1 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:06,760 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. 2 00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:09,160 Speaker 2: I'm welcome to stefan never told you objection of iHeartRadio, 3 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:23,079 Speaker 2: and welcome to another edition of Happy Hour. As always, 4 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:27,120 Speaker 2: if you choose to drink, have a drink, or whatever 5 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:31,120 Speaker 2: you choose to do, do so responsibly. What are you 6 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:33,400 Speaker 2: sitting on, Samantha, I. 7 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:38,600 Speaker 1: Am actually slipping on some kombucha pineapple pink wava, very delicious. 8 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,440 Speaker 2: You're in your pineapple kick Sti'll go. 9 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,440 Speaker 1: I'm telling you, I'll love some pineapple so good. 10 00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:46,800 Speaker 2: I still have my frozen pineapple. So I think of things, 11 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 2: something could happen. So I kind of did intend for 12 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 2: this to happen, but this has become a very nerdy 13 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 2: string of content that we're putting out. 14 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 1: We are coming close to dragon cons we are. Maybe 15 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,600 Speaker 1: that's what you're doing here, like you're gearing up for it. 16 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,640 Speaker 2: I think so. I think I'm in the mindset of 17 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,040 Speaker 2: got all these thoughts, all these things. I'm working on 18 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:15,760 Speaker 2: an episode suggested by Jamie about shipping, and it's already 19 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,680 Speaker 2: long and epic. I'm very excited about it. Long it is. 20 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:21,480 Speaker 1: I don't know if I should thank Jamie or say why. 21 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:27,440 Speaker 2: Jamis curse Jamie's name. Yeah, yeah, but it has been 22 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:30,480 Speaker 2: it's a string of very nerdy content. And that kind 23 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 2: of got me thinking about something that I read. And 24 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 2: then a conversation I had with a friend, which is 25 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:40,440 Speaker 2: what is a nerd? What does a nerd look like? 26 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,039 Speaker 2: So I got to hang out with a friend I 27 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 2: haven't seen in a very long time recently, and he 28 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:54,080 Speaker 2: he was I had come in on him and someone 29 00:01:54,080 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 2: else having this conversation about Barbie, and he was saying 30 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,760 Speaker 2: something along the lines of like he just didn't get 31 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,560 Speaker 2: he he never collected Barbie, so just didn't get it. 32 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,359 Speaker 2: Not that he didn't like it, but he just. 33 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,079 Speaker 1: Was, ay, did he like the movie? 34 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:12,359 Speaker 2: Or yeah, no, he liked it. 35 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 1: Understand the movie because you know, this has become a 36 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,919 Speaker 1: whole like litmus test on men in general. 37 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 2: So yes, now he got it. But he was just 38 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:23,640 Speaker 2: it was almost like I was like a creature in 39 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:25,240 Speaker 2: the zoom and he was like, did you have a 40 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:32,360 Speaker 2: weird Barbie? Like all this stuff and weird Barbie? I don't. 41 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 1: I will say though, my weird Barbie was based on 42 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:38,160 Speaker 1: Trauma So, which is used in a lot of like 43 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 1: criminal shows. Oh wow, yeah, anyway, going take this show 44 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:46,920 Speaker 1: this episode down. 45 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:49,800 Speaker 2: Oh, I love it. We should definitely come back to that, 46 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:56,400 Speaker 2: maybe not in this one, yes, But it just kind 47 00:02:56,400 --> 00:03:00,320 Speaker 2: of made me laugh because he really didn't he didn't 48 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:04,400 Speaker 2: have any experience with the with it. And it reminded 49 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,119 Speaker 2: me of this article that I had popped up on 50 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:12,120 Speaker 2: my alerts that was from Polygon, and it was about 51 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:17,160 Speaker 2: how you never see the nerd that was depicted in Barbie, 52 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 2: which is a kind of a thirty nine year old 53 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 2: woman who is a mom who's into kind of a 54 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:30,640 Speaker 2: more feminine, stereotypical fandom space, and that you wouldn't call 55 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:34,480 Speaker 2: that a nerd. Wait. 56 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 1: So the idea was that America Ferrara's character was supposed 57 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:38,240 Speaker 1: to be a nerd. 58 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:44,040 Speaker 2: Yes, oh okay, yes, And it was really fascinating because 59 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 2: when I read it was like, oh, of course, yeah, 60 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,000 Speaker 2: she's a nerd, Like she knew all of the like 61 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:51,080 Speaker 2: Barbie facts, she knew all of the costumes and the 62 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:54,000 Speaker 2: dates and all of that stuff, and that's sort of 63 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:58,680 Speaker 2: what a nerd is and collects, you know, these dolls maybe, 64 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:02,600 Speaker 2: which like collecting action figures. You know, it's the same thing. 65 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:07,240 Speaker 2: But I think because our cultural understanding of a nerd 66 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 2: for so long has been gate kept, and it's been 67 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:13,520 Speaker 2: white men and kind of the domain of what they like, 68 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:17,040 Speaker 2: which is usually more science fiction and fantasy kind of stuff. 69 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:19,200 Speaker 2: That that's what we think a nerd is, and it's 70 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:24,080 Speaker 2: definitely been reinforced by media. Also follow up point, women 71 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 2: like that stuff too. 72 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,719 Speaker 1: One of the first people I think doing you and Holly. 73 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:35,040 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, So I don't want to like hide that 74 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:38,920 Speaker 2: point obvious, gate that point at all because that has 75 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:41,960 Speaker 2: been a fight to get recognized in those spaces. But 76 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,840 Speaker 2: I think it also points to another issue is what 77 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:49,920 Speaker 2: we're saying is frivolous worthy and what's frivolous and what's 78 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:53,479 Speaker 2: worthy of like being a nerd, which kind of has 79 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:58,119 Speaker 2: like a level of expertise attached to it. 80 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:01,680 Speaker 1: It has definitely grown in culture from the eighties still today, 81 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:06,000 Speaker 1: which I think a couple of like comedies have made 82 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,560 Speaker 1: that defrudiation of like nerds are cool now. 83 00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:14,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly yes, which is I got a lot of 84 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:20,000 Speaker 2: thoughts about that. The article from Bolygon had a whole 85 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,400 Speaker 2: point that like that was like a running joke on 86 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,039 Speaker 2: the Big Bang theory was that like a girl enters 87 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 2: a comic book shop, whoa right and I have several 88 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:37,160 Speaker 2: instances I can think of men saying to me with 89 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:40,920 Speaker 2: very straight faces, very seriously, oh you're not like those 90 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:44,599 Speaker 2: other girls you like comics, or oh you like this, 91 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,800 Speaker 2: and I'm then they ask me how on the date? 92 00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:54,000 Speaker 2: I'm like, what is going on right now? Because your 93 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:58,200 Speaker 2: your compatibility is literally just she knows who the winter 94 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:03,000 Speaker 2: Soldier is? Maybe you need toffee things. 95 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 1: I love that because the new narrative and I love 96 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,520 Speaker 1: seeing it lately has been women coming about being like 97 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,240 Speaker 1: being told you're not like other girls is not a compliment. 98 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:13,920 Speaker 2: Stop it. 99 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,880 Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh I love this, Yeah, I love 100 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,159 Speaker 1: this take. Let's do that. 101 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:22,960 Speaker 2: I do too. I do too. That's another episode that's 102 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:25,560 Speaker 2: been sitting in my outlines for forever because we have 103 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:31,000 Speaker 2: like these very system with a lot of outlines. One 104 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,760 Speaker 2: of them is I want to talk about women who 105 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:36,800 Speaker 2: hate other women as like an identity trait, like that, 106 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:39,320 Speaker 2: as if that's a good thing. So I do think 107 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 2: some women would hear this compliment from men and heavy 108 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 2: quotes and be like, oh, I'm not like those other girls. 109 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,440 Speaker 2: But for me, it's just like might I stand out? 110 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:56,240 Speaker 2: It's very off putting, a very suddenly I feel like, Oh, 111 00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:58,039 Speaker 2: I thought we were just having a conversation about a 112 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,160 Speaker 2: thing we love, and now you've turned it into too 113 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:04,640 Speaker 2: a power dynamic and a dating opportunity. Right. 114 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,640 Speaker 1: Well, I loved this because again we're gonna come back 115 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 1: to it, I know, like later in a different episode. 116 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,800 Speaker 1: But like, I've been thinking about this with different shows 117 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,880 Speaker 1: because I think we're slowly getting away from that, but 118 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,800 Speaker 1: there's still that moment of like being the girl with 119 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:20,160 Speaker 1: the boys. Like even though the Barbie show was like 120 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,560 Speaker 1: all that, but it's still kind of had that competitiveness 121 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 1: of being the girl with the boy whatever and needing 122 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:28,000 Speaker 1: to be with a boy, but not like they finally 123 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 1: figured that out. Lots of conversation, we'renna talk about Barbie. 124 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:35,040 Speaker 1: But like in the again, I'm still obsessed with Korean dramas, y'all. 125 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 1: I didn't put this in the entertainment thing, but yes, 126 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,280 Speaker 1: I'm still obsessed with the Korean dramas. And almost in 127 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:42,320 Speaker 1: every show, the women always come with the crew of 128 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 1: their friends, and I love that. I'm like, I have 129 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,200 Speaker 1: yet to see like where the if they are without 130 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,760 Speaker 1: their friends or if they don't have other girlfriends, they're 131 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:54,200 Speaker 1: usually the quote unquote villain character, and I think that 132 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,520 Speaker 1: says a lot and I really appreciate that. 133 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:01,560 Speaker 2: I do too. I think, especially when you're looking at 134 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 2: it comes like sex in the city, where it's kind 135 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 2: of like every week there's a new dude. Yeah, but 136 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:08,720 Speaker 2: your friends are still there, Like your friends are gonna stay. 137 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, the dudes are undisposable. And don't get me wrong, 138 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,800 Speaker 1: the Korean dramas have a lot of bad tropes and 139 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,440 Speaker 1: they still do like pen women against women still like 140 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:19,400 Speaker 1: they still have that dynamic. But I love that it's 141 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:22,560 Speaker 1: not all the girls hate this one like that I've seen. 142 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 1: I'm sure there's movies and shows out there the people 143 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:25,600 Speaker 1: are gonna be like, you have you seen this one 144 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 1: of them? But like the ones I've seen, they always 145 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:30,760 Speaker 1: have a crew of two or three women with them 146 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:34,920 Speaker 1: at all times, and I'm like, yeah, that's what I 147 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:35,480 Speaker 1: love seeing. 148 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:50,679 Speaker 2: Yes, there's been so much movement, like going back to 149 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:53,840 Speaker 2: Dragon Con. I think the last time I was there, 150 00:08:54,280 --> 00:09:00,439 Speaker 2: I was very impressed, which is very sad, but I 151 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 2: was like, wow, this isn't much more like there are 152 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:03,760 Speaker 2: a lot more women, there are a lot more people 153 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:08,520 Speaker 2: of color. There's it's like more people feeling comfortable being 154 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:12,040 Speaker 2: banish and like showcasing what they love. There's still a 155 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:19,880 Speaker 2: lot of huge, huge problems, right, but it is getting better, 156 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,920 Speaker 2: And I hate that that's such a like in so 157 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,640 Speaker 2: many things like Dungeons and Dragons. I read an article 158 00:09:25,679 --> 00:09:28,600 Speaker 2: about that where they're like, why is it in every 159 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:31,079 Speaker 2: depiction we see of it, it's all men playing and 160 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,640 Speaker 2: they're all white men, and it's not what it is. 161 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:36,679 Speaker 2: That's like not the reality of what it is. And 162 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:38,440 Speaker 2: I think that's sort of the question here, is like 163 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:43,760 Speaker 2: what we're thinking of when we think of nerd. There's 164 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:48,240 Speaker 2: the it's too pronged. I mean it's multi pronged, but 165 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:50,959 Speaker 2: like two main prongs. Is like we're thinking of what 166 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,360 Speaker 2: a nerd looks like, and it's this one thing, and 167 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:58,760 Speaker 2: that one thing has white men get kept and and 168 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:02,400 Speaker 2: made it feel safe, and companies and the people behind it, 169 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,560 Speaker 2: like all kinds of things made it feel unsafe, which 170 00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:07,360 Speaker 2: forces people out or keeps them from ever entering in 171 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,959 Speaker 2: the first place. Like I didn't go into Genderson and 172 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:12,880 Speaker 2: Dragons for a long time because I thought I would 173 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:16,599 Speaker 2: be like attacked and feel very like it wouldn't be 174 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 2: a fun thing. It would be a scary thing. But 175 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 2: also that, like we've talked about in so many episodes 176 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 2: around fangirls and geek culture and the fake geek girl 177 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:33,199 Speaker 2: and all this stuff, is that when something is more 178 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:37,200 Speaker 2: traditionally girly, which, by the way, a big part of 179 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 2: this conversation is that toy companies majorly gendered toys that 180 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,240 Speaker 2: did not need to be gendered, but they did. 181 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:46,079 Speaker 1: That. 182 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:51,719 Speaker 2: It's not it's frivolous or it's silly. It's not a 183 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 2: nerd thing. It's gross and we shouldn't be talking about it. Which, 184 00:10:56,960 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 2: by the way, the Barbie movie just became the first 185 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,880 Speaker 2: movie with a solo female director to make a billion dollars, 186 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:07,160 Speaker 2: so it seems like it's God following. It's got its 187 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,640 Speaker 2: problems and we'll talk about it, but it's like the 188 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:12,880 Speaker 2: argument they always make is that it won't make money. 189 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,560 Speaker 2: It just does it right. 190 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,559 Speaker 1: I want to again, we're gonna talk about this, but 191 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:21,760 Speaker 1: I do want to reflect on how Greta Gerwig. 192 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:22,720 Speaker 2: Uh. 193 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,840 Speaker 1: There's a lot of conversations in what she's filmed and 194 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,800 Speaker 1: what she's done in the past, and I wonder how 195 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,080 Speaker 1: this is a built up to that, Like it's kind 196 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:34,760 Speaker 1: of like, hmmm, I'm a little wary because like, I 197 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,080 Speaker 1: want to watch and see what's happening, because I do 198 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,040 Speaker 1: want to celebrate that. That's amazing, and I hope we 199 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,400 Speaker 1: get to follow suit. But does that open doors for 200 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:47,079 Speaker 1: women of color? Not necessarily? And that's hmmm again anyway, coming. 201 00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:50,959 Speaker 2: Back to yes, yes, yeah, no, there's a lot to 202 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:55,840 Speaker 2: talk about there. But I think when I had this 203 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,960 Speaker 2: conversation with my friend and he was so perplexed by 204 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,240 Speaker 2: this whole thing, and I was thinking about, like, yeah, 205 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,920 Speaker 2: it is such a it's such a fanish. It can 206 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:08,200 Speaker 2: be like, yeah, you collect these dolls, you collect these costumes. 207 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:13,000 Speaker 2: I wasn't really into Barbie, but I was super into 208 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:19,319 Speaker 2: My Little Pony, and I uh, I always think about 209 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:23,480 Speaker 2: this essay I read forever ago that was like my 210 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:30,160 Speaker 2: Little Pony wasn't seen as a real fandom until men 211 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:33,880 Speaker 2: entered it and they were Broni's and they take up 212 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:35,480 Speaker 2: all the space. And it's like, but I've been here 213 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,400 Speaker 2: this whole time. I've been here the whole time. 214 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:39,920 Speaker 1: Why is it now just valid? 215 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:45,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think there's a lot of gendered stuff 216 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:49,959 Speaker 2: going on here beyond what we're going to get into, because, 217 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:55,560 Speaker 2: for instance, it is acceptable for like me to play 218 00:12:55,600 --> 00:13:00,400 Speaker 2: with like Marvel toys, that's that, that's almost you buy 219 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:05,360 Speaker 2: society is a step up like okay, but for like 220 00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:07,800 Speaker 2: girls to play with my little ponies or for boys 221 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:09,480 Speaker 2: to play with my little ponies, that's seen as a 222 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:16,280 Speaker 2: step down. Like there it's a clear to me differentiation 223 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,360 Speaker 2: between what we value and what we think is better. 224 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:23,800 Speaker 2: So there's that also, though I hadn't really thought about this, 225 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,959 Speaker 2: even though I've talked about it on the show. Uh, 226 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:33,280 Speaker 2: you really don't see many older women and America Ferrer 227 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,439 Speaker 2: wasn't even that old, but like, you don't see older 228 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:39,440 Speaker 2: women who are fans of things in our entertainment that often, 229 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,120 Speaker 2: especially moms. 230 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:46,480 Speaker 1: Unless they're that crazy old lady. Yes, like crazy cat 231 00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:47,520 Speaker 1: lady or. 232 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:52,040 Speaker 2: Like cringe worthy. She might be a stalker level or 233 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:58,400 Speaker 2: she's a hoarder, or she's a hoarder. And so that 234 00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:02,080 Speaker 2: got me thinking about it because I I've had I 235 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,320 Speaker 2: have sent text at like three am, like what's it 236 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 2: gonna say? But I'm forwardy and I'm still cosplaying. What 237 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:09,920 Speaker 2: does that mean about me? 238 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,360 Speaker 1: I go to dragon Con and most of the people 239 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:18,320 Speaker 1: are they're all over twenty something, so like they're like 240 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,960 Speaker 1: late twenties and older. So also, you can't really afford 241 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:26,560 Speaker 1: it unless you got mama's money, true, daddy's money, somebody's money. 242 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,280 Speaker 2: True. But I did think that was interesting because it 243 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:34,040 Speaker 2: was just another example of how we've really like, I 244 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,360 Speaker 2: think it would be more. We would not be as 245 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:40,040 Speaker 2: I don't want to say surprised. I don't feel like 246 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:42,040 Speaker 2: I was surprised, but it wouldn't feel so new if 247 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:45,600 Speaker 2: I saw an older man being a fan and being 248 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:51,080 Speaker 2: really fanish, especially around something that's more in that kind 249 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:54,280 Speaker 2: of masculine sphere. It's true, we don't really see that 250 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,880 Speaker 2: many women, older women doing that. 251 00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:01,600 Speaker 1: I wonder if part of that is because society sets 252 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:03,640 Speaker 1: up for the women not to be able to have 253 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 1: hobbies anyway, because they are so busy and then tired. 254 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:13,800 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I thought about that too, because there's a 255 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:21,840 Speaker 2: kind of infamous and fandom communities knowledge it's not true, 256 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:24,800 Speaker 2: but there's like an understanding that women age out of 257 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 2: fandom by twenty five. Most women are done by then, 258 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:35,200 Speaker 2: which I would assume has to do with that kind 259 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 2: of like maybe that's when you're starting a family, maybe 260 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,680 Speaker 2: that's when you're doing X y Z. But I also 261 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:43,240 Speaker 2: think like the gatekeeping part is a big part of it. 262 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:48,640 Speaker 2: And I think while I do think nerds have become 263 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:54,920 Speaker 2: more acceptable, like they're more they went mainstream. I don't 264 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:59,600 Speaker 2: think women have women nerds have, but men male nerds 265 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 2: have so that that's more acceptable. And I feel like 266 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,040 Speaker 2: this could be me projecting. 267 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,200 Speaker 1: Well, it's also kind of that conversation that the body 268 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,840 Speaker 1: like women, there's not been a love for mom bodies, 269 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:16,640 Speaker 1: like the thing ye as where dad bodies were celebrated 270 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,280 Speaker 1: to that point and being told again, this is attraction, 271 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,520 Speaker 1: this is that level, but like women are like, no, 272 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 1: really don't like over the top masculine man. That's more 273 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:31,120 Speaker 1: about the threat to us than anything else. But all 274 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:33,040 Speaker 1: that to say is they also get more time. Again, 275 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,680 Speaker 1: those standards are so different on like what people think 276 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:40,120 Speaker 1: is attractive and what isn't. Yeah, and then being playing 277 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,320 Speaker 1: by those roles. 278 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:45,400 Speaker 2: Right, And I mean, there is such a toxic fandom 279 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:48,480 Speaker 2: culture of you know, like there's been so many stories 280 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:54,680 Speaker 2: about harassments that makes you feel unsafe. There's the fact 281 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:58,840 Speaker 2: that most of are at conventions, at least most of 282 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,880 Speaker 2: the characters you're celebrating or white men. So are you 283 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:07,119 Speaker 2: gonna like gender swap or race swap. But also I 284 00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:11,879 Speaker 2: feel like there's a there's this idea that is still 285 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:20,399 Speaker 2: hanging on that a woman who is a nerd, like 286 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,359 Speaker 2: the expectations are different for men if they're a nerd. 287 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 2: It's sort of that like Sit commy, like the wife 288 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,320 Speaker 2: is just nagging at me when I just want to 289 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:29,800 Speaker 2: go do build my like Lego sets. I'm sorry, that's 290 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:31,600 Speaker 2: very stereotypical, but you know what I mean, Like I 291 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,240 Speaker 2: want to go just do my thing and they're nagging 292 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:36,399 Speaker 2: at me. Whereas for women, I do think there is 293 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,400 Speaker 2: this idea of like, well, she's shouldn't she be getting 294 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:41,680 Speaker 2: a family? Shouldn't she be doing that? Like why she wasted? 295 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:45,879 Speaker 2: Like she should be moved on from that childish stuff 296 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 2: by now, even though men are still doing it, Like 297 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:53,439 Speaker 2: there's some kind of like you're still the idea is 298 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 2: still you're trying to attract this dude. 299 00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,639 Speaker 1: But then you also became the caretaker, So why you 300 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 1: waste time? I should be caring for your husband and 301 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:02,880 Speaker 1: taking care of your health. 302 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:17,840 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, there's something like I'm having trouble articulating it, 303 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,680 Speaker 2: but there's there feels like there's this thing where women 304 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:22,880 Speaker 2: feel like they have to give it up where men 305 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:26,920 Speaker 2: don't where they feel like, well, then this will make 306 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,359 Speaker 2: me seem even if I'm only twenty five, which is 307 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:32,360 Speaker 2: what they age is. And that thing people repeat all 308 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:36,800 Speaker 2: the time is that I'm not of marriageable quality. Something 309 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:42,040 Speaker 2: is weird or off about me. I'm too old to 310 00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:45,680 Speaker 2: be doing this, and so I won't attract a man 311 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,960 Speaker 2: in this very headed norm of understanding, and I don't. 312 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:53,520 Speaker 2: I don't know. I feel like that's that's at play here. 313 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,359 Speaker 2: I feel like there's some I feel like it's a 314 00:18:56,400 --> 00:19:01,439 Speaker 2: lot of Oh, I'm going to be harassed. Maybe I 315 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 2: have been. I have left because of it. I don't 316 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:08,399 Speaker 2: feel comfortable or safe there. But also what if people 317 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:12,359 Speaker 2: think I'm strange. I'm an old woman at twenty five 318 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:16,320 Speaker 2: still doing a Star Wars cosplay, right. 319 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,960 Speaker 1: But think about what is given to them to be 320 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:22,760 Speaker 1: a child things child's obsession. When you have a little girl, 321 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:28,640 Speaker 1: you see kitchen sets and playing house and playing these 322 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:31,160 Speaker 1: things that by the time that you're older you should 323 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:33,400 Speaker 1: be able to do that. So those kind of novelties 324 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:37,040 Speaker 1: are gone. That's not a tobby you want anymore. Yeah, 325 00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:39,439 Speaker 1: unless you're you know, your hobby shopping and that's you 326 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,200 Speaker 1: better have the money. But like that, so again that 327 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:43,960 Speaker 1: that level, and then also the cost of some of 328 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,199 Speaker 1: the things that are collectibles. Women do not did not 329 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,639 Speaker 1: for the longest time, have the disposable income but to 330 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,240 Speaker 1: do so or we're allowed to have a disposable income 331 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:55,679 Speaker 1: to do so. So that has changed vastly. And then 332 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,880 Speaker 1: you have boys who get all the toys from jump 333 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:02,800 Speaker 1: from like small cars that they get as they're growing older, 334 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:06,280 Speaker 1: but then they collect actual cars. I'm not collecting groceries. 335 00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:07,439 Speaker 2: I mean, don't get me. 336 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 1: Wrong, I love food, but that's right, like I said, 337 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:14,520 Speaker 1: it's kind of a hobby. But you know what I'm saying, 338 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,440 Speaker 1: like that level of like nurdering what you see and 339 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:20,520 Speaker 1: what you don't. Again, this whole premise of like heteronormative 340 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,880 Speaker 1: idea of the household is that the wife is at 341 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:25,359 Speaker 1: home cooking. You come home from the man comes home 342 00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:27,440 Speaker 1: from work, gets given a beer, and he gets to 343 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,320 Speaker 1: sit down and watch his TV or go to his 344 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:32,159 Speaker 1: man cave or whatever whatnot, which I really hate those 345 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:35,520 Speaker 1: phrases to continue with their hobby while she is prepping 346 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,199 Speaker 1: your food and getting the house clean or whatever it is. 347 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:40,879 Speaker 1: And because a lot of the households still uphold that 348 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,040 Speaker 1: even though now that women have the job as well, 349 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:48,320 Speaker 1: in that heteronormative idea, you've lost lost a lot of love. 350 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:51,560 Speaker 1: Things get taken away from you, whether it's because you're tired, 351 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:55,400 Speaker 1: whether it's because you're traumatized by something, or whether it's 352 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:59,200 Speaker 1: because you're told it's not for you. Like things can 353 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:00,919 Speaker 1: take it away, And I think that's more likely to 354 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,600 Speaker 1: happen with women than it is with men. 355 00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:07,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a great point because a lot of women's toys, 356 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,399 Speaker 2: especially are very like you're a mom, you have to 357 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,800 Speaker 2: take care of this baby, or like your mom, you 358 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:17,119 Speaker 2: have to go cook or something like. And I enjoyed 359 00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:18,520 Speaker 2: some of those toys when I was a kid, But 360 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:22,320 Speaker 2: for sure, I bet when you get older and you're 361 00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:25,480 Speaker 2: actually doing those things, you're like, you know what, I 362 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:26,080 Speaker 2: don't want this. 363 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:29,120 Speaker 1: I don't want this. Don't give me this anymore. 364 00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,840 Speaker 2: Because he's not a fun playtime thing. 365 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:34,320 Speaker 1: Well, and then, like if you think about Barbie America 366 00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:38,360 Speaker 1: Ferrera's character, she works at the Barbie company, she's doing designs, 367 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,199 Speaker 1: and she's doing these things, but by the time she 368 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,359 Speaker 1: gets home, she's taking care of her kid and cleaning 369 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:45,440 Speaker 1: the house, meaning this, like you don't have time because 370 00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,320 Speaker 1: like I'm thinking about drawing. It's one of those things 371 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:50,359 Speaker 1: like people who are amazing at drawings, they quit because 372 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,760 Speaker 1: they have other things to do, because you're not seen 373 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:56,400 Speaker 1: as legitimate yea, even if you're talented. 374 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:01,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good point too. I think that I 375 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:07,359 Speaker 2: think the whole the time, and that can go beyond 376 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,120 Speaker 2: just like what time is actually left in the day. 377 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,639 Speaker 2: It could also just be like your stressed because you 378 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:16,080 Speaker 2: had to do with all of this like patriarchy nonsense, 379 00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:18,520 Speaker 2: and you're too tired to do anything anymore. 380 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:21,440 Speaker 1: I mean, for me, when I was working in the 381 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,240 Speaker 1: world of DJJ and I don't get me wrong, now 382 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,200 Speaker 1: I'm gonna haveb it, but like for the longest time, 383 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,560 Speaker 1: I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. After I 384 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,840 Speaker 1: came home from work, I just stopped and I would 385 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:32,800 Speaker 1: just sit and watch whatever I could and hope not 386 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,600 Speaker 1: to move. Maybe I'll make something, but I'm done. I'm 387 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,600 Speaker 1: like it was so done, whether it's on the road 388 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,040 Speaker 1: all day, whether I'm still working, whether I'm thinking about 389 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:45,919 Speaker 1: cases or whatnot. And then with that type of I 390 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,439 Speaker 1: didn't have children to feed, I didn't have a you know, 391 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:52,000 Speaker 1: a partner to care for necessarily, like there wasn't that 392 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,760 Speaker 1: a dog, but like, you know, like that that's such 393 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,520 Speaker 1: a whole thing. And so by the time you come home, 394 00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,679 Speaker 1: all you're ready to do is go to bed, like 395 00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 1: essentially like sitting down until it's time for a bit 396 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,760 Speaker 1: because you know you're so tired that you can don't 397 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:05,520 Speaker 1: have that time. 398 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,439 Speaker 2: Yeah, and women are more likely to do kind of 399 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:14,639 Speaker 2: those empathetic draining jobs like that. And then like final note, 400 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:16,840 Speaker 2: I love how these always get so much deeper than 401 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:21,200 Speaker 2: I thought they would. Uh. I also just wondering knowledge 402 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:27,280 Speaker 2: nerd culture has not had the greatest reputation when it 403 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,479 Speaker 2: comes to women. I immediately think of Revenge of the 404 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:31,800 Speaker 2: Nerds and which a joke was that this woman got 405 00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:35,600 Speaker 2: raped by a nerd. So it's I feel like there's 406 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,879 Speaker 2: a there's a lot of damage that has been done 407 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:42,800 Speaker 2: and a lot of that has remained. And I totally 408 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:47,600 Speaker 2: understand why where I've heard like some of my friends 409 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:53,000 Speaker 2: be like, oh, that's that's just dudes being this. I 410 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:57,199 Speaker 2: don't want this, and that's fair. But also it is 411 00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,160 Speaker 2: changing and there is so much more and I think 412 00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:04,159 Speaker 2: that we should acknowledge that the nerd doesn't belong to 413 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:08,400 Speaker 2: this one type. It doesn't look this one way. You're 414 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:14,320 Speaker 2: a nerd. I am a huge nerd. Huge. I still 415 00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:17,760 Speaker 2: have my little ponies. I should give them away. It 416 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,280 Speaker 2: would be so much nicer. I love them so much. 417 00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:25,080 Speaker 2: Why just don It's like a kid could play with them. 418 00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:25,920 Speaker 2: But I've always like. 419 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:29,240 Speaker 1: See again, this is why women don't have collectibles. 420 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:36,119 Speaker 2: That's true. We care. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. 421 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:41,159 Speaker 2: I'm not kidding, but you know what I mean. I 422 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:46,640 Speaker 2: am generalizing. Well, all right, cheers to you, Samantha. Yes, 423 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:49,640 Speaker 2: and if you have any thoughts about this, I would 424 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:51,760 Speaker 2: love to hear about it. You can email us at 425 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,480 Speaker 2: Stepani your mom step at iHeartMedia dot com. You can 426 00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:57,440 Speaker 2: find us on Twitter at monstep podcast, or on Instagram 427 00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:00,679 Speaker 2: and TikTok and Stefan ever told you. We also have 428 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:04,560 Speaker 2: a tea public store, and we have a book audio 429 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,159 Speaker 2: book and a physical book. It's coming out soon. You 430 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,200 Speaker 2: can pre order it though at stuff you should read 431 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:12,560 Speaker 2: books dot com. Thanks as always to our super producer Christina, 432 00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:16,120 Speaker 2: our executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey thk you 433 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,160 Speaker 2: and thanks to you for listening Stuff I've Never Told 434 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:20,600 Speaker 2: You is the production of by heart Radio. For more 435 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,159 Speaker 2: podcast from my heart Radio, you can check out the 436 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:25,240 Speaker 2: heart Radio Apple podcast where you listen to your favorite shows.