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Speaker 1: Oh John, Oh, Sam, I love you so much.

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Speaker 2: I love you almost as much as the great stories

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Speaker 2: that are about.

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Speaker 1: To come up.

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Speaker 2: And you know what, I love equally as much as

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Speaker 2: the two minutes of sponsors coming up because they support

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Speaker 2: the show and make sure that we will have her happily.

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Speaker 1: Ever, after my wife confessed that she's no longer attracted

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Speaker 1: to me and I'm relieved divorced?

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Speaker 2: Is that what she meant?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, two weeks ago my wife female thirty came out

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Speaker 1: as a sapphix To say that I, male thirty three,

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Speaker 1: am confused, hurt, upset, and possibly even relieved is an understatement.

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Speaker 1: By the way. This comes from average bald white guy.

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Speaker 1: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 1: to the r slash. Okay, storytime suppered it. I'm Sophia.

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Speaker 2: That helps.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I'm Casey, and I'm Carly, And today our guest

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Speaker 3: is Casey Conley, a stand up comedian, actor, writer, and

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Speaker 3: EMC known for being refreshingly authentic and hilariously relatable. She's

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Speaker 3: worked on the Tonight Show at the Owen on her

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Speaker 3: show and open for comics like Jay Leno and Fortune,

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Speaker 3: Fimester Things Yea, and brings a sharp mix of observational

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Speaker 3: humor and personal storytelling. Her mini special, The Gay Girl

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Speaker 3: next Door is out now on YouTube. Please welcome Kasey Conley.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for joining it just so much for having

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Speaker 1: me and reading that awesome intro. It was such a

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Speaker 1: glowing review.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's from the about page on my website,

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Speaker 2: and some of the quotes are from chat GPTs.

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Speaker 1: No, No, that's totally we wrote that ourself.

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Speaker 2: You're right. Sorry, yeah, Carly, thank you for writing that.

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Speaker 2: Carly brot that right, Carly GPT, Yes, exactly.

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Speaker 1: But Casey's gonna help us give some advice on these

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Speaker 1: stores today.

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Speaker 2: Very excited and op sets.

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Speaker 1: Earlier this month, my wife told me she wanted to

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Speaker 1: disconnect for a little while. I chalked it up to

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Speaker 1: a midlife crisis of sorts. She turned thirty last year and.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I was.

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Speaker 1: Thirty is not quite midlife, Yeah, and was depressed about

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Speaker 1: how she felt her life had not lived up to

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Speaker 1: her expectations. Wow, she had a bunch of things she

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Speaker 1: wanted to do by thirty, but never did we all come. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I agreed, I'm not thirty, but.

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Speaker 2: Sure, Oh wow, Okay, well I can vouch it's gonna happen.

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Speaker 1: No. I agreed to allow her to disconnect because I

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Speaker 1: just wanted her to be happy. She started hanging out

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Speaker 1: with other women, including one with whom she previously worked.

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Speaker 1: In the meantime, she would practically ignore me. On one weekend,

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Speaker 1: she and the former coworker went out to a gay

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Speaker 1: club and then to Disney World the following day. I

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Speaker 1: had my suspicions when I saw the coworkers. It wasn't

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Speaker 1: the club, it was Disneyland. Tiptope off. He was like,

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Speaker 1: that's he was.

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Speaker 2: Like during gay Day.

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Speaker 1: When I saw the coworker slowly pull her truck up

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Speaker 1: to the house, as if she was trying not to

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Speaker 1: be seen.

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Speaker 2: Oh like dropping off, like with the parents inside.

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Speaker 1: I eventually looked at my wife's phone and saw text

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Speaker 1: messages between the two. Flirty messages at that nothing explos

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Speaker 1: but definitely flirty.

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Speaker 2: Just like taco emojis, emojis.

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Speaker 1: It's like it's not explicit, they're they're just communicating in code.

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Speaker 1: I don't understand. I'm going to see a lot of

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Speaker 1: runy talking about a pilgrimage to Lisbus. It seems like

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Speaker 1: a nice getaway. She had previously identified herself as bye

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Speaker 1: to me. When we first started dating, I spoke to

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Speaker 1: my wife several times without directly asking about my affair suspicions,

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Speaker 1: and she didn't really say anything to me. Flash forward

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Speaker 1: to two weeks ago. I cornered my wife in our

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Speaker 1: kitchen before work and told her I didn't like how

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Speaker 1: she was treating me. She broke down and cried hysterically

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Speaker 1: and uttered the two words I never thought I would hear,

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Speaker 1: I'm saffic hungry. I was like, what, Well, that was unexpected.

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Speaker 1: She said she knew she was attracted to the same

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Speaker 1: gender since she was eight, but was too afraid to

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Speaker 1: say anything.

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Speaker 2: Wow, well, she wasn't too afraid, she said he was by.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So I guess she was just too afraid to fully.

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Speaker 2: Yeah she was. She stopped off on Bytown.

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Speaker 1: She's like, that's like a safe area.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Her mother, a deeply religious woman, would have liked me

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Speaker 1: disowned her.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 1: Plus, even in this time and age, coming out of

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Speaker 1: the closet is still hard to do.

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Speaker 3: For sure.

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Speaker 1: I told my wife that I still loved her, I

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Speaker 1: would not punt her out of our house, and I

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Speaker 1: encouraged her to seek counseling. I've done so as well.

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Speaker 1: Make no mistake, I have no illusions about our marriage anymore.

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Speaker 2: It's over, Okay.

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Speaker 1: The only thing keeping us married is the marriage license. Yes,

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Speaker 1: then we do it.

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Speaker 2: Wow. Very supportive, it seems so, but as supportive as

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Speaker 2: a woman. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Maybe it's because he's kind of been feeling that separation

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Speaker 1: distance for a while. Yeah, and also that you know

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Speaker 1: he loves her. There were vows. Yeah, absolutely. I can't

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Speaker 1: remember how long they've been married for, but it's seemingly

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Speaker 1: a while.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well turning thirty. Yeah, maybe it's like yeah, there's

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Speaker 2: no telling.

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Speaker 1: It could be anywhere from five to ten to two years.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: But I'm now dealing with this tremendous range of emotions. Relief,

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Speaker 1: I know what's going on. She's attracted to the same gender.

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Speaker 1: She wasn't cheating on me, or so she says, and

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Speaker 1: if she was, hey, it's with another woman. Anger Okay, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: how could she keep this hidden from me? Why didn't

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Speaker 1: she tell me four years ago when we first started dating,

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Speaker 1: or three years ago when I proposed to her.

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Speaker 2: She didn't know? Yeah, he well, he gets that. I

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Speaker 2: guess like she knew.

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Speaker 1: She said she knew when she was eight, but didn't

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Speaker 1: feel like I don't know.

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Speaker 2: She thought that there was she liked both.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, or two years ago when we got married, Well

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Speaker 1: two years ago, okay, we got the.

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Speaker 2: Time, let we go, we got the times out. Okay

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Speaker 2: to two years ago.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, lack of trust is the second thing. Oh, he

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Speaker 1: is feeling. I'm pretty sure something was going on between

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Speaker 1: the coworker and my wife before she came out to me.

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Speaker 1: I know they're now in a relationship.

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Speaker 2: Ouch. Yeah, hurts.

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Speaker 1: I am so heartbroken. My wife was someone I thought

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Speaker 1: I would spend my end entire life with. We even

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Speaker 1: discussed having children. I was so in love with her.

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Speaker 1: She made me be a better person. Now I fear

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Speaker 1: I will be alone Opie.

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Speaker 2: No, No, that just the fact that you are expressing

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Speaker 2: those feelings and like in touch with it. You're definitely

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Speaker 2: gonna find somebody.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, you seem like such a caring person. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: just the tip of the iceberg.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, the problem it keeps going.

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Speaker 1: The problem is there's not much out there when it

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Speaker 1: comes to men whose wives come out of the closet. Again,

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Speaker 1: I'm in counseling, and my wife and I are being

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Speaker 1: open and honest with each other? What else can I do?

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Speaker 1: I know we'll get divorced or an old? What do

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Speaker 1: I tell my parents? I don't want to out my wife,

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Speaker 1: but I don't want to lie to my parents either.

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Speaker 1: Am I doing the right thing and not punting my

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Speaker 1: wife out of the house? Am I being too supportive

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Speaker 1: and nice? Should I be an ahole? I've got so

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Speaker 1: many emotions flying here and I simply don't know what

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Speaker 1: to do. And there is an update? But do you

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Speaker 1: have any advice for ape?

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Speaker 2: Wow? Well, I already think maturity beyond his years.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's really impressive my advice. I guess he's already

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Speaker 2: done everything. Yeah, I think really well and supported her,

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Speaker 2: and it maybe time to be a little selfish. Like

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Speaker 2: he's still worrying about what he's gonna tell his parents

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Speaker 2: about his going to be ex wife. And it's like

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Speaker 2: that relationships with your parents. I think you can trust

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Speaker 2: them to be honest.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, And I mean as long as they're not super

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Speaker 1: religious and like would do today and stuff. Yeah that's

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Speaker 1: true that you feel that out, but I yeah, I

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Speaker 1: completely agree. I think he's spent a lot of time

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Speaker 1: worrying about his ex or soon to be ex, and

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Speaker 1: I think he was asking a lot of like what

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Speaker 1: should I do? Is this right? I don't think there

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Speaker 1: is like a right answer. I think you and your

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Speaker 1: ex have your own relationship and it seems to be

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Speaker 1: pretty amicable. So yeah, I think you have your own

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Speaker 1: relationship with your parents and can decide what you think

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Speaker 1: is best and then go from there.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he's mentioned he was in counseling with the wife,

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Speaker 2: So I think one thing you would be good is

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Speaker 2: to go find your own therapist or your own counselor

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Speaker 2: so you can just be about you and your side.

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Speaker 2: And so alsose.

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Speaker 1: Feelings are valid. It is in a trail for you totally.

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Speaker 2: And that's what really sucks is he's almost being too

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Speaker 2: forgiving because he's like, well, it's with a woman and

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Speaker 2: not a man. It's like, it's still like breaching the

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Speaker 2: contract that you had and it's okay to feel heard

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Speaker 2: about that, yeah, and not, and that loss of trust

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Speaker 2: is going to affect future relationships absolutely. So definitely therapy.

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Speaker 2: You don't recommend that enough.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I honest I'm like, wow, I'm really impressed,

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Speaker 1: so impressed. You've read so many other stories where it

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Speaker 1: is not people do not take it this well.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, and I also think so he mentioned how

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Speaker 2: there's not a lot of like men out there this

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Speaker 2: happens to. I guarantee you there are a ton. It's

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Speaker 2: probably that they're embarrassed and not speaking about it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. We've read multiple rest stories, so there definitely are

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Speaker 1: other people out there who have experienced it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's happening. It's just maybe there's like some shame

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Speaker 2: or embarrassment around it, especially because like there's that masculinity

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Speaker 2: of like, oh I'm not enough for them, or yeah,

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Speaker 2: like what I have because they want another woman, So

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Speaker 2: that can be that can be like kind of hard

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Speaker 2: in its own way. But yeah, I would say therapy,

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Speaker 2: and I mean it's not crazy. Get out on the apps.

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Speaker 2: There you got this. Yeah, but there is an update.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, here we go more.

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Speaker 1: There's we're only halfway through the story.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, all right, sweet, he's gonna turn.

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Speaker 1: He's like he sucks at the end of it. It

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Speaker 1: has been a few days since I reached out to

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Speaker 1: Reddit for help and advice about my problem. I have

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Speaker 1: seen a therapist twice about this whole sordid thing.

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Speaker 2: Oh now we're calling it sorted.

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Speaker 1: Okay, and I've reached out to good friends for support.

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Speaker 1: My wife and I have also talked about how we

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Speaker 1: are and where we are going. I don't have all

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Speaker 1: the answers yet about why this is happening to me,

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Speaker 1: you know, besides the fact that my wife is a sapphik.

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Speaker 2: But for the first.

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Speaker 1: Time in a long time, I feel good and upbeat.

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Speaker 1: My response to this life changing event has surprised me.

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Speaker 1: I haven't lashed out in anger, caused any damage, destruction

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Speaker 1: or harm. I've been level headed, I've handled not ignored

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Speaker 1: emotions as they come, and I've chosen to take this

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Speaker 1: time to make myself a better person. You're doing it,

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Speaker 1: don't even.

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Speaker 2: Need us, Okay, But the fact that he keeps bringing

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Speaker 2: up anger makes me feel like he is feeling it

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Speaker 2: and he's like stuffing it down. Yeah, He's like, well,

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Speaker 2: I haven't destroyed anything, And we're like, but are you

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Speaker 2: wanting to?

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Speaker 1: Have you felt any of that? Yeah, maybe you could

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Speaker 1: go to one of those places you pay to, like

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Speaker 1: the rage Yeah, the rage room. Yeah, maybe it wouldn't hurt.

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Speaker 2: Just because he keeps bringing it up in a way

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Speaker 2: that I'm like, huh, is there a history of it?

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Speaker 1: Have you ever seen those videos where it's like people

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Speaker 1: mimicking how they would act as children when they got

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Speaker 1: upset at their parents. So it's like they go into

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Speaker 1: their room and they're like, oh, but they just like

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Speaker 1: punch a pillow or they're like and they don't actually

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Speaker 1: hit anything, but they like pretend, Like I feel like

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Speaker 1: that's what he's doing.

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Speaker 2: He's like, this is what I feel.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, my rage room would create.

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Speaker 3: I have seen the rage rooms though, where whatever it

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Speaker 3: is doesn't break, and then there is like more and

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Speaker 3: more rage of just like why isn't this working well?

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Speaker 2: And this guy the last thing he needs is emasculating.

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Speaker 1: My wife has yet to see her therapist, and I

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Speaker 1: don't think it's right for us to start making major

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Speaker 1: decisions until she gets a chance to have her issues examined.

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Speaker 2: WHOA, okay, careful, Yeah what do you mean issue? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: I mean as the resident.

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Speaker 1: What do you mean issue?

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Speaker 3: Is?

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Speaker 1: I now issues if it's you know, obviously cheating, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: yes that is.

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Speaker 2: But like I honestly, now, this is an update. We

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Speaker 2: don't how much time has passed, but I think it's

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Speaker 2: time to like, let that's over, Yeah, like let it

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Speaker 2: go whatever, Whether she sees a therapist or doesn't addresses

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Speaker 2: issues or not. Yeah, not your problem.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, at that point you are maybe you can be

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Speaker 1: there as a friend, but and it's a person who cares.

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Speaker 1: But like, I think that you have to create that barrier.

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Speaker 2: There needs to be a space. I also am a

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Speaker 2: firm believer that even like, if you're gonna be friends

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Speaker 2: down the line, you need time, a period of yeah

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Speaker 2: of no talkie.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely also if it helps.

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Speaker 3: This was posted twelve years ago.

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Speaker 1: Dah wait twelve years ago, math twenty twenty wait nowenty

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Speaker 1: thirteen fourteen yeah, fourteen, okay, so that I think that

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Speaker 1: does give a little bit more insight into like coming

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Speaker 1: out at that time too.

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Speaker 2: Yes, and there's not as many people talking about it

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Speaker 2: when like yeah, yeah, okay.

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Speaker 1: However, I acknowledge and accept that our marriage is over good.

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Speaker 1: She no longer sleeps in the same bed as I.

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Speaker 1: She instead spends time between the couch at my house

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Speaker 1: and her girlfriend's apartment. That is hard get out that, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you should get I is lingering. I've told my wife

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Speaker 1: that I no longer see us as husband and wife.

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Speaker 1: Neither does she. He's like I'm there, and she's like, well,

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Speaker 1: I have a girlfriend.

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Speaker 2: Ye, He's like, I think we should stop starting each other.

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Speaker 1: I also don't wear my wedding band constantly anymore, so

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Speaker 1: you still little bit, just a little bit.

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Speaker 3: Some days he just wants to be like, sometimes it's.

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Speaker 1: Just good with my outfit. Yes, you're wondering why I'm

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Speaker 1: even wearing it at all, ycause we were wondering this,

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Speaker 1: Thank you, good thought. I wear it mainly because I

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Speaker 1: do not want to misrepresent myself to someone who could

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Speaker 1: be a future partner. We are still technically married, and

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Speaker 1: I know I wouldn't want to pursue a relationship with

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Speaker 1: someone who hasn't legally ended theirs yet.

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Speaker 2: Okay, but when they see that ring, they're going to

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Speaker 2: not pursue you at all.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think that. I think if someone tried

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Speaker 1: to pursue you, you could just tell them that. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Also, if I took my ring off, I'm married. If

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Speaker 2: I took my ring off right now, there's a tan line, yeah,

303
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Speaker 2: so rock with the tan line for a little while.

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Speaker 2: Now they're like, oh, he's cheating wife.

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Speaker 1: It's fine.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, at least you'll have it'll start a conversation.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they're like, where's your where's your ring? He's like,

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Speaker 1: how much time? My wife seems to be the opposite.

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Speaker 1: She's already in a relationship with this new girlfriend. But

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to play that game. Plus, my wife

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Speaker 1: isn't out of the closet. Fully, we have mutual friends

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Speaker 1: at work. If someone sees me sand's wedding ring, what

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Speaker 1: will they think. I'm not about to start any rumors

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Speaker 1: or say anything until i'm dang well ready.

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Speaker 2: Supportive husband is back. Yeah, that's really that's really kind. Yeah,

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00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,839
Speaker 2: maybe he's kind of hoping for a little.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he's He's like, I'm just so supportive. I

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Speaker 1: don't see you as my wife anymore.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, you look. Don't get me wrong.

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Speaker 1: I know a split is inevitable, and I'm not about

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Speaker 1: to think that our marriage can be saved.

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Speaker 2: It cannot.

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Speaker 1: She is attracted to the same gender. I am not

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Speaker 1: do the math. People, do you think this guy is

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Speaker 1: like talking himself into it? I feel like it's like,

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Speaker 1: it's like, I don't think it can be saved, no

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Speaker 1: right right to tell me it can be? Yeah, exactly please.

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Speaker 1: And then he's like, she's attracted to the same gender.

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00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:51,040
Speaker 1: I'm not, or like, how is that relevant. He's like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not into Megaine, but if they were both attracted

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00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:58,920
Speaker 1: to the same gender. Still not. Your work still doesn't work. Honestly,

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Speaker 1: I'm not ready for a new relationship.

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Speaker 2: Yes, we've noticed.

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00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,360
Speaker 1: I must still mend my broken heart and then take

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00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,840
Speaker 1: that time to be happy with me again before I

336
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:12,040
Speaker 1: can be happy with another. I know love will come again. Okay,

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Speaker 1: he like switched up.

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Speaker 2: He sounds like his therapist.

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00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:18,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is this is what. Yeah, He's like, this

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00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:19,520
Speaker 1: is my mantra every day.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: After all, I'm an educated man in good shape, with

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00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:27,440
Speaker 1: my own home and a nice neighborhood. Well your wife

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00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:30,520
Speaker 1: does sometimes on the catch, yeah, and a job that

345
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:31,520
Speaker 1: pays pretty well.

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Speaker 2: I like that nice neighborhood.

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Speaker 1: This is great. This is his mantra everybody he wakes up.

348
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:39,400
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm an educated man in good shape in

349
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Speaker 1: a nice neighborhood.

350
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:41,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

351
00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:44,120
Speaker 1: Allow me to toot my own horn and say I

352
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,480
Speaker 1: am one incredible catch.

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Speaker 2: Good for you. That is the mirror affirmation. It's like,

354
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:52,320
Speaker 2: you got this.

355
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:55,280
Speaker 3: I feel like he started writing, went to a therapy session,

356
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Speaker 3: came back and was like, okay, more.

357
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Speaker 1: Some of you have wondered why I'm acting so calm

358
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,840
Speaker 1: and collected, especially in light of my wife's decision to

359
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,960
Speaker 1: be in love with another woman, getting.

360
00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:13,120
Speaker 2: A decision that's a little triggering that Okay, my wife's decisions,

361
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:14,120
Speaker 2: like she just decides.

362
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:19,000
Speaker 1: Getting angry is not gonna solve anything. I can scream,

363
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:23,520
Speaker 1: smash and break things and act out, but what's that

364
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:27,440
Speaker 1: gonna solve the up front? I can work out my

365
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:31,800
Speaker 1: emotions in healthy and productive ways. Acting out is only

366
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:36,880
Speaker 1: going to defeat me. I must be the strong, level

367
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,840
Speaker 1: headed person in this. I will still deal with my

368
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,160
Speaker 1: emotions as they come, but I will do so in

369
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,080
Speaker 1: a way that helps me be a better person. Do

370
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:46,560
Speaker 1: I worry about a messy divorce?

371
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:47,240
Speaker 2: Not really.

372
00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:47,800
Speaker 3: Well.

373
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,800
Speaker 1: I hope for the best. I do prepare for the worst.

374
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Speaker 1: My family is very protective of each other, and should

375
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,640
Speaker 1: things go south, I know they will be there to

376
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,120
Speaker 1: support me and to make sure I come out on top. Beside,

377
00:16:59,200 --> 00:16:59,760
Speaker 1: the house.

378
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:03,880
Speaker 2: Is in she's coming out on maybe. I don't know

379
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:05,640
Speaker 2: if she's bob. I mean she sounds like a top bud.

380
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,439
Speaker 1: Besides, the house is in my name, as is the

381
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:11,960
Speaker 1: new car in the driveway.

382
00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:14,119
Speaker 2: He's like happening right now.

383
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:19,080
Speaker 1: My wife also cannot really afford anything but an amicable divorce.

384
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,639
Speaker 1: We also want an amicable splits.

385
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:25,199
Speaker 2: Okay, if I may. This is he's the way that

386
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:28,960
Speaker 2: he's like talking through It really feels like he's purposely

387
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:33,120
Speaker 2: pointing out parts of his masculinity. Yes, like I have education,

388
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:36,600
Speaker 2: a car, nice neighborhood at home. Like he is processing

389
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:37,600
Speaker 2: while he is typing this.

390
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:38,720
Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely.

391
00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:39,320
Speaker 2: Yeah.

392
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,240
Speaker 1: I wonder if he even went to the therapist. He

393
00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:44,040
Speaker 1: just went yeah, it's like I'm gonna type this all out.

394
00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:46,600
Speaker 2: It's gonna work read It was his therapist. Yeah, they

395
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:50,639
Speaker 2: were like, you caught this, dude. Yeah. Even the rage stuff.

396
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:52,760
Speaker 2: He's like, let me try on how it would feel

397
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:54,199
Speaker 2: if I was angry, And he's like, yeah, I'm not

398
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,120
Speaker 2: feeling those things. I love that. Yeah.

399
00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:58,639
Speaker 1: It's great, but there's a little bit left to this story.

400
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,920
Speaker 1: Do you have any final thoughts before we get the

401
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:01,520
Speaker 1: last update?

402
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,800
Speaker 2: Yeah? My final thought is I still I'm like on

403
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,240
Speaker 2: board with OPI I think one of the most like

404
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:11,919
Speaker 2: emotionally intelligent yeah, like twenty fourteen. Yeah, more supportive than

405
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,120
Speaker 2: he really even needed to be. I felt like that

406
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,639
Speaker 2: was maybe part of his coping mechanism, was like, oh,

407
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,760
Speaker 2: I'm still the husband. So I'm still gonna be support

408
00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:21,840
Speaker 2: my wife she needs a place to live or whatever

409
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,960
Speaker 2: while she transitions to becoming.

410
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:24,520
Speaker 1: My ex wife thing.

411
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:26,879
Speaker 2: But yeah, I feel like he was so mature and

412
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:28,480
Speaker 2: so like had it really well in hand.

413
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:29,159
Speaker 1: Agreed.

414
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, you got this dude, as did she. I don't know.

415
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:37,280
Speaker 1: Okay, finally a word about my wife. I wish things

416
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:38,760
Speaker 1: were not the way they are now.

417
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:39,960
Speaker 2: But that's sweet.

418
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,760
Speaker 1: She's going to make her decisions and live with the consequences.

419
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:47,200
Speaker 1: What is that I'm gonna choose?

420
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,000
Speaker 2: That's he's just talking about cheating and that it must be.

421
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,320
Speaker 1: Must be. He's like, she's gonna live with the woman,

422
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,000
Speaker 1: and I guess she's got to deal with it.

423
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's gonna open the charts for her. I don't know,

424
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:58,959
Speaker 2: she probably hasn't thought about that.

425
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:02,399
Speaker 1: I would likewise do the same, but I will be

426
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,720
Speaker 1: lying if I didn't say my wife helped me become

427
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,879
Speaker 1: a better person over the past few years.

428
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,000
Speaker 2: Wow. Well, it sounds a lot like he had it

429
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:12,560
Speaker 2: in him from the start of this, like, you know, infidelity,

430
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:13,879
Speaker 2: so mature about it.

431
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:20,040
Speaker 1: Absolutely, Yeah, she was prepping him like you're welcome and see, Yes,

432
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,400
Speaker 1: I made the decision to be a better person, but

433
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:25,840
Speaker 1: she was the catalyst. I still consider her a very

434
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,119
Speaker 1: good friend. In fact, as I think about it, I

435
00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:31,080
Speaker 1: think we were destined to be best friends and not

436
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:35,080
Speaker 1: husband in mine all. Hey, better late than ever.

437
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:35,440
Speaker 2: Hey.

438
00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:38,040
Speaker 1: I want the best for her, and I know she

439
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:40,600
Speaker 1: wants the best for me too. She's still upset over

440
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,760
Speaker 1: the pain she has caused me. For those of you

441
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,960
Speaker 1: who offered your opinions and your advice, thank you so much.

442
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:47,879
Speaker 1: It means a lot to know that I am not

443
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:50,080
Speaker 1: alone and that I will make it through this with

444
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:51,840
Speaker 1: my mind and body intact.

445
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:55,600
Speaker 2: Ow, Okay, sure, I.

446
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,119
Speaker 1: Plan to share my journey with you as I forge ahead.

447
00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:01,200
Speaker 1: It's going to be a long, strange that I'm eager

448
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,240
Speaker 1: about what lies ahead for me. God bless you all

449
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:08,760
Speaker 1: for the atheist. May Jean Rayburn smile upon you. He's

450
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,800
Speaker 1: just very elusive, Yes, welcoming to everyone.

451
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:12,720
Speaker 4: Yeah.

452
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,680
Speaker 2: I also like in the beginning when he was talking

453
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:16,920
Speaker 2: about how I was like, how could she not have

454
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,919
Speaker 2: told me this sooner? I do think you got spared

455
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:23,120
Speaker 2: you didn't have children yet? Yeah, so you know in a.

456
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,560
Speaker 1: Way it was married for two years. Yeah, And also

457
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,919
Speaker 1: how much more interesting is this guy? To have a

458
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:32,920
Speaker 1: gay wife. Yeah, absolutely, you're like Ross now, yes, yes,

459
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,040
Speaker 1: I mean I kept thinking you could be better than Ross.

460
00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:37,399
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, he ends up pretty well. He gets Rachel,

461
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,960
Speaker 2: that's true. Yeah, only because.

462
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:41,480
Speaker 1: Wife.

463
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,720
Speaker 2: Yes, So I hope that Op has found his Rachel.

464
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,359
Speaker 2: Me too. Yeah, that's so lovely. What a lovely thought.

465
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,200
Speaker 1: But that's the end of that story. And we've got

466
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,000
Speaker 1: another one that we're gonna pull up.

467
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:52,840
Speaker 2: Sweet.

468
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:57,399
Speaker 1: I watched one video about mental load and realized I'm

469
00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:58,200
Speaker 1: the problem?

470
00:20:58,880 --> 00:20:59,680
Speaker 2: What kind of load?

471
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 1: So I was watching a video featuring a woman describing

472
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:08,719
Speaker 1: her relationship. She went through mental load, physical labor around

473
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:12,920
Speaker 1: the household, and childcare, all of the parent and partner responsibilities,

474
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:13,720
Speaker 1: and it hit me.

475
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:15,720
Speaker 2: I am the bad guy.

476
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:18,919
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from vallast Monkey, And if

477
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:20,320
Speaker 1: you want to smit your own stories, go to the

478
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:24,040
Speaker 1: r slash Okay, storytime suburt it. I'm Sophia, I'm Casey,

479
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,560
Speaker 1: and I'm Carly and Casey. Do you want to give

480
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,199
Speaker 1: a little brief explanation of what you do and who

481
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:29,439
Speaker 1: you are?

482
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 2: Yeah? Absolutely, I'm a comedian, actor, writer, you know, all

483
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,600
Speaker 2: that fun stuff. Mostly do a lot of stand up,

484
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:36,800
Speaker 2: but I also have like a podcast, and I do

485
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,960
Speaker 2: some acting and I'm writing. Got some sitcoms stuff like

486
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,879
Speaker 2: that in the works, and you know, I like to

487
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:45,920
Speaker 2: join podcasts. Yeah. Is that enough about me? Professionally that's great. Yeah. Personally,

488
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,280
Speaker 2: I'm I'm married. I like to play basketball, go hiking.

489
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 1: This is also great.

490
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is stuff I'd rather talk about.

491
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, but Casey's here to help us give some advice

492
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:55,200
Speaker 1: to our opis today.

493
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,400
Speaker 2: Oh, we'll do our best. Yeah.

494
00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:00,840
Speaker 1: Earlier today I asked my partner where did you cheese?

495
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,920
Speaker 1: The cheese they unloaded into the fridge after having gone

496
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 1: to the store with a list they made. Well, so

497
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 1: you would have to kind of maybe make some logical

498
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:13,159
Speaker 1: guesses here that cheese must be in the fridge. So

499
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:16,040
Speaker 1: let's look in the fridge first before we ask why

500
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:16,680
Speaker 1: you would hope.

501
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:17,240
Speaker 2: Yeah.

502
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:20,040
Speaker 1: This afternoon, they were doing the dishes after having made

503
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 1: lunch and asked me to refill the dish soap dispenser

504
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 1: because their hands were wet. I had to ask them

505
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 1: where we kept the backstock soap. This can get annoying

506
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,640
Speaker 1: if it keeps happening. We were talking about evening plans

507
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,760
Speaker 1: and they said they were making our kids favorite I

508
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,399
Speaker 1: asked why, and they had to remind me that our

509
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,320
Speaker 1: nineteen year old was visiting for a few days. I

510
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:43,200
Speaker 1: vaguely remember them telling me this, who I work part time.

511
00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:45,360
Speaker 1: I have been dealing with cancer for eight years.

512
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 2: Oh thank god you played the sea card.

513
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:51,320
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, I have cancer.

514
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:52,760
Speaker 2: You gotta lead with that.

515
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:56,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you start with that. That does help. Granted

516
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:58,160
Speaker 1: I am sick, but I'm not that sick.

517
00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:00,360
Speaker 2: Oh Okay, Okay.

518
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,159
Speaker 1: I still manage to take care of my own medical

519
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 1: appointments and medications. I do a great job of making

520
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:08,920
Speaker 1: sure my hobbies are a priority. I also will say

521
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:13,600
Speaker 1: eight years with cancer is must be incredibly hard. I'm yes,

522
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:16,000
Speaker 1: like that's a long time to be dealing with that.

523
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,119
Speaker 2: I agree. But then I think bringing that up is

524
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,639
Speaker 2: also pointing to like this is the norm. Yes, so

525
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,960
Speaker 2: it's not. Yeah, it's like important to register that. Yeah.

526
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:27,080
Speaker 1: Absolutely. I think sometimes when you get like when a

527
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,800
Speaker 1: partner or a family member gets sick, the other person

528
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,240
Speaker 1: does fall into a caretaker role and maybe you were

529
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,440
Speaker 1: sicker and she was doing that, and then that has

530
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 1: just that dynamic is just stay.

531
00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:40,679
Speaker 2: That's where it's tricky, because yeah, it's it's easy to

532
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,960
Speaker 2: mentally prepare as the caretaker to be like, Okay, they're sick.

533
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:45,320
Speaker 2: I'm going to have to take the load, if you will,

534
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 2: the mental load or whatever, the physical, emotional, the caretaking

535
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:52,000
Speaker 2: for a time. Yeah, and give that extra.

536
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,160
Speaker 1: But then you expect it to sort of even back

537
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 1: out at some point or yeah, it has not.

538
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:00,400
Speaker 2: It sounds like it has not. Okay, wait, keep going.

539
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,800
Speaker 2: Uh it hit me so hard. I feel like such

540
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:04,960
Speaker 2: an able. Has anyone else gone through this?

541
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:08,120
Speaker 1: And edit I'm a woman. I'm sorry if this was confusing.

542
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:09,000
Speaker 2: I should have known better.

543
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, I shouldn't have assumed shame, and we do have

544
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,679
Speaker 4: some more that line edit I'm a woman feels like

545
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:20,680
Speaker 4: it should be the my biography edits being misgendered most

546
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 4: of my life like edit I'm a woman.

547
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, you just gotta throw it in there.

548
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:26,959
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, I like that.

549
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,400
Speaker 1: It's two edits. Edit I have cancer, edit I'm a woman.

550
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:31,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, very important.

551
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:34,560
Speaker 1: Yeah cancer first, woman second. I'm sorry, maybe that's hard

552
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,879
Speaker 1: on you. Sorry, but there's more to this story.

553
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 2: Okay, before we.

554
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,080
Speaker 1: Get into it, do you have any thoughts?

555
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,879
Speaker 2: Well, you know, yeah, and I have Like, it's funny

556
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:45,480
Speaker 2: that we assumed it was a guy, I think that

557
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:48,480
Speaker 2: that's just revealing more about our own biases maybe than

558
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,760
Speaker 2: the Yeah, but my own instincts right here are they're

559
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,920
Speaker 2: realizing the error of their ways here, so I don't

560
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,040
Speaker 2: need to point it out. Yeah, and so let's see.

561
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 2: Let's see what's next. A reserve of judgment, because I

562
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:00,440
Speaker 2: judged enough?

563
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 1: Do you trust to? There says, I think you're underestimating

564
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:06,720
Speaker 1: how much living with cancer is a job in and

565
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,560
Speaker 1: of itself. Just because you're not wasting away in a

566
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:11,680
Speaker 1: hospital bed doesn't mean that it's.

567
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:12,440
Speaker 2: Not a lot of work.

568
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 1: Thank your partner for picking up the slack, and don't

569
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 1: beerate yourself for not being as on top of household

570
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 1: management as they are. If they're not showing any signs

571
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:24,840
Speaker 1: of resentment or frustration, then this probably isn't as big

572
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 1: of a deal as you think it is. No one's relationships,

573
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 1: straight or queer or anything in between are perfectly balanced

574
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:34,040
Speaker 1: one hundred percent of the time. Life and people are

575
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,879
Speaker 1: too messy for that. And OP says, thank you for that.

576
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 1: It is a part time job for sure. However, I've

577
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:43,359
Speaker 1: really let things slip. I was very sick years ago

578
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:46,480
Speaker 1: and switched chemos to one with easier side effects. My

579
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 1: husband stepped up when I was sick and has taken

580
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 1: on everything. See, I thought they were pay I thought

581
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:56,919
Speaker 1: they were both women. I thought so too. Go, well,

582
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 1: apparently so did that that comment, Like, we've just been

583
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:04,359
Speaker 1: caught now twice making assumptions because we're like, oh, the

584
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:09,160
Speaker 1: caretaking has been one. Oh okay, so it's not a guy. Okay,

585
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:09,439
Speaker 1: I do.

586
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:10,960
Speaker 2: Okay. To be honest with you, though, I like the

587
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 2: role reversal here yecause it'll make us be more objective.

588
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 1: I agree. It's like, okay, it's not just he's wait no, no, no,

589
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 1: she oh, it's because at the beginning of the story,

590
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,439
Speaker 1: she was saying that she watched a video where like

591
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:25,200
Speaker 1: the wife and I.

592
00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 2: Think, oh, yeah, that is okay.

593
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:29,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, and they've also been using that, which maybe that

594
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 1: was on purpose.

595
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:35,399
Speaker 2: Was off to like, yeah, to recognize your biases, like also.

596
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:38,600
Speaker 1: The doctor is a woman, stop judging.

597
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:43,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, So this this comment really registered something I

598
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,639
Speaker 2: think I touched on, which is my wife and I

599
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:47,639
Speaker 2: actually talk about this in our marriage, where like, my

600
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,200
Speaker 2: dad actually got really sick a few years ago and

601
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,159
Speaker 2: I was like busy caretaking for him. So she was

602
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:53,800
Speaker 2: like it's not always going to be fifty to fifty

603
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:54,440
Speaker 2: in a marriage.

604
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,360
Speaker 1: Sometimes you can only give like ten, So I'll take

605
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,560
Speaker 1: care of the ninety's right, and then stuff gonna happen.

606
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 2: You're gonna have to you know. Sometimes it's it goes

607
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:07,520
Speaker 2: back and forth. And so while this husband whose caretaking

608
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:10,000
Speaker 2: is not asking or saying that they've been taking care

609
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 2: of all and asking for it, it's okay as the

610
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,679
Speaker 2: partner to be like, I am seeing this and I

611
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,879
Speaker 2: think it's time to shift the scales a little.

612
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:20,360
Speaker 1: It's better to preemptively try and face it than be like, well,

613
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,399
Speaker 1: they haven't mentioned it, so I guess I could be worse.

614
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, wait till they're like burdened, and then it's a problem.

615
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:30,280
Speaker 2: It's like, no, you're seeing it, like realizing I'm asking

616
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:33,399
Speaker 2: where things are because I have helped none. Yeah, and

617
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:34,680
Speaker 2: it's not saying all of a sudden you have to

618
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 2: take everything on. But you could be like, hey, let

619
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:38,240
Speaker 2: me go get the groceries.

620
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,520
Speaker 1: Absolutely, and it's like like, hey, is there a way

621
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,400
Speaker 1: we can put this on a calend, Like if it's

622
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 1: something about memory, or you know, you don't have the

623
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,160
Speaker 1: best memory, we can maybe put like a little white

624
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 1: board or a calendar or something that has all of

625
00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:50,399
Speaker 1: these things that you can refer to.

626
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:53,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, I also think it's important without knowing these people

627
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:57,080
Speaker 2: and just finding out about their genders. Yeah, I think

628
00:27:57,119 --> 00:27:59,960
Speaker 2: it's good to like to know your partner's like love language,

629
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,720
Speaker 2: because this one who's caretaking. Maybe it's acts of service

630
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,639
Speaker 2: is how they show love to their wife, and so

631
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:07,840
Speaker 2: doing all those things is actually them being like I

632
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 2: love you, I love you, and they don't want or

633
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:12,720
Speaker 2: need the help. Or maybe it's like quality time and

634
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,159
Speaker 2: those hobbies you're leaning into, it might be nice if

635
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 2: you try to share some of them.

636
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:17,439
Speaker 1: Great point.

637
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, thanks, excellent point.

638
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 1: I have let them continue all of this even though

639
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 1: I am well enough to take on some of this load.

640
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 1: Now I have to do better. Simplistic Joy says, Yep.

641
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 1: We were together for almost seven years before I realized

642
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 1: that I was the one not stepping up. So this

643
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 1: is a separate commenter. Okay, in all fairness, it was

644
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 1: a rough seven years. But I'm still an adult, right.

645
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,120
Speaker 1: If I want to survive and be as healthy as possible,

646
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 1: certain things need to be done. And Ope responds to that, saying, ugh,

647
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 1: the self pity mindset. I think that's where I am.

648
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 1: Recyclopath says, first, be kind to yourself. The cancer brain

649
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,920
Speaker 1: fog that often comes with treatment is very real. It's

650
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,959
Speaker 1: also okay and very normal to specialize in a relationship.

651
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 1: I'd start with a couple of areas that you take

652
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:05,480
Speaker 1: back ownership of. My husband and I jokingly refer to

653
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 1: these as departments.

654
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 2: That's cute. I love that.

655
00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 1: Also, start looking before you ask. Look for the cheese

656
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 1: before asking, look for the soap before asking. Op says,

657
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaker 1: brain fog is intense. I cannot believe how it incapacitates me.

658
00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 1: Sometimes I will try harder to look first. Another guilty

659
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 1: mom says, talk to your partner about how they feel.

660
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,360
Speaker 1: Tell them about these feelings and what you are feeling.

661
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:30,920
Speaker 1: If it were my husband battling cancer, I would tell

662
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,760
Speaker 1: them that we're a team and we each do what

663
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,600
Speaker 1: we can at every phase in our relationship, and that

664
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 1: will look very different throughout the decades.

665
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:39,240
Speaker 2: Heck, yeah, that's absolutely great.

666
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 1: It's great that you are feeling better and worrying now

667
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 1: about the mental household load. But if all you can

668
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 1: do is manage your own health load, the people who

669
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,080
Speaker 1: love you understand that and support you.

670
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:51,720
Speaker 2: I know I'm a child, but the more they say load,

671
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 2: I can't stop getting it. I get it, but.

672
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, you guys have to change that.

673
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I agree with this. I think the suggestion

674
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:02,680
Speaker 2: to talk to them first, Yeah, is really the best.

675
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:05,040
Speaker 2: That's like because maybe that often will solve it is

676
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:08,040
Speaker 2: being showing yourself aware and like realizing yeah they've been

677
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:11,360
Speaker 2: doing and showing gratitude that might be like all they're

678
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:14,560
Speaker 2: really looking for is like, oh wow, thank you for noticingly. Yeah.

679
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:16,840
Speaker 1: No, I have this relationship with my brother in that

680
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 1: he's four years older than me and just you know,

681
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 1: more like financially like stable than I am as twenty

682
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,400
Speaker 1: four year old, and so he's often like even beyond

683
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 1: the financial aspect, but like he's often very helpful. Just

684
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 1: like he'll help me with sketches, he'll help me in

685
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:36,040
Speaker 1: like day to day things, he'll give advice, and like

686
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 1: we've had conversations where he's like I don't need you

687
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:41,160
Speaker 1: to necessarily come back in a way like financially or

688
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:44,120
Speaker 1: something to help me. I just want like appreciation. And

689
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 1: it's that's like super valid because sometimes people can't return

690
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:50,560
Speaker 1: the same thing that you give. But just acknowledging that they.

691
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:53,200
Speaker 2: Gave it not to be like two love languages, Z.

692
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 2: But that's words of affirmation. Yeah. Yeah, some people like

693
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 2: I love words of affirmation. Yeah, and that might be

694
00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 2: all that they need or looking for. I feel like

695
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 2: we've had like this. This person's like very aware, which

696
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 2: is great. Yeah, I was expecting this this. You would

697
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 2: think this kind of story would come from like they're

698
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 2: telling me, I got to help out more. Yeah, I

699
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 2: have cancer.

700
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:16,800
Speaker 1: What are they talking about? We've had two really self

701
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 1: aware protagonists stories.

702
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:22,120
Speaker 2: I do not that it would change necessarily, but I'm

703
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 2: curious what kind of cancer? Yeah, that way, I keep

704
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:25,920
Speaker 2: talking about brain fog. I'm like, is that a symptom

705
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 2: of the chemo? Is that a symptom of the cancer?

706
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:29,960
Speaker 2: Is like, you know, like, how is that? And if

707
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 2: they had it.

708
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 1: For eight years, you know, seems to be not as

709
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 1: aggressive now.

710
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 2: And I'm sure that it would have ups and downs

711
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:40,000
Speaker 2: where there's parts where you're like it's a little more

712
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:41,960
Speaker 2: remission or it's like yeah, so.

713
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 1: I'm wondering, could be like breast cancer. I'm not sure. John. Here,

714
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:46,760
Speaker 1: we're gonna get back to this juicy story, but a

715
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 1: quick three minute break of ads for more sponsors. Oh,

716
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 1: Pi says, he is very much protective of my health.

717
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:54,720
Speaker 1: When I'm sick, He's right there for me. But the

718
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 1: past while he has done everything and I have done

719
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 1: less than the bare minimum.

720
00:31:58,760 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 2: Thank you for your insight.

721
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:02,160
Speaker 1: I know he just wants me to be healthy, but

722
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 1: the guilt just hit hard today. And I also imagine

723
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:09,080
Speaker 1: just going through that feeling kind of inadequate and feeling

724
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 1: like you can't do everything that other people can do

725
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,000
Speaker 1: just because of your health. Yeah, but that's also like

726
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 1: a story you're telling yourself. I haven't verified with him

727
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:19,280
Speaker 1: that he feels that way. Oh, he explains. I think

728
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 1: part of my problem is that my husband is doing

729
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 1: so much and I have just realized how out of

730
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:27,600
Speaker 1: touch I am with running the household. Grog Matra says,

731
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:30,719
Speaker 1: is this new or did it recently start? Chemo can

732
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:32,800
Speaker 1: really mix up your brain and give you brain fog.

733
00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:35,440
Speaker 1: Now that you've identified it, I'm sure you can talk

734
00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 1: it out with your amazing husband.

735
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 2: Oh, he says.

736
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 1: Been the past eight years before chemo, things were much

737
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 1: more even. But honestly, I don't have a great memory anymore.

738
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:46,680
Speaker 1: Oh that, Yeah, I mean like you might have also

739
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:50,120
Speaker 1: it might have affected parts of your memory and stuff.

740
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, or like you've lost it sounds like she's lost,

741
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:55,040
Speaker 2: like who she was a little bit of identity thing before.

742
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 2: That's really say, and maybe she's getting her identity. She

743
00:32:58,200 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 2: feels like identity was the house key.

744
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:04,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I could have switched drastically. Yeah, crazy like a

745
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,640
Speaker 1: fox says. As someone who is chronically ill also and

746
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 1: with varying daily energy levels, know that you're also allowed

747
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 1: to have compromise on low days too. Try not to

748
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 1: pendulum swing an overcorrect into worsening your health. It can

749
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:21,920
Speaker 1: be difficult sometimes to escape the all or nothing mindset,

750
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 1: but knowing yourself and communicating is perfect. There are a

751
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 1: lot of energy related systems out there, I e. Spoons.

752
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 2: I'm sorry what.

753
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:32,280
Speaker 1: I also don't know?

754
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 3: We got me back about Like No, it's like you

755
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:38,160
Speaker 3: start your day with a certain amount of spoons, and

756
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:39,120
Speaker 3: different things.

757
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:41,160
Speaker 2: Take energy, so you basically just.

758
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 3: Put like your energy into like an object, which is spoons.

759
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:47,080
Speaker 3: So you start your day with a certain amount of spoons.

760
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:49,760
Speaker 3: Different tasks can cost spoons.

761
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:52,640
Speaker 2: I was like, I do get energy from being cuddled.

762
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 3: Spoons, and that's the way you can gain more spoons.

763
00:33:56,560 --> 00:34:00,120
Speaker 1: Back that help you give another person a bet, a

764
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:02,200
Speaker 1: idea of where you're at and what you're able to

765
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 1: do in the moment. Best of luck to you. Ope,

766
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 1: he's just like I got two spoons, right, I'm so sorry,

767
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 1: I'm gonna to sit down, get a couple of spoons.

768
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:11,799
Speaker 2: I'll come back to me. Yeah, spoonful. Yeah, like I'm

769
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 2: going like a tea spoon right now. Oh yeah. Well. Also,

770
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:17,439
Speaker 2: like one of the things the common I don't remember

771
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 2: their names, crazy like a fox is standing out. Don't

772
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:21,719
Speaker 2: know if it was that, but them talking about like

773
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 2: there is there's a I'm gonna say it, there's a

774
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:31,040
Speaker 2: load that is just you know, sorry, I can't do it.

775
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:39,279
Speaker 2: Part of the duty, Yeah, that doesn't. Irresponsibility is your

776
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:42,040
Speaker 2: own physical health. So yes, your husband's taking care of

777
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:44,759
Speaker 2: all this stuff because the invisible thing you're working on

778
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,959
Speaker 2: is like staying alive, being healthy, taking like taking care.

779
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:52,120
Speaker 1: So yeah, absolutely. It Like just the memory thing kind

780
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:54,000
Speaker 1: of made me think of have you seen the movie

781
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:56,640
Speaker 1: Still Alice? No, Such a good movie. It's about a

782
00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:59,720
Speaker 1: woman who goes through early on set Alzheimer's great movie,

783
00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:01,879
Speaker 1: but super sad, and she just kind of goes from

784
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:05,920
Speaker 1: being this mother to slowly losing her like entire identity,

785
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:09,040
Speaker 1: and it's it's you know, it's not necessarily something in

786
00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 1: your case that might be super visible even to you,

787
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:14,759
Speaker 1: but it is there and you are experiencing it.

788
00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a heavy load.

789
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:21,920
Speaker 1: Yes, Ophie says, this is a good warning. I do

790
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:24,359
Speaker 1: tend to take on the I must fix everything all

791
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:28,800
Speaker 1: at once approach Mozilla, says Opie. I wasn't like this before,

792
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,440
Speaker 1: but now I am like this too. I'm also a

793
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:34,120
Speaker 1: cancer patient. Frankly, I think you need to accept that

794
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:36,760
Speaker 1: holding yourself up to the standards of a healthy person

795
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:41,240
Speaker 1: who hasn't had cancer and who hasn't done chemo is absurd.

796
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:44,120
Speaker 1: Do your best, ope, but don't focus on stuff like this.

797
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 1: That's just one more thing to feel bad about. Opie says.

798
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:51,040
Speaker 1: I fantasize about being the healthiest one. Then bam, two

799
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:54,000
Speaker 1: weeks in bed with all the side effects at once.

800
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 3: Ugh.

801
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,680
Speaker 2: Yeah tough, and then that'll make you spiral. Yeah.

802
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:01,240
Speaker 1: Basically, like you caniss, you really can help or assist,

803
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:03,919
Speaker 1: but you almost feel like you're getting behind in some way,

804
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:05,600
Speaker 1: like and it's like a race, and you're like, well,

805
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:08,960
Speaker 1: now I'm even further back. Yeah, it's like your partner's

806
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:12,800
Speaker 1: not racing you. No, have you found the time doesn't

807
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 1: move the same way. I will get up and start

808
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,680
Speaker 1: the day and suddenly it's five pm. I don't remember

809
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:20,600
Speaker 1: what I did that day. Mozilla says, yeah, pretty sure,

810
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 1: that's part of brain fog. Frankly, the term brain fog

811
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 1: makes it sound so mild. I feel like frequent amnesia

812
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:30,560
Speaker 1: would be more accurate. Op says agree, brain fog sounds

813
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:32,040
Speaker 1: like a drink. It's maddening.

814
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 2: Also, this is this happens to people that are perfectly healthy,

815
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:37,600
Speaker 2: where yeah, like the day can waste away. So the

816
00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:39,680
Speaker 2: way that it's happening in them where they literally cannot

817
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:41,840
Speaker 2: remember that must be super troubling.

818
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:45,479
Speaker 1: Absolutely. It goes so far beyond walking into a room

819
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 1: and forgetting why you walked in. There are these huge

820
00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:51,400
Speaker 1: gaps in memory, like years where I can only recall

821
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:53,840
Speaker 1: two or three things from that time. Oh my gosh,

822
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,680
Speaker 1: forgetting entire phone calls and then calling the person again

823
00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,760
Speaker 1: for the same conversation. I think you can forgive yourself

824
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 1: for forgetting where the cheese and the dish soap is.

825
00:37:02,239 --> 00:37:04,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not that's way to improve, is what someone says,

826
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 2: it's not that you don't know where it is. It's

827
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:09,640
Speaker 2: just like, look first for a minute, check the fridge,

828
00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:10,600
Speaker 2: give the.

829
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:13,399
Speaker 1: Old clutch, strive. We went shopping at Costco for over

830
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:15,400
Speaker 1: an hour, and as we were pulling out of the

831
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 1: parking lot, I asked if he was just looking for

832
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:21,239
Speaker 1: a better spot to park. Oh, I had no recollection

833
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:23,720
Speaker 1: of the entire shopping trip. It's scary.

834
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:25,360
Speaker 2: That is terrifying.

835
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:28,120
Speaker 1: That does make me feel like you have maybe like

836
00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:30,680
Speaker 1: these are symptoms of dementia or Alzheimer's.

837
00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:33,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, cause, is it brain cancer or is it? Is

838
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:35,799
Speaker 2: that truly brain fog? Like that's like a memory.

839
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,440
Speaker 1: Lad, Yeah, that seems like to me, those are memory

840
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:40,799
Speaker 1: issues that could be caused by chemo or by the

841
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:41,479
Speaker 1: cancer and stuff.

842
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:44,080
Speaker 2: Because and by the way, if that's happening, your husband

843
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 2: has no expectation of you. Yeah, but I.

844
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:52,399
Speaker 1: Also understand the desire to you know.

845
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:54,920
Speaker 2: It's not also like a bash on Costco.

846
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:58,440
Speaker 1: It's just so I didn't even remember it. Yeah, I

847
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:01,319
Speaker 1: had no memory of Costco. Locked it down. It's too easy.

848
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:04,320
Speaker 1: But there is an update. Do you have any of

849
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:06,399
Speaker 1: the thoughts before we jump into that update? No, I'm

850
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:09,880
Speaker 1: ready all right, let's do it next day, Oh, next day, Okay,

851
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:12,279
Speaker 1: I was planning on having a conversation later.

852
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 2: She starts the message. No, sorry, that would be so sad.

853
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:19,920
Speaker 1: She just like I will. I don't remember seeing this

854
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:24,640
Speaker 1: all be devastating. I was planning on having a conversation

855
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:27,040
Speaker 1: later in the week, but I didn't want to lose

856
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:29,759
Speaker 1: the motivation this post gave me. But there's a little

857
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:32,399
Speaker 1: bit left to the story, doesn't It seems like he's

858
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:35,080
Speaker 1: kind of finishing up, just wrapping up their feelings and stuff.

859
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:37,080
Speaker 1: But yeah, I would agree. I don't think your husband

860
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:41,640
Speaker 1: is expecting that you do any more than you're already doing.

861
00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 1: I think that you can offer.

862
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 2: That communication is key, even to just say I'm having

863
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:49,839
Speaker 2: these feelings and get him to tell you, yeah, honey, no, absolutely,

864
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:51,920
Speaker 2: it's chill. I'm always here to tell you where the

865
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:52,400
Speaker 2: cheese is.

866
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:56,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know, yeah, and it's I mean it's

867
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,440
Speaker 1: I think you're really lucky. And then you have such

868
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:01,480
Speaker 1: a supportive partner who's been here for this like eight year,

869
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:04,000
Speaker 1: very hard period of your life.

870
00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:06,839
Speaker 2: There's also there's like caretaking therapy groups where it's not

871
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:09,160
Speaker 2: just for the person with the cancer or whatever. But

872
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:12,800
Speaker 2: for the caretakers. And so if he's having stuff, or

873
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 2: if you're worried about him, you're dealing with stuff, you

874
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:17,160
Speaker 2: could suggest those, you.

875
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:18,839
Speaker 1: Know, giving him a space where he can like, you know,

876
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:22,080
Speaker 1: talk about those feelings that maybe he has that he's

877
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:24,319
Speaker 1: not wanting to put on you. Yeah, but it is

878
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:27,400
Speaker 1: a lot. But op he finishes off. I just straight

879
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:29,840
Speaker 1: up asked him how he felt about the workload distribution.

880
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:32,839
Speaker 1: He started laughing. Then he told me that every time

881
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:36,000
Speaker 1: I start to feel better, I bring something like this up.

882
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 2: That shows what, like, she's a good person, she's like

883
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:44,360
Speaker 2: realizing her role and wants to like yeah, and that also.

884
00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:46,359
Speaker 1: Is like such a comforting sign to him.

885
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:47,960
Speaker 2: Probably, oh yeah, good point.

886
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 1: Yes, He's like, oh, you're feeling better. Yeah, he says.

887
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:54,840
Speaker 1: I feel guilty and beat myself up over something related

888
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:58,680
Speaker 1: to how much I contribute financially, emotionally or spicy sleepily.

889
00:39:59,239 --> 00:40:02,279
Speaker 1: I don't recall doing this, he told me. After eight

890
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:05,960
Speaker 1: years of chemo every three weeks, my brain is mush.

891
00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 1: He was very nice about it. He told me other

892
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,479
Speaker 1: things that I have forgotten over the years. He said,

893
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 1: I do plenty when I can, and he can handle

894
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:15,200
Speaker 1: the rest we did talk about finding a specialist who

895
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:17,360
Speaker 1: can help me get some tools to better handle my

896
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:20,920
Speaker 1: memory loss. The whole conversation kind of freaked me out, honestly,

897
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:23,839
Speaker 1: not a very exciting update. Sorry, I think that's Oh,

898
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:25,959
Speaker 1: I actually think this is well, she's probably scared about

899
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 1: the members to not even remember having those conversations, is scared.

900
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:31,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I think it's sweet. I got a little misty,

901
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:34,759
Speaker 2: i'd I think it's really nice. Also, like I just

902
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:37,719
Speaker 2: feel like the loyalty of the scene to the other

903
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:40,800
Speaker 2: of like crazy. Yeah, he's like no this, but also

904
00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 2: it shows that like who she is hasn't changed. He's

905
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,759
Speaker 2: still there, He's here for it. Yeah. I love that.

906
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:48,960
Speaker 1: Opie on her brain fog. I'm shocked sometimes by how

907
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:51,839
Speaker 1: stupid I become. I read things I wrote a decade ago,

908
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:54,799
Speaker 1: and I don't really understand them anymore. It's so frustrating.

909
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 2: That's not stupid.

910
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just your your body is going through intense

911
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:00,160
Speaker 1: you know change.

912
00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:01,720
Speaker 2: Well, like Kimo is literally poison.

913
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:04,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you're radiating your body to get rid of

914
00:41:04,719 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 1: this poisonous thing. Okay, Lengthiness says you're not stupid. Your

915
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:13,520
Speaker 1: whole body is reacting to an incredibly difficult treatment. I

916
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:16,360
Speaker 1: can't imagine how frustrating it must be for you. But

917
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:19,759
Speaker 1: please give yourself some grace. No one is judging you

918
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:22,239
Speaker 1: as harshly as you are. And Opie says, thank you.

919
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:24,000
Speaker 1: I don't know if you read the update. I think

920
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 1: I did it wrong. I don't know how to do

921
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:28,880
Speaker 1: it correctly. My husband helped me figure out what was happening.

922
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:31,600
Speaker 1: Oh wait, SOPI. He's like, I don't even know how

923
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:35,800
Speaker 1: to update. Yes, I can't even figure out Reddit. Okay,

924
00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:38,680
Speaker 1: Lengthiness says I did read the update. Your husband is

925
00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:41,440
Speaker 1: on your side, and so am I and all the commoners.

926
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:43,759
Speaker 1: You're dealing with a lot, and no one faults you.

927
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:47,120
Speaker 1: Take care, and Opie says, well, I appreciate it, and

928
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,839
Speaker 1: I hope you have a great day. Lovely. I think

929
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:52,560
Speaker 1: I think you're doing okay, such a sad situation, but

930
00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 1: I think you have a really great partner.

931
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 2: I was gonna say you chose your partner, Well, you

932
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 2: guys are that's you're very lucky, and so is he.

933
00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:01,600
Speaker 1: And yeah, I think you're both. You're a woman and

934
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:02,160
Speaker 1: he is a man.

935
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:07,680
Speaker 2: Yes you know that as the lord intend But also

936
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:10,000
Speaker 2: if you if you end up in the same scenario

937
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 2: in three weeks. Yeah, that's also okay.

938
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:14,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's like it's clearly gonna be there

939
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:15,600
Speaker 1: a little.

940
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:17,760
Speaker 2: Grace for yourself and the whole situation.

941
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:20,920
Speaker 1: But yeah, and I like that he's taking this as

942
00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:24,400
Speaker 1: like a comfort. What what is so anxiety inducing to

943
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 1: you is something that to him is a sign of

944
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,440
Speaker 1: you improving, which is I think lovely.

945
00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:30,840
Speaker 2: And that it's like, oh, she's in there, my carrying

946
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,239
Speaker 2: my who wants to like contribute it all this?

947
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:40,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, you guys are great. Yeah, she still a pea.

948
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 1: That movie is so sad. I highly recommend.

949
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:46,840
Speaker 2: I've got two movie mox.

950
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:50,840
Speaker 1: Very different wide range.

951
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:53,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, you contain multitudes. Okay, yes, yes, of course.

952
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:57,759
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna pull up the next story. I think this, Yeah,

953
00:42:57,800 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 1: this is the last story of the day. Okay, awesome,

954
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:02,680
Speaker 1: So you gotta be on your ear game. I want

955
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:03,439
Speaker 1: your best joke.

956
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:04,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, well that was just.

957
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:08,799
Speaker 1: Whatever whatever I was going on there, and forget about it.

958
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:11,200
Speaker 1: The chat loves you. So you're doing great. Oh good,

959
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:15,879
Speaker 1: I love the chat. But we've got another story. Okay, hey,

960
00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:16,919
Speaker 1: it's sam og host.

961
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:18,840
Speaker 2: We're going to get back to these delectable stories.

962
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:20,920
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors to

963
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:24,200
Speaker 1: help support the show. My girlfriend refuse to be seen

964
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:29,200
Speaker 1: intimately with me and it's crushing me. Wompwomp, and trigger

965
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:33,560
Speaker 1: warnings for mentions of homophobia. Oh, my girlfriend twenty nine

966
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:36,279
Speaker 1: female and I twenty eight female have been dating for

967
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 1: almost four months.

968
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 2: Now, so four years in yeah time. Yeah, they're already

969
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:41,839
Speaker 2: moved in.

970
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:45,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, she is by far the most out closeted person

971
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:49,120
Speaker 1: I've met, as in, she is out, but it still

972
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:52,440
Speaker 1: feels like she's closeted and in some sense ashamed of

973
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:55,880
Speaker 1: her identity. By the way, this comes from just asking

974
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:57,520
Speaker 1: two to two and if you want to smit your

975
00:43:57,560 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 1: own stories, go to the r slash. Okay, storytime supper.

976
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:03,600
Speaker 2: I'm Sophia and I'm Casey and I'm Carly and you.

977
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:05,880
Speaker 1: Want to give a little spiel of who you another

978
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:09,879
Speaker 1: spiel a lot more, Maybe there might be two more.

979
00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 2: Okay, I can spiel. Yeah, my name is Casey. I'm

980
00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:16,279
Speaker 2: a comedian, actor writer MC. This makes me sound like

981
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 2: I'm about to rap, but I don't act. Rapping is

982
00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:20,640
Speaker 2: not on there. But I am a comedian and you know,

983
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:23,120
Speaker 2: love it if you follow me or find me online,

984
00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:24,959
Speaker 2: come to a show all that stuff.

985
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:27,520
Speaker 1: And Casey is here to help us read these stories.

986
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:31,400
Speaker 1: And oh Pi says she came out to her parents

987
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:34,479
Speaker 1: and close friends four years ago, when she was twenty five.

988
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:37,880
Speaker 1: She's known since college that she's attracted to women, but

989
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:40,719
Speaker 1: she's still dated guys hoping it would work, and it

990
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 1: took her a while to accept herself as saffok. Even

991
00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:46,399
Speaker 1: though she is out, she still seems like she has

992
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:48,279
Speaker 1: a lot of internalized homophobia.

993
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 2: Amen's sister.

994
00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:51,919
Speaker 1: For example, when we're alone in my living room, she's

995
00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:55,160
Speaker 1: super affectionate and loves cuddling. As soon as one of

996
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 1: my roommates, who are all super liberal and supportive, and

997
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:02,000
Speaker 1: my girlfriend knows this, walks into the room, my girlfriend

998
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:04,960
Speaker 1: pretty much disentangles herself from me and pretends like we

999
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 1: weren't touching, and is not affectionate with me at all.

1000
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:09,719
Speaker 1: She will brush her cheek away if I try to

1001
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:11,720
Speaker 1: kiss her, or if I try to hug her, she'll

1002
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:14,760
Speaker 1: try to discreetly back out of it. But once we're alone,

1003
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:17,920
Speaker 1: she's physically affectionate. She also does not like PDA in

1004
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:20,719
Speaker 1: public at all. Either. When we're in public Okay, I

1005
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:22,400
Speaker 1: was going to say, this might be more of a

1006
00:45:22,440 --> 00:45:26,359
Speaker 1: public PA thing than shame about being gay. Yeah. I

1007
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:29,879
Speaker 1: know a lot of people who are very ANTIPDA, yes,

1008
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:34,200
Speaker 1: and like not at all a physically affectionate in public, So.

1009
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:36,160
Speaker 2: Just around literally anyone. I know it was happening in

1010
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 2: the apartment with roommates, but it's like whenever someone's there,

1011
00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:40,360
Speaker 2: they get self conscious.

1012
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:42,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, which you know, it might be something to do

1013
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 1: with her identity, and you can have that conversation, but

1014
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 1: I don't think you can assume that.

1015
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:48,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, it'd be interesting if when she was with the

1016
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:50,560
Speaker 2: guys that she said she stated, if it was the

1017
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:51,440
Speaker 2: same case.

1018
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:53,600
Speaker 1: That is a good question. Yeah, she always been like that,

1019
00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:55,520
Speaker 1: and we live in a liberal city. By the way,

1020
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 1: I get it. I don't like it when any couple

1021
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 1: straight or queer. I turned off the phone. That's it dramatic.

1022
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:04,400
Speaker 1: I don't like anything.

1023
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 3: And this was posted six years ago.

1024
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:10,160
Speaker 2: Okay, I get it.

1025
00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:12,640
Speaker 1: I don't like it when any couple, straight or queer

1026
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:16,320
Speaker 1: is physically all over each other. But I'm talking small

1027
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:19,360
Speaker 1: forms of PDA, like holding hands when walking together in

1028
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:22,920
Speaker 1: the street, or me brushing her shoulder. Honestly, her dodging

1029
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:24,680
Speaker 1: me if I try to touch her in public is

1030
00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:27,279
Speaker 1: starting to hurt my feelings. Definitely have to have a

1031
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:28,920
Speaker 1: conversation about this, Yeah.

1032
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:32,080
Speaker 2: But also for people that don't like PDA, it's any

1033
00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:34,600
Speaker 2: form of PDA, it doesn't matter if it feels like

1034
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:36,719
Speaker 2: nothing to you, it feels like something to them.

1035
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:38,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you need to have a conversation because

1036
00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 1: you might be reading it in that way and she's

1037
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:43,040
Speaker 1: just like, ah, this is my boundary.

1038
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 2: Yeah. Also, it seems like this is a person who

1039
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:48,280
Speaker 2: really wants that like physical touch, like that's an important

1040
00:46:48,320 --> 00:46:50,680
Speaker 2: part of feeling loved, and so when it turns off,

1041
00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:53,760
Speaker 2: it's drastic and feels like a rejection of them, which

1042
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:54,880
Speaker 2: I know because that's me.

1043
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:57,760
Speaker 1: But that's like besides the point.

1044
00:46:57,640 --> 00:46:59,360
Speaker 2: Though, that's good though that you can identify with it,

1045
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,640
Speaker 2: because it's Yeah, the thing is this op is saying

1046
00:47:02,680 --> 00:47:04,960
Speaker 2: like they're rejecting me, and it's like it's not, that's

1047
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:05,560
Speaker 2: not what it is.

1048
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:08,280
Speaker 1: I mean, I have this with my so my boyfriend

1049
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:11,280
Speaker 1: that I'm with now. When we first start started dating,

1050
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:14,400
Speaker 1: I'm like super visial. We're both physically affectionate, but like

1051
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 1: I think at certain times like just need space just.

1052
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:19,040
Speaker 2: Because yeah, yeah, yeah humans space.

1053
00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:21,239
Speaker 1: Yeah as yeah, humans do. And so like I'd like

1054
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:23,560
Speaker 1: be physically affectionate when we're in public, and he'd be like, oh,

1055
00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:25,600
Speaker 1: like can I have some space? And I'd be like, ah,

1056
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 1: I don't want to break it up. Yeah, And then

1057
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:30,879
Speaker 1: I'd figure out I'm like, oh no.

1058
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:33,560
Speaker 2: That's just you know how like the human nature that

1059
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:35,040
Speaker 2: sometimes you just want yeah.

1060
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:37,680
Speaker 1: Space, and like you figure that out and you're like, oh, Okay,

1061
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:39,600
Speaker 1: these are the boundaries that we have when we're in

1062
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 1: public or just ever. So I think have that conversation

1063
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:46,000
Speaker 1: because you might just be perceiving it in a certain way.

1064
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:48,919
Speaker 2: And if I may have it not when it's just happened, Yeah,

1065
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:52,239
Speaker 2: have it a separate time, you know, like discuss it

1066
00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:53,720
Speaker 2: on a time when you're not like feeling triggered.

1067
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:56,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe you're cuddling at the time. You can we

1068
00:47:56,239 --> 00:47:59,200
Speaker 1: talk about that when we have conversations with our friends.

1069
00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:01,120
Speaker 1: There are some time times when she acts like she

1070
00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:03,879
Speaker 1: is straight. For example, if her friend talks about how

1071
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:06,399
Speaker 1: hot a male celebrity is, she agrees and will say

1072
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,799
Speaker 1: something about him that you would expect a straight girl

1073
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:11,760
Speaker 1: to say about his spicy appeal.

1074
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:14,200
Speaker 2: Okay, what is What does straight girl say? Because I

1075
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:18,080
Speaker 2: say stuff, I'm fully gay, I seem still appreciate a

1076
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:18,799
Speaker 2: good looking guy.

1077
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:21,000
Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't think that's that crazy.

1078
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:24,000
Speaker 3: I think you can still objectively be like that person's hot.

1079
00:48:24,120 --> 00:48:24,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course.

1080
00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:31,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why I'm like, like, like, are they like

1081
00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:35,160
Speaker 2: just like graphics too much detail? How would you know

1082
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:36,759
Speaker 2: that You've never done that?

1083
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:38,960
Speaker 1: What are you talking about? She's like, I've also never

1084
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:40,000
Speaker 1: been with that celebrity.

1085
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:41,200
Speaker 2: So yeah.

1086
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:44,320
Speaker 1: I think some of her uncomfortableness with her own identity

1087
00:48:44,520 --> 00:48:46,680
Speaker 1: has to do with her upbringing and how she grew up.

1088
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:49,680
Speaker 1: She grew up with homophobic parents. She was always a

1089
00:48:49,719 --> 00:48:52,799
Speaker 1: straight A student in school. She's an only child, she

1090
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:55,600
Speaker 1: went to a prestigious Ivy League college. She has a

1091
00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:58,600
Speaker 1: great job. She is her parents' main source of pride

1092
00:48:58,600 --> 00:48:59,040
Speaker 1: and joy.

1093
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:00,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a lot of pressure.

1094
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:02,759
Speaker 1: There's a little bit left to the story, which is

1095
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:04,560
Speaker 1: surprising to me because I feel like.

1096
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:06,040
Speaker 2: I feel we solved it. I don't.

1097
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:08,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like we've solved it, and you're just

1098
00:49:08,440 --> 00:49:09,120
Speaker 1: assuming a lot.

1099
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, so let's go, let's go.

1100
00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:12,480
Speaker 1: Talk to her.

1101
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:12,759
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1102
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:16,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, amazing how many things can be solved with some communication.

1103
00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:19,760
Speaker 1: You get shocked by how few people know it.

1104
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:23,480
Speaker 2: It's like the root of relationship issues. Yeah, but also

1105
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:26,400
Speaker 2: that kind of thing is like created very early on

1106
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:28,799
Speaker 2: in the relationship. You learn the communication styles, and if

1107
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 2: you don't build those blocks, yea, then little things like

1108
00:49:31,239 --> 00:49:33,520
Speaker 2: this or big things like this. Yeah, I'll leave room

1109
00:49:33,560 --> 00:49:36,680
Speaker 2: for how it could grow. But yeah, it's so important.

1110
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:39,200
Speaker 1: Yeah. I feel like whenever I come and give advice

1111
00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:42,400
Speaker 1: about Reddit stories, I'm like Steffan on SNL, I'm like,

1112
00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:44,960
Speaker 1: have you heard of a hot new club called Communication?

1113
00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 4: No?

1114
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:48,480
Speaker 1: One's heard about it. No, but there's a little bit

1115
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:50,879
Speaker 1: there's there's half of the story left, but I guess

1116
00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:51,520
Speaker 1: it could.

1117
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:53,760
Speaker 2: There could be a twister, a twitch.

1118
00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:58,400
Speaker 1: The basic gist I've gotten is that she's out to

1119
00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:00,920
Speaker 1: her parents, bought her Her parents and her don't talk

1120
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:02,960
Speaker 1: about her love life at all, and they're pretending like

1121
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 1: none of this exists.

1122
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:06,360
Speaker 2: Okay, for the record, that's not totally out. That's like

1123
00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:07,800
Speaker 2: a real don't ask, don't tell policies.

1124
00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:11,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's not really her kind of fault.

1125
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:14,399
Speaker 2: No, but it can make it icky, it can feel bad.

1126
00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:17,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, for ope, if they don't even acknowledge that you exist,

1127
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:21,000
Speaker 1: she is an amazing woman, and I've fallen hard for

1128
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:23,759
Speaker 1: It pains me that she has these feelings about her

1129
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:26,720
Speaker 1: identity since I've been there before, even though my parents

1130
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:28,920
Speaker 1: are super liberal and I didn't have this hard time

1131
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:29,960
Speaker 1: okay with it.

1132
00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:32,480
Speaker 2: It's all all of the stuff that this girlfriend is

1133
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:34,759
Speaker 2: going through is triggering her own stuff, and so she's

1134
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 2: filling in all the blanks about I think.

1135
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:36,680
Speaker 4: So.

1136
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:38,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think she's like, oh, this was, well, this

1137
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:41,319
Speaker 1: was how I felt years ago, so this is this

1138
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:44,279
Speaker 1: must be the reason. Yeah, which could be true, but

1139
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:46,160
Speaker 1: I could be but I feel like four months in

1140
00:50:46,680 --> 00:50:49,719
Speaker 1: she's probably filling in these only four months. I forgot it.

1141
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:53,040
Speaker 2: It's only four months. I remember, that's a staffic four years. Yeah.

1142
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:56,120
Speaker 1: But wait, but that's such a good point because I

1143
00:50:56,160 --> 00:51:00,479
Speaker 1: feel like four months again with my own relationship, there

1144
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:04,000
Speaker 1: was like, you know, you figure out what level of

1145
00:51:04,239 --> 00:51:08,080
Speaker 1: like interaction in public you're you're both comfortable with. So

1146
00:51:08,120 --> 00:51:10,920
Speaker 1: I feel like you just haven't necessarily figured it out exactly.

1147
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:13,120
Speaker 2: And I also feel like, four months in, I'm wondering

1148
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:16,239
Speaker 2: how much OP is like saying oh, this, this and

1149
00:51:16,239 --> 00:51:18,480
Speaker 2: this because she's just learned this from the girlfriend, or

1150
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:21,000
Speaker 2: that she's actually said that she feels this way.

1151
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:24,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm wondering that to what can I do to

1152
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:27,839
Speaker 1: help her? Talk to her? Talk to her?

1153
00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:29,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, see if she even needs any help. Yeah, I

1154
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:32,680
Speaker 2: mean it sounds like, but you're the one that's uncomfortable.

1155
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:36,239
Speaker 1: Yeah. And also, is this her first relationship with a woman?

1156
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:38,720
Speaker 2: That's very valid because if it is.

1157
00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:42,239
Speaker 1: It also might be changing how she interacts or just

1158
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:44,279
Speaker 1: she's figuring out how she interacts with you.

1159
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:46,839
Speaker 2: Yeah. Is this Ope's first relationship with a woman too?

1160
00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:50,160
Speaker 2: Like all good questions, all great questions, really changes things.

1161
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:53,680
Speaker 1: Common one says coming out can be a long term process.

1162
00:51:53,880 --> 00:51:54,080
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1163
00:51:54,080 --> 00:51:56,279
Speaker 1: I came out as a teenager and thought, Okay, that's it.

1164
00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:58,560
Speaker 1: I know everything there is to know about myself now

1165
00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:01,359
Speaker 1: that I've accepted this one huge thing. Then I spent

1166
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:04,400
Speaker 1: the next ten years discovering new things about myself and

1167
00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:07,000
Speaker 1: really getting down into the details of what it means

1168
00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:09,840
Speaker 1: for me to be queer and to live my life

1169
00:52:09,840 --> 00:52:12,040
Speaker 1: in a way that matches up with my self identity

1170
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:15,640
Speaker 1: and what values I have around that identity. My thoughts

1171
00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:19,040
Speaker 1: and feelings about being queer sometimes still shift. She's been

1172
00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:20,800
Speaker 1: out for four years, but how many women has she

1173
00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:23,799
Speaker 1: dated in that time, what kind of women or what

1174
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:27,520
Speaker 1: kind of women, what kind of relationships. She may still

1175
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:30,000
Speaker 1: be very young in terms of who she is when

1176
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:30,799
Speaker 1: dating other women.

1177
00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:33,200
Speaker 2: This is a huge theme in the queer community that

1178
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:36,279
Speaker 2: you're like, not stunted. It's not the right word, but

1179
00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:38,560
Speaker 2: I'm going to use it anyway, because everybody else in

1180
00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:40,480
Speaker 2: your life was like started dating and talking about earther

1181
00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:42,200
Speaker 2: sex in high school, and then you figure it out

1182
00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:44,880
Speaker 2: whenever you do, and now you're you have high the

1183
00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:47,200
Speaker 2: body of a twenty five year old, but like the

1184
00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:49,520
Speaker 2: relationship knowledge of like a fifteen year old.

1185
00:52:49,560 --> 00:52:52,919
Speaker 1: Absolutely yeah, I would explain to her how you feel

1186
00:52:52,960 --> 00:52:55,840
Speaker 1: about things like handholding in public. I feel sad that

1187
00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:58,080
Speaker 1: we don't hold hands, or I feel sad that we

1188
00:52:58,120 --> 00:53:01,080
Speaker 1: don't cuddle in front of my friends. Don't accuse her,

1189
00:53:01,239 --> 00:53:03,920
Speaker 1: just tell her your feelings. She may legitimately not like

1190
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:07,000
Speaker 1: PDA at all in any situation, and if that's how

1191
00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:09,200
Speaker 1: it is, then pushing her past her comfort zone is

1192
00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:11,840
Speaker 1: not going to make for a healthy relationship. But you

1193
00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:14,880
Speaker 1: can't ask her for honest self reflection on why she

1194
00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:17,680
Speaker 1: doesn't like to do these things, and if it's because

1195
00:53:17,719 --> 00:53:21,759
Speaker 1: of some internalized homophobia, maybe she can work on progressing

1196
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:24,880
Speaker 1: towards greater self acceptance. She may do that work and

1197
00:53:24,960 --> 00:53:30,319
Speaker 1: still not like holding hands Yeah, this commenter is.

1198
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:33,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, are you available to podcasts?

1199
00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:34,240
Speaker 1: Come on the show?

1200
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:34,880
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1201
00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:37,600
Speaker 1: You can also do some self reflection as well, like

1202
00:53:37,719 --> 00:53:39,879
Speaker 1: why is it important to you to hold hands out

1203
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:42,200
Speaker 1: in public? If you can voice your needs around that

1204
00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:45,760
Speaker 1: as well, Like I like spontaneously showing you physical affection,

1205
00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:48,640
Speaker 1: it may help her understand what you're really asking for.

1206
00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 1: Commenting says from personal experience, what helps me is to

1207
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:55,560
Speaker 1: hang out with another SATHA couple. M My girlfriend used

1208
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:58,879
Speaker 1: to be super uncomfortable with PDA, especially because she wasn't

1209
00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:01,520
Speaker 1: out of the closet until recently. But when we're with

1210
00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:05,000
Speaker 1: this one SAPAG couple my friends since elimentary and her

1211
00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:08,279
Speaker 1: girlfriend and they're being affectionate, I think she feels a

1212
00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:11,480
Speaker 1: lot more comfortable. Also, I think getting affirmation makes a

1213
00:54:11,640 --> 00:54:15,080
Speaker 1: huge difference, along with hanging out with girl couples who

1214
00:54:15,120 --> 00:54:18,360
Speaker 1: aren't afraid to show their together. Getting positive feedback is

1215
00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:20,960
Speaker 1: nice things like you guys are so cute together, you

1216
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:24,040
Speaker 1: guys are a great couple, You're my favorite couple. Compliments

1217
00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:26,960
Speaker 1: made my girlfriend a lot more confident and open with

1218
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:29,400
Speaker 1: her identity. If you have friends that are willing to

1219
00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:32,040
Speaker 1: encourage and support, that would also be a pless It.

1220
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:34,600
Speaker 2: Sounds like it's almost two things between the whole, like

1221
00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 2: shame around being out or being gay and then PDA.

1222
00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:40,080
Speaker 2: And I honestly think the PDA thing could be a

1223
00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:43,520
Speaker 2: symptem or it could be completely unrelated. Yeah, and talking

1224
00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:46,120
Speaker 2: about it will certainly help. I also loved that commenter's

1225
00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:50,120
Speaker 2: like approach of saying like, say I statements and don't

1226
00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:52,839
Speaker 2: say you you, you say like I like, So that way,

1227
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:55,560
Speaker 2: you're not saying like anything she's doing is wrong, You're

1228
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:58,239
Speaker 2: just saying what you're thinking. Another thing I love to

1229
00:54:58,239 --> 00:55:00,960
Speaker 2: say is like, the story I'm telling myself is that

1230
00:55:01,120 --> 00:55:04,120
Speaker 2: you not PDA, but you don't want to be affected

1231
00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:06,200
Speaker 2: with me because you're ashamed. Is that true?

1232
00:55:06,520 --> 00:55:06,960
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1233
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:09,560
Speaker 2: You know, because it might be like very much like

1234
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:11,640
Speaker 2: what are you talking about? I know that's not why.

1235
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:14,400
Speaker 2: I also love that like coming out is totally a

1236
00:55:14,440 --> 00:55:16,759
Speaker 2: journey and she's going to keep learning about herself, which

1237
00:55:16,760 --> 00:55:20,080
Speaker 2: and you probably will too. And yeah, and so maybe

1238
00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:23,120
Speaker 2: that's part of it, is that she's still sort of

1239
00:55:23,120 --> 00:55:24,520
Speaker 2: traveling along that spectrum.

1240
00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:28,480
Speaker 1: If you and I also think like having you as

1241
00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:32,400
Speaker 1: a person like OPU as a person to kind of

1242
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:35,600
Speaker 1: not model it, but but get advice from because you've

1243
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:39,080
Speaker 1: experienced obviously the same or like a similar coming out

1244
00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:41,799
Speaker 1: and stuff is helpful. But also I don't think that

1245
00:55:41,840 --> 00:55:44,840
Speaker 1: you can always put your own experiences on because you

1246
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:47,439
Speaker 1: did have different ones. So maybe is there anyone else

1247
00:55:47,480 --> 00:55:50,879
Speaker 1: in your like circle that grew up religious and could

1248
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:53,600
Speaker 1: talk to her and you know, because I think everyone

1249
00:55:53,600 --> 00:55:56,480
Speaker 1: has different experiences, so it's not always.

1250
00:55:56,200 --> 00:55:58,920
Speaker 2: Like a one to one match. Also, I liked the

1251
00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:01,120
Speaker 2: advice of going out with other like SAP a couple. Yeah,

1252
00:56:01,160 --> 00:56:02,680
Speaker 2: you could also just go to like a gay bar

1253
00:56:03,280 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 2: and be around that and see it. Yeah, and that

1254
00:56:05,719 --> 00:56:08,040
Speaker 2: also might help you see if when she sees that,

1255
00:56:08,080 --> 00:56:09,560
Speaker 2: does that make her more affection with you or she

1256
00:56:09,719 --> 00:56:13,759
Speaker 2: like look how yes, pa, they are like oh they're

1257
00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 2: all gad, what's going on here? Yeah, but that would

1258
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:21,359
Speaker 2: be interesting too to like sort of assess the I'm

1259
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:23,160
Speaker 2: not saying like runner through a beta test, but kind

1260
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:24,120
Speaker 2: of yeah, kind of.

1261
00:56:24,480 --> 00:56:30,240
Speaker 1: I think, Yeah, conversation is my first my first for sure. Yeah, advice,

1262
00:56:30,640 --> 00:56:33,840
Speaker 1: but that's the end of the story. Oh no update

1263
00:56:33,880 --> 00:56:37,600
Speaker 1: on idn't like they broke up, it was it's over. Yeah.

1264
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:41,160
Speaker 1: At four and a half months, they're done. Yeah, hopefully

1265
00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:44,879
Speaker 1: they're still together and they're figuring it out. We'll never

1266
00:56:45,040 --> 00:56:47,600
Speaker 1: know unless you go find that Reddit comment.

1267
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:49,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like literally my best friends.

1268
00:56:49,719 --> 00:56:51,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're like, oh my god, wait, I've read

1269
00:56:51,560 --> 00:56:55,759
Speaker 1: you read it. But that's the end of that story.

1270
00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:58,799
Speaker 2: Do you have any other I hope, I hope a

1271
00:56:58,840 --> 00:57:01,560
Speaker 2: happy ending for them. Yeah. It seems like all they

1272
00:57:01,600 --> 00:57:04,239
Speaker 2: needed to do was talk yea, So hopefully they get

1273
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:08,280
Speaker 2: four months in. That could have been like ten dates yeah, yeah,

1274
00:57:08,360 --> 00:57:09,920
Speaker 2: I mean, or it could be fully moving in.

1275
00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:14,399
Speaker 1: We never know. Yeah, is it four months from when

1276
00:57:14,440 --> 00:57:16,560
Speaker 1: you started officially dating or four months from you when

1277
00:57:16,560 --> 00:57:19,360
Speaker 1: you started dating? Good point, because that is also a

1278
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:22,040
Speaker 1: big you know, it can change how you interact with

1279
00:57:22,080 --> 00:57:24,280
Speaker 1: each other in public and stuff. But yeah, do we

1280
00:57:24,320 --> 00:57:26,200
Speaker 1: have any questions from the chat or anything?

1281
00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:27,959
Speaker 3: Yeah, if we have time, if you're okay, if we.

1282
00:57:27,880 --> 00:57:29,720
Speaker 1: Take Yeah, sure, that's fine, awesome.

1283
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:33,120
Speaker 3: Judges actually want to know if it's not too intrusive. Question,

1284
00:57:33,240 --> 00:57:36,520
Speaker 3: But why is the sapphic relationship scilles so skewed? Why

1285
00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:38,960
Speaker 3: is it common for saffics to move so quickly in

1286
00:57:39,000 --> 00:57:42,200
Speaker 3: relationships or is it a stereotype.

1287
00:57:41,480 --> 00:57:44,960
Speaker 2: Well, my understanding, I'd love to speak for all sad Yes,

1288
00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:50,560
Speaker 2: So in my experience, a lot of stereotypes, they'll they

1289
00:57:50,560 --> 00:57:53,200
Speaker 2: come from some truth, right, there's something true or a little

1290
00:57:53,280 --> 00:57:55,520
Speaker 2: nugget of it, and so truly, in my experience, I

1291
00:57:55,520 --> 00:57:59,040
Speaker 2: think the joke comes from reality, in which when you

1292
00:57:59,080 --> 00:58:02,320
Speaker 2: have two women in reallylationship, there's so much shared life

1293
00:58:02,360 --> 00:58:06,600
Speaker 2: experience and understanding that it just accelerates things. There's jokes

1294
00:58:06,600 --> 00:58:09,040
Speaker 2: around the fact that, of course, yeah, maybe we communicate better,

1295
00:58:09,080 --> 00:58:12,440
Speaker 2: we communicate our feelings, are more comfortable talking about our feelings.

1296
00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:15,760
Speaker 2: That's not always true for every woman, but generally, if

1297
00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:19,040
Speaker 2: you took a random woman a and random man, a

1298
00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:21,000
Speaker 2: woman's gonna be a little more well versed in doing

1299
00:58:21,040 --> 00:58:23,400
Speaker 2: it because we've done it all our lives. It's been

1300
00:58:23,440 --> 00:58:25,640
Speaker 2: acceptable for us to be in touch with those feelings.

1301
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:29,560
Speaker 2: While there's you know, toxic masculinity around that. So I

1302
00:58:29,600 --> 00:58:32,160
Speaker 2: think it generally, it like generally comes from some truth nugget,

1303
00:58:32,160 --> 00:58:34,360
Speaker 2: which is that you know, it's easier to relate to

1304
00:58:34,400 --> 00:58:36,600
Speaker 2: another woman and so you're gonna talk about feelings faster.

1305
00:58:37,080 --> 00:58:40,480
Speaker 2: You're gonna move that relationship is gonna move faster. Yeah,

1306
00:58:40,520 --> 00:58:44,080
Speaker 2: you're also not gonna necessarily play that game of like, well,

1307
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:47,200
Speaker 2: I can't say I'm into him until he says he's

1308
00:58:47,240 --> 00:58:49,680
Speaker 2: into me, or I don't want to come on too strong.

1309
00:58:49,720 --> 00:58:51,440
Speaker 2: They're just like, no, this is how I feel. And

1310
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:53,880
Speaker 2: you know, we're reading our astrology charts and it's a

1311
00:58:53,880 --> 00:58:56,520
Speaker 2: perfect match. And so I think that it does come

1312
00:58:56,560 --> 00:59:00,400
Speaker 2: from some truth and some just like genuine biology and

1313
00:59:00,440 --> 00:59:03,120
Speaker 2: sociology related to it. And then of course that was

1314
00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:06,840
Speaker 2: blown up int then it just gets yeah, as it

1315
00:59:06,880 --> 00:59:09,400
Speaker 2: always does. Yeah, yeah, but great question.

1316
00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:13,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, we have a kind of deeper one from an

1317
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:15,640
Speaker 3: anonymous center that sent it in. Do you think your

1318
00:59:15,680 --> 00:59:18,600
Speaker 3: experience with mental health has impacted your career and or

1319
00:59:18,640 --> 00:59:21,000
Speaker 3: your comedy? And do you think life has been your

1320
00:59:21,040 --> 00:59:23,760
Speaker 3: greatest asset or your biggest challenge?

1321
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:30,760
Speaker 1: Okay, wow, Okay, I know that's a lot pressure we

1322
00:59:30,800 --> 00:59:31,240
Speaker 1: want to happen.

1323
00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:34,040
Speaker 2: This podcast is still some like goofy advice. Also, what's

1324
00:59:34,080 --> 00:59:39,440
Speaker 2: the media everything? Wait, what was the first first part

1325
00:59:39,440 --> 00:59:39,920
Speaker 2: of that question?

1326
00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:43,400
Speaker 3: Think your experience with mental health has impacted your career

1327
00:59:43,480 --> 00:59:44,320
Speaker 3: and or comedy?

1328
00:59:44,520 --> 00:59:48,520
Speaker 2: Impacted my career. Maybe not not yet. I'm not saying

1329
00:59:48,520 --> 00:59:50,920
Speaker 2: it couldn't, but for sure it influences my comedy. I

1330
00:59:50,920 --> 00:59:53,880
Speaker 2: talk about like I have jokes about going to therapy

1331
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 2: in my act. I think also just as someone who's

1332
00:59:57,320 --> 01:00:00,160
Speaker 2: like really embraces mental health therapy and all that, you

1333
01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:02,480
Speaker 2: can't help but take some of that language and that lingo.

1334
01:00:02,600 --> 01:00:05,800
Speaker 2: It becomes part of your like vernacular. So for sure,

1335
01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:09,120
Speaker 2: even in my daily life, I think that it's great.

1336
01:00:09,360 --> 01:00:12,760
Speaker 1: Like giving advice on theseus, so clearly it's working. How

1337
01:00:12,760 --> 01:00:17,080
Speaker 1: does hair I have it around? It looks great, flips perfect. Yeah,

1338
01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:18,960
Speaker 1: So I think that answers the first part. It's like

1339
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:21,840
Speaker 1: career maybe not yet, but comedy for sure. And then

1340
01:00:21,880 --> 01:00:24,160
Speaker 1: the second question that the nice question.

1341
01:00:24,600 --> 01:00:27,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, do you think life has been your greatest asset

1342
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:29,600
Speaker 3: or your biggest challenge?

1343
01:00:30,640 --> 01:00:32,840
Speaker 1: Well, I mean without it, there is no there is

1344
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:35,280
Speaker 1: no challenge, so it's got to be it's got to

1345
01:00:35,280 --> 01:00:35,800
Speaker 1: be an asset.

1346
01:00:35,880 --> 01:00:38,080
Speaker 2: True. Okay, I will say as far as stand up goes,

1347
01:00:38,480 --> 01:00:40,080
Speaker 2: there are exceptions to every rule. So I'm going to

1348
01:00:40,120 --> 01:00:42,320
Speaker 2: put a rule out there, but there's exceptions. But I

1349
01:00:42,360 --> 01:00:44,720
Speaker 2: think you have, like you have to get life experienced

1350
01:00:45,160 --> 01:00:47,480
Speaker 2: to be a comedian, and I think sometimes when you

1351
01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:50,400
Speaker 2: have super young comedians, it's hard to relate when they're like, yeah,

1352
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:52,680
Speaker 2: my god, I'm getting so old. I turned twenty next month,

1353
01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:55,280
Speaker 2: I'm turning thirty and I, oh my gosh, my body's

1354
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:57,080
Speaker 2: falling apart. And then you're like, you don't really know,

1355
01:00:57,240 --> 01:00:59,520
Speaker 2: you'll see. So I do think life is an asset

1356
01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:03,320
Speaker 2: and stand up but yeah, it's the lived experience, like

1357
01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:05,480
Speaker 2: you have to be. There's like communities, they get too

1358
01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:07,840
Speaker 2: famous and they're too rich and they can't be relatable.

1359
01:01:08,120 --> 01:01:09,600
Speaker 1: They're like I don't know the price of bread.

1360
01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:11,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah I don't.

1361
01:01:11,120 --> 01:01:14,280
Speaker 1: My butler gets it. Yeah, I don't shop anymore personally.

1362
01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:17,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, So for sure, asset, I mean without getting too

1363
01:01:17,880 --> 01:01:21,440
Speaker 2: into like dark places you know I've got I've had

1364
01:01:21,480 --> 01:01:24,560
Speaker 2: friends that have taken their lives, and there's a dark

1365
01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:26,680
Speaker 2: side of comedy. So I think maybe that's what you're

1366
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:30,080
Speaker 2: touching on a little bit. And so I don't ever

1367
01:01:30,080 --> 01:01:32,720
Speaker 2: feel like the challenges come from stand up though. Yeah

1368
01:01:32,760 --> 01:01:35,080
Speaker 2: it's like in co Wow, I don't even I feel

1369
01:01:35,080 --> 01:01:37,920
Speaker 2: like I'm rambling right now, but this is great. The

1370
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:40,000
Speaker 2: point is, yes, life is an asset. I think the

1371
01:01:40,080 --> 01:01:42,160
Speaker 2: ups and downs, the good and the bad, all of that.

1372
01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:44,240
Speaker 2: In fact, a lot of times you don't go on

1373
01:01:44,280 --> 01:01:46,920
Speaker 2: stage and talk about all the great things happening because

1374
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:49,840
Speaker 2: that's not funny. No, no, nobody wants. It's like you're

1375
01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:52,440
Speaker 2: really starting from usually a complaint or something negative or

1376
01:01:52,480 --> 01:01:55,000
Speaker 2: I hate or I'm annoyed, so all that those bad

1377
01:01:55,040 --> 01:01:57,160
Speaker 2: parts of life, so to speak, are like the richest.

1378
01:01:57,240 --> 01:01:58,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, the big emotions.

1379
01:01:58,360 --> 01:02:03,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly read all right, I hope I answered that. Okay,

1380
01:02:03,200 --> 01:02:04,760
Speaker 2: that was an intense question.

1381
01:02:04,760 --> 01:02:10,040
Speaker 1: That was very intense, getting so deep's like, what's your

1382
01:02:10,040 --> 01:02:11,000
Speaker 1: favorite potato chip?

1383
01:02:11,560 --> 01:02:12,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the next question.

1384
01:02:12,680 --> 01:02:16,360
Speaker 3: Actually, I did start seeing things about lasagna right after.

1385
01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:21,720
Speaker 2: What Garfield fans out there, Yeah, shout out, Yeah, my

1386
01:02:21,720 --> 01:02:27,280
Speaker 2: wife's Italian. She makes a really goodlasigna shout out to talent. Yeah,

1387
01:02:27,320 --> 01:02:30,280
Speaker 2: she makes a she makes a ricotta. I would love ricotta,

1388
01:02:30,320 --> 01:02:32,360
Speaker 2: And I was gonna say yeah. She also subs one

1389
01:02:32,360 --> 01:02:35,480
Speaker 2: of the layers for cream cheese. Like cream cheese. Consider it.

1390
01:02:36,040 --> 01:02:38,600
Speaker 1: Cream cheese makes everything better. See, I don't eat meat,

1391
01:02:38,640 --> 01:02:40,440
Speaker 1: so I've been trying to find, like, you know, vegetarian

1392
01:02:40,480 --> 01:02:43,480
Speaker 1: lasagna ones. But like just whenever record is in it,

1393
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:45,720
Speaker 1: it just immediately is better, so it doesn't even matter.

1394
01:02:46,040 --> 01:02:47,320
Speaker 2: And hey know where the cheese is?

1395
01:02:47,520 --> 01:02:51,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, please don't ask your partners, just go look unless

1396
01:02:51,680 --> 01:02:55,280
Speaker 1: you've had eight years of bread, it's okay. Yeah, and

1397
01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:59,919
Speaker 1: don't be afraid to cut the cheese comfortable. But that's

1398
01:03:00,120 --> 01:03:01,240
Speaker 1: that was her last story.

1399
01:03:01,640 --> 01:03:02,360
Speaker 2: I had a really good time.

1400
01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:04,040
Speaker 1: Thank you for having me so much, for coming on.

1401
01:03:04,400 --> 01:03:05,440
Speaker 1: Do you want to do? You want to give a

1402
01:03:05,440 --> 01:03:08,000
Speaker 1: little your final spiel and then plug anything you want

1403
01:03:08,040 --> 01:03:08,320
Speaker 1: to plug.

1404
01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:11,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, final spiel, my final spiel. Yeah, and you're just

1405
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:15,080
Speaker 2: joining rewind and look at the medium of life. But

1406
01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:17,800
Speaker 2: I'm Casey. I'm a comedian, I do stand up. I

1407
01:03:17,840 --> 01:03:21,880
Speaker 2: have clips online. I'm also an MC writer and I

1408
01:03:21,920 --> 01:03:24,680
Speaker 2: have a podcast myself. It's called Wife Support. It's me

1409
01:03:24,800 --> 01:03:27,640
Speaker 2: and my wife. I love that. Yeah, it's I've talking

1410
01:03:27,640 --> 01:03:29,400
Speaker 2: about wife stuff. It's pretty saffic.

1411
01:03:29,520 --> 01:03:30,080
Speaker 1: You guys.

1412
01:03:30,920 --> 01:03:33,400
Speaker 2: What Yeah, I'm going to start saying on the podcast

1413
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:34,720
Speaker 2: with her, and she'd be like, who are.

1414
01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:37,520
Speaker 1: You talking about? You gotta be able to post on Facebook?

1415
01:03:37,520 --> 01:03:38,439
Speaker 2: Then oh yes I will.

1416
01:03:38,520 --> 01:03:41,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you so much for coming up.

1417
01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:43,400
Speaker 2: Thanks for having me so fun. You guys are great