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Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning.

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Speaker 2: Breakfast Club Morning, everybody in dej n V Jess hilarious,

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Speaker 2: Charlemagne the God, we are the Breakfast Club.

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Speaker 1: Laura Ross here as well. We got a special guest

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Speaker 1: in the building.

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Speaker 2: We have doctor Cheyenne Bryant.

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Speaker 3: Welcome man.

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Speaker 1: You are one of the people in the mental health space.

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Speaker 1: Who are you? Who's us who's really using social media

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Speaker 1: right right?

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Speaker 4: Like you know, because you've used it to you know,

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Speaker 4: elevate your platform and just elevate the conversation around mental health.

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Speaker 1: So I applauded you on.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah. I always say

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Speaker 3: I didn't get into this field to become a celebrity.

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Speaker 3: But God has his own plans, right, So I literally

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Speaker 3: and my master's and my doctor program. I remember my

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Speaker 3: professor was saying, everyone who's gonna get license, raise your hand.

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Speaker 3: I didn't raise my hand. Everybody else did. And he's like, Doc,

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Speaker 3: you're going, you know with Shyanne at that time, you're

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Speaker 3: going through all this not get license. I'm like, no,

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Speaker 3: because I'm gonna be on a platform where I'm able

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Speaker 3: to change lives. Didn't think that it ended up being

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Speaker 3: a platform where to this magnitude one and then to

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Speaker 3: the place where literally I didn't want it, the whole

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Speaker 3: celebrity status and lifestyle. And not that I'm saying I

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Speaker 3: don't want it now and I don't like it, It's just

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Speaker 3: this is not where I expected it to go. But again,

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Speaker 3: if God needs to use a celebritiness and I said

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Speaker 3: it at your Mental health and Mental Health Expo, you know,

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Speaker 3: whether the celebrity status brings me, the naysayers or the sayers,

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Speaker 3: whatever it brings. As long as they can get a

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Speaker 3: tip R two that gives them a better quality of

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Speaker 3: life and helps them become better mentally, then run the play.

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Speaker 3: I'm cool with it.

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Speaker 5: How does that impact though, Like you do work in

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Speaker 5: mental health, but there's a lot of like the naysayers

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Speaker 5: are so loud, How does that impact you mental health wise?

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Speaker 5: And like, what's your work through because it's there, especially

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Speaker 5: with that when the cam interview came out, they were

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Speaker 5: people were upset about it. Some people agree, but you know,

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Speaker 5: how do you, as a person in that space deal

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Speaker 5: with all of that pushback.

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Speaker 3: This is the thing, Sis, I grew up a little

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Speaker 3: girl in the inner city, in the hood. I grew

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Speaker 3: up to two teenage parents. My mom was addicted to

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Speaker 3: the drug that my father sold. I'm a product of

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Speaker 3: a street dude, a straight gangster who turned into being

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Speaker 3: a good family man, and my mom is now sober

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Speaker 3: for the record. And so I say all that to

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Speaker 3: say that when you grow up in a certain type

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Speaker 3: of adversity, loud noise, that's against the grain of what

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Speaker 3: you're doing. It's not a loud noise, you know, it's

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Speaker 3: a norm. And that's why you know, the Bible says

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Speaker 3: it's good for me that I was afflicted, because when

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Speaker 3: you have those afflictions, they are preparing you for a

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Speaker 3: time like this that you have to stand in a

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Speaker 3: leadership role. And leadership comes with pressure, it comes with commitment,

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Speaker 3: it comes with character. And so when you have naysayers

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Speaker 3: who are applying pressure, then that's when you show if

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Speaker 3: you apply it for your diamond. But I already knew

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Speaker 3: from the trenches that I was a diamond, So I

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Speaker 3: wasn't worried about coming into this space with somebody having

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Speaker 3: a problem with what I'm doing. And I'm in my intent,

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Speaker 3: I'm in my purpose, and I'm vertical on who i am.

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Speaker 3: It don't matter to me because I'm running my own place,

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Speaker 3: So I'm not sitting up there as a quarterback being

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Speaker 3: Brady waiting for a moss.

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Speaker 1: Just put somebody out there. We're gonna win.

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Speaker 3: Put someone out there. That's just what it is, you know.

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Speaker 3: So when you're vertical and who you are, you're not

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Speaker 3: really worried about what is going to show up to

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Speaker 3: catch the catch. You know you your job is to throw,

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Speaker 3: and then the receiver's job is to do what to catch.

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Speaker 3: And so the quarterback don't throw and go just catch

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Speaker 3: you better do it? Just hands up. The quarterback throws

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Speaker 3: and he like, all right, I know I did it.

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Speaker 3: Tan up the slant over and that's it. And it's

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Speaker 3: a celebration if you're in there. If not, we run

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Speaker 3: the play back again until we do it. And that's

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Speaker 3: just what That's what life's about.

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Speaker 2: Now, you talked about your calling, So when it came

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Speaker 2: when it comes to your calling, what is your calling?

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Speaker 2: What do you specialize in? Is it relationships? Is it

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Speaker 2: dealing with people's problems? Is it just listening? What is

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Speaker 2: your specialty when it comes to and what's your calling?

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Speaker 3: I love that. So I started off as a marriage

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Speaker 3: and marriage i'man child therapist, and I tell God, I said, listen,

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Speaker 3: I'm a little girl from the hood. You know what

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Speaker 3: I come from. Don't put me in the hood, and

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Speaker 3: don't put me with with you know, court order DCF kids.

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Speaker 3: Not that I had a problem with him. I didn't

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Speaker 3: want to be triggered dealing with them and I didn't

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Speaker 3: want to have to deal with what I came from.

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Speaker 3: I wasn't in the system, but I came from that

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Speaker 3: type of adversity. And the first place God put me

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Speaker 3: was off of Hotdale and Sloughster and I don't know

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Speaker 3: if you're familiar with LA, but a block away from

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Speaker 3: Sloss and swap me in the hood. And every one

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Speaker 3: of my clients were court ordered DCFS Department of Family

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Speaker 3: and Child Services. We have moms in there who were pregnant,

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Speaker 3: still still hitting the pipe asking me can I sign

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Speaker 3: off on the documents so they can get the kids back,

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Speaker 3: because I was predicated on their unification with their kids,

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Speaker 3: and so started off as doing that. When I got

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Speaker 3: my doctor, I transitioned to a psychology expert life coach

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Speaker 3: so that my hands wouldn't be tied behind my back

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Speaker 3: because when I was a therapist working for a nonprofit

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Speaker 3: under a license, the protocol, just with the BBS law,

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Speaker 3: and you're very familiar with mental health and therapy, there's

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Speaker 3: so many things that you cannot do based on ethics

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Speaker 3: and law that, in my opinion, it the gates and

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Speaker 3: it really takes away from the real therapeutic experience. So,

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Speaker 3: for example, I had a young lady come in and

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Speaker 3: she had experienced sexual abuse. Her mother was allowing men

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Speaker 3: to pay her to have sex with her daughter at thirteen,

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Speaker 3: from age all the way from age eight to sixteen.

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Speaker 3: The last time the guy came in, he put her

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Speaker 3: on the burners and the stove burners and had his

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Speaker 3: way with her. For that young lady, thank god, that

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Speaker 3: was the last straw for her. So she ends up

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Speaker 3: in my office and we're talking and she's telling me

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Speaker 3: her story and I'm starting to become triggered because it's

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Speaker 3: trigger and my sexual abuse passed and so long story short,

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Speaker 3: after one of our sessions, I get up and she's

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Speaker 3: in tears and she's telling her story and I go

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Speaker 3: to huger and she's like, no, no, no, you know,

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Speaker 3: don't touch me because that's not something that she's in

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Speaker 3: a place to handle at that time. No problem. Eight

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Speaker 3: months go by, she's like she has to then be

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Speaker 3: transferred out. She's like, all right, you know I wasn't

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Speaker 3: doctor Brian and I was Chyenne. She's like, miss Chyenne,

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Speaker 3: thank you for everything. I'm like okay, and she goes, oh,

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Speaker 3: by the way, I'm ready for that. Hug everything in me,

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Speaker 3: everything in me. Dj Vy was just like everything.

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Speaker 6: Was just like yeah.

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Speaker 3: And so not only did I hug her, but I

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Speaker 3: think I broke through the BBS laws because I hugged

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Speaker 3: that poor baby. I kissed all over her. But you're

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Speaker 3: not supposed to do that.

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Speaker 1: You're still human now, but you're still human.

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Speaker 3: And so my specialty then was marriage, FAMIN and child therapy.

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Speaker 3: So that is my foundation. So now that I am

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Speaker 3: a psychologist for life coach, I can't get rid of

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Speaker 3: that because that's my foundation. I do psyched on MCBT,

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Speaker 3: but I couple it, which is my hybrid approach, with coaching.

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Speaker 3: So it's therapy and coaching, which is hybrid. And I

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Speaker 3: say this without humility. That's why I'm so effective because

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Speaker 3: therapy is telling me more. Let me hear about your trauma,

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Speaker 3: your daddy issues to mom issues. Why are you who

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Speaker 3: you are? And then once you're finished dealing with that

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Speaker 3: and you process that. Okay, DJ MVY, what the hell

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Speaker 3: you going from there?

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Speaker 2: I do have one of the questions when it comes

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Speaker 2: to the therapy aspect. I'm sure the world has been

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Speaker 2: watching the mend This Brothers, right, and I had a question. Right,

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Speaker 2: So the Amanda's brothers, if you don't know, they confess

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Speaker 2: their crime to their therapist, and they believed that the

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Speaker 2: therapists could not tell police officers because it was I guess,

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Speaker 2: patient client privilege, but they did. So does that mean

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Speaker 2: anything that I tell a therapist or that anybody tells

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Speaker 2: a therapist can and can possibly be used against them

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Speaker 2: in the court of law.

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Speaker 3: One hundred percent. So a therapist is only under confidential

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Speaker 3: oath unless you are threatened to kill yourself and someone else.

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Speaker 3: And it can't just be a threat, it has to

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Speaker 3: be you have you actually have like an action plan

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Speaker 3: to do so, right. You can't just come to me

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Speaker 3: and say, hey, Doc, look you know I want to

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Speaker 3: kill myself. I will help you process through that and

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Speaker 3: hopefully talk you off the ledge. But if you say

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Speaker 3: I got a plan. At nine pm, I'm leaving the house,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to do X, Y and Z to my wife.

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Speaker 3: Then I have a duty to report. If I'm subpoenaed

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Speaker 3: to court, I have to speak on that.

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Speaker 7: Now.

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Speaker 2: If I did a crime and I'm talking to you

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Speaker 2: about the crime because it's eating me up, you're not

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Speaker 2: supposed to tell law enforcem it's if I already killed

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Speaker 2: somebody already did the crime already, even.

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Speaker 3: If it's a murder, only unless that they're that that's it.

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Speaker 3: When it comes to subpoena in the court and the

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Speaker 3: justice system, their law oversees everything. It just does. When

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Speaker 3: it comes to your confidentiality as client privilege, there's nothing

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Speaker 3: that I can.

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Speaker 4: Say out even can you reach out to the court

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Speaker 4: and say, subpoena me, I need to be SENA.

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Speaker 3: Would never do that, just because I believe in following

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Speaker 3: the oath of and maybe I just love and respect

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Speaker 3: my clients too much. But if you came to me

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Speaker 3: and said something, I'm just not And I know this

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Speaker 3: is smaller than murder, but I've had married couples who

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Speaker 3: come separately and together and the husband is just lighting

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Speaker 3: it up in his individual sessions, like I'm cheating. I'm

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Speaker 3: intimate with this person and that person is family members

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Speaker 3: is this, and I'm and I'm having to just make

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Speaker 3: sure I process my counter transfers because I'm sitting there

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Speaker 3: like damn, and I have her in one hour. In

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Speaker 3: one hour. God. Now, of course, if it was like

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Speaker 3: my girlfriend, I'd be likeriend, because my best friend couldn't

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Speaker 3: be that's that's a confidation. She could never come to

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Speaker 3: me as as a psychology experting that. But I then

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Speaker 3: I'd be I'd be you know, ripping into in.

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Speaker 1: Talk to me from the human perspective, because you still

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Speaker 1: you're still a real.

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Speaker 4: Stuff like that when you hear a guy come in

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Speaker 4: one hour and he doing X, y Z, then the

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Speaker 4: woman coming the next hour, what is going through your

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Speaker 4: mind about to do?

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Speaker 3: Charla, And my clients are watching this. My client's gonna

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Speaker 3: be like, that's what you really mean? But you know,

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Speaker 3: in my mind, honestly what I try to do, and

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Speaker 3: and and and and some of my clients have followed

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Speaker 3: this guidance. I have one client now, he's he's married

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Speaker 3: and the wife is attempted to divorce him, and she's

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Speaker 3: divorcing him because he cheated, but she doesn't have any

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Speaker 3: hard facts on him. So I've all I've actually been

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Speaker 3: able to process with him. Was, so, you're going to

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Speaker 3: be with this woman or not? If you want to

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Speaker 3: be with her or you want to be able to

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Speaker 3: leave and do better. At some point you got to

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Speaker 3: be able to be real with yourself and real with her,

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Speaker 3: and you got to be transparent. When do you plan

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Speaker 3: on doing that? So he just literally this week or

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Speaker 3: last week, because this week he told me doc. I

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Speaker 3: sat with her and I told her that has been

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Speaker 3: you know a few times that I did cheat. And

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Speaker 3: I said, how does she respond? He says, She said,

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Speaker 3: now we can have a conversation because now you keeping

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Speaker 3: it real. And when I had her in session, I said, listen, triggered, triggered, right, yeah,

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Speaker 3: Like you have two options, said, either you know, I can.

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Speaker 3: I can if you're willing to learn to love a dog,

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Speaker 3: we can start that process because you know, or we

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Speaker 3: could start the process of you leaving and starting over.

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Speaker 3: And she goes, what do you mean by a dog?

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Speaker 3: She said, but he didn't. We've been together for ten years.

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Speaker 3: He's never cheated. The first time I said no, no, baby,

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Speaker 3: I said, he'd been quiet for ten years. He decided

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Speaker 3: to bark, and you're number ten Jesus.

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Speaker 5: So you don't think so you don't think that he

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Speaker 5: could change in that marriage and not cheat anymore.

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Speaker 3: First of all, nobody change, including me. We shift, and

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Speaker 3: that changes our life. And when I say we shift,

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Speaker 3: we shift out of the things and behaviors that don't

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Speaker 3: serve us after we learn they're not working, and then

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Speaker 3: we have to learn to manage those. So I am

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Speaker 3: very firecrackery. When I was younger, I was very temperamental.

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Speaker 3: I was very you know who the fuck you're talking to?

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Speaker 3: Real quick? I just because of my trauma, because of things,

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Speaker 3: I just had a very protective by all means necessary.

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Speaker 3: I'm the Otus of seven, so I was you know,

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Speaker 3: I've like this place up? Is that still in me

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Speaker 3: after all of my healing? Hell? Yeah? Do I manage it? Absolutely?

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Speaker 3: Managing it just means that I'm high function I'm able

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Speaker 3: to regulate my emotions right, identify my emotions, don't get

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Speaker 3: into my feelings because emotions are healthy. Feelings cause problems,

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Speaker 3: and I can just say, okay, identify that I'm angry,

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Speaker 3: I'm frustrated, So now let me choose my response. Before

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Speaker 3: I was low functioning. Once I felt it, I was

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Speaker 3: triggered and everybody here was gonna know and it was gonna.

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Speaker 1: Be a problem.

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Speaker 3: So does that still come up? Yeah, but do I

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Speaker 3: have self talk that says we're not doing that.

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Speaker 1: So you don't think people can change.

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Speaker 3: You just feel like they manage ourself. Well, we manage

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Speaker 3: our self up. So a man who's a womanizer, he

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Speaker 3: is always a womanizer. It's just how well can he

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Speaker 3: discipline or manage his womanizing appetite, his womanizing actions, his

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Speaker 3: womanizing desires? Can he imagine manage his environment? Can he

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Speaker 3: be in a room full of women and not womanized

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Speaker 3: and not cheat and not step out and not have

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Speaker 3: infidelity issues. We like what we like. We are who

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Speaker 3: we are.

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Speaker 2: So you would never date a man that cheated before

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Speaker 2: because you feel like he will always be a cheated

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Speaker 2: Is that what you're saying.

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Speaker 3: I think that's also circumstantial. So I do believe that

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Speaker 3: different relationships bring out different things in us. I was

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Speaker 3: also an extreme alpha in my first engagement. I had

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Speaker 3: two engagements to called off two weddings. My first relationship

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Speaker 3: I was engaged to, I was extreme alpha. So even

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Speaker 3: if he tried to be alpha, I left no space.

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Speaker 3: It was like hell no by all means necessary, Because

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Speaker 3: I said so on you can walk like I'm chasing

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Speaker 3: my career. I know my value. I'm not fatherless. I

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Speaker 3: got a daddy. He spoils me good day.

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Speaker 8: So even in that, do you feel like that he

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Speaker 8: wasn't man enough for you? Or like, what was that?

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Speaker 8: Do you think that's your fault? Do you look back

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Speaker 8: and be like, ugh, I was trying to be the man,

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Speaker 8: not trying to be the man.

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Speaker 6: But I actually I gave him.

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Speaker 8: Because you just said you gave no room for him

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Speaker 8: to do it. So do you regret that part of me?

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Speaker 3: That's a duality. I think he chose a woman who

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Speaker 3: was alpha because it fed something in him that was beta.

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Speaker 3: I chose a man who was beta because my alpha

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Speaker 3: needed to be inflamed. But my second engagement, he was alpha.

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Speaker 3: That's why I say it's circumstantial. But not only was

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Speaker 3: he alpha, I was ready. I had these submissive fills

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Speaker 3: in me already, So by the time we got in

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Speaker 3: a relationship, I was a hybrid. By then I was

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Speaker 3: alpha submissive, so I was cooking. He was daddy. I

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Speaker 3: was soft. I was in my feminine and the blessing

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Speaker 3: of that is I got to experience both, and I

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Speaker 3: learned that I fell more in love with myself in

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Speaker 3: my softness than he probably did. Like I was doing

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Speaker 3: ship where I'm like, oh, that's me, that's me right now,

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Speaker 3: even in the bedroom things that I was like, no,

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Speaker 3: I'm not. When I was in my office, absolutely not.

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Speaker 3: I was like, can we do that thing again? That

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Speaker 3: thing I don't look at y'all y'all married? Can we

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Speaker 3: do that thing? And that thing? I said, submit, but

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Speaker 3: also but right, but also plays a role. But in the.

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Speaker 4: Position what you doing, I'm not gonna from When you

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Speaker 4: said that, I kept thinking of his story, what it

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Speaker 4: was telling me, the story about never mind Gilly the

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Speaker 4: King was telling me a story about something that was

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Speaker 4: in kim Porter the book, and how did he do that?

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Speaker 5: Right?

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Speaker 3: I mean something you don't feel answer question that can change.

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Speaker 2: Though, Like you know maturity because you know a lot

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Speaker 2: of times I because a lot of time I think

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Speaker 2: sometimes you're immature and you don't know right. And I

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Speaker 2: think you can grow out of things where you are mature,

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Speaker 2: not just being a womanizer or being insecure. Some of

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Speaker 2: those things you grow out of because you learn differently.

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Speaker 2: And some of the things that you follow is because

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Speaker 2: of society teaches you other than what you should be

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Speaker 2: doing if.

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Speaker 3: You're I'm saying so when I was a child, I

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Speaker 3: thought as a child. Now that I'm a man, I

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Speaker 3: think is as a man, right, That's what the Bible says.

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Speaker 3: So do I think that we can mature out of

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Speaker 3: things just But maturity takes work, It takes awareness and

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Speaker 3: sense of self. So how many of us are really

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Speaker 3: getting that? If we're in the same environments, the same relationships,

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Speaker 3: are dating different people with the same spirit, So the

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Speaker 3: same spirit is going to activate the same things in you.

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Speaker 3: You want different, there has to be a different circumstance

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Speaker 3: of different activation. I went from a beta to an alpha,

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Speaker 3: and I was receptive to being with an alpha. Well,

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Speaker 3: that's why I was able to be activated in my

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Speaker 3: feminine I wouldn't choose abata now, I'd want an alpha man,

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Speaker 3: but I also hold space for an alpha man. You

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Speaker 3: couldn't be with a woman who is high functioning and

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Speaker 3: be a womanizer. She ain't holding space for you. You can

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Speaker 3: pray on a low functioning woman because she holds space

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Speaker 3: too much space for a low functioning man who wants

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Speaker 3: to prey on her. But if you were to say,

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Speaker 3: you know what, I want to shift up my ways,

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Speaker 3: you would also have to shift and choose a woman

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Speaker 3: who won't tolerate that, because she will hold you accountable

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Speaker 3: when you're in a space that don't work for her. Sure,

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Speaker 3: does that make sense? So you can't be in the

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Speaker 3: same environment.

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Speaker 2: But let's say a man is insecure, and he's insecure

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Speaker 2: when he's sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, right because he doesn't know

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Speaker 2: the world, or a man follows the likeness of, for instance,

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Speaker 2: hip hop right because hip hop influence is so much

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Speaker 2: of us and a lot of us were.

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Speaker 1: Grown from it.

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Speaker 2: You know, whether it was what we did, what we

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Speaker 2: spoke about, carrying guns, selling drugs, being a womanized, whatever

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Speaker 2: that may be.

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Speaker 1: Men can change change.

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Speaker 4: I feel like I feel like what you're saying is true,

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Speaker 4: but I feel like I would say shifts lead to Actually,

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Speaker 4: that's what I'm.

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Speaker 3: Saying, so right, So I'm not saying, listen, we're not Jesus,

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Speaker 3: We're not turning water to one. I've said that on

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Speaker 3: the Cam Newton the episode, and I stand by that.

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Speaker 3: So you're not gonna change, and you're not gonna switch

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Speaker 3: up and tomorrow be a six ' five chocolate mad.

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Speaker 2: You don't know what identify.

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Speaker 3: Listen, I'm self projected. That's what I'm trying to say.

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Speaker 3: But can you shift? Shifts will change you your world.

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Speaker 3: You don't change, you shift. So what happens is that

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Speaker 3: insecure boy grows up to be a man who shifts

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Speaker 3: things in him and his environment changes, and so does

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Speaker 3: he feel his insecurity and flame way less? Absolutely? But

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Speaker 3: whether there be moments where your little boy arises in

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Speaker 3: you because you're triggered, that's life. And when that happens,

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Speaker 3: if it's once a year or once every five years,

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Speaker 3: you have to have the effective tools to manage that

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Speaker 3: little boy or he will sabotage or he will go cheat.

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Speaker 3: And that's how you say he ain't cheated in ten years,

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Speaker 3: but he barked on your number ten.

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Speaker 1: I agree with that wholeheartedly. The way it was worded

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Speaker 1: the first time, I was like, I think can change,

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Speaker 1: But I get what you said totally.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, people can shift and that creates a change, But

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Speaker 3: we don't wake up and we're like, we're totally different.

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Speaker 8: So the interview with Cam and also I saw that

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Speaker 8: you sat down with Nick.

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Speaker 6: How did that?

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Speaker 8: How did did the firecracker, and you be like, I

398
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Speaker 8: need to sit down with them. How did you get

399
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Speaker 8: them in the room? How did you do those two interviews?

400
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Speaker 8: Did they reach out to you or did you reach

401
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Speaker 8: out to them?

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Speaker 3: So Nick reach out to me and said, Doc, what's up?

403
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,200
Speaker 3: Like I want to work through somethings, but I want

404
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Speaker 3: to work through it on camera. And I said, okay,

405
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Speaker 3: no problem, but I'm going to penetrate, so we're not

406
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Speaker 3: doing it petrate.

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Speaker 6: Crazy, So he liked penetration.

408
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Speaker 3: Nick always goes, Doc, do you have to use that word.

409
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Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, I am. I'm penetrating you at the

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Speaker 3: space that obviously it's broken and.

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Speaker 7: The men don't change. No twelve year old girl right now?

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Speaker 3: Definitely present, definitely.

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Speaker 8: So when he says all right, I need to work

414
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Speaker 8: through some things, You're like, okay on camera?

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Speaker 6: Does that then in your mind say is this for real?

416
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,679
Speaker 6: For real? Or do you want to appeal to a

417
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Speaker 6: certain market, you know, to a certain audience.

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Speaker 8: You know what I'm saying, because you know, we're in

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Speaker 8: the in the times now where everything has to be

420
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Speaker 8: recorded or didn't happen or you know, that's just how

421
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Speaker 8: people look or how people feel. But what does that

422
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Speaker 8: make it a little phony to you? So, because I

423
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Speaker 8: couldn't find another word.

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Speaker 3: Other than but great observation, I didn't look at it

425
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Speaker 3: like that because I look at it like I have

426
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Speaker 3: a job to do and a purpose to serve. So

427
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,360
Speaker 3: whether we have one camera or ten, you're gonna get

428
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Speaker 3: this work. And so they may have done it, and

429
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Speaker 3: I'm not saying they did. They may have done it

430
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Speaker 3: from an entertainment perspective, but as we see, more than

431
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,240
Speaker 3: entertainment came out of it. Because your intention will always

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Speaker 3: be what ends up being the end result for you.

433
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:20,560
Speaker 3: And so my intent was to use Nick's situation and

434
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:25,640
Speaker 3: shift a whole culture of black men saying what Cam,

435
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:27,760
Speaker 3: and it happened. There were a lot of naysayers, but

436
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:32,080
Speaker 3: a lot of black men were actually in there creating

437
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,440
Speaker 3: the vironus and saying, listen, Doc is right, we need

438
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,080
Speaker 3: to create more husbands and less baby daddies. Black men

439
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:39,080
Speaker 3: were like, I'm twenty six, I got three kids by

440
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:41,160
Speaker 3: three different women, and She's right, this ain't it, man.

441
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:44,280
Speaker 3: We got to do different. That was my intent, and

442
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,680
Speaker 3: my intent is what manifested. So and Nick as well.

443
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,320
Speaker 3: Kim was resistant, but Cam had to answered a lot

444
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:53,359
Speaker 3: of questions in his household, Cam had a lot of stuff.

445
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,080
Speaker 3: He had a lot of different conversations he had to

446
00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:57,160
Speaker 3: have with that woman whether she wants to come out

447
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,240
Speaker 3: on social media and where the mask she's been wearing,

448
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:03,359
Speaker 3: that mask is off at home. Cam had to answer

449
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,520
Speaker 3: questions that created a lot of conflict. Conflict is needed

450
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 3: for a resolve and for shift and change, and so, yeah,

451
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,879
Speaker 3: entertainment or not. I wanted to make sure that what

452
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:15,400
Speaker 3: happened happened, that the conversation is now being had everywhere

453
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,080
Speaker 3: that it is time for our community to do things differently.

454
00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:20,280
Speaker 3: And if you have already created broken houses and homes,

455
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:23,159
Speaker 3: you're not doomed, but you need to stop. It's a

456
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:27,160
Speaker 3: time to stop, like we're not here to create broken houses.

457
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,480
Speaker 3: And now yourself, you're projecting your daddy issues and mommy

458
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 3: issues as a man onto an entire generation that has

459
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,040
Speaker 3: to now grow up to figure out what the hell

460
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:36,479
Speaker 3: is the root of their issue and how do they

461
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,920
Speaker 3: not sabotage and how do they do this thing differently?

462
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:40,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, caa.

463
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,359
Speaker 4: Cam said that you know it affected his relationship with

464
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:46,240
Speaker 4: his first two baby moms and his current situation.

465
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,960
Speaker 1: You feel that no, Yeah.

466
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 3: Because I'm here to interrupt that pattern. No. Yeah, like

467
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 3: the ship should have been interrupted a long time. A

468
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,439
Speaker 3: lot of you know Cam and you come from, and

469
00:21:56,480 --> 00:22:01,560
Speaker 3: not that this breeds you know, good decision making people.

470
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,720
Speaker 3: But Cam comes from he's a pastor's child. He comes

471
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:06,879
Speaker 3: from two parents that are still married and they're still

472
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 3: very their pastors, very much involved with the church that

473
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 3: goes to show you, like the Bible said, it was

474
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:15,440
Speaker 3: good for me that I was afflicted because you got

475
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 3: people who come from brokenness. This is why I said,

476
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:20,679
Speaker 3: these kids are not doomed who make different decisions because

477
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 3: it's not about where a lot of times it's not

478
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,640
Speaker 3: where you go and that gets you where you're going.

479
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:26,840
Speaker 3: It's where you trying to get the hell away from.

480
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:29,840
Speaker 3: And a lot of times parents. Yeah, like I was

481
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 3: telling ray J a this, ray J is my client

482
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:36,640
Speaker 3: as well Jesus, And I was telling ray I said, ray,

483
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:40,960
Speaker 3: I love your parents, but they showed you everything to

484
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 3: do right, they didn't show you what not to do.

485
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,960
Speaker 3: And see, for me, I had a circumstances an environment

486
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 3: that showed me everything not to do. So sometimes knowing

487
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,160
Speaker 3: what not to do saves you from doing the wrong shit.

488
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,200
Speaker 3: It's not about having a perfect household. It's about having

489
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,719
Speaker 3: a blended, balanced household that says, listen, this is what

490
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:03,280
Speaker 3: you can do to get you this, this is what

491
00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 3: you you shouldn't do. And when you come from a

492
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,040
Speaker 3: lot of pastor kids and these these folks who come

493
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:11,639
Speaker 3: in from these really perfect households are perfect marriages that

494
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:15,600
Speaker 3: have a lot of infidelity, a lot of brokenness in them,

495
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 3: these folks, these kids learn how to master the life

496
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 3: as well, and they learn how to overcompensate for what

497
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:26,119
Speaker 3: they're missing in broken houses, in womanizing or mannizing ways,

498
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 3: and that becomes an issue and then they just becomes

499
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:31,760
Speaker 3: a dysfunctional pattern where they keep creating this. They get

500
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:33,879
Speaker 3: comfortable and dysfunction and say I'm thriving here. No you're not.

501
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:36,840
Speaker 3: You've learned to survive and you're teaching everybody else who

502
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 3: you are, you know, creating or pro creating how to survive.

503
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 8: I was just going to ask, how do you deal

504
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,240
Speaker 8: with your other clients if you have raj.

505
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,640
Speaker 3: I do Oh yeah, I have that. I have vice counsel.

506
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,440
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah. I have a nice group, a nice

507
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:02,000
Speaker 3: really healthy ecosystem. People who are in you know, counselors

508
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 3: and coaches and who are not do that? I use them?

509
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,399
Speaker 5: Does this like so like with the camp situation, is

510
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,840
Speaker 5: in there like a follow up conversation with him and

511
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 5: like he wants to work through more stuff now off

512
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,879
Speaker 5: camera because like it, I'm sure it triggered a lot

513
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,320
Speaker 5: for him as well too when those additional conversations had

514
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,800
Speaker 5: to happen, or like is he gonna be like what

515
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:20,600
Speaker 5: happens after that? We see it in real we see

516
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,160
Speaker 5: it on the internet and it goes crazy.

517
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:23,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, the baby.

518
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 7: Mom's a girlfriend. All the fall out.

519
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:27,280
Speaker 5: There's been recent fallout too with him talking about her

520
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:29,639
Speaker 5: Jazz not being the only woman that he slept with

521
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,160
Speaker 5: in a relationship, and so there's things coming out. Now

522
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,200
Speaker 5: does he hit you up and say, hey, I want

523
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:35,640
Speaker 5: to do some more work. I wanna have a conversation

524
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:36,879
Speaker 5: or he's like nah.

525
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,359
Speaker 3: He's he hasn't hit me up to say yes, but

526
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,679
Speaker 3: he's definitely not like nah, okay, But I who I

527
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:45,959
Speaker 3: would love to have a conversation with, whether it can

528
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,400
Speaker 3: whether it's on camera or off not, just to more

529
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,760
Speaker 3: support her in whatever she's doing right now or feeling

530
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:54,879
Speaker 3: or going through. Is Jazz, Yeah, I would love to

531
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,240
Speaker 3: have a conversation with Jazz, even if it's a private session.

532
00:24:58,040 --> 00:24:59,919
Speaker 3: I think that she needs tools on how to be

533
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,600
Speaker 3: in this relationship if she's gonna stay, and if she

534
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:04,800
Speaker 3: chooses to leave, she needs tools on how to also

535
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 3: pivot that. And it's not about having a conversation with

536
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,359
Speaker 3: her or having a session with her to get her

537
00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:12,120
Speaker 3: to change her mind. It's about getting her to feel

538
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:14,879
Speaker 3: supported and showing compassion and then trying to figure out

539
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:16,840
Speaker 3: where she wants to navigate from here. And see, that's

540
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,920
Speaker 3: the thing, because I don't know if you saw months ago,

541
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 3: or this may have been before she was pregnant. I

542
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:26,359
Speaker 3: think I saw this she's happy with or you know,

543
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 3: with everything that's going on.

544
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:30,959
Speaker 6: You know how she's okay with that.

545
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:34,159
Speaker 8: So if she understands and she is willing and she's like, okay,

546
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 8: I'm all in, I'm abiding by every rule that you have,

547
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:40,000
Speaker 8: then what the hell are you going to talk to

548
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 8: her about? You know what I'm saying, like, how can

549
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:46,640
Speaker 8: cause even as a woman watching that, right, I didn't

550
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,720
Speaker 8: know who she was with yet until it came out

551
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:51,160
Speaker 8: and then I was like, oh damn, all right, So

552
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,359
Speaker 8: that's how you feel about him, and that's my man's

553
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:56,080
Speaker 8: and that's my girl. But I'm just like, damn, how

554
00:25:56,680 --> 00:26:00,199
Speaker 8: strong the strongest back that I've ever her.

555
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:02,159
Speaker 6: I give my head.

556
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:06,440
Speaker 8: Off to her for dealing with that whole dynamic, But

557
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:11,440
Speaker 8: what can you say to her that'll change?

558
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 3: I think it's helping her come to herself. And I

559
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:22,200
Speaker 3: think that I think that Jazz got herself into something

560
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,960
Speaker 3: that one she didn't understand that she was getting herself into.

561
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:27,840
Speaker 3: And I think she would love to back paddle if

562
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:30,399
Speaker 3: she could. But where do you go from here? You

563
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:32,880
Speaker 3: have a child? A lot of women, especially Black women,

564
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:35,840
Speaker 3: stay because they don't want to be a product of

565
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:38,439
Speaker 3: a broken house and they don't want to be a

566
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 3: single mom who wants to be a statistic who wants

567
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:44,120
Speaker 3: to be that right. And so for her, I understand

568
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,960
Speaker 3: why she would want to stay to make it work.

569
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:51,640
Speaker 3: But I also would understand why she wants to leave

570
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 3: to do it right. And it's not because he has kids.

571
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:58,520
Speaker 3: It's because this man is not honoring you. He's disrespecting you.

572
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:02,960
Speaker 3: And he's not only doing it privately, he's doing it publicly.

573
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,240
Speaker 3: He's not even allowing it to be pillow talk.

574
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 7: You know.

575
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 3: So it's like, And that's what I mean by the

576
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:11,120
Speaker 3: epitome of a high valued man in the most low

577
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 3: functioning functionality you can have, Like you have no respect

578
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 3: at all for this woman who you not only have

579
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:21,439
Speaker 3: a child with, but you are in a relationship with.

580
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 3: You're waiting for God to give you more kids. You

581
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,639
Speaker 3: have a woman at home, You're sleeping with other women

582
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:30,920
Speaker 3: publicly on your platform for this woman to feel how

583
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 3: all you're doing is self projecting your brokenness and your

584
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 3: pain on this woman. In all of these eight kids

585
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:39,440
Speaker 3: and these three other women, you are pro creating broken houses.

586
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:41,679
Speaker 3: And let me go further, he also has a broken

587
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 3: home with her, because a broken house and a broken

588
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,119
Speaker 3: home are two different things, so you have both. A

589
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 3: broken house is just a single family home. It could

590
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 3: be one mama, one daddy, or for people who have partners,

591
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,639
Speaker 3: it could be one partner in the house. That means

592
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:57,440
Speaker 3: just there's one person. A broken home is you got

593
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 3: a two party households. The home is owen pair. They

594
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:04,000
Speaker 3: can't even function at a level of healthiness. Cam has both,

595
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 3: and he knows that, and he's trying to figure out

596
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 3: how he front backside pedals. But this is the deal.

597
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,960
Speaker 3: You know, and I said this to him jokingly and

598
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 3: I wasn't pun attended, but it was like I told him,

599
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:18,520
Speaker 3: I said, I said, Cam, before we didn't even I say, Kim,

600
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 3: you're about to throw picks this entire interview. It's like

601
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:23,560
Speaker 3: you did when you was playing. I said, you took

602
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 3: him to a super Bowl but you couldn't get the ring.

603
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,240
Speaker 3: And he just looked and he said no. But to

604
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 3: backtrack real quick, Cam reached out to me before the interview.

605
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:39,280
Speaker 3: But but did I did I catch the picks or not?

606
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,200
Speaker 7: From what I saw, Yeah, the pig's right.

607
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 3: And so but my point is Cam reached out to

608
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 3: me because EGO, he seen me and Nick Cannon's interview

609
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 3: and he said Nick was too soft. Do my interview.

610
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 3: It's not it's not going to be that same smoke.

611
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 3: And so I said, sign me up when I'll fly

612
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 3: out tomorrow. He said, oh, okay, like that. I said,

613
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 3: hundred percent, I'm ready. And so when it happened, I

614
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,800
Speaker 3: think Cam's edge was to throw me off, yeah, and

615
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 3: to see if he can challenge you, challenge me and

616
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,960
Speaker 3: more dominate the conversation. My intent was to bring healing

617
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:14,440
Speaker 3: in awareness and he got that.

618
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:16,720
Speaker 2: Do you ever tell women to leave when you're dealing

619
00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 2: when you're talking to women on men, do you ever

620
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:19,720
Speaker 2: tell them to leaveuse? I know a lot of times

621
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:23,720
Speaker 2: therapists won't tell somebody to leave. And if somebody is

622
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,280
Speaker 2: still in a relationship, whether it's domestic violence, whether it's

623
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 2: a woman or not as or whether it's something that's negative,

624
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 2: do you feel like if a woman stays, she's weak.

625
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,560
Speaker 3: I don't think she's weak. I think she has a

626
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:38,360
Speaker 3: lot of underlining issues that need to be processed, and

627
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:40,800
Speaker 3: I think she doesn't have awareness of what those are

628
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 3: and what that relationship is feeding are the underlining issues,

629
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 3: and she's staying because she needs those to be fed.

630
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 3: And if she leaves, what's fed? If she doesn't have

631
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:55,720
Speaker 3: any awareness of her healthiness. See, what we know is

632
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 3: what feeds us. We all set up feeding stations and

633
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:01,440
Speaker 3: we go and feed on things that we have awareness of,

634
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 3: which is a lot of times I trum artists function

635
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 3: or our survival mechanism. And so I never tell them

636
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 3: to leave, but I do help them either say this

637
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,040
Speaker 3: is what the work is going to take to stay,

638
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 3: and this is what it looks like for you to leave.

639
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:16,880
Speaker 3: What do you want to do.

640
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 2: So, you don't feel like if a man stays a

641
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:22,680
Speaker 2: woman stays, they are weak, whether it's whatever their relationship.

642
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:25,320
Speaker 2: You don't feel that way. You feel like people can

643
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 2: get through certain things, whether it's domestic violence, whether it's abuse,

644
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 2: whether it's cheating, whether it's whatever it may be.

645
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 3: I think that people can get through it if they're

646
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:38,240
Speaker 3: willing to reinvent. So marriage isn't something that always has

647
00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:41,160
Speaker 3: to be dissolved. Sometimes they can be recreated and reinvented

648
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:43,560
Speaker 3: if two people are open to that. And I say

649
00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 3: that because you know, I'm not married yet. I look

650
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 3: forward to being married and being a mother, but I'm

651
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:52,120
Speaker 3: not divorcing my husband, and so it very well could

652
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 3: be where, you know, shoot the social media hopefully not

653
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 3: goes off on dog one day and says, hey, what

654
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,479
Speaker 3: you was preaching? What's up? What you're doing nowfully not,

655
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 3: but I'm saying that I'm not leaving my husband.

656
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 1: What do you say?

657
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 2: What do you say to people that say, you know,

658
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 2: how do you give advice on marriages and marriage couples

659
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 2: when you're not married?

660
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:10,160
Speaker 5: That was?

661
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 3: What do you say to those people I love that

662
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:13,960
Speaker 3: I say that I don't want to hear you been

663
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:17,720
Speaker 3: together fifteen years and miserable thirteen I rather take advice

664
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 3: from a single woman or man who's happy, thriving, successful,

665
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 3: meaning in their joy, not just in their monetary value,

666
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:26,240
Speaker 3: then someone who is miserable in the marriage with a

667
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:27,880
Speaker 3: side dude and a side check. And you want to

668
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:29,680
Speaker 3: give me an advice that you give yourself, that you're

669
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 3: using your failed marriage a pass better a pass a past.

670
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 3: And what happens is married people like to shun on

671
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 3: single folks. The Bible also says single people are happy.

672
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:45,160
Speaker 3: People look that up. It says marriage discipline. No, it

673
00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:46,560
Speaker 3: says marriage take discipline.

674
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:48,840
Speaker 2: It's a lot of times they say that you reach

675
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 2: out to older couples that's been married longer because they'll

676
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 2: tell you how to deal with the marriage than people,

677
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:56,960
Speaker 2: you know, Like some people say you said the don't

678
00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 2: hang out with your single friends. You talk to married

679
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 2: couples that's been in that situation.

680
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,760
Speaker 3: And you know why that's true because folks who have

681
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:05,280
Speaker 3: been married ten, fifty, twenty years, they've been through the trenches,

682
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 3: so they're not gonna teach you how to be happy.

683
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 3: We got that single sist, we got that I've had

684
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 3: that all my life. They're gonna teach you how to

685
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,520
Speaker 3: get through the times when you ain't happy. Y'all married,

686
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 3: you know that, let's not play this game. You married,

687
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 3: you know that you got of course, Marri, I think

688
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 3: marriage is beautiful, it's popping. It's where everybody wants to land.

689
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:24,960
Speaker 3: Why would you not want a partnership and a companion

690
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 3: your go to But that shit comes with work. The

691
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 3: Bible says marriage is for disciplined people discipline. I'm single.

692
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:34,840
Speaker 3: I don't have to be disciplined. Even though I am,

693
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:36,640
Speaker 3: I don't have to be in that space.

694
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:38,040
Speaker 2: You think people get married too early.

695
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 3: I think people choose the wrong people. I think people

696
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:44,760
Speaker 3: choose their fairy to ideology. They're not choosing the person. See,

697
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:47,560
Speaker 3: people are choosing marriage and not a husband. They're choosing

698
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:50,960
Speaker 3: marriage and not a wife. And so when you're choosing marriage,

699
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:52,920
Speaker 3: you get the title, you get the looks of it,

700
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 3: but you're not getting a person. So you're a beautiful

701
00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:59,720
Speaker 3: house who's homeless. You're like the idea of the idea

702
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:03,600
Speaker 3: did And those are people who are fatherless sometimes motherless,

703
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,959
Speaker 3: who just need something to be a part of. I

704
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:09,400
Speaker 3: just need this companionship. I want the title. I don't

705
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,680
Speaker 3: feel value. I don't for validated. So because we're married,

706
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 3: I got somebody who's checking for me. I got somebody

707
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 3: who can get me to the day. But you got

708
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 3: to be able to check even in marriage. I was

709
00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 3: engaged for ten years, you know, because I kept calling

710
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:22,280
Speaker 3: it off, calling it off, and he was like, you

711
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 3: keep getting these degrees. You keep saying, wait for the

712
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:26,040
Speaker 3: next degree where you get married, and my time, I

713
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 3: want to get my doctor. He's like, baby, you done

714
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 3: got four degrees. Engage. You know. I can't putting it

715
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 3: off because I knew that that wasn't my person. And

716
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 3: I ended up leaving. I ended up leaving him, you know,

717
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 3: unfortunate for him ten years.

718
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 6: And she said he was a great guy, great guy.

719
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:47,600
Speaker 3: He was a great guy. He just wasn't my guy, right,

720
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:49,320
Speaker 3: And so for ten years he thought he was the

721
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,600
Speaker 3: guy along for ten year while let him be great

722
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:55,240
Speaker 3: with somebody else that would appreciate him and love him.

723
00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 3: I love that question. I love the question. So I'm

724
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 3: I'm saying for ten years, I knew he wasn't the one.

725
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 3: When we got about your number five or six, and

726
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:07,440
Speaker 3: I seen that his work ethic and his ability to

727
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:12,560
Speaker 3: provide at the level that I wanted our family to

728
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:15,919
Speaker 3: be at. I knew that he wasn't mine my guy.

729
00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:18,000
Speaker 3: And when I say provide, I'm not talking about like

730
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,080
Speaker 3: he was making six figures and I was like, now

731
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 3: make millions. I'm saying. His thing was, baby, I'm cool

732
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:25,400
Speaker 3: with me. You a dog in a one bajem apartment

733
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:28,040
Speaker 3: and just no work ethic at all. So for the

734
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 3: first six years, I thought, while I'm out here getting it.

735
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:32,880
Speaker 3: I have a legal company, you know, I own property.

736
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:35,040
Speaker 3: I'm only twenty two, I'm getting all these college degrees.

737
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:36,920
Speaker 3: How can he not be inspired by me? See that's

738
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:40,360
Speaker 3: that age appropriate young woman. He got potential. Let me stay.

739
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 3: That's why people should take their time. But when I

740
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 3: seen your number seven and eight, this guy was the

741
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:47,479
Speaker 3: same guy who was You know, I hate talking because

742
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:48,920
Speaker 3: he's such a good guy. I always protect him when

743
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 3: I talk about him. But where he was lazy and

744
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:53,200
Speaker 3: he had no work ethic, I had a pivot. I

745
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:53,760
Speaker 3: had a pivot.

746
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:56,120
Speaker 2: He didn't work that you wanted because he worked right,

747
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:56,840
Speaker 2: but he just didn't.

748
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,840
Speaker 7: He was he was comfortable that your ideas were different.

749
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,960
Speaker 3: At some point he just decided to not work at all.

750
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:07,719
Speaker 7: He just said he had a mixed ape.

751
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:11,799
Speaker 3: He started off in pharmaceutical cells, a very educated young man,

752
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:15,680
Speaker 3: went to BYU D One college, did his same, very

753
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 3: much like the boy next door. Mixed kid, and you know,

754
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:22,120
Speaker 3: and so it was all really good. Came from a

755
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:24,520
Speaker 3: really amazing family. Parents still married. I think they're on

756
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:25,640
Speaker 3: like forty five years.

757
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 6: You just want more.

758
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:30,080
Speaker 3: I wanted more. And if he would have said we

759
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:31,879
Speaker 3: can have more and girl, I would have rolled with him.

760
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 3: But when he said I don't want anymore and I'm

761
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:38,120
Speaker 3: cool with this, it goes to your question. Then I

762
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:40,720
Speaker 3: had to choose what I was choosing. I was choosing

763
00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:43,080
Speaker 3: a man. I wasn't choosing marriage. I didn't grow up

764
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:46,720
Speaker 3: the little girl that wanted marriage in this white pick offense.

765
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:49,840
Speaker 3: I wanted just to be honest. I wanted money and

766
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:53,400
Speaker 3: power to change a trajectory of a community. I wanted

767
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 3: a platform to be able to shift people so they

768
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,160
Speaker 3: have a better life, so they can take their pain

769
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:00,560
Speaker 3: like I did and find some peace out of it

770
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 3: and make peace from the broken pieces. So I never

771
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:04,720
Speaker 3: grew up thinking. I just And I also had a father.

772
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,160
Speaker 3: I had a daddy who doted on me. I'm a

773
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 3: product of a street dude. And if anyone knows the

774
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 3: street dude, the way they love their daughters when they're involved,

775
00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 3: your god, Your God is to them, your princess. I mean,

776
00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:18,680
Speaker 3: I didn't have man problems like that, and so I

777
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:21,360
Speaker 3: didn't wasn't looking for a man outside to convalidate me.

778
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:23,600
Speaker 3: So when I get in relationships, till to this day,

779
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:24,759
Speaker 3: I'm still choosing the man.

780
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:26,280
Speaker 1: Did he acquire more in the future.

781
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 3: No, he's still in the same place. So I made

782
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:29,680
Speaker 3: the right decision.

783
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 5: What was the conversation that last conversation y'all had when

784
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:33,919
Speaker 5: you decided to leave him?

785
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,279
Speaker 7: And how did he reacts the.

786
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 1: Dog?

787
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 3: No? He he was in tears and I was in tears.

788
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 3: We were sitting there crying, and he said, he said,

789
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:47,840
Speaker 3: I knew it. I was a buffer for you. He

790
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:49,279
Speaker 3: said I was a buffer for you. He said, I

791
00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:55,360
Speaker 3: just knew it. And he said, you're with me because

792
00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:57,200
Speaker 3: you're too insecure to be with who you really want

793
00:36:57,239 --> 00:36:59,279
Speaker 3: to be with a type of guy, not a particular guy,

794
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:03,600
Speaker 3: but the type of guy. I said, you're right, You're right,

795
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:07,120
Speaker 3: And as years went on, that was some of the

796
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:09,160
Speaker 3: best advice that I was able to acquire because I

797
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 3: was able to work on myself and he was right.

798
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,840
Speaker 3: Because the type of man that I now date, with

799
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 3: that alpha and this, with that leadership, the space that

800
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 3: he needs so he can even be with me right

801
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:21,799
Speaker 3: is a different type of space, a different type of woman.

802
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 3: So I had to shift, not change shifts a lot

803
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:27,600
Speaker 3: of things in me that had to do with insecurity,

804
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:30,840
Speaker 3: because my mom being in her addiction creating abandonment in me.

805
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 3: I had attachment anxiety. And so when you're you know,

806
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:37,239
Speaker 3: in order to have a man who's doing well, who's successful,

807
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:40,839
Speaker 3: and he's in his alpha, the healthy alpha, that man

808
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 3: is moving and group and he's doing certain things, he

809
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:45,640
Speaker 3: don't have time for a woman with no damn attachment anxiety.

810
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:48,600
Speaker 3: Meaning when he's making moves to better this household and

811
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 3: he's making moves to bear this family. I got to

812
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:52,480
Speaker 3: be able to be solid and vertical in myself and

813
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 3: who I am to hold the house down. I can't

814
00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:57,000
Speaker 3: be insecure when he's traveling or doing things or he's

815
00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:59,000
Speaker 3: not right up under me. I had to work through

816
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:00,160
Speaker 3: that attachment anxiety.

817
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:03,600
Speaker 4: A couple of questions right, like one, I want to

818
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 4: know what is your definition of a high value man.

819
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:06,719
Speaker 1: That's more.

820
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:09,360
Speaker 4: And then too, what you said about attachment and anxiety.

821
00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:11,879
Speaker 4: Is it okay for the woman to feel insecure if

822
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:14,720
Speaker 4: she knows this man ain't really out here doing.

823
00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:18,640
Speaker 3: Oh, that's called discernment. Call him out on that, and

824
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:21,560
Speaker 3: I mean transparency. What's up? I'm feeling some type of way.

825
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:24,919
Speaker 3: What's going on? What are you doing? I'm feeling this way.

826
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:27,880
Speaker 3: And I just think two respectful people who are choosing

827
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:30,480
Speaker 3: each other and not just the relationship, are going to

828
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:33,200
Speaker 3: have those conversations. And that's what those older couples who've

829
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:35,319
Speaker 3: been married twenty thirty years is teaching you. How you

830
00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:38,040
Speaker 3: have those conversations? And Baby, when your man tell you

831
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,440
Speaker 3: he out here turning corners, he not really turning bills,

832
00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:43,000
Speaker 3: how do you stick through that? How do you stay

833
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:46,239
Speaker 3: without losing your dignity? How do you still be to

834
00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 3: submit to this man, cooking and cleaning and having sex,

835
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,759
Speaker 3: making love to this man without being disgusted at the

836
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 3: fact that he's either stepped out emotionally, physically or mentally.

837
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 3: How do you keep that? How do you keep going?

838
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:58,840
Speaker 7: I was gonna act, that was gonna be That's.

839
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:00,160
Speaker 3: What the older folks say. They don't tell you how

840
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:01,880
Speaker 3: to be happy and be They telling you how to

841
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:04,120
Speaker 3: roll through and stick through some ship. That's what they're

842
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 3: teaching you.

843
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:09,880
Speaker 8: Well, my grandfather was like, lead that bitch, yeah, because

844
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:12,120
Speaker 8: he that's how I be like back.

845
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:15,200
Speaker 6: In the day that he was still with, you know,

846
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:15,840
Speaker 6: my grandmother.

847
00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:18,600
Speaker 8: But he just still was just like, man, like leave

848
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 8: that bitch now, because I would have left this bitch

849
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:22,239
Speaker 8: back in the.

850
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:26,279
Speaker 3: Day, Grandpa, because I've been leaving. But now now I

851
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 3: say I'm in my choosing stage and I'm really looking

852
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 3: forward to staying. But it will be my first time

853
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,839
Speaker 3: utilizing a lot of my new tools. Not new meaning

854
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:35,919
Speaker 3: a year ago, but you knew because I've been seeing

855
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:38,799
Speaker 3: six years of this attachment anxiety how to work through

856
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 3: of what that looks like. So there's gonna be things

857
00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:44,360
Speaker 3: in me that are new that inflame and trigger that.

858
00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:45,520
Speaker 3: I'm going to have to have a hell of a

859
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:48,320
Speaker 3: man who's mature enough, emostly intelligent enough to sit through

860
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:50,560
Speaker 3: certain conversations with me that are going to be transparent.

861
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:52,400
Speaker 4: So what is a high value because I heard you

862
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:54,879
Speaker 4: reference cam is a high value man with a.

863
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:57,240
Speaker 1: Low value I guess just a low vibrational fund.

864
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:00,200
Speaker 4: So what is your definition of the high value because

865
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:01,840
Speaker 4: to me, it just sounds like high value to you

866
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 4: is like superficial stuff.

867
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 3: High value just means that you're, yeah, it's pretty much

868
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:08,640
Speaker 3: like you're you're making a lot of money, you have

869
00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 3: a lot of tangible things, your high value value, your

870
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 3: value is high, and your monetary value values high. Meaning

871
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:17,280
Speaker 3: you know, you got a man who's making one hundred

872
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:21,720
Speaker 3: million dollars, then he's high value in women who are superficial.

873
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:25,000
Speaker 3: But I'm not knocking y'all say it's okay, are very

874
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:27,520
Speaker 3: attracted to that, But again, are they choosing the man

875
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:29,240
Speaker 3: or are they choosing the value?

876
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 6: The value?

877
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,080
Speaker 1: But some people are so poor all they got is money,

878
00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:34,279
Speaker 1: and so you know what I mean.

879
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,360
Speaker 3: And that goes to where this is going to be

880
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,279
Speaker 3: a very very unpopular opinion or very popular, but it's

881
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:42,440
Speaker 3: going to cause a lot of controversy. I always say,

882
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:46,840
Speaker 3: if you realize the most prettiest beautiful woman, many of

883
00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 3: them men have put a baby in him, but they't

884
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:52,960
Speaker 3: made a wife out of him. And I go to

885
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:55,719
Speaker 3: the high value men have put babies in him, but

886
00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 3: ain't made a wife out of him. Because those women

887
00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:00,759
Speaker 3: are choosing the value in them, and those men are

888
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:03,920
Speaker 3: choosing the low functionality in her, So that's a matchmade

889
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 3: in heaven for them. Even though the fairytale ends at

890
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:08,879
Speaker 3: some point and everybody goes back to the drawing board

891
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:11,400
Speaker 3: and comes into my session and says, because I can

892
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:13,640
Speaker 3: now theset, I can now might have some very very

893
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 3: ales celebrity women who come in and say, I'm beautiful,

894
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:19,920
Speaker 3: I'm successful, I can have any man I want. I'm

895
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:23,600
Speaker 3: lonely as hell, and I'm afraid that I'm gonna die alone.

896
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:26,200
Speaker 3: But you have a child, You've been married to this

897
00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:31,320
Speaker 3: a list big NBA player, and the relationship is now over,

898
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:34,280
Speaker 3: and you feel like you're going to be alone because

899
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:37,600
Speaker 3: you never learned to choose anything of substance, so you

900
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 3: will hollow the whole time. So you're not afraid of

901
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:44,400
Speaker 3: being alone physically, you're afraid of being alone emotionally because

902
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,839
Speaker 3: you've been alone this whole time. So you don't even

903
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 3: have a relationship with yourself. So who you really don't

904
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 3: want to be with is you?

905
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 1: So why should we call alone?

906
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:52,840
Speaker 3: It's about being with you?

907
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:54,839
Speaker 1: So why should we call those brothers high value?

908
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 3: Then? Because value based on how I define it it's

909
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:00,759
Speaker 3: just money. Like I'm a high out you to woman. Right,

910
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 3: I have a MultiMate dollar home. I come from the hood.

911
00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:05,520
Speaker 3: I want from the hood to the heills. But I've

912
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:09,440
Speaker 3: accumulated a lot of value. Right. I drive luxury cars.

913
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:12,080
Speaker 3: I have a certain lifestyle. But I would be low

914
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 3: functioning if I pray it on men that I know

915
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 3: I can use. If I pray it on men that

916
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:19,799
Speaker 3: I know, I can say, eat, sleep and put me

917
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:21,920
Speaker 3: and shut up while I go run a monk. Be

918
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,280
Speaker 3: in your beta. Because I said so, that's low functioning

919
00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 3: of me. High value and high functioning would be. Now,

920
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,920
Speaker 3: I want a man who can stand on he got

921
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:33,319
Speaker 3: he's vertical because every human being is a hybrid. We're

922
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,480
Speaker 3: all high functioning and low functioning. So there's gonna be

923
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 3: moments while I get in my low functioning, and if

924
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:38,520
Speaker 3: I get in my low functioning and I start to

925
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:41,279
Speaker 3: say things that are emasculating to you, I don't want

926
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:43,440
Speaker 3: a low functioning man. I want you to say, baby,

927
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:46,359
Speaker 3: I don't talk to you like that, and I don't

928
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:47,880
Speaker 3: like when you talk to me like that. I'm not

929
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 3: gonna leave you, but we gotta work on this because

930
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:53,880
Speaker 3: I'm not some nothing else, nigga. If you know and

931
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:55,520
Speaker 3: I love you and I respect you, so let's work

932
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:55,839
Speaker 3: through this.

933
00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:57,600
Speaker 4: Well, if you got a high value man, he got

934
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:00,759
Speaker 4: all the money, he might even be an alpha with

935
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:04,160
Speaker 4: a big little and he trash in bad So then

936
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:05,839
Speaker 4: what because henderstand?

937
00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:06,800
Speaker 1: Because you can't.

938
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:10,120
Speaker 7: Because you ain't gonna let him talk to.

939
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:13,960
Speaker 3: You in your kind of ways.

940
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:15,400
Speaker 1: You ain't gonna let him talk you in your kind

941
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:16,440
Speaker 1: of way. That's what I'm saying. You can be the

942
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:17,960
Speaker 1: output at let.

943
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:18,960
Speaker 7: Him talk to you any kind of way.

944
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:21,120
Speaker 8: That mouth go crazy.

945
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 3: If I had to choose between a little pito okay

946
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:29,240
Speaker 3: in my Spanish speaking language, little pet the little pens

947
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:33,560
Speaker 3: and a family hell of a good man, take give

948
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:35,480
Speaker 3: me the little dick and a good man. Because remember,

949
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:40,000
Speaker 3: I'm choosing the man. I'm not choosing these these ornaments.

950
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:43,200
Speaker 3: And I know and I'm this is the thing. Men

951
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 3: don't understand this. A woman just needs a big dick

952
00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:47,880
Speaker 3: when you don't know how to truly love and connect

953
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 3: with you. Once we love you and connect with you,

954
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,840
Speaker 3: we love, and we when we love, we love, especially

955
00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:56,239
Speaker 3: black women. When we love, we love, we're figuring out

956
00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:59,640
Speaker 3: how to work with that little thing. You got wet

957
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 3: like we when we love you, we love you and

958
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 3: we figure out how to make it do what to do?

959
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:07,879
Speaker 3: You got women who are with men who got little

960
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:11,759
Speaker 3: penises and pay noobile because she love him. Now that's

961
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:15,319
Speaker 3: not DOC approved. But that's not DOC approved. But so

962
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:17,360
Speaker 3: for me, I don't want I'm not manifesting God the

963
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:20,000
Speaker 3: little Pizzo type thing. But I'm saying, you know, if

964
00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:22,400
Speaker 3: it yeah, and this is this is probably gonna be

965
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:24,000
Speaker 3: tm I. But I always joke about with my best

966
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:27,440
Speaker 3: friend Lola, and my assistant always say, girl, I'm not

967
00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:30,480
Speaker 3: the woman who needs a big old penis me either.

968
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:33,359
Speaker 3: Wait a minute, Jeff, but I said, why does God

969
00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:42,840
Speaker 3: always send me the mee go ahead?

970
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:53,960
Speaker 7: That's right, and that got to be inclusive.

971
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:56,399
Speaker 2: But I want to I want to ask you about

972
00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:58,520
Speaker 2: some some internet rumors that I see. You know, Corey

973
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:01,120
Speaker 2: Holmes said some some things about you, about not having

974
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 2: your degree and where you started off all as a

975
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 2: I guess working in the strip club is any of

976
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:07,440
Speaker 2: that stuff? So you're not a real doctor, he said, yeah,

977
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:08,280
Speaker 2: you're not a real doctor.

978
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 3: No. So I have four degrees, three are in psychology,

979
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:15,400
Speaker 3: ones and Pan African studies. My doctor degree is in

980
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:17,960
Speaker 3: counsel psychology. My master's the Marriage I my Child Therapy.

981
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:22,319
Speaker 3: All degrees are in psychology. Where this Corey Holkoing thing

982
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:24,880
Speaker 3: comes from is we did. I was on a show

983
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:27,440
Speaker 3: ten years ago when I actually I think it was

984
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:30,759
Speaker 3: before I even had my doctor degree. And Corey is

985
00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:33,600
Speaker 3: used to being able to be very disrespectful to women

986
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:36,839
Speaker 3: and doing things. He was a guest on the show.

987
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:40,840
Speaker 3: I was co hosted. He was a guest, and I

988
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:43,200
Speaker 3: drill dis asked to be honest, it's on YouTube, people,

989
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:45,520
Speaker 3: could you know look at it? And I cut into

990
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:47,840
Speaker 3: him and I said, you seem like you are inferior

991
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 3: to white man, and you seem like you got daddy issues,

992
00:45:50,560 --> 00:45:53,480
Speaker 3: and you seem like you got mommy issues, and you

993
00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:55,520
Speaker 3: got kids that don't even talk to you or respect you,

994
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:57,279
Speaker 3: they don't like you. It tell us a lot about

995
00:45:57,320 --> 00:46:00,440
Speaker 3: your character. This was ten years ago, okay, And obviously

996
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:02,239
Speaker 3: he's still in his feminine because he's still holding a

997
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:04,840
Speaker 3: grudge over it. You know, this is like interviews are interviews?

998
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:06,319
Speaker 3: Are you saying you're doing? And you move on to

999
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 3: the next And so was very upset and I feel

1000
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:14,239
Speaker 3: like that in that space he was y'all could watch it.

1001
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:16,319
Speaker 3: He was done found it like usually he comes back

1002
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 3: with the you know, fu b or he has something

1003
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:20,440
Speaker 3: to say. Ory's you know, he got a mouth. He

1004
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:23,240
Speaker 3: was really just like, you know, a deer with headlights.

1005
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:26,640
Speaker 3: He was just like, oh my god. The interviewer, the

1006
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:28,880
Speaker 3: person's podcast was on. Everybody else is in there was like,

1007
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:32,399
Speaker 3: We've never seen Corey be this quiet. We've never seen

1008
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:35,160
Speaker 3: anybody be able to respectfully check him in this way.

1009
00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:37,239
Speaker 3: After we were done with the interview, we went to

1010
00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 3: take a big picture on the backsplash and I would

1011
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:41,040
Speaker 3: walk up toward him. You know my personality, I'm very playful.

1012
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:42,400
Speaker 3: I walked up and I'm like, let's take a picture.

1013
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:45,279
Speaker 3: He wanted to fail in the picture. Ten years later.

1014
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:47,120
Speaker 3: I think he looked at it with his fail comedian

1015
00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:50,240
Speaker 3: career because he's been attempting his career for about forty

1016
00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:52,319
Speaker 3: five or so years. With the sale comedian career, his

1017
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:53,960
Speaker 3: failed marriage. And I'm not saying this to be mean,

1018
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:56,239
Speaker 3: y'all can just research it his true and his fel

1019
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:58,480
Speaker 3: parenting skills with his kids because none of those people

1020
00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:00,520
Speaker 3: deal with him. Yeah, I think he looked at it

1021
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:03,760
Speaker 3: like there's I get to kill two birds of one stone,

1022
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:07,480
Speaker 3: which was smart. I get to humiliate her back in

1023
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,480
Speaker 3: some kind of way, which it didn't work, and or

1024
00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:11,520
Speaker 3: I get to ride on her back because she's going viral.

1025
00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 3: I don't have a career. I do. He doesn't have

1026
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:14,440
Speaker 3: a career.

1027
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:16,080
Speaker 1: So you guys, you a comedy career.

1028
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:18,200
Speaker 4: He does stand up me just stays in fifty one

1029
00:47:18,239 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 4: fifty other big podcast and he does stand up.

1030
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:24,919
Speaker 3: Well, what do you know yet? What? Thank you? We're back.

1031
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 3: She got a good career, but it knows to be back.

1032
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 3: So the point is I think that he did. And

1033
00:47:30,680 --> 00:47:32,959
Speaker 3: at this part I'm not knocking in for he did

1034
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:36,440
Speaker 3: what any to meet career oriented business person was supposed

1035
00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:38,759
Speaker 3: to do. I see an opportunity, let me take it,

1036
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:41,879
Speaker 3: let me create a narrative. But what happened was all

1037
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:44,800
Speaker 3: it did was bring more tation to damned doctor Bryant.

1038
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:47,160
Speaker 3: So all people did was research me more, which is

1039
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:49,440
Speaker 3: what I wanted them to do. All people did was

1040
00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 3: find out for themselves. She is a real doctor. She

1041
00:47:51,719 --> 00:47:53,959
Speaker 3: has these degrees. She's been doing this for a long time.

1042
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:56,920
Speaker 3: This woman started off from teen Mom A Family Reunion,

1043
00:47:56,960 --> 00:47:59,319
Speaker 3: which we were the biggest show on MTV. She not

1044
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:01,879
Speaker 3: only was the camera life coach doctor for that show,

1045
00:48:01,960 --> 00:48:04,799
Speaker 3: she co produced it and developed the show. So what

1046
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:07,759
Speaker 3: happened was he brought attention to where people were able

1047
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:09,000
Speaker 3: to go in and do what I want them to do,

1048
00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 3: which is research more of me, get more background on me,

1049
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:13,279
Speaker 3: and say hey, let me make my own opinion about her.

1050
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:16,880
Speaker 3: And again, you know, as my really good friend Shaquillo O,

1051
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:18,560
Speaker 3: and Neil says, which is one of my you know,

1052
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:21,799
Speaker 3: we've become pretty much like best friends. Now. He's like Doc,

1053
00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:26,799
Speaker 3: He's like, you know, he says as I hate when

1054
00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:28,439
Speaker 3: he says it, but I love it. He goes, Doc,

1055
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:33,640
Speaker 3: trust from babies, don't give attention to the ones who

1056
00:48:33,680 --> 00:48:36,160
Speaker 3: have nothing, he goes, So let the good and bad

1057
00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 3: attention do what it does for you. Let it do

1058
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:41,320
Speaker 3: what it does. And I'm not a trust from baby.

1059
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:44,400
Speaker 3: But what Shaqa is saying is when you hear and

1060
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:48,640
Speaker 3: they hear, all it does is magnify you. Right, the

1061
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:50,840
Speaker 3: small dog has to stay in the small dog park.

1062
00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:53,399
Speaker 3: They're just not allowing the big dog park. The big

1063
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:55,279
Speaker 3: dogs can go to the small dog park and we

1064
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:56,279
Speaker 3: dominate either way.

1065
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 1: Would you have a compisation recording now like you going

1066
00:48:58,239 --> 00:49:00,080
Speaker 1: fifty on fifty or have them on truth Talk.

1067
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 3: I would not only because Corey's and I'm only talking

1068
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:09,799
Speaker 3: about this on here because when I did Nick and

1069
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 3: other interviews and other other places I've interviewed with who

1070
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:15,880
Speaker 3: are also, you know, as big as Breafast Club? Well,

1071
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:18,120
Speaker 3: who's bigger than Breakfast Club? Though, y'all got it? But

1072
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:19,440
Speaker 3: I also told them I said, I'm not I'm not

1073
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:21,480
Speaker 3: going to address him period. I don't want to bring

1074
00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:24,400
Speaker 3: any attention to him or give him the fume that

1075
00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:27,120
Speaker 3: he needs, because, again, Charlottete, I hear what you're saying.

1076
00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:30,080
Speaker 3: But he has a total failed career, a total felt,

1077
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:33,879
Speaker 3: total fail career as a comedian. Is he funny? There

1078
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:36,319
Speaker 3: are some things he says, yes, that are funny. Has

1079
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:40,120
Speaker 3: he made it to any place past a podcast of

1080
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:42,560
Speaker 3: a group of men who agree with just a rhetoric

1081
00:49:42,600 --> 00:49:47,200
Speaker 3: that's just a very negative, distorted narrative of black people

1082
00:49:47,239 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 3: in general, especially woman. Kevin Samuels spent only two years

1083
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:54,040
Speaker 3: doing what Corey does and had a better career than Corey.

1084
00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:56,080
Speaker 3: Corey been doing it for forty fifty years. He was

1085
00:49:56,080 --> 00:49:59,959
Speaker 3: at improv in LA and can't even get a job there.

1086
00:50:00,560 --> 00:50:04,600
Speaker 3: So that doesn't go to his comedic abilities. That goes

1087
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:07,879
Speaker 3: to his lack of character. Nobody wanting to work with you.

1088
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:10,360
Speaker 3: You have gifts and you have professionalism. You gotta have

1089
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:11,120
Speaker 3: both to make it.

1090
00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:13,319
Speaker 8: Corey is just a broken person, period, and I do

1091
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:15,080
Speaker 8: feel like you'll need help.

1092
00:50:15,160 --> 00:50:16,719
Speaker 6: He needs help.

1093
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:19,120
Speaker 3: Coreys off camera. If Corey came and said, doc, let's

1094
00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:23,040
Speaker 3: do off camera sessions, if he wants to do it

1095
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:24,880
Speaker 3: on camera, because it's just going to be a rhetoric,

1096
00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:27,600
Speaker 3: I'm not doing that to help his career. I will

1097
00:50:27,640 --> 00:50:30,200
Speaker 3: help him as a man, but I'm not here to

1098
00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:33,120
Speaker 3: help him in his career. That's his job. I'm not

1099
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 3: here to carry a man that ain't minds or float

1100
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:36,920
Speaker 3: a man that ain't mind, but to help you with

1101
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:39,719
Speaker 3: your mental health or help you as a person. He's

1102
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:42,600
Speaker 3: an alcoholic, he drinks a lot. You know, he's he's

1103
00:50:42,600 --> 00:50:45,600
Speaker 3: over compensating. Those areas, those are places he needs help with.

1104
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:47,640
Speaker 3: Did you guys see what he looked like on Cam

1105
00:50:47,719 --> 00:50:51,000
Speaker 3: Newton interview. I'm not talking about looks many attractiveness. Do

1106
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:57,719
Speaker 3: you see how unwell hygienically clean he looks? And say, no,

1107
00:50:57,800 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 3: this ties into mental health.

1108
00:50:59,520 --> 00:51:02,240
Speaker 1: You know that.

1109
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 3: But health. Right, you run you ran up actually an

1110
00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:09,520
Speaker 3: amazing organized mental wealth experts.

1111
00:51:09,520 --> 00:51:09,799
Speaker 1: Thank you.

1112
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:11,960
Speaker 3: It will think I was so honored and privileged to

1113
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:13,960
Speaker 3: be that. It was an amazing But I want to

1114
00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:16,840
Speaker 3: say thank you that we know that keeping up your

1115
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:20,720
Speaker 3: hygiene is one of the number one symptoms to depression.

1116
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:24,000
Speaker 3: The number one way you're able to see that somebody's

1117
00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:28,800
Speaker 3: depressed or in their addiction or over compensating and addicted

1118
00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:31,960
Speaker 3: behaviors is how they keep themself up. That's how parents

1119
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:34,200
Speaker 3: could look at their kids and be like, you're not bathing,

1120
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:37,120
Speaker 3: your hygiene is not up to par. What's going on?

1121
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:40,799
Speaker 3: That man's hygiene was on negative two hundred. What I'm

1122
00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:43,520
Speaker 3: saying is he needs deeper help than me coming on

1123
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:48,200
Speaker 3: fifty one fifty to bring him a bigger audience. He

1124
00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:50,080
Speaker 3: can sal to fifty one fifty, but he needs to

1125
00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:53,040
Speaker 3: be able to fifty one fifty himself and get the

1126
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:53,719
Speaker 3: help that he needs.

1127
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:57,200
Speaker 1: Lord doctor was talking.

1128
00:51:57,560 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 4: You were talking earlier about growing up in the wrong

1129
00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:02,279
Speaker 4: and vib and you learn what not to do. And

1130
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:04,960
Speaker 4: I think that is difficult for a lot of parents,

1131
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:07,360
Speaker 4: right because, like I always say, my father raised me

1132
00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:09,640
Speaker 4: out of fear and not love. Because he didn't want

1133
00:52:09,640 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 4: me to make the same mistakes that he may growing

1134
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:15,440
Speaker 4: up in the same environment. Right, So what would you

1135
00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:18,480
Speaker 4: say to you know, parents who are who are navigating that,

1136
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:21,880
Speaker 4: like who have kids? You know y'all are they're in

1137
00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:24,080
Speaker 4: the same environment that you grew up in and you

1138
00:52:24,120 --> 00:52:25,680
Speaker 4: want them to get out of it, but you weren't

1139
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:27,600
Speaker 4: even able to navigate.

1140
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:27,920
Speaker 1: Through it yourself.

1141
00:52:28,120 --> 00:52:31,600
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think that again, seeking wise counsel. I think

1142
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:34,960
Speaker 3: that therapy coaching should be a lifestyle. It shouldn't be

1143
00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:38,920
Speaker 3: something that someone does for preventitive or intervention measures. And

1144
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:41,000
Speaker 3: I think that parents need to just be one hundred

1145
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:43,280
Speaker 3: and transparent with their kids. I think they need to say, listen,

1146
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:48,200
Speaker 3: this is my first time doing you, raising you, knowing you.

1147
00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:52,840
Speaker 3: I've I've never known a fifteen year old you, So

1148
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:54,840
Speaker 3: I don't know what to do here, you know what

1149
00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:56,480
Speaker 3: I mean. Let's sit down a dialogue. Can you use

1150
00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 3: some of your critical thinking skills? Do you have resources

1151
00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:01,839
Speaker 3: at your school? Help? Let me help you. Let's do this.

1152
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:04,880
Speaker 3: I think the transparency of it is what allows kids

1153
00:53:05,080 --> 00:53:06,759
Speaker 3: to be vertical on who they are. I think that

1154
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:10,840
Speaker 3: handing them everything, problems solving for them and doing everything

1155
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:14,520
Speaker 3: for them, especially men. It handicaps y'all. So when you

1156
00:53:14,600 --> 00:53:16,919
Speaker 3: have to be the head, you now have a mother

1157
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:19,359
Speaker 3: who taught you how to be the neck, and then

1158
00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:21,080
Speaker 3: you want to be mad at a woman who comes

1159
00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:23,520
Speaker 3: in and she has to be in her alpha, because

1160
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:25,120
Speaker 3: who the hell is going to be the head to

1161
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:28,080
Speaker 3: this thing? So I think it's about transparency. And I

1162
00:53:28,120 --> 00:53:30,640
Speaker 3: think parents got to stop having this mommy daddy guilt

1163
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:32,640
Speaker 3: and stop feeling like they have to be this perfect parent.

1164
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:35,719
Speaker 3: I think your kids seeing your vulnerability and your imperfections

1165
00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:38,600
Speaker 3: will actually aid them in ways more than them seeing

1166
00:53:38,600 --> 00:53:39,160
Speaker 3: your perfection.

1167
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:40,960
Speaker 1: You think kids are too soft.

1168
00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:43,239
Speaker 3: I think parents are too soft and kids are too

1169
00:53:43,239 --> 00:53:46,600
Speaker 3: soft these days. Yeah, the Bible says an undisciplined child

1170
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:50,360
Speaker 3: is an unloved child. I think kids are feeling unloved

1171
00:53:50,920 --> 00:53:52,200
Speaker 3: because they're not being disciplined.

1172
00:53:52,320 --> 00:53:53,879
Speaker 1: What is too soft for you? Now?

1173
00:53:53,920 --> 00:53:57,120
Speaker 2: And the reason I asked is, like Charlamage said, you know,

1174
00:53:57,360 --> 00:53:59,239
Speaker 2: there were certain things. I mean, my kids can't do

1175
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:01,080
Speaker 2: it anyway, but there was certain things that you can

1176
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:03,719
Speaker 2: do and you couldn't do right. And I run the

1177
00:54:03,719 --> 00:54:07,480
Speaker 2: household the same way, right. But if you look at

1178
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:09,560
Speaker 2: these kids now, a lot of them are a lot softer,

1179
00:54:09,719 --> 00:54:14,520
Speaker 2: a lot weaker, cry faster. You hear depression, you hear

1180
00:54:14,560 --> 00:54:16,560
Speaker 2: a lot of triggering words that I don't even think

1181
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:18,200
Speaker 2: that they know what they're saying. They just see it

1182
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:19,880
Speaker 2: because they see it on TV or they heard somebody

1183
00:54:19,880 --> 00:54:22,400
Speaker 2: say it online. But also people will say that the

1184
00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:24,719
Speaker 2: reason that these kids like that because parents can't par

1185
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:27,680
Speaker 2: in anymore, because if they yell at their child, if

1186
00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:30,120
Speaker 2: they pop a child, or if they do anything that

1187
00:54:30,160 --> 00:54:33,640
Speaker 2: their parents did to them, accept abuse, they will be

1188
00:54:34,440 --> 00:54:36,280
Speaker 2: told on to the school and CPS.

1189
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:40,440
Speaker 3: Will be at their door. So listen, My grandmother whooped

1190
00:54:40,480 --> 00:54:43,120
Speaker 3: my ass and I call the police while I was

1191
00:54:43,160 --> 00:54:45,920
Speaker 3: down nine. She put one on one and told them

1192
00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:48,800
Speaker 3: when they got there, I'll whooped her ass if you

1193
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:50,279
Speaker 3: take me to y'all gonna come home and I'm gonna

1194
00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:52,839
Speaker 3: beat her ass again. So whatever you're gonna do, let's

1195
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:57,359
Speaker 3: do it. And I would never take away her discipline.

1196
00:54:58,719 --> 00:55:00,919
Speaker 3: That's how I know she Well, you know how, First

1197
00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:02,880
Speaker 3: of all, I'm not even a mama. I'm the oldest

1198
00:55:02,880 --> 00:55:05,880
Speaker 3: of seven. I got about nahnies of the nephews. Do

1199
00:55:05,920 --> 00:55:08,600
Speaker 3: you know how much energy it takes? Well, y'all have

1200
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:11,479
Speaker 3: kids to discipline a child, to watch them to see

1201
00:55:11,480 --> 00:55:14,440
Speaker 3: when they're doing right or wrong. The love part is

1202
00:55:14,480 --> 00:55:17,480
Speaker 3: the time it takes to even watch to see what

1203
00:55:17,520 --> 00:55:21,440
Speaker 3: I'm doing to discipline me. So a lot of parents,

1204
00:55:21,440 --> 00:55:23,920
Speaker 3: to me, this gentle parenting is just called lazy parenting.

1205
00:55:23,960 --> 00:55:25,600
Speaker 3: That means I'm not in the mood to parents. I

1206
00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:28,280
Speaker 3: got things I'm trying to do. I'm trying to figure

1207
00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:30,560
Speaker 3: my life out, or I'm a single parent, I'm trying

1208
00:55:30,600 --> 00:55:33,040
Speaker 3: to date, or I'm trying to get a sense of self,

1209
00:55:33,239 --> 00:55:35,399
Speaker 3: so I don't even have time or energy to deal

1210
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:36,160
Speaker 3: with disciplining.

1211
00:55:36,160 --> 00:55:36,239
Speaker 1: You.

1212
00:55:36,680 --> 00:55:38,239
Speaker 3: I think that's more of what it's about. And no,

1213
00:55:38,360 --> 00:55:40,480
Speaker 3: it does not work. These kids have no guidance. They're

1214
00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:44,080
Speaker 3: a very lost generation. I mean, I'm gonna go there.

1215
00:55:44,160 --> 00:55:48,480
Speaker 3: You look at the campaign this year. You know, all

1216
00:55:48,520 --> 00:55:51,200
Speaker 3: due respect to says Kamala. She threw a concert and

1217
00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:54,120
Speaker 3: I like Meg and I like I love Glorilla. She

1218
00:55:54,239 --> 00:55:57,640
Speaker 3: threw a concert with Meg and Glorilla, thinking that that

1219
00:55:57,840 --> 00:56:01,920
Speaker 3: was going to move an influence our community to vote

1220
00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:05,440
Speaker 3: for her. You think that we're that low functioning that

1221
00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:08,880
Speaker 3: you cannot talk politics to us and legislation to us

1222
00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:12,120
Speaker 3: for us to choose you based on leadership, that we're

1223
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:15,040
Speaker 3: gonna choose you based on who's dropping it like it's

1224
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:16,920
Speaker 3: hot or who's bringing in a concert.

1225
00:56:17,200 --> 00:56:17,719
Speaker 1: I agree with that.

1226
00:56:17,760 --> 00:56:19,279
Speaker 4: I said that, you know, I would rather just had

1227
00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:22,960
Speaker 4: Megan up there talking about women's rights, women's reproductive the

1228
00:56:22,960 --> 00:56:23,480
Speaker 4: way card.

1229
00:56:25,160 --> 00:56:26,360
Speaker 1: Fantastic and Cardi's are.

1230
00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:31,279
Speaker 3: But Cardi been talking politics for YETI would come on

1231
00:56:31,400 --> 00:56:36,920
Speaker 3: there with no wig care everywhere and all this she

1232
00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:39,200
Speaker 3: fucked up, and then we're running whole bill that she

1233
00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:42,239
Speaker 3: could just author and try to pull into legislation. So

1234
00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:46,040
Speaker 3: what I'm saying is this, this camp, This whole election

1235
00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:49,560
Speaker 3: showed you the level of where our kids are, and

1236
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:51,960
Speaker 3: I'm like, really, but it also showed you it didn't work.

1237
00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:53,520
Speaker 3: It didn't work.

1238
00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:55,759
Speaker 5: I saw you said too that you're comment on the

1239
00:56:55,800 --> 00:56:57,680
Speaker 5: fact that Kamala didn't come out that first night when

1240
00:56:57,719 --> 00:57:01,000
Speaker 5: she didn't win, speak to that and speak to the

1241
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:03,000
Speaker 5: common because we were upset about.

1242
00:57:02,960 --> 00:57:05,239
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, another unpopular opinion. I don't care.

1243
00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:09,439
Speaker 6: She proved why the people.

1244
00:57:09,120 --> 00:57:11,799
Speaker 3: Men and women who are not ready for a woman

1245
00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:17,760
Speaker 3: president are not ready for a women president because society

1246
00:57:18,160 --> 00:57:21,560
Speaker 3: and some men, not all, deem women as emotionally unstable

1247
00:57:21,840 --> 00:57:25,840
Speaker 3: and unable to regulate our emotions since when you knew

1248
00:57:25,880 --> 00:57:28,840
Speaker 3: you weren't winning or weren't in the lead. And these kids,

1249
00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:32,160
Speaker 3: these babies, these adults were at a historical black university

1250
00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:35,400
Speaker 3: that you went to, Howard waiting hours for you. They

1251
00:57:35,440 --> 00:57:37,680
Speaker 3: had volunteered. I'm sure they had to contributed, and they

1252
00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:40,120
Speaker 3: probably voted for you and supported you this entire time.

1253
00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:43,720
Speaker 3: You couldn't come out and address the people who supported you.

1254
00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:47,880
Speaker 3: That's proven to the people who don't believe women could

1255
00:57:47,960 --> 00:57:50,520
Speaker 3: lead at that level, that a woman can't regulate her

1256
00:57:50,560 --> 00:57:52,880
Speaker 3: emotions enough to come out and take an ail. I

1257
00:57:52,920 --> 00:57:56,280
Speaker 3: don't care if she would have came out in tears. Listen,

1258
00:57:56,320 --> 00:58:01,840
Speaker 3: I'm sorry we lost, whatever that looks like. And this husband, listen,

1259
00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:03,720
Speaker 3: I'll give.

1260
00:58:03,560 --> 00:58:06,720
Speaker 4: A little pushback on that because Donald Trump never gave

1261
00:58:06,760 --> 00:58:10,040
Speaker 4: a concession speech, nor would he even admit that he lost.

1262
00:58:10,120 --> 00:58:13,400
Speaker 3: Listen. And I'm not in support of Donald Trump. But

1263
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:15,840
Speaker 3: Donald Trump didn't need to come out because he never conceded.

1264
00:58:16,560 --> 00:58:20,160
Speaker 3: He also stood a tin toe down and said, y'all,

1265
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:22,600
Speaker 3: which I'm not saying I agree with this, y'all rigged it.

1266
00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:25,439
Speaker 3: I won. I'm not conceding. He still got the keys.

1267
00:58:25,440 --> 00:58:26,800
Speaker 2: To the White House, but he didn't come to his

1268
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:28,760
Speaker 2: people even when they when that night, he never came out.

1269
00:58:28,800 --> 00:58:31,000
Speaker 1: And that was when he lost to Jobidy. He never

1270
00:58:31,040 --> 00:58:32,280
Speaker 1: came out. That's what I just said.

1271
00:58:32,440 --> 00:58:35,840
Speaker 2: But she said he didn't come out. But he didn't

1272
00:58:35,840 --> 00:58:37,120
Speaker 2: come out at all to speak to this peace.

1273
00:58:37,480 --> 00:58:38,080
Speaker 1: I just said.

1274
00:58:38,160 --> 00:58:41,240
Speaker 3: But we're talking about Trump, who runs on being that

1275
00:58:41,360 --> 00:58:45,320
Speaker 3: type of person. So his people never expected that. Just

1276
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:48,600
Speaker 3: like when someone says, well, Trump's a racist, he's running

1277
00:58:48,680 --> 00:58:51,600
Speaker 3: on that. Trump is talking about getting rid of the

1278
00:58:51,720 --> 00:58:56,280
Speaker 3: U I D E. I. He has said that. Kamala

1279
00:58:56,440 --> 00:58:59,720
Speaker 3: came out and showed us all this love and support

1280
00:59:00,480 --> 00:59:03,000
Speaker 3: after she said I can't do just something for the

1281
00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:06,360
Speaker 3: black community. But on the day that I get into office,

1282
00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:09,880
Speaker 3: I'm gonna sign my very first bill that's called immigrant reform.

1283
00:59:10,160 --> 00:59:13,040
Speaker 3: That's doing something for a group of people. Now I'm

1284
00:59:13,080 --> 00:59:16,440
Speaker 3: black in Hispanic, so I ain't got a problem against immigrants.

1285
00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:18,000
Speaker 3: But what I'm saying is, if you can't do something

1286
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:20,760
Speaker 3: for one group of people, my love, that's one group

1287
00:59:20,760 --> 00:59:23,000
Speaker 3: of people, and let me move for it. But when

1288
00:59:23,040 --> 00:59:25,560
Speaker 3: you took the l let me add to that. Not

1289
00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:29,160
Speaker 3: only did you not come out, you sent a man

1290
00:59:29,840 --> 00:59:33,120
Speaker 3: to come out and address these people. He was fine too.

1291
00:59:33,880 --> 00:59:35,600
Speaker 3: You sent a man, isn't he I don't be married,

1292
00:59:35,600 --> 00:59:39,120
Speaker 3: but that man was handsome. I sent a man to

1293
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:41,840
Speaker 3: come out and address the people. You didn't even send

1294
00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:45,240
Speaker 3: another woman or a black woman. This was a woman's moment,

1295
00:59:45,800 --> 00:59:48,760
Speaker 3: and that's what she made it. Black and woman. You

1296
00:59:48,880 --> 00:59:52,000
Speaker 3: sent a man to do a woman's job, and in

1297
00:59:52,040 --> 00:59:55,920
Speaker 3: my opinion, that all that did was tell the folks

1298
00:59:55,920 --> 00:59:59,120
Speaker 3: who said women can't lead, see she sent a man

1299
00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:01,840
Speaker 3: out to do it, and then came out the next

1300
01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:07,200
Speaker 3: day and said, Okay, I'm gonna have this. That's not leadership.

1301
01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:11,200
Speaker 3: To me, leadership is commitment, and commitment is doing what

1302
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:13,000
Speaker 3: you said you would Doe regards of how you feel,

1303
01:00:13,240 --> 01:00:15,480
Speaker 3: I don't care how you felt. Kamala, come out and

1304
01:00:15,480 --> 01:00:18,560
Speaker 3: address us. Those kids left what they had down. They

1305
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:20,520
Speaker 3: weren't sad just because she lost. They were sad because

1306
01:00:20,520 --> 01:00:22,520
Speaker 3: they were looking for who was still their leader, whether

1307
01:00:22,600 --> 01:00:25,720
Speaker 3: she lost or not. To come out and address those kids,

1308
01:00:26,080 --> 01:00:28,280
Speaker 3: that's wrong. That's just out of pocket. That's not leadership.

1309
01:00:28,520 --> 01:00:30,040
Speaker 3: And you got to have a backbone. So I mean,

1310
01:00:30,080 --> 01:00:36,920
Speaker 3: either I still supported her, I voted for her, but

1311
01:00:37,880 --> 01:00:39,960
Speaker 3: I didn't see the leadership in her from the beginning,

1312
01:00:40,920 --> 01:00:42,800
Speaker 3: but I was rooting for her. I wanted sister to

1313
01:00:42,880 --> 01:00:45,280
Speaker 3: show different. But when she didn't show up for that,

1314
01:00:45,360 --> 01:00:49,520
Speaker 3: I said, this is it. You know, maybe I'll run

1315
01:00:49,560 --> 01:00:52,080
Speaker 3: in four years and I'll run black and women, and

1316
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:55,200
Speaker 3: I'll run all these ways. And I'm you know, very

1317
01:00:55,240 --> 01:00:59,040
Speaker 3: lovingly criticizing Kamala for and maybe when I win, you know,

1318
01:00:59,080 --> 01:01:01,080
Speaker 3: y'all will say, well, of course you came out Doc

1319
01:01:01,200 --> 01:01:01,800
Speaker 3: because you won.

1320
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:05,440
Speaker 7: He is married too. I looked it up for you,

1321
01:01:05,520 --> 01:01:09,520
Speaker 7: sister personally.

1322
01:01:09,640 --> 01:01:12,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, yeah, okay. We grew up in La.

1323
01:01:12,720 --> 01:01:14,960
Speaker 3: Everyone and everyone in LA, and that's how you know

1324
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:16,600
Speaker 3: in La we know each other. Yeah, unless she in

1325
01:01:16,640 --> 01:01:18,320
Speaker 3: the eighties eighties kids.

1326
01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:20,480
Speaker 2: I was gonna ask, when's the last time you apologize

1327
01:01:20,520 --> 01:01:21,959
Speaker 2: or last time you were wrong about something?

1328
01:01:22,040 --> 01:01:22,520
Speaker 1: You remember?

1329
01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:29,720
Speaker 3: Good question? It probably no, probably was, no, It probably

1330
01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:32,120
Speaker 3: was to my best friend Lola and my assistant. We

1331
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:37,480
Speaker 3: work so closely together, We're always together. And because I'm

1332
01:01:37,520 --> 01:01:40,000
Speaker 3: so comfortable with her, she gets all of my moving

1333
01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:43,240
Speaker 3: parts right. So she gets like the really good mes,

1334
01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:45,920
Speaker 3: she gets like the Braddy meats, she gets the what

1335
01:01:45,960 --> 01:01:47,520
Speaker 3: the fuck are you doing? You're moving too slow? Me

1336
01:01:47,720 --> 01:01:49,760
Speaker 3: you know, she gets the thank you me and then

1337
01:01:49,800 --> 01:01:52,480
Speaker 3: she gets to like, you know, I'm sorry, you're right

1338
01:01:52,640 --> 01:01:55,640
Speaker 3: that was a little brash or you know, so probably

1339
01:01:55,640 --> 01:01:57,439
Speaker 3: her to be honest with me, what.

1340
01:01:57,320 --> 01:01:59,720
Speaker 7: About to me and that you're dating.

1341
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:03,720
Speaker 5: They never get an apology, I actually though, because you

1342
01:02:04,360 --> 01:02:06,240
Speaker 5: are very strong in opinion and stuff like that. And

1343
01:02:06,320 --> 01:02:08,720
Speaker 5: I think men think that women that are structured like

1344
01:02:08,760 --> 01:02:10,280
Speaker 5: you don't know how to be accountable and don't know

1345
01:02:10,280 --> 01:02:10,920
Speaker 5: how to apologize.

1346
01:02:10,960 --> 01:02:15,160
Speaker 3: I'm very accountable. I do apologize, and that's why I said,

1347
01:02:15,160 --> 01:02:18,400
Speaker 3: I want a man who will say with respect and me.

1348
01:02:18,400 --> 01:02:21,240
Speaker 3: He ain't about to just dominate, like shut your ass uptight.

1349
01:02:21,240 --> 01:02:22,840
Speaker 3: You know. He can be disrespectful. But I want a

1350
01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:24,720
Speaker 3: man who's like, hold on you out of pocket right now,

1351
01:02:25,280 --> 01:02:27,560
Speaker 3: you know, like we don't do that. This is not

1352
01:02:27,640 --> 01:02:31,040
Speaker 3: what we do. And I like you strong, but this

1353
01:02:31,120 --> 01:02:33,960
Speaker 3: is not strong. This is disrespectful, baby. But I want

1354
01:02:34,040 --> 01:02:35,760
Speaker 3: him to be able to know how to say it,

1355
01:02:35,760 --> 01:02:37,280
Speaker 3: and then I will be like, you know, even if

1356
01:02:37,320 --> 01:02:39,760
Speaker 3: it's not in that moment, I can process and be like,

1357
01:02:39,800 --> 01:02:42,520
Speaker 3: you know what, you're right, and I do. I will apologize.

1358
01:02:42,520 --> 01:02:45,160
Speaker 3: I will come to myself because I have the discipline

1359
01:02:45,160 --> 01:02:47,480
Speaker 3: of that self talk of saying stop you know, or

1360
01:02:47,560 --> 01:02:50,840
Speaker 3: I will say, listen, you've already apologized, You've done everything

1361
01:02:50,880 --> 01:02:53,120
Speaker 3: you could right now. It's not a youth problem. I'm

1362
01:02:53,160 --> 01:02:56,560
Speaker 3: still trying to get out of my ego. So just

1363
01:02:56,600 --> 01:02:59,760
Speaker 3: give me thirty minutes, because baby, you've apologize like you

1364
01:02:59,840 --> 01:03:01,280
Speaker 3: do on your job. And then I come around in

1365
01:03:01,280 --> 01:03:04,240
Speaker 3: twenty thirty minutes and I'm like, okay, I'm back and

1366
01:03:04,280 --> 01:03:04,880
Speaker 3: I'm sorry too.

1367
01:03:05,120 --> 01:03:06,760
Speaker 1: That's awareness, that's acountability.

1368
01:03:06,880 --> 01:03:09,440
Speaker 3: And the thing is when you really want peace, and

1369
01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:11,760
Speaker 3: that's the thing about being single for so long though.

1370
01:03:12,520 --> 01:03:14,919
Speaker 7: I can, yes, you find it, you figure it out,

1371
01:03:14,920 --> 01:03:15,520
Speaker 7: you find.

1372
01:03:15,280 --> 01:03:17,200
Speaker 3: A piece and enjoy that. When you do get in

1373
01:03:17,240 --> 01:03:19,040
Speaker 3: a relationship, you gotta make sense. And when you do

1374
01:03:19,040 --> 01:03:21,240
Speaker 3: get a relationship, though, you're really saying, let's deaden this,

1375
01:03:21,360 --> 01:03:23,920
Speaker 3: let's deadness argument, because see, I'm so used to being

1376
01:03:23,960 --> 01:03:26,160
Speaker 3: happy because it's just me that I just want to

1377
01:03:26,160 --> 01:03:27,640
Speaker 3: get to the cuddle part again. I just want to

1378
01:03:27,640 --> 01:03:29,200
Speaker 3: get to the happy part again. So what do we

1379
01:03:29,240 --> 01:03:31,560
Speaker 3: need to do just to be good? And people who

1380
01:03:31,640 --> 01:03:34,560
Speaker 3: are so used to being in relationships with this circle

1381
01:03:34,680 --> 01:03:39,200
Speaker 3: dysfunction of argument, they leave that marriage and do the

1382
01:03:39,200 --> 01:03:39,800
Speaker 3: same thing.

1383
01:03:40,120 --> 01:03:41,920
Speaker 5: Have you ever got afraid that you're going to get

1384
01:03:41,960 --> 01:03:43,520
Speaker 5: so used to that piece that you're not gonna want

1385
01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:45,160
Speaker 5: to do nothing? Because I tell myself the other time,

1386
01:03:45,200 --> 01:03:46,960
Speaker 5: like I'm in such a good state, I don't want

1387
01:03:46,960 --> 01:03:47,640
Speaker 5: nothing to bother me.

1388
01:03:47,680 --> 01:03:55,000
Speaker 3: But no, because I have been I have been serial

1389
01:03:55,120 --> 01:03:57,120
Speaker 3: dating for the six years I've been single. So when

1390
01:03:57,160 --> 01:03:59,640
Speaker 3: I say single, it means I haven't been committed but committed.

1391
01:03:59,640 --> 01:04:02,000
Speaker 3: But have I had like three months six months relationships

1392
01:04:02,000 --> 01:04:04,080
Speaker 3: that went that long season or word exclusive and we're

1393
01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:07,520
Speaker 3: committed in that season because I am very into exclusivity.

1394
01:04:07,600 --> 01:04:10,080
Speaker 3: I don't like casual sex, and so I will accidentally

1395
01:04:10,080 --> 01:04:12,960
Speaker 3: go a year, year and a half celiban because I

1396
01:04:13,000 --> 01:04:15,560
Speaker 3: don't like the casualty of sex, you know what I mean?

1397
01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:17,440
Speaker 3: And so yeah, no, So I'm dating like I mean,

1398
01:04:17,480 --> 01:04:20,240
Speaker 3: like I have someone that I spend time with now

1399
01:04:20,280 --> 01:04:22,560
Speaker 3: that I will go on dates with. We're not committed,

1400
01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:25,960
Speaker 3: So I'm still single, but I'm a woman who I'm

1401
01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:28,360
Speaker 3: I'm gonna I'm gonna have a companion around. I love

1402
01:04:28,440 --> 01:04:32,120
Speaker 3: companionship and I love a man's energy. That tassostron, that

1403
01:04:32,160 --> 01:04:34,880
Speaker 3: alpha energy is recharging for me. And it's not something

1404
01:04:34,880 --> 01:04:37,680
Speaker 3: that I would just say like, oh I could do without. No,

1405
01:04:38,120 --> 01:04:40,920
Speaker 3: I want it. I love it, and so I keep

1406
01:04:41,000 --> 01:04:44,080
Speaker 3: around what I want and when I decide to, I

1407
01:04:44,080 --> 01:04:46,800
Speaker 3: would choose that one person to be around for the

1408
01:04:46,880 --> 01:04:47,480
Speaker 3: long term.

1409
01:04:47,520 --> 01:04:49,120
Speaker 7: Well, when does that decision happen for you?

1410
01:04:49,160 --> 01:04:51,479
Speaker 3: Now, I'm in my choosing stage, so it's gonna happen

1411
01:04:51,480 --> 01:04:54,280
Speaker 3: now soon. I'm in my choosing stage. But but I'm

1412
01:04:54,320 --> 01:04:57,440
Speaker 3: not I'm not desperate, so it's not like again, I'm

1413
01:04:57,440 --> 01:05:00,560
Speaker 3: not choosing just a high valued man. I'll even take

1414
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:02,880
Speaker 3: a man who's a little less value, meaning a little

1415
01:05:02,960 --> 01:05:07,840
Speaker 3: less income money. But I just love this man. He's

1416
01:05:07,920 --> 01:05:08,600
Speaker 3: my person.

1417
01:05:08,760 --> 01:05:09,760
Speaker 1: So you would take the bus driver.

1418
01:05:10,800 --> 01:05:13,480
Speaker 3: I don't, well, only know because he's away from me

1419
01:05:13,520 --> 01:05:16,280
Speaker 3: for too long and he's coming home with money that's

1420
01:05:16,360 --> 01:05:18,400
Speaker 3: not worth the value of the time. I'm not getting

1421
01:05:18,440 --> 01:05:18,680
Speaker 3: with you.

1422
01:05:18,760 --> 01:05:19,480
Speaker 1: What if he's a good man?

1423
01:05:19,520 --> 01:05:20,960
Speaker 4: I guess That's why I'm confused about what the high

1424
01:05:21,040 --> 01:05:22,760
Speaker 4: value man think, because I'm like, I understand he got

1425
01:05:22,800 --> 01:05:24,960
Speaker 4: the bank, but what if he's just got a poor spirit.

1426
01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:26,600
Speaker 1: What if he got a poor character. What if he's

1427
01:05:26,600 --> 01:05:27,840
Speaker 1: not willing to do the work on him.

1428
01:05:27,680 --> 01:05:31,600
Speaker 3: Stuff like That's why I'll take little less value in

1429
01:05:31,760 --> 01:05:34,800
Speaker 3: higher functioning, Like I don't want high value, little functioning.

1430
01:05:34,840 --> 01:05:36,800
Speaker 3: I'll take a little less value, right because I do

1431
01:05:36,880 --> 01:05:38,560
Speaker 3: well on my own. Am I going to take care

1432
01:05:38,600 --> 01:05:40,120
Speaker 3: of a man? No? Am I gonna spoil the hell

1433
01:05:40,120 --> 01:05:42,040
Speaker 3: out of him? Hell? Yeah, But I'm not gonna take

1434
01:05:42,080 --> 01:05:44,200
Speaker 3: care of you. But will I go? Will I take

1435
01:05:44,240 --> 01:05:46,040
Speaker 3: you on a trip because you mind's? Yeah? What I

1436
01:05:46,160 --> 01:05:47,840
Speaker 3: buy you a brand new car when you come home?

1437
01:05:47,840 --> 01:05:50,520
Speaker 3: And this is the lambel you wanted? Hell yet? But

1438
01:05:50,640 --> 01:05:53,440
Speaker 3: are you going to be a man who is not

1439
01:05:53,480 --> 01:05:55,560
Speaker 3: submitting to me either? Or can't be in your outf

1440
01:05:55,640 --> 01:05:58,120
Speaker 3: or you ain't paying no bills, or you're not respecting me,

1441
01:05:58,160 --> 01:05:59,840
Speaker 3: you're not coming to support my shows, You're not on

1442
01:05:59,840 --> 01:06:01,720
Speaker 3: my speaking towards. No, I'm not doing it with a

1443
01:06:01,720 --> 01:06:04,560
Speaker 3: man who's not doing those things. But do I need

1444
01:06:04,600 --> 01:06:06,200
Speaker 3: you to just take full car of me? And then

1445
01:06:06,200 --> 01:06:09,080
Speaker 3: I still got my hand out? No, I'm submitting to you.

1446
01:06:09,080 --> 01:06:11,160
Speaker 3: You're have in house loving. I'm not gonna deny that.

1447
01:06:11,200 --> 01:06:13,240
Speaker 3: Whatever I gotta do, I got you. I did that

1448
01:06:13,280 --> 01:06:15,280
Speaker 3: in relationships, and that's why the men I've been with

1449
01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:18,480
Speaker 3: are the men I've dated also have always wanted to

1450
01:06:18,520 --> 01:06:21,000
Speaker 3: marry me because I'm a good woman. I treat them

1451
01:06:21,000 --> 01:06:24,640
Speaker 3: that I'm loving, but also because I'm not choosing a

1452
01:06:24,680 --> 01:06:27,560
Speaker 3: man just for their value. I want you to have money.

1453
01:06:27,560 --> 01:06:29,000
Speaker 3: I want to go to Mauthey's. I want a trip.

1454
01:06:29,040 --> 01:06:31,040
Speaker 3: I want you to buy me a Burkin. Not because

1455
01:06:31,080 --> 01:06:34,440
Speaker 3: I want a Burken, It's because I want it from you, right,

1456
01:06:34,520 --> 01:06:36,680
Speaker 3: And so the Burken or the Louis or whatever the

1457
01:06:36,720 --> 01:06:39,040
Speaker 3: hell coming from you is what I plays value in.

1458
01:06:39,520 --> 01:06:41,440
Speaker 3: And that's what makes me love the bad That's what

1459
01:06:41,480 --> 01:06:43,520
Speaker 3: makes me love the iPhone because you bought the iPhone

1460
01:06:43,520 --> 01:06:46,520
Speaker 3: for me. Yeah right, so yeah, yeah, I mean he could. Yeah,

1461
01:06:46,560 --> 01:06:48,720
Speaker 3: so I would, and I would regular rather have a

1462
01:06:48,760 --> 01:06:53,920
Speaker 3: regular man who isn't in the limelight, who we both

1463
01:06:53,920 --> 01:06:57,360
Speaker 3: don't have to straddle this this whole industry thing, and

1464
01:06:57,440 --> 01:07:00,040
Speaker 3: he can go run a business or go be a

1465
01:07:00,080 --> 01:07:02,200
Speaker 3: corporate guy. He can come to my shows and we

1466
01:07:02,240 --> 01:07:05,480
Speaker 3: can go home and have intellectual pillow talk. I can

1467
01:07:05,480 --> 01:07:06,920
Speaker 3: go home and put my hair in a in a

1468
01:07:07,000 --> 01:07:10,160
Speaker 3: bird's nest and walk around with sweats and a tank

1469
01:07:10,200 --> 01:07:20,439
Speaker 3: top and no brawl. He is always so you got

1470
01:07:20,880 --> 01:07:21,240
Speaker 3: the show.

1471
01:07:21,320 --> 01:07:21,960
Speaker 6: Truth talks.

1472
01:07:22,360 --> 01:07:25,920
Speaker 3: I do truth talks before we get out of here.

1473
01:07:26,520 --> 01:07:28,720
Speaker 3: Truth talks is my new talk show. It's on Fox.

1474
01:07:28,760 --> 01:07:29,920
Speaker 3: It's Monday through Friday.

1475
01:07:29,640 --> 01:07:31,640
Speaker 7: Eight To give you a.

1476
01:07:36,520 --> 01:07:39,600
Speaker 3: Sometimes the producers are like, Doc, you know, give the

1477
01:07:39,640 --> 01:07:43,360
Speaker 3: other co hold time to talk. I'm like, I gotta

1478
01:07:43,440 --> 01:07:46,480
Speaker 3: do that, But it's cool. We're pretty much we're a

1479
01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:49,800
Speaker 3: global news. We're a CNN that gives you the black voice,

1480
01:07:49,840 --> 01:07:53,800
Speaker 3: the black perspective, and we're bringing truth to everything news

1481
01:07:54,000 --> 01:07:57,280
Speaker 3: with culture uh twist to it. So we're every night

1482
01:07:57,360 --> 01:08:02,840
Speaker 3: eight pm prime Time. Love that follow follow me on Underscore,

1483
01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:05,760
Speaker 3: doctor Brian on Instagram social media, or you can go

1484
01:08:05,760 --> 01:08:07,720
Speaker 3: to doctor Brian dot com and that's doctor Brian dot

1485
01:08:07,760 --> 01:08:10,960
Speaker 3: coeo not dot com. And then I'm on my speaking tour.

1486
01:08:11,320 --> 01:08:14,360
Speaker 3: So every weekend I am on the tour with Tonight's Conversation,

1487
01:08:14,640 --> 01:08:16,559
Speaker 3: but I'm also on my own speaking tour. So every

1488
01:08:16,600 --> 01:08:19,160
Speaker 3: weekend go to my website of my social media, You'll

1489
01:08:19,200 --> 01:08:21,080
Speaker 3: see that I'm with Tonight's Conversation for the rest of

1490
01:08:21,120 --> 01:08:22,599
Speaker 3: this year, but i also have my own speaking tour

1491
01:08:22,600 --> 01:08:24,240
Speaker 3: in Chicago. We got Atlanta, we got l A, we

1492
01:08:24,280 --> 01:08:27,920
Speaker 3: got London, we got Canada, we have Iowa. I'm like,

1493
01:08:28,280 --> 01:08:29,960
Speaker 3: I'm like, y'all are black people Iowa?

1494
01:08:30,080 --> 01:08:30,240
Speaker 1: Right?

1495
01:08:30,280 --> 01:08:32,120
Speaker 6: That's when I be on my comedy, so like who

1496
01:08:32,160 --> 01:08:32,880
Speaker 6: was in Wisconsin?

1497
01:08:33,840 --> 01:08:36,800
Speaker 3: Two people in Iowa who are black, whose lives I

1498
01:08:36,800 --> 01:08:39,360
Speaker 3: can shift are changed. The doc is on her way

1499
01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:41,559
Speaker 3: with the doc is on her way. We're gonna do it. Yeah,

1500
01:08:41,640 --> 01:08:42,120
Speaker 3: that's doctor.

1501
01:08:42,840 --> 01:08:45,080
Speaker 1: We appreciate you.

1502
01:08:45,920 --> 01:08:48,479
Speaker 3: I am thank you all for having us, but no, Charlotman, seriously,

1503
01:08:48,479 --> 01:08:50,960
Speaker 3: thank you for being such an advocate this whole mental health.

1504
01:08:51,520 --> 01:08:53,639
Speaker 3: It's not an event you you have a mental health

1505
01:08:53,640 --> 01:08:56,760
Speaker 3: movement going on. When I came there, people, I mean

1506
01:08:57,040 --> 01:08:59,439
Speaker 3: to see black people, black men with like mental health

1507
01:08:59,439 --> 01:09:01,559
Speaker 3: for black people, a black man for mental health and

1508
01:09:01,680 --> 01:09:04,479
Speaker 3: mental health is life changed. They had like merch with

1509
01:09:04,600 --> 01:09:07,240
Speaker 3: everything mental health black and even though it's for all

1510
01:09:07,360 --> 01:09:11,920
Speaker 3: races and our ages, your panelists there were just giving

1511
01:09:12,280 --> 01:09:17,000
Speaker 3: incredible information. People were sitting there intrigued, entertained, but more

1512
01:09:17,040 --> 01:09:18,720
Speaker 3: than that, people were leaving with gyms that they were

1513
01:09:18,760 --> 01:09:22,600
Speaker 3: really like, Yo, this event is powerful, So thank you

1514
01:09:22,640 --> 01:09:23,560
Speaker 3: for having that.

1515
01:09:23,760 --> 01:09:26,120
Speaker 4: I needed you there, like when you were like top

1516
01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:27,960
Speaker 4: of the lism like doctor Brian got to be there.

1517
01:09:28,280 --> 01:09:29,719
Speaker 1: So I'm happy that we can make that happen.

1518
01:09:30,040 --> 01:09:30,200
Speaker 2: You have.

1519
01:09:30,720 --> 01:09:34,040
Speaker 1: Thank It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning, Thank you. Wake

1520
01:09:34,080 --> 01:09:37,000
Speaker 1: that ass up in the morning. The Breakfast Club