Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, Hello, Hello, Hello, what a week?
Speaker 2: What a world?
Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, have you been I well, I've been
Speaker 1: spending a lot of time in my hyperbaric chamber.
Speaker 3: Last week.
Speaker 1: I had some healing to do, so I was in
Speaker 1: there getting after it, and so I read about four books.
Speaker 1: I reread that book Letting Go, the one I love
Speaker 1: to talk about. Yes, and it couldn't have come at
Speaker 1: a better time. I should have read it about two
Speaker 1: months ago. And I want anyone who is going through
Speaker 1: any sort of turmoil, stress, negative patterns of thoughts or
Speaker 1: any of those things, anyone who needs to put a
Speaker 1: little extra pep in your step. This is a very
Speaker 1: deep book about metaphysics, so it's kind of I've started
Speaker 1: to read this book before and put it down about
Speaker 1: ten pages in, going well this is too much. But
Speaker 1: I promise you, if you can get past that window
Speaker 1: and you don't give up, you will change your vibes
Speaker 1: within twenty four hours.
Speaker 4: It sounds like it comes back into your life when
Speaker 4: you need it.
Speaker 1: Well, it should have come a lot sooner, okay, Catherine,
Speaker 1: Because you know I was getting stressed out about all
Speaker 1: the nonsense going on around my house you know, finally
Speaker 1: we're seeing my house come together and progress and everything.
Speaker 5: But again, you know, letting negativity.
Speaker 3: Get you is up to you. You don't have to
Speaker 3: go into that.
Speaker 1: And like I know, people are dealing with much more,
Speaker 1: much more serious problems and much less serious problems. But
Speaker 1: like when you actually change your outlook and your vibration,
Speaker 1: you change everything that's coming your way all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: when nothing seems to be going right, and you can
Speaker 1: get in there and actually understand what letting go means,
Speaker 1: things start to go right, and then you start to
Speaker 1: get all these opportunities start to come your way, and
Speaker 1: then fixes come your way, and nicer people come your way,
Speaker 1: and people want to help. And it's been it's really
Speaker 1: transform I mean, I'm still reading it.
Speaker 5: I read it.
Speaker 1: I'm in the middle of it now, but I won't
Speaker 1: go that long without rereading it again.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 5: It's by David Hawkings. For anyone listening.
Speaker 4: He is no longer with us.
Speaker 3: Oh he's dead. He's dead. Oh well, trying to get
Speaker 3: over the shell.
Speaker 5: But we did.
Speaker 3: I was going to say we should book him. He
Speaker 3: was not alive. He was not alive.
Speaker 6: Unfortunately I had just finished my reading goal for the year.
Speaker 6: I'm very excited. I'm what was the goal thirty two books?
Speaker 6: And I finished last night thirty two the year for
Speaker 6: the year. How did you come up with that number?
Speaker 4: I just sort of guessed. I was like, well, not
Speaker 4: quite three a month and not quite two, so you know,
Speaker 4: so that's great.
Speaker 3: Thank for you.
Speaker 1: Reading is really the biggest gift we can give ourselves.
Speaker 6: Truly, And you know what, I have been using good Reads,
Speaker 6: which it like keeps track of everything and it really
Speaker 6: sort of gamifies reading.
Speaker 4: So you're like, oh, no, I'm like a five percent instead.
Speaker 5: Of yes, it's so nice. Have you read the book
Speaker 5: on the Island of Sea Women?
Speaker 4: I gave you the copy? Actually, oh, I was going
Speaker 4: to ask have you read it?
Speaker 3: Oh my god?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well I started reading it and I had to
Speaker 1: read another book for another guest we have.
Speaker 5: We're having on but I'm in it. And then I
Speaker 5: saw that it's.
Speaker 1: A show on Apple Oh my gosh, it's an show
Speaker 1: on Apple TV called I was like, wait, well, I
Speaker 1: didn't want to watch it because I want to read
Speaker 1: the book first. Yeah, It's like, if I watch it,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to read the books. It's fascinating. It
Speaker 1: is fascinating. That's a cool book. It's a really cool book.
Speaker 1: I tried to get my friend and I were like, oh,
Speaker 1: what should we read from Abraham for Gayes, you know,
Speaker 1: like I wrote Convenent of Water yeah, and Cutting for
Speaker 1: Stone was recommended to me by like three people. So
Speaker 1: I gave it to my friend and he was like,
Speaker 1: nothing has happened in this book in two hundred pages,
Speaker 1: and I go, oh, I was gonna let you read
Speaker 1: it by yourself, because after fifteen pages, I was like,
Speaker 1: I can't go down this word.
Speaker 5: But it's just his writing is so dense. It's dense,
Speaker 5: and it's a far away land like Island of Sea.
Speaker 1: Woman is obviously in a far away land literal, but
Speaker 1: this is really this is another far away land. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't, I don't know what you're talking about,
Speaker 1: and I don't. I don't want to read hard right now,
Speaker 1: Like I mean, letting go is something I'm familiar with.
Speaker 1: You know, you just have to get back in the practice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so that's easier, even though that is deep.
Speaker 4: I kept thinking of me when I was reading this
Speaker 4: last book that I just finished.
Speaker 1: It's called Night Bitch, Have you read it, date bitch.
Speaker 6: It's a movie or it's going to be a movie
Speaker 6: with Amy Adams, and it's by a Mennonite author, which
Speaker 6: is what made me first.
Speaker 4: Get interested in it.
Speaker 6: It's kind of a horror, kind of a little magical realism,
Speaker 6: but it's about a woman who is a new mom
Speaker 6: and she believes she's like turning into a dog at night.
Speaker 3: So it's a little wild, okay.
Speaker 6: But also it's an incredible meditation on motherhood, on being
Speaker 6: a woman, on the responsibilities that we face, on not
Speaker 6: asking for what we need.
Speaker 5: So a lot of there seems to be a lot
Speaker 5: of that going around.
Speaker 1: I can't wait until after the election and hopefully in
Speaker 1: success it'll just be all positive female vibes, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, if we can make this happen. I'm
Speaker 1: already pretending it did happen. I campaigned earlier this week
Speaker 1: for the first time actually in this election, which you know,
Speaker 1: I've been doing other things, but more quiet because you know,
Speaker 1: people don't like what I love to bang on and
Speaker 1: bang on with Jane Fonda. Actually, my girlfriend Connie Brittan
Speaker 1: this week in Alvuquerquez. Yes, we went earlier this week,
Speaker 1: so that was fun.
Speaker 2: Oh.
Speaker 5: Also, I'm coming.
Speaker 3: Where am I coming?
Speaker 1: Kansas City, Saint Louis, and Indianapolis. Tickets are still available.
Speaker 1: I asked my agents, I'm like, why are tickets still available?
Speaker 1: And they said, because this is your third time returning
Speaker 1: to the market years And I'm like, isn't that your job?
Speaker 4: Come on, let's shop people anyway.
Speaker 1: And then I'm going back to Vegas November two and
Speaker 1: November thirtieth.
Speaker 3: So that's fun.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, our guest today.
Speaker 1: I watched her new special that has just came out,
Speaker 1: which is really funny, called Breadwinner, and her name is
Speaker 1: Heather McMahon, so please welcome Heather McMahon. The good thing
Speaker 1: about chows is is that they're one person dog like
Speaker 1: they're not interested in others.
Speaker 3: Uh huh.
Speaker 1: And I never really noticed that, but I don't mind
Speaker 1: it anyway. Like my friends would come over and walk
Speaker 1: into the room and the dogs wouldn't move. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: I was like, well that's you're insecure. You care about that,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, who cares what? I
Speaker 1: don't want a dog jumping all over me. But this
Speaker 1: dog is so he distributes his love so evenly to
Speaker 1: men and women.
Speaker 5: It is such a joy like well opportunists.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and he's so sweet and he cuddles up to people,
Speaker 1: and then the joy that that elicits is so joyful
Speaker 1: for me. So he's really bringing I didn't know how
Speaker 1: much joy I was missing out on.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: So that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Speaker 3: You should stick to that. I am a frenchie mom,
Speaker 3: so I get it. I mean, they like growled, they screamed,
Speaker 3: They're you know, breathing deeply in your face, and I'm obsessed.
Speaker 3: I look at my dogs like I breast fat on.
Speaker 3: I cauried them for nine months, the whole thing. Those
Speaker 3: are my children, some craving breast milk. That's weird that
Speaker 3: you bring that up. I'm sitting with Heather McMahon, Hi, Anny,
Speaker 3: how are you. I'm just so happy that I know
Speaker 3: who you are because you and I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't mean that the way it sounded, but I
Speaker 1: didn't know you and then Jamie somehow, which is why
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk to you, because I'm like, how
Speaker 1: could we not know each other? Because you're a very
Speaker 1: accomplished stand up comedian and the only reason and this
Speaker 1: sounds terrible, but whatever, I the only reason you came
Speaker 1: to my attention is because Jamie Greenberg, our mutual friend,
Speaker 1: my megas and your makeup artist, I'm presuming, was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you have to meet Heather McMahon.
Speaker 3: You were going to love her.
Speaker 1: And I was like, how do I not know who
Speaker 1: Heather McMahon is? And then I started seeing your name everywhere?
Speaker 1: And then I saw you were doing the pantagious like
Speaker 1: right before I was doing it, and I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: you're a real successful comedian.
Speaker 3: How the fuck have.
Speaker 5: We not met?
Speaker 3: It's because I'm not in La. I used to be
Speaker 3: in LA, and I owe a lot to Jamie. Shout
Speaker 3: out to Jamie Greenberg. She not too many. You know
Speaker 3: what that? Can I tell you that cut has been
Speaker 3: very busy and she's like, you have a book me.
Speaker 5: In a minute ago, Jamie, You're always fucking book.
Speaker 3: That's a funny thing.
Speaker 1: She says that because Jamie, I hope you're listening, and
Speaker 1: she is because she listens to every podcast. She said
Speaker 1: the same thing to me. She goes, are you sure
Speaker 1: I'm still number one on your call sheet? And I said,
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure. Not number one on my call sheet,
Speaker 1: but number one of my makeup, and I go, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sure, yes, Jamie never availed, and then so I
Speaker 1: made sure again that she was and guess who was
Speaker 1: not available the next sixteen fucking times I needed hair
Speaker 1: and makeup.
Speaker 5: So Jamie, this is your intervention.
Speaker 3: Jamie. We know you have three children who have a
Speaker 3: lot of after school activities.
Speaker 1: A lot of them is like a professional softball player already.
Speaker 1: And she's only fucking she's not even fourteen years old.
Speaker 1: Like they just came back from Italy.
Speaker 3: She was playing.
Speaker 5: Softball in Italy. In Italy, your life has gotten away
Speaker 5: from you. Oh my gosh, I said, this is extreme.
Speaker 3: I'm telling you right now, I don't have kids yet,
Speaker 3: but when I do, they're not doing travel sports. There's
Speaker 3: no travel baseball. I hope I have indoor kiddies. I
Speaker 3: hope that they just want to they want to play
Speaker 3: Halo all day. That's great.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna strike me as somebody who would want children, really.
Speaker 1: I mean, you just, well, your personality doesn't seem do
Speaker 1: you want your selfish?
Speaker 3: People something? All the time they're like, are you an
Speaker 3: only child? I'm like, I don't know what that says,
Speaker 3: but no, I am not. No, I do want kids.
Speaker 3: It's I don't know how. I guess I just wanted
Speaker 3: you to not want I know, here's the thing. I
Speaker 3: want kids. I don't want a baby, though, I want
Speaker 3: like a ten year old. Well those are easy to get,
Speaker 3: by the way. Yeah, I really want like a kid
Speaker 3: who can kind of talk back. I want that like
Speaker 3: parent child relationship. But there is nothing inside of me
Speaker 3: that craves the baby, that craves the any of that.
Speaker 3: And I think it's just because I see all my friends,
Speaker 3: like I'm in my late thirties, Like they're all going
Speaker 3: through the toddler pace and they're all fucking miserable, and
Speaker 3: they really when you're the only friend, I mean, you
Speaker 3: get this when you're the only girlfriend in a group
Speaker 3: that doesn't have kids, and then you come over and
Speaker 3: you're the fun aunt and they trauma dump all their
Speaker 3: shit on you. You're like, and then in the same
Speaker 3: breath they're like, so when you're getting pregned, what the
Speaker 3: fuck do you expect from me?
Speaker 5: You know, well, what is your game plan? If you're
Speaker 5: in your late thirties, do you have you tried to
Speaker 5: have a baby.
Speaker 3: Yes, I tried to have a baby. I have one
Speaker 3: baby girl embryo on ice.
Speaker 5: It's crazy.
Speaker 3: They can tell you the sex. Oh yeah, I have
Speaker 3: a daughter. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. So I did that
Speaker 3: a couple of years ago. But then I've gotta probably
Speaker 3: do another round. I don't I don't want to get pregnant.
Speaker 3: My mom, can't you.
Speaker 5: Just have someone else have the bab.
Speaker 3: I can, But the problem is the statistics of when
Speaker 3: you have Usually most people have multiple embryos. It's because
Speaker 3: I only have one. The stats are really low for
Speaker 3: it to stick in a surrogate. So I have to
Speaker 3: do another round of IVF just to even get a
Speaker 3: couple more on its.
Speaker 5: It's a bitch.
Speaker 3: And then after IVF you basically feel like you had
Speaker 3: a baby. So you go to like through postpart and blues,
Speaker 3: all your hair falls out, you put on the way,
Speaker 3: your hormones are all fucking crazy. Then you have nothing
Speaker 3: to show for it. It's fucking awful. So I don't know.
Speaker 3: It's funny the other day literally like, Okay, I definitely
Speaker 3: want to have a kid. I got to think about
Speaker 3: this next year. But I'm trying to get these other,
Speaker 3: you know, projects off the road and all this shit.
Speaker 3: And it's like it's different when you're a woman. Like,
Speaker 3: if I'm starring in my own show or some shit,
Speaker 3: guess what, I can't be pregnant for the show exactly,
Speaker 3: So I need to find a you know, a small
Speaker 3: Swedish woman who wants to carry my enormous baby.
Speaker 1: Is it better to have a smaller woman carry your
Speaker 1: baby than a larger woman less room for maneuver?
Speaker 5: Like what?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: I definitely think I need a large woman. My husband's
Speaker 3: like six ' three. He's a large Italian guy. I mean,
Speaker 3: I'm a sixteen. You know, it's a big baby. It's
Speaker 3: going to be right, Okay, copy that. Yeah, but I
Speaker 3: would if somebody just has a ten year old that
Speaker 3: there's zika that you want to drop off at my
Speaker 3: health I think i'd rather that.
Speaker 1: I feel like you could easily adopt a ten year old,
Speaker 1: I mean probably from a different country, but or no,
Speaker 1: on the foster system, there's ten year olds, I mean
Speaker 1: if you can. Yeah, do you know how that's such
Speaker 1: a new that's probably a much easier age to adopt
Speaker 1: or foster a baby. Yeah, even though that sounds like
Speaker 1: a whole saga and of itself. Anyway, let's get back
Speaker 1: to why you don't think I should have kids. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm against you my children. Okay, let's just be honest.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 5: I love what.
Speaker 1: But let's get back to why I didn't know you. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: because I can't get my mind around that. Because I
Speaker 1: saw you at the Netflix as a Joke festival and
Speaker 1: you came up to me and we're like hi.
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, my.
Speaker 1: God, right experience, Yes, hello, what's happening? And then you
Speaker 1: said to me, You're like, I don't know any.
Speaker 3: Of these people. I don't know anyone.
Speaker 1: So then I realized, oh, okay, you must have come
Speaker 1: up somewhere else other than La.
Speaker 3: So I was in LA and then I had to
Speaker 3: kind of pick up my life moved back home to Atlanta.
Speaker 3: My dad had died all of a sudden, very quickly
Speaker 3: from cancer, so of course my family was like, oh,
Speaker 3: you're just going to come back and like deal with it.
Speaker 3: So I had been doing like UCB and improv and
Speaker 3: sketch and all that in LA and stand up. But
Speaker 3: then I just kind of picked up moved home, and
Speaker 3: then it wasn't until I went back to Atlanta that
Speaker 3: all of a sudden, like then, the career took off
Speaker 3: so I wasn't in the real stand up scene here.
Speaker 3: I was doing more like improv and sketch and then
Speaker 3: it just kind of took off from Instagram and being
Speaker 3: online and then I just hit the ground running and
Speaker 3: was on the road. So I was more like New
Speaker 3: York and Atlanta base, but I was out here like
Speaker 3: doing the I thought I was gonna do SNL and
Speaker 3: like putting on the wigs, doing the characters, doing the sketches,
Speaker 3: and you know, they never called, so I was like,
Speaker 3: we're going back to stand up.
Speaker 1: Well, from everything I can gather about, SNL doesn't sound
Speaker 1: like the most exciting environment.
Speaker 5: Exciting, but it doesn't.
Speaker 1: Sound like the most positive environment. Yeah, it SAME's a
Speaker 1: bit soul crushing, Yeah, and like everyone's just on cocaine
Speaker 1: the whole time and I'm tired. It also feels like,
Speaker 1: you know, like it's the abuse of the situation, like
Speaker 1: the amount that they work, all of the writers and
Speaker 1: all of the performers. It hasn't caught up to where
Speaker 1: we are in modern day society. Like, yeah, it's almost
Speaker 1: like like women's gymnastics team, Like you're not allowed to
Speaker 1: do that anymore, you know what I mean, Like you
Speaker 1: can't be working all fucking night.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it is still like.
Speaker 3: The Holy Grail as like a comedy writer to like
Speaker 3: get that gig. But now I said, you know, I
Speaker 3: reworked the vision board. I'm like, well, now I just
Speaker 3: want to host, Like I just want to be able
Speaker 3: to say, you know, we got a great show stick around,
Speaker 3: you know, pitbulls, our musical artists. It's like this new goal.
Speaker 5: Okay, so do you have a vision board?
Speaker 6: I do.
Speaker 3: I've got a fucking loser. I want to know about
Speaker 3: vision boards. Okay, So here's my thing. I started it
Speaker 3: because I'd like to do arch and craft stuff, right.
Speaker 3: I like tactile things with my hands that keep me
Speaker 3: away from scrolling on TikTok, and like letting my brain
Speaker 3: loose out of my ears. And I like to get
Speaker 3: really high when I do a vision board. So on
Speaker 3: like New Year's Day, I'll take a couple of gummies.
Speaker 3: My husband's watching you know, sports in the background, and
Speaker 3: I'm just chillin and I and I make my little
Speaker 3: creative vision board. And then I made it like four
Speaker 3: or five years ago, and and all the shit started
Speaker 3: to come true and I freakishly and I say, it's weird.
Speaker 3: I think I'm onto something. So then I just make
Speaker 3: them every year and I keep checking things off the list.
Speaker 6: Do you have a vision board cutn I mean I
Speaker 6: have done them before, and it is weird. You go
Speaker 6: back and look and you're like, mo's all right there.
Speaker 6: I do more of a written one. I'm more of
Speaker 6: a words person, so I've written my stuff out. But
Speaker 6: you go back and look and you're like that that
Speaker 6: this that that, it's weird.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're not mad at the things that didn't happen.
Speaker 1: You're just focusing on the things that did, yeah, because
Speaker 1: they could also happen in like ten years.
Speaker 3: Like I had this giant villa that I want to
Speaker 3: like raise my you know, kids that I probably won't
Speaker 3: have in Italy, and that's on there and I raised
Speaker 3: I want to raise my embryos there and you know
Speaker 3: it'll happen eventually. So yeah, it's just wold. I think
Speaker 3: it's also like a different way of goal setting, and
Speaker 3: especially you know if you're you know a little high,
Speaker 3: and you just start to visually put it together. But
Speaker 3: I mean I literally put like Radio City and all
Speaker 3: these things, and then they just started to check them
Speaker 3: off the list. It's fucking crazy. Wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm into that stuff to a degree, but I've
Speaker 1: never written, like, I've never done a vision board, and
Speaker 1: I really don't see myself ever doing that. It doesn't
Speaker 1: matter how many edibles, the more edibles I take, the
Speaker 1: less inclined I will become. I will be to write
Speaker 1: a vision board or create one. I also have anti
Speaker 1: crafts crafts I do.
Speaker 5: I don't have a blue sex.
Speaker 1: Yesterday, my cousin and I were traveling back from the
Speaker 1: road and she said she has a young daughter, and
Speaker 1: she was like, oh, plus, I have this huge crafts box.
Speaker 1: So because I was saying, she was saying, some days
Speaker 1: we don't leave the house at all, and I was saying,
Speaker 1: one of the most annoying things about having children is
Speaker 1: having to create activities for them all the time. Like,
Speaker 1: I have enough trouble keeping myself entertained. I don't need
Speaker 1: to be fucking entertaining other people, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Like yesterday, I came home. The other day I had
Speaker 1: performed on a Friday and Saturday night on the East Coast.
Speaker 1: I flew home and I took a xannex at three
Speaker 1: pm and slept for I think fourteen hours. See, that's
Speaker 1: that's the dream, and that to me is like a
Speaker 1: vision board.
Speaker 3: Mysion without my husband, with no one bothering me. That's
Speaker 3: the thing when you come home from the road and
Speaker 3: you still have to respond sability as a family, Like
Speaker 3: I don't get a I don't get a Sunday, Like
Speaker 3: the day you're traveling home is actually the worst day
Speaker 3: of the week, at least Thursday. When you're flying to
Speaker 3: the gig, you're like amped up, wearing shit, You've got excitement.
Speaker 3: That's Sunday you were. It is literally fight or flight.
Speaker 3: There is nothing left in the tank. And then I
Speaker 3: gotta go home and like do sex, or I gotta
Speaker 3: like be entertaining for my family, or like try and
Speaker 3: show up for someone else. I thought about getting I
Speaker 3: think I'm gonna just do it, getting another like condo
Speaker 3: in Atlanta, where that's my night when I come back
Speaker 3: from the road and I don't see anybody, So that
Speaker 3: way I don't show up to my house as a
Speaker 3: huge cunt on Sunday evening.
Speaker 1: Are you based in Atlanta, Based in Atlanta? Yeah, Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a good idea.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And just have my little pieta tear and like
Speaker 3: nobody knows about it. I mean everyone will know about it.
Speaker 3: And I, you know, and I have like an assistantly
Speaker 3: drop off my dogs so that they're there with me.
Speaker 1: I don't have to speak to another That's yeah, that's
Speaker 1: so great that dogs can't talk. That's whatever anybody says.
Speaker 1: Oh I wish I could. I wish my dog could talk.
Speaker 1: I wish I knew what my dog was thinking. I
Speaker 1: just think that I don't want to know what they're thinking.
Speaker 1: It's all gonna be judgment, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: They're not going to.
Speaker 1: Approve of my life style. They're gonna be like, what
Speaker 1: is your fucking problem? You come home after being gone
Speaker 1: for three days in sleep for fourteen hours? What are
Speaker 1: you like a high level prostitute? And I think I am.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm already in comedy. People tell me they
Speaker 1: fucking hate my face every other day. I don't also
Speaker 1: need my dogs to be like you look weather. This
Speaker 1: is This is another interesting conversation I had that I
Speaker 1: keep repeating lately. You know how sometimes you get on
Speaker 1: a thing and you repeat the same shit. My friend
Speaker 1: was telling me. I had a friend who used to
Speaker 1: always tell me that I needed to find somebody who
Speaker 1: would put me in my place, Like, in terms of
Speaker 1: a partner, you need someone who's going to put you
Speaker 1: in your place. And then I was at my friend
Speaker 1: Leah's house the other day and I was talking about that.
Speaker 1: She goes, you're in your place. What do you need
Speaker 1: someone to put you in your place with? She's like,
Speaker 1: all you do is fight with men.
Speaker 5: All day long?
Speaker 1: Has your career like, I mean, not literally, but kind
Speaker 1: of theoretically I do. I'm like, you're fucking right, I
Speaker 1: don't need someone. I'm not looking for another challenge, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. I don't need to come home and.
Speaker 5: Argue with that person. It's like every day is a
Speaker 5: fight almost.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Every day I wake up, I put on my you
Speaker 3: know dress from anthropology that barely buttons, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: I'm good. I'm already fighting the fucking man. I'm fighting
Speaker 3: the system. We're already an entertainment. We hate ourselves.
Speaker 1: Like, I know he's gonna kiss my ass and just
Speaker 1: tell me that I'm a wonderful, that I'm beautiful, and
Speaker 1: I want you to fuck me a lot, you know.
Speaker 3: What I mean, And that's all I want.
Speaker 5: Amen, And don't be a douchebag.
Speaker 1: Be a good person, and don't interject during conversations where
Speaker 1: you don't know what you're talking about to make yourself heard.
Speaker 1: Just sit back and enjoy the show. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: and be hot, be hot, just be fucking hot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that is for my husband, Jeff. Just be hot.
Speaker 5: The other day he plays a ton of golf, which
Speaker 5: is fine, do your thing. That's not hot to me.
Speaker 5: Yeah exactly, I said you have to.
Speaker 3: If you wear the golf suit to the course and
Speaker 3: then you come home and we're doing like a date
Speaker 3: night you have, He's like, he'll put on a clean
Speaker 3: golf shirt with a nice pair of jeans and like
Speaker 3: his Gucci lovers Like, no, no, no, a different fucking shirt. Jeff, Like,
Speaker 3: help me the fuck out.
Speaker 1: Seriously, the golf shirt said, they are for golf.
Speaker 3: They're for golf. We live in the South and everybody
Speaker 3: wears golf attired to fucking everything shirts.
Speaker 1: Golf is the title of this episode, Seriously, because that
Speaker 1: message needs to get out there.
Speaker 5: It does, and it's gonna get out there from the women.
Speaker 1: That listen to this podcast, because I don't know a
Speaker 1: ton of straight men that are listening to this podcast.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and if they are, they're not going to be
Speaker 5: straight for long.
Speaker 3: No. Fuck. My whole new special is about just like
Speaker 3: I try to explain to like, because I consider myself
Speaker 3: a golf widow. I'm like, you know, because I never
Speaker 3: see him. I mean, my husband could be fucking dead.
Speaker 3: You know, you don't hear frohim for hours. It's always
Speaker 3: the excuse they're on the back nine. You're like, you
Speaker 3: could be blowing ten dudes in a clubhouse somewhere and
Speaker 3: I don't know, you know, you could be gay.
Speaker 5: For you don't I don't know, I don't.
Speaker 3: Know what you're doing. But I try to like go
Speaker 3: and like explain to my audience. Is like, guys, this
Speaker 3: is why your wife is fucking bitchy on a Saturday
Speaker 3: because she's stuck at home with the three kids. Well,
Speaker 3: you disappear for eighteen hours. As women, we don't get
Speaker 3: that fucking luxury, you know what I mean. I escaped
Speaker 3: to like get my nails done like ninety minutes. You
Speaker 3: get my nails a little.
Speaker 1: If you're Jamie Greenberg, you actually go get your nails
Speaker 1: done for four hours. Have you seen her fucking nails?
Speaker 1: I know, I'm I'm like, you know that you are
Speaker 1: not in a you're not a rapper, first.
Speaker 5: Of all, right, you don't work at Magic City?
Speaker 1: Is she up to?
Speaker 3: I know it's she, and she's got the lashes. She's
Speaker 3: just it's a lot. It's always like the bee boy
Speaker 3: pants on hip and I don't know what the is
Speaker 3: happening at.
Speaker 5: Least or hanging on tightly.
Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
Speaker 5: To a decade that she's not part of. That's how
Speaker 5: I like to phrase, Please do not fuck up my
Speaker 5: face tomorrow. I have a very important thing to be
Speaker 5: on camera for.
Speaker 3: Please don't.
Speaker 1: I'm going to see her for dinner tonight. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: tell her that we dragged her. She's fine with it.
Speaker 1: So wait, when is your new special coming out?
Speaker 3: Sometime in October?
Speaker 5: Wait, it's Netflix, It's it's Hulu.
Speaker 3: We're on.
Speaker 5: You went to Hulu because Hulu was offering the Big Bucks. Yes,
Speaker 5: I guess. I don't know if I saw the Big
Speaker 5: Bucks well, referring it to some of them.
Speaker 1: A lot of comments have gone over, Yeah, a lot
Speaker 1: of comments have gone over to Hulu.
Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, So it's coming out sometime in.
Speaker 3: October's coming out sometime in October? Should we know what
Speaker 3: the day with Yeah, it's called bread Winter, bread Winner. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's all about making more money. Yeah, leaning in.
Speaker 1: So tell us what's on your vision? Are you okay
Speaker 1: telling us what's on your vision?
Speaker 3: Speaking of new existence, Well, like I really want to
Speaker 3: play Madison Square Garden. That's like the dream. I want
Speaker 3: to do the arena. There's not a lot of women
Speaker 3: doing arenas, and I think we could do the arenas.
Speaker 3: We all might have to band together, but we need
Speaker 3: like a women's show at Mathison Square Garden. I mean,
Speaker 3: I want to have my own TV show. I really
Speaker 3: like a talk show. No, I would love a talk show,
Speaker 3: but I'm trying to do scripted right now, and I've
Speaker 3: sold like three shows and like I can never get
Speaker 3: anything picked up, so I'm trying to like get it,
Speaker 3: you know, get it picked up. Yeah, I'm a little
Speaker 3: sick of myself. Like I love to stand up obviously,
Speaker 3: because that's like storytelling and I love That's like a given, right,
Speaker 3: So when you get on the road, it's like, as
Speaker 3: long as I can put asses in seats, I can
Speaker 3: do wherever the fuck I want. I think the development
Speaker 3: side of like television, I mean, you've been in this
Speaker 3: business forever at least with scripted, it's like you're not
Speaker 3: in control of anything. You could have the best fucking
Speaker 3: idea in the world, you get the best script, but
Speaker 3: it's up to some like guy in a suit who
Speaker 3: has never met you. And that's what's making me fucking nuts.
Speaker 3: I just want to get my show across the finish line.
Speaker 5: I see, that's what I want to do.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 3: I mean, it sounds like it'll probably happen for you.
Speaker 3: I let's hope.
Speaker 5: Let's hope.
Speaker 3: I mean, it seems like you're somebody who gets shipped done.
Speaker 3: I try to, but like today, you know, I'm sitting
Speaker 3: in my office with my agents and I'm like, all
Speaker 3: the things that are happening is because we were talking
Speaker 3: about this earlier, because we're still hustling.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like I would.
Speaker 3: I can't wait, Chelsea. I'm not in the position yet.
Speaker 3: I can't wait till I they're they're offering me shit
Speaker 3: and I'm like, no, no, you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: or it's just I don't. I'm still in the audition phase.
Speaker 3: I'm making self tapes in my basement with my mom,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. That's where we're still at.
Speaker 3: We're still brinding yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's the thing.
Speaker 1: It's like, at a certain point is aren't things supposed
Speaker 1: to get easier?
Speaker 5: I'm forty nine years old, and I'm.
Speaker 1: Like, why am I fucking I flying to parts of
Speaker 1: the country where I'm like, wait, I've crossed this place.
Speaker 1: Didn't I cross this city off my list like six
Speaker 1: years ago?
Speaker 5: What am I doing back here?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I agree, But it's like, you know, the road life.
Speaker 3: You're just like, all right, we're going back to Vermont.
Speaker 3: Let's just buckle up, get the ban for going. And
Speaker 3: then those people are so happy to see you.
Speaker 1: And then there's a nice silver lining to almost everything
Speaker 1: because it's like, my lifestyle is so nice, I'm sure
Speaker 1: as your years is too.
Speaker 5: I get to provide and support so many people.
Speaker 1: In my life, including myself, and so it's like I
Speaker 1: don't want to be seen as complaining.
Speaker 5: I would just like a little bit have a little
Speaker 5: bit of a fucking strategy.
Speaker 3: That's what it is. It's like, I'm like, am I
Speaker 3: supposed to do this? It's I'm seventy what if we
Speaker 3: supposed to do? I know my strategy, but I just
Speaker 3: need yall to get the strategy. Yeah, let's get we
Speaker 3: need energy yeah, energy. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Can I ask you a personal question about your sex
Speaker 5: life with your husband?
Speaker 3: Absolutely? It seems like I can. Yeah, fun since you
Speaker 3: because I don't.
Speaker 1: Get a lot of people that are married without children. Okay,
Speaker 1: so what is the sex life? How long have you
Speaker 1: been married?
Speaker 3: We've been married three years together, like thirteen years. Oh okay,
Speaker 3: so that's a long time, long time. So what is
Speaker 3: your sex life not having children?
Speaker 5: Not having children?
Speaker 3: Well, we do have two French bulldogs in the bed,
Speaker 3: so there are moments where we have to like physically
Speaker 3: remove them. But our sex life is still great.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: I feel like there's kind of this idea that people
Speaker 3: like don't want to have sex with their spouse anymore.
Speaker 5: I'm still very hot and horny for my husband.
Speaker 1: But I think the reason people don't want to have
Speaker 1: sex with their spouses anymore is when they have children,
Speaker 1: because that freaking ruins it.
Speaker 3: Well, and I and I will say, I've had this
Speaker 3: conversation with my husband. I'm like, listen, I love you,
Speaker 3: but watching you play golf all the time, like I
Speaker 3: need to know that you're going to step up and
Speaker 3: he'll be an amazing father. But there is that little
Speaker 3: tiny bit in me that's like, is like, will I
Speaker 3: be resentful? You know, because I see my other girlfriends
Speaker 3: who can get resentful, just like the men not caring
Speaker 3: enough of their weight. But when it comes to sex,
Speaker 3: we still have a really great sex life. But it's tough.
Speaker 3: I actually think one of the reasons why it's good
Speaker 3: is because I am on the road, you know, It's
Speaker 3: almost like we're long distance. That's well, that's what I
Speaker 3: was gonna say. I'm out, I do my thing, and
Speaker 3: then I come home and I still want to see you. Yeah,
Speaker 3: if I was home all the time, I'd probably fucking.
Speaker 5: My best friend.
Speaker 1: She has a big job and her partner are always away,
Speaker 1: and I think I don't know anything about their sex
Speaker 1: life because she's British and she would never talk to
Speaker 1: me about that.
Speaker 5: But I think that the reason why.
Speaker 1: They have such a healthy relationship is because they don't
Speaker 1: spend so much time together. And I do want to say, like,
Speaker 1: I do have some friends who have kids who have
Speaker 1: a sexy, great, sexy, healthy sex life, is what I
Speaker 1: was trying to say. Like my friend Christine, she and
Speaker 1: her husband have sex all the time and they have girls.
Speaker 1: But it's definitely I notice that people without children have
Speaker 1: the best sex and then people who are on their
Speaker 1: second marriages have the sex life because they didn't have
Speaker 1: the kids with that person.
Speaker 5: There's something about children. And obviously there are exceptions to
Speaker 5: this rule.
Speaker 1: To people who are listening, if you have crazy sex
Speaker 1: with your husband, call us write us in because I'm
Speaker 1: sure we'll have an episode about that at some point,
Speaker 1: or how to keep your sex life going, because it's
Speaker 1: just a matter of having Like I only want long
Speaker 1: distance relationships. I don't want someone in my house. I
Speaker 1: know I will get tired of I know it.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So, and we also, I mean we don't have kids.
Speaker 3: We do have like a seventy six year old toddler
Speaker 3: because my mom lives with us. We live with her.
Speaker 5: However, you want to splice it.
Speaker 3: So there are times where I'm like, meet me at
Speaker 3: the same regions and bucket and we're just gonna have
Speaker 3: our moment because there is still you can hear Robin
Speaker 3: making a cup of tea, you know, on the other week,
Speaker 3: like Jesus, okay, yeah, you know, Robin's yelling up that
Speaker 3: did you set the alarm? I'm like, mom, if it's
Speaker 3: fucking red in the kitchen on the keypad, the.
Speaker 5: Alarms on you know, where did you grow up?
Speaker 3: Atlanta?
Speaker 5: But my mom's from Boston.
Speaker 3: Where's the sex? Okay?
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it's just in Boston.
Speaker 1: So I was like in Maine actually, and I kept
Speaker 1: saying to my cousin, Oh, this is a Boston accent,
Speaker 1: and I go, I love these accents on women only.
Speaker 3: I'm un men.
Speaker 1: It's a little bit. So it's like, uh oh, but
Speaker 1: when women talk like that, I fucking makes me. I
Speaker 1: just love it reminds me that it makes me know
Speaker 1: that I'm getting fresh clamson, you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: Because I'm an East Coaster.
Speaker 1: I grew up in Martha's Vineyard in the summer, so
Speaker 1: I'm a total Like when I hear a Boston accent,
Speaker 1: I feel at home.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you get the tingles. It's like, hey and some
Speaker 3: mort tingles. My mom's so funny. She's lived in the
Speaker 3: South for like thirty almost forty years, and she'll be
Speaker 3: at her country club and she's like thinks that she
Speaker 3: is so Southern, but she's like packing the can, having
Speaker 3: Cathy get me a you know a red wine that
Speaker 3: pino nowa Like she's screaming across the bar in her
Speaker 3: country club. She's a tiny little redhead, looks like Judge
Speaker 3: Judy and everyone just leans in.
Speaker 5: They're like, that's Robin Boston.
Speaker 3: Robin like she runs Atlanta though, and she runs these
Speaker 3: circles with these like super Southern women and it's just
Speaker 3: Robin run on the show.
Speaker 1: So you grew up in Atlanta, so you spent your
Speaker 1: time there. My brother, my brothers, and sis went to
Speaker 1: Emory University School, so I grew up going and there
Speaker 1: was a bar there called Pj's. Yeah, it's no longer there,
Speaker 1: but that was the first time I went and was
Speaker 1: served alcohol. Well, I was the first time I went
Speaker 1: to a bar. I was ten years old and my
Speaker 1: sister was, oh starting young. Yeah, well no, I wasn't drinking,
Speaker 1: but I went with my sister because that was her
Speaker 1: local pont and she was eighteen.
Speaker 5: And my sister got carted and I.
Speaker 1: Did it, and that's when I knew I was gonna
Speaker 1: have some problems.
Speaker 5: It's honestly the same for me.
Speaker 3: My sister did Georgia Tech, and I was like a
Speaker 3: freshman in high school and I would show up and
Speaker 3: I had braces on, and I would show up to
Speaker 3: like the Ato House, like these fraternity houses, and my
Speaker 3: sister would be like looking for me, and I'm like
Speaker 3: making out with some guy named Morgan who like the
Speaker 3: president of the fraternity, with my braces on, and I
Speaker 3: just ran shit because I had.
Speaker 5: Double d's young. You know, I'm just running the fucking show.
Speaker 5: Did you gen you hate your boobies when you were young?
Speaker 3: Well, they kind of came out of nowhere. I didn't
Speaker 3: have them, and then when I had them, no, I
Speaker 3: felt powerful.
Speaker 5: I age, were you? I think I got real tits
Speaker 5: at like fourteen, they really I came in overnight after
Speaker 5: a man put his arm around me in a movie theater.
Speaker 3: I was thirteen.
Speaker 1: Oh, I was twelve. I was twelve, and I woke
Speaker 1: up and I had my period and I had boobs.
Speaker 3: Oh fuck.
Speaker 5: So I did not like that at all.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because a I was like, nobody had talked to
Speaker 1: me about my period, of course, because my family was you.
Speaker 3: Know, not on the on the level, right.
Speaker 5: And I didn't like my boobs.
Speaker 1: I would tape them down because they were too big
Speaker 1: and too and they were bigger than they are now
Speaker 1: for some reason, when they come out, they're like big,
Speaker 1: and so I was ashamed of them.
Speaker 3: No, I leaned in because I remember the day that
Speaker 3: my mom told me a Victoria's Secret because she's like,
Speaker 3: you really need like a real bra. And it was like,
Speaker 3: you know, a thirty six D And my mom was
Speaker 3: screaming in Victoria's Secret and she was like, this is
Speaker 3: because my mom is for seventy six Listen, she's single.
Speaker 3: There's anybody out there and you've got like a hot
Speaker 3: dad or a hot uncle. Please. Robin has the perkiest
Speaker 3: titch you've ever seen in your life. I mean, this
Speaker 3: is my mom has a banging bob.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 5: And she was just like her, yeah, she's very, very sexy.
Speaker 3: And she was like, I don't know where you get
Speaker 3: these tits from, but like everybody just show them. And
Speaker 3: I was just like always just very overly confident. But
Speaker 3: now I'm like, they're down in my ankles and I'd
Speaker 3: like to get them snatched up to my neck.
Speaker 1: Well that's not good if you haven't had a child,
Speaker 1: yead bra. I sleep with the bra and every day,
Speaker 1: and my tits are perky.
Speaker 3: You do.
Speaker 5: I sleep with the bron every night.
Speaker 1: If I don't, if I have a lover's day over
Speaker 1: and I don't sleep with the broad the more I
Speaker 1: wake up in the middle of the night, I have
Speaker 1: to put a bron It's so uncomfortable for me to
Speaker 1: be freestyle.
Speaker 5: Like you do have really perky tits.
Speaker 3: Thank you a great But at this point I'm ready
Speaker 3: to get the neck done and the tit's done. Just
Speaker 3: do it all at once, you know, just.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the neck and the tits at the same time.
Speaker 1: Can you turn my tits into my neck?
Speaker 3: Actually? Okay?
Speaker 1: So on this podcast, Heather, we take callers and like
Speaker 1: we give them advice.
Speaker 5: So it's I love you're going to do I know,
Speaker 5: I know. So we're gonna take a break.
Speaker 1: Heather and I are gonna take our tits out and
Speaker 1: rub them together and see what would come up with.
Speaker 5: No, we're not going to do that, but we might.
Speaker 3: Anyway.
Speaker 5: We'll be writing our great nips. Okay, we're back. We're back,
Speaker 5: and we both still have our nipples on.
Speaker 3: Great. Are you ready to give some advice?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I love giving advice.
Speaker 5: It's my favorite thing in the world.
Speaker 1: I love it too. And I also want to say
Speaker 1: I love about this podcast. I just love talking to
Speaker 1: real regular people. And you'll see my callers, they're all
Speaker 1: so nice and sweet and real and cute. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it's not that we only accept cute callers. You don't
Speaker 1: have to be cute, but you are cute when you
Speaker 1: call in.
Speaker 3: Just so you know it's true, it's true.
Speaker 4: We actually had someone right in once that was like,
Speaker 4: do you only take cute people?
Speaker 3: Know they're cute.
Speaker 5: I also want to say, we don't screen you. We
Speaker 5: don't know what you look like.
Speaker 3: Everyone just.
Speaker 5: Calling.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 4: Our first question comes from Ricky, and Ricky needs some
Speaker 4: help from.
Speaker 6: Women who will tell people to shut the fuck up
Speaker 6: or clap back. So I think she's in the right place,
Speaker 6: Ricky says, help. I listened into the podcast weekly and
Speaker 6: you have given me so much to work with.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 5: Good Ricky. Hi Ricky.
Speaker 6: I've had body issues since as far back as five
Speaker 6: years old. I've always been thin and athletic built, but
Speaker 6: I have a gut. Even at my thinnest, I had
Speaker 6: a small chub that I would feel insecure about now
Speaker 6: that I'm a little thicker. I have been mistaken and
Speaker 6: as pregnant over ten times in my workplace by coworkers
Speaker 6: and other people in our building. It makes me want
Speaker 6: to curl up and cry, but I usually laugh it off.
Speaker 6: And say, oh, it's a food baby. Now that I've
Speaker 6: been asked for what feels like the hundredth time, I'm
Speaker 6: writing to ask, what.
Speaker 3: The F do I say it to these people?
Speaker 4: I used to say, oh, no, it's a food baby's
Speaker 4: name is Chipotle.
Speaker 6: But unfortunately the idiots who ask dumb questions like how
Speaker 6: many months are you to a stranger do not have
Speaker 6: the comedic mind to understand my food baby jokes.
Speaker 5: I am all around angry.
Speaker 6: Frustrated, and feel so sad because even though I'm doing
Speaker 6: everything right, I still have this gut. How do I
Speaker 6: confront the totally awkward question about my non existent pregnancy?
Speaker 6: Oh and I also used to have a restrictive eating disorder.
Speaker 6: From twenty seventeen to twenty twenty, I was one hundred
Speaker 6: pounds and all bones, so I'm very sensitive to comments
Speaker 6: that make me not want to eat, and being asked
Speaker 6: if I'm pregnant is definitely a trigger for my ed.
Speaker 5: Please help Ricky.
Speaker 1: First of all, I cannot believe that people still ask
Speaker 1: other people if they're pregnant without nosing for sure.
Speaker 5: Unless the baby's crowning, I'm not saying shit, And if
Speaker 5: the baby's crowning. I won't be in that room, so
Speaker 5: don't even worry about it.
Speaker 1: Like we are not supposed to be asking people if
Speaker 1: they're pregnant at all.
Speaker 4: Or like commenting on their bodies at all.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Also, this is what's wrong with like corporate America.
Speaker 3: You know some guy named Mark, you know in finance,
Speaker 3: who's just like, hey, Ricky, when's baby too? Like I
Speaker 3: already see the scenario. I really like to fuck with people.
Speaker 3: I would double down immediately, like it's a giant, cancerous tumor,
Speaker 3: Like I don't know, I would can't make them feel
Speaker 3: really fucking shitty, start some sort of rumor. Maybe then
Speaker 3: you'll get some paid time off, you know, just to
Speaker 3: just to go relax.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean there's two issues here.
Speaker 1: First of all, it's so frustrating to have a part
Speaker 1: of your body that you're not happy with, especially when
Speaker 1: you're dieting and you had an eating disorder. Like, I
Speaker 1: understand your frustration because we can hyper focus on our
Speaker 1: imperfections or what we perceive to be our imperfections. But
Speaker 1: when other people are also confirming your feelings about your
Speaker 1: self that you don't like, that is hurtful and like, yeah,
Speaker 1: so what does she say to these people. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't even know how to attack this. Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I like that idea. I like saying, yes, I have
Speaker 1: a tumor that is growing, like I like really turning
Speaker 1: it on its head.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like like I've got three days to live.
Speaker 3: I just want you to know it has been such
Speaker 3: a pleasure working with you at Bank of America. And
Speaker 3: then just walk away, walk away and go to lunch
Speaker 3: like fuck with them and tell everybody something different and different.
Speaker 5: I would really stir the pot at work.
Speaker 1: Yeah you should really, so you get attention for being
Speaker 1: funny and crazy rather than being having a little extra
Speaker 1: weight around your belly. But I also want to help
Speaker 1: her with her belly weight. There's got to be a
Speaker 1: way for you to deal with this without dieting and
Speaker 1: living in a healthy way. First of all, I want
Speaker 1: to just provide this because this is two different things,
Speaker 1: because one is actually addressing her body issue. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you've done this, but if you haven't and
Speaker 1: you want to, and if you're interested in dining, which
Speaker 1: you obviously don't have to do, there is a system
Speaker 1: that I use whenever I want to lean out, and
Speaker 1: that I've given to my friends that I got. My
Speaker 1: nutrition is named Mark McDonald's. And when you eat every
Speaker 1: three to four hours and you do four ounces of protein,
Speaker 1: four ounces of carbs, and like a scoop of peanut
Speaker 1: butter or a tablespoon of salad dressing, like wherever you
Speaker 1: hold your fat, it will come off. You have to
Speaker 1: be really diligent about this, and you can do it
Speaker 1: for up to like two three months, and you don't
Speaker 1: do it forever because hormonally, as women, we hold onto
Speaker 1: it in the weirdest places.
Speaker 3: That's the thing. It's the hormones. Ninety percent of the time.
Speaker 3: It's like, get your hormones checked, yes, Because that was
Speaker 3: me after IVF. Dude, I was a completely different fucking person.
Speaker 3: I got up to like two forty, and I mean,
Speaker 3: I'm not a small girl. I've always been like my
Speaker 3: healthy range is like two hundred. But I was like,
Speaker 3: I was like, want to crawl out of my skin.
Speaker 5: And it was my hormones.
Speaker 3: We're through the fucking roof. My cortisol was off, my
Speaker 3: adrenals they were my hair was falling out like ninety
Speaker 3: percent of the time when you can feel it though,
Speaker 3: and she clearly said she was like a teep person.
Speaker 5: Get the hormones check.
Speaker 3: You're stressed out in life, you got it? Not sleeping,
Speaker 3: something's happening.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, so so do all of that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then okay, on top of that, lie to
Speaker 3: all your yeah yeah, and make it.
Speaker 5: Very clear to people.
Speaker 1: Make sure that whatever they're saying to you, they is
Speaker 1: going to be the last time they ever say to
Speaker 1: another person.
Speaker 5: Make them feel as awkward as it makes you.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So yeah, or so are you asking me if I'm
Speaker 1: pregnant because I have a little belly and you have
Speaker 1: absolutely no idea about my history, about my personal life,
Speaker 1: about any.
Speaker 5: Is that what you're asking?
Speaker 3: You just want are getting hair plugs? Mark? Yes?
Speaker 5: Yeah, what do you do about the receding hairline?
Speaker 3: And I realized too when people say really fucked up,
Speaker 3: like shitty stuff, they're so projecting on their own insecurities.
Speaker 3: That's why, Ricky, don't let any of courses hurt your feelings. Listen,
Speaker 3: we're both on the internet. The ship that I see
Speaker 3: that is written about me sometimes is just like, holy fuck,
Speaker 3: how did somebody have time to write about It's always
Speaker 3: about my physical appearance, and you're like, get a fucking life, people,
Speaker 3: are especially like and I'm not just dogging on mem
Speaker 3: but sometimes like when I go on like some other
Speaker 3: like male comedian podcast like the Ship that they're fans,
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, always about my body, And I'm like, give
Speaker 3: me a fucking break. But if you if I'm stopped
Speaker 3: at the one thing that somebody said about me physically,
Speaker 3: then I wouldn't have ever been able to like live
Speaker 3: my life. So just tell me to fuck off.
Speaker 1: And I guarantee this is mostly coming from men, what
Speaker 1: she's talking about. It's like men that have no idea
Speaker 1: how to even interact with women. And they also you
Speaker 1: need to like go right back at them about whatever
Speaker 1: their shortcomings are because they can you ever imagine being
Speaker 1: online and writing about someone a male person's body. Can
Speaker 1: you imagine ever having the desire to go you gottual? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you have a Walleye. And I wouldn't fuck you with
Speaker 1: my dad mother's vagina ever, I.
Speaker 3: Would never take the time. It is insane. Yeah, I
Speaker 3: think you double down. You tell every coworker something different.
Speaker 3: They need to get more obscure, Like actually, I'm a
Speaker 3: part of a government experiment. They've been doing this.
Speaker 1: They're trying to see if I can get pregnant with
Speaker 1: a dog exactly, say, yeah.
Speaker 5: Really freaky.
Speaker 3: It's a shit to you know this is it's it's
Speaker 3: I don't know. I need an extra cash. So I
Speaker 3: decided to sign up for this experiment and just freak
Speaker 3: people the fuck out at work.
Speaker 5: I love doing that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, really want I make everyone's first time the last time,
Speaker 1: like you want to make their mistake on your watch,
Speaker 1: the last time they make that mistake and anyone coming
Speaker 1: forward after that, or anyone that.
Speaker 5: Crosses their path after.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Feel like me giving weight advices the bad is was
Speaker 1: tonally off, but I just I did that.
Speaker 3: I needed that.
Speaker 1: Because I honestly like my friend had this had that
Speaker 1: body type, and she went to him and it changed
Speaker 1: her life. He's actually out of Atlanta too, But you
Speaker 1: don't even have to go to him. You just go
Speaker 1: online and look at his thing and it's like this
Speaker 1: great system, like it shreds your fat for you.
Speaker 6: It might also be like bloady go to a gas
Speaker 6: r enterologists get shit chicked out, you know what I mean,
Speaker 6: if it's just in that one area, like you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, checked out.
Speaker 1: I had a friend who held all of her weight
Speaker 1: right underneath her arms, and she was so frustrated because
Speaker 1: in pictures she would look like she was way heavier.
Speaker 3: Than she was when the doctor said. She ended up
Speaker 3: doing Mark McDonald's program.
Speaker 5: Okay, well, Mark, call me because I'm in Atlanta.
Speaker 3: I'll have you cook for me, whatever you do, because
Speaker 3: that's me. I have a very like I mean, my
Speaker 3: whole like catch raise in life is like, I have
Speaker 3: a thick neck and thin ankles.
Speaker 5: I had the tiniest legs growing up.
Speaker 3: I was always considered tight chubby, Like I'm I have
Speaker 3: a really tight, like muscular body. But it's also I
Speaker 3: cannot get off that top like baby fat layer and
Speaker 3: I'm pushing forty you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: But I figure it out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean I've done every diet, I have
Speaker 3: done all of the things, and you know it's a lot.
Speaker 5: So I'm calling Mark Mark McDonald, I'll.
Speaker 3: Put you in touch with him absolutely.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I love him. Yeah.
Speaker 6: So Carly is our first caller today. Carly says, dear Chelsea,
Speaker 6: longtime fan, first time writer. My best friend from high
Speaker 6: school has a toxic boyfriend, and I'm not sure what
Speaker 6: my place is in the situation. My best friend is
Speaker 6: the type to never be single. Just twenty three now
Speaker 6: and has had one boyfriend or another since seventh grade.
Speaker 6: She typically jumps from one boyfriend to the next and
Speaker 6: is automatically head over heels for whoever the new guy is.
Speaker 6: I have yet to meet her current boyfriend, as he's
Speaker 6: living in Alabama for law school and I live in Boston.
Speaker 6: My friend currently lives in Nashville working her dream job
Speaker 6: in music marketing, a job she worked her ass off for,
Speaker 6: and I couldn't be more proud. She's always telling me
Speaker 6: how great he is. They talk about future kids, etc.
Speaker 6: But I recently learned from a mutual friend that things
Speaker 6: aren't as great as she makes them out to be.
Speaker 6: She got drunk and opened up to this friend, saying
Speaker 6: that he says a woman's happiness should come from their
Speaker 6: kids and their family, so they don't need hobbies. He
Speaker 6: doesn't believe in IVF abortion under any circumstances, and said
Speaker 6: that feminists are stupid. He wants her to quit her
Speaker 6: job and move to Alabama with him, since it's quote
Speaker 6: pointless for her to have a career since she's going
Speaker 6: to be a stay at home mom. He even went
Speaker 6: as far as finding a job at his law firm
Speaker 6: for her and said, my parents and I want you
Speaker 6: to apply for this psychotic He's already told her that
Speaker 6: when they get married, he wants their prenup to have
Speaker 6: a clause, saying that whoever files for divorce would owe
Speaker 6: the other one one hundred thousand dollars penalty, which she
Speaker 6: wouldn't be able to pay as she wouldn't have a job.
Speaker 6: He has strongly encouraged her to break her lease and
Speaker 6: move immediately to Alabama with him. What stupid, which she's
Speaker 6: on board to do in the near future.
Speaker 3: It kills me.
Speaker 6: She would leave behind an incredible dream job and dream
Speaker 6: life as she's built for herself in Nashville to live
Speaker 6: with this piece of shit. I'm mostly scared that he'll
Speaker 6: isolate her and keep her from her friends and family.
Speaker 6: How do I talk her out of moving and potentially
Speaker 6: even leaving this guy before she moves and before it's
Speaker 6: too late. She's sensitive, so I don't know how to
Speaker 6: approach the topic. Thanks so much, Carly.
Speaker 5: Hi, Carly, Hi, Hi, this is our special guest, Heather McMahon.
Speaker 6: Hi.
Speaker 5: I'm a big fan.
Speaker 3: I'm good. How are you? I'm great? Okay, So, what's
Speaker 3: her name.
Speaker 4: Well, we're using a pseudonym right for friend.
Speaker 1: Hi, Okay, because I was just gonna say, we can
Speaker 1: just talk to her directly, and we can just send
Speaker 1: her this video. Yeah, yet as far away from this
Speaker 1: fucking person as possible. Any man who is deterring you
Speaker 1: from having a career, does not have your best interest,
Speaker 1: does not care about you. Any man who does not
Speaker 1: support reproductive rights for women does not care about women,
Speaker 1: and does not care about you. Those are two blanket
Speaker 1: issues that have no wiggle room.
Speaker 5: Just those two issues alone.
Speaker 1: Forget about everything else that you said. That is fucking crazy,
Speaker 1: your poor I mean, she needs to hear this from
Speaker 1: two strong women, three strong women, four strong women, sorry.
Speaker 3: Four of us. Allegedly you could also just run them
Speaker 3: over with your car, you know, but then you're on
Speaker 3: the hook for murder, and that's not in alabamae earl him.
Speaker 5: Yes, Yes, what is good bye? Earl?
Speaker 3: It's a Dixie chick song And basically one of the
Speaker 3: girls was in an abusive relationship and her best friend
Speaker 3: was like, I'm just gonna fucking kill them, and they
Speaker 3: killed them and they hit the body. But I think
Speaker 3: you just got to sit her down. I think you
Speaker 3: maybe kidnap the friend and you sit her down, You're like.
Speaker 5: This is some bullshit.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean this is not even that. I thought
Speaker 3: that was like almost like a prank, right right, because
Speaker 3: surely he wouldn't say all of these things.
Speaker 6: And I think there's some questions to ask her to
Speaker 6: have a girl's weekend if it's just you two or
Speaker 6: you and some other kids.
Speaker 1: Do you have any other friends that you can enlist
Speaker 1: to have like some sort of It has to be
Speaker 1: of the tone of an intervention. It can't be a
Speaker 1: casual conversation because she has to understand how you know,
Speaker 1: when you get in a relationship and you get this
Speaker 1: kind of tunnel vision and you don't realize how weird
Speaker 1: it gets and.
Speaker 5: You're so far in that you can't.
Speaker 1: She needs to understand how heightened this is and that
Speaker 1: it's an emergency situation to get her away from him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, But the issue is she's so.
Speaker 5: Far away, so plan a weekend? Can plan a weekends?
Speaker 5: Oh deadn't matter. Get down to Nashville.
Speaker 1: I Nashville is a fun place to go for a
Speaker 1: weekend anyway. Yeah, And do you have other friends that.
Speaker 3: Can go with you?
Speaker 2: Yeah? For sure, are worried.
Speaker 5: Okay, so you have to plan an intervention.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, like tomorrow, like get off with us, get
Speaker 3: on the horn, call the girls, and weed a full intervention.
Speaker 5: Anybody who's talking about a divorce.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so for the first two primary issues are reproductive
Speaker 1: rights and not the Yeah, talking about a divorce before
Speaker 1: you're even engaged is fucking crazy.
Speaker 5: Are they engaged?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: Not yet?
Speaker 1: Okay, thank god? Yeah, Okay, that's crazy. That is absolutely crazy.
Speaker 1: And he's basically talking at about a punitive dance like
Speaker 1: he's gonna charge her one hundred thousand dollars when she
Speaker 1: doesn't have a job, which is also.
Speaker 6: Stupid because assuming it's community property in Alabama, it comes
Speaker 6: out of the same pot.
Speaker 5: There's never gonna we're never gonna get that far.
Speaker 1: You have to, and I know that she didn't she
Speaker 1: this is this information, as you said in the letter,
Speaker 1: came from another girlfriend, right. She didn't give you this
Speaker 1: information directly, So you have to go to her and say,
Speaker 1: we're all sharing information. We've all spoken about you because
Speaker 1: we are very very concerned and we know that you're
Speaker 1: not looking at this situation clearly as your friends who
Speaker 1: are removed from the situation and not in it every day.
Speaker 1: We can see it very clearly. We are very concerned
Speaker 1: about you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think there's power in numbers in the
Speaker 3: sense that if she just hears it from one girlfriend,
Speaker 3: she might be like, well, you just have an issue
Speaker 3: with them. But if it's all of y'all sitting down
Speaker 3: and be like, we're not going to allow you to
Speaker 3: continue this relationship because this is fucking toxic and we're
Speaker 3: not going to allow you to do this, like, I
Speaker 3: think it'll be a much more powerful message. That's a
Speaker 3: great idea.
Speaker 5: You got this girl, So are you ready to do that?
Speaker 5: Though I am. I think I get enough of a score.
Speaker 5: If i'm yes, I think we could do it.
Speaker 2: And I think has to be in person.
Speaker 3: She's gonna be embarrassed, she's gonna be upset, and give
Speaker 3: her twenty four hours, but then you know, yeah, but.
Speaker 5: Allow the time, like you go down to Nashville.
Speaker 1: Say you guys, go down on a Thursday night, give
Speaker 1: yourself more than twenty four hours. You need like time
Speaker 1: because if there's gonna be like a period of you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, shock crying, and she'll probably agree
Speaker 1: with you, and then you have to stick with her
Speaker 1: while she goes through all the emotions of what just
Speaker 1: happened and that she actually has to break up with him,
Speaker 1: and you have to impress upon her how much you
Speaker 1: guys love her, that you took the time out to
Speaker 1: do that, you know, for her, because she could be
Speaker 1: defensive and all of those things. And what it really
Speaker 1: comes down to is that you guys are taking time
Speaker 1: out of your life because you care so much about
Speaker 1: her and her well being. And it's just one big
Speaker 1: red flag after another. It is it is Yeah, and
Speaker 1: interventions typically go well. I've only had one go awride,
Speaker 1: I mean seriously.
Speaker 5: And it wasn't even a drag intervention. It was her
Speaker 5: friend intervention.
Speaker 1: But for some reason she saw it completely differently and
Speaker 1: just thought we were attacking her, which was not the
Speaker 1: case at all. We were really trying to help her.
Speaker 1: But typically they go very well. I would actually also
Speaker 1: suggest you guys like get together and talk to like
Speaker 1: if one of you has a good therapist, or get
Speaker 1: together and rehearse all the points you're going to bring up,
Speaker 1: because it shouldn't be an attack, it should be a
Speaker 1: conversation love and caring.
Speaker 3: Yeah there you go, right, Yeah, I'm discussed with her.
Speaker 6: I mean, in the future, she can be happy with
Speaker 6: someone else, and that's what you want for her. You're
Speaker 6: not doing because you don't want her to be happy
Speaker 6: with this guy. I also suspect, since she got drunk
Speaker 6: and told this other friend tearfully about all this information,
Speaker 6: that she may be relieved if you guys are stepping
Speaker 6: I agree.
Speaker 1: So wow, even my dog is walking out of the
Speaker 1: room so disgusted by this. Like, no, I don't blame them,
Speaker 1: And if you need to, you know, play this conversation,
Speaker 1: do it. You know what I mean, John, We just
Speaker 1: heard about the situation and it's absolutely ridiculous, archaic, antiquated,
Speaker 1: and unacceptable.
Speaker 6: Yeahah, oh, can't you both say to h would you
Speaker 6: say you deserve better what we you say if you
Speaker 6: were talking directly to her.
Speaker 5: Don't ever let any man dim your light.
Speaker 3: And if you're with the right guy, he's going to
Speaker 3: put you up on a pedestal and and tell you
Speaker 3: to reach for the stars. Anybody who's already telling you
Speaker 3: know and trying to control what you can and can't
Speaker 3: do is not the partner for you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, AERI it.
Speaker 1: And you want someone who is part of the future,
Speaker 1: not living in the past. His ideals and his way
Speaker 1: of thinking is the past, and you don't need to
Speaker 1: go back. No woman needs to go back to when
Speaker 1: things were great for us, When the fuck was that?
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, all right, you got this.
Speaker 4: Thanks Carly, Thanks, thank.
Speaker 2: You, Thank you, guys, it was nice to meet you.
Speaker 2: You too.
Speaker 3: Listening to some guy from Alabama talking shut up like
Speaker 3: I need member, I have really bad What do you take,
Speaker 3: pilot sad? You know what the work's actually the best
Speaker 3: baking soda, oh dude, big and water. I take a
Speaker 3: little bit of baking soda, like a half a teaspoon,
Speaker 3: put it in water and immediately knocks it out. I
Speaker 3: was on next him forever, a meprasol like I had
Speaker 3: voice nodules allah Ashley Simpson growing up.
Speaker 5: I used to musical theater.
Speaker 3: Can't sing anymore, and I was on all the drugs
Speaker 3: and apparently like next to him, and shit gives you alzheimer.
Speaker 5: So I was like, I'm not messing with that.
Speaker 3: So I just baking soda and water and it fucking
Speaker 3: works when I travel abroad because I like to, you know,
Speaker 3: party hard in Italy and I'm drink all the red wine.
Speaker 3: Italy's my place. It's my place. It's my joyful, very
Speaker 3: happy place. Oh that's nice because your place. Yeah you
Speaker 3: got married there? Yeah yeah, I got married in Italy.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, we'll have to we'll have to connoiter together.
Speaker 3: Were over there? Yeah yeah, I'm in Spain a lot.
Speaker 3: Let's go.
Speaker 5: Okay, I love it.
Speaker 3: What part?
Speaker 5: What part of Italy?
Speaker 3: I like?
Speaker 5: My home base is Florence, but I hit everywhere. Oh
Speaker 5: my niece has just went overseas. She was just went
Speaker 5: to Florence.
Speaker 3: She studied Broad. She's there for a semester.
Speaker 5: Got good luck.
Speaker 1: When I tell you, I feel like my sister goes.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be like girls Gone Wild for the next
Speaker 1: four month.
Speaker 3: No, it was. I My one of my favorite memories
Speaker 3: of study Broad is I was making out with this
Speaker 3: guy outside of a night club and then my friend
Speaker 3: tapped me on the shoulders, like Heather, take a step back.
Speaker 5: He has no teeth. And the man had no teeth.
Speaker 3: I just thought it was like a nice smooth I
Speaker 3: thought the gums were an outer lip. That's how fucked
Speaker 3: up I was. He had no teeth.
Speaker 2: You know what an.
Speaker 6: Allegory for h and Carly, You know you take a
Speaker 6: step back, you realize the guy has no has no teeth.
Speaker 5: Well, he could probably give an incredible blowjob. Yeah.
Speaker 4: On that note, do you want to take a break
Speaker 4: and we'll take our last color.
Speaker 5: Sure, we'll take a break and we'll be right back.
Speaker 3: Okay, we're back.
Speaker 5: We're all fully clothed. Everything's fine.
Speaker 6: So our next color is Lynn. Lynn says, dear Chelsea.
Speaker 6: I have a kindergartener and the moms in the class
Speaker 6: are super clingy, clicky and nasty and exclude me from everything.
Speaker 6: And you were a sorority girl, right, oh, yeah, you
Speaker 6: know about nasty rocky.
Speaker 3: I did not have a negative experience. Would continue okay, right,
Speaker 3: I blocked.
Speaker 6: And muted these women on socials, but I'm still hearing
Speaker 6: from other parents about every social event that I'm not
Speaker 6: being invited to. I want to tell them all where
Speaker 6: to shove it. But my daughter will be with these
Speaker 6: kids for the next seven to eight years, and I
Speaker 6: can't ruin her social life because of my ego. Tell
Speaker 6: me how to tell them to fuck themselves politely without
Speaker 6: ruining my daughter's social future.
Speaker 3: Lynn?
Speaker 5: Oh, hi, Lynn, Hi, Hi?
Speaker 1: Okay, So what was it like when you met these women?
Speaker 1: Were they like this from the outset.
Speaker 2: No, at the beginning, it was pretty normal, and then
Speaker 2: things just quickly changed. And we had first day of
Speaker 2: school last week, which was super awkward, and I was
Speaker 2: telling Catherine that we tried one play date over the
Speaker 2: summer because I felt bad for my daughter, like I
Speaker 2: shouldn't restrict her time with her friend. But the whole
Speaker 2: time they just pretended like I wasn't there and like
Speaker 2: literally didn't acknowledge me, and like my first reaction is
Speaker 2: like kind of just set boundaries and cut off people
Speaker 2: like that. But it just feels awkward because you know,
Speaker 2: my daughter, it's our friend.
Speaker 1: So so does your daughter have playdates with these people's kids?
Speaker 2: A lot we did before this all went down. We
Speaker 2: saw them once over the whole summer, but like tonight,
Speaker 2: they have soccer practice and they're on Girl Scouts together,
Speaker 2: so we're gonna see each other. And there's only one
Speaker 2: grade per class, so she's always going to be in
Speaker 2: her class until eighth grade.
Speaker 1: Oh, this is so disappointing that grown women act like this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like high school ended for a fucking reason.
Speaker 3: And is it.
Speaker 5: Multiple moms or just one mo?
Speaker 2: Okay, there's about four of them and so like first
Speaker 2: day of school, no one even looked me in the face.
Speaker 5: It was just, really, what did something happened?
Speaker 1: Was there, ever, like some sort of altercation or disagreement
Speaker 1: about something.
Speaker 2: It wasn't so much an altercation. It was just they
Speaker 2: just started like not including me in things. So like,
Speaker 2: for example, they all went on a bunch of vacations
Speaker 2: together for like weekend trips locally, and then I confronted
Speaker 2: the one mom and she was like, oh, sorry, we
Speaker 2: just didn't think you'd be available. And I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: it's just hurtful that I'm finding out online and not
Speaker 2: in personally. You could have like I don't have to
Speaker 2: go on every trip. I'm not a child, like I
Speaker 2: can be sure enough to be okay with that. But
Speaker 2: it was just that it was like, oh, there's all
Speaker 2: these moms that are all my daughter's really good friend
Speaker 2: on vacation, and no one told me.
Speaker 3: Here's the thing. I think that that is all they have.
Speaker 3: And Lynn, you seem like you're doing a lot, like
Speaker 3: I know that you have other things outside of your
Speaker 3: your kids social group.
Speaker 5: This is probably all these women have, you know.
Speaker 3: Feel sorry for them and those kind of aspects you
Speaker 3: don't even want to hang out with them. Fuck them,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: That's how I feel too. Yeah, that's very much how
Speaker 2: my personality is. It's just how do I go forward
Speaker 2: through the next many years. And it's just awkward, you know,
Speaker 2: it's like being fake and I like it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it is like being fake.
Speaker 1: But there also is like you need to rise above
Speaker 1: their behavior because it's so low. It's just so silly
Speaker 1: to be quickly like that at this age, especially when
Speaker 1: they're not even the ones in kindergarten.
Speaker 3: It's right the parents. So it's just you have to
Speaker 3: like rise above it.
Speaker 1: And I do think there is gonna involve a little
Speaker 1: bit of like fraudulent behavior on your behalf in order
Speaker 1: to get to the place where I want you to get,
Speaker 1: which is you don't give a shit at all. You're
Speaker 1: happy when your daughter hangs out with their kids, and
Speaker 1: you're fine if they don't. There's gotta be other mothers
Speaker 1: there that you can hang out with and that you
Speaker 1: can talk to and be real with, and you really
Speaker 1: cannot act like it bothers you at all, because that's
Speaker 1: what they will get off on. If people are that small,
Speaker 1: then they like the idea about excluding another person, and
Speaker 1: as long as it doesn't affect you in a way
Speaker 1: that's visible to them.
Speaker 5: It's like taking the air out of the balloon.
Speaker 1: There's nowhere for the balloon to float if there's nothing happening,
Speaker 1: So you have to really just suck it up, be
Speaker 1: as friendly as you can be, not like kissing their
Speaker 1: ass or anything, but like.
Speaker 5: Hey, how are you to if they're ignoring you? That's
Speaker 5: not your problem.
Speaker 1: Great, but you know, like you're in a good mood
Speaker 1: no matter what they do when you're around them, you're
Speaker 1: just gonna be like that.
Speaker 5: You're just gonna be like, okay.
Speaker 1: Great, Oh are we invited? We're not, okay, no problem,
Speaker 1: have a great time. It can't bother you at all. Yeah,
Speaker 1: can stay completely unbothered.
Speaker 3: And maybe every time you drop your kid off for
Speaker 3: these play dates, show up in a new like power
Speaker 3: track suit. You know, maybe it's just like a full
Speaker 3: cheetah print suit. The next time it's gold lamet something.
Speaker 3: I think you just start slowly fucking with them just
Speaker 3: a little bit. Maybe it's like a like a like
Speaker 3: a cowboy hat or something. The next time and just like, hey,
Speaker 3: I dropped some brownies off for the girls. Hat y'all
Speaker 3: have a good time and just bounce and then kind
Speaker 3: of be like a little mysterious.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, be a little mysterious. I also get off.
Speaker 5: Don't follow these people on social media?
Speaker 2: Yeah no, they're all blocked. We're not. I'm not engaging, okay,
Speaker 2: So and like that's what I've been doing, is like
Speaker 2: basically pretending everything's fine.
Speaker 1: But blocking them isn't pretending everything's fine. That's aggressive, Like, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, you don't need to block them.
Speaker 3: You just mute them.
Speaker 1: You don't need to follow them, Like, you don't need
Speaker 1: to block them. You don't need to follow them or
Speaker 1: look at what they're doing. But you don't need to
Speaker 1: block them from following you, because that is an active aggression.
Speaker 1: Like what is that that that's a immature as they are,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: But when you show up to the next play date
Speaker 3: in a power suit, they're gonna be like, what's she
Speaker 3: been up to?
Speaker 5: You know, what's her side?
Speaker 3: Gig?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I agreed, I don't know.
Speaker 5: I really just think you should play, like be smarter
Speaker 5: than them.
Speaker 3: And this. You have a job, yes, what do you do?
Speaker 2: I'm in real estate?
Speaker 1: Okay, so you have plenty of you have your own
Speaker 1: shit going on anyway, so very busy, yes, exactly, so
Speaker 1: you don't like you just have to treat that as
Speaker 1: such like, these are these minions that are beneath you,
Speaker 1: that are acting like little children that belong in school,
Speaker 1: that are not in school, that are living vicariously probably
Speaker 1: through their kindergarten children. So go about your business. They
Speaker 1: are not your problem. There is no problem.
Speaker 2: So like, if they ask for a play date, do
Speaker 2: you think I should engage or just.
Speaker 3: Yet, I can't make it, but I would love my
Speaker 3: daughter has a great time. In fact, I was thinking
Speaker 3: maybe the kids go to a movie. Just kill them
Speaker 3: with fucking kindness. You make it and don't let it's
Speaker 3: not worth your your kid, you know, feeling in the
Speaker 3: type of way about.
Speaker 1: It, any type of way. Just always remember you're doing
Speaker 1: this for your kid. Just be above it all and yeah,
Speaker 1: don't if they want to play it, great, great, you
Speaker 1: can play with my kids. Did that, just but be
Speaker 1: a little bit like you know, like.
Speaker 5: Avoid hanging out with them one on one or in
Speaker 5: a group. Just avoid that. It's not good for you.
Speaker 1: It's like poison almost, you know, it's just it's not
Speaker 1: a good scene.
Speaker 5: So your kid.
Speaker 1: Everything is for your kid having a healthy relationship with
Speaker 1: the other girls, and that's it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, because they're all probably miserable at home too. It's projection.
Speaker 3: When you're a bitch like that, you're projecting because you're
Speaker 3: you've got your own shit, you're still on. Yeah, so
Speaker 3: it's really don't think about it as you they're just
Speaker 3: miserable in their own shit.
Speaker 2: I have a couple kids, so I have plenty of
Speaker 2: other mom friends that are normal, healthy people, so great. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so it's not like this is my only child and
Speaker 2: like my whole world is just this class. So there's
Speaker 2: lots of other opportunities there. It's just it's just awkward,
Speaker 2: and I want to just say, go at yourself.
Speaker 5: No, don't.
Speaker 3: Living well is the best revenge.
Speaker 1: Yeah, seriously, don't do that. Don't let your temper get
Speaker 1: the best of you. I speak from experience. I have
Speaker 1: a big temper. I've learned how to modulate it and
Speaker 1: it's worked in my favor immensely. So just save that
Speaker 1: and just treat these women like they deserve to be treated,
Speaker 1: which is like they're basically like butterflies, but less attractive.
Speaker 5: They're just flying around and.
Speaker 3: It's not your problem.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and get your Belure tracksuit ready to go. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: get your Vlord tracksuit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll get go to Jamie Greenberg Makeup dot com
Speaker 1: and you can order one there.
Speaker 3: You got this girl.
Speaker 1: Have a good day, and please do not let these
Speaker 1: people take up more than like thirty seconds of your
Speaker 1: day every single day. Focus on where the light is
Speaker 1: shining with the friends and the parents of the friends,
Speaker 1: of your kids' friends, whatever the fuck I'm trying to say.
Speaker 1: Focus on the people that you get along with that
Speaker 1: are normal.
Speaker 2: Yes, awesome, Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no problem, cha, I have a good one. Chow
Speaker 1: now I say chow too, yeahs of Heather McMahon.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just say chow everywhere. Yeah, at every doctor's office,
Speaker 3: every place I go. Chow chee.
Speaker 5: So do you want to live in Italy? Event that
Speaker 5: your game?
Speaker 1: It is?
Speaker 5: It is my happy place.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I would like to spend at least half the
Speaker 3: year there. Have a place down in a mal Fee. Yeah,
Speaker 3: just really be by the ocean. I need at least
Speaker 3: twice a year to dip my toes in the Mediterranean.
Speaker 5: Start to get itchy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not interested in these oceans anymore the United States?
Speaker 3: What am I gonna do?
Speaker 5: Go to Florida?
Speaker 1: I know, I know, well, I mean you're close enough,
Speaker 1: you live in Atlanta, so be careful.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm more of a charlestonalp.
Speaker 1: But I careful because if Florida falls into the ocean,
Speaker 1: like I predict it, well, one day you're going to
Speaker 1: be on the coast.
Speaker 3: Literally. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Okay, Heather McMahon, that was just Really, you're a home
Speaker 1: run of a person.
Speaker 3: Listen.
Speaker 5: I adore you. Thank you for having that much fun.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I gotta say, Chelsea, when I saw you
Speaker 3: at the Netflix brunch, you were so kind and I've
Speaker 3: really looked up to you in this business.
Speaker 5: And I'm not kissing your eyes.
Speaker 3: I really mean this, like you've just fucking done it
Speaker 3: and you did it your own way, and so I
Speaker 3: you know, we need to go have drinks and I'll
Speaker 3: just I'll really spill the tea with you, and you
Speaker 3: can tell me, don't do this, do that till everybody
Speaker 3: you suck your day.
Speaker 1: Absolutely absolutely Well, I'm gonna have dinner with Jamie Greenberg tonight.
Speaker 3: Do you want to? I'm free? Oh great, Okay, we'll
Speaker 3: stop it.
Speaker 1: Up.
Speaker 5: Okay, awesome, Love you, Heather.
Speaker 3: Love you. Okay, see you next week. Okay.
Speaker 1: So upcoming shows that I have you guys, I'm coming
Speaker 1: to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis and Kansas City,
Speaker 1: and then I will be in Las Vegas performing at
Speaker 1: the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. I'm coming to Brooklyn,
Speaker 1: New York, at the King's Theater on November eighth, and
Speaker 1: I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the
Speaker 1: year in December, so if you're in a city like
Speaker 1: Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha,
Speaker 1: check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 6: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 6: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot.
Speaker 4: Com and be sure to include your phone number.
Speaker 6: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
Speaker 6: producer Catherine Law and be sure to check out our
Speaker 6: merch at Chelseahandler dot com.