WEBVTT - Kelly Ripa & Mark Consuelos 0:00:14.836 --> 0:00:29.396 Pushkin. Hi, I'm Phil Donahue and I'm Marlow Thomas, and 0:00:29.516 --> 0:00:32.476 we're going on a series of double dates to find 0:00:32.516 --> 0:00:40.956 out what makes a marriage last. It was a beautiful 0:00:40.996 --> 0:00:43.796 summer afternoon the day we took a short walk to 0:00:43.876 --> 0:00:47.956 the home of Kelly Rippa and Mark Hansuelos on Manhattan's 0:00:47.996 --> 0:00:51.676 East Side. Having arrived at their four story brownstone, we 0:00:51.796 --> 0:00:55.756 got to experience firsthand what countless audiences have seen on 0:00:55.836 --> 0:01:00.836 the small screen, this couple's funny, playful, and truly affectionate 0:01:00.876 --> 0:01:04.036 connection to each other. They showed us into a very 0:01:04.116 --> 0:01:07.596 proper living room, where we sat across from each other 0:01:07.836 --> 0:01:11.236 at a table filled with goodies. They look so young, 0:01:11.716 --> 0:01:13.796 it's hard to believe they're old enough to have been 0:01:13.796 --> 0:01:17.236 together twenty five years. I've read some bits and pieces 0:01:17.276 --> 0:01:19.836 about them through the years, so I was looking forward 0:01:19.836 --> 0:01:22.356 to filling in their story. We met when we were 0:01:22.396 --> 0:01:26.436 really young, twenty four And what about you? Did you 0:01:26.516 --> 0:01:28.276 have a place there? Yeah? I was living on my 0:01:28.316 --> 0:01:30.996 own by that point, I had you know, I hadn't 0:01:31.036 --> 0:01:32.996 had roommates in a couple of years. I was living 0:01:32.996 --> 0:01:36.476 in my own apartment and you were kind of you 0:01:36.556 --> 0:01:38.636 had a steady job, yeah. I was on a soap opera. 0:01:38.676 --> 0:01:40.676 I was on All My Children. That's where I met Mark. 0:01:40.756 --> 0:01:43.556 I a screen test at him. Oh yeah, you were 0:01:43.596 --> 0:01:46.076 in the screen test. Yeah. Yeah. I met him the 0:01:46.196 --> 0:01:49.836 day before the screen test, but I had seen his 0:01:49.916 --> 0:01:54.236 picture before. The castle director she said, I think I 0:01:54.356 --> 0:01:58.716 found our guy. She said, he's green, he's never done anything, 0:01:59.036 --> 0:02:02.396 and he's in Tampa, Florida. And I was like, you're kidding. 0:02:02.716 --> 0:02:07.236 And she shows me this picture and I thought to myself, 0:02:08.956 --> 0:02:12.876 I am dad, I'm dazzled. I am dazzled by this person. 0:02:13.356 --> 0:02:15.996 And I don't get dazzled. A headshot is a headshot. 0:02:16.036 --> 0:02:18.596 I mean, how many headshots have we all seen. It 0:02:18.676 --> 0:02:25.236 wasn't a particularly good headshot either. I was dazzled, dazzling 0:02:25.796 --> 0:02:29.196 and so and so. They brought him in a day 0:02:29.196 --> 0:02:31.796 early because he had never done a screen test before. 0:02:32.236 --> 0:02:34.716 I had curlers in my hair. I hadn't been in 0:02:34.756 --> 0:02:38.956 makeup yet. I looked like a disaster. A pimple coming 0:02:39.076 --> 0:02:41.356 up on my cover covered it was. It was covered 0:02:41.436 --> 0:02:43.396 up with like medicine, you know. It was like a 0:02:43.516 --> 0:02:49.236 toothpaste or something on the pimple. And I walked into 0:02:49.276 --> 0:02:52.076 the room and there was the head shot. Well you will. 0:02:52.116 --> 0:02:54.396 You dazzled when you met her, of course, but I 0:02:54.396 --> 0:02:58.156 don't know. I was such. I was such such. You know, 0:02:58.236 --> 0:03:01.556 you go from living in Tampa getting off a plane 0:03:01.916 --> 0:03:03.916 and then you're screen testing for a job. It's going 0:03:03.956 --> 0:03:07.596 to change your life. I was, I was, you know, 0:03:07.836 --> 0:03:10.596 my head was spinning with I can't believe this is happening. 0:03:10.836 --> 0:03:12.836 Are you? Well? You and Tampa because your family lived 0:03:12.836 --> 0:03:14.596 in town. Yeah, they lived in Tampa. And I finished 0:03:14.636 --> 0:03:17.516 up my last two years of college in Tampa at 0:03:17.556 --> 0:03:19.796 South Florida. And your and your dad is Spanish, and 0:03:19.836 --> 0:03:23.116 your mom's Italian Mexican Italian Mexican Italian, And what do 0:03:23.156 --> 0:03:26.116 you I'm Italian both of my parents. You're kidding, No, 0:03:26.276 --> 0:03:30.236 my mom is her. My mom's dad was Irish. So 0:03:30.276 --> 0:03:32.316 I think that's where I get my ear brom. I 0:03:32.316 --> 0:03:36.436 think that's a great Yeah, it's a good comma, I 0:03:36.476 --> 0:03:39.236 really think so. Yeah. He always says that Italians and 0:03:39.316 --> 0:03:41.556 I respect the best. Yeah, And I don't know why 0:03:41.596 --> 0:03:43.636 I say that. I can't prove it, no, but I 0:03:44.356 --> 0:03:48.116 agree with you because I think my parents have I mean, 0:03:48.316 --> 0:03:53.196 speaking about marriages, our between our parents, our parents have 0:03:53.276 --> 0:03:56.436 been married over one hundred and ten years, one hundred 0:03:56.436 --> 0:03:58.516 and twenty years, like our parents have been. So you 0:03:58.596 --> 0:04:01.916 saw really good marriages. Yeah. Do you think that's helped 0:04:03.156 --> 0:04:05.476 figure it out? Yeah? Yes, you try to act with 0:04:05.516 --> 0:04:07.956 what your father acted. I can't help it. I can't 0:04:07.956 --> 0:04:10.516 help it, but I'm sure I do. That's a great combination. 0:04:10.596 --> 0:04:14.756 Nobody dominates. Nobody dominates. I think in certain areas they would. 0:04:15.276 --> 0:04:16.956 And what about with you two? It is one if 0:04:16.956 --> 0:04:19.036 you do the finances, the one of you do something 0:04:19.076 --> 0:04:23.316 else Mark does. Mark is really the financial planner, and 0:04:23.356 --> 0:04:26.916 Mark is responsible for every good financial thing that's ever 0:04:26.996 --> 0:04:29.996 happened to us. I don't I can't think of anything 0:04:30.076 --> 0:04:34.156 bad that you've done, really, I mean financially. Finally, he's 0:04:34.236 --> 0:04:36.916 really got like that is a thing that I said 0:04:36.956 --> 0:04:39.276 to him. Remember when we first met. I said to him, 0:04:39.396 --> 0:04:42.316 I've never met an actor that's good at math. And 0:04:42.356 --> 0:04:50.556 he said, I'm a terrible actor. I'm not that's really 0:04:50.596 --> 0:04:53.236 good at math. Yeah. So I do kind of take 0:04:53.356 --> 0:04:57.716 that part of the role here, and she makes the 0:04:57.836 --> 0:05:00.916 home a home, Like every holiday, we would have nothing 0:05:00.956 --> 0:05:03.396 if it was up to me. It's funny because I 0:05:03.436 --> 0:05:05.756 think of us as so progressive, as a couple, I 0:05:05.836 --> 0:05:09.196 always think of us like sort of politically progressive, if 0:05:09.236 --> 0:05:12.676 we're more progressive people, and yet when it comes to 0:05:12.676 --> 0:05:15.716 our own family and our marriages and our roles, I 0:05:15.756 --> 0:05:19.956 think of us very traditional and almost old fashioned in 0:05:20.116 --> 0:05:24.116 our roles because because why because he's sort of you know, 0:05:24.276 --> 0:05:26.596 I He's made it so that I've never had to 0:05:26.596 --> 0:05:29.356 like leave home to work, like I've been able to 0:05:29.436 --> 0:05:32.876 raise my kids here in this city, in the nest 0:05:33.076 --> 0:05:36.556 and maintain. And he's always been willing to travel and 0:05:36.596 --> 0:05:39.156 go to a set and go off here, and sometimes 0:05:39.156 --> 0:05:42.156 he's had to go live in another country to work 0:05:42.196 --> 0:05:45.076 on a set over there, and he's never like some 0:05:45.156 --> 0:05:47.756 would say, you made this sacrifice. No, but I mean, 0:05:47.916 --> 0:05:50.316 you know, traveling is hard, and like being away from 0:05:50.356 --> 0:05:53.036 home is hard, and all of that is like sometimes 0:05:53.156 --> 0:05:56.436 he would miss milestones for the kids, and I know 0:05:56.516 --> 0:05:59.516 that was hard for him, and he made it so 0:05:59.556 --> 0:06:02.396 that I could I didn't have to worry. Did make 0:06:02.476 --> 0:06:05.796 it because we were agonizing who are we? What are 0:06:05.836 --> 0:06:08.636 we going to be? And this the talk show opportunity 0:06:08.676 --> 0:06:11.916 came up and he's like, you know, I think I 0:06:11.956 --> 0:06:14.356 think you should do it. It seemed so out of 0:06:14.396 --> 0:06:18.716 my depth, and not in my wheelhouse, and not what 0:06:18.796 --> 0:06:20.836 I was used to. And he said, you know, I 0:06:20.876 --> 0:06:23.676 think it will allow you to do the things that 0:06:23.716 --> 0:06:26.196 you've always wanted to do, which was really I wanted 0:06:26.236 --> 0:06:31.476 to raise my kids. I didn't want to have them 0:06:31.796 --> 0:06:35.316 and never get to see them. And the talk show 0:06:35.356 --> 0:06:38.876 afforded me this opportunity where I would work in the morning, 0:06:38.916 --> 0:06:40.716 early in the morning, and then I would have the 0:06:40.756 --> 0:06:43.436 rest of the day to take them to their activities 0:06:43.556 --> 0:06:46.596 or be there and watch the ballet recital and do 0:06:46.676 --> 0:06:49.676 all of those things. And so in that way, we're 0:06:49.876 --> 0:06:54.676 very traditional. You know. He made those sacrifices and then 0:06:54.836 --> 0:06:57.796 and then, but I think, you know, he wouldn't know 0:06:57.876 --> 0:07:00.796 how to find a ballet class. He wouldn't know how 0:07:00.836 --> 0:07:04.436 to go about signing the kids up for religion classes 0:07:04.436 --> 0:07:05.596 like he wouldn't know how to do it. I don't 0:07:05.636 --> 0:07:08.756 remember how people's birthdays. He remembers every single person's birthday 0:07:08.796 --> 0:07:11.156 in our family, and they are taking care of every 0:07:11.156 --> 0:07:14.636 single time without fail um. She reminds me to make calls, 0:07:14.876 --> 0:07:17.436 call your your dad's birthday, you have to call. I mean, 0:07:17.476 --> 0:07:19.916 she's you're you remind me of all that stuff. But 0:07:19.996 --> 0:07:23.956 tell Marlow unfilled the conversation you were having with me today, 0:07:24.156 --> 0:07:26.476 because going back to what you were saying about learning 0:07:26.516 --> 0:07:29.316 from your dad, I think I was maybe like um, 0:07:29.556 --> 0:07:32.756 around twenty years old, and I just moved back home 0:07:33.076 --> 0:07:35.916 and I had a horrible breakup, and I was, you know, 0:07:36.316 --> 0:07:38.676 and we talked a lot. We spent a lot of 0:07:38.716 --> 0:07:41.276 time together, you know, driving to soccer practice. He take me, 0:07:41.476 --> 0:07:43.316 you know, he spent We spent a lot of good 0:07:43.316 --> 0:07:46.156 time together. And I was saying, I this is it. 0:07:46.316 --> 0:07:48.636 I'm never going to get in a relationship again. I'm 0:07:48.676 --> 0:07:50.636 never I don't want to get married, I don't want 0:07:50.916 --> 0:07:52.876 to have kids. I'm just gonna be by myself, you know. 0:07:52.956 --> 0:07:55.236 And so he said to me, so listen, he was, 0:07:55.276 --> 0:07:58.676 I know you're gonna be successful, and not being able 0:07:58.676 --> 0:08:01.716 to share that with someone is very sad. You're gonna 0:08:01.716 --> 0:08:04.236 want to share it with someone, you know. There's nothing 0:08:04.756 --> 0:08:08.236 more sad than an older guide by himself, right, And 0:08:08.276 --> 0:08:11.356 I and I and I didn't believe him. I go, yeah, yeah, 0:08:11.356 --> 0:08:13.276 all right, well I'll be by myself. And I walked 0:08:13.316 --> 0:08:17.356 away and I didn't believe it. And then I believed it. 0:08:17.556 --> 0:08:19.436 All my girlfriends got married. It was a bride maid 0:08:19.476 --> 0:08:21.476 a million times, and I thought, quod, great, I'm going 0:08:21.556 --> 0:08:23.396 to be an actress. I'm free. I'm going to London 0:08:23.516 --> 0:08:25.196 live for a year and do a play. I'm gonna 0:08:25.196 --> 0:08:27.236 do this, I'm gonna do that. You know. It just 0:08:27.396 --> 0:08:29.636 wasn't for me. And then I met mister blue Eyes 0:08:29.676 --> 0:08:33.516 here and it was like like like, I can't picture 0:08:33.596 --> 0:08:36.356 the two of you without each other. Like to me, 0:08:36.556 --> 0:08:39.556 it's like, you know, it's like the best. Yeah, you 0:08:39.636 --> 0:08:44.716 really are peanut butter and Jelly. I remember I was 0:08:44.756 --> 0:08:50.116 having a very funny conversation because Kelly was very independent 0:08:50.316 --> 0:08:52.636 and lived in the city for about five or six 0:08:52.676 --> 0:08:54.516 years before I got there, and she was, you know, 0:08:54.676 --> 0:08:56.596 on her own and she did her thing. And then 0:08:56.596 --> 0:08:59.996 when I came in. You know, I I am a 0:08:59.996 --> 0:09:02.996 traditional guy like I you know, I feel like there 0:09:03.036 --> 0:09:06.156 are certain roles. It's hard to explain exactly what those 0:09:06.236 --> 0:09:09.116 roles are. But we had a conversation where I said, hey, listen, 0:09:09.196 --> 0:09:11.436 there's really only a room for one man in this relationship. 0:09:12.636 --> 0:09:14.756 It's going to be and it's gonna be me. I 0:09:14.756 --> 0:09:17.516 think we were arguing over where we were going on vacation. 0:09:17.596 --> 0:09:21.316 It was something really it was a luxurious problem to have. 0:09:21.636 --> 0:09:25.436 And I said to him, I am a woman of 0:09:25.476 --> 0:09:29.116 this generation, and I've been on my own for a 0:09:29.196 --> 0:09:32.436 long time. Like I've I've not answered, I've not answered 0:09:32.476 --> 0:09:35.756 to my parents, right, So I'm a I'm a grown woman, 0:09:35.916 --> 0:09:38.436 and so you're gonna have to forgive me if it 0:09:38.476 --> 0:09:42.036 takes me a minute to keep up with the clock 0:09:42.156 --> 0:09:45.516 that you're rolling back before my you know, my, I 0:09:45.636 --> 0:09:47.476 knew what it was about, but we laugh about it now. 0:09:48.116 --> 0:09:51.916 It was kind of funny. It was a great conversation. 0:09:52.076 --> 0:09:55.476 What I will say, though, is I've watched Mark with 0:09:55.556 --> 0:10:01.156 our daughter and the way you raise her to never 0:10:01.556 --> 0:10:07.556 take to never take a backseat position to any person 0:10:07.596 --> 0:10:09.476 that she dates, any man that she did. It's like, 0:10:09.916 --> 0:10:13.436 it's very it's funny. The evolution of you is kind 0:10:13.436 --> 0:10:16.916 of fascinating. When we first got married, I think Mark 0:10:16.996 --> 0:10:19.236 felt like he rushed into it and maybe he made 0:10:19.236 --> 0:10:21.716 a mistake and maybe he was regretting it. And he 0:10:21.756 --> 0:10:23.876 took my wedding ring and threw it out the window. 0:10:24.196 --> 0:10:27.156 Who and and and then he turned around and I said, 0:10:27.356 --> 0:10:32.396 I'm still here, because I really think he thought in 0:10:32.436 --> 0:10:35.276 that moment that somehow I would just go and like 0:10:35.596 --> 0:10:39.396 vanish or evaporate. And I was like, now what and 0:10:40.316 --> 0:10:42.436 you know, and I think it was like that moment 0:10:42.556 --> 0:10:46.756 of oh my gosh, she is still here and I 0:10:46.796 --> 0:10:50.396 just did that horrible thing and she's still here and 0:10:50.476 --> 0:10:53.596 she doesn't really seem that rattled, right if I'm getting 0:10:53.636 --> 0:10:57.236 into your head in the moment that it was a 0:10:57.276 --> 0:11:01.156 big bold move. And I think he was like, yeah, 0:11:01.156 --> 0:11:03.996 but that's great, but that but that's people who are 0:11:03.996 --> 0:11:06.916 getting married or twenty five years old. That's right. Yeah, 0:11:06.956 --> 0:11:09.236 you know, you don't do that when you're fifty two exact, 0:11:09.516 --> 0:11:12.596 And oh you don't. And I think hope that we don't. 0:11:12.676 --> 0:11:14.396 But that was the thing. It was like I looked 0:11:14.396 --> 0:11:19.196 at him and I said, you know, um, I get it, 0:11:19.476 --> 0:11:22.876 Like I get it, I'm young and married. I'm scared too, 0:11:22.916 --> 0:11:28.156 Like I get it, this is forever. I'm I'm with you. 0:11:28.836 --> 0:11:34.996 Now we have to go find that ring. I mean, 0:11:35.716 --> 0:11:39.276 but that was like that to me, is like that's 0:11:39.276 --> 0:11:42.836 a defining moment. I'm sure, and I'm sure there are 0:11:42.836 --> 0:11:45.196 a lot of people that would have said I'm done. 0:11:45.316 --> 0:11:50.676 I'm done. That is outrageous. That is crazy behavior. Um, 0:11:50.756 --> 0:11:53.396 and I understood where it was coming from. It was 0:11:53.396 --> 0:11:56.716 like coming from a place of terror and genuine fear 0:11:57.196 --> 0:11:59.516 and oh my god, I have to spend the rest 0:11:59.556 --> 0:12:02.636 of my life with this woman who does not value time, 0:12:03.116 --> 0:12:06.436 who is chronically late. Let me ask you this, what's 0:12:06.476 --> 0:12:09.036 the biggest challenge you think you've ever faced as a couple, 0:12:09.956 --> 0:12:12.956 Because what's important about that is how do you come 0:12:12.996 --> 0:12:14.796 back from it? You know? How do we get through 0:12:15.156 --> 0:12:19.436 trying moments? Yeah, or something? It's interesting, Um, I think 0:12:19.476 --> 0:12:25.356 that one of us remains extremely calm. Is it always 0:12:25.396 --> 0:12:30.196 the same one? Nope, Nope, It depends on the situation, 0:12:30.316 --> 0:12:33.116 depends on it. If it's happening to us together, our 0:12:33.156 --> 0:12:34.956 fa we have got a moment like, oh my god, 0:12:35.076 --> 0:12:39.396 one of us stays calm, the other one freaks out. Um, 0:12:39.796 --> 0:12:42.876 and we get through it. I'm talking like family cancer 0:12:42.956 --> 0:12:45.916 when his mom when his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, 0:12:45.996 --> 0:12:48.956 and it was like a scary time for us and 0:12:48.996 --> 0:12:51.916 it was you and then my and my mom got 0:12:51.916 --> 0:12:54.316 cancer and my dad had heart surgery and our parents 0:12:54.316 --> 0:12:58.236 were falling like dominoes and thank god they're all fine. 0:12:58.316 --> 0:13:01.316 Now what did you do with this? Is so great 0:13:01.356 --> 0:13:03.996 because this is what everybody goes right. PA's older than 0:13:04.116 --> 0:13:07.476 us right of course deal with it. So how did 0:13:07.476 --> 0:13:09.996 you help each other? How did you you know, like 0:13:10.036 --> 0:13:11.636 did you get the news on the phone and then 0:13:11.716 --> 0:13:13.796 what did the other one? Do you know? So do 0:13:13.796 --> 0:13:16.716 you want to hear something really funny? My mom. We 0:13:16.716 --> 0:13:23.116 were with my mom when she was diagnosed, and Mark 0:13:23.276 --> 0:13:25.876 and my mom came home from the doctor. It was 0:13:25.916 --> 0:13:31.076 at ten thirty in the morning. I had just had 0:13:31.116 --> 0:13:34.676 my son, Michael, who is now twenty two years old. Um, 0:13:34.836 --> 0:13:36.716 I think I was still on maternity leave, which is 0:13:36.756 --> 0:13:41.836 why I was home and you guys, and it was 0:13:41.916 --> 0:13:45.996 I think ten ten thirty am, ten am. They opened 0:13:45.996 --> 0:13:48.716 a bottle of scotch. We had never like, we kept 0:13:48.716 --> 0:13:51.236 a bottle of scotch, just sort of like in case 0:13:51.276 --> 0:13:53.676 anybody ever asked for a Scotch, which we had never 0:13:54.116 --> 0:13:57.316 nobody ever said your Scott, you know, we didn't. It 0:13:57.356 --> 0:14:00.236 was in case anybody successful ever came over, we would 0:14:00.316 --> 0:14:03.356 offer them scott. And they opened a bottle of scotch. 0:14:03.396 --> 0:14:06.996 And they both drank like a like a glass a 0:14:07.076 --> 0:14:09.876 tumbler of scotch. And I'd never see my mom drank. 0:14:09.876 --> 0:14:13.476 And I was and I was and I was sobbing, 0:14:13.516 --> 0:14:17.356 and I was sobbing. And I was sobbing, and and 0:14:17.356 --> 0:14:23.436 and I called, and I called my sister, and my 0:14:23.476 --> 0:14:28.716 sister said, I can't talk Dad. Um is uh. Dad 0:14:28.716 --> 0:14:30.916 collapsed and I'm on my way to the hospital. He 0:14:30.956 --> 0:14:34.756 needs a bypass surgery. Yeah. And then the same day, 0:14:34.796 --> 0:14:38.556 same day, It's the same exact day, and I said 0:14:38.596 --> 0:14:42.716 to Mark, Oh, my god, we are cursed. We have 0:14:42.796 --> 0:14:44.716 to get a priest here. I mean, we have to 0:14:44.756 --> 0:14:47.956 bless we have to live, We need holy water, we 0:14:47.996 --> 0:14:51.396 have to burn candles. Like I just couldn't believe it. 0:14:51.516 --> 0:14:54.196 I was on the scene. And then when my mom 0:14:54.436 --> 0:14:57.476 was fighting cancer, Kelly, she took her, She took her 0:14:57.476 --> 0:15:01.036 into our home and she lived with us for seven 0:15:01.076 --> 0:15:03.836 to eight months. Yeah. Well, yeah, a lot. It was 0:15:03.876 --> 0:15:05.476 a you know, it was a lot ye problem. And 0:15:05.476 --> 0:15:07.116 she would go to the chemo with her and the 0:15:07.236 --> 0:15:12.636 radiation with her and bathed her. I owe it to 0:15:12.756 --> 0:15:16.596 my parents and to his mom. I owe it to 0:15:16.716 --> 0:15:20.476 them to take care of them the way they've taken 0:15:20.516 --> 0:15:23.236 care of us. I don't want to screw it up. 0:15:23.516 --> 0:15:27.956 I don't want to give them sub substandard care because 0:15:27.996 --> 0:15:31.156 they raised us, so they raised us in a way 0:15:31.196 --> 0:15:33.756 that is like we are my parents and raise you. 0:15:34.156 --> 0:15:36.996 But and you did and does it and she does 0:15:36.996 --> 0:15:40.316 it I mean dad, Yeah, and my dad comes to 0:15:40.356 --> 0:15:42.756 New York for his heart doctor and she goes with 0:15:42.836 --> 0:15:45.036 him and sits there and takes notes for him and 0:15:45.196 --> 0:15:47.796 accompanies him. I mean, it's swore. Are you when she's 0:15:47.836 --> 0:15:51.796 doing that. I'm in Vancouver working, Oh, typically right, I'm 0:15:51.836 --> 0:15:54.276 not here. But she does it. She's like, I'm going, 0:15:54.756 --> 0:16:00.476 that's great, But that bespeaks a wonderful testament to your folks. 0:16:01.036 --> 0:16:04.916 My mom gave me the best advice. She said, be 0:16:04.996 --> 0:16:07.676 good to your mother in law. She said, you treat 0:16:07.716 --> 0:16:10.636 your mother in law the way you would treat me, 0:16:10.916 --> 0:16:31.516 but nicer. We'll have more. After a quick break, we're 0:16:31.596 --> 0:16:35.476 back to our conversation with Kelly Rippa and Mark Unsuelos. 0:16:36.076 --> 0:16:40.196 They seem so perfectly aligned. Marlow naturally wanted to know 0:16:40.756 --> 0:16:44.596 how do they fight? How you fight is something to learn. 0:16:44.636 --> 0:16:46.916 I mean, we had to learn how to fight. I 0:16:46.956 --> 0:16:49.676 am an immediate thing. I'm a firecracker that goes off 0:16:49.836 --> 0:16:54.556 right now. Yeah. He would simmer for a while and 0:16:54.596 --> 0:16:57.596 then explode, so we didn't. It was a while for 0:16:57.676 --> 0:17:02.076 us to be able to align our temperaments. To you 0:17:02.076 --> 0:17:04.476 have to feel safe, right, Yeah, you have to. You 0:17:04.476 --> 0:17:06.396 have to feel safe in the fight. That know that, 0:17:06.516 --> 0:17:09.756 you know, I realize that I am Phil and Marlowe. 0:17:10.996 --> 0:17:15.236 I'm like, I simmer and then I explode. I do. 0:17:15.436 --> 0:17:18.396 I Sometimes I liken it to a Kama Kazi mission. 0:17:18.516 --> 0:17:20.476 Every now and then you gotta yeah, like you know what, 0:17:20.636 --> 0:17:22.836 I'm gonna We're gonna fight. Yeah, and I'm going to 0:17:22.956 --> 0:17:25.716 let's get let's go, let's let's really have a blowout. 0:17:26.196 --> 0:17:29.716 And I know I'm gonna lose what And because she's 0:17:29.756 --> 0:17:34.956 always right, oh yeah, where do you stay married? That's great? 0:17:35.156 --> 0:17:38.476 And I know I'm gonna have to apologize. Yeah, because 0:17:38.476 --> 0:17:41.036 you will tend to rise above it. Yeah. You know. 0:17:41.076 --> 0:17:44.836 It's like when when I go low, he'll go high. Um. Yeah, 0:17:44.916 --> 0:17:47.276 and then I will somehow try to get it a 0:17:47.356 --> 0:17:49.956 shovel and I'll try to dig myself. I'll try to 0:17:49.996 --> 0:17:53.316 dig lower and he's like, so he still stays he 0:17:53.436 --> 0:17:56.116 really do you really have like maintained? Oh good, you 0:17:56.156 --> 0:17:59.156 know that. I've always know I admire it about you. 0:17:59.276 --> 0:18:01.916 It's like not every now and then I'm gonna You're 0:18:01.916 --> 0:18:04.996 gonna blow Yeah. Sometimes I'll be amazed at like what 0:18:05.036 --> 0:18:07.916 he's willing to like die on what cross he's will 0:18:07.916 --> 0:18:12.196 be right? And I go that, really, I mean like, 0:18:12.276 --> 0:18:15.196 I'll fall asleep in the middle of some Netflix series 0:18:15.396 --> 0:18:19.476 and I know it's not about Netflix, but the argument 0:18:19.676 --> 0:18:22.396 has been I guess it's more of a fill thing. 0:18:22.436 --> 0:18:25.476 It must have been simmering in there for quite some time, 0:18:25.876 --> 0:18:28.676 you know, And he'll say, well, I've been waiting to 0:18:28.676 --> 0:18:31.036 watch this with you. I've been in Canada and I 0:18:31.076 --> 0:18:33.156 promised you I wouldn't watch it, and I've been waiting 0:18:33.156 --> 0:18:35.236 to watch it now you're asleep. But I know it's 0:18:35.276 --> 0:18:38.316 really not about that. It's probably about seven arguments ago, 0:18:38.756 --> 0:18:42.276 where I got where I got my way or whatever. 0:18:42.916 --> 0:18:46.396 You know, I've we've had that argument as well. And 0:18:46.876 --> 0:18:49.676 or I've not done something as they wanted to do 0:18:49.716 --> 0:18:52.076 it with Phil and he'll fall asleep, or he'll not 0:18:52.236 --> 0:18:55.356 want to go and as you promised, or whatever, And 0:18:56.076 --> 0:18:59.476 it actually hurts my feelings because I had built it 0:18:59.556 --> 0:19:02.036 up in my mind. But this is something we're going 0:19:02.076 --> 0:19:05.756 to share together. And then it's then I feel like, well, 0:19:05.796 --> 0:19:07.996 I lost this thing. I thought I was gonna Hey, 0:19:08.036 --> 0:19:10.276 I was like having a live stream Sunday. I didn't 0:19:10.316 --> 0:19:12.476 get you know, right, isn't that kind of what It's 0:19:12.476 --> 0:19:15.356 a It's a disappointment, that's what I feel. What do 0:19:15.436 --> 0:19:18.076 they say? Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, you know. 0:19:18.196 --> 0:19:21.516 Sometimes it just is. It's as simple as that he 0:19:21.596 --> 0:19:23.436 wanted to share it with you. He's been waiting to 0:19:23.476 --> 0:19:26.196 share it with you, and you're bombed out, so the 0:19:26.276 --> 0:19:28.396 thing is not quite as much fun as it was. 0:19:29.196 --> 0:19:33.756 That kind of Yeah, were you always comfortable sharing feelings 0:19:33.756 --> 0:19:36.396 with each other? That's one of you have to teach 0:19:36.436 --> 0:19:40.756 the other how to do that. Interesting. I was just 0:19:40.836 --> 0:19:42.876 no matter what he told me, I used to have 0:19:42.876 --> 0:19:46.676 a conversation with myself, no matter what he's about to say, 0:19:47.436 --> 0:19:50.196 don't have any expression on your face, because if you 0:19:50.276 --> 0:19:53.516 have an expression, he might clam up and he might 0:19:53.636 --> 0:19:57.116 feel ashamed of whatever he's told you or judged in 0:19:57.156 --> 0:19:59.756 some way. So I would be very mindful to not 0:20:00.276 --> 0:20:03.676 have any expression at all, no matter what he said. 0:20:03.876 --> 0:20:07.356 The expression I was always, you know, it was. It 0:20:07.436 --> 0:20:10.356 was before I used to get BOTI, before I got botox, 0:20:10.436 --> 0:20:11.676 you know, it was like before I don't even know 0:20:11.716 --> 0:20:14.996 if botox existed at the time, but I mastered the 0:20:15.076 --> 0:20:18.716 art of having no expression that was a great accommodation. Yeah, 0:20:18.756 --> 0:20:21.356 that's what I call an accommodation. It's a good yeah, 0:20:21.396 --> 0:20:24.036 because you don't want the person to think that there 0:20:24.076 --> 0:20:27.556 are being judged. You want your spouse to feel safe 0:20:27.796 --> 0:20:31.596 and know that in you they have a confidant, somebody 0:20:31.596 --> 0:20:34.276 that they can trust, somebody that's like going to walk 0:20:34.316 --> 0:20:37.836 through the fire with them, whatever it is. And ps. 0:20:38.076 --> 0:20:41.076 Anytime he had told me something, what I had built 0:20:41.156 --> 0:20:43.076 up in my mind, like anytime he would say I 0:20:43.116 --> 0:20:45.116 have to tell you something, I want you to get upset, 0:20:45.636 --> 0:20:49.996 what my brain went to was so dark and crazy. 0:20:50.356 --> 0:20:52.796 I would say, he's about to tell me that he's 0:20:53.076 --> 0:20:55.956 disposed of a body. Once but it was always like 0:20:56.036 --> 0:20:59.316 something so benign. What do you think is the difference 0:20:59.316 --> 0:21:02.236 between your marriage and other friends marriages? Well, we have 0:21:02.316 --> 0:21:04.916 a lot like we have. I have to say my 0:21:05.556 --> 0:21:08.076 friend group, I have a lot of happily married friends. 0:21:08.116 --> 0:21:11.396 And I think that that is a great thing because 0:21:11.476 --> 0:21:15.916 I think if you don't um, I think that that 0:21:15.996 --> 0:21:20.116 can we can really spread like the unhappiness. And I agree. 0:21:20.196 --> 0:21:23.356 And there are people like there were people in our lives, 0:21:23.836 --> 0:21:26.716 like early on in our friendship circles that would make 0:21:26.796 --> 0:21:29.316 us unhappy and we would never figure out like quite 0:21:29.436 --> 0:21:33.116 why we would become unhappy around these people, and we 0:21:33.156 --> 0:21:36.236 realized they were in an unhappy marriage, and it was 0:21:36.236 --> 0:21:41.676 like the stress of feeling their unhappiness would somehow tap 0:21:41.876 --> 0:21:46.676 into our souls almost because would get into an argument 0:21:46.676 --> 0:21:49.036 as soon as we would leave their home or leave 0:21:49.156 --> 0:21:52.796 the dinner table at the restaurant. And it's not like 0:21:52.916 --> 0:21:55.836 us to sort of like have a perfectly lovely evening 0:21:55.956 --> 0:21:59.156 and then fight out the way home. And we realized 0:21:59.196 --> 0:22:03.956 we were like we were wearing their energy when things 0:22:04.036 --> 0:22:07.716 aren't going well, which that happens the time. How do 0:22:07.756 --> 0:22:12.116 you reset, well, You think about what you did wrong, 0:22:12.276 --> 0:22:14.356 and then when you talk about it and you apologize 0:22:14.396 --> 0:22:16.956 for it. You apologize even if you feel like you've 0:22:16.996 --> 0:22:21.436 done nothing wrong. I think you owe it to yourself 0:22:21.556 --> 0:22:24.996 and to your spouse to put yourself in the other 0:22:25.076 --> 0:22:31.156 person's position and see it from their perspective. Like if 0:22:31.156 --> 0:22:33.356 we're at a dinner party, homemak a comment and maybe 0:22:33.476 --> 0:22:37.996 it's something that embarrassed me, but from his point of view, 0:22:38.036 --> 0:22:40.236 it was just funny and it got a laugh or whatever, 0:22:40.716 --> 0:22:44.116 And from my point of view, I'm embarrassed it hurt 0:22:44.196 --> 0:22:48.156