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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's desperately trying to get kim

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Speaker 1: Ka on board with his latest idea. It's called skim witches.

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Speaker 1: They're normal sandwiches. They are crammed into a compostable, skin

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Speaker 1: tight elastic tube to make your sandwich look slimmer while

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Speaker 1: you eat it.

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Speaker 2: The curves on that sandwich.

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Speaker 1: No, you don't want the curves on it. You want

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Speaker 1: it to look skinny. I'll have the tuna skim witch,

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Speaker 1: please extra maya.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't sound as good anymore.

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Speaker 3: The perfect snack for the Laser Stories.

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Speaker 1: The segment will read weird news stories around the globe,

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Speaker 1: just like everyone else does, except we've got a.

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Speaker 3: Laser and there's other scum Witches just don't this.

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Speaker 1: First Lazer Stories out of San Francisco, a couple picked

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Speaker 1: up a Christmas tree last Friday, scrapped it to the

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Speaker 1: roof of their suv.

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Speaker 3: And ran an errand on their way home.

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Speaker 1: While they were parked, someone stole the tree right off.

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Speaker 3: Their work.

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Speaker 2: Branch. Strikes again.

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Speaker 1: One of the stores nearby had security footage showing another

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Speaker 1: suv pulling up next to theirs. Somebody gets out, cuts

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Speaker 1: the ropes, takes the tree down. And loads it into

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Speaker 1: their own trunk and then drives off.

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Speaker 3: Wow, it's like a tree delivery service.

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Speaker 2: Do you think once they got it up, someone in

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Speaker 2: their family still complained that it wasn't a very pretty tree.

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Speaker 1: You're being very specific about that, Brook. Did you have

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Speaker 1: something you want to confess here?

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Speaker 2: Maybe the backside it's a little worth it.

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Speaker 1: When police arrived to take a statement, they found out

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Speaker 1: the victim was none other than a man named this

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Speaker 1: true Jesus stole a Christmas tree. They stole Jesus's Christmas tree,

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Speaker 1: and while police haven't caught them yet, the nearby tree

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Speaker 1: lot provided Jesus with a brand new replacement.

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Speaker 3: Nice.

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Speaker 2: I mean you'd have to, yeah.

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Speaker 3: Just for good karma.

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Speaker 1: As for what Jesus things, a local TV reporter interviewed

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Speaker 1: him about the situation and asked if they caught the crooks,

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Speaker 1: would he forgive a surprisingly, he said no, and if

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Speaker 1: the thieves.

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Speaker 3: Are caught, he'd like to see him rotten in jail.

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Speaker 3: What would Jesus do next? As her story is out

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Speaker 3: of Spain.

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Speaker 1: The other day, a twenty one year old woman named

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Speaker 1: Sophia Alvarez was choking on a piece of turkey and

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Speaker 1: decided her best option to clear it out was to

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Speaker 1: shove a toothbrush down her throat.

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Speaker 3: Oh are they.

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Speaker 2: Not teaching the himelike over there? You could do it yourself.

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Speaker 1: Maybe this is the better version of doing the Heimlich.

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Speaker 3: Don't waste time.

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Speaker 2: Just cram a toothbrush down, throw yourself over the back

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Speaker 2: of a hard chair again.

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Speaker 3: You know that any time brush my tongue I throw up,

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Speaker 3: it might be good. She ran to the bathroom and

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Speaker 3: jammed the dull end of it.

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Speaker 1: Down into her sof against to try and clear the obstruction.

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Speaker 3: The good news is it actually works.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, don't use that method. They're not teaching that method

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Speaker 2: in any.

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Speaker 1: She dislodged the turkey so she could breathe again. The

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Speaker 1: bad news is Sophia also swallowed the toothbrush.

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Speaker 2: Hurt on the way out.

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Speaker 1: She was trying to hang onto the bristles, but once

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Speaker 1: the turkey went down, the brush just follows a sallow I.

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Speaker 2: Bet she's hoping it stays vertical and doesn't turn horizontal.

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Speaker 1: She explained the situation when she showed up at the er,

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Speaker 1: but they weren't sure they believed her till they saw

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Speaker 1: the X race.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: After that they sedated her and it took about forty

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Speaker 1: minutes to fish it out. They pulled it up through

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Speaker 1: her mouth so she didn't need surgery.

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Speaker 3: And wouldn't you.

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Speaker 1: Know it, the toothbrust was actually lying next to Sophia

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Speaker 1: on a table.

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Speaker 3: When she woke up.

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Speaker 1: She uses. She took it home and began using it just.

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Speaker 3: Like normal again.

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Speaker 1: Anesthesia Bres just goes to show you can have your

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Speaker 1: toothbrush and eat it too.

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Speaker 3: It's been a thing, but now it is.

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Speaker 1: This next laser story is out of Ballingbrook, Illinois.

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Speaker 3: Earlier, I get it. Earlier this year, it.

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Speaker 1: Was reported that McDonald's would be launching a spin off

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Speaker 1: chain restaurant named Cosmics.

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Speaker 2: Give you miss this? I don't remember this.

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Speaker 3: That's cosmic spelled cos mc.

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Speaker 1: Oh mick McDonald's.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So here's what the outside of it looks like.

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Speaker 1: You can see the photo up on our instas stories

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Speaker 1: at Brook and Jeffrey.

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Speaker 2: How is it not space themes happening?

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Speaker 3: Fancy?

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Speaker 2: It just looks like a McDonald's with a different.

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Speaker 3: Sign if you're wondering.

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Speaker 1: The name is based upon the beloved nineteen eighties McDonald's

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Speaker 1: character that had that exact same name Cosmic. That's it's

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Speaker 1: a little alien guy. He was our actual McDonald's character

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Speaker 1: in the eighties.

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Speaker 2: I was a kid in the eighties.

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Speaker 1: I don't remember this, Okay, Brooke, don't call fake news

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Speaker 1: on it.

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Speaker 2: It really has eighties. Do tell me birthday parties. I

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Speaker 2: went to McDonald's that used to be a big remember that. Yeah. Track.

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Speaker 1: If you're wondering about Cosmics, how is that different than

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Speaker 1: the original Golden Arches. Well, there are some familiar offerings

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Speaker 1: like mcmuffins, mcflurries, et cetera. There also seems to be

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Speaker 1: an insane amount of new and improved concepts like slushies, juices,

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Speaker 1: stacked burgers, and more tasty.

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Speaker 2: So anything that's trendy, they're going to try it out

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Speaker 2: at Cosmics before they add it to the McDonald's.

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Speaker 3: Their test kitchen.

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Speaker 1: The main thing that caught people's attention the all day

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Speaker 1: breakfast menu.

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Speaker 3: Because Mickey Dean's.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I thought they did it years ago.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Mickeys is infamous for their strict ten thirty am

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Speaker 1: cutoff for all breakfast items. Luckily, Cosmics is giving people

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Speaker 1: what they want, which is a sausage egg McMuffin at

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Speaker 1: three pm.

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Speaker 3: Allay, it really.

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Speaker 2: Is so good, isn't it funny? They're like, let's open

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Speaker 2: a restaurant where we give people what they want, but

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Speaker 2: not do it.

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Speaker 3: Let's try a new concept.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, apparently there's a full squadron of actors filming

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Speaker 1: commercials in front of the building. So no news yet

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Speaker 1: on its official opening date, but stay tuned as we

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Speaker 1: anxiously await the newest move from McDonald's.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I thought we're gonna try this place out.

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Speaker 2: I thought that they were going to open it mcin

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Speaker 2: and out.

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Speaker 1: So amazing this next laser stories out of Word World,

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Speaker 1: Story Word World. It's time to announce the Word of

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Speaker 1: the Year, which is the most exciting day of the

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Speaker 1: year for people who work at dictionaries, so let's give

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Speaker 1: them a little credit. With that said, the Oxford University

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Speaker 1: Press in England has awarded its prestigious Word of the

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Speaker 1: Year honor two.

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Speaker 2: Rizz with two z's like slang, but that's fine.

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Speaker 3: If you don't know.

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Speaker 1: Riz is an Internet slang defined as style, charm and

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Speaker 1: the ability to attract a romantic or sexual partner's charisma.

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Speaker 3: Yeah or jeffing it. Maybe another really, I.

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Speaker 2: Want to look up that diary, but rarely.

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Speaker 3: It's getting popular.

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Speaker 1: Riz did beat out three other finalists, including Swifty, which

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Speaker 1: doesn't need to be defined or clear, but the others

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Speaker 1: were prompt the instruction given to an AI program like

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Speaker 1: the prompt for it, and situationship, which is a romantic

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Speaker 1: or sexual relationship that's not considered to be formal or.

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Speaker 3: Established hooking up. That's the old school pretty much.

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Speaker 1: The other sole writing vote that was initially considered but

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Speaker 1: then discarded was e h h h hell, that's where

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Speaker 1: they got it from.

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Speaker 2: Did you see my brain making really hard sounding out?

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Speaker 3: He love staff work.

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Speaker 1: I always wondered how to spell it, though, e hhh there.

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Speaker 1: Maybe next year it'll be the word of the year.

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Speaker 1: But that now means Laser Stories has come to an

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Speaker 1: end for the day. We'll do it again the same

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Speaker 1: time on Friday

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Speaker 2: Brook and Jeffrey in the morning