1 00:00:14,836 --> 00:00:29,396 Speaker 1: Pushkin. Hi, I'm Phil Donahue and I'm Marlow Thomas, and 2 00:00:29,516 --> 00:00:32,476 Speaker 1: we're going on a series of double dates to find 3 00:00:32,516 --> 00:00:40,956 Speaker 1: out what makes a marriage last. It was a beautiful 4 00:00:40,996 --> 00:00:43,796 Speaker 1: summer afternoon the day we took a short walk to 5 00:00:43,876 --> 00:00:47,956 Speaker 1: the home of Kelly Rippa and Mark Hansuelos on Manhattan's 6 00:00:47,996 --> 00:00:51,676 Speaker 1: East Side. Having arrived at their four story brownstone, we 7 00:00:51,796 --> 00:00:55,756 Speaker 1: got to experience firsthand what countless audiences have seen on 8 00:00:55,836 --> 00:01:00,836 Speaker 1: the small screen, this couple's funny, playful, and truly affectionate 9 00:01:00,876 --> 00:01:04,036 Speaker 1: connection to each other. They showed us into a very 10 00:01:04,116 --> 00:01:07,596 Speaker 1: proper living room, where we sat across from each other 11 00:01:07,836 --> 00:01:11,236 Speaker 1: at a table filled with goodies. They look so young, 12 00:01:11,716 --> 00:01:13,796 Speaker 1: it's hard to believe they're old enough to have been 13 00:01:13,796 --> 00:01:17,236 Speaker 1: together twenty five years. I've read some bits and pieces 14 00:01:17,276 --> 00:01:19,836 Speaker 1: about them through the years, so I was looking forward 15 00:01:19,836 --> 00:01:22,356 Speaker 1: to filling in their story. We met when we were 16 00:01:22,396 --> 00:01:26,436 Speaker 1: really young, twenty four And what about you? Did you 17 00:01:26,516 --> 00:01:28,276 Speaker 1: have a place there? Yeah? I was living on my 18 00:01:28,316 --> 00:01:30,996 Speaker 1: own by that point, I had you know, I hadn't 19 00:01:31,036 --> 00:01:32,996 Speaker 1: had roommates in a couple of years. I was living 20 00:01:32,996 --> 00:01:36,476 Speaker 1: in my own apartment and you were kind of you 21 00:01:36,556 --> 00:01:38,636 Speaker 1: had a steady job, yeah. I was on a soap opera. 22 00:01:38,676 --> 00:01:40,676 Speaker 1: I was on All My Children. That's where I met Mark. 23 00:01:40,756 --> 00:01:43,556 Speaker 1: I a screen test at him. Oh yeah, you were 24 00:01:43,596 --> 00:01:46,076 Speaker 1: in the screen test. Yeah. Yeah. I met him the 25 00:01:46,196 --> 00:01:49,836 Speaker 1: day before the screen test, but I had seen his 26 00:01:49,916 --> 00:01:54,236 Speaker 1: picture before. The castle director she said, I think I 27 00:01:54,356 --> 00:01:58,716 Speaker 1: found our guy. She said, he's green, he's never done anything, 28 00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:02,396 Speaker 1: and he's in Tampa, Florida. And I was like, you're kidding. 29 00:02:02,716 --> 00:02:07,236 Speaker 1: And she shows me this picture and I thought to myself, 30 00:02:08,956 --> 00:02:12,876 Speaker 1: I am dad, I'm dazzled. I am dazzled by this person. 31 00:02:13,356 --> 00:02:15,996 Speaker 1: And I don't get dazzled. A headshot is a headshot. 32 00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:18,596 Speaker 1: I mean, how many headshots have we all seen. It 33 00:02:18,676 --> 00:02:25,236 Speaker 1: wasn't a particularly good headshot either. I was dazzled, dazzling 34 00:02:25,796 --> 00:02:29,196 Speaker 1: and so and so. They brought him in a day 35 00:02:29,196 --> 00:02:31,796 Speaker 1: early because he had never done a screen test before. 36 00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:34,716 Speaker 1: I had curlers in my hair. I hadn't been in 37 00:02:34,756 --> 00:02:38,956 Speaker 1: makeup yet. I looked like a disaster. A pimple coming 38 00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:41,356 Speaker 1: up on my cover covered it was. It was covered 39 00:02:41,436 --> 00:02:43,396 Speaker 1: up with like medicine, you know. It was like a 40 00:02:43,516 --> 00:02:49,236 Speaker 1: toothpaste or something on the pimple. And I walked into 41 00:02:49,276 --> 00:02:52,076 Speaker 1: the room and there was the head shot. Well you will. 42 00:02:52,116 --> 00:02:54,396 Speaker 1: You dazzled when you met her, of course, but I 43 00:02:54,396 --> 00:02:58,156 Speaker 1: don't know. I was such. I was such such. You know, 44 00:02:58,236 --> 00:03:01,556 Speaker 1: you go from living in Tampa getting off a plane 45 00:03:01,916 --> 00:03:03,916 Speaker 1: and then you're screen testing for a job. It's going 46 00:03:03,956 --> 00:03:07,596 Speaker 1: to change your life. I was, I was, you know, 47 00:03:07,836 --> 00:03:10,596 Speaker 1: my head was spinning with I can't believe this is happening. 48 00:03:10,836 --> 00:03:12,836 Speaker 1: Are you? Well? You and Tampa because your family lived 49 00:03:12,836 --> 00:03:14,596 Speaker 1: in town. Yeah, they lived in Tampa. And I finished 50 00:03:14,636 --> 00:03:17,516 Speaker 1: up my last two years of college in Tampa at 51 00:03:17,556 --> 00:03:19,796 Speaker 1: South Florida. And your and your dad is Spanish, and 52 00:03:19,836 --> 00:03:23,116 Speaker 1: your mom's Italian Mexican Italian Mexican Italian, And what do 53 00:03:23,156 --> 00:03:26,116 Speaker 1: you I'm Italian both of my parents. You're kidding, No, 54 00:03:26,276 --> 00:03:30,236 Speaker 1: my mom is her. My mom's dad was Irish. So 55 00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:32,316 Speaker 1: I think that's where I get my ear brom. I 56 00:03:32,316 --> 00:03:36,436 Speaker 1: think that's a great Yeah, it's a good comma, I 57 00:03:36,476 --> 00:03:39,236 Speaker 1: really think so. Yeah. He always says that Italians and 58 00:03:39,316 --> 00:03:41,556 Speaker 1: I respect the best. Yeah, And I don't know why 59 00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:43,636 Speaker 1: I say that. I can't prove it, no, but I 60 00:03:44,356 --> 00:03:48,116 Speaker 1: agree with you because I think my parents have I mean, 61 00:03:48,316 --> 00:03:53,196 Speaker 1: speaking about marriages, our between our parents, our parents have 62 00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:56,436 Speaker 1: been married over one hundred and ten years, one hundred 63 00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,516 Speaker 1: and twenty years, like our parents have been. So you 64 00:03:58,596 --> 00:04:01,916 Speaker 1: saw really good marriages. Yeah. Do you think that's helped 65 00:04:03,156 --> 00:04:05,476 Speaker 1: figure it out? Yeah? Yes, you try to act with 66 00:04:05,516 --> 00:04:07,956 Speaker 1: what your father acted. I can't help it. I can't 67 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:10,516 Speaker 1: help it, but I'm sure I do. That's a great combination. 68 00:04:10,596 --> 00:04:14,756 Speaker 1: Nobody dominates. Nobody dominates. I think in certain areas they would. 69 00:04:15,276 --> 00:04:16,956 Speaker 1: And what about with you two? It is one if 70 00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:19,036 Speaker 1: you do the finances, the one of you do something 71 00:04:19,076 --> 00:04:23,316 Speaker 1: else Mark does. Mark is really the financial planner, and 72 00:04:23,356 --> 00:04:26,916 Speaker 1: Mark is responsible for every good financial thing that's ever 73 00:04:26,996 --> 00:04:29,996 Speaker 1: happened to us. I don't I can't think of anything 74 00:04:30,076 --> 00:04:34,156 Speaker 1: bad that you've done, really, I mean financially. Finally, he's 75 00:04:34,236 --> 00:04:36,916 Speaker 1: really got like that is a thing that I said 76 00:04:36,956 --> 00:04:39,276 Speaker 1: to him. Remember when we first met. I said to him, 77 00:04:39,396 --> 00:04:42,316 Speaker 1: I've never met an actor that's good at math. And 78 00:04:42,356 --> 00:04:50,556 Speaker 1: he said, I'm a terrible actor. I'm not that's really 79 00:04:50,596 --> 00:04:53,236 Speaker 1: good at math. Yeah. So I do kind of take 80 00:04:53,356 --> 00:04:57,716 Speaker 1: that part of the role here, and she makes the 81 00:04:57,836 --> 00:05:00,916 Speaker 1: home a home, Like every holiday, we would have nothing 82 00:05:00,956 --> 00:05:03,396 Speaker 1: if it was up to me. It's funny because I 83 00:05:03,436 --> 00:05:05,756 Speaker 1: think of us as so progressive, as a couple, I 84 00:05:05,836 --> 00:05:09,196 Speaker 1: always think of us like sort of politically progressive, if 85 00:05:09,236 --> 00:05:12,676 Speaker 1: we're more progressive people, and yet when it comes to 86 00:05:12,676 --> 00:05:15,716 Speaker 1: our own family and our marriages and our roles, I 87 00:05:15,756 --> 00:05:19,956 Speaker 1: think of us very traditional and almost old fashioned in 88 00:05:20,116 --> 00:05:24,116 Speaker 1: our roles because because why because he's sort of you know, 89 00:05:24,276 --> 00:05:26,596 Speaker 1: I He's made it so that I've never had to 90 00:05:26,596 --> 00:05:29,356 Speaker 1: like leave home to work, like I've been able to 91 00:05:29,436 --> 00:05:32,876 Speaker 1: raise my kids here in this city, in the nest 92 00:05:33,076 --> 00:05:36,556 Speaker 1: and maintain. And he's always been willing to travel and 93 00:05:36,596 --> 00:05:39,156 Speaker 1: go to a set and go off here, and sometimes 94 00:05:39,156 --> 00:05:42,156 Speaker 1: he's had to go live in another country to work 95 00:05:42,196 --> 00:05:45,076 Speaker 1: on a set over there, and he's never like some 96 00:05:45,156 --> 00:05:47,756 Speaker 1: would say, you made this sacrifice. No, but I mean, 97 00:05:47,916 --> 00:05:50,316 Speaker 1: you know, traveling is hard, and like being away from 98 00:05:50,356 --> 00:05:53,036 Speaker 1: home is hard, and all of that is like sometimes 99 00:05:53,156 --> 00:05:56,436 Speaker 1: he would miss milestones for the kids, and I know 100 00:05:56,516 --> 00:05:59,516 Speaker 1: that was hard for him, and he made it so 101 00:05:59,556 --> 00:06:02,396 Speaker 1: that I could I didn't have to worry. Did make 102 00:06:02,476 --> 00:06:05,796 Speaker 1: it because we were agonizing who are we? What are 103 00:06:05,836 --> 00:06:08,636 Speaker 1: we going to be? And this the talk show opportunity 104 00:06:08,676 --> 00:06:11,916 Speaker 1: came up and he's like, you know, I think I 105 00:06:11,956 --> 00:06:14,356 Speaker 1: think you should do it. It seemed so out of 106 00:06:14,396 --> 00:06:18,716 Speaker 1: my depth, and not in my wheelhouse, and not what 107 00:06:18,796 --> 00:06:20,836 Speaker 1: I was used to. And he said, you know, I 108 00:06:20,876 --> 00:06:23,676 Speaker 1: think it will allow you to do the things that 109 00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:26,196 Speaker 1: you've always wanted to do, which was really I wanted 110 00:06:26,236 --> 00:06:31,476 Speaker 1: to raise my kids. I didn't want to have them 111 00:06:31,796 --> 00:06:35,316 Speaker 1: and never get to see them. And the talk show 112 00:06:35,356 --> 00:06:38,876 Speaker 1: afforded me this opportunity where I would work in the morning, 113 00:06:38,916 --> 00:06:40,716 Speaker 1: early in the morning, and then I would have the 114 00:06:40,756 --> 00:06:43,436 Speaker 1: rest of the day to take them to their activities 115 00:06:43,556 --> 00:06:46,596 Speaker 1: or be there and watch the ballet recital and do 116 00:06:46,676 --> 00:06:49,676 Speaker 1: all of those things. And so in that way, we're 117 00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:54,676 Speaker 1: very traditional. You know. He made those sacrifices and then 118 00:06:54,836 --> 00:06:57,796 Speaker 1: and then, but I think, you know, he wouldn't know 119 00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:00,796 Speaker 1: how to find a ballet class. He wouldn't know how 120 00:07:00,836 --> 00:07:04,436 Speaker 1: to go about signing the kids up for religion classes 121 00:07:04,436 --> 00:07:05,596 Speaker 1: like he wouldn't know how to do it. I don't 122 00:07:05,636 --> 00:07:08,756 Speaker 1: remember how people's birthdays. He remembers every single person's birthday 123 00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:11,156 Speaker 1: in our family, and they are taking care of every 124 00:07:11,156 --> 00:07:14,636 Speaker 1: single time without fail um. She reminds me to make calls, 125 00:07:14,876 --> 00:07:17,436 Speaker 1: call your your dad's birthday, you have to call. I mean, 126 00:07:17,476 --> 00:07:19,916 Speaker 1: she's you're you remind me of all that stuff. But 127 00:07:19,996 --> 00:07:23,956 Speaker 1: tell Marlow unfilled the conversation you were having with me today, 128 00:07:24,156 --> 00:07:26,476 Speaker 1: because going back to what you were saying about learning 129 00:07:26,516 --> 00:07:29,316 Speaker 1: from your dad, I think I was maybe like um, 130 00:07:29,556 --> 00:07:32,756 Speaker 1: around twenty years old, and I just moved back home 131 00:07:33,076 --> 00:07:35,916 Speaker 1: and I had a horrible breakup, and I was, you know, 132 00:07:36,316 --> 00:07:38,676 Speaker 1: and we talked a lot. We spent a lot of 133 00:07:38,716 --> 00:07:41,276 Speaker 1: time together, you know, driving to soccer practice. He take me, 134 00:07:41,476 --> 00:07:43,316 Speaker 1: you know, he spent We spent a lot of good 135 00:07:43,316 --> 00:07:46,156 Speaker 1: time together. And I was saying, I this is it. 136 00:07:46,316 --> 00:07:48,636 Speaker 1: I'm never going to get in a relationship again. I'm 137 00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:50,636 Speaker 1: never I don't want to get married, I don't want 138 00:07:50,916 --> 00:07:52,876 Speaker 1: to have kids. I'm just gonna be by myself, you know. 139 00:07:52,956 --> 00:07:55,236 Speaker 1: And so he said to me, so listen, he was, 140 00:07:55,276 --> 00:07:58,676 Speaker 1: I know you're gonna be successful, and not being able 141 00:07:58,676 --> 00:08:01,716 Speaker 1: to share that with someone is very sad. You're gonna 142 00:08:01,716 --> 00:08:04,236 Speaker 1: want to share it with someone, you know. There's nothing 143 00:08:04,756 --> 00:08:08,236 Speaker 1: more sad than an older guide by himself, right, And 144 00:08:08,276 --> 00:08:11,356 Speaker 1: I and I and I didn't believe him. I go, yeah, yeah, 145 00:08:11,356 --> 00:08:13,276 Speaker 1: all right, well I'll be by myself. And I walked 146 00:08:13,316 --> 00:08:17,356 Speaker 1: away and I didn't believe it. And then I believed it. 147 00:08:17,556 --> 00:08:19,436 Speaker 1: All my girlfriends got married. It was a bride maid 148 00:08:19,476 --> 00:08:21,476 Speaker 1: a million times, and I thought, quod, great, I'm going 149 00:08:21,556 --> 00:08:23,396 Speaker 1: to be an actress. I'm free. I'm going to London 150 00:08:23,516 --> 00:08:25,196 Speaker 1: live for a year and do a play. I'm gonna 151 00:08:25,196 --> 00:08:27,236 Speaker 1: do this, I'm gonna do that. You know. It just 152 00:08:27,396 --> 00:08:29,636 Speaker 1: wasn't for me. And then I met mister blue Eyes 153 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:33,516 Speaker 1: here and it was like like like, I can't picture 154 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:36,356 Speaker 1: the two of you without each other. Like to me, 155 00:08:36,556 --> 00:08:39,556 Speaker 1: it's like, you know, it's like the best. Yeah, you 156 00:08:39,636 --> 00:08:44,716 Speaker 1: really are peanut butter and Jelly. I remember I was 157 00:08:44,756 --> 00:08:50,116 Speaker 1: having a very funny conversation because Kelly was very independent 158 00:08:50,316 --> 00:08:52,636 Speaker 1: and lived in the city for about five or six 159 00:08:52,676 --> 00:08:54,516 Speaker 1: years before I got there, and she was, you know, 160 00:08:54,676 --> 00:08:56,596 Speaker 1: on her own and she did her thing. And then 161 00:08:56,596 --> 00:08:59,996 Speaker 1: when I came in. You know, I I am a 162 00:08:59,996 --> 00:09:02,996 Speaker 1: traditional guy like I you know, I feel like there 163 00:09:03,036 --> 00:09:06,156 Speaker 1: are certain roles. It's hard to explain exactly what those 164 00:09:06,236 --> 00:09:09,116 Speaker 1: roles are. But we had a conversation where I said, hey, listen, 165 00:09:09,196 --> 00:09:11,436 Speaker 1: there's really only a room for one man in this relationship. 166 00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,756 Speaker 1: It's going to be and it's gonna be me. I 167 00:09:14,756 --> 00:09:17,516 Speaker 1: think we were arguing over where we were going on vacation. 168 00:09:17,596 --> 00:09:21,316 Speaker 1: It was something really it was a luxurious problem to have. 169 00:09:21,636 --> 00:09:25,436 Speaker 1: And I said to him, I am a woman of 170 00:09:25,476 --> 00:09:29,116 Speaker 1: this generation, and I've been on my own for a 171 00:09:29,196 --> 00:09:32,436 Speaker 1: long time. Like I've I've not answered, I've not answered 172 00:09:32,476 --> 00:09:35,756 Speaker 1: to my parents, right, So I'm a I'm a grown woman, 173 00:09:35,916 --> 00:09:38,436 Speaker 1: and so you're gonna have to forgive me if it 174 00:09:38,476 --> 00:09:42,036 Speaker 1: takes me a minute to keep up with the clock 175 00:09:42,156 --> 00:09:45,516 Speaker 1: that you're rolling back before my you know, my, I 176 00:09:45,636 --> 00:09:47,476 Speaker 1: knew what it was about, but we laugh about it now. 177 00:09:48,116 --> 00:09:51,916 Speaker 1: It was kind of funny. It was a great conversation. 178 00:09:52,076 --> 00:09:55,476 Speaker 1: What I will say, though, is I've watched Mark with 179 00:09:55,556 --> 00:10:01,156 Speaker 1: our daughter and the way you raise her to never 180 00:10:01,556 --> 00:10:07,556 Speaker 1: take to never take a backseat position to any person 181 00:10:07,596 --> 00:10:09,476 Speaker 1: that she dates, any man that she did. It's like, 182 00:10:09,916 --> 00:10:13,436 Speaker 1: it's very it's funny. The evolution of you is kind 183 00:10:13,436 --> 00:10:16,916 Speaker 1: of fascinating. When we first got married, I think Mark 184 00:10:16,996 --> 00:10:19,236 Speaker 1: felt like he rushed into it and maybe he made 185 00:10:19,236 --> 00:10:21,716 Speaker 1: a mistake and maybe he was regretting it. And he 186 00:10:21,756 --> 00:10:23,876 Speaker 1: took my wedding ring and threw it out the window. 187 00:10:24,196 --> 00:10:27,156 Speaker 1: Who and and and then he turned around and I said, 188 00:10:27,356 --> 00:10:32,396 Speaker 1: I'm still here, because I really think he thought in 189 00:10:32,436 --> 00:10:35,276 Speaker 1: that moment that somehow I would just go and like 190 00:10:35,596 --> 00:10:39,396 Speaker 1: vanish or evaporate. And I was like, now what and 191 00:10:40,316 --> 00:10:42,436 Speaker 1: you know, and I think it was like that moment 192 00:10:42,556 --> 00:10:46,756 Speaker 1: of oh my gosh, she is still here and I 193 00:10:46,796 --> 00:10:50,396 Speaker 1: just did that horrible thing and she's still here and 194 00:10:50,476 --> 00:10:53,596 Speaker 1: she doesn't really seem that rattled, right if I'm getting 195 00:10:53,636 --> 00:10:57,236 Speaker 1: into your head in the moment that it was a 196 00:10:57,276 --> 00:11:01,156 Speaker 1: big bold move. And I think he was like, yeah, 197 00:11:01,156 --> 00:11:03,996 Speaker 1: but that's great, but that but that's people who are 198 00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:06,916 Speaker 1: getting married or twenty five years old. That's right. Yeah, 199 00:11:06,956 --> 00:11:09,236 Speaker 1: you know, you don't do that when you're fifty two exact, 200 00:11:09,516 --> 00:11:12,596 Speaker 1: And oh you don't. And I think hope that we don't. 201 00:11:12,676 --> 00:11:14,396 Speaker 1: But that was the thing. It was like I looked 202 00:11:14,396 --> 00:11:19,196 Speaker 1: at him and I said, you know, um, I get it, 203 00:11:19,476 --> 00:11:22,876 Speaker 1: Like I get it, I'm young and married. I'm scared too, 204 00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:28,156 Speaker 1: Like I get it, this is forever. I'm I'm with you. 205 00:11:28,836 --> 00:11:34,996 Speaker 1: Now we have to go find that ring. I mean, 206 00:11:35,716 --> 00:11:39,276 Speaker 1: but that was like that to me, is like that's 207 00:11:39,276 --> 00:11:42,836 Speaker 1: a defining moment. I'm sure, and I'm sure there are 208 00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:45,196 Speaker 1: a lot of people that would have said I'm done. 209 00:11:45,316 --> 00:11:50,676 Speaker 1: I'm done. That is outrageous. That is crazy behavior. Um, 210 00:11:50,756 --> 00:11:53,396 Speaker 1: and I understood where it was coming from. It was 211 00:11:53,396 --> 00:11:56,716 Speaker 1: like coming from a place of terror and genuine fear 212 00:11:57,196 --> 00:11:59,516 Speaker 1: and oh my god, I have to spend the rest 213 00:11:59,556 --> 00:12:02,636 Speaker 1: of my life with this woman who does not value time, 214 00:12:03,116 --> 00:12:06,436 Speaker 1: who is chronically late. Let me ask you this, what's 215 00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:09,036 Speaker 1: the biggest challenge you think you've ever faced as a couple, 216 00:12:09,956 --> 00:12:12,956 Speaker 1: Because what's important about that is how do you come 217 00:12:12,996 --> 00:12:14,796 Speaker 1: back from it? You know? How do we get through 218 00:12:15,156 --> 00:12:19,436 Speaker 1: trying moments? Yeah, or something? It's interesting, Um, I think 219 00:12:19,476 --> 00:12:25,356 Speaker 1: that one of us remains extremely calm. Is it always 220 00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:30,196 Speaker 1: the same one? Nope, Nope, It depends on the situation, 221 00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:33,116 Speaker 1: depends on it. If it's happening to us together, our 222 00:12:33,156 --> 00:12:34,956 Speaker 1: fa we have got a moment like, oh my god, 223 00:12:35,076 --> 00:12:39,396 Speaker 1: one of us stays calm, the other one freaks out. Um, 224 00:12:39,796 --> 00:12:42,876 Speaker 1: and we get through it. I'm talking like family cancer 225 00:12:42,956 --> 00:12:45,916 Speaker 1: when his mom when his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, 226 00:12:45,996 --> 00:12:48,956 Speaker 1: and it was like a scary time for us and 227 00:12:48,996 --> 00:12:51,916 Speaker 1: it was you and then my and my mom got 228 00:12:51,916 --> 00:12:54,316 Speaker 1: cancer and my dad had heart surgery and our parents 229 00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:58,236 Speaker 1: were falling like dominoes and thank god they're all fine. 230 00:12:58,316 --> 00:13:01,316 Speaker 1: Now what did you do with this? Is so great 231 00:13:01,356 --> 00:13:03,996 Speaker 1: because this is what everybody goes right. PA's older than 232 00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:07,476 Speaker 1: us right of course deal with it. So how did 233 00:13:07,476 --> 00:13:09,996 Speaker 1: you help each other? How did you you know, like 234 00:13:10,036 --> 00:13:11,636 Speaker 1: did you get the news on the phone and then 235 00:13:11,716 --> 00:13:13,796 Speaker 1: what did the other one? Do you know? So do 236 00:13:13,796 --> 00:13:16,716 Speaker 1: you want to hear something really funny? My mom. We 237 00:13:16,716 --> 00:13:23,116 Speaker 1: were with my mom when she was diagnosed, and Mark 238 00:13:23,276 --> 00:13:25,876 Speaker 1: and my mom came home from the doctor. It was 239 00:13:25,916 --> 00:13:31,076 Speaker 1: at ten thirty in the morning. I had just had 240 00:13:31,116 --> 00:13:34,676 Speaker 1: my son, Michael, who is now twenty two years old. Um, 241 00:13:34,836 --> 00:13:36,716 Speaker 1: I think I was still on maternity leave, which is 242 00:13:36,756 --> 00:13:41,836 Speaker 1: why I was home and you guys, and it was 243 00:13:41,916 --> 00:13:45,996 Speaker 1: I think ten ten thirty am, ten am. They opened 244 00:13:45,996 --> 00:13:48,716 Speaker 1: a bottle of scotch. We had never like, we kept 245 00:13:48,716 --> 00:13:51,236 Speaker 1: a bottle of scotch, just sort of like in case 246 00:13:51,276 --> 00:13:53,676 Speaker 1: anybody ever asked for a Scotch, which we had never 247 00:13:54,116 --> 00:13:57,316 Speaker 1: nobody ever said your Scott, you know, we didn't. It 248 00:13:57,356 --> 00:14:00,236 Speaker 1: was in case anybody successful ever came over, we would 249 00:14:00,316 --> 00:14:03,356 Speaker 1: offer them scott. And they opened a bottle of scotch. 250 00:14:03,396 --> 00:14:06,996 Speaker 1: And they both drank like a like a glass a 251 00:14:07,076 --> 00:14:09,876 Speaker 1: tumbler of scotch. And I'd never see my mom drank. 252 00:14:09,876 --> 00:14:13,476 Speaker 1: And I was and I was and I was sobbing, 253 00:14:13,516 --> 00:14:17,356 Speaker 1: and I was sobbing. And I was sobbing, and and 254 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:23,436 Speaker 1: and I called, and I called my sister, and my 255 00:14:23,476 --> 00:14:28,716 Speaker 1: sister said, I can't talk Dad. Um is uh. Dad 256 00:14:28,716 --> 00:14:30,916 Speaker 1: collapsed and I'm on my way to the hospital. He 257 00:14:30,956 --> 00:14:34,756 Speaker 1: needs a bypass surgery. Yeah. And then the same day, 258 00:14:34,796 --> 00:14:38,556 Speaker 1: same day, It's the same exact day, and I said 259 00:14:38,596 --> 00:14:42,716 Speaker 1: to Mark, Oh, my god, we are cursed. We have 260 00:14:42,796 --> 00:14:44,716 Speaker 1: to get a priest here. I mean, we have to 261 00:14:44,756 --> 00:14:47,956 Speaker 1: bless we have to live, We need holy water, we 262 00:14:47,996 --> 00:14:51,396 Speaker 1: have to burn candles. Like I just couldn't believe it. 263 00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:54,196 Speaker 1: I was on the scene. And then when my mom 264 00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:57,476 Speaker 1: was fighting cancer, Kelly, she took her, She took her 265 00:14:57,476 --> 00:15:01,036 Speaker 1: into our home and she lived with us for seven 266 00:15:01,076 --> 00:15:03,836 Speaker 1: to eight months. Yeah. Well, yeah, a lot. It was 267 00:15:03,876 --> 00:15:05,476 Speaker 1: a you know, it was a lot ye problem. And 268 00:15:05,476 --> 00:15:07,116 Speaker 1: she would go to the chemo with her and the 269 00:15:07,236 --> 00:15:12,636 Speaker 1: radiation with her and bathed her. I owe it to 270 00:15:12,756 --> 00:15:16,596 Speaker 1: my parents and to his mom. I owe it to 271 00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:20,476 Speaker 1: them to take care of them the way they've taken 272 00:15:20,516 --> 00:15:23,236 Speaker 1: care of us. I don't want to screw it up. 273 00:15:23,516 --> 00:15:27,956 Speaker 1: I don't want to give them sub substandard care because 274 00:15:27,996 --> 00:15:31,156 Speaker 1: they raised us, so they raised us in a way 275 00:15:31,196 --> 00:15:33,756 Speaker 1: that is like we are my parents and raise you. 276 00:15:34,156 --> 00:15:36,996 Speaker 1: But and you did and does it and she does 277 00:15:36,996 --> 00:15:40,316 Speaker 1: it I mean dad, Yeah, and my dad comes to 278 00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,756 Speaker 1: New York for his heart doctor and she goes with 279 00:15:42,836 --> 00:15:45,036 Speaker 1: him and sits there and takes notes for him and 280 00:15:45,196 --> 00:15:47,796 Speaker 1: accompanies him. I mean, it's swore. Are you when she's 281 00:15:47,836 --> 00:15:51,796 Speaker 1: doing that. I'm in Vancouver working, Oh, typically right, I'm 282 00:15:51,836 --> 00:15:54,276 Speaker 1: not here. But she does it. She's like, I'm going, 283 00:15:54,756 --> 00:16:00,476 Speaker 1: that's great, But that bespeaks a wonderful testament to your folks. 284 00:16:01,036 --> 00:16:04,916 Speaker 1: My mom gave me the best advice. She said, be 285 00:16:04,996 --> 00:16:07,676 Speaker 1: good to your mother in law. She said, you treat 286 00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:10,636 Speaker 1: your mother in law the way you would treat me, 287 00:16:10,916 --> 00:16:31,516 Speaker 1: but nicer. We'll have more. After a quick break, we're 288 00:16:31,596 --> 00:16:35,476 Speaker 1: back to our conversation with Kelly Rippa and Mark Unsuelos. 289 00:16:36,076 --> 00:16:40,196 Speaker 1: They seem so perfectly aligned. Marlow naturally wanted to know 290 00:16:40,756 --> 00:16:44,596 Speaker 1: how do they fight? How you fight is something to learn. 291 00:16:44,636 --> 00:16:46,916 Speaker 1: I mean, we had to learn how to fight. I 292 00:16:46,956 --> 00:16:49,676 Speaker 1: am an immediate thing. I'm a firecracker that goes off 293 00:16:49,836 --> 00:16:54,556 Speaker 1: right now. Yeah. He would simmer for a while and 294 00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:57,596 Speaker 1: then explode, so we didn't. It was a while for 295 00:16:57,676 --> 00:17:02,076 Speaker 1: us to be able to align our temperaments. To you 296 00:17:02,076 --> 00:17:04,476 Speaker 1: have to feel safe, right, Yeah, you have to. You 297 00:17:04,476 --> 00:17:06,396 Speaker 1: have to feel safe in the fight. That know that, 298 00:17:06,516 --> 00:17:09,756 Speaker 1: you know, I realize that I am Phil and Marlowe. 299 00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:15,236 Speaker 1: I'm like, I simmer and then I explode. I do. 300 00:17:15,436 --> 00:17:18,396 Speaker 1: I Sometimes I liken it to a Kama Kazi mission. 301 00:17:18,516 --> 00:17:20,476 Speaker 1: Every now and then you gotta yeah, like you know what, 302 00:17:20,636 --> 00:17:22,836 Speaker 1: I'm gonna We're gonna fight. Yeah, and I'm going to 303 00:17:22,956 --> 00:17:25,716 Speaker 1: let's get let's go, let's let's really have a blowout. 304 00:17:26,196 --> 00:17:29,716 Speaker 1: And I know I'm gonna lose what And because she's 305 00:17:29,756 --> 00:17:34,956 Speaker 1: always right, oh yeah, where do you stay married? That's great? 306 00:17:35,156 --> 00:17:38,476 Speaker 1: And I know I'm gonna have to apologize. Yeah, because 307 00:17:38,476 --> 00:17:41,036 Speaker 1: you will tend to rise above it. Yeah. You know. 308 00:17:41,076 --> 00:17:44,836 Speaker 1: It's like when when I go low, he'll go high. Um. Yeah, 309 00:17:44,916 --> 00:17:47,276 Speaker 1: and then I will somehow try to get it a 310 00:17:47,356 --> 00:17:49,956 Speaker 1: shovel and I'll try to dig myself. I'll try to 311 00:17:49,996 --> 00:17:53,316 Speaker 1: dig lower and he's like, so he still stays he 312 00:17:53,436 --> 00:17:56,116 Speaker 1: really do you really have like maintained? Oh good, you 313 00:17:56,156 --> 00:17:59,156 Speaker 1: know that. I've always know I admire it about you. 314 00:17:59,276 --> 00:18:01,916 Speaker 1: It's like not every now and then I'm gonna You're 315 00:18:01,916 --> 00:18:04,996 Speaker 1: gonna blow Yeah. Sometimes I'll be amazed at like what 316 00:18:05,036 --> 00:18:07,916 Speaker 1: he's willing to like die on what cross he's will 317 00:18:07,916 --> 00:18:12,196 Speaker 1: be right? And I go that, really, I mean like, 318 00:18:12,276 --> 00:18:15,196 Speaker 1: I'll fall asleep in the middle of some Netflix series 319 00:18:15,396 --> 00:18:19,476 Speaker 1: and I know it's not about Netflix, but the argument 320 00:18:19,676 --> 00:18:22,396 Speaker 1: has been I guess it's more of a fill thing. 321 00:18:22,436 --> 00:18:25,476 Speaker 1: It must have been simmering in there for quite some time, 322 00:18:25,876 --> 00:18:28,676 Speaker 1: you know, And he'll say, well, I've been waiting to 323 00:18:28,676 --> 00:18:31,036 Speaker 1: watch this with you. I've been in Canada and I 324 00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:33,156 Speaker 1: promised you I wouldn't watch it, and I've been waiting 325 00:18:33,156 --> 00:18:35,236 Speaker 1: to watch it now you're asleep. But I know it's 326 00:18:35,276 --> 00:18:38,316 Speaker 1: really not about that. It's probably about seven arguments ago, 327 00:18:38,756 --> 00:18:42,276 Speaker 1: where I got where I got my way or whatever. 328 00:18:42,916 --> 00:18:46,396 Speaker 1: You know, I've we've had that argument as well. And 329 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:49,676 Speaker 1: or I've not done something as they wanted to do 330 00:18:49,716 --> 00:18:52,076 Speaker 1: it with Phil and he'll fall asleep, or he'll not 331 00:18:52,236 --> 00:18:55,356 Speaker 1: want to go and as you promised, or whatever, And 332 00:18:56,076 --> 00:18:59,476 Speaker 1: it actually hurts my feelings because I had built it 333 00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:02,036 Speaker 1: up in my mind. But this is something we're going 334 00:19:02,076 --> 00:19:05,756 Speaker 1: to share together. And then it's then I feel like, well, 335 00:19:05,796 --> 00:19:07,996 Speaker 1: I lost this thing. I thought I was gonna Hey, 336 00:19:08,036 --> 00:19:10,276 Speaker 1: I was like having a live stream Sunday. I didn't 337 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,476 Speaker 1: get you know, right, isn't that kind of what It's 338 00:19:12,476 --> 00:19:15,356 Speaker 1: a It's a disappointment, that's what I feel. What do 339 00:19:15,436 --> 00:19:18,076 Speaker 1: they say? Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, you know. 340 00:19:18,196 --> 00:19:21,516 Speaker 1: Sometimes it just is. It's as simple as that he 341 00:19:21,596 --> 00:19:23,436 Speaker 1: wanted to share it with you. He's been waiting to 342 00:19:23,476 --> 00:19:26,196 Speaker 1: share it with you, and you're bombed out, so the 343 00:19:26,276 --> 00:19:28,396 Speaker 1: thing is not quite as much fun as it was. 344 00:19:29,196 --> 00:19:33,756 Speaker 1: That kind of Yeah, were you always comfortable sharing feelings 345 00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:36,396 Speaker 1: with each other? That's one of you have to teach 346 00:19:36,436 --> 00:19:40,756 Speaker 1: the other how to do that. Interesting. I was just 347 00:19:40,836 --> 00:19:42,876 Speaker 1: no matter what he told me, I used to have 348 00:19:42,876 --> 00:19:46,676 Speaker 1: a conversation with myself, no matter what he's about to say, 349 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:50,196 Speaker 1: don't have any expression on your face, because if you 350 00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:53,516 Speaker 1: have an expression, he might clam up and he might 351 00:19:53,636 --> 00:19:57,116 Speaker 1: feel ashamed of whatever he's told you or judged in 352 00:19:57,156 --> 00:19:59,756 Speaker 1: some way. So I would be very mindful to not 353 00:20:00,276 --> 00:20:03,676 Speaker 1: have any expression at all, no matter what he said. 354 00:20:03,876 --> 00:20:07,356 Speaker 1: The expression I was always, you know, it was. It 355 00:20:07,436 --> 00:20:10,356 Speaker 1: was before I used to get BOTI, before I got botox, 356 00:20:10,436 --> 00:20:11,676 Speaker 1: you know, it was like before I don't even know 357 00:20:11,716 --> 00:20:14,996 Speaker 1: if botox existed at the time, but I mastered the 358 00:20:15,076 --> 00:20:18,716 Speaker 1: art of having no expression that was a great accommodation. Yeah, 359 00:20:18,756 --> 00:20:21,356 Speaker 1: that's what I call an accommodation. It's a good yeah, 360 00:20:21,396 --> 00:20:24,036 Speaker 1: because you don't want the person to think that there 361 00:20:24,076 --> 00:20:27,556 Speaker 1: are being judged. You want your spouse to feel safe 362 00:20:27,796 --> 00:20:31,596 Speaker 1: and know that in you they have a confidant, somebody 363 00:20:31,596 --> 00:20:34,276 Speaker 1: that they can trust, somebody that's like going to walk 364 00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:37,836 Speaker 1: through the fire with them, whatever it is. And ps. 365 00:20:38,076 --> 00:20:41,076 Speaker 1: Anytime he had told me something, what I had built 366 00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:43,076 Speaker 1: up in my mind, like anytime he would say I 367 00:20:43,116 --> 00:20:45,116 Speaker 1: have to tell you something, I want you to get upset, 368 00:20:45,636 --> 00:20:49,996 Speaker 1: what my brain went to was so dark and crazy. 369 00:20:50,356 --> 00:20:52,796 Speaker 1: I would say, he's about to tell me that he's 370 00:20:53,076 --> 00:20:55,956 Speaker 1: disposed of a body. Once but it was always like 371 00:20:56,036 --> 00:20:59,316 Speaker 1: something so benign. What do you think is the difference 372 00:20:59,316 --> 00:21:02,236 Speaker 1: between your marriage and other friends marriages? Well, we have 373 00:21:02,316 --> 00:21:04,916 Speaker 1: a lot like we have. I have to say my 374 00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:08,076 Speaker 1: friend group, I have a lot of happily married friends. 375 00:21:08,116 --> 00:21:11,396 Speaker 1: And I think that that is a great thing because 376 00:21:11,476 --> 00:21:15,916 Speaker 1: I think if you don't um, I think that that 377 00:21:15,996 --> 00:21:20,116 Speaker 1: can we can really spread like the unhappiness. And I agree. 378 00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:23,356 Speaker 1: And there are people like there were people in our lives, 379 00:21:23,836 --> 00:21:26,716 Speaker 1: like early on in our friendship circles that would make 380 00:21:26,796 --> 00:21:29,316 Speaker 1: us unhappy and we would never figure out like quite 381 00:21:29,436 --> 00:21:33,116 Speaker 1: why we would become unhappy around these people, and we 382 00:21:33,156 --> 00:21:36,236 Speaker 1: realized they were in an unhappy marriage, and it was 383 00:21:36,236 --> 00:21:41,676 Speaker 1: like the stress of feeling their unhappiness would somehow tap 384 00:21:41,876 --> 00:21:46,676 Speaker 1: into our souls almost because would get into an argument 385 00:21:46,676 --> 00:21:49,036 Speaker 1: as soon as we would leave their home or leave 386 00:21:49,156 --> 00:21:52,796 Speaker 1: the dinner table at the restaurant. And it's not like 387 00:21:52,916 --> 00:21:55,836 Speaker 1: us to sort of like have a perfectly lovely evening 388 00:21:55,956 --> 00:21:59,156 Speaker 1: and then fight out the way home. And we realized 389 00:21:59,196 --> 00:22:03,956 Speaker 1: we were like we were wearing their energy when things 390 00:22:04,036 --> 00:22:07,716 Speaker 1: aren't going well, which that happens the time. How do 391 00:22:07,756 --> 00:22:12,116 Speaker 1: you reset, well, You think about what you did wrong, 392 00:22:12,276 --> 00:22:14,356 Speaker 1: and then when you talk about it and you apologize 393 00:22:14,396 --> 00:22:16,956 Speaker 1: for it. You apologize even if you feel like you've 394 00:22:16,996 --> 00:22:21,436 Speaker 1: done nothing wrong. I think you owe it to yourself 395 00:22:21,556 --> 00:22:24,996 Speaker 1: and to your spouse to put yourself in the other 396 00:22:25,076 --> 00:22:31,156 Speaker 1: person's position and see it from their perspective. Like if 397 00:22:31,156 --> 00:22:33,356 Speaker 1: we're at a dinner party, homemak a comment and maybe 398 00:22:33,476 --> 00:22:37,996 Speaker 1: it's something that embarrassed me, but from his point of view, 399 00:22:38,036 --> 00:22:40,236 Speaker 1: it was just funny and it got a laugh or whatever, 400 00:22:40,716 --> 00:22:44,116 Speaker 1: And from my point of view, I'm embarrassed it hurt 401 00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:48,156 Speaker 1: my feelings, right, And I think that that's something that 402 00:22:48,196 --> 00:22:51,236 Speaker 1: Mark is really good about. Instead of like getting defensive, 403 00:22:51,316 --> 00:22:53,596 Speaker 1: he'll say, you know, I didn't think that that would 404 00:22:53,676 --> 00:22:55,716 Speaker 1: hurt your feelings. I'm so sorry. I did not mean 405 00:22:55,756 --> 00:22:58,756 Speaker 1: to embarrass you, or I see what you mean, Like 406 00:22:58,836 --> 00:23:01,476 Speaker 1: that's I think that's like something that's a very kind 407 00:23:02,116 --> 00:23:06,276 Speaker 1: simple gesture. That's one of the examples of I finally 408 00:23:06,316 --> 00:23:09,676 Speaker 1: am getting marriage. I think that's a good example of 409 00:23:09,956 --> 00:23:12,916 Speaker 1: because I didn't used to do that, I'd get really defensive, right, 410 00:23:13,436 --> 00:23:15,676 Speaker 1: I'd get really defensive about it. I got you know, 411 00:23:15,796 --> 00:23:17,876 Speaker 1: I say everything wrong, like you know, or if I 412 00:23:17,876 --> 00:23:20,796 Speaker 1: did apologize, I'd be like, I'm sorry if you're upset 413 00:23:20,836 --> 00:23:23,516 Speaker 1: that I said that. Yeah, like an idiot, I would 414 00:23:23,556 --> 00:23:26,396 Speaker 1: think that was smart, a smart thing to say somebody else. 415 00:23:26,596 --> 00:23:29,316 Speaker 1: One of our other couples said that anybody who says 416 00:23:29,356 --> 00:23:32,036 Speaker 1: I'm sorry if that upset you was just full of shit. Right. 417 00:23:32,636 --> 00:23:34,876 Speaker 1: They don't mean it all they're all they're doing is saying, 418 00:23:35,316 --> 00:23:38,516 Speaker 1: you know, you are painting the ass you're feeling sorry upset. 419 00:23:39,676 --> 00:23:42,036 Speaker 1: But a real i'm sorry is I'm sorry. I said 420 00:23:42,076 --> 00:23:46,036 Speaker 1: that I'm sorry if it upset, right, And anytime you're 421 00:23:46,556 --> 00:23:50,796 Speaker 1: coming from a place of I'm so selfless, i am 422 00:23:50,916 --> 00:23:54,876 Speaker 1: sacrificing so much. Yeah, that is narcissistic thinking. Yeah, you 423 00:23:54,996 --> 00:23:57,396 Speaker 1: really have to think. And sometimes I'll like I'll come 424 00:23:57,436 --> 00:24:00,036 Speaker 1: up turn on and go, Okay, I'm totally looking for 425 00:24:00,076 --> 00:24:04,316 Speaker 1: some um, some attention, and I'm being completely selfish right now, 426 00:24:04,356 --> 00:24:06,956 Speaker 1: but I need I need some attention. I'll I'll, I'll 427 00:24:06,956 --> 00:24:09,356 Speaker 1: call myself out and say, I know this is going 428 00:24:09,436 --> 00:24:10,956 Speaker 1: to sound crazy, but I just need you to like 429 00:24:11,476 --> 00:24:14,516 Speaker 1: humor me for a minute. And she does. If you 430 00:24:14,556 --> 00:24:17,876 Speaker 1: can tell your spouse what you need in the moment, 431 00:24:18,396 --> 00:24:21,156 Speaker 1: it is the most helpful thing because, by the way, 432 00:24:22,036 --> 00:24:25,116 Speaker 1: married people or people looking to get married, nobody's a 433 00:24:25,156 --> 00:24:27,996 Speaker 1: psychic marriage is like a roller coaster ride, right, it 434 00:24:27,996 --> 00:24:30,676 Speaker 1: really is. And there's these high highs and you're like, oh, 435 00:24:30,676 --> 00:24:33,596 Speaker 1: this is great, that's tickling in my stomach, feels amazing, 436 00:24:33,996 --> 00:24:36,276 Speaker 1: and then you and then you like sync down to 437 00:24:36,356 --> 00:24:39,436 Speaker 1: the depths and you go through things and you're scared. 438 00:24:40,036 --> 00:24:43,436 Speaker 1: We've often said like, if we had gotten divorced, like 439 00:24:43,556 --> 00:24:46,796 Speaker 1: so many times over things that at the time seemed 440 00:24:46,836 --> 00:24:50,556 Speaker 1: like a huge deal, we would have missed out on 441 00:24:50,876 --> 00:24:57,956 Speaker 1: so much life and incredible moments and fun and some 442 00:24:58,036 --> 00:25:01,796 Speaker 1: of the reasons that we are enjoying like our adult 443 00:25:01,836 --> 00:25:04,916 Speaker 1: lives now is like when all of our friends were 444 00:25:04,956 --> 00:25:08,756 Speaker 1: going out and like out on the town and taking 445 00:25:09,156 --> 00:25:15,916 Speaker 1: impromptu trips to tropical islands. We had small babies and toddlers, 446 00:25:16,156 --> 00:25:18,476 Speaker 1: and we were tired and exhausted, and we would be 447 00:25:18,516 --> 00:25:21,636 Speaker 1: sometimes short with each other, not really kind to each other, 448 00:25:21,716 --> 00:25:25,196 Speaker 1: and we were not like taking the time for each other, 449 00:25:25,676 --> 00:25:29,316 Speaker 1: and that could have easily frayed our marriage, and we 450 00:25:29,396 --> 00:25:32,996 Speaker 1: could have easily turned on each other. But instead it's 451 00:25:33,036 --> 00:25:36,556 Speaker 1: sort of we were just fortunate enough and we listened 452 00:25:36,636 --> 00:25:40,196 Speaker 1: to each other just enough. I used to leave the 453 00:25:40,316 --> 00:25:45,636 Speaker 1: lid off the toothpaste, which drove him crazy, and I 454 00:25:45,676 --> 00:25:49,036 Speaker 1: realized I was starting to do it deliberately to drive 455 00:25:49,116 --> 00:25:52,636 Speaker 1: him crazy. And then one day I said, Okay, are 456 00:25:52,676 --> 00:25:54,196 Speaker 1: we going to have a nice marriage? Are we going 457 00:25:54,276 --> 00:25:57,516 Speaker 1: to be dramatic all the time? Put the fucking lid on. 458 00:25:58,076 --> 00:26:01,596 Speaker 1: Put the lid on the toothpaste, you said yourself, yes, 459 00:26:02,156 --> 00:26:06,356 Speaker 1: put it on, Kelly, it's not rocket science. Put the 460 00:26:07,036 --> 00:26:11,556 Speaker 1: just twisted on. You're you're leaving it off. Deliver I was. 461 00:26:11,716 --> 00:26:15,236 Speaker 1: I remember the moment I had that conversation in my 462 00:26:15,316 --> 00:26:18,716 Speaker 1: own head where I said, go back and put that on, 463 00:26:19,156 --> 00:26:22,236 Speaker 1: because it's going to it's going to dictate what kind 464 00:26:22,276 --> 00:26:24,476 Speaker 1: of a day you have. You're going to either have 465 00:26:24,556 --> 00:26:27,876 Speaker 1: a good day or a bad day by that gesture. 466 00:26:28,996 --> 00:26:31,396 Speaker 1: When I think about some of the things that we've 467 00:26:31,556 --> 00:26:35,276 Speaker 1: argued about in our life and where we've like, that's it, 468 00:26:36,036 --> 00:26:40,676 Speaker 1: We're getting divorced. And and he's always like he last, 469 00:26:40,716 --> 00:26:43,556 Speaker 1: he laughs at me whenever I said that, He's like, oh, okay, 470 00:26:43,676 --> 00:26:47,116 Speaker 1: we're getting Okay, I'll see you at the divorce court. 471 00:26:47,316 --> 00:26:50,156 Speaker 1: So what you're saying is when you go off like that, 472 00:26:50,316 --> 00:26:52,596 Speaker 1: or when you did go yeah like that, he was 473 00:26:52,636 --> 00:26:54,916 Speaker 1: the one that would sort of say, oh, come on, yeah, 474 00:26:55,036 --> 00:26:58,796 Speaker 1: come down, you're the colm down, you're the peacemaker. Yeah yeah, 475 00:26:58,836 --> 00:27:03,156 Speaker 1: I think So it's those things that I find, like 476 00:27:03,956 --> 00:27:09,676 Speaker 1: when we've settled into our like our happy place where 477 00:27:09,716 --> 00:27:13,516 Speaker 1: we are now so many years later, decades later, right, 478 00:27:14,516 --> 00:27:21,716 Speaker 1: I find that the fact that I autonomously clean up 479 00:27:21,756 --> 00:27:26,236 Speaker 1: after myself, I am on time for him. I do 480 00:27:26,276 --> 00:27:29,676 Speaker 1: it for him, but I've also done it for myself now, right, 481 00:27:30,916 --> 00:27:37,076 Speaker 1: And he does things that I know didn't always come 482 00:27:37,156 --> 00:27:40,316 Speaker 1: naturally to him. But he does it now, like you 483 00:27:40,636 --> 00:27:44,476 Speaker 1: figured out that I love guardenias and they always come. 484 00:27:45,356 --> 00:27:48,516 Speaker 1: There's never any reason, they just they show up once 485 00:27:48,516 --> 00:27:50,956 Speaker 1: a week. He sends them to me just to let 486 00:27:50,956 --> 00:27:54,276 Speaker 1: me know that he's thinking of me. And I remember 487 00:27:54,276 --> 00:27:56,116 Speaker 1: the first time you sent them to me. I was 488 00:27:57,036 --> 00:27:59,596 Speaker 1: I just thought that I had I thought he was 489 00:27:59,636 --> 00:28:01,876 Speaker 1: about to tell me he had a secret other family 490 00:28:02,556 --> 00:28:07,196 Speaker 1: because I thought, oh, well, I said, these guardenias are 491 00:28:07,236 --> 00:28:09,996 Speaker 1: so extraordinary. He's going to tell me he's had a 492 00:28:10,116 --> 00:28:14,156 Speaker 1: child out of wedlocked during our marriage. That's the one 493 00:28:14,196 --> 00:28:17,316 Speaker 1: thing we didn't touch on, and it is jealousy. I mean, 494 00:28:17,316 --> 00:28:20,036 Speaker 1: you're both so frigging good looking. I don't have a 495 00:28:20,116 --> 00:28:23,316 Speaker 1: jealous bone in my body, which is which is good. 496 00:28:23,356 --> 00:28:27,596 Speaker 1: But he can be jealous, which is it's I'm always 497 00:28:27,636 --> 00:28:32,436 Speaker 1: so sort of um, I'm shocked. I'm sort of shocked 498 00:28:32,436 --> 00:28:35,956 Speaker 1: by it because I'm somebody that I would not consider 499 00:28:36,276 --> 00:28:39,756 Speaker 1: that somebody would get jealous about. You know. I'm like, 500 00:28:40,596 --> 00:28:42,996 Speaker 1: jealousy is not really so much about what the other 501 00:28:43,036 --> 00:28:47,116 Speaker 1: person does. Yeah, I get your own thing and it 502 00:28:47,156 --> 00:28:52,956 Speaker 1: feels horrible. Are you both jealous? Well? I am, yeah. Yeah. 503 00:28:53,076 --> 00:28:57,076 Speaker 1: She did a movie with Chris Gristrafferson. Oh wow, oh wow. 504 00:28:57,276 --> 00:29:03,516 Speaker 1: So in the middle of the night, I believe this. 505 00:29:04,116 --> 00:29:06,636 Speaker 1: So I'm sound asleep and I hear this banging on 506 00:29:06,716 --> 00:29:09,756 Speaker 1: the door. I'm thinking about, Oh no, Christ, I'm gonna 507 00:29:09,756 --> 00:29:11,836 Speaker 1: be up like in an hour, you know, like four 508 00:29:11,996 --> 00:29:14,516 Speaker 1: thirty or something whatever it was. And I get opened 509 00:29:14,556 --> 00:29:17,596 Speaker 1: the door and there's Phil. And the minute I saw him, 510 00:29:17,596 --> 00:29:24,516 Speaker 1: I thought, he thinks, Chris Christofferson's here, that's that he 511 00:29:24,516 --> 00:29:27,236 Speaker 1: would talk. I opened the door, I said, come in. 512 00:29:27,676 --> 00:29:29,996 Speaker 1: I was so mad at him because I have I 513 00:29:30,076 --> 00:29:32,676 Speaker 1: had like another full hour right now. You know, I 514 00:29:32,676 --> 00:29:34,636 Speaker 1: can't go to see first all. I'm aggravated that he 515 00:29:34,676 --> 00:29:37,636 Speaker 1: would think that I aggravated. And I'm excited and here 516 00:29:37,676 --> 00:29:40,316 Speaker 1: and you're here, and and he walks in, he goes, 517 00:29:40,716 --> 00:29:44,356 Speaker 1: I just you know, I just missed you. Wait so 518 00:29:44,756 --> 00:29:49,876 Speaker 1: wait Phil, Okay, so let's get into it quickly. What if, 519 00:29:50,556 --> 00:29:54,276 Speaker 1: oh god, what if you come to the door and 520 00:29:54,396 --> 00:29:58,396 Speaker 1: Chris Christofferson is there? What happens? Is there a fistfight? 521 00:29:58,556 --> 00:30:02,596 Speaker 1: What happens? I would probably walk out? Yeah, I think 522 00:30:02,596 --> 00:30:04,796 Speaker 1: you would run. I think I would have never seen 523 00:30:04,836 --> 00:30:08,316 Speaker 1: you again. Yeah wow, yeah, you see, with Mark, there 524 00:30:08,316 --> 00:30:10,756 Speaker 1: would be crimes scene tape. There would be like police 525 00:30:10,796 --> 00:30:15,796 Speaker 1: barricades and there'd be a whole right, yeah, yeah, because 526 00:30:15,916 --> 00:30:18,556 Speaker 1: you you did that a few times here I would 527 00:30:18,596 --> 00:30:21,876 Speaker 1: show up, he would show up, and and I remember 528 00:30:21,916 --> 00:30:24,196 Speaker 1: one time I looked at him and I said, aren't 529 00:30:24,196 --> 00:30:27,076 Speaker 1: you tired of catching me here actually doing what I'm 530 00:30:27,116 --> 00:30:30,596 Speaker 1: saying I'm doing. I was doing a show in Boston, 531 00:30:31,116 --> 00:30:33,836 Speaker 1: and there's no we were We didn't have cell phones 532 00:30:33,876 --> 00:30:36,316 Speaker 1: at the time, right, And I couldn't get ahold of 533 00:30:36,356 --> 00:30:38,836 Speaker 1: her all day, and I got a really bad feeling, 534 00:30:39,996 --> 00:30:44,556 Speaker 1: and so yeah, it's horrible. And so unfortunately there are 535 00:30:44,876 --> 00:30:48,156 Speaker 1: flights to New York from Boston every hour, and I 536 00:30:48,196 --> 00:30:50,356 Speaker 1: got her finally on the you know how they used 537 00:30:50,356 --> 00:30:52,116 Speaker 1: to have this on the on the plane, and so 538 00:30:52,316 --> 00:30:54,676 Speaker 1: she said, you sound funny. I'm like, nah, you sound fine. 539 00:30:54,676 --> 00:30:57,596 Speaker 1: I guess it's just the phone. He said, what are 540 00:30:57,596 --> 00:30:59,916 Speaker 1: you doing tonight? It was a Friday night. Were you 541 00:30:59,956 --> 00:31:02,796 Speaker 1: married or not married? We're married. What are you doing tonight? 542 00:31:02,996 --> 00:31:05,956 Speaker 1: I said, believe it or not, I'm cleaning the toilets. 543 00:31:06,276 --> 00:31:10,116 Speaker 1: I was like, I was cleaning. So he for some 544 00:31:10,156 --> 00:31:14,836 Speaker 1: reason thought that sounded very fishing. You didn't tell you 545 00:31:14,876 --> 00:31:18,276 Speaker 1: on the plane. No, he wanted to catch me love this. 546 00:31:18,596 --> 00:31:20,996 Speaker 1: It's like I came in very much like, hey, what's 547 00:31:21,036 --> 00:31:24,596 Speaker 1: going on? So happy to see me? No, he tells 548 00:31:24,596 --> 00:31:26,876 Speaker 1: the doorman. He goes tell the call up to the 549 00:31:26,876 --> 00:31:30,716 Speaker 1: apartment and tell her that there's a flower delivery. And 550 00:31:31,636 --> 00:31:35,036 Speaker 1: and I was like a flower delivery. And I'm so 551 00:31:35,076 --> 00:31:38,876 Speaker 1: excited because I'm thinking, oh my gosh, he's sending me flowers. 552 00:31:38,916 --> 00:31:41,196 Speaker 1: This is so nice. And I'm not kidding. I have 553 00:31:41,316 --> 00:31:44,956 Speaker 1: like a Johnny mop in one hand. I'm wearing a bathrobe. 554 00:31:45,356 --> 00:31:47,996 Speaker 1: I am. I am a disaster. I'm not how I 555 00:31:48,036 --> 00:31:49,756 Speaker 1: want my husband to see me when he gets home 556 00:31:49,796 --> 00:31:53,236 Speaker 1: from like his movie set. And I opened the door 557 00:31:53,636 --> 00:31:56,556 Speaker 1: and it's him and he comes in. He doesn't even 558 00:31:56,556 --> 00:32:00,636 Speaker 1: say hello to me. He's looking for something and I go, right, 559 00:32:00,676 --> 00:32:03,236 Speaker 1: I go, what do you? And I'm still looking for 560 00:32:03,276 --> 00:32:06,276 Speaker 1: the flower guy. I was like, there's a guy coming flowers. 561 00:32:06,476 --> 00:32:11,516 Speaker 1: It's a horrible feeling. It's Oh, I'm less I wouldn't 562 00:32:11,516 --> 00:32:14,036 Speaker 1: you say I'm less jealous these days? Oh my gosh. Yes, 563 00:32:14,756 --> 00:32:17,596 Speaker 1: there's no such thing as this perfect marriage. It's the 564 00:32:17,636 --> 00:32:20,596 Speaker 1: crazy stuff that you get through together that makes it 565 00:32:20,676 --> 00:32:27,596 Speaker 1: all the worthwhile. That's Kelly RiPP and Marknzuelos. It's great 566 00:32:27,596 --> 00:32:30,396 Speaker 1: how they still seem to surprise each other. Well, it'd 567 00:32:30,396 --> 00:32:33,436 Speaker 1: be pretty boring if there were no surprises. That's why 568 00:32:33,476 --> 00:32:37,876 Speaker 1: I married you. Until next time. I'm Phil Donna here 569 00:32:37,956 --> 00:32:41,116 Speaker 1: and I'm Marlo Thomas. Anyway, I know you're leaving tomorrow. 570 00:32:41,196 --> 00:32:43,596 Speaker 1: You must be having a romantic night tonight. So no, 571 00:32:44,836 --> 00:32:48,436 Speaker 1: not having a romantic night. But we're done to one Kid, 572 00:32:49,476 --> 00:32:53,196 Speaker 1: double day. There's a production of Pushkin Industries. The show 573 00:32:53,276 --> 00:32:57,156 Speaker 1: was created by US and produced by Sarah Lily. Michael 574 00:32:57,156 --> 00:33:01,516 Speaker 1: Bahari is associate producer. Musical adaptations of It Had to 575 00:33:01,556 --> 00:33:06,436 Speaker 1: Be You by Cellwagon, Simfinette, Marlo and I are executive 576 00:33:06,476 --> 00:33:11,716 Speaker 1: producers along with Me and Lobell and Letal Molad from Pushkin. 577 00:33:12,556 --> 00:33:18,956 Speaker 1: Special thanks to Jacob Wiseburg, Malcolm Gladwell, Heather Faine, John Snars, 578 00:33:19,036 --> 00:33:25,636 Speaker 1: Carly Migliori, Eric Sandler, Emily Rosdek, Jason Gambrel, Paul Williams, 579 00:33:25,876 --> 00:33:30,556 Speaker 1: and Bruce Kluger. If you like our show, please remember 580 00:33:30,596 --> 00:33:34,556 Speaker 1: to share, rate, and review. Thanks for listening.