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Speaker 1: It's very distracting to sit next to you when you

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Speaker 1: look this good. Okay, well, sweetheart, let me just tell you.

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Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be suggestive here, because you know

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Speaker 1: how shy I am. But when I button my shortest

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Speaker 1: modest when I butt my shirt, you see that pucker.

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Speaker 1: That's not acceptable. So I don't care. I'll just rather

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Speaker 1: have a little Cleveland. You have a little Dolly parton

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Speaker 1: stretch across the bosom when you try and button it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and you can't keep your eyes where yeah, fixation on

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Speaker 1: your breast. Today, I walk up the stairs, so I

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Speaker 1: went to the house before we recorded today, and you're

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Speaker 1: just standing there like presenting yourself peacocking, and it's very

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Speaker 1: hard for me not to be enamored with your boobs. Well,

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Speaker 1: it's hard for me to only be enamored by a

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Speaker 1: gay man for my looks and my boobs. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's out of men going to get what we want.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. The way that I

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Speaker 1: was getting men that I wanted was by inappropriate behavior,

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Speaker 1: which is not which is forbidden now, So like you

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Speaker 1: can't even guys aren't even they're pretty much too scared

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Speaker 1: to even hit on us right now, so like there's

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Speaker 1: not a lot of action happening. And and by the way,

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Speaker 1: keep it that way outside of that dress and there

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Speaker 1: will be action happening. You look like for anyone listening

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Speaker 1: who gets this reference, she looks like a sexy miss

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Speaker 1: Honey today from Matilda. I mean, it's like an amish dress,

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Speaker 1: but you somehow make it sexy. Thank you, thank you, sweetheart.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate that. I just want to build you up.

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Speaker 1: I had a rough night in my bed last night.

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Speaker 1: Bert fell out of the bed last night. Yeah. Well,

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Speaker 1: first let me tell you I last it was a lot.

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Speaker 1: It was a loud thump, and I was like, oh god,

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Speaker 1: you must have broken an arm. Of course I didn't

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Speaker 1: get up because I was like, he'll figure it out.

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Speaker 1: But so soft, it doesn't matter. His bones aren't like

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Speaker 1: you know, they're not brittle, they're just like soft. Also,

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Speaker 1: but I was sleeping and I felt like this hangnail

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Speaker 1: on my finger and I remember just lifting my arm

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Speaker 1: out off of the bed and reaching out for somebody

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Speaker 1: to clip that was going to come in manicure. In

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Speaker 1: that moment, yeah, I thought somebody was just gonna like

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Speaker 1: you were there and you were going to clip a

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Speaker 1: hang or somebody was in my dream materialized and then

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Speaker 1: I realized that my arm was up. I was like,

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Speaker 1: what are you doing? I was like, oh, this fucking hang. Now.

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Speaker 1: I have those little things in bed sometimes where it's

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Speaker 1: such an irritation and it's so minor, like I will

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Speaker 1: rub in between my eyebrows and if I feel one

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Speaker 1: of those really coarse unit brow hairs, I will have

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Speaker 1: to get out of bed to go pluck it before

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Speaker 1: I can fall asleep. Oh yes, of course, but well

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Speaker 1: I did because I don't have a hair in between

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Speaker 1: my eyebrows that's growing currently because I'm forty six, So

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Speaker 1: that river stopped. Did you get that lasered off? Probably? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that might be why it's not growing. Also, thank you

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Speaker 1: for reminding me, sweetheart. I mean, I've done laser hair

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Speaker 1: removal two rounds, but rounds and nothing works in the

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Speaker 1: middle of your eyebrows. No, I want to do my eyebrows,

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Speaker 1: but you can't. You can't pluck them for months, like

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Speaker 1: you just have to shave it. And I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to be some who shaves their eyebrows. Just keep your

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Speaker 1: eyebrows going. Anybody who sucks with their eyebrows is making

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Speaker 1: a mistake because when you get older, they don't come back.

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Speaker 1: Just hold onto your eyelashes and your eyebrows. The best

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Speaker 1: thing I did in my adult life was letting my

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Speaker 1: eyebrows grow, and because I had very gay eyebrows for

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Speaker 1: a while and now they're what are they now? They

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Speaker 1: are big Italian eyebrows. But it looks like you're peacocking

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Speaker 1: with your eyebrows. I don't have breasts. I could I

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Speaker 1: kind of do a little bit. Now, yeah, you do.

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Speaker 1: You have a little booby action, not like I do.

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Speaker 1: But nobody, no one, no one has that sort of action.

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Speaker 1: I just feel like we've done such good work here lately,

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Speaker 1: and I don't want we can't. We can't pat ourselves

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Speaker 1: on the back like that. It's too obnoxious. It excites

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Speaker 1: me to come in here, I know, right, yes, maybe

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Speaker 1: that's the what I mean that excites me. That we've

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Speaker 1: gotten to speak to people, and every time we sit

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Speaker 1: down and studio, I'm like, who are we going to

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Speaker 1: talk to you today? Well, also that we've had such

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Speaker 1: serious issues come in right, I mean the other day.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we drove home the other day and we

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Speaker 1: were like, oh my god, these are serious issues. So

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Speaker 1: it's good that we have kind of a cabal of

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Speaker 1: like people to bring in for certain people, because I

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Speaker 1: think we are a little bit out of our league

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Speaker 1: in some of these areas. I thought these were just

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Speaker 1: going to be typical advice giving and some of them

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Speaker 1: are a little bit more deep. But I like that

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Speaker 1: we're smart enough to know that they were, like, hey,

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Speaker 1: leardering someone else. And when we do need to bring

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Speaker 1: somebody else in, we will, And when we just need

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Speaker 1: to be sweethearts together, that's what we'll do. Also, we're

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Speaker 1: going to take a break right now and we're going

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Speaker 1: to be right back. I think we should just get

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Speaker 1: right into it today. I would really like to start

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Speaker 1: tackling some of these issues because today is all about

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Speaker 1: commitment issues, and I think we both have our own

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Speaker 1: perspectives on these. Well, you're in a committed relationship and

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Speaker 1: I'm not. Well, there you go. That's very telling. Our

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Speaker 1: first mission comes from Kaylee, She writes, Dear Chelsea, I

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Speaker 1: have an important question for you. Nearly two years ago,

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Speaker 1: I got out of a ten year relationship. It was

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Speaker 1: very hard, but the right thing to do. I'm in

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Speaker 1: a good place now, well as good as I can

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Speaker 1: be living at home with my parents during a global pandemic.

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Speaker 1: I have a great job that I love, and I'm

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Speaker 1: lucky enough to have comfortable income. I have wonderful friends,

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Speaker 1: and I'm able to chase passions in my spare time

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Speaker 1: like skiing. Oh that's good, Kaylee. So on the question,

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Speaker 1: how do I know if I'm ready for love again?

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Speaker 1: I think the idea of marriage insane after the ship

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Speaker 1: that I went through. I honestly can't see myself being

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Speaker 1: with someone, but I don't want to be closed off either.

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Speaker 1: How do I learn to trust again? How do I

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Speaker 1: decide if and when I need a partner in my life?

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Speaker 1: I mean, this is something that everyone goes through after

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Speaker 1: a breakup. So yeah, yeah, yeah, she on the phone. Hi,

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Speaker 1: Hi Kyley. Hi. First of all, what kind of spelling

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Speaker 1: is that? Are you Nordic or it's Gaelic? Gaelic? That's

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Speaker 1: what I met, Gaelic Nordic. Yeah the fuck Brandon. Hi, Kayley,

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Speaker 1: It's nice to see you. How are you doing good? Thanks?

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Speaker 1: How are you? We're well? Thank you? How long have

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Speaker 1: you been single? Almost two years in July? Huh? You

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Speaker 1: look nice? You look nice and sweet? Why did it end.

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Speaker 1: The best way to sum it up is I read

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Speaker 1: the definition of what it is to be gaslighted about

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Speaker 1: a year later and was shook. So I think it

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Speaker 1: was just that kind of situation where the reality that

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Speaker 1: we all live in wasn't the reality that he was

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Speaker 1: trying to reflect. So really happy to be out of it.

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Speaker 1: But the thing that's happening now is people keep asking me, well,

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Speaker 1: when are you going to do something about your situation?

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Speaker 1: I'm like, what do I ask to do? That's because

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Speaker 1: people are fucking unoriginal and they don't have anything more

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Speaker 1: interesting to ask you than to say, when are you

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Speaker 1: going to have a new boyfriend? What's going on? Are

138
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Speaker 1: you dating? I can't tell you how many times. I

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Speaker 1: mean even now, it's like know me less, like that

140
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Speaker 1: is not part of my identity who I'm dating, or

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Speaker 1: that's not my main agenda in life is who I'm dating.

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Speaker 1: I have a sister in law Russian. Her name is Olga,

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Speaker 1: and she every time I come home, she said, don't

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Speaker 1: see any men an I'm like, Olga, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to talk about men on my vacation with my family,

146
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Speaker 1: Like that's the least of my worries, you know, so

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Speaker 1: I understand how annoying it is to be asked that

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Speaker 1: question over and over and over again. But people just

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Speaker 1: don't have any original questions to ask, because then if

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Speaker 1: you're with someone, then it's the next question is when

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Speaker 1: are you's gonna get married? And then when you get married,

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Speaker 1: it's when are you going to have a baby. The

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Speaker 1: bigger issue here is that people think your identity only

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Speaker 1: comes from being with someone, and when you're with them,

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Speaker 1: how that dynamic embodies who you are, Like you're You're

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Speaker 1: a full person outside of that relationship. That's why relationships

157
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Speaker 1: like you need to maintain some autonomy in a relationship.

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Speaker 1: I hate when people couple you together. That's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: the Johnson's whomever. It's like no, no no, no. Or women,

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Speaker 1: I mean, this is so terrible. But women who write

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Speaker 1: in their Instagram bio like wife to so and so.

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Speaker 1: It's like, that's how you want to identify yourself? No,

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Speaker 1: I know, I hear you, I hear you. I think

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Speaker 1: it's important for you to maintain like your single dom

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Speaker 1: in a way where you're not expecting it to go

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Speaker 1: in any direction. Like to be open minded means you're

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Speaker 1: open for anything that's unexpected. Any change. You're open minded

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Speaker 1: to being single, if that's the road you're supposed to

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Speaker 1: go down. You're open minded to dating, and you're open

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Speaker 1: minded to having a relationship, like a more serious relationship.

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Speaker 1: And if you live like that where it's not dependent,

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Speaker 1: like you know, some people are desperate to find someone

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Speaker 1: and that just ends up defining them in the wrong way, right,

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Speaker 1: like why do you need another person so badly? So

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Speaker 1: as long as you're like celebrating your single dom in

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Speaker 1: the right way, a, people are gonna be attracted to that.

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Speaker 1: You know, people are interested in that in independence, and

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Speaker 1: you're more likely to find the type of guy that

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Speaker 1: you're going to be attracted to if you're really into

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Speaker 1: being you know, your true authentic self. Kayley, are you

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Speaker 1: dating at all? No, not at all, Not in a while.

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Speaker 1: I just it was it's it's just not where I

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Speaker 1: wanted to put the energy in my life. I wanted

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Speaker 1: to have fun at work, have fun friends. Yeah, a

185
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Speaker 1: good way to say that. I like the way you

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Speaker 1: said that. Well, thanks. Yeah, there's a confidence that comes

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Speaker 1: with that of knowing that you don't have to be

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Speaker 1: fulfilled by anyone, that you're giving yourself the fulfillment that

189
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Speaker 1: you need either with an activity, skiing, with work, whatever

190
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Speaker 1: that looks like for you. But there's also an element

191
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Speaker 1: of those minor interactions that you could go on a

192
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Speaker 1: date without confidence and not worry if there's going to

193
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Speaker 1: be a second day, that you make the decision like, oh,

194
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Speaker 1: I'm actually not into this guy at all. Like that's powerful,

195
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Speaker 1: and knowing that I don't need you gives you a

196
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Speaker 1: lot more space to interact with people without the burden

197
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Speaker 1: of where is this going to go? Yeah, I couldn't

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Speaker 1: agree with that more. And I find it it took

199
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Speaker 1: away from my life instead of adding to it. And

200
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Speaker 1: it's just all the wrong reasons. And I find people

201
00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:07,040
Speaker 1: kind of put you on their track of what they

202
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,760
Speaker 1: want you to do, who they want you to be,

203
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,360
Speaker 1: and I just am not interested in that in any way,

204
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Speaker 1: shape or form, right exactly. And that's the important thing

205
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Speaker 1: is not to let yourself be defined by what others

206
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Speaker 1: expect from you, Right, Who gives a ship what others

207
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Speaker 1: expect from you? It's what do you expect from you?

208
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Speaker 1: And also you know when you get out of a

209
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Speaker 1: relationship where there is an unhealthy attachment. I remember I

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Speaker 1: broke up with this one boyfriend, and we had this

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Speaker 1: really volatile relationship for years. It went on on and

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Speaker 1: off and on and off, and everyone was just like

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Speaker 1: all our friends were like, shut up already, you know

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Speaker 1: you too, just like break up already. And I just

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Speaker 1: wanted to dream of the time where I wouldn't be heartbroken.

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to think of the time I go.

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Speaker 1: I just want to be so fiercely single that this

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Speaker 1: person doesn't affect me at all. You know that there's

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Speaker 1: no tether to him and I. When I got there,

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Speaker 1: I remember reminding myself, like, oh my god, this is

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Speaker 1: where you've been hoping to be for so long. And

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Speaker 1: sit in this and enjoy this moment, you know, enjoy

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Speaker 1: the freedom of not being tethered to somebody who is

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Speaker 1: giving you bad vibes. I love that it seems like

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Speaker 1: you know exactly kind of where you're at and what

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Speaker 1: you want. So I don't know that there's much advice

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Speaker 1: that we can give you, because it seems like you

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Speaker 1: are operating in the way that we've We've had this

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Speaker 1: a similar discussion with many callers, and they really don't

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Speaker 1: know how to reconcile where they're at. But it seems

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Speaker 1: like you know and have great confidence in your positioning

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Speaker 1: personally probably professionally right now that you don't need you

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Speaker 1: really don't need any advice from us, Like you know

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Speaker 1: you're doing the right thing. Well, I think your take

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Speaker 1: is so different than the average person. So I feel

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Speaker 1: like I get so much pressure and that's the first

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Speaker 1: thing people ask when they see me. So it's just

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Speaker 1: nice to hear it from people who are kind of

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Speaker 1: understanding of that, because that's not the reality I live

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Speaker 1: in right now. And I know people just want to

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Speaker 1: make conversation, but it's the worst. Can I ask where

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Speaker 1: you don't have to give us a specific but where

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Speaker 1: are you in the US? Like Midwest? Are you on

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Speaker 1: a coast? I'm in Canada, Okay, So, like I always

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Speaker 1: think when I hear of these types of things, I'm

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Speaker 1: from the Midwest. And again, there's like a very specific

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Speaker 1: trajectory of life for women that they're married with kids

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Speaker 1: by certain age, and I think that you have to

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Speaker 1: be able to enter those conversations with like a confidence

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Speaker 1: and authority of like this is where I'm at, Like

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Speaker 1: I don't, I don't need this. You need to kind

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Speaker 1: of put it back on them, like why would you

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Speaker 1: think that I need a man. Make them think about

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Speaker 1: what they're asking, how ridiculous it is, Like, why do

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Speaker 1: I need that? That's a really good point. I never

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Speaker 1: thought to do that. And also like, you don't want

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Speaker 1: anybody who's ever going to take away, right, you only

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Speaker 1: want an additive. All my friends are like, Chelsea, you're

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Speaker 1: so picky. Your standards are so high. I go, they

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Speaker 1: can be. I'm fine without a man, so they can

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Speaker 1: be as fucking high as I want them to be.

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Speaker 1: And until somebody fulfills those standards that it's not going

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Speaker 1: to happen because I'm perfectly happy being alone. Also, I

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Speaker 1: love that. And you're also never alone. I'm never alone. No, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm never alone, not when I'm raising the two parents

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Speaker 1: I mean two parents parents. I was raising my parents

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Speaker 1: and they both died, so that's how great of a

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Speaker 1: parent I am. And now I have two dogs who

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Speaker 1: will probably transition into the afterlife after I raised them.

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Speaker 1: But you hear what we're saying, yes they do. Can

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Speaker 1: Will you let us know if and when you do

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Speaker 1: start dating and what that's like for you and what

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Speaker 1: sort of men are out in the Canadian pond, because sweetheart,

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Speaker 1: you know I don't know if you're aware, but she

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Speaker 1: now has a home in Canada, so we're gonna need

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Speaker 1: to find her some prospects. Yeah, I need a mountain man.

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Speaker 1: I need a big, strong Canadian mountain man who's gonna

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Speaker 1: flip me over and spin me around. Okay, Well, we're

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Speaker 1: gonna manifest this for you somebody and Albert our BC

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Speaker 1: we can do it. Okay, Well, if he's out there, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we'll manifest, will manifest together, will manifest both of our

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Speaker 1: future lovers. Yes, might could just be a dog though,

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Speaker 1: or something like that, doesn't have to be an actual person.

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Speaker 1: A dog is a great addition to anyone's life. That's

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Speaker 1: always an enhancement. That's what you want from a man,

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Speaker 1: and that's what you'll get from a dog. There's gonna

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Speaker 1: be a nice little pick me up in life. Take

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Speaker 1: you out. You have company, and you don't really have

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Speaker 1: to answer to them, so even better. That's that's the advice.

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Speaker 1: Go get a dog. Perfect by Kaylee, Thank you, thank you.

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Speaker 1: I It is true though, when I come home and

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Speaker 1: I see Bert and I just think, like when I

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Speaker 1: come home to the house and there's no one, they're

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Speaker 1: just the dogs. There is a feeling of happiness and

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Speaker 1: comfort that is just like lifts me. You know, that

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Speaker 1: is like, oh it's yeah, it's so closy, and I

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Speaker 1: could sit with him for fucking forty minutes and rub

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Speaker 1: him and rub his belly. You know. It's the lack

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Speaker 1: of pressure in that situation where there there's love and interaction,

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Speaker 1: but there's no expectation. Yeah, there's no there's no one

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Speaker 1: I have. My friend just left her husband and she's like,

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Speaker 1: oh God, it's so nice not having to cook dinner.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, cook dinner. What are you in my coup

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Speaker 1: is preparing dinner for their husband. She's like lots of women, Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, well, there's one thing about single

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Speaker 1: dumb well A I can't cook even for myself, so

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't be cooking for another person unless he had

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Speaker 1: no taste buds or an all egg white diet. Egg whites,

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Speaker 1: turkey and protein shakes is what I pay sickly subsisting on.

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Speaker 1: Ever since I saw c Spiracy, she seems like she's

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Speaker 1: going to be just fine. So it's an interesting mix

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Speaker 1: of people who submit or call in because I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of people know exactly where they're at and

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Speaker 1: they just want someone they want Yeah, they want somebody

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Speaker 1: to give them the sign stamp of approval, right, And

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Speaker 1: that's what we're here for. Sometimes, sweetheart, Sometimes the heavy

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Speaker 1: lifting isn't up to us, It's up to the caller. Well,

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Speaker 1: let's see what Emily's got going on. She is a

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Speaker 1: year old from Maryland. She works in healthcare, and she writes,

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Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I have a thirty two a cup at

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Speaker 1: a hundred and thirty six pounds, so this is out

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Speaker 1: of my wheelhouse. I used to weigh two hundred pounds

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Speaker 1: and my boobs were the same size a girl. Small

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Speaker 1: boobs and no ass means no sex life. I've considered

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Speaker 1: a fat transfer, bread segmentation. I've considered breast and plants.

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Speaker 1: I've considered being flat chested until I die. I've had

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Speaker 1: two plastic surgeon consultations. But I want your advice. My

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Speaker 1: family and friends are on board. I'm just afraid of

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Speaker 1: breast and plant illness. What happens if and when I

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Speaker 1: get pregnant and do or don't breastfeed? Okay? Great, Emily, Hi, Hi,

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Speaker 1: how are you. I'm good, I'm good. How are you doing? Doing?

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Speaker 1: Really good? Okay, so talk to us about your body situation. So,

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Speaker 1: my boys, as I like to call them, because they're

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Speaker 1: not girls, very very small. I've been flat chested pretty

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Speaker 1: much my whole life. Like you guys were saying, I

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Speaker 1: was two hundred pounds at one point in my life.

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Speaker 1: Boobs stayed the same size, like I was, just like

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Speaker 1: flat and then big round stomach, no ask nothing. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, so you got big. You got big like that,

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Speaker 1: and your breast didn't get bigger with you nothing. That's

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Speaker 1: a real kick in the ass. So I lost all

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Speaker 1: this weight and then still am somewhat confident, but not

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Speaker 1: like fully confident, just because I wish I looked more

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Speaker 1: like a female had big boobs, could strut into a

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Speaker 1: bar and like people would notice me. So yeah, I

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Speaker 1: just wanted to ask you if you had a small chest,

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Speaker 1: what do you think you would do well? I always

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Speaker 1: I admire people with small chest because it's so not

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Speaker 1: I mean, I got my boobs so prematurely. They came

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Speaker 1: on the scene when like overnight once summer when I

351
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Speaker 1: was old, and I literally woke up some guy put

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Speaker 1: his arm around me in a movie theater, and I'm

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Speaker 1: convinced that gave me my period because and seriously he

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Speaker 1: gave The next morning, I said to my sister and

355
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Speaker 1: her sorority sister was at our house and Martha's viniar,

356
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Speaker 1: and I said, I got my period. And my sister

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Speaker 1: gave me to her best friend, Audrey, and she's like, Audrey,

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Speaker 1: will you help her? She got her period, and Audrey

359
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,520
Speaker 1: started showing me how to use Anyway, Listen, I got

360
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Speaker 1: my period of my boobs came in overnight. Okay. So

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Speaker 1: the point is, I've never had small breast, but I

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Speaker 1: always admire small breast because it's such a nice look

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Speaker 1: that I've never had experience with. So I like that look.

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Speaker 1: But I understand that you, having had small breast, your

365
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Speaker 1: entire life are probably over it. So let's talk about that. Well. Well,

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Speaker 1: And I was just gonna say that the different perspectives

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Speaker 1: are so interesting from an outside listener because what you're

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Speaker 1: describing and your definition of being womanly and that you

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Speaker 1: want to have this chest because to some degree embodies feminism.

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Speaker 1: Chelsea has had that, and she's spoken about this lot,

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Speaker 1: but she had an X who said they weren't elegant

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Speaker 1: because they were basically too big. So it's interesting. You're

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Speaker 1: two different perspectives on what it means to have these

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Speaker 1: breasts and how it must feel for a woman who

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Speaker 1: has them and who does not their viewpoint on other

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Speaker 1: women's bodies. Yeah, you're always like, it's you're just looking

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Speaker 1: at what the grass is. Great, You're right, So that's

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Speaker 1: the thing. So if you're really thinking about it, you've

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Speaker 1: had two consultations, so you're really considering it obviously, and

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Speaker 1: everyone's supportive of that decision. Yeah, they are in your

381
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Speaker 1: family and stuff. Yeah, I mean, it's obviously not a

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Speaker 1: decision I can make for you. But I would say

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Speaker 1: I understand when people want to fix things about their

384
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Speaker 1: bodies like that. They don't like I've done that. I

385
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,240
Speaker 1: have done that. I've had laser. I had a full

386
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Speaker 1: body laser once. I mean I've done some crazy ship

387
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Speaker 1: So yeah, I understand wanting to do that. And I

388
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Speaker 1: think if you've really thought about it long and hard,

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Speaker 1: then you have your decision there. You know you've done

390
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,760
Speaker 1: all the due diligence, you've gotten a second opinion, you

391
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,120
Speaker 1: know you're weighing like all the options, and you're thinking

392
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:59,440
Speaker 1: about what the future holds if you do get that surgery,

393
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:02,639
Speaker 1: which is really smart. You're thinking about breastfeeding and infection,

394
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:06,040
Speaker 1: and I think those are all questions obviously for your doctor,

395
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,720
Speaker 1: so that they could answer them more soundly than I can.

396
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Speaker 1: Because as a reminder in this episode, I'm not a doctor,

397
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Speaker 1: but I wish I was, so I have to constantly

398
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Speaker 1: remind people that I'm not a medical professional. But I

399
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,480
Speaker 1: think you have made your decision, and I think you're

400
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Speaker 1: on the right track to do that. But you want

401
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:26,159
Speaker 1: to be mindful about your expectations. I think well, and

402
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,159
Speaker 1: I think that women should do whatever they want with

403
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Speaker 1: their bodies. And if this is going to bring you

404
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:33,320
Speaker 1: joy and security in your body, then that's all that

405
00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:37,600
Speaker 1: really matters. But the confidence aspect, like how you said,

406
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Speaker 1: like I have confidence, but maybe it's not what I want,

407
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,800
Speaker 1: Like this is just something to enhance what you already have,

408
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Speaker 1: Like you're beautiful because we can see you, and this

409
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Speaker 1: should be something that when you get dressed in the morning,

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Speaker 1: like you do for yourself, that when you look at yourself, like, okay,

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Speaker 1: I feel I feel better about how I look naked,

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Speaker 1: Like that's why I work out. I don't care so

413
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Speaker 1: much what other people are seeing when I look at

414
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,000
Speaker 1: myself in the eye want to feel good about it.

415
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Speaker 1: So as long as the expectation is that you're doing

416
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Speaker 1: this for you, not for how other people perceive you,

417
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,240
Speaker 1: you can't really go wrong in your decision. Yeah, I

418
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,359
Speaker 1: agree with it is how you perceive yourself and not

419
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Speaker 1: what others think. And I don't think it was ever

420
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Speaker 1: like that connotation, But it's always like how you perceive

421
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Speaker 1: yourself and if you could make it better and like

422
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Speaker 1: you could enter like this whole new mindset, like maybe

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Speaker 1: that would be a possibility as well. Yeah, and I

424
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,639
Speaker 1: think when managing expectations, it's like to piggyback on what

425
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:31,080
Speaker 1: Brandon said, Like, obviously you want people to notice. You

426
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:32,800
Speaker 1: said you want to walk into bar and have guys

427
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,960
Speaker 1: notice you. That's a component of this. But focusing on

428
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,480
Speaker 1: what you really want to like about yourself is more

429
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:40,919
Speaker 1: important than what other people are going to respond to.

430
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,639
Speaker 1: So you just want to keep having that kind of

431
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:47,000
Speaker 1: dialogue with yourself, right about this is for you. This

432
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,600
Speaker 1: is about you feeling better about yourself, which will extend

433
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:53,000
Speaker 1: to you feeling better about yourself in front of other people. Yeah,

434
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:55,960
Speaker 1: I agree, that makes sense. Okay, another decision that was

435
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:57,919
Speaker 1: already made before she called in, I mean we're on

436
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,520
Speaker 1: a real role today, just kind of stamp where basically

437
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,919
Speaker 1: like where the government issued you your approval to I

438
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:07,680
Speaker 1: don't know, go abroad, brought her, brought her well, Basically,

439
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,920
Speaker 1: I was wondering if you had a small chest, would

440
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:11,840
Speaker 1: you just be like, this is what God gave me,

441
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,600
Speaker 1: I'm going to work with it, or you're like, I

442
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 1: have these resources and I know that I could do

443
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:19,040
Speaker 1: this and just like way those options pretty much. Can

444
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,720
Speaker 1: I ask a question, does your chest in the size

445
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,439
Speaker 1: of your chest affect how you go through your day? No,

446
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,080
Speaker 1: If anything, it's easier because I don't have like weight,

447
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:30,560
Speaker 1: right then you also need to take that into consideration

448
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,520
Speaker 1: that if it's not affecting you mentally in a way,

449
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:36,000
Speaker 1: that like it's really deterring you from doing things, from

450
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,000
Speaker 1: going out and swimsuit, from feeling confident around people, from

451
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:42,719
Speaker 1: feeling okay in your own body because they're they're all

452
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:46,960
Speaker 1: these outside expectations and influences and that you really need

453
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,520
Speaker 1: to think about. Like I would get my nose done

454
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,680
Speaker 1: tomorrow in a heartbeat if I knew that it would

455
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:53,479
Speaker 1: be done and there would be no issues. But how

456
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,040
Speaker 1: much of that is just because of what I'm seeing

457
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 1: around me. You know, there's just so much imagery of

458
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:02,120
Speaker 1: like this expectation of perfection that we're never going to meet.

459
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,119
Speaker 1: So you also need to be thinking about what else

460
00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:06,960
Speaker 1: after you get this done and say your breask about

461
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 1: perfect Don't let that be something that sends you into

462
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:11,399
Speaker 1: a reflection of like, now I could get X, Y

463
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,760
Speaker 1: and Z done, right. I don't want to spiral like

464
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:16,680
Speaker 1: that at all, right, exactly. So it's a slippery slope

465
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,080
Speaker 1: with that kind of stuff because you do one thing

466
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:19,320
Speaker 1: and you're like, you know what else I don't like?

467
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,080
Speaker 1: And then you're like, you know, you can focus on

468
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:24,600
Speaker 1: an area of your body. Once you've sorted one situation out,

469
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:28,040
Speaker 1: you can find another focal point to focus your attention on.

470
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,720
Speaker 1: And that's also not a healthy pattern of behavior. So

471
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,240
Speaker 1: I think you've really prepared for this well, and I

472
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 1: think your head is in the right space to figure out,

473
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 1: you know, what your next move is. Awesome. Well, I

474
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:39,760
Speaker 1: love what you guys had to say in your advice

475
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,000
Speaker 1: because you know, it just really makes me think I'm

476
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,320
Speaker 1: thinking the same things that a normal person would. And

477
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 1: it's not just body image issues, but it's like an

478
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:50,000
Speaker 1: everyday thing that other people think about as well. Well,

479
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 1: I'll wrap this up with if you walked into a bar,

480
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:53,960
Speaker 1: I would notice you. I don't know what sort of

481
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:57,040
Speaker 1: value that is from a gay man, but you're very pretty.

482
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,159
Speaker 1: Thank you. So don't let that be the reason that

483
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,879
Speaker 1: you go get something, because the confidence can show in

484
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,160
Speaker 1: so many ways. Oh thank you. That's my new point.

485
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,120
Speaker 1: When I walk into a barnew and be like, well,

486
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:10,000
Speaker 1: you know, right, this total stranger said that that I'm hot.

487
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 1: So and if you can, if you if you do

488
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 1: get your enlargements, what size are you going to get? Small? Oh? Yeah,

489
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:20,000
Speaker 1: that's the best way. It's crazy because I would stay

490
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:22,520
Speaker 1: like a medium, be small. C I wouldn't even want

491
00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:25,440
Speaker 1: to like get like anything that people would be like,

492
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,359
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's Dolly partner or anything like that,

493
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:29,280
Speaker 1: even though her boobs are great. It would just be

494
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:31,200
Speaker 1: something that like people from high school would see me

495
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 1: and wouldn't even like notice I had anything really done.

496
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:37,840
Speaker 1: That's the best work, the work that they have to question. Yeah, minimal, minimal,

497
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,399
Speaker 1: not too yeah, stay away from SS when you're starting

498
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,119
Speaker 1: at a's you know, oh yeah, I don't want it

499
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,280
Speaker 1: to be like a total shock either where I'm like,

500
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,720
Speaker 1: oh my god, what did I do? Or have to

501
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:51,119
Speaker 1: regret anything. Yeah, luckily, now boob jobs are so much

502
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:54,040
Speaker 1: more natural. They're not like getting giant bazunkas onto your

503
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,600
Speaker 1: chest like vegas. You know, if nobody looks like that's

504
00:22:56,640 --> 00:23:00,520
Speaker 1: not in style at all. So yeah, less is more

505
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 1: now with boobs, for sure. Yeah. I just want something

506
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 1: I can cup, just something or something someone else can

507
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:10,199
Speaker 1: cup exactly. Well, good luck, Emily. Let us know how

508
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:13,480
Speaker 1: it goes if and when you have your operation. Awesome,

509
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 1: Thanks guys, Bye bye. But I think it's called a procedure,

510
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 1: but it is also an operation. I guess it is

511
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:21,879
Speaker 1: a procedure in my terms. Let's get a plastic surgeon on.

512
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,280
Speaker 1: I would love to speak with someone in an operation actually,

513
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 1: because you are surgically cutting someone open, and there's ways

514
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,119
Speaker 1: do we should have a plastic surgeon on though, because

515
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,960
Speaker 1: I need a consult after that call. We should Actually

516
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,040
Speaker 1: we can consult. We could have a plastic surgeon consult

517
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,040
Speaker 1: the callers who call it. That would be great. I

518
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,320
Speaker 1: would like to tack a consultation on for myself at

519
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:41,720
Speaker 1: that time. You need to cool it with it. What

520
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 1: are you talking about your nose whatever. Everyone has one

521
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,879
Speaker 1: of those things. What's your problem with it? I just

522
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,119
Speaker 1: don't like it. I don't think it's proportionate to my face.

523
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,680
Speaker 1: What would you like it to be bigger? I would

524
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,119
Speaker 1: never first about somebody getting I would like to keep

525
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,600
Speaker 1: the shape or just shrink it down. That's ridiculous. I

526
00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,400
Speaker 1: know it's stupid, which is why I can't get it. Well,

527
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 1: that and Jennifer Gray, So remember her nose? Yeah? I

528
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:05,840
Speaker 1: loved her. It was a cute whole nose, wasn't it. Oh? Yeah,

529
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,080
Speaker 1: I loved it. I love that nose. Did you like

530
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,800
Speaker 1: that movie? Growing up? It's already dancing? Who didn't like

531
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,160
Speaker 1: that movie? It's like everyone's dream come true, go into

532
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,199
Speaker 1: the Poconos and getting finger blasted by Patrick Swayzey. Of

533
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:20,000
Speaker 1: course I love that movie. Baby in a Corner. No

534
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 1: one puts sweetheart in a partner No. No. I wish

535
00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 1: I could dance, you know. I like that movie so

536
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:28,879
Speaker 1: much because she could dance. Well, she really couldn't, but

537
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:33,200
Speaker 1: he could dance, and he made her dance. And that's

538
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,160
Speaker 1: what I want. I need a man who's so good

539
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:38,479
Speaker 1: at dancing, a straight man that's so good at dancing,

540
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,800
Speaker 1: that he could make me find you like a like

541
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 1: a hot Latino guy who could like I would love

542
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 1: for you, I mean pretty into black eyes. I think

543
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:52,160
Speaker 1: we should just like I'm I love everything about them,

544
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 1: so I think that's an obvious move. I know. The

545
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,199
Speaker 1: only thing is you don't see many black ice skiing.

546
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:03,800
Speaker 1: That's okay, he doesn't have Well, it would be yeah, yeah, yeah, together,

547
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 1: because that's my only hobby we discovered, I mean, other

548
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,439
Speaker 1: than rollerblading, which I we haven't even been in a

549
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,480
Speaker 1: couple of weeks, and who knows if that's even in

550
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:12,640
Speaker 1: my hobby yet. I don't think it is. We're going

551
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 1: this week. Well, I need more hobbies though, that's one

552
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 1: thing we've discovered it besides skiing, because that's seasonal. I'm

553
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:22,679
Speaker 1: already planning a summer skiing Christmas trip. It doesn't make

554
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:24,399
Speaker 1: any sense. I want to spend my summer skiing in

555
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,160
Speaker 1: South America because that's how desperate I am to ski again.

556
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:29,120
Speaker 1: We just need to get a snow machine in the backyard.

557
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:31,920
Speaker 1: That's actually a great answer to a lot of our problems.

558
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,800
Speaker 1: A snow machine would be let's see what answers we needed.

559
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 1: Steep enough pitch for me to be able to like

560
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:39,359
Speaker 1: ski down. Luckily, there's that nice little hillside behind the house.

561
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,440
Speaker 1: If if we got a little dogs at dog sled

562
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 1: for Burton Burn needs to take you up there and

563
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 1: give you something to do in the afternoons. Anyway, we

564
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 1: digress onto the next collar. His name is Grant. He's

565
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,760
Speaker 1: from Brooklyn. He's twenty three. He is a publicist or

566
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 1: he works in pr if some sort, we'll find out.

567
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 1: He writes, Dear Brandon and Chelsea, I'm so in need

568
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:02,560
Speaker 1: of some serious, stupid sexual advice. I keep getting friend zoned,

569
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,119
Speaker 1: and while I'm more than happy to add to my

570
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,439
Speaker 1: community of friends, I can't seem to break through it. Well,

571
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,199
Speaker 1: I don't want to partner, per se. I would like

572
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 1: to stop having casual drinks with men I've only shagged

573
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 1: their lovely people. But I frankly would rather have a

574
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,560
Speaker 1: lovely conversation over a barefoot contest the meal with my

575
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:21,359
Speaker 1: closest circle. That's a very specific setup, but I do

576
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,920
Speaker 1: agree barefoot contestat How do you manage expectations early on?

577
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,680
Speaker 1: Do I really have to come out of the gate

578
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:29,040
Speaker 1: on the first date and say I'm not looking for friends?

579
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:34,919
Speaker 1: Your buddy, Grant. Grant, these are good questions, Hi, Grant, Hi,

580
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:39,120
Speaker 1: they are good questions. What's going on? I guess what's

581
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 1: the question is what's going on with you? So you're

582
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:43,240
Speaker 1: having sex with people you're interested in and they're not

583
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 1: interested in taking it further. Well, it's kind of like

584
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:47,639
Speaker 1: it's it's like a run through. You know, you go

585
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,520
Speaker 1: on like one or two dates and then maybe potentially

586
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,160
Speaker 1: hook up or whatever after you know, three or four,

587
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,680
Speaker 1: and then you kind of get a text message I'm

588
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 1: saying something along the lines of like let's go get

589
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 1: another drink, let's go hang out, let's go do or thing.

590
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 1: And then it's like, hey, i'd love to, but boundaries,

591
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,399
Speaker 1: like let's set them up, like I want to be

592
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 1: friends and that's totally cool. And this has happened like

593
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,439
Speaker 1: maybe the past like five people I've been dating, like

594
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:14,399
Speaker 1: on a roll, one next to the next. Oh really,

595
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 1: that's that's disappointing. I know. Also gay men for you.

596
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:23,679
Speaker 1: So yeah, I do think that setting the expectation up front. Basically,

597
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:25,160
Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think

598
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,439
Speaker 1: it saves every one time. I think it puts you

599
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 1: on the right track. So you're not wasting mental and

600
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:33,480
Speaker 1: physical energy. Agree, directness is the best way to approach

601
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,560
Speaker 1: this situation, and directness is fucking hot. So even though

602
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,160
Speaker 1: it seems like, oh, like do I want to put

603
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,800
Speaker 1: myself out there that way, yeah, because you hear this

604
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:43,120
Speaker 1: in the gay community all the time that everyone wants

605
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:45,720
Speaker 1: a relationship, but no one's in a relationship, so there's

606
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:50,359
Speaker 1: obviously there is a communication error happening, and so putting

607
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:51,760
Speaker 1: it out there like hey, this is what I'm looking

608
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 1: for a relationship or to date to see where this goes.

609
00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:58,440
Speaker 1: I'm not looking to fuck you unless you are looking

610
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 1: for that. And again vocal something keep looking to fund

611
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:03,679
Speaker 1: them and then he wants to be a relationship like

612
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,359
Speaker 1: you can. I mean, obviously you have to test the water,

613
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:08,000
Speaker 1: so they have to figure out if they want to

614
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,240
Speaker 1: be in a relationship with you. But it's good to

615
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 1: get it out of the way. I'm not trying to

616
00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 1: make friends, like I'm here for a partner. I'm looking

617
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 1: for somebody to have sex with and also date right

618
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:23,720
Speaker 1: right and be in a relationship. I feel like every

619
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:25,400
Speaker 1: time I go on a date, like the first thing

620
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 1: I say is like, that's great, Like I kind of

621
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,679
Speaker 1: do try to set the expectation that I'm not. So

622
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:32,240
Speaker 1: I think it just kind of like whittles its way

623
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 1: in there, and I've got like this little Oklahoma like

624
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 1: sweetheart mom kind of vibe going on. So everyone just

625
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,080
Speaker 1: automatically is like rolling with the punches and can like

626
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,520
Speaker 1: kind of you know, throw me into a different folder

627
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:43,440
Speaker 1: per se. So yeah, because that is a nice thing

628
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:45,160
Speaker 1: to do. I mean, I'm not in the gay community

629
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 1: like you are, but I mean it is a nice

630
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,440
Speaker 1: thing to do. Like, if I hear from someone I'm

631
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 1: not interested in, I will usually just not respond, Like

632
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say, hey, let's be friends, Like I would

633
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 1: never say that, because that's bullshit. I would literally rather

634
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,240
Speaker 1: be like ghosted and you never talked to me get

635
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,840
Speaker 1: rather than like us have like a weird asked friendship

636
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:06,400
Speaker 1: where we're like, hey, how's it going, how's your how's

637
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 1: your weird roommate that I don't even remember their name

638
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 1: or cared like here about you know, you don't need

639
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 1: to carry that wasted energy. Where are you meeting these guys,

640
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:19,920
Speaker 1: you know, like mostly hinge. I had one recently that

641
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 1: was like a friend of a friend that had gotten

642
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 1: out a relationship like three months ago, and I was

643
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 1: kind of like testing the waters a little bit there.

644
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 1: And I initially was like this kind of like we

645
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 1: are friends, and then turned into a whole thing and

646
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 1: then went back to it. So it's like communicating this

647
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 1: to ongoing dating situations is like just so straight, like

648
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,479
Speaker 1: constantly having to be like, okay, let's check in, like

649
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 1: what are our boundaries here? What's going on? Like it's

650
00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:45,880
Speaker 1: this weird evan flow that I've always dealt with in

651
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:48,040
Speaker 1: dating in the gay world. And when was your last

652
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 1: relationship like three or four years ago and what happened?

653
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:55,240
Speaker 1: Oh god, yeah, let me get a margarita for that one.

654
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 1: I would love margarita. It is so early, I mean, yeah,

655
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:02,000
Speaker 1: margarita like four pm sounds Who cares? What honestly, who

656
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:04,200
Speaker 1: cares what fucking time it is? If you need a margarita,

657
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,960
Speaker 1: and you know you need a margarita, I don't care

658
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:10,000
Speaker 1: about what time it is. You know what's saying? I

659
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,760
Speaker 1: can't stand as it's five o'clock somewhere. It's like, that's

660
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 1: so stupid. You know what it is, It's time to

661
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:16,400
Speaker 1: have a fucking margarita. As all the time. It is

662
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 1: so well, I think what you should do, Like I

663
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 1: would think instinctively, I think you just need to change

664
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 1: your approach. It's like if you go outside every day

665
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:25,840
Speaker 1: and make a left, and every day you get bitten

666
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 1: by the same dog right you eventually you have to

667
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 1: take a right and try a different direction or try

668
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:33,320
Speaker 1: a different avenue, And so you have to change your

669
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:35,640
Speaker 1: approach to how you're dating these men and how you're

670
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 1: coming across or stating what you want from the very top.

671
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 1: And I think if you just change little nuances of

672
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:45,240
Speaker 1: your behavior, you'll get a much different variety of results,

673
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:47,560
Speaker 1: which could either be a good or bad. But I

674
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 1: think it'll be good, maybe a couple of bad ones

675
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:51,680
Speaker 1: when you're getting started, you know when you mean, when

676
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:53,640
Speaker 1: you start acting a little differently, you're like, oh wait,

677
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:55,440
Speaker 1: maybe this might be too harsh. But it's just the

678
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 1: adjustment period where you're finding out how much you want to,

679
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:02,280
Speaker 1: like change your direction right of what you're doing now.

680
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,239
Speaker 1: To add on to that, the only other thing that

681
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:07,680
Speaker 1: I would suggest is casting a white net and like

682
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 1: dating multiple people, not sleeping with all of them necessarily,

683
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 1: but it's okay to go on multiple dates with multiple

684
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:15,959
Speaker 1: people at the same time to see what feels right,

685
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 1: to kind of reduce down what you're really looking for

686
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:22,479
Speaker 1: from all of these guys, because most guys are just

687
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 1: so boring and simple, and so just put yourself out there.

688
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:30,080
Speaker 1: The more, the merrier you'll eventually find what works for you.

689
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:33,840
Speaker 1: Can say, most gay guys are boring and simple. Most

690
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 1: guys are certainly simple. Well is that true? If you

691
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:40,920
Speaker 1: if you look on Instagram, they all look the exact same,

692
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 1: they all sound the exact same, they all do the

693
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:46,040
Speaker 1: exact same ship. I mean like a fourty year old mom,

694
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:47,960
Speaker 1: which can sometimes be like a total turn off when

695
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:49,960
Speaker 1: I like and I'm like hanging out lounge in my

696
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,480
Speaker 1: room and just like listening to Linda ron Staff. That's

697
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 1: kind of like a little throwing off for a lot

698
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 1: of game in. But like, you know, no, someone will

699
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 1: someone will love that. They'll love that low key energy

700
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,880
Speaker 1: that you bring. That it's like cool and a little

701
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:09,960
Speaker 1: mysterious but also maternal. So embrace that. You know, Yeah,

702
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,480
Speaker 1: you're gonna find somebody that's gonna love everything about you.

703
00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:14,479
Speaker 1: It's just a matter of weeding out, and you know

704
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 1: every step on the way to finding that person. You know,

705
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 1: if that's what's important to you and you want to

706
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 1: find that person, then you will, and every step on

707
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 1: the way to that is fine because it's just a

708
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:26,040
Speaker 1: step closer to what you're looking for, which is actually

709
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:32,280
Speaker 1: a serious, more meaningful exchange. Right. Well, that let us

710
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 1: know how it goes. Also, you have a beautiful skin.

711
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Thanks? Thanks? All right, well, let us

712
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 1: know what happens. Keep us posted on your love life,

713
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 1: would joh? Thanks? Everyone? By another problem solved? I mean

714
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:49,520
Speaker 1: dating for people. I just think it's good to be

715
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:51,680
Speaker 1: direct when you're dating. It's good to be like because

716
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:53,480
Speaker 1: it could come off a little harsh, like if I

717
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 1: say it, you know, but he's sweet and nice. And

718
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 1: if he says like, hey, I'm not looking for friends,

719
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 1: that's that's a much different thing than me saying I'm

720
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:03,560
Speaker 1: not looking for It's just the games that people play,

721
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 1: and a lot of people, you know, they don't want

722
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:07,480
Speaker 1: to say that because they don't want to come off

723
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:09,959
Speaker 1: too strong or too eager or too interested, so they

724
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 1: just kind of let it like ride, and then they

725
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:14,680
Speaker 1: end up where Grant is, and it's frustrating for everyone.

726
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 1: It's like if everyone were just honest with what they wanted,

727
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,200
Speaker 1: it would save a lot of time. It does save

728
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 1: a lot of time. It doesn't make everybody feel great

729
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:24,720
Speaker 1: all the time when people are super direct, because a

730
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:26,440
Speaker 1: lot of people need to be coddled and a lot

731
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:29,560
Speaker 1: of people are uncomfortable with directness. But that's really more

732
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 1: reflection of them rather than the person who's being direct.

733
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 1: But I understand softening messages is important, especially for me

734
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:40,080
Speaker 1: my whole life. I've been told, oh god, you know,

735
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,720
Speaker 1: soften it down, take it down a notch, And you

736
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 1: know it was true. I needed to soften it down

737
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:47,280
Speaker 1: and take it down a notch. So that was hard

738
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:50,200
Speaker 1: to hear over and over again. But once I applied

739
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 1: it and actually listened to it, it was helpful. With

740
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 1: his situation is he's already nice and soft and he

741
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 1: needs to be a little bit firmer. So that's like

742
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 1: a flip. I think for you it was is that

743
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:03,920
Speaker 1: you you realize there is a different way to relay

744
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 1: the same message. Yes, that your tone and how you

745
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:09,399
Speaker 1: presented it you would get. And I think a lot

746
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:11,719
Speaker 1: of times you think more about other people's feelings. He

747
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 1: needs to think less about other people's feelings. He thinks

748
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 1: he needs to think more about his own feelings and

749
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 1: what he wants because he's accommodating these people that well,

750
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,399
Speaker 1: he's not really accommodating them. They're just telling him they'd

751
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:26,399
Speaker 1: rather be friends. So he needs to be a little

752
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:28,800
Speaker 1: bit more direct and a little bit less friendly. I

753
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 1: would argue less friendly, and then nobody would want to

754
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:33,359
Speaker 1: be your friend. But then you'll find a boyfriend. So

755
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:36,560
Speaker 1: it's a real mindful brand. It's not very friendly, are you? Well,

756
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:39,000
Speaker 1: you're friendly? I can't be. I'm really friendly to the

757
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:41,920
Speaker 1: check out people the grocery stores. I like those interactions

758
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:45,480
Speaker 1: because they're really short, but then these longer interactions, like

759
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:47,520
Speaker 1: you go to dinner with someone, or you're going like

760
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:49,319
Speaker 1: I've tried to go on hikes and you're just so

761
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:50,759
Speaker 1: exhausted by the end of it. You're like, how can

762
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:52,879
Speaker 1: I possibly be your friend? I really wanted to fall

763
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:56,400
Speaker 1: asleep thirty minutes ago. While hiking is also I'm not

764
00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:59,319
Speaker 1: into hiking. Everyone in l A likes to hike, and

765
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:02,319
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm the views to be that nice once

766
00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:04,480
Speaker 1: you get to the top. So plus there's snakes, so

767
00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:06,400
Speaker 1: you know, I have a real aversion to snake. I

768
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:08,640
Speaker 1: was gonna say, you love physical activity. You hate anything

769
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 1: involving potential desert, dry arid hikes. That is like not

770
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:18,000
Speaker 1: my cup of tea. And that was California exactly. We're

771
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,560
Speaker 1: going to take a break right now, Yes we are,

772
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 1: but we'll be back, Okay. Our next mission comes from

773
00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:31,440
Speaker 1: No Name out of New York. They write, this is

774
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:34,440
Speaker 1: a long one, dear child. I know people also need

775
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:38,799
Speaker 1: to shorten their emails. Dear Chelsea, I'm glad you no

776
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:41,000
Speaker 1: longer have a crush on Cuomo. I had one to

777
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 1: what a mess? Yeah, no fucking jokes. Seriously. During the

778
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,320
Speaker 1: first part of quarantine, I was subletting for about a

779
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 1: year in a pretty chill four bedroom set up. We

780
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 1: weathered the lockdown together and actually had fun at times.

781
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:53,520
Speaker 1: As time went by, some of the roommates were more

782
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:57,560
Speaker 1: laid back in their approach about the coronavirus, still dating, partying,

783
00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:00,239
Speaker 1: going to underground clubs, et cetera. And when the lease

784
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:01,920
Speaker 1: was up, they decided that they wanted to go their

785
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 1: separate ways. Well, probably lucky for you, because I was

786
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 1: unemployed and not on the lease. I moved into a

787
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 1: two bedroom with one of the leftover roommates, and I

788
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:12,400
Speaker 1: stupidly signed a two year lease that I could barely afford.

789
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 1: Long story short, well, a long story long. It's a

790
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:18,359
Speaker 1: nightmare living with him, and I just found a job

791
00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:21,000
Speaker 1: in Denver after being unemployed for almost a year. I

792
00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 1: start remotely, but have to move there by June and

793
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:26,560
Speaker 1: and leaving with my boyfriend. I haven't told him yet

794
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,480
Speaker 1: that I want to break the lease. He was so

795
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 1: terrible when our last roommates told him that they didn't

796
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 1: want to live with him anymore. So I'm scared to

797
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 1: tell him, and I keep putting it off, causing crippling

798
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 1: anxiety every day. I'm also scared my landlord is going

799
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,959
Speaker 1: to sue me because the building sucks, so I'm thinking

800
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,240
Speaker 1: I can get out of that legally one way or another.

801
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 1: Has this ever happened to you? What have you done

802
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:49,880
Speaker 1: to confront someone you have lived with? First of all,

803
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:53,239
Speaker 1: the anxiety that you're feeling about not confronting him is

804
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,759
Speaker 1: paramount to what you would feel if you would just

805
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,960
Speaker 1: go ahead and confine him, which you need to do immediately.

806
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:00,880
Speaker 1: And it's not a confrontation. It doesn't matter how he

807
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:02,879
Speaker 1: handled something in the past. We're in a different time,

808
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:05,319
Speaker 1: so who knows, Maybe he'll handle it the same way,

809
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 1: or maybe he'll handle it differently, But all you can

810
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:10,400
Speaker 1: control is how you handle it, and by not telling him,

811
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 1: you're creating way too much suffering for yourself. So A,

812
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:15,960
Speaker 1: you need to go in and talk to him honestly

813
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:17,839
Speaker 1: and tell him you got a job in Denver. You're

814
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:20,319
Speaker 1: moving to Denver. How do you get somebody in there

815
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:24,200
Speaker 1: to take your place? That's the next move, right instead

816
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 1: of necessarily I don't even know if you need to

817
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 1: break the lease. I don't know what the landlord rules

818
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:30,800
Speaker 1: are in New York. I don't know about breaking lease.

819
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,839
Speaker 1: But if you find somebody to take your place and

820
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:36,560
Speaker 1: fulfill that spot, then I don't think you even need

821
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:38,759
Speaker 1: to get the landlord involved. You need to get your

822
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:41,880
Speaker 1: roommate on the horn immediately because you don't want to wait.

823
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:43,800
Speaker 1: Not even on the horn, go home and have thee

824
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 1: because you want to give them ample time to either

825
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:50,839
Speaker 1: try and find someone to sub let your room. Going

826
00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:52,400
Speaker 1: down to the wire is just going to make it

827
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 1: more stressful for everyone. So and you also can help

828
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 1: be a part of finding somebody. It is your responsibility

829
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:01,680
Speaker 1: since you sign into to your lease, but people get

830
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 1: out of leases all the time, So you just have

831
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 1: to find a candidate, and you can work with your

832
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:08,319
Speaker 1: roommate and say, hey, let's do this together. I want

833
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 1: to find somebody to fill my place too. I have

834
00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:12,080
Speaker 1: to leave. I'm not going to be able to afford

835
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:14,480
Speaker 1: to pay this rent anymore once I leave and moved

836
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:17,919
Speaker 1: to Denver. So it's just not something that you guys

837
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:20,920
Speaker 1: can avoid talking about. And also it's not personal, like

838
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:22,880
Speaker 1: you've got a job. So I think that that's something

839
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:25,480
Speaker 1: in the conversation that this isn't that you just don't

840
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:27,279
Speaker 1: want to live with them. They're going to understand that

841
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 1: you have a new opportunity somewhere else and you have

842
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:32,080
Speaker 1: to leave. This isn't just because you no longer like

843
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,920
Speaker 1: the living situation or conditions. So you just need to

844
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 1: pull the trigger and have the conversation. Yeah, and handle

845
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,640
Speaker 1: yourself with like dignity and respect so that the person

846
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 1: if they spin out, your roommate and if he's freaking out,

847
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 1: you're not feeding into that. You just sit there and

848
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 1: these are the facts, and how are you going to

849
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:53,719
Speaker 1: find a solution? Sweetheart? That was really great guidance, Sweart.

850
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 1: I would like you to answer the last part of

851
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,680
Speaker 1: this question though, because you've had multiple would you. I

852
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:01,120
Speaker 1: don't know if you call them roommates, livings what you've had.

853
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 1: But I found out I lived with my cousin the

854
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:05,440
Speaker 1: other day, my cousin Michael, we were out. I was

855
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 1: at my family's and they were like, I remember when

856
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,880
Speaker 1: you lived with Michael. I go when they're like, on

857
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:12,000
Speaker 1: twentieth Street in Santa Monica, you lived with him for

858
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:16,160
Speaker 1: like six months, And I'm like, I don't remember living

859
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:18,880
Speaker 1: with Michael, not even one night. Like I don't remember

860
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 1: memory a six months. It sounds like it's plausible, but

861
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:26,680
Speaker 1: I don't remember six months period of time that I

862
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 1: do not remember living with somebody, which hopefully is how

863
00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 1: this guy is going to feel when he moved to Denver.

864
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:32,120
Speaker 1: He won't even remember that he lived with this guy

865
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:34,080
Speaker 1: when he's in his forties. Well, let's talk about this.

866
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:36,239
Speaker 1: What have you done to confront someone that you've lived with?

867
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:38,359
Speaker 1: Have you had issues because you've had multiple people live

868
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 1: with you, You You have assistance, you've had friends. Was there

869
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:44,880
Speaker 1: ever really like awkward or uncomfortable conversations that you had

870
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:48,239
Speaker 1: to have? Yeah, I just not living together that well, Yeah,

871
00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 1: because if I lived with guys either they would try

872
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:51,839
Speaker 1: to sleep with me or I al I did sleep

873
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,839
Speaker 1: with them, so that never worked out because they would

874
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:57,319
Speaker 1: either become like almost like a little bit obsessed with you,

875
00:39:58,040 --> 00:40:01,759
Speaker 1: or you could have become basically I once lived with

876
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:05,279
Speaker 1: this elementary school teacher and I had no idea that

877
00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:06,920
Speaker 1: he had a crush on me. I was in my

878
00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:10,239
Speaker 1: early twenties, and it became obsessive and he became a

879
00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:12,520
Speaker 1: little like borderline psychotic, and I had to skid out

880
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:15,960
Speaker 1: all But I was so clueless because I had a boyfriend.

881
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 1: I talked about my boyfriend was with my boyfriend all

882
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:19,760
Speaker 1: the time I thought he was, and then he really

883
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:23,359
Speaker 1: turned on me. So I have had uncomfortable situations like that.

884
00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:27,400
Speaker 1: But and also I've had raging blowout fights with roommates

885
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:30,200
Speaker 1: that I've lived with, you know, about bills or about messes,

886
00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:33,399
Speaker 1: or about partying or whatever. I mean, all of it.

887
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:37,680
Speaker 1: But have I ever, I don't think post therapy, I've

888
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:39,440
Speaker 1: had a situation where I had to ask someone to

889
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:42,040
Speaker 1: get out of my house. You don't have anyone living

890
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:43,960
Speaker 1: with you right now, right So all the times that

891
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 1: I've had to get some people out of my house

892
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 1: have added badly because of my my disposition because I

893
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:52,400
Speaker 1: wasn't handling it like an adult. I was like, you know,

894
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:54,480
Speaker 1: you gotta get out, I don't like this, or you know,

895
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:57,359
Speaker 1: it was like just to open and shut case. In retrospect,

896
00:40:57,480 --> 00:41:00,000
Speaker 1: even though you didn't handle it properly, who was actually

897
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,440
Speaker 1: in the wrong. Well, I think in retrospect, when you

898
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:04,640
Speaker 1: look back at everything, you're not thinking about who's in

899
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:06,120
Speaker 1: the wrong or the right. You just look at it

900
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:10,560
Speaker 1: as a situation where two people are coming with opposing perspectives.

901
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,200
Speaker 1: So it's not about right and wrong. It's just about

902
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:16,359
Speaker 1: understanding that you're going to have a different perspective than

903
00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:19,120
Speaker 1: that then your roommate does. Every roommate I've ever had

904
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 1: has ended poorly. I would never I would rather live

905
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 1: in a van by myself to live with roommates. Well, actually,

906
00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:27,440
Speaker 1: speaking of vans, you should watch that movie with Francis

907
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:30,360
Speaker 1: McDorman that one an Oscar. Yeah, that's she lives in

908
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:32,799
Speaker 1: her van and she outfits it and jury rigs it

909
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 1: and like sets it up and builds it out from

910
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:37,360
Speaker 1: the inside out. I love Francis mcdormant. She reminds me

911
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:40,200
Speaker 1: of my aunt Gabby. Francis McDormand you know, just doesn't

912
00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:43,439
Speaker 1: give a ship about anything. My aunt had a gun

913
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 1: like nine or ten years ago and was going to

914
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 1: just go off on a van trip with her gun.

915
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:51,440
Speaker 1: And I was like, what, we can't let her go

916
00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 1: anywhere with a gun and a van, like she will

917
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 1: kill herself. And so I was watching it last Yeah,

918
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 1: she hates people, my aunt and I texted it runs

919
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:02,719
Speaker 1: in our family. And I texted her and I said,

920
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:04,640
Speaker 1: I hope you're watching nomad Land because this would have

921
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:06,960
Speaker 1: been you if we hadn't saved you. She should call

922
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:08,920
Speaker 1: into the to the show. We can give her some advices.

923
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:10,959
Speaker 1: She's real chatty, so that would be a lot of fun.

924
00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:13,839
Speaker 1: She could call and go, fuck you, Chelsea. I don't

925
00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:15,319
Speaker 1: know what sort of advice would give her for that,

926
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:17,239
Speaker 1: but she could call and say it if she wanted to.

927
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:21,759
Speaker 1: All right, if you need advice, if you're having interpersonal

928
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 1: issues with a brother, a boyfriend, we would love to

929
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:29,680
Speaker 1: do family therapy actually yeah yeah, Or if you have

930
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:32,520
Speaker 1: a partner that you want advice from, like couples counseling.

931
00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:36,719
Speaker 1: We that's really where I shine. Please right into Dear

932
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:40,200
Speaker 1: Chelsea project at gmail dot com. We read all the submissions.

933
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:42,320
Speaker 1: We will reach out, We'll get you on the horn

934
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:46,360
Speaker 1: on the phone. Yeah we care. We're doing it, you guys.

935
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,880
Speaker 1: This is serious ship, Okay, so we expect you to

936
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 1: act accordingly. And also even if it's a really stupid problem,

937
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 1: like the guy who was a micro dooce in cocaine,

938
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:57,319
Speaker 1: I also enjoy that. Yeah, we actually need more of those,

939
00:42:57,400 --> 00:43:01,239
Speaker 1: and no issue is too small or too big. Hi

940
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:07,799
Speaker 1: bye baby. Also, I am on tour. My tickets are

941
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 1: officially on sale. We've added a couple of extra shows,

942
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,279
Speaker 1: and we are adding a Canadian date. So for my

943
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:16,520
Speaker 1: Canadian brothers and sisters who are reaching out to me

944
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,959
Speaker 1: just now that I'm headed there, it's just we're gonna

945
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:22,000
Speaker 1: be announcing dates as we go. You can buy tickets

946
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:25,000
Speaker 1: a ticket Master for my shows. I'm at the Santa

947
00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:28,359
Speaker 1: Barbara Bowl August one, so you can come see me there.

948
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 1: And then I have all the other cities that I

949
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:34,720
Speaker 1: have already released and tickets are available and I can't

950
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:37,919
Speaker 1: fucking wait. It's called vaccinated and a horny, So make

951
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:41,520
Speaker 1: sure that you bring your vaccinations and your horny nows

952
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:43,920
Speaker 1: and then keep them to yourself. Please,