WEBVTT - CZM Book Club: Two Stories from Gaza Writes Back, edited by Refaat Alareer 0:00:01.680 --> 0:00:03.240 Cool Zone Media. 0:00:06.680 --> 0:00:11.800 Book Club book Club, book Club book Club. Hello and 0:00:11.840 --> 0:00:14.280 welcome to the Cool Zone Media book Club, the only 0:00:14.320 --> 0:00:17.600 book club where you, the listener thinks, how long will 0:00:17.640 --> 0:00:20.680 Margaret keep that bid up about the chanting? 0:00:21.200 --> 0:00:23.720 Now that there's usually not guests, I am your host, 0:00:23.800 --> 0:00:26.040 Margaret Kiljoy. The Cool Zone Media book Club is the 0:00:26.079 --> 0:00:28.160 only book club where you don't have to do the reading, 0:00:28.560 --> 0:00:32.199 because I do it for you. And today we have 0:00:32.320 --> 0:00:35.760 two stories and a poem for you from the collection 0:00:36.400 --> 0:00:42.480 Gaza Writes Back short stories from young writers in Gaza, Palestine, 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:46.360 and this anthology was edited by Rafat Alarier for its 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:50.199 first release from Just World Books in twenty fourteen, but 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:53.760 Rafat was martyred by the Israeli military in December of 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:57.760 twenty twenty three, and a new memorial edition is currently 0:00:57.800 --> 0:01:01.520 available from PM Press. Hazel, who helps with the show, 0:01:02.200 --> 0:01:05.160 says that they found this book last year and immediately 0:01:05.240 --> 0:01:07.760 knew they wanted to do some stories from it and 0:01:07.840 --> 0:01:10.120 were so happy to be able to present works from 0:01:10.120 --> 0:01:13.600 it today with the cooperation of the authors, with PM 0:01:13.680 --> 0:01:16.279 Press who put out that new edition, and the family 0:01:16.319 --> 0:01:20.520 of Rafad E Larreer. This collection is full of short 0:01:20.560 --> 0:01:24.120 stories written by young people, most women who came of 0:01:24.160 --> 0:01:28.759 age during Operation Caste Led. This was, in Rafat's words 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:33.240 from the original introduction the quote full scale military offensive 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:36.920 that Israel launched on Gaza between December twenty seventh, two 0:01:36.959 --> 0:01:41.319 thousand and eight and January eighteenth, two thousand and nine. 0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:44.160 Most of the stories in Gaza Writes Back were originally 0:01:44.200 --> 0:01:47.680 written for Rafat's fiction and creative writing classes at the 0:01:47.720 --> 0:01:51.560 Islamic University in Gaza. Many of the authors were new 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:54.960 to writing fiction and or writing at all, though some 0:01:55.080 --> 0:01:59.200 were experienced bloggers documenting their experience of life under occupation. 0:02:00.480 --> 0:02:03.520 Almost all of the stories were composed originally in English, 0:02:04.000 --> 0:02:08.800 and again in Rafot's words quote, the stories included here 0:02:08.840 --> 0:02:13.919 present in English a much needed Palestinian youth narrative without 0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:18.880 the mediation or influences of translation or of non Palestinian voices. 0:02:19.760 --> 0:02:24.000 Gaza Writes Back provides conclusive evidence that telling stories is 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:28.320 an act of life, that telling stories is resistance, and 0:02:28.400 --> 0:02:34.600 that telling stories shapes our memories. So to get us started, 0:02:35.040 --> 0:02:38.320 our first story is called the Story of the Land 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:44.560 by Sarah Ali. To Dad, I looked at his teary 0:02:44.600 --> 0:02:49.320 eyes and beholding something akin to happiness. I smiled. The 0:02:49.360 --> 0:02:51.880 man I have always known to be my father was back. 0:02:52.440 --> 0:02:55.239 He did not look like that unfamiliar man whom I 0:02:55.240 --> 0:02:58.920 could not fully recognize during the last three years. He 0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:02.880 was no longer that abt minded, silent figure, gazing at 0:03:02.919 --> 0:03:07.680 walls all the time and uninterestingly nodding whenever addressed by 0:03:07.680 --> 0:03:12.520 anyone at home. He was there, He was present, He 0:03:12.600 --> 0:03:15.120 was actually listening. As I went on bragging about a 0:03:15.240 --> 0:03:18.680 high grade of mine. A phone call and a piece 0:03:18.720 --> 0:03:22.720 of paper signed by some Turkish sponsored institution brought back 0:03:22.760 --> 0:03:26.519 my father. I looked at his eyes again, this time 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:30.120 more carefully, for fear that my first glance was false. 0:03:31.320 --> 0:03:34.200 As I saw that absolute happiness in my father's eyes, 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:39.680 a big smile made it to my face again. As 0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:43.040 we now commemorate the Land Day, we honour the people 0:03:43.080 --> 0:03:45.880 who stood up for their land in nineteen seventy six, 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:50.760 when Israel announced thousands of Palestinian dunams would be confiscated. 0:03:51.600 --> 0:03:56.080 During marches held to protest that declaration, six people were killed. 0:03:57.080 --> 0:03:59.960 The thirtieth of March brings back a memory of our land, 0:04:00.520 --> 0:04:04.280 my father's land. A couple weeks ago, we got a 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:07.280 phone call informing us that my father's name had been 0:04:07.320 --> 0:04:12.440 selected for a reconstruction program funded by Turkey. The program 0:04:12.560 --> 0:04:15.800 aims at helping gosen farmers whose lands were damaged during 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:19.560 the Israeli offensive in two thousand and eight replant their trees. 0:04:20.440 --> 0:04:24.640 It provides farmers with all types of facilitating materials, such 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:31.200 as fences, tree cuttings, seedlings, seeds, and irrigation systems. My 0:04:31.279 --> 0:04:34.760 father declined to apply for those organizations that gave financial 0:04:34.800 --> 0:04:39.120 compensations to farmers. How can he take money in return 0:04:39.200 --> 0:04:43.960 for land. Unlike any other aid program, this program gives 0:04:44.000 --> 0:04:47.960 no money to farmers. It instead helps them stand on 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:52.360 their own. Though my father was born to a family 0:04:52.400 --> 0:04:56.359 of farmers, he did not follow that path. He studied 0:04:56.400 --> 0:04:59.800 economics and political science in Egypt and spent most of 0:04:59.800 --> 0:05:03.960 his youth working as a journalist, mainly a columnist, writing 0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:08.440 about economic and political issues in newspapers in Kuwait. When 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:10.960 he was back in Gaza, though he had to take 0:05:11.040 --> 0:05:13.480 care of the peace of land my grandfather left for 0:05:13.560 --> 0:05:18.560 him years before, it was not difficult for him. Gradually, 0:05:18.600 --> 0:05:21.279 the land became more of a passion than a profession. 0:05:22.200 --> 0:05:24.200 It was one of the few things he cared about 0:05:24.760 --> 0:05:28.240 the daily thing that kept him busy. It was heaven 0:05:28.279 --> 0:05:32.919 on earth. During those twenty three days of the Israeli 0:05:33.000 --> 0:05:36.880 attack on Gaza, we were constantly receiving news of land 0:05:36.960 --> 0:05:41.719 being run over by Israeli bulldozers. We were told thousands 0:05:41.760 --> 0:05:45.119 of trees were gone. We were told my uncle's trees 0:05:45.160 --> 0:05:49.720 were gone. We were told our trees were gone. We 0:05:49.720 --> 0:05:54.840 were told Sharga, the whole district of eastern farmland was gone. 0:05:54.960 --> 0:05:58.280 But these were rumors, or so my father wanted to believe. 0:05:59.360 --> 0:06:01.880 We all had hope that our land was still intact, 0:06:02.240 --> 0:06:05.960 totally untouched. We were clinging to the assumption that only 0:06:06.040 --> 0:06:10.320 other people's trees could get uprooted. But certainly not our beautiful, 0:06:10.640 --> 0:06:14.279 unmatched olives. Certainly not the trees that were, to my 0:06:14.400 --> 0:06:18.000 father the only thing he boasted of to prove he 0:06:18.120 --> 0:06:20.680 was no less of a gozen than those who repeatedly 0:06:20.720 --> 0:06:25.120 reproached him, for, as they put it, recklessly leaving the 0:06:25.200 --> 0:06:28.640 land of black Gold, where they assumed he swam in 0:06:28.720 --> 0:06:32.920 Kuwaiti oil pools every day, and for coming to live 0:06:33.000 --> 0:06:37.600 here with a small H. My father looked at it 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:41.960 quite differently, For here with a capital H, he always 0:06:42.000 --> 0:06:45.800 believed is the land of al Zeate al mukatas the 0:06:45.839 --> 0:06:51.880 holy oil. Gaza's sky was blue again. Things were over. 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:55.720 The news said things were over. My father went there. 0:06:56.120 --> 0:06:58.240 He went to check up on the land with a 0:06:58.240 --> 0:07:01.479 capital H. He put his faith in his olives being 0:07:01.480 --> 0:07:04.960 an exception, and he went there. He put his faith 0:07:05.000 --> 0:07:07.240 in that little white spot in the heart of the 0:07:07.279 --> 0:07:11.920 bulldozer's operator, who my father supposed could not have resisted 0:07:11.960 --> 0:07:14.520 the beauty of our land, and who listened to his 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:17.680 inn it good being that told him not to run 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:21.200 over this land. He had faith in the goodness of man, 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:24.200 and he went there. He put his faith in God, 0:07:24.480 --> 0:07:28.520 and he went there. My brother, who accompanied him, told 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:31.160 us later that all they saw as they walked was 0:07:31.280 --> 0:07:35.920 ruined lands filled with bulldozed dead trees, which seemed to 0:07:35.920 --> 0:07:39.360 suffice for their family's need of firewood for years to come. 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:44.240 My brother said, Dad started crying as he saw people crying. 0:07:45.240 --> 0:07:50.360 They went on. They saw more toppled trees, feeble and defeated. 0:07:51.200 --> 0:07:54.960 They went on. There was the heaven. The scene of 0:07:55.000 --> 0:07:58.920 our land was not shocking. Simply put, our trees were 0:07:58.920 --> 0:08:03.720 no exception. Our trees were gone. A miscellany of affliction 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:07.440 and denial took over the place. My father's faith, I 0:08:07.480 --> 0:08:12.239 could tell, was smashed into little pieces. The world seemed 0:08:12.240 --> 0:08:16.880 like an ugly place. One of our trees, which later 0:08:16.960 --> 0:08:20.440 became the subject matter the whole neighborhood spoke of, was 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:24.680 still standing there. Just one week before the attacks. My 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:28.040 father told my brother how slanted this tree was and 0:08:28.080 --> 0:08:30.720 how quickly they needed to get rid of it. They 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:34.200 were planning to cut it, and yet ironically it was 0:08:34.240 --> 0:08:38.040 the only tree the Israeli army left out of boredom 0:08:38.080 --> 0:08:43.040 or mercy, I cannot tell, but it was still there Later, 0:08:43.400 --> 0:08:46.200 whenever my cousins wanted to make Dad feel less terrible 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:49.760 about it, they made fun of the whole thing. How 0:08:49.840 --> 0:08:51.760 the hell did the soldiers know you were planning to 0:08:51.800 --> 0:08:55.040 cut it anyway, and so decided not to cut it themselves, 0:08:55.400 --> 0:09:00.319 my cousins would remark. Everyone would start laughing, but Ad 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:03.640 did not. His land and olive groves were not laughing 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:07.760 matters to him. When my father and brother were home 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:11.040 that day, my brother started telling us about what he saw. 0:09:12.000 --> 0:09:16.760 He told us that the trees were uprooted al Shajar Tchejarref. 0:09:17.000 --> 0:09:20.640 He kept repeating. My father was in his room crying. 0:09:21.360 --> 0:09:24.120 During the weeks that followed my father's visit to the land, 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:27.880 he had a daily schedule. In the morning, he prayed 0:09:27.920 --> 0:09:32.800 and read Koran. At night he cried. Speaking about the land, 0:09:32.920 --> 0:09:36.640 the houses, and generally the financial losses during or right 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:40.120 after the Israeli offensive would have sounded very selfish and 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:44.040 indifferent to others. When people are dying, you do not 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:46.800 speak of your beautiful house that was leveled to the ground. 0:09:47.520 --> 0:09:50.280 When people are losing their legs and arms, leaving them 0:09:50.320 --> 0:09:52.920 disabled for the rest of their lives. You do not 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:55.760 speak of your fancy car that once looked like a 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:59.160 vase adorning the streets of your modest neighborhood, and that 0:09:59.280 --> 0:10:02.559 is now a gray wreck. When a mother is burying 0:10:02.600 --> 0:10:05.439 her child before she could say goodbye, you do not 0:10:05.600 --> 0:10:08.920 speak of your land and your trees that were mercilessly uprooted. 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:15.040 Those people speak, they cry, they mourn. You listen, and 0:10:15.120 --> 0:10:18.560 for the memory of your insignificant little misery, you grieve 0:10:18.600 --> 0:10:22.200 in silence. And that seemed to have amassed more agony 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:26.680 over Dad's pain. Recently, I went to father to get 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:30.000 accurate information about the trees that were uprooted their numbers 0:10:30.160 --> 0:10:33.960 and their age. Why are you asking? Are you applying 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:36.640 for one of those charity institutions that offer some money 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:39.439 in a bag of flower instead of helping people plant 0:10:39.480 --> 0:10:42.640 the trees? Again? Are you we do not need those? 0:10:43.160 --> 0:10:45.960 The guy I met from the reconstruction program called last 0:10:46.000 --> 0:10:49.040 week and they already sent laborers and farmers to start 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:54.599 their job. Do you still want to apply for charity? No, baba, 0:10:54.679 --> 0:10:59.200 I am just writing something for my blog blog, okay, 0:10:59.240 --> 0:11:03.600 whatever that is? So? How many trees were uprooted? One 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:07.240 hundred eighty olive trees, I guess, and one hundred eighty 0:11:07.360 --> 0:11:12.280 nine olive trees, one hundred sixty lemon trees, fourteen guava trees? 0:11:12.400 --> 0:11:17.040 He bellowed, angry that I missed the exact number. Embarrassed, 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:18.839 I lowered my head and wondered why I. 0:11:18.840 --> 0:11:20.079 Was doing this to myself. 0:11:20.760 --> 0:11:24.160 My thoughts were interrupted when he went on, next time 0:11:24.200 --> 0:11:26.080 you decide to do whatever it is you want to do, 0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:29.840 right now, get your numbers straight. I made no reply. 0:11:30.920 --> 0:11:34.520 You hear me, there were one hundred eighty nine olive trees, 0:11:34.880 --> 0:11:37.959 not one hundred eighty, not one hundred eighty one, not 0:11:38.000 --> 0:11:42.160 even one hundred eighty eight one hundred eighty nine olive trees. 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:46.520 He left the room for a few minutes afterwards, Guilt 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:50.560 was all I could feel. That an Israeli soldier could 0:11:50.559 --> 0:11:53.439 buldoze one hundred eighty nine olive trees on the land 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:57.040 he claims as part of the God given land is 0:11:57.080 --> 0:12:01.360 something I will never comprehend. Did he not the possibility 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:04.800 that God might get angry? Did he not realize that 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:07.800 it was a tree he was running over? If a 0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:12.720 Palestinian bulldozer wherever invented ha Ha, I know, and I 0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:15.319 were given the chance to be in an orchard in Haifa, 0:12:15.480 --> 0:12:19.080 for instance, I would never uproot a tree, and ISRAELI planted. 0:12:19.600 --> 0:12:23.640 No Palestinian would to Palestinians that the tree is sacred 0:12:24.040 --> 0:12:26.560 and so is the land bearing it. And as I 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:29.480 talk about Gaza, I remember that Gaza is but a 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:33.720 little part of Palestine. I remember that Palestine is bigger 0:12:33.720 --> 0:12:38.120 than Gaza. Palestine is the West Bank. Palestine is Romallah, 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:43.280 Palestine is Nobleus Palestine, as Jenin Palestine is tolk Arm. 0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:49.000 Palestine is Bethlehem. Palestine most importantly is Yafa and Haffa 0:12:49.120 --> 0:12:52.600 and Akka and all those cities that Israel wants us 0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:56.960 to forget about today. I came to realize that it 0:12:57.000 --> 0:12:59.280 was not the phone call that brought my father back, 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:02.520 or was it the paper signed by the AID Institution. 0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:06.440 It was the memory of the land being revived that 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:09.640 brought him back. It was the memory of olive trees, 0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:12.920 giving that sense of security each time he sat under them, 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:17.120 enjoying their shade and dodging the burning rays of the sun. 0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:21.000 It was the memory of the golden oil, the best 0:13:21.040 --> 0:13:24.720 and purest oil, being poured into jerry cans and handed 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:28.679 to family and friends as precious gifts. It was the 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:32.160 memory of long years of cherishing the land, years of 0:13:32.200 --> 0:13:37.199 giving and belonging. Between my father and his land is 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:41.520 an unbreakable bond. Between Palestinians and their land is an 0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:47.200 unbreakable bond. By uprooting plants and cutting trees continually, Israel 0:13:47.240 --> 0:13:50.120 tries to break that bond and impose its own rules 0:13:50.120 --> 0:13:54.560 of despair on Palestinians. By replanting their trees over and 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:58.720 over again. Palestinians are rejecting Israel's rules. 0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:01.319 My land, my. 0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:09.440 Rules, says Dad. Yep, that's the story. Sarah, who wrote 0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:13.360 this story, says this about it. I originally wrote this 0:14:13.440 --> 0:14:16.480 story when I was a teenager and later revisited and 0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:20.080 rewrote it for Gaza writes back, looking back, I can 0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:23.680 see that it is quite raw, slash immature, and reflects 0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:27.080 the inexperience of a young writer. At times. It even 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:28.320 feels a little corny to me. 0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:28.600 Now. 0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:32.880 Nevertheless, it remains very special to me because it is 0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:35.960 rooted in a real experience connected to my father's land, 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:41.720 which was repeatedly destroyed by Israeli occupation. Forces that personal 0:14:41.800 --> 0:14:44.600 history is at the heart of the story and continues 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:49.160 to give it a meaning to me. And h who 0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:51.160 what do I have to say about this story? I mean, 0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:53.960 I think the story speaks for itself in so many ways. 0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:56.800 And I think that this is the power of story 0:14:56.840 --> 0:15:00.520 and memoirs to take something that is a news article, 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:04.240 even to a you know, well meaning free Palestine, anti 0:15:04.320 --> 0:15:09.640 Zionist person in the West. You read about like trees destroyed, 0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:12.040 even numbers of trees destroyed, which is so important in 0:15:12.080 --> 0:15:16.080 this story, and it's not quite this is what happened 0:15:16.120 --> 0:15:18.440 to my father when one hundred and eighty nine olive 0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:20.239 trees were destroyed on his land. 0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:20.960 You know. 0:15:22.000 --> 0:15:24.880 And the other thing that sticks to me. Okay, there's 0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:28.200 this drive to go on sometimes through Appalachia and there's 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:31.080 this big billboard and it's the middle of a forest, 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:33.800 you know. The highway's cutting through the forest and the 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:35.760 billboard there's a bunch of trees that were cut down 0:15:35.760 --> 0:15:37.560 on a hill to make a room for this billboard, 0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:42.480 and it says there is evidence for God. And all 0:15:42.480 --> 0:15:44.240 I can think is like, yeah, and you cut it 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:49.840 down to put up that billboard, you know, because the 0:15:49.880 --> 0:15:55.040 holiness and the divinity of land itself is so self evident. 0:15:55.920 --> 0:16:00.240 I like the way that this story carries that Ideatually. 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:02.720 I do snarky ad transitions and I don't know, I 0:16:02.760 --> 0:16:05.120 don't feel like it. Here's ads. 0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:18.000 They allow us to have this show, I guess. 0:16:19.640 --> 0:16:24.360 And we're back. So Rafata Larier, who's the editor of 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:27.000 that book that we're going to, continued to talk about 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:33.080 quotes Sama ol One in his introduction to the book, quote, 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:36.040 there was too much pain in those twenty three days, 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:39.440 and some of us who wrote about cast led did 0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:41.840 so to heal some of the pain caused by the 0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:45.520 horrendous memories. And no matter how beautiful, the spirit of 0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:49.400 resistance that overwhelmed us this beauty should never override the 0:16:49.520 --> 0:16:56.120 ugliness of pure injustice. Our second story is called l 0:16:56.320 --> 0:17:02.200 for Life by Hanan Habashi. How are you, Baba? It's 0:17:02.240 --> 0:17:05.000 been ages since I last sat and talked to you. 0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:08.280 I nearly forgot about my promise to write to you 0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:12.480 whenever happiness sneaks into my little heart. I'm afraid a 0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:16.040 letter filled with happiness risks never being written. So let 0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:19.439 me write to you without conditions. Don't deprive me of 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:22.399 the sense of satisfaction I used to get when addressing you. 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:26.240 Today marks eleven years since the day you were gone. 0:17:26.800 --> 0:17:29.399 But only now am I starting to realize how dearly 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:32.440 I miss you, how your loss is too awful. A beast, 0:17:32.480 --> 0:17:36.520 a conquer you know you are sorely needed. My only 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:41.040 solace is that I know you feel my thoughts. Life 0:17:41.040 --> 0:17:43.920 has become more painfully complex than getting a good grade 0:17:43.960 --> 0:17:48.280 in history or going out with Aunti Karama's family. Life 0:17:48.359 --> 0:17:53.000 is never that simple. What to tell you, Gaza is 0:17:53.040 --> 0:17:57.840 frustrating these days, well, these years. It's a good exercise 0:17:57.880 --> 0:18:00.879 and patience. At least this summer is the worst of 0:18:00.920 --> 0:18:04.359 all summers that passed without you breathing some good air 0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:08.399 has become a luxury we cannot always afford. When nothingness 0:18:08.440 --> 0:18:12.080 takes over, which happens quite too often. I sit in 0:18:12.080 --> 0:18:15.560 my room, which is fully exposed to the sun, gazing 0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:17.960 at the tiny mark of the gunshop and the ugly 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:21.720 crack it left there. Yes, that very same crack on 0:18:21.760 --> 0:18:26.760 the wall caused by his rifle, such an eyesore. Other 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:29.400 times I would gaze at it, trying to recall how 0:18:29.400 --> 0:18:32.840 that soldier might look like. That huge creature grabbed you 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:34.760 out of my bed and didn't give you a chance 0:18:34.800 --> 0:18:38.600 to finish my bedtime story. I cannot remember anything but 0:18:38.680 --> 0:18:42.639 his dusty black boots and the frightening rifle. So many 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:45.199 times I tried to imagine how he would look like, 0:18:45.640 --> 0:18:48.000 and always ended up believing he is no more than 0:18:48.000 --> 0:18:52.159 a faceless monster. Maybe I have gone too far, thinking 0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:54.879 of him, of his life, of his family, of his 0:18:54.960 --> 0:18:58.719 wife whom he loves, of his smart kid who can 0:18:58.760 --> 0:19:02.080 get a good grade, and mad of him laughing and 0:19:02.160 --> 0:19:06.359 crying Baba. What would make this kind of human rejoice 0:19:06.400 --> 0:19:08.480 over the fact that I am living the agony of 0:19:08.520 --> 0:19:14.000 being fatherless with an uncompleted story. It is when darkness 0:19:14.040 --> 0:19:16.560 prevails that I sit by the window to look past 0:19:16.640 --> 0:19:20.479 all those electricity free houses. Smell the sweet scent of 0:19:20.520 --> 0:19:24.240 a calm, gossen night, feel the fresh air going straight 0:19:24.280 --> 0:19:28.200 to my heart. And think of you, of me, of Palestine, 0:19:28.480 --> 0:19:32.320 of the crack of the blank wall, of you, of Mama, 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:35.720 of you, of my history, class, of you, of God, 0:19:35.840 --> 0:19:40.520 of Palestine, of our incomplete story. I enjoy bringing to 0:19:40.520 --> 0:19:43.560 my mind your tender voice narrating the story of Fair. 0:19:44.280 --> 0:19:47.040 I still remember how I cheerfully beamed when you told 0:19:47.040 --> 0:19:49.840 me that Fair and I are so much alike, that 0:19:49.880 --> 0:19:53.320 he has my wild eyes and I his sheepish smile. 0:19:54.280 --> 0:19:56.960 I have not yet known who he is or where 0:19:56.960 --> 0:20:00.160 in life he stands, but I believe I had always 0:20:00.200 --> 0:20:03.760 trusted your heroes. I can never forget how your dazzling 0:20:03.840 --> 0:20:06.760 eyes had brightened when you recalled him planting some olive 0:20:06.800 --> 0:20:10.359 seedlings in the back yard of the orphanage. God blessed 0:20:10.400 --> 0:20:13.720 the smile on your face. God bless the seeds under 0:20:13.720 --> 0:20:16.919 the ground. I can never forget how you looked me 0:20:16.960 --> 0:20:19.680 in the eyes and said, he is a boy who 0:20:19.720 --> 0:20:23.000 lost his whole family to death, but never lost faith 0:20:23.080 --> 0:20:28.400 in life. I want you to be as strong, Baba. 0:20:28.920 --> 0:20:31.080 Do you remember when I asked you if he was 0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:35.359 strong enough to wrestle in israeligh soldier. You grinned, you 0:20:35.400 --> 0:20:38.760 always did, but you didn't answer me. You wanted me 0:20:38.840 --> 0:20:41.800 to figure things out on my own. You told me 0:20:41.920 --> 0:20:43.960 he was only twelve years old when one of the 0:20:44.080 --> 0:20:49.560 orphanage girls AML started trembling, hallucinating and sweating. But nobody 0:20:49.600 --> 0:20:52.520 there had the guts to break the military curfew to 0:20:52.640 --> 0:20:56.600 die there. However, did go out to bring a doctor 0:20:56.720 --> 0:21:00.520 for am All, And then and then Helen earth, Baba, 0:21:01.480 --> 0:21:05.680 and then you are no more. I don't remember when 0:21:05.720 --> 0:21:09.639 exactly I started to care about completing their's story. But 0:21:09.720 --> 0:21:12.520 whenever I ventured to think of giving it a proper ending, 0:21:12.560 --> 0:21:15.600 I would get tired and the weight in my head 0:21:15.640 --> 0:21:18.640 would grow heavier. I could not do it on my own. 0:21:19.480 --> 0:21:22.119 I thought I had to think twice, once for me 0:21:22.480 --> 0:21:25.600 and once for you. I have tried my best, Baba, 0:21:26.440 --> 0:21:29.760 doing so is not easy. Nonetheless, of all the people 0:21:29.800 --> 0:21:32.720 around me, you know best that it takes two to 0:21:32.800 --> 0:21:36.840 complete a story. It always does. I hated the fact 0:21:36.880 --> 0:21:39.520 that I might have been driven by curiosity in the 0:21:39.560 --> 0:21:43.280 sheer love of endings. The air is another you in 0:21:43.359 --> 0:21:46.439 my life, just like your photo that stands above the 0:21:46.480 --> 0:21:50.920 repugnant crack and your cafea whose rich black was worn 0:21:50.960 --> 0:21:54.600 out to a glorious gray. They are all living parts 0:21:54.600 --> 0:21:57.159 of you. I had to believe that it is the 0:21:57.160 --> 0:21:59.720 fear of losing yet more of my father that pushed 0:21:59.720 --> 0:22:05.680 me there. I thought once I thought of your soulmate, Mamma. 0:22:05.920 --> 0:22:08.000 I thought you must have talked to her about Fyeir. 0:22:08.760 --> 0:22:11.760 I imagined you both had spent nights admiring his eyes 0:22:11.800 --> 0:22:15.240 and smile. For I can clearly remember when you got together, 0:22:15.640 --> 0:22:18.880 which was some kind of a luxury for Mamma. Talks 0:22:18.960 --> 0:22:23.440 between you did not end. I sometimes travel to specific memories. 0:22:23.920 --> 0:22:25.920 I hear the timber of your voice and the echo 0:22:26.040 --> 0:22:30.840 of Mamma's laughter, laughter which died long ago. But don't 0:22:30.840 --> 0:22:35.399 you worry. Mamma never fails to smile. I know I 0:22:35.440 --> 0:22:38.760 shouldn't bother you, Baba, but you've got to know that 0:22:38.920 --> 0:22:43.600 every passing day Mamma's getting frailer. I always wonder what 0:22:43.720 --> 0:22:45.879 does she know which I don't, which makes her go 0:22:46.000 --> 0:22:49.560 on in a life of bitter loneliness. She must know 0:22:49.720 --> 0:22:54.200 much right, thinking that she knew Theyeir, I once plainly 0:22:54.280 --> 0:22:57.919 asked her what happened to thee In the end, she 0:22:58.200 --> 0:23:01.640 washed the last dish, turned the tap off, and started 0:23:01.640 --> 0:23:04.639 at the sink. For some time, I felt like she 0:23:04.720 --> 0:23:07.600 was about to give me the healing answer, but she 0:23:07.800 --> 0:23:14.720 at once retracted. Who's there, she asked, narrowing her eyes. Feir, 0:23:15.119 --> 0:23:20.719 I answered then, seeing uneasiness drawn on her face, I repeated, Faeire, 0:23:21.400 --> 0:23:25.120 my father's fair. In every move she made, in every 0:23:25.200 --> 0:23:27.760 word she didn't say, I could see the glint of 0:23:27.800 --> 0:23:31.040 a story in the distance. She used her silence to 0:23:31.080 --> 0:23:35.760 shield the chaos I spotted in her eyes. Mamma Fire, 0:23:35.960 --> 0:23:38.600 the strong kid who planted olive trees at the orphanage. 0:23:39.400 --> 0:23:43.639 I went on, trying to get her to talk strong. Huh, 0:23:43.960 --> 0:23:47.280 doesn't matter how strong you are pretend to be. Life 0:23:47.359 --> 0:23:50.000 is going to get to you sometimes. And that doesn't 0:23:50.000 --> 0:23:55.879 make you weak, sweetheart, it makes you human. I know, Baba, 0:23:56.400 --> 0:24:00.159 you don't know this new woman. I don't either. I 0:24:00.240 --> 0:24:04.200 like to call it wisdom. Mam has become cynical, unfortunately, 0:24:04.680 --> 0:24:08.080 but she gained a lot of wisdom. Nonetheless, believing that 0:24:08.160 --> 0:24:11.479 her answer had nothing to do with your fair, I 0:24:11.520 --> 0:24:13.720 asked her again if she knew what happened to him, 0:24:13.760 --> 0:24:16.159 and whether he got back to the orphanage or not 0:24:17.160 --> 0:24:20.760 he got back home. Indeed, we all will, she whispered 0:24:20.800 --> 0:24:24.440 under her breath. I spent that night thinking of Fayer's home, 0:24:24.960 --> 0:24:28.280 of the distant life in Mamma's eyes. I kept wondering 0:24:28.320 --> 0:24:32.040 what's more torturous, the awful buzz of the drone outside 0:24:32.119 --> 0:24:35.760 or the sounds of some tough questions inside. I guess 0:24:35.760 --> 0:24:38.919 I eventually slept with no answer, thanking the drone for 0:24:38.960 --> 0:24:44.120 not giving my inner uproar any chance to abate. Here's 0:24:44.119 --> 0:24:46.119 where I have to do an ad break and again 0:24:46.520 --> 0:24:50.160 just not feeling the well. Imagine your own snarky ad break. 0:25:01.000 --> 0:25:09.040 Enter back. Two weeks ago, Grandfather went out with Abu 0:25:09.080 --> 0:25:14.040 Farras a neighbor to get the UNRWA food coupons. He 0:25:14.119 --> 0:25:20.520 left home sane and returned crazy. That's simple, Abu Faras says. 0:25:20.880 --> 0:25:24.000 Grandpa waited three solid hours under the burning sun in 0:25:24.040 --> 0:25:27.080 the long queue. When he was finally about to get 0:25:27.080 --> 0:25:29.800 the coupon, he asked the man there, what are you 0:25:29.840 --> 0:25:35.159 offering me? His answer was simple food? And when exactly 0:25:35.240 --> 0:25:37.320 am I going to get my jaffa with this coupon? 0:25:37.640 --> 0:25:41.720