1 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:23,400 Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and 2 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:28,480 Speaker 1: I'm Nila. Happy Wednesday, Happy Wednesday. I hope you guys 3 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:32,560 Speaker 1: are safe and in place. What was it? Sheltered shelter 4 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,200 Speaker 1: in place? Stay and stay sheltered in place. I don't 5 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:36,559 Speaker 1: know the lingo. I don't want to learn the link. 6 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:39,720 Speaker 2: I've been so annoyed by people like putting on their 7 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:42,320 Speaker 2: Instagram photos like everybody stay at home, Like we got 8 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:45,559 Speaker 2: the memo, dabbit, what are you repeating it for? 9 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:51,920 Speaker 1: How are you? I'm good? I'm doing very good today. 10 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 1: That's weird. Why is it weird you ask me how 11 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:56,920 Speaker 1: I'm doing. I say I'm good. You look like you're 12 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: gonna laugh, and then I'm good, and then you would 13 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 1: everybody knows what you do. It needs some other shit. Well, 14 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,400 Speaker 1: I read her birthday this weekend. I'm officially a mom 15 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:12,560 Speaker 1: of a five year old. She's alive. I didn't kill her, 16 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:16,399 Speaker 1: I didn't kill her dad. Somehow we're okay. So I'm pretty. 17 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:24,000 Speaker 1: I feel successful. We had a drive by flash block 18 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:27,280 Speaker 1: party Block Parties Slash. Then a few people came inside 19 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:33,040 Speaker 1: hat the cake elevated room events made the bombist cake 20 00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:35,959 Speaker 1: ever so if you guys are looking for a drive 21 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:42,160 Speaker 1: by balloon balloon planner, virtual virtual party planner. Even if 22 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,760 Speaker 1: you just want cake, definitely hit up Elevated Room Events. 23 00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:46,240 Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram. You can go on 24 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,000 Speaker 1: their website. Check out our instagram. 25 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:48,680 Speaker 3: You can see the. 26 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 1: Cake that she made. It's fucking beautiful. It's a unicorn. 27 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 3: It was exactly it was like exactly. 28 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:53,640 Speaker 1: What I wanted. 29 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:57,320 Speaker 3: Yea beautiful and it tasted. I'm still eating it actually 30 00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:58,280 Speaker 3: after this. 31 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:08,079 Speaker 1: Anyway, we have a guest today, our first quarantine guest. Yes, 32 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 1: we have finally gone virtual, going digital guys, living in 33 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:17,400 Speaker 1: a digital world. Thank you so much for. 34 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:20,120 Speaker 3: Don't you drunk? 35 00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:25,639 Speaker 1: No, I'm not high, which is the problem we have. Okay, 36 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 1: just don't fuck up our name. You do it. You 37 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 1: guys have the same name. Today we have award winning writer, 38 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:42,000 Speaker 1: podcaster Mama culture commentator Jamila Lamoux. Is that it's French. 39 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 3: It's like creole, right, it's French. 40 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm a little culture. Yeah, we have the same name, 41 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:50,079 Speaker 1: So don't fuck it up. I'm sorry bad. Do you 42 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:53,079 Speaker 1: go by Mila too? You know, my mom crossed me Mila. 43 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:55,040 Speaker 1: Some of her family members. 44 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,160 Speaker 4: Do, but most people don't, but I welcome it. I'm 45 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,440 Speaker 4: totally cool with it. That's where that came from. 46 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 1: My mom calls Meila too. 47 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,280 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's weird. As an adult, I feel like more 48 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 4: people call me jam Like new people the family. 49 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,080 Speaker 1: Always go for Mela. A lot of my friends call 50 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:12,200 Speaker 1: me jam too. Yeah. I'm like, you whatever, I'll take whatever, 51 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,440 Speaker 1: all the all the variations of my name. She's like, 52 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:15,960 Speaker 1: what you want is it going to be? I'm like, 53 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:17,239 Speaker 1: I don't have to choose who me? 54 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, because you let you do. 55 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,400 Speaker 1: You let people call you Jamila because a lot don't 56 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,359 Speaker 1: let me let me tell you. Growing up in the valley, 57 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 1: it plagued my life because everybody made it seem like 58 00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:30,679 Speaker 1: Jamilla was so much easier than Jamila. So I got 59 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:33,240 Speaker 1: so used to it that I'll say Jamilla and now 60 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,120 Speaker 1: it irritates me and I'll catch myself doing it, but 61 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:36,680 Speaker 1: I'm used to it, and then people will say it, 62 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,800 Speaker 1: so I'm just like whatever. That's why you're confused, because 63 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 1: the bitch says my name is Jamilla, then she says 64 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,280 Speaker 1: it's Jamila, and she says Mila. So then when I'm 65 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:46,400 Speaker 1: writing descriptions, I'm like, who are you saying? Which are 66 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:51,320 Speaker 1: you today? We're gonna say no, I'm saying someone told 67 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,360 Speaker 1: me once, don't ever let anybody half ask your name, 68 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,320 Speaker 1: And ever since then, it's been fucking hunting me ever since. 69 00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,320 Speaker 4: I have a moment like that too, And like because 70 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,880 Speaker 4: everyone growing up, I've always said Jamila, unless maybe there 71 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:05,080 Speaker 4: was a Camilla around, you know, like that would maybe 72 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 4: throw things off. But then when I got to I 73 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 4: went to school on the East Coast, and from there 74 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 4: everybody was like Jamila, Jamil. 75 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 3: And I think its because there's a lot of Muslim women, 76 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,200 Speaker 3: you know, and they you went there, You went to Howard, right, 77 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 3: I went to Howard. 78 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:16,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, so my brother. 79 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:17,680 Speaker 3: Is, well he's in Howard. 80 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:18,560 Speaker 1: Well he was at Howard. 81 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,400 Speaker 3: But now ye know, it's over, Jamila. 82 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,520 Speaker 1: I feel like we're like spirit animals. I told Erica, 83 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,440 Speaker 1: I was like, her birthday's exactly thirty days after mine. 84 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,840 Speaker 1: We're one month apart. She's on the cusp, she's July 85 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:32,080 Speaker 1: twenty second. And then you had a blog called The 86 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,680 Speaker 1: Beautiful Struggle. I did The Beautiful Struggler. 87 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,560 Speaker 2: So my middle name is Asda, which means she who struggles. 88 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,839 Speaker 2: You know, Jamila means beautiful. I'm like we're connected. I 89 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:41,080 Speaker 2: don't know how, but we are. 90 00:04:42,279 --> 00:04:42,880 Speaker 1: I love that. 91 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,200 Speaker 4: I like, I'm so obsessed with you all, like and 92 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:50,080 Speaker 4: just get through South away now because we're closed in age, right, 93 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,520 Speaker 4: Like you all are thirty two, soon to be thirty two. 94 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,680 Speaker 3: I'm thirty five, so it's like I'll be thirty six 95 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:56,080 Speaker 3: this year. 96 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,600 Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like if I can't have 97 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,400 Speaker 1: a party or celebrate. 98 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:02,479 Speaker 4: Outdoors and I don't have to add another year, I'm 99 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,520 Speaker 4: just going to be the age I am now until week. 100 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:06,599 Speaker 1: I like that. I think I like that. I'm gonna 101 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,800 Speaker 1: go with that. I agree. I honestly forgot how old 102 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 1: I was. I asked Smila how old I was the 103 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:13,240 Speaker 1: other day. No. I was like, am I thirty one? 104 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:14,280 Speaker 1: She's like, no, but you're thirty two. 105 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:17,119 Speaker 3: I was like what, but like it doesn't count anymore whatever. 106 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:21,239 Speaker 4: But but just even with that small age gap between us, 107 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:25,200 Speaker 4: like when I started writing and doing media stuff and 108 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,680 Speaker 4: you know, like I was an editor. I was a 109 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:29,800 Speaker 4: magazine editor for like five years. I was at a 110 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:32,240 Speaker 4: digital media company as except for two years. I started 111 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,040 Speaker 4: my career as a blogger. So I've been doing this, 112 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,599 Speaker 4: you know, since I was in my you know, early 113 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:37,640 Speaker 4: mid twenties or whatever. 114 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 3: I could not be public about smoking weed, you. 115 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 4: Know, and work for a brand, you know, like right, 116 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,719 Speaker 4: especially after I had my child, like and I started 117 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,800 Speaker 4: my career as a personal blogger, so I talked about 118 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,600 Speaker 4: sex and boys and I would allude to weed. But 119 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,320 Speaker 4: even then, like I wanted to get hired by an essence. 120 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:56,800 Speaker 4: I wanted to be able to write for like a 121 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,719 Speaker 4: glamour and like I'll never forget, there was this young 122 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:04,279 Speaker 4: Rember or Jezebel, right, I mean, will still exists. I 123 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:04,960 Speaker 4: mean to stay like that. 124 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:08,880 Speaker 1: But you know, like, yeah, magazines were printed, right when 125 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 1: magazines were printed, and the blogs were still like kind 126 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:12,120 Speaker 1: of a novel thing, you know. 127 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 4: Jezebel was this huge, you know platform, and they had 128 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 4: this uh series called pot Psychology, and it was a right, 129 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:23,760 Speaker 4: a white guy named rich jus Weiac and a woman 130 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 4: Tracy I can't think of her last name, and he 131 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 4: was queer, she was you know, his best friend, and 132 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:31,760 Speaker 4: they would get high and answer reader let you know, 133 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:35,680 Speaker 4: do like advice, but do it while they were stone 134 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,119 Speaker 4: so the advice would be good, but it was still 135 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,080 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying, more entertaining because these people 136 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 4: are high, and I'm like, they're writers in New York 137 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,719 Speaker 4: pursuing you know what I'm saying, Like she's in the 138 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,279 Speaker 4: same field as me, and they're openly talking about getting 139 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:52,240 Speaker 4: high and I in addition to talking a lot about 140 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 4: their sex lives, you know, like they're in like specific 141 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:58,880 Speaker 4: details and things. And I'm like, as a black woman, 142 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:02,200 Speaker 4: as somebody who was all always like radical and free 143 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,920 Speaker 4: and feminists and sex positive, like none of this shit 144 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:07,480 Speaker 4: is new to me. But there was still a level 145 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:11,600 Speaker 4: of kind of discretion that you still even with being 146 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,400 Speaker 4: like the yes, I'm the one who's fucking yes, I'm 147 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:14,960 Speaker 4: the one who you know, and I went here and 148 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:17,880 Speaker 4: like I've got this stuff associated with me, but I'm 149 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:21,200 Speaker 4: my whole, free, black ass self. I've always been that way. 150 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,400 Speaker 4: But to be public about all of it, you know 151 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,880 Speaker 4: what I mean, it's just something like I go through Instagram, 152 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 4: I'm just like all these black girl weed you know 153 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:29,840 Speaker 4: what I mean. 154 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:33,120 Speaker 1: It's just like we're selling T shirts. Can I tell 155 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 1: you how fucking lonely it was at Howard Me the 156 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,200 Speaker 1: Bisho smoked weed. Like it wasn't that I was lonely 157 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 1: because I had the other weed smokers but right, But 158 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 1: you had to be so careful. You couldn't just be like, oh, girl, girl, 159 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,720 Speaker 1: I was smoking last week and we were talking about. 160 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:47,600 Speaker 3: You know whatever it was. 161 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 1: Maybe it was a really probably like some deep as shit. 162 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:52,600 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like you had you had to know who 163 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,840 Speaker 4: you could do that, who you could fully be yourself with, 164 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,640 Speaker 4: and you had to be discreet in certain circles. And 165 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,880 Speaker 4: I wasn't super good at doing, you know, being discreet 166 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,320 Speaker 4: And it definitely, you know, change some things for me. 167 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 4: And I'm super happy with everything that I've been able 168 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 4: to do, and I'm happy that I can like be 169 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:12,080 Speaker 4: my fuller self now. As you know, we're all public figures, 170 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,760 Speaker 4: right everybody. If you have a social media account, you 171 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,600 Speaker 4: post pictures of your kids and talk about your life, 172 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:18,760 Speaker 4: you're a public figure of some you know, sirt. But 173 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:21,440 Speaker 4: to be able to like, I'm like, I'm smoking out 174 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,640 Speaker 4: a podcast, so my mom will probably see this, and 175 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:26,560 Speaker 4: I don't her because she's mostly too and we can 176 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,080 Speaker 4: talk about that and everything is so different than it was, 177 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,440 Speaker 4: Like it's anyway you all represent that. Like that's the 178 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:34,120 Speaker 4: thing I think for me what was still missing and 179 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,480 Speaker 4: the thing I've been trying to the work that brought 180 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,040 Speaker 4: me out here is like I've yet to see the 181 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:40,920 Speaker 4: content that connects what's. 182 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,520 Speaker 1: Happening with black millennial women. 183 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 4: Like here's how we move, We smoke, we fucked, we 184 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 4: change our hair up a lot, like you see that 185 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 4: reflected it and secure, you know what I mean, like 186 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:53,800 Speaker 4: not seeking. You see us being boss bitches and trying 187 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:57,240 Speaker 4: to work and create businesses and being creative and having 188 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 4: mental health issues and all these different things. But we're 189 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,440 Speaker 4: still not seeing the connection of that and single motherhood, right, 190 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:03,319 Speaker 4: you know what I mean. 191 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:04,400 Speaker 3: It's like we're still. 192 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 4: When we're talking about momspe typically talking about middle aged 193 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:11,120 Speaker 4: black women, you know, like maybe in their forties, or 194 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,440 Speaker 4: you're talking about super young girls that are in you know, 195 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,600 Speaker 4: a uniquely challenging situation, and there's always some kind of 196 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,720 Speaker 4: deficit model. You know, they're sad, there must be you know, 197 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 4: they want to get back together with this guy, or 198 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,640 Speaker 4: he's just a deadbie, he's not around right right, right, 199 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,080 Speaker 4: like a. 200 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,640 Speaker 1: There's always tragedy, never a full life. I never living 201 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:33,240 Speaker 1: a full life. You're right, it's like a deficit model. 202 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,400 Speaker 1: It's a really good way to say, yeah, single black 203 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,800 Speaker 1: motherhood is presented that way overall I think in society. Yeah, 204 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 1: and I feel so. 205 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:43,040 Speaker 4: I feel like that's my my new you know, purpose 206 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:46,040 Speaker 4: professionally and spiritually in certain ways to. 207 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,200 Speaker 1: Like change that narrative. 208 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 4: And like I hate when people talk, you know, people 209 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 4: always talk about narrativeships, like they say, we need to 210 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:53,680 Speaker 4: change the image of the black father. I'm like, well, 211 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:55,360 Speaker 4: we also need to talk about the black fathers that 212 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:57,120 Speaker 4: aren't doing what they're supposed to do. Like we're not 213 00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,080 Speaker 4: going to short change the women and children that are 214 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:02,320 Speaker 4: impacted by that and make things look better, right right 215 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:03,559 Speaker 4: when it comes. 216 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:05,320 Speaker 1: To say, you have to talk about both. 217 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:06,640 Speaker 3: You can't just focus. 218 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:10,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, you don't solve the problem by just 219 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,000 Speaker 1: putting a band aid over it and only praising the 220 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 1: people that are doing what they're supposed to be doing. 221 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,079 Speaker 1: You know, we have to hold we have to hold 222 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:19,920 Speaker 1: our people accountable too. You know, like even today, like 223 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:24,560 Speaker 1: I was looking on Sean King's Instagram, and you know, 224 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:28,520 Speaker 1: people have been during this quarantine. People like lately, like Atlanta, 225 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:33,800 Speaker 1: there was a whole ass party, like Chicago, Chicago and 226 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 1: Atlanta they had a block party Atlanta. A whole ass 227 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:39,040 Speaker 1: party is called like a thousand, like five hundred people 228 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:43,520 Speaker 1: in a room really, and parties usually have a thousand 229 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:48,400 Speaker 1: people period. I'm right party and no one is someone 230 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,080 Speaker 1: had a mask on, like right here. I was like, 231 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:55,760 Speaker 1: what's the point to right and so? And Sean posted 232 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:58,600 Speaker 1: and was like, but like, my people, what are you doing? 233 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:02,079 Speaker 1: You know what I mean? It's like and I was like, yeah, 234 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 1: what are you doing? We have like we have to 235 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,760 Speaker 1: hold each other accountable too, you know, and and all 236 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:10,520 Speaker 1: in all aspects parenthood just blackness in general, you know. 237 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:14,560 Speaker 1: But well, I'm glad you feel comfortable smoking with us. 238 00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:16,440 Speaker 1: I'm glad you you know you you came and rolled 239 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,240 Speaker 1: up at our little roll up your twenty zoom party 240 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 1: we had, which was really cool. We got to do 241 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:24,120 Speaker 1: that again. I got to get our internets together first, right, 242 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:28,000 Speaker 1: because it was a long struggle. I think everybody's Internet 243 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,319 Speaker 1: to up because we all have how many people are 244 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:34,720 Speaker 1: on it? Yeah, that's true. Yeah. I always tell Erica 245 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:38,199 Speaker 1: that we're like we're leading a revolution. You know, you 246 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,760 Speaker 1: got to rewrite and like how you're see and what's scene. 247 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,720 Speaker 1: So I think, you know, it's super important, even though 248 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,559 Speaker 1: it's kind of scary because you're right, there's all I'm 249 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,239 Speaker 1: always wondering, like am I gonna want to marry a politician? 250 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,400 Speaker 1: And then all my nudes and pot smoking and terrible 251 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,240 Speaker 1: stories are to come to haunt me, you know, Like, 252 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:54,000 Speaker 1: so I'm gonna I don't tweet, but if I could, 253 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,760 Speaker 1: like I'm gonna pull up that time or it's like 254 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,719 Speaker 1: white Pitches. You know she's a racist. 255 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:01,640 Speaker 4: You'll go through and have a delete session for some 256 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,120 Speaker 4: of your old tweets. That's one important thing to do. 257 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,600 Speaker 4: But I'll say again, that little gap in between us. 258 00:12:06,679 --> 00:12:08,480 Speaker 4: So that was me, like and we we all I 259 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:11,840 Speaker 4: think we all had our children around twenty eight, right, yeah, okay, 260 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,600 Speaker 4: So like there was that gap of like, okay, I've 261 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 4: already got the scarlet baby Mama on my chest, you know, 262 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:18,880 Speaker 4: like it's bad enough. 263 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 3: That was the thing I operated from, Like it's bad enough. 264 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:21,959 Speaker 3: I'm already a single mother. 265 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,480 Speaker 4: So I had to make sure I'm one point with 266 00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:25,680 Speaker 4: this and my career shit and how I look. I 267 00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:28,440 Speaker 4: couldn't had to lose the weight right away. I had to, like, 268 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,120 Speaker 4: you know, it's gratifying to go back to reunions and 269 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaker 4: stuff and be like, damn, all these other people have 270 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,040 Speaker 4: put on way and you look better than you didn't score. 271 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,240 Speaker 4: You had a kid, and you know she hasn't. Why 272 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:38,160 Speaker 4: haven't you fallen off? 273 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,960 Speaker 1: I'm like, cause I feel like I couldn't bad and 274 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,960 Speaker 1: that wasn't allowed to all. 275 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:46,160 Speaker 3: I couldn't be like, look what happens, Look what happens? 276 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,880 Speaker 4: You know, and so but I would think, like, yeah, 277 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:50,840 Speaker 4: if I wanted to, I couldn't date somebody who had 278 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:54,680 Speaker 4: political aspirations. I realized that, you know, unless he's fully 279 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:58,439 Speaker 4: prepared to be like, I'm the candidate who's running on fuck, 280 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,880 Speaker 4: what do the fuck you want? Because a woman, because 281 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:03,920 Speaker 4: she was a wild girl, and I'm aware of all 282 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:06,280 Speaker 4: of it, and you can't surprise me. You feel like 283 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:09,400 Speaker 4: aside from that, like they're just certain and not just 284 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,360 Speaker 4: political aspirations. There are men another field, other person industrum 285 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,120 Speaker 4: like would this be the best for you? 286 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 1: Just be the best for me, you know, but realistic, 287 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,360 Speaker 1: it's realistic. But I think even with that, what I've 288 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,679 Speaker 1: come to realize, I'm just how I turned the volume 289 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:23,120 Speaker 1: down on. 290 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 4: Certain things, like there are people who are like you 291 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:27,080 Speaker 4: already know you smoked. We we could have been lighten up, 292 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,120 Speaker 4: And I'm like I would look at me and. 293 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:31,720 Speaker 1: Think I smoked weed. But I guess not everybody. 294 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:35,200 Speaker 4: Grew up around like black bohemian perky folks either. You know, 295 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,880 Speaker 4: we have these little narrow boxes that our pieheads supposed 296 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:42,280 Speaker 4: to look like. She plays the MXMA car right, but 297 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,200 Speaker 4: you don't know how to recognize the shit in the middle, 298 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 4: you know. But anyway, Yeah, you know, like just not 299 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,880 Speaker 4: being fully myself about some of these things. 300 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:53,040 Speaker 3: I'm like, well, I'm thirty five. 301 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:55,560 Speaker 1: I haven't met the politician that I wanted to change 302 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,360 Speaker 1: for that I would want to not have to know 303 00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,600 Speaker 1: those things about yet, you know, like I want the 304 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:03,280 Speaker 1: person who isn't fucking with me, like in spite of 305 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,000 Speaker 1: you know, like it has to be like because of 306 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:09,520 Speaker 1: like right right right as you are all of these things, 307 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:11,640 Speaker 1: all of these things make you you, and I see 308 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:15,160 Speaker 1: that and I love all those parts about you. Yeah, 309 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,520 Speaker 1: including motherhoods. I think that's something I felt like I 310 00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:20,000 Speaker 1: always like And I tell this to everybody. 311 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,440 Speaker 3: I'm sure most women who are in this situation. 312 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,480 Speaker 1: Dude too. As soon as I meet a new person 313 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,400 Speaker 1: and tell them I'm a single mother, I immediately want 314 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 1: to make sure they know that my ex and I 315 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:29,960 Speaker 1: have a great co parenting relationship. 316 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,480 Speaker 3: He's fully active. We've never been to court, you know, 317 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:33,680 Speaker 3: we actually had and then with men. 318 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:35,440 Speaker 4: I always want to emphasize the joint that we have 319 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:39,040 Speaker 4: fifty fifty custody, you know, because one, I want you 320 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,400 Speaker 4: to know that I have time to date. 321 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,880 Speaker 1: Like I don't want you to think that you know 322 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,600 Speaker 1: or that I'm going to be you know that every 323 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,720 Speaker 1: couple of months, Twitter will debate like if you take 324 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,760 Speaker 1: a single mom on or date, should you pay for babysitting. 325 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:51,960 Speaker 1: I'm like, I've never heard literally just had this conversation today, 326 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,240 Speaker 1: like five minutes ago. That's a fascinating I'm dying to 327 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:56,760 Speaker 1: hear with you. I'll think about it because it's such 328 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,440 Speaker 1: a fascinating concept that never I don't think it needs 329 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,960 Speaker 1: to happen all time. It's never happened for me, But 330 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,400 Speaker 1: if it did, I would be I might cry, I 331 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:07,240 Speaker 1: might be like, it's a hell of a gesture. I think, 332 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,720 Speaker 1: hell of a gesture. I mean, I can do it. 333 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,640 Speaker 1: I always figure it out anyway, And half the time 334 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:14,240 Speaker 1: I'm not paying someone to watch her anyway. I never Yeah, 335 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:17,520 Speaker 1: but like just the thought of this, the thought would 336 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,160 Speaker 1: be nice, you know, but like it's also not necessary. 337 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,320 Speaker 1: You know, if you're showing up for me in other 338 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:24,480 Speaker 1: ways that are you know, I don't I can handle that, 339 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 1: but but I understand that too. Is like also the 340 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 1: feeling like you have to explain yourself first too, you know. Yeah, Like, 341 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,320 Speaker 1: and I think, like, don't. 342 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:35,240 Speaker 3: Worry, I have time for you. 343 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:38,320 Speaker 1: Don't worry, like she has a dad, don't worry, like 344 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:42,440 Speaker 1: you know, she's cool. I mean, but obviously like for me, 345 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,920 Speaker 1: my deal, you know, relationship or a person who walks 346 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 1: into my life, it's gonna love my child. You know 347 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,200 Speaker 1: that takes time, but but like it's gonna love my 348 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:52,040 Speaker 1: child like their own. Yeah. And you know, we're reading 349 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,560 Speaker 1: an article that you were that you wrote in or 350 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,280 Speaker 1: you were interviewed in, and you were saying, how like 351 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 1: you because you are you are in a great co 352 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:02,360 Speaker 1: parenting situation, which I think you know these it's not 353 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,040 Speaker 1: always the case. There's are a lot of situations like yours. 354 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 1: I think we just don't over hear those, you know 355 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,400 Speaker 1: what I mean. I have moments of great moment, I 356 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:13,320 Speaker 1: have good moments. You know, I need to actually pick 357 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,120 Speaker 1: your brain and figure out what the what's going on 358 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:20,400 Speaker 1: over here? But but I think, uh, wait, where am 359 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:21,760 Speaker 1: I going? Trump thought just lost. 360 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:26,040 Speaker 2: I think it's it's also important just hearing your perspective 361 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:29,200 Speaker 2: and your experience and co parenting, because that's another narrative, 362 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:33,400 Speaker 2: Like like the term baby mama drama exists because there's 363 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:37,440 Speaker 2: this thought that like baby mamas bring all this drama 364 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,960 Speaker 2: and kids bring all this trauma and cold parenting bringers 365 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:43,000 Speaker 2: all this drama. And that's particularly like in the black community, 366 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,200 Speaker 2: and that's also attached to that stigma that you know, 367 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,760 Speaker 2: like there's so many parts about it that like going 368 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,840 Speaker 2: into single motherhood as a black woman is like doom 369 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:51,880 Speaker 2: Like it's doomed. 370 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:56,600 Speaker 1: Like just like no I have baggage and throwing that 371 00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:59,320 Speaker 1: you enjoy your life, like you spell weird and you 372 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,680 Speaker 1: do all those things like oh my god, she okay, 373 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 1: she can't be okay, there's something going on over there, 374 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:07,159 Speaker 1: Like it's true. You know, recently, have you watched the 375 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,920 Speaker 1: show Black as Fuck? Have you been watching on the show. 376 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:11,520 Speaker 4: I haven't watched. I'm planning to watch it. I'm very cure. 377 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:13,840 Speaker 4: I've read all the reviews. I've talked to a few people. 378 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:15,720 Speaker 4: I like the folks who are involved. 379 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,040 Speaker 1: In making it. 380 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 4: I think I understand the critique, but I've talked to 381 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,679 Speaker 4: folks that are like, the critique is valid and the 382 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:22,480 Speaker 4: show is good, and so that's kind of what I'm 383 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,240 Speaker 4: hoping to experience with Yeah. 384 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:27,000 Speaker 1: I didn't even I just watched it without reading anything 385 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,200 Speaker 1: about it, and I really enjoyed it. But specifically, there's 386 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,960 Speaker 1: this one scene, and it's not going to give anything 387 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,040 Speaker 1: away or whatever, but there's a scene where like he 388 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,360 Speaker 1: does him and his wife they do molly. They haven't 389 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,600 Speaker 1: done Molly in like years. They go to this party. 390 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 1: They're like pumped up, they're excited. They run into their 391 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:46,000 Speaker 1: child at the party. She is possibly has smoked weed, 392 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:47,840 Speaker 1: and they confront each other and they're both high at 393 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:51,640 Speaker 1: a party, right, and it's fucking hilarious. But we've never 394 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,600 Speaker 1: been able to do that and not look like are 395 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:58,800 Speaker 1: they crackets? No? For real? Like it be a negative. 396 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:01,280 Speaker 1: This was actually like white people do this all the time, 397 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,359 Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like they're allowed to do 398 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:07,520 Speaker 1: funny bad have funny bad choice moments, right, whereas a 399 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,320 Speaker 1: lot of our funny bad choice moments are not. 400 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:11,240 Speaker 3: They don't they don't translate that way. 401 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:14,919 Speaker 1: They don't translate them and mind of funny as hell, Right, 402 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:16,560 Speaker 1: That's what we realize too. 403 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:20,840 Speaker 4: Pretty funny and I've been writing them down for years, 404 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,240 Speaker 4: you know, and like I am, so I moved out 405 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,560 Speaker 4: here because I'm writing a pilot script and it's loosely 406 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:32,600 Speaker 4: based on my life, so no, thank you. My friend 407 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:34,680 Speaker 4: called it something funny as fuck last night. I can't 408 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,879 Speaker 4: remember what it was, but but it it would be 409 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,959 Speaker 4: more similar to a Black as Fuck than a Blackish, 410 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:44,320 Speaker 4: if you will, because it's made for grown ups. 411 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:45,879 Speaker 1: It's not one of those We're gonna all watch this 412 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:46,480 Speaker 1: together as a. 413 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:47,199 Speaker 3: Family and. 414 00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:52,719 Speaker 4: A slightly internet famous in the characters. Uh, the Jamila 415 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,840 Speaker 4: character is better she her name is in Jamila, but 416 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:57,160 Speaker 4: she's better known than I am. But you know, having 417 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,920 Speaker 4: this public people paying attention to shits that you're saying 418 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,040 Speaker 4: doing but still not being like fully all the way 419 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,080 Speaker 4: on or having figured out what you want to do professionally. 420 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:07,800 Speaker 4: So it's like, okay, I've got this bit of attention, 421 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:11,640 Speaker 4: I've got some access, so cool shit has happened at 422 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,160 Speaker 4: fans and now what you know, and trying to figure 423 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:17,400 Speaker 4: that out and being you know, first generation college graduate 424 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:21,160 Speaker 4: and dealing with family that does not one hundred percent 425 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:24,840 Speaker 4: understand like what co parenting is because I don't know, 426 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,880 Speaker 4: like if you all have bloomer parents. My dad's been great, 427 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:30,439 Speaker 4: but my mom, like there are times where she's just 428 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,840 Speaker 4: it took a while for her to adjust to how 429 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,040 Speaker 4: much time my daughter spends with her father. 430 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,800 Speaker 1: You know. It was just as if I was like out, 431 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,000 Speaker 1: like you were doing. 432 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,760 Speaker 4: Your job, yeah, my job, you know, and I was like, well, 433 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,080 Speaker 4: he's her dad, you know. And when we shifted to 434 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:47,240 Speaker 4: we finally got to a point where because you know, 435 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:50,639 Speaker 4: she called me and be like, where's the baby, you know, 436 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:52,719 Speaker 4: and I say, oh, she just stepped out. She went 437 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:54,480 Speaker 4: to Bodega to get some new coorts, you know. 438 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,520 Speaker 1: You know the same way when you people at a 439 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,200 Speaker 1: party and be like where's Oh, where's the baby? I'm 440 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:04,240 Speaker 1: onside the road, you know what? That is so true. 441 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,560 Speaker 1: I fucking hate when people I mean, like I get 442 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,560 Speaker 1: it that we're attached, but like duh, Like and I've 443 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:12,359 Speaker 1: had people ask me it away, like yeah, where's the baby, 444 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:16,159 Speaker 1: like as if I'm fucking left her somewhere, Like I 445 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:20,000 Speaker 1: don't know, Actually I don't know, she's somewhere. I mean, 446 00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:22,560 Speaker 1: we're gonna keep her. Were you Like, why are you? 447 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:25,600 Speaker 1: I thought she was with you should she be here. 448 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 1: It's this adult party. I don't know. Yeah, I know, 449 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,000 Speaker 1: it's just well, I think that's just the narrative of 450 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 1: just motherhood in general. I think is that women are 451 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,840 Speaker 1: We're supposed to take on this huge or bigger role 452 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,199 Speaker 1: and that's normal. Yes, no one would act like a 453 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:42,040 Speaker 1: single dad or married dad does not get asked. 454 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:46,840 Speaker 4: That's confirmed. Even though I knew they asked where's the baby? 455 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 4: They may get housed the baby, you know, right. And 456 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,280 Speaker 4: I have people say like when we say that, we're 457 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,040 Speaker 4: really just trying to ask you how she is because 458 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:56,520 Speaker 4: we know how close you want to go. I'm like, 459 00:20:56,560 --> 00:21:00,199 Speaker 4: we'll just say, how is she also walk up to 460 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:01,359 Speaker 4: me why I'm dancing with some nigga? 461 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,400 Speaker 1: I just meant five minutes ago talking about where's the baby? Baby? Right, 462 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:05,919 Speaker 1: Like I didn't even really get there yet. You need 463 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:06,840 Speaker 1: to call the fuck. 464 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:10,320 Speaker 4: Down, right, Yeah, that's the thing, by the way, that's 465 00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:11,720 Speaker 4: the thing that women do intentionally. 466 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,840 Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck. That's just not an accident. 467 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,760 Speaker 4: Like the number of times that I've been out with 468 00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:19,960 Speaker 4: in proximity to a man and they may or may 469 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,879 Speaker 4: not have known my relationship to that man, and the 470 00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:24,040 Speaker 4: how's the baby question just up. 471 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:26,960 Speaker 1: Oh my god, we're naming this school, we're naming this episode, 472 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:31,080 Speaker 1: how's the baby, the baby? Where's the baby? And nine 473 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,600 Speaker 1: times out of tennis usually I mean it doesn't have 474 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 1: to be. 475 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,280 Speaker 3: Actually, I've had of both women that either don't have kids. 476 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,560 Speaker 1: For the most part, or sometimes they didn't even a 477 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,040 Speaker 1: woman who has kids because she's like, well I know 478 00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,120 Speaker 1: when I where's your right? 479 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:43,080 Speaker 3: Or he don't even know that. 480 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,160 Speaker 1: You don't even know from a campaign, so it doesn't matter. 481 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:46,639 Speaker 1: But now he knows I have a kid and I 482 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:51,400 Speaker 1: and also what, Yeah, it does eric the shit out 483 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,520 Speaker 1: of me with the dad death. Yeah, and my mom's 484 00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,760 Speaker 1: trying to do that to me before too, like as 485 00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:57,440 Speaker 1: if I'm. 486 00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:01,119 Speaker 2: Just dropping her off around town, just run the streets, 487 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,040 Speaker 2: Like I don't deserve to have a break too, Like 488 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:04,600 Speaker 2: we didn't go half on this ship. 489 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,359 Speaker 4: Even us being away from our kids is considered a 490 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,080 Speaker 4: break as opposed to like it's your turn, it's their. 491 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:19,320 Speaker 1: Term, right, right, or like they'll call you right, you're 492 00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:21,800 Speaker 1: so right, they'll call you like, oh so and so 493 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,280 Speaker 1: is crying for you. Okay, well it's still your time. 494 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:29,479 Speaker 1: I don't know, Oh my god, yeah, Okay, well, console her, 495 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,440 Speaker 1: call me back, let me know how it's going quick 496 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:34,879 Speaker 1: like this, that's not me I'm going to swoop up 497 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,359 Speaker 1: and pick her up. And sometimes I do because I 498 00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:39,920 Speaker 1: give into that guilt, knowing its manipulation, knowing it's bullshit, 499 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:44,760 Speaker 1: and you know, like it's just you guys that you 500 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:46,800 Speaker 1: have to push past that. I'm telling you, like, I'll 501 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,680 Speaker 1: be That's one thing I didn't have to I haven't 502 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,440 Speaker 1: really had to do with at all. When is that 503 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,720 Speaker 1: when one of us calls the other, like she's crying 504 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:56,040 Speaker 1: for your she's upset. 505 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:57,880 Speaker 4: Or it's like something's going on. I need to bring 506 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,320 Speaker 4: you in, you know. And in fact, we didn't do 507 00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:02,080 Speaker 4: that for a long time. We were kind of siloed 508 00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,800 Speaker 4: and we've become more collaborative. But like, and sometimes there 509 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:05,840 Speaker 4: are moments where. 510 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,000 Speaker 1: One of the one of us needs a break, you know, 511 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,119 Speaker 1: Like typically it's more likely to be me because you know, 512 00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:12,720 Speaker 1: I'm the one who's single. He's married. 513 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,240 Speaker 4: But there been times that he called me, maybe in 514 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:17,320 Speaker 4: the car with her on the way from school, you know, 515 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,040 Speaker 4: and I could tell he was just in his winds 516 00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:22,800 Speaker 4: end and just needed somebody to tap him out. 517 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,560 Speaker 1: And I've done that. You know, the other night she 518 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:26,880 Speaker 1: was complaining about stomachache and she was freaking me out, 519 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,840 Speaker 1: and I was like, does she have coronavirus? Oh? 520 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,600 Speaker 4: Because there was so much, you know, a lot, and 521 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,119 Speaker 4: I was, you know, and I had him speak to 522 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:35,679 Speaker 4: her on the phone for a few minutes and like 523 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,600 Speaker 4: he got to talking and she fell asleep. 524 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:41,000 Speaker 1: It was great, you know, like it's beautiful. It was, 525 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:42,240 Speaker 1: it was beautiful. 526 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:45,439 Speaker 4: But you have to make sure that you're your co 527 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,960 Speaker 4: parent knows like this is a button, this is an 528 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,719 Speaker 4: important button, you know what I mean, when you're tapping 529 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,280 Speaker 4: me in like our kids should know that should notice 530 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:56,480 Speaker 4: that too, Like, oh shit, he called mom. I'm saying 531 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,359 Speaker 4: it can't just be like Mommy said, give me the 532 00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:00,600 Speaker 4: comfort I need. So I'm gonna, you know, make sure 533 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 4: I annoy him enough that he wants to have. 534 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:06,600 Speaker 1: Her do it right. Right, No, it takes time. 535 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 3: We're doing shit that we've never seen people do publicly. 536 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:14,720 Speaker 1: It's true, there's there's usually no guide to co parenting. 537 00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:18,560 Speaker 1: There's no like, no, there's just not and especially because 538 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:21,080 Speaker 1: every situation is so unique too, you know, and like 539 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:23,760 Speaker 1: Jamie and I have like we've been single for what 540 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,400 Speaker 1: two three years and a half. 541 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:26,560 Speaker 3: You've been long single longer than I have. 542 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:28,240 Speaker 1: I've been like almost two and a half years, and 543 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:33,240 Speaker 1: like Coke, parenting has been like a roller coaster, you know, 544 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:39,760 Speaker 1: and reading about your situation it does give me hope also, 545 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,119 Speaker 1: But I also think about too, like the introduction of 546 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,760 Speaker 1: another partner too, Like I've never really introduced a partner 547 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:48,159 Speaker 1: to my daughter. He hasn't introduced a partner, And like 548 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,280 Speaker 1: I think about like your you know, in your situation, 549 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:52,640 Speaker 1: he's remarried. When I was reading an article, you guys 550 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:55,959 Speaker 1: have a great relationship, like, and that's I mean, obviously 551 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:59,479 Speaker 1: that's that's the ideal, you know, but how long did 552 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,160 Speaker 1: it take you to get there? Well, so we had 553 00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:04,280 Speaker 1: a very unique journey. 554 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:06,439 Speaker 4: I think it's unique, not in how it started, but 555 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:10,119 Speaker 4: kind of where it is now. My ex and I 556 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:13,679 Speaker 4: found out that we were pregnant right after we broke up. 557 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,000 Speaker 4: So I took it as a sign from God we're 558 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:19,359 Speaker 4: supposed to get back together. You know, I want to 559 00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:23,240 Speaker 4: get back together. He didn't, and he was like, if 560 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:26,240 Speaker 4: we already get back together, it needs to happen organically, 561 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:27,280 Speaker 4: not because of the baby. 562 00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:29,720 Speaker 3: But I'll take care of the baby. I'll be your friend, 563 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:30,080 Speaker 3: you know. 564 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:33,000 Speaker 4: And so I had this really fucked up pregnancy, and 565 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,960 Speaker 4: during that time, he's in a new long distance relationship 566 00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:40,439 Speaker 4: with somebody he connected with, reconnected with from where he 567 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:43,600 Speaker 4: went to school, and they got engaged while I was pregnant. 568 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,720 Speaker 1: I knew that, you know, he was. 569 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:51,119 Speaker 4: Seeing somebody and I had some girl who, Like, I mean, 570 00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,239 Speaker 4: I need to write this at some point. I've been 571 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:56,359 Speaker 4: waiting for like a till I'm like sixty and married 572 00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:57,560 Speaker 4: on my how you know what I mean, Like I 573 00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:59,399 Speaker 4: didn't want to tell all this stuff, but like I mean, 574 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:01,520 Speaker 4: I've talked about it, you know, the highlights. 575 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:02,720 Speaker 1: Well, like there was a. 576 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:06,960 Speaker 4: Girl who I think who I believe it was. The 577 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,600 Speaker 4: girl had a crush on him, who would like and 578 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:13,600 Speaker 4: they worked together and I knew her casually. She would 579 00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:17,280 Speaker 4: like send me text messages and emails like saying things 580 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,159 Speaker 4: about him and this woman he was dating, like she 581 00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:20,199 Speaker 4: was trying to upset me. 582 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:21,879 Speaker 1: It was some real crazy shit to do to a 583 00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,719 Speaker 1: pregnant woman. Ye right, And I'm gonna telling her. 584 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:27,480 Speaker 4: I'll say, if she happens to be watching, like every 585 00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:30,080 Speaker 4: time I see you, I might still beat your ass. 586 00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:33,000 Speaker 3: I haven't yet, you know, I wouldn't. 587 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:37,760 Speaker 1: Sometimes you gotta send a message like it's weird, like 588 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:43,119 Speaker 1: I knew, and like she so strange like anyway, but 589 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,879 Speaker 1: like that was my pregnancy. You know, I gained like 590 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:47,679 Speaker 1: eighty five pounds. 591 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:48,120 Speaker 3: Like seventy. 592 00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:52,760 Speaker 1: Hey that was hard right on the body. 593 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:56,560 Speaker 4: Shit hard hard, and like I didn't find out, you know, 594 00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,959 Speaker 4: they were engaged until right before my first Mother's Day. 595 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,399 Speaker 4: I have my baby March twenty nine. It was not 596 00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:04,280 Speaker 4: you know, it was not easy, but one thing that 597 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:08,040 Speaker 4: somehow through I cry crying and the arguing and stuff. 598 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:12,600 Speaker 4: We had like our last argument that like right when 599 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:13,919 Speaker 4: I found out he was getting married. 600 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:14,840 Speaker 1: I mean yeah. 601 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,560 Speaker 4: And then there was maybe a one time, like a 602 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:20,840 Speaker 4: month or so after that, he came by and you know, 603 00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:23,040 Speaker 4: he pissed me out because he hadn't been texting me back. 604 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,680 Speaker 4: He had the baby and he was bringing her back 605 00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:26,879 Speaker 4: and he was you know, I was texting and he 606 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,080 Speaker 4: wasn't responding. When he came he finally brought her back, 607 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,440 Speaker 4: he was super chill about like, oh my bad, didn't 608 00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,680 Speaker 4: have my phone in front of me, and I'm just here, 609 00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:38,639 Speaker 4: like I'd let you take my baby knowing that you 610 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:40,359 Speaker 4: were about to, you know, and that was the moment. 611 00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:42,879 Speaker 3: I was like, you know, and I went off one. 612 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:48,000 Speaker 1: Last time, changed any crosswords since then, Like we've just 613 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,959 Speaker 1: we put all our shit to the side, you know, 614 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:52,840 Speaker 1: And I think that's what it happens. Sometimes it's just 615 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:56,280 Speaker 1: a switch. It's the switch, and sometimes it's just like 616 00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:58,520 Speaker 1: I can't, I won't, I won't. 617 00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:01,159 Speaker 4: I was hurt, I was mad, but I'm like, ultimately 618 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:04,880 Speaker 4: one it did make me fall in love with him, 619 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,439 Speaker 4: you know, because the dream was over. I was like, 620 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:11,440 Speaker 4: I don't want this person who did this, and obviously 621 00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,320 Speaker 4: he doesn't want me. So what's the investment in being 622 00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:16,600 Speaker 4: you know, I may be hurt, I may be upset. 623 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:17,480 Speaker 1: I don't have to like you. 624 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,400 Speaker 4: I have to be your friend, But what's the investment 625 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:21,960 Speaker 4: in me being bitchriolic or trying to take it out 626 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:22,159 Speaker 4: on you? 627 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,280 Speaker 1: In some way? I need you. I need you to 628 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:25,040 Speaker 1: be a great dad. 629 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:28,200 Speaker 4: I need you to be you know, in the most 630 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:29,800 Speaker 4: selfish ways, aside. 631 00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:31,680 Speaker 3: From like my daughter needs you. Our daughter needs you, 632 00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:32,359 Speaker 3: Like I. 633 00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:34,199 Speaker 1: Need to have a life, I need to work, I 634 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:36,520 Speaker 1: need to date, you know, I need to know that 635 00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:38,960 Speaker 1: you're going to take care of your financial responsibilities. I've 636 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:43,760 Speaker 1: never felt anything that implied you wouldn't and so antagonizing 637 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:47,840 Speaker 1: you is not. You know, at best, maybe I'll push 638 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:49,480 Speaker 1: you into being one of those fuck boy dads. 639 00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:51,479 Speaker 4: At worst, you might try to take the baby, right, 640 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,200 Speaker 4: you know, like why would excuse me, why'd I do 641 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:55,960 Speaker 4: that to any of us? Like that's not the penalty 642 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,000 Speaker 4: for breaking my heart, right, you know, And I had 643 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:01,000 Speaker 4: some accountability to I'm not going to say this like 644 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:03,000 Speaker 4: I was just perfect and he was just a monster. 645 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,240 Speaker 4: But you know, but ultimately he was on chose to 646 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,360 Speaker 4: not you know, get back together, so like that was 647 00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,440 Speaker 4: his decision and that did break my heart, but like 648 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,280 Speaker 4: I broke his heart in certain ways too, And either way, 649 00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:14,800 Speaker 4: I wasn't going to break my child's heart and I 650 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:18,080 Speaker 4: wasn't going to punish myself because a relationship didn't work out. 651 00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:19,240 Speaker 3: It just, isn't it funny? 652 00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:21,960 Speaker 1: Like it's for me like being able to switch that 653 00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:23,960 Speaker 1: like that narrative in your head, Like what you just 654 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,240 Speaker 1: said is just so important, Like I need you, like 655 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:29,560 Speaker 1: I need you to be able to like support me 656 00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:32,040 Speaker 1: so I can have a life, like you said, and 657 00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,760 Speaker 1: support my kid. And like oftentimes I think parents who 658 00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,600 Speaker 1: are in love and our relationship ends we're expected to 659 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:40,600 Speaker 1: just automatically put this kid first when we've never even 660 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:42,440 Speaker 1: done that. We're still learning how to do that, and 661 00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:45,960 Speaker 1: so it takes a while to untangle your feelings even 662 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:49,680 Speaker 1: though you know they're not healthy for your child, your situation, 663 00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,800 Speaker 1: like we're just automatically supposed to like be like, oh, okay, 664 00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,560 Speaker 1: it's the kid's best interest now, so no, Like, but 665 00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:57,520 Speaker 1: you do get to that point, you know what I mean, 666 00:29:57,600 --> 00:29:58,640 Speaker 1: if you allow yours, you do. 667 00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:00,080 Speaker 3: And sometimes it takes. 668 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:03,080 Speaker 1: That I'm doing something so final, Yeah, because I've had 669 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,200 Speaker 1: I've had a situation in myself and the reason why 670 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:06,720 Speaker 1: me and my ex are not together is because it 671 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:10,080 Speaker 1: was really a final situation, Like there was like I 672 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:14,160 Speaker 1: could no longer respect myself. How I stayed my child 673 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:15,920 Speaker 1: like I was. It was a matter of like would 674 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:17,360 Speaker 1: she what would I you know what I mean, what 675 00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:21,000 Speaker 1: would I tell her? Is like I had to have 676 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:25,040 Speaker 1: some self respect, Loki, because I hadn't been respecting myself, 677 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:28,800 Speaker 1: you know, I had, I had, I hadn't. And sometimes 678 00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:30,480 Speaker 1: it's like it's like it's like an attic to you 679 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:32,640 Speaker 1: got to hate rock Bottom and ship and then you 680 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,719 Speaker 1: start to have these realizations, like you know, what Okay, 681 00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:38,600 Speaker 1: Now I can move forward and I'm already on that. 682 00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:40,480 Speaker 1: We've been on that move forward right now. It's just 683 00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:45,480 Speaker 1: kind of like untangling re learning art, like who we 684 00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:47,360 Speaker 1: are is. We're such different people too, like just the 685 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:50,240 Speaker 1: way we communicate, even outside of love, outside of love, 686 00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,160 Speaker 1: I love him forever, but you know, outside. 687 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:55,240 Speaker 3: Of that type of love, we just and that takes time. 688 00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:57,480 Speaker 1: That takes time. And you said you've only been broken 689 00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:59,640 Speaker 1: up for three years. Yeah, it's been like three years 690 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,160 Speaker 1: and I'm him. I love him dearly. I love him 691 00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:07,320 Speaker 1: so much, and you know he knows me better than anyone, 692 00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:11,560 Speaker 1: you know. But it's like, yeah, it just takes time. 693 00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:13,640 Speaker 1: I think I automatically find I was like, you know what, 694 00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:16,840 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be like Demimore, We're gonna be fine. We're 695 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,440 Speaker 1: just gonna get through this. It's gonna be totally fine. No, 696 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:24,200 Speaker 1: it's not. It's also like about managing your feelings, like 697 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:27,760 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna like I am like I can process 698 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:30,880 Speaker 1: things rationally, but like you said, when your feelings are involved, 699 00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:34,280 Speaker 1: you have to really like say fuck that I'm hurt, 700 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:37,720 Speaker 1: but I can't project that hurt onto my child. You 701 00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:39,520 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, like Eric is really good at that. 702 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,360 Speaker 1: Their cutoff game is strong, you know. But like for me, 703 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,880 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, how could you say this 704 00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:45,160 Speaker 1: to me? 705 00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:46,080 Speaker 3: Fuck you? 706 00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,840 Speaker 2: And then I'm like, fuck, I'm cussing out, cussing around 707 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:51,280 Speaker 2: in front of my kid, and she's saying things that 708 00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:53,320 Speaker 2: I've seen. That's just a part of the reason probably 709 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:56,600 Speaker 2: that I'm I'm in this cycle to begin with, because 710 00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:59,160 Speaker 2: this is my what I've seen how my parents express 711 00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:01,000 Speaker 2: themselves to you know, to eat one another. 712 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:02,720 Speaker 1: And then you know, then. 713 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,160 Speaker 2: I'm like, fucking I'm traumatizing my child and the process. 714 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:09,520 Speaker 2: And of course I know that, but. 715 00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:13,560 Speaker 1: Wait, what do something like that? 716 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:18,000 Speaker 3: Oh what recording the audio that whole time? 717 00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:22,040 Speaker 1: That's okay, it's recording on here, okay, but fuck sorry 718 00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:27,360 Speaker 1: because I hate technology, But when you don't have a 719 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:30,239 Speaker 1: model of what that looks like, managing your feelings and 720 00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:33,720 Speaker 1: managing your hurt for the production of your child. Because 721 00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:36,080 Speaker 1: I've done, you know, I've argued and I've fought and like, 722 00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,680 Speaker 1: and I know that's going to leave some shit, you know, 723 00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:41,440 Speaker 1: and I and I feel guilty about that. But there's also, 724 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,200 Speaker 1: like you said, at the moment, when you're just like 725 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:46,760 Speaker 1: I'm not going to engage anymore. I'm not going to let. 726 00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:54,800 Speaker 4: That ultimately like fucking impact my child in a negative way. Yeah, 727 00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:56,680 Speaker 4: I mean it's and again, I think that's why it's 728 00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:59,680 Speaker 4: so important that we live, you know, if you're gonna 729 00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,560 Speaker 4: live your life in public in any capacity, whether it's 730 00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:05,520 Speaker 4: having a podcast or just you know, folks that are 731 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:09,160 Speaker 4: just simply quote unquote Instagram influencers. 732 00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:10,760 Speaker 3: Or writers or whoever that we. 733 00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:13,000 Speaker 4: Talk about this stuff, you know, because you really they 734 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:15,480 Speaker 4: it's cliche, but you can't see what you can't be. 735 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:17,880 Speaker 4: And I think, I know my situation is you neque 736 00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:20,720 Speaker 4: because I've been a single mother my entire motherhood life. 737 00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:24,440 Speaker 4: So I also had to figure things out a lot 738 00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:26,600 Speaker 4: sooner than most people did or I have. I've had 739 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:29,200 Speaker 4: more time than somebody who has a seven year old 740 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:32,680 Speaker 4: and it has only been a single parent for four years. Right, 741 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:35,200 Speaker 4: But at the same time, it's like, I think we 742 00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:39,320 Speaker 4: just have to show each other, like you know, and 743 00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:41,640 Speaker 4: I have, like don't be like, be super clear. It 744 00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:43,680 Speaker 4: hasn't been an easy ride for me just because it's 745 00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:46,120 Speaker 4: been easy with the act, you know, like I have 746 00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:49,880 Speaker 4: other challenges that made you know, motherhood or single motherhood 747 00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:52,920 Speaker 4: like uniquely difficult for me like every other you know 748 00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:57,600 Speaker 4: mom has. But I think my commitment to creating as 749 00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:01,080 Speaker 4: much peace for us as possible, you know, it's really 750 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,160 Speaker 4: like I think that even if you don't have that 751 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:05,720 Speaker 4: final event, because that can be hard, like any kind 752 00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:07,440 Speaker 4: of breakup, you know, whether there's a child or not. 753 00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:09,960 Speaker 4: If you don't have like a final event, that kind 754 00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:13,040 Speaker 4: of like just makes it that shit is even harder, 755 00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:14,880 Speaker 4: you know, it's harder when it's just kind of like, well, 756 00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:16,640 Speaker 4: we just don't want to do this anymore. I'm just 757 00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:19,360 Speaker 4: not happy anymore, you know, or you're not happy anymore, 758 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:20,640 Speaker 4: and I'm trying to make you happy and I can. 759 00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:22,239 Speaker 3: I just have to figure out how to, you know, 760 00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:23,719 Speaker 3: to part ways with this. 761 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,920 Speaker 4: But like, no matter whether there was a big final event, 762 00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,799 Speaker 4: whether the whole relationship was a series of terrible events, 763 00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,320 Speaker 4: or you know, if you've just had your heart broken 764 00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:36,480 Speaker 4: kind of unexpectedly, just knowing what your motherhood life can 765 00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:39,320 Speaker 4: look like if you get along with that person versus 766 00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:41,400 Speaker 4: if you're constantly at odds with them. So like the 767 00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:45,360 Speaker 4: instant gratification that you might get from that insult or 768 00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:47,879 Speaker 4: that curse out for that he mad now. 769 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:49,680 Speaker 1: Or I did you know? I got them? It's like 770 00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:55,279 Speaker 1: it's nothing compared to being face down, ass up on 771 00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:59,799 Speaker 1: a random Tuesday night, living your life because you know 772 00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:04,040 Speaker 1: that your child is safely with their other parents, right, 773 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:06,080 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, and knowing you can do 774 00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:08,920 Speaker 1: that as often as you you know, you can do 775 00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:11,160 Speaker 1: that every Tuesday. That can just be part of your schedule, 776 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,040 Speaker 1: or you can be gone for a week, or you 777 00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:14,840 Speaker 1: could say I'm taking the baby for ten days and 778 00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:17,120 Speaker 1: we're not fighting, because that's taking away some of your 779 00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:20,080 Speaker 1: days because we have a good thing going, you know, right. 780 00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:24,080 Speaker 1: I think it's also trusting the other person too, though, 781 00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:29,279 Speaker 1: like are you bathing her and she brushed her tea? 782 00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:31,880 Speaker 1: And sometimes that partner will take the baby. But that 783 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:36,040 Speaker 1: doesn't mean your stress is just relieved, you know. But 784 00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:37,840 Speaker 1: there comes a part of that too, Like you have 785 00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:38,600 Speaker 1: to release some of it. 786 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:41,240 Speaker 2: I mean, obviously it depends on your situation as the person, 787 00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,560 Speaker 2: how much you trust them, but you have to relinquish 788 00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:46,719 Speaker 2: some of that power so that like my biggest thing 789 00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,160 Speaker 2: is like you're gonna learn today, you know what I mean. 790 00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:52,320 Speaker 1: People are always like I take little Jojo Monday through Friday, 791 00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:53,840 Speaker 1: and the dad gets in every other weekend. 792 00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:58,319 Speaker 2: No, bro, figure it the fuck out. And it like, well, 793 00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,400 Speaker 2: we may have to have these coaching sessions. I'm like, 794 00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:02,279 Speaker 2: this is important. Are you doing this? Is she on 795 00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,480 Speaker 2: fucking YouTube all day? Is she brought you movies all day? 796 00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:07,399 Speaker 1: What did you do today? I'm going to practice with you? 797 00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:10,640 Speaker 1: But that does not like like is she eating vegetables? 798 00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:13,719 Speaker 1: Like it doesn't excuse your like me getting her eighty 799 00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:15,880 Speaker 1: percent of the time. And now I don't feel guilty 800 00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:18,200 Speaker 1: about that. I felt like even from the beginning, from 801 00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:21,800 Speaker 1: like birth, here, do skin to skin. Here take that baby, 802 00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:24,120 Speaker 1: here's some bottles. Because this I want you to know, 803 00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:27,040 Speaker 1: this is a joint situation. And as much as I 804 00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:29,920 Speaker 1: don't like you as a person, like, I love you 805 00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:32,960 Speaker 1: and we made this child together. And at the very 806 00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:37,400 Speaker 1: least I trust that you're going to be a good dad. 807 00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:40,480 Speaker 1: You know, you have to have that or else you'll 808 00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:43,200 Speaker 1: imprison yourself. 809 00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:46,360 Speaker 2: You want be doing shit just because you won't relinquish 810 00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:47,160 Speaker 2: a little bit of power. 811 00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:50,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think it also just the way. 812 00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:53,640 Speaker 4: At eighty twenty situation, and that's not you know, there 813 00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:56,280 Speaker 4: are some families where that make sense. Maybe one parent 814 00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:58,680 Speaker 4: lives in a good school district and the other one doesn't. 815 00:36:58,760 --> 00:36:59,839 Speaker 1: So it's like we. 816 00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:01,680 Speaker 3: Can only do a weekend, you know what I mean, 817 00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:03,200 Speaker 3: Like maybe one parent. 818 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:04,960 Speaker 4: Works a certain job. That's the only way you all 819 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,760 Speaker 4: can make it work. That's different. But like for families 820 00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:09,800 Speaker 4: where it's like, no, we could have even if you 821 00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:12,120 Speaker 4: don't do fifty fifty, maybe we're seventy thirty. Maybe it's 822 00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:15,040 Speaker 4: sixty forty, you know what I'm saying, Like if there 823 00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,840 Speaker 4: were a more equitable division of that time, just consider 824 00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:19,440 Speaker 4: like if the only time I see you is on 825 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:22,760 Speaker 4: the weekends, we're going to do some fun. We're probably 826 00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:24,879 Speaker 4: gonna do some fun shit, you know what I mean, 827 00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:26,799 Speaker 4: Like unless you're just gonna make me sit around the house. 828 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:28,520 Speaker 4: So like maybe we're going to the movies, maybe we're 829 00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:30,359 Speaker 4: going to the park, maybe you're taking me to buy 830 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:30,719 Speaker 4: a toy. 831 00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:31,240 Speaker 1: Whatever. 832 00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,640 Speaker 4: It is, Like that's different than my mama who has 833 00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:35,680 Speaker 4: to give me up for six school is six in 834 00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:38,080 Speaker 4: the morning, who's yelling at me about my homework. 835 00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:41,160 Speaker 1: So you become Disney dad, right right? You know, like 836 00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:43,279 Speaker 1: that's not fair. You gotta deal with someone, you know, 837 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:46,000 Speaker 1: Dads need to see you when you're not cute and 838 00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:48,520 Speaker 1: adorable and just showed up with two little pigtails ready 839 00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:50,839 Speaker 1: for a fight. Yeah. Day to day shit, you need 840 00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:53,160 Speaker 1: to know what that entails. Because this is also your child. 841 00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:56,879 Speaker 1: You need being part of that process. Absolutely. That's why 842 00:37:56,880 --> 00:38:02,479 Speaker 1: I recommend my co parenting schedule. She has a full 843 00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:05,400 Speaker 1: proof cold parenting schedule. My name is Nila, and this 844 00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:08,839 Speaker 1: is my co parenting schedule. Okay, Monday and Tuesday one 845 00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:12,239 Speaker 1: parent has them, and then Wednesday and Thursday the other one, 846 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:14,640 Speaker 1: and then Friday, Saturday, Sunday the other one, and then 847 00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:16,920 Speaker 1: you alternate, so each person gets a three day weekend. 848 00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:20,000 Speaker 1: You each get it during every other week at flip flops, 849 00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:21,040 Speaker 1: so it's equal. 850 00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:23,120 Speaker 2: Sometimes you have them most week. Sometimes they only have 851 00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:24,920 Speaker 2: them two days. But guess what, it's still equal. 852 00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:27,839 Speaker 1: That's pretty similar to ours. That is the good one. 853 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:31,799 Speaker 4: The only difference is that usually I try to have 854 00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:33,840 Speaker 4: at least one weekend day, you know what I mean, 855 00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:36,759 Speaker 4: like I did to myself. I mean I think now 856 00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:38,279 Speaker 4: it would be a lot like actually, that's what we're 857 00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:41,279 Speaker 4: doing this coming week, is you will schedule. But like 858 00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:42,160 Speaker 4: I like that. 859 00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:43,919 Speaker 1: That's how we do things too, Like I usually need 860 00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:46,520 Speaker 1: Like it used to be, she was with dad. 861 00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:50,920 Speaker 4: When she was a baby, it was Thursdays and Saturdays 862 00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:54,120 Speaker 4: and then an additional day as needed. So like Thursday 863 00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:57,280 Speaker 4: was usually like after work or whatever, and then Saturday 864 00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:59,600 Speaker 4: could be Saturday morning, you know, and then he'd have 865 00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:01,960 Speaker 4: her most the weekend. It could be Saturday evening and 866 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:03,879 Speaker 4: next Sunday, you know what I mean. Like we had 867 00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:07,279 Speaker 4: some flexibility around it. But like now it's yeah, like 868 00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:11,359 Speaker 4: she's she comes back tomorrow and then she leaves again 869 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:12,080 Speaker 4: on Thursday. 870 00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:15,759 Speaker 1: I think she comes back on I don't know, but well, 871 00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,000 Speaker 1: I like your schedule every two or three days. Rotating 872 00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,400 Speaker 1: is great, yeah, because then it goes both ways. 873 00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:22,000 Speaker 3: How I know? 874 00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:25,600 Speaker 1: You guys decided me. I'm sorry, I daughter, my daughter 875 00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:27,960 Speaker 1: goes to the piano class. Pause for one second so 876 00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:29,480 Speaker 1: I can just put my phone over there for her. 877 00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:33,399 Speaker 1: Yeah I can't, okay, yeah, do you mind? Sorry? Sorry, 878 00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:34,439 Speaker 1: it's okay. 879 00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:36,560 Speaker 3: What does your daughter do piano class? 880 00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:38,960 Speaker 1: On my phone? Zoom? I need to go set her 881 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,880 Speaker 1: up really fast, so I lotted to watch that zoom. 882 00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:45,360 Speaker 1: She needs to learn piano by way, if iris zoom class. 883 00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:04,720 Speaker 1: Sorry about that, you guys. My daughter has a handle class. 884 00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:07,120 Speaker 1: It's the only like motherly thing I'm probably going to 885 00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:10,799 Speaker 1: do this week as far as education does. So I'm 886 00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:16,839 Speaker 1: basically at summer break. So summer, guys, it is, it's 887 00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:18,799 Speaker 1: already summer break. So this is her lesson of the day. 888 00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:22,840 Speaker 1: It's very important that she does it. 889 00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:27,760 Speaker 3: But so anyway, we know we're talking about coherent. 890 00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:32,480 Speaker 1: So you you actually moved across the country with your 891 00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:35,040 Speaker 1: daughter's father right to kind of move here together. 892 00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:38,279 Speaker 4: Yeah, we were all living in Brooklyn and that's that. 893 00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:41,279 Speaker 4: I've been there for twelve years. I think he'd been 894 00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:45,200 Speaker 4: there for ten, and his wife had been there our 895 00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:50,840 Speaker 4: daughter's whole life. So everybody was kind of tired of it. 896 00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:53,640 Speaker 3: I love Brooklyn. I missed it terribly. 897 00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:56,719 Speaker 4: I feel awful watching what's going on, you know, right 898 00:40:56,760 --> 00:41:00,640 Speaker 4: now there, especially, But I've I felt like I just 899 00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:05,000 Speaker 4: done kind of stagnant creatively. I've been, like I said, 900 00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:07,520 Speaker 4: worked in corporate media and a full time capacity for 901 00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:11,799 Speaker 4: like seven years, and then I got an opportunity to 902 00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:14,040 Speaker 4: leave and decided that I was going to be full 903 00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:18,040 Speaker 4: time freelance and do consulting. So I've done like communications strategy, 904 00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:21,239 Speaker 4: I've worked for a local campaign, I've worked for a nonprofit, 905 00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:25,480 Speaker 4: and I have a column and a podcast with Slate 906 00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:30,719 Speaker 4: where I do parenting, and I've written some articles, and 907 00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:34,040 Speaker 4: you know, I've done panels and speaking engagements here and there. 908 00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:35,320 Speaker 4: But I really didn't want to be changed to on 909 00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:37,799 Speaker 4: an office again. And part of that is because I 910 00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:40,719 Speaker 4: felt like the better my job got on paper, the 911 00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:43,080 Speaker 4: less I created, you know, Like I never wanted to 912 00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:43,760 Speaker 4: be an executive. 913 00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:45,320 Speaker 1: I always wanted to be a content creator. 914 00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:47,080 Speaker 4: I'm sure I want to be a well paid one, 915 00:41:47,239 --> 00:41:49,360 Speaker 4: you know, or a successful one, but I wanted to 916 00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:51,600 Speaker 4: do meaningful work and I wanted to create, and so 917 00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:54,399 Speaker 4: I needed to get back to that. And I'd had 918 00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:57,120 Speaker 4: this idea to write a feature length film that was 919 00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:01,080 Speaker 4: loosely based on my experiences in cop guaranteeing and dating 920 00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:04,000 Speaker 4: and working and balancing all these things at once. And 921 00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:06,440 Speaker 4: through a series of conversations with folks who work in 922 00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:09,040 Speaker 4: the industry, you know, the feedback I got was like, 923 00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:11,320 Speaker 4: that's not a movie, that's a series. You know, you 924 00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:13,640 Speaker 4: should write that. And so I've been working on a 925 00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:16,080 Speaker 4: pilot script for a couple of years. It's a thing 926 00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:18,239 Speaker 4: that takes a lot of nurturing and a lot of 927 00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:23,319 Speaker 4: you know, revisions and reviews and rejections before, you know, 928 00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:27,640 Speaker 4: if I'm blessed to see it coming to fruition, it would. 929 00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:30,880 Speaker 4: And we've been, you know, my co parents and I 930 00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:33,120 Speaker 4: have been talking about, like, yo, if you want to 931 00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:35,080 Speaker 4: leave New York, where might you go? And we threw 932 00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:38,279 Speaker 4: a few places out there, and I had kind of 933 00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:42,400 Speaker 4: decided that I really wanted to pursue television writing, and 934 00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:44,759 Speaker 4: so I suggested Oakland, thinking it would be like a 935 00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:47,000 Speaker 4: good compromise because I didn't necessarily know they would go 936 00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:50,480 Speaker 4: for LA. And my daughter's stepmom, you know, came back 937 00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:52,000 Speaker 4: to me and she was like, well, you know, I've 938 00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:55,360 Speaker 4: been crunching some numbers, and I think LA would actually 939 00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:57,440 Speaker 4: be a bit more affordable and will kind of offer 940 00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:00,200 Speaker 4: what we're looking for, and that Oapen would be so 941 00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:03,080 Speaker 4: much more like you know what I mean, Like I'd 942 00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,600 Speaker 4: be like going to Brooklyn on the West Coast, coming 943 00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:07,640 Speaker 4: up against some of the same issues and things that 944 00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:08,520 Speaker 4: were just tired of. 945 00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:11,520 Speaker 1: So let's go out to LA and have. 946 00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:14,319 Speaker 4: Some beaches and some air and some you know, some 947 00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:16,359 Speaker 4: some terrible air, but air that you can at least 948 00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:21,000 Speaker 4: go outside right now, you know, But it's sixty degree 949 00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:25,920 Speaker 4: air in January as opposed to you know, negative twenty, 950 00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:27,040 Speaker 4: and so we did. 951 00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:27,880 Speaker 1: A joint relocation. 952 00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:30,440 Speaker 3: They came in October of last year. I'm sorry, they 953 00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:33,080 Speaker 3: came in July of last year, and. 954 00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:39,440 Speaker 4: I was back and forth between then and uh October, 955 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:42,560 Speaker 4: and I got here for good. And we live about 956 00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:44,680 Speaker 4: ten minutes away from each other. We each live about 957 00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:46,520 Speaker 4: fifteen minutes from our daughter's school. 958 00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:49,280 Speaker 3: And it's worked out amazing, amazing. 959 00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:51,200 Speaker 1: I wished to be like you one day. How is 960 00:43:51,239 --> 00:43:54,839 Speaker 1: your daughter's transition for coming from, you know, leaving New York. 961 00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:57,440 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure she had her friends from school, 962 00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:59,279 Speaker 1: and that's something we don't really talked about. It's like 963 00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:02,600 Speaker 1: relocated with the child child, like, especially when that's able 964 00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:05,120 Speaker 1: to express themself. And I feel like New York New 965 00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:08,920 Speaker 1: York kids are different than LA kids. You know, what's 966 00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:15,759 Speaker 1: your daughter's name name is very much a New York 967 00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:19,120 Speaker 1: girl and she'll tell you that the heartbeat. And she's 968 00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:22,840 Speaker 1: also she's got a lot of LA kids in her already, 969 00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:27,640 Speaker 1: Like she's a she's a free spirit and she's very creative. 970 00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:31,120 Speaker 1: But it's been an adjustment, you know, like there been 971 00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,400 Speaker 1: she's cried, you know, there been times where she just 972 00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:35,520 Speaker 1: really missed her friends, and at one point she would 973 00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:37,880 Speaker 1: pretend like she didn't remember something like if you mentioned 974 00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:41,040 Speaker 1: a restaurant or a street, She's like, I don't remember that. 975 00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:42,719 Speaker 4: And it took me a minute to figure out what 976 00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:44,480 Speaker 4: she was doing. I was like, are you pretending like 977 00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:46,839 Speaker 4: you don't remember things about Brooklyn because you missed it 978 00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:47,279 Speaker 4: so much? 979 00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:49,240 Speaker 3: And she said yeah. 980 00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:51,680 Speaker 4: And so we've done some FaceTime calls with a couple 981 00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:55,520 Speaker 4: of her besties, particularly since the quarantine life started, and 982 00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:58,640 Speaker 4: that's been really good, I think for her spirit. 983 00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:00,279 Speaker 1: But she misses it, but it's been a been the 984 00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:01,920 Speaker 1: most part of good transition, you know. 985 00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:03,680 Speaker 4: I mean, I think anyway when you're going from like 986 00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:06,279 Speaker 4: we can be outside a lot, So we can't be 987 00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:08,719 Speaker 4: outside just because it's called I can't even me. 988 00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:11,480 Speaker 3: My heart goes out to every parent in New York 989 00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:13,200 Speaker 3: right now because. 990 00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:16,520 Speaker 1: All over the United States, because shit, I mean, La, 991 00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:22,480 Speaker 1: we have some special, we have some special. It's definitely different. 992 00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:24,480 Speaker 1: You know. 993 00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:26,200 Speaker 2: I like that you talk about that because I have 994 00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:27,840 Speaker 2: been I've been one of my best friends. 995 00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:28,839 Speaker 1: She moves around a lot. 996 00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:31,359 Speaker 2: She's a single mom, she has three daughters, and she's 997 00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:33,080 Speaker 2: like I've known her live in like four states in 998 00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:37,520 Speaker 2: the last ten years, like Brooklyn, Atlanta, Hawaii, Northern California, 999 00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:39,160 Speaker 2: and you know, like I see a lot of moms 1000 00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:43,279 Speaker 2: not move, not say oh, you know, like you know, 1001 00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:45,000 Speaker 2: when you're single, it's much easier to be like, fuck it, 1002 00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:47,200 Speaker 2: I'm packing up, I'm leaving. But when you have kids, 1003 00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:48,920 Speaker 2: a lot of times people like make the decision to 1004 00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:50,640 Speaker 2: just stay put. And sometimes you don't have a cold 1005 00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:53,520 Speaker 2: parenting situation that allows that, you know, and like, which 1006 00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:56,120 Speaker 2: is even crazier to think that you're like having to choose, 1007 00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:59,440 Speaker 2: you know, relocating versus time with your kids. But that's 1008 00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:02,040 Speaker 2: why I think, you know, I'd like to hear those 1009 00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:05,160 Speaker 2: stories because I know single moms that do it, and 1010 00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:07,799 Speaker 2: you know, and how much that's important to have the 1011 00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:09,759 Speaker 2: courage and to hear those stories to do that, to 1012 00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:11,239 Speaker 2: do what you gotta do and want to do too 1013 00:46:11,320 --> 00:46:12,200 Speaker 2: still live your life. 1014 00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:14,560 Speaker 4: Yeah, I definitely felt trapped, you know, as much as 1015 00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:16,000 Speaker 4: I love New York and I'm the one who, like, 1016 00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:20,120 Speaker 4: until coronavirus, I was going back every month at least 1017 00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:22,080 Speaker 4: once or twice, you know, and that was what I wanted, 1018 00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:24,160 Speaker 4: Like I wanted to be as bi coosal as possible. 1019 00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:27,800 Speaker 4: But like I and until you know, it took a 1020 00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:29,600 Speaker 4: few years for me to get comfortable enough with where 1021 00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:32,080 Speaker 4: we were to like have that conversation because I didn't 1022 00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:33,640 Speaker 4: know that, you know, I was always afraid that they 1023 00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:35,840 Speaker 4: would want to move. We're both my ex men from Chicago. 1024 00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,239 Speaker 4: His wife is from Saint Louis. So I feared, because 1025 00:46:38,239 --> 00:46:39,719 Speaker 4: we weren't talking about it, that they would want to 1026 00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:40,120 Speaker 4: move back. 1027 00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:42,200 Speaker 1: To the Midwest. I love the Midwest. I have no 1028 00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:45,120 Speaker 1: interest in moving back then, you know, like not right now, 1029 00:46:45,239 --> 00:46:47,360 Speaker 1: not at any time, you know, in the foreseeable future, 1030 00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:49,360 Speaker 1: and so like, but I was just kind of walking 1031 00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:51,399 Speaker 1: around afraid that they were going to want to move there. 1032 00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:53,799 Speaker 1: And they actually he said, you know, my ex sed 1033 00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:55,560 Speaker 1: I kind of thought LA would be on your you know, 1034 00:46:55,560 --> 00:46:57,120 Speaker 1: I was surprised it took you as long to bring 1035 00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:58,520 Speaker 1: it up as it did. You know, like I just 1036 00:46:58,600 --> 00:46:59,840 Speaker 1: kind of figured that was something you were going to 1037 00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:00,279 Speaker 1: want to do. 1038 00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:03,319 Speaker 4: So I think if we just part of the reason 1039 00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:05,840 Speaker 4: it's important to build that kind of relationship is so 1040 00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:07,799 Speaker 4: you can talk about these things and it may be 1041 00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:09,839 Speaker 4: that like we can't work this out, you know, like 1042 00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:12,360 Speaker 4: we have to stay or someone has to go and 1043 00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:15,160 Speaker 4: do summers, you know, which is what some families do. 1044 00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:18,640 Speaker 4: But but I think we have to just try to 1045 00:47:18,680 --> 00:47:20,719 Speaker 4: keep the lines of conversation open up so we can 1046 00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:23,680 Speaker 4: at least like explore, as opposed to feeling like I 1047 00:47:23,719 --> 00:47:25,600 Speaker 4: can't do this, I can't do that, I can't switch 1048 00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:28,279 Speaker 4: up our schedule, I can't move, you know, because he's 1049 00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:30,680 Speaker 4: not gonna like it, Like you know less about this 1050 00:47:30,719 --> 00:47:32,480 Speaker 4: person than he used to, you know what I mean, 1051 00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:34,279 Speaker 4: Like some of the assumptions you make, like when he 1052 00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:36,399 Speaker 4: was in a relationship with you, he might have been 1053 00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:38,920 Speaker 4: more you know, less willing to. 1054 00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:41,160 Speaker 1: Concede or more willing to concede than he is now. 1055 00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:42,880 Speaker 1: I think I think everyone's a little bit different in 1056 00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:46,480 Speaker 1: every relationship that they're in, you know what I mean. So, 1057 00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:51,800 Speaker 1: but so you've been single. Obviously you started your journey 1058 00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:55,680 Speaker 1: into motherhood basically as a single mother. How I mean 1059 00:47:55,719 --> 00:47:58,400 Speaker 1: your father along in the single I don't know if 1060 00:47:58,400 --> 00:48:01,239 Speaker 1: you've had relationships throughout your journie or what, But like, 1061 00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:03,719 Speaker 1: what is it like dating as a single mom for you? 1062 00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:08,560 Speaker 1: Because for me, it's you know, its ties, but they're 1063 00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:11,640 Speaker 1: mostly just very plea It's just you know, we're coasting 1064 00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:17,480 Speaker 1: along Coast Hosting. Yeah, we are coasting. I think coasting 1065 00:48:17,600 --> 00:48:19,680 Speaker 1: is a very good way to put it. They've been 1066 00:48:19,800 --> 00:48:23,120 Speaker 1: highst for sure, there's been some lows, but the lows 1067 00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:25,320 Speaker 1: haven't been long because I feel like once you've broken 1068 00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:28,359 Speaker 1: up with the parents, like of your child, there's nothing 1069 00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:31,160 Speaker 1: that low. 1070 00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:32,560 Speaker 3: Like I can handle it. 1071 00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:35,759 Speaker 1: Like that hurt for like two weeks. Right now, I'm 1072 00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:37,040 Speaker 1: opposed to you. 1073 00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:39,600 Speaker 4: Gotta really break you, gotta really do some foul ship 1074 00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:41,560 Speaker 4: to me. I hate to say that, but my threshold 1075 00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:45,640 Speaker 4: is very high. It's high, it's high, but my bullshit 1076 00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:49,240 Speaker 4: threshold is low. I'm going to cut it off before 1077 00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:51,640 Speaker 4: you get there. But what it's going to take to 1078 00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:54,600 Speaker 4: really upset me is like there's a pretty. 1079 00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:55,600 Speaker 1: You know, some big. 1080 00:48:57,520 --> 00:49:00,560 Speaker 3: But it's been interesting. Like I have boyfriend. 1081 00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:02,479 Speaker 4: I guess somewhere square in the middle when I say 1082 00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:07,240 Speaker 4: we started dating in twenty sixteen, and like we broke 1083 00:49:07,320 --> 00:49:10,440 Speaker 4: up early twenty eighteen, Like, and we were exclusive for 1084 00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:13,400 Speaker 4: a good portion of that. We were long distance. He 1085 00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:17,720 Speaker 4: was significantly younger, wonderful guy. You know, we're still cool. 1086 00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:22,400 Speaker 1: Like you and me are the same person, very literally, 1087 00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:25,560 Speaker 1: you and Mela are the same person. I wasn't I 1088 00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:31,160 Speaker 1: was like, wait, wait, yeah, but yeah, but he was 1089 00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:32,399 Speaker 1: like the first serious voice. 1090 00:49:32,480 --> 00:49:34,880 Speaker 4: I guess I have my daugh In twenty thirteen, I started, 1091 00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:38,040 Speaker 4: you know, messing around again a little bit, I mean 1092 00:49:38,080 --> 00:49:40,680 Speaker 4: before the end of twenty thirteen, but like I think 1093 00:49:40,719 --> 00:49:43,160 Speaker 4: I started dating for real, like twenty fourteen, you know, 1094 00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:45,560 Speaker 4: like really was once she was a year old, and 1095 00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:48,120 Speaker 4: I was like, Okay, you know, I don't feel super 1096 00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:50,520 Speaker 4: crazy like trying to actively. Like I had sex a 1097 00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:53,560 Speaker 4: couple of times, but I wasn't really like dating, you know. 1098 00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:58,040 Speaker 4: When I started dating and got the apps definitely were 1099 00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:01,080 Speaker 4: helpful or have been helpful. I was hesitant at first 1100 00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:02,960 Speaker 4: because like I just remember, like back in the day, 1101 00:50:03,120 --> 00:50:05,400 Speaker 4: it just seemed like they were for like old people. 1102 00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:08,440 Speaker 1: I was just saying ugly or older. It was their old, 1103 00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:11,680 Speaker 1: strange white people. Now it's like it's so normal for 1104 00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:13,720 Speaker 1: everybody's they marketed. 1105 00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:14,640 Speaker 3: It's all about marketing. 1106 00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:16,160 Speaker 1: They marketed as this cool thing. 1107 00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:17,000 Speaker 3: It's essentially the. 1108 00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:20,040 Speaker 1: Same motherfucking thing, the same thing, you know, but it 1109 00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:22,520 Speaker 1: also it represents our lifestyles, you know what I mean. 1110 00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:25,839 Speaker 1: I think now we've all been on pop tart, right, 1111 00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:28,279 Speaker 1: That's why that's why it's good but also it can 1112 00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:30,719 Speaker 1: be it cannot can there's I feel like it's a 1113 00:50:30,719 --> 00:50:34,839 Speaker 1: double edged short because people are constantly swiping. 1114 00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:37,840 Speaker 4: I want to tell you how Yes, I totally agree 1115 00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:40,920 Speaker 4: with that. I think that like the availability of options, 1116 00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:43,560 Speaker 4: particularly for the men, because they we are numbered them, 1117 00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:45,799 Speaker 4: so the more options they have, the harder it is 1118 00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:48,560 Speaker 4: for us, you know, either because they just have. 1119 00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:50,960 Speaker 1: Too many good options or they just feel like they 1120 00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:54,480 Speaker 1: need to interchange a lot of options as opposed to 1121 00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:55,640 Speaker 1: being like I really like this girl. 1122 00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:57,080 Speaker 3: Why can't I just like her? Why do I have 1123 00:50:57,120 --> 00:50:59,160 Speaker 3: to think about the possibility that there's. 1124 00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:02,680 Speaker 1: Somebody better and we do that? 1125 00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:04,719 Speaker 4: I was going to say, And I'm definitely I don't 1126 00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:07,760 Speaker 4: always do it, but like it's rare that I don't 1127 00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:11,000 Speaker 4: stop in the middle of being excited and wonder but whatever. 1128 00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:18,480 Speaker 1: I got God here, So what else could I manifested? 1129 00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:22,080 Speaker 4: But like it's terrible, But like at the same time, 1130 00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:28,080 Speaker 4: I think also I just talk like how quarantine dating 1131 00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:30,320 Speaker 4: has changed, like this white thing was already kind of 1132 00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:32,399 Speaker 4: like yeah, it's too easy. But at the same time, 1133 00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:34,440 Speaker 4: when you're busy, especially like I have a kid, so 1134 00:51:34,480 --> 00:51:37,000 Speaker 4: it's like you get it. I have time to go 1135 00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:40,080 Speaker 4: out I don't necessarily always have time to go out 1136 00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:42,479 Speaker 4: and meet someone, and then my. 1137 00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:44,319 Speaker 1: Next social activity is hanging out with them. 1138 00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:46,000 Speaker 4: Like sometimes they need to cut to the chase because 1139 00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:47,120 Speaker 4: I just want to go out and do shit with 1140 00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:47,680 Speaker 4: my friends. 1141 00:51:47,680 --> 00:51:49,520 Speaker 3: Like I don't want to be out trying to meet men. 1142 00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:53,400 Speaker 1: You know what I mean. I'm out here, that's crazy. Yeah, 1143 00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:53,759 Speaker 1: And I. 1144 00:51:53,719 --> 00:51:56,200 Speaker 3: Want to assure that I do meet men, you know 1145 00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:56,920 Speaker 3: what I mean, And that. 1146 00:51:56,960 --> 00:51:59,440 Speaker 1: I meet men I'm actually interested in or attracted to, 1147 00:51:59,760 --> 00:52:02,239 Speaker 1: you know, like and it's and and and being in 1148 00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:04,560 Speaker 1: a new city. You know what I mean, right, I 1149 00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:06,760 Speaker 1: mean you are You're new out here, girl, you fresh 1150 00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:10,239 Speaker 1: fresh fresh friends in New York. I'm like, we all 1151 00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:14,680 Speaker 1: ran through random ran though we know each other apps 1152 00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:15,959 Speaker 1: and then like the I had. 1153 00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:17,840 Speaker 4: Been in New York and single for so long that 1154 00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:19,960 Speaker 4: apps were helpful because it helped me find men I 1155 00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:21,040 Speaker 4: didn't know or recognize. 1156 00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:22,719 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I feel like I feel like dating 1157 00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:24,520 Speaker 1: in New York on the apps is bad. I did not, 1158 00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:27,680 Speaker 1: like I know when I wait, I'm New York all 1159 00:52:27,719 --> 00:52:29,319 Speaker 1: the time too, and so I'd be on there every 1160 00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:32,319 Speaker 1: time I went. I was like or like, no one 1161 00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:36,600 Speaker 1: wants to Actually, I don't know. Yeah, I'm like, do 1162 00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:38,879 Speaker 1: you want to hang out in New York right now? 1163 00:52:40,040 --> 00:52:42,520 Speaker 4: It's weird, it's weird, it's a mixture, it's a lot 1164 00:52:42,520 --> 00:52:44,279 Speaker 4: of that. But then there's some days I've had some 1165 00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:47,440 Speaker 4: decent guys on there. I've definitely made some good friends. 1166 00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:48,880 Speaker 1: On me too. I have actually I have a friend 1167 00:52:48,920 --> 00:52:51,120 Speaker 1: that lives in New York, like I met on Hinge too. 1168 00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:55,439 Speaker 1: But but now but now, like I have my first 1169 00:52:55,520 --> 00:52:56,719 Speaker 1: virtual date. Last night. 1170 00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:02,799 Speaker 3: It was cool, I guess, like I mean, it. 1171 00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:06,120 Speaker 1: Wasn't like anything like how everyone painted these virtual dates going. 1172 00:53:06,120 --> 00:53:10,000 Speaker 1: He did not offer me Postmates, He did not send 1173 00:53:10,040 --> 00:53:13,680 Speaker 1: me a bottle of wine. I haven't had anything. It 1174 00:53:13,719 --> 00:53:15,520 Speaker 1: was just a good old face time with a stranger. 1175 00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:18,080 Speaker 1: That's basically what was how much talking did you all 1176 00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:22,279 Speaker 1: do before? We texted for like a few days and 1177 00:53:22,320 --> 00:53:24,279 Speaker 1: then he finally was like, so we were gonna do 1178 00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:25,920 Speaker 1: this FaceTime date. And I was like, I'm waiting for 1179 00:53:25,960 --> 00:53:27,640 Speaker 1: you to ask me on the date. You know, like 1180 00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:32,680 Speaker 1: you still have to ask me still a date. No, 1181 00:53:32,840 --> 00:53:36,040 Speaker 1: but it was like it was whatever, it was like 1182 00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:39,080 Speaker 1: a FaceTime He looked, he looked, he didn't. He definitely 1183 00:53:39,080 --> 00:53:42,600 Speaker 1: did not get ready for me. He looked very comfortable, 1184 00:53:44,719 --> 00:53:48,680 Speaker 1: little Scruss. So, I don't know. I still feel like 1185 00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:51,239 Speaker 1: you should put an effort on your face times on zoom. 1186 00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:52,520 Speaker 1: I want to treat it like a real date. I 1187 00:53:52,560 --> 00:53:55,560 Speaker 1: refused to succumb to the idea that this is the 1188 00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:58,000 Speaker 1: new normal, like I'm going to continue. Wait, they can't 1189 00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:00,880 Speaker 1: get haircuts and ship whatever. Well you can, like make 1190 00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:04,960 Speaker 1: sure you don't have lit in your head, like not 1191 00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:08,640 Speaker 1: the lint. Please, don't be sweating, like can you not sweat? 1192 00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:12,600 Speaker 1: He was cooking apparently. So I don't know. I don't know. 1193 00:54:13,440 --> 00:54:14,480 Speaker 3: I have another one tonight. 1194 00:54:14,640 --> 00:54:17,399 Speaker 1: I have another one. I'm getting back into my I'm 1195 00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:20,719 Speaker 1: back on him. You got it, okay, hot off, hold 1196 00:54:20,760 --> 00:54:24,279 Speaker 1: off the press, got it? Yeah, So, I don't know. 1197 00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:26,799 Speaker 1: Have you done any quarantine dating like FaceTime? You said 1198 00:54:26,840 --> 00:54:28,640 Speaker 1: you have, right, I've done. Yeah, I've done quite a 1199 00:54:28,680 --> 00:54:30,919 Speaker 1: bit of it. It's been cool. But you know, I'll say, 1200 00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:34,359 Speaker 1: like I am old fashioned, if you will. 1201 00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:37,319 Speaker 4: Most of the guys I've talked to we've started on 1202 00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:38,719 Speaker 4: the phone before FaceTime. 1203 00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:42,279 Speaker 1: M you know, because even though like oftentimes I do 1204 00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:44,560 Speaker 1: go straight from like tech, you know, from the apps 1205 00:54:44,760 --> 00:54:47,440 Speaker 1: texting to a meeting in person without hearing their voice, 1206 00:54:47,680 --> 00:54:51,040 Speaker 1: like actually that's usually what happens, you know, but like 1207 00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:53,400 Speaker 1: sometimes there's a phone conversation. I don't know. 1208 00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:57,520 Speaker 3: I feel like phone conversations like have set a good tone. 1209 00:54:57,800 --> 00:54:58,360 Speaker 1: It's weird. 1210 00:54:58,400 --> 00:55:00,640 Speaker 3: It's like sometimes I have absolutely. 1211 00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:02,600 Speaker 1: You're actually like I don't think I've had any phone 1212 00:55:02,640 --> 00:55:06,600 Speaker 1: conversations before, like dates on a well like this, you 1213 00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:07,960 Speaker 1: don't know, because. 1214 00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:13,560 Speaker 4: Phone conversations anymore. But like I prefer like before I'm gonna, 1215 00:55:13,640 --> 00:55:15,560 Speaker 4: you know, get cute and speak to you know what 1216 00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:18,600 Speaker 4: I'm saying, Like, I just feel like I've also met 1217 00:55:18,680 --> 00:55:22,759 Speaker 4: up with guys I said, we FaceTime sooner than maybe 1218 00:55:22,760 --> 00:55:23,240 Speaker 4: we would. 1219 00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:24,600 Speaker 3: Have had time to meet up in real life. 1220 00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:27,080 Speaker 4: Right, So it's like okay, like at the very least, 1221 00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:29,440 Speaker 4: let me hear his voice and feel like I want 1222 00:55:29,480 --> 00:55:32,200 Speaker 4: to you know what I mean, Like I you could, 1223 00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:34,359 Speaker 4: we could open the shit up and like you you 1224 00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:35,880 Speaker 4: have your dick out and you're weird. 1225 00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:36,840 Speaker 1: Or some shit. It'll be a funny. 1226 00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:38,719 Speaker 3: I just want to see where you live. Let me 1227 00:55:38,760 --> 00:55:39,879 Speaker 3: see this where you at. 1228 00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:43,399 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. Actually it's like a very well, shit, 1229 00:55:43,600 --> 00:55:45,560 Speaker 1: why you you know it kind of what she's saying, 1230 00:55:45,600 --> 00:55:48,239 Speaker 1: It kind of cuts out like the bulls bullshit, Like 1231 00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:49,920 Speaker 1: I can see what you're doing, how you live in 1232 00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:52,400 Speaker 1: your space, how you are in your most comfortable state. 1233 00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:55,440 Speaker 1: I mean, this is already someone I'm probably not married. 1234 00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:59,480 Speaker 1: Go home. Yeah, well you can have a bathroom or upstairs, 1235 00:55:59,480 --> 00:56:02,839 Speaker 1: but she could be out to the store, like do right. 1236 00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:05,480 Speaker 3: Niggas will always find a way to lie. 1237 00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:09,239 Speaker 1: But I mean I've had really nice experiences, like I 1238 00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:11,719 Speaker 1: don't know, like I'm having broken quarantine for any of 1239 00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:13,840 Speaker 1: these quarantine things. I have not. 1240 00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:17,120 Speaker 4: And part of the reason that I haven't is that 1241 00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:19,759 Speaker 4: a couple of them, the ones who I've spoken to 1242 00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:22,359 Speaker 4: talk to the most consistently, because there's some I've been 1243 00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:24,160 Speaker 4: talking to you since the shit started, and then there's 1244 00:56:24,200 --> 00:56:25,040 Speaker 4: like always. 1245 00:56:24,680 --> 00:56:27,280 Speaker 1: The new you know, being reviewed. 1246 00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:32,920 Speaker 4: But like some of them are not here m like 1247 00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:35,839 Speaker 4: you know what I mean, Like someone's in New York 1248 00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:38,920 Speaker 4: and someone is I'll just stay elsewhere. 1249 00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:41,960 Speaker 1: So you have like your locations open. That's not how 1250 00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:42,359 Speaker 1: I met. 1251 00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:45,680 Speaker 4: So one is from here and just isn't here at 1252 00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:48,360 Speaker 4: the moment, and so that's why he's not nearby, and 1253 00:56:48,400 --> 00:56:48,840 Speaker 4: the other. 1254 00:56:48,719 --> 00:56:52,200 Speaker 1: One technically isn't a like we didn't meet from my 1255 00:56:52,239 --> 00:56:53,160 Speaker 1: app we met. 1256 00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:55,520 Speaker 4: We like met elsewhere on social media and just kind 1257 00:56:55,520 --> 00:56:57,719 Speaker 4: of crossed over into chit chatting in that way, and 1258 00:56:57,760 --> 00:57:00,120 Speaker 4: then that became you know, quarantine dating. But like, like 1259 00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:04,560 Speaker 4: I know, man men are having I've been having amazing conversations. 1260 00:57:05,480 --> 00:57:07,399 Speaker 4: I've had two men pull out a guitar and start 1261 00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:10,800 Speaker 4: playing music for me. Oh, completely unsolicit, and they were good, 1262 00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:13,279 Speaker 4: Like one was completely I knew one was a guitar, 1263 00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:14,880 Speaker 4: see I the one I had no idea that he 1264 00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:18,160 Speaker 4: had to tell soever. So it was like I was 1265 00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:22,320 Speaker 4: like the baby face put out the battle excuse me. 1266 00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:25,760 Speaker 1: I was teddy Riley, I need to go hide in 1267 00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:28,040 Speaker 1: the bathroom for I got nothing for you, bro, Like 1268 00:57:28,120 --> 00:57:34,080 Speaker 1: right right, no trips can get some chops up, you know, 1269 00:57:34,240 --> 00:57:39,720 Speaker 1: like here's the titt and I'll save the other one 1270 00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:43,080 Speaker 1: for next time and keyboards, right you know. 1271 00:57:43,240 --> 00:57:46,520 Speaker 4: But like it's just I mean I've had really good 1272 00:57:46,640 --> 00:57:49,560 Speaker 4: ass conversations too, So like there's been some you know, 1273 00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:54,000 Speaker 4: some stasty stuff, but there's also been like some great 1274 00:57:54,680 --> 00:57:56,280 Speaker 4: conversations with men. 1275 00:57:56,360 --> 00:57:58,440 Speaker 1: It's just like my mind is long. Like I've always 1276 00:57:58,440 --> 00:58:01,680 Speaker 1: had great male friends and I've always dated like the 1277 00:58:01,720 --> 00:58:04,040 Speaker 1: guys who I've did for like the most significant amount 1278 00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:06,360 Speaker 1: of time. Like we're great conversationalists, you know, like I 1279 00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:10,400 Speaker 1: love talking to them. When you're dating casually, sometimes you 1280 00:58:10,480 --> 00:58:12,440 Speaker 1: just come across a lot of guys just think that really, 1281 00:58:12,600 --> 00:58:13,920 Speaker 1: you know, interesting. 1282 00:58:13,520 --> 00:58:16,920 Speaker 4: And so now I feel like I'm talking to interesting 1283 00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:18,200 Speaker 4: men like every day. 1284 00:58:18,560 --> 00:58:20,520 Speaker 1: Well you know what, maybe it's also maybe those other 1285 00:58:20,520 --> 00:58:23,479 Speaker 1: guys were interesting. It's just they're at home now, they're 1286 00:58:23,480 --> 00:58:24,760 Speaker 1: in their most comfortable place. 1287 00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:25,400 Speaker 3: They have time. 1288 00:58:26,080 --> 00:58:28,400 Speaker 1: Dates are often dates are often like okay, we're here, 1289 00:58:28,640 --> 00:58:32,040 Speaker 1: let's yeah. You know, there's like a sequence of events 1290 00:58:32,040 --> 00:58:36,800 Speaker 1: that needs to happen, you know, like everyone you know, 1291 00:58:36,800 --> 00:58:40,720 Speaker 1: you can get impression, right, Like the stakes are just different. 1292 00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:42,360 Speaker 3: Well, well, maybe you're giving me hope. 1293 00:58:42,360 --> 00:58:44,880 Speaker 1: But also you're a good conversationalist yourself, so maybe you're 1294 00:58:44,920 --> 00:58:47,720 Speaker 1: just leaving the conversation because I don't know. I feel 1295 00:58:47,720 --> 00:58:49,880 Speaker 1: like I don't know, I don't have hope, and I. 1296 00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:53,520 Speaker 4: Don't know, and I feel like I've done a lot 1297 00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:56,440 Speaker 4: of I have to be the president of the conversation 1298 00:58:56,840 --> 00:58:59,520 Speaker 4: and activity in this relationship, you know what I mean, Like, Okay, 1299 00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:01,560 Speaker 4: I'm gonna make sure we do interesting things and we 1300 00:59:01,600 --> 00:59:04,280 Speaker 4: talk about interesting shit, because otherwise we'll just be like. 1301 00:59:04,560 --> 00:59:08,080 Speaker 1: Sitting here on each other. Like I don't know, I've 1302 00:59:08,080 --> 00:59:11,280 Speaker 1: been like stepping back and kind of like let me okay, 1303 00:59:11,520 --> 00:59:13,680 Speaker 1: face and ship. You know, usually I step back just 1304 00:59:13,720 --> 00:59:15,720 Speaker 1: to hear like okay, so now you're gonna defend our 1305 00:59:15,800 --> 00:59:19,760 Speaker 1: Kelly or something like I don't like No, I'm actually 1306 00:59:19,840 --> 00:59:22,160 Speaker 1: listening to you talk because I care and I'm learning 1307 00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:24,960 Speaker 1: things like I don't have to like start feminism class 1308 00:59:25,080 --> 00:59:27,720 Speaker 1: at two o'clock in the morning, which is so important, 1309 00:59:27,840 --> 00:59:29,800 Speaker 1: you know now, like teach me some shit? Are you 1310 00:59:29,840 --> 00:59:33,320 Speaker 1: on hinge? I'm on hinge and tender? Wait? Can someone 1311 00:59:33,360 --> 00:59:35,960 Speaker 1: explain to me what the fuck that little button is? Now? 1312 00:59:36,080 --> 00:59:38,120 Speaker 1: Is that so they can FaceTime you without knowing your number? 1313 00:59:38,600 --> 00:59:42,160 Speaker 1: But it's like something about like virtual dating. They have 1314 00:59:42,200 --> 00:59:45,840 Speaker 1: a virtual dating switch that's a FaceTime with about your 1315 00:59:45,920 --> 00:59:47,760 Speaker 1: number being exposed, Like what is that? 1316 00:59:47,920 --> 00:59:50,240 Speaker 4: Probably so, but I think you all have to agree 1317 00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:51,840 Speaker 4: to it. I don't think they can just call you. 1318 00:59:53,320 --> 00:59:54,560 Speaker 1: I don't know. 1319 00:59:53,760 --> 00:59:55,600 Speaker 3: I haven't done anything. 1320 00:59:56,560 --> 01:00:01,240 Speaker 4: People on FaceTime and WhatsApp like the regular and house party. 1321 01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:04,640 Speaker 4: House party has a really good screen. It's super clear. 1322 01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:06,480 Speaker 4: Have you you all been in the house party? 1323 01:00:06,560 --> 01:00:06,720 Speaker 1: Right? 1324 01:00:06,800 --> 01:00:10,280 Speaker 4: Like you use it to date, so I used it 1325 01:00:10,320 --> 01:00:12,840 Speaker 4: with a guy instead of like oh. 1326 01:00:12,560 --> 01:00:14,200 Speaker 1: Because you guys can hang out and play. 1327 01:00:14,240 --> 01:00:15,320 Speaker 3: It's kind of like a date. 1328 01:00:15,520 --> 01:00:19,240 Speaker 1: You can play. It is like a game, Like the 1329 01:00:19,280 --> 01:00:22,600 Speaker 1: games are pretty corny, but the screen is so much 1330 01:00:22,640 --> 01:00:25,960 Speaker 1: better than FaceTime or like zoom, you know, like I 1331 01:00:26,200 --> 01:00:28,440 Speaker 1: mean I have I've only used like FaceTime or like 1332 01:00:28,520 --> 01:00:31,760 Speaker 1: what'sapps video thing I think or whatever, But like the 1333 01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:33,960 Speaker 1: screen on house Party, it's like, you know, it's like 1334 01:00:34,040 --> 01:00:34,919 Speaker 1: you're in the rule. 1335 01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:37,800 Speaker 4: One person is like you on top of them or whatever. 1336 01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:40,680 Speaker 4: Especially you can see more of each other. It's clear. 1337 01:00:41,080 --> 01:00:43,120 Speaker 4: And his like the guy who I talk to on 1338 01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:45,360 Speaker 4: house Party, one of the guys I have to on 1339 01:00:45,440 --> 01:00:48,120 Speaker 4: house Party, his like friend randomly barged in and we 1340 01:00:48,200 --> 01:00:50,840 Speaker 4: ended up having this long, funny ass conversation. 1341 01:00:51,040 --> 01:00:53,400 Speaker 1: Me his friends and ship. Yeah, that's pretty. It's like 1342 01:00:53,560 --> 01:00:54,000 Speaker 1: a party. 1343 01:00:54,200 --> 01:00:57,040 Speaker 3: I just I just crashed my baby daddy's house party. 1344 01:00:57,600 --> 01:00:59,240 Speaker 1: Yeah. I was like, you could just jump in. 1345 01:00:59,320 --> 01:00:59,880 Speaker 3: She's like yep. 1346 01:00:59,880 --> 01:01:02,440 Speaker 1: I saw he was on and slid in and staid, 1347 01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:07,520 Speaker 1: we'll just say he's been men with some girl. And 1348 01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:10,320 Speaker 1: I was like hey, and he was like oh what, 1349 01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:14,760 Speaker 1: oh hi Hi, And she was like hi, who are you? 1350 01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:16,560 Speaker 1: And he was like, this is my baby mama. She 1351 01:01:16,680 --> 01:01:19,120 Speaker 1: was like, oh, oh, I'm sorry. I come in peace 1352 01:01:19,160 --> 01:01:20,520 Speaker 1: and I was like, it's cool, you can have and 1353 01:01:20,560 --> 01:01:23,320 Speaker 1: I just like bye. I was like, you can just 1354 01:01:23,400 --> 01:01:26,840 Speaker 1: jump in. I was being petty that day. 1355 01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:32,000 Speaker 3: I see, I just couldn't help it. He's gonna let it, 1356 01:01:32,160 --> 01:01:33,040 Speaker 3: let it be free. 1357 01:01:35,200 --> 01:01:36,400 Speaker 1: He knows I'm kidding. You know. 1358 01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:37,520 Speaker 3: I was mostly. 1359 01:01:37,240 --> 01:01:42,960 Speaker 1: Fucking with him. But you know, yes, you did. Well. 1360 01:01:43,160 --> 01:01:43,920 Speaker 1: It was dying. 1361 01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:49,280 Speaker 4: I guess that's a fun thing I never got to enjoy. 1362 01:01:49,400 --> 01:01:50,800 Speaker 4: I know some of that ship is fun. 1363 01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:56,840 Speaker 1: No it's not. No, no, no one, trust me. 1364 01:01:56,920 --> 01:01:58,560 Speaker 3: You did not miss out being petty. 1365 01:01:59,160 --> 01:01:59,920 Speaker 1: I know. 1366 01:02:00,280 --> 01:02:02,960 Speaker 3: I'm like, I know, I know, I know, I just 1367 01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:03,720 Speaker 3: I never am. 1368 01:02:03,920 --> 01:02:05,760 Speaker 1: So then sometimes every now and then I get like 1369 01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:08,160 Speaker 1: this burst of like I'm just gonna like I was like, 1370 01:02:08,240 --> 01:02:10,360 Speaker 1: I wasn't being petty. Really, I thought it was funny. 1371 01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:13,840 Speaker 1: When I got in there, I realized, oh, this is 1372 01:02:13,880 --> 01:02:20,120 Speaker 1: not funny. Nobody else thinks this is funny. I got 1373 01:02:20,160 --> 01:02:23,680 Speaker 1: in there, I was like, oh, yeah, I think this 1374 01:02:23,880 --> 01:02:30,000 Speaker 1: through cool, playful. Hey y'all, thank you for admitting that, 1375 01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:35,080 Speaker 1: thank you for admitting Oh my me on it that's fun. 1376 01:02:35,520 --> 01:02:37,480 Speaker 1: It just sounds hell awkward and not talked about it. 1377 01:02:37,520 --> 01:02:39,120 Speaker 1: And then I did feel like asshole because then he 1378 01:02:39,160 --> 01:02:42,439 Speaker 1: texted me he's like she can she because I said, 1379 01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:44,760 Speaker 1: you know, it's cool even have she's all yours and 1380 01:02:44,800 --> 01:02:48,080 Speaker 1: he said I'm all hers. I'm like, well, yeah you are. 1381 01:02:48,160 --> 01:02:49,440 Speaker 1: But I was like I didn't have to say that. 1382 01:02:49,800 --> 01:02:51,840 Speaker 1: I really did not have to say that. That just 1383 01:02:51,880 --> 01:02:56,360 Speaker 1: like exposed me. I think it's great. I mean it is. 1384 01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:58,560 Speaker 1: I mean I just thought it was hilarious. It's hilarious. 1385 01:02:58,560 --> 01:03:02,600 Speaker 1: But also like petty, I wouldn't want him to do it. 1386 01:03:02,600 --> 01:03:04,680 Speaker 1: I wouldn't if the shoes on the other foot, I would. 1387 01:03:06,040 --> 01:03:06,800 Speaker 3: Think about that. 1388 01:03:06,840 --> 01:03:10,480 Speaker 1: I put every room you go in because his day 1389 01:03:10,520 --> 01:03:14,000 Speaker 1: is coming, right, He's gonna slide in your house, shardy bitch. 1390 01:03:14,840 --> 01:03:16,480 Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, I'm locking every door. 1391 01:03:16,840 --> 01:03:18,200 Speaker 1: No, I'm not really, I don't want to do that. 1392 01:03:18,440 --> 01:03:20,920 Speaker 1: I don't know a little bit. But my lips are 1393 01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:24,760 Speaker 1: so chap. Sorry, Yeah, my my mouth has been dried 1394 01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:29,480 Speaker 1: so much smoking weed. I'm currently in like from a hinge. 1395 01:03:30,800 --> 01:03:35,600 Speaker 1: How's it going. It's going pretty good. It's been a while, right, 1396 01:03:36,800 --> 01:03:39,000 Speaker 1: I mean I think, yeah, I finally out like four 1397 01:03:39,040 --> 01:03:41,960 Speaker 1: or five times, three four times. Yeah. We went on 1398 01:03:41,960 --> 01:03:43,280 Speaker 1: one date before. 1399 01:03:44,960 --> 01:03:47,720 Speaker 2: Quarantine, before Corona, and then we broke it, and then 1400 01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:48,840 Speaker 2: we've been breaking it. 1401 01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:54,520 Speaker 1: So it's been really fun. It's my best Hinge review yet. Honestly, 1402 01:03:54,840 --> 01:03:56,600 Speaker 1: this is the best time I've had with somebody I've 1403 01:03:56,600 --> 01:03:59,960 Speaker 1: met on Hinge, specifically Hinge or Tinder or something different 1404 01:04:01,360 --> 01:04:06,240 Speaker 1: on any day all as all apps apps across. 1405 01:04:07,760 --> 01:04:10,120 Speaker 4: Is there like a rolling place about like him not 1406 01:04:10,160 --> 01:04:11,240 Speaker 4: breaking it with anyone else? 1407 01:04:11,280 --> 01:04:13,680 Speaker 1: Are you're not breaking with anyone else? Yeah? 1408 01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:16,920 Speaker 2: Oh, I just said, let me know if you find 1409 01:04:16,960 --> 01:04:23,520 Speaker 2: yourself quarantining with somebody else, quarantining and chilling or something 1410 01:04:23,560 --> 01:04:26,920 Speaker 2: of that degree. Do you think I think he'd tell 1411 01:04:26,960 --> 01:04:28,560 Speaker 2: you anyway? I think he would telling me. He's very 1412 01:04:28,840 --> 01:04:32,680 Speaker 2: very honest, very deep. We're having really good conversations. I mean, 1413 01:04:32,760 --> 01:04:36,280 Speaker 2: like I'm gonna be honest, there have been drugs involved, 1414 01:04:36,400 --> 01:04:38,800 Speaker 2: but like it's just been really fun and deep and 1415 01:04:38,880 --> 01:04:42,160 Speaker 2: like romantic and like I mean, and then it's like 1416 01:04:42,240 --> 01:04:43,600 Speaker 2: we all we can do is talk. 1417 01:04:43,640 --> 01:04:44,480 Speaker 1: We can't go anywhere. 1418 01:04:44,880 --> 01:04:48,040 Speaker 2: You can order food, we could talk, you can dance, 1419 01:04:48,120 --> 01:04:50,400 Speaker 2: we could talk, you know, So that's been kind of nice. 1420 01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:54,480 Speaker 1: We go on a walk it's very it's very normal. 1421 01:04:55,200 --> 01:04:56,920 Speaker 3: How long do you out, Like how long do you 1422 01:04:56,960 --> 01:04:57,840 Speaker 3: spend over there when you go? 1423 01:04:59,480 --> 01:05:01,880 Speaker 2: So the first time we hung out in quarantined, he 1424 01:05:02,040 --> 01:05:04,320 Speaker 2: just we like went to look Out mountain and like 1425 01:05:04,640 --> 01:05:08,000 Speaker 2: chilled and talked all like for five hours. And then 1426 01:05:08,040 --> 01:05:10,480 Speaker 2: the second time I went to his house, I slept over, 1427 01:05:10,920 --> 01:05:13,000 Speaker 2: hung out the next day, left it like five It's 1428 01:05:13,000 --> 01:05:13,959 Speaker 2: been like that both times. 1429 01:05:14,080 --> 01:05:18,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, just chilled. Well, you guys are both giving me 1430 01:05:19,200 --> 01:05:22,400 Speaker 1: hope and dating apps witches over it. 1431 01:05:23,560 --> 01:05:26,800 Speaker 3: I'm like, I don't know, I just I just I miss. 1432 01:05:26,680 --> 01:05:28,760 Speaker 1: The day as I do of like meeting people in 1433 01:05:28,800 --> 01:05:32,240 Speaker 1: real life, Like wow is this? But then also I 1434 01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:34,680 Speaker 1: realized that hand job these dating apps, you know me, 1435 01:05:34,760 --> 01:05:37,800 Speaker 1: like I've been like like a pioneer for the dating apps. 1436 01:05:37,800 --> 01:05:39,240 Speaker 3: I'm like, go dating apps. 1437 01:05:39,280 --> 01:05:41,760 Speaker 1: She is a fucking she should be paid for the 1438 01:05:41,800 --> 01:05:44,520 Speaker 1: support she gets the GA. But I don't know, I 1439 01:05:44,600 --> 01:05:46,920 Speaker 1: just I don't know. I think maybe it's the pandemic 1440 01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:49,040 Speaker 1: who's making me really get scared about like what the 1441 01:05:49,040 --> 01:05:51,480 Speaker 1: future looks like for us, and like I think and 1442 01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:54,400 Speaker 1: how we connect with people and like even this like 1443 01:05:54,480 --> 01:05:56,680 Speaker 1: you know me and Jamila, maybe even more so me 1444 01:05:56,920 --> 01:06:00,120 Speaker 1: like I've been like really adamant about not doing like 1445 01:06:00,200 --> 01:06:05,760 Speaker 1: over the video interviews, not during quarantine, like in general, 1446 01:06:05,840 --> 01:06:07,960 Speaker 1: like before this happened, because I just really like human 1447 01:06:08,000 --> 01:06:10,240 Speaker 1: connection and like I'd rather wait for you to come 1448 01:06:10,280 --> 01:06:12,080 Speaker 1: to La, you know what I mean as an issue, 1449 01:06:12,640 --> 01:06:13,960 Speaker 1: or us to go to New York or you know, 1450 01:06:14,000 --> 01:06:16,200 Speaker 1: but obviously like that can't happen, and you need stay 1451 01:06:16,200 --> 01:06:18,880 Speaker 1: in these places, in these spaces now. But I don't know, 1452 01:06:18,960 --> 01:06:22,320 Speaker 1: like there's something about human connection and like people keep 1453 01:06:22,360 --> 01:06:24,920 Speaker 1: talking about that this time is making people come together more, 1454 01:06:24,960 --> 01:06:28,640 Speaker 1: and I really beg to disagree, Like maybe I'm being 1455 01:06:28,640 --> 01:06:30,760 Speaker 1: a pessimist, but like I just feel like it's actually 1456 01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:33,400 Speaker 1: separating us. I mean, we're connecting in ways we are 1457 01:06:33,440 --> 01:06:36,400 Speaker 1: because we're always watching each other. Yeah, but like I 1458 01:06:36,400 --> 01:06:42,120 Speaker 1: don't know if like I think it's making people value people, 1459 01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:44,640 Speaker 1: you know, being in other people's companies saying hey, how 1460 01:06:44,680 --> 01:06:46,280 Speaker 1: are you today? Like even the times I've been to 1461 01:06:46,280 --> 01:06:49,400 Speaker 1: the park or walking everyone's like hi, like even mask 1462 01:06:49,560 --> 01:06:51,640 Speaker 1: on and far away. But also people are gonna not 1463 01:06:51,640 --> 01:06:53,120 Speaker 1: trust each other. They're gonna be all weird if you 1464 01:06:53,160 --> 01:06:56,600 Speaker 1: sneeze or those both ways, so I think, yeah, maybe 1465 01:06:56,640 --> 01:06:59,440 Speaker 1: one side is ways heavier than the other. But I 1466 01:06:59,480 --> 01:07:02,240 Speaker 1: don't know. I'm like and I need a maybe at 1467 01:07:02,240 --> 01:07:04,640 Speaker 1: a bar. It's hard. 1468 01:07:04,800 --> 01:07:08,480 Speaker 4: It's hard, and like I haven't you know, I haven't 1469 01:07:08,480 --> 01:07:10,800 Speaker 4: broke quarantine. I have talked to people locally and I've 1470 01:07:10,800 --> 01:07:12,760 Speaker 4: thought about, like what would that look like or could 1471 01:07:12,760 --> 01:07:15,240 Speaker 4: I And you know, I don't even go to the 1472 01:07:15,280 --> 01:07:19,040 Speaker 4: grocery store anymore, like I ordered everything. And just because 1473 01:07:19,280 --> 01:07:22,160 Speaker 4: since my daughter's going back and forth between both households, 1474 01:07:22,240 --> 01:07:24,960 Speaker 4: I feel responsible for like them to you know what 1475 01:07:25,000 --> 01:07:27,240 Speaker 4: I mean, Like I can't introduce like whatever I'm introduced to, 1476 01:07:27,360 --> 01:07:31,000 Speaker 4: I'm introducing it to them, right and so plus my 1477 01:07:31,080 --> 01:07:33,680 Speaker 4: of course my daughter. So I was thinking, like, Okay, 1478 01:07:33,720 --> 01:07:35,800 Speaker 4: when I'm ready to see somebody, i'd have to like 1479 01:07:35,920 --> 01:07:38,440 Speaker 4: really plan it out, like we're gonna spend it probably 1480 01:07:38,440 --> 01:07:41,040 Speaker 4: a substantial amount of time, or be open to. 1481 01:07:41,040 --> 01:07:43,320 Speaker 3: Spending a substantial amount of time together, like. 1482 01:07:44,120 --> 01:07:48,760 Speaker 4: I would probably self quarantine myself after, you know what 1483 01:07:48,800 --> 01:07:50,960 Speaker 4: I mean, like for a week, like I may need 1484 01:07:51,000 --> 01:07:52,880 Speaker 4: a week or two in the house by myself, or 1485 01:07:52,920 --> 01:07:55,920 Speaker 4: like he comes by, we spend a week together, and 1486 01:07:55,920 --> 01:07:57,920 Speaker 4: then I spend it whatever it is, Like at some 1487 01:07:57,960 --> 01:07:59,760 Speaker 4: point I'm gonna have to do it, but I'm gonna. 1488 01:08:00,040 --> 01:08:02,480 Speaker 1: I'm prepared to take an extended absence from my child, 1489 01:08:03,120 --> 01:08:04,040 Speaker 1: you know, when I do it. 1490 01:08:04,080 --> 01:08:08,040 Speaker 4: But like, even with that, I so like knowing that 1491 01:08:08,120 --> 01:08:10,680 Speaker 4: has There definitely been days I've just been sad as fuck, 1492 01:08:10,920 --> 01:08:13,280 Speaker 4: you know, and I've got new sex toys and brought 1493 01:08:13,320 --> 01:08:16,200 Speaker 4: old sex toys out of retirement, smoking weed every night 1494 01:08:16,320 --> 01:08:20,040 Speaker 4: and drinking more, and you know, having phone sex and 1495 01:08:20,040 --> 01:08:21,559 Speaker 4: ship like I'm not a phone sex, Like who has 1496 01:08:21,600 --> 01:08:24,000 Speaker 4: to have phone sex when we have real Oh my god? 1497 01:08:24,320 --> 01:08:26,920 Speaker 1: You know I told you me like this week, one 1498 01:08:26,960 --> 01:08:28,760 Speaker 1: of one of my babes getting me up. I'm was 1499 01:08:28,760 --> 01:08:30,360 Speaker 1: just trying to talk to me last night and I 1500 01:08:30,439 --> 01:08:34,360 Speaker 1: was like no, And I was like, you caught me 1501 01:08:34,400 --> 01:08:36,800 Speaker 1: on the wrong week, bitch, today this is not sex 1502 01:08:36,840 --> 01:08:38,679 Speaker 1: talk week. I'm not into It's done. 1503 01:08:38,880 --> 01:08:39,880 Speaker 3: Maybe catch me next week. 1504 01:08:39,880 --> 01:08:42,240 Speaker 1: I might be morning again. The currently non horn at all. 1505 01:08:42,840 --> 01:08:46,880 Speaker 1: That's that's totally normal. And also I don't know when 1506 01:08:46,920 --> 01:08:49,040 Speaker 1: your cycle is coming by. No for me, I was like, 1507 01:08:49,040 --> 01:08:51,040 Speaker 1: why do I just not give a fuck about it anymore? 1508 01:08:51,080 --> 01:08:52,920 Speaker 1: I was like oh, and then the next day, I'm curious. Sorry, 1509 01:08:52,920 --> 01:08:57,320 Speaker 1: I was like that, but it's you know, it's I 1510 01:08:57,360 --> 01:08:59,200 Speaker 1: think it's been an ebb and flow, and there's gonna 1511 01:08:59,240 --> 01:09:01,040 Speaker 1: be times where you found your peace with it and 1512 01:09:01,040 --> 01:09:02,760 Speaker 1: you found your way to kind of make it work. 1513 01:09:02,760 --> 01:09:04,919 Speaker 1: And then there's gonna be weeks where you're just depressed 1514 01:09:04,920 --> 01:09:07,400 Speaker 1: and mad and sad, and that's completely normal, and that's 1515 01:09:07,439 --> 01:09:10,240 Speaker 1: an impact. You know, how you feel about those long 1516 01:09:10,280 --> 01:09:12,720 Speaker 1: conversations with people that you can't hug, you know, and 1517 01:09:12,760 --> 01:09:14,720 Speaker 1: then there'll be times where you need that, you know, 1518 01:09:14,760 --> 01:09:16,720 Speaker 1: where it's like, I'm so happy I was able to 1519 01:09:16,720 --> 01:09:18,400 Speaker 1: talk to her. I'm so happy I was able to 1520 01:09:18,400 --> 01:09:21,479 Speaker 1: talk to him because I can't hug him. You know, 1521 01:09:21,760 --> 01:09:22,200 Speaker 1: It's okay. 1522 01:09:22,240 --> 01:09:25,760 Speaker 4: Everything we're feeling right now is fine, like an ebb 1523 01:09:25,800 --> 01:09:30,840 Speaker 4: and flow of all the feelings, panic, anxciety, horniness. 1524 01:09:31,439 --> 01:09:35,120 Speaker 1: We're being really faced, forced to face ourselves, yeah, for real, 1525 01:09:35,800 --> 01:09:39,040 Speaker 1: because there's nothing else to do. Yeah yeah, so true, 1526 01:09:39,880 --> 01:09:43,439 Speaker 1: so true, or hide even more, you know. But I 1527 01:09:43,439 --> 01:09:45,360 Speaker 1: think this is like really beautiful. It is a beautiful 1528 01:09:45,360 --> 01:09:49,360 Speaker 1: opportunity to really delve into those things. I even like 1529 01:09:49,400 --> 01:09:51,760 Speaker 1: I've had more time to really focus on and think 1530 01:09:51,760 --> 01:09:54,160 Speaker 1: about the things I want and also just hang out 1531 01:09:54,160 --> 01:09:56,840 Speaker 1: with myself. Yeah, I feel like I don't. I don't 1532 01:09:56,880 --> 01:09:59,720 Speaker 1: really do that anymore. Like I wasn't doing that before this. 1533 01:10:00,240 --> 01:10:01,920 Speaker 1: You know, I didn't have the time to spend with 1534 01:10:01,960 --> 01:10:05,559 Speaker 1: myself even though I'm with myself all the time. If 1535 01:10:05,600 --> 01:10:07,880 Speaker 1: that makes any sense, Yeah, it does. Yeah, a lot 1536 01:10:07,920 --> 01:10:09,679 Speaker 1: of times, like I'm by myself. 1537 01:10:09,720 --> 01:10:12,160 Speaker 4: I've worked from home, so I've always you know, like 1538 01:10:12,200 --> 01:10:13,599 Speaker 4: I don't usually work in the house. 1539 01:10:13,600 --> 01:10:15,639 Speaker 3: I would go to a coffee shop or whatever co 1540 01:10:15,720 --> 01:10:16,360 Speaker 3: working space. 1541 01:10:16,400 --> 01:10:17,599 Speaker 1: But like, yeah, I've. 1542 01:10:17,520 --> 01:10:20,040 Speaker 4: Had all this time too and by myself for a while. 1543 01:10:20,120 --> 01:10:22,439 Speaker 4: But like I'm either working or I might be fucking around, 1544 01:10:22,560 --> 01:10:26,400 Speaker 4: like just looking at Instagram or watching the show, just 1545 01:10:26,439 --> 01:10:28,720 Speaker 4: on the couch, chilling doing nothing. Like now it's like 1546 01:10:29,320 --> 01:10:31,479 Speaker 4: I'm charging my crystals and I'm. 1547 01:10:31,280 --> 01:10:33,000 Speaker 1: Reading more, and I'm writing. 1548 01:10:32,640 --> 01:10:35,880 Speaker 4: More, and I'm meditating, and I'm you know, fucking around 1549 01:10:35,920 --> 01:10:37,519 Speaker 4: looking at Instagram and watching my show. 1550 01:10:37,560 --> 01:10:37,960 Speaker 1: You know what I mean. 1551 01:10:38,000 --> 01:10:41,080 Speaker 3: It's just all of it. 1552 01:10:41,800 --> 01:10:45,360 Speaker 1: I had this really, just like speaking of like hang 1553 01:10:45,439 --> 01:10:47,519 Speaker 1: out with yourself, Like I had this realization. You think 1554 01:10:47,520 --> 01:10:49,840 Speaker 1: I'm so corny, but I was, like, I like, I 1555 01:10:49,920 --> 01:10:53,320 Speaker 1: just feel like hang out with myself made me realize 1556 01:10:53,320 --> 01:10:56,599 Speaker 1: how much I fuck with myself. You're the shit yeah, 1557 01:10:56,640 --> 01:11:00,439 Speaker 1: like I'm like like you just like it takes me 1558 01:11:00,680 --> 01:11:04,800 Speaker 1: like more, I don't know, like because I have so 1559 01:11:04,880 --> 01:11:06,280 Speaker 1: much time, It's. 1560 01:11:06,080 --> 01:11:07,040 Speaker 3: Like, what do I want to do? 1561 01:11:07,080 --> 01:11:08,559 Speaker 1: Who do I want to talk to you? Do I 1562 01:11:08,560 --> 01:11:10,479 Speaker 1: feel like talking to you? Do I have to talk 1563 01:11:10,520 --> 01:11:10,720 Speaker 1: to you? 1564 01:11:10,800 --> 01:11:12,479 Speaker 3: I don't need to call you. It's a waste of 1565 01:11:12,520 --> 01:11:12,800 Speaker 3: my time. 1566 01:11:12,840 --> 01:11:16,439 Speaker 1: I have a lot of time time, I mean in 1567 01:11:16,479 --> 01:11:18,000 Speaker 1: the other's days where I'm like, I really didn't need 1568 01:11:18,000 --> 01:11:19,559 Speaker 1: to talk to you. Yeah, that's a waste of time. 1569 01:11:19,640 --> 01:11:22,800 Speaker 1: I was just bored, right, Yeah, I don't know. It's 1570 01:11:22,840 --> 01:11:28,880 Speaker 1: a range of emotions contradiction. If nothing else, this is 1571 01:11:28,920 --> 01:11:32,479 Speaker 1: a good time to let these men entertain us. Like 1572 01:11:32,840 --> 01:11:35,760 Speaker 1: if you can't doubt, Like, if you can't entertain me 1573 01:11:35,880 --> 01:11:39,840 Speaker 1: now where this bar is so low, what are we 1574 01:11:39,880 --> 01:11:42,720 Speaker 1: going to do when I can go back outside? But honestly, like, 1575 01:11:43,000 --> 01:11:45,720 Speaker 1: this is a good test of do I actually really 1576 01:11:45,760 --> 01:11:50,160 Speaker 1: fuck with you? Because we're not distracting ourselves with liquor dancing. 1577 01:11:50,280 --> 01:11:51,600 Speaker 3: I mean we probably could. 1578 01:11:51,400 --> 01:11:53,200 Speaker 1: Too, but not really though, you know what I mean, Like, 1579 01:11:53,200 --> 01:11:55,360 Speaker 1: it's not the same of having a bunch of outside 1580 01:11:55,360 --> 01:11:58,640 Speaker 1: stimulus around us. Do I actually like you? Do I 1581 01:11:58,760 --> 01:12:00,800 Speaker 1: like you like? Or do I just want to fuck 1582 01:12:01,439 --> 01:12:08,160 Speaker 1: right right right right. Well, this was a great conversation. 1583 01:12:08,400 --> 01:12:09,559 Speaker 3: Thank you so much. 1584 01:12:09,439 --> 01:12:10,240 Speaker 1: For joining us. 1585 01:12:11,360 --> 01:12:12,960 Speaker 2: I can't wait to like hang out and go to 1586 01:12:13,040 --> 01:12:16,920 Speaker 2: bars and meet guys together or just hang out, you know, 1587 01:12:17,040 --> 01:12:17,839 Speaker 2: do fun stuff. 1588 01:12:18,200 --> 01:12:20,000 Speaker 4: I know, I'm so like probably the reason I was 1589 01:12:20,000 --> 01:12:22,040 Speaker 4: so excited about you all, not just I mean again, 1590 01:12:22,120 --> 01:12:25,439 Speaker 4: like four years younger, right, so you're slightly younger. 1591 01:12:25,760 --> 01:12:27,120 Speaker 3: So that gives me hope. 1592 01:12:27,160 --> 01:12:29,200 Speaker 4: It makes me feel like, yes, you know, like all 1593 01:12:29,200 --> 01:12:31,760 Speaker 4: the bullshit we went through was worth it because look 1594 01:12:31,760 --> 01:12:33,800 Speaker 4: at what gets to happen next, and just imagine like 1595 01:12:33,840 --> 01:12:35,800 Speaker 4: how free and shit our daughters are going to be, 1596 01:12:35,960 --> 01:12:38,040 Speaker 4: you know, at the same time. 1597 01:12:37,880 --> 01:12:39,479 Speaker 1: Like by India value all is. 1598 01:12:40,040 --> 01:12:42,120 Speaker 3: Then you all have each other because like I have 1599 01:12:42,320 --> 01:12:43,479 Speaker 3: cool ass friends that are. 1600 01:12:43,400 --> 01:12:46,040 Speaker 4: A lot like me and are not moms, and I 1601 01:12:46,080 --> 01:12:49,000 Speaker 4: have amazing friends who are moms, but we're so different, 1602 01:12:49,920 --> 01:12:52,360 Speaker 4: you know, so like just you all protect what you 1603 01:12:52,400 --> 01:12:56,120 Speaker 4: all have because thank you another mama like you is. 1604 01:12:56,240 --> 01:12:59,160 Speaker 4: I'm telling you, it's so rare. It's so I'm like 1605 01:12:59,640 --> 01:13:00,920 Speaker 4: the settle. 1606 01:13:00,760 --> 01:13:04,559 Speaker 1: Friend's ratchet friend, you know what I mean, like right friend, 1607 01:13:04,880 --> 01:13:10,360 Speaker 1: and like my single friends like mommy friend right right right, No, 1608 01:13:10,680 --> 01:13:11,360 Speaker 1: come on over. 1609 01:13:11,760 --> 01:13:13,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, girl, this could be a triad. 1610 01:13:16,120 --> 01:13:20,000 Speaker 1: Let's hang out. Definitely hang out. Oh, I can't wait 1611 01:13:20,080 --> 01:13:21,760 Speaker 1: to meet you for real in real life. And thank 1612 01:13:21,760 --> 01:13:23,960 Speaker 1: you for hanging out with us. I appreciate you so much. 1613 01:13:24,000 --> 01:13:27,719 Speaker 1: You give me so much hope, thank you. Parenting exists, 1614 01:13:27,720 --> 01:13:31,880 Speaker 1: it's love, I know, yes, yes, yes, seriously. 1615 01:13:32,040 --> 01:13:35,240 Speaker 4: Sometimes, like my daughter's step mom and I were supposed 1616 01:13:35,280 --> 01:13:38,519 Speaker 4: to go to like the TV screening together, like they 1617 01:13:38,560 --> 01:13:40,320 Speaker 4: got canceled because of coronavirus. 1618 01:13:40,360 --> 01:13:43,080 Speaker 1: Like you got there, you know, right, like you like 1619 01:13:43,200 --> 01:13:46,639 Speaker 1: enjoy each other? Yeah, are cool? Yeah, that's big. Yeah 1620 01:13:46,760 --> 01:13:49,320 Speaker 1: and necessary it is. I want to know. I want 1621 01:13:49,320 --> 01:13:51,240 Speaker 1: to know who you are. Who is this woman that's 1622 01:13:51,240 --> 01:13:53,439 Speaker 1: around my child? And like I want to nurture that 1623 01:13:53,479 --> 01:13:56,000 Speaker 1: relationship too, so that you when you're with my child too, 1624 01:13:56,040 --> 01:13:59,799 Speaker 1: you think about our relationship, right, Yeah, you know it's important. 1625 01:14:01,200 --> 01:14:03,200 Speaker 1: It's so fun. I was I was just quickly. I 1626 01:14:03,240 --> 01:14:05,960 Speaker 1: was really thinking recently. I was like, I've kind of 1627 01:14:06,000 --> 01:14:08,040 Speaker 1: come to the point now where like I don't know, 1628 01:14:08,800 --> 01:14:13,599 Speaker 1: I'm like I almost wish my I don't really upset, but. 1629 01:14:14,720 --> 01:14:15,680 Speaker 3: I almost wish she had it. 1630 01:14:15,680 --> 01:14:17,120 Speaker 1: Not really upset, but like I almost wish she had 1631 01:14:17,120 --> 01:14:20,280 Speaker 1: a girlfriend, like someone. Sometimes I think men they really 1632 01:14:20,320 --> 01:14:22,400 Speaker 1: do need a woman, a female counterpart. I wish he 1633 01:14:22,439 --> 01:14:26,200 Speaker 1: had an amazing woman in his life to. 1634 01:14:25,320 --> 01:14:30,040 Speaker 3: Help guide guide him in ways that I can't. 1635 01:14:30,080 --> 01:14:32,000 Speaker 1: That he won't let me, you know what I mean, 1636 01:14:32,360 --> 01:14:34,600 Speaker 1: that he won't allow me, even if she says the 1637 01:14:34,680 --> 01:14:38,919 Speaker 1: exact same ship that I've been saying, it's different because 1638 01:14:39,000 --> 01:14:41,080 Speaker 1: it's coming from this because person, because they're in love, 1639 01:14:41,080 --> 01:14:43,200 Speaker 1: and it's different in a new situation, and there isn't 1640 01:14:43,200 --> 01:14:44,240 Speaker 1: water under the bridge. 1641 01:14:44,520 --> 01:14:46,879 Speaker 4: I think that's one thing I need to do publicly 1642 01:14:46,920 --> 01:14:50,519 Speaker 4: that I haven't. 1643 01:14:49,160 --> 01:14:52,280 Speaker 3: Affirm how much I value. 1644 01:14:51,920 --> 01:14:55,280 Speaker 4: My daughter's stepmother for that reason, because and I think 1645 01:14:55,360 --> 01:14:58,479 Speaker 4: my ex is a wonderful dad. He's paternal, he's always 1646 01:14:58,479 --> 01:15:00,679 Speaker 4: been paternal, He's always loved kids and been a good 1647 01:15:00,680 --> 01:15:02,400 Speaker 4: guy who's going to do his best. 1648 01:15:02,560 --> 01:15:03,720 Speaker 1: But I know there's no way that. 1649 01:15:03,680 --> 01:15:05,679 Speaker 4: He be the sort of father that he is without 1650 01:15:05,720 --> 01:15:08,720 Speaker 4: her influence and her guidance and her partnership, you know, 1651 01:15:08,840 --> 01:15:13,160 Speaker 4: And because she and I are so similar, like you. 1652 01:15:13,040 --> 01:15:16,080 Speaker 1: Know, but like our energy, you know, we're very different women. 1653 01:15:16,080 --> 01:15:18,880 Speaker 4: But our beliefs, our value, our core values, you know 1654 01:15:18,920 --> 01:15:21,479 Speaker 4: what I'm saying, Certain things are very similar and so 1655 01:15:21,960 --> 01:15:23,559 Speaker 4: we tend to be on the same page. So there's 1656 01:15:23,560 --> 01:15:25,160 Speaker 4: an amount of trust that we can have with each 1657 01:15:25,200 --> 01:15:27,800 Speaker 4: other that she's going to operate in my daughter's best 1658 01:15:27,800 --> 01:15:29,120 Speaker 4: interest in the way I would want. 1659 01:15:29,360 --> 01:15:30,840 Speaker 1: So in too, you know what I mean. 1660 01:15:30,880 --> 01:15:32,599 Speaker 3: But like, and he shares those values too. 1661 01:15:32,600 --> 01:15:34,759 Speaker 4: But I also know, just having like two feminist women, 1662 01:15:35,600 --> 01:15:38,800 Speaker 4: you know what I mean, like walking with him through fatherhood. 1663 01:15:38,360 --> 01:15:42,040 Speaker 3: Have definitely helped to make him, you know, an amazing father. 1664 01:15:42,479 --> 01:15:45,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean, that's just something I thought about 1665 01:15:45,920 --> 01:15:48,559 Speaker 1: recently too, And it's so beautiful that like, you know, 1666 01:15:48,720 --> 01:15:51,000 Speaker 1: you can speak, you can speak about her that way. 1667 01:15:51,040 --> 01:15:53,280 Speaker 1: That's like, that is the goal. That's how I want 1668 01:15:53,280 --> 01:15:54,760 Speaker 1: to be spoken about too, you know what I mean. 1669 01:15:55,000 --> 01:16:11,200 Speaker 1: And vice versa on the other side. So she did, 1670 01:16:14,320 --> 01:16:16,280 Speaker 1: I'm at the point now. My daughter just walked in 1671 01:16:16,400 --> 01:16:19,080 Speaker 1: with like like a life sized piece of chocolate and 1672 01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:20,519 Speaker 1: was like, can I have this? And I said, yeah, 1673 01:16:20,560 --> 01:16:23,080 Speaker 1: go ahead. 1674 01:16:23,320 --> 01:16:27,120 Speaker 3: Then I'm given like my daughter, you can't use this part. 1675 01:16:29,320 --> 01:16:31,400 Speaker 1: I saw TikTok that. I was like, this is what 1676 01:16:31,400 --> 01:16:33,479 Speaker 1: the fuck they're doing on TikTok? So you do, like 1677 01:16:34,040 --> 01:16:35,720 Speaker 1: I didn't know. I didn't know, And it was like, 1678 01:16:36,000 --> 01:16:38,639 Speaker 1: did I show you the switch one, oh the second 1679 01:16:38,640 --> 01:16:42,360 Speaker 1: of the day. Yeah, yes, I didn't see it, but 1680 01:16:42,439 --> 01:16:45,479 Speaker 1: I've heard that there's I've heard the darkness and dark 1681 01:16:45,600 --> 01:16:48,920 Speaker 1: how you go fucking dark on fucking TikTok, Like there's 1682 01:16:48,800 --> 01:16:53,599 Speaker 1: a there's a black web of TikTok, like backpage TikTok happened. 1683 01:16:54,800 --> 01:16:57,800 Speaker 4: Well, the dude who busts in our house party said 1684 01:16:57,840 --> 01:16:59,599 Speaker 4: that he makes it a practice to bust in people's 1685 01:16:59,640 --> 01:17:00,639 Speaker 4: house party rooms. 1686 01:17:00,439 --> 01:17:01,200 Speaker 1: Because it's fun. 1687 01:17:01,680 --> 01:17:04,120 Speaker 4: But like, his cousin was talking to a girl and 1688 01:17:04,240 --> 01:17:07,519 Speaker 4: he came in and he said she had her fists all. 1689 01:17:07,680 --> 01:17:12,040 Speaker 1: He said, she was almost there, and his cousin was like, Yo, 1690 01:17:12,200 --> 01:17:14,000 Speaker 1: get the fuck out, and he was like, lock your room. 1691 01:17:14,040 --> 01:17:15,160 Speaker 1: He was like, get the fuck out. He was like, 1692 01:17:15,200 --> 01:17:17,320 Speaker 1: but I'm telling you you need to lock your room. 1693 01:17:17,439 --> 01:17:21,160 Speaker 4: Like you realize that, like it's open. Oh, what my god, 1694 01:17:21,720 --> 01:17:23,240 Speaker 4: what's happening on house party? 1695 01:17:23,360 --> 01:17:26,439 Speaker 1: I expect that. I didn't expect that. Well, I mean, 1696 01:17:26,479 --> 01:17:28,080 Speaker 1: what do you expect. We think it's happening over there 1697 01:17:29,840 --> 01:17:34,559 Speaker 1: living in the digital world, y'all. Well, thank you for 1698 01:17:34,600 --> 01:17:37,839 Speaker 1: having for coming on and hanging out with us, and 1699 01:17:38,080 --> 01:17:40,480 Speaker 1: we hope you are to stay. You stay safe and sheltered. 1700 01:17:41,080 --> 01:17:45,639 Speaker 1: Stay home, and when this is over, let's hang Yes, 1701 01:17:45,760 --> 01:17:50,559 Speaker 1: and if you're bored FaceTime, we're around, We're available. We'll 1702 01:17:50,640 --> 01:17:53,720 Speaker 1: be happy houring and smoking up. You should house party, 1703 01:17:53,720 --> 01:17:55,600 Speaker 1: will have a house party. If you see us on 1704 01:17:55,600 --> 01:17:58,479 Speaker 1: the house party, come on in, be fine. 1705 01:17:58,479 --> 01:18:00,160 Speaker 3: You should definitely do another smoke slash. 1706 01:18:00,600 --> 01:18:03,639 Speaker 1: Yeah, let's do it again. I happily do well with y'all. 1707 01:18:04,360 --> 01:18:09,520 Speaker 1: Al Right girl rye bye bye. Thank you guys for 1708 01:18:09,680 --> 01:18:16,120 Speaker 1: joining us this week. Catch us next week. That's a Wednesday. 1709 01:18:17,000 --> 01:18:20,080 Speaker 1: If you want to, well, I guess yeah, if you 1710 01:18:20,080 --> 01:18:23,560 Speaker 1: guys want to. If you watch this episode, we're on YouTube. 1711 01:18:24,000 --> 01:18:28,080 Speaker 2: If you want to join our patreon for extra extra essential, 1712 01:18:28,479 --> 01:18:33,640 Speaker 2: pumped up, private sensored content, go to patreon dot com. 1713 01:18:33,640 --> 01:18:37,920 Speaker 1: Backslash Good Mom's Bad Choices, Yeah, thrown on your letter 1714 01:18:37,920 --> 01:18:40,760 Speaker 1: Good Momsbad Choices dot Com. Follow us on Instagram Good 1715 01:18:40,800 --> 01:18:44,240 Speaker 1: Moms Underscore Bad Choices. Leave a review if you'd like 1716 01:18:44,280 --> 01:18:45,800 Speaker 1: it to be fuck with us. If you just listen 1717 01:18:45,840 --> 01:18:48,280 Speaker 1: to this whole goddamn podcast for two hours. If that 1718 01:18:48,320 --> 01:18:50,040 Speaker 1: means you fuck with us, that means to be the review. 1719 01:18:50,640 --> 01:18:53,559 Speaker 1: Do it right now. Scroll all going to the bottom. 1720 01:18:53,600 --> 01:18:55,160 Speaker 1: On Apple podcast. You gotta find it. 1721 01:18:55,160 --> 01:18:56,680 Speaker 3: It's not easy to find. I'm telling you how to 1722 01:18:56,720 --> 01:18:56,880 Speaker 3: do it. 1723 01:18:56,960 --> 01:19:01,280 Speaker 2: Do it right now, five stars, bitches, and just say 1724 01:19:01,280 --> 01:19:02,280 Speaker 2: how the bomb we are. 1725 01:19:02,439 --> 01:19:05,600 Speaker 1: Thanks, Thanks in Advan. I hope you guys have a 1726 01:19:05,640 --> 01:19:18,040 Speaker 1: great week and we'll catch you next week. Love you bye,