Speaker 1: Hey, there are folks in this episode nine to two
Speaker 1: to one. Oh No. Our Glove series internues with the
Speaker 1: love stories of two folks now who have been in
Speaker 1: a relationship a marriage for ten years. But get this,
Speaker 1: one of those years he rode around with their divorce
Speaker 1: papers in the back of his truck. Yes, welcome to
Speaker 1: this special cuffings. He's an edition of ABN TJ.
Speaker 2: Robs.
Speaker 1: This has been a blast. This was our final couple. Boy,
Speaker 1: they went out with a bang. Didn't I love these two?
Speaker 3: And certainly did.
Speaker 4: Jenny Garth and her husband Dave Abrams. They have a
Speaker 4: nine year age difference. Jenny is nine years older than Dave. Yes,
Speaker 4: she already had three kids from a previous marriage coming
Speaker 4: into this relationship. And one of my favorite moments is
Speaker 4: when we asked about whether or not these two had
Speaker 4: chemistry when they first met. Because this was a double
Speaker 4: blind date. They were set up to meet one another,
Speaker 4: and the moment Jenny says she saw Dave, she said,
Speaker 4: oh hell no, oh hell no.
Speaker 1: You know, we we get into this in the interview
Speaker 1: we do with her, but we have spent some time
Speaker 1: with her over the past year, and we've heard this
Speaker 1: story from her in person. Now you'll hear how she
Speaker 1: answers the question he and what do you say? She said, oh,
Speaker 1: hell no, Well, she was just like it.
Speaker 3: Was a hard note for her when she saw him.
Speaker 1: But then we've talked to her in person and asked
Speaker 1: her about it. She said what she saw, she was like.
Speaker 4: Like, she right, But she goes on to describe him
Speaker 4: as tall, dark and handsome with a pea coat, who
Speaker 4: looked like an actor, and she was just like.
Speaker 1: Ugh, yeah, but for a lot of people that would
Speaker 1: sound awesome. He sounds great. He's a good looking, tall,
Speaker 1: god great guy. But for her, in that world, she
Speaker 1: was immediately turned off by someone who looked like he
Speaker 1: was in that world.
Speaker 4: Yes, because she, of course has spent most of her
Speaker 4: at least at that point, most of her life in
Speaker 4: front of the camera in Hollywood.
Speaker 3: Man, I grew up watching her.
Speaker 4: I'm the same age as her, so I grew up
Speaker 4: with her watching her do nine O two and Ozero.
Speaker 4: But yeah, she was just wanting out of that whole scene,
Speaker 4: and he looked as though he was a part of it,
Speaker 4: even though he isn't.
Speaker 2: He isn't.
Speaker 1: But these two they were the last now in our
Speaker 1: series and they were. I said this to you during
Speaker 1: the interview. I leaned over and I said, these are adults,
Speaker 1: like they are grown folks who've been through a lot.
Speaker 1: They've been through previous relationships and marriages, they broke up
Speaker 1: for a little while, you got step kids involved. There's
Speaker 1: so much going on. But they also show us that, yes,
Speaker 1: despite all of that, there's still something to them that
Speaker 1: is evident in the conversation we're having. It's not just
Speaker 1: a matter we're still together or we've been together two years. No,
Speaker 1: you can see them while they sit next to each
Speaker 1: other and how they talk to each other, that there
Speaker 1: is something still special going on with these two. I
Speaker 1: love it.
Speaker 4: It is inspirational to know that you can get that
Speaker 4: low and be that bad off where you actually have
Speaker 4: divorce papers and you are not talking, you are not
Speaker 4: seeing each other for over a year, and here they are,
Speaker 4: six years after that tumultuous year. They can sit there
Speaker 4: and be in love and so comfortable with one another,
Speaker 4: and the trust that they've built up from going through
Speaker 4: that trunk is evident and speaks to the strength of
Speaker 4: their relationship today. So, without further ado, please take a
Speaker 4: listen to our conversation with Jenny Garth and Dave Abrams.
Speaker 4: Jenny and Dave are with us now. Thank you all
Speaker 4: for agreeing to do this, and thank you for being
Speaker 4: with us today.
Speaker 5: Absolutely, you're welcome. We love seeing you too.
Speaker 3: I we love seeing you.
Speaker 4: It's been so much fun to see couples sitting next
Speaker 4: to each other, interacting with each other while answering the questions.
Speaker 4: It's a very different experience than just interviewing someone one
Speaker 4: on one. So this, we promise this will be fun.
Speaker 3: All right, we'll start off.
Speaker 4: With each of you give me three words to describe
Speaker 4: the state of your relationship right now.
Speaker 3: Who wants to go first?
Speaker 6: Okay, the first three words that pop in my head,
Speaker 6: I would say stability. That just popped in my head.
Speaker 6: I don't know if this is a negative word, but
Speaker 6: content is like that was another one. No, but it
Speaker 6: just I'm I'm I've been like mulling over like how
Speaker 6: I'm very content and and it's like it's it's a
Speaker 6: weird feeling, because when are you you know, some something's happening,
Speaker 6: But no, no, no, I'm feeling like trying to understand, trying to
Speaker 6: understand the words I'm not.
Speaker 5: I've only gotten.
Speaker 6: A content, stability, and I would say, uh, support is
Speaker 6: another one. Oh well you yeah, I went first, So
Speaker 6: I think support is right now. I feel like with
Speaker 6: her supporting me and me supporting her with all the
Speaker 6: you know stuff she has going and yeah, and it
Speaker 6: is the same with me as well. Her support for
Speaker 6: me is yeah, full on and that's been That was
Speaker 6: one of the big things early in our relationship was
Speaker 6: sometimes I felt like I wasn't supported.
Speaker 1: So okay, that's just question one.
Speaker 2: We just don't question one. Guys.
Speaker 1: All right, Jenny, where are your three words support?
Speaker 7: Support, I wou'd say humorous, we laugh a lot, and reliable.
Speaker 5: We are we are we always do what we say
Speaker 5: we're going to do. We're always where we say we're
Speaker 5: going to be, and that gives both of us, I think,
Speaker 5: such a sense of stability and that reassurance.
Speaker 6: There's next places we are actually ever at any good point, so.
Speaker 5: We don't we don't stray far from our so forth.
Speaker 1: Yeah, gotchaka, next question here and we this is going
Speaker 1: to be fun because we have heard part of the
Speaker 1: story about how you all met. But the question that
Speaker 1: we've asked all the couples is was there immediate chemistry
Speaker 1: when you first.
Speaker 5: Met you want me to go first?
Speaker 3: No, it was a blind date, right, it was.
Speaker 5: A blind double date. And I think I told you
Speaker 5: guys this once on some other podcasts we do. But
Speaker 5: we we talked about the fact that I walked into
Speaker 5: the setup location, the restaurant, the bar, and I walked
Speaker 5: in and I immediately saw a tall, handsome, like actor
Speaker 5: looking guy with scrubble pea coat, so pretentious, and I
Speaker 5: was like, oh, I thought, no, no, so yeah, that
Speaker 5: was my first I disagree.
Speaker 6: I think that it was.
Speaker 5: There was a disagree with my reaction.
Speaker 6: No chemistry, The question was chemistry. I feel like there
Speaker 6: was chemistry. We were just kind of like waiting for it.
Speaker 6: Because after we left that date with the two people
Speaker 6: that we were on the date with, we went and
Speaker 6: had a drink by ourselves, and that's when, Yeah, we
Speaker 6: had a lot of chemistry. We didn't stop seeing each other,
Speaker 6: like and then we got married.
Speaker 3: So there, who said I love you first?
Speaker 6: Probably me?
Speaker 5: I was thinking, it's probably me. Wow, is it bad
Speaker 5: that we don't remember?
Speaker 1: No this, We've talked all these couples. This is the
Speaker 1: first time there wasn't an immediate Ah, it's usually is
Speaker 1: the guy.
Speaker 3: It was usually the guy.
Speaker 2: But yeah, okay, but you all can't remember who it was.
Speaker 6: No, I remember so much vividly. I don't. I feel
Speaker 6: like it was me, but you feel like it was you.
Speaker 5: I don't. I don't know. I think I blocked that
Speaker 5: on my memory.
Speaker 1: How about I put it this way, you all knowing
Speaker 1: what you know of each other and your relationship. Now,
Speaker 1: who is it more likely? You think probably said it first.
Speaker 5: I feel like it's more likely me because I'm a
Speaker 5: little bit more of a communicator, like a clear shooter,
Speaker 5: you know. I'm like, look, I love you, let's not
Speaker 5: waste any more time.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's true, That could be true. Yeah, I agree
Speaker 6: with that, all right. She's very yeah, very direct.
Speaker 4: That is a good thing in a relationship. How long
Speaker 4: did you all date before you got engaged? How long
Speaker 4: were you engaged before you got married.
Speaker 5: We were engaged.
Speaker 6: We got months after we met December, January, February. We
Speaker 6: were engaged in March. We got married in July.
Speaker 5: Wow, six months and got married at six months six months?
Speaker 4: Did you have any reservations at that, like, for having
Speaker 4: such an accelerated timeline.
Speaker 6: Uh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, because I mean it
Speaker 6: bit us in the butt like three years down the
Speaker 6: road because we didn't I mean, we broke up for
Speaker 6: like eight.
Speaker 5: Months a year. It was twelve months, actually.
Speaker 6: It was it was like eight months, just twelve.
Speaker 3: You broke up. You were already married though, so you
Speaker 3: were you were separated, separated.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but I think that's because we did jump into
Speaker 5: it full and fast like that, and I think we
Speaker 5: could have used a little more time to understand get
Speaker 5: to know each other and our problem solving where we
Speaker 5: each were individually, like in our growth and my healing,
Speaker 5: and you know, we just could have used some more time. Probably.
Speaker 6: I had a lot of stuff that, you know, that
Speaker 6: I had to kind of deal with that I didn't
Speaker 6: deal with in my single days and other relationships that
Speaker 6: you know, the same patterns were happening. I had to
Speaker 6: look at myself and also she had to look at herself.
Speaker 6: And then it's been great ever since. So it was
Speaker 6: I mean, it's crazy, but it was such a Our
Speaker 6: journey has been such a blessing. I mean, I know
Speaker 6: it sounds cheesy to say that, but it's it's true.
Speaker 6: I wouldn't have changed that.
Speaker 4: That totally makes sense. What happened in those eight or
Speaker 4: ten months. It was the difference that made the difference
Speaker 4: that now look at you, how many years later, still together,
Speaker 4: still happy.
Speaker 3: What happened during that period of time when you separated.
Speaker 6: Been back together for like six years during the break
Speaker 6: when we were broken up.
Speaker 5: I think we just both, like we said, did a
Speaker 5: lot of personal growth. I think that prior to the breakup,
Speaker 5: to the separation, i'll call it, we had been going
Speaker 5: to couple therapy and that wasn't working for us like that.
Speaker 5: He did not like that and so and it didn't
Speaker 5: it didn't help us. So we thought he didn't want
Speaker 5: to do it anymore. And I thought, well, why don't
Speaker 5: I just work on myself and you work on yourself,
Speaker 5: and they'll see what happens and see if that if
Speaker 5: we uncover some things, some truths about ourselves that we
Speaker 5: need to look at and you know, grow through. And
Speaker 5: I think that that's one of the big things that
Speaker 5: happened while we were separated. He had his divorce papers
Speaker 5: in a Manila envelope in the back you know how
Speaker 5: you're he has a truck and then in the back
Speaker 5: of the truck seat there's a pocket like in the seat. Yeah,
Speaker 5: the Manila envelope with our divorce papers completely ready to
Speaker 5: sign here, drove them around for months and months and
Speaker 5: months in this car. Yeah.
Speaker 6: So I filed in like April. There was like you know,
Speaker 6: the first four months where it's anger and just I
Speaker 6: don't want to talk to you. I'm done, I'm blah blah.
Speaker 6: So I got papers drawn up in like April. I
Speaker 6: didn't know what I was doing. The guy was like, well,
Speaker 6: you have community properties, Like I don't care, just do
Speaker 6: whatever is the easiest fast trap.
Speaker 5: Oh my god.
Speaker 6: And then in December January we started kind of dating
Speaker 6: again and becoming like trying to do like we made
Speaker 6: it a point to be like a normal couple. I
Speaker 6: had a little apartment, I had gotten a dog, like
Speaker 6: I was going through something, and so she you guys.
Speaker 5: He got a dog. While wait, it's a dog. Yeah,
Speaker 5: oh wait, know you got a new truck, a giant
Speaker 5: truck that doesn't even fit on the streets of Los Angeles.
Speaker 2: I mean, okay, he was going through something.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, you is the dog still with you?
Speaker 4: All?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Yeah, he's our son now. Yeah, he's like he's in
Speaker 6: love more. He's in love with Jenny. Like that's his person.
Speaker 1: We're more concerned that you're in love with her and
Speaker 1: she's still your person. Yeah, mister Manila envelope.
Speaker 5: Jesus seriously, guys, the Manila envelope was still in there
Speaker 5: like a year I think after.
Speaker 6: Yeah, we got back. I just sat there. I don't
Speaker 6: throw away a lot of stuff.
Speaker 3: That might be one thing you should throw away though.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's gone. The truck's gone.
Speaker 1: Wow, guys, I think we could rap now because you
Speaker 1: all just answered questions eight through forty.
Speaker 2: Next question here is there? I'm not sure.
Speaker 1: Is there an age difference and has it played any
Speaker 1: role in your relationship?
Speaker 6: Yes, I'm nine.
Speaker 5: Years older than Dave.
Speaker 6: So when we met, I was thirty four, she was
Speaker 6: forty three, and then we got married. I was thirty
Speaker 6: five four five he got married. Oh my god, I can't.
Speaker 5: When we go back in time and I realized how
Speaker 5: young you were, it freaks me out a little bit.
Speaker 6: I was a young thirty five.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what, that made complete sense to me.
Speaker 1: I didn't get close to the beginning to get my
Speaker 1: ish together in life until I was probably thirty eight
Speaker 1: or thirty nine. I was a mess, so that it
Speaker 1: makes perfect sense.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, yeah, that was that was totally true
Speaker 6: with me, and then jumping into the situation where I
Speaker 6: had three step children the ages of like sixteen eleven
Speaker 6: or or Lola was just twelve, and then Fiona was
Speaker 6: a seven eight, and then taking all that on and
Speaker 6: the dogs and then this celebrity and this celebrity that
Speaker 6: I had just come into her life, and then like
Speaker 6: paparazzi and like stuff like that, and then.
Speaker 5: It was a lot.
Speaker 6: It was a lot.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 4: So I mean, that's that's admirable that you all took
Speaker 4: a beat and it was probably scary as hell and
Speaker 4: awful for that period of time.
Speaker 3: But look at you now.
Speaker 4: That's that's really impressive and it's inspirational for folks who
Speaker 4: are going through tough times.
Speaker 3: But you can, you know, you can figure it out.
Speaker 5: Yeah you want to.
Speaker 3: That's really cool.
Speaker 5: I didn't get through it. But back to your point
Speaker 5: about the age thing, So they're having that gap in
Speaker 5: age there there have been times when it comes up.
Speaker 5: I think not as much anymore because, like we said,
Speaker 5: he has done some growing up. I've stopped growing up
Speaker 5: and you keep growing up, which is great. So now
Speaker 5: we're kind of like in the middle.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I agree, the age difference. I never really felt
Speaker 6: I never really that wasn't that wasn't really a big
Speaker 6: issue to me. It was a bigger issue for everybody
Speaker 6: else because they would, you know, they would talk about
Speaker 6: it more in the news or whatever. When we were
Speaker 6: first together, it was a thing.
Speaker 4: But funny enough, if a man was nine years older
Speaker 4: than the woman, no one would say, oh, that's just
Speaker 4: when It's like.
Speaker 6: No one would that and I no one would care,
Speaker 6: and no it ever gets talked about. But I mean,
Speaker 6: I think there was a couple other celebrities that Kristin
Speaker 6: Cavaleria was dating like a twenty five year old and
Speaker 6: that was all over the news.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I hear you.
Speaker 4: Why did you two and you made the decision very quickly,
Speaker 4: as you just told us, Why did you two want
Speaker 4: to be married? And where do you think the two
Speaker 4: of you would be if you had just chosen to
Speaker 4: stay as a couple and never actually officially legally get married.
Speaker 5: I think for me, having three you know, grows who
Speaker 5: were young young tweens and teenagers, it was weird for
Speaker 5: me to just, based on my morals and my upbringings
Speaker 5: to have a man in the house that I wasn't
Speaker 5: fully committed to or he wasn't fully committed to me,
Speaker 5: because I didn't want to give them the messaging. That's
Speaker 5: what was one of the things that was important for me,
Speaker 5: And maybe that was one of the things that you know,
Speaker 5: caused us to rush into it because marriage was more
Speaker 5: important to me. I'm just I'm a Midwestern I like
Speaker 5: to be married. I like to have full on commitment,
Speaker 5: and I like to know I'm not wasting my time
Speaker 5: with somebody, you know what I mean.
Speaker 6: So for me that yeah, yeah, I mean I think
Speaker 6: for me, I didn't. I didn't think about marriage. I
Speaker 6: didn't really think about kids. I didn't. I just was
Speaker 6: kind of, you know, plugging away and this kind of
Speaker 6: just like happened, and I just kind of went with it.
Speaker 6: I got into it.
Speaker 1: No appreciate the honesty of that answer, really there, Jenny,
Speaker 1: to be able to talk about it in such a way.
Speaker 2: Yet, you know what, we probably.
Speaker 1: Because of you wanted marriage and because of the way
Speaker 1: you came up, you probably rushed into the marriage.
Speaker 2: That was a very honest answer.
Speaker 6: I appreciate that one hundred percent. I mean I was
Speaker 6: so in love and so like committed. At that time,
Speaker 6: I was like, let's let me do everything I can
Speaker 6: to show this woman that I am this person and
Speaker 6: I am committed. And then you know, obviously after the
Speaker 6: purple roses whatever the saying is, and you've hit reality
Speaker 6: and then you're yeah, it's a lot. But I think
Speaker 6: looking back, I wouldn't have changed anything. But I love
Speaker 6: what we did.
Speaker 3: That's very cool.
Speaker 4: So we I always preface this next question with we
Speaker 4: ask everyone this question, answer it however you'd like. But
Speaker 4: how would you describe your sex life and how has
Speaker 4: it changed over the years.
Speaker 5: Well, when we got together. When we first got together,
Speaker 5: I was in my forties, and you know what they
Speaker 5: say about ladies in their forties, late forties, Like I
Speaker 5: was ready all the time, right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, women come into their sexual powers in their
Speaker 4: thirties and forties. Yeah.
Speaker 5: And I think that you had I don't know.
Speaker 6: Where you were this like in the beginning. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 6: I mean it's always good at the beginning, and then.
Speaker 3: You know, and then you know, yeah, I mean, you know.
Speaker 6: We don't really were We don't really talk a lot
Speaker 6: about sex and stuff like that. I'm pretty modest, I
Speaker 6: don't I've never you know, been very wealth Yeah, totally,
Speaker 6: but I would say that it's definitely gotten better. There's
Speaker 6: definitely been challenges with menopause and certain things and.
Speaker 5: Teenage kids in the house all the time.
Speaker 6: We have never we never have an empty house. So
Speaker 6: it's like, I mean even the twenty two year old
Speaker 6: those with us, which I love that she's here. Her
Speaker 6: boyfriend's also here like a lot, which I love him too,
Speaker 6: but it's a full house.
Speaker 5: Does that have effect? Yeah, we go on weekend ways.
Speaker 6: We just did, like just like we just went to
Speaker 6: Palm Springs for like a night just to get out,
Speaker 6: just to be like, we throw the phone away, we
Speaker 6: just need to get away. And that was great. But
Speaker 6: that we have.
Speaker 5: To get speak quiet all the time. That I hope
Speaker 5: my kids aren't listening to this. You don't need to
Speaker 5: be quiet. All our balls are shared by two teenage girls.
Speaker 5: Like it's a thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 6: And we know this because they've said, well, why were
Speaker 6: you guys arguing this? I was like, it wasn't what
Speaker 6: are you talking about?
Speaker 5: That was Now when we have sex, we argue just
Speaker 5: to fool them.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, we turn on the TV. We've last
Speaker 6: the TV.
Speaker 2: This is a real relationship here.
Speaker 1: This is great, all right, next question here, aside from
Speaker 1: sex though physical touch, how important is physical touch? For example,
Speaker 1: walking down the street, do you find yourself you're always
Speaker 1: holding hands. If you're in the room, do you find
Speaker 1: yourselves rubbing up against each other? How important is that
Speaker 1: to you?
Speaker 5: Well, I know you two are touchers. You like physical connection.
Speaker 5: I love that about your couple. But we always hold hands.
Speaker 5: I think when we met, I was like, here's a
Speaker 5: couple things that are really important to me. I like
Speaker 5: to have my handheld, and I like someone to open
Speaker 5: the door for me, like all the time. Never I
Speaker 5: never touch a doorknob, Like that's kind of like my dream.
Speaker 5: And he was all for that. We hold hands constantly,
Speaker 5: and I'm a lot more touchy, I think than he is.
Speaker 5: But also we're very independent, so there's times when I
Speaker 5: don't need it, he doesn't need it, but I should
Speaker 5: need that hug at the end of the day or
Speaker 5: before big thing I need.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I've kind of been, i mean, growing into being
Speaker 6: more affectionate, especially with the girls. Like you know, I'm
Speaker 6: not I'm not very affectionate. I mean I show my
Speaker 6: love and how I do like I show up for people,
Speaker 6: I'm there. That's kind of like my showing like affection.
Speaker 6: I know she always needs like a hug, so it's
Speaker 6: like tuning that in just to go hug her out
Speaker 6: of the blue, or like give one of the girls
Speaker 6: a hug, Like that's a big thing for me, just
Speaker 6: to even hug.
Speaker 5: Like it's kind of like the way you grew up.
Speaker 5: Probably physical, No, we snuggle my my kids and I
Speaker 5: snuggle constantly, so that physical touch is really important.
Speaker 3: That's cute. I love that.
Speaker 4: So we know that you pretend to fight when you're
Speaker 4: having sex, but how often do.
Speaker 3: You actually fight?
Speaker 4: So? Yeah, how often do you actually fight? And is
Speaker 4: there something you fight about?
Speaker 3: Most?
Speaker 5: I think we argue about the girls, one the youngest,
Speaker 5: probably in particular, just because of maybe not understanding I
Speaker 5: understand her in a different way than he might be
Speaker 5: able to. What else is there we do? We argue
Speaker 5: about money? No, because we're kind of his her and hours.
Speaker 6: So yeah, I mean, what do we are alowed to argue?
Speaker 2: Golf?
Speaker 5: Golf?
Speaker 6: That's what he was going to say, golf.
Speaker 5: I'm a golf widow.
Speaker 4: Oh, I was trying to figure out he golfs too much?
Speaker 3: And it takes it takes what six hours, seven hours?
Speaker 6: I mean, I'm I'm on a golf team and then
Speaker 6: we're in season right now, and then you have to
Speaker 6: have a dinner after you play on Thursday, and it's
Speaker 6: a bunch of other clubs golf.
Speaker 3: Then there's the nineteenth hole.
Speaker 2: I know, one night a week.
Speaker 6: Well, in this it's not.
Speaker 5: A nice t J. It's damn day.
Speaker 2: Okay, so one day a week.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but yeah, and then tournaments and stuff like that.
Speaker 6: It can be like a weekend. But but that's it.
Speaker 6: Like I only go to golf work, okay, don't.
Speaker 5: I used to care about it a lot more. Now
Speaker 5: I'm so busy. I'm like, go do your thing. I'll
Speaker 5: see you later. What bring me dinner? I don't know
Speaker 5: what's happening.
Speaker 6: And it's interesting. I've been I've been sober for like
Speaker 6: two and a half almost three years, so like being
Speaker 6: around this environment where guys are just getting trash, I
Speaker 6: just haven't. I just sit there like it was.
Speaker 5: He doesn't really, Yeah, I don't care get involved with
Speaker 5: that part anymore, which is such. I mean, like I
Speaker 5: didn't never know jumping onto that topic, like I didn't
Speaker 5: never know how insecure. That environment made me not insecure,
Speaker 5: but just unstable, like destabilized. When like my husband would
Speaker 5: go and you know, drink with the guys at the club,
Speaker 5: I worry, like I worry about I'm driving, and I
Speaker 5: just I don't know, I think that since he stopped
Speaker 5: drinking by his choice, it was, it's been such a
Speaker 5: secure feeling for me. I love it. I stopped drinking too,
Speaker 5: So we're in it together.
Speaker 3: Oh, very cool.
Speaker 1: All right, Well, next question here, When was the last time,
Speaker 1: I don't know how, Maybe this was this morning, or
Speaker 1: maybe it was weeks ago, the last time you remember
Speaker 1: having to say I'm sorry to the other And what
Speaker 1: was it for?
Speaker 6: Oh, that's a good question. I feel like I just
Speaker 6: said I'm sorry for something.
Speaker 1: Probably it was probably on golf day.
Speaker 5: He doesn't apologize for that.
Speaker 6: What was it recently? It was like it was recently?
Speaker 6: It was like this past weekend.
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 6: Oh was it Sunday morning? And I was so frustrated
Speaker 6: because it was the game. I went into work and
Speaker 6: then I came back and then they were reupholsteraing shared
Speaker 6: so everything.
Speaker 5: Sunday you're not supposed to do any household.
Speaker 6: Chores my daughter Lola and her are constantly they work
Speaker 6: on the brand together, but they're constantly doing like projects,
Speaker 6: like they don't stop. Like they took apart this these
Speaker 6: two seats that were pink and re upholstered them. When
Speaker 6: I got my upholster guy, he was like, we could
Speaker 6: I could do it for nine hundred bucks, but.
Speaker 5: We wanted to do it ourselves.
Speaker 6: So they couldn't do it themselves. So they needed a
Speaker 6: little bit of help. But Sunday morning, the.
Speaker 5: Staple or gun, those are really hard to use, you
Speaker 5: guys on my hand is not that strong anymore.
Speaker 6: And then now they want to cut the barstools three
Speaker 6: inches off the metal, which they need a welder to
Speaker 6: do that.
Speaker 5: So they asked what time when you were? Sorry lost?
Speaker 6: I think it was Sunday.
Speaker 5: I was.
Speaker 6: I had a little bit of a temper tandrent because
Speaker 6: then the internet. Then they had the Internet guy coming
Speaker 6: over on Sunday on a Sunday.
Speaker 1: The Internet guy on a Sunday Jednie.
Speaker 5: Appointment up and then he got mad at oh happening?
Speaker 6: Well they were well, they were late, and then this
Speaker 6: guy's like, well we got to run these wires. It's noon.
Speaker 6: I gotta be so. Yeah, I did say I was
Speaker 6: sorry because you were being a little bio because I
Speaker 6: was being a bitch a little bit. But I had
Speaker 6: a lot of anxiety about the Eagles and then you know,
Speaker 6: facilitating people at work, and so yeah, you know.
Speaker 4: I think it takes a lot, though, to admit that
Speaker 4: you know, and to say you're sorry.
Speaker 3: I think that's cool and that's what it's all about.
Speaker 6: Right.
Speaker 1: Oh man, I'm if I had to be asked this question.
Speaker 1: I didn't think about until now. The last time I
Speaker 1: had to say I'm sorry was for something similar. I apologize.
Speaker 1: We get up two three in the morning sometimes don't
Speaker 1: get a lot of sleep, and I was just frantic
Speaker 1: and I was not in a good way. I'm slamming
Speaker 1: stuff in a hurry. And I later just said, you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm sorry for how I was. I was
Speaker 1: not in a good way.
Speaker 3: It's amazing to hear it. I wasn't even upset about it.
Speaker 4: I knew that you hadn't slept that much, and it
Speaker 4: was cool to have you even say that when I
Speaker 4: wasn't even I didn't even say anything, But it makes
Speaker 4: it makes a big difference.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think saying sorry is so underrated because it
Speaker 5: really makes the other person feel seen and respected. I
Speaker 5: think when there's a conflict, to work it out on
Speaker 5: your own and come back to the person and have
Speaker 5: that clear conversation with like, I'm not going to point
Speaker 5: the finger at you in this situation. I'm going to
Speaker 5: point the thumb and look at how I what my
Speaker 5: bark wasn't And it just feels really reassuring to have that.
Speaker 5: I think I apologize to him this morning because he
Speaker 5: walked into the bedroom with this giant cup of coffee
Speaker 5: from Starbucks and he was just sitting there holding it
Speaker 5: and drinking it. And I just stared at her and
Speaker 5: I was like, where's Mike. You didn't get me any
Speaker 5: You didn't get me a tea? And he said no,
Speaker 5: I didn't. He's like, oh you didn't. You didn't you
Speaker 5: went to Starbus, you didn't get meyone? He said, no,
Speaker 5: I didn't think of you. And then so I go, oh, mad, yeah,
Speaker 5: not terribly. Well.
Speaker 6: I was joking with her.
Speaker 5: He was joking, I'm sorry that I believed you.
Speaker 3: Basically that's hilarious. I said, but that's cute. You still
Speaker 3: have a little humor.
Speaker 4: You knew she might get mad, but it would be
Speaker 4: a funny moment when she realized.
Speaker 2: I get it right. You said, I'm sorry that I
Speaker 2: thought you were in Is that right?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Okay, got it like that, apology.
Speaker 2: Sorry about that day? All right?
Speaker 1: Next up here speak Well, we'll stick with the mad
Speaker 1: and the fight theme for a second. This will be
Speaker 1: the last one in that regard. Do you make a
Speaker 1: point of not going to bed angry or do sometimes
Speaker 1: you do.
Speaker 5: It sometimes to be angry.
Speaker 6: Yes, I mean I would like to make it a
Speaker 6: point not to go to bed angry, but sometimes we
Speaker 6: do go to bed angry.
Speaker 5: You just gotta call it. Sometimes.
Speaker 6: You ever have the you know, where it's it's getting
Speaker 6: late and you know you're sitting on the side of
Speaker 6: the bed and you're like, well, I'm going to go
Speaker 6: in there, but I'm not. I'm just going to stay
Speaker 6: in this, And then you're just like, well, we're exhausted.
Speaker 6: What's good?
Speaker 5: So? Or did you know those times when when like
Speaker 5: my world would be so going so fast that it's
Speaker 5: not until I lay my head on the pillow that
Speaker 5: I kind of assess things with regard to like what
Speaker 5: we're going through and what we're talking about, where we are,
Speaker 5: and that's when I'm like, so should we talk about
Speaker 5: the thing?
Speaker 6: And maybe at that point where I'm like, no, I
Speaker 6: had all the like, honey, honey talk, yeah, that's the thing,
Speaker 6: Like I should be better at that, But that is
Speaker 6: that is where I've kind of had more time because
Speaker 6: she is so busy and when I'm done, I'm done,
Speaker 6: and she's yeah she wants to talk at that point
Speaker 6: where it's like midnight and I'm like, no, I'm out.
Speaker 3: What do you each love the most about the other?
Speaker 5: I love that Dave is fun. He's fun. He makes
Speaker 5: me laugh in every situation. He's like he's like a
Speaker 5: walking Saturday Night Live show all the time. He's always
Speaker 5: doing like voices and mimic. You know, He's just fun
Speaker 5: to hang out with. He's brought such a levity into
Speaker 5: our home. And you know, because the kids and I
Speaker 5: went through a really hard time with the divorce and
Speaker 5: the family's breaking up and everything, and when he came in,
Speaker 5: that's what we all noticed that we all just felt
Speaker 5: happier when he was around. So that's one of the things.
Speaker 6: I love about Well, Honey, I'm gonna cry at nine
Speaker 6: o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 5: I also love that he's tall because I am short
Speaker 5: and I can't reach a lot of things, so that's
Speaker 5: really helpful.
Speaker 6: I love most about Jenny is she's fierce. I don't know,
Speaker 6: like she's she just when she says she's going to
Speaker 6: do something, she does it. Her loyalty is unmatched, and
Speaker 6: I've learned a lot about that. It's almost loyal to
Speaker 6: a fault, but I'd rather do that than the opposite.
Speaker 6: And she's had the same people around her for thirty
Speaker 6: something years and that says a lot about who she
Speaker 6: is and her character, and I've learned a lot. Yeah,
Speaker 6: I mean, I love I just you know, when you
Speaker 6: she's just my human And so even though I tried
Speaker 6: to get away, just that's just the way it is.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: It wasn't lost on us either, Jenny. Since we've been
Speaker 1: asking questions, there were some you deferred and you pause
Speaker 1: and you say, hey, you go first, but we when
Speaker 1: she asked what do you love most about the other?
Speaker 1: You jumped in immediately and had something you knew and
Speaker 1: you wanted to speak first on that. So that wasn't law.
Speaker 1: That was a very cute moment to see. We got
Speaker 1: to turn to some practical stuff. Now the household. You kind
Speaker 1: of alluded to it, but this happens in every relationship.
Speaker 1: How do you handle household finances together separate?
Speaker 2: How does it work?
Speaker 6: Well, it's a little different. I mean it's different.
Speaker 5: Situation is different. Pres is not traditional.
Speaker 6: I would say, no, I contribute to household around our house.
Speaker 6: But if I wasn't married to my wife, I would
Speaker 6: not be living in this house. Let's just say so.
Speaker 5: Probably stepped into a lifestyle that he did not see coming,
Speaker 5: and I would never ever expect him to being that.
Speaker 5: I I've always been independent financially since I started making money.
Speaker 5: I always will take care myself and my kids. So
Speaker 5: I never would expect him to come in and take
Speaker 5: care of me, or take care of the girls, or
Speaker 5: pay fifty percent of what or what take over the
Speaker 5: payments for this lifestyle that I've created for myself and
Speaker 5: the girls.
Speaker 6: So we did. Yeah, we did have some resentment. She
Speaker 6: had some resentment towards me a couple of years ago,
Speaker 6: just because it was like after COVID, I'm in the
Speaker 6: restaurant business. I lost one, I sold another one, and
Speaker 6: then I was starting a new one. So we had
Speaker 6: we had to go through a lot of like growing
Speaker 6: pains to where we got now to where it on
Speaker 6: that front, we're very secure in what our contributions are
Speaker 6: to this family and that probably for the first time
Speaker 6: in our marriage we've both felt that way. And yeah,
Speaker 6: so I think that that was a very that was
Speaker 6: a big point of contention our relationship that we just
Speaker 6: kind of swept under the rug a little bit, but
Speaker 6: it did when we had to confront it, I go, Okay,
Speaker 6: I didn't know you were feeling that well way, so
Speaker 6: let's do this to alleviate that, and me working and
Speaker 6: busting to help her in that way, it was a
Speaker 6: it makes me feel good, as you know, as a
Speaker 6: partner that it's not all on.
Speaker 5: Her right, but it's always We've always been very clear
Speaker 5: that this is the world that I created and I
Speaker 5: live in, and I don't expect you to jump into
Speaker 5: this financially because that's not you know, I wouldn't ask
Speaker 5: anybody to jump into a situation that they are not
Speaker 5: familiar with. So I think that we've navigated it pretty well.
Speaker 5: And I will say too, like you know, I used to.
Speaker 5: I've said before in certain relationships, like when the woman
Speaker 5: is the you know, breadwinner or makes more money than
Speaker 5: the man that I heard Sally Field say this once.
Speaker 5: It's like a cancer eats away the relationship, which is
Speaker 5: a pretty dramatic visual, but it's honestly like there's a
Speaker 5: seed planted, and if that seed of resentment or contempt
Speaker 5: or any bitterness about that, if that seed is watered,
Speaker 5: it really can grow and just some a big fat
Speaker 5: weed in your relationship. So I think that really being
Speaker 5: honest and upfront about each of our independent finances and
Speaker 5: how we see ourselves and then how we see us
Speaker 5: as a couple has really benefited us.
Speaker 6: Yeah. I mean when we first met, she didn't know.
Speaker 6: When I first moved in with her at the other house,
Speaker 6: I was like, well, so what's your what's the electrical bill?
Speaker 6: Let me see what that looks like. She didn't know,
Speaker 6: So that's where we started. So I had to like
Speaker 6: delve in, do you know that this is much money?
Speaker 6: We shouldn't keep that full heater on because that's a
Speaker 6: lot of money.
Speaker 5: Like the water warm, what's.
Speaker 6: The So things like that. That's gotten a lot better
Speaker 6: where she over our tenure relationship, has learned so much
Speaker 6: more about finances and has gotten her own finances under control.
Speaker 6: And and and it's so wonderful to see her bloom
Speaker 6: in that regard and for me just to say, well,
Speaker 6: I you know, I helped her with that as well
Speaker 6: as she supported me with other things, you know, I
Speaker 6: mean COVID was tough. I mean I opened a new
Speaker 6: spot and I was working five nights a week just
Speaker 6: going in there, and you know, she supported me through that,
Speaker 6: and then now we're at this point. It's great.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so cool.
Speaker 4: I mean because finances, I mean, it is a topic
Speaker 4: that people don't want to discuss. And I think didn't
Speaker 4: they say people would prefer to talk about sex, even
Speaker 4: uncomfortable conversations about sex, versus uncomfortable conversations about money, Like
Speaker 4: money is just this taboo topic that can eat away you.
Speaker 4: So that's a really thank you for sharing that because
Speaker 4: I think that's very relatable to a lot of people.
Speaker 2: Guys.
Speaker 1: While you were giving your answer, I kept nudging her
Speaker 1: and whispering they're adults. Yeah, Like that was just a
Speaker 1: grown up answer. I know, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You hear all kinds of answers, but you.
Speaker 2: All, that's real life and adulthood right there. And that's
Speaker 2: what I kept nudging her.
Speaker 6: Thanks. I told her that if we're buried together one day,
Speaker 6: someone's going to put mister Garth by accident. And I'm told.
Speaker 5: He doesn't give a ship. He's like that when you
Speaker 5: check into a hotel, if he calls them.
Speaker 6: By, they go, they go, mister, mister Garth, Hey, what's up?
Speaker 5: Man?
Speaker 2: I've been called mister before. I love it when they
Speaker 2: call the room, would you like?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 2: Sent up?
Speaker 3: He never corrects them either. He thinks it's hilarious.
Speaker 5: A guy that doesn't that's not an issue for them, Like,
Speaker 5: who cares?
Speaker 4: It's so nice. It is so nice. Yes, that is
Speaker 4: not lost on me. By the way, thank you for
Speaker 4: being always like never getting offended by that or having
Speaker 4: your manhood, you know. But let's take it some way somehow,
Speaker 4: So I appreciate that. How do you guys handle household
Speaker 4: chores like cooking, cleaning, laundry, try.
Speaker 3: All that stuff that people fight about?
Speaker 6: I love? Can we do this once a week? This
Speaker 6: is this is great. I'll start first. I do the poop.
Speaker 6: I do a lot of poop, dog poop, peep. I
Speaker 6: feed the dogs. I do the dishes. I load the
Speaker 6: dishes in the morning because I'm the morning person. They
Speaker 6: get a lot of dishes at night. I unload it
Speaker 6: in the morning. I take out the trash.
Speaker 5: You're in charge of turning off the lights and are
Speaker 5: huge doors because every no one turns off lights.
Speaker 6: I'm like that guy, like it's sign. I put a
Speaker 6: big sign in the eighteen year old room before she
Speaker 6: walks out. Lights.
Speaker 3: Lights, lights, that's funny.
Speaker 6: Yeah, she's constantly. Yeah, she's constantly.
Speaker 5: I'm a homemaker, so I'll do anything. I love it.
Speaker 5: I love I would rather be doing like household chores
Speaker 5: than most things.
Speaker 6: So it's wild.
Speaker 1: You've got a full house there. So, but the cooking
Speaker 1: in the laundry has to be a big deal. How
Speaker 1: how are those two things handled?
Speaker 5: Well, we let the girls do their own laundry, thank god,
Speaker 5: and we alternate the lawn well, usually Tuesday night.
Speaker 6: Tuesday night's the laundry night, and she'll do it and
Speaker 6: then I'll put it away.
Speaker 4: That's kind of how I us have like such an
Speaker 4: awesome system, Like you even knew what night you do
Speaker 4: laundry and you tag team everything.
Speaker 3: That's remarkable.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we have to admit a eighty percent of our
Speaker 1: couples that were they were doing great now all the questions.
Speaker 1: We got the laundry, and there are cracks and the relationship,
Speaker 1: so it's very impressive to hear you will handle it
Speaker 1: the way you do it.
Speaker 6: Don't get don't get me wrong. I hate laundry's that's
Speaker 6: probably that's the thing. I hate them.
Speaker 5: I don't mind it, so it works out.
Speaker 1: Next question here, tell us how much time do you
Speaker 1: find that you need, not just a loan, but away
Speaker 1: from each other. It sounds like you get enough of
Speaker 1: it just naturally, but do you find that you need
Speaker 1: some time apart?
Speaker 5: I feel like we during our therapy work, we both
Speaker 5: learned the concept of circle, square circle from our therapist
Speaker 5: or my therapist who was also seeing you. But Wade
Speaker 5: wait Davis, he taught us this that we're each our
Speaker 5: own individual circles and then in the middle is the square,
Speaker 5: and that square represents our our relationship together. So we
Speaker 5: both have these circles that we on a daily basis
Speaker 5: are filling with you know, work and doing things that
Speaker 5: make us happy and you know, clipping off all those
Speaker 5: pieces of the pie that make somebody whole. Right, So
Speaker 5: those circles are whole and independent of one another. And
Speaker 5: then that square in the middle is empty, and we
Speaker 5: put into it whatever we want, like if well, however,
Speaker 5: we want to nurture the relationship. So we try to
Speaker 5: keep that square in the middle in our in our
Speaker 5: sights and you know, in our goals, and we try
Speaker 5: to put into that square. But I think that that
Speaker 5: awareness for me was really essential because I am kind
Speaker 5: of a co dependent person on only my family, like
Speaker 5: certain like my kids and my husband. So I but
Speaker 5: i'ms also okay with being codependent a little bit. I
Speaker 5: I you know the word interdependent. Yes, yes, that's my
Speaker 5: new that one, because I don't think codependency is like
Speaker 5: a terrible thing. I love people and I want to
Speaker 5: be around them.
Speaker 3: I'm the same way, Jenny, I'm the same way for me.
Speaker 6: I was I was. I needed that kind of independence
Speaker 6: I needed in my time. I needed to go, you know,
Speaker 6: be away and then so I can fill that bucket
Speaker 6: and so that I could come back and and golf
Speaker 6: for me kind of checks all those boxes. It checks
Speaker 6: the social box, it checks the activity box, it checks
Speaker 6: the mental health box, because you're so into that. So
Speaker 6: we have worked that's a that's been a big part
Speaker 6: of how we worked. Like when we first got together.
Speaker 6: I used to go on these football trips with my
Speaker 6: Oklahoma friends to go see ou football and we would
Speaker 6: do that, and that was tough for her. She didn't
Speaker 6: understand that. She couldn't understand that.
Speaker 5: I think that I was just in a different place
Speaker 5: at that point, Like I wasn't interested in my husband
Speaker 5: going off and getting drunk, and you know, he was
Speaker 5: at a different place. And I think as we've matured,
Speaker 5: those things have settled in and like eased up, so
Speaker 5: they they aren't in, they aren't thorns.
Speaker 6: Correct, Yeah, it's not as it's no big deal now
Speaker 6: like it it was so much of a big deal.
Speaker 5: But he's a Gemini and I'm an Aries. I don't
Speaker 5: know if you I don't know that much about astrology,
Speaker 5: but I know that Geminis are the people that have
Speaker 5: two sides, right, which I didn't really know until like
Speaker 5: three years in. I never I never was like, oh
Speaker 5: my gosh, I'm seeing the other side of the Gemini
Speaker 5: and I'm an Aries, which is very strong willed and
Speaker 5: determined and you know, so it's an interesting combination.
Speaker 4: Super super independent le Leo and Aquarius is what we are. Gemini,
Speaker 4: I'm not that good and that I only know about
Speaker 4: it better.
Speaker 5: I wish I knew more about astrology because I think
Speaker 5: it's super I just know geminis.
Speaker 6: Get a bad rap.
Speaker 4: The funny thing is the next couple of questions you
Speaker 4: all have absolutely already answered, like have you ever broken up? Yes?
Speaker 3: Have you ever been a couple of therapy? Yes, But
Speaker 3: we have this question.
Speaker 4: Have you ever in the middle of an argument threatened
Speaker 4: to get divorced, threatened to leave the relationship outside of
Speaker 4: when you.
Speaker 3: Guys actually did do that?
Speaker 4: Have you ever used or reached that point where you
Speaker 4: threw that bomb at the in an argument?
Speaker 5: Oh? Yeah, in the earlier days, we really did. And
Speaker 5: that was super hard for me because the stabilizing, like
Speaker 5: to be told I'm out of here, this is even
Speaker 5: doing this, or you know, it's the worst each other.
Speaker 5: It's the worst feeling.
Speaker 6: Yeah, And I'm my biggest thing I have to work
Speaker 6: on in my whole entire life is fight or flight.
Speaker 6: It's just such a for me. When I leave a situation,
Speaker 6: it's this like almost rebirth. It feels so good to me.
Speaker 6: It's like it's crazy, but it's not healthy, you know
Speaker 6: what I'm saying, Like, Yeah, so I would like in
Speaker 6: those fights that where normally I would just leave and
Speaker 6: go in the other room or just leave, I just
Speaker 6: have chosen to just stay. And so for me just
Speaker 6: to even stay even when nothing's getting solved and still
Speaker 6: the shit dad has meant so much more to her
Speaker 6: and stabilized her even though in my whole being it's
Speaker 6: killing me.
Speaker 5: It's so interesting that we met, like we paired up
Speaker 5: because I have abandonment issues from my father, initially getting
Speaker 5: really sick and like kind of losing that father figure
Speaker 5: even though he's stayed alive for a long time. I felt,
Speaker 5: I think, abandoned as a young girl. And then relationships
Speaker 5: happen and marriages and those kinds of things happened, so
Speaker 5: it kind of embedded that further in me. But and
Speaker 5: then I met somebody who likes to leave, Like who
Speaker 5: doesn't who I'm I was in the beginning always like
Speaker 5: well I think he might leave again, Like he's gonna leave,
Speaker 5: so how can you you know?
Speaker 6: I mean, yeah, it's that's why I said at the
Speaker 6: at the beginning of this content for the like the
Speaker 6: first point part, I mean, in my life I have
Speaker 6: felt complete content. There is no like I got it.
Speaker 6: How am I getting out of this situation. Okay, what
Speaker 6: good do I have one hundred thousand dollars where I
Speaker 6: could just go make a new life somewhere.
Speaker 3: Every everybody has had that.
Speaker 6: These are the thoughts, right, but you've got to block those.
Speaker 6: I mean, just this is this is the this is
Speaker 6: these are the crazy wirings that I have that I
Speaker 6: have to like work on.
Speaker 5: It's just me who's like, leaving isn't an option.
Speaker 6: You're either in or you're out, like, and it feels
Speaker 6: so much better to have made that commitment and being like, man,
Speaker 6: this is this is what I am in. I've made
Speaker 6: these choices, and I am so better off.
Speaker 4: I totally get that. Like, I absolutely have that same
Speaker 4: instinct like I have to get out of here. I
Speaker 4: have to, like, I have to leave.
Speaker 3: And he's like, if you leave, you will not be
Speaker 3: coming back.
Speaker 1: That's no, no, no wait wait, that's only if you
Speaker 1: make the threat.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I never put you out.
Speaker 4: Oh no no no, you're just saying if you walk
Speaker 4: out that door, no, that it will be locked.
Speaker 5: The way.
Speaker 2: So today's point to hear.
Speaker 1: I was really interested Dave and hearing what you were
Speaker 1: saying there about you know, the fight or flight thing
Speaker 1: to where I'm never the one that's usually trying to fly.
Speaker 1: But if you tell me you mentioned something about just
Speaker 1: how you're able to move on, it's the next thing.
Speaker 1: When someone tells me this relationship is over or I'm
Speaker 1: done or I'm leaving, I'm already in my mind.
Speaker 2: How am I going to get her things back over
Speaker 2: to her? Wow?
Speaker 1: If FedEx is open at a thirty tomorrow, like I'm done? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: not because I choose to, but I listen to someone.
Speaker 1: I don't play that game, so we it's been interesting
Speaker 1: the bag of Force I really set up, Dave when
Speaker 1: you were talking about that fight or flight and how
Speaker 1: your mind kind of works.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's not it. I don't even think it's
Speaker 3: a game.
Speaker 4: I think you're it's your it's your ego protecting you,
Speaker 4: it's my ego protecting me. It's your ego protect You
Speaker 4: have to have your backup plan, you have to have
Speaker 4: what am I doing now to protect myself? Because I'm
Speaker 4: feeling really hurt and really scared? So what do I
Speaker 4: do to protect myself? And everybody has different responses to that,
Speaker 4: But thank you for like articulating that, because I think
Speaker 4: a lot of people would relate to that, and I
Speaker 4: think it's really cool that even though you have that
Speaker 4: tendency as so many people do, as I do too,
Speaker 4: that you say, I'm going to make a choice. I'm
Speaker 4: in this relationship and I'm going to I am not
Speaker 4: going to do this thing. It will make me feel
Speaker 4: good right now because the harm it will do later
Speaker 4: is not worth it.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's that's such a good point that you mentioned ego,
Speaker 6: because that's one hundred percent what it is. That's one
Speaker 6: hundred percent what like it hits to your core and
Speaker 6: that's just false evidence appearing real, you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: Oh, this is so good. He taught me that fear
Speaker 5: that's the fault. Evidence is false evidence appearing real.
Speaker 3: Wow, that's so cool. I love that and it's so true.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you said a lot like when I'm when I'm
Speaker 5: feeling fearful of anything, Like I'll just come back to
Speaker 5: that and think, oh, okay.
Speaker 4: That's a good thing to say to yourself when you're
Speaker 4: feeling that, especially if you Yeah, that's oh my gosh,
Speaker 4: I'm using that.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 2: We'll use it tomorrow.
Speaker 3: Yeah, morning tomorrow.
Speaker 1: All right, next last few things there, we'll get to
Speaker 1: these last few here for you.
Speaker 2: What is it? And I want to use the word warn,
Speaker 2: but what is it? If you saw a whole.
Speaker 1: Line of couples lined up at city Hall going into
Speaker 1: get married at the justice of the piece, what is it?
Speaker 1: You would want to go down that line and make
Speaker 1: sure you tell every couple make sure you consider this,
Speaker 1: think about this, or even warn them about don't do
Speaker 1: it before they say I do.
Speaker 5: I see somebody getting married, I'm like, oh, don't do it.
Speaker 3: Oh, just wait a little while. Yeah, through some things first.
Speaker 5: But I think that's just like I don't think that's true.
Speaker 5: I think that's the bitter miss in me. But I
Speaker 5: feel like now with the relationship that we've developed into,
Speaker 5: I could give them tips and pointers all day long about,
Speaker 5: you know, just how to have a more harmonious life together.
Speaker 6: I would just I would say, are you ready to work?
Speaker 6: Because it's like it's not for everyone. I mean, I
Speaker 6: don't know. I mean somebody way back in the day
Speaker 6: we don't even know, said you guys get married and
Speaker 6: then you do this, and then this is how it's
Speaker 6: supposed to be the social whatever. I don't know if
Speaker 6: it's for everyone. I would just say, if you're willing
Speaker 6: to commit and make and that will fulfill you and
Speaker 6: the work will fulfill you. Then go, yeah, do it.
Speaker 6: But it's yeah, that's.
Speaker 4: So good, Dave, because we watch all these relationship shows
Speaker 4: are one of our favorites is Married at First Sight,
Speaker 4: and we keep hearing all the couples say, it's okay,
Speaker 4: you guys love it too, But it's just like.
Speaker 3: Dumbist line, I'm somebody's wife.
Speaker 2: The dumb one is we go crazy. I didn't think
Speaker 2: marriage would be this hard.
Speaker 4: Yeah, everyone says, I didn't think it was going to
Speaker 4: be hard, and they they love the idea and the
Speaker 4: concept of being someone's wife or having a husband, but
Speaker 4: it's almost like anybody could fill the spot.
Speaker 3: They just want to be married.
Speaker 4: But what people think is just going to be this
Speaker 4: immediate union where you just have a partner who's all
Speaker 4: always on your side, and that is just so not true.
Speaker 6: We probably we could have been on that show. That's
Speaker 6: how we were, and then that's probably the feelings that
Speaker 6: we had the same things like well, we're married, we're
Speaker 6: husband wife and then.
Speaker 3: Oh crap, now this is actually hard. What am I
Speaker 3: supposed to do?
Speaker 4: Now? This isn't what I signed up for I think
Speaker 4: is something that other people say too on the show
Speaker 4: that actually is exactly what you signed up for. You
Speaker 4: just didn't know what you were signing up for.
Speaker 5: No, it's hard, it's hard work, and it's like you're
Speaker 5: spending twenty for seven with someone that is a completely
Speaker 5: different individual. Like and when you get married, people like
Speaker 5: expect us, people to be like, oh, we're married, so
Speaker 5: we think the same, we have all the same goals.
Speaker 5: We are one. No, we're not one. We are two
Speaker 5: people that are choosing to live our lives together every day.
Speaker 5: And that's a lot. That's a lot to be with
Speaker 5: somebody that much.
Speaker 4: Oh, and it's it's all about expectations, isn't it. And
Speaker 4: people we just when you're young, or when you when
Speaker 4: you're you got your your honeymoon phase in full swing,
Speaker 4: you just aren't thinking about what's going to happen in
Speaker 4: the years to come.
Speaker 3: So that's cool, all right, She's not going to.
Speaker 5: Be rainbows and unicorns all the time.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 6: But it's such a good feeling.
Speaker 4: Isn't it.
Speaker 3: Though I know it's addictive.
Speaker 4: Okay, final question, and this is a cheesy question, but
Speaker 4: we've loved the answers.
Speaker 3: What would you each say.
Speaker 4: Is the secret or the thing your thing? Why your
Speaker 4: relationship has lasted through the ups and downs, and that
Speaker 4: you two are a successful, happy couple.
Speaker 3: What is the secret to your success.
Speaker 6: Day by day by day by day. I think the
Speaker 6: I I hate to keep saying commitment, but I think
Speaker 6: we're we're staying committed to each other, and we're staying
Speaker 6: committed to the goals that we have set. We've set
Speaker 6: like a tenure plan right now and we're kind of
Speaker 6: moving down there. So I'm helping her, she's supporting me.
Speaker 6: We're just the support is kind of and we're very
Speaker 6: excited about just the future the girls, her business, my business.
Speaker 6: It's just that's why I said content because like I'm
Speaker 6: we're good right now and we're very excited about the future.
Speaker 6: Like I don't know, is something like gonna happen? If
Speaker 6: am I waiting for something to happen?
Speaker 5: Like free will? It's human beings. We have free will.
Speaker 5: So I think I had to learn that the hard way,
Speaker 5: like when he left and realizing, oh, you can leave
Speaker 5: any time you want, Like it's a choice. It's a
Speaker 5: choice to stay together every day. And I think that
Speaker 5: that is one of the things, and also treat your
Speaker 5: spouse like they're your best friend because they are. Like
Speaker 5: at the end of the day, that's the person that
Speaker 5: gets you. I feel so confident that he understands me
Speaker 5: like nobody else does. And I turned to him for
Speaker 5: advice on how to just like think like a normal person,
Speaker 5: because sometimes I can, you know, go.
Speaker 6: And like, no, that's not what we do here.
Speaker 5: Really keep me grounded, so I.
Speaker 6: Forget that that's not normal.
Speaker 4: Well, I love the day by day like you just
Speaker 4: take it one day at a time, and you choose
Speaker 4: each other and you love each other.
Speaker 6: You know what.
Speaker 4: We learned so much about the two of you, Jenny
Speaker 4: and Dave, and so has everyone else listening.
Speaker 3: So thank you for being open and being real. It's
Speaker 3: not easy.
Speaker 4: It's not easy at all to talk about these things,
Speaker 4: but everybody goes through it, and so I just I
Speaker 4: love how relatable and down to earth and real both
Speaker 4: of you were.
Speaker 3: So thank you well you too as well.
Speaker 6: We always we had a blast when we were in
Speaker 6: San Francisco. You guys are great.
Speaker 5: It was fun.
Speaker 6: It was too short. I know you guys were tired,
Speaker 6: but we need to make another run run one day.
Speaker 1: See now, We're going to be annoying next time we
Speaker 1: see you because now we have all these relationship questions.
Speaker 2: Ask you guys.
Speaker 3: Remember that time.
Speaker 4: It's like we've just been along this ride with you
Speaker 4: for all these years, and so now we know all
Speaker 4: your history, we can have really fun, in depth conversation
Speaker 4: next time we see you too, which hopefully will be soon.
Speaker 2: Yes, guys, thank you all so much.
Speaker 1: We will see y'all soon, having us City appreciate it.
Speaker 5: Bye,