1 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:37,200 Speaker 1: Take a deep breath in through your nose. Hold it now, 2 00:00:37,240 --> 00:01:02,800 Speaker 1: release slowly again deep in helle hold release, repeating internally 3 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:09,800 Speaker 1: to yourself as you connect to my voice. I am deeply, 4 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:24,080 Speaker 1: deeply well. I I am deeply deep well. I am 5 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:33,480 Speaker 1: deeply well. I'm Debbie Brown and this is the Deeply 6 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:44,080 Speaker 1: Well Podcast. Welcome to Deeply Well. Hi, I'm Debbie Brown. 7 00:01:44,319 --> 00:01:47,200 Speaker 1: This is your soft place to land. This is a 8 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:51,680 Speaker 1: show where we are curious, we are creative, and we 9 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:56,640 Speaker 1: are connected to an intention of higher consciousness and transformation. 10 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,680 Speaker 1: This is where you heal, this is where you become. 11 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:08,960 Speaker 1: This episode, wow, I am. I always feel deeply open, grateful, 12 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 1: enthusiastic for every guest that comes on this show, but 13 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 1: this one a little bit different. This is going to 14 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:18,680 Speaker 1: take it up a match. I am really blessed today 15 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 1: on this show to have one of my dearest friends, 16 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:25,400 Speaker 1: a woman who I admire, I love, and who brings 17 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:32,120 Speaker 1: so much depth, joy, intention, introspection and real tools to 18 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:37,200 Speaker 1: so many in the world today. I am joined by 19 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:40,400 Speaker 1: my leak teal. Let me give you a little rundown 20 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:43,120 Speaker 1: on my leak before we get started. My leak And 21 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:48,240 Speaker 1: is astute business woman who unapologetically pursues excellence in all 22 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 1: that she does. My Leak Teal is a founder and 23 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:56,280 Speaker 1: chief Experience officer of CurlBOX, the first monthly subscription service 24 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:59,440 Speaker 1: for naturally textured hair. Through her notable career as a 25 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:04,080 Speaker 1: public reallygations executive, major clients and brands across many industries 26 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,919 Speaker 1: such as entertainment, tech, and beauty have sought her talents 27 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:11,799 Speaker 1: as a consultant and collaborator. A teacher at heart, her 28 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:16,120 Speaker 1: wildly popular podcast My Taught You has become her global 29 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 1: classroom where women from all walks of life tune in 30 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,920 Speaker 1: for guidance and a healthy dose of motivation to live 31 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:27,040 Speaker 1: life on their own terms. Recently, she's launched an online 32 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:31,360 Speaker 1: community empowering Black Moms. My Leak's work centers on black women, 33 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:34,440 Speaker 1: and the most significant intention behind her work is to 34 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:37,280 Speaker 1: be of service to black women who aren't afraid to 35 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:42,760 Speaker 1: do the internal work external success hinges on. When she's 36 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:46,080 Speaker 1: not working on building her empire and speaking around the country, 37 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,240 Speaker 1: you can find her exploring the world through travel or 38 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,800 Speaker 1: hidden behind pages of a good book. 39 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:58,000 Speaker 2: Welcome my Leash, thank you for having me. I'm thrilled 40 00:03:58,080 --> 00:03:59,840 Speaker 2: to be here, thrilled. 41 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:04,960 Speaker 1: I'm like so we're friends friends, right, friends, Yes, yes, 42 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 1: we're definitely you know, you'll see us hopping in each 43 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 1: other's comments and all that, but we're friends in real life. 44 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 1: So it was really fun because before this episode we 45 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:17,040 Speaker 1: spent the morning together. Yes, and I had to be like, wait, 46 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,719 Speaker 1: we got to stop talking because we got to save 47 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,720 Speaker 1: we have to save some for the show today or 48 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:26,200 Speaker 1: the show the last time. Well, I recently had an 49 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 1: amazing opportunity to be on your show as you took 50 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 1: over the Samsung stage. Yes, in New York. My leek 51 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:38,400 Speaker 1: had us on billboards in Times Square, Honey, I did. 52 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:39,480 Speaker 3: It was fun. 53 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,400 Speaker 1: It was so fun. Yeah, before that, I was on 54 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:47,960 Speaker 1: your show five years ago. I can't believe when we 55 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:53,160 Speaker 1: were both pregnant, Yes, our sons. And you know, something 56 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 1: we have been reflecting on is that journey of kind 57 00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:59,479 Speaker 1: of highly irritated pregnant women. 58 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:04,440 Speaker 3: Yes, highly, highly please go back and find it. 59 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:07,000 Speaker 1: But we were like reading people there, right, we were 60 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:08,360 Speaker 1: don't touch my belly. 61 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:10,360 Speaker 2: Yes, and don't ask me what I'm having, don't ask 62 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:14,040 Speaker 2: me the name, but like we were hot hot. 63 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 3: We were. We were and miserably pregnant together. 64 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:21,719 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, and something that you share quite a bit 65 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 1: with your audience, and something that I love to share 66 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:34,000 Speaker 1: is how soft and syrapy and slow we've been able 67 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:37,440 Speaker 1: to become as mothers over the last five years, and 68 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:44,160 Speaker 1: how much our motherhood has radically healed us, transformed us, 69 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:49,600 Speaker 1: and given us access to parts of ourselves that were 70 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,840 Speaker 1: always there but maybe lied a little bit dormant. Yes, 71 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,520 Speaker 1: so I would love to start there, my leak as 72 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:59,880 Speaker 1: someone that has really, I mean, you have been substantially 73 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:03,520 Speaker 1: out pouring in your work in a multitude of ways 74 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,400 Speaker 1: for a very long time. Yeah, in a way that 75 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 1: has uplifted so many that have found you as someone 76 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,560 Speaker 1: that was always in an elevated position of teaching, tell 77 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,520 Speaker 1: me some of the things that you have been learning 78 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:22,000 Speaker 1: and embodying over these last several years. 79 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:23,920 Speaker 3: Oh my goodness. Yes. 80 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:27,320 Speaker 2: I think about the last conversation we had on my 81 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:31,560 Speaker 2: podcast and how we were just talking about the pregnancy, 82 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:35,120 Speaker 2: and I don't even know what I expected motherhood to be, 83 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,880 Speaker 2: But if I had tried to guess on that day, 84 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,560 Speaker 2: I would have never even I wouldn't have gotten close 85 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,279 Speaker 2: to what I thought it was going to be. 86 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:43,360 Speaker 3: And so. 87 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:49,160 Speaker 2: Becoming a mother has, I mean, one of the first 88 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:53,159 Speaker 2: lessons was allowing people to help me. I needed help 89 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:57,520 Speaker 2: and asking for help. You know, that was the first 90 00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:00,240 Speaker 2: you know, you spend those first two weeks. I didn't 91 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,279 Speaker 2: really know what I was doing, and you come over. 92 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:08,159 Speaker 2: Somebody helped me. Learning to ask for help. As my 93 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:13,000 Speaker 2: kids have grown up, you know, accessing silliness like I 94 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 2: was not ever allowed to be silly as a kid, 95 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,760 Speaker 2: and so you know, in the moments that I'm like 96 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,720 Speaker 2: wanting my my children to like, you know, I am 97 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:27,920 Speaker 2: wanting cooperation sometimes and when I'm wanting that instead of 98 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,120 Speaker 2: leaning on what I know, being stern, being short, I 99 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 2: have found that I get more cooperation when I am 100 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:37,680 Speaker 2: silly and I join in and I'm using the words 101 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 2: and I'm and I'm doing a booty shake, you know, 102 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,560 Speaker 2: and everyone's there losing it, you know, and sometimes you know, 103 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:48,360 Speaker 2: we're doing a dance, and I I didn't know how 104 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:53,680 Speaker 2: much the relationship that I have with my children would 105 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:54,840 Speaker 2: heal my inner child. 106 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:56,920 Speaker 3: I just didn't know. 107 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:00,440 Speaker 1: Tears already for I mean, yeah, I relate so deeply 108 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,880 Speaker 1: to that. And when you talk about like the silliness, 109 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:07,680 Speaker 1: right the freedom that you know, it's interesting we're in this, 110 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:12,800 Speaker 1: We're in such a powerful time that I'm really excited about, right, 111 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 1: like all the paradigm shifts we have all been living 112 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:21,120 Speaker 1: through and are still living through, and all especially especially 113 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:27,240 Speaker 1: for women of color, this new agency and sovereignty that 114 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:30,200 Speaker 1: we are coming into in a large collective. Right, We've 115 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:34,120 Speaker 1: always had the outliers, yeah, but the majority, you know, 116 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 1: having large bodies of people come into new awarenesses around 117 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:41,120 Speaker 1: how we can shift the way we love our children. Yeah, 118 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 1: we feel about our children, the way we love and 119 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 1: tend to and feel about ourselves. It is so powerful 120 00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:54,000 Speaker 1: and so dynamic, but it really does. The ease is 121 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:59,120 Speaker 1: in the surrendering. But it requires a significant amount of 122 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:04,400 Speaker 1: presence with Yes, it requires a significant amount to be 123 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:07,720 Speaker 1: this soft Like it's not just the hashtag soft girl star, 124 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,360 Speaker 1: I want to live a soft life. Like, to live 125 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:14,439 Speaker 1: a soft life, you have to dive into the depths 126 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:19,040 Speaker 1: of your own spirit to free yourself enough to be soft. 127 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:26,320 Speaker 2: Come on, yes, you know it's the curiosity that this requires, Like, 128 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:31,640 Speaker 2: the softness requires this curiosity of you know, everything that 129 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:34,440 Speaker 2: triggers you has a story to tell. And so I 130 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:38,839 Speaker 2: mean it started with like crying. Yeah, crying was such 131 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:43,480 Speaker 2: a trigger for me, and instead of getting angry, I 132 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:46,600 Speaker 2: got curious, you know, instead of turning it off, I 133 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:51,160 Speaker 2: got curious in motherhood with my you know, my son 134 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:58,079 Speaker 2: wants endlessly. This is a child that never stops wanting. 135 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:02,760 Speaker 2: And I got curious of like, why does this bother 136 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,960 Speaker 2: me so much? Why am I so bothered by the 137 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:09,920 Speaker 2: fact that he wants more than what I've given him, 138 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 2: you know? And what I had to learn is that 139 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:16,280 Speaker 2: if I want to help him maintain the access to 140 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:19,120 Speaker 2: his desires, so many of us don't have access to 141 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:19,959 Speaker 2: our desires. 142 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:21,680 Speaker 3: And I knew I was there. 143 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:25,679 Speaker 2: If I want to help him maintain that, I have 144 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:29,240 Speaker 2: to be okay with him wanting more. And I think 145 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 2: sometimes in parenting we think wanting more means giving more. Yeah, 146 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,360 Speaker 2: I'm not doesn't mean I'm giving more. 147 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:37,160 Speaker 1: Which then triggers in a lot of people, Yes, this 148 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:40,480 Speaker 1: feeling of lack are not enoughness, or especially if you know, 149 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,320 Speaker 1: if it's the toys, Yes I got you a toy, 150 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,720 Speaker 1: I can't get you, whether it's financial hardship or just 151 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 1: you know, the discipline, right, But what that triggers inside, Yes, 152 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,640 Speaker 1: what we take those things to mean about us? 153 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,520 Speaker 2: Absolutely, and just getting to a point where I can 154 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:59,040 Speaker 2: say to my son, you know, he wants another kick 155 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 2: pop and I go, oh my god, pink cake pop, 156 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:05,959 Speaker 2: And I said, cake pops are good. 157 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:07,599 Speaker 3: Cake pops are good. 158 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:09,800 Speaker 2: And there is nothing wrong with them wanting another one, 159 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:13,000 Speaker 2: but we are not having a second one today. My 160 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:16,240 Speaker 2: job is to keep you safe, and I am going 161 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:19,120 Speaker 2: to keep you safe with one cakepop today. And then 162 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:20,679 Speaker 2: I just bring him up and like, but we can 163 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:24,280 Speaker 2: revisit tomorrow, and he's like cool. 164 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:27,840 Speaker 1: You know, isn't it interesting? Like I would love your 165 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:32,600 Speaker 1: thoughts on this. Something I I've experienced and that I 166 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:40,439 Speaker 1: think about is the ease and just explaining to your 167 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:45,800 Speaker 1: child right. And I think that from previous generations that 168 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,360 Speaker 1: was there's again, there's always been outliers, So there's always 169 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:53,080 Speaker 1: been some people that did have really emotionally evolved community 170 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:54,959 Speaker 1: and parents and adults in all the. 171 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 3: Aspects of your lives. Yep, I would dare to say 172 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:58,160 Speaker 3: that is. 173 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,920 Speaker 1: Nowhere near the norm for the maturity of people living 174 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:04,600 Speaker 1: on earth. No, but that piece of it was a 175 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,559 Speaker 1: piece that was always withheld. And I think in a 176 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,880 Speaker 1: lot of ways, so many of our parents didn't get 177 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:10,720 Speaker 1: to explore themselves for real. 178 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,559 Speaker 3: No, they got to explore parts. 179 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 1: Of themselves that were possible in those times, but that 180 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,920 Speaker 1: deeper emotional depth of their own experience, which could free 181 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:23,040 Speaker 1: them to then have the space to allow you know, 182 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 1: many of us to be our full selves. Yes, that 183 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,200 Speaker 1: piece of it. It's always like what I you know, 184 00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:30,480 Speaker 1: do what I say? No, what I do that makes 185 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:34,520 Speaker 1: utterly no sense, that's gaslighting like other pieces of just no, 186 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:37,240 Speaker 1: I just said no. And it's like, well, sometimes you're 187 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 1: you're trying as a young person to understand life, so 188 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:41,960 Speaker 1: you need the explanation. 189 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,360 Speaker 2: You need the explanation, and it needs to know how 190 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:48,160 Speaker 2: it's you know, it's not a respecting But there was 191 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:54,520 Speaker 2: something I was talking about recently and about how my 192 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,559 Speaker 2: son we were just talking about this idea of like 193 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,000 Speaker 2: what are some of the things that he's done that 194 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,560 Speaker 2: that have kind of like made you feel it? And 195 00:13:00,559 --> 00:13:02,600 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh about the time when he told me 196 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,720 Speaker 2: he wanted to slap me in my face, like not 197 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:07,280 Speaker 2: just slap me, but in my face. And something that 198 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,319 Speaker 2: the child' psychologists brought up to me as she goes 199 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:14,760 Speaker 2: what would life be like if you were unafraid of 200 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:17,200 Speaker 2: your caregiver like your parents? 201 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:19,040 Speaker 3: Like like this. 202 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:24,760 Speaker 2: When someone is unafraid they get to explore try things. 203 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:28,920 Speaker 2: I mean, how children are so powerless. How powerful is 204 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,120 Speaker 2: it to just even if you don't want to do it, 205 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,680 Speaker 2: to just want to say it and to know that 206 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:37,320 Speaker 2: they can safely get that out with you, you know, 207 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:44,680 Speaker 2: and even just doing my own inner work instead of like, 208 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:48,120 Speaker 2: you know, I'm looking like okay, but just realizing, like wow, 209 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:51,560 Speaker 2: feeling so proud that like you feel safe to throw 210 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,600 Speaker 2: that out with me. And I know, I know how 211 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:58,040 Speaker 2: you feel about me, I know the truth of our relationship, 212 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,240 Speaker 2: but I also recognize that as you grow, these are 213 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,640 Speaker 2: just some of the things that have to happen. 214 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:03,000 Speaker 1: You know. 215 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,880 Speaker 2: It's like I would like for you to practice all 216 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,200 Speaker 2: of these things with me in a safe place. I 217 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 2: don't want you to go out in the world and 218 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,800 Speaker 2: tell someone else that you know, in a place that's 219 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:17,440 Speaker 2: not safe. And so yeah, it has been a ton 220 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,960 Speaker 2: of work for me to just say, you know, in 221 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:24,200 Speaker 2: all of those moments where that I didn't get to 222 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,800 Speaker 2: do any of these things and where no one explained 223 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:31,920 Speaker 2: anything to me, to just allow my kids to try 224 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:38,320 Speaker 2: and evolve and when they're safe and I'm afraid, you know, 225 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:44,120 Speaker 2: like they are their truest self. Yes, and I everyone 226 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,680 Speaker 2: deserves to have a place where they can be their 227 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:47,520 Speaker 2: truest self. 228 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:54,840 Speaker 1: God, that is so beautifully real. And because everything always 229 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:58,840 Speaker 1: has an exchange on the other side of that, it's like, 230 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:03,520 Speaker 1: now I privileged to witness you, Yes, as you grow 231 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,920 Speaker 1: as your truest self. Right, I am not trying to 232 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,120 Speaker 1: control the outcomes of you, And I'm not trying to 233 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,400 Speaker 1: control your emotions in a way that makes me feel 234 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:14,280 Speaker 1: most calm, yeah, or you know, most makes me feel 235 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,600 Speaker 1: best in my space. I'm now able to witness the 236 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:22,440 Speaker 1: way your mind and spirit are processing this guidance and 237 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:23,920 Speaker 1: who that allows you to become. 238 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:27,200 Speaker 2: And it set me free, Yes, it set me free 239 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:31,680 Speaker 2: as you know it fills you as it extends completely. Yes, 240 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,720 Speaker 2: it's just, you know, if I can do this for them, 241 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:34,720 Speaker 2: I can do this for me. 242 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:35,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know. 243 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,520 Speaker 2: And so allowing myself the space in the room to 244 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,720 Speaker 2: feel what I feel and to feel safe in our home. 245 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,960 Speaker 3: I don't know. I didn't expect. I didn't expect any of. 246 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:50,840 Speaker 2: This when I became a parent, and just the softness 247 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:54,160 Speaker 2: of just you know, I don't know that prior to 248 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:57,440 Speaker 2: having children, I was even available to truly receive love. 249 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:04,600 Speaker 2: Yeah you know, and yeah I am seven incapable of 250 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:12,640 Speaker 2: denying their attempts, requests, you know, bids for love, you know, 251 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 2: and so they have they have really they have brought 252 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,600 Speaker 2: me places, uh for sure? 253 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:26,760 Speaker 1: Tell me how this deepened awareness and this this expanded 254 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:31,320 Speaker 1: sense of self compassion and patience for self, right, because 255 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:34,000 Speaker 1: that's that's what we're really learning. Like every time you're 256 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:37,480 Speaker 1: patient for your kids, melt down, every time that you're 257 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:41,280 Speaker 1: present enough to let them have this moment and not 258 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:44,640 Speaker 1: feel like you have to control it or force something, 259 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:50,680 Speaker 1: it teaches us a new It gives us access to 260 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:56,640 Speaker 1: more capacity within ourselves to mirror that for ourselves. Right Like, 261 00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:00,640 Speaker 1: now that grace is transferable for me, Now that acceptance 262 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,880 Speaker 1: is transferable for me. Now one mistake doesn't mean something 263 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:09,479 Speaker 1: is so over bearingly hard, you know, it doesn't have 264 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:10,800 Speaker 1: to mean something about me? 265 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:16,440 Speaker 3: Right right now, you have space totally. With space. 266 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:21,000 Speaker 1: Comes the opportunity to call in limitless possibilities. It comes in, 267 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:26,320 Speaker 1: you know, the opportunity to have more creativity. Yes, where 268 00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:30,240 Speaker 1: has this space that you've created inside taken you? As? 269 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,920 Speaker 3: Ah, my goodness? I mean. 270 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:39,639 Speaker 2: Being able to invest more time you know in those 271 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:44,360 Speaker 2: moments where I've rushed myself along all the time. Get 272 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,560 Speaker 2: over it, get past it. You can do this, you know, 273 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,720 Speaker 2: get over it. And it's like just giving myself room, 274 00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:54,480 Speaker 2: you know, I had there was a period of my time, 275 00:17:54,520 --> 00:18:03,119 Speaker 2: maybe like a year ago, where I was just really best, worried, concerned. 276 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:08,720 Speaker 2: I felt very alone in some things. And before I 277 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:12,399 Speaker 2: would just like, you know, like feelings aren't facts. 278 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:13,920 Speaker 3: You got this that that that. 279 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:17,320 Speaker 2: You know, and it's like, well, maybe feelings aren't pacts, 280 00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:22,880 Speaker 2: but feelings are information and you get to feel, you 281 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,920 Speaker 2: get to feel, and you don't have to run those 282 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:29,600 Speaker 2: feelings off. And so this space and this capacity, and 283 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:35,080 Speaker 2: I didn't even realize this making a home for every 284 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,040 Speaker 2: part of me inside of my body instead of trying 285 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:39,200 Speaker 2: to chase it off. 286 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:40,560 Speaker 3: And so I. 287 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,239 Speaker 2: Remember I would be I would be so worried, and 288 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,040 Speaker 2: you know, I could feel it coming in my body 289 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,159 Speaker 2: and I would just hold myself like I like to 290 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:51,080 Speaker 2: hold my face like either here or hold my shoulders, 291 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,760 Speaker 2: and I would say to that part of myself, I 292 00:18:55,800 --> 00:19:00,520 Speaker 2: would say, I'm not gonna I'm not going to run 293 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:00,960 Speaker 2: you away. 294 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,159 Speaker 3: I'm not going to run you away. 295 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:09,359 Speaker 2: And some deep breaths and really just being okay with 296 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,120 Speaker 2: It's okay if I feel worried, you know, I don't 297 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:16,040 Speaker 2: have to. I was just spinning my wheels, always trying 298 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:19,280 Speaker 2: to push off that feelings. Oh I should just you know, positivity, 299 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,479 Speaker 2: I should feel good. Let me read a positive mantra. 300 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:25,119 Speaker 2: And it's like, I don't know, I'm just I'm feeling 301 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:28,600 Speaker 2: sucky today, and I'm going to invite that feeling in, 302 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,760 Speaker 2: make a home for it, breathe with it. And I 303 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:35,119 Speaker 2: don't know, I didn't realize that I could live with 304 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:39,600 Speaker 2: all of the parts of me, like true acceptance, you know, 305 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,040 Speaker 2: because if I can look at my children and be 306 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:46,040 Speaker 2: really generous with what they might be feeling, like, why 307 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,399 Speaker 2: can't I do that for myself? And so I have 308 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:52,439 Speaker 2: been and I don't know, it's just it's made me 309 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:59,000 Speaker 2: truly feel so much better about myself, you know, welcoming 310 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,320 Speaker 2: those parts to me that I pushed away for so long. 311 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:13,679 Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, it's just the most exquisite feeling beyond. And 312 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:17,679 Speaker 1: it's so interesting because I think, you know, for a 313 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:22,000 Speaker 1: lot of decades, we were collectively our consciousness was stuck 314 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:27,359 Speaker 1: in this loop of motivation and positivity. And when I 315 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:31,040 Speaker 1: was coming into my space as a teacher, and when 316 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:35,680 Speaker 1: I was, you know, really beginning to build my acumen 317 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:39,760 Speaker 1: and being trauma informed, It's like I rejected so much 318 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:42,640 Speaker 1: of that because I realized that's that's what everyone always did, 319 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:46,080 Speaker 1: that's what everyone's parents always did. It was bypasses, move 320 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,440 Speaker 1: through it, don't feel it, just okay, come to the 321 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:52,320 Speaker 1: other thought. And I think, what people, and I say 322 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,080 Speaker 1: this with grace, right, because this is a tool that 323 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:59,000 Speaker 1: requires a lot of presence with self, a lot of 324 00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:03,560 Speaker 1: willingness to be in your shadows. What a lot of parents, 325 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,480 Speaker 1: what a lot of people, what a lot of friends 326 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,680 Speaker 1: who want to rush people out of a feeling don't 327 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:12,080 Speaker 1: realize is how incredibly detrimental that is to the other 328 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:15,560 Speaker 1: person's mental health. Like it's not just a matter of 329 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,159 Speaker 1: your comfort of trying to like, oh, I don't know 330 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:19,439 Speaker 1: what to say, so let me just try to make 331 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,600 Speaker 1: them feel positive, let me distract them, you know, especially 332 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,080 Speaker 1: when you're doing that with your children, for like their 333 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:26,360 Speaker 1: whole childhood. 334 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:34,720 Speaker 4: Their whole childhood, it is so so so detrimental to 335 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:38,040 Speaker 4: the formation of their actual identity completely. 336 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:42,360 Speaker 1: It's detrimental to their development of their emotional life, their 337 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:47,239 Speaker 1: mental life, their spiritual life, like those small moments that 338 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:49,800 Speaker 1: seem so fast. As a parent or a friend or 339 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:53,120 Speaker 1: however you are showing up for someone, it seems like, well, 340 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:55,560 Speaker 1: that was just one conversation that afternoon, we got out 341 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,639 Speaker 1: of it. I'll have other chances to do better. Or okay, 342 00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,200 Speaker 1: well life will get easier, you know, they'll move past it. 343 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,639 Speaker 1: Those are the experiences that shape us completely. Our entire 344 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:10,800 Speaker 1: identity in life is based on the tiny details in 345 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:15,800 Speaker 1: the moments. It's based on the crisises that only happen 346 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,439 Speaker 1: once in a while. And when you're not present for that, 347 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:22,760 Speaker 1: or you don't have the ability to help someone just 348 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:28,440 Speaker 1: be present with themselves in their own emotions, you're shutting 349 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:32,359 Speaker 1: off what they're here to know as a human being, 350 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,760 Speaker 1: as a spirit embodied on earth, as a person. You 351 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:39,360 Speaker 1: are ending their capacity to ever meet that need for themselves. 352 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:40,560 Speaker 1: You know. 353 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:44,280 Speaker 2: One of the greatest gifts that I learned and I 354 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:48,800 Speaker 2: have used with my daughters just too, and so she's 355 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,520 Speaker 2: getting there and I have more skills with her, But 356 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,679 Speaker 2: with my son, one of the greatest gifts I have 357 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:57,879 Speaker 2: is telling him I believe you. I believe you, you know, 358 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:00,840 Speaker 2: even if I don't understand it. You know, it's like 359 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,760 Speaker 2: he has a full meltdown over being given the wrong 360 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:06,560 Speaker 2: color cup. 361 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,560 Speaker 3: You know, I believe you that. 362 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,879 Speaker 2: You know, I don't ever want to be in the 363 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:16,360 Speaker 2: business of like denying his emotional experience because I don't 364 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,320 Speaker 2: understand it or doesn't make sense to me. I believe you. 365 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:21,960 Speaker 2: I believe this is a big deal for you. And 366 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,240 Speaker 2: I remember the very first time I said that to him. 367 00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,439 Speaker 2: You know, he's screaming he doesn't want to go to school, 368 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:27,760 Speaker 2: and I said, I believe you, and it. 369 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,320 Speaker 1: Was like stop in his tracks. 370 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:31,480 Speaker 3: I believe you. 371 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,480 Speaker 2: And it's just been so helpful. And I'm like, if 372 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,080 Speaker 2: we're sitting with friends, we've been in those situations right 373 00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:40,720 Speaker 2: where you're with a friend and something happens to him 374 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,800 Speaker 2: that maybe and when I go back into this, it's 375 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,440 Speaker 2: like that maybe when't it just amazed me like that, 376 00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:47,119 Speaker 2: you know, and it's like, I believe you. 377 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:48,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, that hurt. 378 00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:52,719 Speaker 1: I don't know what you experienced before you arrived at 379 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:53,680 Speaker 1: this experience. 380 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:57,800 Speaker 2: Yes, the context of the moment, I don't have everything. 381 00:23:57,359 --> 00:23:59,399 Speaker 3: To it, but it's like I believe you. 382 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:04,240 Speaker 2: I do, And so that's just been so helpful and 383 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,040 Speaker 2: just applying that it's like all of the stuff that 384 00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:08,600 Speaker 2: I all of the stuff that I do with my kids. 385 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,200 Speaker 2: You know what it helps me, de Wie. It helps 386 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,840 Speaker 2: me see the inner child and everyone that I engage 387 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:16,440 Speaker 2: with where I just I see whatever you know, someone 388 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,359 Speaker 2: is coming to me with or whatever they're going through. 389 00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,480 Speaker 2: I can think about all the ways that maybe their 390 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:25,160 Speaker 2: needs weren't met. And so now here we are, you know, 391 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:25,920 Speaker 2: we aren't. 392 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:27,119 Speaker 3: Engaging as adults. 393 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:31,199 Speaker 2: Yeah, completely, you know it's like I'm engaging with here 394 00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,840 Speaker 2: in a child. Well, maybe didn't have their needs met. 395 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,080 Speaker 1: And age is not something we control, right, none can 396 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:40,720 Speaker 1: grow into the physical form of what is a quote 397 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:44,840 Speaker 1: unquote in our species adult human, an adult human, and 398 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:48,359 Speaker 1: that has nothing to do with your internal life, no emotional, 399 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,520 Speaker 1: mental capacity. 400 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:53,000 Speaker 3: Your internal age. You were like, what is that? 401 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:58,439 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really I mean something that was really freeing 402 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:01,800 Speaker 1: for me was I. I remember years ago I was 403 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:07,520 Speaker 1: dealing with some frustrating, painful experiences and I remember my 404 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,880 Speaker 1: therapist said, look at everyone as if they're three years old. 405 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:14,119 Speaker 1: Use a voice with even the people you don't like 406 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:20,680 Speaker 1: when you're reexperiencing these situations privately as if they were three. 407 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:24,879 Speaker 1: And so I had some significant experiences with a couple people, 408 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:29,840 Speaker 1: and those experiences were not repairable in any way. There 409 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,439 Speaker 1: was never going to be access to me again. But 410 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:34,600 Speaker 1: to come to my own peace with it, I made 411 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,199 Speaker 1: it a practice to think about them every day for 412 00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:41,199 Speaker 1: twenty minutes on purpose, but imagining them as children, yes, 413 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:45,199 Speaker 1: and then talking to them in my life and my 414 00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,080 Speaker 1: own dialogue in my mind as a three year old 415 00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:48,800 Speaker 1: version of them. 416 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:49,400 Speaker 3: Yeah. 417 00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:51,879 Speaker 1: And you know, the first couple times it pisses you off, right, 418 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:55,160 Speaker 1: you're just like now, but this person, you know, depending 419 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,520 Speaker 1: on what people do. And I'm not saying that this 420 00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:02,480 Speaker 1: is easy, it's right because there are some things that 421 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:06,800 Speaker 1: you experience at the hands of other people that feel 422 00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:11,480 Speaker 1: utterly unforgivable, yes, or things that did not receive your consent. 423 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:12,040 Speaker 3: Right. 424 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,480 Speaker 1: So this is a practice that if it resonates and 425 00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:19,040 Speaker 1: as needed, could be helpful. And also something else may 426 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,879 Speaker 1: may be needed. But that freed me in such a 427 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,680 Speaker 1: way to just be able to see that we are 428 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:29,040 Speaker 1: all children with unmet needs. At some point, at. 429 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:32,359 Speaker 2: Some point, everyone, everyone, no one, we won't meet We 430 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,040 Speaker 2: won't meet all of our children's needs. 431 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:34,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, we won't. 432 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,680 Speaker 1: God, But I think I'm doing such a good. 433 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:41,480 Speaker 2: I don't know, but it's like as humans, you know, 434 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,720 Speaker 2: and it's my fault was something, yeah, for sure. But 435 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,359 Speaker 2: the thing that I look forward to doing when that 436 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:51,280 Speaker 2: time comes is saying I believe you, yeah, and I'm 437 00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:53,480 Speaker 2: you know, and I can apologize and I'm sorry that 438 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:55,360 Speaker 2: I wasn't able to meet that need. And I think 439 00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:57,560 Speaker 2: that's a lot of what we all are just wanting 440 00:26:57,600 --> 00:26:57,840 Speaker 2: to hear. 441 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,520 Speaker 1: Yes, it is just the accountability, that's it. 442 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:02,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, but accountability is not. 443 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:18,240 Speaker 5: Easy deeply, Well, talk to me about my leak. 444 00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:24,879 Speaker 1: Mamas. You created a really amazing group of women in 445 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:26,919 Speaker 1: a multitude of way. Is like you have a forum, 446 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:32,080 Speaker 1: you have an amazing newsletter with so many tools. You 447 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 1: have meetups that are happening all around the country with 448 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:40,960 Speaker 1: black moms. Yes, you know, coming as someone that especially 449 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:42,920 Speaker 1: from what I know about you as a woman, as 450 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:49,119 Speaker 1: someone that has always sought to serve, You've always sought 451 00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:52,560 Speaker 1: to share wisdom, whatever wisdom you got, I've always seen 452 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,280 Speaker 1: you say how do I get this out of me 453 00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:57,800 Speaker 1: and into the world in service to other people? Yes, 454 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:02,280 Speaker 1: you've always been doing that. But then this next layer 455 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:08,760 Speaker 1: of really supporting black moms, yes, and really sharing information 456 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:13,480 Speaker 1: creating safe space to explore a lot of parents from 457 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,920 Speaker 1: family systems that weren't into this. You know what we're 458 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:19,640 Speaker 1: calling it now, this quoe unquote gentle parenting. Right, tell 459 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,720 Speaker 1: me about the formation of this part of your life? 460 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:28,320 Speaker 2: Of this was I, you know there once I became 461 00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:34,440 Speaker 2: a parent and I realized how unacknowledged black mothers are, 462 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:39,520 Speaker 2: and just across the board, it's this idea of like, 463 00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:45,000 Speaker 2: you know, I think it's like eighty percent of black 464 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:49,360 Speaker 2: mothers work, so there's no like meetup for a working 465 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:52,320 Speaker 2: mom to go have coffee at eight thirty. 466 00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:56,680 Speaker 3: Or nine thirty. She's at work. You know, she's working. 467 00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:00,360 Speaker 2: And you know, I was thinking to myself, just because 468 00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:04,240 Speaker 2: I've created a flexible life for myself, you know, I'm 469 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,360 Speaker 2: able to I can read more. And I kept saying 470 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:11,360 Speaker 2: to myself, how would a black mother, how would she 471 00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:14,200 Speaker 2: show up if she had more info. It's like, I'm 472 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,400 Speaker 2: not trying to tell you what to do, but I 473 00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:19,520 Speaker 2: want you to know that, like, hey, here's what you 474 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:21,440 Speaker 2: need to know about this. Here's what you need to 475 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:23,880 Speaker 2: know about that. Here's what I read, almost like a 476 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,560 Speaker 2: cheat off my paper. I've had the time because what 477 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:30,440 Speaker 2: I realized very quickly after I brought my second baby home. 478 00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:33,360 Speaker 2: I was like, there is no joy in this if 479 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:37,920 Speaker 2: you cannot regulate your emotions, all the crime, all the work, 480 00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:40,719 Speaker 2: you know, and so little by little, Debbie I started with. 481 00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:44,560 Speaker 2: I started with just an email newsletter of like, this 482 00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:45,960 Speaker 2: is all the stuff I found, This is all the 483 00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:47,480 Speaker 2: stuff I needing you and I you've been paying me. 484 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:50,000 Speaker 2: You need these sheets for better sleep, you know. So 485 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:52,600 Speaker 2: I'm like, Okay, when you're in this, when you're in 486 00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:56,160 Speaker 2: this space and you are just depleted and sleep deprived, 487 00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:58,680 Speaker 2: you really do need someone to just hand it over 488 00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:01,360 Speaker 2: to you. And so so I started doing the newsletter 489 00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:05,160 Speaker 2: and then people just kept pinging me. I would I'd 490 00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,800 Speaker 2: be out in the world and everyone that would stop 491 00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,880 Speaker 2: me would just be like, you know, I'm not a mother, 492 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:12,880 Speaker 2: but all of the things that you share they really 493 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:16,080 Speaker 2: help me. Or I am a mother, or my kid's nineteen, 494 00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:18,800 Speaker 2: you know. And so I was out one day, Debbie, 495 00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:21,400 Speaker 2: and a woman stopped me and was like, I have 496 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:23,719 Speaker 2: a three year old, and you know, I keep up 497 00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:24,200 Speaker 2: with what you're doing. 498 00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:24,920 Speaker 3: I'm in your group. 499 00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:27,480 Speaker 2: And my son was just having a hard time one day. 500 00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:30,640 Speaker 2: He's screaming and crying and I offered him a hug, 501 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,600 Speaker 2: and essentially she was just like, it works, and it's 502 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:40,680 Speaker 2: not just about us trying to raise better humans, because 503 00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:42,560 Speaker 2: we are, but it's like it's about us wanting to 504 00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:45,440 Speaker 2: be better humans. We want to be we want to 505 00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:46,960 Speaker 2: feel better as we do this. 506 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:47,560 Speaker 3: And so. 507 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:51,840 Speaker 2: The group what I started to realize as we were 508 00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:54,840 Speaker 2: in just like community, and I was like, I can't 509 00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:56,680 Speaker 2: believe I'm going to do this because I am a 510 00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:59,720 Speaker 2: person who's like I love people. 511 00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:00,960 Speaker 3: But this might be too much for me. 512 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:03,560 Speaker 2: But the call just kept saying, my league not just 513 00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:04,880 Speaker 2: I don't want just want you to show up in 514 00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:06,600 Speaker 2: an email. I don't want you to show up in 515 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:08,480 Speaker 2: a farm. I want you to just show up in person. 516 00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:15,920 Speaker 2: And so we started gathering in person and we had 517 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,880 Speaker 2: to meet up recently where we rented out an entire 518 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:23,560 Speaker 2: sort of like play space, and you just have twenty 519 00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:28,440 Speaker 2: two black moms and little black kids like the Squeels 520 00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:31,840 Speaker 2: and the Freedom Like there were some kids who didn't 521 00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,400 Speaker 2: want to join. And in my experience, you know, back 522 00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:35,840 Speaker 2: in the day, it would be like you get over there, 523 00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,800 Speaker 2: like there would be all this like this pride of 524 00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:40,640 Speaker 2: like I need to show you how good of a 525 00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:44,040 Speaker 2: parent I am by how well my kid cooperates, and 526 00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:46,640 Speaker 2: you just had some kids just kind of like nah. 527 00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:49,120 Speaker 2: And it was just the freedom of like some kids 528 00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:52,080 Speaker 2: were participating, some kids weren't, but all kids were free 529 00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:55,200 Speaker 2: and all moms were free. And I was like, we 530 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:58,400 Speaker 2: need more of this, more of this, please, And so. 531 00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:00,360 Speaker 3: We do we do play days. We do. 532 00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:04,480 Speaker 2: We had like a little Christmas party, uh. And I 533 00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:07,840 Speaker 2: mean and we are playing games, Debbie. I mean, I 534 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:13,120 Speaker 2: just the playfulness that we are welcoming into our lives. 535 00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:15,120 Speaker 2: So it's not just a playd eight for the kids. 536 00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:18,920 Speaker 2: The moms are playing. So the mamas are playing, they're gardening, 537 00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:23,880 Speaker 2: they're sharing stories, they're saving money. You know, we're talking 538 00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:30,040 Speaker 2: about generational wealth doesn't mean anything without generational health, mental health, 539 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:34,920 Speaker 2: you know. And we're parenting for the lifelong relationship. Our 540 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:36,880 Speaker 2: kids are going to be out of our home far 541 00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:38,400 Speaker 2: longer than they're going to be in there. 542 00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:42,840 Speaker 3: And so we heard a time. Yes we you know 543 00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:43,360 Speaker 3: what is it? 544 00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:46,760 Speaker 2: Roots and wings? Like I want you to fly, but 545 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:48,720 Speaker 2: I would like for you to know that, like this 546 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,000 Speaker 2: is where your roots are and for you to want 547 00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:54,640 Speaker 2: to come back and see and see me and even today, 548 00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,000 Speaker 2: I still ask my son, I mean, I know, I 549 00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:58,440 Speaker 2: know you're going to go, but do you think you'll 550 00:32:58,440 --> 00:32:59,160 Speaker 2: ever come back? 551 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:04,760 Speaker 3: You'll ever come back and visit mob for holidays? You know. 552 00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:06,640 Speaker 3: It's like when they get partnered. 553 00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:09,280 Speaker 2: I'm like, like, how can I how do I get 554 00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:13,080 Speaker 2: on the top of the list. Everyone's welcome, bring everyone, 555 00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:17,440 Speaker 2: bring everyone in. So yeah, and so I just I 556 00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:20,960 Speaker 2: love the mamas. I love watching them sort of transform 557 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:24,840 Speaker 2: and be in community with each other and make friends 558 00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:28,440 Speaker 2: and learn, and so it is the thing that I 559 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,160 Speaker 2: wake up and I want to do every day, you know, 560 00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:34,600 Speaker 2: is check on my mom's check on the kids. You know, 561 00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:40,280 Speaker 2: because a free mom, I mean a free black mother 562 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:42,880 Speaker 2: can literally change the world. 563 00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:47,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 564 00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:51,200 Speaker 2: So we're loving on those babies, love and sharing pictures 565 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:53,720 Speaker 2: Easter fits. We did see them in the in the 566 00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:57,760 Speaker 2: outfits and the smiles, the joy, the smiles on all 567 00:33:57,800 --> 00:34:01,600 Speaker 2: those little kids' faces because they're mothers are for your 568 00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:02,680 Speaker 2: working towards freedom. 569 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:04,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's huge for me. 570 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:08,360 Speaker 1: God, and especially like I'm thinking of especially like the 571 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:11,480 Speaker 1: single moms, yes, or in that group, like as someone 572 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,640 Speaker 1: that was raised by a single mom, that is a 573 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:17,400 Speaker 1: single mom, Like yeah, that feeling of being able to 574 00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:22,239 Speaker 1: be in that community but also not have to, you know, 575 00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:26,440 Speaker 1: like it's an extra lift. It is like to be 576 00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:29,799 Speaker 1: in community, there is an extra kind of layer when 577 00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:30,920 Speaker 1: you're doing it alone. 578 00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:31,600 Speaker 3: Completely. 579 00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:35,320 Speaker 2: I did something small for so we have a separate 580 00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,279 Speaker 2: section for sort of single mothers in our group, and 581 00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:42,520 Speaker 2: because this probably won't be out by then, I put 582 00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:44,759 Speaker 2: I did a post and I said in this in 583 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:46,799 Speaker 2: the form that we have for single moms, if you 584 00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:52,200 Speaker 2: if you think that you may not get a card 585 00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:55,080 Speaker 2: or any acknowledgment on Mother's Day, I want you to 586 00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:58,799 Speaker 2: send me your address. And like one by one, I 587 00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:02,880 Speaker 2: wrote each my single mom a card and I said, 588 00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:06,160 Speaker 2: you deserve to be celebrated every day. 589 00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:09,360 Speaker 3: Wow, you are. 590 00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:13,120 Speaker 2: Loved and you are enough, and you are doing an 591 00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:16,760 Speaker 2: incredible job. And it's like, one by one I wrote 592 00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:20,160 Speaker 2: out and I set them on Mai. Also by they 593 00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:23,719 Speaker 2: won't know this, but by the week of Mothers Day, 594 00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:25,399 Speaker 2: all of the single moms in our group that gave 595 00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:28,640 Speaker 2: me their address, we'll get a card for me because 596 00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:31,719 Speaker 2: that matters to me. This is hard and I'm not 597 00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:34,120 Speaker 2: a single mom, so I can't even imagine. 598 00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:34,440 Speaker 3: And so. 599 00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:38,400 Speaker 2: I'm like, I just wanted to do that because I 600 00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,160 Speaker 2: don't know if you think you're gonna wake up and 601 00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:42,279 Speaker 2: not get anything like, oh, here's what I need you to. 602 00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:46,919 Speaker 3: Know this every day, every day you deserve a day. 603 00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:53,560 Speaker 1: So I did that, Oh, full chills, Like, yeah, that's 604 00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:57,680 Speaker 1: so powerful, my leak. Yeah, that's a piece that you know. 605 00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:01,879 Speaker 1: I think also like if you're not in a relationship 606 00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:05,640 Speaker 1: that feels fully supportive to your parenting, it's the case, yes, 607 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:10,320 Speaker 1: you know, when you're a single parent, you don't really 608 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:13,560 Speaker 1: get a lot of feedback on your parenting, right, so 609 00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:16,800 Speaker 1: there is never even an acknowledgment of any choice you're making, 610 00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:19,560 Speaker 1: or of anything that's going well or anything. 611 00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:19,840 Speaker 3: You know. 612 00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:23,200 Speaker 1: It's like, yes, you're not even getting pictures of yourself 613 00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:27,160 Speaker 1: and your child except the superposed ones that you're asking 614 00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:29,960 Speaker 1: someone to take for you. But you don't even get 615 00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:35,080 Speaker 1: to see, you know, a full understanding of like how 616 00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:38,440 Speaker 1: how how is my parenting? How does it look? How 617 00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:41,520 Speaker 1: do we look together? Yeah, experience, how do we know? 618 00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:42,320 Speaker 5: Yeah? 619 00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:44,520 Speaker 3: How do you look? Yeah? 620 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:48,040 Speaker 1: It's really there's a lot to those dynamics. And I 621 00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:51,480 Speaker 1: say this to say, you know, for everyone listening and 622 00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:53,440 Speaker 1: some of what my leak and I are kind of 623 00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:57,640 Speaker 1: expanding on here for the things that resonate, take them 624 00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:01,080 Speaker 1: for the areas that don't leave them. But look at 625 00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:05,200 Speaker 1: your own experience with a little more nuance, you know, 626 00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:09,120 Speaker 1: because sometimes even when we're trying to understand what our 627 00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:12,960 Speaker 1: needs are so that we can meet them, we have 628 00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:16,600 Speaker 1: to go into so many crevices of the experience to 629 00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:19,799 Speaker 1: see all the ways that it's showing up so that 630 00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:23,640 Speaker 1: we can feel like our lives are enough, you know. 631 00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,920 Speaker 1: That's the desire, Like our circumstance isn't always going to change, 632 00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:30,480 Speaker 1: right There is not always this easily wrapped in a 633 00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:35,160 Speaker 1: bow resolution for what it is. But it's the acknowledgment 634 00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:38,239 Speaker 1: of this is my present moment, and then diving into 635 00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:42,240 Speaker 1: those crevices allows you to say, yes, this is true, 636 00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:48,640 Speaker 1: and how do I feel good about whatever my experience is? 637 00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:52,680 Speaker 1: How can I get more present with whatever my experience 638 00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:55,560 Speaker 1: is so that it can be enough for right now? 639 00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:58,680 Speaker 3: Absolutely, I look at all those different corners. 640 00:37:58,719 --> 00:38:01,520 Speaker 2: Something I was doing recently is I've just been thinking 641 00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:03,879 Speaker 2: about in the back of my mind mothering through the night, 642 00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:06,360 Speaker 2: because night time is hard. 643 00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:08,359 Speaker 3: It is so hard. 644 00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:13,000 Speaker 2: When you know someone's screaming and crying or just waking 645 00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:16,000 Speaker 2: up for whatever reason, wetting the bed, all the things 646 00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,359 Speaker 2: that happen when you have to like mother through the night. 647 00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:21,480 Speaker 2: And I've been just trying to be more present as 648 00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,080 Speaker 2: often as I can in that of like, yes, I'm exhausted, 649 00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:27,239 Speaker 2: Yes I'm tired. How can I show up and like 650 00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:28,399 Speaker 2: mother through the night? 651 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:31,400 Speaker 3: You know? And so even just that thought helps me. 652 00:38:31,719 --> 00:38:34,920 Speaker 2: You know, I'm softer when I come in my energy, 653 00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:38,360 Speaker 2: and I've noticed that we can, you know, move along 654 00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:40,960 Speaker 2: whatever is happening through the night when I just can 655 00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:44,480 Speaker 2: change my mind of like, all right, not like I'm tired, 656 00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:48,080 Speaker 2: you know, I'm mothering through the night. Now it's a 657 00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:52,719 Speaker 2: different it's a different cat, it's a different it's a different. 658 00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:09,400 Speaker 1: Deeply, well, you know, we've been just waxing so beautifully 659 00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:15,440 Speaker 1: poetic about the feelings of the softness, of the freedom 660 00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:19,480 Speaker 1: right doing the work, done the work, when you're just letting. 661 00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:21,320 Speaker 3: Yourself live the work. 662 00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:25,120 Speaker 1: Talk to me about how, over the last you know, 663 00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:28,520 Speaker 1: five years, all of this nourishment that's come in from 664 00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:31,799 Speaker 1: being a mother, how has this softness changed you as 665 00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:33,239 Speaker 1: a friend and as a business woman? 666 00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:41,000 Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, I can tell you that I as 667 00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:43,400 Speaker 2: a business woman, I'll start with that one, because I 668 00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:48,319 Speaker 2: feel like I have so much more empathy. I have 669 00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:52,560 Speaker 2: so much more empathy for people that I did not 670 00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:55,920 Speaker 2: have before. I don't even know that I saw people 671 00:39:55,920 --> 00:40:00,719 Speaker 2: that I worked with as actual people. Wow, I don't 672 00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:05,480 Speaker 2: know that I did. And now I can see the 673 00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:08,279 Speaker 2: people that I work with as you know, I can 674 00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:10,640 Speaker 2: see all of them or more of them, you know, 675 00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:13,880 Speaker 2: And so that has just been so helpful for me. 676 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:19,960 Speaker 2: The parts of the softness, which you know, some of 677 00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:23,120 Speaker 2: the parts of the softness have been even just this 678 00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:27,520 Speaker 2: is going to be just my desire for more, you know. 679 00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:32,360 Speaker 2: Sometimes we think like just in as I sort of 680 00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:34,680 Speaker 2: repairent myself around this with my son, of like just 681 00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:37,840 Speaker 2: wanting more of like I can ask for more in 682 00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:40,840 Speaker 2: a situation, it's not just about what I you know, 683 00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:41,799 Speaker 2: taking what I get. 684 00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:42,759 Speaker 3: It's like what do I want? 685 00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:46,840 Speaker 2: And so that has been sort of crazy for me 686 00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:49,640 Speaker 2: because I think, you know, I've always been like about 687 00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:52,160 Speaker 2: my hustle and about my grind and going after it, 688 00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,600 Speaker 2: but I wasn't really I don't know if I if 689 00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:59,120 Speaker 2: I valued myself, you know, in the way that I 690 00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:01,640 Speaker 2: feel like I do now. So from a business standpoint, 691 00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:07,680 Speaker 2: I definitely feel that and more boundaried. You know, I 692 00:41:07,719 --> 00:41:11,080 Speaker 2: think that I really want to like save everyone that's 693 00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:14,080 Speaker 2: like my thing, and it's like I can't, and I 694 00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:18,080 Speaker 2: just I am so much more clear, you know. I 695 00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:19,759 Speaker 2: used to be afraid of that. You know, so many 696 00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:21,719 Speaker 2: people are like, oh, yeah, I can have hard conversations, 697 00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:24,440 Speaker 2: but I couldn't. I really couldn't, you know. And so 698 00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:27,799 Speaker 2: I have been able to stay up front like, hey, 699 00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:30,080 Speaker 2: this is what's going to work for me, and this 700 00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:34,600 Speaker 2: is what isn't and if you aren't able to do this, 701 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,600 Speaker 2: there's nothing wrong with you. I'm just letting you know 702 00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:38,960 Speaker 2: what I'm able to do, and so not sort of 703 00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:43,279 Speaker 2: pinning people or sort of like labeling people based on 704 00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:45,080 Speaker 2: like my needs, like these are just my needs and 705 00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,200 Speaker 2: if you aren't able to be my needs, I totally understand. 706 00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:48,000 Speaker 3: Just not a good bit. 707 00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:55,360 Speaker 2: So that has been helpful as a friend. In the 708 00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:59,760 Speaker 2: same way, I am able to see more parts of people. 709 00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:08,520 Speaker 2: I am able to recognize the love and my friendships 710 00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,400 Speaker 2: that I don't think I was able to see before, 711 00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:14,719 Speaker 2: you know, like I don't and you and I have 712 00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:20,319 Speaker 2: talked about this intimacy and friendship and really just being 713 00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:28,840 Speaker 2: able to tell I think I have so badly wanted 714 00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:33,200 Speaker 2: to tell people how special I think they are, wow, 715 00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:40,120 Speaker 2: how much they mean to me, and realizing prior to 716 00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:43,000 Speaker 2: having my children that I didn't have the language. I 717 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,440 Speaker 2: really just didn't even know what to say. And you 718 00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:47,440 Speaker 2: and I have jokes. It's like I'm just like blurting 719 00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:50,160 Speaker 2: out like I need you to know you matter, but 720 00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:53,880 Speaker 2: I don't have the words, and finding the words you know. 721 00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:58,520 Speaker 2: With my children and even sometimes they'll give me the 722 00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:01,080 Speaker 2: words I will look for the words of just like 723 00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:04,799 Speaker 2: I need them to know how much I love them, 724 00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:07,000 Speaker 2: how much I love being their friend in the way 725 00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,480 Speaker 2: that I love being their mom, like I love being 726 00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:14,400 Speaker 2: your friend, I love spending time with you. And so 727 00:43:15,239 --> 00:43:19,600 Speaker 2: I've had such a like a like a the other day, 728 00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:23,480 Speaker 2: I was like, I post it on Instagram, like I 729 00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:26,000 Speaker 2: don't know what is happening to me, but my heart 730 00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:30,600 Speaker 2: is like blowing open and I can't even stop it. 731 00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:32,640 Speaker 2: And it's like everywhere I go I say something, you 732 00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:36,319 Speaker 2: have a lovely day, not a good day. 733 00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:38,440 Speaker 3: I need you to have a lovely day. 734 00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:38,600 Speaker 4: You know. 735 00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:42,040 Speaker 2: It's like I feel like free to be, you know, 736 00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:46,440 Speaker 2: to pour syrup on everything as often as I want to, 737 00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:48,080 Speaker 2: and it's like I don't need it back because I 738 00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:49,680 Speaker 2: got it's all in me, you know. 739 00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:51,200 Speaker 3: So it's like you take it. 740 00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:54,279 Speaker 2: I have an overflow, you take it like you don't 741 00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:55,799 Speaker 2: have to give it back, you know. But I'm like, 742 00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:58,719 Speaker 2: you know, just walking around and just the things that 743 00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:01,640 Speaker 2: I feel like I can now I'll say freely to people, 744 00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:06,080 Speaker 2: you know, without fear or without expectation, you know, of 745 00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:08,720 Speaker 2: like oh are they going to think? It's like think whatever, 746 00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:11,759 Speaker 2: You're lovely, you look wonderful. 747 00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:15,320 Speaker 3: Everything's great. You know. It's like you're shining. Look at you. 748 00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:15,560 Speaker 3: You know. 749 00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,839 Speaker 2: So I feel free to be that with my friends 750 00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:20,800 Speaker 2: in a way that I don't think I ever. I 751 00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:22,760 Speaker 2: don't think I ever was, you know. I was always 752 00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:26,680 Speaker 2: so afraid to just tell people how like impressed I 753 00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:29,040 Speaker 2: am with some maybe work that they said, or a sentence. 754 00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:31,319 Speaker 2: It seems silly. But in the way that I can 755 00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:33,919 Speaker 2: like sort of like lose it over my kid doing 756 00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:36,040 Speaker 2: something so small and simple, I feel like that with 757 00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:41,959 Speaker 2: my friends, Like that sentence you just wrote, that was it, 758 00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:45,480 Speaker 2: And I'm like I get to do that and you 759 00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:48,200 Speaker 2: get to feel whatever. But I said it and I 760 00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:54,840 Speaker 2: mean it. So it's been ugh. I think the the 761 00:44:54,920 --> 00:45:00,000 Speaker 2: freedom to be able to share what I feel and yeah, 762 00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:02,880 Speaker 2: to like let my heart be wide, and to not 763 00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:10,319 Speaker 2: be afraid of what could happen if I if I. 764 00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:13,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, if you share. 765 00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:17,839 Speaker 3: Joy. Yes, Yes, I. 766 00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:22,279 Speaker 1: Remember I had a moment with you. I don't think 767 00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:25,360 Speaker 1: I've shared this with you before, but we were. 768 00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:29,920 Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm already 769 00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:32,239 Speaker 2: sitting here, like I'm like, so you're just gonna, You're 770 00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:32,760 Speaker 2: just gonna. 771 00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:36,719 Speaker 3: Oh my god, Oh I love you so much. 772 00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:42,879 Speaker 1: I remember you and I we were traveling together and 773 00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:45,799 Speaker 1: we were in Mexico and we had just like a 774 00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:48,960 Speaker 1: really beautiful day together. And we had snuck away with 775 00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,880 Speaker 1: our kids before and had like a mom's vacation, but 776 00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:53,400 Speaker 1: this was like Jesse and me, and it was like 777 00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:57,200 Speaker 1: a self care vacation. Yes, And we snuck away and 778 00:45:57,400 --> 00:46:03,400 Speaker 1: I remember we like we spent the whole day having 779 00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:07,040 Speaker 1: like delicious, nourishing food, getting in and out of the ocean, 780 00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:10,640 Speaker 1: like being in silence together or just like walking on 781 00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:14,239 Speaker 1: the sand, sitting next to each other like and I 782 00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:21,200 Speaker 1: remember we had got back to where we were sleeping 783 00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:26,640 Speaker 1: and I put on selection, which is like my favorite 784 00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:28,239 Speaker 1: thing in the history of life. As everyone on the 785 00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:31,439 Speaker 1: show notes, you put me on, Kee put me on, 786 00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:33,640 Speaker 1: and I remember I put up the music and me 787 00:46:33,719 --> 00:46:36,120 Speaker 1: and you just started dancing and we were just having 788 00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:40,279 Speaker 1: so much fun. And I remember I looked over at 789 00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:44,239 Speaker 1: you and you smiled at me, and I saw like 790 00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:46,840 Speaker 1: a smile I had never seen on your face before. 791 00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:50,239 Speaker 1: Like You're always beautiful and I always see you, know, 792 00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:53,120 Speaker 1: you're always exquisite, and I always see your smile, but 793 00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:56,840 Speaker 1: there was a new way that you smiled in that 794 00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:01,640 Speaker 1: moment that like I really felt and saw the freedom 795 00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:05,200 Speaker 1: and the joy and the delight and like all of 796 00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:08,440 Speaker 1: the beauty inside of you. Like I remember seeing your 797 00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:11,279 Speaker 1: face and I was like, I just saw like five 798 00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:13,480 Speaker 1: year old my week smile at me, and she's. 799 00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:17,120 Speaker 3: So beautiful, and it was just like such a It. 800 00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:20,200 Speaker 1: Just felt so special, and you know, as someone that 801 00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:22,480 Speaker 1: loves you and as your friend, it just felt so 802 00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:27,560 Speaker 1: good to like for us to be in like that 803 00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:30,359 Speaker 1: new depth of intimacy with each other. 804 00:47:30,680 --> 00:47:35,960 Speaker 2: Yes, uh, that that trip you know goes down and 805 00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:37,840 Speaker 2: I think I don't even know when I text you 806 00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:43,040 Speaker 2: recently to share like I remember every single moment, but 807 00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:46,759 Speaker 2: as I was like riding off in the car to 808 00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:51,480 Speaker 2: the back to the airport. I was like, wow, you know, 809 00:47:54,080 --> 00:48:02,360 Speaker 2: I felt so loved by you. And I think probably 810 00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:05,600 Speaker 2: in the smile that you saw was like I felt 811 00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:07,799 Speaker 2: like and I was able to receive it. 812 00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:10,040 Speaker 3: So it was just like. 813 00:48:10,239 --> 00:48:13,880 Speaker 2: From in and out of the pool and I didn't 814 00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:19,120 Speaker 2: question it like I normally find myself, Oh, I wonder 815 00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:21,480 Speaker 2: if they're thinking this or if I'm too this, and 816 00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:23,560 Speaker 2: it was like I didn't. I just was like I'm 817 00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:28,359 Speaker 2: receiving it. And it's like every moment it was such 818 00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:32,040 Speaker 2: a you know, and I was like I was so 819 00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:38,279 Speaker 2: sad to be leaving, you know, of like ah, I'm 820 00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:41,520 Speaker 2: going to miss her, I'm going to miss this, and 821 00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:45,640 Speaker 2: giving myself like making room for that, like you can 822 00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:49,400 Speaker 2: not like ah, like you can miss people. Yeah, you 823 00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:51,680 Speaker 2: can be sad, Like you can be sad at the 824 00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:55,000 Speaker 2: time is ending, you know. And I was like, I'm 825 00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:58,480 Speaker 2: sad at this time is ending. And so it was 826 00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:01,319 Speaker 2: a time. It was time, and I can tell you 827 00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:03,960 Speaker 2: that I have not been the same. It's not been 828 00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:09,920 Speaker 2: the same since that selection for Startars. So like okay, okay, 829 00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:10,680 Speaker 2: you're the king. 830 00:49:12,480 --> 00:49:14,680 Speaker 3: Do you played the music? 831 00:49:14,719 --> 00:49:18,080 Speaker 2: And I was like I was, I have forgotten about 832 00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:25,200 Speaker 2: how like romantic music and I'm Beyonce and environment like 833 00:49:25,239 --> 00:49:30,879 Speaker 2: how everything working together, I have forgotten And so ever 834 00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:33,080 Speaker 2: since then, it's like I have my moments where I'm like. 835 00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:36,960 Speaker 3: I really try to recreate that time. We are inviting that. 836 00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:39,200 Speaker 2: Love in because it was just so special and so 837 00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:43,000 Speaker 2: I thank you. I had looked forward to that because 838 00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:45,359 Speaker 2: that's how we are. We make plans to see each other, 839 00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:47,759 Speaker 2: to spend time like one year from now. Okay, I 840 00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:50,840 Speaker 2: don't literally like out of state friendship. 841 00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:52,480 Speaker 3: Next year. 842 00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:55,160 Speaker 1: It is like I feel like and I love this 843 00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:58,680 Speaker 1: with us, and I hope you know everyone listening, and 844 00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:01,960 Speaker 1: especially those that have found these friendships or those that 845 00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:06,680 Speaker 1: are are looking to create them, looking to co create them, 846 00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:09,480 Speaker 1: looking to open to them. The reason I think it 847 00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:11,879 Speaker 1: is so powerful for you and I to share this 848 00:50:11,920 --> 00:50:16,680 Speaker 1: more intimate layer is that's an area people need guidance 849 00:50:16,719 --> 00:50:20,640 Speaker 1: in too, Like everything that you spoke to is so 850 00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:24,279 Speaker 1: real and felt for so many people. Because we have 851 00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:27,880 Speaker 1: to build tolerance for joy. Yes, we have to build 852 00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:31,520 Speaker 1: sometimes the tolerance for that depth of friendship where we 853 00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:36,120 Speaker 1: can just like giggle, like giggle for real, like be 854 00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:39,239 Speaker 1: delighted like yes, you know, and I love that, like 855 00:50:40,239 --> 00:50:44,640 Speaker 1: in our friendship and how we're each expressing we are 856 00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:48,279 Speaker 1: with ourselves, like there is a commitment to romance. Yeah, right, 857 00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:51,279 Speaker 1: Like yes, I want you to feel pleasure when we're 858 00:50:51,520 --> 00:50:55,359 Speaker 1: having an experience together. I want to feel pleasure, you know. Yeah, 859 00:50:55,400 --> 00:51:00,200 Speaker 1: and like those like that ability to be soft and 860 00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:03,799 Speaker 1: receive and give and be in that dynamic exchange and 861 00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:05,920 Speaker 1: not have your thoughts moving through. But will I be 862 00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:08,879 Speaker 1: betrayed or is this real? Can I trust it? Can? 863 00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:13,040 Speaker 1: I like the freedom in that, you know, and like 864 00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:16,080 Speaker 1: these you know we are we live in different states 865 00:51:16,120 --> 00:51:22,080 Speaker 1: at this time. It's on my vision board down, but 866 00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:23,600 Speaker 1: you know, it's like we do. It's like we have 867 00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:25,839 Speaker 1: a trip on the books now that we do planning. 868 00:51:26,040 --> 00:51:28,640 Speaker 2: And just on my on my flight on my flight here, 869 00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:31,719 Speaker 2: I started like building out the itinerary and so it's 870 00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:35,719 Speaker 2: like restaurants everything, you know, it's like and wanting to 871 00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:37,759 Speaker 2: do that, like oh my god, like I said, I 872 00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:39,399 Speaker 2: want to do this. I'm going to let me build 873 00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:43,080 Speaker 2: the itinerary. You know. It's just it doesn't matter if 874 00:51:43,120 --> 00:51:45,480 Speaker 2: it's a year from the last time I saw you, 875 00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:47,360 Speaker 2: and the got to spend time like it's going to 876 00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:48,120 Speaker 2: be amazing. 877 00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:51,520 Speaker 3: It's it's going to be all ya o, yes we do. 878 00:51:53,520 --> 00:51:55,920 Speaker 1: Yes, okay, my week, Oh my god. I could talk 879 00:51:55,960 --> 00:52:00,279 Speaker 1: to you for lifetime as as we close this episode. 880 00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:02,720 Speaker 1: I would love you know, something I love to extend 881 00:52:02,719 --> 00:52:04,520 Speaker 1: at the end of every episode is a little bit 882 00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:09,000 Speaker 1: of soul work. So something that those who are resonating 883 00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:12,960 Speaker 1: can savor, can deepen into over this next week until 884 00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:20,640 Speaker 1: our next episode. Is there a thought, an inquiry, a journal, prompt, 885 00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:25,040 Speaker 1: an exercise of some sort that you would like to 886 00:52:25,080 --> 00:52:33,200 Speaker 1: share with anyone listening about opening to that dynamic exchange 887 00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:35,600 Speaker 1: of giving and receiving or opening to joy. 888 00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:42,960 Speaker 2: I'm going to try. So something that has sort of 889 00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:49,200 Speaker 2: been swirling for me has been this thought of wanting 890 00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:52,840 Speaker 2: to show up perfectly, or wanting to show up in 891 00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:58,000 Speaker 2: a way that would attract fans or more people. But 892 00:52:58,040 --> 00:53:02,720 Speaker 2: it is essentially not all of me. And so something 893 00:53:02,760 --> 00:53:05,120 Speaker 2: that a sentence that I've been just saying is like, 894 00:53:05,360 --> 00:53:10,719 Speaker 2: dare to leave an aftertaste, dare to not be palatable sometimes, 895 00:53:11,080 --> 00:53:17,879 Speaker 2: you know, and let people have you. 896 00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:17,319 Speaker 1: You know. 897 00:53:17,640 --> 00:53:21,840 Speaker 2: And so I guess that is what I'd like for 898 00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:24,279 Speaker 2: people to think about, you know, is that you might 899 00:53:24,360 --> 00:53:26,880 Speaker 2: leave an aftertaste and that's okay. 900 00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:36,000 Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, thank you sit with that. Yeah, 901 00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:41,320 Speaker 1: right to that tonight. Yes, I love you so much. 902 00:53:41,719 --> 00:53:45,560 Speaker 1: I love you more. Thank you so much for the invitation. 903 00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:48,279 Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you for coming on the show. Thank 904 00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:50,840 Speaker 1: you for sharing your wisdom. Thank you for what you 905 00:53:50,920 --> 00:53:54,800 Speaker 1: were giving. All that observe you, all that are gifted 906 00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:57,680 Speaker 1: the opportunity to witness you. Whether it is in your work, 907 00:53:57,760 --> 00:54:01,080 Speaker 1: it is in your personal life, whether it's your stories, 908 00:54:01,160 --> 00:54:07,680 Speaker 1: your Instagram. But yes, your presence, your existence is so valuable, 909 00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:13,960 Speaker 1: it is so deeply necessary, and thank you for saying 910 00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:16,400 Speaker 1: yes to your calling and yes to yourself. 911 00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:18,120 Speaker 3: Yes, thank you. 912 00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:23,759 Speaker 1: As always, you can connect with my leek in so 913 00:54:23,880 --> 00:54:27,360 Speaker 1: many ways, but the hub is join her on Instagram 914 00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:29,680 Speaker 1: at my Leak. From there you will be able to 915 00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:33,520 Speaker 1: get into all the different pathways my Leak Mamas. You'll 916 00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:35,360 Speaker 1: be able to sign up for the newsletters, sign up 917 00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:42,400 Speaker 1: for the events, check out her incredible, wildly, wildly popular podcast, 918 00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:47,520 Speaker 1: and dive into all the things. As always, thank you 919 00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:50,480 Speaker 1: for joining, Thank you for being present for your life 920 00:54:50,560 --> 00:54:54,440 Speaker 1: and for yourself. As you listen to this show, take 921 00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:59,360 Speaker 1: a deep breath, and everything you heard today. Where do 922 00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:01,920 Speaker 1: you want that to in your life? Where do you 923 00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:05,920 Speaker 1: want to take that? How do you want to allow 924 00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:09,120 Speaker 1: this to expand in your chest and your body, in 925 00:55:09,160 --> 00:55:14,360 Speaker 1: your consciousness, and how will it then radiate out onto others? 926 00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:18,319 Speaker 3: Big love and I mis. 927 00:55:18,239 --> 00:55:25,200 Speaker 1: Stay connect with me on social at Debbie Brown. That's 928 00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:28,040 Speaker 1: Twitter and Instagram, or you can go to my website 929 00:55:28,120 --> 00:55:30,840 Speaker 1: Debbie Brown dot com. And if you're listening to the 930 00:55:30,880 --> 00:55:35,200 Speaker 1: show on Apple Podcasts, don't forget, Please rate, review, and 931 00:55:35,360 --> 00:55:39,080 Speaker 1: subscribe and send this episode to a friend. Deeply Well 932 00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:42,120 Speaker 1: is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Network. 933 00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:47,160 Speaker 1: It's produced by Jacqueis Thomas, Samantha Timmins, and me Debbie Brown. 934 00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:51,839 Speaker 1: The Beautiful Soundbath You Heard That's by Jarrelyn Glass from 935 00:55:51,920 --> 00:55:57,520 Speaker 1: Crystal Cadence. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, 936 00:55:57,760 --> 00:56:01,760 Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.