 Speaker 1: saved it, you could probably not thirty seven for thirty 70 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,440 Speaker 1: seven as opposed to the forty for forty? Is that 71 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:02,680 Speaker 1: how you struck for forty? Yeah, forty things I'd done 72 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:06,000 Speaker 1: by forty. I think I did a hopes for the 73 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 1: next decade kind of thing, forty things, and then I 74 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:14,120 Speaker 1: did some things i'd learned, so get Yeah, I forget 75 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:16,880 Speaker 1: exactly what I did, but it was an opportunity to 76 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,840 Speaker 1: come up with a few themed ideas and celebrated in 77 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,000 Speaker 1: my own little way. Since I didn't have a big 78 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:25,279 Speaker 1: party or anything, I just did some family celebrations. My 79 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,919 Speaker 1: parents came over and we went out for dinner. My 80 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 1: husband and I did a longish Saturday night date night 81 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,599 Speaker 1: where we went and got a couple's massage and then 82 00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:37,960 Speaker 1: went out to dinner. At a nice place. So you know, 83 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,920 Speaker 1: we did a couple of cool things for that. I'm 84 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 1: so jealous. Well, we can talk later in this episode 85 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:46,400 Speaker 1: about what I wish we were doing, but definitely not 86 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:50,280 Speaker 1: doing anything close to that. Well, let's talk about the upsides. 87 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:55,240 Speaker 1: So there are upsides of being forty, particularly professionally. I 88 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,599 Speaker 1: think you had mentioned I think there are ups and 89 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:01,080 Speaker 1: downsides professionally. I mean, I think I mentioned that I 90 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,839 Speaker 1: think I like being I don't know, it's fun to 91 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 1: be sort of the younger one, the more flexible, the one, 92 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 1: the one with more potential, and that does start to 93 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 1: fade around now. I mean, it is hard to kind 94 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:16,080 Speaker 1: of like be the fresh young thing when you're not 95 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,520 Speaker 1: that young anymore. And then there's definitely a coming to 96 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,279 Speaker 1: terms with that that I feel a little bit of 97 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:25,080 Speaker 1: sadness about, oddly, and I know nothing changes like on 98 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:29,080 Speaker 1: a specific date, but you know, it's just acknowledgment of 99 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,560 Speaker 1: reality that time does pass and you can't be the 100 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,280 Speaker 1: new one forever and that's fine, but you're right, there 101 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,360 Speaker 1: are definitely good things that go with that. I had 102 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:39,320 Speaker 1: a colleague, one of my pediatric intochronology colleagues, that I 103 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:42,040 Speaker 1: did fellowship with that was like very proud of her 104 00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:45,840 Speaker 1: gray hairs, and she was not. She is not an 105 00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:50,360 Speaker 1: old looking person. She's very you know, fit and cute 106 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,800 Speaker 1: and put together. But she never did color her hair. 107 00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:56,039 Speaker 1: And she's like, yeah, the patients take me more seriously. 108 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:59,120 Speaker 1: Like I appreciate these gray hairs. I don't really have 109 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 1: that many gray and I'm not really committed to what 110 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,159 Speaker 1: I would do with them if they be when not if, 111 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 1: but when they become more a parent on my head. 112 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:13,760 Speaker 1: But I'm not like sad that I'm not great to 113 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:17,120 Speaker 1: be like my friend. But that said, of course, you know, 114 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:20,560 Speaker 1: you start to look older, and patients probably do you know, 115 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,839 Speaker 1: take you more seriously or if you can say, you know, 116 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:26,560 Speaker 1: I've been doing pediatric undrochronology for ten years, which I 117 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,240 Speaker 1: have if you count the years of fellowship, which kind 118 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,719 Speaker 1: of count. And I know one of my colleagues loves 119 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:33,720 Speaker 1: to throw around I've been doing this for thirty years 120 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,960 Speaker 1: and it's like, yeah, well then who's not going to 121 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,359 Speaker 1: believe what Jesus? So there are upsides in terms of 122 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 1: having the experience and being taken seriously or maybe being 123 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,240 Speaker 1: considered for more leadership types of things. So that's I 124 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:49,479 Speaker 1: guess a good thing. Have you found that to be 125 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:52,000 Speaker 1: the case, Well, I mean, I'm not in any sort 126 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:57,520 Speaker 1: of organizational structure, so it's all what you put out 127 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:01,480 Speaker 1: there anyway, I don't know. I mean, I think the 128 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,160 Speaker 1: thing that helps me people sometimes take me more seriously 129 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 1: when I talk about time management or things like that 130 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:11,760 Speaker 1: is like the number of children I have, which it doesn't. 131 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:14,600 Speaker 1: It's not about how old you are then. I mean, 132 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,920 Speaker 1: you could be a thirty year old mother of five 133 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:22,040 Speaker 1: if you've got a quick start on things, But that 134 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:24,800 Speaker 1: seems to come into it more than you know, being 135 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:27,280 Speaker 1: a forty one year old time management expert does not 136 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,360 Speaker 1: in some way make it better than being younger. But 137 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:35,560 Speaker 1: one interesting thing, so when we're pitching and promoting this 138 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:38,840 Speaker 1: ebook that I've got coming out this summer on working 139 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,720 Speaker 1: from home, one of the things they put in the 140 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:45,080 Speaker 1: advertising copy is that it was drawing on my eighteen 141 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,040 Speaker 1: years of experience of working from home, and I thought 142 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:50,760 Speaker 1: that was WHOA, that is true. In fact, I have 143 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 1: been working at home for eighteen years, and that's a 144 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:58,440 Speaker 1: long time. But I guess that, you know, since there's 145 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 1: a lot of people who've been working at home for 146 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 1: approximately two months. That makes it sound a little bit 147 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:07,120 Speaker 1: more like there's some sort of seniority there. So well, 148 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 1: that's legit. Eighteen years of working at home. It's funny 149 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,040 Speaker 1: that you said number of children, because I thought you 150 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 1: were going to say number of books published or something, 151 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: and you're like children, Like, let's be branking about. Well, 152 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,160 Speaker 1: how do you How do you feel physically? I mean 153 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,840 Speaker 1: it has so the thing for me with forty. So 154 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,200 Speaker 1: when I was forty, I was not pregnant, but then 155 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:30,960 Speaker 1: I got pregnant a few months thereafter, and I definitely 156 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 1: feel like it was harder on me physically at forty 157 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:38,560 Speaker 1: than it was at twenty seven twenty eight. So I'm 158 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:41,439 Speaker 1: curious and the recovery as well. So I'm curious how 159 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 1: you've been feeling, Like, do you feel any of the 160 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,320 Speaker 1: physical affects of it? Well, I have no. I have 161 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,960 Speaker 1: nothing to add about the feelings of pregnancy being harder 162 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 1: because I don't plan to do that experiment. Although I mean, 163 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,840 Speaker 1: I'm with you, I felt like pregnancy was harder, like 164 00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,960 Speaker 1: even at thirty eight, I guess thirty seven thirty eight 165 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 1: that I was for Genevieve compared to thirty one thirty 166 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,800 Speaker 1: two that I was for Annabelle. Yeah, that does definitely 167 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,000 Speaker 1: get harder with time, or maybe you just also get 168 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:11,600 Speaker 1: more tired of doing it. Plus there's more kids running around, 169 00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:15,200 Speaker 1: so there's like but no, that won't be a factor 170 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:20,839 Speaker 1: for me. I mean, I don't feel bad. I need 171 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,680 Speaker 1: to think everything was going to fall apart, like oh 172 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 1: my gosh, my knees, my aching knees, bathing back's funny. 173 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,360 Speaker 1: Like from a fitness standpoint, or like even a body 174 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:32,600 Speaker 1: composition standpoint, I feel pretty good. And that's probably because 175 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,000 Speaker 1: I've done more strength training in the last two years 176 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,240 Speaker 1: than I've done the rest of my life combined, I 177 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 1: would say, and I think that has really been helpful. 178 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,800 Speaker 1: But I will say, like, you know, I used to 179 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,560 Speaker 1: put a lot of stock in my running speed, and 180 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,240 Speaker 1: I never felt like I recovered after my third pregnancy, 181 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,480 Speaker 1: which coincided with being in my late thirties. And I 182 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,280 Speaker 1: know some women are blazingly fast in their late thirties 183 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 1: and set prs and such, but I think for me 184 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,400 Speaker 1: a factor is that I don't have the willingness to 185 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,680 Speaker 1: vote to vote. You know, a lot of the women 186 00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:06,920 Speaker 1: that are setting prs are probably naturally talented women who 187 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,320 Speaker 1: weren't running sixty miles a week in their twenties. But 188 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:13,600 Speaker 1: I was so like I put in the attempt. I 189 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:16,360 Speaker 1: don't think my natural is like that amazing. It was 190 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:18,920 Speaker 1: what it was like. And I was joking with Josh, 191 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:20,560 Speaker 1: like every time I would get to a point where 192 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:22,280 Speaker 1: I was like happy with my speed, I would get 193 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 1: injured like the next day, because really the amount of 194 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,839 Speaker 1: miles it took for me to build, like the kind 195 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:29,559 Speaker 1: of speed where I could run like, let's say a 196 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,160 Speaker 1: number of eight minute miles in a row, was exactly 197 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:33,960 Speaker 1: like the point at which my body would break down 198 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 1: and some tendon wouldn't work anymore. Again, I didn't do 199 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:41,840 Speaker 1: superbalanced training back then, but I guess regardless, long story short, 200 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,360 Speaker 1: like I definitely can't run as fast as I did, 201 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 1: you know, a decade ago, And I'm okay with that 202 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,680 Speaker 1: because that's not really like there's no race. I wasn't 203 00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:52,640 Speaker 1: winning metals then and I'm not gonna win them now, 204 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:55,560 Speaker 1: and that's okay, And I feel like otherwise i'd feel good, 205 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:57,200 Speaker 1: Like I don't feel like I need tons of sleep. 206 00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 1: I'm like happy with the place where my body is, 207 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:03,480 Speaker 1: you know, entering forty I don't feel like my metabolism 208 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:04,880 Speaker 1: is tanked yet. Now. I know a lot of people 209 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:07,559 Speaker 1: are like, just wait, like that's later, that's your mid forties, 210 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:09,599 Speaker 1: that's fifty whatever. I'm sure you know. It is a 211 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:12,360 Speaker 1: gradual slope, and you have to adapt to that slope 212 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:15,600 Speaker 1: along the way because there's it's just the way nature works. 213 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:18,440 Speaker 1: But there are some things you can do to counteract it, 214 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 1: and then there are some things you can do to 215 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,679 Speaker 1: just accept it, Like, Okay, things that were routine in 216 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:27,480 Speaker 1: your life, like eating certain things might become more like seldom, 217 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,839 Speaker 1: things that you still can eat sometimes but less often. 218 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,120 Speaker 1: And I get that, and I accept that, and I 219 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,840 Speaker 1: have fairly good genetics for this as well. My parents 220 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,400 Speaker 1: are pretty healthy, have remained fit, you know, into their 221 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:42,320 Speaker 1: seventies now, so hopefully, hopefully that will be passed on. 222 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:46,680 Speaker 1: I worry more about like the decline of my brain 223 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:50,360 Speaker 1: than I do the decline of my body. Actually, I 224 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,160 Speaker 1: feel like my brain is in decline, but that's because 225 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,559 Speaker 1: I'm not getting enough sleep. But that's a different way. 226 00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:59,960 Speaker 1: That's that's that's the infant that's not forty, you know. Well, 227 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:03,120 Speaker 1: I do wonder if there is an age related response 228 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:06,240 Speaker 1: to that because like I think back to residency, and yes, 229 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,240 Speaker 1: it was I hated staying up all night like it 230 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,880 Speaker 1: was torture. But there were definitely weeks upon weeks where 231 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:13,319 Speaker 1: I wasn't getting optimal amounts of sleep and I was 232 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,559 Speaker 1: kind of okay. And now I feel like I'm more 233 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 1: sensitive to one or two days with less, Like I 234 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:23,520 Speaker 1: just the next day, I'm more foggy. I find myself 235 00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:26,280 Speaker 1: not able to, you know, function at my highest level. 236 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,320 Speaker 1: And I don't know if that's a little bit age 237 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:32,800 Speaker 1: related as well. It probably is. I mean, I think 238 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,920 Speaker 1: we'd become much more obsessed with getting to bed on time. 239 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:39,600 Speaker 1: Like I mean, I feel you're twenty two, it'd be like, yes, 240 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,679 Speaker 1: a great party. I'll go to the great party and 241 00:12:41,679 --> 00:12:43,559 Speaker 1: they'll stay out all late and it'll be fine. And 242 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,320 Speaker 1: now you're like, yeah, even if it is a great party, 243 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:48,320 Speaker 1: I want to be in bed at ten thirty, Like 244 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:50,320 Speaker 1: it would take so much to get me to stay 245 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,240 Speaker 1: out late at this point. Yeah, I think the shifts 246 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 1: of the schedule were so easy to recover from when 247 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 1: you're twenty five and not as easy to recover from now. 248 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 1: I really do want to start more strength training. I mean, 249 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:03,600 Speaker 1: I keep saying that, and then I don't so maybe 250 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,360 Speaker 1: I don't really want to. Yeah, but you did. You 251 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:07,600 Speaker 1: asked me some specifics about some of the stuff that 252 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,920 Speaker 1: you said, how long does that take? And I was like, ooh, 253 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:13,240 Speaker 1: she's she's thinking about I mean, the contemplation phase. I guess. 254 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,560 Speaker 1: I think, well, a lot of people have been raving 255 00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:19,559 Speaker 1: about the orange theory app as well, so that could 256 00:13:19,559 --> 00:13:21,360 Speaker 1: be something you could do from home. I think those 257 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:25,280 Speaker 1: workouts are like forty minutes long, or my other I 258 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:28,079 Speaker 1: did twenty one day Fix, which is just twenty one days, 259 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,920 Speaker 1: thirty minutes per day to kind of recover from Genevieveman. 260 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,960 Speaker 1: I felt like it was a great like twenty one days. 261 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:38,280 Speaker 1: Maybe I can't do. I mean, I'm also giving myself 262 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,920 Speaker 1: permission at this point to not worry about much of 263 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:49,360 Speaker 1: this until children are out of my percent. And between 264 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,280 Speaker 1: the children being in the house twenty four to seven 265 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:56,360 Speaker 1: and breastfeeding a baby every three hours, I just I 266 00:13:56,480 --> 00:14:01,880 Speaker 1: don't I get a run in like two miles most days, 267 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:05,319 Speaker 1: and that's about all that's going to happen at the moment. 268 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,760 Speaker 1: And that's great, I'm telling myself, you know, And when 269 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:12,200 Speaker 1: he is a year old, or so it'll that space 270 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,360 Speaker 1: will start to open up. By the time he's two, 271 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,680 Speaker 1: it will definitely open up, and then I can be 272 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,800 Speaker 1: a little bit more focused on that. Although I am 273 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 1: still signed up for the marathon in the fall, so 274 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 1: if it happens, I'm going to try. I mean, I 275 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,880 Speaker 1: ran seven miles last weekend and it felt pretty good, 276 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:30,240 Speaker 1: so I can do it. It's just that's exciting. I 277 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,120 Speaker 1: don't I don't want to make space. No, we talked 278 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,880 Speaker 1: about doing We talked about a marathon, and I talked 279 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,480 Speaker 1: about it during my fortieth years, specifically when we had 280 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:41,960 Speaker 1: another Mother Runner Sarah bone Shay episode, and I would 281 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,120 Speaker 1: still consider it. I love the strength right now. But 282 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,400 Speaker 1: like for me, I think that's it's a nice like 283 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:49,120 Speaker 1: seasonal thing because running is so much nicer here in 284 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,960 Speaker 1: the winter, and then it's not so nice in the summer. 285 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,440 Speaker 1: So it could be like, you know, I have two seasons, 286 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:59,080 Speaker 1: kind of like like i'rea yes, yes, we are the opposite. 287 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:02,240 Speaker 1: Running is not fun in January here, whereas running in 288 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,960 Speaker 1: you know, June is is quite lovely. Yeah, even July 289 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,080 Speaker 1: and August, if you get out early enough, it is 290 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:12,200 Speaker 1: usually quite fine. I mean, there's rarely a day in 291 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 1: the Philadelphia region that it doesn't get down to the 292 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,040 Speaker 1: seventies at some point, so you just have to time 293 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:21,920 Speaker 1: it for that. Yeah. Yeah, for us, if we're lucky, 294 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,280 Speaker 1: I mean, we might get like a low of like 295 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,720 Speaker 1: seventy nine, but then it's like a sweaty seventy nine. 296 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,320 Speaker 1: It's still kind of gross. All right. We do have 297 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:28,720 Speaker 1: to take a quick ad break, and then I want 298 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:44,680 Speaker 1: to talk about hormones. Ooh, well, we are back talking 299 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:48,640 Speaker 1: turning forty, which Sarah is doing tomorrow when this first airs, 300 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 1: and apparently now we are going to talk about hormones. 301 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 1: So I'm not the extrat ones like you. You take it. 302 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 1: You take it from here, although you've probably got lots 303 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 1: of competing personal experience by that, but not no actual 304 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:05,200 Speaker 1: actimal expertise. Right now, you probably have very high prolactin 305 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:08,360 Speaker 1: and very low lh FSH and probably estrogen as a 306 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,520 Speaker 1: result of your prolactin being high, which is an interesting 307 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,800 Speaker 1: state to be in, and I think it has some 308 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 1: interesting effects. But like what we can I don't know, 309 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,360 Speaker 1: Like I felt like more emotionality, but then also like 310 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 1: a little bit of like I wonder if it's like 311 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,280 Speaker 1: part of what allows you to wake up when you 312 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:26,520 Speaker 1: hear the baby cry, and like all kinds of different, 313 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:28,800 Speaker 1: you know, baby centric effects on your brain, which would 314 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,520 Speaker 1: make evolutionary sense that the hormones which allow you to 315 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,160 Speaker 1: lactate also kind of put you in a protect the 316 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 1: baby kind of a mode. So yeah, I think there 317 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:39,640 Speaker 1: are some effects. That's I have not reviewed the literature 318 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,600 Speaker 1: on that recently, so that's a little speculative, but there 319 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:46,160 Speaker 1: you go. But I will tell you from my own 320 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,200 Speaker 1: personal hormonal experience that my late thirties was when I 321 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:52,760 Speaker 1: really well you know going back, don't. I don't know 322 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:57,040 Speaker 1: when my issues with mood variations along the cycle really 323 00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 1: began because I spent many, many years on birth control, 324 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,040 Speaker 1: then many years pregnant and breastfeeding, so who knows, but 325 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,960 Speaker 1: I certainly felt them very acutely in my late thirties 326 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:08,119 Speaker 1: post Genevieve, and I've talked about on this podcast a 327 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:11,160 Speaker 1: little bit before because I think these things are worth 328 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 1: talking about and I have no problem so talking about it. 329 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,880 Speaker 1: So I I mean, I checked off all the boxes. 330 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:20,119 Speaker 1: I'm not a psychiatrist, but if I had to diagnose myself, 331 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:22,280 Speaker 1: which I kind of did, I think I had PMDD, 332 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 1: and my obigi in agreed with me. And PMDD, for reference, 333 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,399 Speaker 1: is pre menstrual dysphoric disorder, which is when you just 334 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:32,240 Speaker 1: are a complete mess for the weeks prior to your period. 335 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,359 Speaker 1: And for me, this was like I was starting to 336 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,159 Speaker 1: calculate it. At first, I was like, oh, it's just 337 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,199 Speaker 1: a few days, and I was like, actually, it's like 338 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 1: seventeen out of thirty days, which is not except to 339 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:43,639 Speaker 1: know that's not acceptable. So I ended up going on 340 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:47,840 Speaker 1: a hormonal birth control at the recommendation of my obigin 341 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,720 Speaker 1: and doing some of my own research. And I know 342 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,000 Speaker 1: I'm like on the older side to be doing that, 343 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:56,200 Speaker 1: but it helped me so much, Like see change. I've 344 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:59,280 Speaker 1: never been on an SSRI, but I mean now I'm 345 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:01,480 Speaker 1: kind of like, okay, okay, medicine can really help you 346 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:04,040 Speaker 1: when it comes to moods, because for me, I guess 347 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,440 Speaker 1: my moods well, I figured it out they were very 348 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:10,040 Speaker 1: hormonally mediated because it was completely luteal phase. Like whenever 349 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,200 Speaker 1: my progesterone was high, I was a mess. And by 350 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:16,360 Speaker 1: taking this medicine every day, I have none of those 351 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,840 Speaker 1: swings and I just I almost feel like I'm just 352 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:22,640 Speaker 1: calmer overall. So that's amazing. And then the one thing 353 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,880 Speaker 1: I just wonder is as I get older, like what's 354 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:27,200 Speaker 1: the cutoff point? Like you can't take it until you're sixty, 355 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,800 Speaker 1: I know, but I don't actually know what the sort 356 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,679 Speaker 1: of deadline is for safety because at some point there 357 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,960 Speaker 1: could be an increased risk of blood clots or strokes 358 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:37,320 Speaker 1: or that kind of thing. So I'm going to rely 359 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,720 Speaker 1: on my ob who I love to kind of tell 360 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:43,679 Speaker 1: me when that time is. And then you know, if 361 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,720 Speaker 1: it's late forties or mid forties, I know, there's other 362 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,159 Speaker 1: hormonal things that you can do. So if the issues 363 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,920 Speaker 1: come back again, there's there's other things I could try, 364 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,800 Speaker 1: and at some point it stops being a menstrual cycle 365 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:58,760 Speaker 1: thing anyway, right I mean correct, correct, Yeah, yeah, but 366 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,040 Speaker 1: I mean that could be that could be a fifty 367 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:05,640 Speaker 1: time yeah exactly. Yeah. So anyway, that's been something that's 368 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:07,480 Speaker 1: come up around the age of forty. For me, that 369 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,080 Speaker 1: was kind of a big deal, but thankfully was able 370 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,120 Speaker 1: to find a solution. And there's other things that work 371 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,040 Speaker 1: for people as well. I mean, some people respond well 372 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:17,920 Speaker 1: to therapy, some people respond well to SSRIs like Zoloft 373 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 1: actually has a number of studies where if you take 374 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,960 Speaker 1: it for like the luteal phase, it actually helps symptoms 375 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,440 Speaker 1: in some patients, which goes against everything I was always 376 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,480 Speaker 1: taught about SSRIs in medical school, which was like, oh, 377 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:30,640 Speaker 1: they are long acting, they take a really long time 378 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,800 Speaker 1: to work. But there's actually data to prove that it 379 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,760 Speaker 1: does help some people. So that's, you know, another option. 380 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,960 Speaker 1: It wasn't the road I ended up going down. But 381 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,000 Speaker 1: if this is affecting, you talk to your doctor about 382 00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:45,000 Speaker 1: various choices, because it does often effect kind of in 383 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 1: that perimental benopausal period, and it is not something that 384 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,960 Speaker 1: you should just assume is not treatable. Yeah, I know, 385 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,359 Speaker 1: maybe we'll have to do a whole episode on I 386 00:19:55,400 --> 00:20:00,560 Speaker 1: think we did. I think we've had enough AC and 387 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,840 Speaker 1: let's talk about an a puzzle horror. I love that 388 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,879 Speaker 1: your friend in the note we should have we should 389 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,520 Speaker 1: have an obiji Oh my gosh, if I could get 390 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:10,200 Speaker 1: my obijiba and to be on she's amazing. She has 391 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:13,480 Speaker 1: at least one child. She could talk all about this, 392 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,920 Speaker 1: so who knows, maybe we'll have an expert. Well, let's 393 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:20,560 Speaker 1: talk about your goals, Sarah, other than keeping your hormones 394 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:24,280 Speaker 1: at acceptable levels. Are what are your goals for your forties. 395 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,719 Speaker 1: I do not have a lot of goals, because I 396 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,679 Speaker 1: am very I set a lot of goals anyway, and 397 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:34,000 Speaker 1: I don't feel like I need to add a whole 398 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:38,560 Speaker 1: other list. I did as I wrote the email to you, 399 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,920 Speaker 1: I sort of thought about it. I just really want 400 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,320 Speaker 1: to make sure that it's just a reminder that life 401 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:47,439 Speaker 1: is finite. It's fairly it's long and it's short, depending 402 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:48,600 Speaker 1: on how you look at it. And I want to 403 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,399 Speaker 1: make sure I'm living kind of the life that I 404 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,479 Speaker 1: want to live, keeping in mind that statistically, maybe i'm 405 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,000 Speaker 1: halfway through, maybe I'm ninety five percent through. Maybe I'm 406 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,320 Speaker 1: ninety nine point eight percent through. If today turns out 407 00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:01,920 Speaker 1: to be a really bad day too. But I don't 408 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,159 Speaker 1: think i'll air this episode as is. If that is 409 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:08,840 Speaker 1: the case, true, well you can air it in my honor, 410 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:11,320 Speaker 1: and I'm just gonna okay, we'll stop. I will say 411 00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:14,679 Speaker 1: that I would love to be financially for Josh and 412 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:17,400 Speaker 1: me to be financially independent by my sixtieth so we've 413 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,680 Speaker 1: got like a twenty year timeline. I feel like that's doable. 414 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,560 Speaker 1: I know what we've already kind of set on that 415 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,760 Speaker 1: path and done some calculations. Again with the state of 416 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 1: the world, who knows, but we can at least try 417 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:31,080 Speaker 1: making some assumptions based on history, and I will say, 418 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,640 Speaker 1: like there's something about forty or I don't know. Yeah, 419 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,600 Speaker 1: just being able to say forty that makes me less 420 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,240 Speaker 1: concern with peers or like society's script for what life 421 00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:44,240 Speaker 1: is like. You know, It's like, if I'm halfway through, 422 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:47,919 Speaker 1: why would I want someone else's ideas for what my 423 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:51,400 Speaker 1: life should look like to dictate what I'm doing with it. 424 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,840 Speaker 1: So I don't know, just want to be a little 425 00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:56,879 Speaker 1: bit less apologetic in life. I like that. That's a 426 00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:00,680 Speaker 1: good goal. So what were you going to do? Let's 427 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:05,560 Speaker 1: celebrate your fortieth birthday. Oh, this will be a fun discussion, Okay. 428 00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:09,560 Speaker 1: So I had booked a three day trip to Washington, 429 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:12,040 Speaker 1: DC area with Josh that we were going to do 430 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:16,240 Speaker 1: songs kids. And the reason I had picked that area 431 00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:19,400 Speaker 1: is because I looked up what the three star Michelin 432 00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:23,000 Speaker 1: star restaurants were, and I mean, we had previously done 433 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,040 Speaker 1: French laundry. I didn't want to go all the way 434 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,959 Speaker 1: out there, and I just figured, let's look for something different. 435 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:30,960 Speaker 1: And I came up with in it Little Washington, which 436 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:35,240 Speaker 1: is like this lovely, like very historic estate in rural Virginia. 437 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:36,520 Speaker 1: I think it's like an hour and a half away 438 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,440 Speaker 1: from DC, maybe two hours. And I was like, Oh, 439 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,760 Speaker 1: that would actually be really kind of fun and you 440 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:43,879 Speaker 1: can stay there. So the thing is, when we went 441 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:47,159 Speaker 1: to French Laundry, we were like passed out in a playground. 442 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:50,879 Speaker 1: We went for lunch, we had to recover, which was 443 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:52,760 Speaker 1: actually kind of fun. Like I have very fond memories 444 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,359 Speaker 1: of that little adventure, but it's kind of funny. And 445 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,440 Speaker 1: so the idea is like, oh, we could have like 446 00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,760 Speaker 1: a luxurious dinner and we'd already be home, like we 447 00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:02,800 Speaker 1: have to drive anywhere. We would just like roll into 448 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:06,200 Speaker 1: our you know, lovely, luxurious hotel room. So I thought 449 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:08,439 Speaker 1: this would be a lovely way. I had my birthday booked, 450 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,880 Speaker 1: I had the night booked. They have a really weird schedule, 451 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:12,879 Speaker 1: like they're closed on Tuesdays. On my birthdays a Wednesday, 452 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:14,280 Speaker 1: and I couldn't get Thursday night. So we were going 453 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,159 Speaker 1: to do kind of like a one night there and 454 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,800 Speaker 1: then go back to DC. And I had plan on 455 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,320 Speaker 1: a pilgrimage to the Aeron Condren store in Fairbax, Virginia, 456 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:24,359 Speaker 1: because why the hell not I and I mean here 457 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,800 Speaker 1: there again, no apologies, Like I want to see the 458 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,040 Speaker 1: Aeron Condren store, and this is a great time to 459 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:32,760 Speaker 1: do so. So for those uninitiated, Aaron Condron just makes 460 00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:37,080 Speaker 1: very colorful, happy stationery and planners and lots of different things. 461 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:38,919 Speaker 1: And I've seen photos of the stores and they just 462 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:41,919 Speaker 1: look so rainbowy and inviting, and I wanted to see it. 463 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,800 Speaker 1: And then we were going to include, you know, some 464 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,280 Speaker 1: trips into the city, maybe find some more casual but 465 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,879 Speaker 1: fun places to eat, and then a spa day of 466 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,359 Speaker 1: like couple's massage. So I had I mean I really 467 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:55,720 Speaker 1: like and I spent some time planning this. On the upside, 468 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,000 Speaker 1: I enjoyed every second of planning it because it was 469 00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:01,399 Speaker 1: like anticipatory fund to put it all together. And you 470 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,360 Speaker 1: know what, I still had that fun even though it's 471 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:06,280 Speaker 1: not happening. So yeah, maybe you can do it for 472 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,280 Speaker 1: twenty twenty one. I mean, obviously celebrated for forty first 473 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,440 Speaker 1: birthday is slightly less exciting, but it can still work. 474 00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:15,000 Speaker 1: I would totally do it for twenty twenty one. I 475 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:17,800 Speaker 1: felt so bad when I called to cancel this at 476 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,879 Speaker 1: the place, you know, this, this places which has been 477 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,800 Speaker 1: around for ages. They're like, yeah, we only have one 478 00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:25,560 Speaker 1: person working here on the phones now, and we're really 479 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:28,280 Speaker 1: hoping that we can like survive this. So oh my goodness. 480 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:30,200 Speaker 1: I mean I would happily book for twenty twenty one. 481 00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:33,119 Speaker 1: Now as long as I knew that, you know, nobody 482 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,520 Speaker 1: was still traveling, I could cancel it. But yes, I 483 00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:38,320 Speaker 1: will use that planning in the future. So that's what 484 00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:43,800 Speaker 1: we're going to do. And instead I think, well, okay, 485 00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:47,760 Speaker 1: what are you going. Yeah, I may convince I haven't 486 00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:50,160 Speaker 1: fully Josh has already said kind of, but I haven't 487 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:51,879 Speaker 1: like fully solidified it. But I think I'm going to 488 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,760 Speaker 1: use some of the funding that was going to go 489 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,520 Speaker 1: into that trip to work on my wardrobe because that 490 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:58,880 Speaker 1: was something that is a fun little project that I started, 491 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:01,960 Speaker 1: and why not. I mean it seems kind of appropriate. 492 00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:06,359 Speaker 1: And then my Josh is going to cook me dinner. 493 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,359 Speaker 1: I think he talked about doing something like one of 494 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,760 Speaker 1: my favorites and trying to make like a restaurant quality 495 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,399 Speaker 1: meal with scallops or something like that. I don't know 496 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:14,840 Speaker 1: what we're gonna do with the kids. Maybe we'll give 497 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:16,320 Speaker 1: them pizza, and like, I haven't watched a movie while 498 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,800 Speaker 1: we do this, so that we can have a little celebration, 499 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,200 Speaker 1: or because the problem is they're not going to eat 500 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,280 Speaker 1: the fancy meals. Maybe they will, but I don't know. 501 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:27,520 Speaker 1: We haven't completely solidified the involvement of the kids, who 502 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,880 Speaker 1: will obviously be home, but we'll figure that part out 503 00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: and then we'll probably drink some wine. And I have 504 00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:37,680 Speaker 1: been into like karaokeing with my husband while he plays 505 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,800 Speaker 1: guitar and we have a really flattering microphone, so I 506 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,320 Speaker 1: think there'll probably be some like wine fueled singing on 507 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,119 Speaker 1: my fortieth birthday, because why not? You should that's wort it, 508 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:50,320 Speaker 1: you should record it. That'll be our best of both 509 00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:54,240 Speaker 1: world's No, how about not? Maybe I'll maybe I'll like 510 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:57,480 Speaker 1: do an Instagram story that's that's that gets deleted, that 511 00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,840 Speaker 1: not out there, So so yeah, low key, I'm sure 512 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:06,199 Speaker 1: I'll get some lovely texts hopefully, And you know what 513 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:08,720 Speaker 1: I don't want. I definitely do not want a drive by. 514 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,240 Speaker 1: I'm kind of like over the drive by. I haven't 515 00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,960 Speaker 1: actually gone to any drive buys. There's something like weirdly 516 00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:17,080 Speaker 1: unappealing about drive bys to me, and I'm sorry, I'm 517 00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,520 Speaker 1: gonna offend a lot of people. If you enjoy drive bys, 518 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:23,160 Speaker 1: you should absolutely do the drive bys and like enjoy them. 519 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:27,399 Speaker 1: But like, yeah, well, I was slightly worried that you 520 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,639 Speaker 1: were going to say the thing I was going to 521 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:31,639 Speaker 1: send to you. It'd be like the one thing I 522 00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:35,760 Speaker 1: don't want is It was gonna be the one thing 523 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:38,280 Speaker 1: I don't want is whatever Laura was. Laura was coming 524 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:42,800 Speaker 1: you like, well, I'm gonna go back to the drawing board. Then, well, 525 00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:46,040 Speaker 1: sounds so funny. It'll be a nice day. So we're 526 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:49,280 Speaker 1: all wish Sarah a happy birthday. If you're listening to 527 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,239 Speaker 1: this on the first day it's out May nineteen, make 528 00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:54,720 Speaker 1: sure you wish her happy birthday tomorrow. You can read 529 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:58,000 Speaker 1: a comment on her blog at the shoebox that's th 530 00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:01,320 Speaker 1: e s h U b o X. You could do 531 00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:03,360 Speaker 1: it on her Instagram page or the Best of Both 532 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:07,040 Speaker 1: Worlds Instagram page. You can you know, any of any 533 00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:10,439 Speaker 1: of those means of contacting her, so thank you, or 534 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,679 Speaker 1: if you want to leave us a positive review on 535 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:19,200 Speaker 1: Apple podcast. Oh yeah, that would be an amazing birthday, Sarah. Yes, 536 00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,520 Speaker 1: that would be great. That's awesome, all right, well, let's 537 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:26,040 Speaker 1: go to our question. So I'm going to compress this 538 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:29,960 Speaker 1: a bit to make sure that she's anonymous. Yeah, so 539 00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:33,920 Speaker 1: this is about a listener who's considering a professional opportunity, 540 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:37,760 Speaker 1: and she wanted our feedback on whether it was, you know, 541 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:39,639 Speaker 1: we were going to say, oh, that sounds great or 542 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:44,040 Speaker 1: that sounds insane. So anyway, she is has one job 543 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:49,239 Speaker 1: where she lives near her ex husband and their ten 544 00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:52,240 Speaker 1: year old daughter. The ten year old daughter is with 545 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:55,760 Speaker 1: the father most of the time during the week. She 546 00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:59,840 Speaker 1: lives a car ride away, but she is considering a 547 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,800 Speaker 1: job that would take her for maybe a year or 548 00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:06,080 Speaker 1: two somewhere that would be a plane ride away. Now, 549 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:08,159 Speaker 1: this would be a very prestigious job. It would be 550 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:11,760 Speaker 1: very exciting for her professionally. The question is she would 551 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,840 Speaker 1: be flying back a lot, since she normally has the 552 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,600 Speaker 1: daughter on like two to three weekends a month and 553 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:20,720 Speaker 1: any longer breaks. So she was saying, well, is this 554 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:24,040 Speaker 1: crazy that I would consider taking this? And then I 555 00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,639 Speaker 1: would maybe on those weekends when I would normally have 556 00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:30,320 Speaker 1: my daughter fly back on Thursday, work at home on Friday, 557 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:32,720 Speaker 1: and have her there the weekend and then fly back 558 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:36,840 Speaker 1: Monday morning or Sunday night. Is it crazy to be 559 00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:39,320 Speaker 1: a plane ride away from my daughter instead of just 560 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:41,760 Speaker 1: a car ride away from the daughter? In terms of 561 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:45,360 Speaker 1: that limiting her involvement, I think we should mention the 562 00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,560 Speaker 1: car ride as a long car ride. Yes's a short 563 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:50,520 Speaker 1: car ride. It's a few hours, correct, Yeah, because it's 564 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,640 Speaker 1: not twenty minutes, all right, so they don't live a 565 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:56,800 Speaker 1: day different anymore. Yeah. Yeah. And so she wanted to 566 00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:59,800 Speaker 1: know did we think she was crazy to take this job? 567 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:04,440 Speaker 1: And my thought was, no, I don't think she is. 568 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,720 Speaker 1: I think I mean, obviously you'd have to work out 569 00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:13,680 Speaker 1: in terms of the whatever your custody agreement is, that 570 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:17,960 Speaker 1: this might need to be gone over carefully. And I 571 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:20,680 Speaker 1: think part of the issue is somewhat of a tense 572 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,000 Speaker 1: co parenting relationship with the ex, so this is going 573 00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:26,960 Speaker 1: to be a difficult discussion. But then she would not 574 00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:29,840 Speaker 1: be immediately available, for instance, if he needed her for 575 00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:32,200 Speaker 1: something during the week, so that would be a little 576 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:36,800 Speaker 1: bit harder. But if she decided to make it work, 577 00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,680 Speaker 1: she certainly could do that flying back and forth, and 578 00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:41,640 Speaker 1: she could also decide in the middle, like, you know, 579 00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:45,040 Speaker 1: this isn't working. She said, she didn't actually have to 580 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,280 Speaker 1: completely give up what she was doing before that she 581 00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:51,240 Speaker 1: could take a leave of you know, it's hard to describe, 582 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,280 Speaker 1: but she would probably be able to go back to 583 00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:56,360 Speaker 1: her other job if she wanted to so, and the 584 00:29:56,400 --> 00:30:00,239 Speaker 1: opportunity is a prestigious opportunity that likely could lead some 585 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:03,320 Speaker 1: other career options for her. Yeah, or if nothing else, 586 00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:06,080 Speaker 1: her previous employer would be excited that she would have 587 00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:08,479 Speaker 1: done it right, and then she'd come back and have 588 00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:12,440 Speaker 1: that gold star on her So, you know, I thought, Yes, 589 00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:14,360 Speaker 1: it's going to be tough, it will be a lot 590 00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:18,400 Speaker 1: of flying, it will require working, you know, more with 591 00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:21,920 Speaker 1: your ex on coordinating this, and given that that's not 592 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:27,040 Speaker 1: an entirely happy conversation, that's going to be emotionally fraught. 593 00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:29,200 Speaker 1: But on the other hand, I think she's going to 594 00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:32,200 Speaker 1: be very from the way the email sounded, I think 595 00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:34,080 Speaker 1: she was going to be very unhappy if she didn't 596 00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:36,560 Speaker 1: do it, and you know, she could try it. If 597 00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,320 Speaker 1: it doesn't work, it doesn't work, but then she at 598 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:44,320 Speaker 1: least knows and isn't From a pure logistics perspective, time 599 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:49,760 Speaker 1: tracking wise, like, I don't think this would be that 600 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:53,560 Speaker 1: different just because she was previously driving back and forth 601 00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:55,840 Speaker 1: three hours. That was three hours. She couldn't do anything 602 00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:58,080 Speaker 1: other than maybe take phone calls and you know, listen 603 00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:01,240 Speaker 1: to things. Now she's going to be going to airports, 604 00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:04,080 Speaker 1: but the flights would probably be three four hours. Maybe 605 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:05,800 Speaker 1: she'd be spending a little more time in the airport, 606 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:09,000 Speaker 1: but she could work during that time. Obviously, she's going 607 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:11,239 Speaker 1: to rank up in her status with the way that 608 00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:14,880 Speaker 1: she is flying, so if she did need to come 609 00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:17,080 Speaker 1: back at fairly short notice, she probably could do that. 610 00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:20,120 Speaker 1: I mean, we're talking about big cities, so as long 611 00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:24,520 Speaker 1: as she's able to afford this type of commute, I 612 00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:26,160 Speaker 1: almost think she should just think of it as like 613 00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:28,840 Speaker 1: if she's already three hours away anyway, now she's three 614 00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:32,200 Speaker 1: hours away via a different vehicle. And in fact, it's 615 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,040 Speaker 1: probably easier to get work done on a plane that 616 00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:37,520 Speaker 1: you are not lying than it is in a car 617 00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:41,200 Speaker 1: where you are doing the actual driving. So I don't know. 618 00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:44,920 Speaker 1: I feel like, yes, her scenario is really unusual to 619 00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:47,040 Speaker 1: start with, but I'm not sure that this is going 620 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:50,600 Speaker 1: to be truly that different. With a little bit of 621 00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:52,760 Speaker 1: kind of bending, yes, there's like a little bit of 622 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,840 Speaker 1: lost flexibility, but honestly, if you really drill down it's 623 00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,360 Speaker 1: not that much because she can still get back pretty 624 00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:01,560 Speaker 1: quickly if she needs to, and with it opening up 625 00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:05,800 Speaker 1: so many potential avenues for her career, I think that 626 00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:07,800 Speaker 1: if she wants to do it, I don't see that 627 00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:10,040 Speaker 1: many reasons why she shouldn't. I don't think she's insane 628 00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:12,160 Speaker 1: at all. Yeah, I say, go for it. All right? Well, 629 00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,480 Speaker 1: then we both we both validated that one, because I 630 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:20,840 Speaker 1: think that was much world. Yes, all right, well, this 631 00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:22,800 Speaker 1: has been our love of the week, Sarah. What's your 632 00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:24,280 Speaker 1: what's your love of the week? I mean, is it 633 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:27,920 Speaker 1: turning forty? Did I forget? Oh? I forgot to put 634 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,400 Speaker 1: a love of the week in this particular one. Hmmm, 635 00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:35,800 Speaker 1: you do yours first, I'll think of mine. Hmmm. Oh okay. 636 00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:41,880 Speaker 1: Actuateora package. My Sephora package did arrive, and so I 637 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,640 Speaker 1: was very happy about that, and I was reminded of 638 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:48,240 Speaker 1: how much I miss the product Good Genes by Sunday Riley, 639 00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:50,560 Speaker 1: which is a lactic acid thing that's like the only 640 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:52,640 Speaker 1: I don't know of all my products. It's the one that, like, 641 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:55,360 Speaker 1: my face feels noticeably different when I don't have it, 642 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:57,640 Speaker 1: and I only use it every other day, and it's 643 00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:02,400 Speaker 1: disgustingly overpriced, but it's yeah, that's my love of a week. Yeah, honestly, 644 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:05,360 Speaker 1: I mean mine is like shopping via my phone. I 645 00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:09,760 Speaker 1: this whole quarantine thing, Like I cannot imagine how this 646 00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:12,800 Speaker 1: would have worked with you know, all this stuff like 647 00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:16,920 Speaker 1: the household needs if this had been before the era 648 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,960 Speaker 1: when you can just open an app from some shopping 649 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,200 Speaker 1: site on your phone and click, click, click and get it. 650 00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,040 Speaker 1: And just so, yeah, I haven't all been doing Amazon. 651 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:26,080 Speaker 1: I mean, yes, Amazon is a chunk of it, but 652 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:29,200 Speaker 1: then like I've been doing other places too, like overstock 653 00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:32,400 Speaker 1: and home Depot and all these other places. And my 654 00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,520 Speaker 1: husband actually loves to order from like individual small companies. 655 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:37,600 Speaker 1: Yeah no, I mean I used to fight Amazon in 656 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:39,120 Speaker 1: that way. And yeah, a lot of times you get 657 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 1: great customer service. Well, especially Amazon has slowed down some 658 00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:45,600 Speaker 1: of their shipping on items, like you actually are just 659 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:48,160 Speaker 1: as well off ordering from some places. They may not 660 00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:51,160 Speaker 1: be able to match Amazon's like overnight shipping, but then 661 00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:54,200 Speaker 1: they're not doing that for a lot of items now anyway, 662 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,400 Speaker 1: so most places allow for that. I mean, I know 663 00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:59,920 Speaker 1: your your sister's store for instance, right, the warm and 664 00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:03,600 Speaker 1: fuzzy yarns there uh, yeah, they share your yarn there 665 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:08,200 Speaker 1: have online, so yeah, it's it's been like the fact 666 00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,080 Speaker 1: that I can order something while I'm nursing a baby, 667 00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:14,720 Speaker 1: for instance, even in a dark room, it just seems 668 00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:18,560 Speaker 1: like whoo time deepening. Glad I can multitask like that. 669 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:21,120 Speaker 1: All right, Well, this has been best of both worlds. 670 00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:24,360 Speaker 1: We've been talking about Sarah's fortieth birthday, so wish her 671 00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:26,680 Speaker 1: a happy birthday tomorrow and we'll be back next week 672 00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:30,759 Speaker 1: with more on making work and life fit together. Thanks 673 00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:33,840 Speaker 1: for listening. You can find me Sarah at the shoebox 674 00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:37,719 Speaker 1: dot com or at the Underscore shoe Box on Instagram, 675 00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:42,080 Speaker 1: and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. 676 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,719 Speaker 1: This has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please 677 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,400 Speaker 1: join us next time for more on making work and 678 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:49,600 Speaker 1: life work together.