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Speaker 1: Oh John, Oh Sam, I love you so much. I

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Speaker 1: love you almost as much as the great stories that

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Speaker 1: are about to come up.

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Speaker 2: And you know what I love equally as much is

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Speaker 2: the two minutes of sponsors coming up, because they support

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Speaker 2: the show and make sure that we will have her happily.

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Speaker 1: Ever after, my.

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Speaker 2: Friend kept asking me to lunch and it turned into

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Speaker 2: a full blown obsession.

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Speaker 1: No lunch is that good?

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Speaker 2: Right? Well, Dakota, it's I'm Not Afraid of a Scary

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Speaker 2: Story Week on Okay Storytime podcast, where we're uncovering the

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Speaker 2: most bone chilling encounters with weird neighbors and obsessive stalkers,

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Speaker 2: tales that will have you wondering if that friendly face

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Speaker 2: next door is hiding something. If you're New Year and

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Speaker 2: looking for the story I live below a cult leader

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Speaker 2: and I fear I've angered her, just click the link

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Speaker 2: in the show notes description or search I'm Not Afraid

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Speaker 2: of a Scary Story Week, Okay Storytime, wherever you get

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Speaker 2: your podcasts, let's dive into this one. Oh yeah, I

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Speaker 2: recently received a friend request that reminded me of this story,

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Speaker 2: so I'm going to share it here. This happened when

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Speaker 2: I was eighteen at university, I made an to make

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Speaker 2: friends and ended up with a few groups to hang

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Speaker 2: out with, including a new girlfriend. There was one class

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Speaker 2: before lunch where it was traditional for people to go

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Speaker 2: to the cafeteria afterwards to eat together. I wasn't very

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Speaker 2: discerning about who I'd have lunch with because I got

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Speaker 2: on fine with most people from the class. So when

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Speaker 2: one girl, Lily, asked if I wanted to eat lunch

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Speaker 2: together after that class, I didn't have any reason not

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Speaker 2: to go. By the way, this comes from Vine Grade

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Speaker 2: and you can submit your own stories on the r

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Speaker 2: slash Okay, storytime suppared it. I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and

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Speaker 2: Op says. We talked about school and that kind of thing,

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Speaker 2: nothing noteworthy, but she did ask me to get lunch

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Speaker 2: with her again the next week. It became a pattern,

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Speaker 2: and there wasn't exactly a way to start saying no.

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Speaker 2: Suddenly it was fine, but it did mean I lost

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Speaker 2: the chance to eat lunch with anyone else on those days.

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Speaker 2: In hindsight, I suppose that was the point. One day

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Speaker 2: in class, I asked someone if I could add them

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Speaker 2: on social media. This happened in front of Lily. I

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Speaker 2: saw her face snap towards me from a couple of

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Speaker 2: seats over It was such a sharp reaction that it

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Speaker 2: was hard to ignore, and I still remember it. By

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Speaker 2: the time I got home later that day, Lily had

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Speaker 2: sent me a friend request no friends in common. Don't

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Speaker 2: know how she knew my last name. I was a

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Speaker 2: bit surprised, but I guess she just dug through the

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Speaker 2: university's social media page and found me. It gave me

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Speaker 2: a bad feeling, but surely it was fine.

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's fine.

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Speaker 2: I don't think it's fine. She ended up messaging me

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Speaker 2: a lot and commenting on anything I posted. I told

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Speaker 2: myself that she was just awkward, and we became friends,

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Speaker 2: if not close. She still always got me to go

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Speaker 2: eat lunch with her after our one shared class. Other

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Speaker 2: than that, we rarely spent time together in person, so

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Speaker 2: it was mostly online messaging and seeing each other in

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Speaker 2: group settings. Coincidentally, my girlfriend was also called Lily. This

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Speaker 2: was something that clearly bothered other Lily. She occasionally hinted

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Speaker 2: that she wanted my girlfriend to pick a different name

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Speaker 2: or joked about her not suiting it. She clearly didn't

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Speaker 2: like micro girlfriend at all, and I had an idea

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Speaker 2: of why it was hard to ignore. By this point,

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Speaker 2: Lily was starting to hint that she had a crush

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Speaker 2: on me, and I think at that point that's when

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Speaker 2: you start putting up that boundary and saying, hey, got girlfriend, Sorry,

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Speaker 2: we can't hang out like this.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I said, my girlfriend, my girlfriend, my girlfriend.

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Speaker 2: I tried not to address it because I didn't know

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Speaker 2: what to say. I wasn't interested in the least, even

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Speaker 2: ignoring the weird stuff. Lily was not my type. She

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Speaker 2: dressed and acted somewhere between a fifties housewife and one

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Speaker 2: of those adults obsessed with Disney princesses. Things got uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: On the day of our last shared class, instead of

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Speaker 2: asking me to lunch, Lily asked if I go for

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Speaker 2: a walk with her. I didn't know how to refuse.

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Speaker 2: Our campus was bordered by woodland. Lily led me into

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Speaker 2: the woods, where the sounds of students faded away.

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Speaker 1: No no, no, no, no, no no no no. Don't you

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Speaker 1: know and you were you took you would do a

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Speaker 1: walk in the woods? A walk? What do you mean?

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Speaker 2: You didn't know how to refuse? You just say busy?

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Speaker 1: Sorry, you got my bones. I lost on my bones.

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Speaker 1: I don't have any bones anymore, can't walk.

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Speaker 2: She sat on a log and I joined her. She

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Speaker 2: talked about missing me over the summer, almost on the

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Speaker 2: verge of tears. Before I could make an excuse about

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Speaker 2: my girlfriend and leave, Lily kissed me without warning. I

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Speaker 2: got out of there happy. I wouldn't see her for

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Speaker 2: a while before that should have cut her off, But

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Speaker 2: now for sure we just say sorry. You know why

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Speaker 2: I can't hang out with you?

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Speaker 1: Bye? Brother? How are you in that vicinity proximity? That's

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Speaker 1: what you stick and move? My guy go ooh no.

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Speaker 2: Like I don't want to say, it's not your fault,

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Speaker 2: but don't go into the woods with creepy girl who

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Speaker 2: has a crush on you, Just for future reference, not

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Speaker 2: your fault. I came back after summer to serious issues

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Speaker 2: in my friend group and broke up with my girlfriend.

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Speaker 2: The whole mess made me recontextualize things with the lee

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Speaker 2: because it suddenly didn't seem as bad.

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Speaker 1: Whoa talking about it?

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Speaker 2: She kissed you without your consent? Whoa pause?

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Speaker 1: It's just like you just need to rebound. My guys,

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Speaker 1: don't rebound with the stockery weird girl.

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Speaker 2: That said I didn't want to be alone with her.

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Speaker 2: We mostly talked online, and since she was constantly messaging me,

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Speaker 2: stop it. Upside was that I started dating a boy.

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Speaker 2: Lily was not pleased. I think she hoped to sneak

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Speaker 2: in after I broke up with my girlfriend, but that

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Speaker 2: was never gonna happen. She must have thought she missed

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Speaker 2: her chance to be with me. This is where the

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Speaker 2: story gets bad. At this time, I was fairly active

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Speaker 2: on Tumblr. I occasionally talked about my life and mostly

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Speaker 2: reblogged photos and stuff. I was on there one day

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Speaker 2: when something odd happened. One of the blogs I followed

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Speaker 2: had received an ask with some phrases I recognized it

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Speaker 2: took a second to register that it was taken from

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Speaker 2: my about page That made me freeze. I read the

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Speaker 2: message properly. Someone was asking this complete, random person to

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Speaker 2: analyze a section of text from my page, asking for

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Speaker 2: their opinion on the type of person who would write it.

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Speaker 2: I cannot stress how messed up it was to see

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Speaker 2: people talking about me like I was a character in

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Speaker 2: a book they were trying to study. Ugh, huh ugh.

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Speaker 2: The reply was basically, I don't know, sorry, But the

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Speaker 2: important thing was that the question hadn't been anonymous. It

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Speaker 2: linked to someone's blog. Obviously, I wanted to know who

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Speaker 2: had taken such a bizarre interest in me. I feel

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Speaker 2: like it's pretty obvious.

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Speaker 1: I think we all know who it is.

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Speaker 2: As far as I knew, no one in real life

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Speaker 2: other than my boyfriend knew about my page. Well, no

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Speaker 2: prizes for guessing who was behind it. What I found

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Speaker 2: was like a shrine.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, she's got the helga from Hey Arnold, like

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Speaker 1: used gum shrine. No creepy, it's a shrine in the

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Speaker 1: shape of you.

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Speaker 2: She was using a fake name, but I recognized Lily

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Speaker 2: all over that thing. It was this cute see pink page.

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Speaker 2: Most of the content was about me. There were accounts

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Speaker 2: of things I'd done recently, references to things from as

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Speaker 2: far back as I'd known her. She'd been keeping tabs

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Speaker 2: on me, gathering every scrap of information about my life.

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Speaker 2: She talked about our lunch meetings as special dates, and

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Speaker 2: wrote about the kiss as if it had been mutual. Dude,

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Speaker 2: this is why we don't start talking to the creepy

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Speaker 2: stalker lady that kissed us without our consent.

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Speaker 1: This is true.

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Speaker 2: She quoted lyrics from my favorite song talking about loving

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Speaker 2: me just the way he is and referenced always being

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Speaker 2: there for me. This answered the mystery of an anonymous

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Speaker 2: love letter I'd received with the same wording.

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Speaker 1: It got worse.

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Speaker 2: There were some vicious posts about my boyfriend, talking about

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Speaker 2: how he didn't deserve me and didn't know what he had.

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Speaker 2: She argued that if she was with me, she'd be

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Speaker 2: jealous of anyone else who came near me, So my

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Speaker 2: boyfriend not being jealous many didn't love me. The strangest

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Speaker 2: thing was references to Lily's best friend, Steven, someone she'd

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Speaker 2: never mentioned to me. Her post talked about how great

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Speaker 2: a friend he was, how much fun they had together.

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Speaker 2: I was confused until one specific post made it all click.

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Speaker 2: She posted a photo captioned Stephen sent this to me.

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Speaker 2: The problem was the photo was taken from my own page.

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Speaker 2: I hadn't sent it to her. She'd split me into

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Speaker 2: two people. In her fantasy, I was both the perfect

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Speaker 2: best friend who looked out for and her soulmate who

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Speaker 2: was bound to end up with her. Once I got

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Speaker 2: over my boyfriend and all the other easy girls she

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Speaker 2: complained about, she had an audience. She asked open questions

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Speaker 2: about me and got messages back from followers who took

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Speaker 2: what she said at face value. Random people agreed that

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Speaker 2: my boyfriend didn't deserve me and we were bound to

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Speaker 2: break up so I could be with Lily. She'd created

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Speaker 2: this fake version of my life for anyone to comment on,

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Speaker 2: making herself the hero. I confronted Lily about the blog.

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Speaker 2: She said nothing. I cannot stress how weird it was

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Speaker 2: to have found pages dedicated to me, with her planning

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Speaker 2: our future together and building fantasy lives with two versions

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Speaker 2: of me, then acting like it hadn't happened. She just

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Speaker 2: changed the subject, like she hadn't registered what I said.

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Speaker 2: She deleted the pages, but it wasn't the end. We

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Speaker 2: were still in classes together, and she'd started to scare me,

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Speaker 2: started to.

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Speaker 1: Should have been scared already, Dude, I'm scared.

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Speaker 2: I'm scared for you. Knowing someone was obsessively tracking me

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Speaker 2: freaked me out. Next, she tried to seduce my boyfriend.

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Speaker 2: It was useless and only made him uncomfortable, he told

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Speaker 2: me immediately. When that failed, she tried hitting on three

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Speaker 2: of my other friends. None took the bait. She dated

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Speaker 2: one of my former housemates, but messaged me while they

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Speaker 2: were together, saying she'd rather be with me. Lily stayed

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Speaker 2: in my life throughout university. When I tried to pull away,

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Speaker 2: she started rumors about me and damaged a career opportunity.

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Speaker 2: I realized it was safer to let her think she

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Speaker 2: was part of my life while ignoring her.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if that's the case.

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Speaker 2: I think you're going to go to the Dean, ye know, somebody,

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Speaker 2: some sort of like official at your university and say, hey,

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Speaker 2: here's proof you have the blog.

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Speaker 1: You're being slandered.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. After graduation, I made excuses about work and barely

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Speaker 2: talked to her. I stopped posting on social media, and

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Speaker 2: she tried to start conversations and asked to meet up,

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Speaker 2: which I ignored. She'd occasionally referenced things I mentioned online

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Speaker 2: in places she shouldn't have known about. The last real

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Speaker 2: conversation happened when she messaged me out of nowhere after

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Speaker 2: months of silence. First she asked about how long I'd

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Speaker 2: known I was queer. Then she started talking about wanting

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Speaker 2: to be a boy for me. The messages quickly became fetishistic,

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Speaker 2: with detailed fantasies about us. We were barely acquaintances at

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Speaker 2: this point and hadn't spoken for years. When I told

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Speaker 2: her not to bowl this crap, she changed tactics again.

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Speaker 2: Block block, block block.

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Speaker 1: We don't respond, We just block, stop inter at stop

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Speaker 1: and director. Stop it stop it, stop it, stop it,

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Speaker 1: stop it.

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Speaker 2: She said, photos of herself, followed by rapid messages quoting

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Speaker 2: back what I told her about my past earlier. She

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Speaker 2: was telling me these things as if they had happened

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Speaker 2: to her, and she was role playing as me. The

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Speaker 2: worst part was she seemed to believe it was real,

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Speaker 2: even when quoting me word for word.

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Speaker 1: You're building up responc sure by continuing to respond and

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Speaker 1: interact with this person. Yeah, you are building up the

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Speaker 1: pressure of insanity. We got us in them.

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Speaker 2: Things I told her hours before were now her life.

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Speaker 2: She was trying to absorb my history to make my

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Speaker 2: life part of hers. There's a little bit left, But

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Speaker 2: like truly, do not respond to people like this. Block

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Speaker 2: don't respond because it just eggs them on.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't be interacting with him. The more you interact,

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Speaker 1: the more their obsession is going to grow with you exactly.

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Speaker 2: But there is a little bit left. Yeah. I didn't

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Speaker 2: talk to her again after that.

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Speaker 1: I ignored him in it. What actually I have the reverse.

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Speaker 2: Okay, well totally different idea.

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Speaker 1: Well, no, it's it's Robert Pattinson.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, he went on a date.

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Speaker 1: He had a really terrible stalker yea, and a date

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Speaker 1: with her, and he was just like, yeah, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I'm kind of I don't do anything. I like to

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Speaker 1: just stay inside and then watch stuff. And then she

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, this guy's just a dork. I don't

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Speaker 1: like him anymore. He's not as cool as I thought

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Speaker 1: he was. So maybe if you just like go to

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Speaker 1: lunch with her and you're like, he already did that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I just actually like watching the History Channel. I like

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Speaker 1: rewatching the history of paint on the History Channel all

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Speaker 1: day long. And I collect pieces of broken glass and

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Speaker 1: I count them all day.

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Speaker 2: So you got too options there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I didn't talk to her again after that. I ignored

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Speaker 2: future attempts she made to talk to me, and I

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Speaker 2: eventually silently deleted her from the inactive social media, which

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Speaker 2: was her only real way of contacting me. I really

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Speaker 2: thought she might move on. A few days ago, she

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Speaker 2: sent me a friend request. It's sitting there unanswered because

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Speaker 2: I know if I delete it, she'll only send another

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Speaker 2: one block her.

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Speaker 1: What are you doing?

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Speaker 2: Lily and I met nearly twelve years ago. This story

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Speaker 2: is just the highlights, and even then it's only the

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Speaker 2: stuff I know about. For sure, a lot happened behind

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Speaker 2: my back. I know it did. So, girl who spent

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Speaker 2: twelve years obsessing over me, fetishizing me, stalking me, and

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Speaker 2: pestering me, let's not meet again. The fantasy life you

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Speaker 2: built for the two of us in your head is

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Speaker 2: the only place you'll be seeing me anytime soon. And

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Speaker 2: that is the end of that story.

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Speaker 1: I refused to let my wife be a stay at

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Speaker 1: home mom, get to work and goal. I a thirty

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Speaker 1: five male, have been with my wife Ali thirty seven female,

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Speaker 1: for two years, married for one and we're expecting our

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Speaker 1: first child together in a few months. I also have

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Speaker 1: two children, eight male and six female, from a previous

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Speaker 1: relationship with Alex thirty two female, and we have fifty

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Speaker 1: to fifty custody. However, Alex travels a lot for work,

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Speaker 1: so we have the kids more than that most of

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Speaker 1: the time, so we get child support from her. By

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Speaker 1: the way, this comes from user live point Hillo, and

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Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories. Go to

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Speaker 1: the r slash Okay storytime subret it. I'm Dakota, I'm Riley,

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Speaker 1: and we already give good advice goofly, but we don't

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Speaker 1: always have the answers. So if you think you know

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Speaker 1: what to do, why don't you comment down below? Op

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Speaker 1: says Before we got married, Ali and I spoke extensively

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Speaker 1: about what we wanted, and she was adamant about being

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Speaker 1: a stay at home mom. I was upfront with her

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Speaker 1: that I was fine with that we'd be able to

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Speaker 1: afford it, but she would need to be a stay

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Speaker 1: at home mom for all of the kids to be

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Speaker 1: able to make it work, and she agreed happily. As

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Speaker 1: you can prop predict. She sat me down the other

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Speaker 1: day and told me that she wants, at a minimum,

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Speaker 1: her first year as a mom to only be a

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Speaker 1: stay at home mom to our shared baby. She said

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Speaker 1: after that she can help out more with the other kids,

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Speaker 1: but wants to protect her first time motherhood and said

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Speaker 1: it's her number one boundary. I told her that would

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Speaker 1: no longer work. Then I couldn't support a family of

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Speaker 1: five on just my salary without help with all of

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Speaker 1: the kids. She said, I needed to figure it out

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Speaker 1: and respect her boundaries, but this simply won't be possible.

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Speaker 1: I'm confused how much of a difference that would.

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Speaker 4: Really make her getting a job.

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Speaker 1: Well, no, just being like, if you're not gonna be

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Speaker 1: a stay at home mom for my other kids, then

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Speaker 1: I can't afford it, which seems kind of contradictory.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, on both ends, she's not helping out with your kids,

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Speaker 4: and then on the flip side, you're not financing her

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Speaker 4: other kids.

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Speaker 1: I think the legal agreement would be if you have

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Speaker 1: split custody fifty to fifty and a lot of the

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Speaker 1: time they aren't with their mom because she's like traveling

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Speaker 1: a lot, then I think it becomes the mom's responsibility

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Speaker 1: to provide childcare for her children while she's supposed to

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Speaker 1: be taking care of them.

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Speaker 4: Boom, court, go to court, lin Up.

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Speaker 1: I think it's just a fair ask, being like, this

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Speaker 1: is my first child. I want to be able to

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Speaker 1: mother my first child without having to think about anything else.

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Speaker 1: We have family to help, for sure, but she's saying

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Speaker 1: she doesn't want to be responsible for the older kids

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Speaker 1: at all for the first year. Also, we want at

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Speaker 1: least one more child, And I'm now worried she'll try

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Speaker 1: to extend the year with another baby. She's incredibly hurt

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Speaker 1: and angry, but I don't think it would even be

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Speaker 1: possible to respect her boundaries. So would I be the

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Speaker 1: a hole for renegging on my promise to let her

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Speaker 1: be a stay at home mom? And there's a quick edit.

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Speaker 1: My ex wife will be keeping our kids for two

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Speaker 1: weeks after birth and has been able to be assured

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Speaker 1: she wouldn't travel for that first month if emergencies come up.

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Speaker 1: I am also paying the person I currently am who

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Speaker 1: picks up, watches, drops off, et cetera. The kids before

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Speaker 1: and after school an additional four weeks after Alex already

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Speaker 1: has them for six full weeks off from any older

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Speaker 1: kid duties for Ali. And there are comments. I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: say you were an a hole yet, but it seems

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Speaker 1: kind of crazy that you're immediately going to like yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I think she's gonna conspire to have a second

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Speaker 1: child so she can further push the window.

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Speaker 4: Amazing, This sounds like a great marriage.

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Speaker 1: I feel like you could be a little more understanding, yeah,

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Speaker 1: or less accusatory, cause it's like things can change sometimes,

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Speaker 1: you know. And she came to you and sat you

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Speaker 1: down with this. It's not like she's doing this after

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Speaker 1: she already had the kid and then she's demanding it.

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Speaker 1: But I think it's kind of lame for you to

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Speaker 1: be like, what if she does this again? Like that's

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Speaker 1: not the right place to approach this from. I think

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Speaker 1: she just wants to be as good of a mom

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Speaker 1: as she can be to her kid and really absorb

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Speaker 1: what that's like. And it seems very fair to me.

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Speaker 1: I would try to figure it out. Yeah, comments Escape

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Speaker 1: from demon Spawn says not the a hole are the

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Speaker 1: older two in school, so realistically she would have the

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Speaker 1: entire school day just her and the baby. She's being ridiculous.

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Speaker 1: She can either enjoy several hours each day alone with

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Speaker 1: her kid and parent her step children after school as

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Speaker 1: a greed, or she can put her baby in daycare

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Speaker 1: and miss out on all those hours while she gets

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Speaker 1: a job. Opie says, yes, but they need to be

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Speaker 1: taken to and picked up from school, taken to their

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Speaker 1: activities while I'm at work. There's no bus. Kids can't

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Speaker 1: take the bus.

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Speaker 4: We had a bus where I lived.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I took the bus.

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Speaker 4: You look like a bus kid.

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Speaker 1: You can't take the bus?

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Speaker 4: Looks like you learned a lot of bad words.

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Speaker 1: You get forged in the bus. I currently pay somebody

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Speaker 1: to do this, but with a new baby and without

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Speaker 1: her salary, I won't be able to. And there's an edit.

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Speaker 1: Stop asking about buses. This is a private school. No buses,

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Speaker 1: All right, we'll stop. You're sending your kids to private

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Speaker 1: school when they're like four years old?

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Speaker 4: Hey, you got to start them out. How else are

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Speaker 4: they supposed to know? They're better than ever? Are the

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Speaker 4: kids at a young age? No wonder you can't afford it.

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Speaker 4: That's a lot of money.

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Speaker 1: And there's another edit. The X pays for the school tuition.

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Speaker 1: And I would never take my kids out of a

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Speaker 1: school they love just so she could be a stay

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Speaker 1: at home mom to one out of three kids. Background

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Speaker 1: Actor four one two says, you're not wrong. I'd bet

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Speaker 1: she planned this from the start. She knew she didn't

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Speaker 1: want just a bunch of like.

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Speaker 4: We need more conversations.

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Speaker 1: I want to know who these people are.

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Speaker 4: I need a family picture.

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Speaker 1: She knew she didn't want to watch your kids, but

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Speaker 1: it was the only way to get you to agree

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Speaker 1: to her staying home. She probably intended to wait until

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00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,240
Speaker 1: after the baby was born to say it was too

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00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:39,359
Speaker 1: much work, but got cocky and decided to tell you, now,

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Speaker 1: who are you?

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Speaker 2: This is so bitter?

405
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:46,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, so bitter. There's a chance she didn't realize you

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Speaker 1: couldn't afford child care and thought her involvement would just

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00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,720
Speaker 1: be drop off and pick up. She discovered that being

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Speaker 1: a stay at home parent means actually parenting all the kids,

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00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,400
Speaker 1: but that still shows she planned on taking no real

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Speaker 1: responsibility for your children. Normally I'd suggest explaining the finances

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Speaker 1: and maybe counseling, but manipulative people don't usually admit it

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Speaker 1: in therapy. This is messed up, and you have every

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Speaker 1: right to not want to work yourself so hard for

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Speaker 1: her to stay home with one kid while ignoring your

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Speaker 1: other two, who will definitely feel replaced. Most parents worry

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Speaker 1: about older children feeling pushed out by a new baby

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00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,360
Speaker 1: and do everything to minimize that. Your wife is actively

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Speaker 1: planning to prioritize the baby over your older kids. They're

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Speaker 1: going to instantly feel replaced and hate that baby. If

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Speaker 1: she's allowed to act like this, this will break your

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Speaker 1: family up. I feel like part of that is relevant,

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Speaker 1: but like on the whole, it's like she's literally saying

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Speaker 1: just a year. I want to spend the first year

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Speaker 1: as a mother being a mother to the child eye birthed.

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Speaker 1: You know, she can still love her step children while

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Speaker 1: wanting to be a mother for the first time. Because

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Speaker 1: she's never been a mom, she's been a step mom.

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Speaker 1: It's not the same thing. So it's crazy to just

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Speaker 1: assume everything that that comment or assumed.

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Speaker 4: You know, Yeah, this is dipping into some very interesting territory.

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Speaker 1: If this wasn't America, this wouldn't even be a problem

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Speaker 1: because she would have like what two years of like

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Speaker 1: a maternity leave and like certain.

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Speaker 4: Places going a very different route with that.

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00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:22,560
Speaker 1: No, it's like there's other countries, like in Europe where

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00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:23,919
Speaker 1: it's like if you have a baby, it's like you

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00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,919
Speaker 1: don't the government will pay for like two years though

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00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:27,840
Speaker 1: you did not have to work.

439
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:30,560
Speaker 4: If this wasn't America, she would have a choice. I

440
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:32,320
Speaker 4: was like, God's for some reason.

441
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:37,199
Speaker 1: No, no, no, the opposite. Actually it was if she

442
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:37,600
Speaker 1: wasn't in.

443
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:40,480
Speaker 4: America, it would be maternity would be more she lived

444
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,280
Speaker 4: in a place with favorable maternity leave, Yeah, like attorney

445
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:45,639
Speaker 4: would be more favorable for her and she could actually

446
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,120
Speaker 4: do soff. Yeah, that would be nice.

447
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:50,440
Speaker 1: So Opie says, yeah, I've basically confronted her and told

448
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:54,040
Speaker 1: her she has these options. She keeps working, and I'm

449
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:58,600
Speaker 1: willing to support her for her twelve weeks of unpaid FMLA,

450
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,879
Speaker 1: but after that the baby would go to the not free,

451
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:05,199
Speaker 1: but heavily subsidized daycare on site at my work, and

452
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,240
Speaker 1: everything else stays the same. She doesn't go back to work,

453
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:10,720
Speaker 1: and we continue paying the nanny who takes the kids

454
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:14,320
Speaker 1: too and picks up and watches the kids after school. However,

455
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,119
Speaker 1: this will take up all of her fun money I

456
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,399
Speaker 1: have allocated in our new budget. Right now, she waits

457
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,600
Speaker 1: tables some weekends and evenings to make extra money. I'm

458
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 1: fine with her continuing to do that to make money

459
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,040
Speaker 1: for the extra stuff she wants to buy. Thanks to

460
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:30,119
Speaker 1: all the comments on Reddit, I told her I am

461
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,080
Speaker 1: no longer comfortable with the idea of her being a

462
00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:34,160
Speaker 1: stay at home mom to my kids. She can work

463
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,680
Speaker 1: on rebuilding that, and I know my kids still love her,

464
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,720
Speaker 1: but a lot of comments open my eyes. She's completely

465
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:42,320
Speaker 1: devastated and even tried arguing that I should stop putting

466
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:44,879
Speaker 1: money into my kids' college funds so as to not

467
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:48,080
Speaker 1: take away her fun money. Or even more deranged, asking

468
00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:50,320
Speaker 1: my ex wife to take the kids out of their

469
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:53,199
Speaker 1: private school to save the money we pay towards it

470
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:57,000
Speaker 1: uniforms and activities. Just the idea of asking that from

471
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:58,080
Speaker 1: my ex is insane.

472
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:04,480
Speaker 4: What fleet three sixty here? What's happened one? Sorry directions?

473
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,120
Speaker 4: What's going on here? Are you a piggy bank? Now?

474
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,840
Speaker 4: Have you been the piggy bank this whole time?

475
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:12,199
Speaker 1: Honestly, I don't know what to make of this. I

476
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:16,359
Speaker 1: just know that it seems very cold and analytical when

477
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,640
Speaker 1: you've already been You've had two kids, you had them

478
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:22,840
Speaker 1: with your ex. This is your first child that she's

479
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 1: pregnant with, that she's gonna give birth to and be

480
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,800
Speaker 1: a mother to. And I think it's pretty cold to

481
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:31,520
Speaker 1: just be like immediately siding with strangers on the internet

482
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 1: over your wife at least, like not even just trying

483
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,879
Speaker 1: to understand what she's saying and having no faith that

484
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 1: she means it when she's like, I just want that

485
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,880
Speaker 1: one year where I don't also have to be a mother,

486
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,919
Speaker 1: to be a step mom and look after your six

487
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,480
Speaker 1: year old and eight year old child. It takes a

488
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 1: lot to not Now you're a brand new mother, with

489
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 1: a newborn, and now you have two like young children, yeah,

490
00:22:55,720 --> 00:23:01,240
Speaker 1: who also need all of your attention. It's just a lot.

491
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:06,360
Speaker 4: If money was ever discussed, she wouldn't have these expectations

492
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:11,680
Speaker 4: of her fun. Money is going towards your children's college fund,

493
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:15,199
Speaker 4: and she's talking to the ex about getting them out

494
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,600
Speaker 4: of private school so she can have more money for herself.

495
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:19,320
Speaker 1: Which I don't think you should sign your kids to

496
00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 1: private school when they're in elementary age. But that's just me.

497
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 1: She's currently being pretty cold towards me, not the kids, though,

498
00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:28,600
Speaker 1: and I'm just so over it. We have a therapist

499
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:31,520
Speaker 1: appointment Tuesday, so hopefully that will help. But she's really

500
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,399
Speaker 1: f up my trust in her with this judgment, not

501
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 1: the ale. There is an update edit to add one

502
00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:41,040
Speaker 1: quick thing. I've known Ali since freshman year Biology. We

503
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,639
Speaker 1: never dated until a few years ago, but we've always

504
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:46,720
Speaker 1: remained friends. I've known her and this behavior is all

505
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,960
Speaker 1: so new. She loved being a bonus mom and would

506
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,879
Speaker 1: be excited for the kids to come over for extra

507
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,400
Speaker 1: time and would even ask me to ask my ex

508
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,320
Speaker 1: if she could have them randomly if she wanted to

509
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:58,399
Speaker 1: take a day off in go swimming or to the

510
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 1: zoo or something. Asked wanks to her to call her

511
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:04,239
Speaker 1: doctor about this, and she's yelled at me about it.

512
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,520
Speaker 1: I have no clue what to do. My wife, Ali

513
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:10,000
Speaker 1: and I had multiple discussions about her being a stay

514
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,679
Speaker 1: at home mom to our future kids, in addition to

515
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 1: my two kids from my previous marriage to Alex. However,

516
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:18,640
Speaker 1: she recently told me that she wanted the first year

517
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,680
Speaker 1: of our upcoming baby's life to be just to stay

518
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:23,880
Speaker 1: at home mom to the baby, and I told her

519
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,640
Speaker 1: that wouldn't work for me or our budget. I talked

520
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:29,199
Speaker 1: to Ali and laid everything out. I told her that

521
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,439
Speaker 1: her demands were out of line and incredibly entitled, and

522
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 1: that if she insisted on keeping them, I was no

523
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,359
Speaker 1: longer comfortable with her quitting her job and would not

524
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 1: support it further. Two weeks without my kids was ridiculous.

525
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 1: So I told her that if she went into labor

526
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 1: during our custody time, my parents would have the older

527
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 1: kids when we were in the hospital, but I am

528
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 1: no longer comfortable sending my kids away to their moms

529
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,359
Speaker 1: for two weeks. Well hold on now, buddy, you're talking

530
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 1: about her renegging on deals. That's literally the custody agreement. Yeah,

531
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:04,360
Speaker 1: so maybe your ex wife sticking to the custody agreement

532
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:08,000
Speaker 1: could help your current wife be a stay at home

533
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:12,040
Speaker 1: mom to your brand new child, which I don't know,

534
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:15,719
Speaker 1: seems like there's a way forward here without making all

535
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:18,439
Speaker 1: of this like super hard. Your wife is being a

536
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:20,639
Speaker 1: villain for wanting to be a mother to her child

537
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,240
Speaker 1: and not take care of your children because that's what

538
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,720
Speaker 1: they are. They're your children and they're her stepchildren, which

539
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 1: is still a You know, she could love your children

540
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:32,560
Speaker 1: and her stepchildren, it's just a little different. She didn't

541
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:36,119
Speaker 1: push them out. Other families don't normally do that, and

542
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,560
Speaker 1: I would not either, But for the first two months

543
00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:40,399
Speaker 1: of us having the baby, I would keep paying the

544
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:43,240
Speaker 1: nanny to take care of the older kids things, which

545
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 1: is longer than I had originally agreed. Honestly, it was

546
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 1: also more than she'd ever originally agreed to, so I

547
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,679
Speaker 1: thought it was a fair compromise. She lost her mind

548
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 1: and flipped out at me and told me that I

549
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:58,439
Speaker 1: wasn't respecting her first time motherhood parentheses WTF, and that

550
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,280
Speaker 1: she shouldn't have to care for kids I didn't give

551
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 1: birth to for the first year of her baby's life.

552
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 1: I was honestly over it at this point and done arguing.

553
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 1: I told her she needed to check herself and that

554
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,720
Speaker 1: none of this was new or a surprise. I think

555
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,679
Speaker 1: you're being very territory about your own children, which is

556
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:17,880
Speaker 1: fair because you're a father to them.

557
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 4: Well, whenever OPI and this, you know, his new wife

558
00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 4: come into you know, a marriage, there's a family that

559
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 4: she's gonna have to accept. And I understand that there's

560
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 4: a custody split. And you guys are now having a

561
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:34,000
Speaker 4: kid of your own. You guys are a unit. Now,

562
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:35,840
Speaker 4: you guys are a family unit. And I don't really

563
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 4: get the vibes that the mom is taking care fully

564
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 4: of the family unit here. It was very selective and

565
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:44,120
Speaker 4: unconditional love, which I'm not a fan of. Like, if

566
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 4: I'm a family unit and I got a partner that

567
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:48,480
Speaker 4: already has kids and we have a kid of her own,

568
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:50,560
Speaker 4: I'm gonna like, yeah, I'm gonna stay at home mom

569
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:52,960
Speaker 4: now for my kid, But whenever the other kids are around,

570
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,919
Speaker 4: I'm gonna take care of them, because that's what a

571
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 4: mom does. It just doesn't feel that way.

572
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 1: I think it's just about her being a mother for

573
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:03,120
Speaker 1: the first time. I think it's crazy that he put

574
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:08,640
Speaker 1: WTF in parentheses for being like she's talking about respecting

575
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:12,360
Speaker 1: her first time motherhood, because it's like, it is, Yeah,

576
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 1: it is exactly what that is.

577
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 4: I understand your thought process between stepmom and mom, those

578
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,720
Speaker 4: are two different things. Probably in his mind he thinks

579
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:24,639
Speaker 4: that they're the same thing. And whenever Opie's wife signed

580
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,680
Speaker 4: up to be family, you signed up to be a mom,

581
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 4: if that was talked about or not, that was in

582
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 4: the back of his head. That's in his mind. And

583
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:33,800
Speaker 4: the fact that she said, oh, this is my first

584
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:36,560
Speaker 4: time being a mother, He's like, what about our kids?

585
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,560
Speaker 4: He's not thinking it's his kids. He's saying it's our

586
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,080
Speaker 4: kids because they're married. He's like, what about that? Like,

587
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 4: are you just gonna blow them off? Or those not

588
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 4: your kids? What are you doing? What it's happened here? Honestly,

589
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,560
Speaker 4: the deep root of connected is he doesn't feel like

590
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 4: he's fully accepted as his family unit.

591
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 1: But he said all this stuff about how she's like

592
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,880
Speaker 1: taking them to the zoos. She loves the kids. Yeah,

593
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:58,440
Speaker 1: it's not that she doesn't love the kids. The custody

594
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:00,240
Speaker 1: agreement is fifty to fifty. He's saying he doesn't want

595
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,520
Speaker 1: to stick to that. This is really reading like it's

596
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 1: just like a money issue. Like he's like, well, we're

597
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 1: gonna have to pay more money for than nanny. And

598
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,280
Speaker 1: it's like, maybe just have your wife, your ex wife

599
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,639
Speaker 1: take care of the kids half the time and then

600
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:16,000
Speaker 1: that saves the money. But he's and he's literally saying, no,

601
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:17,680
Speaker 1: I won't do that because two weeks apart from my

602
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:19,920
Speaker 1: kids is too much. Yeah, if she didn't want to

603
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:21,600
Speaker 1: do it, she shouldn't have agreed to it, and her

604
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 1: being a stay at home mom was off the table.

605
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:26,680
Speaker 1: To be clear, I know I could make it work

606
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,919
Speaker 1: with just my salary, but it would mean taking the

607
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,359
Speaker 1: funds I would allocate towards her fun money for things

608
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 1: like chewing, self care, et cetera. And I'm not comfortable

609
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 1: telling an adult dependent on me financially that she shouldn't

610
00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 1: have a choice for fun money. I showed her the budget,

611
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,480
Speaker 1: which backfired because she said that I didn't need to

612
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 1: defund her fun money and gave me a few solutions,

613
00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 1: which were taking our kids out of private school and

614
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:50,400
Speaker 1: ask my ex to give us that money in child

615
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 1: support instead, to stop putting money into my older kid's

616
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 1: college fund and selling my boat.

617
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:59,120
Speaker 4: Ooh, dude, I get it now. It was all about

618
00:28:59,120 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 4: the boat.

619
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:03,000
Speaker 1: It's all about the boat, about the boat, It's all

620
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 1: about the boat. Those were her solutions, none of which

621
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:10,479
Speaker 1: have her sacrificing anything, only me and or my kids.

622
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 1: And the first one was so unreasonable. I could only

623
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:16,480
Speaker 1: imagine how that conversation with my ex would go. She'd

624
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 1: laugh me out of the country. Lol. I told Ali

625
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 1: all of that was unreasonable and a non starter and

626
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:25,640
Speaker 1: honestly just made me see where her priorities are. So yeah,

627
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 1: I told her that if she couldn't agree to common

628
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 1: sense compromises, I could no longer trust her to be

629
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 1: a stay at home to our older kids. That there

630
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,400
Speaker 1: was zero daylight in how much I cared about my

631
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:39,120
Speaker 1: older kids versus our shared baby and had to protect

632
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 1: them both equally. The fact that she thought it was

633
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 1: reasonable to stop saving for my older kids college to

634
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 1: be clear, for a year, not indefinitely. This is all

635
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 1: in the context of four year.

636
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 4: Okay, I understand where you're coming from. But if OPI

637
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 4: is not comfortable doing that for one year, another point,

638
00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 4: what happens after a year? Do you think she's gonna

639
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:00,840
Speaker 4: still respect being a stay home Do you trust that

640
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:04,000
Speaker 4: she's gonna find a job after a year and everything's

641
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 4: going to go back to how it was before they

642
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 4: went into this new season. Expectations were not solidly put down.

643
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 4: And this is what happens when you don't communicate correctly.

644
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 1: I mean, neither of us will ever know what it's

645
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:18,840
Speaker 1: like to like grow a person inside of us and

646
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:20,120
Speaker 1: then give birth to it and not to take care

647
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:20,360
Speaker 1: of it.

648
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:25,240
Speaker 4: Millions of them in me right now, you guys are

649
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:26,960
Speaker 4: just not talking like you're on the same team.

650
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,960
Speaker 1: We have to get a mediator. Sell the freaking boat.

651
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:31,640
Speaker 1: Are you serious?

652
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 3: What do you like more?

653
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,720
Speaker 1: Your wife or the boat? That's crazy to me?

654
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 4: What kind of boat do we get rid of?

655
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:40,280
Speaker 1: The boat? And brother? What is private school for elementary

656
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 1: school kids? They use the fancy colored pencils? Well, what

657
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,320
Speaker 1: are we talking about? The name? One thing you learned

658
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 1: in elementary.

659
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:51,680
Speaker 4: School how to write sentences, addition, multiply and editor.

660
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:53,720
Speaker 1: Take that out. That's the dumbest thing I've ever said.

661
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 4: No, keep it in.

662
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 1: That was actually the dumbest thing.

663
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 4: Real question, What did you learn anout school? Does it

664
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 4: look like you learned anything?

665
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:07,880
Speaker 1: I learned all this stuff. Point and case, while still

666
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:11,080
Speaker 1: giving her money for botox and highlights, showed me where

667
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:13,960
Speaker 1: her priorities would lie if she no longer brought in income.

668
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:16,320
Speaker 1: I said I was no longer comfortable with her quitting

669
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 1: her job, and that since my work has not free

670
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 1: but heavily reduced daycare on site, that would be the

671
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 1: best option for our family after her FMLA leave. She

672
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 1: doesn't get paid maternity leave, just unpaid up to three months,

673
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 1: which will be fine. Well, let's just finish the stories.

674
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 1: It seems like mostly a recap at this point. Yeah,

675
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:35,640
Speaker 1: I just think it's so crazy to me that you

676
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 1: like even said you admitted it, like I could make

677
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:41,440
Speaker 1: it work in the budget. But then it's like she's saying,

678
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,200
Speaker 1: it's like, well you can't take away my botox and

679
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 1: the highlight money. But it's like, is that really what

680
00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:50,239
Speaker 1: it is? Though? Because this is honestly so cold, I

681
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 1: feel like you would just like drop her if she

682
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 1: didn't maintain you.

683
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 4: Know what vibe. I'm not getting whatsoever here? Unconditional love? Yeah,

684
00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:02,480
Speaker 4: very transaction and you probably you look deep into your relationship,

685
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 4: have a transactional relationship, because she thinks that keeping up

686
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,120
Speaker 4: with her beauty standards is how she would have your love.

687
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 4: That's probably why she's stressing out on the inside and

688
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 4: trying to figure that out. That's my perspective on it.

689
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 1: She is devastated and being cold towards me, but surprisingly

690
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,920
Speaker 1: not my kids, which is good. See, that's crazy to

691
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,560
Speaker 1: me that you're like, surprisingly not my kids. What do

692
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 1: you mean surprisingly? You said that she loves your kids.

693
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 1: Does that mean that if you were in her shoes

694
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:31,760
Speaker 1: you would be cold to the kids? Like, I just

695
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,959
Speaker 1: question your how much you care about your wife at

696
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:37,480
Speaker 1: this point? Brother, I don't want to crush your dreams

697
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 1: of being a stay at home mom, but I can't

698
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:42,520
Speaker 1: work with someone who refuses to be reasonable. We discussed

699
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:44,760
Speaker 1: it with our therapist last week, who wasn't exactly on

700
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:48,680
Speaker 1: my side, obviously, but was trying to point out the unfairness.

701
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 1: And she just keeps saying she needs me to prioritize

702
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,840
Speaker 1: her needs and boundaries. The therapist even tried explaining that

703
00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:58,640
Speaker 1: these are not boundaries, but she's not listening. So in summary,

704
00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:01,400
Speaker 1: I tried reasoning with my life. He tried convincing me

705
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:03,720
Speaker 1: to stop saving for college for the older kids to

706
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:05,760
Speaker 1: pay for their nanny so she could only be a

707
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 1: state at home mom to our shared baby, and I

708
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 1: told her I no longer thought it would work for

709
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 1: her to be a stay at home mom. She's devastated,

710
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:13,640
Speaker 1: but we're working it out with our therapists and I'm

711
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 1: hoping this is all just hormones. Oh my god.

712
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 4: I would love to talk to the therapists about this.

713
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:20,160
Speaker 1: And I'm hoping this is all just hormones. It's crazy.

714
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 1: You're so dismissive.

715
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 4: Do you even like her?

716
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:24,000
Speaker 1: Dude, you're equation. I don't think you like her. This

717
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:26,480
Speaker 1: is one I think he really did equate this to.

718
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 1: She's like, I don't care about your kids, which is

719
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 1: not the case. Guys.

720
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 4: That's the end of that story. Jeez, we're gonna get

721
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:35,680
Speaker 4: into the next one. That was a hard one. Our

722
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:39,600
Speaker 4: business is failing because of my husband's negligence.

723
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:41,160
Speaker 1: Get him mad at it.

724
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 4: My husband and I own a small restaurant in the

725
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:48,080
Speaker 4: middle of nowhere. We both love cooking and sharing food

726
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:51,560
Speaker 4: with other people. And while this wasn't my dream, it

727
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:54,200
Speaker 4: definitely was his, and I allowed him to talk me

728
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 4: into it. I absolutely love it. I love the hustle

729
00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:01,040
Speaker 4: and bustle are locals who have grown to nooh, meeting

730
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:05,800
Speaker 4: new people, traveling through and challenging myself to do new things.

731
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 4: I honestly put it, pick a better job for me.

732
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from pretend It's alive on

733
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:16,759
Speaker 4: the r slash okay storytime subreddit. We read them, that's right,

734
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 4: and you can submit yours on the r slash okay

735
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 4: storytime subreddit. I'm Riley, I'm Dakota, and we try to

736
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:25,960
Speaker 4: give our best advice. We haven't experienced most of these

737
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:29,840
Speaker 4: situations ourselves, but if you have, please comment below. And

738
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 4: Op says our agreement from the start was that I

739
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:35,719
Speaker 4: would manage the upfront of the house and he has

740
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,959
Speaker 4: the back all I okay, front of house, back of house.

741
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:41,239
Speaker 4: I will say the back of the house has many

742
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 4: more tax and larger staff. But he wanted nothing to

743
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,040
Speaker 4: do with the front of the house and I take

744
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:50,440
Speaker 4: on other responsibilities in our life, like maintaining the house.

745
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:53,040
Speaker 4: Plus this is his dream, so he would take on

746
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:55,319
Speaker 4: a little bit more work on the restaurant, which makes sense.

747
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:59,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean back of house is harder than front

748
00:34:59,239 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 1: of house.

749
00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:02,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's facts. Well, it goes like the podcast. It's

750
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:05,080
Speaker 4: like being here is tough, but so being the editor

751
00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 4: or someone finding the story. There's like a lot of

752
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:08,120
Speaker 4: other aspects of it.

753
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:08,640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

754
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:12,600
Speaker 4: Yeah. I also plan and prep are weekly specials lunch

755
00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:16,719
Speaker 4: side soups, salad, dessert, and Sunday dinner. Imagine having to

756
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:19,120
Speaker 4: pick a different thing every week. Oh my gosh, and

757
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:21,920
Speaker 4: do all of the grocery shopping. So it's not like

758
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:24,839
Speaker 4: I don't do my share. I work six days a week,

759
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:28,320
Speaker 4: as does he. In the beginning, I was very involved

760
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:34,080
Speaker 4: in the kitchen works, helping him organize, manage staff, train stock,

761
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:37,880
Speaker 4: et cetera. The first year we really tackled everything together.

762
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:41,360
Speaker 4: We were in so far over our heads. As I

763
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,320
Speaker 4: got a handle on how to actually run a restaurant,

764
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:48,120
Speaker 4: I developed systems to keep things organized and running smoothly.

765
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:50,719
Speaker 4: I set these systems in place in the front of

766
00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:53,400
Speaker 4: the house and it wasn't perfect, but it helped me

767
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:56,320
Speaker 4: so much. Over time, we refine them in a way

768
00:35:56,560 --> 00:36:01,480
Speaker 4: that keeps everything up front moving relatively smooth. Yeah. My

769
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:05,240
Speaker 4: buddy Rex, he works for a couple that started a restaurant.

770
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:07,080
Speaker 4: M I feel like this is her talking.

771
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:10,800
Speaker 1: It haven't be crazy if that was the same restaurant

772
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:15,120
Speaker 1: Brook this shoot you write this, I'll text her back

773
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:15,640
Speaker 1: of the house.

774
00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:19,280
Speaker 4: Not so much. My husband is not an organized person,

775
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:23,360
Speaker 4: often doesn't do things until it's an emergency, and really

776
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 4: struggles to delegate tasks. I also feel that he just

777
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:30,719
Speaker 4: lets himself off the hook way too easy. For example,

778
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 4: everyone is supposed to stalk the sauces at the end

779
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 4: of the shift. If he has a hard shift or

780
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:41,000
Speaker 4: an even moderately busy shift and he's tired, he would

781
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:44,080
Speaker 4: just decide not to do that. Or if he decides

782
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:46,439
Speaker 4: that the sauce levels are enough for the next shift

783
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:50,760
Speaker 4: to get started, not necessarily getting finished, but just started,

784
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:51,840
Speaker 4: he won't stock.

785
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:55,120
Speaker 1: Nah, dude, can't be pulling that, not as the leader.

786
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:57,919
Speaker 1: As the leader, a leader of the kitchen, you gotta

787
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:59,000
Speaker 1: do everything right.

788
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 4: You have to no cutting corners.

789
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:04,920
Speaker 1: You can't because then it the whole business starts to

790
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:07,120
Speaker 1: be affected by it, because the rest of the staff

791
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 1: sees the owner cutting corners yep, and then they're like, well,

792
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 1: if he does it, why should I do it? Yeah?

793
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 4: Well, this honestly bites him in the butt more than

794
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:18,120
Speaker 4: it does anything else, as he's the one that ends

795
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 4: up having to restock things in the middle of a shift.

796
00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 4: Often in the middle of a rush, which leads to

797
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:27,120
Speaker 4: him panicking and for service to be slowed down. What's

798
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,879
Speaker 4: worse is that he tells staff to do the same thing.

799
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:32,359
Speaker 4: If he doesn't want to do the stocking or train

800
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 4: them or teach them how to do it right, he

801
00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 4: just won't and they will just sit there on their phones.

802
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:40,800
Speaker 4: What just sitting on their phones.

803
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:43,760
Speaker 1: Bro back of house on their phones is insane. Whatever

804
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:45,279
Speaker 1: he's doing, he's not running it right.

805
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:48,520
Speaker 4: He's not. Like here at our place, we like didn't

806
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:50,879
Speaker 4: really have We had some structure, but it was more

807
00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 4: like word of mouth. But then we started doing like

808
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 4: these SOPs and I feel like that really leveled up

809
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 4: how much stuff we get done. I'm the one that

810
00:37:57,760 --> 00:37:59,160
Speaker 4: got that knows a lot of stuff, but I have

811
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:01,520
Speaker 4: to like show Keon, Dakoder or Sophia how to do

812
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,200
Speaker 4: something all the time. I can't go out and like

813
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:06,360
Speaker 4: do other things. And it probably is helpful to have

814
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:09,600
Speaker 4: like a simple guide rather than me, because I might

815
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 4: forget something whenever I teach you, like the third or

816
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 4: fourth time, you know what I'm saying. So having those

817
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:18,920
Speaker 4: systems in place really help I think everyone, like, hasn't

818
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:20,880
Speaker 4: it kind of helped having those soops around just to like.

819
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:25,480
Speaker 1: Reference sometimes, yeah, yeah.

820
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:27,719
Speaker 4: Sometimes it's better than not. It helps a little bit.

821
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:31,160
Speaker 4: We are literally paying for so many people just to

822
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:33,640
Speaker 4: sit on their phones waiting for orders to come in

823
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:35,320
Speaker 4: that wouldn't slide at Perkins.

824
00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:38,680
Speaker 1: Well, that's just like you're staffed all wrong. If you've

825
00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:40,560
Speaker 1: got people who could just beat on their phones, then

826
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:42,320
Speaker 1: it's like you're working too many people.

827
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:47,319
Speaker 4: It's not even just stalking though, it's putting things away, cleaning, organizing.

828
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:50,640
Speaker 4: All of it just gets left undone. Up until a

829
00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:54,880
Speaker 4: year ago, I was regularly working one the two kitchen shifts,

830
00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 4: training staff when I was on shift and doing all

831
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:00,360
Speaker 4: the cleaning and organizing just for him to come in

832
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,839
Speaker 4: the next day and undo it all. He just leaves

833
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:05,920
Speaker 4: things wherever he wants and then is upset when he

834
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:09,160
Speaker 4: doesn't know he is out of something or that it's

835
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:12,320
Speaker 4: gone missing. Dude, you need what's that show from Gordon.

836
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:13,280
Speaker 1: Trancy Kitchen Nightmares?

837
00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:14,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, you need that.

838
00:39:14,239 --> 00:39:15,479
Speaker 1: You need Kitchen Nightmares, dude.

839
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 4: Right now. I don't like saying this, but some people

840
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:21,680
Speaker 4: are stubborn and they're not gonna change. You can hope, wish,

841
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:23,879
Speaker 4: pray that they will change. They just won't.

842
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:25,319
Speaker 1: It just sounds like you need to be in charge

843
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:27,360
Speaker 1: of staffing for sure, you need to be in charge

844
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:30,520
Speaker 1: of the people, and being like, hey you, why isn't

845
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:32,399
Speaker 1: this done? Do that? Do this?

846
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:36,400
Speaker 4: Do these things exactly. I've tried talking to him about

847
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 4: this so many times before. To be fair, some of

848
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:42,440
Speaker 4: these times I was too angry or frustrated to have

849
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:45,880
Speaker 4: a good conversation about it. But many times I've come

850
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 4: with him with a clear and level head, wanting to

851
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:51,720
Speaker 4: discuss our options and what we can do to fix

852
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:55,880
Speaker 4: this problem. He gets very defensive and starts talking about

853
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:59,359
Speaker 4: my standards being too high, nothing is ever good enough,

854
00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:03,680
Speaker 4: he's et cetera. That I just want to complain at him,

855
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:07,280
Speaker 4: but never have any input on how to help, which

856
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:11,480
Speaker 4: is byes I concur I concur. I have sat down

857
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,640
Speaker 4: and tried to help him write the same kind of

858
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,759
Speaker 4: policies and procedures for the back of the house as

859
00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 4: I have for the front. S pece systems of processes.

860
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,760
Speaker 1: Is that what that's called? I thought it was standard

861
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:28,120
Speaker 1: operating procedure.

862
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:31,800
Speaker 4: In SOPN want that stands dang SOP for SP stands

863
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,759
Speaker 4: What does SOP stand for? A thing given or done.

864
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:38,240
Speaker 1: But that's a sop, not the acronym that's.

865
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:41,000
Speaker 4: Like the word sop, but that really does have or

866
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:42,680
Speaker 4: it means a piece of bread dipped in gravy.

867
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:48,840
Speaker 1: We're just a bunch of gravy boys over here day Anyways,

868
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:51,479
Speaker 1: I can misunderstood you. I put gravy and bread all

869
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:58,200
Speaker 1: over the computers. No, I thought it was weird that

870
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,160
Speaker 1: you asked me to do that.

871
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 4: That's what you ask man. I wouldn't know what to do, Like,

872
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:08,600
Speaker 4: there's gravy everywhere. If I filled the computer with gravy,

873
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,920
Speaker 4: with gravy, I would literally, I think you would know

874
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:13,040
Speaker 4: to get rid of me.

875
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:14,640
Speaker 1: I think that would be I would.

876
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:17,640
Speaker 4: Put gasolina myself and light myself on fire and run around.

877
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 4: He just sits there, checks out on his phone and

878
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:23,719
Speaker 4: reads to everything I say, giving zero input and never

879
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:27,719
Speaker 4: gets it all immediately, never insisting it just like now.

880
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:30,840
Speaker 4: It's just like a look just like just like you

881
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 4: were now. Literally as soon as I started reading, Toto

882
00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:36,440
Speaker 4: goes to his phone.

883
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:40,799
Speaker 1: I was locked in. He's I had golfriend text.

884
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:42,880
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah forgetting everything I just said. What did

885
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:43,440
Speaker 4: I just say?

886
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:45,480
Speaker 1: It's not about what you just said is that this

887
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:48,319
Speaker 1: guy doesn't want to take any accountability, and when he

888
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:51,439
Speaker 1: gets confronted, he's just like, you're just blah blah blah.

889
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:53,080
Speaker 1: You just want to stay this stuff.

890
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 4: To me, and it's like, dude, I'm trying to help.

891
00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:56,560
Speaker 1: Maybe bring in a mediator.

892
00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 4: Do you like putting salts in the middle of your

893
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 4: shift every time it gets busy?

894
00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:01,880
Speaker 2: Do you like that?

895
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:06,320
Speaker 4: Let me help you? Here we go his manhood threatened?

896
00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 2: MM threatened.

897
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,520
Speaker 1: The man is threatened when I.

898
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 4: Bring up He says he just doesn't work the same

899
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:16,759
Speaker 4: way I work. I love that excuse so much. It's

900
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:20,080
Speaker 4: my favorite, which is fair enough, but I can't teach

901
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 4: him to do something in a way I don't know.

902
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:25,359
Speaker 4: I only know what works for me and how I

903
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:28,160
Speaker 4: do it. A year ago, I told him I was done.

904
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:32,520
Speaker 4: I was done cleaning the kitchen, organizing, training, cooking, other

905
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:35,800
Speaker 4: than my menu, all of it. I was done. My

906
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:38,919
Speaker 4: front of the house has to go without support from

907
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:42,480
Speaker 4: me so often because he needs me, and I am done.

908
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:45,160
Speaker 4: At one point, he told me he just didn't have

909
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 4: the budget to bring people in for training, so I

910
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:50,600
Speaker 4: took on double shifts for months in order to free

911
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:53,960
Speaker 4: up money on the payroll so he could bring people

912
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:58,919
Speaker 4: in for training and no training got done. It's taking

913
00:42:59,000 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 4: you for granted, dude.

914
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:02,040
Speaker 1: I can see this in kitchen nightmares.

915
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:05,880
Speaker 4: You are the umpa lupa in snow Piercer before you

916
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:06,840
Speaker 4: gone extinct.

917
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,399
Speaker 1: This guy in the snow Piercer if you even watch

918
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:12,040
Speaker 1: that video. I've watched all of the ones that you

919
00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 1: sent me, at least part of them.

920
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:17,400
Speaker 4: You need to watch it all. You can't deny it

921
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:20,560
Speaker 4: until you watch it. The director said he was inspired

922
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:23,440
Speaker 4: by Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. So I was working

923
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,719
Speaker 4: doubles three days a week while still working my other

924
00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:30,239
Speaker 4: three days a week, one which I worked a full day,

925
00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 4: not just wait to sing a double. All to give

926
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:35,319
Speaker 4: him more money on the payroll, and he didn't do

927
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 4: any training. We promoted our head cook to kitchen manager

928
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:41,839
Speaker 4: to give him more support. That was almost a year

929
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:44,239
Speaker 4: ago and he still has it. Sat down with her

930
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:47,680
Speaker 4: to go over what he would like her to manage.

931
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:50,840
Speaker 1: Man look, sell your business and get a food truck

932
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:53,399
Speaker 1: and have him just work the food truck, because that's

933
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,879
Speaker 1: what this guy wants. I think, so, like straight up,

934
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:58,680
Speaker 1: like everything that he's doing is just like a guy

935
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:01,120
Speaker 1: who does not want to be the owner of a restaurant.

936
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 1: He just wants to cook.

937
00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:04,440
Speaker 4: This is what I'm saying. He's an artist. Whenever I

938
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:06,640
Speaker 4: talk to people at social media, there's people that talk

939
00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:09,239
Speaker 4: about like how to like expand it and make it grow,

940
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 4: and there's other people that like are really dedicated to

941
00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 4: their work. A food truck is a brilliant idea because

942
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:17,160
Speaker 4: I think he's super dedicated to his work that he's

943
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:19,279
Speaker 4: not willing to delegate it or give anything off because

944
00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:21,120
Speaker 4: he wants to make sure if he's put his name

945
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:23,719
Speaker 4: beside of it, it's good. Yeah, but I don't even

946
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:26,720
Speaker 4: know if I trust that, because it's how is how slacking?

947
00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:29,640
Speaker 4: If you're slacking on the sauce prep your your heart's

948
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:32,320
Speaker 4: not all the way in it. Oh damn, you're slacking

949
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:37,000
Speaker 4: on putting stuff back. You know it might be a wrap. Yeah,

950
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:39,480
Speaker 4: that's that's its own thing. But that's why you have staff.

951
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:41,640
Speaker 1: But if you're not training your staff, if no one

952
00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:43,279
Speaker 1: on your staff knows what they're supposed to do and

953
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:45,400
Speaker 1: they just sit around all day and do nothing and

954
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:47,120
Speaker 1: then stuff is still not done at the end of

955
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 1: the day, you're failing.

956
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:52,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, he underminds her when she tries to do just

957
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:54,839
Speaker 4: like you did me. So she's doing her best, but

958
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:59,719
Speaker 4: just as frustrated, she leaves prep slash cleaningless and he

959
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:02,800
Speaker 4: tells them not to worry about it, or just doesn't

960
00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 4: make sure they do it when he's there.

961
00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 1: Oh, I think I'm seeing what this really is about.

962
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:10,360
Speaker 4: He doesn't like women.

963
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:14,600
Speaker 1: No, he doesn't want to be that guy. He can't

964
00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 1: be the guy who's like, hey, you have to clean this.

965
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:19,399
Speaker 1: He wants to be like, it's all good, dude, We're

966
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:22,239
Speaker 1: all hanging out. We're a fun crew here at the

967
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:27,600
Speaker 1: kitchen vibes yeah, and it's like, dude, a kitchen nuh uh.

968
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:31,200
Speaker 4: This brings us to today. I dropped my phone under

969
00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:33,719
Speaker 4: the warmer while I was doing prep, and when I

970
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:36,880
Speaker 4: went to retrieve it, I found about half an inch

971
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:40,520
Speaker 4: of grease and grime underneath the warmer. Oh, he has

972
00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:42,880
Speaker 4: not been cleaned under there since the last time we

973
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 4: had a health inspection. When I retrieved my phone, it

974
00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:48,760
Speaker 4: was covered in grease and grime, and I very calmly

975
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:51,920
Speaker 4: looked at him and said, hun, I know you've been busy,

976
00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:54,359
Speaker 4: but we've got to figure out a way to get

977
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:57,440
Speaker 4: a deep clean schedule for this kitchen. It's gross. He

978
00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:01,719
Speaker 4: of course got super defensive and start redirecting everything back

979
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 4: at me, saying, I just want him to work all day,

980
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:07,600
Speaker 4: every day and he never has time off, and he's

981
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:09,959
Speaker 4: so exhausted, and so many other things.

982
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:13,680
Speaker 1: Hey, genius, you ever heard about owning a restaurant before?

983
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:18,959
Speaker 1: That's the program. I mean, truly, it's your whole life

984
00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:20,160
Speaker 1: when you own a restaurant.

985
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:21,880
Speaker 4: I would like to run a restaurant for a year.

986
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 4: I'll see how it's like.

987
00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:27,400
Speaker 1: I don't think you would. I think it's abysmal, Like

988
00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:31,319
Speaker 1: you have to absolutely love it for it to be

989
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:34,319
Speaker 1: not the worst job ever.

990
00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:35,200
Speaker 2: Yeah.

991
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:38,400
Speaker 4: I literally told him three times I don't want to argue.

992
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:41,000
Speaker 4: I'm just saying this is something we need to work on.

993
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:43,560
Speaker 4: I even offer to help him figure out. And he

994
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,040
Speaker 4: just kept going on and on at me about how

995
00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:49,920
Speaker 4: unreasonable I was being and it not being his fault. Essentially, dude,

996
00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:52,799
Speaker 4: I would straight up I'd scoop that grease and I go.

997
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:57,240
Speaker 4: I exploded. I literally yelled at him, I mean really

998
00:46:57,320 --> 00:46:59,840
Speaker 4: yelled that I was not going to take this anymore.

999
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:02,359
Speaker 4: I was not going to be blamed. And I wasn't

1000
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:04,120
Speaker 4: going to be made to feel like what I'm asking

1001
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:07,040
Speaker 4: for is unreasonable. I wasn't going to be painted as

1002
00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:10,040
Speaker 4: a witch when I'm not being a witch. Well, at

1003
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:12,520
Speaker 4: that point, I was being one, but I felt like

1004
00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 4: it was necessary, even if it wasn't my finest moment.

1005
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:20,080
Speaker 4: His biggest excuse is that he doesn't have the skill

1006
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:23,600
Speaker 4: to be a manager naturally, which he says a lot

1007
00:47:23,719 --> 00:47:27,200
Speaker 4: and implies that I just came by this without any work.

1008
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:30,239
Speaker 4: But I didn't. I researched it, read books, reached out

1009
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:32,279
Speaker 4: to people for guide it, to listen to podcast, took

1010
00:47:32,360 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 4: every free class I could find. I literally put so

1011
00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:37,879
Speaker 4: much work into it. And I've talked to him about it,

1012
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 4: sent him links all the stuff to use to learn,

1013
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 4: shared what I learned. I just didn't do it for him.

1014
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:45,520
Speaker 1: Does this guy know what a baby is?

1015
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:46,719
Speaker 4: I don't think he does.

1016
00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:49,959
Speaker 1: Dudes acting like he was born and knew how to walk,

1017
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:52,840
Speaker 1: knew how to talk, knew how to eat right, knew

1018
00:47:52,920 --> 00:47:56,400
Speaker 1: what the sky was. You can learn new things, buddy,

1019
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:58,319
Speaker 1: even if you don't know how to do them right now.

1020
00:47:58,400 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 4: It takes time to learn. You gotta be really patient

1021
00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:04,360
Speaker 4: with it. This is so so frustrating. I wouldn't take it.

1022
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:06,239
Speaker 4: I'd be like, I can't be in this restaurant with you.

1023
00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:10,200
Speaker 1: Can you imagine the absolute hell fire that would rain

1024
00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:14,320
Speaker 1: down upon him if Gordon Ramsey went under that warmer

1025
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:16,760
Speaker 1: and there was a half inch of grease under.

1026
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:17,840
Speaker 4: It six inches.

1027
00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 1: I'm that's six inches, dude, step step step?

1028
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:25,000
Speaker 4: You said half a foot. I gave it in the

1029
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:26,640
Speaker 4: di No half an inch.

1030
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:31,560
Speaker 1: Oh, if there were six inches of grease under there, okay,

1031
00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:35,359
Speaker 1: six an actual like cake.

1032
00:48:35,320 --> 00:48:36,760
Speaker 4: To a fly, that's six inches.

1033
00:48:37,239 --> 00:48:41,839
Speaker 1: What happened? Happened? I don't know what fly conversions are,

1034
00:48:42,440 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 1: all right? My point is is that that is disgusting.

1035
00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:48,880
Speaker 1: The kitchen needs to be the cleanest part of the restaurant.

1036
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:51,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, because you know there's food being cooked there.

1037
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:55,040
Speaker 1: You were completely justified and crashing out, Oh at your

1038
00:48:55,080 --> 00:48:55,719
Speaker 1: husband over that.

1039
00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:59,560
Speaker 4: He's someone who complains all the time about incompetence just

1040
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:02,560
Speaker 4: being laid. Yes, anyone can learn anything they want to,

1041
00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:06,280
Speaker 4: especially in a world with YouTube, but he doesn't seem

1042
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:10,040
Speaker 4: to apply that standard to himself. Anyone have any advice

1043
00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:12,440
Speaker 4: on how to handle this, How to talk to him

1044
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 4: without fighting, how to get him to take this serious

1045
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:18,919
Speaker 4: or is it me am I being the ahole by

1046
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:21,719
Speaker 4: not giving him more help, or I can truly see

1047
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:24,880
Speaker 4: he's struggling or already at a point that the kitchen

1048
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:28,600
Speaker 4: is dysfunctional, is causing problems, and I fear that it's

1049
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:31,920
Speaker 4: holding us back from growing. Eventually, I think it's what

1050
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:34,800
Speaker 4: will on alive of us, which would be devastating after

1051
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:37,760
Speaker 4: all the work we've put in for the last three years.

1052
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:39,760
Speaker 1: Done here, we're gonna get back to this juicy story,

1053
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:41,239
Speaker 1: but a quick three minute of break of ads from

1054
00:49:41,239 --> 00:49:42,160
Speaker 1: our sponsors.

1055
00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:46,279
Speaker 4: I think when it comes to relationships, sometimes partners put

1056
00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 4: a lot on each other, Like I want you to

1057
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:52,200
Speaker 4: be my wife. I want you to be my husband.

1058
00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:53,920
Speaker 4: I want you to be my business partner. I want

1059
00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:56,360
Speaker 4: you to be the father of my children, mother of

1060
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:58,920
Speaker 4: my children. I want, I need this. I expect this

1061
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:00,640
Speaker 4: house home life doing.

1062
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:02,640
Speaker 1: Is it like this at home? Yeah, it's got to

1063
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:05,319
Speaker 1: probably bleed over right, Like of course.

1064
00:50:05,360 --> 00:50:07,400
Speaker 4: That's part of why I had to move, is because

1065
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 4: I was just exposed all the time of the podcast,

1066
00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:11,960
Speaker 4: And dude, I could have got to the bathroom without

1067
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:12,680
Speaker 4: thinking about what.

1068
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:14,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, you had to walk through the studios, I.

1069
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:18,040
Speaker 4: Walk through here, this right here to go to work.

1070
00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:22,319
Speaker 1: Uh oh yeah, go to work in that bathroom. I

1071
00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:24,840
Speaker 1: think the biggest piece of advice I'd give you is like,

1072
00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 1: you need to outsource the management of the kitchen. It

1073
00:50:27,239 --> 00:50:29,520
Speaker 1: needs to be someone who comes in as an already

1074
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:33,560
Speaker 1: very experienced manager. Not like promoting the head cook to

1075
00:50:33,680 --> 00:50:35,600
Speaker 1: the you know, kitchen manager. It's like you need to

1076
00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 1: bring somebody in from the outside. He already knows exactly

1077
00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:37,960
Speaker 1: what they're doing.

1078
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:40,840
Speaker 4: Real questionnaire, is this restaurant profitable?

1079
00:50:41,160 --> 00:50:42,919
Speaker 1: It's the food good number one.

1080
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:45,120
Speaker 4: Well, I think if it's profitable, it does have to

1081
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:45,959
Speaker 4: correlate if the food.

1082
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:48,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, if the food can't be bad, it's make your profit.

1083
00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 4: But that's the end of that. Gordon Ramsey, Gorge and Ergies.

1084
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:55,600
Speaker 4: They've got another story coming up for you guys right now.

1085
00:50:56,040 --> 00:50:59,680
Speaker 2: My husband ignored my stress after I went back to studying.

1086
00:51:00,120 --> 00:51:01,680
Speaker 4: It's like you just didn't care about you.

1087
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:04,680
Speaker 2: I am currently furious with my husband. I have been

1088
00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:08,640
Speaker 2: a stay at home mom our entire marriage. I gave

1089
00:51:08,719 --> 00:51:11,880
Speaker 2: up a lot to have our kids, including a chance

1090
00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:15,280
Speaker 2: at an education. It was finally looking feasible to go back.

1091
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:18,200
Speaker 2: I signed up have my books and my first class

1092
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:20,840
Speaker 2: is today. By the way, this comes from Viper Bunny,

1093
00:51:20,880 --> 00:51:22,400
Speaker 2: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

1094
00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 2: to the r slash. Okay, storytime suppered it. I'm Sophia,

1095
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:26,160
Speaker 2: I'm Raley.

1096
00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:28,600
Speaker 3: And I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice.

1097
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:31,280
Speaker 2: Goofully. But we don't have all the answers. We only

1098
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:33,479
Speaker 2: know what we'd do, So let us know what you'd

1099
00:51:33,480 --> 00:51:37,080
Speaker 2: do in the comments. I know, P says, of course

1100
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:40,920
Speaker 2: everything has fallen apart. Both my kids are homesick, my

1101
00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:44,000
Speaker 2: car kept me up all night, and my scrub pants

1102
00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 2: haven't arrived in time.

1103
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:48,680
Speaker 4: Bang dude, dang, that is not a good week.

1104
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:51,759
Speaker 2: It was already a hassle. I'm already worried about this

1105
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:54,200
Speaker 2: working out. What did my husband say to me at

1106
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:57,200
Speaker 2: six forty five this morning, seeing me stressed?

1107
00:51:57,600 --> 00:51:58,320
Speaker 1: That's life.

1108
00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:01,040
Speaker 2: It happens. Next week's going to be a problem too,

1109
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:02,399
Speaker 2: but we'll have to figure it out.

1110
00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:04,960
Speaker 4: That's when I love the part where you took in

1111
00:52:05,040 --> 00:52:07,080
Speaker 4: the kids and you start to get them ready for

1112
00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:07,439
Speaker 4: the day.

1113
00:52:07,640 --> 00:52:09,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, and see that done.

1114
00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:13,319
Speaker 4: Like looking at someone with a broken arm, well made

1115
00:52:13,320 --> 00:52:15,400
Speaker 4: out of bones. What don't you to expect not to

1116
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:17,800
Speaker 4: get broken? No, you help build a cat.

1117
00:52:18,280 --> 00:52:20,319
Speaker 2: Then when I get upset all of a sudden, it

1118
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:23,279
Speaker 2: isn't a problem we have to solve together. He'll just

1119
00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:25,960
Speaker 2: call his mom. Fine, why not just do that and

1120
00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:26,759
Speaker 2: not stress me out.

1121
00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:28,479
Speaker 1: He's just he's a moment.

1122
00:52:28,880 --> 00:52:30,840
Speaker 2: Why not just go my mom and she could fix it.

1123
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:32,319
Speaker 2: His mom is really good at that.

1124
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:33,640
Speaker 4: He's a mama's boy.

1125
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:36,360
Speaker 2: I needed him to not stress me out about the

1126
00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:39,759
Speaker 2: schedule for six hours. I just wanted to get through

1127
00:52:39,840 --> 00:52:41,960
Speaker 2: one class before I had to worry about it. I

1128
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:44,120
Speaker 2: wanted to go to school on one campus. I felt

1129
00:52:44,120 --> 00:52:47,080
Speaker 2: comfortable driving too, but they only offer classes in the

1130
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:49,960
Speaker 2: city and it's one of the worst cities to drive in.

1131
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:53,200
Speaker 2: But it's three blocks from my husband's office, so it

1132
00:52:53,280 --> 00:52:56,160
Speaker 2: wasn't going to be a problem. Now, of course it's

1133
00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:59,360
Speaker 2: a problem. He told me I was unstable and anxious

1134
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:02,120
Speaker 2: and looking to lash out at him. I really wasn't

1135
00:53:02,160 --> 00:53:03,960
Speaker 2: looking at to lash out at him. I thought I

1136
00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:05,640
Speaker 2: could trust him for support.

1137
00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:07,600
Speaker 4: And then he got his golf clubs and played an

1138
00:53:07,640 --> 00:53:08,319
Speaker 4: eighteen hole.

1139
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:11,680
Speaker 2: He's like, stop lashing out at me. I have to

1140
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:14,080
Speaker 2: go play golf. He has a history of saying he'll

1141
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:16,520
Speaker 2: be there and then not be there. He left me

1142
00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:19,680
Speaker 2: at a train station once after traumatic weekend because he

1143
00:53:19,760 --> 00:53:22,719
Speaker 2: didn't hear his alarm. I had to send someone to

1144
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:24,960
Speaker 2: check on him. He went on a business trip when

1145
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:27,479
Speaker 2: we all had the stomach flew. When my youngest was born,

1146
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:29,600
Speaker 2: he said he was gonna help me and take paternity leave.

1147
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:32,520
Speaker 2: That didn't even last two weeks and I was alone

1148
00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:35,520
Speaker 2: with two kids under two. This is not a man

1149
00:53:36,160 --> 00:53:39,120
Speaker 2: that is actually gonna help you co parent. So let's

1150
00:53:39,120 --> 00:53:41,439
Speaker 2: get rid of him because he's not helping you. He's

1151
00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:45,680
Speaker 2: actively being a hindrance to your relationship and to your parenting.

1152
00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:49,719
Speaker 2: Those were all years ago, but they are examples of

1153
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:52,440
Speaker 2: how when I need him, he doesn't show up. He

1154
00:53:52,520 --> 00:53:55,759
Speaker 2: says he will, and then when it becomes hard, I'm

1155
00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:57,320
Speaker 2: the one to have to give up my dreams.

1156
00:53:57,520 --> 00:53:59,919
Speaker 4: Oh that's funny, because you're also the one that's taking

1157
00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:01,520
Speaker 4: the house. Yeah, you're also the one taking care of

1158
00:54:01,520 --> 00:54:03,560
Speaker 4: the kids. You're also the one that has a mama

1159
00:54:03,640 --> 00:54:05,680
Speaker 4: boy husband that gets upset and calls his mom every

1160
00:54:05,719 --> 00:54:06,919
Speaker 4: time he stubs his toe.

1161
00:54:07,120 --> 00:54:08,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sorry.

1162
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:11,080
Speaker 4: I have no empathy for this man because he's not

1163
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:12,319
Speaker 4: supporting his.

1164
00:54:12,239 --> 00:54:14,720
Speaker 2: Wife at all. He's not even supporting his kids.

1165
00:54:14,840 --> 00:54:17,040
Speaker 4: He's not dude, when's last time he cooked for your kids?

1166
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:17,600
Speaker 1: Never?

1167
00:54:17,760 --> 00:54:20,200
Speaker 4: You know what, I would be totally okay with this

1168
00:54:20,280 --> 00:54:21,839
Speaker 4: man calling me and calling me out, and I could

1169
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:23,920
Speaker 4: chump check him. I would love to chump check this

1170
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:24,600
Speaker 4: guy right now.

1171
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:27,279
Speaker 2: Get let him out, let him at him today. I

1172
00:54:27,320 --> 00:54:29,680
Speaker 2: needed a few hours for me and that was a

1173
00:54:29,719 --> 00:54:30,160
Speaker 2: big vet.

1174
00:54:30,239 --> 00:54:30,279
Speaker 3: No.

1175
00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:34,040
Speaker 2: It really does make me want to give up, because

1176
00:54:34,719 --> 00:54:38,799
Speaker 2: why bother? I am so hurt and angry and anxious.

1177
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:40,880
Speaker 2: Was I so wrong to get angry and tell him

1178
00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:42,680
Speaker 2: that he could have waited until my class was over?

1179
00:54:43,160 --> 00:54:46,680
Speaker 2: And there are some comments you were not wrong. He

1180
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:49,279
Speaker 2: is being a butt and you should divorce him.

1181
00:54:49,680 --> 00:54:51,680
Speaker 1: WHOA, yeah, I said it.

1182
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:53,759
Speaker 4: I don't think divorce yet. I think I have a

1183
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:57,919
Speaker 4: heart to heart come to Jesus meeting. Hey, look, I'm

1184
00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:00,000
Speaker 4: going through this new season right now. I'm a really neat.

1185
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:02,000
Speaker 4: Did you just step up a lot right here? Stop

1186
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:04,400
Speaker 4: calming your mom at every corner you get to.

1187
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:06,080
Speaker 2: But I feel like op he brings it up and

1188
00:55:06,120 --> 00:55:08,880
Speaker 2: he's like, it's not a problem. Why are you complaining?

1189
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:11,680
Speaker 4: That's why I'm like, you have the conversation even more so, Yeah,

1190
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:15,120
Speaker 4: make a plan and if he's not living up to it. Yeah,

1191
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:18,680
Speaker 4: divorce in your mind, finish school then leave them.

1192
00:55:18,760 --> 00:55:21,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, like just start. I don't know, see if you

1193
00:55:21,120 --> 00:55:23,719
Speaker 2: can just start, like forcing that responsibility on him in

1194
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:26,360
Speaker 2: some way, be like, op, sorry, I'm gone, gotta have

1195
00:55:26,400 --> 00:55:28,000
Speaker 2: to find a way to take care of those kids.

1196
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:29,000
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1197
00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:32,160
Speaker 2: Comment one. I'm not exactly sure what your husband did

1198
00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:35,160
Speaker 2: this morning, but his comment was not unreasonable. Literally, he

1199
00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:37,920
Speaker 2: annoyed you in some way. Couples do that often. Living

1200
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:40,560
Speaker 2: with another person and raising kids is not always rainbows

1201
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:44,200
Speaker 2: and butterflies. I say this very respectfully. I think you're

1202
00:55:44,239 --> 00:55:47,360
Speaker 2: stressing yourself out. Starting school again is a new adventure.

1203
00:55:47,600 --> 00:55:50,279
Speaker 2: It's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be a big

1204
00:55:50,400 --> 00:55:52,359
Speaker 2: learning curve, and it's going to take you and your

1205
00:55:52,360 --> 00:55:55,120
Speaker 2: family time to get into a routine. Okay, well, this

1206
00:55:55,160 --> 00:55:57,759
Speaker 2: person is a lot more hopeful. Try to focus on

1207
00:55:57,760 --> 00:56:00,680
Speaker 2: the positives and the solutions instead of the negative some problem,

1208
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:03,000
Speaker 2: not the ale. I think you're just here because today

1209
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:04,839
Speaker 2: it didn't work out his plan and it's a big

1210
00:56:04,880 --> 00:56:07,680
Speaker 2: day for you. Just breathe, hang in there and try

1211
00:56:07,680 --> 00:56:10,759
Speaker 2: again tomorrow. Y'all will figure it out. Congrats on your

1212
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:11,360
Speaker 2: new adventure.

1213
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:14,480
Speaker 4: Also, don't let your husband get reactions out of you.

1214
00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:17,279
Speaker 4: Gonna try, it's gonna do it, don't let him.

1215
00:56:17,280 --> 00:56:20,080
Speaker 2: I don't know. Maybe I'm just hungry and more hard

1216
00:56:20,120 --> 00:56:20,759
Speaker 2: on this guy.

1217
00:56:21,080 --> 00:56:24,920
Speaker 4: I don't care coming on him to yeah, is absolutely ridiculous.

1218
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:26,480
Speaker 4: You need to support your wife. That's why you're in

1219
00:56:26,440 --> 00:56:28,600
Speaker 4: a marriage, that's why you decided to live together forever.

1220
00:56:28,719 --> 00:56:31,600
Speaker 2: I agree, It's just all the comments are like the

1221
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:35,680
Speaker 2: comment two says, seems a pretty major overreaction to benign comment. Also,

1222
00:56:35,719 --> 00:56:37,919
Speaker 2: he didn't make your kids sick, doesn't control the mail

1223
00:56:37,920 --> 00:56:40,080
Speaker 2: delivery system and your car keeping you up all night.

1224
00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:42,719
Speaker 2: It isn't his fault either, Oh, he says, I know,

1225
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:44,520
Speaker 2: none of that is his fault. I only asked that

1226
00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:46,840
Speaker 2: he waited a few hours before bringing up a problem

1227
00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:49,320
Speaker 2: that he now claims isn't a problem. He wasn't the

1228
00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:51,279
Speaker 2: reason I was trussed at first, But seeing how he

1229
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:53,400
Speaker 2: hasn't made any effort to do any of the emotional

1230
00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:56,880
Speaker 2: labor he promised, I don't trust him to keep his promise.

1231
00:56:57,040 --> 00:56:59,160
Speaker 2: He's great at following through until it's hard for him.

1232
00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:00,600
Speaker 2: Then it's all my problem.

1233
00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:02,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's what I'm seeing from that comment.

1234
00:57:02,640 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 1: Is like and that was downloaded.

1235
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:07,120
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm confused because I'm like, it seems like he's

1236
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:09,480
Speaker 2: in the wrong, but all these comments are like on

1237
00:57:09,600 --> 00:57:09,959
Speaker 2: his side.

1238
00:57:10,040 --> 00:57:12,760
Speaker 4: This is what's happening. The reddit community does not realize

1239
00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:14,759
Speaker 4: how long this has been going on. Yeah, if this

1240
00:57:14,840 --> 00:57:16,800
Speaker 4: was the first time it happened as she posted about it.

1241
00:57:16,760 --> 00:57:18,640
Speaker 2: That would be totally different. I'd be like, you're overreacting.

1242
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:21,480
Speaker 2: But she said, but it's gotten happening with two kids.

1243
00:57:21,560 --> 00:57:23,440
Speaker 4: Yes, and it's been happening so much that she had

1244
00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:25,840
Speaker 4: to come to Internet strangers to find advice.

1245
00:57:25,960 --> 00:57:28,480
Speaker 2: Yeah. And then another reply says, read that back to yourself,

1246
00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:30,560
Speaker 2: none of this was his fault. He wasn't the reason

1247
00:57:30,560 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 2: you were stressed, but you took it out on him anyway,

1248
00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:35,720
Speaker 2: and now blame him. Now you're escalating and bringing in

1249
00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:39,160
Speaker 2: other issues and attempt to validate your displaced emotions. You

1250
00:57:39,200 --> 00:57:41,960
Speaker 2: can't say he's great at following through while complaining he

1251
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:44,959
Speaker 2: doesn't do what he says. Opie literally said he's great

1252
00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:46,760
Speaker 2: at following through until it's hard.

1253
00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:48,840
Speaker 1: All right, Facebook, you're not reading.

1254
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:50,400
Speaker 4: I'm talking to Facebook right now because this is what's

1255
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:53,560
Speaker 4: gonna happen. This is my perception on it and do

1256
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:55,920
Speaker 4: not judge me in this video until you've seen this

1257
00:57:55,920 --> 00:57:58,240
Speaker 4: part too late. This is how I see it. Opie

1258
00:57:58,880 --> 00:58:02,360
Speaker 4: was frustrated with her more. Yeah, husband sees that she's frustrated,

1259
00:58:02,440 --> 00:58:05,840
Speaker 4: does not know why she is frustrated. But the first

1260
00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:09,080
Speaker 4: action that he did, instead of helping her, instead of

1261
00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:12,440
Speaker 4: asking her, he said, this is what life's going to

1262
00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:16,520
Speaker 4: bring you, YadA, YadA, yad and proceeded to lecture her. Yeah,

1263
00:58:16,560 --> 00:58:17,400
Speaker 4: while she's.

1264
00:58:17,800 --> 00:58:18,840
Speaker 1: Going through the bad day.

1265
00:58:18,960 --> 00:58:21,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, and he's not like he does not see what's happening.

1266
00:58:21,240 --> 00:58:23,560
Speaker 4: And that's why I think you need to have a

1267
00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:25,320
Speaker 4: come Geius meeting because this seems like this is a

1268
00:58:25,360 --> 00:58:27,640
Speaker 4: reaction to me a lot of things and he's not

1269
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:29,760
Speaker 4: supporting you, and that is the role of a husband

1270
00:58:29,800 --> 00:58:31,320
Speaker 4: is to support judge me.

1271
00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:32,480
Speaker 1: Now, I agree.

1272
00:58:32,560 --> 00:58:34,800
Speaker 2: I think that like definitely therapy and stuff in the

1273
00:58:34,840 --> 00:58:37,440
Speaker 2: conversation before you divorce you have kids. I think the

1274
00:58:37,480 --> 00:58:39,760
Speaker 2: comments are really not taking into account that you've said

1275
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:41,640
Speaker 2: that this has been going on for a really long time.

1276
00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:43,800
Speaker 4: Nope, Nope, they're just saying, oh, it's just one comment,

1277
00:58:43,840 --> 00:58:46,160
Speaker 4: get over it. Yeah. No, it's been a comments like

1278
00:58:46,200 --> 00:58:48,800
Speaker 4: that for multiple years and it is all built up

1279
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:49,880
Speaker 4: today exactly.

1280
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:52,120
Speaker 1: Hey, it's sam og host. We're going to get back

1281
00:58:52,120 --> 00:58:54,600
Speaker 1: to these delectable stories. But here's three minutes of ads

1282
00:58:54,640 --> 00:58:56,280
Speaker 1: from our sponsors to help support the show.

1283
00:58:56,760 --> 00:58:59,360
Speaker 2: Reply says, I'm a bit confused on how he's supposed

1284
00:58:59,360 --> 00:59:03,080
Speaker 2: to know when the right time, oh pee down voted again?

1285
00:59:03,680 --> 00:59:06,080
Speaker 2: I mean after class would have been fine. I literally

1286
00:59:06,120 --> 00:59:08,440
Speaker 2: just didn't need any more stress in that moment. Usually

1287
00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:11,240
Speaker 2: this wouldn't be a big deal. It felt like sabotage.

1288
00:59:11,320 --> 00:59:12,880
Speaker 2: There is a lot of history of me having to

1289
00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:15,240
Speaker 2: give up my education for the benefit of my family,

1290
00:59:15,800 --> 00:59:19,200
Speaker 2: and so my PTSD flared replies, says, but how would

1291
00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:21,040
Speaker 2: you like him to know when a good time would be?

1292
00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:23,320
Speaker 2: Would you like him to just know you well enough?

1293
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:26,800
Speaker 2: Would you like him to ask before mentioning anything? Yeah, like, hey,

1294
00:59:26,920 --> 00:59:27,919
Speaker 2: is this an okay time?

1295
00:59:28,440 --> 00:59:30,240
Speaker 1: That actually really easy.

1296
00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:31,840
Speaker 3: To do, especially when you guys have been together for

1297
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:32,360
Speaker 3: this long.

1298
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:35,440
Speaker 2: I feel like you literally can just do Hey, is

1299
00:59:35,480 --> 00:59:37,760
Speaker 2: this an okay time to talk? Or are you still stressed?

1300
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:40,880
Speaker 3: You should know when your partner isn't like feeling good,

1301
00:59:40,960 --> 00:59:43,840
Speaker 3: or something's wrong, something's bothering them, or they're annoyed, or

1302
00:59:43,840 --> 00:59:46,880
Speaker 3: they're just upset. It's like reading a book. You should

1303
00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:48,880
Speaker 3: know this by now, Like maybe not all the time,

1304
00:59:49,120 --> 00:59:51,400
Speaker 3: but like when they're angry or something like that, you

1305
00:59:51,440 --> 00:59:53,439
Speaker 3: should be able to tell, like something's off.

1306
00:59:53,600 --> 00:59:58,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, my first two definitions, love is patient, love is kind.

1307
00:59:58,600 --> 01:00:01,400
Speaker 4: Husband did not just by any of that in his

1308
01:00:01,480 --> 01:00:03,120
Speaker 4: comments or in his actions.

1309
01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:05,520
Speaker 2: If you just expect him to know you well enough,

1310
01:00:05,560 --> 01:00:08,040
Speaker 2: then you're setting yourself up for failure because you're expecting

1311
01:00:08,160 --> 01:00:10,320
Speaker 2: him to be a mind reader. I'm not saying he

1312
01:00:10,360 --> 01:00:12,720
Speaker 2: wasn't trying to sabotage you. Maybe he was, but you

1313
01:00:12,760 --> 01:00:16,160
Speaker 2: both really need to work on communication. OPI again downvoted

1314
01:00:16,440 --> 01:00:19,120
Speaker 2: because we had the conversation the night before. He knew

1315
01:00:19,120 --> 01:00:21,280
Speaker 2: then and didn't bring it up, But all of a sudden,

1316
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:23,120
Speaker 2: he has to tell me this first thing in the morning.

1317
01:00:23,520 --> 01:00:25,520
Speaker 2: I told him last night that I needed the peace

1318
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:28,440
Speaker 2: of mind getting through my first class. I don't understand

1319
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:30,960
Speaker 2: all these comments. Oh, he literally said I wanted peace

1320
01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:34,240
Speaker 2: before my class. That's a pretty obvious kind of Oh.

1321
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:35,720
Speaker 2: How was he supposed to know when.

1322
01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:38,040
Speaker 3: It's after first class? This has to be the husband.

1323
01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:40,440
Speaker 2: I knew it would be better after I told him

1324
01:00:40,440 --> 01:00:43,120
Speaker 2: not eight hours before. How concerned I was about things

1325
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:45,680
Speaker 2: coming up, and he shrugged like it wasn't a big deal.

1326
01:00:46,040 --> 01:00:49,680
Speaker 2: But he says he had to tell me. Then replies says,

1327
01:00:49,680 --> 01:00:52,160
Speaker 2: don't worry. I get exactly what you're saying. Don't let

1328
01:00:52,200 --> 01:00:54,400
Speaker 2: anyone try and act like your feelings aren't validated because

1329
01:00:54,400 --> 01:00:58,200
Speaker 2: they are. Yes, one commoner gets it. He definitely one

1330
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:01,480
Speaker 2: hundred percent could have waited till after Any logical person

1331
01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:04,520
Speaker 2: who has basic common sense knows it's your first day back,

1332
01:01:04,920 --> 01:01:08,320
Speaker 2: would have waited till after class. Lol. I'm just so

1333
01:01:08,440 --> 01:01:10,920
Speaker 2: confused on how people don't see that, and it's an update.

1334
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:11,960
Speaker 2: Thank you for that comment.

1335
01:01:12,360 --> 01:01:16,760
Speaker 4: I have two things here. One. I talked to a

1336
01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:18,960
Speaker 4: family member the other day and they were like, yeah,

1337
01:01:19,000 --> 01:01:21,680
Speaker 4: so I made my husband ribs and potatoes and this

1338
01:01:21,880 --> 01:01:23,440
Speaker 4: before he came home from work. And I was like, man,

1339
01:01:23,440 --> 01:01:24,920
Speaker 4: you don't even know what a guy out here in

1340
01:01:25,040 --> 01:01:28,479
Speaker 4: LA would do for that. Keon, imagine you go home

1341
01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:31,520
Speaker 4: and you got ribs and potatoes right there waiting for you.

1342
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:33,760
Speaker 4: So if you imagine you go home and you got rice,

1343
01:01:34,240 --> 01:01:36,760
Speaker 4: rockley and salmon waiting for you right there, I don't

1344
01:01:36,960 --> 01:01:37,840
Speaker 4: imagine that's great.

1345
01:01:38,360 --> 01:01:40,240
Speaker 3: Is very good at cooking your boy.

1346
01:01:40,200 --> 01:01:43,920
Speaker 4: And they boy, and these people like boy, they sometimes

1347
01:01:43,960 --> 01:01:46,880
Speaker 4: don't understand how like much they have for one another,

1348
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:50,240
Speaker 4: Like he sometimes brings her things from wherever, and it's

1349
01:01:50,280 --> 01:01:52,479
Speaker 4: like here you go, that's just how their relationship works.

1350
01:01:52,480 --> 01:01:55,080
Speaker 4: And I think, here the husband does not realize how

1351
01:01:55,160 --> 01:01:57,520
Speaker 4: much you actually do around the house and is not

1352
01:01:57,680 --> 01:02:00,240
Speaker 4: He's just not there for you, and it's it's it's

1353
01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:01,480
Speaker 4: just ridiculous.

1354
01:02:01,680 --> 01:02:04,120
Speaker 2: But there is an update. I have bipolar two and

1355
01:02:04,160 --> 01:02:07,480
Speaker 2: I'm usually more depressed than mannic. This was mania. I

1356
01:02:07,520 --> 01:02:10,280
Speaker 2: couldn't take my anxiety medication until I was home for

1357
01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:13,840
Speaker 2: the day. I will say that my husband was insensitive,

1358
01:02:14,080 --> 01:02:16,200
Speaker 2: and he admitted as much, but I was making the

1359
01:02:16,240 --> 01:02:18,280
Speaker 2: worst of it. I want to stress that it's hard

1360
01:02:18,280 --> 01:02:20,880
Speaker 2: to recognize it when it's happening, and that's why I

1361
01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:24,720
Speaker 2: have medication that helps. This isn't how I think and

1362
01:02:24,880 --> 01:02:27,960
Speaker 2: act ninety five percent of the time. I'm not blaming

1363
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:30,280
Speaker 2: my husband for those triggers, and I don't expect him

1364
01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:33,080
Speaker 2: to make them better. It was frustrating to be struggling,

1365
01:02:33,080 --> 01:02:36,000
Speaker 2: and instead of receiving compassion and help, I was given

1366
01:02:36,040 --> 01:02:38,480
Speaker 2: more stress. He doesn't pick up on emotions well, and

1367
01:02:38,520 --> 01:02:40,680
Speaker 2: even when he does. He doesn't know how to respond,

1368
01:02:40,720 --> 01:02:43,560
Speaker 2: which can come off as uncaring. That's something he's been

1369
01:02:43,600 --> 01:02:46,080
Speaker 2: working on. My husband even said we would both be

1370
01:02:46,160 --> 01:02:48,600
Speaker 2: laughing about this soon, and we did on the ride home.

1371
01:02:48,920 --> 01:02:51,919
Speaker 4: Okay, all right, yes they're made up.

1372
01:02:52,280 --> 01:02:55,760
Speaker 2: Okay, I didn't recognize it right away because it happens

1373
01:02:55,800 --> 01:02:57,840
Speaker 2: once or twice a year at most. I was really

1374
01:02:57,880 --> 01:02:58,720
Speaker 2: on your side on that.

1375
01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:01,640
Speaker 4: She's probably very angry when she wrote it out. She

1376
01:03:01,720 --> 01:03:03,800
Speaker 4: said all the mean things like that's the thing about

1377
01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:04,439
Speaker 4: these Reddit stories.

1378
01:03:04,600 --> 01:03:06,920
Speaker 2: We're solely friendly biased and I'm just going based off

1379
01:03:06,960 --> 01:03:07,560
Speaker 2: of what you say.

1380
01:03:07,720 --> 01:03:10,600
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, if we could interview these people here,

1381
01:03:10,640 --> 01:03:13,760
Speaker 4: see what they look like, have some sort of relationship

1382
01:03:13,800 --> 01:03:17,000
Speaker 4: with them, maybe like no, if you told me you're married,

1383
01:03:17,320 --> 01:03:20,080
Speaker 4: you told me, what is this exact same thing, I'd

1384
01:03:20,080 --> 01:03:22,280
Speaker 4: be like, Sophia, I know you, yeah, and I know

1385
01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:24,680
Speaker 4: your partner. This doesn't really seem like that. We have

1386
01:03:25,120 --> 01:03:29,160
Speaker 4: zero of that context. We're solely relied onto the op. Yeah,

1387
01:03:29,200 --> 01:03:31,080
Speaker 4: like we didn't know she had maniced expression. If we

1388
01:03:31,080 --> 01:03:33,040
Speaker 4: didn't get this happened twice a year, Yeah, we.

1389
01:03:33,000 --> 01:03:33,320
Speaker 1: Didn't know that.

1390
01:03:33,360 --> 01:03:34,919
Speaker 4: We're gonna be in the car and be like.

1391
01:03:35,120 --> 01:03:39,720
Speaker 2: Oh, everything's fine, Yeah, but all right. Thanks to therapy,

1392
01:03:39,720 --> 01:03:42,120
Speaker 2: I knew the steps I needed to take to calm down.

1393
01:03:42,520 --> 01:03:44,560
Speaker 2: Reaching out was part of that, because I was trying

1394
01:03:44,600 --> 01:03:48,000
Speaker 2: to gauge what went wrong from an outside perspective. I

1395
01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:49,760
Speaker 2: talked it out with my husband on the right home.

1396
01:03:49,880 --> 01:03:52,160
Speaker 2: We apologize to each other, and we're good.

1397
01:03:52,400 --> 01:03:52,560
Speaker 4: Right.

1398
01:03:52,640 --> 01:03:54,440
Speaker 2: He even said that I'm only human and that it

1399
01:03:54,480 --> 01:03:57,040
Speaker 2: was understandable given the level of stress I had been under.

1400
01:03:57,280 --> 01:03:58,960
Speaker 4: Did he apologize, Yeah.

1401
01:03:58,760 --> 01:04:01,360
Speaker 2: Did he about it? I'm still upset with him. For

1402
01:04:01,480 --> 01:04:03,600
Speaker 2: the record, he still hasn't talked to his mom. That

1403
01:04:03,720 --> 01:04:05,800
Speaker 2: means it wasn't urgent enough to bring up in the moment.

1404
01:04:06,120 --> 01:04:08,720
Speaker 2: I'm used to having something happen when I start to

1405
01:04:08,760 --> 01:04:11,720
Speaker 2: do things for myself. That has made me expect the worst.

1406
01:04:12,200 --> 01:04:14,360
Speaker 2: In class today, I was met with the best. The

1407
01:04:14,360 --> 01:04:17,920
Speaker 2: instructor was reasonable and welcoming, and I was over prepared.

1408
01:04:18,160 --> 01:04:21,160
Speaker 2: Pard My issue is not asking for help. A big

1409
01:04:21,200 --> 01:04:23,440
Speaker 2: part of how I was mistreated by my mother was

1410
01:04:23,480 --> 01:04:25,919
Speaker 2: to keep me helpless and reliant on her. I cut

1411
01:04:25,960 --> 01:04:30,000
Speaker 2: contact about seven years ago and went straight into therapy.

1412
01:04:30,440 --> 01:04:33,160
Speaker 2: It is embarrassing to be almost forty and still having

1413
01:04:33,160 --> 01:04:35,240
Speaker 2: to learn to do basic things. There is a teas

1414
01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:37,200
Speaker 2: he means he a little bit left of the story.

1415
01:04:37,520 --> 01:04:40,920
Speaker 4: Any final thoughts, Dude, seems like you guys say couple counseling.

1416
01:04:41,200 --> 01:04:42,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean they're doing it, but.

1417
01:04:42,920 --> 01:04:45,120
Speaker 2: Well it feels like you guys are like fine now,

1418
01:04:45,280 --> 01:04:47,800
Speaker 2: which is good. But also I'm like, you told us

1419
01:04:47,880 --> 01:04:49,880
Speaker 2: that your husband was not helping you with like the

1420
01:04:49,960 --> 01:04:52,000
Speaker 2: kids at all really and that.

1421
01:04:51,920 --> 01:04:53,800
Speaker 4: He would go to his mom every time a problem.

1422
01:04:54,360 --> 01:04:56,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I feel like that's not unless you were

1423
01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:59,240
Speaker 2: coming from that in like a manic way and it

1424
01:04:59,280 --> 01:05:02,120
Speaker 2: was just focusing on these like minor issues that suddenly

1425
01:05:02,120 --> 01:05:05,440
Speaker 2: seemed a lot larger. Then you know, you guys are chill,

1426
01:05:05,560 --> 01:05:08,240
Speaker 2: but you know, have that conversation if you have like

1427
01:05:08,360 --> 01:05:12,680
Speaker 2: real concerns that maybe were heightened, Like they aren't so bad,

1428
01:05:12,720 --> 01:05:14,120
Speaker 2: but there's still concerns of yours.

1429
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:15,040
Speaker 1: Let's talk about those.

1430
01:05:15,200 --> 01:05:17,200
Speaker 4: And two, if you go through this twice a year,

1431
01:05:17,680 --> 01:05:18,919
Speaker 4: maybe have a game plan.

1432
01:05:19,240 --> 01:05:21,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe he's like, oh, I know what's happening.

1433
01:05:21,400 --> 01:05:23,320
Speaker 4: I know in the moment, you probably can't communicate that

1434
01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:25,240
Speaker 4: that's what's happening. But if there was, like there just

1435
01:05:25,240 --> 01:05:29,440
Speaker 4: needs to be more systems in place so it doesn't

1436
01:05:29,800 --> 01:05:31,840
Speaker 4: blow up where everyone thinks you guys should divorce.

1437
01:05:32,160 --> 01:05:35,240
Speaker 2: Yeah. I have great friends. My husband does love me.

1438
01:05:35,640 --> 01:05:37,560
Speaker 2: If I asked any one of them for help, they

1439
01:05:37,560 --> 01:05:39,800
Speaker 2: would have helped me. I get upset that I didn't

1440
01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:41,880
Speaker 2: get it right the first time. I then think no

1441
01:05:41,920 --> 01:05:44,000
Speaker 2: one will understand that it was a mistake and give

1442
01:05:44,040 --> 01:05:46,720
Speaker 2: me grace. I expect them to tell me that it's

1443
01:05:46,720 --> 01:05:48,920
Speaker 2: my own fault for not knowing an advance, and that

1444
01:05:49,000 --> 01:05:51,000
Speaker 2: if I can't figure it all out the first try,

1445
01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:55,920
Speaker 2: I shouldn't bother. That isn't reasonable. That's trauma. Again to stress,

1446
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:58,960
Speaker 2: this isn't an excuse, it's an explanation as to what

1447
01:05:59,040 --> 01:06:01,880
Speaker 2: was happening. I can't always stop it from happening, but

1448
01:06:01,960 --> 01:06:05,080
Speaker 2: I am responsible for my words and actions when I do.

1449
01:06:05,560 --> 01:06:07,800
Speaker 2: I do have to accept that I deserve some grace.

1450
01:06:08,080 --> 01:06:10,520
Speaker 2: I used to be worse, and I will be working

1451
01:06:10,600 --> 01:06:13,080
Speaker 2: to learn to be better each time. And that's the

1452
01:06:13,200 --> 01:06:16,840
Speaker 2: end of that story. And there we go, lovely.

1453
01:06:17,080 --> 01:06:19,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, the thing that really bothered me was you said

1454
01:06:19,520 --> 01:06:21,080
Speaker 4: you were sorry I didn't really see.

1455
01:06:21,080 --> 01:06:23,800
Speaker 2: And he wasn't like, oh yeah, I'll make sure i'm not.

1456
01:06:24,080 --> 01:06:26,760
Speaker 4: And you put all this stuff on yourself instead of yeah, like,

1457
01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:27,720
Speaker 4: what do you did to help out?

1458
01:06:27,920 --> 01:06:28,200
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1459
01:06:28,240 --> 01:06:32,600
Speaker 4: Well, we have some comments from another story read recently.

1460
01:06:32,720 --> 01:06:35,080
Speaker 2: These comments come from the video I want to divorce

1461
01:06:35,160 --> 01:06:37,520
Speaker 2: my husband and marry my best friend And this was

1462
01:06:37,520 --> 01:06:41,600
Speaker 2: posted on August twenty seventh, twenty twenty five. DLDR. Opie's

1463
01:06:41,680 --> 01:06:44,080
Speaker 2: husband let their ten year old daughter shave her head

1464
01:06:44,120 --> 01:06:47,120
Speaker 2: weeks before a family tradition. We are children turning ten

1465
01:06:47,240 --> 01:06:50,480
Speaker 2: get their hair dyed for a special celebration, initially claiming

1466
01:06:50,520 --> 01:06:53,240
Speaker 2: it was the daughter's idea after watching a cartoon. When

1467
01:06:53,320 --> 01:06:56,480
Speaker 2: Opie's sister in law questioned the daughter privately, the truth

1468
01:06:56,520 --> 01:07:00,000
Speaker 2: came out that the husband had actually manipulated and encourage

1469
01:07:00,120 --> 01:07:02,680
Speaker 2: sure to shave as a revenge against Opee because the

1470
01:07:02,720 --> 01:07:07,000
Speaker 2: family celebration conflicted with his planned vacation to grease, using

1471
01:07:07,000 --> 01:07:09,280
Speaker 2: their innocent child as a pond to get back at

1472
01:07:09,280 --> 01:07:13,080
Speaker 2: his wife and realin a meaningful tradition that LEFTOPI questioning

1473
01:07:13,160 --> 01:07:15,160
Speaker 2: everything she thought she knew about her marriage.

1474
01:07:15,240 --> 01:07:16,040
Speaker 3: I remember this one.

1475
01:07:16,120 --> 01:07:19,520
Speaker 2: I remember this one too. Yikes, jicks, that guy sucked.

1476
01:07:19,640 --> 01:07:21,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, because we kind of believed yeah, oh yeah, yes,

1477
01:07:22,040 --> 01:07:22,800
Speaker 3: I support.

1478
01:07:22,440 --> 01:07:24,000
Speaker 2: Your daughter if he wants to shahead.

1479
01:07:24,080 --> 01:07:25,480
Speaker 3: And then the truth Bob came back.

1480
01:07:25,880 --> 01:07:27,840
Speaker 1: WHOA, yikes.

1481
01:07:28,200 --> 01:07:29,800
Speaker 3: Well, we do have some comments and I will go

1482
01:07:29,800 --> 01:07:33,360
Speaker 3: ahead and read those comment won by k L h

1483
01:07:33,560 --> 01:07:36,160
Speaker 3: mc eighty five. As a mother of a ten year old,

1484
01:07:36,160 --> 01:07:38,400
Speaker 3: I can tell you that they are impulsive and don't

1485
01:07:38,440 --> 01:07:41,960
Speaker 3: understand the consequences of choices that they make. The father

1486
01:07:42,200 --> 01:07:45,960
Speaker 3: one should have known better. Self expression is fine, however

1487
01:07:46,000 --> 01:07:47,480
Speaker 3: you need to think about it for a few days

1488
01:07:47,520 --> 01:07:50,600
Speaker 3: before you jump on it. My son wanted to change

1489
01:07:50,600 --> 01:07:53,080
Speaker 3: his hair to blue wait when he was six. At

1490
01:07:53,120 --> 01:07:55,200
Speaker 3: the time, I had him sitting on it for a week,

1491
01:07:55,440 --> 01:07:57,560
Speaker 3: and after the week, if he still wanted to do it,

1492
01:07:57,840 --> 01:07:59,640
Speaker 3: he would He did want it, so we did it.

1493
01:08:00,040 --> 01:08:02,640
Speaker 3: They are kids. Being impulsive is in their nature. It

1494
01:08:02,720 --> 01:08:05,520
Speaker 3: is the parent's job to help guide them, not allow

1495
01:08:05,640 --> 01:08:09,480
Speaker 3: their impulses. I guess that comment is kind of maybe

1496
01:08:09,520 --> 01:08:12,919
Speaker 3: they gut part of the story because again, but they

1497
01:08:12,960 --> 01:08:14,200
Speaker 3: got the first part of this. It seems like they

1498
01:08:14,280 --> 01:08:15,760
Speaker 3: only got the first part of the story because again,

1499
01:08:15,840 --> 01:08:18,160
Speaker 3: we were on the same thing. We're like, oh yeah,

1500
01:08:18,360 --> 01:08:21,440
Speaker 3: like ye, don't do that. But then he did it because.

1501
01:08:21,160 --> 01:08:23,479
Speaker 2: He did it specifically because he was trying to get.

1502
01:08:23,320 --> 01:08:23,920
Speaker 1: Back at everyone.

1503
01:08:24,080 --> 01:08:27,599
Speaker 3: Right. We have another comment that in general. Yeah, oh,

1504
01:08:27,640 --> 01:08:31,120
Speaker 3: that's great advice. But again, when when listening to that

1505
01:08:31,160 --> 01:08:35,599
Speaker 3: full story, you're like, WHOA, that was not cool dad.

1506
01:08:35,680 --> 01:08:39,479
Speaker 3: Comment number two by love hurts Zinc or Love hurts Inc.

1507
01:08:39,880 --> 01:08:42,200
Speaker 3: I think an interesting suggestion for the ball child would

1508
01:08:42,240 --> 01:08:43,960
Speaker 3: be to hire a kind of artists to do a

1509
01:08:43,960 --> 01:08:46,640
Speaker 3: full cap design and make Hubby pay for it.

1510
01:08:47,160 --> 01:08:47,479
Speaker 1: Funny.

1511
01:08:47,520 --> 01:08:49,799
Speaker 2: I think a good suggestion for the ball child.

1512
01:08:51,080 --> 01:08:55,000
Speaker 3: I think doing an arrow right down, yeah smart would

1513
01:08:55,000 --> 01:08:56,280
Speaker 3: be pretty cool.

1514
01:08:56,040 --> 01:08:59,880
Speaker 4: And getting them and it's the tradition is to die

1515
01:09:00,080 --> 01:09:02,200
Speaker 4: her blue yeahue era blue arrow.

1516
01:09:02,320 --> 01:09:04,080
Speaker 3: Do you think it was Avatar that the kid was watching?

1517
01:09:04,360 --> 01:09:09,040
Speaker 3: Oh about and that's the only show. I mean, maybe

1518
01:09:09,080 --> 01:09:10,920
Speaker 3: they're Clove fans.

1519
01:09:11,240 --> 01:09:12,720
Speaker 4: What is their airbender?

1520
01:09:12,880 --> 01:09:14,679
Speaker 2: Oh? Yes?

1521
01:09:15,120 --> 01:09:18,960
Speaker 3: Perfect? And we have a third comment by Lauren mc

1522
01:09:19,240 --> 01:09:22,240
Speaker 3: murdy and they say they both can be a holes.

1523
01:09:22,560 --> 01:09:24,760
Speaker 3: She came home and freaked out, took her edit for

1524
01:09:24,840 --> 01:09:27,559
Speaker 3: validation because she wanted to adhere to a family tradition

1525
01:09:27,800 --> 01:09:30,680
Speaker 3: where their child was used as a prop He is

1526
01:09:30,720 --> 01:09:32,559
Speaker 3: an a hole for using the child as a weapon

1527
01:09:32,600 --> 01:09:35,640
Speaker 3: against the wife that canceled their family holiday because the

1528
01:09:35,640 --> 01:09:38,920
Speaker 3: family tradition that she definitely needed to shame her daughter

1529
01:09:39,000 --> 01:09:40,680
Speaker 3: into thinking was important.

1530
01:09:41,120 --> 01:09:43,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what, I kind of agree with that

1531
01:09:43,160 --> 01:09:45,200
Speaker 2: one because I remember she had like a really big

1532
01:09:45,240 --> 01:09:49,000
Speaker 2: reaction and we were like, hey, that's not cool, you know, yeah,

1533
01:09:49,320 --> 01:09:50,080
Speaker 2: you can't take it back.

1534
01:09:50,120 --> 01:09:51,880
Speaker 3: I think we both agreed too that both the parents

1535
01:09:51,920 --> 01:09:52,599
Speaker 3: were kind of a hole.

1536
01:09:52,720 --> 01:09:53,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would agree with that.

1537
01:09:53,960 --> 01:09:58,400
Speaker 3: Sill and continuing on that comment by Lauren mcmurdy, both

1538
01:09:58,400 --> 01:10:00,519
Speaker 3: of these parents are a holes. She just thinks that

1539
01:10:00,600 --> 01:10:03,040
Speaker 3: her reasons for using their daughter were better than his.

1540
01:10:03,479 --> 01:10:07,320
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that would be true. But uh, that's the

1541
01:10:07,439 --> 01:10:10,000
Speaker 2: end of that and the end of this episode. So

1542
01:10:10,920 --> 01:10:12,679
Speaker 2: if you love us, do you want to say?

1543
01:10:12,760 --> 01:10:13,360
Speaker 4: No, you got it.

1544
01:10:13,800 --> 01:10:16,640
Speaker 2: So if you love us, make sure to subscribe you

1545
01:10:16,960 --> 01:10:18,280
Speaker 2: and see you tomorrow.