Speaker 1: What the hell?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 1: Everybody relaxed?
Speaker 3: Touch that pain?
Speaker 1: Is that a body?
Speaker 4: It's Fandy, dang dog?
Speaker 5: The bitch is dead, Disgustice, How are y'all a poof
Speaker 5: when I'm nervous?
Speaker 4: And I'm nervous, when a poof?
Speaker 6: Just the way?
Speaker 3: It is?
Speaker 7: Welcome, dear listener, what you just heard was a murder.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 7: Death finds us all sooner or later. Oh yes, he
Speaker 7: she they do. I should, however, correct myself. You did
Speaker 7: not ear witness a murder, per se. What you heard
Speaker 7: was the discovery of a body, and not just anybody,
Speaker 7: mine Vandy Jeremiah Monroe, the third, your narrator from the beyond?
Speaker 7: Who am I? You ask? Or rather who was? I?
Speaker 7: A director? Philanthropist, lover, fighter, dreamer and very fucking gay?
Speaker 7: My ouvra has been dissected in film schools and more importantly,
Speaker 7: film blogs. My biggest success was Called Which, which a
Speaker 7: sapphic love story set during the Salem Bitch Trials, and
Speaker 7: my first film, Give a Dog a Boner, is about
Speaker 7: a demonic Dashian who terrorizes the senior citizen community in
Speaker 7: New Jersey. Recently, my work had fallen out of favor.
Speaker 7: Oh who am I kidding? I haven't had a hit
Speaker 7: since Veronica's Closet was on the air. But I had
Speaker 7: a plan for my comeback, A movie musical called All
Speaker 7: About Steve, a remake of All About Eve, only gayer
Speaker 7: and with angel. People would respect me again. Jim Parsons
Speaker 7: would return my calls. I could smell the oscars, or
Speaker 7: at least the racist golden globes. Only in the weeks
Speaker 7: before my demise, I started to receive threatening calls, emails,
Speaker 7: and letters saying things like You're about to die, Andy,
Speaker 7: sleep with your eyes open, peek a boo, I'm gonna
Speaker 7: kill you, etc.
Speaker 8: Et cetera.
Speaker 7: Then the ante was upped. A bullet grazed me during
Speaker 7: my morning stroll. A toxic mushroom made its way into
Speaker 7: my darling dog's dinner bowl. R Ip, Jessica, that's not all.
Speaker 7: A massacred rabbit and spooky photo of Glenn clothes were
Speaker 7: left at my door, along with the original Broadway cast
Speaker 7: recording of the musical Taboo. Shit was getting real, so
Speaker 7: I invited my best friends aka my mortal enemies, each
Speaker 7: of whom had a reason to want me. Disappeared to
Speaker 7: my Hudson Valley home for the weekend. My plan was
Speaker 7: to catch whoever was after me once and for all,
Speaker 7: but clearly I failed. The question, dear listener, is not
Speaker 7: who died like I said it me. No, the question
Speaker 7: is why and by whom? And what were they wearing?
Speaker 7: And who were they wearing? There's more confusion surrounding my
Speaker 7: death than there is about Ryan Murphy's success. Is he
Speaker 7: really that talented or just remarkably overpaid? Allegedly? In dissecting
Speaker 7: my big gay murder, I have two goals. To name
Speaker 7: my killer and to entertain. Do you know that song
Speaker 7: from Gypsy? Let me entertain? Yell? It's sung by a
Speaker 7: child who turns into a whore, and now by me. Well,
Speaker 7: just a sample. We can't afford the rights moving on.
Speaker 7: Every good murder has a suspect or ten. Mine is
Speaker 7: no exception. Let me introduce you to the possibilities. First,
Speaker 7: my husband, Reginald Divine, a part time artist, full time wiccan.
Speaker 7: Who's really introducing No one knows how old Reginald is,
Speaker 7: not even me. He just keeps getting younger. He credits
Speaker 7: vampire facials and Kale's smoothies, but I'm not so sure.
Speaker 7: Did I love him. Could he have murdered me?
Speaker 3: Absolutely, I'm Reginald Divine, I'm here, I'm queer now past
Speaker 3: the sunscreen. No, I'm not kidding. I'm like an SPM
Speaker 3: seventy and that's at night.
Speaker 7: Then we have my neighbor, Henry Jacobs, an award losing
Speaker 7: interior designer. Henry has a passion for wallpaper and is
Speaker 7: obsessed with Harry Potter books in a way that I
Speaker 7: find unhealthy, especially these days.
Speaker 9: I'm Henry Jacobs and I'm gay about a Cadavra Sweetheart.
Speaker 7: Jacques Saint Cox, a British porn star with the dick
Speaker 7: the size of an egg plant and the brain the
Speaker 7: size of an egg Alla Mite, Jock Saint.
Speaker 1: Butthole Dehey.
Speaker 7: Madame Moon and Polly Barker, a cabaret duo who've been
Speaker 7: performing together longer than both acts of the Inheritance. Polly's
Speaker 7: preferred method of communication is the piano, while Moon can
Speaker 7: be a bit dim bossy.
Speaker 2: Introduce yourself, Polly, use your words.
Speaker 4: I'm Polly Barker.
Speaker 2: And I am Madam Moon, drag queen extraordinaire. I have
Speaker 2: a voice like a siren, and not the kind on
Speaker 2: cop cars.
Speaker 7: My longtime chef tush Van Munch, a German Jew. He
Speaker 7: escaped the Nazis by promising them blowjobs only once they
Speaker 7: drop their tight Nazi pants. You bet their dicks off.
Speaker 1: Shameya.
Speaker 6: I'm gay.
Speaker 7: Last and certainly least. Kelly Raymon and Flanagan Air other
Speaker 7: Raymon and Flanagan Fortune.
Speaker 4: I may be letter, pack a lot of punch and
Speaker 4: the bottomise always on top.
Speaker 7: Kelly is annoying and farts a lot.
Speaker 4: Excuse me kill her er.
Speaker 7: Do not let them fool you, dear listener. All these
Speaker 7: homosexuals are suspects. Oh, I almost forgot. There's another voice.
Speaker 7: You'll hear our series straight Man, except he's gay. He
Speaker 7: lives it, or rather on my generous estate, in a
Speaker 7: small cabin by the road, under the power lines, near
Speaker 7: the septic tank. James Wilson, my caretaker and handyman, though
Speaker 7: apparently he's gag a writer. He took the job to
Speaker 7: pay off his student loans from Tish, which everyone knows
Speaker 7: will never ever be paid off because NYU is crazy expensive.
Speaker 7: I hired him to outfit my mansion with hidden recording devices.
Speaker 7: Not only that, I left instructions on what to do
Speaker 7: if I was murdered. He's to bring my killer to
Speaker 7: justice like a cool Perrow or Miss Marple if they
Speaker 7: were massive epic fags. Now that you know the players,
Speaker 7: let's begin the game. Miss Sherlock Holmes once said, is
Speaker 7: a foot and this bitch is wearing heels in a
Speaker 7: house on him?
Speaker 1: Who lives a.
Speaker 4: Gay and his plans want him dead?
Speaker 10: Ride wise, someone wants to kill him even though it's wrong.
Speaker 10: Thinks the world is manner of many is born. It's
Speaker 10: him very closely with your eas see if you can
Speaker 10: gam so which one of his queens maybe is the killer?
Speaker 4: Who is the killer?
Speaker 1: Who did it?
Speaker 4: Who wanted dead?
Speaker 1: Who did he?
Speaker 7: Who creptain?
Speaker 4: Is bad? Who didn't?
Speaker 1: Was it you?
Speaker 7: Was it mean?
Speaker 4: Who could it be? Who didn't?
Speaker 7: They're drupping like flies?
Speaker 4: Who didn't?
Speaker 10: These guys are like guys who didn't?
Speaker 1: Was it you? Wasn't me?
Speaker 4: Who could it be?
Speaker 11: Does this word make me look?
Speaker 1: Hello? Hello?
Speaker 4: Was lack of brother to me?
Speaker 1: He decimated you at dinner?
Speaker 5: I know his emotional abuse reminds me of home.
Speaker 1: Someone please make shop brother? What should we do? Reginald?
Speaker 1: Call the police? Excuse me?
Speaker 5: Oh my god, it's the killer.
Speaker 1: No I'm not. I'm James Wilson, caretaker of the estate.
Speaker 9: Hmm, that job sounds homophobic.
Speaker 1: I live in the house by the gate near the road.
Speaker 9: Oh that's a house.
Speaker 4: It's the size of a thimble. I thought it was
Speaker 4: the church for spiders.
Speaker 1: I used to live in the city, so to me,
Speaker 1: it's an upgrade. I went to Nyu. Oh, you poor thing.
Speaker 5: You must be up to your fat nipples and stint loans.
Speaker 1: I am. That's why I work here, Reginald. Is this true?
Speaker 7: I suppose he does look familiar.
Speaker 12: I watch you change at night from my binoculars. I mean,
Speaker 12: I've watched stars at night.
Speaker 7: If you smile eyes, yes, you're the stable boy.
Speaker 1: What did you say you did? I heard screaming, so
Speaker 1: I ran over.
Speaker 7: The is dead.
Speaker 1: Dead The old man was right.
Speaker 7: I beg your heart on, come again, I.
Speaker 13: Can so soon after the first time.
Speaker 1: Oh you weren't talking to me, were you? How did
Speaker 1: Vandy die?
Speaker 4: We don't know.
Speaker 5: I saw hom in bed with blood everywhere, and did
Speaker 5: Moon fall asleep?
Speaker 4: Polly? Wake her up?
Speaker 2: Where am I Moon?
Speaker 4: There's been a murder. How can you retired at time
Speaker 4: like this?
Speaker 2: I'm an insomniac, so I take loads of pills at night. Hush,
Speaker 2: I'm groggy, tush, Dear, make some coffee.
Speaker 1: Got me right? Wait, no one move? Is everyone here
Speaker 1: an accounting for I'm afraid so then it's probable, more
Speaker 1: than probable. Actually, then, whoever killed Vandy is in this
Speaker 1: very room.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, storry about that?
Speaker 1: Does anyone have reception?
Speaker 4: Reception? Reception for what?
Speaker 1: What about a landline?
Speaker 3: We haven't had a landline since nineteen ninety seven, so
Speaker 3: no fons.
Speaker 1: Or no internet? How do you know?
Speaker 12: Earlier I was trying to download one of Jacques's porndoflicks and.
Speaker 9: Never mind, we believe you did move for all asleep again?
Speaker 2: Ow who pinched me?
Speaker 12: I've never met someone who can sleep for so much noise.
Speaker 12: I survived the camps.
Speaker 5: Oh, I went to summer camp too, all us boys
Speaker 5: sharing a bunk a bathroom A bad man.
Speaker 1: Am not talking about summer camp.
Speaker 12: I am talking about bless you.
Speaker 1: It's probably just the allergies. Reginalds, you must be in
Speaker 1: a state of absolute shock. Not really.
Speaker 3: You didn't know Vandy very well, did you?
Speaker 1: I thought I did. Listen everyone I know, Reginald and Toush.
Speaker 1: But maybe the rest of you can catch me up
Speaker 1: to speed, tell me your names and your relationship.
Speaker 6: It ish shit.
Speaker 13: We're supposed to sit around and walk wait to get
Speaker 13: killed too while we play some fucking name game.
Speaker 4: Nah, I'm out.
Speaker 9: I find that homophobic.
Speaker 3: You can't go around accusing gay men of being homophobic.
Speaker 1: Please can we get back.
Speaker 5: I'm Kelly Raymor and Flanagan of the Raymre and Flanagan Empire.
Speaker 5: I'm friends with Vandy from back in the day.
Speaker 4: We used to go clubbing together. Oh not to the bars.
Speaker 5: We'd bring actual clubs to the pier and hit straight
Speaker 5: people with them. And honestly, there's no way the killer
Speaker 5: is still here.
Speaker 6: No theory.
Speaker 1: Bob, who is Bob names? Please?
Speaker 2: Madam Moon Chantus of the Stage Musical Contaret.
Speaker 12: I've seen your in province down next to the lobster pot.
Speaker 2: Fabular praise is a gift I kindly accept now. Like
Speaker 2: I said, who's Bob?
Speaker 4: Oh nobody?
Speaker 5: It's an expression like he could eat corn through a
Speaker 5: picket fence, or you can't make a silk purse out
Speaker 5: of a sow's ear.
Speaker 2: Silk purse corn picket fence? Can someone translate.
Speaker 12: He's saying Vandy was probably attacked by an intruder who
Speaker 12: already flies.
Speaker 1: You think someone broke in during a storm, It does
Speaker 1: seem unlikely. The snow is coming down hard.
Speaker 2: I bet Jock knows a thing or two about coming
Speaker 2: down hard.
Speaker 13: Actually I do. I've won four a v and Awards
Speaker 13: Adult Video News. It's basically the oscar is a fucking
Speaker 13: I score best tease, best back of head, skanky aest vibe,
Speaker 13: and weirdest tongue. Do you want to see.
Speaker 3: Terrible?
Speaker 7: Let me see that again.
Speaker 5: An lgbt Q I a square to the tenth power
Speaker 5: could not have committed this crime.
Speaker 4: Queer people use words, not weapons when those don't work.
Speaker 5: Maybe we do push people down the stairs, but never
Speaker 5: knaves or guns.
Speaker 7: What about Jeffrey Dahmer or Hitler?
Speaker 4: Hitler was gay?
Speaker 7: It's a grass green does Ben Platt's vibrado vabble.
Speaker 1: I've had enough. I'm leaving. I can't allow you to
Speaker 1: do that. So on what a prisoner?
Speaker 6: He played one before I saw it.
Speaker 1: I can't remember the title though.
Speaker 13: It's a hardcock life that stuffun Oh.
Speaker 12: Yes, it's all coming back to me now. You have
Speaker 12: a real very thrusting you're a fan.
Speaker 6: It's impossible to choose between West Side hoary and pulp function,
Speaker 6: Oh and all that, Jez, don't cry.
Speaker 2: It's just so sad about Vandy, isn't it, Polly? I said,
Speaker 2: isn't it? Polly?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 4: Awful, horrible.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry you are.
Speaker 2: He's my accompanimist, Polly. He doesn't talk much.
Speaker 4: Say something, Polly Moon, I don't.
Speaker 7: I don't enjoy it.
Speaker 1: I don't have anything to wait.
Speaker 4: Is that Broadway and Disney legend?
Speaker 7: Lay us a long?
Speaker 4: Did someone leave a record on?
Speaker 3: No, it's just the pipes, you know, these old houses
Speaker 3: are upstairs. Toilet sounds like Bernadette Peterson smells like it
Speaker 3: in a turn.
Speaker 1: Black as thrilling as this conversation is, I'd like to
Speaker 1: question you all. What are you?
Speaker 3: Are you a cop?
Speaker 1: No? But someone has to get to the bottom of this.
Speaker 4: Me I'm a bottom.
Speaker 1: We know.
Speaker 4: Why should we trust you?
Speaker 1: James?
Speaker 9: You live in an art house, which I find deeply homophobic.
Speaker 9: What of you're the killer?
Speaker 1: I wasn't going to do this, but here.
Speaker 7: If you're listening to this, then my greatest fear has
Speaker 7: come to pass. And no, it's not winning a second
Speaker 7: Razzie Award or McDonald's running out of cheese.
Speaker 1: I've been murdered.
Speaker 3: Wait a minute, I don't believe this. Vandy left that
Speaker 3: voice memo for.
Speaker 1: You more than one actually.
Speaker 4: So Vandy knew he'd get off. That doesn't mean that
Speaker 4: one of us did it.
Speaker 7: Keep listening, murdered by one of you who was invited
Speaker 7: to my home for the weekend, who was already living
Speaker 7: here on staff. If you cared about me at all,
Speaker 7: do what James asks?
Speaker 1: No questions? Now do you believe I'm trustworthy?
Speaker 3: Okay, Colombo? Who do you want to see first?
Speaker 1: Actually, Reginald, I'd like to start with you.
Speaker 7: And so James began his questioning with Reginald in the
Speaker 7: library outside the wind howled harder than Dreamgirls fans when
Speaker 7: it lost the Best Musical Tony back in nineteen eighty two.
Speaker 7: Oh that taste god. Ah.
Speaker 3: You know people think smoking's bad for them, for stivolute people.
Speaker 1: They're wrong, you know, No, they're right. Smoking kills people.
Speaker 3: Loneliness kills people, and old age.
Speaker 1: Do you like this record? It's one of my favorites
Speaker 1: for someone whose husband just died. You don't seem that upset.
Speaker 3: And what exactly are you accusing me of?
Speaker 1: Nothing?
Speaker 3: Yet?
Speaker 14: I just.
Speaker 3: Nothing. I just good because when you accuse people without evidence,
Speaker 3: you are no better than the DJ.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Are you Republican?
Speaker 15: No?
Speaker 1: Why are you attacking me? I feel judged. All I
Speaker 1: want to know is where you were when Vandy was killed,
Speaker 1: since you clearly weren't in bed with them.
Speaker 3: Correct. Vandy has his bedroom and I have mine. A
Speaker 3: marriage was a marriage was very Victorian.
Speaker 1: So that's where you were your bedroom.
Speaker 3: Yes, and before that I was in my art studio.
Speaker 1: You're an artist. I've never seen any of your work.
Speaker 3: Yes, well, I'm very private and selective about my models.
Speaker 3: It's something I do for myself myself alone. Painting soothes
Speaker 3: me because life can be very stressful, especially at my age.
Speaker 3: How old do you think I am?
Speaker 1: Honestly, I have no idea. Based on your skin, I'd
Speaker 1: say sixteen.
Speaker 3: Really, battle do you have any idea how hard it
Speaker 3: is to be a gay man these days?
Speaker 1: I'm a gay man, a respected.
Speaker 3: Gay man, someone in the spotlight. I don't come from
Speaker 3: old money like Vandy. I grew up in a shack
Speaker 3: below the Mason Dixon line. The second I came to
Speaker 3: New York and sounded like Kelly Well, no one.
Speaker 1: Took me seriously. I got a voice coach.
Speaker 3: I couldn't afford nice clothes, but I studied up on designers,
Speaker 3: kept myself trimmed. Some people are good conversationalists, others are
Speaker 3: smart with money. I had my looks, have my looks.
Speaker 3: I envy you you you children. You have no idea
Speaker 3: what it was like growing up queer from my generation.
Speaker 3: Do you know what happened to those of us who
Speaker 3: survived the eighties? We had to live through the nineties
Speaker 3: almost made me yearn for the thirties. Nobody had it
Speaker 3: tougher than the gays, and I mean nobody. That's why
Speaker 3: I'm a witch. Sorry, you heard right, A witch, wicked
Speaker 3: part of the occultist Western esotericism. I worshiped the Triple
Speaker 3: Goddess and the horn God.
Speaker 1: I do think we're getting off track here. Someone in
Speaker 1: this house was threatening Vandy, he told me before he died.
Speaker 1: I'm guessing it's the same person who killed him.
Speaker 7: Some people view death as a release.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure Vandy saw it that way.
Speaker 7: Listen, I believe an attempt in my life will be made,
Speaker 7: and I intend to defend myself with everything in my power.
Speaker 7: But if you're listening, to this, then sadly I have failed.
Speaker 1: What do you make of that?
Speaker 3: Poor Vandy? It's hard to believe he's gone. He hadn't
Speaker 3: been himself lately, jumpy, erratic. Some moments he'd be high,
Speaker 3: others he'd be low. It is almost like you, yes,
Speaker 3: like he was falling in love. What a silly thing
Speaker 3: to say, What a silly thing to say. I don't
Speaker 3: know why that popped into my The only strange thing
Speaker 3: I saw all day was Kelly and doing poppers in
Speaker 3: the library. And the poppers part isn't strange, but either
Speaker 3: of them in a library, Yeah, that felt a little unsettling.
Speaker 1: Kelly seems quite torn up about Vandy. Were they close?
Speaker 3: He was helping Vandy finances come back. But then Kelly
Speaker 3: has for a role in the film, and not a cameo,
Speaker 3: a lead. Can you imagine that southern trimp on screen?
Speaker 3: And they had it out at dinner a volcano of
Speaker 3: a fight.
Speaker 1: Really, what exactly did Vandy say?
Speaker 7: Well?
Speaker 1: What the fuck?
Speaker 4: What was that?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 7: Come on, Wilmer, what the hell are you doing here?
Speaker 5: You're so I'm I'm there's an arrow sticking out of
Speaker 5: that hot young man.
Speaker 6: Praise yourself.
Speaker 4: Is this all hurt?
Speaker 1: What the fuck?
Speaker 4: You just ripped that arrow out of my arm?
Speaker 6: Better out and in, darling. Now hold still by a bandage.
Speaker 1: Don't worry. I'm used to handling large slabs of bee.
Speaker 9: Am I the only one who wants to know why
Speaker 9: this man has been used for target practice?
Speaker 1: You must be Wilmer Munroe Fandy's adopted son.
Speaker 14: That's right.
Speaker 1: Once Tush finishes wrapping up your arm, I'll need you
Speaker 1: to follow me the Bandy's study so I can tie
Speaker 1: you up sexy.
Speaker 4: But why the hell would I let you do that?
Speaker 1: Because I believe that you murdered your father.
Speaker 12: Gay ghast, gay Ghast film up kill Bandy never, not
Speaker 12: in a million years.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. I helped Vandy prepare the house because
Speaker 1: he suspected one of you would try to murder him.
Speaker 1: His bedroom was triggered with a crossbow set to launch
Speaker 1: when someone entered. Hence Wilmer's the killer.
Speaker 7: Not so fast, Matt Cock.
Speaker 4: I didn't touch my father.
Speaker 2: A crossper in his bedroom. That is majorly fucked up.
Speaker 3: Bendy always did like a long.
Speaker 1: Piece of wood. Were you even invited? Wilmer, Vandy never
Speaker 1: mentioned you were coming, which would mean that you're snuck
Speaker 1: inside once everyone went to bed in order to murder yours.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to talk to him.
Speaker 14: Is that a crime? Daddy cut me off. He thinks
Speaker 14: I'm not responsible, but I so am.
Speaker 2: If you have to say you're responsible, you probably not.
Speaker 14: I wanted to tell him that I got a job.
Speaker 1: You did that.
Speaker 4: I almost got a job.
Speaker 14: I'm looking for one. I'm thinking about possibly looking for one.
Speaker 1: Did a gun just fall out of your pants? No?
Speaker 1: It literally did give me that pure James ketch a
Speaker 1: glock G nineteen.
Speaker 4: No, how could you want to murder your father?
Speaker 14: I wanted to reason with him when I was ready
Speaker 14: to do whatever it took to get back my allowance.
Speaker 14: Only as soon as I open the door, I was
Speaker 14: shot by the effing cross bow and I ran. I
Speaker 14: tried to reach the road, but the storm is too strong,
Speaker 14: so I came back.
Speaker 9: If Wilma never went inside Bandy's room, then who killed him?
Speaker 1: I want to examine Vandy's bedroom, but first let's deal
Speaker 1: with Wilmer. We can use these handcuffs.
Speaker 4: I'll always keep a seat on me for fun. You
Speaker 4: don't know.
Speaker 1: Everyone stay here, Henry come with me.
Speaker 9: Should I bring my wand never mind, let's go.
Speaker 7: Moments later, James and Henry arrived at my bedroom door
Speaker 7: and flicked on the light to see.
Speaker 1: Eh, it's worse than I imagined. Look at Vandy's body,
Speaker 1: all that blood.
Speaker 9: Like when Lily Potter sacrificed herself so Harry could live.
Speaker 1: What why are you talking about, Harry Potter. We have
Speaker 1: to be.
Speaker 4: Able to separate the art from the artist. We have to.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to have this conversation with you.
Speaker 3: Hmm.
Speaker 1: Now that I'm seeing Vandy in the light, something's off.
Speaker 1: This looks like him, but his skin seems weird, waxy.
Speaker 9: Well, don't touch him.
Speaker 1: This isn't bandy, of course it is.
Speaker 9: I'm staring at Vandy in the world's gaudiest sleigh bed
Speaker 9: with his neck slip.
Speaker 1: That's what someone wants us to think. This looks like Vandy,
Speaker 1: but it's a doll, well made doll, super lifelike. What on?
Speaker 4: Don't put your fingers in his blood.
Speaker 1: It's not blood to sugary. And look on his foot.
Speaker 9: The toenails do look overgrown?
Speaker 1: No, the stamp, it says dapper cadavers. I don't understand.
Speaker 4: This is a fake Bandy.
Speaker 1: What does it all mean? It means Vandy isn't dead,
Speaker 1: He's alive.
Speaker 4: Why God, James, your legging is blood? You're madder than
Speaker 4: a wet pan. Also, what's it taste like?
Speaker 1: Why is everyone in Vandy's bedroom? Who's watching Wilmer?
Speaker 3: Toosha's downstairs with him? You were taking too long?
Speaker 1: We got bored, Henry and I discovered something strange. The
Speaker 1: body we thought was Vandy's isn't. Does the phrase dapper
Speaker 1: cadavers mean anything to anyone?
Speaker 3: That's the company Bandy uses to make bodies for his
Speaker 3: horror films.
Speaker 4: Where's that walkin coming from?
Speaker 3: Meet the most Annoying Bird on the planet? Ladies and Gentlemen,
Speaker 3: Angela Len's fairy teban Jeet Jetbian jew a Rainbow Cockatoo,
Speaker 3: Vandy's Pride and Joy too bad?
Speaker 4: I wish it wasn't out, pieb and Gee, Bibi and Git?
Speaker 5: Does it say anything else?
Speaker 1: Angry, pirate, Kentucky plumblike Pap Tony denzil Rud? What do
Speaker 1: those mean? There? Sex positions?
Speaker 2: Tony Denza is A sex position.
Speaker 4: Is when you're fucking a girl and ask her, oh's
Speaker 4: the boss?
Speaker 13: And she turns around all confused, and then you tickle
Speaker 13: over with a feather duster.
Speaker 6: Or so are gin, Pip and je Pip and jee?
Speaker 1: All right, it's late. Everyone is exhausted. Let's try and
Speaker 1: get some sleep.
Speaker 4: With a murderer in the house and a bird. If
Speaker 4: Bandy isn't dead, there might not be a murderer at all.
Speaker 1: I have the master key. I'll lock everyone in their
Speaker 1: rooms for the night.
Speaker 7: What about the gun, I'll take it.
Speaker 3: I shot muskets back in the day. It can't be
Speaker 3: too different.
Speaker 1: No way, it won't be safe with anyone but me.
Speaker 1: Hopefully by morning the roads will be cleared and we
Speaker 1: can call the police.
Speaker 4: Him joy, who's going asleep with the bird?
Speaker 2: Nay?
Speaker 4: I've always wanted a cock to What about Wilmer?
Speaker 3: I have an idea. There's a broom closet under the stairs.
Speaker 3: He could stay there for the.
Speaker 4: Night, just like the boy who lived.
Speaker 1: I mean, sounds like a plato. Okay, good night, sleep tight,
Speaker 1: don't let the bedbugs bite. Try not to get murdered.
Speaker 1: James Wilson. Here, it's three seventeen am on Friday, well
Speaker 1: Saturday morning. I'm recording my thoughts to keep track of
Speaker 1: what's happening. When I rushed over to the main house,
Speaker 1: I feared Vandy was dead. But is he or is
Speaker 1: he alive somewhere hiding. I'm in Vandy's library, where I
Speaker 1: set up the feeds for the hidden microphones, even though
Speaker 1: we lost power. There's a small generator here, good for
Speaker 1: one room. I'm not sure how long it'll last, but
Speaker 1: fingers crossed now.
Speaker 7: I have to.
Speaker 1: There we go. Let's take a listen to what these
Speaker 1: homos are saying behind closed doors.
Speaker 15: Dear Jesus, please forgive me for my sins, specifically for
Speaker 15: what I did tonight, which was very, very bad, so
Speaker 15: fucking bad.
Speaker 7: Jesus, come Angela, lads, very get over here.
Speaker 1: What why the fuck? Come on, it'll be fun. I
Speaker 1: don't want to poor Paully.
Speaker 15: I'm worried I may have.
Speaker 4: We don't know who's listening.
Speaker 15: Take that jokes and.
Speaker 2: Careful now.
Speaker 15: Avoid the vein.
Speaker 12: Not thing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around.
Speaker 1: Where are you, Fandy?
Speaker 4: Where the hell are you.
Speaker 1: Next time?
Speaker 7: Does this murder make me look gay?
Speaker 1: You want me to install hidden cameras in your house.
Speaker 7: Exactly like what parents do when they spy on their nanny.
Speaker 7: Can you pick some up at the home depot.
Speaker 5: Oh, Mississippi. Bird bats all the rage in the South.
Speaker 5: It's when you fill a girl's mouth with kool aid.
Speaker 5: Then she gets on her knees and you dip your
Speaker 5: balls inside like a like a little baby bird wetness,
Speaker 5: little bait.
Speaker 1: Not to pick partners. Let's draw straws. They don't you fraws.
Speaker 1: It's terrible for the environment.
Speaker 12: But recrudraw from the house stealdog collection.
Speaker 4: You have a house dildo collection.
Speaker 1: We need to search every inch of this place and
Speaker 1: find vandy before the killer does.
Speaker 8: Does this murder make me look gay? Stars Michael Ury
Speaker 8: as James Wilson, Douglas Sills as Reginald Divine, Robin de
Speaker 8: Jessus as Wilmer Munroe, Sienne Jackson as Jacques Saint Cox,
Speaker 8: Sean Patrick Doyle as Madame Moon, Brad Oscar as Tush
Speaker 8: von Munch, Nathan Lee Graham as Henry Jacobs, Frankie Grande
Speaker 8: as Kelly Raymore, and Flanagan, Seth Radetsky as Polly Barker,
Speaker 8: Leah Delaria as TJ featuring Kate McKinnon as Angela Lansferry
Speaker 8: with Leah Salanga as herself and Jonathan Freeman as Vandy
Speaker 8: Jeremiah Munroe the Third. Additional performances by Ryan Steele, Mallory Portnoy,
Speaker 8: Emily Lynn, Nacho, Tam Bonting written and directed by Ted Mallower.
Speaker 8: Executive producer Ted Mallower. Executive producers for Ninth Planet Audio
Speaker 8: Elizabeth Baquitt and Jimmy Miller. Hank Woodard served as story editor.
Speaker 8: Original score composed by Peter Lherman. Original score produced and
Speaker 8: mixed by Alex Banoff. Theme song performed by Ted Mallower,
Speaker 8: written by Ted Mallower and Peter Lerman. Piano accompaniment for
Speaker 8: Madame Moon by Jacob Yates. Casting by Adam Caldwell, Karen
Speaker 8: Cassel and Rachel Hoffman at Telsey and Company. Audio post
Speaker 8: production by One Thousand Birds Principal recording, Dialogue, editing, sound
Speaker 8: design and mixing by Torren Geller, Andrew Tracy and Haley Livingston.
Speaker 8: Audio post executive producers Gwen Frailing and Kiera McKnight. Production
Speaker 8: coordinators Hannah Dickinson, Gillian Langanelli, Isabella Danzy and Rose kelso Key.
Speaker 8: Art by Ben Wiseman, Production accounting by Dill pret singh
Speaker 8: Special thanks to Jordan Serf, Daniella Fetterman, Morgan Gould, Eric Harper,
Speaker 8: Aaron Jenkin, Chelsea Crepps, Will O'Donnell, Don Saltzman, Michael Stearns
Speaker 8: and Josh Pultz. Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay?
Speaker 8: Is a production of Ninth Planet Audio in association with
Speaker 8: iHeart Podcasts. This podcast was recorded under a SAG after
Speaker 8: a collective bargaining agreement.
Speaker 1: Is Dona milverlanding Rentro, I don't know, I know.
Speaker 8: No, Ninth Planet Audio Capcom.
Speaker 3: We're overlanding.
Speaker 1: You're blaming no