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Speaker 1: Wait that answer. In the morning Breakfast Club Morning, everybody

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Speaker 1: is DJ Envy, Angela Ye, Charlemagne the guy. We all

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Speaker 1: the Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in the building,

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Speaker 1: a queen icon Living. That's right, Viola Davis, Well you

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Speaker 1: so much. Good morning. How are you today? You know what,

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty good. I'm well rested, I feel alive. There

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Speaker 1: you go, okay, okay, Well, thank you for taking time

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Speaker 1: to come and sit with us. It's just so exciting

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Speaker 1: the show on the schedule of Viola Davis finding me.

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Speaker 1: Yes man, man, this book is such a beautiful exploration

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Speaker 1: of your your inner child. Like when you started the

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Speaker 1: journey of writing this book, did you know you would

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Speaker 1: go on that journey with your inner child as well? Yeah.

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Speaker 1: That was the whole point that I needed to find

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Speaker 1: that inner child. And my inner child was one that

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Speaker 1: needed both healing and needed to be celebrated. She was

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Speaker 1: a survivor as well as someone who you know, held

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Speaker 1: a lot of trauma. But I felt like I had

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Speaker 1: to explore it because we were at that period of time.

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Speaker 1: I wrote it during the pandemic, you know, the George

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Speaker 1: Floyd of it all, the almand Aubrey Brianna Taylor of

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Speaker 1: it all, everything dealing with the COVID, with the election,

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Speaker 1: I felt like I was having a crisis of meaning

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Speaker 1: and it was my way of pressing the reset button,

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Speaker 1: just to understand, man, viola, what are you supposed to

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Speaker 1: do from here on out? It just was a big

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Speaker 1: wake up call personally and you know, culturally. So that's

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Speaker 1: why I wrote the book. I had to go back

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Speaker 1: to the beginning of me. When you start during the pandemic,

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Speaker 1: or this was something you were doing beforehand, and you

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Speaker 1: were just so many projects. He was like, I'll get

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Speaker 1: to it. This was pandemic, this is what I want

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Speaker 1: to do. Well. I didn't want to do nothing during

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Speaker 1: the pandemic, but I did start during the pandemic. I

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Speaker 1: had just finished How to Get Away with Murder. I

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Speaker 1: literally just ended it that March, and I started writing

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Speaker 1: the book. It was something to do because otherwise I

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Speaker 1: was going stir crazy. I wasn't the person who settled

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Speaker 1: into the pandemic. I felt everything that was going on

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Speaker 1: around me, and I felt the chaos of it, and

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Speaker 1: I internalized it. So this book was great therapy. So

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Speaker 1: when God made you sit still in you know, during

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Speaker 1: the pandemic. What did you see about yourself that you

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Speaker 1: hadn't saw in a while. I saw a lot of things.

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Speaker 1: I saw Viola as a survivor. I saw, um, you know,

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Speaker 1: I keep telling this story ad nauseum. I know I've

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Speaker 1: told it a lot, but I've always said you got

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Speaker 1: to leave a legacy, right, So I said, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's life is like a relay race. It's what you

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Speaker 1: do with your dash of time. And what great runner

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Speaker 1: you pass that baton, you know, off to You pass

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Speaker 1: it on to the next generation. They pass it on

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Speaker 1: to the person you know who's to them and after them.

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Speaker 1: And I realized during the writing of the book, is

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Speaker 1: those great runners are you at a different age? The

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Speaker 1: six year old who survives it then, you know, may

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Speaker 1: survive it really messy may have been inappropriate, but she

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Speaker 1: ran her leg of the race and passed the baton

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Speaker 1: onto the fourteen year old Viola, who said, I want

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Speaker 1: to be an actor. In the midst of all the poverty,

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Speaker 1: the abuse, the bed wedding, the sexual all of that,

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Speaker 1: she wanted to be an actor. She saw a way

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Speaker 1: out and fourteen year old pass it on to the

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Speaker 1: twenty eight year old who said, you know what. I

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Speaker 1: need therapy because I want healthy relationships in my life.

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Speaker 1: I want to be happier, and I don't know how

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Speaker 1: to do that. And she passed it on to the

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Speaker 1: thirty four year old Viola who got married to the

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Speaker 1: fort forty five year old Viola who then became a mom.

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Speaker 1: And then now I'm fifty six and I have the

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Speaker 1: baton in my hand, and now what you know, what

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Speaker 1: am I supposed to do with this part of my life?

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Speaker 1: Because I would say, at fifty six, you're a little

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Speaker 1: bit past midlife. So that's what I learned. It's like

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Speaker 1: it's a constant reassessment of where do you want to be,

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Speaker 1: what do your life? What do you want your life

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Speaker 1: to sort of look like? And I keep coming back

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Speaker 1: to this because I know I know that, I know that,

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Speaker 1: I know that the number one regret of the dying

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Speaker 1: is they didn't take risks, they didn't become their ideal self.

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Speaker 1: I don't want anyone to think that I wasn't brave.

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Speaker 1: And I think that sometimes people hold off braveness and

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Speaker 1: courage because they don't want to risk failure and they

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Speaker 1: don't want to risk shame. And I think you got

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Speaker 1: to risk it, and that's been my biggest discovery in

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Speaker 1: writing the book. You're say in the book that memories

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Speaker 1: are powerful, right, some people like to forget memories because

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Speaker 1: so painful and so hurtful. But it seems like you

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Speaker 1: use it as inspiration to push yourself hard. Why is that.

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Speaker 1: I think the pain the trauma is equal to the

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Speaker 1: joy and the peace in your life. I think that

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Speaker 1: they're one and the same. I don't think that the

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Speaker 1: pain and the trauma and the hard times are a

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Speaker 1: detour from life. I think it's a part of life.

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Speaker 1: And I think that when you refuse to lean in

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Speaker 1: to all of it is you refuse to become connected

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Speaker 1: to yourself. And that's why no one can connect with

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Speaker 1: anyone else because the only time we want to meet

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Speaker 1: is with great stories of overcoming and winning. And then

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Speaker 1: when someone feels like they are not overcoming and they're

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Speaker 1: not winning and they're not waking up happy every day,

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Speaker 1: then they feel like they need to hide in the closet,

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Speaker 1: not come out, not open their mouths, not saying anything.

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Speaker 1: There's no one to share with, there's no sacred space

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Speaker 1: to be you. I count it all joy. Now when

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Speaker 1: I say I count it all joy. It takes some

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Speaker 1: time sometimes to count it all joy, but I do

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Speaker 1: believe that it's all a part of life. I've been

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Speaker 1: in too many spaces where I haven't been able to

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Speaker 1: connect with people. You just never know what people have

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Speaker 1: gone through to get to where they are today, which

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Speaker 1: is why memoir like this, where you were so open

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Speaker 1: and honest about everything, it really helped us to see

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Speaker 1: like where you come from when you're acting. And I

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Speaker 1: wanted to ask you about your relationship with your parents

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Speaker 1: because in this book you talk a lot about things

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Speaker 1: that happened to you when you were a child. What

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Speaker 1: did you realize while writing this book about like your

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Speaker 1: father and about your mother. I realized they did the

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Speaker 1: best they could with what they had. That's what I realized.

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Speaker 1: Because it's so hard to forgive your dad. I know,

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Speaker 1: you know you talk about how abusive he was to

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Speaker 1: your mother and things that you had to witness. So

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Speaker 1: is it hard for you to even forgive that? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it is. Forgiveness is to me. I feel like forgiveness

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Speaker 1: and faith are equal in terms of they're the hardest

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Speaker 1: things to achieve. It's they're so abstract, so it comes

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Speaker 1: down to choice. I forgive for myself. I forgive because

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Speaker 1: I don't want to carry that weight, the weight, the

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Speaker 1: vengefulness of regret and all of that. For me, it

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Speaker 1: blocks everything from coming into your life. And I don't

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Speaker 1: think that anyone wants to see a sixty year old

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Speaker 1: or here is sixty year old sitting in their therapists saying, I,

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Speaker 1: you know, haven't been able to make my marriage work

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Speaker 1: or this work in my life because what my dad

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Speaker 1: did when I was five. At some point your life

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Speaker 1: becomes yours as well. That you said that, because my

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Speaker 1: wife was up here the other day and she was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, and she forgave. She gave for herself. And

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Speaker 1: I didn't understand it at first because most people think

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Speaker 1: when you forgive, you're forgiving the person that hurts you,

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Speaker 1: but it's actually to not to take away that pain

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Speaker 1: from yourself so you don't have to deal with it anymore.

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Speaker 1: That is that what you're saying when you say I

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Speaker 1: forgive for myself. Well, yeah, that's part of it. I

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Speaker 1: do believe it's a sort of prison. And not to

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Speaker 1: get too philosophical, of course, but I believe that when

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Speaker 1: you get to the end of your life, you're not

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Speaker 1: thinking about all the people that you hated and all

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Speaker 1: the people that did you wrong. I don't think that

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Speaker 1: you're thinking about that when you're taking your last breath.

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Speaker 1: I just don't. I think all of that goes away,

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Speaker 1: and I think everything comes into sharp focus, which is

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Speaker 1: probably making amends, probably being with the people that you love,

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Speaker 1: probably sewing everything up, probably holding someone's hands. But I

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Speaker 1: don't think that we're thinking about all of that. I

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Speaker 1: think that once again, the only person you could say

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Speaker 1: is yourself. That's the only thing that you could do.

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Speaker 1: You can't keep backtracking as what wrong someone did to

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Speaker 1: you or whatever. You got to figure out how to

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Speaker 1: heal that so that you know. It's what I think.

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Speaker 1: I you know what I posted and on my page,

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Speaker 1: it's like, you don't. You haven't met all the people

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Speaker 1: who are going to love you in your life yet.

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Speaker 1: And so when you meet all these people who are

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Speaker 1: going to love you, they do not want to meet

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Speaker 1: a vengeful person, okay, because they're gonna get the overflow

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Speaker 1: of that vengefulness. As a matter of fact, they're not

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Speaker 1: going to get the overflow of that vengefulness. They're gonna

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Speaker 1: get nothing. They're gonna go so far with you and

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Speaker 1: then it's gonna stop. I've been with those people they

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Speaker 1: called emotionally unavailable. I love how you, you know, hold

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Speaker 1: your father accountable, also humanize him. Did you always see

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Speaker 1: the humanity in him or was that something that happened

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Speaker 1: as you got oh do it, you know with the

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Speaker 1: more work you did on yourself. Absolutely, more work I

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Speaker 1: did it on myself. The more I saw his humanity,

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Speaker 1: the more I could connect the dots I thought. You know,

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Speaker 1: I thought life was like a Disney movie. People were

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Speaker 1: just good or bad. That's it. The evil villain who

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Speaker 1: just comes out just wants to destroy everyone. I didn't

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Speaker 1: know that people acted because of specific memories once again,

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Speaker 1: trauma in their lives, the people, and we really demonize

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Speaker 1: black people, you know, and the very way you wouldn't

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Speaker 1: even be doing what you're doing if all those things

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Speaker 1: hadn't happened to you as a child. Absolutely, because it

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Speaker 1: was such an escape for you to be able to

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Speaker 1: turn on the TV. You said it was Cicily Tyson

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Speaker 1: right that you saw that made you even say this

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Speaker 1: is what I want to do. Absolutely, that that woman

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Speaker 1: and that performance was everything. I remember the moment I

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Speaker 1: saw that performance because it was like magic. It was

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Speaker 1: like it was a magician pulling a rabbit out of

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Speaker 1: the hat. If you've ever seen the performance, she aged

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Speaker 1: from eighteen to one hundred and ten, and you could

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Speaker 1: not even believe it from the first frame of that

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Speaker 1: it was a mini series. And literally the wind stopped blowing,

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Speaker 1: the sun came out, and I saw a portal way

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Speaker 1: out of the poverty, the trauma. I just felt like,

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Speaker 1: if I could do that, I could make a life.

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Speaker 1: I think sometimes you gotta see it, you know, And

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Speaker 1: I know everybody just puts faith on people, especially on us,

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Speaker 1: especially on black folk. I know that's all we had.

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Speaker 1: And and but it's a lot. You know. You go

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Speaker 1: up to young black kids who were coming from really

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Speaker 1: challenging backgrounds, and people come up to them and say,

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Speaker 1: you know, you could be what who and what you

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Speaker 1: want to be. You just have to dream big. And

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Speaker 1: then once you make it, you come back, you bring

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Speaker 1: your family up, you bring your community up. And I'm

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Speaker 1: sure if that kid had a language, he would say,

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Speaker 1: how that's a lot you just throw and then you

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Speaker 1: gotta work ten times as hard. You throw all of

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Speaker 1: that on their lap. And then at fifteen, if they

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Speaker 1: can't even get if they can't achieve it at all,

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Speaker 1: or they feel like they want to give up, and

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Speaker 1: then we just brate them. It's a lot that we

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Speaker 1: put on them. So sometimes you gotta see it, you

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Speaker 1: gotta hold it, you gotta somebody's gotta throw you a rope.

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Speaker 1: They do. I honestly, what was you talk about, sicily

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Speaker 1: or what was some of your positive influences? Because you know,

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Speaker 1: you talk about, you know, your parents and how you

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Speaker 1: looked at your dad, and you talked about, you know,

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Speaker 1: going to the white school and the white kids chasing

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Speaker 1: you all the bricks, and you talk about all those things.

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Speaker 1: So what positive influence did you have? What was your

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Speaker 1: safe haven as a kid if there wasn't there, There

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Speaker 1: was no one safe haven for me. What life becomes

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Speaker 1: about is how someone could take you from A to

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Speaker 1: A plus, from A plus t D, from D to

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Speaker 1: you know, to M to M. You know, there are

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Speaker 1: people who can carry you at different points in your life.

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Speaker 1: It could be a teacher, It could be a parent,

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Speaker 1: it could be a relative, it could be a stranger

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Speaker 1: that gives you one word. I had a lot of teachers,

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Speaker 1: even the first teacher who looked at me and he

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Speaker 1: was an acting coach, who looked at me and told

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Speaker 1: me I was beautiful. That meant a lot to me.

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Speaker 1: It did. And the first person who just came into

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Speaker 1: science class because he was a teacher and I called

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Speaker 1: him in the middle of the day. He was an

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Speaker 1: upward bound teacher and I said, I was having a

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Speaker 1: panic attack. He came to the school. He interrupt the

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Speaker 1: science class. He said, I want to see Viola. The

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Speaker 1: science teacher said, you can't do that. He said, excuse me, sir,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna do it. Anybody, anybody who throws you a

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Speaker 1: rope and sees you and likes you. There is something

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Speaker 1: about someone looking at you and liking you, right, and

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Speaker 1: even saying your potential when you can't see it. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: because sometimes you tuck yourself out of things right because

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Speaker 1: of fear. But then someone tells you, like your science teacher, listen,

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Speaker 1: you need to apply for this, you can do it,

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Speaker 1: and you tell yourself, I can't do it. Why would

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Speaker 1: they take me? Why would they accept me? But somebody

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Speaker 1: else believing in you and giving you the tools, like

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Speaker 1: you can't make excuses anymore after a while, absolutely, and

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Speaker 1: when you have there are no words to describe. And

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Speaker 1: you know what, very seldom am I in a space

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Speaker 1: And I know y'all can say the same thing, but

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Speaker 1: am I in a space specially as a dark skinned

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Speaker 1: black woman, and could speak my truth about what that

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Speaker 1: means the isolation of that experience varience okay, because it

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Speaker 1: comes at you threefold. It comes at you through yes,

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Speaker 1: white America. It comes to you through the experience and

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Speaker 1: the culture of America, and it comes to you through

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Speaker 1: even black culture. M I'm just gonna say it, because

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Speaker 1: it's called colorism. It's its own different sect of racism,

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Speaker 1: and it is destructive because what you tell women in

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Speaker 1: general is that beauty is a value, which it's not. Listen,

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Speaker 1: I'm one of those people. I think everybody is beautiful,

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Speaker 1: and I really do. I don't talk about stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: Oh yes, well the bull frogs. At a different level,

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Speaker 1: there was some mean women. But but you consider it

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Speaker 1: a value. And with someone who you feel has value,

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Speaker 1: you pay attention to them, you pour into them. You

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Speaker 1: think that they're smarter, more valuable, more everything. So when

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Speaker 1: you go up to little chocolate girls who are darker

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Speaker 1: than a paper bag and you're constantly telling them they're

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Speaker 1: not as cute, they have bad hair, they have this

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Speaker 1: that you're putting negative connotations, and then you can now

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Speaker 1: you can literally google people who seem to have had

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Speaker 1: press conferences to talk about how unattractive they find darker

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Speaker 1: skinned women. I mean, here's the thing. Even if you

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Speaker 1: feel that way, why are you going to spread that?

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Speaker 1: How do you think people could have received that? And

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Speaker 1: we know how difficult it is to get a leg up,

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Speaker 1: you know in the black community, the lack of opportunity

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Speaker 1: what we're running from, and then you're gonna put that

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Speaker 1: on us and so and when you can't speak your

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Speaker 1: truth in the room, then you feel like you have

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Speaker 1: to hide yourself. It's very it's like physically painful. I

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Speaker 1: want I want to ask you a couple more questions

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Speaker 1: about your father because I found that dynamic so interested.

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Speaker 1: And you said something in the the book and on paraphrasing,

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Speaker 1: but you said your father was an abuser who became

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Speaker 1: a good partner. Yeah, and this era canceled coaches. Some

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Speaker 1: people couldn't even imagine that happening. Can you explain he did?

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Speaker 1: And I think he always had it in him. I

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Speaker 1: think he was wrestling, you know. I always feel like

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Speaker 1: it got two people that you wrestle with right, and

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Speaker 1: it's who you feed, and I think he fed the

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Speaker 1: more violent aspects of himself. I think he was running

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Speaker 1: from a lot. But in the last several decades, I

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Speaker 1: think since I was probably in my twenties, he helped

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Speaker 1: my mom raise a lot of my relatives children, and

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Speaker 1: he loved my mother. He was always there rubbing her feet,

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Speaker 1: and towards the end of his life, I mean, I

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Speaker 1: say towards the end, the last couple of days of

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Speaker 1: his life, my mom would always say, every single day

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Speaker 1: he woke up, even when he was suffering from dementia,

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Speaker 1: towards the end, he would say, you know, may Alice,

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Speaker 1: you know I'm sorry about what I did to you. Wow,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I feel like that's everything. I mean, how

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Speaker 1: many people do you know that even make amends, that

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Speaker 1: even opened their mouths, And I think that that, I

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Speaker 1: feel like that has to be acknowledged as an incredible

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Speaker 1: character trait. You also said in the book your father

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Speaker 1: passed and you never got the opportunity to find out

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Speaker 1: what caused his trauma. Are you still able to heal

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Speaker 1: that part of your life without knowing that peace? Oh? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: absolutely absolutely. I once again I think the only race

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Speaker 1: you can run is your own. You know. I didn't

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Speaker 1: know that because he didn't make it known, and so

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Speaker 1: I think that that is more his burden and not mine.

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Speaker 1: I made the choice to forgive despite not knowing, And

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Speaker 1: I think that's what love looks like. It's like Belle

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Speaker 1: hook says, you know that we're always wrestling with not

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Speaker 1: feeling lovelessness. You know, if you're in any relationship, you

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Speaker 1: know you're going to have some hard conversations. How did

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Speaker 1: that affect you with other relationships? With you dating and

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Speaker 1: viewing men, did you look at men as something you

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Speaker 1: didn't want to necessarily date, You didn't trust because you've

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Speaker 1: seen how your dad. Yes, but I you know, yes, absolutely, yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I think it's a never ending narrative out there.

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Speaker 1: You don't trust men. You know they cheaters, the liars.

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Speaker 1: You know, this is all all they want from women. Absolutely,

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00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:15,520
Speaker 1: It's a constant sort of stream of consciousness in the

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Speaker 1: minds of women. And then when when women get together,

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00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:23,640
Speaker 1: we share our our jerk stories. You know, he did

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Speaker 1: this to me, girl, Yeah, well he did this to

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00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,040
Speaker 1: me and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. No

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00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:32,120
Speaker 1: one could find a good man. That's what the narrative

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00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:35,120
Speaker 1: out there is that no one And I remember when

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Speaker 1: I met my husband Julius, who I prayed for, and

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00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:43,040
Speaker 1: I prayed for him specifically. I remember when I met him.

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Speaker 1: I went to my therapist. I said, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I don't know about him, and my therapist said, oh, why,

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Speaker 1: he seems really really nice. I said, I know, he

349
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:55,560
Speaker 1: does seem really really nice. Something is wrong, though, what

350
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,919
Speaker 1: do you think it is? I don't know, but it's something.

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Speaker 1: And then I remember her saying, Viola, there will be

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Speaker 1: something wrong because he's human. He's not perfect, so if

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Speaker 1: you're looking, you're gonna find it. But that doesn't mean

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00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:15,760
Speaker 1: he's not the person you should be with. And that

355
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:22,920
Speaker 1: once again a portal, right that you're meeting you you're

356
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Speaker 1: imperfect self, who wants to be forgiven, who wants to

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Speaker 1: be understood. Is you're meeting another imperfect person that wants

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Speaker 1: to be understood, and at some point you have to

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Speaker 1: make the decision to love or not love. Does that

360
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Speaker 1: make you overprotective with your daughter now because you've seen

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Speaker 1: so much and now your daughter's at an age where she's,

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Speaker 1: you know, starting to be a teenager. And starting to

363
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Speaker 1: like boys or whoever. And yes, yes, but I know

364
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Speaker 1: how hard life is, so I know I'm throwing her

365
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Speaker 1: into I feel that that's one of the things that

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Speaker 1: happens when you have a kid that you want to

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Speaker 1: protect them and then the next thought is you can't.

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00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:08,920
Speaker 1: That's tough, that is hard. That we both had four daughters,

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Speaker 1: so we know, Yeah, that's that's what I'm talking about.

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Speaker 1: The Yeah, because my daughters at the age now at thirteen,

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Speaker 1: when she's telling me, I'm controlling, but I'm really in

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Speaker 1: my mind, I'm just being protected. Yes, absolutely, I tell

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Speaker 1: my daughter, no one is going to love you like

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Speaker 1: Mama loves you, not even the love of your life.

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Speaker 1: So as long as we get that out of the way,

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Speaker 1: that's why I talked to you like this, right. Have

377
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Speaker 1: you had some conversations with your mom before this book

378
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:37,439
Speaker 1: came out about Yes, because I know I saw you

379
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:40,800
Speaker 1: talking to Oprah about that. So even afterwards, like after

380
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,640
Speaker 1: she read it, what did she say? My mom has

381
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:47,159
Speaker 1: not read it yet, Um, but I talked to my

382
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:52,520
Speaker 1: mom all the time about it. Once again, there are

383
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:57,199
Speaker 1: qualities I love and my parents that probably are not

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00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:00,720
Speaker 1: the qualities that I elevated. And the quality that I

385
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:04,399
Speaker 1: love in my mom is she likes to tell the truth.

386
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:09,000
Speaker 1: And I know that that sounds like really simple, but

387
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,240
Speaker 1: there's not a lot of people like telling the truth.

388
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,439
Speaker 1: A lot of people are very comfortable with telling a great,

389
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:18,520
Speaker 1: beautiful lie. She's not afraid of that, of leaning in,

390
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 1: and so I talked to her. I like my relationship

391
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Speaker 1: with my mom now as an adult because I can

392
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,879
Speaker 1: ask her some pretty racy questions. Yeah, I want to

393
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 1: ask you about a quote and it came from a

394
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 1: sit down with your mom when you was telling her.

395
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,399
Speaker 1: I guess when you first about the first when you

396
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:37,080
Speaker 1: was experienced abuse. You told her for the first time

397
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:39,800
Speaker 1: about all these abuse she experience and you said, success

398
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:47,320
Speaker 1: pales in comparison the healing. Yeah. Could you expand on that? Yeah,

399
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:52,240
Speaker 1: that I think you know. The point in the book

400
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 1: when I when I wrote that, and it took me

401
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 1: a long time to write that part, is I mentioned that,

402
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:03,560
Speaker 1: you know, I'm living in this big house. I'm definitely

403
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 1: living the American dream or whatever. And I think that

404
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:12,680
Speaker 1: people feel like, once you hit that, then that's it. Ever,

405
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 1: your life is sown, You've made it, and it's not

406
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:24,119
Speaker 1: it I think that's man made meaning. The real meaning

407
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 1: is healing. It really is, it's healing from the wounds.

408
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 1: It's the journey to healing. And especially because you know,

409
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,919
Speaker 1: once I told her that, once again, I expected a

410
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 1: response that I would see on Thursday night line up

411
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 1: on ABC. And how can you expect that with something

412
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:48,960
Speaker 1: as complicated as sort of any kind of sexual assault

413
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:53,199
Speaker 1: that happens within families In this instance, my brother and

414
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:59,920
Speaker 1: I'm telling my mother this, and this person, this brother

415
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:05,760
Speaker 1: or came out of her body. Right, there's a simplicity

416
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 1: in which we approach humanity, and I think that human

417
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 1: beings are way more complicated than that. So, um, the

418
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 1: path to healing is difficult, But for me, it's everything.

419
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:27,640
Speaker 1: It's not healing or healing has been the one thing

420
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 1: that has gotten in the way of everything in my life,

421
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:33,920
Speaker 1: either gotten in the way of it or has released it.

422
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:40,399
Speaker 1: Ability Ability hasn't even released things in my life. Awards

423
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,920
Speaker 1: haven't released anything in my life. Healing and whatever has

424
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:48,359
Speaker 1: happened happening and internally in me has been everything has

425
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:53,359
Speaker 1: been the driving narrative of my entire fifty six years.

426
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,280
Speaker 1: Do you think you can ever get to a place

427
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 1: of wholeness. I mean, I talk to my therapists about this.

428
00:25:58,280 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 1: I'm not. I don't think you do. I think you

429
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,679
Speaker 1: because you have triggers, right, You'll think you're fine with

430
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,119
Speaker 1: something and the next thing you know, you're triggered by it.

431
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,280
Speaker 1: Later on, you think you ever get to a place loop.

432
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 1: And I talk about that with memories, that memories are deathless.

433
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,080
Speaker 1: I don't know what that means. I feel like I'm

434
00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:20,040
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm whole. I do, But I feel

435
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:22,840
Speaker 1: like life is an absolute journey, just like you don't

436
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:24,800
Speaker 1: know how many people are gonna love you. You don't

437
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 1: know what's going to happen tomorrow, and you don't know

438
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:30,399
Speaker 1: how you're going to react to it, you know. And

439
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:34,640
Speaker 1: once again, Thursday night Lineup on ABC, I think everybody

440
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 1: wants a TV response. I don't think that life is

441
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 1: a destination. Life is about driving the car and sometimes

442
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:46,560
Speaker 1: the tank is completely full. Sometimes the tank is empty

443
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,280
Speaker 1: and you're standing by the car waiting, you know, for

444
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:52,000
Speaker 1: a triple A to come and get you some gas.

445
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 1: Sometimes the tank is a quarter full. You're constantly you're

446
00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:04,520
Speaker 1: constantly learning, you're constantly in process. But you hope for

447
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 1: one of my favorite quotes is I don't know the

448
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 1: definition of grace, only that it meets you where you

449
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:17,399
Speaker 1: are and doesn't leave you how it found you. Do

450
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:21,879
Speaker 1: you want some grace in your life? You know, because

451
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 1: you're never going to arrive perfectly at any place. I

452
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:27,640
Speaker 1: heard you talk. You talk about life, and you talk

453
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:31,400
Speaker 1: about what defines our life right, and you mentioned TVs,

454
00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:37,160
Speaker 1: mentioned bad experiences, past relationships, you know. And I also

455
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,439
Speaker 1: heard you talk about trying to change that narrative so

456
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 1: we have more positive experiences in our life. How do

457
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:50,000
Speaker 1: we do that? You know what? First of all, I

458
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:56,880
Speaker 1: always get asked the hard, hard questions. I think by

459
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 1: unpacking your baggage and examining your life slowly but surely,

460
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 1: but examining it with love, because I think that how

461
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:11,359
Speaker 1: you love defines your life. I really do. I believe

462
00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 1: the people you come in contact with and how you

463
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 1: love and your willingness to connect to them defines your life.

464
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:23,720
Speaker 1: If you talk to anyone who's past and anyone that

465
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 1: you've been in contact with that leaves a lasting impression

466
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:30,679
Speaker 1: on your life, it's people that literally, in that moment

467
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:33,199
Speaker 1: of time that you saw them, even if it were

468
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:36,199
Speaker 1: just a minute or five years or twenty years or

469
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 1: a week. They loved you. They wanted to connect with you,

470
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 1: they wanted to leave something in you. I think that's

471
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 1: what defines it. And it's like Brene Brown says, you

472
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:52,600
Speaker 1: are only as connected to other people as you are

473
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 1: to yourself, and a lot of people are not connected

474
00:28:55,880 --> 00:29:00,520
Speaker 1: to themselves. They don't want to be is too much work,

475
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:06,320
Speaker 1: But um, I want to be I do? I do?

476
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 1: Are you? Are you searching for a new calling? Because

477
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 1: you know in the book you talk about how acting

478
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,720
Speaker 1: was your calling, and you know, like now at this moment,

479
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:18,480
Speaker 1: you feel like you're searching for a new calling. Maybe

480
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:23,040
Speaker 1: maybe I'm searching for a new calling. Someone said that

481
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:28,680
Speaker 1: I'm searching for agency. You know I'm probably searching for

482
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 1: that too, you know what. I think I'm searching for

483
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:35,240
Speaker 1: a life where I'm not leading it with so much fear.

484
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:39,120
Speaker 1: You talk about that a lot too. Yeah, you don't

485
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 1: want that to be the five words that anybody could say, Yeah,

486
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:48,000
Speaker 1: you're still you're still leading with fear at this point? Oh,

487
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, I think I have fear, But I mean,

488
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 1: I know we have fear, But are you leading with it?

489
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 1: I don't know how much I'm leading. There are times

490
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:03,840
Speaker 1: sometimes I do. I do. I'm in the public eye.

491
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 1: You know, I have one misstep and it's it's out there, listen.

492
00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 1: I don't have the bandwidth for that. I'm not. I

493
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:18,680
Speaker 1: don't have the DNA for that. I don't and I don't.

494
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:21,360
Speaker 1: I don't really think anyone does. And if someone does,

495
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:25,240
Speaker 1: I don't believe you agree, because people act like when

496
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:28,320
Speaker 1: you are, when you become famous or a celebrity, that

497
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,520
Speaker 1: you're supposed to understand this is what comes with it,

498
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 1: and anybody can say anything about you. Absolutely, But I

499
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 1: also feel like it does still hurt, and it's still

500
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 1: not absolutely and it's right, and it still does make

501
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 1: you have some type of fear sometimes to take a

502
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:45,120
Speaker 1: risk or take a chance, because you already know that

503
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,640
Speaker 1: you know people potentially will come at you. You put

504
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 1: yourself out there, fear of exposure, fear of fear of failure,

505
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 1: fear of all of that. But like I said last night,

506
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,640
Speaker 1: the one thing I will say about myself is it's

507
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 1: like they say, courage is just fear said with prayers

508
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:08,240
Speaker 1: that I'm still willing to jump. That's what I found

509
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:11,440
Speaker 1: out about the young Viola, even when she was running

510
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 1: from the bullies and sticking up for a male finger.

511
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:22,160
Speaker 1: Even when she was still running, she was still fighting.

512
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 1: She was a survivor and um, but the fear is

513
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 1: still there. You talk about critics too, what's your opinion

514
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 1: on critics. I think you had an interesting take when

515
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 1: you talked about critics and people critique in your work. Well,

516
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:42,440
Speaker 1: I believe that, once again my quote was taken out

517
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:47,920
Speaker 1: of context. Might I add, here's the thing. When you're

518
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:50,959
Speaker 1: an actor, to be a geek for ten seconds or

519
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 1: twenty seconds. When you're an actor, you create a character

520
00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:59,400
Speaker 1: based on a human being. Okay, you cannot be an

521
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:01,200
Speaker 1: actor in your room. You could be a painter in

522
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,280
Speaker 1: your room. You can't be an actor. You can't put

523
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 1: on your resume. I played King Lear in the basement

524
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 1: of my apartment in the Bronx. You need an audience,

525
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,200
Speaker 1: you need a director, you need a script, you need

526
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 1: all of that. It's a collaborative art form that requires

527
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 1: a lot of different artists to make it work. Okay,

528
00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 1: So if you're not contributing to the work and the

529
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:26,360
Speaker 1: enlightenment of the work, then the only thing you're doing

530
00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 1: is hurting. You're destroying. You're not wakening people up. If

531
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:39,600
Speaker 1: you're not approaching it with an artistic esthetic, then the

532
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:42,320
Speaker 1: only thing that you're doing is what someone is doing.

533
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:47,000
Speaker 1: I don't know on a takedown page. And if you're

534
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 1: taking someone down, it's hurtful and people need to know

535
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:57,440
Speaker 1: that there's someone on the other side of that. Even

536
00:32:57,480 --> 00:33:01,760
Speaker 1: with a failed performance or performance did not like that.

537
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 1: That that has nothing to do with taking someone down.

538
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 1: That does not give you the license to take someone down.

539
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:13,440
Speaker 1: You just don't like it. So that's all I meant

540
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 1: with critics. I'm not saying I would never say that

541
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:21,800
Speaker 1: anyone is worthless. I would never say that that. That's

542
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:24,960
Speaker 1: not even my style. Even in private, I don't say

543
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:29,960
Speaker 1: that you could talk to my people. Okay, but if

544
00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 1: you're serving an artistic purpose, absolutely, But if you're not,

545
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 1: you're just on a path to Destrychelle Obama reach out

546
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:40,000
Speaker 1: to you at all because she's so connected to the

547
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:43,560
Speaker 1: culture that help people reach out to you and say no,

548
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:49,040
Speaker 1: and she doesn't listen. Michelle Obama is an absolute goddess.

549
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 1: Can we agree on that? Absolutely? Okay, she doesn't have

550
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:57,680
Speaker 1: to reach out. She has a much higher calling. Okay,

551
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 1: that that is bigger than social media than pop culture.

552
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:07,239
Speaker 1: There is something higher that she has to protect, you know,

553
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:12,720
Speaker 1: and and I recognize that and I respect that greatly.

554
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 1: In my calling chapter, you know, when you talk about acting,

555
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:18,399
Speaker 1: you know, even though you found your calling, it still

556
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:22,680
Speaker 1: seem you were dealing with imposter syndrome. Yeah, have you

557
00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:28,960
Speaker 1: gotten over that? No? No, And here's the thing once again,

558
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:33,520
Speaker 1: social media has bow guarded the whole definition of what

559
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 1: it means to be an artist, and so everyone feels

560
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:39,239
Speaker 1: like being an artist is you know, you gotta look

561
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:42,400
Speaker 1: the part. You gotta know what designers to wear, you

562
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,319
Speaker 1: gotta know what directors you want to work with, and

563
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 1: all of that that has nothing to do with being

564
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:53,000
Speaker 1: an actor. Actors have a ninety five percent unemployment rate. Listen,

565
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,880
Speaker 1: one percent of the profession makes fifty thousand dollars a

566
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:59,240
Speaker 1: year or more point zero four percent of famous. Okay,

567
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:05,520
Speaker 1: And here's the thing about actors too. You always want

568
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:10,120
Speaker 1: to be better, especially if you have especially if you

569
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:12,720
Speaker 1: want to be excellent and you finally see your work,

570
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 1: You're always thinking about something you could have done different.

571
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:21,960
Speaker 1: Everybody does it, and everybody's afraid of being found out.

572
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:24,839
Speaker 1: It's just a part of what we do. I'm not

573
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:27,640
Speaker 1: saying it keeps you up at night. I'm not saying

574
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:30,640
Speaker 1: that it destroys you. I'm saying that it's sort of

575
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:33,920
Speaker 1: And you know what, I think that everyone who has

576
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:38,279
Speaker 1: a higher image of their work, what they want to do.

577
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 1: Everyone has it. Writers have it. I'm sure you have

578
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 1: it to a certain extent of always wanting to be better.

579
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,160
Speaker 1: Even when someone says, oh you were great, You're like, okay,

580
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,839
Speaker 1: thank you, but I could have done that one saying better, Well,

581
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 1: real did you have you think was closest to perfection

582
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:55,960
Speaker 1: for you? Closest to it, not saying it was perfect,

583
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:58,439
Speaker 1: but for yourself you feel like this is the one

584
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:03,400
Speaker 1: that was like I killed it more than anything. You know.

585
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:07,479
Speaker 1: That's a hard one, you know what I'm gonna say.

586
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:09,880
Speaker 1: And I and I don't know why I keep it

587
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:13,880
Speaker 1: was very very small role that I had to and um,

588
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:17,359
Speaker 1: get on up with Chadwick Boseman. I played his mother.

589
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:24,840
Speaker 1: I enjoyed that role. Yeah, man, Oh you know what

590
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:27,040
Speaker 1: I tell you. I saw a guy for yesterday he said,

591
00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:30,239
Speaker 1: you guys were roommates for second coming up. He was like,

592
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:34,279
Speaker 1: you're He was like, make sure you mentioned, um, you

593
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 1: know we were roommates for He said, it was some

594
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:38,959
Speaker 1: crazy situation where like there was a lot of people

595
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:40,600
Speaker 1: living in there's a lot of people. It was a

596
00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 1: very big apartment, Upper West Side. Yeah, how many were

597
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:46,279
Speaker 1: living in the apartment. There was only four of us

598
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 1: living in the apartment. There was a Yeah, you had

599
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:53,320
Speaker 1: a lot of crazy living arrangements China, and that was

600
00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 1: one of them. Okay, let me get two questions this

601
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 1: this week. But you spoke about out of body experiences

602
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:01,759
Speaker 1: in the book, and you know you had them when

603
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:03,560
Speaker 1: you were younger. I totally understand that because I had

604
00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:05,799
Speaker 1: those two But what do you think those experiences we're

605
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:10,640
Speaker 1: trying to show us about ourselves, Just the infinite power

606
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 1: we have in our minds, and infinite power to transport ourselves,

607
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:25,879
Speaker 1: to explore our imagination, which is an infinite field where

608
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:34,480
Speaker 1: we can redefine, reimagine, and the power to um relieve

609
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:42,360
Speaker 1: ourselves of the burden sometimes of negative negativity. That everything

610
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:46,840
Speaker 1: we have is within ourselves. That's what it it taught me.

611
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:49,000
Speaker 1: Now I can't do it anymore, so I don't know

612
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:50,960
Speaker 1: what that means. It seems like a thing that happened

613
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:52,799
Speaker 1: when you was young. When you get older, it don't

614
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:56,560
Speaker 1: happen anymore exactly. I guess you know, when I you know,

615
00:37:56,600 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 1: the world gets at you and the world begins to

616
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 1: put up barriers around your life and boundaries that you

617
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:09,880
Speaker 1: didn't have when you were younger. And yeah, but I

618
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:13,319
Speaker 1: think that's what it teaches you, is that everything you have,

619
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,720
Speaker 1: you have within you and in the secret, Silent shame?

620
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:19,759
Speaker 1: Why that chapter? Why do you think we as black

621
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:22,160
Speaker 1: people think we're doing ourselves a favor by keeping secrets

622
00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:28,760
Speaker 1: for me? And it's just my opinion. I feel, especially

623
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:34,759
Speaker 1: as a black woman, that if I think shame is

624
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:38,719
Speaker 1: a big thing with black folk, and I think it's

625
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:42,960
Speaker 1: post traumatic slave syndrome, that there's a lot of things

626
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 1: that we weren't allowed to do. Look a white man

627
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:53,200
Speaker 1: in the eye, smile, look at a white woman. There's

628
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:59,040
Speaker 1: so many things that we were punished for. But more importantly,

629
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: as a black woman, I feel like a lot of

630
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:03,279
Speaker 1: the times when I keep things in it's because I

631
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:06,960
Speaker 1: know I'm not going to be protected. I know that

632
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,280
Speaker 1: there's not going to be anyone out there that's gonna

633
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:16,799
Speaker 1: rescue me. And I'm not saying I'm saying I'm not

634
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:19,640
Speaker 1: saying that I need rescuing. But you know what, we

635
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:24,439
Speaker 1: need each other, absolutely, we really do. And the lack

636
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:28,719
Speaker 1: of adoration, the lack of protection, makes you keep things

637
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:31,320
Speaker 1: within and makes you try to just muster through and

638
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:38,080
Speaker 1: strong back even if you're broken inside. And who cares

639
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 1: about the inner pain of black folk? You better care

640
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:46,440
Speaker 1: because certainly the culture in the past has not cared,

641
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 1: and we have an aversion to therapy as black folk.

642
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 1: I think that's changing, man, I do think it's changing too.

643
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:59,920
Speaker 1: I completely agree with you, But I think that's why

644
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:03,640
Speaker 1: we keep things in blinding me. It's out right now.

645
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:07,040
Speaker 1: We always ask everybody Mount Rushmore of actors when they

646
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:16,879
Speaker 1: come her favorite. Who is the mount Rushmore actors to you? Yeah,

647
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:20,320
Speaker 1: miss Tyson, I talked to her three hours before she passed.

648
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:25,200
Speaker 1: That's that's just She's she was everything to me. I'm sorry,

649
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:28,160
Speaker 1: and that performance to me goes down as one of

650
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 1: the greatest performances ever in the history of cinema. I

651
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:34,600
Speaker 1: still I don't even think they write roles like that

652
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:40,680
Speaker 1: anymore for actors, especially black actors, you know, so absolutely,

653
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 1: And as far as black actors, you know, I'd say this,

654
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:46,879
Speaker 1: and I know Denzel probably is going to roll his eyes,

655
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:49,319
Speaker 1: but I'm sorry, I'm a friend and a fan. I

656
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:54,279
Speaker 1: think Denzel is fantastic, absolutely great. But there's a lot

657
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:58,120
Speaker 1: of great actors out there. I love that actors. There

658
00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:01,479
Speaker 1: you go, and so many great topics in this book

659
00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:03,279
Speaker 1: that I know we can go in depth on at

660
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:06,000
Speaker 1: a later time. Fibruaries. That's this topic we're always talking

661
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,560
Speaker 1: about up here with black women. I know you have

662
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:13,440
Speaker 1: the docuseries hungry for answers, and I'm excited to talk

663
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:16,040
Speaker 1: about too, so you know, hopefully we'll get to continue

664
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:19,239
Speaker 1: the conversation about those things too. And I love how

665
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:22,000
Speaker 1: you end the book because I've never heard somebody talk

666
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:26,799
Speaker 1: about their eight year old self protecting them now. It's

667
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 1: always the other way around, So I would I just

668
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:32,120
Speaker 1: want to know how you even got to that point

669
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:33,960
Speaker 1: where you feel like the eight year old you was

670
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:39,280
Speaker 1: protecting you Now. A therapist told me that. He said,

671
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:41,879
Speaker 1: I don't think you need to heal the eight year old.

672
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:45,719
Speaker 1: I think the eight year old was pretty tough. She's

673
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:47,480
Speaker 1: a good custle. You're a good cussle, you know, Like

674
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:50,160
Speaker 1: to the audible version, I'm like, are you like Samuel

675
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:57,200
Speaker 1: Jackson level? But you know, I love it right congratulations,

676
00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:01,800
Speaker 1: right now, pick it up. It's Viola Davis is the

677
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:02,760
Speaker 1: breakfast club Gomon