WEBVTT - INTERVIEW: Dr. Cheyenne Bryant On Alpha Relationships, "High Value" Men, New Show + More 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:02.520 Wake that ass up in the morning. 0:00:02.840 --> 0:00:07.720 Breakfast Club Morning, everybody in dej n V Jess hilarious, 0:00:07.800 --> 0:00:09.680 Charlemagne the God, we are the Breakfast Club. 0:00:09.720 --> 0:00:11.879 Laura Ross here as well. We got a special guest 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:12.560 in the building. 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:14.680 We have doctor Cheyenne Bryant. 0:00:15.000 --> 0:00:18.360 Welcome man. 0:00:18.400 --> 0:00:20.319 You are one of the people in the mental health space. 0:00:20.320 --> 0:00:22.800 Who are you? Who's us who's really using social media 0:00:22.880 --> 0:00:23.800 right right? 0:00:23.920 --> 0:00:25.639 Like you know, because you've used it to you know, 0:00:25.680 --> 0:00:28.520 elevate your platform and just elevate the conversation around mental health. 0:00:28.560 --> 0:00:29.319 So I applauded you on. 0:00:29.440 --> 0:00:31.960 Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah. I always say 0:00:32.000 --> 0:00:34.040 I didn't get into this field to become a celebrity. 0:00:34.520 --> 0:00:37.600 But God has his own plans, right, So I literally 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:40.320 and my master's and my doctor program. I remember my 0:00:40.320 --> 0:00:42.840 professor was saying, everyone who's gonna get license, raise your hand. 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:45.560 I didn't raise my hand. Everybody else did. And he's like, Doc, 0:00:45.600 --> 0:00:47.080 you're going, you know with Shyanne at that time, you're 0:00:47.080 --> 0:00:49.280 going through all this not get license. I'm like, no, 0:00:49.640 --> 0:00:51.440 because I'm gonna be on a platform where I'm able 0:00:51.440 --> 0:00:54.040 to change lives. Didn't think that it ended up being 0:00:54.040 --> 0:00:57.840 a platform where to this magnitude one and then to 0:00:57.920 --> 0:01:00.840 the place where literally I didn't want it, the whole 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:04.560 celebrity status and lifestyle. And not that I'm saying I 0:01:04.560 --> 0:01:06.160 don't want it now and I don't like it, It's just 0:01:06.480 --> 0:01:08.480 this is not where I expected it to go. But again, 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:11.479 if God needs to use a celebritiness and I said 0:01:11.520 --> 0:01:14.800 it at your Mental health and Mental Health Expo, you know, 0:01:14.840 --> 0:01:18.480 whether the celebrity status brings me, the naysayers or the sayers, 0:01:19.120 --> 0:01:20.760 whatever it brings. As long as they can get a 0:01:20.760 --> 0:01:22.959 tip R two that gives them a better quality of 0:01:22.959 --> 0:01:26.240 life and helps them become better mentally, then run the play. 0:01:26.280 --> 0:01:27.880 I'm cool with it. 0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:30.000 How does that impact though, Like you do work in 0:01:30.080 --> 0:01:32.679 mental health, but there's a lot of like the naysayers 0:01:32.680 --> 0:01:35.759 are so loud, How does that impact you mental health wise? 0:01:35.800 --> 0:01:38.280 And like, what's your work through because it's there, especially 0:01:38.319 --> 0:01:40.760 with that when the cam interview came out, they were 0:01:41.520 --> 0:01:43.960 people were upset about it. Some people agree, but you know, 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:46.080 how do you, as a person in that space deal 0:01:46.120 --> 0:01:47.280 with all of that pushback. 0:01:48.480 --> 0:01:50.480 This is the thing, Sis, I grew up a little 0:01:50.480 --> 0:01:52.280 girl in the inner city, in the hood. I grew 0:01:52.320 --> 0:01:54.880 up to two teenage parents. My mom was addicted to 0:01:54.920 --> 0:01:57.360 the drug that my father sold. I'm a product of 0:01:57.400 --> 0:02:00.240 a street dude, a straight gangster who turned into being 0:02:00.280 --> 0:02:03.040 a good family man, and my mom is now sober 0:02:03.160 --> 0:02:05.480 for the record. And so I say all that to 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:07.520 say that when you grow up in a certain type 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:12.000 of adversity, loud noise, that's against the grain of what 0:02:12.040 --> 0:02:14.960 you're doing. It's not a loud noise, you know, it's 0:02:14.960 --> 0:02:17.720 a norm. And that's why you know, the Bible says 0:02:17.720 --> 0:02:20.839 it's good for me that I was afflicted, because when 0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:23.720 you have those afflictions, they are preparing you for a 0:02:23.760 --> 0:02:26.440 time like this that you have to stand in a 0:02:26.520 --> 0:02:30.040 leadership role. And leadership comes with pressure, it comes with commitment, 0:02:30.120 --> 0:02:32.799 it comes with character. And so when you have naysayers 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:35.360 who are applying pressure, then that's when you show if 0:02:35.360 --> 0:02:37.639 you apply it for your diamond. But I already knew 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:39.800 from the trenches that I was a diamond, So I 0:02:39.880 --> 0:02:42.680 wasn't worried about coming into this space with somebody having 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:45.200 a problem with what I'm doing. And I'm in my intent, 0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:47.840 I'm in my purpose, and I'm vertical on who i am. 0:02:48.200 --> 0:02:50.280 It don't matter to me because I'm running my own place, 0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:52.720 So I'm not sitting up there as a quarterback being 0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:59.120 Brady waiting for a moss. 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:01.880 Just put somebody out there. We're gonna win. 0:03:02.200 --> 0:03:04.280 Put someone out there. That's just what it is, you know. 0:03:04.360 --> 0:03:06.880 So when you're vertical and who you are, you're not 0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:10.560 really worried about what is going to show up to 0:03:10.639 --> 0:03:12.880 catch the catch. You know you your job is to throw, 0:03:13.520 --> 0:03:16.000 and then the receiver's job is to do what to catch. 0:03:16.360 --> 0:03:19.840 And so the quarterback don't throw and go just catch 0:03:20.120 --> 0:03:22.520 you better do it? Just hands up. The quarterback throws 0:03:22.560 --> 0:03:24.360 and he like, all right, I know I did it. 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:27.320 Tan up the slant over and that's it. And it's 0:03:27.320 --> 0:03:28.919 a celebration if you're in there. If not, we run 0:03:28.960 --> 0:03:31.560 the play back again until we do it. And that's 0:03:31.600 --> 0:03:32.760 just what That's what life's about. 0:03:32.800 --> 0:03:35.240 Now, you talked about your calling, So when it came 0:03:35.320 --> 0:03:37.360 when it comes to your calling, what is your calling? 0:03:37.400 --> 0:03:39.600 What do you specialize in? Is it relationships? Is it 0:03:39.640 --> 0:03:42.160 dealing with people's problems? Is it just listening? What is 0:03:42.200 --> 0:03:44.080 your specialty when it comes to and what's your calling? 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:46.120 I love that. So I started off as a marriage 0:03:46.120 --> 0:03:49.240 and marriage i'man child therapist, and I tell God, I said, listen, 0:03:49.560 --> 0:03:51.920 I'm a little girl from the hood. You know what 0:03:52.040 --> 0:03:54.320 I come from. Don't put me in the hood, and 0:03:54.360 --> 0:03:57.840 don't put me with with you know, court order DCF kids. 0:03:57.920 --> 0:03:59.960 Not that I had a problem with him. I didn't 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:02.160 want to be triggered dealing with them and I didn't 0:04:02.200 --> 0:04:03.480 want to have to deal with what I came from. 0:04:03.560 --> 0:04:06.240 I wasn't in the system, but I came from that 0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:09.880 type of adversity. And the first place God put me 0:04:10.000 --> 0:04:11.760 was off of Hotdale and Sloughster and I don't know 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:14.040 if you're familiar with LA, but a block away from 0:04:14.040 --> 0:04:17.159 Sloss and swap me in the hood. And every one 0:04:17.200 --> 0:04:21.640 of my clients were court ordered DCFS Department of Family 0:04:21.640 --> 0:04:24.560 and Child Services. We have moms in there who were pregnant, 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:28.719 still still hitting the pipe asking me can I sign 0:04:28.760 --> 0:04:30.880 off on the documents so they can get the kids back, 0:04:31.320 --> 0:04:34.760 because I was predicated on their unification with their kids, 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:38.120 and so started off as doing that. When I got 0:04:38.120 --> 0:04:41.280 my doctor, I transitioned to a psychology expert life coach 0:04:41.480 --> 0:04:43.560 so that my hands wouldn't be tied behind my back 0:04:43.600 --> 0:04:46.880 because when I was a therapist working for a nonprofit 0:04:47.040 --> 0:04:51.560 under a license, the protocol, just with the BBS law, 0:04:51.839 --> 0:04:54.920 and you're very familiar with mental health and therapy, there's 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:57.760 so many things that you cannot do based on ethics 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:00.920 and law that, in my opinion, it the gates and 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:04.240 it really takes away from the real therapeutic experience. So, 0:05:04.360 --> 0:05:06.200 for example, I had a young lady come in and 0:05:06.240 --> 0:05:10.000 she had experienced sexual abuse. Her mother was allowing men 0:05:10.040 --> 0:05:13.440 to pay her to have sex with her daughter at thirteen, 0:05:13.480 --> 0:05:16.200 from age all the way from age eight to sixteen. 0:05:16.680 --> 0:05:19.599 The last time the guy came in, he put her 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:22.039 on the burners and the stove burners and had his 0:05:22.080 --> 0:05:25.760 way with her. For that young lady, thank god, that 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:28.360 was the last straw for her. So she ends up 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:32.680 in my office and we're talking and she's telling me 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:35.160 her story and I'm starting to become triggered because it's 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:39.479 trigger and my sexual abuse passed and so long story short, 0:05:40.040 --> 0:05:42.360 after one of our sessions, I get up and she's 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:44.719 in tears and she's telling her story and I go 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:46.200 to huger and she's like, no, no, no, you know, 0:05:46.279 --> 0:05:49.000 don't touch me because that's not something that she's in 0:05:49.040 --> 0:05:51.800 a place to handle at that time. No problem. Eight 0:05:51.839 --> 0:05:54.000 months go by, she's like she has to then be 0:05:54.000 --> 0:05:55.920 transferred out. She's like, all right, you know I wasn't 0:05:55.960 --> 0:05:58.200 doctor Brian and I was Chyenne. She's like, miss Chyenne, 0:05:58.440 --> 0:06:00.760 thank you for everything. I'm like okay, and she goes, oh, 0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:04.760 by the way, I'm ready for that. Hug everything in me, 0:06:05.160 --> 0:06:08.240 everything in me. Dj Vy was just like everything. 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:09.839 Was just like yeah. 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:11.839 And so not only did I hug her, but I 0:06:11.839 --> 0:06:14.200 think I broke through the BBS laws because I hugged 0:06:14.240 --> 0:06:17.200 that poor baby. I kissed all over her. But you're 0:06:17.240 --> 0:06:18.159 not supposed to do that. 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:20.559 You're still human now, but you're still human. 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:24.719 And so my specialty then was marriage, FAMIN and child therapy. 0:06:25.120 --> 0:06:27.599 So that is my foundation. So now that I am 0:06:27.800 --> 0:06:30.800 a psychologist for life coach, I can't get rid of 0:06:31.000 --> 0:06:33.920 that because that's my foundation. I do psyched on MCBT, 0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:36.919 but I couple it, which is my hybrid approach, with coaching. 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:39.560 So it's therapy and coaching, which is hybrid. And I 0:06:39.600 --> 0:06:42.440 say this without humility. That's why I'm so effective because 0:06:42.480 --> 0:06:45.120 therapy is telling me more. Let me hear about your trauma, 0:06:45.160 --> 0:06:48.000 your daddy issues to mom issues. Why are you who 0:06:48.040 --> 0:06:50.719 you are? And then once you're finished dealing with that 0:06:50.760 --> 0:06:53.280 and you process that. Okay, DJ MVY, what the hell 0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:54.080 you going from there? 0:06:54.800 --> 0:06:56.320 I do have one of the questions when it comes 0:06:56.320 --> 0:06:58.760 to the therapy aspect. I'm sure the world has been 0:06:58.760 --> 0:07:01.880 watching the mend This Brothers, right, and I had a question. Right, 0:07:02.360 --> 0:07:04.919 So the Amanda's brothers, if you don't know, they confess 0:07:04.960 --> 0:07:08.480 their crime to their therapist, and they believed that the 0:07:08.480 --> 0:07:12.280 therapists could not tell police officers because it was I guess, 0:07:12.320 --> 0:07:16.800 patient client privilege, but they did. So does that mean 0:07:16.880 --> 0:07:19.440 anything that I tell a therapist or that anybody tells 0:07:19.440 --> 0:07:22.400 a therapist can and can possibly be used against them 0:07:22.440 --> 0:07:23.239 in the court of law. 0:07:23.240 --> 0:07:27.040 One hundred percent. So a therapist is only under confidential 0:07:27.040 --> 0:07:30.200 oath unless you are threatened to kill yourself and someone else. 0:07:30.200 --> 0:07:32.240 And it can't just be a threat, it has to 0:07:32.280 --> 0:07:34.920 be you have you actually have like an action plan 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:36.320 to do so, right. You can't just come to me 0:07:36.320 --> 0:07:38.040 and say, hey, Doc, look you know I want to 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:40.400 kill myself. I will help you process through that and 0:07:40.440 --> 0:07:42.600 hopefully talk you off the ledge. But if you say 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:44.680 I got a plan. At nine pm, I'm leaving the house, 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:46.320 I'm going to do X, Y and Z to my wife. 0:07:46.440 --> 0:07:50.680 Then I have a duty to report. If I'm subpoenaed 0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:53.800 to court, I have to speak on that. 0:07:53.880 --> 0:07:53.960 Now. 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:56.320 If I did a crime and I'm talking to you 0:07:56.360 --> 0:07:58.600 about the crime because it's eating me up, you're not 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:01.320 supposed to tell law enforcem it's if I already killed 0:08:01.320 --> 0:08:04.080 somebody already did the crime already, even. 0:08:03.960 --> 0:08:10.400 If it's a murder, only unless that they're that that's it. 0:08:10.760 --> 0:08:13.000 When it comes to subpoena in the court and the 0:08:13.080 --> 0:08:17.560 justice system, their law oversees everything. It just does. When 0:08:17.600 --> 0:08:21.440 it comes to your confidentiality as client privilege, there's nothing 0:08:21.440 --> 0:08:22.000 that I can. 0:08:21.840 --> 0:08:24.160 Say out even can you reach out to the court 0:08:24.200 --> 0:08:26.000 and say, subpoena me, I need to be SENA. 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:31.600 Would never do that, just because I believe in following 0:08:31.600 --> 0:08:33.559 the oath of and maybe I just love and respect 0:08:33.600 --> 0:08:35.160 my clients too much. But if you came to me 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:37.480 and said something, I'm just not And I know this 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:40.480 is smaller than murder, but I've had married couples who 0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:44.040 come separately and together and the husband is just lighting 0:08:44.080 --> 0:08:47.439 it up in his individual sessions, like I'm cheating. I'm 0:08:47.480 --> 0:08:49.880 intimate with this person and that person is family members 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:52.120 is this, and I'm and I'm having to just make 0:08:52.120 --> 0:08:54.960 sure I process my counter transfers because I'm sitting there 0:08:55.000 --> 0:08:59.800 like damn, and I have her in one hour. In 0:09:01.679 --> 0:09:04.160 one hour. God. Now, of course, if it was like 0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:13.440 my girlfriend, I'd be likeriend, because my best friend couldn't 0:09:13.440 --> 0:09:15.679 be that's that's a confidation. She could never come to 0:09:15.720 --> 0:09:18.520 me as as a psychology experting that. But I then 0:09:18.559 --> 0:09:20.400 I'd be I'd be you know, ripping into in. 0:09:20.760 --> 0:09:22.360 Talk to me from the human perspective, because you still 0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:23.040 you're still a real. 0:09:24.640 --> 0:09:26.200 Stuff like that when you hear a guy come in 0:09:26.240 --> 0:09:27.880 one hour and he doing X, y Z, then the 0:09:27.920 --> 0:09:29.400 woman coming the next hour, what is going through your 0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:30.120 mind about to do? 0:09:30.720 --> 0:09:36.600 Charla, And my clients are watching this. My client's gonna 0:09:36.600 --> 0:09:39.960 be like, that's what you really mean? But you know, 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:43.000 in my mind, honestly what I try to do, and 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:45.160 and and and and some of my clients have followed 0:09:45.160 --> 0:09:49.080 this guidance. I have one client now, he's he's married 0:09:49.120 --> 0:09:51.520 and the wife is attempted to divorce him, and she's 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:54.240 divorcing him because he cheated, but she doesn't have any 0:09:54.280 --> 0:09:57.839 hard facts on him. So I've all I've actually been 0:09:57.880 --> 0:10:00.599 able to process with him. Was, so, you're going to 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:02.880 be with this woman or not? If you want to 0:10:02.920 --> 0:10:04.040 be with her or you want to be able to 0:10:04.120 --> 0:10:06.280 leave and do better. At some point you got to 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:07.880 be able to be real with yourself and real with her, 0:10:07.920 --> 0:10:09.960 and you got to be transparent. When do you plan 0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:12.120 on doing that? So he just literally this week or 0:10:12.200 --> 0:10:13.800 last week, because this week he told me doc. I 0:10:13.840 --> 0:10:16.240 sat with her and I told her that has been 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:18.840 you know a few times that I did cheat. And 0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:21.080 I said, how does she respond? He says, She said, 0:10:22.080 --> 0:10:24.480 now we can have a conversation because now you keeping 0:10:24.520 --> 0:10:30.440 it real. And when I had her in session, I said, listen, triggered, triggered, right, yeah, 0:10:32.080 --> 0:10:34.720 Like you have two options, said, either you know, I can. 0:10:35.000 --> 0:10:36.840 I can if you're willing to learn to love a dog, 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:40.520 we can start that process because you know, or we 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:44.000 could start the process of you leaving and starting over. 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:45.320 And she goes, what do you mean by a dog? 0:10:45.640 --> 0:10:47.480 She said, but he didn't. We've been together for ten years. 0:10:47.520 --> 0:10:49.520 He's never cheated. The first time I said no, no, baby, 0:10:49.679 --> 0:10:52.360 I said, he'd been quiet for ten years. He decided 0:10:52.400 --> 0:10:54.640 to bark, and you're number ten Jesus. 0:10:54.720 --> 0:10:56.280 So you don't think so you don't think that he 0:10:56.320 --> 0:10:58.880 could change in that marriage and not cheat anymore. 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:02.000 First of all, nobody change, including me. We shift, and 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:04.440 that changes our life. And when I say we shift, 0:11:04.480 --> 0:11:06.960 we shift out of the things and behaviors that don't 0:11:07.080 --> 0:11:10.079 serve us after we learn they're not working, and then 0:11:10.080 --> 0:11:13.000 we have to learn to manage those. So I am 0:11:13.200 --> 0:11:17.000 very firecrackery. When I was younger, I was very temperamental. 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:19.520 I was very you know who the fuck you're talking to? 0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:22.920 Real quick? I just because of my trauma, because of things, 0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:26.280 I just had a very protective by all means necessary. 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:28.120 I'm the Otus of seven, so I was you know, 0:11:28.200 --> 0:11:31.280 I've like this place up? Is that still in me 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:35.760 after all of my healing? Hell? Yeah? Do I manage it? Absolutely? 0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:38.480 Managing it just means that I'm high function I'm able 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:41.839 to regulate my emotions right, identify my emotions, don't get 0:11:41.880 --> 0:11:44.800 into my feelings because emotions are healthy. Feelings cause problems, 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:47.560 and I can just say, okay, identify that I'm angry, 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:51.480 I'm frustrated, So now let me choose my response. Before 0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:53.439 I was low functioning. Once I felt it, I was 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:55.959 triggered and everybody here was gonna know and it was gonna. 0:11:55.760 --> 0:11:56.439 Be a problem. 0:11:56.760 --> 0:11:59.640 So does that still come up? Yeah, but do I 0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:02.120 have self talk that says we're not doing that. 0:12:02.240 --> 0:12:03.600 So you don't think people can change. 0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:07.880 You just feel like they manage ourself. Well, we manage 0:12:07.920 --> 0:12:10.719 our self up. So a man who's a womanizer, he 0:12:11.440 --> 0:12:15.840 is always a womanizer. It's just how well can he 0:12:15.920 --> 0:12:20.360 discipline or manage his womanizing appetite, his womanizing actions, his 0:12:20.440 --> 0:12:24.960 womanizing desires? Can he imagine manage his environment? Can he 0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:27.280 be in a room full of women and not womanized 0:12:27.600 --> 0:12:29.480 and not cheat and not step out and not have 0:12:29.559 --> 0:12:32.880 infidelity issues. We like what we like. We are who 0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:33.200 we are. 0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:35.800 So you would never date a man that cheated before 0:12:35.840 --> 0:12:37.559 because you feel like he will always be a cheated 0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:38.520 Is that what you're saying. 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:41.760 I think that's also circumstantial. So I do believe that 0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:44.400 different relationships bring out different things in us. I was 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:47.480 also an extreme alpha in my first engagement. I had 0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:50.000 two engagements to called off two weddings. My first relationship 0:12:50.000 --> 0:12:52.920 I was engaged to, I was extreme alpha. So even 0:12:52.960 --> 0:12:56.280 if he tried to be alpha, I left no space. 0:12:56.840 --> 0:12:59.000 It was like hell no by all means necessary, Because 0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:02.280 I said so on you can walk like I'm chasing 0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:04.880 my career. I know my value. I'm not fatherless. I 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:07.120 got a daddy. He spoils me good day. 0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:09.240 So even in that, do you feel like that he 0:13:09.320 --> 0:13:11.720 wasn't man enough for you? Or like, what was that? 0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:13.280 Do you think that's your fault? Do you look back 0:13:13.280 --> 0:13:16.000 and be like, ugh, I was trying to be the man, 0:13:16.120 --> 0:13:17.040 not trying to be the man. 0:13:17.120 --> 0:13:19.160 But I actually I gave him. 0:13:19.040 --> 0:13:20.920 Because you just said you gave no room for him 0:13:20.960 --> 0:13:23.240 to do it. So do you regret that part of me? 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:26.280 That's a duality. I think he chose a woman who 0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:29.280 was alpha because it fed something in him that was beta. 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:31.560 I chose a man who was beta because my alpha 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:35.320 needed to be inflamed. But my second engagement, he was alpha. 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:38.400 That's why I say it's circumstantial. But not only was 0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:42.320 he alpha, I was ready. I had these submissive fills 0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:43.839 in me already, So by the time we got in 0:13:43.880 --> 0:13:46.959 a relationship, I was a hybrid. By then I was 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:50.280 alpha submissive, so I was cooking. He was daddy. I 0:13:50.360 --> 0:13:54.079 was soft. I was in my feminine and the blessing 0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:56.840 of that is I got to experience both, and I 0:13:56.960 --> 0:13:59.000 learned that I fell more in love with myself in 0:13:59.040 --> 0:14:01.920 my softness than he probably did. Like I was doing 0:14:01.920 --> 0:14:08.480 ship where I'm like, oh, that's me, that's me right now, 0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:11.280 even in the bedroom things that I was like, no, 0:14:11.360 --> 0:14:14.200 I'm not. When I was in my office, absolutely not. 0:14:15.040 --> 0:14:17.400 I was like, can we do that thing again? That 0:14:17.480 --> 0:14:19.520 thing I don't look at y'all y'all married? Can we 0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:23.320 do that thing? And that thing? I said, submit, but 0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:28.320 also but right, but also plays a role. But in the. 0:14:28.280 --> 0:14:35.400 Position what you doing, I'm not gonna from When you 0:14:35.480 --> 0:14:38.840 said that, I kept thinking of his story, what it 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:41.440 was telling me, the story about never mind Gilly the 0:14:41.480 --> 0:14:42.920 King was telling me a story about something that was 0:14:42.920 --> 0:14:45.320 in kim Porter the book, and how did he do that? 0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:49.400 Right? 0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:57.840 I mean something you don't feel answer question that can change. 0:14:57.560 --> 0:14:59.440 Though, Like you know maturity because you know a lot 0:14:59.440 --> 0:15:05.800 of times I because a lot of time I think 0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:09.240 sometimes you're immature and you don't know right. And I 0:15:09.280 --> 0:15:12.240 think you can grow out of things where you are mature, 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:16.360 not just being a womanizer or being insecure. Some of 0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:18.440 those things you grow out of because you learn differently. 0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:20.360 And some of the things that you follow is because 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:23.960 of society teaches you other than what you should be 0:15:24.040 --> 0:15:24.560 doing if. 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:27.240 You're I'm saying so when I was a child, I 0:15:27.240 --> 0:15:29.080 thought as a child. Now that I'm a man, I 0:15:29.080 --> 0:15:31.960 think is as a man, right, That's what the Bible says. 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:34.040 So do I think that we can mature out of 0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:38.680 things just But maturity takes work, It takes awareness and 0:15:38.760 --> 0:15:41.800 sense of self. So how many of us are really 0:15:41.800 --> 0:15:44.600 getting that? If we're in the same environments, the same relationships, 0:15:44.640 --> 0:15:48.000 are dating different people with the same spirit, So the 0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:51.119 same spirit is going to activate the same things in you. 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:53.920 You want different, there has to be a different circumstance 0:15:53.960 --> 0:15:57.360 of different activation. I went from a beta to an alpha, 0:15:57.480 --> 0:16:00.120 and I was receptive to being with an alpha. Well, 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:02.080 that's why I was able to be activated in my 0:16:02.120 --> 0:16:05.440 feminine I wouldn't choose abata now, I'd want an alpha man, 0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:08.400 but I also hold space for an alpha man. You 0:16:08.480 --> 0:16:11.720 couldn't be with a woman who is high functioning and 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:14.920 be a womanizer. She ain't holding space for you. You can 0:16:14.960 --> 0:16:17.800 pray on a low functioning woman because she holds space 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:21.120 too much space for a low functioning man who wants 0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:23.560 to prey on her. But if you were to say, 0:16:23.600 --> 0:16:25.440 you know what, I want to shift up my ways, 0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:28.360 you would also have to shift and choose a woman 0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:32.640 who won't tolerate that, because she will hold you accountable 0:16:32.840 --> 0:16:35.240 when you're in a space that don't work for her. Sure, 0:16:35.840 --> 0:16:38.160 does that make sense? So you can't be in the 0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:38.920 same environment. 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:41.560 But let's say a man is insecure, and he's insecure 0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:43.760 when he's sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, right because he doesn't know 0:16:43.800 --> 0:16:47.600 the world, or a man follows the likeness of, for instance, 0:16:47.680 --> 0:16:49.480 hip hop right because hip hop influence is so much 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:50.680 of us and a lot of us were. 0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:51.160 Grown from it. 0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:54.080 You know, whether it was what we did, what we 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:57.600 spoke about, carrying guns, selling drugs, being a womanized, whatever 0:16:57.640 --> 0:16:58.200 that may be. 0:16:58.280 --> 0:16:59.640 Men can change change. 0:16:59.640 --> 0:17:01.600 I feel like I feel like what you're saying is true, 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:04.520 but I feel like I would say shifts lead to Actually, 0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:05.159 that's what I'm. 0:17:05.000 --> 0:17:08.399 Saying, so right, So I'm not saying, listen, we're not Jesus, 0:17:08.400 --> 0:17:10.359 We're not turning water to one. I've said that on 0:17:10.400 --> 0:17:12.399 the Cam Newton the episode, and I stand by that. 0:17:12.760 --> 0:17:15.000 So you're not gonna change, and you're not gonna switch 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:19.159 up and tomorrow be a six ' five chocolate mad. 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:20.200 You don't know what identify. 0:17:20.560 --> 0:17:22.760 Listen, I'm self projected. That's what I'm trying to say. 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:29.000 But can you shift? Shifts will change you your world. 0:17:29.680 --> 0:17:33.200 You don't change, you shift. So what happens is that 0:17:33.280 --> 0:17:36.400 insecure boy grows up to be a man who shifts 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:39.560 things in him and his environment changes, and so does 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:42.560 he feel his insecurity and flame way less? Absolutely? But 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:45.400 whether there be moments where your little boy arises in 0:17:45.440 --> 0:17:48.639 you because you're triggered, that's life. And when that happens, 0:17:48.680 --> 0:17:50.399 if it's once a year or once every five years, 0:17:50.520 --> 0:17:52.560 you have to have the effective tools to manage that 0:17:52.600 --> 0:17:55.000 little boy or he will sabotage or he will go cheat. 0:17:55.119 --> 0:17:57.639 And that's how you say he ain't cheated in ten years, 0:17:58.480 --> 0:17:59.880 but he barked on your number ten. 0:18:00.119 --> 0:18:02.520 I agree with that wholeheartedly. The way it was worded 0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:03.920 the first time, I was like, I think can change, 0:18:03.920 --> 0:18:05.440 But I get what you said totally. 0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:07.840 Yeah, people can shift and that creates a change, But 0:18:07.880 --> 0:18:10.840 we don't wake up and we're like, we're totally different. 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:14.320 So the interview with Cam and also I saw that 0:18:14.359 --> 0:18:15.200 you sat down with Nick. 0:18:15.520 --> 0:18:16.040 How did that? 0:18:16.160 --> 0:18:20.080 How did did the firecracker, and you be like, I 0:18:20.080 --> 0:18:22.240 need to sit down with them. How did you get 0:18:22.280 --> 0:18:24.680 them in the room? How did you do those two interviews? 0:18:24.840 --> 0:18:26.240 Did they reach out to you or did you reach 0:18:26.240 --> 0:18:27.119